#that's the one thing i'm not looking forward to going back to panera

[dragonsdendoodles]

Do you have any trans Enoch head cannons?

You know I do and quite a few of these are angsty. No I'm not sorry

He never actually came out to anyone, I don't think. He hates explaining it to people so he just doesn't. If someone he doesn't know asks why he sounds like that or why he's so small, he'll make something up about his age or genetics, but if it's someone he's close to he just gets kind of quiet and tries to change the subject.

The others do know about it--Enoch isn't exactly great at being subtle about anything. There were some awkward conversations, and there was a bit of fumbling here and there due to confusion on some of the more sheltered kids' end, but they all accept him. There hasn't been any conflict or anything about that. (In fact, a good handful of the others are trans too.)

There's only been one incident in the Acre thus far because of it, and it started because he and Horace were being a little less careful about being gay in public in 1886 than they should have been, and also because Enoch is physically incapable of shutting his mouth and is happy to list off plenty of reasons he's going to hell when prompted.

On bad dysphoria days he doesn't leave the basement, not even for food. He only lets Miss Peregrine, Horace, and Bronwyn in his room to bring him meals. (The others can come in if they ask really nicely, but he doesn't like it because he knows how bitchy he can come across sometimes and he feels bad about it.) This does not get better after the whole face scar thing.

No one in the house knows his deadname. No one would ask, but he's still not telling you.

Someone suggested he named himself after his peculiarity (the Book of Enoch is about the revolt of God's angels before the flood. Fall of Lucifer, stuff like that) and I fucking love that idea and I'm stealing it. That's canon now fight me

Enoch has had... not great experiences with people outside of Miss Peregrine's loop finding out about this. It was another big reason alongside his peculiarity that he was treated so badly in his old loop. Sometimes that makes him refuse to talk loud enough for anyone but whoever's next to him to hear, because "people always guess right, and then I open my mouth and they 'correct' themselves."

Horace helps a lot, doing anything from helping him pick out clothes to actually yelling at people for making transphobic comments even if they weren't actually about Enoch, which makes Enoch happier than he thinks he has any right to be. Horace insists this is stupid and is happy to be the big loud scary one for once so Enoch won't feel as bad.

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Monday, January 8th, 2024!

11:32am HCI class this morning, really boring still I regret to inform everyone 😂 no tests this semester, just projects. Easy A but a real brain drain. Not letting the brain drain get to me though! Hopped out of that class (9-11am) and now I'm at Panera getting free coffee (it's chilly out!). I'm going to shoe carnival to use a $15 voucher and also other little errands today. I just realized I'm really hungry (I had 2 prebiotic sodas last night and absolutely BLEW UP this morning so I actually don't think there's anything in my stomach tbh haha). I think I should get a snack bc my stomach will pass start hurting soon. Just checking in! New semesters can be overwhelming so I'm gonna keep coming back here.

11:49am have selected bogo bacon mcdoubles for lunch with my coffee :) eating food is good for you! I am very thankful ❤️

2:34pm lol I went down a rabbit hole and I'm about to be off my phone for the rest of the day. But it's worth it bc I looked on Vividseats and found a $20 after tax ticket to see Company at the Straz tmrw. I have heard of this musical before but didn't know what it was or any of the songs. Omg I didn't the last 1.5 hrs listening to the original Broadway cast recording in my car and investigating the plot and I am very excited!! This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about I had no idea that's what I was going to do today and definitely had no idea I was going to see a Broadway show tomorrow night when I freaking woke up this morning, how do I explain to people that this literally is my hobby. Novelty and new experiences is my hobby. Learning about things is my hobby. Listening to new music is my hobby. Reading about how they are being hot and *controversial* about the gender swap in this revival of a 50+ year old play?? I find this fascinating and I am excited AF now about something I couldn't tell you one lick about this morning. This is my favorite thing to do. This is such a perfect example of my idea of a good time.

Do other people never do things like this?? It's spontaneous, but not expensive or dangerous or retarded, it's just spontaneous and interesting to me personally.

4:05pm I actually went to shoe carnival and used the coupon in their email and got a pair of yellow box sandals for $7 even! Just got home, ate a granola bar and am about to take a nap.

11:45pm I want to text him. I'm ALSO FIVE DRINKS IN LMAO. OFC I wish I had a man to fuck rn. I GOT MYSELF DINNER AND DRINKS!!!! NOW it feels like I've been wined and dined and primed to FUCK. But it's literally just me.... I wined and dined myself bc it's the first day of school, things are stressful and they're bound to be more stressful going forward. I wanted to treat myself before I get depressed AF. Is there another man/ woman here?? Fuck NO. I got ME, MYSELF and I BITCH. Dinner was a delicious pizza from king state and a cocktail and 4 shots while I watched "Hair" so yeah ofc I'm COMFORTABLE AND TURNED ON THAT'S LITERALLY ALL IT FUCKING TAKES I'M NOT DIFFICULT BY ANY FUCKING MEANS. one day there will be a man that understands, but until then it's just me, I got me, I know me better than anyone else. All the men I've met are JUST A DELUSION IN MY MIND BRO I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND I *CLEARLY* HAVE NOT MET HIM YET and that's ok,bc ..... I got ME.

Hopefully this rant has dissuaded me from texting him bc wtf he's SO FUCKED UP EVEN IF HE ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT ME HE'S UNABLE TO FUCKING DO SHIT ABOUT IT. HE'S A BUM ASS BITCH AND CAN'T MEET YOUR STANDARDS!!!!!!! YOU MEET YOUR STANDARDS WHERE YOU ARE EVERY DAMN DAY. HE FUCKED UP AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT HIM ANYMORE. LITERALLY LET HIM ROT ONG BC HIS DUMBASS PICKED A LIL BITCH OVER YOU (A STRONG ASS HO WHO DOESN'T TOLERATE BULLSHIT!!!!!). THE END OMG.

1:34am why TF am I still awake ooooorhhg I am killing myself fr.

[beansprean]

Queening the Pawn Act 2 Part 4

Nandor, you stupid slut...

Act 1

Act 2: Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10

(ID in alt and under cut)

ID: 1a. Wide shot in profile, both men looking a bit bashful and relieved. Nandor is rubbing his hands together and looking away with a proud little smile, thinking to himself, "I am going to get a good grade in friendship, something that is normal to want and possible to achieve." Guillermo sits across from him, rubbing his arm and smiling fondly at the ground, thinking "This is going...well?" In the background, on a chest of drawers against the far wall, there is a brass pot, a stack of books, and one book propped up that eagle-eyed viewers may recognize as Mortimer J Adler's "How to Speak, How to Listen," the same book Nandor was reading in the bonus art between acts 1 and 2. 1b. Close up on Guillermo, still looking to the floor with a shy little smile, as he says "Um...one thing I will say is I'm actually surprised you were planning to turn me that early..." 1c. Shot from behind Guillermo's head as he continues, "But I guess if your hangup this whole time was just that it didn't work before, then..." Guillermo trails off as he looks up and sees Nandor, who now looks incredibly nervous and sweaty. His eyes are wide, darting away, his hands are fiddling together, and his mouth is tightly shut. Guillermo, confused, prompts, "Nandor?"

2a. Wide profile shot. Guillermo's face drops into irritated neutrality and he leans forward, elbows on his knees as if exhausted, and flatly repeats, "Nandor." Nandor plants his hands on his knees and straightens his back, whipping his head around to look in the opposite direction and continue avoiding Guillermo's gaze. He babbles, brow furrowed, "What, what? I have told you the truth already! I have spilled my beans, yet you are still so suspicious, Guillermo!" 2b. Close up on Guillermo glaring sternly at the viewer (but really at Nandor), a pleading tilt to his brow and a painful redness under his eyes as he says, "You pinkie promised, Master." A circular panel pops up in the corner with Nandor's reaction, which is to grimace and hunch his shoulders defensively while squinting off to the side and muttering a quiet "Fuck." 2c. Profile shot from the side. Nandor directs his eyes nervously up to the ceiling, hands lifted palms-up in a shrug, and admits "Okay, so it was not actually my intention to turn you that day." Guillermo straightens with a snap and leans forward in shock, shouting, "What?" Nandor continues, "I was just going to hypnotize you into forgetting me and send you back to Panera Bread!" Guillermo repeats, louder, "What?!" 2d. Shot from behind Guillermo as he slumps over again, head in his hands. Nandor throws his shrugging arms out wider, still wearing an uncomfortable grimace, and explains, "That's what you do when you are tired of a familiar! If you don't eat them... No one actually turns them!" Guillermo moans into his hands, "Holy shit, you are actually the worst." /end ID

[star-gf]

oh how time has flown - a journal entry

TW: sa, abuse, mental illness

the great thing about tumblr is that it feels like i'm just screaming into the void. which is exactly what i need. no one hears and no one knows. i don't think there's anyone i know irl that still follows this account so that's relieving. if there is, I can't tell because when I open my 'followers,' it's blank entirely. if you're here, i'm sorry lol

–

it's currently 1:11am on a fine october monday morning. i'm sitting on my bed, feverishly typing my feelings away.

lately more than ever, i've been having these flashbacks, some pleasant but most horrifying. and even the pleasant ones tend to bring me down now anyways.

the pleasant ones being over-romanticizations of fond memories like eating at panera with my best friend in high school, spontaneous midnight dutch runs with my ex, and having the best times with my coworkers as a manager at a clothing store.

they're beautiful pieces of my own ancient history.

a total andy bernard moment, right? if only there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

the horrifying ones being memories i've tried so hard to forget. the year long sexual abuse as a minor. the emotionally abusive 3-year long relationship with my ex. the even more traumatic breakup that followed. and many other things i doubt i can bring myself to say aloud.

it seems whether pleasant or other, my memories serve to haunt above all else. they weigh on me with insurmountable pressure.

–

i, for the life of me, cannot seem to move forward in one way or another. you know, if you'd asked me 6 years ago where i'd be now, i would have confidently told you i'd graduated two years prior and was finishing up my teaching credential.

how my tragedy-stricken life had plans of its own...

i promise, i am trying to make the best of my life and take action in any way i can, but 98% of the time i feel frozen.

i googled it, it's called executive dysfunction.

great! i have an unofficial name for it. now what?

i feel so stagnate and confined. i want a good life so bad. i don't know where to go... or maybe i do? i think i know where, i just don't know how to get there.

excuse me, sir. when's your next flight to at peace, in love, and finally free?

i'm dying to get there. dying. i want the happy life! finally! let me have it! please?!

i feel pain in my chest at the thought of getting there.

i want the happy life! finally! let me have it!

–

truthfully, i just want peace. i'm tired of being too anxious to enjoy anything in life.

can't watch netflix because i have to be working. if i'm not working, i'm not worthy of existing.

i am operating from a place of extreme financial guilt, i am aware.

can't play my switch because it's actually my ex-boyfriend's and even looking at it makes me want to cry.

i miss you, link, but our DLC challenges will have to wait another year. my heart must heal.

i miss you too, terrisview (animal crossing village; note that i did not name the island, my ex did). i will come back for you. i will pick your weeds, unearth your fossils, and eat your apples once more. my heart must heal.

can't leave the house because what if someone needs me? what if i'm not here to ease the explosive tension should an outburst erupt?

you remember the last time you left, right? you know it's your responsibility to ensure this household's happiness, right? because even if you absolutely cannot prevent an incident, it's still on you to console, mend, and repair.

i am so tired.

–

this vent is yet another form of executively dysfunctional procrastination. i'm supposed to be writing out IG content for a client... and here i am, enjoying a long overdue cry instead.

i can't wait to get where i am going. i am sick. i am tired. i am doing everything i can and it's still not good enough. fuck, dude.

...

well, it was nice catching up! signing off for now. chat soon!

xoxo, sam

[serak-sarak-meta-sarahk]

Public and aloneness, is it possible? I don't know.

It is also kind of a foodie hack it feels like. I have pre list place of normalcy alone places not for gram stuff.

Newks Cafe wow. Panera wow. Starbuck for how dire and how quickly to open time exactly they let people in, wow. These places for how wifi alone people get left.

Then local places wow. I do want to share them if I notice a cool anti trafficky about it. If it goes wholesome meal time good time fun time decorative food laughs. This coffee shop that people would think was super local. I wanted to be their stanner honestly at the presentation of just 7 times there maybe but even going beyond to try the pretty. I knew they were anti trafficking so I didn't stan them up.

If you've gotten the chance to meet an owner yet. Maybe then I'll drop it as a one time you know not two time example.

I did take a one purple and one green drink of two at one place in Alabama, The Avenue... but the woman in me wanted to take a full meal.

The Avenue Pub the food demonstration there and I would get one alcoholic. Omg it makes the night. My ex trying to be would get like turned off at how pretty they were and then you could get one the next time and you look forward to one single drink presentation usually around the meal. So if the bar is backed up it still just looks so cool. Sometimes I would think about taking a pic of those meals. Because it was so pretty.

I really did appreciate that about the avenue.

I did go work at chuys once. Because they gave me those passes I did try it once. The food there it can get so heavy. With the pass I really tried it once. This is the income the brand ambassador thing helped with. Then I would feel guilty at how much I was making. I did get some phone wifi at Barton Springs so even your alone time your still paying in with the free passes. Sometimes if it's as bold as Barton Springs and the wifi isn't gonna be good by really 10 minutes before it gets anxiety. Really wifi check 30 before. But yeah, super creepy and horrifyin when the wifi doesn't work at the close to job time. But then it is an Austin Java day. That was always the sweet realization of the fun anti trafficking daya to get away from campus not working side outside even the working side at parties or the not working side would run out sometimes by 2016 no police at all or word of them i has ran from some parties no police in 2015 and 2016 just from the party without police. I think with the amount of crowds that did this early at parties or were at food places during big party weekends instead. I didn't feel alone then I could get inside. I would just go home alone or get food. Since your trying to work that job thing it's like a life to not get trafficked with the anti trafficking brands alone. That job was a huge help and omg what they say about even the omelets being good. Maybe coffee or like I tried some weird foods. On that working path alone from asking the small coffee places what to try there after tipping well for what looked good. Platonic places this is fun.

Even though it was usually a 17 crowd who never saw police or there were more people getting tf out before police. But I could stay sober even on days out trying to go out.

Trying to explain the brand structure. It's so weird to say people would think it was cool interesting. Which is an outro to leave alone honestly. Truly lights out if the quality wasn't good when it showed up. But then it was so I did use the Today show for motivation to training wheels job the idea further than just me being attached to the structure idea and campaigns they ran around me saving to try to decide with the structure.

The one I found had hard to choose designs. Campsy study place not even bars I could just pitch the brand product supply line then people thought it was cool. Then it'd only study kind of e places that I'm dropping this at.