#thats virtually a tradition for him right? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pesterloglog · 9 months

Text

Jane Crocker, Jake English, Roxy Lalonde, Fefetasprite

Act 6, page 5521-5540

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

GT: Greetings!

GG: Oh. Hello, Jake.

GT: Im not interrupting anything am i?

GG: Um, not really? Roxy and I are just setting a few things up here.

GT: Ah i see. I would be happy to message you again later if it would spare you any inconvenience.

GG: No, it's fine! It's really nice to hear from you, actually.

GG: I was starting to worry you might have forgotten.

GT: Uh.

GT: Forgotten?

GG: Oh no...

GT: Forgotten what now?

GG: Never mind.

GT: Wait dont tell me.

GT: Is it a tomb or a crypt or somesuch? Are you preparing for another grist seeking expedition??

GT: Oh shit did you schedule my assistance for the raid and i forgot all about it???

GG: No, Jake.

GG: We didn't need your help raiding a tomb. But thanks for thinking of us.

GG: I don't know what this clueless pair of damsels would do without you.

GT: Blast.

GT: Well what in the name of willy howard tafts great tub choking bottom could i be forgetting then?

GT: This is going to drive me CRAZY! Can you give me a hint?

GG: Yes. It has to do with the day I was born, which was almost exactly sixteen years ago.

GT: Of course! Your birthday!!!

GG: Didn't you get Roxy's invitation?

GG: It was my understanding that she gave you and Dirk notice weeks ago.

GT: Yes thats right. Now i remember. The date sure snuck up on us quick didnt it?

GT: Sorry you know how things can slip my mind. The gourd on my shoulders isnt the steel trap it used to be. Nothing like the well oiled puzzlebuster you've got up there.

GG: Mm.

GT: Well damn.

GT: Looks like the egg monster took quite the spirited dump on my face this time.

GG: Jake. I... what?

GT: I feel so dumb. Ill be right over.

GG: Well, if you recall, the party is actually tomorrow.

GG: Like I said, we're just setting a few things up.

GG: Roxy is putting up some decorations. I baked a cake. You were of course free to join us early too. I just thought since I hadn't heard from you in quite some time, you had better things to do.

GT: You baked a cake for your own party?

GG: Yes. So?

GT: I dont know something seems amiss about that. Isnt that against tradition or inviting bad luck or something?

GT: But I guess it makes sense since you love baking cakes. Its like a present you give to yourself!

GG: Jake, what was it you actually wanted?

GT: Oh. I just wanted to get your advice on some stuff.

GT: But since ive been a heel and forgotten about your party maybe i shouldnt bother you with that?

GG: Mmm.

GT: So sixteen big ones huh! The ole sweet sixteen.

GT: Last one of us to notch the vaunted one sixer. Its a big step! I knew youd make it, i always said i believed in you didnt i?

GT: Just kidding, the inexorable nature of times passage virtually assured you would get that old so you didnt really have anything to do with it. I mean not that i dont still believe in you, i do.

GG: ...

GT: I cant believe its already been...

GT: How long?

GT: What, like a year already since we entered? Holy moly, where does the time go.

GG: It's been more like five months.

GT: Oh.

GT: Well thats still a pretty long time.

GT: I have to admit its been a longer stint than i expected. Certainly one involving more downtime than i would have guessed.

GT: I really thought we would have been treated to more action, what being legendary players of a mysterious cosmic game. But no, it seems the primary duty of the so called nobles is to wait around twiddling our thumbs.

GG: Mmhmm.

GT: I am really beginning to wonder when these fabled heroes will arrive? And are they really going to be those we have been led to believe?

GT: I sure hope so. Id so love to meet my pen pal. Dear old departed grandma. But as a feisty youngster! What a hoot thatll be. And you with your poppop. Lets not forget about him.

GT: Not to mention the young strider and lalonde relatives. I bet theyre a barrel of laughs. I met them once but i was too shy to say anything. Then i got in a fight. Did i ever mention that jane?

GG: Yes.

GG: Many times.

GT: Not to say its been all downtime and doldrums. Exploring has been great. Finding treasure, solving riddles, becoming better friends. I wouldnt trade that for anything.

GT: And maybe we are getting close to something big happening regardless? Every day it seems like more and more undead creatures crawl from out of the shadows. Bigger ones and stronger ones. Does their presence herald something worse coming, just as the legends indicate our presence heralds something better?

GT: I just wish we could actually kill the fucking things. Even the little ones can absorb so much damage before yielding any spoils!

GT: Remember jane? Remember at the start how we kept trying to kill them?

GG: Mmhmm.

GT: We would all gang up on like an imp skeleton for an hour just clobbering it repeatedly. Knocking its bones down, waiting for it to reassemble and keep coming at us. Only to finally be rewarded with a shitty pittance of grist!

GT: But i guess the silver lining was it forced us to explore ruins more often and scavenge for loot there. So i think weve learned a lot more this way.

GT: But it sure makes resources hard to come by, having to get them exclusively from chests and whatnot. Sometimes i wonder if weve been missing out on a really rewarding part of the game by neglecting to build up our houses? Makes you wonder. But it just costs so much! Better to stick to making more practical stuff dont you think?

GG: Mm.

GT: Sometimes i wonder if the heroes had the same problems in their game. Do you think they found an easier way to kill skeletons?

GT: Were they just as shameless as us when it came to splurging our precious grist on swanky new duds?

GT: Did the same enigmatic bard haunt their game? And if so which hilarious dead trolls did he throw into the flashy blobs?

GT: Mr erisol tells me he knows many things about the heroes because he saw them in action when he was alive. But he wont tell me a thing about them! These troll sprites sure do love keeping their secrets dont they? Heheh.

GG: That's nice, Jake. I'm kind of busy though.

GG: What did you actually want to talk to me about?

GG: Actually, why don't we just talk about it tomor-

GT: Okay we can talk about that if you insist.

GT: Really jane you sure know how to twist a fellas arm!

GT: I just wanted to get your take on what you might call my own personal ultimate riddle.

GT: It involves dirk.

GG: You don't say.

GT: Its true. I havent seen him in a couple days.

GT: I have been laying low for a while but i just received another series of pushy inquiries from him.

GT: Maybe i shouldnt be too hard on the guy since he was probably just concerned, not having heard from me and all.

GT: But i still couldnt help but detect a tone of desperation, like he could sense i may be having doubts.

GT: This kind of thing has been all too common unfortunately.

GT: Im not sure its going to work anymore.

GG: Mm.

GT: He can be so needy!

GT: If only he could just relax and trust that i wont spontaneously tire of his company.

GT: Although the irony i guess is that his overbearing tendencies are beginning to fulfill his own paranoid prophecy.

GT: Its such a shame. Weve had so many capital adventures together.

GT: I dont know why he has to be like this. He always was an intense fella. But in person... holy cow.

GT: I wonder if it has to do with the fact that he grew up alone in the middle of the ocean? And now he doesnt know how to deal with people without suffocating them?

GT: But then again i grew up under similar circumstances and i think i turned out pretty much ok socially, at least i hope so. Do you think so jane?

GG: Mmmm!

GT: Actually it just occurred to me. Its funny he didnt mention your party in his text.

GT: Im SURE he wouldnt have forgotten. He never forgets ANYTHING what with all his calculations and his computerized brain. Both figurative and literal.

GT: I wonder what his game was? He invited me on an expedition without mention of your party as a potential conflict...

GT: If he sensed i could use some space perhaps he was concerned that if we both showed up to the party it would be awkward?

GT: Or maybe he didnt want to mention he was going to the party in case it would spook me away from attending?

GT: Argh! Do you see jane?? This is what his endless machinations do to you!

GT: Anything he says could be part of some grand convoluted scheme and it just makes you agonize and boggle and wonder until your brain hurts and you just KNOW its a battle you cant win.

GT: You know what i mean jane?

GG: Mmhmm.

GT: Do you think i should just bite the bullet and end it?

GT: Its probably the right thing to do.

GT: Boy am i not looking forward to that conversation though.

GT: Its going to be a doozy. What did i get myself into here?

GT: I think ive made a lot of mistakes honestly.

GT: Not the least of which was getting this shitty tattoo, now that i think about it.

GT: Yes yes i know we all thought it was a riot at first.

GT: I guess it still is maybe? But lately ive been wondering if it might not have been an act of sound judgment.

GT: Can you believe that jane?

GG: Hmm!

GT: I dont know. Its a real pickle im in here but i do feel better just being able to get it off my chest.

GT: You are such a good friend jane, always ready to listen to my relationship woes. What a trooper!

GT: It never ceases to amaze me how excellent you are at this friendship business. Where would we all be without you?

GT: In a way you really have been the glue holding us all together on our adventure. Gosh youre a standup gal.

GT: Oh which actually reminds me of ANOTHER thing thats been bugging me about dirk.

GT: He can often be almost hilariously self absorbed. Dont even get me started on when he starts going off on these long monologues about his philosophical gobbledygook.

GT: I'm not sure he actually has much of a filter when it comes to what others regard as interesting points of conversation.

GT: Not to rag on the guy too hard but i guess at times i would just like to see a little more self awareness from him is all.

GG: Jake.

GT: Did i tell you what happened on our last expedition together?

GG: Jake.

GT: I cant remember if i mentioned. Oh man but thinking back on what happened its even more ridiculous in retrospect.

GT: Where do i begin?

GG: Jake!!!

GT: What?

GG: Shut up!

GT: Huh?

GG: Shut up!!!

GT: Errr.

GT: Did i say something wrong?

GG: JAKE.

GG: PLEASE.

GG: STOP TALKING.

GT: I dont...

GG: JAKE.

GG: I SAID SHUT UP.

GT: Wha...

GG: JUST,

GG: SHUT,

GG: THE FUCK,

GG: UUUUUUUUUUP!!!

GT: Ay caramba.

GT: What in tarnation is the matter jane?

GG: WHAT'S THE MATTER?

GG: WHAT'S THE MATTER???

GG: I AM SICK.

GG: AND FUCKING TIRED.

GG: TO DEATH.

GG: OF YOUR INSUFFERABLE BLITHERING BULLSHIT!!!!!!

GT: Whoa there.

GT: You seem really worked up. Maybe we should just calm down and talk this through like sensible adults?

GT: Also youre going kinda heavy on the caps there arent you? Sort of makes it seem like your shouting. Just saying.

GG: I AM SHOUTING!

GG: THERE ARE LITERAL SHOUTS OF ANGER COMING OUT OF MY ACTUAL MOUTH, AND THEY ARE DIRECTED AT YOU!

GT: Yikes.

GT: Well ok then.

GT: Can you tell me why youre so upset with me?

GT: Is it because i forgot your birthday party? Because i do feel awful about that.

GG: OH MY GOD. WHY ARE YOU SO CLUELESS?

GG: I CAN'T STAND IT!

GT: Really i feel like a tool about forgetting. You know how i am. I forget stuff.

GT: I mean...

GT: Shucks buster. If i knew how to make it up to you i would.

GT: If it ameliorates matters any i am sighing pretty much the shucksiest buster of contrition i can manage.

GG: IT'S NOT ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY!!!

GG: THE FACT THAT YOU FORGOT CERTAINLY DOESN'T HELP, BUT THAT'S NOT IT. SEE, YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!

GG: OH, AND COULD YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING SHUCKS BUSTER?!

GG: SHUCKS BUSTER WAS MY THING! AND YOU STOLE IT!

GT: I thought shucks buster was...

GT: Sorta our thing?

GG: NO, IT WAS MY THING, BUT I ALLOWED IT TO BE OUR THING! BACK WHEN YOU USED TO GIVE A SHIT! BUT NOW IT'S JUST MINE, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE IT ANYMORE!

GT: Uhh.

GT: Ok?

GT: I suppose i could go with shoot buddy. Or...

GT: Fudge junior?

GG: .................

GT: Or maybe forgo an analogous catch phrase altogether heh.

GT: But i clearly stepped in it big time with you and id really like to know what i did.

GG: JAKE, LET ME ASK YOU.

GG: DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE TALKED?

GT: Hmm.

GT: Wasnt it a few days ago?

GG: NO. TRY A FEW WEEKS AGO!

GG: AND EVEN THEN, YOU MESSAGED ME JUST TO TALK ABOUT SOME STUPID SHIT THAT HAPPENED WITH DIRK.

GG: A TEDIOUS GESTURE WHICH YOU THEN SAW FIT TO REPRISE ON MY BIRTHDAY OF ALL DAYS, WHILST CONSIDERATELY FORGETTING ABOUT IT!

GG: AND EVEN WHEN I REMINDED YOU ABOUT IT, YOU STILL BARGED AHEAD WITH YOUR SELF-INDULGENT RELATIONSHIP CLAPTRAP ANYWAY!

GT: I didnt realize it was so long ago. Sorry about that.

GT: Again all i can say is where does the time go? I guess i have trouble keeping up with everything im supposed to. Which it would seem includes personal relationships as much as calendars.

GT: Im not much of a leader of people. Not like you are jane. I think when it comes to adventuring maybe im more of a solo act?

GT: Which now that i think about it might be contributing to my problems with dirk. Maybe thats part of the reason why i needed some space?

GT: Oh brother there i go again blustering about my problems. I guess i see what you mean.

GT: But really if you wanted to talk sooner then why didnt you get in touch with me?

GT: It feels as though im always the one to say hello to you lately.

GG: YEAH! THAT'S BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE TIME WE CHAT, YOU DO NOTHING BUT TALK ABOUT YOURSELF!

GG: YOU NEVER ASK ME HOW I'M FEELING OR WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO. YOU JUST LAUNCH INTO YOUR ROMANTIC PROBLEMS, AND I JUST LISTEN LIKE AN ACCOMMODATING FOOL AS ALWAYS!

GG: SO I JUST STOPPED BOTHERING! WHY SHOULD I SUBJECT MYSELF TO THAT REPEATEDLY?!

GG: YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY BE THE MOST THOUGHTLESS, SELF-CENTERED PERSON I HAVE EVER MET!

GG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED TO FEEL...

GT: Huh?

GT: Used to feel what?

GG: JAKE, HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU HOW IT MUST FEEL FOR SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO HER FRIEND GO ON AND ON ABOUT HIS BOYFRIEND PROBLEMS WHEN...

GG: WHEN ALL ALONG SHE...

GG: BUT SHE JUST COULDN'T SAY BECAUSE SHE BLEW IT AND IT WAS TOO LATE TO...

GG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M BOTHERING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU. NEVER MIND.

GT: Now hold the phone.

GT: Jane i think i may finally understand whats been going on here.

GT: In retrospect i cant believe ive been this blind.

GT: Youre right i really can be deplorably thick sometimes.

GT: Looking back i can see how many of our conversations must have been torment for you.

GT: You really should have told me how you felt sooner!

GG: YEAH. I...

GG: I know. :(

GT: If you told me you had the hots for dirk i would have backed off without another word.

GT: What are friends for!

GG: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!

GT: Wait...

GT: Did i say something dumb again?

GT: Consarn it.

GT: I think maybe something is getting lost in translation over our respective chat clients.

GT: Maybe we should wait until tomorrow and just clear the air face to face at your party?

GG: NO!

GG: YOU AREN'T COMING TO MY PARTY!

GT: Aw come on jane. Be a sport.

GG: YOU AREN'T COMING TO MY PARTY, BECAUSE THERE ISN'T GOING TO BE A PARTY!

GG: GO RAID SOME TOMBS WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. GO MAKE OUT WITH HIM OR BREAK UP WITH HIM, OR WHATEVER IT IS YOUR FICKLE, SELFISH HEART DESIRES!

GG: I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE WITH YOU!

GG: I AM FED UP WITH YOUR STUPID MOVIES AND YOUR STUPID ADVENTURES AND YOUR STUPID OLD TIMEY CHARMS AND YOU STUUUUUUPID DASHING GOOD LOOKS. WHO NEEDS ANY OF IT?????

GT: I say jane. Before you do anything rash...

GG: OH, WILL YOU PLEASE,

GG: JUST,

GG: STFU BUSTER!!!!!!!!!

ROXY: jane

ROXY: yo uh

ROXY: janey

ROXY: u ok there

JANE: I WILL BE PEACHY FUCKING KEEN ONCE I STOMP THIS NOVELTY MUSTACHE HEADSET INTO OBLIVION, AND NOT A MOMENT SOONER!

ROXY: janey uh

ROXY: that aint a reasonable thing you said

JANE: AU CONTRAIRE.

JANE: I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND THAT ONCE THIS PIECE OF SHIT HAS BEEN REDUCED TO SUBATOMIC PARTICLES, WE WILL ALL COME OUT SMELLING LIKE FUCKING ROSES.

ROXY: jaaaaane

ROXY: stoppit :(

ROXY: ur upsettin fefeta

ROXY: just

ROXY: think of fefeta is all im asking

ROXY: poor fefeta :'(

FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 383

JANE: OH POOR FEFETA MY SWEET PATOOTIE!

JANE: YOU AND I BOTH KNOW FEFETA HAS HAD TO DEAL WITH GARBAGE FROM JERKOFF BOYS BEFORE.

JANE: SO DON'T GIVE ME THIS POOR FEFETA CRAP.

ROXY: lol yeah

ROXY: my girl fefeta knows whats up

ROXY: she been around the d bag block a time or 2

ROXY: em i rite fefeta

FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 3;3

ROXY: shit yes gimme a paw bump

ROXY: BOMP

ROXY: jane u want in on this action

ROXY: come give us a fist fulla sugar

ROXY: complete the 3way for max girl power + solidarity against dumb dudes

ROXY: janey jeez dont leave us hanging here

JANE: SIGH.

JANE: FINE.

ROXY: jane that was the piss poorest paw bump ive ever seen

ROXY: that was like a negative bump

ROXY: we are going to have to bump long and hard into the night to dig us outta this fuckin bump hole you dug us into

ROXY: w/ that tragic bump

ROXY: that bump was like

ROXY: shakespearean

ROXY: makes me want to weep softly and leave a bouquet somewhere

ROXY: someone plays a sad trumpet in the distance

ROXY: look fefeta just sniffled a little at how sad that bump w-

JANE: SHHHHHHHH!

ROXY: ok god

ROXY: was just tryin to cheer you up

ROXY: take ur mind off whatever the hell that was

ROXY: you werent serious about calling off the party were you

ROXY: here let me just get the chess guys to help put the table back on the roof

ROXY: and maybe salvage the cake out of that sand dune over there...

ROXY: aaaaand NOPE the chess guys just finished eatin it

ROXY: lets just bake another k?

JANE: NO, I WAS SERIOUS!

JANE: I'M NOT...

JANE: I'm not in the mood for a party anymore.

ROXY: so it sounds like

ROXY: u got jaked

JANE: >:(

ROXY: why yes

ROXY: that is the face of a girl who just got english'd with extreme prejudice

ROXY: he was a block head and forgot your birthday didnt he

ROXY: im sorry jane

JANE: Yeah, me too. Can we maybe not rehash the whole terrible conversation though??

ROXY: yeah we dont have to

ROXY: just maybe try not to hold whatever dumb shit he said against him forever?

ROXY: thats just how the guy is

ROXY: its like

ROXY: he doesnt mean to be a douche

ROXY: but its just kind of a byproduct of the whole ridiculous jake english experience

ROXY: like his dunkass shenanigans leave behind a residue that looks like douche and tastes like douche but it aint the real thing?

ROXY: like douche substitute

ROXY: "i cant believe its not douche"

ROXY: um

ROXY: im just trying to say not terrible things about him in hopes you dont start hating each other but i guess this isnt what you wanna hear now

JANE: >:(

ROXY: soooo yeah

ROXY: i guess jakes dumpin dirk soon?

ROXY: hahah like the writing wasnt so on the wall with those two from day one

ROXY: poor dirk

ROXY: ive wanted to say something to prepare him for that but

ROXY: never had the heart to bring it up i guess?

ROXY: what can u do....

ROXY: hey

ROXY: but the silver lining is

ROXY: i mean if you can forgive him for shitting on your bday and stuff

ROXY: maybe this is finally your chance to make a play 4 the j man??

ROXY: ehhhh??? ;)

FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38D

JANE: ROXY, PLEASE.

JANE: AS IF THAT ISN'T THE FURTHEST THING FROM MY MIND RIGHT NOW!

JANE: I AM SO DONE WITH THAT WHOLE TRAIN OF THOUGHT.

ROXY: so you really think youre just

ROXY: completely over him?

JANE: YESSIREE!

JANE: IF JAKE'S THE RAINBOW, THEN JUST CALL ME A LITTLE HOUSE FROM KANSAS!

JANE: WHEEEEEE!

ROXY: wait rly

ROXY: as in like you dont give a shit if he dates anybody or

JANE: MMMMMMMHM!!!

ROXY: i seeee

ROXY: iiiiiinteresting!

FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38O

JANE: WAIT...

JANE: WHAT??

JANE: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN???

ROXY: nothing!

ROXY: i was just...

ROXY: it was a joke!

JANE: WAS IT REALLY?!

ROXY: ok maybe not a total joke

ROXY: but still mostly a joke!

ROXY: im only

ROXY: trying to

ROXY: blurgh

ROXY: i dont know

JANE: ROXY, I GET YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, BUT A LOT OF THINGS YOU'RE SAYING HERE AREN'T REALLY HELPING!

JANE: DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING HALF THE TIME?

JANE: I THINK I LIKED YOU BETTER WHEN YOU WERE DRINKING!

ROXY: jaaane no

ROXY: dont say that

ROXY: i had a problem :(

FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38(

JANE: OK, YEAH!

JANE: I WAS WAY OUT OF LINE THERE AND I'M SORRY!

JANE: THAT STUPID CONVERSATION WITH JAKE JUST PUSHED ME OVER SOME KIND OF EDGE AND NOW I AM FEELING REALLY, REALLY DISTRAUGHT!

JANE: THIS GAME IS SO MUCH MORE DEPRESSING THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE! EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND EMPTY AND FULL OF GRAVES AND ALL WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IS JUST KEEP WAITING AND WAITING AND WAITING! BUT FOR HOW MUCH LONGER? AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHERE MY DAD IS, AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO REACH CALLIOPE, AND WHAT IF THEY'RE BOTH...

JANE: AND NOW ON TOP OF ALL THAT, I MAY HAVE PERMANENTLY DESTROYED MY FRIENDSHIP WITH JAKE!

JANE: AND NOW...

JANE: Now...

JANE: I just want to be alone.

ROXY: jane wait

JANE: I have to go!

ROXY: where are you going!

JANE: HOME!!!

ROXY: good lard

ROXY: all my friends are being disasters

ROXY: welp looks like its just us

ROXY: party nite w gcat and fefeta

ROXY: fefeta???

ROXY: oh dangit

ROXY: hey you know i could have used some support there

ROXY: where was all that profound shippin expertise when we really needed it!

ROXY: usually i can barely shut you up girl

ROXY: maybe you just clammed up at all the drama?

ROXY: hehehe youd have loved that pun

ROXY: the one i just said about the clams

ROXY: aw its ok you had enough drama in your lives

ROXY: you deserve some rest

ROXY: good night sweet princess

ROXY: sooo

ROXY: gcat

ROXY: i guess that just leaves the two of us

ROXY: wow this is

ROXY: great?

ROXY: you gonna behave urself

ROXY: not do anything too uh

ROXY: vexing or cheshire catty

ROXY: i hope?

ROXY: oh mother fuck

1 note · View note

andreabandrea · 3 years

Text

i think the scariest thing about 'the algorithm' is how its streamlined radicalization to hate groups. people set up a new tiktok account and begin to like mildly offensive content and it progresses automatically into eventually showing them full-on n*zi propaganda. and its not just automatic and unintentional; alt-right groups have documented before how their goal is to draw people in with memes ("its just a joke"!) and more mild hot takes, and then start boiling the frog. have you ever said "reject modernity, embrace tradition?" you've helped dismiss and normalize an inherently antisemetic meme.

radicalization can happen in the course of an afternoon. one man feels angry because nobody wants to date him, starts looking up pick-up artist stuff, he's in the alt-right by the evening. one british mother feels isolated after giving birth, looks up a forum of other moms, is a full-blown t*rf within days.

de-radicalization is a much slower process. radicalization inherently mixes ideology with identity. personal beliefs become personal traits. for one ex-t*rf, it involved the severance of communication with others who encouraged the radical thinking and focusing on other things during lockdown. the same article suggests it's virtually impossible to argue a person out of radicalization; it's more likely to happen when a person in a radical community sees another member get out and/or when former members of the radical community try to reach out to their former peers.

i personally think an alternative would be "meet a trans/queer person and/or a person of color and realize how different they are from the scapegoat in your head", the same way daryl davis de-radicalizes kkk members. i think thats great for people who can expose themselves to that, but it inherently subjects a marginalized person to the threat of violence from a radical person, and it also places a sort of burden on marginalized people to be responsible for people who hate them. i feel a more stable solution would be deplatforming to curb the spread of radicalization and to combat misinformation. but, i'm not an expert. i at least hope being aware of the process of radicalization and realizing it's not too late to escape it can help some people.

#bandrea blabbers #i hate making posts like this because i also dont want to expose myself to violence.#but i studied this extensively when i was still in grad school. its hard to notice this so much and not say anything

19 notes · View notes

panharmonium · 4 years

Note

i'm not much of a creator, but when i was a kid i shipped will and merlin.

^^^^👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there!!!!!! :D :D :D

lol okay i mean, for real, like - i don’t ship merlin with anyone, because in the text he’s just - not interested in that sort of thing, and i love that fact more than life itself, so my love for will and merlin is based on their friendship. HOWEVER, will is also the one person for whom i’ve actively decided to maintain a soft spot on the ship front, in au-versions of things, because after i discovered that virtually the entire merlin/will tag is actually merlin/arthur fic that dumps will in the garbage, i was so aggravated that i decided i had to support it on principle lmao

(and of course, this phenomenon does happen with other characters, but will really gets slammed - when you exclude merlin/arthur from other merlin/(character) searches, gwaine retains almost 60% of his stories, morgana 85%, freya 65%, lancelot 47%...while will, on the other hand, only retains 12% of his own ship tag, and, given that his tag is already so much smaller than all those other ships anyway, it ends up being like fifteen stories, half of which conclude with him dying or the pairing breaking up for reasons other than arthur. AND the rest of the tag consists of him being written SO negatively...his own ship tag is full of him being dumped or passed over or branded as a loser ex...it’s just not my jam.)

so basically, given this, my relationship with merlin being shipped with anybody is essentially the following:

literally anything that suggests merlin has ever had a traditional/typical romantic reaction to anyone, at all, ever:

merlin/will:

#replies #the once and future slowburn #no kings no masters #and tbh #even with will and merlin i still don't vibe as much with stuff that has merlin inclined towards romance in a 'typical' way #not in the canonverse anyway #(in AU's i appreciate everything; go for broke; i wholeheartedly approve)#but in the canonverse it's just not how i read him #i'm not saying it's impossible; just that the circumstances (like we see with freya) would be so rare and specific #for merlin to get involved in this kind of thing #and even if he got involved he wouldn't quite perceive it the same way that somebody else maybe would #and anyway OKAY i do in fact have a lot of complex thoughts about this but i'm gonna cut myself off now #if i wanna write about this it's gonna be in a fic and that's that #NO SHORTCUTS #on a different note though let me just state for the record: WILL DESERVES TO GET HIS MAN SOMETIMES OKAY #he is TOO GOOD to be forever getting ditched and also he ACTUALLY HAS EARNED THE RIGHT #cos i'm just saying.......there are some people..........whom merlin loves better than they deserve #to his own detriment #and i think #it wld be nice #for the Object of his Affections #to actually DESERVE said affections #once in a while #do NOT @ me y'all KNOW i am talking about arthur pendragon #and i will not walk it back #no sir #XD XD XD XD

18 notes · View notes

firstpuffin · 6 years

Text

Changing elements of existing characters; race, sex etc

I remember when the F4ntastic Four movie came out in 2015 (and seriously, F4ntastic? What is this, the 90’s again?) and we saw that the new Human Torch was… different. There was some concern, admittedly even from me, about this change. I mean, Johnny Storm is white, right? Why cast a black actor?

Well I could have let that slide without issue as long as they explained, even with just one sentence to not take up too much time, why his sister is white and him black. Yes, there could be a hundred-score reasons why, but it is unintuitive. Since then I have grown up and don’t mind nearly so much, but this “issue” comes up again and again. The new Doctor in Doctor Who is a woman and there has been rumour about a black James Bond floating around for a while. My favourite superhero died and there was a fuss when he was replaced by a black kid; Tony Stark let a black girl replace him as Iron Man (or whatever name she went by) and there was a fuss both times. Are you seeing the pattern?

Established heroes are being replaced by children!

I’m kidding.

But there is always a fuss when a beloved character is changed and I must admit, a black James Bond would bother me. A female James Bond would bother me; the first and least important reason is that James Bond is an established white male character and a lot of his stories would be different if he wasn’t. The other characters in his stories would treat him differently, he would have had different experiences and would not be the same person.

More importantly though, it’s kind of insulting (not to me mind, I’m a white male) that people seem to think that the James Bond brand is what’s needed to carry a black or female lead. Seriously, we already know that’s not the case, so make a brand-new character who fits your criteria. If you have the rights then put them in the same world as James Bond, sure. That could be fun.

A female Doctor doesn’t bother me because it works in-world; they established long ago that it was possible to regenerate into a different sex so it’s cool. It works.

It’s just a shame the writing was crap. Fingers crossed for the 2020 series.

There were rumours for a while that Spider-Man, no cross that, Peter Parker was going to be gay in an upcoming movie. This didn’t happen and I’m glad. I probably shouldn’t be but I am. See, I let a lot slide in comic book universes because there is the multiverse and as long as we don’t know which universe exactly the story is based in, there is nothing wrong with Peter being gay. But again, why not make a new character who happens to be gay?

Isn’t it offensive to think that a gay Spider-Man has to be the original?

This is where Miles Morales comes in. He’s not a black Peter Parker, he’s a brand-new character. And yes, you could say my above argument should apply here, after-all it’s still the Spider-Man brand. But Spider-Man is pretty unique in that there has generally only been Peter Parker. Yes there is Miguel O’Hara in the future and similar variants but many superhero mantles have been picked up by other characters, but Peter Parker is usually Spider-Man and no-one steps up to take his place if he dies or vanishes.

Except maybe Ben Reilly, Peter’s clone.

But even if he wasn’t unique, it wouldn’t matter. Do you know how many Spider-Women there have been? Including another of Peter’s clones?

So when the Peter Parker of the Ultimate universe dies, Miles Morales comes along and tries to pick up the slack. This is just comic book tradition, and it works. I like Miles Morales. He brings a freshness to the Spider-Man story; seriously, screw Uncle Ben I want to see more Uncle Aaron.

Speaking of Uncle Aaron, I was a fan of Prowler when it was still Hobie Brown under the mask, but multiverse so whatever.

So changes thanks to the multiverse is cool, as is taking up another hero’s mantle. What else am I okay with? Well for starters, if something is done well.

It seems a lot of Iron Man fans weren’t too happy with the Mandarin but, and maybe this is because I didn’t know a whole lot of Iron Man lore, I thought that the twist was amazing. That is how you do a trailer. They set up this mysterious terrorist (yawn) who was dominating the Middle East, only for that to be a façade for the real villain. As a twist this is not only amazing but was set up incredibly well.

And then there is Michelle Jones from Spider-Man: Homecoming who we discover is MJ right at the end. She is quite possibly as far from the MJ we know as is possible but then again, she isn’t Mary-Jane Watson. I really like what they are doing here, using an established character whose relationship with the hero pops up in nearly every iteration, to hint at future sub-plots without actually being the same character.

So I’ve been pretty positive about the idea of “changing” a character, so why am I bringing this up? Because it doesn’t matter how justified the change is, the execution can ruin it. Doctor Who is a prime example of this.

I was pretty excited to see a woman portray the Doctor because there is a lot in his (I use the male pronoun for a reason) character that you don’t often see in female characters. Matt Smith was amazing at portraying an old man in a young man’s body; he was a treat to watch. Tennant, Smith and Capaldi were all very good at showing a character who was old, who knew, and had experienced, far more than any human could match. He took the lead, got angry when he needed to and had a fire in his belly, a sliver of ice in his heart, usually hidden by a cheerful and possibly forced optimism.

To see that kind of female character would be new and awesome.

Instead we had infantile episodes more focused on preaching than actually telling a story. I don’t know if Whitaker can act, I don’t know if she is up to the job of being the Lonely God, because we didn’t get to see it. I’ve been watching the old episodes, by which I mean 1963 onwards and I’ve just revisited the 2005 onwards series’; two companions really has to be the maximum number of companions and if there is a third then they should be the Doctor’s equal. Otherwise the Doctor gets ignored.

River Song was never just a companion and while you could say that her presence detracted from his, it was in a good way that allowed the characters to bounce off of each other. In series 11 with Whitaker we saw more of Ryan and Graham’s relationship than we did the Doctor herself, that is when they don’t pause the episode to dump exposition onto the viewers (I’m looking at you, episode 3).

Of course as far as I’m concerned, the greatest sin occurred in the second episode: she gives up. The Doctor gives up. For no good goddamn reason. Okay so there is a reason. Her time-machine, which has been coming and going for centuries isn’t there at that very moment! She didn’t see it disappear, not to return for another hundred years; it just wasn’t there yet and she knew it was due any moment. What the fu-?!

Who is this woman? Certainly not the Doctor who chases away fleets of spaceships with a speech.

-what a speech-

How about another example? You may have heard of Spider-Gwen (don’t worry she doesn’t actually go by that name, that would be stupid), her series is based on Earth-65 as opposed to the mainstream series which is Earth-616 (who numbers these?). I don’t want to talk about her, although I totally could. I like her and what they wanted to do, even if the execution was poor. No, I’m bringing up the Earth-65 Captain America: a black woman called Samantha Wilson.

The agenda behind that can already be practically tasted but I prefer not to whine about such things and she seems okay as a character. My problem is that if she went through the same process as Steve Rogers, which she did, then why isn’t she ripped like Steve? Seriously, that guy is jacked in virtually every incarnation so why isn’t she? Because she’s a woman and thus her biology is different? I think it’s safe to say that that is BS and the only reason she isn’t covered in rippling muscle is because it wouldn’t look sexy.

-seriously? Trump is Modok? He’s even quoting Trump! Urgh, the taste of agendas-

Men can be huge but women? Nope.

I don’t mind Gwen not being massive, depending on the artist then Peter can be pretty skinny too. But double-standards much?

I’m going to close up here. I don’t mind changes to established characters so long as it makes sense: taking up the mantle of a superhero, an alternate universe or possible in the established canon; I do however think that rather than changing an established character, a new character should be made. But while I often like to see these new (or sometimes “new”) characters, I will not force myself to like something if the execution is poor.

#first puffin #opinion #comics #comic books #doctor who #james bond #character design #agenda #race #sexuality #13th doctor #spiderman #spidergwen #miles morales #multiverse #f4ntastic #fantastic four #captain america #thosetagswilldofornow

11 notes · View notes

michaelandy101-blog · 4 years

Text

That's a Wrap: MozCon Virtual 2020 Day Two Recap

New Post has been published on https://tiptopreview.com/thats-a-wrap-mozcon-virtual-2020-day-two-recap-2/

That's a Wrap: MozCon Virtual 2020 Day Two Recap

Wow! What a crazy ride MozCon has been this year. In case you missed it, we were able to double the number of attendees and include over 2,800 people.

Not only were we able to include them, we were also able to see their families, pets, and home offices. It was an unusual experience for sure, but one we won’t be forgetting any time soon.

As always, the speakers served up some flaming hot content (including an actual movie). We can’t wait to share some of these takeaways with you!

Britney Muller — Accessible Machine Learning Workflows for SEOs

Britney started off by assuring everyone that they absolutely can use machine learning. She knows this because she was able to teach her dad how to use it!

Let’s jump right in.

Basically, machine learning can be used for a lot of things.

There’s endless possibilities w/ #machinelearning:

Some cool things: – AI-generated faces – Auto-excuse generator (need that)

Leveraging for SEO: – Keyword research – Forecasting time series – Extracting entities and categories from URLs – Internal link analysis #mozcon

— Seer Interactive (@SeerInteractive) July 15, 2020

Britney suggests starting with a notebook in Colaboratory for increased accessibility. She showed us to do the basics like upload, import, and download data before jumping into the fun stuff:

Using Google NLP API to extract entities and their categories from URL

Using Facebook’s Prophet data for time-series predictions

Keyword research using Search Console Data and a filtering function

Honestly, we were surprised at how easy she made machine learning look. Can’t wait to try it ourselves!

Izzi Smith — How to Be Ahead of the (CTR) Curve

Not all clicks are created equal! While you may want as many clicks as possible from the SERP, there’s a specific type of click you should be striving for — the almighty long click.

“What is a click without the intent to be there?”

Google’s patent clearly states that reactions to search results are gauged, and short interactions (clicks) can lower rankings while longer interactions (clicks) can lead to higher rankings.

Great point by the wonderful @izzionfire – focus on the “long clicks” – the ones where users spend a long time on your page after clicking your result.

Google tends to show answers for the “short clicks” within the SERP – if it doesn’t now, it will soon.#MozCon pic.twitter.com/mCvWUpDTKQ

— Lily Ray ???? (@lilyraynyc) July 15, 2020

Are you ready to track your clicks and get to work? Good! Izzi broke it all down for you:

Pull your data from Google Search Console, specifically by using their API.

Know what you are looking for BEFORE getting into the data.

Look for these patterns:

Performance-based core update impacts — decrease in positions and impressions

Identifying Irrelevant rankings — large impression spike (with low CTR) then a sharp decline in impressions

Losing SERP feature — a sharp decrease in CTR and a decrease in impressions

Izzi, you’re a rockstar! We can’t wait to go play with all of our data later.

Flavilla Fongang — How to Go Beyond Marketing for Clients: The Value of a Thriving Brand Ecosystem

Flavilla is a true gem. Instead of focusing on the top of the funnel, she focused on how we can keep customers coming back.

She told us that “business is like love”. You don’t want to move too fast. You don’t want to move too slow. You have to add value. You have to keep things exciting.

“Your clients don’t continue buying from you because you meet their expectations. They do it because you EXCEED them.” It’s like falling in love. — @FlavillaFongang #MozCon pic.twitter.com/S4RwlkC6pp

— Sarah Bird (@SarahBird) July 15, 2020

Flavilla challenged us to find what makes us remarkable:

Can you offer a unique experience?

Can you create a community?

Can you offer integrations?

Can you partner with people to bring something new?

Really sit down and think about why you started your brand and reflect on it. If you build a brand people come back to, you’ll have far less to worry about.

Brian Dean — How to Promote Your Content Like a Boss

We finally did it! We got Brian Dean to speak at an SEO conference.

If you don’t know him by now, you haven’t been searching hard enough. Brian is a master of content creation and marketing.

It wasn’t always that way, though. Brian’s first blog never took off because he spent more time creating content than he did promoting it. Once he realized just how important promotion was, he went all-in and ended up reaping the benefits.

This year, he finally shared with us some of his Jedi-like promotion tactics.

7 promotional strategies 1. Create for the linkerati (bloggers+journalists) 2. Expanded social posts 3. Avoid JarJar outreach 4. The Jedi mind trick 5. Hyperdrive-boosted Facebook posts 6. Infiltrate scarif: subreddits 7. Hack the Halonet: click to tweet links@backlinko #mozcon

— James Wirth (@jameswirth) July 15, 2020

He shared multiple tips for each of these strategies, but here is a quick summary:

Social sites hate it when you post links. Instead, tease the content with a “hook, lead, summary, link, call-to-action”.

Ask journalists or bloggers if they’d be interested in reading your pieces, but do so before you publish it to take some pressure off.

Actually personalize your outreach by mentioning something on the contact’s site.

Boost Facebook posts with ample engagement to audiences who have interacted with previous posts.

Just implementing one of these tactics could change the way your content is received by the internet. Who knows what could happen if you implemented all of them?

Joy Hawkins — Google My Business: Battling Bad Info & Safeguarding Your Search Strategy

Not everyone does local SEO, but if you do (or if it ties into what you do at all) you’re going to want to buckle your seatbelt.

Joy showed us some of the insights she was able to pull from a large study she did with her team. They had noticed a major discrepancy in the data between Google My Business and Google Search Console, and wanted to get to the root of it.

TL;DR version of @JoyanneHawkins presentation at #mozcon

Don’t trust Search Console impressions, y’all

— Greg Gifford (@GregGifford) July 15, 2020

Joy shared some major findings:

Google My Business “views” are a lot of different things (not just the traditional impressions we’re used to tracking).

Mobile searches don’t show website icons in the local pack.

The search queries that show up in GMB are different from the ones that are shown in Search Console.

Explicit intent does not always mean higher intent than implicit intent

If you work in local search, Joy wants to challenge you to move away from views and Search Console impressions. Instead, focus on the search data that GMB provides for keywords and on click data in Search Console.

Michael King — Runtime: The 3-Ring Circus of Technical SEO

In true Michael King style (with a ton of flare), he showed us just what’s possible at a virtual conference and blew our minds with technical SEO awesomeness.

That moment you think you kinda know technical SEO and then you see @iPullRank at #MozCon. Mind. BLOWN.

— Lauren Turner (@laurentracy_) July 15, 2020

We watched “Jamie” get through the three rings using slick techniques.

How do you identify which keyword on a site owns a URL? -Position -Traffic -Linking authority metrics

Use on all ranking pages to determine best URL for each keyword on the site, then adjust anchor text as needed@iPullRank #MozCon

— Jennifer Slegg (@jenstar) July 15, 2020

All Google products have services you can connect to via ABScript – you can create a full data ecosystem, all via basic JavaScript@iPullRank #MozCon

— Ruth Burr Reedy (@ruthburr) July 15, 2020

@ipullrank #seo #mozcon #techseo

holy fizzle Ebay builds internal links programatically to boost rankings from page 2 to page 1.

— Noah Learner (@noahlearner) July 15, 2020

There were so many of these, friends!

The thing is, all of this has been out there and accessible, but as Mike says in Runtime, “Doing things the same way everyone else does them is going to get you everyone else’s results. Do things your own way.”

Dana DiTomaso — Red Flags: Use a Discovery Process to Go from Red Flags to Green Lights

The idea of discovery is not a new one, but Dana came ready to shine a new light on an old tactic. Most of us do minimal research before agreeing to do a project — or at least minimal compared to Dana and her team!

These are just a few questions from Kick Point’s discovery process:

If there were no limitations, what would you want to be able to say at the end of this project?

Which of these metrics affects your performance report?

What does your best day ever look like?

What didn’t work last time?

The discovery process isn’t just about talking to the client, though, it’s about doing your own research to see if you can find the pain points.

Actually testing your client’s transaction process. I only do that when setting up eCommerce tracking and test the purchasing journey for customers.

Go beyond what data implies and see for yourself how you stack up to your competitors. Brilliant @danaditomaso #MozCon pic.twitter.com/dkz21fK1kd

— nikrangerseo (@nikrangerseo) July 15, 2020

As always, Dana shared some true gems that are sure to make our industry better.

David Sottimano — Everyday Automation for Marketers

David brought us automation greatness all the way from Colombia! There were so many practical applications and all of them required little to no coding:

Wit.ai for search intent classification

Using cron for scheduling things like scraping

Webhooks for passing data

Creating your own IFTTT-like automation using n8n.io on Heroku

We got to see live demonstrations of David doing each of these things as he explained them. They all seemed super user-friendly and we can’t wait to try some of them.

#mozcon @dsottimano dropping a ton of automation knowledge and showcasing @bigmlcom power pic.twitter.com/p3gWVBbWX5

— John Murch (@johnmurch) July 15, 2020

Oh yeah, David also helped us build and release the Moz API for Sheets!

Russ Jones — I Wanna Be Rich: Making Your Consultancy Profitable

Most businesses fail within their first five years, and that failure often comes down to business decisions. Now, Russ doesn’t enjoy all of this decision-making, but he has learned a few things from doing it and then seeing how those decisions affect a business’s bottom line.

The number one way to become more profitable is to cut costs. Russ looked at cutting costs by having fewer full-time employees, renting/owning less space, making leadership changes, and cutting lines of service.

When it comes to actually bringing in more money though, Russ suggests:

Adding new service lines

Raising prices

Automating tasks

Acquiring new business

At the end of the day, Russ boiled it down to two things: Don’t be afraid to change, and experiment when you can — not when you must.

If you experiment only when you have to, you’re going to fail. If you experiment now, when you can and don’t wait until you must, chances are you’re going to grow, succeed and beat out your competitors. @rjonesx #MozCon

— Amy merrill (@MissAmyMerrill) July 15, 2020

Heather Physioc — Competitive Advantage in a Commoditized Industry

SEO is not dead, it’s commoditized. A strong line to start off a presentation! We can always count on Heather to bring forth some real business-minded takeaways.

First, she helped us understand what a competitive advantage actually is.

Competitive advantages should be: – Unique – Defensible – Sustainable – Valuable Consistent@HeatherPhysioc #MozCon

— Melina Beeston (@mkbeesto) July 15, 2020

Then, it was time to go through her competitive advantage framework.

Steps to having a competitive advantage (not just linear though – it’s a cyclical process) via @HeatherPhysioc #Mozcon pic.twitter.com/W0ZBAduKHP

— Alan Bleiweiss (@AlanBleiweiss) July 15, 2020

As we went through this framework, Heather assigned A LOT of homework:

Examine your brand: What do you do? Who do you serve? Why? Find the patterns within the answers.

Write a brand statement.

Activate your advantage: How can you live it fully? What things can’t you do in support of your purpose? How will you know you’re putting it to work?

She mentioned a lot of great tools throughout her presentation. Get a list of those tools and access to her slides here.

Wil Reynolds — The CMO Role Has Been Disrupted: Are You Ready for Your New Boss?

Have you ever thought about who holds the fate of the CMO in their hands? Wil started out by explaining that the CEO, CFO, and CIO actually have far more power over marketing than we give them credit for. While they all know that data is what will make their businesses successful, they also hold keys to our success: budget, IT teams/implementations, veto authority.

The issue we face isn’t that we don’t know what we are doing, but more so that we don’t know how to communicate it.

“I don’t know a whole lot of CEOs that read Search Engine Land, but they’re the ones that write our checks.” – @wilreynolds

So instead of throwing shade at our least-favorite phrases the c-suite uses, we may want to make sure non-SEOs understand our value.#MozCon pic.twitter.com/S6fClFevZo

— James Wirth (@jameswirth) July 15, 2020

How can you show up to talk the talk and walk the walk? Use your data, and use it to give the customers a voice at the table (something all executive teams are attempting to achieve).

SEO + PPC + Analytics + CRM = magic@wilreynolds #mozcon pic.twitter.com/JICfWiOB3X

— Jason Dodge (@dodgejd) July 15, 2020

Wil’s team has done an amazing job simplifying and documenting this process for all of us in search. If you haven’t yet, we highly suggest checking out their blog.

That’s a wrap

Folks, this was fun. We’re so happy that we could bring people together from all over the world for two days during this crazy time.

While there weren’t any Roger hugs or fist pumps, there were still lessons learned and friendships made. It doesn’t get any better than that. We hope you feel the same.

If you were able to attend the live conference, we would love to hear your thoughts and takeaways! Be sure to take time to reflect on what you’ve learned and start plans for implementation — we want to see you make a difference with your new knowledge.

Until next year, Moz fans!

Source link

#General

0 notes

computerguideworld-blog · 5 years

Text

Dirty Computer: Janelle Monaes Electrifying Coming Out Party

New Post has been published on https://computerguideto.com/must-see/dirty-computer-janelle-monaes-electrifying-coming-out-party-2/

Dirty Computer: Janelle Monaes Electrifying Coming Out Party

Janelle Mones new album Dirty Computer features the acclaimed singer-songwriter at her most revealing and freewheeling.

The 32-year-old star is one of the most respected in music, and shes won raves and challenged listeners with an ambitious blend of funk, pop, rock, soul, and hip-hop that has often made her hard to define. But being pinned down has never been Mones styleand on Dirty Computer she lets her freak flag fly.

Mone has admitted that her early android persona and conceptual The Metropolis and ArchAndroid projects were sometimes driven by the need to protect herself from judgment. As Mone has evolved as an artist, shes come into her own creatively and as a womanand now seems fully in command of her art and emboldened by living in her truth. Like virtually every full-length release in her genre-bending discography, Mones Dirty Computer is a conceptual affair: In the accompanying short film, shes Jane 57821, a nonconformist in the near future who needs to be cleaned by the powers-that-be. Shes a rebel in love with her community and in love with Zen (Tessa Thompson)and shes fighting to be herself.

Arriving a whopping five years after 2013s The Electric Lady, the new album finds Mone simultaneously at her most musically accessible and her most forthcoming lyrically. It feels like shes the most free on record that shes ever been. Not that Mone has ever seemed constrained, exactlybut her work has always seemed to put the concept ahead of emotional nakedness. On Dirty Computer, the concept is driven by her introspection, not the other way around. This is the strongest set of pop songs that Mone has released, as she dances between sunshine synth-pop, dance-driven funk jams, and lush soul. Working alongside longtime collaborators like Deep Cotton and Roman GianArthur, Mone isnt in altogether unfamiliar territory musically, but she is breaking bold new ground in terms of themes, and shes putting them across in more engaging ways than she has before.

It sounds like an anthem for youthful brazenness and epic summer nights; it also sounds like a spiritual manifesto.

The album opens with the Brian Wilson-assisted title track, with Wilsons trademark only-but-him harmonies providing a warm bed on which Mones warm lead vocal coos, I love you in space and time, with sparsely skittering production. With its twinkling chords and cascading drums, Crazy Classic Life channels 80s synth sounds a la Depeche Mode as Mone outlines her version of freedom: I am not Americas nightmareI am the American cool. She wants a crazy classic life, and shes perfectly OK with however it ends as long as shes done it all. It sounds like an anthem for youthful brazenness and epic summer nights; it also sounds like a spiritual manifesto. The synth vibes remain on Take A Byte, and its a pure party: The thumping groove and handclaps are dance-floor-perfect, as Mone sings, Dress me upI like it better when we both pretend, in one of the most effectively sensual and slinky moments on Dirty Computer.

Princes influence looms large on Dirty Computer, an album that owes a lot to his most personally affirming dance anthems like Uptown and Erotic City. The guitar-driven Screwed even opens with a rhythm-guitar lick thats a clear nod to his 1986 classic Kiss, but presented in a completely different musical context. Sex, bodywere gonna crash your party, sounds like the best kind of warning, as Mone provides yet another song that sounds like it was made for the best weekend youve ever had.

This is a fucking fun album.

Django Jane debuted online back in February, with Mone trying on trap and showing that her creativity sits comfortably at virtually any stylistic table. Sassy, classyKool-Aid with the kale, Janelle raps confidentlyand with more panache than most others who regularly trade in the format. Remember when they said I looked to mannish? she pointedly recalls, reminding everyone that during her ArchAndroid days she wasnt always the beloved pop culture icon she is today. She deftly addresses gender, race, and her own still-growing legacy as an artistperfectly seguing into Pynk, the other previously released single that had fans salivating in early April.

The double entendre of the title/hookand the cheekily clever music videois sort of a second affirmation of Django Jane. The color pink serves as a metaphor for both the universality of human existence and the specificity of womanhood. When the surging guitar and Some like that! hook kick in, its clear that Mone knew she had another anthem here.

youtube

Prince collaborated with Mone directly and Make Me Feel is an appropriate tribute, homage, and confirmation that no mainstream artist embodies His Royal Badness most provocative, singularly focused creativity as much as Janelle Mone. That groove burns itself into your brain within seconds, when that all-too-distinctive rhythm guitar begins punching holes in the pace, as Janelle ad-libs a joyful screechit sounds like an old friend making a welcome appearance at this Mone-led party. Prince lives. Pharrell shows up for I Got the Juice, as Mone flaunts and taunts a bitover African rhythms and a percolating beat.

I Like That is the most atmospheric moment on Dirty Computer, a gorgeous melody carried on a wave of synth strings, as Mone sings, A little crazy, little sexy, little cool / Little rough around the edges but I keep it smooth / Im always left of center and thats right where I belong / Im the random minor note you hear in major songs. She drops a brief rhyme about a childhood crush who rated me a 6 after she cut her perm, but makes it clear that she always knew I was the shit. And she goes for 90s neo-soul vibes on Dont Judge Me, a song that addresses personal insecurity and the fear that comes from wanting to open and be your real self around the person who makes you feel the most loved but also the most scared: Even though you tell me you love meIm afraid that you just love my disguise.

That element of fear is revisited on So Afraid, a somber, guitar-driven tune that somewhat recalls the 60s vibes of the title track. Theres so much to be gained by running toward love, but Janelle Mone expresses the doubt and apprehension of emotional connections beautifully here. And she parodies the jingoism and paranoia that defines so much of the good ol US of A on the rollicking album closer Americana. Once again playfully tapping into her Prince-ish tendencies, Mone offers a nod to the foot-stomping raucousness of Lets Go Crazy, while taking aim at everything from traditional gender roles to xenophobia to generic Americana. Its an upbeat end to an album full of joy and freedom, and it offers its best line: I wonder if you were blind, would it help you make a better decision.

Janelle Mone has been one of the most era-defining artists of the past 10 years, and shes done it without the kind of all-world hit singles that seem to define pop culture status. Shes managed to carve a niche in contemporary music that is uniquely her own, and here shes created the kind of album that gives voice to the creative, proudly outside-the-box individuals that have fueled so much of the cultural and social change of the times. The android Cindi Mayweather gave Mone a persona on which to explore her boldest ideas, but in putting who she is front-and-center, Mone has delivered her most relatable work to date. And it couldnt come at a better time. Black women have been leading a cultural charge, and Mone sits alongside so many of the boldest women of her generation. With Dirty Computer, shes given us a stellar pro-woman, pro-LGBTQ, party like its 1999, middle-finger-to-the-status-quo dance record.

There has beenand will continue to bea lot written about Mones coming out in the latest issue of Rolling Stone and how this album is reflective of her desire to be her. She said in the interview: Being a queer black woman in America someone who has been in relationships with both men and womenI consider myself to be a free-ass motherfucker. Mone has long been an inspiration to anyone who dared to be themselves, and her latest art documents an important moment in her journey as a creator and as an individual. Its exciting to witness her come into her own.

And it sounds like shes having a blast.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com

0 notes

towerrange15-blog · 5 years

Text

The Parable of the Cheeseball

I wasn’t planning on sharing another post before the holidays, but last night I felt like I wanted to share this story that happened last year. And so, here I am. I’m calling it The Parable of the Cheeseball. I’m sharing the following story with my friend, Fern’s, permission.

As many of you know, for many years, my family has made and delivered cheeseballs as gifts to neighbors/friends, etc, for the holidays. It’s become a tradition that I think will last forever. And it’s hilarious to see how excited some of the “regulars” on our list get as the holiday season approaches. Starting early December, I have to carefully and somewhat warily walk down some hallways at church afraid I might be accosted by the energetic souls wondering eagerly when the cheeseballs will be delivered this year. Haha.

We make between 50-85 cheeseballs every year. It’s fun. It’s messy. It’s tradition.

Last year, however, something unintentional happened with this cheeseball tradition.

There was a family at our church going through some tough things. We knew this family a little bit – our kids are in some of the same grades, and we interacted with them here and there at church and school events. Their mom, Fern, had just undergone a major and very invasive brain surgery and was at home beginning a very, very long recovery. She was in severe pain. She could barely get up and move out of bed due to lethargy and pain and risk of falling. Not only that, she could hardly eat because part of her jaw had been cut during the brain surgery and was healing, but she couldn’t open her mouth very far at all and could only eat really soft foods.

This sweet family had been in our prayers for weeks. One night close to Christmas, it was fairly late in the evening. Maybe 9-ish. Too late, really, to be considered appropriately polite to drop something off at anyone’s house. But we were in major cheeseball mode and all social norms had flown out the window in the face of cheeseball delivering.

Brian and the kids had one last cheeseball on their tray for delivery, and Brian called me and said “I think I’m going to take this up to Fern and her family.” We had never delivered a cheeseball to Fern and her family in years prior because we hadn’t known them previously. They didn’t even know we did this sort of thing. I suggested that it might be too late, but Brian insisted that he wanted to deliver this one last cheeseball.

So he and the boys drove up to Fern’s house and dropped off the cheeseball. And that was that. We didn’t think much more of it (other than me delivering a mildly grumpy look at Brian when he got home because I still felt like I was in the right and he was in the wrong, and sometimes just shooting someone a dirty look makes me feel better – amiright?? – even though I know that is the opposite of how one should behave during the holiday season).

The next day, a text message popped up on my phone. It was from Fern. And this is what it said:

“Good morning, Melanie this is Fern. I just texted your husband and got your number and told him to thank you for the cheese ball and said there is a story behind it. A couple days before you guys brought it over I asked [my husband] to make me one and he told me that he was way too busy to make me one and that he didn’t have the time to go to the store to buy the stuff to make one, he wasn’t ignoring me he was just buy with having to go into work and taking care of the stuff that needed to be taken care of around the house and taking care of me. He didn’t want me falling cuz I was and falling and hitting things. I could barely open my mouth so I was soo craving a cheese ball.”

“His sister came over to help me while he was at work again I asked her if she could make me a cheeseball she told me she didn’t know how to make one. So I let it go. But it was still in the back of my mind. I knew I could eat one cuz I could microwave it to where I could eat it. Anyway I was in soo much pain last night and someone knocked on the door and it was your sons.”

“Who had exactly what I was wanting. They said Merry Christmas and [my son] said Merry Christmas back. He brought me the Christmas ball and I just cried. I saw who it was from and I quietly thanked Heavenly Father for the angel who probably listened to a prompting and brought what I was truly wanting. It’s the best gift. Your family are true angels!”

And you guys, in that instant, I was humbled beyond words and brought to some serious tears. Humbled because I had been mildly irritated and a little too free with the dirty looks the night before when Brian and the boys wanted to deliver this “one last cheeseball” too late in the evening and humbled because it seemed that a tremendously loving God above was working through my little family to help someone in need even though we had no idea.

We didn’t know that Fern had been praying for a cheeseball, of all things. It certainly wasn’t hard for us to drop off the cheeseball that night. In fact, we didn’t think much of it. But that simple holiday tradition that led to the prompting Brian had to take that “one last cheeseball” meant something to Fern. In that instant, it was so, so much more than just a delivered cheeseball.

I guess I felt like I wanted to share that simple story to say that sometimes the things we do may not have an impact on us in the moment of doing/giving them, but we never know, we never, ever know, what impact those small and seemingly simple things may have on others.

A delivered cheeseball. A text to randomly check in on someone. A side hug in the hallway at church or the grocery store. A loaf of bread dropped off on a doorstep. Just simply noticing someone that you don’t normally interact with and starting up a conversation.

Never ignore a prompting to reach out to someone. Even if it’s late at night and you might get a dirty look from your mom. 🙂 Even if it comes in the middle of a crazy, chaotic holiday season. And even if it takes you a bit out of your comfort zone.

I’ve been on the receiving end of small acts of service more times than I can count, and I remember them all; each one has burned a lasting warmth into my heart that blossoms every time I think of the person or event. Because others have quite literally changed my life through service, it makes me want to be a better human, a more giving person who allows myself to be open to direction that I may not even be intentionally seeking at the time. And it makes me so very grateful for the tender mercies of a loving Heavenly Father who sees all even when we are limited in what we see and understand.

That’s what this holiday season is all about, really. Giving in the truest way we can from the very depths of our heart, even if that giving comes in the rather rustic form of a cheeseball wrapped in a cellophane bag delivered by a couple young kids who have no idea what that cheeseball really means (and incidentally, neither do their parents).

That cheeseball last year was the start of a very sweet friendship between Fern and me. Come to find out, she also looooooooves no-bake cheesecake (clearly she’s good people, haha!). This is very valuable information for someone like me who wants nothing more than to show my love for people through food. Especially when there’s some trading involved! (Fern made this adorable tiara and wand for Cam’s birthday last year, and I paid in cheesecake…now thats my kind of a deal.)

And I suppose that’s about all I have to say about that. What I know is that the making and giving of cheeseballs has taken on a symbolism and meaning that will stay with me forever.

Merry Christmas, friends.

I know we don’t all celebrate and believe the same things. But with all the tender feelings that fill my heart this time of year, I just want to say that I very sincerely wish you the love, happiness, and peace that you may desire and need this time of year and always. Nothing I do, not one single thing, would have any lasting value if it weren’t for my belief and unending reliance on my Savior, Jesus Christ. His birth, His life, His constant, unconditional love is truly the reason…and the path forward…for ALL the seasons I will ever pass through in this life.

Thank you for allowing me a rather sentimental post today. I’m so grateful for you, my very favorite virtual friends near and far. I wish you the very happiest of holidays.

Source: https://www.melskitchencafe.com/the-parable-of-the-cheeseball/

0 notes

michaelandy101-blog · 4 years

Text

That's a Wrap: MozCon Virtual 2020 Day Two Recap

New Post has been published on http://tiptopreview.com/thats-a-wrap-mozcon-virtual-2020-day-two-recap/