#that post that’s like. when the character that’s full of anger and grief is also full of so much kindness and love.

[fruitydiaz]

no coherent thoughts but i keep thinking about eddie and anger and grief and love and “angry guy” and how the only people who have been direct witnesses to his anger and had it directed towards them (again as a manifestation of grief and love and hurt) are ramon, shannon, bobby, and buck. and himself. which.

[hungerofhadarr]

Okay my turn for a toshiro and laios post . I have not watched the anime but I have read the whole manga and . Um . I think some of you just dislike toshiro for straight up made up reasons . Especially when you give the story time to … you know . Progress and Tell a Story ? Both of these characters are mourning the loss of falin and . You know . The whole Dark Magic thing ? This whole meeting is already full of grief and nerves and a situation that could have been resolved better … if not in the current circumstances . toshiro is not evil for snapping at laios and explaining his grievances just like laios is allowed to feel hurt over being told someone he had thought was a close friend actually did not like him but only liked his sister. This is not a complex thing

While I will Not go further into the story bc of the spoilers , it is extremely fucking Insane how everyone is seemingly ready to write off toshiro for .. a reaction made in grief and anger . Also ignoring his upbringing and the society he is used to + the fact that laios may have not meant any harm , but to constantly bombard the man with questions about “ back home “ etc etc .. yeah he is going to snap LMAO ? Trying so hard to not say it but some of this hate feels extremely … like the extreme hate for an explicitly Japanese character in media bc they do not act the correct way to you …. Look Inwards ?

Also oh my god can characters have conflicts they both get to grow from . Please . This fight was not to choose a side and stick with it . This was to show you the way these people interact and currently understand how things Are . And how they are at an extreme odds with each other . Both of them have valid reactions and they both have stepped over the line ! That is the POINT !!! PLEASE GIVE TOSHIRO ROOM TO GROWN AND DON’ T ACT LIKE LAIOS DOESN’ T NEED TO GROW TOO

[thisbuildinghasfeelings]

It's been a tough year in a lot of ways, but one thing I've been able to consistently count on to bring me joy is the incredible writing in this fandom! I feel like 2023 has been almost a golden age of Tarlos fic. With both the sheer quantity AND quality of fic, it has been a wonderful time to be a Tarlos fic reader! In celebration of this golden age, I wanted to share a list of some of the fic that brought me the most joy in the past year.

Of course, this is not a comprehensive list...as much as I may want to, I can't possibly read everything this fandom has to offer. There's still a lot to get to on my to-read list. And even from the fic I did read, I'm sure I'm forgetting some amazing ones. There's just SO MUCH. But here I have listed (alphabetic by author) some of the fic that most resonated with me the past year, fic that I still think about and reread, and fic that has taken up full time residence in my brain!

There are A LOT...so I'll be putting the list under the cut.

all my blood for the sweetness of his laugh by @alrightbuckaroo

A truly beautiful little fic about Carlos' feelings about TK's laugh. A bit of angst and a lot of love.

anger has told me her real name is grief by alrightbuckaroo

An excellent 4x17/4x18 fic that deals a lot with Carlos' grief and the journey he goes through in those two episodes.

my beatin' heart belongs to you by bartsy

A fic about Carlos' anxiety after the death of his father, manifested in his fears for the safety of his husband. This fic is so beautiful and very in character. I would love it so much if the show would go even a tiny bit in the direction of exploring Carlos' anxiety!

It Beats for You by @basilsunrise

A 4x04 coda, porn with feelings and bottom Carlos...truly, what more could I ask for?? Very hot and SO MANY feelings!

she has almost killed me with love for that boy by @beautifulhigh

Another 4x04 coda (there can never be enough) that's also a study of the different types of love, all of which Carlos has in his life.

How quickly we change overnight by @birdclowns

A pre-canon fic about TK and his relationship with Alex. I particularly love this kind of thing where we have so little concrete information in canon. It's a perfect opportunity for fic, and I really love this one. Alex could easily be handled as some horrible villain, but the way he's handled here is far more realistic and I think it makes my heart break for TK even more.

Even if the World Ends Tomorrow by @bonheur-cafe

A post-apocalypse AU that's a little terrifying but ultimately very hopeful. This is one that I kept thinking about long after I read it.

can i be close to you? by @catanisspicy

A 5+1 fic about TK asking Carlos if he'd still love him if he was a worm. A true delight! This is another fic I still think about all the time.

slowly, then all at once by catanisspicy

A fic about TK and Carlos loving each other, which is one of my favorite things in the world.

The Center of the Maze by @carlos-in-glasses

7 times TK and Carlos thought they would never get married and one time they actually did. This fic covers so many of the most significant moments of their relationship and is so very beautifully written. I think my favorite part is (predictably) the section related to the soulmates scene.

When Soulmates Swim by carlos-in-glasses

A wonderful AU where TK and Carlos get to know each other while swimming together. It's everything: hot, sweet, beautiful, poignant, and sometimes incredibly hilarious.

Release the Hand to Relax the Animal by carlos-in-glasses

A fic that's all about touch and the great sex, past and present, that TK and Carlos have had. A true masterpiece.

We Have Suffered Enough by @chicgeekgirl89

A 4x16 coda. Oh, the soulmates scene! I'm automatically going to love anything even remotely soulmates scene-adjacent, and this one is particularly beautiful.

Shiner by chicgeekgirl89

A 4x15 coda dealing with Carlos finding out about TK's black eye, which is something I desperately wanted to see on screen. I love the way it goes here. It's incredibly sweet.

Cold Feet by @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut

A lovely little fic that has Carlos feeling some big feelings about his soon-to-be husband.

When I'm Like This by cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut

An early season 1 Tarlos fic with a lot of angst and feelings, which is always one of my favorite things. This one is ridiculously hot, yet also filled with so much emotion and feelings and gorgeous writing. Just thinking about it makes me want to reread!

to build a home by @freneticfloetry

A Carlos character study, from pre-series through season 4. If there was ever a character I wanted to study, it's Carlos Reyes. And this fic is beautifully done, expertly exploring the complexities of his character and the gaps canon has left to be filled.

The Sting by @goodways

Shortly after they're married, Carlos gets involved in an FBI sting operation that requires him to go on a date and flirt with another man, something that TK is not thrilled about. This fic is at times funny, emotional, hot and sweet.

First night by goodways

The first time TK and Carlos have sex and all the feelings and attempted avoidance of feelings that comes with it. So many feelings!!!

Take my hand, take my whole life, too by @heartstringsduet

HANDS. What more could I ask for? This fic is an absolutely gorgeous exploration of TK and Carlos' intimacy across their whole lives together. I'm ready to tear up just thinking about it!

But most of it was beautiful by heartstringsduet

An at-home Tarlos honeymoon fic. I call a lot of fic on this list beautiful, but sometimes there's no better word. This fic is beautiful.

broken glass by @irispurpurea

A beautiful, heartbreaking exploration of Carlos' grief. It's all fragmented and non-linear, which only adds to how moving and powerful it is.

a little bit more by krissyloowhoo

An installment of a series in which TK and Carlos adopt a baby girl. This one features Carlos in love with what a good dad TK is.

Stand your brand of love by @ladytessa74

A Tarlos honeymoon fic written prior to the end of the season. This was a go-to reread for me in the weeks leading up to the finale. Even now, when it's no longer technically canon compliant, the emotions hit just as hard.

How I linger to admire by ladytessa74

This fic is pretty much my dream season 5. It has everything: Carlos solving his father's murder, TK and Carlos getting held at gunpoint, and Lou II saving the day. Several items on my wish list for season 5 were directly inspired by reading this fic.

Do it all over again by ladytessa74

TK tries for a do over of the proposal because he thinks Carlos deserves better, which leads to a series of funny, adorable and touching moments. The writing is beautiful, and it even inspired a cross stitch! I have many favorite things about Tessa's writing, but one of my very favorite things is the way she writes the intimacy and affection and touch between TK and Carlos. This fic is filled with some of my favorite examples of that.

All Your Colors Make Me Feel Alive by @lemonlyman-dotcom

This wonderful fic uses the music of Beck to explore moments in TK and Carlos' relationship. Angst and fluff: the best combination.

I'm Not A Fortress, But I Will Try To Protect You by lemonlyman-dotcom

TK and Marjan have a conversation in the wake of the events of 2x04. One of my favorite parts of Lemon's writing is the incredible amount of backstory detail, most particularly the friendship between TK and Marjan. There are hints of this in canon, but here it's beautifully developed and I love it so much.

Call Me If You Get Lost by lemonlyman-dotcom

TK and Carlos go for a romantic weekend while also looking out for a friend. This fic is a delight and so much fun!

Love From the Other Side by @lightningboltreader

Exes to lovers and only one bed...what could possibly be better?? I particularly enjoy the conversation between TK and Carlos that leads to their reconciliation.

We were in screaming color by @liminalmemories21

I was looking forward to this season 4 fic since before the season even started airing! I can imagine it must have been particularly difficult to write, from the ridiculous season 4 timeline to all the plotholes and inconsistencies that the Iris storyline and Carlos' sudden two sisters created, but it was done beautifully. It made me think about so many season 4 details and moments in different ways and ultimately led to an enhanced appreciation of the season.

I need you so much closer by @marjansmarwani

A 4x04 coda. This one focuses on all the many people who love Carlos. I always love to read about Carlos being loved!

where the empty space is a saving grace by @maxbegone

Carlos talks with Gwyn in the time before he's revived by TK and the narcan in 4x04. Beautiful and poignant.

etched in gold by maxbegone

A lovely little wedding moment where TK and Carlos get some alone time during the reception.

By Your Side by @never-blooms

The Reyes kitchen through the years. If there's anything that deserves more exploration, it's the Reyes family and all their complexities. This fic does an incredible job of this and is so beautifully written.

The Calling by @orchidscript

This is a fascinating and beautiful fic about TK using his experience with addiction to help people in the course of his job as a paramedic. It's something I would love so much for them to explore on the show!

Under A Star Spell by orchidscript

In this AU, Carlos practices folk magic. The fic itself is absolutely magical. One of the things I love about it is how different it is from pretty much every other Tarlos fic I've ever read.

Lost and Found by @paperstorm

A 4x04 coda (if there's one thing about me, it's that I love a 4x04 coda). I loved this episode so much but there was so much more I wanted, particularly to see what happened in the aftermath at the hospital, which is why this fic is so appreciated.

Ritual by paperstorm

An installment of Andie's spectacular Missing Moments series. I could easily have put every installment on this list, but I chose the one for 2x11, which is my favorite of the season 2 fics. I'm always a sucker for Carlos working through his feelings about his relationship with his parents!

The Firehouse by paperstorm

An incredible AU with TK and Carlos as childhood friends who meet again years later when Carlos is undercover and TK is living a life of crime. The angst in this one is spectacular, and the payoff is beautiful and earned and extraordinarily satisfying.

peace by @redshirt2

Carlos post-breakup. This little fic is heartbreaking and perfectly captures Carlos' desolate state of mind as he's left alone.

dream this night away by @reyesstrand

A pre-season 4 honeymoon fic where TK and Carlos end up in a motel after their flight is cancelled. A little bit of angst and a lot of love and tenderness.

to which there is no reply by reyesstrand

An absolutely gorgeous honeymoon fic, this time canon-compliant, that features Carlos struggling with his grief and being loved by his husband.

balancing act by reyesstrand

TK and Carlos sharing food and falling in love. What could possibly be better? This fic is so beautiful and it spans the entirety of their relationship. An incredible achievement and a true gift to readers!

the strong will never fall by @rmd-writes

Another 4x04 coda (I truly can never get enough). This one is incredibly tender and emotional.

shine some light on my day by @rosedavid

A sweet, fluffy, gentle fic about TK and Carlos waking up and getting ready for the day together. Domestic fluff at its finest!

and salt the earth behind you by @safeashousespdf

TK brings Carlos to New York 6 months after Gwyn's death and TK grapples with the ways things have changed and the ways he has changed. This fic is incredibly powerful. I read it months ago but I still think about it.

you and me, forevermore by @strandnreyes

A gorgeous wedding coda that made me cry multiple times.

Come what may, I'll still stay by strandnreyes

Carlos struggles with his work-life balance when he becomes a detective. It gets worse and worse until he makes a pretty big mistake that shows him just how bad things have gotten. Lots of angst, but also lots of happiness by the end and so much love permeating through every bit of it. This was one of the THE fics of the year for me and it still lives rent free in my brain!

no rules in breakable heaven by strandnreyes

An AU where Carlos takes a job as a private chef in the Hamptons for TK's family. Jen wrote so many incredible AUs this year, but this one was my favorite. Just the right amount of angst with a proportionately happy ending! And the descriptions of the food Carlos was preparing always made me very hungry.

As long as it's with you by @tailoredshirt

TK and Carlos spend their first Valentine's Day as husbands in the ER, but it's nothing too serious. This fic is mostly soft and sweet. I still think about it all the time, especially the little gestures and affectionate touches between them. It's a lovely little fic that's guaranteed to make you smile.

tell me how by @theghostofashton

Carlos and his grief leading up to the wedding. Beautiful and heartbreaking. I loved this so much.

Back to You and Me by @three-drink-amy

A lovely 4x16 coda. In celebration of finding out that TK doesn't have to worry about Huntington's, TK and Carlos go back to the honky tonk where it all began!

The Weight of Grief by @wandering-night19

This is an absolutely riveting fic that has TK near-death in a coma (again). It's poignant and heartbreaking. One scene in particular in the final chapter makes me want to cry just thinking about it! Some chapters deal with Andrea and Gabriel backstory, which eventually links up to the ongoing story in the present. The whole thing is so well written and beautifully constructed.

living at the centre of a wound still fresh by @welcometololaland

A heartbreaking, beautiful masterpiece of a fic. Carlos struggles with his grief on their honeymoon, but TK is there to help him through. Just thinking about this one makes me want to cry...and also reread!

a long time ago (we used to be friends) by welcometololaland

A masterpiece of an AU, exes to lovers with private investigator Carlos and wrongly accused of murder TK. They work together to clear TK's name and come back together in a beautiful way.

[maggiecheungs]

poems in episode one of the story of kunning palace

in episode 1 of kunning palace, xuening grabs a book of poems in order to trick her maids into thinking she keeps a ledger. my knowledge of classical chinese isn't particularly high level, but it's good enough to at least identify which poems are on the page that she opens to, and i'm certain they were deliberately chosen because of their relevance to the characters and themes of the show 👀 so i thought i'd do a post about them :)

this page contains three poems by the tang dynasty poet wang changling (698–756): 芙蓉樓送辛漸 (farewell to xin jian at lotus tower); 閨怨 (boudoir lament); and 春宮曲 (spring palace song). detailed analyses under the cut:

1 - 芙蓉樓送辛漸 (farewell to xin jian at lotus tower):

my translation

poem summary: the poet's friend came to wu on a night when cold rain was pouring into the river, and departs again at dawn. the poet accompanies him on his journey as far as the chu mountains [but cannot carry on journeying with him because he must stay at his official post in wu]. as he bids goodbye, he asks his friend to tell his family back in luoyang that his heart is still pure and resolute.

key themes: loneliness and solitude; duty; having a pure heart and noble character

analysis: this one is a fairly famous poem about parting before setting off on a long journey. it's particularly notable for its final line, 一片冰心在玉壺, which roughly translates to "my heart is as pure as a piece of ice within a vessel of jade"... which could easily have been written as a summary of zhang zhe's character.

however! while there's a definite emphasis on having a pure and guiltless heart, when you combine with the previous line, the couplet as a whole also gives a sense that the speaker wishes to be remembered by those they love as someone pure and righteous ("tell my family back in luoyang that my heart is still pure etc"). this seems to be a theme of xuening's second life: wanting to correct her past wrongs and treat the people she cares for better, and to prove to zhang zhe that she can be a good person in future

in particular, this poem makes me think of xuening's last moments in her first life. the poet's final request before he bids farewell to his friend? for his companion to tell his family that he is still noble at heart. xuening's final request before she dies? for xie wei to take her life in exchange for that of zhang zhe, as her way of repenting for being dishonourable and ruining his life... 🤔🤔🤔

2 - 閨怨 (boudoir lament):

poem summary: the young wife in her boudoir knows nothing of sorrow, but as she completes her toilette and ascends the emerald tower, she suddenly sees the hue of poplars and willows on the roadside and regrets letting her husband leave home to pursue official position and power.

key themes: love and marriage; abandonment; ambition (and the effect that ambition has on love)

analysis: it's essentially about how the husband's ambition causes him to abandon his wife to grief and loneliness, which seems like a clear parallel with xuening's willingness to abandon her faithful lovers for the sake of her ambition; there's also the implication that political status is ultimately less meaningful than a loving marriage.

i think it's worth noting that the character 怨 (yuan) in the title is fairly hard to translate, as it implies a mixture of grief and anger/resentment, or even hatred. it's fairly common in boudoir poems about women left behind by their husbands, and in that context it's often translated as 'lament' or 'grief', but i think the ambivalence of the term is fairly important, particularly if you apply it to kunning palace and the mix of grief and anger that xuening inspires in her old lovers in her first life.

3 - 春宮曲 (spring palace song):

poem summary: the wind is mild, the flowers are in full bloom, the moon is full and bright. the emperor has fallen in love with one of his sister's singing serving women, and is showering her with imperial favour and bestowing brocade robes upon her to keep out the spring chill.

key themes: happiness, success, security. (however, with contextual knowledge, there's also the implication of future doom, and that nobody can stay on top of the world forever)

analysis: i didn't quite catch the full significance of this one until i googled it and realised it's a poem about a real historical figure: wei zifu, a song-and-dance girl serving the princess pingyang, who wins the favour of pingyang’s brother, emperor wu of the han dynasty, eventually becoming his second empress (the second-longest serving empress in chinese history!).

wei zifu's story is essentially about a young woman of humble origins who survives numerous palace intrigues and eventually manages to ascend to the position of empress, trusted by the emperor to the extent that she was allowed to rule in his absence. however, after maintaining her position for over three decades, she eventually fell afoul of a conspiracy against her and her son, and committed suicide rather than allowing herself to be deposed.

i mean… the way this links to jiang xuening's first life is so obvious i don't even feel the need to explain it.

[fatalism-and-villainy]

While talking to @menciemeer, something came up re: Jack’s motivations for being in Italy in season 3 that I haven’t seen discussed much - and that is that he’s explicitly there not to catch Hannibal, but to save Will. Here’s his dialogue with Pazzi in Secondo:

Jack: If he hasn’t already, Il Mostro will return to Florence. Pazzi: Come back with me. We have a chance to regain our reputations and enjoy the honours of our trade by capturing the monster. Jack: I’m not here for the monster. Not my house, not my fire. I’m here for Will Graham.

This is even more striking in light of the context for his character that the very next episode gives us - his conversation with Chilton in Aperitivo establishes that he’s been forced into retirement with the FBI, but he’s not interested in regaining his standing or reputation. (Very odd in light of the fact that come the Red Dragon plot, he seems to still have his old job in Behavioral Science). Chilton tries to get him to use Will as bait to find Hannibal:

Chilton: Will is going to lead you right to him. Jack: Oh, no, he’s not. Not to me. I’ve let them both go. I’ve let it all go. Chilton: You dangle Will Graham and now you cut bait? You’re letting Hannibal have him hook, line, and sinker. Jack: You’ll excuse me, Dr. Chilton. I like to be home in the evenings when my wife wakes.

What stands out about this exchange is Chilton’s “letting Hannibal have him” phrasing. It foregrounds not subduing Hannibal, but preventing Will from succumbing to his worst impulses, as a central motivation for Jack in 3A. It’s also significant that it’s his need to care for Bella that leads him to defer pursuing anything relating to Hannibal or Will, because her death is framed within the episode as the impetus for his investment in following Will to Europe - as he tells Will in the funeral scene, “you don’t have to die on me, too.”

So much of Jack’s character arc in the first two seasons is juggling his repeated sacrifice of others for the greater good. His guilt over what befalls both Will and Miriam features prominently in season 2, and during Will’s trial, he’s already prepared to put his career and reputation on the line to stand up for Will and atone for what he feels is his role in Will’s downfall. Both the traumatic events of Mizumono and Bella’s death bring about more of a full turnaround in that direction - Jack becomes less invested in apprehending killers in service of public safety, and more invested in saving the specific person who’s been harmed by that project.

I think this motivation doesn’t always stick in people’s minds because these exchanges get eclipsed by Jack beating Hannibal to a bloody pulp a couple episodes later, as well as his inexplicable return to working for the FBI in 3B. But even in the former altercation, his fight with Hannibal feels personal, more about venting anger and grief than actually apprehending Hannibal. In Dolce, when Will asks why Jack didn’t kill Hannibal, Jack responds “maybe I need you to” (in the same exchange, of course, as “you need to cut that part out”). That scene also establishes clearly that Will and Jack are, like Pazzi, “outside the law and alone.” As in Mizumono, they’re effectively vigilantes - and Jack’s mission is not serving justice for the FBI, but in saving Will from Hannibal’s influence.

This is why, despite the fact that Jack is once again embroiled in FBI business in season 3B, I always envision his role post-canon as being a continuation of what haunts him in the first half of the season - less about catching or killing Hannibal than about rescuing Will. It’s a lot more compelling to me, at least, than him simply continuing to be the face of law enforcement.

[peachiseas]

okay i am very new here, so i need a through introduction to your mcs! like eve for example, pls post his whole biography o(╥﹏╥)o

fr tho, tell me anything and everything :D

TOOK SO DAMN LONG SINCE I WANTED TO DRAW A STEP ONE REF OF EVE BUT ITS GONNA TAKE A MINUTE so here are the sketches,,, Anyways- gonna introduce the main two mcs/ocs you'll see here: Eve Cortez Williams and Aaliyah Dubious

(dont mind my ipad scribbles on the screenshot iofqiowogi) Lemme put this under a readmore actually so yall dont get slammed with a long ass post:

Starting with Eve:

He's my Tamarack MC, but I figured since uh. all my art that was a given

He has a strained relationship with Qiu in step 1 but they become besties by step 2 and by step 3, they are like family to each other. If no one got Eve, Eve knows Qiu got them, amen 🙏

He comes out as transmasc by step 2, and by step 3 he gets top surgery and starts taking testosterone and firmly identifies as a butch lesbian

He's from the southern part of Miami, Florida. He's Golden Grove's residential florida man

He practices martial arts religiously, he's a big fan of Goku and Dragonball in general so he wants to be like his idol

His story deviates a bit from the OL2 generic mc story, he did have a dad! Opal and his dad wanted a kid but they both didn't want to get married and since the two of them were best friends, they decided to have a kid together (or well two but we'll talk about that later)

What's important to note from above is that his dad isn't around anymore because his father passed away a few months ago due to a car accident and Eve was hospitalized as a result

So by the time he's at Golden Grove, he's in anger stages of his grief and he doesn't want to be bothered. Which sucks cause hes neighbors with the two loudest kids on the block

Doesn't help he's a ESL speaker (English as a Second Language) and Golden Grove's population is majorly white so he has even harder of a time adjusting to it

He gets into fights in step 1... a Lot. Someone will look at him funny and they'll get punched in the face

He does adjust but he still doesn't like Golden Grove by step 3 but funnily enough, he moves away at the end of step 3 for treatment but moves back in step 4, crazy how that shit works huh

He has two emotional support bunnies; Bulma and Chi-Chi! He gets them in step 2, Qiu and Eve bond over them LMFAO

As for Aaliyah:

She's my Qiu MC, to the shocker of no one. Tamarack is also her best friend <3

Aaliyah is from New Orleans, Louisiana! She's full blooded Haitian and she has family in Haiti

She's also transfem! She passes for cis in step 1 thanks to hormone blockers and some makeup and then starts taking estrogen in step 2 and onwards

Her being black and transfemme is integral to her character and how she navigates around Golden Grove, she doesn't tell anyone she's trans until near the end of step 1. By step 3, the girl gang and Qiu knows shes trans

^^ That's because she had a very negative experience coming out to her community who previously loved her but flipped on her just as fast

So moving to Golden Grove was supposed to be a fresh start for her as herself but by that point she feels like she has to keep up her "cis-sona" lest she gets bullied again

She still gets bullied for other reasons in step 2 though (being a pretty black girl and the one person who has a crush on her is the most popular kid in school... its rough! 😭)

By step 4 though she is proud to call herself trans and will let people know!

She lovessss animals! And the animals love her back! She feeds them all the time and keeps animal food on her for that purpose when she goes to the park to read by herself, she got a flock of crows and stray cats that like to follow her

She has a cat named Kiki!!! Kiki loves everyone except Qiu though, Aaliyah doesnt know that though-

I hope that was enough of a info-dump! If anyone has anymore questions please ask i have so much lore please-

[writingattemptsxx]

Demons in Grief (Pt.2)

Full

MC is gone, so the side characters go through the five stages of grief.

—

Finally finished this, so there's the full version. I'll also leave all the parts I posted it as on my blog.

—

Tw: Mentions of death

Denial

Diavolo couldn’t finish a thought. His denial is a mixture of many other states, just denied from finishing. What if?… No… Then maybe?… No… Endless strings in his mind of similar thoughts. His mind tries to go to how he could find a fix, yet his mind denies himself from going anywhere further as if hoping not thinking any further would prevent you from actually being gone or at least bring you back. He will stay his happy self and you'll be happy to see him like that when you come back, right?

Barbatos tries to work as normal. He feels the pain start to grip him. Its claws were starting to dig into his heart. His young master needs him more. The Devildom needs him more. He needs to stay sane more. More than he needs to feel. Diavolo tries to give him some time alone too so he can also cope, but feeling right now hurts. It hurts too much. He just won't feel, and maybe, in some way, you won't be gone to him then.

Solomon feels normal. Completely normal. Just normal. Nothing else. He continues and continues to tell himself that. He's been alive for thousands of years, so why would one person hit him so hard? It makes no sense to him. He got used to this pain so long ago. He feels just fine.

Simeon has been around for the lives of many humans. He knew you wouldn't last forever as well. He just has to remind himself of that. You weren't immortal, so it's definitely sad, but he knew it would happen. He just needs to calm down for a bit.

Luke doesn't want to cry. He knew you were human. He knew you were mortal. On top of that, he's big and strong. He doesn't need to cry. He's also totally not clinging to Simeon. No way. He's already always around Simeon, so this isn't different. He doesn't need to cry. He doesn't need to cry. He doesn't need to cry.

Anger

Diavolo tried to keep his smile, but while it may look the same, you could feel the pure rage he felt. When he was alone or with just Barbatos and the Little Ds, the smile faded and they could see his face match his aura. He became more snappy even with the flowery words he used to disguise it.

Barbatos’s face remains the same but his aura reads of nothing but anger. He still does what he can to be civil when he needs to be, but if he doesn't his smile feels like it could slice you in two. When he's in his room he feels tempted to rip open a door, go through it, and change what killed you, but he can't change the timeline for his pure greed, and it wouldn't change his original time, and that only made his rage worsen.

Solomon tries and tries to hide his anger. He tries to keep his funny self. He tries to bottle any anger. He bottles it and bottles it. Then, he snaps. He's angry at everything. You're gone. He hates it. He hates it. He hates it! Just come back! Please! Just… come home… come to him…

Simeon tries to stay neutral. Others need him to stand strong. He tries to stand strong. He can release his anger when he is alone if he actually needs to. Yet when he's in his room, he doesn't know how. So much is bottled up and the lid is on so tight. He does the only thing he can think of and throws a pillow across the room. Then everything pokes out and the throwing continues until the room is in chaos.

Luke is angry. His friend was taken. So many emotions flood him. So many emotions that he doesn’t know how to handle. He feels helpless. He doesn’t feel good wreaking anything or snapping at someone, so he just sits in his anger. He lets himself feel it, even if he doesn’t want to. It just hurts.

Bargaining

Diavolo tries to pretend everything is normal. If he pretends, then maybe, everything will be normal for him. His smile is strained and forced. He tries to block out every emotion other than joy. He was known for being a strong yet happy prince. You knew him for being a strong and happy prince. The Devildom needed their prince back. He needed himself back.

Barbatos tried to throw everything into his work. He didn't even know what he was thinking. He just knew he needed to think only of his job. Maybe it was so everything seemed normal again to him. Maybe it was so he didn't think of you or your death. He didn't know. He didn't want to know. Knowing may hurt him more than he was ready for.

Solomon tries to pretend that you're there. You just haven't shown up yet. You're probably giving the brothers or someone else grief for their chaos or maybe even indulging them. You aren't gone. Not just yet. He can't deal with that reality. He wanted to see you, so he'll just pretend he has to wait a little longer until he can.

Simeon tries to smile. He tries to push his emotions in a way that happiness will overcome. He pretends to recognize the sadness but doesn't let himself feel it. He just says he's looking on the bright side. He also tries to uncomplicate complex emotions. The sadness, anger, emptiness, and tons of other emotions he feels at your death turn into him just feeling sad, and he's felt sad before, right? So this is nothing he can't handle.

Luke wants to see you. He wants your warmth, your smile, and your kindness. He clings to anyone he can trying and trying to substitute that kindness for yours. It never works. He’ll cling to Simeon for a while, then as the substitute stops filling the hole, he clings to another. He even starts clinging to the demon brothers. Anyone. Anyone who can help.

Depression

Diavolo shatters. His energy from forcing a smile is gone. He's left with nothing. Not even the energy to hide his emotion. He does his work, but just gets it done. His work isn't overly sloppy, he is a prince after all, but it isn't up to his usual standards. He's typically stuck in his room or office. Not many see him outside anymore. He just doesn't know what he's doing anymore.

Barbatos feels empty. He gave everything to his job and now he's out of everything. He feels sad, he thinks, but he can't tell. Any feeling he may have is shrouded in a feeling void. When he's alone in his room he just ends up crying. He isn't sobbing, or making any sound, but tears fall. He doesn't understand why. He doesn't understand what he feels. He doesn't understand anything.

Solomon gave up. You aren't here and it hurts him. He cared about you a lot. He knew you weren't going to be with him forever, but he never realized it until you were actually gone. His mind repeats that you're gone on repeat and repeat and repeat. He spent time pretending you were here but you aren't. He wants you back to him so bad. He can't even focus on any spells. He curls up on his bed crying. Why? Why are you gone?

Simeon’s wall finally breaks. All the sadness and tears he's been pushing back breakthrough. He shuts himself in his room and just cries. He lived through many human lives, but yours was special to him. He lost someone he deeply cared for. He doesn't know what to do anymore. He isn't strong. He isn't able to just get through the feelings. He's weak and shattered. He has nothing to do but sob.

Luke cries. He feels alone. He doesn't know how to deal with anything he's feeling. Now he can cry at the smallest thing. He's lived through many human life spans, but never interacted with any of them. He's never experienced this. It hurt. All he knows right now is how to cry. So that's what he does. He cries, and cries, and cries.

Acceptance

Diavolo is finally able to return to a semi-normal. It still stings him, but he's come to terms with the sting. He doesn't think any of the pain he feels will truly ever stop, but it definitely dulled from the stab in the heart he felt. He continues all he can with the exchange program, even adding extra things in your name. From time to time, he wonders how you are wherever you are. He hopes you're ok.

Barbatos becomes the butler people know him as again. He's still hurt. He's still hurt a lot. He just has a better grasp on how to handle his feelings. He cared for you, yet you’re gone and he can't change that, and he's come to terms with that. His heart still has a hole, and it won't ever be filled again, but the scar will grow less sensitive. He looks back on what you did get done together, and he's happy he met you.

Solomon still wants you back, but you aren't going to be with him ever again, and that's something he can handle now. He shouldn't pretend you are going to appear, and he shouldn't just focus on the fact you're gone. your memory is a happy one for him. Together you had a lot of fun times. He's happy you existed.

Simeon is able to come to terms with the bitter-sweet truth. You were the human he paid attention to and deeply cared for, yet your life came to an end. He's still hurt and probably always will be, but he's learning to focus on the fact your existence gave him happy memories rather than the fact it ended. However, he isn't ignoring those feelings. He's able to be the strong angel he's known as again.

Luke is his bubbly self again. He lost a dear friend of his, but he's better at handling the pain now. He isn't alone and can come to others if he needs to. He likes to bake your favorite foods in your memory. He will even make some new ones based on your tastes and name it after you.

Their thank you

You helped Diavolo with his plan of piece and helped him stand taller as the future king.

You helped Barbatos focus more on himself, showed him the importance of memories in the passage of time, and gave him some of his own to cherish.

You gave Solomon another human he felt comfortable with, and didn't have to hide a part of himself from.

You showed Simeon the importance of self-indulgence and self-care.

You gave Luke a dear friend who he didn't feel looked down on or pitied with.

From the bottom of all of their hearts, “Thank you”.

[mahuhumaling]

changes i liked and disliked in the rwrb movie 📨

ohmygod. i'm finally gonna talk about this movie, aren't i? i've held myself off from making original creations like video or photo edits for this piece of media, and i still am, because i feel like if i start making one i won't stop, but i think a textpost can be an exception because i've made tweets and threads about it on twitter already.

anyway, i just wanted to rattle off on these since these opinions have been simmering up on me since the movie first came out. lol i watched it 15 hours later on a whim with bar-in-hell expectations. karma got to me, because i ended up getting brainrot over it.

this is a long overdue post.

the aging up is both a yes and a no for me. a yes because i have previously never been opposed to aging up YA characters (technicaly rwrb is more new adult that young adult but whatever, it's teetering) like shadowhunters, and matthew does a great job of justifying this choice: grounding their romance into a more mature and real love. it's not to say that young love isn't valid or real enough, but the decision to make firstprince in their late 20s makes the discussion of forever and their adamant to fight for their love is more realistic and believable. with that said, it's also a no for me because their ages are also detrimental to the timeline and character arcs. for instance, henry's grief hits him like a ten wheeler as a teenager, and the whole explanation that casey writes for his grief is that he expected to deal with something as magnanimous as that kind of loss when he's older and not when his brain hasn't even fully developed. another instance is alex's having to grapple with his career choices after college!

matthew's best change is quite possibly firstprince exchanging the key and the ring. hands down, much better. i do understand that since the novel is in third person limited (alex's pov), it makes sense at a literary level (lol) for alex to own both the key and the necklace ("two homes side by side" is a BANGER line), but the equal complete devotion that the two have for each other at that point is excellent through that showcase of exchange. i own part of you, you own part of me. it's such a great display for the trope of "token of love." romcoms are back, baby! cinema is back!

worst change, then, is probably alex's parents being still happily married and in love. my hot take is that i understand why june was cut out and she's not a huge loss, compared to alex growing up as a child of divorce. making that change to alex having parents who are still together removes a huge dimension to alex's characterization because a lot of his issues stem from that, mainly his abandonment issues. you can see the full effect in the scene where he storms the kensington palace. i understand and respect it, matthew essentially explaining that because this was a different henry, then this was a different alex to — that he needed to be softer. he was more pleasing, desperate, confused with "can we please talk?" instead of the brash "your royal fucking highness!" because that's what it is: confusion. movie!alex couldn't fully understand why someone would just up and leave like that, whereas book!alex was immediately angry because he knows full well when someone leaves him. (*ahem* his dad) but anyway someone discusses it here in such great detail and i very much agree!

oh another good change is showing henry's pov during the email leak. nicholas... sir... ugh. fine, we're getting you that damn oscar. but seriously, he did great. t'was devastating seeing his face crumble, and the one show/display of roual authority, of hot flash of anger, of power, just to talk to alex was even sadder because that was the only time he uses it.

another yes and no change for me is "history huh." the placement of the most popular line from being im the email to being said out loud privately for the two of them is something i'm divided about. yes: there is a great deal of comfort that comes with henry getting to hear that from alex's own lips. it's very sweet and romantic and yeah tbh tbh i would've melted into a puddle right then and there. that there is a comfort that comes with at least that wasn't taken away from them. but no: the whole point of that being in the email (along with bad metaphors, an incomplete list, the story of the prince born with his heart on the outside of his body, etc.) is that these two's privacy was violated. the whole world read those words that were just meant for the two of them, but the public ended up using that line for their banners and flags and signs. and it's important why? it was then made into a form of reclamation. that even if they went through shit and worried about the consequences of being public figures, that there was hope that at least a surprisingly large number of the general public voiced their support, that they were backed by the people they were serving. removing that from the email in the movie... well, you get the rest.

should the height difference even be talked about? that's a factor that is 80% outside of anyone's control lmao??? but i do think it's worth noting that i've grown kinda fond with it that now i imagine taylor & nick's physical builds when reading firstprince fanfics plus having a taller alex who has a height complex instead of a shorter alex who has a height insecurity is so fucking funny. what a great running gag. the gaslighting of the audience into thinking henry is taller is 10/10. best lampshading ever, actually.

henry standing up for himself to the king is both a yes and no too. yes: matthew's justification is pretty nice. not only does it save them production costs to hire a princess catherine actress and pacing issues, it also makes sense narratively. the movie has written henry as voiceless throughout it really well, so for him to save himself is a great reason for why. but also it's a no for me because it's equally important that catherine the negligent mother starts compensating for her absences by battling generational conflict lmao. there's also the factor of a woman saving a man too! the rwrb universe emphasizes quite well about how henry and alex are surrounded by these powerful female figures who are near and dear to them in their lives. to grow up learning from them. point is, movie!henry standing up for himself is a nice choice because he's older. and at the same time, book!henry being supported by her mother is a great choice because he needed to be affirmed with a larger support system in his younger age.

making henry the one to clarify at first that their relationship should be casual instead of alex is a big yes for me. the mixed signals henry does in the book makes for borderline inconsistent characterization, but he's younger there so it makes sense for us to be confused. but henry in the movie "explaining himself to alex for the past year" is a great cleaning up because at the start, henry has been clear on "ok but we can't do this long term."

this has been sitting on my drafts for too long (weeks) so i'll just post this now. and maybe update it, idk. this post feels too incomplete but i don't want to sit on it, so. whatever here it is. 🤣

edit:. i discovered this amazing podcast who talk about it in great detail and 90% of their opinions i agree with! imm frothing at the mouth with how they describe and reason with each change and i just 🥺 want to share how cool they are. [part 1, part 2]

[saintsenara]

Mcgonagall/Eileen prince for ships?

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

and i've decided, on the basis of it, to become a full-on mcprince stan.

i have - as i'm currently trying to make happen in a work-in-progress character study of her - got a pretty inflexible headcanon set-up for eileen's life. i don't like her as coming from a rich and influential pureblood family who disown her when she runs off with tobias, but i do like her as someone who grows up working-class alongside the muggle world, who falls in love with tobias as his childhood friend and believes that their bond will be so strong that magic won't matter, before discovering - as she gets older and the shine of first love wears off - that the gulf between them is just too great for them to endure as a couple.

and this aligns really well with the backstory we're given for mcgonagall on pottermore [which is, really, one of the only bits of jkr's post-series writing i actually like], which reveals that she was once engaged to a muggle childhood friend of her own, before she broke off the relationship when she realised that a life in both worlds would be impossible to sustain.

i like the idea of these two having a shared understanding of the liminality of their position as witches from non-elite families who fell in love in a muggle world which they were raised side-by-side with but which they could never truly belong to. i also like the potential of their shared shame over their failure to prevent severus snape's radicalisation, their shared grief for him, their shared anger at dumbledore and voldemort, and their shared need to keep going and rebuild themselves post-war.

bittersweet love stories are my personal poison, and this is no different. i ship it.

[beehindblueeyes]

Details pt 2

Had to create another post because it was going to be LONG if I didn’t, and I do want you guys to get all this. Because I know at least a few of you besides myself will like this :) or find it interesting/ good for fic writing.

The Ghosts know Finney’s name before their own. They appear to know him better then themselves (some of them, I’ll get to it later)

Something connecting all of the boys is a tendency to repeat the same thing over and over. “You already said that” “Y e a h? Well…” it’s sad. It’s telling. That they’re drifting further and further from what they used to be, who they used to be. Their memories are fading fast, their names, even their clothes as they are greyed and scrubbed of most detail. Whenever they call finney they are pulling together the small parts of themselves that they have left and it never lasts for long…

Them knowing finney more then themselves is cemented when Billy doesn’t even know who Bruce is. Despite Bruce being one of them. Being there. Constantly. Like him or any of the others. I think they just started refering to each other by the details they can recall. (“I don’t remember it. It’s not who I am now” further playing into them becoming something else all together. A memory. A feeling. A whisper.)

Paper Boy and Vance both have the strength to effect the living world. Both displayed this by using the bottles as a tool or a show of emotion. (Vance may have less control over this but more power. He’s one anger outburst away from becoming a full blown poltergeist).

While I’m not excusing Mr. Blake’s behavior in the slightest, it appears all his recent behavior started after the death of his wife. He likely picked up drinking and his behavior only deteriorated from there. It’s clear that Gwen is a spitting image of her mother (appearance, behavior, belief) he’s letting his guilt, grief , drinking and fear guide all of his actions. It’s clear his love for his kids and not wanting to see Gwen die in such a way as well- however the way he goes about it is … less than stellar.

Someone asked before but it’s Coke and Almonds on the coffee table. Like- so many almonds. It also kills me that the detectives are so frazzled they see it and just leave.

The fact the grabber is able to tell the difference between Finney sleeping and fake sleeping. Has he watched him multiple times? One of his many moods is very pouty and child like it’s-

So Griffin is weird to me. He’s strong enough to physically APPEAR to Finney but not enough to make the phone ring? He’s visible for a solid minute. Enough for the blood to make a sound and to point at the phone itself. He’s also the only one Able to do this! (All the boys can appear, except the only time we see them all do so is a  brief flash infront of Gwen). So essentially. Griffin, Billy and Vance are the strongest when it comes to interaction in the physical world. Despite appearing thought, Griffin appears to be pretty weak.

“Nobody did… you spend so many years invisible then every kid in the state knows your name.” He needs a hug.

Technically Finney was rude to Vance first. *Phone rings* “No. fuck you”.

The use of the song Fox on the run for Vance is actually quite brilliant and creepy (post to come later)

Ellison grab and go (reference to Sinster? Another Ethan Hawke movie and his character name)

Finney’s survival at multiple points in the movie would not be possible without that pen

Getting long, look out for part 3!

[normal-thoughts-official]

On Bheem acting as a "mediator" between Ram and Seetha

[Disclaimer: this is not about shipping wars, it's just an analysis because I find the dynamic interesting. Whether you ship rambheem or ramseetha or both or neither is irrelevant for this, and beside the point.]

Click here to read this post on Ao3

It always drew my attention that most of Ram and Seetha's interactions seem to be mediated by Bheem. That is, have him as a middle man; there is the obvious part where Bheem brings Ram back to Seetha, but it's more than that. Ram also only writes to Seetha because of Bheem. When they first reunite, it is Bheem who joins their hands together. Even during Etthara Jenda, there is no moment with just Ram and Seetha; Bheem is always there. In fact, there is a brief moment with only Bheem and Seetha, but none with only Ram and Seetha. It seems that Ram and Seetha only ever meet through Bheem, as if he's the thread connecting them.

I thought that was interesting and I think I'd like to expand a bit on that. At first I thought it was just because the movie is obviously focused on Bheem and Ram and their relationship and the other characters are... Just not that explored outside of their relationship to the core characters and/or the plot. But I think there is also some symbolism there that is worth exploring.

When Ram leaves Seetha, he tells her that a part of him will always be with her. I'm working with the English translation here, because unfortunately I don't speak Telugu, but I did check the Portuguese, Spanish, and Italian translations and they all pretty much translate the same, so I'm going to assume that the translation here is accurate and communicates everything it's supposed to communicate. That means that leaving Seetha is also leaving that part of him behind. I mean, the symbolism is pretty obvious here. He takes his pendant, which was a single circle, and breaks it in two. One part he takes with him, another he leaves with her. From that moment on, Ram is incomplete.

And I think that the part that he left with her isn't just, generically speaking, half of him; I think the part that he left with her was his own humanity.

Here's why.

When Ram leaves his village, he takes two things with him: his grief and his sense of duty. That is all he has in Delhi. Well, other than his uncle, but his uncle was already in Delhi before Ram went on his mission, so I don't think he counts as something Ram "takes with him". I really doubt Ram would have asked Venkateswarulu to come if he hadn't already been in the police force before Ram was.

When we first meet Ram, the only emotion he allows himself is anger, and even then, only in private where no one can hear him. Even Venkateswarulu seems unable to really reach him. Ram is fueled exclusively by his rage, his need to do something to alleviate his grief, and his promise. He has no meaningful connections with anyone, he doesn't allow himself his feelings, and he needs to keep everything that makes him himself locked away so he doesn't blow his cover. Ram is living in nearly complete isolation and completely detached from his own feelings; he doesn't even allow himself his grief, because it would get in the way of his mission. It serves as fuel and a reminder of what he has to do, but it's not something he is actually allowing himself to feel in full.

So what is missing? He is missing his sense of community. His history, because Seetha has been a part of his life since forever, and she is also the embodiment of his connection to his village as a whole. His love and his joy, because everything that was meaningful and dear to him he left behind with her. And as time goes by... More and more, he leaves his ideals, too. By the time we meet Ram, he isn't really fueled by his need to free the land; he is fueled by his grief. When he falters, he doesn't think of the free world him and his father envisioned; he thinks of the despair he felt as he watched him die. He is doing this because he is, in a way, trying to provide meaning to his family's death, trying to save them symbolically, trying to alleviate his survivor's guilt and fulfill his promise. He gets so fixated on the weapons he forgets they're a mean and not an end. Therefore, his beliefs ended up staying with Seetha as well.

So... Community, history, love, and beliefs. Combined, I'd say that's pretty much everything that makes us human. Of course, pain is part of the human experience as well, but without those... There isn't much else left for a person.

And look, I'm not saying that Seetha makes him good or that she exists to take care of him and bring him back to himself, I want to make that clear. This isn't about anything in particular Seetha does or should do to or for him; this is about the fact that Seetha was the last good thing Ram allowed himself, and therefore his distance from her is also his distance from his own needs. The further he is from Seetha, the further he is from himself and his humanity.

I think there are at least two scenes that add credibility to that thesis: the first and most obvious one is when he is torturing Lacchu and his wristband snaps. When Ram first gets to the point of no return, when he is doing the most inhuman thing you could conceive, and he's doing it with gusto, too, because he's angry, he completely loses his connection to her. And then it immediately cuts to Seetha not only waiting for Ram, but actively asking a kid to scout and check if he is there. She is unable to find him, unable to connect again; and then it is made pretty clear that Ram has strayed too far from her. It is immediately after that moment that we learn he hasn't written to her in all these years, and one of the villagers even asks her if Ram remembers her at all. I also think it's interesting that it's the rest of the village that voices the concern for Ram and the sense of betrayal, and not Seetha; not to mention that they went to her to ask what is happening with Ram. This further cements Seetha as a representation of his connection to his own past and people: it is through her that they seek him out, and therefore, she is the link between them.

(Again, I'm not saying that she is literally the one doing the work of keeping them together; I'm saying that the movie has her, symbolically, embody the entire village. So when we are reminded of his distance from her, we are also reminded of his distance from them, and therefore, from himself)

The second scene is when he, finally, after all these years, writes to her. This is the first time in the movie where Ram actually voices his thoughts, instead of just screaming and drowning in his own memories. We know what Ram is feeling and thinking, but he never allows himself to acknowledge it. When he does, he does it through talking to Seetha; because she is the one who keeps the part of him that allows himself to feel, the part that is idealistic and that is doing this for love for the motherland rather than hatred for the British. The part that remembers what he is really fighting for.

And not only does he seek himself in Seetha, he is also only able to connect to Seetha when he stops denying himself. I actually think that's the most important part. He has spent four years isolated from her, without any sort of communication; he lost his way to her because he locked out his own humanity to be able to survive being a double agent. It is only when he unlocks it, really allows himself to feel and think and question, that he is able to find his way back to her.

And what allows him to unlock his humanity and search for her in the first place?

Bheem.

That's where his mediation comes in.

Because Bheem was the first one to crack Ram's walls at the very least since he went to Delhi, but I'd risk saying that really it's the first time since he lost his family. He kept everyone at arm's length; he threw himself into his mission as a way to avoid actually processing his grief. Of course he still had his village and Seetha, but you don't just become this repressed and guilt driven out of nowhere. Even as he's saying goodbye to Seetha and the village, Ram doesn't once smile. We see his face tight and nearly blank, the same way it was when he was first introduced, fighting that mob. There is determination, but otherwise, he is completely closed off. And he is leaving alone.

And then he meets Akhtar, and this motherfucker becomes unrecognizable.

I've joked before that he must have pulled his cheek muscles after he met Akhtar, but it is seriously a jarring difference. He spends the entire Dosti montage grinning from ear to ear, save for the "don't eat with your left hand" moment and the parts where they aren't actually together. We have never seen him give even a tight lipped smile before, and suddenly the man can't stop laughing. We have never seen him express a clear emotion, and suddenly we have him not only emoting but also showing vulnerability. Even after the montage, Ram is frequently grinning at Bheem, and he is shown with his body language relaxed when we've only really ever seen him tense. In fact, not only tense, but so tense he is frequently shaking.

It's not even just the expression of positive emotions. Meeting Akhtar also gives us our first glimpse of who Ram truly is and what he actually believes. The best example of that is the events in Naatu Naatu. For the first time ever, Ram rises up against the British. Even if it's in a small way, it's an act of open defiance that we hadn't seen before. He taunts Jake, he mocks him, he openly laughs at him (which is also curious, considering that Bheem was the one that Jake hurt; but Bheem is largely ignoring Jake, while Ram is going out of his way to antagonize him). The part of Ram that is purely rational and mission driven would have thought it better not to draw attention; so when Ram chooses to take that risk and be defiant, he is also remembering what really matters to him: protecting his people and fighting for justice. And that takes the form of protecting Bheem.

Therefore, those parts of him that had been kept away suddenly come crashing back when he meets Bheem. Bheem helps him find his way back to himself without even trying, and if he is finding the way to himself, he is finding the way to Seetha. Not to mention that it is because of the fact that he couldn't live with betraying Bheem that he wrote to Seetha in the first place. Bheem helped him find the part of him that loves and rejoices and is driven by more than just rage again. So, when he turns his back on Bheem, he is also going back to denying himself his own humanity. But he can't actually do it this time; and so, when he finds himself unable to keep repressing himelf, he writes to Seetha.

Even before that, however, Ram's connection to Seetha is only shown to the audience through Bheem, and the link between his relationship with Bheem and his relationship with Seetha is shown from the very first time we learn about her.

We are first shown the pendant during the Dosti montage. Ram was wearing it before, of course, but the movie kind of went out of its way to hide it. In his introduction, he is straight up not wearing it. The first time he is shown with it is when he is destroying that poor punching bag, and he nearly immediately wraps his hands and wrist in tape that covers it:

[ID: Screencap of Ram punching the bag, where you can see his knuckles and wrist are wrapped in tape. End ID]

Then, in the "RRR" title page, they didn't include Ram's pendant in the drawing of their hands together, even though they kept Akhtar's wristband:

[ID: Screencaps of Ram and Bheem's joined hands when they meet; you can see that Ram is wearing his wristband. Then, when it transitions into the drawing, his wristband is no longer shown, but Bheem's is. End ID]

They're not always hiding it, and you can frequently see it on Ram's wrist if you know to look, but they don't draw attention to it and actively avoid accidentally drawing attention to it.

(But also, interestingly enough, it is first visible in the scene where Ram is talking to Venkateswarulu; and the scenes where it is most visible before Dosti are the ones where Ram is talking about killing governor Scott, and when he's helping Bheem save the child. I think this is a subtle way of hinting that this is who Ram truly is; even though he is pretending when he says that he's going to kill governor Scott, he is still closer to himself and his ideals than he was when he attacked that mob. And even more so when he helped Bheem do what they both are sworn to do: protect their people.)

Then, during the Dosti montage, they film it directly for the first time. We see Ram playing with it and acknowledging it, and we learn that it is significant to him. And then they won't stop filming it after that.

This isn't a coincidence; the pendant is the embodiment of his connection with Seetha, and, therefore, with his humanity, as previously stated. The fact that it is shown during Dosti, which is also when we first see Ram acting fully like himself, goes to show how much Bheem's friendship is helping bring Ram back. I mean, for starters, just sitting there fiddling with it and smiling is something I can't imagine pre-Bheem Ram doing. Nevermind the fact that he lets Bheem see it and doesn't even try to hide that moment of vulnerability from him.

After that, the pendant is used to highlight Ram's struggle with figuring out what he wants to do (which really means figuring out who he is) after he betrays Bheem. For example, when Ram grabs Bheem, we get a shot of him crying blood, and the blood falls right beside the pendant, in a shot that shows almost nothing but these two things:

[ID: A drop of blood falling on Ram's hand, right next to the pendant. You can seee only Ram's wrist and a bit of the holy thread wrapped around his palm. End ID]

(Also, this time, the illustration of their hands does include the pendant)

[ID: The illustration of Ram's hand that immediately follows the previous shot. The pendant can be seen wrapped around his wrist and over his palm. End ID]

Further cementing the idea that the wristband represents the last of his connection to his humanity is the fact that, in the flogging scene, Ram is wearing it on his left hand.

In every other scene, it is on his right hand. That seems to be something they were very careful about. But throughout the flogging you can see that it is on the left. In fact, they even open the scene with a shot of it:

[ID: Ram driving to the square. He is holding a whip in his left hand, and the bracelet can be seen on his wrist. End ID]

Throughout the scene, it is hard to see the bracelet because of the uniform's long sleeves, but there are a few shots that confirm that it's on his left wrist:

[ID: Ram with the whip on his right hand, pulling it back. His left hand is in front of his body and the bracelet is visible. End ID]

And at the end of the scene, we can see it clearly:

[ID: Ram cradling Bheem's bloody face. His left hand, on which you can see the pendant, is holding Bheem's chin. End ID]

It's too consistent to be an accident, especially considering how it never ends up misplaced in the left wrist in the other scenes. On top of that, the movie brings up the fact that the left hand is considered dirty (in the scenes where Bheem's fake mom and Ram's real mom tell their respective children not to eat with their left hand).

Disclaimer for this part: I'm neither Hindu nor Indian, so I looked up as much as I could on the right/left significance, because I believe people should make an effort to understand the implications that don't speak directly to their experiences, especially when it comes to culture and race. If anything I say is inaccurate or offensive, please let me know, and I'll edit it. If there's anything else I'm missing, feel free to add it as well. I also assume that the cultural associations with the right and left go beyond religious significance, since Akhtar's family is Muslim and not Hindu and they also enforce the "no eating with your left hand" rule. But Ram is Hindu, so I'm also using sources that talk about its significance in Hinduism. I don't mean to imply that the two are interchangeable by that.

I found many different significances associated with the right and left sides in Hinduism (right is male, left is female; right is submissive, left is contrary; right is yourself, left is your spouse), but the most important one seems to be that right is sacred and pure, and left is profane and dirty (because that one was mentioned in every paper I found, and it was usually the first to be brought up). Hence why it's important that you eat and give offerings with your right hand, and do "unhygienic" tasks with the left. This rule also applies to Islam, which explains why Akhtar's fake mother made the same comment. The fact that this aspect of the right/left duality is brought up in the text also implies that this is the most important one in this context.

So, if the left hand is dirty and profane, and the pendant is Ram's humanity, and the pendant is on Ram's left hand in this scene... I think what the movie is telling us is that in this moment, Ram is forsaking himself. He is going against everything that he truly is and believes, and his own feelings; he is even condemning himself, in a way, because this is the kind of thing that there should be no turning back from. In that moment he is the furthest he could be from everything that is holy, and good.

(Also, from a Watsonian perspective, we know that Ram has been taught that the left hand is dirty by his mom; if he chose to change the placement of the pendament in that moment, I think that speaks volumes on how he's feeling about himself. I also think it's possible that he did it because he couldn't stand to whip Bheem with the same hand that held his reminder of Seetha).

I also find the "right hand is yourself and left hand is your spouse" significance relevant here, although secondarily. I know Ram and Seetha are not married yet, so I'm not sure if Ram's left hand already "counts" as representing Seetha, but even if it doesn't, I think the fact that Ram is putting the embodiment of himself away from the hand that represents himself and on the wrist that is supposed to (at least eventually) represent Seetha goes to show that he truly left everything that matters about himself with her. His soul is no longer resting within himself because he turned his back on it. So, it is all with Seetha. If he had left half of his true self with her before, once he whips Bheem, he fully abandons himself. All that's left of the true him is in Seetha's memories.

This is, I think, further enforced by the fact that, although we get enough shots of Ram's left wrist to confirm that it's there, what the movie focuses on the most during that scene is not its presence on the left wrist, but its absence on the right one. Ram's right sleeve is always slightly pulled up in that scene, so we can see that the wristband is not there, like the movie is constantly calling to our attention that something is wrong with Ram. On the same vein, during Komaram Bheemudo, the framing very carefully hides his pendant in most shots. They go out of their way to leave it out of frame, even in the closeup shot of Ram wiping his tear (which he does with his left hand, where the wristband is at the time).

Here are some examples of both the framing and the sleeve being ridden up:

[ID: Ram picking up the spiked whip. The shot cuts right where his left wrist would begin, but shows most of his right arm. The sleeve is ridden up til nearly mid-arm, so you can clearly see that he's not wearing the wristband. End ID]

[ID: Ram first hitting Bheem with the spiked whip. His sleeve is still rolled up, and his wrist is in the foreground, without the wristband. His left hand is behind his body, out of frame. End ID]

The entire Komaram Bheemudo scene focuses on the lack of the wristband, aka the lack of Ram's own self in that moment. He is doing everything he is supposed to be fighting against, and betraying himself in the process. So the absence of him is felt even more acutely than the displacement itself.

Then, when Ram decides that he is going to save Bheem, the opposite happens: they go out of their way to keep the wristband within the frame. Even when Ram first shows up in that scene, it is framed in such a way that the part of him closest to the viewer is his right wrist.

[ID: Ram walking into the scene where Bheem was flogged. It is shot from under him and to his right, so his right wrist is the thing closest to the camera. You can see the wristband on it. End ID]

Even when he is being filmed from the left, the wristband is still visible:

[ID: Ram being filmed from the left side as he talks to his uncle. He is shown from a 3/4 position, so we can see the wristband on his right wrist even as it is turned away from the camera. End ID]

And even when there are other objects obstructing part of him, the framing is such that you can always see it:

[ID: Ram looking at the blood on his hand. He is shown from within a circle of barbed wire. There is an X right beside him, but it is still framed in such a way that Ram's pendant is visible as he raises his hand to look at it. End ID]

In fact, during that scene, we get a closeup of the pendant for the first time since Ram betrayed Bheem:

[ID: Ram touching the ground, which is wet with Bheem's blood. The pendant, back on his right hand, is visible on his wrist, resting over his palm. End ID]

And the trend continues: you don't see his wristband at any point while he is talking to Governor Scott, but you do see it many times when he is rigging the weapons to save Bheem (complete with several closeups, but they are very quick). Very interestingly, when he puts Malli in the car and drives towards the hanging point, the framing is such that you can see the wristband, but only partially. Ram is being careful, but still giving himself away; he is too kind to Malli, he is too tense as he's driving, he's showing too much of himself. He's still trying to hide it, but it's enough for Scott to see.

[ID: Ram putting his hand on Malli's shoulder comfortingly as he puts her on the car. The shot is framed so that the seat covers half of the wristband, but the other half is visible. End ID]

Then Ram tries to enact his plan to free Bheem, and again the pendant is not only in frame, but also always turned towards the camera even when it means being in different positions in relation to Ram's hand:

[ID: Ram when he's impaled on the tree. He throws his right hand up, and the framing ends right where his wrist does so we can see the bracelet. It is turned towards his inner arm. In the second image, he has fallen to the ground. Again, the pendant is on frame, with the pendant turned towards his outer arm and falling over his hand. End ID]

And listen, I know that I sound insane, but this is consistent. Obviously Rajamouli didn't frame every single shot with the wristband in mind, but there is a very clear pattern where the wristband is invisible when Ram is pretending to be a British officer, and visible when he's not. That's not even only after Bheem is whipped; in retrospect, they were also doing that in the first few scenes. Ram was not wearing the wristband when he was fighting that mob; he was when he was punching the punching bag, but it was hidden. Then it was shown when he was with his uncle, and even more when he was talking about killing governor Scott. When he was lying to Lacchu, it didn't appear much. Then it made a comeback when he helped Bheem save the child, and then in the Dosti montage we had a lot of attention drawn to it (not only in the obvious moment where he talks about the pendant, but also in others; for example, in the shot where they are talking and laughing, Ram's pendant is visible, despite the fact that he has his hand in his pocket).

[ID: Ram and Bheem walking side by side. They are both laughing, and Ram is looking slightly down. His hands are in his pockets, but the wristband is still fully visible. End ID]

So, I think the framing matters here. If the flogging scene was drawing attention to the absence of the pendant on Ram's right wrist, these other shots are drawing attention to its presence. The more of the real Ram we see, the more of the pendant we see, again directly making the link that the wristband = Ram's humanity and true self.

Interestingly enough, it is only after he has officially saved Bheem that we get a clear closeup meant to show only the pendant again:

[ID: Ram lying on the grass after saving Bheem. He is out of focus, and his hand is extended towards the viewer. The pendant is falling over his palm, plainly visible and in focus. End ID]

If denying Bheem was denying his humanity, saving Bheem was saving it; it is back into focus, plainly visible and no longer locked away. I also find it interesting that this is when we finally get the flashback of when he gave the pendant to Seetha in the first place. At this point there's been 2h15m worth of movie and despite the fact that the pendant is very clearly referenced several times, we only get to see that moment right then. I think this implies that this is the moment when he finally connects with the part of him that's missing; it also drives extra attention to the relationship between saving Bheem and recovering that part of himself.

Not only that, but this is the first time we get a flashback that shows Ram driven by purpose, and not grief.

Ram has several flashbacks throughout the movie, but they are always of his father's death. His grief is the only thing pushing him forward. It is his grief that leads to him betraying Bheem (and I find it interesting that the pendant is also not visible in that scene, despite the fact that we get closeups of Ram's bloody right hand. I had kind of been assuming that they would show the pendant then, since it seemed to be connected to his purpose, but they don't. Now, I think that's exactly the point. The pendant is Ram's purpose, and he doesn't really have it in sight right then. He remembers the pain and the blood; he doesn't remember the ideals and hope that he had when he chose that path. He doesn't remember that this is about freedom, he only remembers that this is about a promise). It is his grief that he is thinking of when he's practicing shooting; whenever we see Ram's past, it is always focused on that one day.

The scene where he gives the pendant to Seetha is the first time we see a flashback with adult Ram. And in it we get to see Ram being tender (although he's still very serious); we get to see him talking about courage; we hear the "Vande Mataram" chant, a scream of love for the motherland rather than trauma and resentment; we get to see Ram being larger than life, motivated, focused. I mean, hell, Seetha puts a tilaka on his forehead. That is supposed to help one's focus, health, and mental stability, yes; but it's also related to the search for self awareness. Ram leaves with Seetha his humanity, and Seetha says goodbye by trying to connect Ram deeper with himself. Obviously, that doesn't last. But once again, the link that his connection with Seetha and the pendant = his connection to himself is strengthened.

And so, reliving that memory means finding that connection to himself again. It means finding his drive, his courage, his motive. It seems that, finally, Ram has remembered himself. And he achieved it through his love for Bheem, who, just like Seetha, now embodies his ability to connect to others, fight for what's right, and be himself.

I believe that this is also why, after that scene, the pendant stops being a wristband and becomes a necklace.

[ID: Ram in prison, groaning and throwing his head back. Due to the movement, you can see the pendant is now on a necklace. End ID]

A wristband is easier to see; it is something that you can always bring back to your line of sight. Wearing the pendant on a wristband, Ram is keeping it as a reminder; he is trying to make sure he doesn't forget who he is and what he's fighting for. We even see it serve that exact purpose during the torture scene with Lacchu. But a necklace doesn't need to be seen. Putting the pendant on a necklace means keeping it closer to his heart. At this point, Ram has internalized the pendant, and doesn't need to look at it to remember who he is; it's already a part of him. Because once he remembered who and what he's fighting for, and found again his humanity and drive, he didn't need it as a reminder anymore.

It's also worth noting that Seetha wears her own pendant as a necklace as well; when Ram puts it on the same place, it implies that their connection is stronger. As if they are no longer displaced and there is no longer the chasm between the Ram Seetha remembers and the Ram Ram sees.

Additionally, the pendant was originally a necklace before Ram broke it and gave it to Seetha:

[ID: Ram talking to Seetha before he leaves the village. He is wearing the pendant, which at this point is a full circle, as a necklace. End ID]

Then, immediately after he tears it, it becomes a wristband:

[ID: Ram spreading his arms as he gets on the boat that will leave his village. This is after he has broken the pendant, and he is no longer wearing it as a necklace; instead, we can see that he is wearing a wristband. End ID]

So, it being a necklace again also implies that he is going back to his roots, reconnecting to who he was and what he wanted when he first went on this mission.

Which is why it's extremely interesting that Bheem is the one to give Ram back the other half of the pendant. You'd expect it to be Seetha when they are reunited, but instead, Bheem takes it to him before he brings Ram back to Seetha. Which in turn reminds me of what he tells Seetha before going to rescue Ram:

"I will bring you back your Ram even if I have to lay down my life."

Again, I am going with the English translation, and I don't know what they say in the original, but I did once again check the Netflix translation and the translations in other languages that I speak/understand and they all kept the "your", except for Italian, so I am going to assume that this translation is accurate and close to the original Telugu.

This wording striked me as odd when I first watched, because why is Bheem emphasizing that Ram is Seetha's in that moment? Obviously they are engaged, so, you know, makes sense, but why is he emphasizing it? Rewatching it now, I think I get what he means: it's not just that he will bring back Ram; it's that he will bring back the Ram that Seetha knows. The real Ram. It's not enough to bring back Alluri Sitarama Raju; he is telling her that he will bring her the Ram she knows and loves, the one who's a rebel and who's whole. Which is why it makes sense that he takes Seetha's half of the pendant with him.

That is another part that first striked me as odd, because it seemed to directly contradict another thing he told her:

"Seetha shouldn't go looking for Ram. Ram should come to wherever Seetha is."

So why bring the pendant with him before reuniting Seetha and Ram? If this was simply about bringing Seetha and Ram back together, it would make no sense for Bheem to do this. Which is why I think that it's more than that; when he brings Ram back the pendant, when he puts the two halves back together with his own hands, he is making Ram whole again. Not just because he is saving him from death, but also because he is offering Ram his forgiveness and friendship again; and Ram needed that in order to move on from what he did, and find the person that he tried to bury and nearly forgot about these last 4 years.

In other words, the union of the two parts of the pendant is less about reuniting Ram and Seetha as people, and more about reuniting Ram with what Seetha represents; which, in turn, allows him to come back to Seetha as the Ram that she knew and missed.

(Of course, Ram will never go back to being exactly the same, and the pendant will always have the marks of the break; but it's rebuilding itself, and that's what matters)

And that is a natural conclusion to their relationship, because Bheem had been helping Ram find himself since the moment they met, as shown in the Dosti montage and the jarring differences between how Ram was and acted away from Bheem versus near Bheem. Not to mention Naatu Naatu, the first and only moment where Ram didn't just stand by and watch as his people were done injustice before he decided to save Bheem. The Ram that Seetha knew would never have come back to her if Bheem hadn't been there to help him find his humanity again. Which is why Bheem is the one to put the pendant together, and also why he is the one to put Ram's hand in Seetha's when they reunite; because without Bheem, Ram wouldn't have found his way back to her, because he wouldn't have found himself again.

I also think this is one of the reasons Bheem also puts a tilaka on Ram's forehead; of course, there is the fact that he is giving Ram the getup that he is known for, but remembering how Seetha had once put a tilaka on Ram's forehead, I think the fact that Bheem does it the second time also reinforces the connection between his relationship with Bheem and his relationship with Seetha, as well as the idea that he is reconnecting Ram with himself, just like Seetha tried to do when they were first parted.

Bringing Ram and Seetha together meant reconnecting Ram with his true self, and because Bheem was the one who reminded him who he was and what he was fighting for, he needed to be the one to do it.

[oneatlatime]

The Southern Air Temple

I'm trying to use a read more link to shorten this post a bit, let's see if this works.

So pretty

So I somehow made it to episode three without realising that the old guy is called Iroh. My limited knowledge of this show tells me that he's a main character and I somehow missed that he existed for two episodes. Good job me.

Zuko honey you need to learn to lie. You're supposed to be one of the bad guys - that involves lying!

This Jao guy has been onscreen for like 40 seconds and already I want to punch his face.

Appa has wiggly legs when he flies. That is so cute.

The southern air temple is very blue for an orange-coded nation.

I get the impression that Jao likes the sound of his own voice. Do you think he invited Zuko and Iroh in for a drink just so he could monologue?

Nevermind he was stalling for time.

I like the plinky atmospheric music that plays at the air temple.

"What's wrong?" says the Katara, the girl who's already had two whole monologues to Aang about how changed the temple might be. What do you think is wrong Katara?

Sokka is a good friend.

Katara, on the other hand, is so efficient that she manages to both coddle Aang and assault Sokka in a single move. Also I guess waterbenders are snow benders too. Makes sense. Presumably that means they can bend water in any state? So mist, steam, snow, ice, water, fog?

Appas!!! Baby Appas!!!

Aang's face looks weird here.

The sound effects! They got me. Also the guy on the end has the weirdest skunk beard.

The Giatso guy seems like such a well-rounded person. I want to sit down with him and chat.

Yeah, good point. Aang did survive a century. And good on Katara for acknowledging that.

Airbenders invented pipe organs in this world. I bet they had bagpipes too.

Having a threshold that hoots when you cross it is a nifty security feature.

Is that avatar a waterbender? Can you tell? They look like a water tribe person to me, but is there anything like Aang's tattoos in waterbender culture that Katara saw on the statue?

Poor Sokka, the only normal person on a trip full of inexplicable glowiness and missing meats.

"You're making a sound!" I'm calling it now, Katara is no good in a crisis. Also good on me for noticing the hooting threshold. I thought that was just worldbuilding, but turns out it's plot relevant.

Benny Hill chase, lemur edition. Also that's twice Sokka's fallen on his chin this episode.

This Jao guy does asshole so well. Also how is he getting away with talking to two princes like this? These two must be seriously unpopular in whatever court the fire nation has.

So it is a burn scar. And I think losing a duel is why he's exiled?

Time to glow! Honestly, an under-reaction.

That's a lot of avatars. If avatars live normal human lifespans then I feel like this world has been around a lot longer than ours. There are 45 in this picture and that's not counting the ones on the spiral on the floor, and who knows how high this chamber goes. 45 x 80 = 3600 years in one picture.

Sokka gets ragdolled for the third time this episode.

Some not so subtle exposition from Katara. His avatar spirit makes him glow. Last episode it was the desperation of losing the fight with Zuko, this time it's grief. Maybe some anger too? So strong emotion triggers it.

Pretty.

The end credits music plays here, or at least something like it. I'm guessing it's the music associated with firebending?

How have none of these guys singed off their hair yet? Or their clothes? And how many times did they reuse that shot of Zuko getting pushed back?

Fire breakdancing!

Did they reuse the kicking shot too?

What are the win conditions for this duel? Both Zuko and Jao end up on the ground at some point, but Zuko wins? Also does this mean that Jao is now banished from the fire nation? Actually is this taking place in the fire nation? They control the port but is this conquered land?

Serious strength from Iroh. He just pushes Jao back like he's standing on ice. Such a casual flick of the wrist and he goes flying. How?

Raw lines from Iroh here. Serious dad points for the "I told you jinseng is my favourite" joke. In my experience blatant misdirection is about the only way to get teenage boys to accept parental affection.

I'm guessing there was a timeskip between this episode and the last one? Because I don't believe that Katara's speech would have talked Aang out of being glowy if they hadn't had more time than we've seen on screen to bond. A week or two in Appa's saddle maybe?

The lemur speaks English! And somewhere on this temple is a still-functioning orchard/garden.

"we're all that's left of this place" how can he be so happy/calm when he says that? That takes a crazy level of zen.

The whole ending sequence where they're flying away from the beautifully purple-tinted clouds and no words are spoken is so well done. Leaves you with such a contemplative feeling. Also clever. It's Aang and the lemur's home, so it's Aang and the lemur that look back as they leave.

Credits inform me that I have been mispelling Zhao and Gyatso and also that's Jason Isaacs! He is indeed very good at assholes, so excellent casting choice.

Final thoughts

Aang dealt with that whole episode a lot better than I would have. Either going glowy is cathartic and burns through angst or he has superhuman levels of zen, because I can't imagine anyone being still functional after finding out what he did. I'm assuming for Aang the time in the ice felt like a few days at best, so he saw Gyatso alive maybe two or three weeks ago? And now here's his century old skeleton? Also where are the rest of the skeletons? Did the fire nation send cleanup crews? That's a morbid thought.

Having Aang find Gyatso's skeleton specifically? This show doesn't pull punches. Which would have had more impact: Aang finding a room full of unidentifiable airbender skeletons, or Aang finding Gyatso's skeleton specifically?

Zuko is an underdog in his own nation, with only Iroh on his side. Even his crew ratted him out. I have a nasty feeling that Zhao's comments on Zuko's relationship with his father were spot on - why would Zuko have reacted so strongly otherwise? Either Zuko is an unwanted spare, or Zuko is the oldest in line to the throne and his father prefers the younger sibling and is trying to get Zuko killed by sending him on a wild goose chase. Which has turned out to not be so wild after all. Maybe Iroh is with him because they're both the unwanted younger spares? Iroh being the firelord's younger brother, and Zuko being the crown prince's/princess's younger brother?

This was pretty much the first demonstration of firebending's capabilities, and I have to wonder how the war is still going on? How has the fire nation not won yet? These guys have an army of walking flamethrowers that presumably never run out of fuel. Get them to advance in formation while maintaining a rolling wall of flames and they could be unstoppable.

I really liked the music in this episode. The plinky theme of the air temple contrasted with the more aggressive fire bending chanting. And the colours! How the air nation is blue and purple and the fire nation is all reds and oranges. The clouds were particularly enchanting this episode. I know nothing about animation, so I'm just guessing here, but were some of those clouds actual real clouds that got inserted or animated over or however that works?

Something that I'm noticing with this show after only three episodes is how quickly they can establish depth and interest in a character. Gyatso is on screen for maybe a minute in a flashback but I feel like I know him intimately, I know exactly the kind of person he was, and I understand some of why Aang is the person he is too. Zhao hadn't even finished his introductory scene before I wanted to wack him on the head with a shovel. Crazy efficient storytelling.

Everyone was on brand this episode: Katara the bleeding heart, Aang the optimist, Sokka the teenage boy with a practical bent (did they end up restocking on food beyond what the lemur brought?) and Zuko the anger management poster boy. I feel like this was the first time we got a good look at Iroh. He seems an old hand at Zuko wrangling.

The two storylines weren't connected this time like in the last two episodes. A bit jarring, but ok.

Are we getting a new team member? Is the lemur a permanent addition? I hope so.

[weirdlynotspecific]

Studying Hunter from TOH as a person with PTSD

So as you probably gathered this post is going to be a bit heavy. Tw for: narcissists, PTSD, abuse, Belos being Belos, trauma and it's after effects

Also bare in mind that this is just my opinion. I have PTSD caused by someone similar to Belos and noticed a lot of similarities between Hunter and I. However, I am by no means an authority on this topic and this is just my take on the character.

I will probably come back to this and edit it to add more if I think of anything else.

Also spoilers for The Owl House up until Season 3 Episode 1, Thanks to Them.

Hunter's unwillingness to believe Belos is a bad person

This is something many people with PTSD (especially if the person/people causing the trauma is a narcissist) go through when other people realize something is off.

It can look like denial, grief, anger, and the person being abused can be furious with the person who realized something was wrong.

It's really confusing like in Hunter's case when Belos has been put on a pedestal (literally) his entire life

Belos gave Hunter a purpose. This is love bombing. This can appear as: "Wow you're so special" "I love you so so much". Belos straight up tells Hunter: "You're destined for something" (Hunter brings it up in Hollow Mind I think) and makes him the golden guard. It's a common tactic with manipulators so that their victim has a reason to stay with them.

Belos also isolated him. Hunter never knew what a good caregiver looked like. He wouldn't know what abuse looks like because all of this has been normalized. He wasn't even allowed to leave the castle except on missions on the weekends (I believe that's in season 3 episode 1).

Hunter's signs

Hunter's shaking hands seen in Hollow Mind. This can be an underlying physical disorder but in Hunter's case it's most likely because he is in fight or flight and processing a lot of information at once. The mind can take stress out physically on the body and this is one way this can appear.

Hunter's hypervigilance. Hunter is very easily spooked (once again Hollow Mind this episode is just full of Hunter and Belos making it my best point of reference) and is constantly on edge. Even in the newest episode (S3 E1) he is on edge, although in this case he was right.

Hunter's eyebags. So I think this could be one of 2 things; stress appearing physically on the body again, or more likely a lack of sleep. many with PTSD sleep less, have trouble staying asleep, avoid sleep, and are more prone to nightmares.

Cutting his hair when he thought he looked too much like Belos. This scene hit hard for me because I also changed my hair because of my trauma. It's an example of taking control of what you can, which many abuse victims do when they have a space to. It's also avoidance, Hunter doing what he can to be the furthest thing from Belos. it's a scene that even if it's a little detail, it's extremely important to his character.

Not telling his friends he's a grimwalker. Abuse victims don't want to feel alone. In this case when Hunter is in Fight or Flight he chooses another option, Fawn. It's a people-pleasing method to make sure the victim doesn't get hurt again. It can also result in codependency. Hunter is very careful of what he says to his friends because he doesn't want to be left alone and feel that again.

Causes

Physical injury. Hunter has a scar (now several) on his face. Unwanted permanent change to the body ESPECIALLY through force is never healthy and can be extremely traumatic.

Psychological abuse. Belos is a known liar, it's stated over and over again in the series. Living in a relationship like that is breeding grounds for trauma because you can never be sure if what you are hearing is the truth or not. When Hunter finds out he's a grimwalker that is his entire life flipped over. His life, his identity, was made up by Belos. He is now forced to figure out what is actually his and what was made up.

Sources

https://www.dailyom.com/journal/is-it-love-or-is-it-love-bombing-5-red-flags-to-help-you-spot-the-difference/?aff=91&ad=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=PerformanceMax&acct=9358138875&campaign_id=16896613381&gclid=CjwKCAiA5Y6eBhAbEiwA_2ZWIdNpOVzzurt7m4MaXkLRwaaejex6WBv4MaCcMSXZMJrbiVJRj7VVHRoCijQQAvD_BwE

https://atlanticcoastrehab.blog/why-your-hands-tremble

https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/related/sleep_problems.asp#:~:text=Loss%20of%20sleep%20time.,loss%20can%20affect%20daily%20life.

https://www.modernintimacy.com/fawn-response-trauma-response-reason-for-people-pleasing-behavior/#:~:text=Fawning%20is%20also%20sometimes%20associated,they%20think%20they%20need%20you.

[browneyeddevil]

Twenty Questions: Fanfic author edition

thank you to both @goldenslumberowo and @thesweetnessofspring for tagging me! sorry it's taken me so long to get to this

How many works do you have on ao3?

I have 10 works

2) What's your ao3 wordcount?

85,510 - which is an absurd amount given how irregularly I post

3) What fandoms do you write for?

The Hunger Games. I have thought about branching out but nothing has really inspired me quite like The Hunger Games has :)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Brightest Timeline - Canon divergent Silence me, Trust me, Love me - Post canon The Elephant in the Room - Post canon The unlikely Coming-of-Age of Katniss Everdeen - Canon divergent Isn't it Strange - Post canon

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try my very best to respond to all the lovely comments readers leave. I appreciate them a whole lot and find them very encouraging, I also just like to hear what readers are thinking, especially for multi-chapter works. Although, I admit, sometimes it takes me a while to respond, and there are occasions where I just straight up forget for a couple years.

6) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It'd probably have to be Underground; I kind of killed off Peeta 👀. It's a brief canon-divergent one-shot during Mockingjay that more or less focuses on Katniss and her grief and anger. In retrospect, it's kind of like the evil twin of "The Brightest Timeline" in which Peeta is rescued from the Capitol unhijacked.

7) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ohhh, Full Circle no debate. It's the happiest fic I've written, full stop. It's post-canon. Prim is alive, and Peeta and Katniss find each other again. All quite sweet and fluffy.

8) Do you get hate on fics?

Not to my knowledge. People have been critical of some of my earlier works, sort of disagreeing with my interpretations of a character, but I wouldn't call that hate. I hope I don't ever have to encounter the more vitriolic side of fandom.

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Noooo. I get nervous when describing a kiss that isn't chaste lol. I just don't think I'm very good at it, to be honest. I have considered writing more steamy scenes, especially for my WIP's, but I just don't think I'm there yet as a writer.

10) Do you write crossovers?

No. But never say never.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge. I don't think my work is really popular enough to have to worry about that lolll.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I'd be fine with it if I was asked first :) I think it would be super cool.

13) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No, but I wouldn't be against the idea, per se. I'd just feel super guilty, my schedule is very unpredictable and I wouldn't want someone else having to deal with my erratic writing habits, it's bad enough that I do lol.

14) What's your all-time favourite ship?

Gotta be Everlark for sure.

15) What's a WIP that you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oof. I mean... if I'm honest Stop the Clocks, I think for me to be able to finish that I'd have to sit down and plan it out properly. It's also just always been a fic that I've struggled to sit dow and actually write for. In short, it needs a LOT of work and care. It's not badly written, buttt it's also not the best.

16) What are your writing strengths?

I'm pretty good at descriptions and being able to bring a setting alive. I've been told that I write very in-character and that my characters are consistent, which is nice because writing a character's inner monologue comes quite naturally to me.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggled for a long time with writing natural and organic dialogue; it has definitely become easier with time and practice, but it's still something that I obsess over a little. Also, transition paragraphs are the bane of my existence and I tend to avoid them where possible.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I'd definitely be comfortable with writing in German as it's my second language. I'm currently learning Spanish, so maybe? I think it would depend on the complexity of what the character is trying to say. I think anything else, no. Not without consulting someone who speaks the language first anyway. I've seen first-hand how google translate can butcher simple phrases lol.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

The Hunger Games! My one and only 😍

20) Favourite fic you've ever written?

Isn't it Strange 100%. I put a lot of care and thought into it and it will always have a place in my heart. Rereading it there are some things that I would phrase differently now; and a part of me itches to change it, but another part would rather leave it as a time capsule to display my younger self's writing and how much I've improved since then. Weirdly enough though, it's just one of those fics that never got much attention lol *wink wink nudge nudge*.

This was super fun, so thanks again for tagging me!

I don't know who has or hasn't participated already so if anyone wants to hop on feel free to :)

[i-mybrunettelady]

thinking abt my two human mains - nyra and my wol, nika. admittedly, i originally went for a male character just so i don't fall into the trap of making a nyra 2.0 (that's accidentally happened once, although i did manage to get myself out of it! miss angelina blood moon is now an oc of her own!) but he kinda went full circle and had some of the key defining traits as her, but in reverse. goes to show how relevant she is to my creative process. gotta love the babygirl.

thus, as much as i joke that i can't not main egotistical people, it's not really false? but the parallels between nyra and nika are interesting to look at, so i'm filing this post under storytelling ramble.

the trait and the connection i've been so fascinated by recently is the relation between ego and shame for both of them, because you can't have pride without being easily susceptible to shame. nyra's shame comes from her pride, nika's shame comes because of his pride.

her baseline is ego, pride, ambition, and when that inevitably clashes with the people she cares about, when she goes as far as to kill them, it brings about so much shame. enough shame to spiral into self-loathing, enough shame to warp her image of the self forever. it's cyclical. she can't stop doing what the ego demands, and therefore, when that demand is unreasonable, bad, or hurtful, she can't escape the fallout from it.

nika's baseline is shame. he starts out really and truly with self-loathing because his childhood wasn't really the healthiest one; he lost his father at a young age, his mother didn't respond well to that grief, and neither did nika. for a long time, he didn't have a father figure in his life, ran away from any guidance his mom or his stepmom (mom's wife) so it just brought about a lot of anger. a destructive anger, much like el's, but that's a post for another day. he's aware of his faults, hyper aware of them even, so he tries to counteract them by going to another extreme altogether that's a mask that he wore so well it started becoming real.

it should be said though that while nyra's not an angel or blameless or even necessarily good herself, nika is also a shittier person than her. whereas nyra does care about other people, just cares about herself more in a weird selfish and selfless way, nika cares about a select few. he doesn't care for bigger causes, ideological reasons, because he is very much afraid of commitment. nyra isn't, but then again, her commitment is to herself and any cause that she agrees with, not the other way around.

i just love parallels between them and how the story changes when you have a true neutral vs chaotic evil protag but also. god forbid if these two ever join forces

[class1akids]

I think finally the Endeavor arc in this fight is starting to make sense to me somewhat. 

It’s been interesting to read his arc and think about what made him into an abuser. The core features of his character, like his ambition, striving for strength, stubbornness are all things other heroes also share and can be good or bad depending on how they are used. 

But I think in Endeavor’s case, what pushes him down the wrong path is his penchant for blaming others and dodging responsibility. 

We see him do it with Touya how instead of facing and processing his guilt, he’s pushing blame onto others. 

Even post-war, while he took the blame for many things, he kept dodging the responsibility for Touya.

And because it was something he hasn’t faced yet, AFO got under his skin, taking him out of the fight. Because Endeavor once again lets himself use misplaced anger instead of fully accepting the truth. 

So when his younger smug self appears once more - it is to give him another out - a way to continue with his old patterns. 

But Endeavor confronts this way of thinking, his constant misplaced negative emotions. Grief for his father turning into resentment and inferiority versus All Might and snowballing into an all encompassing obsession. 

So it’s pretty satisfying to watch Endeavor just lean into full acceptance of everything he’s responsible for. So when AFO tries to provoke him with how similar they are, he can in all honestly respond that he knows. 

He digs deep and powers himself with the need to make all the cycle of negativity to stop with him, to let Shouto go, to give Touya support. His power comes from an anger that’s fully inward-looking now without looking for scapegoats.

And for a character who built a pattern out of pushing blame onto others, I think this self-hatred/acceptance is growth.