#that video has been rotating around in my brain

[k8katdoodles]

"Women are my favorite guy"

[lunalillyhbhb]

Roommates

Chapter 1

The room I've rented out for the next 3 months is in a nice 3 bedroom house, with a shared bathroom and basic kitchen amenities. It's a 15 minute drive from the hospital I'll be interning at, and has all the basic stores around me in walking distance. My room is a single bedroom, window facing the busy streets. The other 2 rooms are occupied by a couple (mid 20s) in the master bedroom, and a man in his late 20s. All of us know of each other, but rarely ever interact, with our schedules never lining up. Which is perfect for me. Most of the time when I'm home, the house is empty and I'm free to do whatever I want.

Being in my mid 20s myself, my body is for most part full of vigor and energy, but mentally waay too tired. With rotations going on, I'm pushed to my limits almost every day, trying my best to impress the residents and other doctors around me.

It's the middle of the week, and my night shift finally gets over at 6 am. It's been a rough day so far, and I decide that I really need some time to myself, to let of steam in a healthy way. Already looking forward to playing with my toys, I rush back, ideas running through my head. Running up the stairs, I feel my heartbeat pick up pace, and my arousal grows. I jangle the keys in the lock in a hurry and quickly step in, fully expecting the house to be empty, as it usually is in the mornings. A quick peruse through the rooms confirms my suspicions, and the locked doors tells me no one is home, perfect.

I rush into my room, half heartedly closing the door behind me and messily removing my shirt and pants, stripping down to bra and underwear. My heart starts thundering in my chest and the familiar ache spreads throughout my body, from my chest slowly making its way down to my clit. I grab my steth and phone, select my favourite heartbeat video I can find on youtube, and start stething myself.

With one ear in the steth and the other ear listening to the video, a cacophony of strong thuds fills my brain, echoing inside all corners of my body. I feel my underwear dampen, and know that I'm close. Very close. A soft moan escapes my mouth and I slide my fingers between my throbbing clit, fully wet and needy for more stimulation.

As I start rubbing faster, I suddenly hear the door next to me click.

Shit.

Someone's home.

What do I do? My eyes quickly dart to my door and to my horror, it's slightly ajar. Anyone in the hall could catch a glimpse of me in this extremely vulnerable position.

My mind goes into panic and my already fast heart starts beating much, much more strongly. I feel her squeezing each muscle with her all, and my chest vibrates with every hammering beat and sweat dots my chest.

Somehow.....I am even more turned on. The fear of this situation has kicked my heart into overdrive, and I feel my fingers working faster, weaving its way into all my sweet spots.

Outside my door, I hear feet shuffling and catch a glimpse of my male roommate.

Am I heard? Am I quiet enough? Is my heart pounding so loudly that he can hear it? Did her hear my moans?

The feeling of the possibility of being heard further pushes my heart to her limits, and I try my best to not let my moans escape me. My body shakes and quivers more, unable to resist the waves of pleasure overcoming me. My heartbeat pounds loudly in my ears and my pussy is soaking wet and at my highest, i cup my mouth unable to curb the soft moan that escapes.

finally, a few seconds after, post nut clarity hits. Fuck what was I thinking? He definitely heard me. Or did he? I stay absolutely still on my bed and try to hear out for any noises. A few seconds pass, I hear a soft sigh and feet shuffling back to the door. With a soft click I confirm that he's back in his room and his door is closed.

Immediately jumping into action, I shut my door close, stethoscope still pressed firmly into my heart and phone video long since over. I hear as my heart beats faint but so quickly, I can't believe I almost exposed myself to a complete stranger! That too my roommate? Who knows what he would've done if he felt uncomfortable, he might've complained to the landlord and had me kicked out!

Next time I ever decide to play with myself, I better make sure no one is around, no matter how tired I am.

[askmerriauthor]

regarding pokemon sleep, it looks like you’re just looking for things to complain about. it’s designed to be this chill thing you check on during the day and leave running at night. to play it, all you have to do is sleep and feed your pokemon. no one’s telling you you to have to be the very best at it or pressuring you into paying for stuff, let alone the game itself.

If I was just looking for things to complain about, I'd still be out here whinging over Pokemon Cafe's delightfully charming art style being absolutely wasted on a junk puzzle game instead of a full RPG or cozy slice-of-life Sim.

Regarding this post here.

Hi, I'm MerriAuthor. Apparently we haven't met because anyone who follows my blog would know that I've worked in game development well on 20 years now. I've worked across the industry from little nobody indie houses, to overseas gacha-fodder, to big ol' AAA major studios. Video games and their design are a big part of my life and, boy howdy, do I have some FEELINGS about the direction the industry as a whole has gone in as the years go by. Especially in regards to the predatory monetization of gaming and how it actively preys on children, uninformed parents, people with addictive behaviors, people with hyper-competitive personalities, and similar behavioral traits solely for the purpose of making money at their expense.

it’s designed to be this chill thing you check on during the day and leave running at night. to play it, all you have to do is sleep and feed your pokemon.

As with the previous person I spoke with on this topic, that is the base function of the game. But it's by no means the design of the game. Pokemon Sleep's entire game play rotation and marketplace are designed around encouraging the Player to interact with it as much as possible within an intentionally limited time frame. Meanwhile, the game's own time scale is such that it expects Players to log hundreds if not thousands of hours of interaction with it. Its own base gameplay loop is a weekly schedule and its shop schedule is monthly. Some Pokemon require a bare minimum of 150 hours of logged sleep to even access. Pokemon Sleep wants you to be in it for the long haul.

It's also based on collection; nearly every facet of the game is listed numerically and with a percentage value or progress bar, which are functions designed to produce urgency to complete them in the Player. Human brains don't like seeing an unfinished goal, especially one represented so overtly as an unfilled progress bar or a percentage value with a decimal. Want to have your favorite Pokemon as your napping buddy but don't want to put in a ton of effort playing the game to boost up your Snorlax's power score? Better hope it's one of the low-tier Pokemon assigned into the lower brackets of the gameplay progression, because otherwise you're never going to see it. Though you could always just fork over some cash. Nearing the end of your week with Snorlax and you're just shy of a milestone you've been aiming the entire week for? Good luck! You can pay money for that extra little boost, and once you've done it you'll resent its absence enough to want to buy it again! Do you want to level up that cutie first Charmander the game gave you at the very beginning specifically to ingrain itself with faux emotional value into your favorite Charizard? Want your Eevee to evolve into one of its most popular Eeveelutions? Want a Lucario, period? You'll need to put in hundreds of hours of consistent sleep to save up enough Sleep Points exclusively toward that goal... or you can just buy access to it immediately, through first purchasing access to the Premium Subscription! A Premium Subscription which, again, doesn't auto-cancel if you delete the app and can't be canceled through the app itself, for all you distracted parents who don't pay attention to fine print and wonder why your kid's game is running up a bill on your credit card each month after the 14-day free period - just long enough for you to have forgotten all about it in the first place. Snorlax wants a specific kind of Berry this week, but none of the helper Pokemon you recruited gather that berry, or they do and are just too low on Energy to manage it? Aren't you lucky! The shop will just sell you solutions to these problems the game itself created specifically to get you to shell out money!

no one’s telling you you to have to be the very best at it or pressuring you into paying for stuff, let alone the game itself.

Here's some screen shots from the game's own app page. Buttons to make purchases and drive interaction - the app store, sleep pass, how many dream shards you have, a prompt to buy more inventory space, your missions, your current goal, the progress meter and rarity values of your Pokemon's sleep styles, your collection and their levels, etc - are all constantly and prominently displayed. The entire first day of actual gameplay in the app is a tutorial explaining how it wants you to do more than just sleep and passively collect to the point that it literally sets a daily schedule of activity for you. The mechanics explanations are so egregiously long that the Professor character literally apologizes to the Player for being so long-winded about it. Oh, an adorable moment of self-depreciation and understanding! How humanizing and encouraging of empathy from the user, done with a cheeky wink and nod. Now that we've softened your emotional state ever so slightly, here's some more microtransaction-driven gameplay elements!

If this was really just a cute little game to idle around with for its own fun, there wouldn't be a cash shop, nor would the game require a consistent internet connection to its servers. The big thing with games like these is that they're not made for the Player's benefit or entertainment. They're made to make the parent company profits. That's it. If the Pokemon Company didn't think they'd make substantial returns on the investment of development, support, marketing, and online distribution costs to put this game out into the world, they never would have made it. That is a core reality of any product put out these days. I just spent this last week helping my studio's marketing and sales team make sales projections for one of our upcoming titles, figuring out how much we could reasonably charge our potential customers literally down to the penny. And the game we're selling isn't even a service with any kind of microtransactions or DLCs. Profits are fundamental in any studio production and, where microtransaction apps are concerned, are the core focus of why the app exists.

If you're perfectly happy with playing Pokemon Sleep as an idle "pop on every once in a while, poke for a few minutes, then forget about and never pay a cent" kind of game? Totally fine, you do you. But understand that Pokemon Sleep doesn't want you as its player and will not cater to your experience. The core gameplay of Pokemon Sleep is already designed to actively degrade into a subpar experience for those who don't pay to play and that rift will only become more pronounced as time goes by. Everything around the cash shop exists for no other reason than to encourage you to use the cash shop. Over time, the gameplay will further contort itself to drive more interaction with and reliance upon the cash shop as the app sheds its non-paying users who just tire of it and move on, instead doubling-down on the lingering, paying users who have already proven themselves a reliable stream of revenue. That is how these things always go and have always historically gone.

There's also the consistently apt adage of "if you're not paying for the product, you are the product". Pokemon Sleep requires an internet connection any time you want to interact with the app - there is no offline mode. Further, the actual fine print in the terms of service (not the bubbly, legally-meaningless assurances put into the game text itself) addresses that it will collect and may share your device information, user ID, and app activity (ie, the schedules, timing habits, and spending habits the game itself has ingrained into its interaction with the Player) for analytics and advertising purposes, and that they're okay with sharing (ie, selling) that information to third parties without naming who those third parties are. And boy, does the game really want you to link your Google, Apple, and Facebook accounts to it as part of its core functionality! Worth keeping in mind as well is that the app requires constant access to your microphone and can pick up sounds as minor as a sheet rustling when you turn over in bed. The game's bubbly, meaningless text assures you that it doesn't save or transfer the snippets of sleep recordings it makes of you each night, but it makes absolutely no assurances whatsoever in the fine print that it's not using your microphone for other purposes. It does, however, point out that it will be making use of your phone's functions even when you're not using the app.

So, yeah, I'll just still be over here not playing Pokemon Sleep and encouraging others to do the same, as well as pay closer attention to the nature of so-called "free to play" games.

[waystarresourceco]

So general question - how are folks thinking about day school vs boarding school for the Roy kids?

I think what we know via the show/script/interviews is:

Kendall attended Buckley which is a k-9 school

Per "Prague" Roman attended St. Andrew's, presumably a reference to St. Andrew's-Sewanee School in Tennessee which is a 6-12 middle/high school (where Roman was probably a boarding student given location)

Alan Ruck has stated he thinks Connor was shipped off to boarding school for most of his educational life

Based on this, I think I had assumed Kendall and Shiv had attended day school and lived at home until college, but in reading some old interviews I came across the below video clip where Sarah mentions Shiv (or maybe all of the kids?) might have also attended boarding school for at least some portion of schooling. On a semi-related note, there's also this clip of Annabelle Dexter-Jones mentioning that Naomi attended a mix of boarding and day schools which may be semi-relevant just considering Naomi's in the same wealth bracket as the Roys (although probably not in the same social circles due to old v. new money, politics, and a few other things).

So I guess where I'm coming out on this is...maybe Shiv also attended boarding school? I can't find anything where Jeremy mentions boarding or day school one way or the other but I could see a world where (a) all the kids attended boarding schools or (b) if they didn't all attend boarding school, Kendall is the one Logan is least likely to allow out of his watch if he was already "troubled" in Logan's view but still rotating it all in my brain (and would be happy to chat about/hear others views)...

Clip of Sarah Snook mentioning boarding school below the cut for those interested:

Q:  Have you as an actor thought about what Shiv’s childhood was like or maybe even had explicit conversations with Jesse about what did shiv go through in her childhood until we meet her on screen?

A:  Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you sort of create a roadmap of imaginative kind of work in what their experiences would have been and what it is like to be shepherded around and farmed off to some – probably in boarding school overseas for a bit, or college overseas at least; or you know, holiday-house to holiday-house which none of them really feel like a home. I love that bit where she’s showing her dad all the houses and homes that they have and he just doesn’t recognize them. The monumental wealth that these people have which leaves them sort of lost and kind of displaced in the world, and especially if they don’t have a home, sort of family strength and foundation to call home.” (x)

[enderwoah]

DOUBLE LIFE/HOMESTUCK HANDLES & TYPING QUIRKS

ello ello ello! happy belated homestuck 4/13 AND hermitcraft birthday! it's been a very long time since i have touched this au, but it occasionally starts rotating around in my brain so i decided, "hey! it's not like the homestuck presence in this fandom can get any more dead! why don't i make some headway on that?"

this will be a comprehensive list of all fourteen double life members' chumhandles and typing quirks (where applicable; otherwise, i might just put down their general typing style). it'll go in rainbow order for the trolls, but there are only seven of them so some may be skipped! c'est la vie.

for people that don't know homestuck, a chumhandle is essentially an internet username used on the messaging system "pesterchum" (or, for the trolls, the messaging system "trollian"), consisting of two words that are usually unnecessarily rare and big. a typing quirk is something trolls all have to differentiate themselves from one another, both for expression purposes and also because they all have to use their blood colour as their online colour and it could get confusing. hope that helps, let's go!

-

TROLLS

grian (rust):

sign: true aires, sign of the excavator

no noticable typing quirk, but does use an overabundance of bird puns whenever he gets the chance. not because he thinks they're funny, but because they get on other people's nerves and gets their feathers in a twist.

procrastinatingBellbird [PB]

procrastinating: to delay or postpone action; put off doing something. is this not grian's entire existence? have you watched his hermitcraft videos? can the man go half an hour without getting distracted by something and putting what he should be working on off for later? like..oh, i don't know. the back of his base?

bellbird: the loudest bird in the world! you little attention-seeker, you.

ren (bronze):

sign: taurga, sign of the guardian

unnecessarily and often incorrectly uses the olde version of words, adds a lot of 'e's and 'th's and 'st's where therest shouldn'th be for ye olde effecte. is a hemoanon (someone that does not reveal their blood colour by typing in gray).

cynoidCacology [CC]

cynoid: dog-like; canine. speaks for itself.

cacology: bad choice of words or poor pronunciation. this is partially a jab at his 'incorrectly uses old words' bit and partially a slight reference to his constant innuendos being played off as simply a bad choice of words. someone probably lied to him and told him that this word meant royalty and was really old and cool.

tango (gold):

sign: gemiborn, sign of the uproarious

the first actual typing quirk, tango types in ALL CAPS, EXCEPtt FOR HIS tt'S ttO MAttCH THE PAttttERN OF HIS HORNS!

reinedAzidoazide [RA]

rein[ed]: keep under control; restrain. it'll make more sense with the second part.

azidoazide [azide]: the most explosive chemical compound ever created. so together, his entire chumhandle is just a big sign that yells 'i have thinly-controlled anger issues!,' lmao.

bdubs (olive):

sign: lenius, sign of the restless

SPEAKS IN ALL CAPS. TYPES VERY SPORADICALLY. CUTS OFF HIS. SENTENCES. CHANGES HIS 'I'S TO '1'S AND HIS 'S'S TO '2'S WHEN THEY'RE NEXT TO EACH OTHER. LIKE IN W12H. AND F12H. (to make a 12! like on a clock.)

nyctophobicBryophyte [NB]

nyctophob[ia]: extreme or irrational fear of the night or of darkness. he definitely has it! lol!

byrophyte: the informal group name for mosses, liverworts and hornworts. oh yeah, baby. moss time, baby. eats moss, prolly. and has a cool cloak!

scott (cerulean):

sign: scorza, sign of the strategist

he's both too cool for an elaborate typing quirk and too lazy to go out of his way to type in perfect capitalisation like he wants to. Middle ground, he capitalises all his 'M's and he types as forMally as possible without having to try. uses eMoticons as punctuation lot (:K and keysMashes rather often. (his sign, scorza, looks like a weird M, so he just ran with it. if the people he's talking to can't deduce that it's him, that's their problem, not his. his horns look like antlers and he felt like a K was the only letter that really encompassed the antlers vibe (((:K)

kenodoxicHart [KH]

kenodox[y]: an obsolete, rare word meaning the love, study, or desire of vain-glory. only someone truly vainglorious would flaunt their vainglory. and you know what? good for him.

hart: a male deer; a stag. sure, he could have just gone with stag, but 'hart' sounds like 'heart,' so it's just unequivocally better in every way. his lusus is a horrible combination of a hart and a spider.

cleo (purple):

sign: capripia, sign of the brusque

she really doesn't have a patterned quirk like some others might...she simply prefersssss to elongate her 's'es whenever it feelsssss...sssatisfying. never uses caps. alwaysss usesss precisssse punctuation. makes use of ellipsesss to enunsssiate her pointsss. will often change the 'c's to 's'es in sssertain wordsss because typing out a bunch of 'c's doesn't have the ssame effect. (her horns are painted to look like snakes, and thus!)

vafrousPhantomime [VP]

vafrous: cunning; sly. sounds about right, yeah.

phantomime is not an actual word! it is a combination of phantom (a ghost) and pantomime (a dramatic entertainment, originating in Roman mime, in which performers express meaning through gestures accompanied by music OR a theatrical entertainment, mainly for children, that involves music, topical jokes, and slapstick comedy and is based on a fairy tale or nursery story.) to explain this would be to explain a lot of cleo's backstory, which is not what this post is for; the simplest way to explain the phantom bit is "blame joe hills." the pantomime bit is just a very mild reference to The homestuck song, and also...she's a clown. not, like, super seriously, but she is a clown.

etho (fuchsia):

sign: pius, sign of the free

/? you won't catch him dead making fish puns. that's all he wrote. /? (they're like little fishing poles :D y'all really think etho is out here with the patience to constantly change the way he types? absolutely not.)

xericQuerist [XQ]

xeric: containing little moisture; very dry. again, this is not the place to delve deep into backstory shenanigans, but it's safe to say that despite being a fuchsiablood, etho does not feel very free underwater. also, he's a dry texter <3 good for him

querist: inquirer; someone who asks questions. he's questioning the SYSTEM and the PLANET he'll have to take over when he gets over and the CHANGES to the FLAWED HIERARCHY it holds so dear <- deranged. half of the reason he picked his name when he was like 12 was that having two super rare letters as his handle looked sicknasty.

-

HUMANS

(note to all my non-homestucks: humans have no use or care for the funny signs i've been putting for all of the trolls, but i'm going to put them here in case anyone wants to see what they Would be :)

scar (orange):

sign: aquasci, sign of the charitable (snrk)

all lowercase, little punctuation aside from EMPHASIS!!! sometimes the emphasis comes in the form of an *appropriate* amount of asterisks.

affluentAllay [AA] / affluentVex [AV]

affluent: having a great deal of money; wealthy. how else can you put it? the man is loaded!

allay: diminish or put at rest (fear, suspicion, or worry). an in-universe reference to actual minecraft allays.

vex: make (someone) feel annoyed, frustrated, or worried; cause distress to. affluentVex was his original handle before allays came out and he shelved this to being an evil alter ego that frequently appears. as this is homestuck and i do need to clarify, this evil alter ego is not real.

bigb (dark blue):

sign: sagittanius, sign of the nascent (wait i love that actually that's so good)

Average mobile user, doesn't turn off autocorrect, all of his sentences start off capital and everything looks fine until you notice the lack of punctuation or commas or anything the phone wouldn't be able to automatically pick up on

nitidNyctomania [NN]

nitid: bright with a steady but subdued shining. it's typically used to describe the moon.

nyctomania: the condition of being very happy and comfortable in the dark. half of the group was convinced that bigb was a troll because it always seems to be night whenever he talks to his friends. he literally just lives in a place where the sun doesn't rise. and you know what? he's happy.

impulse (yellow):

sign: gemcer, sign of the intimate (0_0)

uses lowercase letters, but proper punctuation! uses fullstops at the ends of statements, proper commas, question marks, and exclamation points! maybe even two for the extra emphasis!! often uses FULL CAPS to denote shouting (not that he does it often)!

sanguineVenule [SV]

sanguine: optimistic or positive, especially in an apparently bad or difficult situation OR blood-red. he's just an optimistic and happy guy! also a blood player!

venule: a very small vein, especially one collecting blood from the capillaries. he's trained in first aid for some reason? also a blood player!

pearl (gray):

sign: licen, sign of the worshipper ((santa pearla voice) more like sign of the worshipped amirite)

nothing tooooo special, she types like a normal person and elongates certain words for the emphasis!

pearlescentMoon [PM]

pearlescent: having a luster resembling that of mother-of-pearl.

for the record, she has been adequately clowned on for having what is basically her full name as her online handle, but she simply couldn't be bothered to put in all the effort of finding those stupid big words. maybe there was a point in her life when she was, like, eleven, where her handle was iridescentLuna [IL] or something, but those times are far, far behind her now.

martyn (lime):

sign: cano, sign of the translucent (wth is that even meant to mean)

types like its a conversation or real dialogue, so expect either very long messages or for him to send about seven messages just to form one complete thought. when speaking to ren, he will mirror the old-speak as well as possible (unless its a serious moment).

hearkeningCavalier [HC]

hearkening: listening. i think we can all guess.

cavalier: a knight. i also think we can all guess. also, it's a breed of dog! cheeky reference to his king, that is.

joel (forest green):

sign: leiborn, sign of the paradox (oh i love this)

when normal, he types like a normal person. makes more typos than your average man, but thats alright whereas WHEN HE GETS HYPE ABOUT SOMETHING HES PRFONE TO LONG BOUTS OF TPYING IN CAPS AND HE TYPES FAST AN FRURTYOUIS SO TEHTEERE AE TYPOS ABOUnD

dionysianFleer [DF]

dionysian: relating to the sensual, spontaneous, and emotional aspects of human nature. joel just gives vibes, really. i think he heard that dionysus was the god of madness and thought it was cool because he really does go crazy at the block game AYEEE

fleer: an impudent or jeering look or speech. he's a prick. moving on,

jimmy (light blue):

sign: taurmino, sign of the lonely (my man...)

uses caps for shouting *very* often because he is a shouty boy, and uses asterisks for emphasis. is very prone to using an overabundance of question marks because...funny?

juxtaPredestination [JP]

juxta-: a prefix meaning near; alongside.

predestination: the divine foreordaining or foreknowledge of all that will happen. jimmy is basically the resident jade harley. not in the sense that he knows what's actually going on, more in the sense of him getting thrown into Situations and then he goes "oh, i saw this in a dream once!" and then gets clorted by whatever it was that he saw. but he believes in fate and luck very heavily and sort of thinks of it as an endearing rival.

-

CONCLUSION:

so yeah, those are all the handles! i will do the extras (mumbo, lizzie, and skizz) eventually and put it in the post, so stay tuned for that (ill reblog this when its done <3)! hope you enjoyed the result of my days-long bout of insanity! reblogs appreciated, have a nice day/night!! <3

[tothepointofinsanity]

hey #1 sayaka fan (appointed by me) . how do you come up with your compositions and stuff?? like the colors u use and just generally how ur drawings are layed out, do you have any inspiration or is it just from your brain? absolutely love them ‼️‼️‼️

Oh, hello. ^^ Firstly, thank you for graciously giving me the title of the "number 1 Sayaka fan". I can think of a few people who like her way more than me, though! Anyways. You have provided me an unfortunate opportunity to ramble incoherently about my main inspirations.

Aside from acknowledging that Gekidan Inu Curry is a titular player of how my madomagi works turn out, I very much like video games a lot, specifically the abstract, no-explanation-walking-task-simulator types. Visuals and music combined can help create an otherworldly ambience unlike any other, even more so appealing if the graphics are striking, colourful, and personalised. They sort of resemble liminal spaces, and I want those vibes in my works. It's hard to directly translate them into my own drawings.

Dull colours are very effective at being gloomy, but since I'm not good at mixing them together, I often end up sticking to bright ones instead. Whenever I draw Sayaka, I also like to imagine that I'm drawing her in a world where she is the only inhabitant wandering around in it, so that's the 'composition' part. Everything in her world is lonely and vast but ambiguous in a way that feels unintentionally hostile. Music can also affect this. Did you know loneliness can be heard too?

I mentally revisit the colours and visuals of games I have previously played and kind of rotate Sayaka around in them and see what clicks for her that day. I also like putting a bunch of 'boxes' in my drawings of her, which are panels that show something happening elsewhere entirely - they are the way they are since I struggle to blend two different scenarios of Elsewhere in the same drawing. It's meant to resemble the weird, clunky interfaces of the games I like, essentially making it a drawing with interactive mechanics that don't exist.

It is also fun to try and put as much nonsense into her surroundings as possible. Because why shouldn't you give her a bunch of different irrelevant things to look at. Most of the time, though, my backgrounds are fairly empty, since I want Sayaka to be within the frame of focus, and the only thing for others to look at. Having spontaneous close-up shots of the character's face and experimenting with that also yields interesting results. < That's a lot of words to pretend I know what I'm doing.

I do take inspiration from other artists' works as well, but I'm too reluctant/awkward to post their drawings here or mention them. There is probably a lot more that I am forgetting to mention, but this is all I can compose for now. I hope it has been satisfactory. Thank you for the ask!

[love-toxin]

Omg Ellie so (totally haven’t been stalking ur spicy tag 👀) but I just found this and... if you ever wanna do more of puppy play Eddie, you definitely have an audience lmao

heh.....my brain is rotating......Eddie puppy play but it's a throuple--you, Steve, and Eddie, your precious pup that you two just looooove caring for <3

(cw: petplay/puppy play, collars and leashes)

it's something that happens kind of on a whim. you and Steve have had those conversations about having a threesome, maybe even a third partner, but you haven't found any viable candidates yet. too bossy. not affectionate. only interested in sex. only interested in Steve or you, not both. every time you try, something comes up.

but then Eddie just falls into your laps, and you find your answer. probably strolls into Family Video one day while Steve's working, or the arcade next door where you work, and you two get to know him--and when you realize that he's a lot more apt to be unconventional, you grab the opportunity to propose a threeway. he's only a little hesitant but he eases in quickly when the time comes, and he understands that you're not just mocking him--it actually goes amazingly, leagues better than any that you and Steve have tried before. but afterwards, when you hint at taking things further, Eddie warns you of a little "problem" of his--an interest that he swears you won't be down for even though he hasn't told you what it is yet.

when he does, finally, after weeks of pestering, the stuff he has in his room makes a lot more sense. handcuffs could just be written off as kinky, but the collar and the leash....it makes a lot more sense when you find out Eddie's into puppy play. but like the open-minded people that you and your boyfriend are, you offer to indulge him in his fantasy, especially since he's revealed that he's never done it with someone before. only messed around by himself. that's gonna change.

first, Steve gets the leash. clips the collar round Eddie's neck and works out some guidelines--safeword, dos and donts, things he can say and not say--and once that's done, it's go time. literally. Eddie's butt is already wiggling where he's knelt on Steve's bedroom floor, looking up at both of you with big, brown doe eyes and a hopeful whimper as he barks softly for your attention. you thread your fingers through his soft hair and watch him lean up into your touch, eyes closed and nose scrunched up as he tries to nuzzle you for more. his cock is already leaking when you call him your good boy, and when Steve sternly orders him to beg for it, Eddie begs. he does it for you, for Steve, for a touch, any touch to relieve that awful pressure you two are putting in his belly with your commands. he's indiscriminate, eagerly drooling all over his own lap when Steve fucks his face, and humping your leg when you snap your fingers at him and tell him to enjoy his treat--cause good boys get to cum, and Eddie makes sure to be a very good boy for you. his ass is sore and his cock is soaked and strained by the end of it all, but he doesn't even settle down until he's nestled up between you two in bed, clean, fed, warm, and happy. he's so overwhelmed in a good way, wishing and hoping in his dreams that you two will have mercy and let him act out this fantasy with you again--he's got no idea you and Steve have absolutely no plans of letting him go, and are gonna tell him you're keeping him as soon as he wakes up. you've always pestered Steve for a dog, anyways, and now you've finally got one <3

[vyriadurav]

Finished Signalis on stream over on twitch.tv/vyria_durav yesterday and it was incredible and now I'm filled with so many thoughts and feelings about Signalis and Elster and Ariane and what it all means and everything!!!!

I got the Promise ending and looked up the other ones cause I don't think I've got the stamina to play through the rest, but what a game!!! I don't really tend to like horror much, but it turns out I'll do anything for incredibly potent yuri.

This game is so gay, it gets lesbians on a deep and primordial level. Every facet is just turning around in my mind, rotating endlessly. Anyway, enjoy this incredibly good video which has been the soundtrack of my brain since yesterday

[doctor-fancy-pants]

That Researchin' Maritime Life

We've got a bit of downtime - there's a trawl going down to 5000m right now.

I've rotated and freshened up the sea cucumbers, packed away the echinoderms (starfish, sea cucumbers, sea urchins, brittle stars, feather stars and sea lilies), thrown a few buckets of seawater in the cold room (including the smaller pails seen below, I'm refining my holothurian rescue plans), and had a snack because This Machine, She Runs On Heavy Fuel.

This is actually a very comfortable ship to live on. Each cabin has a private ensuite, so you're not clambering down the bunk ladder and teetering out into the hall in search of the head in the middle of the night (I have been very spoilt and have only had one voyage like that). The mess has plenty of room at mealtimes. There are two lounges ("quiet" and "you're allowed to make noise and have informal meetings" respectively), and my favourite beanbags in the world.

There are, however, some drawbacks to marine research as a specialty (apart from the lack of job security, she says, as a short term contract taxonomist), and using a laboratory on a boat.

What drawbacks, you may ask.

Well, after my shift ends, I've been known to totter wearily into an online chat with mates and just drop random observations (you may note a somewhat laissez-faire attitude to punctuation).

For example:

you know it's amazing, you can be totally fine working in the dirty wet lab and you'll leave for five minutes and it's like your olfactory filters completely reset and then you get back down there and the nose is shouting at the brain "BOY HOWDY IT SURE DO SMELL LIKE FISHY PRAWNS IN HERE HUH JUST GOTTA SOAK IN THAT BRINY AMBIENCE"

summation: the science smells bad.

related outcome: the scientist also smells bad.

Yuuup, the smell is a whole freaking vibe. We can't dump too much seawater down the sinks that go into the grey water holding tank, we can't open the chute in the lab if there's an operation in progress (i.e. a trawl, a tow video, a Baited Remote Underwater Video, a fish trap) (which has been the case more often than not), and the same restriction is in place for simply tipping buckets over the side

That means that buckets of filthy seawater, sea cucumber guts, discarded excess critters, banged-up prawns and so on... just have to sit in the lab for a bit.

I've got a very sensitive nose. I have never been good at filtering out unpleasant smells, and yet somehow I kind of adapt to the lab odours... until I head up to the mess, and back down again.

(side note: we do actually clean the lab very thoroughly between trawls, and it does not smell all the time! It's more when you have to take a break in the middle of processing and then come back to it.)

What I do not adapt to is how bad I smell. By the end of the day, if I've been racing around in my coveralls, especially if I've been carrying heavy things, I will stink to high heaven.

(I will be quite self-conscious standing next to anyone.)

That shower is... so good.

But showering every day raises an issue. It's not what I normally do. Now, I realise there are some people who will find that horrifying (and most of them are from the US for some reason), but every second day, or when I need to wash my hair, or after a workout or, on a hot day? Yeah, that shower is good.

Every day? My poor skin is dryer than shoe leather, and I use a very gentle shower gel.

Shower Discord thoughts:

have been speculating on how one transitions from "I own body moisturiser but only occasionally remember to use it" as a terrestrial organism, to "I am pretty sure I could start a black market trade by subdividing this half-tube of Body Shop Hemp Hand Cream into small aliquots" as a person who is

1) at sea (the briny sea! The salty [drying] air!)

2) when not outdoors in the salty air, indoors in the drying A/C

3) regularly shoving one's hands into 100% ethanol and... usually... nearly always... wearing gloves while doing so

I mean this cream is the good shit

like basically liquid gold

which... could also be distributed in aliquots

okay. have decided: will not trade Body Shop Hemp Hand Cream for less than the equivalent volume of liquid gold

On later reflection, while I continue to believe that this asking price is fair, I may be pricing myself out of the market, if for no other reason than the simple lack of gold on board the vessel, regardless of phase.

I have decided that it doesn't have to be liquid. Melting gold on a moving vessel far off the continental shelf is an untenable safety risk. It just means that we will have to try to match the quantities by weight.

And that means using the scales in the clean wet lab, because the balances in our lab are not up to that sort of task.

And that means that I have definitely thought about this far too much, and I should go do something else (mainly clean my teeth and get ready for bed - need to get the energy for tomorrow's science-ing!).

We're still doing a fair bit of transiting and deeper sites, so I plan to try and knock out some taxonomic work on the few crinoids that have made it into the lab, and maybe set aside some time for the Sea Cucumber Salon.

Cukes gotta get their glamour shots, dammit.

[derelictheretic]

OC TAG GAME

Tagged by @socially-awkward-skeleton @strangefae and @detectivelokis !! Ty 💕💕💕

Not quite sure whose done this since i've been. absent. so i'mma send tags out to @deputyash @bluemojave @adelaidedrubman @bl-beater @jollybone @clicheantagonist @florbelles @unholymilf @henbased @ishwaris @megraen @shellibisshe @trashcatsnark @v0idbuggy @wewillryesagain No pressure as always !!

Favourite OC

Currently I would say Lola is holding that spot, she's fun to draw and write for and I just spin her in my brain like a rotisserie chicken all day she brings me so much joy to think about. She's also my first transfem OC so she,,,,, is so special 2 me <3

My consistent faves of all time tho are my boy Damien (my half demon half vamp man), my girl Lucy (She is a unicorn shifter and I Adore she sooooo much) and ofc my creacher Dean uvu

Oldest OC

Damien!! He's from my first original story I ever made and I've had him for 7 to 8 years!! He rotates in my head forever even tho I barely talk about him 👉👈 His story has changed a few times but his design has stayed pretty consistent! He means the world to me and so does his story and one day I will bring it to life ashsjsjs

Newest OC

That would be Lola!!!! I'd been wanting another unhinged lady to play around with and felt like having a pink murder lady as well and thus Lola was born 🥺 She brings serotonin and I love playing around with her relationships with the other characters!

Meanest OC

Hmmm this is a tough one but it's probably Heather! Heather is actively mean on purpose and loves her passive aggression and tearing people down through her words. She smiles while pointing out all ur insecurities and faults and will laugh if u cry <3 bestest worstie wife ever <333

I have a few other mean OC's like Rilo (Demon lord) but he's on a much bigger scale of wanting to commit genocide against all supernatural creatures soooo he's just like evil less so just mean. Very smile in ur face while he obliterates ur very atoms kinda vibe,, hate him so <3

Softest OC

This is impossible I have too many softies,, But probably Lucy! She's a pacifist and just has the biggest heart, she's very empathetic and always wants to help people even if there is nothing she can do in a situation. She also is just very soft in nature like she has a gentle touch and soft voice and sweet eyes that will make u cry and tell her all ur problems while she holds u.

Most aloof/standoffish

I have a few of these too lol I'd say it's a tie between Michael, Silas (Eldritch horror slasher) or Pheonix (Marvel OC besties with Wade). Silas probably wins because he doesn't tolerate talking to humans in any circumstance and just seeing him tends to send people running. Silent, brooding, grumpy eldritch horror man my beloved.

Smartest OC

I have a sentient AI OC called HEXX and he has knowledge from all across the galaxy (being an AI for a spaceship he needs it lol) so I'd say that'd be him! Ask him anything and he has the answer, just don't ask him about love bc he will have his 1010th identity crisis and the ship will suffer it's 1010th failing and emergency landing :)

Dumbest (affectionate) OC

Hmmm i'm gonna say my baby boy Ky bc he's my literal himbo lmao He has zero thoughts in his pretty little head!! Only loving friends and having fun!!!! Golden retriever boy only know eat hot food and love everyone!!!!! No but he genuinely is so,, so stupid,,, the one thing he can somehow do on his own is cook, baking is off limits he will burn down the kitchen......

OC's I'd be friends with irl

I have a few I think it'd get along with so I'll narrow it down to three!

Piper; We would vibe in a makeshift tree house and play video games and I'd listen to her gush over women (Faith) for hours and she'd judge my horrid taste in men <3 She'd probably also beat me in poker and steal all my money.

Fredrick; my genderfluid god would take me to so many concerts and drag me across the country to get something they bought off of eBay and I would have a blast.

My lil tech nerd Keiden; he likes coding and games, I can kind of code and like games, it just makes sense. We'd play raft and Minecraft and make epic structures and talk about what we would do different with the game mechanics.

[hawkinshub]

say what you mean

content warnings: low-key tipsy driving (don’t do it irl it’s just not worth it), underage drinking, cursing (as per usual)

author’s notes: this is definitely not on par quality-wise for the amount of time it took me to write it but here we are I’m just a big ole sucker for steve harrington what can I say

word count: 1.3k

-

“I wish we could always be like this,” you whisper into the void of the Harrington house long since evacuated by the children it had hosted earlier that evening.

The thought slips from your mouth unbidden, aided by the late hour of the night and the few shitty beers nicked from Mr. Harrington’s stash that have settled comfortably into your bloodstream. You don’t even really know what you hope to accomplish with the spoken wish – certainly you’re not out of your mind enough to peel back the layers of your sentence to reveal the pathetic truth hiding underneath: I wish we hung out just the two of us. I wish you thought about me as much as I think about you. I wish you weren’t so hopelessly out of my league. I wish I could buck up and confess my big fat crush on y-

“Like what?” Steve questions, lazily rotating his head in your direction to give you his own tired attention. Though your eyes remained closed, and your body slumped into the plush of his living room sofa, the corners of your mouth slant down – lips pressed firmly together as though attempting to resist elaborating.

The silence of the house is oppressive as Steve waits one, two, three heartbeats for a reply.

You only sigh.

Steve finds this highly unsatisfactory, but he doesn’t press. Maybe you’re sleep talking.

But no: your eyes blink open at last, with a distant determination as you extract yourself from the bottomless pit of cushions. “I should head home,” you remark, “I took Robin’s early shift tomorrow.”

Confused by the new track of conversation, Steve can only stare as you stand and make for your purse. The jingling of keys shakes him out of his stupor enough to ask, “You’re alright to drive?” You nod firmly, and even while avoiding direct eye contact to the best of your ability it doesn’t escape the boy’s notice that yours have a glassy sheen that they hadn’t held all night prior.

“Hey,” he attempts, and you finally meet his gaze for a fraction of a second before returning your attention to some point in space over his shoulder, “Uh, get home safe, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow?” He knows he will – you work together. But for just this odd, awkwardly suspended moment he needs to hear you confirm it. You do: “Yeah. See you tomorrow.”

Your exit is punctuated by the gentle click of his front door latching shut, and Steve turns your statement over in his head like a stone until he surrenders to sleep.

-

The next morning greets you with dry eyes and a drier mouth. A not-quite hangover, but enough to make you groan dramatically as you shuck off the covers and wince as your feet meet the hardwood of your bedroom floor.

It takes the entirety of your overly indulgent shower to convince yourself that you hadn’t been made an utter fool the night before. It was a throwaway sentence. A whisper in of a fleeting moment of vulnerability after an otherwise lighthearted gathering. Nothing to be embarrassed about, right?

Still, a curl of anxiety holds your stomach hostage as you towel off and pick out the sweater-and-jeans combo least likely to clash with the loud and proud Family Video vest. And if you apply your lip gloss a little more gratuitously than strictly necessary, no one has to be any the wiser.

-

For Steve, the next morning is maddeningly normal. He clocks into Family Video on the receiving end of your soft grin, as is the usual. You give no indication that you remember dropping the line that had rattled around in his brain long after you’d left.

I wish we could always be like this. Like what? Seated together on his couch? Maybe you really had been drunker than he thought – in which case he shouldn’t have let you drive yourself home – and it wasn’t a vague reciprocation of his own secret feelings after all. Maybe all his knocks to the head were really catching up with him.

They must be, he figures, as he stretches his brain to its limits trying to fit the statement into his rose-colored, romantic worldview (a tactic that has historically not served him well).

When you clock out and retire your vest for the afternoon – heralding the arrival of Keith, much to Steve’s dismay – with a startling lack of eye contact and not so much as a quip about his kicked-puppy visage, he figures he has well and truly lost his mind.

“Hey, um-“ he doesn’t know where he’s going with that sentence, but you pause your trek to the front door and turn, meeting his eyes with the polite mask he’s come to label your “customer service face.”

When he doesn’t elaborate, you furrow your brow in confusion and reply, “Yeah?”

You seem as uncertain as he feels. Steve doesn’t know whether that’s a good thing or not. He decides he can’t take the tiptoeing around it anymore. He can’t pretend. Not with you.

“What did you mean?”

You blink. Turn your eyes to his left shoulder. “You’re referring to...”

“What you said. Last night,” he clarifies.

“Steve,” you chuckle dryly, though it’s lacking the brightness of your genuine laugh, “What do you mean?”

“’I wish we could always be like this,’” he parrots your biggest regret to date, eyes unflinchingly locked on your avoidant face as he continues, “Maybe it didn’t mean anything. But I-“ he runs a hand through his hair. The only nervous tick he’s granted himself since engaging in conversation, “I feel like it did. And for whatever batshit crazy reason, I can’t stop thinking about it. About-about you – what you meant. So please just tell me I’m totally off the mark and I can stop-“

“Steve,” you interrupt, not unkindly but lacking the facetious chuckle of before, “It did. Mean something,” your eyes have once again taken on the glassy quality he saw before as you finally, finally meet his. “I think you know what.”

Where he expects you to dismiss yourself gracefully, you hold yourself still on the tacky Family Video carpet, as tired as he with the charade. “Don’t make me humiliate myself again,” it’s a sad half-whisper, your less-than-stellar self-esteem preparing to take an epic nosedive as you force yourself to hold Steve’s eyes and pray that he gets the memo without you having to spell it out.

The moment of silence between the two of you stretches just long enough that you renounce this afternoon as an epic failure and take a step back towards your salvation: the door.

“Wait!” Steve speaks up at last, “Wait, just please – fuck,” he’s half-pleading to you, half-mumbling to himself as he bustles around behind the counter, “Just wait,” he finishes with intention.

You wait.

After the most agonizing thirty seconds of your life, he slaps a piece of notepad paper onto the counter and looks to you expectantly. When you simply raise a brow, still entirely too close to the door for his comfort, he slides the paper closer to the edge with emphasis, lips twisted in a sheepish grin.

You take a breath and shuffle closer, deciding to humor him before fleeing and tossing the final shovelful of dirt on the grave of your self-image.

Do you like me? In Steve’s familiar scrawl. Two boxes to follow:

Yes. No.

Though you gape at him in surprise, the knot of anxiety in your gut undoes itself at last as you realize that you two may be on the same page after all. You extend a hand and smile sincerely, “You got a pen back there?”

“Oh! Oh, yeah, for sure,” Steve snatches up the very pen he’d just used to ink his juvenile note into the paper and offers it to you. He watches with bated breath as you click it and add your own mark beside the existing ones. His heart accelerates because of his glee, rather than anxiety, however, when you swivel the paper so he can zero in on the sturdy check mark you’ve left behind.

Yes.

[squarebracketsmileyface]

Hi, I'm back, I have been rotating chapter 3 in my head all day.

...I'm Yours by Alessia Cara is Jam in this chapter to me...

Ooooooooooo another song to listen to awawawawwawa.

And damnit, the lyrics are perfect now I have to do a whole analysis on how they link up to Sorry it's locked lmao /nm

Andddd, this has turned out way too long. As always I swear. It's a whole damn essay, I'm so sorry, this fic has rotted my brain and I can't not babble everything I have about it. So:

SO lyrics.

Some nerve you have To break up my lonely And tell me you want me How dare you march into my heart Oh how rude of you To ruin my miserable And tell me I'm beautiful 'Cause I wasn't looking for love no

Obviously, Jay starts out reeeeeaaaaaally not wanting to fall in love again, not wanting to fall in love with Tim because of everything that happened with Alex. But he's also aware that he and Tim are kinda dancing around each other and that Tim is actively, though quietly, trying to make Jay realise that he likes him. Obviously Jay's a traumatised dumbass so to begin with didn't realise Tim actually liked him, and just thought it was a purely sexual thing, like what he had with Alex. Then he realised it was more than that and that scared him so he decided he wouldn't let himself get close with Tim in that way for fear of getting hurt.

Then, obviously, the "ruin my miserable and tell me I'm beautiful" bit is when Tim finally decided to say fuck it and tell Jay he likes him because Jesus Christ this man is either incredibly oblivious or purposefully dense. (it's a bit of both). The "how rude" part to me is about Jay feeling like Tim was lying when he said he likes how Jay looks, to make him feel better so that it'd hurt even more when Tim leaves him.

Nobody asked you to get me attached to you In fact you tricked me And I wasn't trying to fall in love But boy you pushed me

Basically about Jay feeling kind of like it's Tim's fault that he fell for him, like, not in a malicious way, just Jay kind of feeling perturbed by the fact that even given their situation Tim was and is still willing to try and make it work, to be kind and gentle with Jay. I don't know how to explain it, like, Tim flirting overtly, and also just generally being quietly caring and stuff, looking after Jay when he was out of it, encouraging him to get help too etc.

Jay almost feels betrayed by the fact that he's fallen in love again. Betrayed by himself, betrayed by Tim, even though he doesn't understand why he feels betrayed by Tim. It's just one of those muddled up feelings you get sometimes when your brain is panicking and just throwing out every thought and feeling to try and rationalise it. The actual reasoning is that Jay's subconsciously kinda assuming that Tim knows everything he knows (even though logically he knows he can't) about what happened with Alex. Which means that the fact that Tim is being so kind and caring and kinda flirting etc, makes Jay's brain feel like Tim's ignoring the fact that Jay doesn't want to fall in love again. Even though logically he knows Tim can't know he doesn't want to fall in love again. Y'know?

Tim's been quietly, gently, respectfully, pushing Jay's boundaries, like with the walking around shirtless etc. If Jay asked him to stop, even slightly insinuated he was uncomfortable with it externally, he'd tone it all the way back or stop completely, whatever Jay needs. But it's like that thing of challenging your behaviours so you can get over them. Tim's challenging Jay's fear of intimacy and commitment, but still trying to let Jay be the one to make that first move. (Tho eventually he does kinda give him a little nudge in the right direction, because jesus Jay is emotionally constipated)

You know that video of a dam being opened for the first time in ages? And it, like, starts off slow and there's sooooooo much much and silt and rubble, and then it gets faster and faster until it's just power washing the valley thing it's in? That's Jay's emotions. Nothing nothing nothing EVERYTHING! TAKE COVER!!! That's what happened when he just broke down and blurted everything out to Tim in chapter 3.

So all that I'm asking Is that you handle me with caution 'Cause I don't give myself often But I guess I'll try today

This bit is kind of more about chapter 4 in my mind than chapter 3, though it still works for chapter 3 anyway, just not quite as much. Jay is tentatively trusting Tim with his mental health, his relationship issues, (eventually his issues around sex as well, because he definitely does have some of those lmao, he can't not in my idea of how the stuff with Alex has affected him).

In chapter 3 Jay tells Tim most of what happened with Alex, all the way from uni to two years ago when they were alone together last, it's mostly a breakdown and then Jay going back in and clarifying what got lost in the crying, but a lot of it, when he's clarifying it all, is him asking Tim not to do what Alex did. Does he tell Tim the full truth about what happened with Alex, no, he dilutes it a shit tonne to make sure Tim doesn't think any of it is Alex's fault.

But Tim can kind of tell there's things jay is holding back.

He knows Jay is asking him to "handle him with caution" he just doesn't know how to do that because Jay isn't telling him everything and he knows that. Even before they kiss, he can tell this is Jay's way of putting little feelers out to see whether Tim's going to hurt him. Then, once he starts to trust that Tim won't hurt him, they kiss and Jay is kind of thinking "hey, maybe this could work, maybe I can try, even though through all the time he's been without Alex (between uni and 2 years ago, then between 2 years ago and now) he hasn't really managed to "give himself" very often, because his brain always went back to Alex. He was kind of dependent of Alex in a way?

Is that the right word? I don't think that's the right word, but the thesaurus isn't giving me a better one. Reliant? Like, he was reliant on Alex for his own feelings of self worth, kinda? And then 2 years ago Alex well and truly crushed what was left of that lmao.

'Cause I've had my heart Broken before And I promised I would never Let me hurt anymore

Chorus 1.

Pretty simple this one. Alex broke Jay's heart, ripped it and his self esteem and self worth and everything, to absolute shreds and then jumped up and down on the pieces, just to make sure Jay's mental health was well absolutely pulverised.

(He did it for the same reason he killed people, to save them. If he could make Jay hate him enough for Jay to stop investigating and forget everything that happened he could keep him safe. I NEEEEEEED people to know that Alex is just soooooo morally grey and mentally fucked up by the Operator in this, just like he is in the actual series. He genuinely loved and cared about Jay, it's just that that love got twisted and warped by the Operator. Then back in uni he was downright terrified of the fact that he was queer, so he jumped at the opportunity Amy provided, because he was Bi and Scared and she was perfect. I 100% stand by the fact that he definitely talked to Amy about what he and Jay had had and she helped him with it, helped him deal with the internalised shit... and also gave him an absolute earful about how he'd treated Jay in the end and how he needed to go and apologise to him —Alex never did, he was too scared of what Jay would think for that, and by the time he was ready to apologise, they'd lost touch. Then everything with the Operator started so he couldn't anyway—)

Tangent over lmao, uh, after Alex, Jay made a promise to himself to not fall for another unobtainable man, another person who just wanted him for sex, another person in general. He was too scared, and with all the stuff with the Operator there was no way in hell that he'd be able to heal from all the stuff with Alex, so if he wanted to start dating again or anything it'd have to be after all the Eldrich horror shit had ended. If he was still alive by then.

But I tore down my walls And opened my doors And made room for one So baby I'm yours Oh baby I'm yours Oh baby I'm yours Oh baby I'm yours Oh baby I'm yours But I tore down my walls And opened my doors And made room for one So baby I'm yours

Chorus 2.

This is definitely chapter 4 (and the possible oneshot I have planned for getting to write some more smut for Jam) where Jay finally tells Tim everything (not technically everything everything, but, like, everything about what happened with Alex, he's still gonna be a lil idiot and keep his emotions about it locked up tight, but y'know, he's getting there I guess)

He tells Tim about the kiss, and that finally kind of "tears down the walls" and "opens the door" etc for them to actually start sort of working towards a real relationship. They definitely have a longgggggggg way to go, but it's a start. It allows Jay to start genuinely trusting that Tim won't hurt him, allows him to genuinely trust that Tim likes and cares for him etc. It's just that kind of thing that lets them feel a little safer in each other than that would have otherwise.

I think specifically the "I tore down my walls" bit, like, Jay did that himself. Tim didn't barge in and tear those walls down, Jay started dismantling them himself, sure he had Tim's help, but it was still his decision to do it. Y'know?

Is it going to last forever? No.

Are the events of MH gonna happen anyway and tear them apart just like in the series, make them stop trusting each other etc? Absolutely. Tho I don't think I'm gonna go into that in chapter 4, that'll mostly be a happy ending for them (tho rest assured there'll definitely be a bit of angst in it, because who do you think I am?)

But yeah. "Baby I'm yours" Jay finally feeling like he's able to fully give himself to someone, sexually, romantically, everything, whereas with Alex it was only ever sexually. He didn't get his other, emotional, needs met through that relationship, he will with Tim. Even though Tim definitely doesn't really know what he's doing either. He has more of an idea than Jay though, even if he's probably only really able to express it/talk about it in a kinda clinical way.

(Honestly I feel like Tim would really struggle with not being super clinical in how he talks about emotions and stuff, like, sure, he doesn't sound exactly like a doctor necessarily, doesn't use scientific words, but given his childhood in the hospital, he'd definitely speak in a way that's very detached from what he's feeling. Like he's trying too hard to be rational and logical rather than looking at it as a whole, in a realistic way. Because if you completely ignore the emotional side of something, you can't be rational about it because you're entirely ignoring a whole part of what's happening. That's what Tim does. He removes himself from the situation emotionally, even with Jay —though I'd say that he either hides his detachment from everything better with Jay, or is slightly, slightly, more attached and in the moment and letting himself experience his feelings, with Jay—)

I'm mad at you For being so cute And changing my mood And altering my rude

This bit's also pretty self explanatory I guess, Jay being kind of, not actually angry at Tim, but just kinda disgruntled at how easy it feels like it was for him to help Jay to trust him. He's mad that he finds Tim cute, attractive, kind, caring, whatever. He's mad at how easy it feels like it was for Tim to help him change his opinion towards relationships etc. Cos like, for Jay I feel like it kind of all happened in the background for most of it, like he was subconsciously working through some of his shit about Alex, and then he gets to maybe a few months before chapter three and suddenly he's falling head over heels.

Tim fell first and fell longer, Jay fell harder and faster, y'know?

Do they both like each other the same amount? Yeah just about, Jay's probably a bit more obsessive with it, but because it's Tim this time he'll be able to keep Jay in check and keep him from becoming viciously dependent on interactions with him in order to inform his mood for the day. Y'know? Does that make sense? Like when every part of your mental stability completely hinges on your interactions with another person and if you think anything is wrong it sends you absolutely spiralling? Had a relationship like that once lmao, not fun. Anyway uh

What's wrong with you You make me sick For being so perfect What did I do What can I do, oh

Just more of Jay being lightheartedly pissed that Tim is so "perfect".

Honestly I feel like if I wanted to I could take these two in a toxic direction too, with Jay putting Tim on a pedestal and obsessing over the fact that he's "perfect." Y'know? Because compared to the end of Jaylex's relationship, the start of Jam's relationship would be pretty damn healthy. But comparing ends to beginnings isn't really an accurate comparison, y'know? Anyway, to begin with, Jay putting Tim on a pedestal would lead to him not being able to see Tim as ever having done anything wrong, but once all the small things pile up, or Tim fucks up in a big enough way, it could send Jay absolutely crashing down in an incredibly destructive spiral, because suddenly Tim's not "perfect" anymore, which means he must be just like Alex, which means he must be doing this maliciously, which could lead to allllll the pent up anger from across both relationships getting let out all at once, all at Tim, which would not be good for either of them.

(because Tim, unfortunately, is gonna be very pissed at Alex when he finds out about the kiss, and ends up managing to convince Jay to see Alex the exact opposite to how he currently does. So instead of Jay insisting none of it was Alex's fault, he'll believe that everything was Alex's fault and that he did it all maliciously, rather than what actually happened, which is that Alex's sense of reality and what would keep the people he cared about safe was extremely warped and he genuinely believed he was doing what's right. He was trying to save Jay. —I wanna write Alex's pov of after Jay leaves in chapter 2 at some point so I can kinda show both sides so it's more clear that no one but the Operator is really to blame.—)

I don't think I'll do that, but honestly who knows, it could be interesting to think about. More angst lmao.

And I wasn't trying To melt this heart of iron But the way you hold me Makes the old me pass away

Again, Jay just sort of lightheartedly lamenting the fact that he fell in love without trying to. He wasn't trying to lower his walls, but it just sort of happened because Tim genuinely made him feel safe. Or safe emotionally. Physically? While they're being hunted and haunted? Nah, not possible really. But emotionally, yeah, Jay feels safe with Tim.

And of course, Tim is very free with cuddles and kisses and gentle, innocent touches, which Jay never really got with Alex unless it was under the guise of aftercare, so that's chipping away at the very old, very rusted on distrust of affection and romance etc. The way Tim holds him makes him feel so different to how he felt when Alex held him.

And I would be lying If I said I wasn't scared to fall again But if you promise me you'll catch me Then it's okay

Just Jay talking about his fear of falling in love again, simple simple. Him trusting that Tim will catch him, won't let him get hurt as he falls. Maybe not even that, maybe not even trust that Tim will catch him, more just that Tim has promised he will, so that on its own is enough for Jay, because with Alex the idea of them ever actually dating was always very quickly shut down because Alex was scared.

Chorus 1 and 2 again

Oh I hate that I Spend my days just wasting time Day dreaming 'til I see you again I'm not used to this

Very much kinda deviating from the exact lyrics of the song here, but to me this bit kind of could be about those months where Jay was all fucked up after they ran into the Operator at Alex's old house. He feels like they wasted time, that he wasted time daydreaming about Tim (because from what he remembers of that morning it seems like Tim was being extra caring towards him, which, unsurprisingly, he kinda daydreamed about and stuff, idk) but like, he's just not used to being taken care of like that, being taken care of like Tim clearly has. He saw it in the entries, he saw it when he woke up and Tim didn't realise he wasn't all fucked up anymore.

Oh I used to be so used to boys just using me For you to be you to me Feels new to me

Lmao well damn. Uh. Self explanatory. Very much self explanatory. Alex was never fully himself with Jay, because of all his internalised bullshit, and Jay honestly doesn't know what was real or not with Alex. Was Alex being nice to him two years ago the real Alex? Or was Alex yelling at him and insulting him and scaring him in the kitchen the real Alex? He doesn't know. Whereas with Tim it feels a lot more straightforward. He feels like he can tell what's real and what's not with Tim. And he feels like he hasn't seen the 'not real' part yet, and hopes he never will.

Though I guess that could be a little dangerous if Tim was being manipulative, because Jay's so caught up in the whole "the first thing Tim did to show him he likes him is the last thing Alex tried" that he wouldn't even realise if that kiss from Tim had purely been done to cause just this. A complete dumbfounded-ness in Jay because he was shown a bit of "genuine" affection straight off the bat. That's not what's happening. Tim just actually likes him and wants to date him etc. But ooooo the evil that it could be if I wanted to make all of Jay's lil love interests into toxic ones. Tho I guess he's a lil toxic too, so.

'Cause I usually cheer for the bad side Love under a bad sign So it makes me mad I'm Falling again Falling again

Self explanatory. Or I guess explained by everything else I've already said, because jesus this is so long and I do not need to reiterate the same thoughts again

Chorus 2 again.

Honestly if you read all of this shit, damn, because why did I write this much? It's a freaking essay lmao. I don't care tho because this fic has eaten my brain and I will rant about it for hours if I can. I love it so much. I get to put so much of myself into both Jay and Tim and awawawawawwawawawawwawawawa

[lady-lissette]

Get to Know Me

Last song: A recent replay of ‘Fallout: New Vegas’ has had most of its music rotating around my brain for the last couple of weeks. To that end, the last song I listened to was Lone Star. 

Currently reading: I found a bunch of Jane Austen’s books at a store for very cheap a while back ($2 per! I couldn’t resist!). I’ve been a little bit busy as of late, so I haven’t been able to progress very far in it, but I started reading Northanger Abbey.

Currently watching: I...don’t watch television, admittedly :’).......... BUT. I’m somewhat proud to say that I started watching a new anime recently; ‘My Happy Marriage’ that came out on Netflix. While it’s only one episode a week, it’s been pretty cute so far! As far as ‘currently and actively’ watching, I’ve been rewatching all of ‘Cooking with Dog’s videos on YouTube, for a bit of nostalgia and to also pick up new recipes to cook for the fam’.

Current obsession: Those youtube channels where people make tiny themed houses/food/set-ups for their hamsters.  😅 ...And building houses in Sims 4!

Thank you both for the tag: @spotofmummery and @tialinffxiv ! Tag, you’re it!: @miqomonkly & @alexoisxiv​ (if either of you would like to partake, but do disregard if not!)

[temporalbystander]

*deep traumatic sigh*

Okay guys... I think it's time I introduced you to someone...

I'd like you all to meet Caleb Talont. My first OC, the basis for pretty much every OC that followed and my first foray into fanfiction. He was basically what I came up with before I got over my childish bashing and "fix all the problems" phase. The cool edgy guy with the powers of darkness yet is still kind and lovable. I'll admit it. He was a Mary Sue. I won't call him a self-insert, I started a story with a self-insert premise and oh boy did I quickly learn I should not be trusted with power.

But hold a wand to my head and threaten the killing curse? I might admit that Caleb is who I wanted to be. Past tense. I'm in a better place but Caleb is still the dark moody mofo he is. I don't blame him, I put him through hell.

Why am I bringing him up now? Well I was 13 when I first came up with Caleb, at least that's when my first post of him was, considering how obsessed I was with fanfiction before that point? And how many times I remember throwing him into Winx and WITCH? I may have been even younger. I mention how young I was to bring up how long it's been. I haven't touched Harry Potter fanfiction in what feels like decades. I haven't seen any of the original movies or reread the books in what I know has been a decade.

So, when I tell you, that seeing a SuperCarlinsBrothers video asking whether or not the Marauder's Map can lie? Well... I hope you'll believe when I say I did not expect that part of my brain, Caleb Talont himself, to wake from his coma and go "hold my butterbeer. I've got this."

I really, REALLY, like giving magic logical analysis and breakdowns. Not in a "magic is science we don't understand" type of bull that lead to stories where muggles proved they couldn't be trusted with the knowledge of magic existing, kind of way. But in a "it's all around us, it follows general trends and here are some guidelines to make using it easier but it's magic. The skys the limit just don't go too nuts too quickly okay?" Kind of way.

One way is "it's physics with extra laws." The other is "rotate your wand like this? Fire. Flick it like this? Water. Okay now watch what I can do without the wand."

I know what I find more fun. Magic should be poetry. It should be art. Sure it has a rhythm and some kind of structure but it doesn't NEED to."

Anyway. With that done. I will not be restarting any Caleb stories or moving them to AO3. I am however now open for any Harry Potter views debates or opinions you can throw at me.

I still have not watched the CarlinBros video by the way.

[i--antimony]

TRIUMPHANT RETURN OF THE TUESDAY

first tuesday again no problem instead of tuesday again (problem) in a while

listening: twilight mirage! the TM soundtrack was my study music as well so twilight mirage all the way around. i just finished miracle of the mirage and have moved into the transition eps to the new system. my friend told me he listens to shostakovich's festive overture before exams and i thought about trying that but idk if im powerful enough for it. also shostakovich is gym music. to me. and i dont want to ruin that association

reading: this locked tomb fic was ... i think reblogged by someone i follow? it's not bad. i feel like the characterization of camilla is a little strange but also it's a perfect lyctorhood + 700 year time skip au so it's not a huge deal. large portion of it is very horny, for some reason the nsfw sections were not hitting, i did skim most of them, otherwise excellent distraction from studying.

i also found this very charming. i'm not normally a DC superhero person but i think the conceit of a normal ass person who is incapable of being killed and is acting in a believable way about it is very cute and fun.

watching: some misc youtube videos, evan and katelyn etc. nothing substantial otherwise.

making: oh i be making! my pottery stuff is all coming along, i really hope some of it gets fired before i leave sunday...no pictures really of those guys at the moment but rest assured. there will be images when the glaze fires are done

yesterday after my final (well, after the nap after my final) i started working on the print block that i've been rotating in my brain for weeks

might be girlbossing a little close to the sun with the numbers on the dial but we'll see....

i also went to life drawing yesterday, the 5min poses and my first attempt at the long pose were flops but my short gestures and second attempt weren't bad

i wanted to spend more time on the cloth but i was just using. a mechanical pencil with hard lead. and it was a huge pain in the ass.

misc: after weathering a weak of giga-antibiotic (fine) and a steroid treatment (bad), i am reluctantly probably going to get little tubes put in my eardrums like i am a child. it will be. fine. im excited to not feel dizzy and uncomfortable any more. enormous pain in the ass though. basically a full month of bad ear hell has really not made the end of this semester any easier.

on the plus side, my monday final (8am, lmao,) is done! goodbye quantum!!! no promises til i get my grade back tomorrow obviously but my gut feeling is that i probably passed the class. he really asked some ass questions (all semester ive been like "there's no way he asks us to derive clebsch gordan coefficients WELL,) but it's over. so. hurrah. next tuesday again no problem will be at home with a puppy >:D

[vvarhound]

WEIRD DREAM but such an insanely personally "this is the topography of my brain" dream that I almost hesitate to share it, but I also don't want to forget about it so I gotta write it down.

I was mad at my mom for some reason, and the whole thing was sort of taking place when I was living with my parents, although I was like "This isn't right, I shouldn't still be living with them" - I just couldn't remember in the dream that I actually didn't anymore. So I LEFT, by climbing off a second story balcony and just walking off down the street. No intended destination, just pure undiluted "LEAVING." At some point, some other random people showed up, and were walking with me. We got to an intersection with three possible routes, and someone who had gone ahead came back from the right side street and said that way was no good, the building ahead was flooded. So I was looking at the other two streets (left or straight ahead) and in the sky, in massive black clouds and fiery sunset reds, above the other streets were giant foreboding X's. The right side was the same black and red clouds, but instead of an X it looked like an ANCHOR? I guess I was thinking "anchor = keeps boats from drifting away = safety / stability" so I decided we should go that way.

The building ahead was one of these brutalist nightmare labyrinth parking garage industrial building things that are a recurring location in my dreams, although this is the first time I've ever actually approached and entered from the outside instead of the dream already starting inside. It was like a maze of concrete ramps and pillars, and sure enough, parts of it were flooded and inaccessible, and no one wanted to even touch the water much less swim in it, because it was weird and oily. And there was STUFF in there. Mostly pale blobby humanoid survival horror monster looking guys who were attempting to GET us. Gradually I got more and more separated from any of the other people who had been walking with me, as they either gave up and turned back or got GOTTEN, or just because I was able to navigate deeper into the place - also because touching the gross water was, naturally, starting to MUTATE me. Also this lady started sort of showing up, watching me from a distance - and she was what my brain decided to term as a WITCH DOCTOR. But not like the stereotypical image of a tribal type "witchdoctor" more like "she is a witch and she is also a doctor" lol. She LOOKED human even though she was lurking around amongst the blob guys, and had dark red hair, and was extremely hot.

Eventually I got to a big room that just had a straight up video game obstacle course. Moving platforms, rotating spiky poles, bars I had to jump and grab to swing across pits, stuff that was periodically on fire, the works. All suspended above a floor that was crawling with those blobby monster guys. I got about halfway across when the witch doctor, who had been watching me AMUSEDLY, said "You know you can just come down here, they won't attack you anymore." So I crawled down off the platform I was on and sure enough, I was sufficiently mutated by that point so the blob guys ignored me. But I knew I wasn't COMPLETELY mutated yet. So the witch doctor lady took me to this SURGEON, who never said anything in the entire duration of the dream, face was completely covered by goggles and a surgical mask, creepy dude. So then I was lying on a table and he numbed me up (the witch doctor "tested" this by like... BITING me and going "did you feel that" and perhaps you can see where this dream is heading lol) and then when I couldn't feel anything, he cracked my ribcage open (allowing ribs to become like jaws) and installed cybernetics n'shit. And then when he was done, but while I was still lying on the table with my mutant guts hanging open and all, the witch doctor climbed on top of me and. Y'KNOW. I don't know what the hell has been going on recently with all of these dreams that I am incredibly disappointed to wake up from but I hope my brain keeps it up lol