#that said: I only really have three projects to get out by mid december

[tj-crochets]

Crafting update/crafting forecast! Short term: - I’ve made more progress on the floral crumb quilt (super fun, but going to take a while) - I’m going to embroider “fleece navidad” next to that tiny embroidered alpaca and turn it into an ornament - I’m going to crochet a tiny rainbow stegosaurus! That’ll probably be this afternoon - probably another Halloween something? - probably more embroidered flowers Longer term (aka holiday crafting): - a chicken  - a binosaur - a dinosaur (yes those are two separate projects) - something octonauts themed?????? - something for my nieces (no idea what though) - minecraft quilt (for the kidlet I used to babysit! :D) - oh I might make my nieces beanies!! one a unicorn and one a cat - a crocodile - either a griffin, a cockatrice, or a cat in a fancy outfit. I have not decided yet - necklace chains for some pendants - four memory teddy bears Even longer term (aka stuff for the MTH charity auction, which has bidding next week): - another crocodile (this one will be crocodile Loki) - a Bucky Bear or Winter Soldier Bear - possibly more! I added tiers this year so I might make up to two plushies for each of three auctions (the first Jeff the Land Shark is already done)

[scarred-serafina-fan]

Willa TV Project – Robert Beatty Books

I was avoiding posting about this until I saw something a little more official but it's a whole page on his official website so I guess that's as official as it gets

But basically they are finally adapting his books to the screen the company that he is teamed up is surprisingly entertainment one not disney who owns the rights also it's just willa that's being adapted not serafina for reasons I'm not very clear on

Anyways this whole thing is just odd even beyond the whole serafina is not being adapted they're straight cutting to book four of the series and disney doesn't seem to have much if anything to do with it

For a little context in the south within a certain vicinity of ashville (like reaching into other states) the serafina series was marketed HARD everyone knew about it and was supporting it this whole tv show deal tho has been very quiet I've only really seen rumblings of it from the far corners of the internet

They also said in that link above filming locations are not determined yet and this is just me speculating but it does not sound like they are planning on filming it in the smoky mountains again odd that whole area is pretty popular for film projects even hunger games filmed in the Appalachian Mountains so I hope they're gonna film there but idk again I haven't heard ANYTHING

But finally I want to talk about the group that's making it Entertainment One with Amy Adam's Bond Group Entertainment

Entertainment One is kinda interesting when I started looking into them they have things like Peppa Pig dungeons and dragons and insidious they apparently started as a music distributing company that made the switch to movie distribution a few years later and in 2016 a British tv broadcaster ITV plc offered to buy them out for $1.3 bill which they rejected because it was "fundamentally undervalued" the whole time they are pretty much acquiring different other smaller companies left and right and they have a large investment in Quibi I guess? But in mid 2019 Hasbro brought announced that they were apparently acquiring Entertainment one for $4 bill (according to Wikipedia) when hasbro obtained them tho it seems they started making plenty of cuts like laying 10% of it's film and television staff (again number is from Wikipedia) and many branches of the company were straight up closed and by 2022 has brought announced they were planning on selling the company to lionsgate but by the time deal closed last December Entertainment one had already closed its distributing branches in most countries including England and lionsgate bought their assets for $500 mill so safe to say is a dying company that probably won't even last long enough for this project to happen (they were also split into three different separate companies)

Amy Adam's Bond Group Entertainment on the other hand is interesting in a different way according to deadline the company will work mostly with best selling book ip yeah "WILL" seems like this company has not done a whole lot yet the company was only even first launched in 2019 deadline also lists off willa of the wood as one of the things they have in development yeah the show that has basically no buzz is named as one of the biggest things they have in development the company has also very obvious been relying on the name of Amy Adam's so far I mean there's a whole paragraph about her specifically in link to Robert beattys website above

Idk just seems like they have these two companies one that's standing on its last leg and another that's just starting and they're starting halfway through the series it's just odd I'm not letting my hopes up yet because honestly I'll just be happy if it ever even comes out I first heard about this thing a WHILE ago and it's been pretty quite so who knows

[manonamora-if]

Retrospective 2022 (3)

Honestly, I've been looking forward to doing this all year! I'm a sucker for numbers and graphs. I had done a similar one in June, so here's the update!

For anyone interested, I recap what I did for each project during the year (or did not) and discuss the stats for each under the cut. Unless indicated, all stats are compared to June.

Forewarning, those stats are not a good representation of IF/Tumblr popularity. The numbers should not be taken as a baseline for comparison. There are many different factors that resulted in those, most of them being out of everyone's control. I am only comparing myself to Past-Me. Also because numbers can be fun.

2021 Projects

Status: Complete for realsies

On top of the UI update in late January (which was re-coded again after), Meeting the Parents was re-edited, re-translated and fixed, got some QOL updates (accessibility) and CSS addition in December. It took me about 2 months to get through this second update but I wanted to polish the game one last time. A few thousands words were added for both the English and the French versions.

I know I said I had shelved it last February, but this time is the truth, really (until someone tells me there's a bug/typo).

Onto some stats...

While the graph only shows the whole 2022, the stats below includes the past few days, because I forgot to do this on the 1st...

3,711 total plays (+1.5k ish)

25 ratings (+7), with an average of 4.3/5 (+0.1)

Inside 208 collections (+86)

Still about 2.2 views/play

MtP is still not my most popular project, it being short and completed. But I still get bursts once in a while. It got most traction by the end of January (when I updated the UI) and Nov/Dec when I uploaded the edits (also made one Interact-If list late November).

MtP has also now 2 ratings and 1 review on IFDB, averaging at 4.5.

PLAY | INTRO POST | RATE | REVIEW

Status: Ongoing/Hiatus-ish

CRWL did not get one, two, or three updates this year. It got four. Two story and one UI updates at the start of the year, and a huge one late June (story re-writes + additional content). The total word count passed 100k with that last update (excluding Codex). QoL settings have been added (though this is not yet completed), which includes a Quest Tracker, Codex Pages, and MC Editor.

An extra update was planned for the last quarter of the year, but it did not happen. I've been struggling to write anything substantial for that next scene ever since the end of the IFComp. I really want to continue writing it, but honestly, I've been staring more at then page than writing. Hopefully, this year will be easier...

Onto some stats...

28,121 total plays (+20k compared to January,only stat not in June)

69 ratings (+22), with an average of 4.7/5 (=)

Inside 1,766 collections (+654)

Still 1.9 view/play

Through and through, CRWL is my most popular game. I only passed 10k plays last March, and now it's already doubled! I'm just... flabbergasted.... It's honestly insane how many people kept playing even after the lack of new content since this summer... Honestly, completely speechless here. Boost of traction in February and March for the releases of Scene 2 and 3, mega boost in June/July for the release of Scene 4.

On the IFDB side, CRWL has now 3 ratings (+2).

PLAY | INTRO POST | RATE | REVIEW

Status: Ongoing/Hiatus-ish

I had mentioned this in that mid-year check in June how unhappy I had been with the state of EC and how I had been working on drafts for a story re-writes. The following month, I released an update which included a Prologue and 9/30 planned rounds, a new Endless Mode, QoL settings, and some semblance of Achievements. The UI was also updated then (which had become a template too!).

After this, I continued to write more rounds (or draft more than a line). This worked for about 2/3rd of them. But, having planned an ending or two for each round kind of became what blocked the progress. I wanted to have distinct endings, but, unlike the rounds, I didn't really know what would be in them. So progress for the re-write write stopped and the project was halted like CRWL was.

Onto some stats...

1,443 total plays (+1k-ish)

11 ratings (+7), with an average of 4.2/5 (-0.1)

Inside 88 collections (+50)

Went to 2.7 view/play (-0.2)

Still not surprised to the little attention EC gets overall. As much as I find the gameplay interesting, it requires a bit more from players than just clicking on a link. It's a bit polarising (and that lowered the rating average). But most players still seem to like it, and that's why it slowly keeps getting views and plays. The game got a bit of traction after I announced the update or posted about my progress (especially in the UI). At the end of September, someone just downloaded the old version 70 times on itch. That was wild.

On IFDB, EC received 2 ratings for an average of 3 1/2 stars, as well as a long review (rating pending completion).

PLAY | INTRO POST | RATE | REVIEW

2022 Projects

Status: Completed/Hiatus

Released at the end of January for the Interact-IF comp, where I ranked 6th, I have not touched the game file since it was released. I have a whole plan for expansion, but still did not have time to get to it. The new version included some ship exploration, an inventory, and a mystery. And yes, the Robot had a part in it.

So nothing new on the front, or what not.

Onto the stats...

2,417 total plays (+ > 1k)

15 ratings (+4), with an average of 4.3/5 (=)

Inside 203 collections (+85)

Went to 2.1 view/play (+0.2 approx)

Still the same as what I wrote back in June: SPS IH got a peak when it released but the subsequent ones are never as strong. I'm lucky if I get 10 plays on a single day. Honestly, while I had fun making it, it was never going to be my best work. I think the numbers reflect that.

SPS Iron Hammer has no rating or review on the IFDB.

PLAY | INTRO POST | RATE | REVIEW

Now... onto the completely new releases.

Status: Completed(-ish)

Welp, it's out there. Past-me wasn't sure whether I could manage an 2022IFComp release or have to delay it until the SpringThing2023. I did upload it for the IFComp, for better or for worse (reached the 37th spot). It was a lot, sometimes even too much. I made a whole Post-Mortem/feeling post about it in November.

I had a plan on giving it an After-Comp Update, but what I want to include is a lot more than I thought when I first submitted it. And that requires time and effort that I did not have. That is not to say I won't update it, because I will. There are many more stories I want to add. I'm still glad I managed to add some Accessibility and QoL settings for that version rather than an update... and this project is the first one that included keybindings!

But the stats are a bit... weird. While it was available on the IFComp website on the 1st of October, there were no analytics available until I uploaded the game on itch. Which was only 1.5 month later.

673 total plays

10 ratings, with an average of 4.2/5

Inside 44 collections

At about 2.1 view/play

With how the first announcement post was shared (with the game only on the IFComp website for the first month), I'm pretty sure I'm missing a lot of plays for my stats (my mom, by herself played dozens of times...). Otherwise, strong start, as always, and dwindle in interest pretty shortly (within a week or so). I really wish we could have access to analytics for the IFComp.... If I take part in the IFComp this year, I think I'll just upload it on itch directly...

On IFDB, TTTT is the most rated/reviews work I have. This is due to it being part of the IF Comp, where a lot of player leave review on the Forum (before transferring them on the IFDB). We are standing at 15 ratings for an average of 3 1/2 stars, and 7 reviews.

PLAY | INTRO POST (still don't have a proper one) | RATE | REVIEW

Status: Ongoing

This was a project I teased already last year (under the name Project M) but didn't see proper progress until essentially this spring. It's a neat tandem projects with MelS, who wrote everything. I just do some editing and the coding. It's been pretty fun to have something completely different and to collaborate with someone else. MelS has a really good horror voice and a clear view of what his story should look like (really envious of him in that sense). And he's just... do whatever with the coding/visual. I think we have a good balance between the two of us.

Just before Halloween (and for the EctoComp), TTATEH was released with a Prologue and 2 chapters. I It managed to reached 3rd place for the competition too. And we got some really nice feedback to help us finish the project (Chapter 3 is still in editing). The pace is when MelS has time...

Onto the stats...

2,996 total plays (so close...)

28 ratings, with an average of 4.8/5

Inside 339 collections

At about 1.8 view/play

There's an obvious peak at the start, when the was released, then around the 20th, just before the EctoComp voting's period ended (most reviewers on the Forum kept the largest game, like TTATEH, for last).

I think TATTEH is on its way to become the popular project. Aside from CRWL, no other projects has reached these numbers this quickly. Not yet in terms of daily numbers, but I wouldn't be shocked to see it happen in a few updates. And I am not too surprised by the amount of interest looking at the notes on the intro post and other teasing posts. And the Lovecraft/Mystery is pretty popular too... But I am really excited about seeing those numbers, because I really think MelS's writing and project is awesome and should get all the views.

Over on the IFDB, TTATEH got 6 ratings for an average of 4, and 2 reviews (thank you EctoComp)!

PLAY | INTRO POST | RATE | REVIEW

Status: Completed(-ish)

Created in less than 4h (total, spread over a week), La Petite Mort was a short entry to the French EctoComp. It reached 1st place :D

This was a fun project, that not only helped me get back into writing in French (ahead of translating the re-writes of Meeting the Parents), I got to put into action another template I had created and try out a more "standard"/old school form of IF with more of a room/puzzle base. And writing a younger PC was something new too! I had planned on having more room/puzzles and have and English translation ready, but time got the best of me (there was a 4h limit).

Onto some small stats...

71 total plays

1 rating with 5 stars

Inside 4 collections

At about 5.6 view/play

I am not surprised at all with those numbers, as LPM is a French-only project. While there is a French presence on the Internet/Itch/in the IF world, most people will play in English. Until I include an English translation, I can't imagine this project taking off at all. And it's not like I've promoted it much... A shame... since it's a fun game!

Since it was part of the EctoComp, LPM snatched a rating of 3 stars with a review on the IFDB (and the French IF Community streamed it on Twitch!).

PLAY | INTRO POST | RATE | REVIEW

Status: Completed (-ish)

Like LPM, Goncharov Escapes! was a short created game (in 4 days!), of which the premise was created for the Goncharov Game Jam and the gameplay for the One-Button Jam. I really wanted to participate once in a meme, so when Autumn created the Jam, I just went for it. On the other hand, one member of the French IF is the organiser of the yearly One-Button Jam, which is a bit of a casse-tête for IF games (you are so limited with just one link!).

So two birds, one stone. Goncharov Escapes! was born... I got to test some mechanics I had been thinking of including in other projects (the QTE/labyrinth-like path). I was really happy it not only worked, but people enjoyed it as much as I did creating it!

Onto some stats...

333 total plays (lucky number!)

7 ratings, with an average of 4.7/5

Inside 14 collections

At about 3.1 view/play

I didn't have much expectations in terms of stats. This was a meme game with no intention of being serious or anything. Just made for fun. When the meme dies, so does the interest in the art made around it. Still it was fun to see how people enjoyed it or found the gameplay fun. But I don't think I'll keep a close eye on the analytics for this one... I know Goncharov Escapes! was not the most popular entry of the Gonchie Jam, and I'd love to see how my entry compared to the others... But then if I do get my answer, I don't think that'd make me happier... Ignorance is bliss and all...

The game still received 3 ratings on IFDB for an average of 4, and one lovely review!

PLAY | INTRO POST | RATE | REVIEW

Status: Ongoing

My latest baby, another sci-fi project created last minute for the Twine Sci-Fi Jam and the Two-Button Jam (same organiser as the One-Button one). After reading some more sci-fi this year (both in long and short form) and watching some fun sci-fi series, I'd been wanting to create a slice-of-life set in space just for the lolz. Something as serious as Goncharov Escapes! but pushed a bit further in terms of content.

This game was still limited to 2 buttons/links (from the Two-Button Jam), which created some challenge (though less than with Goncharov Escapes!). This was more or less created in a week (with 85% of what is currently online having been done during that timeframe, the rest being a small added updated). There was still more that I had partly coded/written but not playable enough to be open to the player (it is coming tho!). A bit miffed I was the only one who actually rated all entries of the Twine Sci-Fi Jam, making my entry unranked...

Onto some stats...

Only been out for less than a month...

167 total plays

0 rating

Inside 11 collections

At about 2.5 view/play

Little promotion, still not introductory post, and very short demo. This is a great mix for not much to say about numbers. Good start considering everything, with a few days of interest. With the creation of an Intro Post here and an actual Dev Log on itch, this should help bump the interest/reach of the game. But that will probably be in the next update! One person already manage to find the little Easter Egg tho... Pretty stocked about this!

No IFDB stat, because I haven't created an entry yet.

PLAY | INTRO POST | RATE | REVIEW

Assets and Other Stats

Since last summer, I've been messing around with CSS/HTML. This little side thing turned into a more serious project: the 100% Good Twine SugarCube Templates. On top of two templates (the Simple Book and One-Page), I have also introduced a Ready-to-Use Tweego Folder and Guide (so people wouldn't struggle as much as I did with it) and the ChoiceScript to SugarCube Transition Guide (as more CScript creators looked into transitioning to Sugarcube that summer.

The Simple Book Template was released at the end of June, the Ready-to-Use Tweego was late August, the CScript to Sugarcube Guide was early September, and the One-Page Template was mid-October. Both templates were released in both a ZIP folder and HTML-only file.

Onto the stats... (in 2 graphs)

Templates and Tweego Folder:

559 total downloads (3.6 views/download)

10 ratings, at 5 stars

Inside 101 collections

All these can be found here.

More in depth:

Ready-to-Use Tweego : 118 downloads

Simple Book Template : 214 (HTML) + 117 (ZIP)

One-Page Template : 77 (HTML) + 32 (ZIP)

CScript to SugarCube:

37 downloads (6.2 view/download)

1 rating at 5 stars

inside 17 collections

Can be found here.

One last Itch Stat: as of today, I am at 811 followers there!

As for Tumblr, it is a bit more complicated, Tumblr doesn't let you see your analytics further than one month. But here's what I can share:

@manonamora-if is at 855 followers

@crimsonroseandwhitelily is at 1,042 (I should do a little celebration...)

@sps-iron-hammer is at 18

I am sure there are dozens of bots in that count (I try to block/report them but I still miss my fair share). Can't really compare much from older numbers since I didn't really track for this until now. I'll be able to see how it progresses in June!

I've found a website to check like notes? But I don't know how good it is. So here are more stats!

@manonamora-if

Total: 9,494 notes on 669 original posts (no reblogs)

Average of 14.1 notes/post

2022: 8,303 notes on 590 posts

Top 5 posts of 2022: TTATEH Intro Post, the Twine Resource Masterlist, How to Support IF Creators, the Leak rant (nooo, reblog my games instead pls), the Simple Book Template. They are also current Top 5 all.

@crimsonroseandwhitelily

Total: 5,721 notes on 399 original posts

Average of 14.3 notes/post

2022: 3,615 notes on 301 posts

Top 5 posts of 2022: Scene 4 Release, Scene 3 Release, Scene 2 Release, Beta Request, Scene 2 Teaser Posters. These are not the overall Top 5 (the Intro Post reigning supreme).

I am not bothering with @sps-iron-hammer because I haven't posted in months, or any other sideblog because I don't think of them as relevant.

And that's all for the stats! One more retrospective/future thing and we are done!

[a-spell-a-rebel-yell]

November!!!!!

your monthly late post is here! and this time it's for a very special month, by far my favorite month of 2023 (we still have to wait until December though, in this house we play fair and square hahah) hello lads and lasses, hoping all is well wherever you are!

oh boy where do i even start! so November is my bday month, CoIdpIay Jakarta month, and CoIdpIay's first Asia/Oceania leg of Music of the Spheres world tour!!! this post is gonna be yet another long one because so many exciting things happened and i want to retell every juicy detail of them!

first of all, a little heads up, for laying low purposes i'll be censoring a few words (lowercase L changed to uppercase i, etc) so rest assured my keyboard is OK! second of all, if you saw my instagram stories or read my tweets you guys must be wondering why all of a sudden i got to see CoIdpIay in Jakarta when i clearly said i lost the ticketing war and that i will never buy from scalpers?

this is where one of the greatest adventure of my lifetime started. that seemingly contradictive event is solved by a very unexpected turn as a causal effect of something i did without much thinking a long time ago: i signed up for Love Button (LB) voIunteering project! a little bit background story, CoIdpIay have been partnering with a lot of non-government organizations working for environment, social justice, and humanity, where LB is one of them. every single concert show the band will bring along these NGOs to create impact at the cities they visited. the NGOs will then open a call for volunteers asking locals to join in. when CoIdpIay Jakarta was announced around May, even after i knew i can't see the band, i only thought that at least i get to join an activity that is endorsed by the band, brings positivity, and provides help. so i quickly signed up for LB, and as time flew by i kinda forgot about it.

around mid October aka 1,5 months before CoIdpIay Jakarta, i got an email from LB's head coordinator asking for confirmation from the people who've signed up whether they're still interested to volunteer, there were 27 people contacted. i remember immediately replying with a "yes please!!!" because i was just so excited 😂 then a week later another email from LB HQ again asking for confirmation from the ones who are still interested whether we have any idea which Indonesian NGOs LB can work with and would we be able to make it to spare some time for voIunteering project, this time only 19 people were contacted. then at last, around a month before CoIdpIay Jakarta, LB HQ made a WhatsApp group for the remaining 10 people. i remember thinking, "oh, only ten people can make it," which is understandable because usually the volunteering project will be held on d-1/d-day of the CoIdpIay show, where Jakarta's will be on a weekday.

here's when things get a whole lot more interesting! after all ten of us joined the group, LB HQ dropped the surprise: all of us will get a CoIdpIay Jakarta ticket, free of charge, courtesy of the band!!!!!

i remember receiving the news on a Friday during a class (yes i played with my phone during class do not imitate) and wanting to scream and jump and laugh but i couldn't because i was on a Zoom meeting with my cam on 😂 i never expected this to happen and never even dared to imagine this stroke of luck will ever come to me 🥺 until this very second as i type this i still can't fathom how when it's yours it will be yours no matter what. i mean: i remember feeling so dejected after not being able to secure any ticket on three different occasions (BCA presale, general sale, Infinity tickets sale) and knowing so many scalpers and scammers are out there waiting to prey on me, yet! i still get the ticket, there's a way for me to see the band at my home stadium, from a very unexpected source, and without spending any money!? i was over the moon, rejoicing over the news with a coldplay twitter friend who also got selected as one of the volunteers. i couldn't really talk about it since i want to keep it a secret because at that time i didn't exactly have ticket already, so i didn't want to jinx it.

anyways, LB HQ announced the volunteering project will take place d-1 CoIdplay Jakarta. here was when i encountered the first problem: during CoIdplay Jakarta week, i also had a orthodontic seminar happening (LB volunteer on Nov 14, CoIdplay Jakarta on Nov 15 while the seminar was on Nov 14-16) and at first i was heartbroken because initially

(edit: 31/12/2023 - i’m crying i actually have this Nov post almost finished in drafts BUT THEN BAM more uni assignments i procrastinated even more 🥲 so now i’m gonna finish this post lol)

because initially i thought i couldn’t make it given that i have to attend the Jakarta Orthodontist Meeting seminars, but biidznillah it was actually the one thing that made it possible for me to clear my schedule in a way that i don’t have mandatory classes and i can just slip away unnoticed! this is again, one of those times Allah helped me in ways i never expected and He came from unexplainable twists…

so yes, the days leading to Love Button volunteering day and coldplay Jakarta were charged with adrenaline, literally the best kind of wait i’ve ever experienced haha. i remember when November 14th finally came, i was sooo relieved and nervous at the same time i had to force myself to go to sleep the night before and woke up super early. my plan was: the volunteer work was from 7-9 AM and then i’d go straight to Kuningan where the seminar was held. important note is that the seminar started at 8.30 AM so i was late for almost 1.5 hours (i volunteered at Lapangan Banteng Park at Central Jakarta and the seminar was at South Jakarta 🥲) but yeah! the rush to be quick while also enjoying it was so fun! volunteer work was trash collecting with friends from Trash Hero Jakarta and though it was scorching hot i got to finally meet the rest of Love Button vols (that now are my very great friends, we’re seeing each other again for Coldplay Singapore haha) also! Nov 14th night i went to ColdplayXtra’s fan meetup and met even more coldplay friends!!! we had singalongs while having dinner and sharing stories, i could feel the way our love for the band brings us together, it was instant friendship bond made one after another we conversed like we were longtime besties.

next day comes, the main event of the month: coldplay Jakarta d-day!!! oh my god. when i tell you i can’t even describe how magical that day was, please believe me i feel like right now it’s kinda pointless trying to write it down because the range of emotions i feel that night was so diverse and no word can bring it justice 🥹 but i’ll start from the morning, i had to come to the seminar first because i had to scan my barcode for my attendance record, then at 12.30 PM after i ate lunch & did my prayers i went to Fairmont Hotel to exchange my ticket (the tickets for Love Button vols are different than the rest, because we got special seated VIP ones with ‘guest of the artist’ tagged for us!!! 🤩) then after that we crossed over to Gelora Bung Karno stadium complex.

apparently our tickets also have different instructions where we were to enter the stadium complex from a different/sterile gate, so we didn’t queue at all 🥹 got our lightning wristbands and then we took photos, literally hunting for any photobox or photo ops around the complex because we didn’t need to queue to go inside the stadium (since our tickets are seated ones) to pass time. dozens of photos collected, then we sat down and ate our meals as we wait until gates open time. another surprise came: Coldplay reposted Love Button’s instagram post!!! another once-in-a-lifetime bucket list checked: having our faces broadcasted to almost 24M of coldplay’s instagram followers 😂

around 6 PM we were finally allowed to enter the stadium and my oh my. GBK is HUGEEE! i have a very bad depth/distance perception at first i was like, oh this stadium is not that big. but when i finally had a fixed point of reference (it was the pillars above my head lol) i realized just how spacious and gigantic it is! i mean, the capacity is 85,000 people!!! woah and seeing the place getting filled slowly was quite a view. we had Rahmania Astrini as our opener and she was great! her songs are nice and her voice is A+, i suggest checking her out!

9 PM finally arrived and i remember saying to kak Jess how buzzing with surmounting energy i was as we all held our breath for the long awaited opening track signifying the band’s entrance: John William’s E.T’s theme, the Flying Theme!!! as a film score enthusiast i was this close to combust up in flames, two of my favorite things in one go, my heart can only take so much 🥹🥹🥹

then Higher Power started playing, and it began, the show i had been waiting for 9 years… i remember feeling like i ascended to cloud nine, as the stadium lit up with colors and all i could do was sing as loud as my vocal cord allowed me to, jumped up and down in the most literal way because i couldn’t stop moving around to the beat and the rhythm, and just overall trying to gulp down taking in

(edit #3, 23/01/2024: lol i am sorry my assignments were really holding me from finishing the post but! here i am d-3 to my coldplay Singapore trip, resuming the story!)

i don't think i can put into words what i felt during the show, it was simply magical. everything and everyone was so fully energy charged. and i'm so glad i saw the band with nine other Love Button volunteers because they were in the same brain wavelength/frequency as me so it goes without saying it was super duper fun enjoying whatever the band gave us during the show 🥺 best day ever, best early birthday present ever. the friends i met and found along the way are some of the best people i've ever had the precious chance to come across. these memories are to last for a very long time. so huge thank you for @coldplay no words could ever express my gratitude enough 💙

then along came my birthday, and my classmates held a mini celebration for me, though hilariously they admitted it was almost a disaster because they weren't sure the exact date - i'm the walking reminder of the class so it was impossible to ask the bday person what's their bday 😭😂

all in all, November's adventures are full of fun! the fact that the most seemingly impossible things to happen still found its way to happen is mindblowing. it cemented even deeper into my psyche that to trust Allah is to have the best plan ever. i could literally meticulously plan from A to Z but when He decided upon another, that's my path. even until today i still can't believe against all odds, with many conflicting schedules, tight spots, i still made it. with my faith in me, i will have not to worry. this actually soothes my overthinking self better than anything! haha

life is good, alhamdulillah. see you in the December post that i'm also currently writing (lol!) and also in January post that i'll write after i'm back from Singapore, from yet another adventure of a lifetime! 😉

[oldhousenewsoul]

Heat Pump, Part 1 | Installing a Daikin VRV Life Multi-Zone Heat Pump

When we bought the house, it came with unbelievable energy bills: $300-400 electric bills in the height of summer, $300-400 gas bills in the height of winter.

As we got to know the house, we realized it had four separate HVAC systems, the majority of which were mid-grade AC with natural gas furnaces. With the house renovated several times over its life to expand it, these were all done piecemeal, without any regard for energy efficiency.

The front house had 6.5 tons of cooling and 180k BTU of heating across three units - way too much for the approximately two thousand square feet!

The master bedroom had a 15 year old unit with mold present on it and the guest & den's unit was a decade old with some of the duct work chewed through by mice.

I had lived in an apartment building with Daikin heat pump system and experienced $20-30 cooling and heating bills in the peak of summer and winter — something that was unheard of growing up in Atlanta!

With two of the three front units in need of replacement, and as I read more about heat pumps and passive house, I convinced the family to make the leap.

We got quotes from two contractors to install a multi-zone Daikin VRV Life heat pump. In this new system, we'd have one condenser running all of the loads for the front house zones.

After much back and forth, we landed on this:

We had issues with the kitchen being too hot in the summer, so we broke the prior 3-ton unit into two different zones. We added a furnace to make sure we could "keep up" when it got bitterly cold, although looking back on it I'm not sure that we needed such a large one.

The three outdoor units totaling 6.5 tons now turned into one five-ton unit, the below Daikin VRV Life:

The guest and master bedroom 1.5 ton systems air handlers were well installed by our mechanical contractor on the existing ducting:

Here is the newly split up kitchen + dining room and living room units.

Huge shout out to our mechanical contractor Comfort Zone Heating & Cooling. Travis and Eugene did an amazing job with the install and we're thankful for their persistence in getting us up and running! They'll be our mechanical contractor for the renovation going forward.

The rear house still has a 2-ton AC with a 60k BTU furnace that we'll be replacing as a part of the renovation.

The first year with the system showed dramatic energy usage reduction versus the prior year. Note that this is electrical + natural gas (converted from therms to kWh).

As you can see, in the winter we peaked at about 13,000 kWh prior, and averaged 11,000 kWh December to Feb. Now, we were down to around 6000 kWh down about 45-50%. Summer usage has been consistently 15-30% less than before.

While we've seen savings in our electricity in the summer, this hasn't translated to "real" savings overall year-over-year since natural gas prices spiked in 2022. That said, it would have cost a lot more to heat and cool on the prior system at these higher prices.

Here is our Daikin One app, which gives us easy control over the zones:

Looking back at this, I do have a couple of things I would have done differently:

First, on an old house I would slow down and do an energy audit first. It's really important to understand what you're starting with. In our house, basic air sealing and looking at our insulation would have helped tremendously with reducing the heating and cooling loads. We ended up doing this after, which was a bit out of order.

Second, our sizing (Manual J) for this project was done by the mechanical contractor instead of a mechanical designer. They did the best they could, but since those reports are only as good as its inputs, the loads were artificially high, especially around our heating.

Live and learn!

[angel-princess-anna]

Speculation Sunday

In which weekly(?), I try to connect two dots (and connect nothing) in regards to the second DA film. This week, it’s more about the lack of spoilers and how it will be that way for awhile (also I realize it’s probably now Monday for most of you, whoops)

This post is based on my own perceptions and experiences having followed how they filmed and promoted the TV show and first film. I love discussing Downton, and I love hunting for spoilers, haha. Mainly because I want to know what’s gonna happen with my faves ASAP.

That said, I think we are going to get even less spoilery crumbs during the filming of DA 2021 than we did with DA 2019.

Focus and Carnival kept the official synopsis of the first film a mystery for a very long time (basically until the first full trailer came out) and I assume it will be similar this time too. They then dumped some more info and stills much closer to the release date. Interviews with the cast focused on “getting the gang back together” and I assume the DA 2021 press tour will focus on “getting the gang back together after lockdown” and “we are bringing escapism in dark times”. Understandable, but not ideal for people like me who love spoilers!

During most of the filming of the TV series, we didn’t get a lot of info and pics other than paparazzi photos (social media being less of a thing during the early series, and the latter because of cracking down on spoiler leaks), but then with S6, we were spoiled with riches given that they filmed outdoors a lot, and there was a bit of a social media campaign for the end of the show to honor the crew.

With DA 2019, all we got was a handful of outdoor sightings (the major one of course being the parade filming). This year we’ll have to rely on the paparazzi and tabloids, but again that’s if they film outdoors.

And given how most of the cast is when it comes to social media, and the worry of being punished for spoiler leaks, they aren’t gonna be taking selfies all the time.

So while we wait for Entertainment Weekly or the likes to visit the set, or one of the actors to promote another project and feed us crumbs in an interview, or a still gets released for a holiday... let’s think about what we do know.

The “original principal cast” is back. In Focus’ DA 2019 press release, that wording preceded a list of the main ensemble that was in all six series of the TV show, plus Matthew Goode and Harry Hadden-Patton. Raquel and Michael weren’t listed at that time, and while neither has posted on social media lately that I can see, Raquel’s latest post (as of writing this) has Baxley related hashtags lol. I don’t see why Baxter and Andy wouldn’t be in DA 2021. Kiddo wise, we know that the Baker boys are back as George and their triplet sister is playing someone. Fifi Hart is back as Sybbie. No word yet on the other children, but there’s five child actors from that one agency back for the new film (which doesn’t discount there being child actors from another agency).

Lily James didn’t appear in DA 2019, and I don’t think she would here either (regardless of, uh, Dominic West). Tuppence Middleton confirmed on Twitter she’s in; Max Brown confirmed he’s not. I haven’t seen anything concrete on Imelda yet, but I do assume she’d appear. We have at least four new characters, but nothing on who the new cast members will be playing.

Filming has already begun(!) at Ealing Studios, the studios they used when they filmed the TV show. And now they’ve been filming at Highclere Castle too!

Meanwhile, Rob gave us some clues on ITV’s This Morning:

- "someone goes for a bicycle ride" (easy, that’s the postman or whoever lol) - "someone has an argument" - "someone falls in love" - "someone falls out of love" - "someone goes to the shops"

As HWW said to me, perhaps it is not people that the characters are falling in and out of love with, but perhaps places, things, or ideas. And in the case of Thomas and Richard, it’s possible that they aren’t ‘over’, it’s just that they can’t see each other in the time frame of the film and maybe Thomas receives at least a letter from Richard or something. 

Now, what we don’t know, which is... mostly everything.

The timeline is a biggie, as it would definitely influence some of the plots. And it was something that really wasn’t confirmed for DA 2019 until after we got the trailer. The cast gave us vague ideas, but uh... let’s just say not all of them were correct.

Fellowes has always said that he wouldn’t take DA into the ‘30s, but he always used to say that he’d never work on DA and The Glided Age at the same time, and yet, here we are. I feel like he or Gareth mentioned at one point a sequel would follow closely to DA 2019 timeline wise. They had similarly said DA 2019 would follow closely after the TV show’s timeline, and that ended up being an 18 month gap.

Considering that DA 2021 is coming out during Christmas time, this makes me think that Christmas will be featured at some point. Not every DA Christmas Special did, but it’s festive, timely, and an event to help anchor the film and bring characters together.

The question then is, does it center around Christmas though? Of the three CSs that feature Christmas in some form (S6CS is really about New Year’s Eve, but the decorations and tree are still up), S2CS starts there but ends mid January of the next year, and S5CS and S6CS both start roughly in late summer, and then finish in late December (well 1 Jan in S6CS’ case).

One potential choice is to have it be set in December 1927 and then go into the next year, akin to S2CS. The S5/6 CS idea would set it in 1928 at the earliest.

Another thing factor to take into account here is Edith’s pregnancy. Fellowes skipped over showing Mary pregnant with Caroline in the first film and had her born before DA 2019, so the same might happen here again.

Other potential big events are perhaps a wedding between Daisy and Andy and/or Tom and Lucy.

And then the elephant in the room: Violet. Maggie’s said time and time again that Violet’s too old, and then we had the plot in DA 2019, which would set...  you know... that all up.

So like... filming outdoors in Bampton (where the town of Downton and the church was traditionally filmed for the TV series) is something is that is easily spoiled. They can put up screens to block the view around the church, but to also do it around the cemetery might be too telling. They did kinda manage with S6E8 (well, only kinda, ahem).

Thinking now about how members of the cast have said that DA 2021 will be coming at a time people are wanting/needing "escapism,” I don't think that discounts anything sad happening per se; a lot of people continued to call the TV series "escapism" when it got more darker (see: S4-5), and, I mean, people call Call the Midwife "cosy escapism" despite there being traumatic situations almost every episode it seems. So Violet's days could still very well be numbered. I remember how S3CS was marketed as a fun and frolicking trip to the Highlands, until the Norwegian channel NRK’s trailer for the episode came out and gave away that there was going to be a car accident. Escapism isn't the same for everyone anyway, so we'll have to see what this all entails. I don't necessarily want this for Violet, but I do hope that DA 2021 takes itself a bit more seriously, as the TV show did.

The first movie was written in a manner that was so that it was (somewhat?) understandable to people who didn’t watch the TV series. I have to wonder if DA 2021 has been written similarly. Part of me thinks it will be more similar to the first film than to the TV series, but with a potential sad plot for Violet... who knows, it might go back to its more “serial” roots (if that makes any sense). If DA 2021 also leans more into comedy as DA 2019, I don’t foresee it doing so but we’ll see.

That’s it for the this ramble! I have a topic for the next one regardless of the lack of crumbs! ;)

[lynnsaundersfanfic]

Grounded, Chapter 10: Dreams

A Coffee House Fic inspired by a prompt from awesomegreentie.

We started off with a T rating, but who are we kidding here? It’s me. So, the rating has been moved up to M at Chapter 5.

Chapters in Order:  Introductions - Invitation - Stroll - Alchemy - Dayspring - Distraction - Lost - Firelight - Monday - Dreams

Or, read it on fanfiction.net here.

Grounded  |  Chapter Ten: Dreams  |  by Lynn Saunders

The Tuesday before Christmas dawns cold and grey, and John watches the sunrise as he sits before the shop’s hearth with his morning tea, struggling a bit to meet the day. William looks surprised to find him there quite so early after closing so late the evening before, but he doesn’t comment on the matter. They really must hire someone else on, and soon.

Anna’s over a week gone, and John has scarcely slept since she’s been away. He trudges home late in the evenings, tie askew, and sinks onto the couch in his sparsely furnished flat to doze for a few hours before rising early to do it all over again. His split with Vera did not leave him with much in the way of quality furnishings, and what little he did take with him has mostly been used to lend a personal touch to the tasteful rusticity of the coffee house. The little shop is the first thing he’s truly been able to make all his own. But his apartment feels cold, the freshly painted walls stark and bare, and it’s not yet truly a home for him. It’s pale and blank, a new slate that he hasn't yet gotten around to writing on - not like Anna’s flat, which is warm and cheerful and utterly her.

He’s a bit surprised to find that it’s difficult to sleep without Anna snugged in safely against him. He craves her scent and the warm press of her body in the dark. He tosses and turns in the night, restless and brooding. But when sleep does finally find him, he dreams of a faerie with golden hair, her eyes blue as the sea. She awaits him eagerly in a small hothouse in mid-winter, dressed all in white. In the dream, their meetings are secret, and her love for him is certain. This morning, the taste of the dream maiden’s lips had lingered on his even after he awoke feverish and shaky, lost between worlds for a moment and struggling to remember which was real.

The church bell down the street chimes out the hour, and John rises and stretches. He retrieves his mobile from the mantle and sends Anna a photo of the blazing fire, then tucks the phone into his pocket with a small smile. He doesn’t expect her home for a few days yet, but it’s safe to say she hasn’t forgotten him. Two evenings ago, their goodnight phone call had ended with her breathlessly sighing his name.

I was thinking of the other night, he’d said. Of having you against the door.

He’s never been brave enough to give voice to such delicious thoughts before, never had someone so eager to listen. Her response to his secret whispers in the dark was the definition of unforgettable.

He finishes his tea with a smirk, then readies for the day, tying on an apron and washing his hands. He surveys the stock of pastries and resolves to make more fresh cinnamon buns, but it will have to wait until the morning rush dies down. For the next two hours, the bells on the front door jangle consistently.

Business is good. More than good. He feels utterly blessed to have this place, but beyond that he feels a sense of deep pride in his work. Is this what it’s like to love what you do? He realizes with a start that this is the first path he’s truly chosen for himself, rather than one he pursued out of habit, pressure, or obligation. In his old life, he might be tempted to focus on all the work that still looms ahead, or to wait for the other shoe to drop. He would’ve been too hesitant to venture into business ownership, too pessimistic. But more than anything else, being wounded showed him just how fleeting life is. That’s what made him put down the bottle and start living life again. And Anna? He certainly would’ve never imagined that he deserved the company of someone this lovely or, for that matter, someone this kind. Finally, he’s starting to believe.

Anna dreams of John in a different time. They sit at a long table in a bustling room she doesn’t quite recognize, yet she somehow knows it all the same. The room smells of coffee and warm, brown bread. Breakfast china rattles over bits of conversation. Beside her, John is clean-shaven and polished and proper. This image of him stands in stark contrast to what she knows he is capable of in the dark. He gives her a furtive glance, and she attempts to hide her flush behind her teacup. Her delicate wedding band is hidden safely away beneath her frock, nestled against her breastbone on a simple gold chain. Her cup clinks into its saucer, and she brings a hand up to absently trace the outline of the ring through the fabric of her dress. No one can know, not yet. John’s leg presses against hers beneath the table, out of view of the others.

The others?

But the room is gone now, replaced with the glow of a fire and the slip of fine linens against her bare skin. John’s thick fingers glide along her back as she rests, snugged against his chest. She’s long been sated, and now sleep calls. As her eyes drift shut, her mind flashes on the rustling of willow fronds and the taste of fresh cider, of mistletoe on the arch of an old oak door, of the earthy smell of a conservatory in midwinter and the sound of pottery shattering in the dark.

The company car rocks gently as it pulls onto Anna’s street, and her eyes blink open. Her mind fumbles for the thread of that intriguing dream, but the more she reaches for those memories, the further they slip away. John in an old-fashioned waistcoat and sleeves, she thinks with a grin. Something about a greenhouse… and then a feeling - one of bittersweet, quiet, and steadfast love. It is safe and warm, and… familiar? Anna shakes her head with a confused sigh.

The homes on Anna’s street are cheerful, dotted with wreaths and holiday lights. In the west, the sky is painted purple and crimson in the waning daylight. The car pulls to a stop at her door, and she draws the edges of her coat closed before stepping out into the nipping winter air. She’s so looking forward to being in her own flat and her own bed, to seeing her grumpy old three-legged cat… and her hot barista.

She checks her mobile - still no service. Ah, well. When she’d spoken briefly with John last evening, her plans called for staying in London at least another day or two. However, this morning’s presentation had gone surprisingly well, and when Mary spoke of sending Anna home ahead of schedule, she’d jumped at the chance.

The driver hurries around to help her with her bags, and she tips him generously before climbing the short flight of stairs to her apartment. Even with both bags in hand, Anna unlocks the door to her flat with practiced ease. Castle comes running and leaps onto the kitchen counter with a delighted chirp. She scritches him and shakes some crunchies into his bowl.

Tacked to the fridge is a note from Gwen.

I continue to be Castle’s favorite person to torment. The beggar knocked the treat bag off of the counter and ate half. He then vomited in the hall and stared haughtily as I cleaned it up.

XO, G

Castle blinks innocently from the kitchen counter, and Anna gives him a disapproving look. She makes a mental note to take her friend for drinks ASAP to make up for it.

Gwen has left the week’s mail on the countertop, and Anna sorts the contents quickly while she waits for the shower to run hot. She happily sheds her travel clothes and steps under the spray with a relieved sigh, washing the muck of the day away. Oh, but there’s so much to do. She needs to go for groceries and work on the laundry, to put the finishing touches on a project before the firm closes for the holidays. But as she lingers in the steam of the shower, allowing the heat to sink into the delicate muscles of her neck and shoulders, she finds it impossible to care about those mundane tasks. Her mind drifts instead.

She thinks of last week, of John’s long fingers moving between her thighs, patiently coaxing her pleasure. She had melted into his embrace, her slick back pressed to his front, her head lolled against his chest. He had turned her then, lifting her solidly against the chilly shower tile and marking her neck with his lips as he pushed into her. His strong arms held her fast while she sighed his name and dug her fingernails into his shoulders. His teeth had trailed behind her ear just so. She reaches lazily up to press her fingertips to the spot, daydreaming until the water begins to cool.

Yes, all the trappings of everyday life can wait. She has a very particular craving that only one thing can satisfy.

John rushes to open the shop’s door ahead of William, who is carefully balancing three full pastry boxes, their largest order of the day. He steps out to meet the chill of the December evening, and William follows, passing gingerly through the doorway. They work together to arrange the pastry boxes safely in the floorboards of the waiting car.

The customer is Beatrice, one of John’s mother’s friends from church, and she reaches up to pat his arm affectionately. “Thank you, Dear.”

He smiles down at her. “I hope you enjoy them.”

“Oh, the kids will love them!”

She waves to William as he ducks back through the shop’s front door. The neon ‘open’ sign blinks out shortly afterward, and they watch for a moment as William goes about closing duties without having to be asked.

“He’s a hard worker,” John says. “Thank you for sending him my way.”

“Oh, yes, I’ve known his family for ages, and of course with his mother’s passing he needed something closer to home for a while. He’s all his dad has left now.” She shakes her head sadly. “But, I’m so happy you two get on so well. I hear there was a less pleasant fellow working here who has recently moved on.”

John laughs. “Yes, but that’s fine by me. Better the two of us work harder than have a third who rocks the boat. But if you know of anyone else who needs steady work, please send them my way.”

She thinks for a moment. “I may have just the young lady in mind. She’s young and a bit new to church, but she seems reliable. She was such a help with the bake sale.”

He draws a card from the breast pocket of his button-front shirt. “Please have her come by. William and I are managing, but barely. As it is, he needs a large bonus… and a holiday.”

She chuckles, then takes a conspiratorial step closer. “Now, let me hear all about this Anna. Margaret tells me you two are quite the item.”

John gives a somewhat embarrassed chuckle. His mother definitely cannot be prevailed upon to keep any secrets. “Yes, I suppose we are.”

“You suppose?” She tsks with mock disapproval. “Well don’t you be shy. Bring her ‘round to see us for tea soon.”

He gives a vague promise, and John waves as Beatrice pulls away from the curb. As the taillights fade in the distance, he takes a moment to stand still, to close his eyes and simply breathe in the icy air. There’s been no new snow today, but there’s still a satisfying icy crunch underfoot, and he remembers his first stroll home with Anna, the first brush of her lips against his cheek. That was only two weeks ago, yet somehow this thing between them feels both ancient and new.

It’s a bit odd that he hasn’t heard from her today, and it dawns on him that he’s not been the least bit concerned about what that uncharacteristic lack of contact means for their burgeoning relationship. In the past, he’s had what Vera would have called a jealous streak. But underneath that superficial explanation was truly only worry, a deep-seated fear that he won’t measure up, that he’s undeserving. But he feels none of that with Anna. Everything between them has come so naturally.

He takes one more moment to enjoy the quiet solitude of the winter evening, then turns to help William close up for the night. But he doesn’t quite reach the door. His breath is caught in his throat, and for a moment he stops and stares, blinking in delighted disbelief. Anna. The streetlamps catch her golden hair even through the frozen haze of the December evening. She’s supposed to be miles away, yet here she is on his street instead, making her way toward him with a very particular look in her eye. He sees warmth reflected there, mischief, and an intoxicating, velvety undercurrent of desire. He catches her up in an embrace, and she giggles as he lifts her off of her feet. God, he wants so badly to be the one who inspires that sound from now on. He breathes her in, feels the thrill of it deep in his chest, then remembers himself and returns her gently to the ground.

“Why didn’t you say you were coming?” he asks with a grin.

“I didn’t know until today.” Her eyes dance as she reaches up to straighten his tie. “That, and my mobile has been out of service all afternoon. But… I’ve brought you something that may make up for it.”

At his quizzical look, she reaches into her coat pocket and brings out a sprig of mistletoe, twirling it in her fingers for a moment, raising an eyebrow. He tugs her close in response, kissing her gently in the arch of the shop doorway until she begins to shiver in his arms. Later, as he sifts his fingers through her hair in her bedroom in the dark, she’ll tell him she wasn’t cold, not exactly. It’s the intensity of his touch that’s making her tremble. But he doesn’t know that now, and he ushers her quickly into the cheerful warmth of the coffee house. Muted sounds from the kitchen radio filter down the hall, and he can hear the clinking of silverware as William washes the dishes. He presses another soft kiss to her lips before locking the door and pulling the shades in turn.

“I need to-” he begins, but she places a gentle hand on his chest with a nod.

“Finish your work.” She smiles up at him. “I’ll still be here.”

He brings the back of her hand to his lips for a moment, then turns to join William in the kitchen. Together, the men make quick work of the evening chores. Soon the dishes are dried and the countertops gleam once more. William finishes the mopping while John reviews the checklist for tomorrow, smiling at the sheer volume of holiday orders.

As he pulls on his coat to leave, William glances down the hall toward Anna, then gives John a nod of decided approval. “It’s good to see you happy, Mr. Bates.”

John clears his throat a bit self-consciously, but he’s touched. “I think I am, truly… for the first time in a long while.” He pauses just a moment before adding, “now, run on home. We’ve another early day tomorrow.”

“You two don’t stay up too late,” William says with a wink as he pulls his cap down snug over his brow and disappears through the shop’s rear door.

John only laughs and shakes his head in response.

When he returns to the front room with a cup of cocoa to share, Anna is warming herself by the waning coals of the banked fire. The shop lights are low, and the sight of her silhouetted in the amber glow of the stone fireplace tugs at a quiet, yearning place deep within him. Anna just feels so… familiar, his mind echoes. It’s as if they’ve spent countless evenings sharing a hearth and a bed, perhaps across times and places he will never know or understand, but always - always - with the same indescribable current arcing between them.

She smiles up at him as he passes her the mug, and he eases onto the sofa, drawing her near. She takes a sip and gives a satisfied hum that makes the fine hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. They watch the embers pop and spark for a moment as the kitchen radio plays on in the distance.

“How was London?” He presses a kiss to her temple.

“Good, actually.” She takes another sip of cocoa and passes him the mug. “Well, more than good, I think. It might mean a promotion.”

“Well done!” He squeezes her hand with genuine affection and pride, then adds cheekily, “Will you have a corner office, then?”

“No…” She grins up at him. “And nothing’s decided yet, but… on that topic, there is a favor I need to ask you.”

“Oh yes?”

“You see, there’s this company holiday party. Fancy dress and all that, and I’ll be needing a date…”

“Dancing and cocktails and a suit?”

“Well, probably not dancing… but the rest of it, yes.”

“No dancing? Pity, that.”

“I expect you’ll be relieved.” She taps his chest playfully with the back of her hand, and he realizes she thinks he’s joking.

He imagines Anna in a low-cut gown, his fingers gliding along the curve of her back as they savor the anonymity of a darkened dance floor. “Oh, I wouldn’t say that.”

John smiles conspiratorially and moves their shared mug to the safety of the little coffee table. He rises carefully, then pulls Anna gently to her feet. She smiles shyly at him as he takes her hand and leads her down the shop’s hallway in the dark. The familiar rooms are bathed in shadows, and she clings to his hand like a lifeline. In the kitchen, he pauses to adjust the volume on the little radio, filling the room with the mellow, rolling notes of a jazz piano.

“Come here,” he says, his voice rough and low.

She giggles as he pulls her easily into his embrace, and they sway together in the dark, his right hand perfectly fitted to the small of her back. Thank goodness for heels, she thinks dreamily. Moving together this way, she’s just tall enough to rest her forehead against his broad chest. He tucks her hair behind her ear and tips her chin up to meet him, stooping to graze her lips with his. His large hands slide beneath the hem of her sweater, blazing a path up the curve of her spine. She hums happily, and she feels his answering smile against her temple.

She finds the quiet confidence in his touch intoxicating. She’s enamored with the pleasing stoutness of his body, the thickness of his chest and shoulders, the way he gazes at her so intently as they move together. She’s never been this easily turned on, this revved up. She’s fallen hard and fast, no question, but this thought doesn’t alarm her. Instead, she feels emboldened by her desire. When she rises on tiptoe to kiss him, he tastes not just of cinnamon and chocolate, but of something deeper and richer, a comforting memory she cannot place. And as the song begins to fade, they hold fast to one another, lighting a fire between them as they dance together in the dark.

Author’s notes:

I’ve not written in a long while. I worry it shows. Thank you for being patient while I knock the rust off.

Anna and Bates dance to Turn Me On by Nora Jones.

Thanks to @awesomegreentie and @gelana78 for quick-beta!

[s-n-a-k-e-p-i-t]

Hermione Granger’s Guide to Shooting Your Shot || hermione x draco

A/N: This is for @weasleysflowr‘s writing challenge. I’ve never done one of these before, and to be honest I haven’t creatively written for myself in a really long time, but I’m slowly getting back into it and it’s making me feel so alive!! So I hope you guys enjoy

Notes: I’m not quite sure of the time of when this is taking place. I’m inclined to think 6th year or 7th because they are drinking and with that being said, I wrote this with the idea in mind that Voldy didn’t come back and Hogwarts is just vibing without the threat of him and there’s just the usual Slytherin/Gryffindor rivalry.

Warnings: Alcohol, fluff maybe the tiniest bit of steam

Prompt: “I might have had a few shots” 

Hermione bit her lip and smiled and that was just the right amount to send him barreling over the edge. His control was surrendered, she essentially held his soul in the palm of her hand. However, she hadn’t the slightest idea of the power she held as she stood across the room doing shot after shot with her newly arrived friends. Dancing to the music slightly when the younger ginger walked over to give her a hug. Oh she had no idea, that in that moment he had accepted that he was hers entirely. 

A scoff of a shoe next to him brought him out of his daze. The party was picking up and the fire whiskey was flowing, which luckily meant less people were asking why he was there. Not to mention the crowd was building, so it was much easier to blend despite the green tones only he and his companion adorned. However, this meant the temperature of The Three Broomsticks, with its smaller, more compact quarters and multiplied occupants didn’t stand a chance. He was happy he hadn’t worn a jacket, despite the December night he had to walk through to get there.  

Her teeth released her bottom lip as her mouth pulled into a wide smile and it sucked him in all over again. A mop of blonde hair handed her a messy red and gold wrapped present and he couldn’t help smile at how she held the package. Like it was the most beautiful thing in the world, despite being the most hideous wrapping job he had ever seen. Lost in the beauty of her, he almost missed the jabbing elbow in his side. 

“Earth to Draco.”

Blaise. Blaise had also been invited to the Golden Trio’s annual Christmas party. Why he even bothered to show, was beyond Draco’s imagination. In fact, he noted people, the Gryffindor majority in particular, actually seemed to be more surprised that his friend was present than himself. 

“What,” he scowled, his eyes not daring the tear away from her. 

“I’m gonna grab another drink, do you want anything. I’ve asked you at least five times.”

Draco looked down at the drink in his hand, he swirled it around and raised an eyebrow to his friend. Blaise turned on his heel and walked to the bar. Draco brought the glass to his lips, welcoming the bitter liquid in. Over the brim of the cup, he watched her as her eyes slowly wandered until they met his. Her skin, already flushed from the alcohol she had consumed, blushed even more and he reveled in the idea that he had such an effect on her. She whispered a word or two to the other thirds of her trio, hugged the blonde girl, and then broke away. She slowly sauntered towards him. Her step was off, he assumed due to the liquor. 

“Malfoy,” she smiled her eyes darting around to see who else had noticed his presence, “I didn’t think you’d make it,” she nearly whispered. He picked up on the slight slur of her words. 

“And why’s that?” 

She shrugged and pouted. He licked his lips as he watched hers. “Project’s over, we don’t have an excuse to be seen together anymore.”

He clicked his tongue and nodded. His eyebrows jerked up in amusement. “You invited me, Granger, so I came.”

She giggled and covered her lips with her fingers. He stared at her, remembering only the start of the term when she had been thrown into a group with him and Blaise for an Astronomy project, much to all of their annoyance. 

And then one week into working together when they had gotten into a screaming match over what month to complete the chart. He had quidditch tryouts and practices littered throughout the autumn, she had an immense amount of studying that only would build up the closer to Christmas they got. And they had gone back and forth, eventually getting personal, eventually getting in each others faces. And as he stared down at her and she stared up at him and their breath hit one another’s faces and both sets of eyes held their ground, neither to be betrayed or look away first, he had kissed her and as if something had finally snapped after six years of being sworn enemies and hell had frozen over, she kissed him back. And of course all of this has happened right when Blaise had returned from the bathroom, causing them to break apart, who told them he wouldn’t tell anyone as long as they did all the work so he could go off and do whatever it is Blaise Zabini does when he’s alone.

And then of course, they fought over who kissed who first, deciding to leave it at nothing more than a stressful time, a misunderstanding, and downright stupidity.

And then a month later, it happened again, only this time she initiated it. He had gotten an owl from his father, saying that his mother had been hit with an unidentified hex. And though Draco had practiced time and time again to not show his emotions, she still managed to break through and dig up what was wrong. And after that, the feeling of another person genuinely caring for him, who didn’t try to tell him how to feel or think or behave, he felt his mask slip away. And when she caught glimpse of the boy underneath the facade, she had kissed him, short, soft, and sweet.

And then mid October came around. And they’d finally picked a day to chart. And once they’d finished, those same fingers covering her giggle, had ended up tangled in his hair. He thought of the way her skin had glowed in the moonlight, the way she had looked at him, the way he had kissed her, the way she fearlessly kissed him back. And how they had done all their work that day, but told no one they were done just so they could keep seeing each other. They’d read, they’d talk, they’d spend the rest of the duration of the project period memorizing each other’s bodies and picking apart the other’s mind.

And then to three days ago when they handed in the project. 

And then he remembered the way they had parted, high marks on the project and agreeing that what had happened was to be kept a secret. Her friends would give her hell and he was pretty positive his father would disown him. The solution was to keep it a secret. To glance, to pass a note or two, to meet in dark corners and under isolated trees. 

And as he had laid in bed last night, he wondered if she was laying awake too, coming to find that this solution was not much of a solution at all. 

He blinked, suddenly, and pulled himself back into the present, swaying slightly. His eyes bore into hers, unsure of what to say next, hoping his quick trip down memory lane hadn’t brought any unwanted attention their way. And she studied him as if she could see into the depths of his mind and knew exactly what he was thinking about. He felt... vulnerable and though he also felt the comfort of her she provided whenever nearby, he also felt.. nervous? He struggled to find his bearings and he struggled with not being in control. He hadn’t even realized she had slipped her hand into his, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles slowly bringing him back. He looked down, smiling at the sight of their hands together.

When he looked back up, she was biting her lip again. 

He felt himself slip, the mask he wore around his schoolmates faltered. She caught it, he knew she would. But then she did something he didn’t predict. She cupped his face, stood on her tiptoes and kissed him gently. Smack dab on the mouth. In the middle of the bar. At the Gryffindor Christmas party.

She pulled away, hesitantly, nervous that he hadn’t been thinking what she had been thinking for the past 24 hours. 

His eyes searched her face. He wasn’t complaining, he was just shocked. “Hermione, all of our stupid friends are her- I thought, but what about the plan to keep it secret?”

Her smile brightened at his use of her first name. “I might have had a few shots,” she giggled, standing up taller so her lips were hovering just below his. “And I also might have realized that solution was kind of dumb, I want to be able to celebrate Christmas with my boyfriend.”

A mistletoe appeared above them, causing them both to laugh. She smiled at him and he felt his smile reach his eyes. Softly, he reached out and tilted her chin up. 

And despite the fact that practically everyone was looking at them in utter shock, despite the chorus of gasps, and despite the countless “is that Malfoy and Hermione?”s

Despite all that, when she kissed him this time, he kissed her back.

[coppicefics]

Masked Omens: Week One

New chapter here, or read from the start here!

(Right click picture and select ‘View Image’ or ‘Open Image In New Tab’ for hi-res version.)

[Image Description: Image 1 - A simple rendition of the Masked Singer UK logo, a golden mask with colourful fragments flying off of it. The mask has a golden halo and a golden devil tail protruding from either side. Below, gold text reads 'Masked Omens'.

Image 2 - A newspaper page from the Capital Herald, dated Saturday, 26th December, 2020. Full image description and transcription below the cut.]

The Capital Herald, Saturday 26th December 2020 News, page 11

GODLEIGH MANOR RESTORATION SET TO BEGIN YouTube Community Comes To The Rescue Of Historic House In Unprecedented Donation Spree Restoration work on Godleigh Manor, Little Dyvyn, is set to proceed at last after years of stagnation – thanks to an unexpected influx of donations from interested members of the public. A house has stood on the site since at least the early 13th century, but most of the current building was constructed in the 18th century by its then owner, Lord Michael Godleigh. It remained a private residence until 1914, when it was commandeered as a military hospital for officers injured in the First World War. When the war was over, the officers went home, but the Godleigh family had suffered severe losses, and those who had been involved in treating the injured officers had many bad memories associated with the place. What was left of the family moved out, and – barring the operation of a second temporary hospital during the Second World War – this once-busy house has remained empty and silent ever since. Left to its own devices, the house began to crumble. Water found its way through the roof, and weeds forced their way up through the floor. By the time the deed to Godleigh Manor was passed on to its current owner, Lucy Godleigh, in the mid-1990s, barely a few rooms were anything close to habitable. “I set up in a mobile home on the grounds,” Godleigh told The Capital Herald, “and basically just started trying to secure the few rooms that hadn't been completely exposed to the elements. Then I contacted a restoration expert to find out what could be done for the rest of it.” The experts' verdict wasn't what she wanted to hear. “There was no chance I could pay for it myself. The rest of the family opposed me moving back here; I was on my own. And to get the whole place back to the way it was, we were looking at anything from fifty million to three hundred million pounds. I was going to need help raising the funds, so I started campaigning. But it was slow going. Nobody's keen to put their hands in their pockets to restore a stranger's old family pile.” And, for over two decades, it seemed that a pile would soon be all that was left. Godleigh moved into Little Dyvyn, and the property was abandoned once more to the tender mercies of the elements and the frequent trespassers who came to explore. “I'd go up a few times a week, but it hardly seemed worth it. I'd all but given up. But then one of those visitors saved the day.” A YouTube personality known as Sergeant Shadwell, famed for his urban exploration videos and the occasional paranormal investigation, contacted Godleigh to ask to film in the house. “I said yeah, whatever, do what you like, it's a mess,” Godleigh recalled, “and he saved it. He saved my home.” Shadwell uploaded a video of Godleigh Manor in the last week of November. In it, he speaks frankly about the challenges and benefits of preserving such old buildings. “I don't know about there being ghosts here,” he tells viewers, “but there's a lot of wasted potential. Stately homes like this can and should be used, and it'd be a real shame for this one to crumble. I'll add a link to the fundraiser in the video description.” The Wytchfynder Army, as Shadwell's fans call themselves, have so far contributed £80m to the Save Godleigh Manor campaign. The fundraising page is filled with messages of encouragement and support, attached to donations ranging from £5 to £1500. Some donors have even explained that they raised the money through sponsored swims, bake sales, and car washes. “It's enough to get started, to make a really good start,” Godleigh explained, “I can't thank him – all of them – enough. They really came together to help me – a complete stranger – and it means so much, it really does.” So what's next for Godleigh Manor? First, says Godleigh, the surviving rooms will need to be stablised. Then the house's ground floor will be restored to its former glory, and Godleigh hopes to work with local historians to ensure that it is both a functional and educational space. “I won't charge people any more to use it than I need to cover the cost of maintaining it,” Godleigh said. “How can I? It's being restored by this huge community; it belongs to the community, and to Little Dyvyn. It's going to be a great space for everyone to enjoy.” Work is now set to begin on the Godleigh Manor restoration project as early as April this year, depending on local planning committee approval of plans first drawn up in 1998. MARY HODGES. To find out more, or to contribute to the renovation costs, visit www.savegodleighmanor.org.uk.

[Image Description: A sepia photograph of a large, grand house. Inset, a colour photograph of a hole in a wall, through which weeds can be seen growing. End ID.] [Caption] NEGLECTED: Godleigh Manor, pictured above in 1980, was once the heart of a thriving community. Inset, weeds grow in what used to be a service corridor to the rear of the main building. (Photo: Annie Spratt on Unsplash. Inset: E. Diop on Unsplash.)

THE NEWS IN NUMBERS 800 years of a house on the site 300 years in its current form 23 generations in the same family 29 bedrooms 40 acres of land £50m lowest estimated renovation costs £300m highest estimated renovation costs 198k subscribers to Wytchfynder 291 Wytchfynder videos 10 years Sgt Shadwell served in the Army £80m raised by the Wytchfynder Army £91m renovation funds raised so far 15 years estimated to complete renovation

[Image Description: a rectangular ad with a picture of Dr. Raven Sable. His name is signed beneath his photograph. Text reads: Don't settle for a balanced diet when you can have a SABLE DIET. End ID.]

Corner Cuppa with Esther James

[ID: Photo of a young woman's face. She has black hair cut into a bob, and slightly gothic makeup. End ID.]

Why do we know you? I'm the captain of the Red Roses, which is the England Women's Rugby Team. What are you passionate about? Rugby! Also, my girlfriend Jane (Adams, also on the squad), and my charitable causes, of course. I support the NSPCC and the Albert Kennedy Trust, in particular - both fantastic charities helping young people who've been let down, in many cases, by the people they should most be able to rely on. I'm really glad to be involved with them. What's your favourite holiday of the year? Pride! I love getting dressed up and going to the parades – most of the time Jane and I get to march, these days, which is great. Last year we even got to ride on a float at one of them, which was really surreal – we got to cover ourselves in rainbow feather boas and just have a laugh waving at people. What a great time! What's been your proudest moment? So far, it's a tie between coming out as bi in a press conference – which was really scary at the time but which led to such good things and such good conversations – and being made captain of the Red Roses. It's an honour just to be selected for the national side, but to be chosen to lead from such a talented group of women is even better. I was walking on air for a week! If you could do anything in the world once, what would it be? Only once? I'd hate to do something and enjoy it and never get to do it again. But, OK, hypotherically... Something completely different and mad, like getting up on a stage and performing a song like I really mean it, or bungee-jumping. What scares you? Bungee-jumping! Which is exactly why I'd like to do it. I think it's good to get out of your own head and your own comfort zone and just do something that scares you, if you can. What's your ideal day? Taking a day off of training and just lying on the sofa watching films with Jane for the whole day. We love what we do, but we don't get a lot of downtime to just relax and snuggle. But then, when we do get a day off, it's usually at the same time, so that's lovely; we're always together and it hasn't started getting on our nerves yet! If you could go anywhere in the world right now, with no complications or restrictions, where would you go? I've always wanted to go to the Eiffel Tower, but somehow whenever I end up in France I don't find the time. Jane's never been to Disneyland, so I think we'd have to combine the two if we got a no-holds-barred trip somewhere. And, obviously, I wouldn't exactly hate getting to meet Mickey again! What's the best advice you've ever been given? My gran was as tough as old boots, and proud of it. She once sat me down, when I was quite young, and she said, “Essie,” which is what she called me, “Essie, you'll do all right in life if you remember this simple rule. Make sure you keep your nose clean, but don't be afraid to get your boots dirty.” I'm not sure she meant me to take it quite so literally! But I think what she meant was, don't get into trouble unnecessarily, but don't be so scared of getting it wrong that you can't do anything right. That's stuck with me, I've held onto it all these years, and I think it's a good motto to live by. What's one thing you wish someone had told you when you were younger? I wish they'd told me it was OK that I fancied girls, that things were getting better. I think we've still got a long way to go, as a community, but I never could have dreamed that a bisexual woman could captain England when I was a little girl. Let alone that it would be me! Finally, what's one thing you'd like to tell younger people now? Be true to yourself, be true to your friends, and be kind. I think the world will turn out fine if we all just try to be kind to one another, above all. Next week's cuppa: Ligur Mortice, head of the Ligur fashion house.

[End of page.]

[ms-m-astrologer]

Transiting Mars stations retrograde

Timeline (current events in bold)

Saturday, July 25, 2020, 14:10 UT - transiting Mars enters retrograde zone, 15:14 Aries

Wednesday, September 9, 2020, 22:22 UT - transiting Mars stations retrograde, 28:08 Aries

Saturday, November 14, 2020, 00:36 UT - transiting Mars stations direct, 15:14 Aries

Saturday, January 2, 2021, 19:10 UT - transiting Mars exits retrograde zone, 28:08 Aries

Ugh. Here we go. First, a refresher from Martin Bulgerin (www dot biopscinst dot com) regarding Mars retrograde:

During Mars retrograde periods, we get to experience how we sabotage our own actions, preventing us from achieving what we desire to do. The ability to express your will-power seems thwarted. The key here is to discover what is keeping you from effective action and changing it. This inner nemesis may be an over active temper, an impatience with planning when you can rush into activity, or simply a lack of awareness that causes you to ignore useful clues. This is not a good time to initiate new projects that require perseverence, nor is it easy to work with others during this cycle.

Ms M is grumbling over “what is keeping (her) from effective action and changing it” - she thinks it’s called, “a lack of funds.” However, a look at her own natal Mars placement - Aries/5th House - shows that she’s way, way too fond of having her own way all the time. She isn’t happy when people interrupt her progress from point A to point B; and she doesn’t like being delayed between those points, either. As Mars backtracks, she’s going to find plenty of opportunities to see how that attitude of “get outta my way NOW OR ELSE” is keeping her from doing what she wants to do (and from doing what she knows is right). 

During the actual retrograde portion of a Retrograde Zone, we get clarification on issues - so expect some unpleasant realities which have to be bravely faced, some admitting that we were wrong, etc.

It seemed to me, writing this up, that there’s a definite beginning, middle, and end to the fun and games. September gets us off to a slow start - although it may not feel that way, given the nature of the aspects involved. October, the middle, is when the bulk of the “difficult” aspects happen. And with November we again seem to taper off, although (again) it may not feel that way.

(Under “Keep Reading” you’ll find all the aspects Mars is going to make. Not everybody wants to read, or understand, all that crap. For those who do....)

Monday, September 14, 06:28 UT - Juno/Libra opposes Mars Rx/Aries, 28:00

Second of three. This almost looks like a break-up to me. There’s definitely a lack of cooperation. If you only want your own way all the time, why should other people help you with that? There’s a Leo Moon involved, too, applying a trine to Mars and a sextile to Juno - people’s pride is involved, and although we may find an outlet in playfulness and drama, the story isn’t quite over yet. The third/final opposition doesn’t happen until mid-April 2021, with Mars/Gemini and Juno Rx/Sagittarius. That sounds like a break-up, too. Do keep some sense of the long-term.

Placements affected lie between 27:00 and 29:00 of the cardinal signs Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn; and between 12:00 and 14:00 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Saturday, September 19, 21:55 UT - Sun/Virgo inconjunct Mars Rx/Aries, 27:24

If you have an impatient Mars, like mine, then this is the day you’re probably thinking “Okay, lesson learned, I’ll adjust, can I get on with it now please?” Nope.

Placements affected lie between 26:24 and 28:24 of all signs.

Thursday, September 24, 10:53 UT - Mercury/Libra opposite Mars Rx/Aries, 26:36

Less of a break-up than an argument. Mercury has just entered its own pre-retrograde shadow, when we get this far. Someone is definitely giving us something to mentally chew on, all right. It isn’t good to be a Libra pushover, but it isn’t good to be an Aries bully either. Where’s that happy medium?

Placements affected lie between 25:36 and 27:36 of the cardinal signs Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn; and between 10:36 and 12:36 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Tuesday, September 29, 01:01 UT - Venus/Leo trine Mars Rx/Aries, 25:33

Very sexy energy all right - but note that Mars will also square Saturn on the same day! And Saturn has just stationed direct, too! Enjoy whatever this brings you, but don’t count on it lasting very long.

Placements affected lie between 24:33 and 26:33 of the yang signs Aries, Gemini, Leo, Libra, Sagittarius, and Aquarius.

Tuesday, September 29, 21:50 UT - Saturn/Capricorn square Mars Rx/Aries, 25:20

Second of three. As I said, Saturn will have just stationed direct a mere 16+ hours before. (Interesting how many other planets’ Rx cycles are caught up with Mars’.) This is practically guaranteed to bring us some clarity about our Mars Rx situation, particularly as it relates to how we set ourselves up for failure by being hard-headed and impatient. Remember to keep life at those basic Maslow levels - food, water, shelter, warmth - for a while. (The third/final square happens in January 2021, when each planet will have moved on to the next sign, Mars to Taurus and Saturn to Aquarius.)

Placements affected lie between 24:20 and 26:20 of the cardinal signs Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn; and between 9:20 and 11:20 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Sunday, October 4, 05:51 UT - Eris Rx/Aries conjunct Mars Rx/Aries, 24:07

Second of three. Being a human is so hard. Our society tells us “be nice” and then throws the most outrageously cruel bullshit at us. There is nothing wrong with being angry, as long as you’re directing it at the true culprits, and are using the anger to take constructive action. (The third/final conjunction happens on December 22, 2020.)

Placements affected lie between 23:07 and 25:07 of all signs; and between 8:07 and 10:07 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Tuesday, October 6, 00:57 UT - Vesta/Leo trine Mars Rx/Aries, 23:35; Tuesday, October 6, 12:50 UT - North Node/Gemini sextile Mars Rx/Aries, South Node/Sagittarius trine Mars/Aries, 23:26

This looks like a nice opportunity to try and realign ourselves! The Moon will be in Gemini, too, applying toward that North Node. If we’re looking for a good cause, this is the perfect set up. Remember that with the North Node in Gemini we’re trying to be more Gemini-like. For Mars, that might translate into being more flexible, more clever, and just fighting smarter.

Placements affected lie between 22:26 and 24:35 of the yang signs Aries, Gemini, Leo, Libra, Sagittarius, and Aquarius.

Friday, October 9, 07:37 UT - Venus 7:33 Virgo sesquare Mars Rx 22:33 Aries; Friday, October 9, 13:09 UT - Pluto/Capricorn square Mars Rx/Aries, 22:29

If you’re in a solid relationship, this could translate into sexytime. Otherwise, well, expect in your relationships criticism masked as hostility, or hostility masked as criticism I guess. The Moon will not be helping matters out, as she’s in Cancer and making this into a temporary t-square - Moon/Cancer opposed Pluto/Cap, Mars/Aries squaring both ends - with Venus/Virgo nagging away. Not a good day for romance, at all. (The third/final Mars-Pluto square happens December 23. Why yes, that’s the day after the final Mars-Eris conjunction.)

Placements affected lie between 21:29 and 23:33 of the cardinal signs Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn; and between 6:29 and 8:33 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Tuesday, October 13, 23:26 UT - Sun/Libra opposite Mars Rx/Aries, 21:05

This in a way is the whole crux of the matter. It’s the crisis point of the ongoing Sun-Mars relationship, beginning from their last conjunction (September 2, 2019, 9:44 Virgo). Mars is sometimes described as “the Sun’s right-hand man,” going out and actually achieving all the things the Sun plans. Perhaps today we’ll become aware of how far off track/task we’ve fallen. (This is also the day Mercury stations retrograde. As I heard at a meeting recently, “2020 - the gift that keeps on giving.”)

Placements affected lie between 20:05 and 22:05 of the signs Aries, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Libra, Sagittarius, Capricorn, and Aquarius; and between 5:05 and 7:05 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Monday, October 19, 05:38 UT - Jupiter/Capricorn square Mars Rx/Aries, 19:26;   Monday, October 19, 07:03 UT - Venus/Virgo inconjunct Mars Rx/Aries, 19:25

Venus is really sticking her oar in to so many of these aspects! She tried to ease matters with Saturn, but she critiqued and nagged Pluto - and now she’s teaming up with Jupiter to let Mars know how fucked u[ he truly is. “Here, dude - this is how it’s done.” The square to Jupiter is the second of three for Mars, and as with the other three-peats, this second pass should give us a little clarity about the situation. If we’ve bitten off more than we can chew, this is the day we spit out the mess. (The third/final Mars-Jupiter square occurs on January 21, 2021, when Mars is in Taurus and Jupiter in Aquarius. And yes, that’s the day after the US Inauguration Day.)

Placements affected lie between 18:25 and 20:26 of all signs; and between 3:26 and 5:26 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Thursday, October 22, 09:10 UT - Neptune Rx/Pisces semi-sextile Mars Rx/Pisces, 18:32

The first semi-sextile brought news of a lawsuit to dissolve (Neptune!) the US National Rifle Association (Mars!), so I have very high hopes for this day. Otherwise, this can be a calming influence for Mars, perhaps reminding him of Mars/Pisces and learning how to fight by not fighting. Nonviolent resistance!

Placements affected lie between 17:32 and 19:32 of all signs.

Saturday, October 24, 04:35 UT - Pallas Athene/Capricorn square Mars Rx/Aries, 18:03

Second of three. This is like Captain Pallas Athene demonstrating to Private Mars all the myriad ways he’s screwed up. We can be strong, bold fighters, but if we’re stupid fighters there isn’t a lot of hope for us. Mars may finally clue in, under this influence. (The third/final square between Mars and Pallas Athene occurs on February 26, 2021, with Mars in Taurus and Pallas Athene in Aquarius.)

Placements affected lie between 17:03 and 19:03 of the cardinal signs Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn; and between 2:03 and 4:03 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Wednesday, October 28, 00:07 UT - Vesta 2:08 Virgo sesquare Mars Rx 17:08 Aries

This may indicate some health issues - Mars being stamina and physique, Vesta/Virgo being health. A sesquare isn’t a major deal, but it can be serious enough to sideline us for a while. We may also be thinking wistfully (for Mars) about all the things we’d be able to do, if only we were healthier and stronger.

Placements affected lie between 16:08 and 18:08 of the cardinal signs Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn; and between 1:08 and 3:08 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Friday, November 6, 03:40 UT - Juno/Scorpio inconjunct Mars Rx/Aries, 15:38;  Saturday, November 7, 11:41 UT - Sun/Scorpio inconjunct Mars Rx/Aries, 15:31

As a US citizen it’s impossible not to relate everything happening in November to our all-important presidential election. Regardless of who wins, the other side is going to be royally pissed off. Both sides are implacable. Ms M would like to point out that she herself wants nothing to do with racists - and racism is a key component of Dolt 45’s fan base. Well, that, and making billionaires even wealthier. As puzzled as she is by their deplorable behavior, she is aware that they can’t believe how stupid she is, either. This isn’t going to be easy, or fun.

Placements affected lie between 15:14 and 16:38 of all signs.

Monday, November 9, 16:08 UT - Venus/Libra opposite Mars Rx/Aries, 15:21

The final major aspect of Mars retrograde, with the two planets dignified and facing each other down. What we’re supposed to be doing with them, is balancing them out. We need to combine Aries passion with Libra harmony; Aries bravery with Libra diplomacy; Aries honesty with Libra tact.These aren’t two energies that you bring out, and lock up, as the mood strikes you - these co-exist every day, and it’s our job to learn to walk their tightrope.

Placements affected lie between 15:14 and 16:21 of the signs Aries, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Libra, Sagittarius, Capricorn, and Aquarius; and between 0:14 and 1:21 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

Thursday, November 12, 00:30 UT - Ceres 0:16 Pisces semi-square Mars Rx 15:16 Aries

Second of three. Mars is pretty much motionless (Ms M got a 10 of Swords image right then) at this point, while Ceres is still in her post-Rx shadow for a few more weeks. All the lessons tie together - none of these energies operates in a vacuum, however much they would like to. This is either the point where we admit we need to act differently, and resolve the issues that were clarified for us - or we stay impaled on the ground. (The third/final semi-square happens on December 28.)

Placements affected lie between 15:14 and 16:16 of the cardinal signs Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn; and between 0:14 and 1:16 of the mutable signs Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces.

[smokieblr]

Richard Kruspe: Berlin is a very destructive city

Richard Kruspe is the guitarist of Rammstein and frontman of the band Emigrate. In the interview he tells why he lives in Berlin but never got really warm with the metropolis.

December 14, 2018

Mr. Kruspe, are not you busy with Rammstein, or what are you doing with your second band Emigrate?

"The idea of Emigrate is that I do what I can not do in the closed cosmos of Rammstein."

And that would be exactly?

"To open up musically and to work with as many people as possible. I enjoy to illuminate all facets stylistically. I do not want to restrict myself to this project and do not let myself be pushed into any drawer.”

Rammstein means pressure. Does Emigrate mean to relax?

"Emigrate means fun for me in the first place. The band is antagonist, equilibrium and the balance in my life. For me Emigrate is a matter of the heart and not an economic topic."

Rammstein celebrates its 25th anniversary in 2019. A reason to celebrate?

"Rammstein is always a reason to celebrate, but I have no feeling for such anniversaries. I never think about birthdays either."

Because then you realize how old you already are? 

Yes. I'm 51 now. I used to think it's over at 50. Since then, the expiration date of rock'n'rollers has moved extremely backwards. Unfortunately, it's just that rock music is dead. The rebellion is no longer in guitar music today, but in the language.  In this respect, it is good that a few older people keep up the rock music".

You used to be a wrestler and you looked very fit. Do you feel the age?

"Who does not feel that? I do sports five times a week, one hour each, only on weekends. The full program: running, swimming, cycling, gymnastics. On tour also yoga. I need a long morning to wake up.  The sport helps me with that."

Do you live well in general?

"I am an addict. I have managed that alcohol never becomes an issue for me, also because I do not like it and when I drink some, I always start embracing people, which I later feel embarrassed about.  In the diet I try to pay attention to certain things, for example to eat little sugar.  But I'm also someone who likes to relax and try things out."

Till Lindemann sings the song "Let's Go" with you on your album "A Million Degrees". Interesting to hear him in a different context than Rammstein.

"The song is already very old, originally Till and I had written it for the first Emigrate album over ten years ago. It is about our friendship, about the feeling we had at the time of the reunification and before that. "Let's Go" is a chapter of our story."

You have next to your seven-year-old daughter Maxime, two grown children. How are you as a father?

"To be a father again in my mid-40s is quite different from when I was 23, which was relatively early.  You always make mistakes, but today I have a much greater peace and enjoy the time I spend with my daughter."

Are you still together with Maxime's mother Margaux Bossieux, who also sings on "A Million Degrees"?

No. I am not the classic family man. I have three children of three women. I think I'm too polygamous for a long relationship.  Incidentally, my adult daughter also lives here in the house.

You bought this apartment building in Prenzlauer Berg years ago, after you came back from New York, and you not only put a penthouse dream apartment on top of it, but also created your studio here. Did you settle down in Berlin right now?

"I always had a difficult relationship with Berlin, and I still have. I always found the city very elitist and cool.  It was hard for me to get along here. Now it opens a bit, and I would not know where else I could live in Germany.  But it was not love at first sight"

What bothers you about the city?

"Berlin is a very destructive city. Drugs have always been a big topic here. This desire to destroy has, as I said, an attraction, but you have to be a little careful."

Is New York so different?

"New York has a clearer, more brutal energy that has always fascinated me. The city is "in your face".  I came back to Berlin when my daughter was born, and the stereotype is right: if there's a place in the city where children can grow up well, then it's Prenzlauer Berg.  I have never seen as many playgrounds as here in PB."

(About the person)

Richard Kruspe, 51, is the guitarist of Rammstein and frontman of Emigrate. He grew up in Brandenburg and moved shortly before the turn to East Berlin. He also returned there after working in West Berlin and New York.  Kruspe has three children, the first comes from a relationship with the ex-wife of Till Lindemann.

[xfulldreamerx]

About SKAM PERÚ: Peru’s school system

The word “school” is used in a lot of places around the world to refer both to actual school and then college. Here, we just use it for actual school, as college is very different and we kind of separate the experiences.

School, in Spanish, is COLEGIO. We sometimes shorten it to “cole”.

College, in Spanish, is UNIVERSIDAD. We shorten it to “U”, that is just the first letter of the word, really. It’s like a slang.

Skam Perú will take place in the first year of college of the characters. I think this decision was made because we mostly enter college at 17, which is a year earlier than in a lot of places. That means the characters are still teenagers. Skam OG took place when the squads entered high school at 15, which here wouldn’t work because we start Secondary School a lot earlier. Plus, being a newbie at college serves the purpose of no friends to Eva, and I think they will play it this way: the Eva, Jonas, Isak, Ingrid and Sara characters went all to the same Secondary School and then chose to go to the same college, following their best interests. Same as the OG, just different stages of life. 

By the way, there’s a slang word here used for new students, “cachimbo”, which means newbie at college. This slang is said by older students and people in general, sometimes in a despective way. It applies to all students fresh out of school, or that are in their first year in their career. 

How does it work?

Officially, school starts when you’re 3 years old, and it’s obligatory until you’ve finished Secondary School. There are three stages in the obligatory school system of Peru:

Inicial (Kindergarten, preschool): From age 3 to 6

Age 3-4: Beginners

Age 4-5: Pre-kinder

Age 5-6: Kinder

Primaria (Primary School): From age 6 to 12

Age 6-7: First grade

Age 7-8: Second grade

Age 8-9: Third grade

Age 9-10: Fourth grade

Age 10-11: Fifth grade

Age 11-12: Sixth grade

Secundaria (Secondary School): From age 12 to 17

Age 12-13: First year (Seventh grade)

Age 13-14: Second year (Eighth grade)

Age 14-15: Third year (Ninth grade)

Age 15-16: Fourth year (Tenth grade)

Age 16-17: Fifth year (Eleventh grade)

Then we have, of course, college. La universidad. College lasts five years here, for most careers, at least. Majors are just that, careers. Minors don’t exist, just specializations. Sometimes, careers will last six or seven years (like Psychology or Human Medicine, respectively).

Due to centralization (around one particular city), all good colleges are considered to be located in Lima, the capital city of Peru. This statement is actually - and sadly - true. Let me make a comparison with the US: it’s true that there are some remarkable colleges there (the Ivy League ones, for example), but you don’t have to study in one of them in order to get proper and good education, an education who will be recognized and accepted everywhere in the world. However, centralization in Peru has made all the good colleges take a place in Lima, with some other venues in other cities that are also considered important. These other venues are very few, and colleges in small cities are mostly public ones.

Is there a difference between public and private schools?

Yes, there is, and a huge one.

The public school system straight-up sucks. Peru is one of the worst countries regarding education in all Latin America. We are one of the countries that invests the least in education, period. Public schools are old, have horrible infrastructure, few teachers and are generally bad managed - the little budget they have access to has all to do with it. For that reason, public schools are always the last options for families to put their children into. Just families who can’t afford to pay for private schools are the ones who send their children to public schools. An exception is perhaps when one of the parents went to a good public school (there are very few), and want to send their children there as well despite not knowing the current situation of said school.

Now, private schools here are for the middle and high classes. Informally, you could say that there are two types of private schools: 

First, the ones almost everyone in the middle-class spectrum can afford, which go from school chains to religious schools or independent schools.

Second, the exclusive ones, super expensive and elitist, afforded just by rich families. These private schools have an international level, but they mostly serve the high class. That is, almost any of the population access to them, because we’re mostly middle class or downright poor.

Private schools are the goal of every family for their children. There are lots of them, owned by huge companies or churches or some investor who sees in a school a good income.

The only good public schools in the country are the COARs, Colegios de Alto Rendimiento. High-Performance Schools, where only students with the best grades and low incomes can get into.

All that I just wrote applies to college. Public colleges have a little more of status, because of their history, but private colleges are a huge thing and usually more valued. If you get into a public college, you might be taken in a good account, if the college itself is prestigious. For example, here in Peru, we have Universidad Nacional Mayor de San Marcos. National University of San Marcos (Saint Mark). It is the most ancient university in all the continent of America (yes, including the US). This college is so prestigious that a lot of people want to get in it, so it’s very hard to do so, and you are very well considered once you make it there. The side effect is that San Marcos, as a public college, has often hiatuses in the middle of terms because of protests and inner conflicts due to bad managing and the teacher’s low salary. 

A private college that is considered one the bests here is Pontificia Universidad Católica del Perú. Pontifical Catholic University of Peru. If you manage to enter there, you are praised, because, again, it’s really difficult and very prestigious. The difference is in the quality of the education, the benefits you obtain as a student (in this college, a lot), and that, well, La Católica doesn’t really interrupt its classes all of a sudden. This college is known for its efficiency and is preferred over the public ones. Actually, a lot of private colleges are preferred over public ones. For example, just people who can’t afford a good private college would try to enter San Marcos, despite San Marcos being so renowned. Oh, and of course there are some very bad private colleges, as there also are very bad private schools. 

Side note: San Marcos has some careers, like Philosophy and Literature, that only La Católica has as well. If you can afford to go to La Católica, you will probably go there instead of San Marcos, because, again, getting into San Marcos is hard, despite those careers being well-taught there.

What is considered a school year in Peru?

First, this: Seasons in South America are different.

Summer: From December to March

Fall: From March to June

Winter: From June to September

Spring: From September to December

Based on that, a school and college year is also different. Here, classes start in March, which is near the end of the summer and the beginning of fall. Likewise, classes end no later than in December (unless there’s some extraordinary reason to drag them until January). This way, we have summer to enjoy, like all around the world.

School is divided into terms that depend on the schools themselves: they could use bimesters or trimesters. A lot of schools use bimesters now because they stick better to the national curriculum. These bimesters would be: 

March-May

May-July

August-October  

October-December

They don’t have to strictly last two months, just close to it. The reason the third bimester starts in August is because there’s an obligatory holiday period of two weeks at the end of July that, of course, finishes in August.

Colleges use “ciclos”, which literally means “cycles”, in English - they are translated better just to the word “terms”, which encapsulates a time period that goes from three months and a half to five. First term starts in March and ends in June/July. Second term starts in July/August and ends in December (this is really subjected to the college itself).  Each term is divided into halves:

The first half ends with mid-term exams, which in Spanish are “parciales”.

Second half ends with finals, which in Spanish are “finales”. 

IMPORTANT: Not all midterms and finals are actual exams - some of them are projects that depend on the subject. 

The school year begins and ends within the same actual year, so we are already free for Christmas and New Year. 

There’s a law that dictates what age you have to be to enter a grade/year. It gives you until March of the current year to reach that age, or you will have to enter the grade/year before the one you “should” be. For example, if I wanted to enter preschool, I would have to be already 3 years old by the time classes start in March, and if I’m not 3 yet, I have to be within that same month. If my birth day is in April or in a month past March, then I can’t enter preschool until the next year. Same aplies to Primary and Secondary School. That’s the reason you will find someone in, I don’t know, third year who enters with 14 years of age, but that finish that year with 15, because their birthday is on November. That’s also why a lot of sutdents finish fifth year with 17 and not 16 - you start with an age, and finish with another. People whose birthday are on summer don’t have this problem. 

How are the schedules?

Here, I’ll just talk about Primary and Secondary School, because both have the same schedule inside the school entity you belong to.

Classes begin no later than 8am. Gates open at seven, and you have to be in your classroom before the bell rings, which usually between 7:30am and 7:45am. If a student arrives at school after the bell rang, it is considered “late”, and you get admonished.

Classes end in the afternoon - usually, between 2pm and 4pm. Most of schools end in the range from 2:30pm to 3pm. This is really inconsistent, as all schools have different rules. 

IMPORTANT: Public schools begin and end at the same all around the country (There are special cases). It’s private schools who vary from one another.

Colleges’ schedules are the same as all over the world. Classes are dictated through the day, and you have to craft your schedule following your best interests. That said, some colleges make the schedules themselves, and students have to follow them. A special case in some colleges is when they give the new students the schedule for the first term they will have there, but then the students are responsible for their schedules for the rest of the other terms. 

What’s the big difference between school and college?

In the US and some European countries, obligatory school time includes high school. High schools are crafted like colleges. Yes, everyone goes to school at the same time, but you choose the classes you are into (according to your interests and possible future career), and you share each one of them with different people, besides the fact that every class takes place in a different classroom. Colleges have almost the same system.

In Peru, it’s not that way. Secondary School is done in five years, as stated previously in this post. Those five years, it is like this:

1. Everyone in your year takes the same classes. 

In private schools, the subjects vary: some of them can have just seven subjects, and some of them up to fourteen. 

In public schools, the subjects are the same in all the country (unless there are exceptions).

2. One year can be divided into sections, which depend on the maximum capacity per classroom. For example, if the capacity per classroom in a school is 30 students, and the Fifth Year has 58 students, the first 30 make a section, and the other 28, another one. Sections are often named by the letters of the alphabet, starting by the A. Public schools tend to have a lot of sections, meaning they are very crowded.

3. Classes happen all in the same classroom. Said class is your year and your section put together. For example, if you are a fifth year of section B, your class is 5to “B” (5th B). This is the only class and classroom you belong to, alongside all the classmates who are in the same year and section as you. All your classes will be dictated in said classroom.

4. Of course, this means the schedule is the same for everyone in your classroom, as you all share the same classes. 

5. There are different teachers for each subject (there are cases where a teacher can dictate more than one class, though). Teachers enter and leave the classroom according to the schedule of the class they dictate.

6. Your classmates are always the same. This is a bit duh. You reach Prom with them and share space and experiences with them every single day, which creates, involuntarily, a stronger bond. That said, not all classmates are friends. You have your group of friends, but you also know everyone else and will interact with them at some point while you’re in school.

7. Your class has a tutor. This role is performed by a teacher, who is specialized in a subject, and who will probably also teach you said subject. The tutor’s responsibility is to assure you’re doing good, that there is a good environment, and to guide you through it all by helping you when necessary. The tutor changes every year, though sometimes a class might keep its tutor if the school allows it. A tutor can become the worst nightmare of the class, or the most beloved teacher they’ll ever have.

8. You’re obligated to have one notebook per subject (sometimes this changes to a folder). When the teacher writes on the board, you have to write it in said notebook as well. Taking notes about what they say is optional, but all they write has to be in your notebook, and the same goes for everything they tell you to write apart from the stuff that is on the board.

All that I just explained applies from the third grade of Primary School and so on. First and second grade is almost the same, the difference being that just one teacher (usually a woman) teaches you all the subjects (and that you’re not allowed to write with a pen, just with a pencil). 

Colleges follow the “liberal path”, you could say. School obligates you to use uniforms, both public and private ones. College allows you to use normal clothes. I already explained that the schedule is mostly up to the student. 

Now, campuses are another thing. Almost none of the colleges in Lima have huge campuses that include shops and cafés and apartment buildings. Here, college campuses are in the middle of the city, and just have classrooms and other facilities that benefit the students. For example, I go to Universidad Peruana de Ciencias Aplicadas (UPC, Peruvian University of Applied Sciences). This college is located in a principal avenue in San Miguel district, in Lima. It consists of four buildings and some outdoor spaces, and is next to a market and an electro domestics store. The property is limited to the buildings and the outdoor spaces, nothing more. Some colleges are bigger, of course, but very few of them have property attached to them that is not strictly for study or related purposes. 

Also, college might have more than one campus in the same city, Lima. Each campus might hold different faculties, or the same ones if their sole purpose is to be near more students. Retaking my college example, UPC has four campuses in Lima, in different districts. My career is dictated in the four of them, but this is not always the case, like with Education, which is dictated in just one of the campuses. 

I will share more details about college life in a post dedicated to it, if you want me to. I’ve focused more in actual school because it will probably be a huge part of the background, mentioned a lot, and being so different from the rest of the world might make difficult to understand references and the characters adapting to it, which, as you’ve read, is a whole new world.

If you have doubts or you didn’t get something, tell me, and I’ll do my best to help!

[mysticsparklewings]

I keep promising to attempt to return to regular posting and then not really doing it, don't I? XP Well, hopefully this time I mean it. I do want to. And whether you guys can tell or not, I have made some behind-the-scenes strides towards being able to. One of the things pushing me this time though is I'm mad at myself that I neglected to post really anything substantial in March, which is going to mess up how I end up filling out this year's Art Summary in December/January time. That probably sounds like a silly thing to be worried about, but...I don't know. I like having at least one thing to show per month that shows what I did during the year. It's like a super-extended checklist of, "Yeah, I did something that month!" Anyway. I thought maybe posting something like this--A bit more than my usual WIP Wednesday of empty promises--would help hold me more accountable...and now you can also see I'm not kidding when I say I have a backlog of stuff I haven't posted yet. XD Some of my be familiar, some of it I've mentioned once or twice before, some of it is totally new to you guys...and some of it was technically "backlog" even before my unintentional off-again on-again hiatus. But I've blurred the names since some of the titles aren't finalized and a few I'd like to keep as a tiny bit of a surprise. ;) As for the WIP Side, technically most of what you see is also backlog now, but it hasn't been scanned in yet, so I'm withholding "backlog" status until then. Still, you can see I have finally finished the Art Snacks piece I've shown actually WIPs for twice now, a funny little cat drawing I've said nothing about, the PRINTED PROOF FOR THE NAPOWRIMO BOOK! :D, and underneath all that is the planner I set up to...help me keep track while playing catch in Animal Crossing. Yes, part of my absence initially included not playing AC:NH since mid-November, and then more recently was because of me trying to catch up in-game between when I stopped playing and the present day. Now, the NaPo Book is probably the most exciting thing for obvious reasons. And while I don't want to drag out the details too much here (I fully intend on doing a separate post about that), I will say that I now understand A. Why there's usually a whole team of people behind making a book and not just one person; and B. Why we order proof copies before putting the thing up for sale. Because somehow a handful of mistakes made it past me and at least three other people I had look at the book before ordering the proof. XP   Something also kind of exciting is I do have a small assortment of supplies that I'm almost done swatching (which yes I have totally been procrastinating on) and will then need testing, which means viable excuses to make yet more art to add to the pile!   Of course, then the problem becomes getting myself to sit down and write out all the descriptions for said art. I know technically I don't have to, but I like having that written record of what I did most of the time--because I do revisit my old descriptions sometimes to replicate the process for a new piece--and I personally don't like how some artists make these big elaborate pieces and then have nothing to say about how they made it other than how long it took. To me, there's something humanizing about explaining the process, so to just skip it altogether would just feel wrong to me. Although considering how not wanting to physically put in the effort to do that has held me back, I may experiment with not going into quite as much detail or otherwise trying to streamline my process a bit. (And admittedly some pieces have been in my backlog so long I don't fully remember all the details...which is exactly why I try very hard to get the descriptions done sooner rather than later.) And you know, in some ways it may look or feel like I'm constantly playing catch-up in one way or another, but I've realized that when I really get in the mood to sit down and dedicate time to something, sometimes I actually like having a looming pile staring at me. Part of the reason I hadn't played AC in so long was I was a bit burnout and kinda bored with it, but having so much to do to catch up really reignited that fire in me. The game felt like it had purpose again. While we're on realizations, I probably don't have to tell a lot of you that I'm still in the camp that a lot of my life and my mental health is just better and more enjoyable when social media is not in it. Extra so for Twitter, in particular. Do you know how much nicer it is to only have to check my very small list of "favorites" to see what they're up to, which takes about 5, maybe 10 minutes at a time, and not feel like I owe it to any of them to interact with their tweets? [Because most of them are too big to even notice me anyway, but I digress] That is SO much better than the endless home feed scrolling of hundreds of people, lots of whom I don't even follow they just show up because people I follow, follow them (which I want to turn all the way off so badly but I can't because that's not how Twitter works) and half of which is content I. Could Not. Possibly. Care less about.   I like Twitter for news on content creators that can't easily post a small status update to Youtube or whatever. I DO NOT like Twitter for Social Media. AT ALL. Seriously. I opened myself up to posting pictures of my cats over there, and it's STILL not enough to keep me posting and engaging regularly. That's how bad it is. Ahem. My little rant aside, I have thus decided since the Twitter Game™ does more harm than good to me, in general I'm just not going to play it anymore. I'll post my art over there and other stuff when I feel like it, but otherwise, I'm just captial-D Done With It until further notice. It's just better that way. Speaking of games, you may all be surprised to know I've been chipping away at a little video project [about a game] while all this has been going on, too. The NaPo Book comes first, but I'm hoping to have some serious headway on the video done, if not have it finished, by mid-June/July. I've mostly been bouncing around various software trying to find one that can do everything I need on a budget of exactly $0, and the good news is I think I've finally landed on one...which I'll spare you the details of for now. Once the video is closer to being a reality, then we'll delve more into that. So...yeah, that's what's been cooking in the metaphorical Mystic Kitchen. And I tell you guys all of this to 1. Hopefully be the first of that "regular posting" I want to do (still looking at once a week, which I've said probably 500 times before now), and 2. Putting it out there, as I alluded to before, will hopefully be like me signing a contract with myself. "You said you were going to do the thing, so do it." And with that, I suppose I should end this here since this description is surely long enough already, and get back to work on some of that stuff so I'll be more likely to follow through with it, yeah? ;) See you soon, I hope 

[heyyouwiththeassbutt]

The Christmas Gift (Part 1)

Summary - Christmas with your super-soldier friends had become a tradition. Until one of them can't make it and everything changes, thanks to an early Christmas present. Part 1 of 2.

Pairing - Steve Roger x Reader

Warning - Major smut in future chapter and just a little bit in this chapter. Dubious consent (kinda sorta sex pollen??). Cursing. If I’ve missed anything, please let me know!

Word Count - 3,536

A/N - Part one of my two-part Christmas fic challenge. All mistakes are my own. Feedback is greatly needed and appreciated.

-----------

December 24th, 2019

10:21

"This had better be important." You huffed out, the grave tone of your voice more than a hint that you had been deep in sleep before your phone had begun to ring. The laugh on the other end of the phone had been far too bright and airy for this early in the morning. "Just calling to let you know I've landed, Doll. Grabbing a cab and should be there within half an hour." Steve's words bounced around your head for a few seconds before you sighed and pushed yourself into an upright position on your far too comfortable bed.  For the last four years, you had welcomed the famous Steve Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes into your home for Christmas. It had been an offhanded comment about how you spent Christmas by yourself since you couldn't get the time off work to travel home to your folks, but you were more than happy when you opened your front door that first Christmas Eve to see your two closest friends, arms filled with bags of Christmas food and gifts.  You were a lowly techie within the Stark tower, but after crossing paths with the boys only a few times, they'd taken you under their wings and your friendship with them became one of the most important things in your life. Throwing on a t-shirt and a pair of comfy shorts, you listened as Steve told you about their most recent mission, how he had worried it was going to last over the Christmas period, and how Sam had threatened to murder Bucky twice, just for being Bucky. "I'll talk to him when you get here, he needs to learn how to talk to Sam like a regular human." You laughed softly as you left your room and headed for the kitchen to throw on a pot of coffee.  Silence greeted you at the end of the line. "Stevie? Have I lost you?"  "No... I'm still here. Did Buck not tell you?"  "Tell me what?" "He's, ah, he's not coming this year." 

10:59 Steve was leaning against your kitchen counter, sipping on a cup of coffee as you angrily paced back and forth. It wasn't even that he wasn't coming that had bothered you, it was that he hadn't even told you. "It's just downright rude. I bought a turkey! And that bread sauce he likes!" You groaned out, sitting at the kitchen island, a pout on your lips.  Steve nodded, a small smile on his face as he looked up from his coffee cup, "If it makes you feel better, I like bread sauce too."  You rolled your eyes, but a smile settled on your face. At least Steve was still there. You'd make sure to text Bucky your annoyance later, but for now, you focused on the fact your friend was here for the first time in months.  Things had been crazy for a long time, between Steve and Buckys missions and the new project Tony had you working on, you'd missed far too many of your usual catch-up coffees and late-night movie marathons with your friends. It was almost a sense of relief that flooded you at having your friend back. You hopped down from the chair and walked over to him, a grin on your face, "What ya get me for Christmas?"  Steves smile faded and he shook his head, pointing a finger at you accusingly, "No. You do this every year, I'm keeping it a secret until tomorrow."  Your pout returned as you wrapped your arms around his waist, his large hand resting on your hip and your chin resting on his chest, looking up at him through your lashes, "Please Stevie? You know I hate waiting..."  There was a long pause where neither of you spoke, just looking at each other. Steve stood still, one hand clutching the coffee cup, the other frozen on your hip. You peered up at him questioningly before he seemed to pull himself out of whatever he had been thinking of and cleared his throat, removing his hand from you and setting down the coffee cup. He moved out of your reach as he muttered that he needed the bathroom, vanishing down the hallway. You stared after him. That was new. 

14:33 Elf was playing on the TV as you and Steve relaxed on the couch, him laying halfway across it as you lay with your legs across his.  This morning's weirdness had faded, but it still stuck in your mind. You had always been affectionate with the boys, and them you. It wouldn't have been unusual to find the three of you cuddling in your bed after they failed to get you out of bed on one of their visits, you pulling them down onto the comfy mattress until you all found yourselves drifting back to sleep.  It had become normal for you to hug each other for extended periods after a long, stressful day when you just needed the touch of another person.  Steves odd behavior this morning had confused you. It probably didn't seem that strange to anyone else, but you couldn't get past the knowledge that if you'd done the same thing when Bucky was there, Steve would have probably grabbed you into a hug, trapping your arms as Bucky snuck up behind you, tickling you until you were squealing and relenting that your gift could stay a surprise.  You had missed most of the movie as your brain worked a mile a minute. Maybe Bucky was the reason it had been weird. Steve was a gentleman. It was possible he didn't think it right to be showing you that effection when the two of you were alone. Come to think of it, you couldn't really remember a time when you and Steve had spent much time together alone.  A small squeeze on your ankle brought you back to the present, your gaze shot to Steve as you blinked slowly.  He was watching you with a smile on his face, "I asked if you wanted lunch, Doll." You hadn't realized how hungry you were until he said it, having only had a slice of buttered toast this morning.  "Food sounds good, I have lasagne in the fridge, made it special." You grinned as you swung your legs off the couch and made your way to the kitchen. Steve paused the movie and followed you, him lifting plates out of the cupboard as you switched on the oven to reheat the food.  You fell into your familiar pattern, talking about nothing in particular as you grated extra cheese for the top of the lasagna and Steve started on the salad. By the time the oven had pre-heated and the dish was in, you were in the middle of a light-hearted debate about why Bucky had canceled on your Christmas tradition. It reminded you that you still hadn't texted him and you grabbed your phone from where you had abandoned it on the kitchen counter earlier. You lent over the counter, your elbows braced on it as you began to type a seething text message. You were vaguely aware that Steve stood behind you, reading over your shoulder as you crafted your message. Hello Bucky, if that even is your real name. I don't feel that I even know you anymore. Not only did you not let me know you wouldn't be coming this year, but you also didn't tell Stevie that you hadn't told me. I'm not mad, Bucky. I'm just disappointed. P.S. Steve is utterly devastated to be without you, and has a notion that you have in fact canceled as you are so in love with him that you cannot stand to be with him another holiday without letting your true feelings be known, but it is fine, as we all know you wanna fuc- Steve grabbed the phone from your hands as you dissolved into giggles. He held you tight by the waist as he began to delete the message, you struggling in his arms as you attempt to reach for the phone. "Don't delete it, please, it's my masterpiece! He needs to know, Stevie!" You were still laughing as you struggled against him, your back pressed tightly to his body as he held the phone out of your reach, a grin on his face.  He deleted the message and looked down at you, redness on your cheeks from your fit of laughter and the strain of attempting to free yourself from his grip. He froze again. You almost tumbled to the ground as he released you, turning to check on the lasagna and leaving you unsteady on your feet as you stared at his back. 

19:12 Your phone buzzed as you received a text. As per your tradition, you were mid-way through putting the last of the decorations on the tree. Your tree had been up from the 15th, but you had only put the lights on, leaving the decorations until you were all together.  "Could you see who that is?" You called over to Steve, who stood by the fireplace, fastening the golden tinsel to the mantel.  He lifted your phone from the table in front of him and laughed softly before he read it aloud, "Sorry to miss Christmas, babe, duty calls. Steve has a present from me in his bag, you can open it whenever you want. Love, Buck."  You rolled your eyes, then jumped up and rushed over to Steve, your eyes bright, "So I do get to find out what my present is?"  Steve shrugged as he headed towards the hallway where he'd left his things, "I didn't know he'd put anything in my bag."  "Some super-soldier you are." You joked as you followed after him.  After a few minutes of Steve looking through his bags, he pulls out a small, box. He hands it over to you and you smile smugly before the smile fades and you bite your lip. "What if its a trick and he's going to shout at me for opening it before Christmas?"  "I won't tell if you won't." Steve laughed, his eyes on the present, as curious as you are.  You shrug and pull open the lid, pausing as you look at the sachet inside, labeled in Buckys' handwriting, 'Super special hot chocolate for my super special best friends'. You laughed softly and showed Steve what was inside the box. He lifts it out, an eyebrow raised as he reads it. He lifts out a second sachet that you hadn't seen, this one filled with mini marshmallows. The three of you always had hot chocolate on Christmas Eve, but you did find it slightly odd that this was what he'd given you. Shaking off the strange feeling, you put the sachets in the kitchen, sending off a quick thank you message along with a few confused emojis to Bucky before you went back to decorating the tree.

22:35 Throwing the empty Chinese takeaway containers into the trash, you stretched your hands above your head, your back making a satisfying cracking noise after several hours of laying awkwardly on the couch watching movies with Steve. Your gaze fell on the sachets on the kitchen counter and you smiled softly.  "Wanna see if this hot chocolate is poisoned?" You called to Steve as you pulled the milk and whipped cream from the fridge.  He answered in an affirmative grunt which made you laugh. You were pretty sure your laziness was rubbing off on him. Three minutes later, you handed him his mug, adorned with whipped cream, marshmallows and a drizzle of chocolate sauce you'd remembered at the last second. He smiled up at you as he took it, settling his free hand on your lower leg as you once again stretched your legs across his.  Falling into a comfortable silence, you took a drink of the hot chocolate and went back to watching whatever movie Steve had put on.

23:07 You felt weird. It wasn't a bad feeling, just... strange.  Peering down at your empty mug, you couldn't stop a hint of worry from creeping into your mind.  The thought wouldn't leave you as you tried your hardest to focus on the movie. It only lasted a few minutes, before you couldn't stand it and leaned over to the coffee table and lifting your phone. Quickly tapping to call Bucky, you became aware of Steve's hand running gently up and down your bare leg.  "Opened your present yet?" Bucky's voice in your ear pulled you back from a sudden, wandering thought that had thrown your mind into overdrive.  Clearing your throat, you tried to keep your tone even, "Yeah, we just drank it... Thank you. So, um, what made it so 'Super Special'?"  Steve made eye contact with you as Bucky laughed. You knew from how close he was, Steve would have been able to hear him even without his super hearing. "Just a little something I picked up on a mission. Did you like it?" "It was nice. What kind of something?" The hand Steve was running up and down your leg was extremely distracting, so much so that you had to ask Bucky to repeat what he'd said. He laughed again and you could hear the smirk in his voice, "You'll find out soon enough, Babe. Happy Christmas."  Just like that, the line went dead and you found yourself staring at the darkened screen. You looked at Steve and shrugged, setting your phone back on the coffee table as you tried to put your attention back to the television. His hand was warm on your lower thigh as Steve turned his gaze back to the movie. You felt him shift slightly, straightening a little bit as his other hand came to one of your socked feet, gently massaging the sole of your foot. Steve had given you a foot rub before. It had been nice, relaxing. This time felt less relaxing and you felt your cheeks heat up as his thumb dragged gently across the skin of your thigh.  You stayed that way for a few minutes, almost stuck still as your eyes wandered to his hand. Trying to keep your breath even, you made eye contact with him.  His gaze was searing, the blue of his eyes almost hidden by the deep black of his pupils.  Within seconds, he had pulled you onto him, straddling his thick thighs as your breath caught in your throat. You wondered as he looked up at you if your pupils were as blown as his.  You didn't have much time to think about it as his hand went to the back of your neck, pulling you down into a searing kiss.  Body pressed tightly against his, your hands landed on his shoulders, pulling him somehow even closer. His hand on your neck gripped tighter as his other arm wrapped around your waist, keeping you in place.  The kiss deepened, your body alight as his tongue brushed across your lips, seeking permission. You weren't ashamed to say you moaned as you allowed him access, your tounges battling for dominance and if it didn't feel so good, you might have relented to him.  You ground yourself down on him, your body working of its own accord as he let out a hiss, breaking the kiss and dropping his head to pant across your throat, dropping kisses and sucking on the skin there as he did.  Small gasps left your lips as you continued to grind against him. He was hard and ready pressed against your core through his jeans and your shorts.  You whimpered as he pulled away from your neck, annoyance on your face as his hand on your waist gripped you harder, stilling your movements.  Guilt washed across his face as his forehead lent against yours, his eyes still blown black and his lips swollen from your kiss.  Leaning in to catch those full lips again, he made a noise deep in his throat as he kissed you back, softer than the first time. It was over too quickly as he pulled away,  "Stevie, please." You could hear the whine in your voice as you begged. You peppered kisses across his cheeks, his jaw, his neck, all while he stayed silent, his eyes closed tightly as he seemed to be having an internal battle with himself. His hand came up to your cheek, pushing you just far enough away that he could look into your eyes. "You don't want this, Doll. Bucky put something in the hot chocolate. You aren't... We aren't ourselves right now." The words wouldn't register in your brain. You didn't understand. Your gaze dropped to his chest as you bit your lip.  "Do you not want me, Steve?"  He growled again, low and frustrated, "You know I do. I want you so badly. But you aren't thinking straight."  "I am thinking straight, I want you," you argued, tears threatening to spill onto your cheeks as you were met with a furious wave of rejection, "I'll be so good for you, Steve, I promise." Steve's hand on your waist tightened as he threw his head back, looking to the ceiling and blowing out a long breath. You could tell he was fighting his want, and you used it to your advantage and you rolled your hips on him again.  All at once, you were lifted off of him and set on the sofa as Steve stood. Steve was pacing across the room, his hands running through his blonde hair as his t-shirt lifted just enough to catch a glimpse of the deep V of his stomach. Your mouth watered, even more so when you saw the pronounced bulge in his jeans.   Staying silent, you sat there, watching him, waiting for him to make up your mind, but there was a voice in your head telling you how much you needed him that was quickly taking over all other thought.  Stilling, Steve looked at you as he pulled his mobile from the back pocket of his jeans. You didn't need to see the screen to know who he was dialing as he lifted the phone to his ear. 

23:49 Steve had been out of the room for at least 10 minutes, and you were fighting the overwhelming desire to seek him out. 

You sat on the couch, your kneeling with your feet under you as you had been when he left, you hadn't moved an inch.

The ache between your legs was more than uncomfortable and you knew if he didn't come back soon there was a very real possibility that he'd come back to you with your fingers rubbing at your swollen clit. 

As your will power was starting to fade even more so, he marched into the room, his face unreadable as he stopped not even a foot in front of you. 

You longed to reach out and touch him but he held a hand out to stop you as if he could read your thoughts.

"I spoke to Bucky." You nod in understanding, focused on the curve of his plush lips.

"He said that it's temporary, it'll be gone by morning." He continued. "What does it do?" Your voice shook slightly as Steve stood above you. So close, but you knew if you reached out he wouldn't let you touch him. An exasperated sigh left him as he ran his hand through his hair, "It doesn't matter. He's not even 100% certain." 

Tilting your head, you read the lie on his face. You'd gotten good at telling when Steve was lying, having learned his tell after many evenings of Poker with your boys.  He looked down at you and knew he was caught, your eyebrow raised as you said nothing, but continued to stare him down.  "He said... It was a desire thing. Unlocks... something or allows something. It was hard to focus on what he was saying."  Looking at the bulge still prominent in his jeans in front of you, you fought the urge to smirk. Yeah, you were sure it was hard.  "Is that enough proof?" You said slowly, now pulling yourself up to stand in the small space in front of him. He made no attempt to move back and for the first time, you thought about how he must be feeling the same way that you did. But he had stopped it. What a gentleman.  "Proof?" He swallowed. "If it... unlocks or allows... something... It has to be something you feel already, right? Is that not enough proof I desire you, Stevie?"  The resolve on his face was slowly dissolving as he looked down at you.  "I want you, Stevie. Please."  Just like that, his hands were on your ass as he lifted you into his arms, your arms and legs wrapping around him as you crashed your lips to each others.  You were vaguely aware Steve was walking, the two of you somewhere, but you honestly didn't care where so long as his lips stayed on yours.

[kyleknight]

Apples and Cloves

October Writing Challenge Day 3 project: midnight verse (that nickle au I wrote last year) content: kyle knight/nick jonas, december’s tragedy au warnings: none, it’s just soft nickle :3 an: I have so many nickle aus now but this one is still one of my absolute favorites. I love it so much.

Every time Kyle calls Nick, he gets butterflies in his chest. The good kind of butterflies— the ones that flit around his heart with nerves and excitement and glee upon hearing Nick’s soft “hey Kyle” greeting. 

It’s been over a month since… since Halloween. Since everything happened with Midnight and despite all that, Nick still asked to date Kyle. Things have been good, but a bit crazy. A lot has happened all at once. Alexis became Brandon’s official replacement, Kyle wrote a ton of new songs, and Steve paid for a few days of studio time so they could speed-record the album. It’s good. Kyle is really proud of it.

Today, the band, plus Awsten and Jawn, are in the middle of filming a video for Soap Bubbles and Birthday Wishes. Right now, they’re taking a brief break for lunch. Asher and Scott left a few minutes ago to pick up tacos and burritos from Taco Wiz. Alexis and Otto are messing with the mannequin that Awsten acquired for the video shoot. Awsten and Jawn are on Awsten’s laptop, fussing with what they’ve filmed so far. 

Kyle has moved himself outside of the house they’re using. He sips at a thermos of apple cider— lukewarm now— and waits for the call to connect. Nick is in London right now, but he sent Kyle his schedule in case Kyle wanted to call. Kyle did the time zone conversions three times to make sure he wouldn’t be calling at a bad time.

Nick answers. The screen fills with his beautiful face, and Kyle’s butterflies expand in his chest. He’s so beautiful, Kyle forgets to say hi for a second.

“You look good today, Kyle,” Nick says. 

He looks good? He’s just wearing what he always wears. Plus a little bit of makeup for the camera. Kyle flounders at the compliment. “Thanks. Uh, you look really good too. How was the interview?”

Nick shrugs. It looks like he’s in a hotel room, so Kyle must have gotten the timing just right. “Not all that great. Old people talking down to us, not asking anything new. You know, same as every other interview. How’s the video coming?”

Kyle smiles and settles more comfortably against the porch of the house. “Probably not as exciting as any of your video shoots. It’s kind of funny, I guess. Awsten borrowed this mannequin from one of his classmates and we’re using it like its… well, okay, it’s actually going to end up being a really weird video. But I guess it’ll be memorable?”

Nick laughs at that. “What are you doing with the mannequin? Didn’t you say the song was a love song?”

“Yeah,” Kyle bites at his lip and looks to the side. “Uh…” How is he supposed to tell Nick that it’s a crushing type of long distance love song he wrote after one of their hours-long phone calls? “You’ll hear it soon, I promise. You still want to wait until we officially release the CD?”

Nick nods seriously. “It’s only another three weeks, right? I’ve got my preorder all set.”

“You preordered it?” Kyle says. “I said I was going to mail you one early!”

“Don’t worry about it,” Nick says. “I want to support you. Tell me more about the mannequin. You aren’t going to kiss it, are you? Cause I might get jealous.”

Kyle covers his face with one hand. “No… although Awsten tried to get me to do that. It’s like… ugh. Okay, so we all have these parts where it’s like we’re on little dates with it. Spending time with it. It’s so weird. Thank god we’re also going to film us playing. I think Jawn wants those clips for the chorus. I don’t know, they’re going to work on editing it once we’re done today.”

“Hmm,” Nick says. “Kyle, I can’t believe this is my life now. A mannequin gets to be your boyfriend for the day and he might even kiss you. I have to say, I’m really feeling jealous.”

“He won’t kiss me,” Kyle says, suddenly feeling bold. “You’re the only one who gets to kiss me. You know you’ve got my heart. Just you.”

Oh god that was so cheesy. Also probably too much. They’ve only really known each other for a little over a month, after all. Kyle groans and hides his face again. “Fuck, just forget that, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Nick says. “I’m glad. Glad you like me more than this mysterious mannequin.”

Kyle takes another drink from his thermos just for the sake of not spitting out even more embarrassing statements. The taste of apples and cloves is nice, and would be nicer if it was still warm. It would be nicer still if he was sharing it with Nick. Yeah, that’s exactly the kind of thing he needs to not blurt out without thinking. 

Nick lets out a soft sigh. “I miss you. I want to try and visit before you go on tour, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to get away from everything for long enough.”

Kyle holds the phone closer to his face. “It’s okay. You’ll be in LA on the 21st when we’re playing there. That’s only about a month and a half away.”

Nick’s face also comes closer to his screen, so that Kyle has a close up of his eyes and forehead and hair. “That’s too far away.”

It does feel like it’s too far away. But Kyle knows the next three weeks are going to be packed with the album release party planning, the tour preparation, making sure Asher’s van isn’t going to give out on them mid-tour, and rehearsing the songs. Alexis is a guitar goddess, and she’s working on learning lead for all of their songs, so they’ve been putting in as much extra practice as they can to help her out. It’s amazing how December’s Tragedy feels far more complete with her than it ever did with Brandon. 

Kyle offers Nick a smile. “After that, we’ll have your tour. We’ll get to see each other every day. I still can’t believe that’s happening.”

“It’s still too far away,” Nick says. “I want to see you right now. I want to be in Dove and push that sexy mannequin aside so I can kiss you instead.”

Kyle’s face heats up. Nick is probably going to flip when he hears the lyrics of Soap Bubbles and Birthday Wishes. 

“I wish I could be in London with you right now,” he says. “Did you do anything fun after the interview?”

“Not really,” Nick says. “Joe and Kevin aren’t the best company, and I was hoping my boyfriend would call me. London would be way nicer if I had you here with me.”

Kyle can’t help the probably-goofy-looking smile that spreads across his face. Unfortunately, Asher’s van pulls up to the house at that moment. Asher steps out first, squinting at Kyle. 

“Hey,” they yell. “You wanna help carry this shit in?”

“Uh,” Kyle glances down at the screen. “Nick, I’m sorry, I’ll call you back in a minute—”

“No, it’s okay, you do your thing,” Nick says. “Have fun! I’ll be excited to see the video when it’s posted. I’ll retweet it.”

“Thank you,” Kyle says. “Uh. Have a fun time in London. Talk to you later.”

He feels bad ending the call, but he doesn’t have long to feel that way. Scott puts a heavy bag of Taco Wiz goodness into his arms and walks back towards the van. Kyle inhales the unbeatable smell of cilantro, jalapeños, and taco seasoning and moans a little bit. He carefully moves the bag to one hand so he can put his phone in his hoodie pocket and pick up his thermos.

“We just got all the two-dollar menu stuff,” Asher says as they walk past Kyle into the house. “So you can fight with Otto and Awsten over the chicken burritos. The refried bean supreme ones are mine.”

“Fine with me,” Kyle says. 

Everyone starts clamoring when they realize the food has arrived. Kyle puts the bag down and manages to snatch one chicken burrito before Otto and Alexis claim the others. Awsten complains and threatens to make all of them make out with the mannequin. Otto then shows Awsten how he and Alexis have managed to remove the mannequin’s head, which is nowhere to be seen. 

Kyle sits down with his burrito and opens his phone to look at his phone background. The picture of him and Nick. In a month and a half, he’ll have the chance to take another one. It really does feel too far away. 

As they start eating, someone starts playing Soap Bubbles and Birthday Wishes again. 

Cause all I want is kisses, Soap bubbles and birthday wishes, Sleeping in and hanging out and wishing on the stars. Yeah, all I want is with you When all I do is miss you, So I'll close my eyes and blow out the candles one more time tonight.

[aethelflaedladyofmercia]

Terrors

Hey, you know what I’m not going to do for @drawlight‘s advent challenge? I’m definitely not going to write a 3,000 word fic about PTSD and night terrors!

05 - Fire (2,992 words)

The first few days after the world didn’t end, Crowley was almost a new being.

The first few days, he was relaxed, casual, unselfconscious.

The first few days – nearly a week! – Crowley took his glasses off whenever they were alone. He met Aziraphale’s eyes, he laughed, he smiled, and oh, that smile. It was the real one, the one Aziraphale had seen too rarely since Eden. Wide, toothy, a little nervous, genuine.

The first few days after the world didn’t end, Crowley seemed happy.

It was hard to notice, after that, when things changed. After all, if Crowley acted a bit more as he had for six thousand years, well, that didn’t ring any alarm bells. They were still trying to decide what level of openness they were comfortable with. Bound to be some false starts.

At the end of September – over a month after the world didn’t end – Aziraphale realized Crowley was back to wearing his glasses all the time.

By the end of October, he couldn’t remember when he’d last heard Crowley laugh, even the sarcastic chuckle the demon had been fond of.

By mid-November, the smile was gone.

By the start of December, Crowley was as tense as ever, perhaps more so, even as he sprawled across the bookshop sofa as if he’d never even heard of bones.

“Crowley, my dear, are you quite alright?” Aziraphale finally asked, looking up from the book he’d been reading.

“Nh,” Crowley helpfully responded, running his finger along the screen of his phone. “’M fine, really. Just gotta finish this level. Flash games’re one of my best inventions.” He gave a tight-lipped smile that wouldn’t have passed muster even in those August days when they’d been sure everything was about to fall apart.

“Is this one of your real inventions, or one of the ones you took credit for because you knew it would confuse Hell?”

“Don’t actually remember.” His finger zigzagged. “No the green one, the green – arg.” He tossed the phone aside. “That was my last life.”

“Sounds serious.”

“Eh. I’ll have more in about an hour.” He flopped back again, arms and legs finding a new, even more unlikely sprawl. It was almost convincing, except for the way his right foot tapped, hard enough to shake his whole leg. Except for the way his head jerked here and there, searching, searching…for what?

Aziraphale closed his book and placed it on the arm of his chair. “I suppose that means you have some time to talk.”

“Talk? Sure. I’ll talk.” Crowley suddenly sat upright. There didn’t seem to be any intermediate stage; one moment, a heap of limbs and black fabric, the next a narrow demon sitting on the edge of his seat. Aziraphale didn’t miss the way he shook his head, or the way his leg continued to bounce. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Well, I would very much like to talk about whatever has you so on edge. Although I know you’ll tell me to stop worrying.”

“Really, Angel, ’s nothing.”

Aziraphale watched for another moment, then stood up, coming over to sit next to Crowley. “It clearly isn’t ‘nothing,’ because – ” he sighed as Crowley jumped to his feet and stalked across the room.

“Really, I’m fine. I just need, I don’t know, coffee. Tea. Something.”

That sounded like the last thing he needed. “I can get you some chamomile…”

“No! No, I…” Folded his arms. Unfolded them. Paced a little more. “I can’t sleep.”

“Ah,” said Aziraphale, with as much sympathy as someone who hadn’t slept since before the invention of the horse collar could muster. “Well, I understand chamomile helps.”

“No I mean…I can’t sleep. Don’t want to. Need to stay awake.”

“Alright. I still don’t see the problem.”

“’S like…” Crowley sat down on the sofa again, hands folded in his lap, thumbs bouncing off each other. “If you suddenly decided to stop eating. Have you tried? To go without?”

“Of course. Why, just a little over a decade ago, I went an entire week without eating. I was very proud of my restraint.”

“This wouldn’t be the same week you discovered Harry Potter and didn’t move from your chair until you’d read it all, would it?” The ghost of a real smile hovered on his face.

“It doesn’t matter what my inspiration was!”

“No, but. It was only a week. Try a month. Try three months. It’s…I’ve trained my mind to want sleep. It’s not easy to quit.”

“Why quit, then? Or, perhaps ease yourself off it, instead of all at once?”

Crowley shook his head. The leg was bouncing again. “I. I don’t want to dream anymore. And I can’t figure out how to stop it. So I can’t sleep at all.”

Aziraphale had never dreamed, not that he could remember, though he’d only ever slept a handful of times. However, he’d once read a book on dreaming. Several books, actually, but the ones involving Freudian theory were unlikely to be useful in this situation.

“I believe it helps to relax first. Perhaps the amount of stress you’re feeling is causing you to dream?”

“’M not…what makes you think I’m stressed?”

Aziraphale just raised his eyebrows. Crowley scoffed and looked down at his hands. “Fine. I’m stressed because I don’t want to dream, my stress causes dreams, dreams cause stress – how do I make it all stop?” He was all but pleading.

Instead of answering, Aziraphale placed one of the worn pillows that decorated the sofa onto his lap.

“You.” He sat so still, but Aziraphale was sure his eyes were darting between the pillow, the angel’s face, back and forth. “You can’t be serious.”

“Why not? I don’t have anywhere else to be. Come now, no reason to be shy.”

Slowly, so slowly, Crowley lay his head on the pillow, face turned away from Aziraphale.

“Are you going to take those glasses off?”

“Nh.”

“I can’t imagine they’re comfortable.”

“Fine. Just. Don’t look.” Those words hurt more than he could say – since when had Crowley hidden his eyes from Aziraphale? But he waited as they were removed, folded, put away.

Crowley didn’t settle easily. His shoulders were still tense where they pressed into Aziraphale’s thigh, and he could see the stiffness in the Crowley’s back.

Not sure what to do – but wanting to do something – Aziraphale brushed his fingers through Crowley’s hair.

The reaction was instantaneous.

“NGK!” Crowley’s hand shot up, knocking Aziraphale’s fingers aside, covering his head as if he had a wound. He started to twist and look back, but apparently remembered he was hiding his eyes and turned stubbornly away again. “What…what are you doing?”

“I…I just thought…” Aziraphale took a deep breath, and carefully placed his hand on the back of the sofa, where it was in no danger of touching Crowley. “Rhythmic tactile sensations are very relaxing. I thought it might help.” When Crowley didn’t move, he added, “I won’t do it again if you don’t want me to.”

The demon’s hand lifted, slowly, slowly, and settled on the couch in front of him. “I guess it’s alright. Just to try.”

Aziraphale lowered his fingers and gently ran them through the bright red fire of Crowley’s hair. It was stiff with whatever gel he used, but the strands fell apart under a bit of pressure. Under the shell of product, it was soft. Warm. He ran his fingers through again, again, mesmerized by the feel of it.

And slowly, the shoulders relaxed, the back softened, the breath slowed. After perhaps twenty minutes, Crowley was asleep.

For the first hour, Aziraphale congratulated himself on so easily finding a solution. He wished he’d remembered to bring his book over, but he enjoyed the chance to study Crowley’s face, now untroubled in sleep, and to explore the thick red hair that was spilling across his lap. He even chuckled a little, thinking how Crowley would react when he woke up, finally rested and relaxed but his hair a disaster.

It was during the second hour that things started going wrong.

The tension came back into Crowley’s shoulders, one twitch at a time. His fingers jerked and spasmed against the sofa cushion, weakly grasping. Crowley said something, mumbled, under his breath, but it sounded pained. Scared. Panicked.

With growing alarm, Aziraphale rested a hand on Crowley’s shoulder. Should he try waking him? He wasn’t certain, but this didn’t seem right. Perhaps the demon had slept long enough. “Crowley? Are you alright?” No reaction, except that the mumbling got more frantic. “Crowley, I rather think – ”

Without warning, Crowley rolled onto his back, kicking, thrashing with his arms. “Aziraphale!” he shouted, louder than the angel would have expected. “Where the Heaven are you? Aziraphale!”

“I’m right here!” He shook Crowley’s shoulders more urgently, but the now the demon seemed to be fighting, arms going in every direction as he shouted again and again, with more urgency.

“Aziraphale! AZIRAPHALE!”

“Crowley! I’m here! CROWLEY!”

Shouting didn’t make any difference. For ten minutes, the demon thrashed and called and sobbed, then just as abruptly fell silent again. Soon after that, he was sound asleep, as if nothing had ever happened.

The angel, meanwhile, was completely shaken. He’d never heard fear like that in Crowley’s voice, not in six thousand years. And he hadn’t been able to do a thing to help. His fumbling fingers found their way back into Crowley’s hair, but it seemed too little a thing now.

The second round came an hour later.

Aziraphale thought he was prepared this time. He made soothing noises as the tension started to form in Crowley’s back, then switched to a gentle mantra of I’m here, I’m here.

It was no use – the thrashing, the shouting came back, even more intense than before. And something else.

Aziraphale had once heard that demons could project their dreams on the world around them, but Crowley had scoffed the idea, grumbling that he’d never seen anything when he’d woken up. The reason, Aziraphale was about to discover, was that it took a strong dream, and the images lasted only as long as the dream did.

As Crowley thrashed in his lap, sobbing his name, he’s gone he’s gone he’s gone the first flames began to appear around the couch.

Aziraphale slapped at them, alarmed, but it was only light – the illusion of fire, without heat.

But they spread.

Across the floor, up the shelves, until the entire room was filled with dancing red flames, flickering, flaring, and Crowley screamed with such despair AZIRAPHALE!

But when, fifteen minutes later, Crowley settled down again – the flames dimmed and vanished, leaving nothing but a memory, and a tremor that Aziraphale couldn’t quash.

An hour later came the worst yet.

There was no warning this time. One moment Crowley was lying peacefully, the next, flames were shooting across the ceiling. A beam crashed down, a window exploded from the heat and pressure.

It seemed impossibly real; Aziraphale could no longer see the peaceful stillness of the shop behind the illusion, just the unrelenting horror of Crowley’s night terror. He was choking on smoke, he could feel the heat of the flames, worried they might actually ignite his books, and still, still Crowley thrashed in his lap, calling, calling and then –

He sat upright, eyes wide, pure gold without a hint of white, full of fear and pain beyond anything the angel had ever witnessed as he screamed –

“SOMEBODY KILLED MY BEST FRIEND!”

“Crowley!” He grabbed the demon’s face in both his hands, turning it towards him. “Crowley, dear, I’m right here, I’m right here.”

But those serpent eyes didn’t see anything. “Bastards! All of you!” The thrashing hands grabbed at Aziraphale’s coat, his shirt, his hair. They didn’t hurt – there wasn’t much strength behind them – but they were unrelenting.

“Crowley, please!”

And then a wordless, broken scream that just went on and on as the shop burned around them.

After twenty minutes, Crowley collapsed back across the angel’s legs. Once again, the fire was gone as if it never existed, but Aziraphale couldn’t stop the tears running down his face, the sobs wrenching his own shoulders.

An hour passed.

Then another.

Every time the demon moved, Aziraphale held his breath, terrified for what would come next.

When it started again – faster breathing, tossing and turning – Aziraphale couldn’t do anything but cry, hand pressed to his mouth. He didn’t have any comfort left to offer.

But this time, Crowley’s eyes snapped open with a gasp, hands clutching at the sofa…then he sighed. “Guess that didn’t work after all,” he muttered.

Aziraphale didn’t dare to move. Those golden eyes wandered over to his face. “Angel? What’s wrong?”

“Crowley?” he asked weakly.

The demon sat up, reached a hand over to brush Aziraphale’s tear-stained face. “What happened?”

“You woke up,” he whispered wonderingly. And before he could even think about it, Aziraphale threw his arms around Crowley pulling him close, sobbing into his shoulder. “I thought you weren’t going to – I didn’t know what to do…”

“I can’t have been asleep that long,” Crowley protested. “I just…I had a nightmare,” he confessed, as if it were an embarrassing secret.

Aziraphale just wept harder. “I thought I could help! I’m so – I’m so sorry, Crowley! I didn’t know what to do, I’m sorry!”

“Hey.” Hesitantly, awkwardly, he twined his own arms across Aziraphale’s back. “I woke up, didn’t I? Nothing for you to do.”

“But the other three times!”

“What?” Crowley pushed them apart to meet Aziraphale’s eyes, his own still solidly gold, wide with fear. “What other three times?”

--

They didn’t see each other for four days.

Crowley needed time to absorb what Aziraphale told him, about the illusory fire, the things he had shouted. Things he’d tried to hide, after the Apocalypse. After all, the shop hadn’t really burned, Aziraphale hadn’t really been hurt, so what was there to tell?

Nothing at all, except for the images that still haunted his dreams, and the fact that his eyes wouldn’t change back to their more human shape, the fact that he still smelled fire in the shop some days.

Aziraphale needed time to process, too. And he did that best while reading.

He’d once read a book on dreaming. Now he read as many as he could find.

On the fourth evening, he showed up at Crowley’s flat, unannounced, with several boxes of supplies and a plan.

--

The nightlight was a cool green, not too bright, making the bedroom appear to be underwater. The illusion was slightly spoiled by the little stars stuck to the ceiling in complex constellations – just regular glow-in-the-dark stickers, but Aziraphale had miracle them a little brighter.

The record player in the corner played some of Crowley’s favorite Nocturnes, the ones he’d been certain Aziraphale didn’t know about. Soft and soothing music filled the room.

The bed had already been comfortable, but now with fresh pillows, an extra thick mattress cushion, Crowley felt as if he was sinking into it, surrounded. Even though the room was a perfectly comfortable temperature, Aziraphale added a thick duvet with a tartan cover. It was heavy, and it smelled like the angel. It felt…secure, somehow. Safe.

But that wasn’t all.

Crowley looked at Aziraphale, dressed in tartan pajamas, hands nervously resting on the edge of the bed. “Are you sure you want to do this? It’s really not –”

“I’m certain.” Taking a deep breath, Aziraphale slid into bed beside Crowley, fussing with the duvet, trying to tuck them both in under it. “And I don’t want to hear another word against it.”

“It’s really nothing, Angel, I don’t need to sleep. All this is just –”

“All of this is to remind you that you are safe. There’s no fire. No demons. No…whatever other terrors are lurking in your mind. I am here, you are safe, and we will get through this together.”

Crowley sighed, turning onto his side to face Aziraphale. “I know I’m not in any danger.”

“Knowing you aren’t in danger isn’t the same thing as feeling safe.”

For the first time in over a month, Crowley felt a real laugh rise inside him. “You read a few books and you think you’re an expert.”

“I’m as good as you’re going to get.” Warm arms, thick, strong, soft, wrapped around Crowley and drew him close, pressed him to the angel’s heart.

“What if the dreams come back again?”

“They almost certainly will. But we’ll find ways to fight them. I already have some ideas.”

“You don’t have to,” Crowley muttered, one final protest, one final doubt. One final shame. “I’m the one who’s broken. After everything we went through, you shouldn’t have to fix me.”

“Oh, no. My dear Crowley.” The faintest pressure of lips against the top of his head. “I didn’t fight all of Heaven and Hell to create a world where you are scared all the time. It is my duty – no, my pleasure to help you, my dearest friend.”

Crowley was too choked up to say anything, so instead he twined his arms around Aziraphale, let himself relax against Aziraphale, breathed deeply the scent of Aziraphale until it filled his whole mind.

“Now,” came that precise, officious, lovely voice, “we need to make sure you’re thinking of something completely unrelated to the fire.”

“How do you propose we do that?” Crowley asked in his most suggestive voice.

“Shush, you.” Aziraphale shifted, sliding his cheek across Crowley’s, bringing his mouth to Crowley’s ear, and spoke softly, soothingly. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”

“Actually, I prefer Persuasion.”

“Interrupt me again, and it’ll be Northanger Abbey.”

“Ngk.”

But he smiled into the angel’s shoulder as he began again: “Sir Walter Elliot, of Kellynch Hall, in Somersetshire, was a man who, for his own amusement, never took up any book…”