#that's the thing my parents aren't mean or anything. it just somehow doesn't connect between the desire to make their kid feel loved

[anaalnathrakhs]

manifesting for everyone people who love them how they want to be loved 🙏

[kingedmundsroyalmurder]

Retro-Janeing: chapters 12 and 13

Enter Irene, my least favorite character of this whole story. I do actually think I dislike Irene even more than grandmother, and for the same reason Jane does: with Grandmother, you know where you stand. She doesn't like you and she'll make that obvious. Irene pretends to not be as poisonous as she actually is, and it's never quite established if it's deliberate artifice or if she genuinely doesn't see herself as poisonous and manipulative.

From the start, we get evocative and unpleasant verbs for Irene. She pounces on Jane. Her laughter is a gurgle. Later on she'll purr over Andrew, a verb which somehow gives me the creeps when applied to a human woman and not a cat. This is LMM in her element, using every aspect of her craft to bring us an image of a dreadful person.

Also I think if someone had tried to call me "lovey" at 11 I would have hated them instantly.

Anyway, Irene is subtly but firmly trying to make Jane feel unwanted right from the get go. This girl is 11 and you don't know her. There is literally no good reason to tell her "I told your dad not to send for you." Again, I can't quite tell if Irene is treating Jane like a grownup and expecting her to have the emotional maturity to handle this kind of thing or if she's trying to make Jane feel bad on purpose. (Also, what does she want to happen here? Does she want Jane to feel like she's a burden and ask to go home early?)

Side observation: what the hell was the Stuarts' home life like as children? "I've always been more like a mother to him" is a weird thing to say about your brother when your shared mom was alive and well at least into both of your adulthoods. Was their mother like this as well? Did she and Irene get along? This whole thing is just weird to me. Irene also has a different last name -- is she widowed? Or do she and Andrew actually have different fathers and that’s why there's such an age gap?

"One really couldn't expect a lovely little doll like her to be a cook...or a manager either for that matter and I told your father that often enough." I'm going to immediately retract something I said last chapter. Yes, Robin had her ideas about love influenced by her mother, but Robin thinks that Andrew's ideas of love are influenced by Irene. Robin thinks Irene has fully poisoned Andrew against her and that any connection between her and Jane will reflect badly on Jane. I hate Irene so much.

"I hope you'll have a good sleep, lovey. You don't know what it means to me to have you sleeping under my roof...Andrew's little girl...my only niece. And I was always so fond of your mother...but...well, I don't quite think she ever really liked me. I always felt she didn't, but I never let it make any difference between us. She didn't like to see me and your father talking much together...I always realized that. She was so much younger than your father...a mere child...it was natural for him to turn to me for advice as he'd always been used to do. He always talked things over with me first. She was a little jealous, I think...she could hardly help that, being Mrs Robert Kennedy's daughter. Never let yourself be jealous, Janie. It wrecks more lives than anything else. Here's a puff, lovey, if you're chilly in the night. A wet night in P. E. Island is apt to be cool. Good night, lovey." Again, this is not something you say to an 11 year old girl you don't know. Irene has known Jane for, what, an hour at absolute most? And look, we aren't told outright, but Jane clearly looks unwell, yeah? She's exhausted, miserable, and hasn't eaten in weeks. LMM is very big on characters' emotional states impacting their appearance, so we can infer that right now Jane probably looks awful. This is really not the time to be dumping painful family history on her, much less this kind of thing. I take back every mean thing I've ever thought about Andrew -- he is stunningly well adjusted for having Irene as a parental figure and behavioral model.

In the morning Jane continues to refuse food, and realistically at this point she should be feeling dizzy and nauseous from lack of food. Even a "Jane felt ill at the very thought of eating now," would convey the actual physical consequences of going without food for so long. And, although she of course expresses it in the worst way possible, I for once agree with Irene that Jane does need to actually eat something. Of course, Irene does it by scolding and condescending and entirely failing to read Jane's mood. I think there's actually a subtle theme going through all of Irene's appearances that she thinks she's good at reading people and seeing what they feel but actually she's dreadful at it.

But at last Andrew arrives and we are given a reprieve from Irene. And finally Jane gets a compliment that's not immediately followed by a backhanded insinuation!

He also is the first person to grant Jane any actual agency. He may have ignored it when writing the initial letter, but when actually speaking to her he takes the time to ask her what she would like to be called and how she is feeling.

(Sidenote that I just thought of: is "Jane Victoria" what they called her when she was young? I'd assumed Robin did it as a favor to her mother, but Irene also called her that and I don't feel like Irene would acknowledge grandmother at all unless she had to. Unless Irene is playing 5-D chess to try and tie Jane to her grandmother as strongly as possible? Again, I can't actually figure out what Irene wants here.)

Also I am starting to build an image of what LMM's ideal romantic lead is at this point in her life and "drives an old, unreliable car" is definitely a criterion. Is our Maud secretly into grease stains and the smell of petrol? Get this woman a guy in coveralls with a rag hanging out his back pocket stat.

[rametarin]

Another day..

Another stupid instance of witnessing people talk about Andrew Tate the way some bloviating megachurch televangelist jokes about rock singers being embodiments of Satan.

Just, switch out "icon of sin" with, "the fathead icon for the disaffected male to school shooter pipeline." Same stupid Satanic Panic, different bad guy that somehow represents a clandestine conspiracy for everything wrong in the world outside their control.

Tate is a moron and the manosphere a shallow and pathetic corner to sulk in, but my god some of you act like he's a J-RPG boss where if you just defeat him, evil will evaporate from the world, and, holy fuck. No. That's not how it works. That's not how men work. That's not how anything works. He has the same destined footprint as all those 80s self-help gurus. Do you remember them? Nobody does. They were popular and influential for all of a window of months before people abandoned them like last May's fashion.

Maybe I'm just sore but, I was in highschool when there was panic about the "Trenchcoat Mafia." Where students got stigmatized as potential school shooters because they had big, heavy coats where, WHO KNEW, MAYBE THEY WERE SPORTING A FIREARM BENEATH THEM.

But everybody fucking knew what was coming. The people looking for "signs" someone might be a potential school shooter, which meant scrutiny against boys specifically, any signs of "antisocial thoughts or behavior," which meant conform to what they looked for as 'good people' extra hard or be put in the Potential Shooter category to watch and get way too clumsily involved in their home lives with.

And with the not so quiet grumbling by radical feminism making Mars Panic a thing, insinuating there's some connection between any organized vocal resistance to anything Radical Feminism wants and automatically associating it with this chimerical ball of everything they're opposed to (as it must all somehow link together, even if it doesn't make sense) suddenly that means Andrew Tate existing means of course some angry gradeschooler called out for his racism or sexism is going to get so pouty he shoots up a school or something. Because clearly, "that's how men's brains work in THIS society", right?

But you point out how some demographics are acceptable to be ignorant towards, and trample on their civil rights just because they're a majority, and you get back, "LOL YALL WANNA BE OPPRESSED SO BAD . :^)" from Class Struggle Theorists. And you cannot have Radical Feminism without characteristics of Critical Legal Theory or Class Struggle Theory. Take the socialist shit away, you take the heart of radical and academic Feminism away- it just becomes general egalitarianism and actual drives for equality, untainted by arbitrary socialist relations rhetoric.

So we get Duluth models of criminal justice and domestic violence policies that obligately treat the man as the aggressor and person to remove from the situation, the woman to give the house, and red flag laws that target men to remove their firearms because someone else, "doesn't feel safe." And them arguing this is "perfectly okay, not at all a violation of their civil rights," because men.

Some of you project so hard and see Tate as such a threat, because he's that guy you wish you could anthropomorphize The Patriarchy into just to have a boss fight. And.. he's just not that. He will never be that. He does not represent that. He never did. He never will. He's an idiot that disaffected milquetoast losers watch, and he's not even anywhere NEAR as popular as you people think he is.

Just because you aren't a bleating member of a church that dimly just does whatever the fiery charismatic preacher steers you to think and do on the basis of God, don't think you're free of the faux pas of acting like a grazing sheep, when you bleat and eat the grass. Many parents hated rock and metal music because they didn't represent the sorts of axioms and values that they wanted to see reproduced in behaviors and thoughts by shallow parents into their kids.

And projecting every irritated, disaffected boy as a potential mass murderer just because they disagree with you and what you believe to be the sum total of human civilization and culture and moral rightness, just because you believe it's more valid than religion, is extreme church sheep behavior.

[anarmorofwords]

I kinda wanna write a better version of tlh where Tatiana is still insane but there's no Belial bc that makes zero sense to me

In this version there would be:

Kamanna done correctly with actual genderqueer rep and not toxic relationships

Barbra and Oliver bc fight me she didn't die

Genie and Filomena bc I love them and all the lightwoods are queer

The gracelet doesn't even happen bc I refuse to write that

Grace is pretty much still the same but she breaks off their(hers and james') relationship bc she notices that he loves Cordelia

No bad James. He's not a shitty person to Alastair, and he doesn't treat Cordelia like a sex object

Anna puts a stop to Kellington and Matthew's relationship before it gets serious. She also tries to get him to stop drinking all the time

Alastair apologizes around seeing them again for the first time. The merry thieves are a little reluctant because of some of the things he did but they don't actively try to keep him away from events that they're at

Matthew notices how Alastair looks at Thomas and locks them in the sanctuary with Genie and Cordelia's help

Grace gets badly injured due to a mistake in necromancy and Christopher helps her treat it without letting people know

Lucie meets Jesse, and falls in love ofc, so in order to bring him back successfully she asks Malcolm to train her in using her magic

Matthew opens up to his mom about the incident. She doesn't blame him at all and instead apologizes for often putting her work before him

Matthew finds out about Charles and Alastair because he found Alastairxs break up letter to Charles

Matthew, the mother hen he is, decided to attempt to murder his older brother, only being stopped by James who had been there at the right time

Kamala ends things with Charles and tells Anna that she still loves them and hopes that she will give her another chance

Anna told her that they needed time to think, and that she is worried how Kamala's reputation will be affected if anyone besides their friends and Anna's family finds out

Kamala respects her decision and doesn't contact her until Anna's ready to talk about things

The merry thieves don't ignore Christopher and they actively listen and help him

The merry thieves also aren't terrible to Grace bc they realize she's been isolated alone with Tatiana and 1) she might not understand what's saying/doing is wrong or 2) that sometimes she's trying to push them away so her abilities don't accidentally make them do something

Good tid parents

James and Alastair being respectful to each other despite personal differences

Matthew, Alastair, Kamala, Christopher, and Grace being besties, or as I call them, the neglected squad

No fetishizing mlm/wlw

Domestic cuddles and taking care of the other one when they're sick

Jesse/Lucie/Matthew pairing bc I love them and I refuse to pick between lucie/matthew and lucie/jesse

Christopher teaching Grace the elements(at the time) on the periodic table

Tatiana dies at the end yay

It's very unpolished and I'm open to b hearing any feedback and/or suggestions that anyone may have

The idea came to me and I decided it would be best if I told someone before I forgot

hi, I'm sorry it took so long,but I wanted to properly answer this and I keep having either internet connection issues or little time

DON'T BE SHY, WRITE THIS 👀

In all seriousness tho... THIS IS ABSOLUTE PERFECTION?!? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START I AM UTTERLY IN LOVE WITH THIS IDEA, I NEED IT

Look, I've been on the verge of rewriting ChoI, and I keep saying I want someone to write a TLH that will live up to its potential, but I've never actually came up with a proper idea for it, and you?!! YOUR BRAIN DARLING THIS IS GENIUS

ok hold up I'll just react to each and every single one so

yes please?!? I mean it started off so sweet in EEV?! Also actually genderqueer Anna and not dancing around the subject like CC is doing now?! That's what they deserve, and that's what we all deserve too

yesss please. also just,,,, Barbara, the feminine, not-wanting-to-fight-which-doesnt-make-her-less-badass queen that she is, getting the page space and appreciation she deserves

that's actually brilliant?!? it would be so great, just imagine the new girl arrives for her travel year and Genie is completely awestruck. I'm so invested in Joshwood it's difficult to imagine not having them, but this is actually the only valid alternative?!

ok that's fine. I think it could still happen and be done well, but tbh for now... the gracelet doesn't seem to have done anything relevant to the plot itself? I mean yeah it messed up James's life and Jordelia, but what did it give Belial? Tatiana? nothing. It makes no sense atm.

could be! maybe she's still encouraged by Tatiana to befriend/seduce him, but without the gracelet it doesn't work out? or maybe James somehow manages to realize that she's in danger and he actually like,,,, kidnaps her? idk idk

yes. YES. just,,,,z James is a sweet compassionate literature nerd who accidentally makes a good leader and he actually cares about people, and not just judges them from his high horse; he does still have hero syndrome, but he's kind and respectful and overall a good character

ANNA INTERVENES ABOUT KELLINGTON PLZ. PEOPLE ACTUALLY NOTICE MATTHEW'S STRUGGLES. JAMES DOES, TOO, BECAUSE THERE'S NO GRACELET.

ok yes, so what about: basically TMT don't harass Alastair and accept his apology, and realize they were also being stupid and mean at times at the Academy (especially Math). Matthew doesn't want to accept Alastair's apology, because of The Sin, but his behaviour alerts the rest of TMT and they inquire what's wrong and he tells them about the sin and that's how he later tells his parents (because his friends encourage him) and as you say, she just hugs him and reassures him it's not his fault; so after that Matthew slowly begins to heal and accepts it wasn't Alastair's fault, and also since they've kind of adopted/started including Alastair in things, he can't help but notice he's actually changed and he even starts to grow fond of him

then like you said, Matthew notices Thomas likes Alastair PLEASE HE SO WOULD. I'm not sure about the Sanctuary, if it actually happens (I'll get to why later on), but him and Lucie get really invested in the matchmaking schemes, they include Genie/Kamala because these two are friends with Alastair (both? Or at this point only Kamala?) but they also share some Moments during their scheming/talking about love 👀 (yes I'm a Fairdale shipper, I think it's time to expose myself lol)

Which leads me to (sorry I'm going off order rn) YES YES YES LUCIE AND MATH PLEASE. A FELLOW SHIPPER, HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU. But since we're actually fixing him then we can give Jesse a personality and I'm totally down for poly Math/Lucie/Jesse

Lucie seeking Malcolm's help in secret, morally gray heroine style?!? no, it's probably not legal. but also has there ever been a Shadowhunter like her? If the Law doesn't expect such situations, it can't really forbid them...

Plz Matthew ready to strangle the carrot when he learns about their relationship, YES. sure, maybe he's still not the biggest fan of Alastair, but he's seen how much the boy's been through and starts to develop an attachment to him, and besides, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE GROOMED AND TREATED LIKE THAT. He's SO MAD at Charles, and he confronts him about it - remembering Kellington as he does, and it makes him sick to think his brother would do the same thing to someone. Maybe he gets very emotional over this and later finally tells his friends about Kellington? Maybe they didn't know before, only Anna did? So when they all realize what was happening then they comfort him etc? Or maybe it's just Alastair that learns now, and the others knew before, and they share a bonding moment over that?

Injured Grace seeking Kit's help is a genius idea I didn't know I needed

Kamanna giving each other time and space and deciding they need to question their relationship and figure out if it actually makes sense would be great. Anna realising she's very privileged and Kamala doesn't have those same opportunities, and also in general realising coming out should never be pressured or forced. Just,,,, Anna being self-aware and respectful towards Kamala. Well-written Anna. Plz. Also Kamanna is actually developed and not just "in love" because,,,,, they're attracted to each other? Maybe even remaining friends while Anna makes up their mind?

yeah just TMT being more compassionate and less judgy because they're not written by Judith so her bias isn't projected onto them

It's not a want, it's a need. They adopt Alastair and Grace eventually. Like, maybe not literally - although, Grace? - but you know what I mean.

I think they all should just have various friendship dynamics and switch between them, because people need more than one friend group

no fetishizing, no watching your brother make out with his lover, yessss

yes domestic cuddles, affection, taking care of wounds, all those things. plz.

Gracetopher bonding over science yes

obviously. or maybe she's imprisoned?!

ok, now for some more notes/my ideas etc., if you don't mind:

I actually think Belial could still be featured? After all, I don't think Tatiana could do much on her own, and since she seeks help from demons, it makes sense to include a Greater Demon as well. But Belial would have to be a stronger villain, written better; I'll think more about this

if that was the case, the serial killer plot could still happen, but be done better. and it would allow for a scenario I talked about with @littlx-songbxrd to happen, where it's Alastair who's falsely accused of murder. It creates a great opportunity to explore some things, because we know Alastair is much more likely to be seriously suspected, considering all the prejudices and bad rep his family has and all that

...what do you say to well-written Jordelia? 👀 Cordelia hasn't been obsessively in love with James since childhood, she only had a crush then. And now that they meet again, she's fond of him but not in love, not straight away. They're both grown up, and different people, but as they spend more and more time together, they fall in love. What if Cordelia gets to flirt with some other boys first? What then. What if she ends up choosing James, instead of going for the only boy she's ever had feelings for and idealized since childhood. What if we even make it friends-to-lovers and have James be a little jealous at some point?! but not in a possessive awful way, just "oh damn oh no"

Now I won't know peace until this exists BUT THANK YOU

[hotchley]

i saw your reblog of the Spencer giving Aaron a father's day card thing and i can't stop thinking about how Aaron is the father figure to the entire team now.

(yes I'm also especially thinking about that one scene of Spencer and Derek stuck in the malfunctioning lift shrieking for Aaron just because. 🥴 dad!Hotch ftw!!!!!)

i know this concept has probably been done hundreds of times already but imagine: (SORRY THIS IS GOING TO BE A REALLY LONG ASK, I deeply apologise in advance)

[tw food/eating habits, some references to murder cases because you know this is Criminal Minds, some slight spoilers for people who haven't really watched the show and also reference & mention of autism & a character on the autism spectrum -> just a heads up, a disclaimer, I'm in no way diagnosed with autism, so if i have misrepresented autism, or made any mistakes, i apologise, it wasn't my intention, and i welcome all feedback & criticism — i genuinely want to learn]

a year after Spencer joins the BAU, Aaron notices & becomes very concerned over Spencer's (super bad) eating habits aka him only drinking coffee and forgetting to eat actual proper food when he gets absorbed in cases or research or reading etc -> which results in Aaron absolutely being like "hey Spencer let's grab lunch together" almost everyday just so Spencer eats (healthy, full meals)

(also Spencer picking up on this after Aaron "casually" gets him lunch/treats him to dinner/invites him over for meals for almost every day of the week and he was initially almost irritated/offended until he realised he could use Aaron's habit to make Aaron himself eat properly too because this hypocritical bastard doesn't eat properly himself either so every alternate day you can see Spencer purposely not going for lunch breaks while sneaking glances at Aaron's office just waiting for him to notice and drag them both to lunch together 😌)

also I really think Spencer is on the autistic spectrum (high functioning, imo, but I'm not really sure how this works, and I'd have to do more research) so I'd like to imagine Aaron knows that too because he's noticed Spencer's behaviors + Spencer got an official diagnosis and told him about it maybe 6-7 months into joining the BAU so I really think Aaron lets Spencer stim (physically, his hand gestures) on their lunch break because he knows that Spencer can't really do that in front of the others, so even when they're on cases, he would take Spencer out either for a private lunch or dinner or something, just the two of them, and he'd let Spencer stim & talk about any subject of his fancy as much as he wants to (I'm pretty sure someone wrote a fic like this and I absolutely can't remember the name or the author but I really LOVED the idea too)

initially Spencer was really taken aback too, because you know, this isn't something you do with your boss, of all people, but Hotch had always meant what he says and his facial expression and body language suggested that he was being absolutely sincere and serious about this, so Spencer tentatively started talking, and as their meal progressed, he eventually got comfortable enough to just go on, and not once did Aaron cut him off rudely, until the end of their meal, when Aaron couldn't continue to pretend to drink his soup because he'd finished it somehow with those incredibly small spoonfuls, and he'd had to gently tell Spencer that they had to go back, but Spencer wasn't upset, because he'd just got over an hour to talk about this recent seminar about the connection of ancient Greek mythology to the developments of the society in ancient Greece which no one had ever done for him before and he's full, satisfied and beyond elated because Hotch really didn't have to do this, but he did anyways

at first it was just something between them but eventually Derek noticed & like in the end I think it's a kind of open secret between Aaron, Spencer & Derek and now when Derek notices Aaron doing it he gives Aaron a small nod and he wards off & deals with the questions that the others have when they inevitably notices the private meals Aaron & Spencer has

speaking of Derek, Aaron definitely has 1 on 1 time with Derek too, but doing different things. Derek's thing is sports & home renovations, and he repairs/maintains cars & bikes when he can, and I like to imagine Aaron knowing about his hobbies and casually asking Derek about the home renovation he's working on one time (before or early S1) Derek came into his office to submit a case file, and Derek being kind of shocked/caught by surprised initially (because he knows Hotch has a soft spot for the kid because he's much younger and much, much more inexperienced but Derek's older and should know better, so Hotch won't do the whole private lunch thing with him, right?) but then he grins and starts telling Aaron about how "I got that place absolutely shining right now, man" and then he invites Aaron over to take a look at the place out of courtesy/habit (his mama raised him as a good, polite young man, and no way Hotch would even say yes right?) and to his surprise once again, Aaron does accept his invitation

after that one time, Aaron begins casually asking him about his projects and even starts offering to help him do some of the painting and decorating (to be fair, it calms Aaron too, to have a getaway from Haley and initially from the crying baby, because while he absolutely loved Haley and Jack with all his heart, some days, some days he just couldn't take it, all the stress from Strauss and from trying to be a good father unlike his own, and he had to take some time off to himself, and painting walls is calming and therapeutic to him in some sense) & Derek and Aaron start bonding over hotdogs while sitting out on the front porch of some halfway remodelled house, talking about the latest sports news (they support different baseball teams but that's okay, because Derek gets to grin at Hotch and ask him to pay up when Hotch's team loses to his, and Aaron gets to raise his eyebrows with that small knowing smirk of his and ask Derek to "complete this by the next weekend, will you" when Derek's team loses to his)

when Aaron recruits Penelope, he's read her file, or what little the FBI's cyberteam got on her anyways. he knows the Black Queen's reputation, and he knows that the cyberteam really don't trust her and recommended high levels of surveillance, but the moment he saw her through the glass of the interrogation room and her resume & application on pink paper, he knew that she's not just what the file said she is. initially, she sticks to the "bureau regulated office attire" because you know, Penelope knows she's lucky, she should've been jailed for what she did, she was jailed, until this Aaron Hotchner guy decided, somehow, that she was deserving to be on his team, even after looking at her resume, which she had written on pink paper out of pure spite (because nothing in the FBI rulebooks said anything about submitting your application on specialized coloured paper anyways) but she was moody and unhappy because she's stuck in this tiny office having to answer the phone whenever agents called to ask for details on icky, gruesome murders and disgusting, vile murderers so she decides that hey, since no one ever comes in here anyways, she might as well do some re-decorating right? so she starts bringing in her own soft toys and figurines and starts amassing a whole collection of soft, plushy, and colourful toys in because it's her office and if she has to deal with all these yucky stuff on a daily basis she's going to make it at least bearable to be in here

one day, some tall, stern looking guy just comes into her office with this Tupperware in his hands saying "hey, Garcia right? my wife made some extra cupcakes for the team, you want some?" and she asks "do i know you?" and he blinks, stands there for one, two seconds before- "sorry, i forgot we haven't actually met. Special Supervisory Agent Aaron Hotchner, assistant unit chief of BAU Team 1, nice to meet you," [i like to headcannon that before Boston & all, Hotch was Gideon's assistant, some kind of assistant unit chief probably, but while he wasn't yet the unit chief he was definitely taking care of most, if not all of the administration matters i.e. hiring new agents etc already because let's be real Gideon is caring & capable but really hands off sometimes (also in S1E1 Derek referred to Gideon as their Unit Chief so I assumed Hotch took over the position full time, officially somewhere between S1E1 and S1E2 or 3)]

and then Garcia's brain kind of short-circuits because holy shit this is her BOSS, aka the guy who somehow, crazily looked at her resume and decided to HIRE her and she just asked him if she knew him OH GOD ALL THOSE FIGURINES- and she tries to explain because she really didn't mean to break any rules with them and they aren't, are they? and she can remove them but just, please, she can't go back to prison.

but then Agent Hotchner just goes "hey, hey, Penelope. it's fine. I understand. this is your office, and you have the right to decorate it. I'm not going to fire you over.... My Little Ponies? and uh, some unicorns?" and Penelope can't help but laugh because he genuinely looks baffled by her collection on her desk, and did he just call her Penelope?

and after that, once, after a bad case that Aaron knew affected Penelope (it involved murdered parents & their only child left orphaned and it just hit too close to home for Penelope), he stopped by a local toy shop and bought the brightest, most sparkly, most colourful thing he could find in there (it ended up being a small figurine of a princess on a small, detachable throne that could light up and play some really funky pop music. Aaron cringed internally as he brought it over to the counter, and awkwardly nodded as the cashier asked, "buying this for your daughter, sir? she's going to love it, it's the latest in a collectable series" and he pretended to not see the questioning eyebrow that Derek gave him after seeing the package) and when he presented it to Penelope when they got back, he got the biggest and most bone crushing hug ever from Penelope because "aw that's so sweet, thank you! and you got me the latest in the collection! it's limited edition!" and it just ended up becoming a tradition — Penelope always looks forward to the end of a case now, not only because that means her people are coming home, safe, in one piece (sometimes debatable but still, they're coming home, to her) but it also means that Hotch has brought her yet another tiny figurine or souvenir to add to her collection and she can't wait to see what it is, and Hotch always, always, finds the time after they've wrapped up the case, before the jet leaves, to pop by a local toy shop to get both Penelope and later, when he's older, Jack some toys or souvenir from wherever state he's in, because he wants both of them to know, that despite all the bad out there, there is still good in the world, and they should never forget that

OKAY this ask is SUPER LONG already i apologise skfjsk i have ideas for JJ & Emily but idk if you'd even wanna continue reading them... (maybe.... give me a sign and I'll send another ask and write it? 🥴)

anyways this was just something that came up and i had to write it out 🥺 sorry for spamming you, i hope you're having a great day/night ahead.

- 🌙

Hi so I'm putting everything below the cut for scrolling purposes x

He is!!

Oh my god, I love that scene. It came up in a TikTok about ships, because Person A and Person B are both very smart when they're alone, but put them together and it cancels out, and it made me laugh.

I also love Dad Hotch. Like I love him as much as I love "fighting to keep his emotions in check because he needs to be a leader, but you can tell from the slight change in tone, or the slight glaze of his eyes that he's seconds away from crying" Hotch. Which is saying something.

DON'T APOLOGISE FOR LONG ASKS!! That's what the keep reading on posts is for :))

Oh I love how much Hotch cares about Reid, and of course Reid uses it to his advantage to get Hotch to do the same, because they're similar in that way. Also, he would definitely start grinning when Hotch looks down at his empty plate like: oh. Platonic Hotchreid is everything to me, because it's these two people that have been caretakers their entire life trying to look after another person that wouldn't let anyone do that and it's just... the HOTCH ANGST POTENTIAL THAT IS SO UNTAPPED!!!

Also, not a criticism of you, but from what I've heard from people is that functioning labels are harmful and shouldn't be used because it misrepresents the situation!

I love that idea though!! And Derek being protective over them so he's just like: no, you won't interrupt them, and I will take control of the situation for a few hours AAH!!

OH I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT MORGAN AND HOTCH BONDING!! It's so perfect!! I love the idea of Morgan teaching Hotch to do things, and Hotch realising how relaxing he finds it to do these things.

And because we can't have nice things: he refuses to go after Foyet breaks into his apartment because he doesn't deserve peace, but then Morgan just uses his key, drags him out, takes him to a house and presses a brush into his hand because he's not going to let his friend self destruct like this.

EVERYTHING ABOUT GARCIA!! OH MY GOD!! I need to get some work done, so I'm going to finish up there, but seriously!! Amazing!! I love the idea of Hotch getting her little figurines and stuff <33

(shameless self promo, she does the same for him in "and he will come back home" hehe)

I would love to hear the Emily and JJ ones!! I hope that's the sign you need :)

Don't apologise for spamming I was having a dull day, and I hope you have a good day too!

[moonlightchris]

𝕾𝖎𝖒𝖕 𝕾𝖚𝖓𝖉𝖆𝖞

🌕 𝖂𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖔𝖑𝖋 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖓

~~~

To my wonderful friends, family, & others...

This is going to be long as fuck. Chan speak less challenge

Haneul, I'll never be able to thank you enough for everything you've done and continue to do for me always. It used to feel wrong, really, to have you care so much. Worry so much. Help so much. I always thought I should be able to do things alone. Move on my own. Heal on my own. I always thought that it was my job to be there for others, not burden them. I never allowed myself to ask for help because it felt as if I was weak, incapable. Deep down, I was afraid of doing so. I was afraid of letting people in. I was afraid of letting people help because that would mean showing them everything wrong. And who could trust me once they found out how fucked up I was? Who could love me? But you showed me how wrong I was. You taught me that one of the bravest things I could ever do was asking for help. Allowing myself to hurt and heal, and not do it alone. You continue to remind me everyday how much I am worth, how capable of receiving and giving love I am. You stay by my side no matter how many times I screw up, and that means the absolute world to me. To welcome you into my life is probably one of the best decisions I've ever made. I promise to keep working hard for you. For us. I love you forever, and I thank you wholeheartedly for everything.

Jihyo, even though you're not here anymore, it would be wrong to just erase you like that. I probably should've said all of this before, I should've let you know how much you meant to me, how much I loved you. I fucking genuinely loved you. I love you. And I probably will always, because what I feel for you doesn't just die out. I know I screwed up, I know I pushed you away, I know I couldn't be there for you, and I'm sorry. I will always be sorry. Because you deserved so much more. When I told you I would've dropped everything for you, I meant it. Have you just told me, I would've done things differently. And I will always regret not having been able to give us a chance. Not having acted sooner. Not having spoken up when I could have. I know you loved me just as much, and I'm sorry I put you through that, because I know loving me hurt you, and I never wanted to cause you any pain. I guess some things just aren't meant to be, but that doesn't make it less shitty, hm? I miss you. I've been missing you for a while now, but it was better to part ways. And now you're entirely gone, once again you slipped right in between my fingers. But its ok, I'm letting you go. I'm setting you free now. I promised I wouldn't go away, and that was a shitty thing to do because maybe you needed me to. I'm sorry for all the pain, all the hurt, all the tears. I'm sorry I wasn't enough. And wherever you are now, I hope you can find the calm you so badly craved. The peace of mind and the love you deserve.

My pack, my wonderful pack. The boys that have watched my back more than I've watched theirs. The boys that have carried me through some of my darkest times. I won't ever have enough words to thank you. Thank you for choosing me. Trusting me. Giving me the chance to give you a home, a family. Accepting me as I am, accepting me as a whole with everyone and everything that I love. I'll be forever grateful to have you.

Yeji, Chae & Chae, you're really something else, hm? The three of you with your own particularities. The way you care, the way you're always there, the way you've always the right things to say. The way you love. It is heart warming, really, how selfless you are. There's not been one time in which you haven't been there for me. And I promise you I'll always be there for you too.

When I sat down to create the family list, i thought hard. Really really hard. What is family, right? Because, family it's not only about blood bond. It's not about having been born from the same parents or sharing uncles. It's not just being the same family tree. And so I thought, what are reason to add these three wonderful girls into my family? And then it hit me that there's not a single definition for it. That family is such a complex concept.

Yeji, you have showed to be an exceptional friend over and over. The fact that we started talking over a sex joke it's quite amusing, too. And now look how far we've made it. I don't think I'm half of the crackhead I'm with you with anyone else. You don't need me at all. Not as I'm used to being needed, at least. And that eases me so much. That liberates me of so many responsibilities while around you. You are a safe place, and I hope I can be the same to you at some point.

P. Chae, even though we haven't really spoken much privately or alone, I can't help but consider you family for another number of reasons. You're just always there, y'know? You've always been. Somehow you got under our skin. all of us, including admin. You're probably one of the weirdest people I've ever had the chance to meet, but it's ok because that makes you YOU and I love it. There's never a sad time when around you. You lift everyone's mood so fast, always. You're loving and caring in your own especial way. I'll never forget the first time you messaged me, either. You were so worried about Haneullie that day, apologizing so much for bothering but at the same time urging me to check on her. I told it was ok even though I was quite busy, but it didn't matter because you are her beat friend, right? And if you come at me freaking out over my little sis I'll drop everything in a second. It was heart warming, really, and since then I've never not once doubted your heart.

S. Chae, you're one of the most caring, selfless, loving, wonderful, unique people I've ever had the luck to cross paths with in my entire life. You're always there. No matter what's going on, you're always there. There with your hearts that put a smile on my face, there with your quotes that make me rethink my day, there with your love that makes me feel like I'm not alone, there with your horny ass that makes me feel validated, there with your gentle words that make me realize that its ok to breakdown sometimes. You're always there, even though we haven't been there for you enough. Even though I haven't. You care to an extent only you can, and that's fascinating. Thank you for everything you do.

The three of you, girls, mean so much to me. So so much. And I promise you I will always be here for you. Whatever you need, any time at all, whatever it is. I promise I'll be here.

Lix, shit, what is there to tell you that I haven't done already? What is there to tell you that is proper for the dash, hm? I think it's been little times in my life that I've felt so... Disconnected of everything. But at the same time so grounded and connected to someone. Whenever I'm with you, Lixie, I forget the world around. I forget everything. Forget my problems, and my achievements, forget where I am and who I am. I forget everything and all I know is that right there, in that moment with you, I'm all yours. And I would do absolutely anything you asked me just to see you smile, to hear you laugh. When I'm with you, nothing else matters. And nothing makes sense but at the same time my mind is so clear, everything is so clear, so obvious. So obvious that I belong to you and you belong to me. You pull me out of whatever hole I'm in and bring me back to the surface, you are my sun, my moon, my stars, my galaxies. You're a universe on your own and I can't help but want you all to myself. And that's fucking scary. But somehow so exciting. You give me faith. Faith in myself, in my future. You make me feel like there is a chance, and you know what? If there is one, even if it's my last one, I want to spend it on you. With you. I want you to be my chance. And l will work hard for it. Because I'm not willing to lose you, Lix. I'm not.

Sanie & Woongie, I have so many things to apologize for. I'm sorry for not putting enough effort. I'm sorry for not being there enough. I'm sorry for those days I lack words. I'm sorry for those times I can only offer cuddles. I'm sorry for not being able to help as I should. I'm sorry for not being what you need. I'm sorry for just not being. And I know you don't believe that's true, I know you don't think I lack, but the truth is that I can't help the way I feel inside. And I know you can't either. I know you can't help it when you're sad, when you think you're not enough. I know you can't help it when you feel you're letting people down. I know you can't help it when you feel you're not worthy, when you feel like you don't matter. But you know what I do believe? That we deserve better. I do believe that we're strong, capable. I do believe that we'll make it out and I do believe that we will be ok. I believe in us. I believe in you. And I promise you that I will work hard to make you believe it too. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving. It doesn't matter how much you say you think you're a bother. It doesn't matter how much you think you're making me upset. It doesn't matter because I will hold you tight and I will not let you go. Things do get better, we just need to wait a little longer.

Last but not least, my beautiful babygirl, my princess, my little girl. I love you so so so much, did you know that? Caimie, my precious little sunshine, I would move mountains for you. Split oceans in half. I would bring down the moon for you, catch all the stars in a jar for you so you have your own sky in your room. I don't think you understand just how much you mean to me. I don't think you're aware of the power you hold. I love everything about you, from the way you get flustered and blush at the tiniest things I do to the way you smile so genuinely at my stories about work. I love the way you climb on my lap whenever we cuddle because that's your favorite spot. I love the way you rest your head on my chest to listen to my heartbeat. I love the way your hand fits in mine, and I love the way your lips feel in mines too. I love your soft touches, I love your small whimpers, I love your pretty moans. I love how one second you're screaming about how cute your doll in Animal Crossing looks and next second you're being a crackhead on the dash. I love taking care of you, telling you to go to bed, reminding you to drink water, calling you out when you're not paying attention in class. You are and will always be my little baby. And whoever wants to get with you will have to go over me first because I'm bit giving you away to the first fucker who thinks they've got a chance. I love you, princess. Forever.

—

Tags (hmu for removal:])

Those who are like family:

@shinhaneul-oc @bunjihyo @illuminated-skz @princess-yeji @mafia-chaeyoung @hunter-chaeyoung @skz-cb @babie-sanie @bunny-woong @caimchris

[mailorderfictionalcharacter]

I actually wanna thank you for your text post about the weird trend (that is still very much ongoing) about writing articles or talking about Rory as a product of how she was raised or her privilege. Tbh I never really took any of those arguments or even people saying that Logan somehow "taught her about her privilege" seriously because even after their argument over the article, this never happens? And frankly he was more angry with her over the fact that she criticized people that he considers similar to himself, I highly doubt that if Rory was a lower-middle class person on a scholarship to Yale that he even would've extended any support or interest in the article beyond being angry over it in general. Anyway, I think viewers give the show way too much credit sometimes in how it deals with class differences because the truth is it never really does. It never brings up class differences as a topic in Rory's relationships with Dean and Jess or even with Logan, since yeah, Rory does have rich grandparents, but she never lives the rich life the way he does, and you could even argue she's less sheltered than he is since given her and Lorelai's history, as you mentioned they pretty much went through three social classes in different times. The most she does live it is in about 3 months in that period in season 6 when she took a break, and like you mentioned, she never treats it as a fully conscious "I'll be a rich person doing rich people things now", it's literally just her taking up anything because she doesn't know what to to with herself. And aside from having her tuition fees being paid for firstly by her grandparents and then by her father later on, we never really see either of those people have to pull strings in order for Rory to get a job. Sure, her grandparents WANT her to meet people and make connections, but this is never really brought forth as a reason for Rory to like, get a big job she wanted at the New York Times or anything of the sort. And yeah, Rory gets into Yale pretty much because of her grandfather's connections, but even this is never framed in a way that is conscious of how even with the Chilton education and her hard work, you'd need a connection to get into such a prestigious and pretty exclusive Ive League. It's pretty much the same situation in the revival as well, people immediately guessed that she MUST HAVE spent through her allowance left for her by her grandparents, but we literally never see that happen? I believe that even when the head writer was asked as to how Rory was able to fly so frequently between London and Connecticut, her response was "she has a lot of flyer miles saved up". And considering how these writers went back and forth between "Luke has a LOT of money" to "Luke can't even afford a car", they obviously sooner forgot about Rory having a large sum of money prepared for her by her grandparents than make some very Deep message that Rory actually spent all of it because she's a spoiled rich brat or something. In general the show would always bring up class differences as a way to insert relationship drama, and this isn't even framed as a "you have more money than me" scenario, it's often instigated by the grandparents and it's always based around the idea of someone being lesser just because they're not rich, but just as this is quickly inserted is this taken away because the drama has ran it's course now, we don't need any more of it, bye. So yeah, that's my two cents on the matter.

I feel like the way people argue over Gilmore Girls or make jokes about how Lorelai is actually very spoiled because "ugh its just dinner with her family she's asking for all this money and can't even sit through that", or just the general way in which a LOT of people seem to love viewing Rory (which I chalk partly up to them just being desperate to follow this ongoing trend now where we all 'consciously' reassess media we used to love when we were younger and its actually horrible and all these characters that we liked turned into terrible people with bad politics because Subversiveness or whatever. And its not to say that Rory is only ever perfect because she isn't, her story just isn't about a kid turning evil) is a combination of today's times where we're obviously a lot more aware of certain issues and topics than most people used to be 20 years ago, but it's also this weird trend where we have to bash everything that doesn't remotely uphold these bizarre standards that aren't even set right. Yes, Gilmore Girls isn't perfect by far, but 20 years ago it was significant because it featured a cast of women that were in the forefront. Obviously its a product of its own time as everything else is, but it's also pretty unchangeable and even the revival made it clear that the material has just aged and more or less belongs in its own time. And that doesn't mean it's exempt from being criticized, but even it's own awareness of its characters is pretty limited based off of when it aired and was created.

Like.. also thank you very much for sharing this moment of taking Gilmore Girls seriously with me. 

In response to:

I feel like the way people argue over Gilmore Girls or make jokes about how Lorelai is actually very spoiled because "ugh its just dinner with her family she's asking for all this money and can't even sit through that"

Honestly there seemed to be a somewhat emotionally abusive element to the Emily-Lorelai relationship. Like, not the type where someone is consciously manipulative or disregards their child’s feelings on purpose, but the type where you try to raise a kid to live a good life without ever reassessing or allowing your child to have agency in deciding what their good life should look like. 

For example, I’m thinking about Lorelai’s parent’s trying to force her to marry Christopher but also the little things we’ve seen in flashbacks. Like, the scene where she doesn’t fit her dress because of her secret teen pregnancy and when Emily notices Emily is very critical and tells her to run around the block (because oh, the horror of gaining ~5 pounds and not fitting a dress). 

**

Gilmore Girls isn’t the Perfect Text but it holds a special place in my heart for showing a multigenerational complicated family dynamic. In my own life, my family is complicated with generations of trauma, social norms, discomforts, and what have you regularly clashing and Gilmore Girls will always hold a special place in my heart for embracing messy family dynamics instead of creating sanitized characters. 

[ipurpleyou1993]

My thoughts on:

Put Your Head On My Shoulder

Starring: Lin Yi/Xing Fei

- It's okay not to know everything. Just because you don't know it today, doesn't mean you'll never learn it. There's always time to learn new things. ✅😊😉

We are all beginners. Our years give us experience. And from these experiences, we learn. 💯😊😉

- Often times, we miss out on opportunities bigger than what we have in mind because we are too fixated on things and people we think are good for us.

Trust in the Lord's plan and everything will eventually work out. 😉👍🏻💯

- It's always good to pursue something you are passionate about. In this day and age, we are pushed to pick courses which will, you know, pay the bills. Hahahaha!

When we do something we love, work becomes play - you learn and enjoy at the same time. And excelling is easier since you are eager to learn. 😊

Do what makes you happy - be it on the sidelines, spare time, or whatnot. 😎👍🏻😊

The Gist:

The story revolves around 2 individuals - Situ Mo and Gu Weiyi. It's a coming of age type of story that takes us to the mature romantic journey of the couple.

Situ Mo, played by Xing Fei, is the female lead in the series. She is outspoken, quirky, and very independent. She knows what she wants and works hard for it.

As for her passion, she loves advertising. But her parents insisted she takes up accountancy, instead (happens to many of us, doesn't it?). This is one of the early struggles of her character in the series. She's a graduate of accountancy but she wishes to pursue an advertising career.

For the longest time, she's been waiting for her best friend, Fu Pei, to pick up his courage and confess his feelings to her.

- SPOILER ALERT -

Sadly though, it didn't happen. But she stood up and accepted what needed to be accepted. Strong girl, isn't she?

Gu Weiyi, played by Lin Yi, is the male lead in the series. He's the awkward one. Everything is new for him in terms of relationships. He's got it all figured out in books. But he's quite terrible at it in the emotional side of things. Hahaha! 😅🤣🤭

Apart from being the school genius, he's also the university's heartthrob. Well, who wouldn't crush on someone with this face? ❤️😍😊 Such a BB. ❤️💯😍

Their journey begins with a bag switch and the incident of having to live in the same house. 😅

What I liked about the series:

- The series is soooo fun to watch. It's light and simple. It's a feel good, chinese drama. I hardly noticed that I finished watching 15 episodes in one day. 🙈🤣👍🏻 This is crazy considering that one episode is almost an hour long. For me, this is a good sign. Hahahaha! Don't you think so too? 😊

- I liked Gu Weiyi's awkwardness. It was fit for his cold and clueless character. 💯😊👍🏻 His stiffness really worked as Gu Weiyi making it look natural. 👌🏻😍✅

I also admired his acting. Being clueless when it comes to relationships can hardly be seen in men. 😊 (Is this considered stereotyping? I hope not. Hihi! 🙈) But his projection of the clueless image was so on point and hilarious. Hahahaha! 🤣

And I also appreciate how a guy, despite it being the personality of his character, takes time and effort to study and research about the things a guy should do for a girl during courtship, dates, etc. Do guys really do this? Such a sweet gesture. Kakakilig lalo. UWU. ☺️🙈😍❤️

- I liked how Situ Mo is not your ordinary type of girl. She isn't shy. Instead, she's very outspoken and quirky. 😊💯👍🏻 You'll want to wish you had her personality when you were her age (At least in my case, for that matter. 😅)

I honestly think Situ Mo is the definition of a strong independent woman. Hahaha! I love how she's so cool with anything - waiting, confession, voicing out her opinion, etc.

Her character is so strong that I am actually jealous. Hahaha! I wish I had the courage to stand up for my thoughts, tell people I am angry, confess my feelings to the one I like, confront my first love, hahahaha! And so much mooooooore! I want Situ Mo to be my spirit animal. Hahahaha! 🙋🏻‍♀️✅💯😊

- FRIENDSHIP APPRECIATION POST: I love how Situ Mo's friendship with her bff did not falter because of some guy coming between them. I really like watching friendships overcome issues like this. Don't ya wish you have this kind of support system? Hahahaha! Good job girls for not letting men come between your relationship! 💯✅👌🏻👍🏻😊

- I love the chemistry of the main characters. It seems very realistic! The push and pull of the emotions projected by the actors really come across. Nakakagigil! ❤️😍😊 I got butterflies coming and going all through out the series. ❤️💯👍🏻🙈

I enjoyed the series a lot because I can see myself in them when I was trying things about relationships for the first time. I giggled so much as well because while watching, in my mind I am saying, Situ Mo is me/I am Gu Weiyi. Hahahahaha! I can totally relate to their awkwardness. 💯🙋🏻‍♀️😅

Well, we are all beginners at some point in our lives, aren't we?

- I love how the series shows you the character growth without being too hasty. It's satisfying to watch since you get to see how each of the characters grow and mature slowly but surely without being draggy. Hahaha! Good job to the team! ❤️😊✅💯

- The series is full of comedy stints. Especially on scenes with the nerd squad. Since all of them are clueless - even the professor, it's funny how they try to understand the female mind using scientific equations (which, we all know will be a total failure considering the complexity/simplicity of a woman's thoughts. Hahahahaha!) 😅💯🤣

- I think it's somewhat unrealistic to have very supportive parents in terms of relationships - especially having their children, who are of different genders, live in the same house without ADULT supervision (at least for my family, that is. 😉🤣). Hahahahaha! But, wouldn't it be nice if this was the case? Hihihi! Freedom! LOL! SANA ALL!

- I love how the conflicts in the series are very relatable. These are issues we've gone through during our younger years. (Speaking based on personal experiences, friends. Haha!😂)

I think it's important when the story creates a connection with its audience thru things like these. Since for the young ones who are watching, how these issues get resolved can help them overslcome what they are going through this time as well. 😉

- The OST is sooooooo nice! It's so refreshing and fun. And the entrances are all on point! Such an eargasm! 🙈💯👍🏻✅❤️ Will be providing a soundtrack link below. 😉

Cons:

- I think the character conflicts were pretty light. Or, maybe, there were big issues tackled but was not discussed and focused deeply - intentionally. It somehow makes the series feel shallow. Hihi. 🙈😊

Although, I honestly think that the series lacking depth matches the feel good intention of the writer. So, it's still a job well-done. 😉

Soundtrack:

Put Your Head On My Shoulder OST Playlist

I like everything in here. Hihi! Ni personal favorites. I can put this playslist on repeat for yhe entire day and not get tired of it. Hihi! 💜💜💜

ctto Photos/GIFs/Music

[hoopdiddies]

I'm Not Over You // Ben Hardy x Reader (Part 4)

A/N: I was on vacay for a while and I had a hard time thinking the plot through but this could work. If you want to be tagged, just ask me uwu

Summary (for the entire series Ofc) : You had always loved Ben ever since you two met in university and became the best of friends. That feeling went out like a candle flame when the two of you parted ways until he re-entered your life...but this time with someone who has already occupied his heart.

Word count: 2148

Tags: None

Warnings: Mentions of drinking. And some angst, yet again *sigh*

Part 3

Part 2

Part 1

Parallel to the nature of the grimace present on your face shrouded by the umbra of the umbrella, the thunderclouds become bleaker and unwelcoming, complimenting the harsh pour of the rain on the city. In your mind, it could just get worse.

You tighten your grasp on the stem of your umbrella, the pressure of your grip making the veins in your wrist visible. To think you were enthused to spill the news to him, only to end up feigning the real one because you couldn't bring yourself to accept what must be.

You know he loves you, he loves you so much. He tells you 24/7. But that love is purely limited to hugs, small arguments, spontaneous fits of laughter, gentle pats on the back and forehead kisses. Compared to the almost spiritual connection he has with his fiancee. You've known and been around him longer than you could remember and yet, you're always several steps behind.

Well how else does platonic love compare to something romantic and sexual?

You stop in your tracks just half way through the wet sidewalk and stare at your reflection on a puddle beneath you. The tears dripping from your cheeks making bigger ripples on the puddle in contrast to the ones made by the rain. You sniffle, wiping your eyes quickly with your sleeve.

You hear a faint ring from your pocket and pull out your phone, seeing Lucy's name flash on the screen. You swipe the answer button and go on walking along the moist pavements.

"Hey Luce!" You blurt to hide the cracks in your voice.

"Y/N! Where are you right now? I just got back from a photoshoot and I want to hang out with you!" She giggles through the line and you keep your eyes ahead.

"Well I'm walking back home-"

"In the rain? You could get sick!"

"Lucy, relax. I'm covered up."

She sighs in relief, chuckling at her little mistake. "Sorry there. But mind if I stop by at your place?"

You don't think twice before answering, feeling the need to have some company. "Of course. Hurry up, I'm almost home." You aren't though, you're a dozen blocks away from your destination but you kind of want her to be there just in time for you to...vent.

You hear an audible slam echo from the line, almost coming off as a car door slammed close. "I'm on the road, I'll see you, Y/N!" You hum in response, your mouth curving slightly to the side. "You too, Lucy. Drive safely."

She bids you adieu for the meantime and you pick up your pace along the streets, careful not to glide recklessly over moist surfaces. The rain is not going to lighten very soon, you're sure of it.

As soon as you step foot into your living room after drying off, you are welcomed by a laid-back version of Lucy seated on the couch with a can of Mountain Dew in hand. You chuckle softly at how mellow she's positioned during such a weather, even more so at her choice of beverage.

"You're late." She shakes her head at you, pretending to be upset.

You shrug out of your coat and drape it over your shoulder, trudging to her and crouching down to hug her. "I am so sorry I left almost too quickly last night though."

She pats your back, letting a 'tsk' slip past her lips. "You are lucky Gwilym was there to accompany me."

"Hmm, he's not mad at Joe and me, is he? " Pulling away, you joke a little to cheer yourself up.

"No," she takes a sip of her can and puts it on the table, "in fact he's furious." This could be a little enlightening, a chat with Lucy to shed a beam of light on your mood. You take a seat next to her and begin your conversation. It's not much except that it's full of what happened at her photoshoot, the promotions she is required to attend, a few people she's had a little beef with and apparently her planned getaway with Rami to France. The topic is almost unilateral but you always take genuine interest in everything she says. Notwithstanding the fact that she constantly groans at the mention of the situations she underwent, you both still take a laugh out of it.

It's Lucy, she's a fascinating person with a fascinating life. You sometimes even wish you had her glam and eye for fashion.

She moves a lock of her blonde hair away from her forehead and looks at you curiosly. "Okay enough about me, what went on with you this week?"

You shrug, in an attempt to recall anything at all. "Not much. New Year's was a blast and last night's party was another thing," you turn your glance to your shoes, a frail smirk ghosting on your lips, eventually turning into a hopeful beam as your acceptance into the medical school flashes in your mind, "and... I got accepted into the medical school I applied for."

Lucy's eyes snap wide open at the news. "Shut up," she grabs you by the shoulders and gapes at you with eyes sparkling like they just found a heap of treasure, "you applied for medical school?" The slight disbelief and utter amazement can never be any clearer in her voice.

You nod happily and without warning, Lucy pulls you in for a tight hug, squealing at your success. "Oh my god, that's amazing! When did you get the letter? Have you told anyone?"

"I was sent an email from the institution this morning and told my parents and Joe about it soon after."

Lucy shifts on the couch, sliding her hands over her lap. "Which medical school though?"

"It's outside the country."

"Have you told Ben? "

With her question still hanging in thin air, you pause for a while before turning your head to her, shaking it slowly.

"Why?"

You stand up and head for the kitchen to grab a glass of water, your action confusing Lucy. "Y/N, are you okay?" She asks and you return on cue with your glass in hand. You let out a soft exhale and descend onto the couch. "I just...dont want to make him worry."

"Worry and Ben aren't exactly two words that mingle well. Solely in the context of a great news such as your acceptance."

"Of course, but I don't know how long I'll be gone." You notice your voice dwindle down to a whisper with the cast of your gaze to the side. The look on your face is deciphered by Lucy who's somehow adept at reading expressions, the blank that is your face making it easier for her.

And she suddenly knows what those furrowed brows mean. "There's something you're not telling me, Y/N. Just say it. I mean...even if you don't say it, I already hinted at it." She slides a hand over yours and you slowly turn to her, your expression becoming mildly stark. Of course she'd have a guess and it's only fair that she knows, she could help you get over it.

Your lips part but quiver as you try to find the right words. "I love him."

Lucy's gentle hold turns into a light squeeze, an indication of her comforting you. Her lips curve into a tender yet sad smile as she draws you in close again.

No matter how hard you're trying to let the tears fall, it just doesn't. It hurts but your tears aren't present to highlight that churning burn. Against all the odds to have them resurface in your eyes, you dip your head onto her shoulder and just squeeze your eyes shut. You mumble languidly on how it was an impulse to lie about your acceptance to Ben after he had broken the news about his engagement to you and soon after you had the thought that he would slowly forget about you once he and Rosy marry, and that your friendship wouldn't matter in the long run. As the decision that it'd be best if you go without him knowing, thinking it would make it easier for you to move on.

Lucy clears your face of your hair strands, staring at this once hidden,broken side of you. "I'm so sorry. I know this might not change a thing but you must tell him. He would never forget you, you're like the first person on his mind when he needs someone to talk to."

"Rosy's his life-"

"Y/N, don't demote yourself to a third party. You're more than what she is in his life," a brief pause from Lucy followed by a heartwarming emphasis, "you're his soulmate."

That word always meant something different to you. It involved a deep,romantic relationship but with how Lucy uttered it, it now means something entirely new. But you can't bring yourself to believe it. It's not a concept that can suture the gaping cut left in you.

With the little emotional strength left in you, you smile, launching at her with another hug as a requital to her presence during a time as this.

"I know it hurts...but- bloody, that's what love does to everyone."

--- (Apparent time skip 👀)

Amidst the hectic schedule your job has burdened you with throughout another week, never once have you faltered in between. You've gotten tons of invites to get-togethers during your weekend from friends yet out of the fear of losing all concentration on your duties, you turned them down politely. The second week of a new year means a new batch of spine-cracking, workload for everyone with jobs.

You're doing all this to save up for med school and it's something you tend to prioritize first and foremost. And regarding med school, you are to leave a month before enrollment to ensure your documents are in tacked and get served first. Since a few days before first semester arrives, enrollees would be lining up from different backgrounds and classes would be heavily filled. You have weeks left before your departure...and still, you haven't told Ben the truth...or talked to him in days, at least. For all you know, he could be on a tour, at a conference, an awards ceremony that you don't know of- certainly not the Oscars since you've been told that it's scheduled on February. He's probably busy enough to have other things in mind.

You discard the distraction and go about your business in your work area, with the intention of letting it purposefully distract you.

Minutes close to your dismissal, one of your co-workers strut in to invite you to have a drink with them. You could do no more than turn her down politely but with regards to the strain you've put yourself in with work, she insists and demands that you don't hesitate.

"But-" You try to protest, only to fail as she cuts you off. "I beg of you. Just for tonight."

"Tonight?"

"Yes."

You lightly clap your hands on the desk, springing from your chair with your head lightly tilted to one side. You turn your head to the wall clock on your far left and bob your head. "Do we leave now?"

"Most certainly. Come on!"

You haven't sped out of the building that fast with your colleagues before, not that it's not the first time but it certainly feels like it with how relieved you feel to go out. You needed a distraction from your personal ordeal and you got it, in the form of a night out for a drink.

You hit the pub that's just right across the street for the sake of convenience, half expecting your night to turn out eventful. A light buzz from your pocket stops you halfway into the entrance and slightly indisposed, you fish your phone out from your pocket, holding up your index finger at one of your colleagues to take the message you've received. They stride in ahead of you as you read the message, a little surprised to know Joe's back in London in the favor of Lucy who had asked him to come back. He's asked you out for a dinner with his friend but you tell him you're out for a drink with your colleagues, to which he replies with, "Mind if we join you then?"

And of course, you invite him over. Traipsing through the near rayless place to find your friends, hilariously realizing you're walking to the beat of the music coming from the speakers, you do a double-take at the table to your near left, quickly covering your face and speeding away to continue your search as the sight of Ben with his mates and Rosy ruins the first half of your evening.

What a distraction from a distraction.