#the PERFECT role for him. absolutely gorgeous man who is off the shits insane. we love to see it

[fighting-naturalist]

"Careful, the last man who insulted me had to fish pieces of his tongue out of a garbage disposal." ... "I'm kidding!"

[hotdamnhunnam]

Stop Fucking Around, Cunt

A/N: Title is a quote from Charlie’s character in Guy Ritchie’s The Gentlemen. Anyone else obsessed with Raymond and the way he says ‘cunt’... all the time... Just imagine him calling you one while he dishes out punishment, spanking you raw and then fucking you hard from behind.

Pairing: Raymond Smith x F!Reader Warnings: smut, swearing, dirty talk, spanking, punishment, dom!Raymond

Word Count: ~1.7k

“What the fuck are you talking about, love?” he asks as he strips off his coat.

You watch him and try not to choke on the puddle of thirst in your throat. Bite your lip, quite embarrassed at what you’re about to admit. “I just—I don’t know, Ray, it really just... gets me all hot.”

Your impeccably dressed and impossibly gorgeous boyfriend just stands there a second, broad shoulders and buff chest bursting at the seams of his buttoned-up vest, still unsure what you mean to suggest. “What?”

So you spit it out, then. “The way you say cunt.”

Raymond blinks. Lifts his brows. Blue eyes speaking in silence—well, now... that was blunt.

And you’re not even done. Clearing your throat again, you bravely carry on. “I was wondering if you might, um... call me one?”

That shit certainly calls for another long pause. Raymond studies your face with a barely perceptible clench of his jaw. Slowly pushes his glasses up, curious just how you got so corrupt. “Love, you do know that’s an insult? Frankly not a name that a delicate flower like you should be called.”

Fuck. This is not going how you had hoped. Not at all. 

You reply with a roll of your eyes and a frustrated sigh. “Yes, I know. When I hear you get pissed off at someone and call them a cunt, though...” your voice trails off briefly; you notice the smug bastard smirking at you now, all cocky and cheeky. “Are you fucking judging me, Raymond? You shouldn’t. This isn’t my fault.”

He braces his pinstripe-sleeved arms on the countertop by which he’s standing, here in his meticulously—fucking ridiculously—well-maintained kitchen. Every damn thing Raymond touches falls under his competent hand and his total command, which includes you; the moment you met, you were smitten. He knows it, too. “Not your fault, Y/N? Whose is it, then?”

“Yours, of course,” you respond. “Strutting around town with that spiffy vest and those scholarly specs and that stupid blonde beard and this whole fucking... thing that you’ve got going on. You can’t keep spouting filth from that mouth and then wonder why this so-called ‘delicate flower’ is desperate for you to treat her like a whore.”

Something shifts within him, at those words. Like he doesn’t wonder anymore. He approaches you slowly now, voice smooth and soft and yet somehow, so... rough. “Well, why don’t you run off to our bedroom, love. Take all your clothes off. And wait for me there on the floor, bent over on all fours... with that sweet little cunt of yours facing the door.”

***************

Never have you obeyed an order any faster; Ray has always been a master of exerting power. Now that you have done as told, eagerly slipping into your submissive role, of course the bastard makes you wait for what feels like a goddamn hour. Maybe more.

Of fucking course.

It’s probably been less than ten minutes, if you’re honest, but however long it’s been, you’re fucking sick of it. It’s torture, though you must admit some part of you does love it. 

Ray’s not even here yet and already he’s pushing your limits. Here you are on your hands and knees down on the floor, just as he’d ordered, stark naked and so fucking horny it’s starting to hurt. 

Just before you’re about to give up and shift out of your shameless position of abject submission... in that exact moment, the bedroom door slowly swings open. So you stay in place then, all shaking and soaking. Even without turning and looking, you can feel the force of his gaze on your skin, no doubt focusing on your bare ass and exposed pussy.

It must be fucking glistening, you think, given how wet you’ve been ever since Raymond let this game begin. Feels obscenely fucking juicy.

His voice as it comes from the doorway is rich, husky, laced with all manner of lust and expensive whiskey. “Now, isn’t that a sight to see...”

The waiting game has made you more than just a little grumpy. So you turn back toward him now, turn down the corners of your mouth into a bratty princess pout. As if you’re in any position to be bossy. “Just shut up and fuck me.”

Ray is clearly quite amused by that, as you knew he would be. “Well, we both know that’s what you want...” he taunts, crossing the room to stand before you so that he can admire the view from the front. He looks straight down at you with the statement that he utters next, each word off of his luscious lips dripping with sex. “...but that’s not what you’re going to get. Not yet. You greedy little cunt.”

Oh God. Oh God. You’d always dreamt that hearing this from him would be insanely hot... but the effect now as it finally fucking happens far exceeds your filthy thoughts.

He crouches down, propping your chin up in his grasp to keep you from pathetically collapsing to the ground. “Who would’ve guessed my precious little princess is just nothing but a dirty fucking slut?”

“Ray...” you cry out, his name escaping from your mouth, though you really have nothing to say.

“Did I tell you to speak?” he chides, hand shifting up toward your hair, thick fingers tangling through your locks and gripping tight, holding your head in place right there. God, how his strength is making you weak. “Listen, cunt. You are going to stay still and shut up while I give that naughty ass what it deserves: some good hard punishment. You’re not going to sit right for weeks.”

You nod and bite your tongue, high on the big dick energy that’s radiating from your dom. So fucking strong... in all this time you’ve been with him, it’s honestly just what you’ve wanted all along.

“That’s a good little slut,” he says, masterfully petting your head, and then shifting to suddenly lift you up off the floor so that he can position you elsewhere instead, with your body bent over the bed.

Ray manhandles you effortlessly, like you don’t weigh a thing. You don’t, really, to him. He could probably bench press a dozen of you at the gym. His whole life is a hustle, so he knows that it benefits him to build muscle... which certainly benefits you in the bedroom.

You know that you’re meant to stay still, but you want him so badly it kills. It hurts that you can’t turn to watch him behind you as he gets undressed. The sound of this absolute sex god unbuttoning his tailored vest, then loosening his tie and removing his shirt and revealing his rippling abs and his smooth sculpted chest, then finally unbuckling his belt... you’re not sure if you can help yourself...

“Don’t you dare fucking move,” he abruptly commands, owning you though and through. “Understand?”

Yes, of course you do. Of course you know the command that he told you to follow. And yet that doesn’t mean that you can... how can you resist turning to look, to behold such a beautiful god of a man...?

Before you can try pushing your luck to defy his command, Ray swiftly takes a fistful of your messy hair in one hand, rough and dominant. He knew exactly what you were about to do. Promptly forbids you from ever attempting something so damn stupid again. “Stop fucking around, cunt.”

Holy mother of fuck—and that is when the punishment begins.

You shudder and gasp, with a sharp jolt of shock, as his palm comes down hard on your bare naked ass. “Let’s see how much this delicate flower can take before you earn this big fucking cock.”

Ray has spanked your ass more than a few times before, but this... this shit hits different. The biggest difference being that, with each smack, he aggressively pulls your hair back and leans in to whisper the same word in your ear, the word you have for so long been dying to hear...

“That’s it, cunt. Take your punishment. This what you want? Know it is. Fucking live for this, don’t you. You know you do. Damn filthy cunt.”

You lose count, soon enough, as his hand on your ass gets increasingly rough, and as both of you come ever closer to explosively getting off. Before you’ve even taken his cock. As your body trembles from the impact of each smack, you feel his enormous shaft, hard as a rock, rubbing up on your sex, from where he stands behind you, in perfect position between your spread legs. That, combined with the absolute filth that he says, and the force of his savage attack on your ass, is enough to make you fucking climax...

But Raymond knows better than to let that happen. Once he is at last satisfied that you’ve learned your lesson, he dishes out one final smack and then presses his hand to the small of your back, while the other grabs hold of his cock to align it with your dripping pussy and then... finally pushes in.

“Unghhh...” he grunts, in rhythm with your own mind-blown groan of complete satisfaction. The next words that fall from his sinful mouth, then, take you straight up to heaven or somewhere beyond. “Such a good... fucking... cunt.”

Just like that, on the instant, when he’s been inside you for barely two seconds... you’re honestly done.

Both of you end up coming harder than you’ve ever come, sanity shattered to pieces, all your senses starstruck and numb.

You are sure that it’s bound to be hours—days, weeks, even—till you manage to come down from this heaven and somehow recover from such a next-level orgasm.

Till then, you are more than content to just bask in the afterglow with him, knowing that whenever you’re craving a visit to heaven again... you now have a quick ticket straight up there with Raymond. 

All he will ever have to do, to take you to the fucking stars, is call you what you are: his dirty little slut... and filthy fucking cunt.

***************

... Continued in this sequel fic!

Thank you for reading!! Hope you enjoyed this, and would love to hear if you did! 🤗❤️

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[choco-mark]

A Marriage of Inconvenience (4)

overall pairing: mafia!jeno x mafia!oc

overall genre: angst | smut | fluff

warnings: language, mentions of violence + death, oppression of women, murder/homicide, mentions of drugs + drug use + drugging someone else, mentions of severe injuries

summary: when two mafia gangs decide to end their family feud after decades, your mother decides to give your hand away to marriage of their son, lee jeno. he seemed to hate you from the moment he laid his eyes on you, but could the resolution lead to something much more than a bride and groom?

words: 4.1k

masterlist

requested by 🤡 anon

19 April

Jeno’s eyes trailed his older brother’s body, watching him walk in front of him while clenching his teeth, trying to get out of the grasps of his men. Taeyong had just barged into the van without a second word, his men killing each and every other soldier waiting to be dismissed except his two brothers, who were now being manhandled inside. “Don’t fight it,” he cooed, not looking back at Jeno as he glanced over to Mark, who was just as equally trying to get away. “I don’t want to kill you, you know. You are my brothers after all.”

“So then why are you abducting us?” Mark asked in an incredulous voice, the hallway coming to an end as Taeyong reached out the door in front of him, looking back at Jeno and then Mark. “Huh? Father was right, you’re insane!”

“Shut the fuck up!” He hissed back, closing in on Mark as his eyes scanned his face, lip tucking under his upper teeth as he tilted his head. “You don’t get it, Markie boy, you and your measly little baby brother here would never get it. Father had me start the second generation of NCT, I’m sure that you’ve figured it out by now, hmm? That’s how you’re here in the first place, you were clearly smart enough to track sweet Y/N’s messages, hmm? I knew you’d be able to do it,” he clicked his tongue, turning back around to give the door a bit of a tap.

“At least you’ll get to see your girl now, right baby Jeno?” Taeyong’s hand enclosed over the handle, giving it a harsh twist as he swung the door open, the red room with matching couches coming into view. His jaw dropped from the empty sight, only discarded roles littering the floor. “What the...”

“I can’t believe you fucking escaped,” Haechan snarled again, locking the handcuff around your wrist and then fastening the matching one to his own. “You were supposed to listen, sweetheart. It would have been much easier if you did so.” He raised his head, looking at your brother with hooded eyes. “I should’ve expected more from you too, you’re a Park after all.”

Your eyes, however, were fastened on the perfectly brandished knife that was tucked into the belt of the gorgeous man; just a single step backward and it could be in your hand, easily available to stab him with a sharp blow to the stomach. But it could only work if you were able to do it as quickly as possible, and in the condition you were in currently, you couldn’t trust yourself to move as fast. 

The moment that he stuck his hand into the pocket of his jeans, pulling out yet another deadly syringe, your twisted his other arm back as you stepped behind him, yanking the blade from his belt and holding it to his throat. However, Haechan was faster, his leg pulling Jisung towards him, the tip of the needle threatening to push into his skin at any moment. He let out a breathless chuckle, his head tilting upwards as you didn’t make a move. “Put the knife down and I won’t inject him.”

You hesitated, your eyes now on Jisung, who’s face looked absolutely mortified as he struggled to get out Haechan’s grip around his body, the chains around his wrists clashing together as he felt the needle pierce his skin in the slightest. There was a momentary wince from him, enough to let you pull down your hand, dropping the knife to the floor with a loud clang.

“Good girl.” He pulled at his arm, forcing you to stand beside him once again, the leg around your brother falling as he pulled away from him. Haechan glanced over at you, your eyes already drooping from the effects of the drug beforehand, making him break out into a nasty smile. “Oh darling, you’re so tired already?”

His right hand inched closer to your cuffed wrist, his own hand outstretching your arm as you noticed the familiar movements, your head shaking on its own accord as you tried to pull away. But he was stronger, keeping you in place as the needle pierced into your vein, injecting the substance into your body in one slow shot. “It’s either you or him, baby.” You heard his voice floating around in your mind as you drifted off, the effects of the drug being different than before. Wait, but why do I feel so... 

“You’re so brave for your family, Park Y/N.”

“Yeah, I got her,” Haechan’s voice was a low growl through the phone, calming Taeyong’s nerves as he continued to pace around the room, his eyes momentarily glancing to Jeno and Mark, who were now tied to the couches, their postures completely straight as they fought against the material. “Brother Park here got out of the rope and untied her too, apparently. He’s cuffed now.”

“Good,” he sighed into the speaker, a hand moving up to run through his dyed hair. “Bring them back to the red room. You gave them both a—” his sharp eyes focused on his youngest brother, who was currently giving him a look of death. “—dose, right?”

“We ran out. I knocked out Y/N, though, girl put up a bit of a fight when I threatened to touch the boy: tried to slit my throat.” There was a short, unamused chuckle from his end. “Open the door, the one on the right. She’s out cold, I’m gonna put her on the bed.” The call ended with that, the sound ringing through Taeyong’s ears as he sighed, waving away the rest of the men in the room. 

There was a bed in the room, a king-sized bed in front the couch that his brothers were currently tied to; the sheets were made of an expensive silk, hopefully, he thought, expensive enough for your liking. It was a perfect deep red, basically waiting to cover your soft body as he had gotten that bed with the thought of you in his mind. Your sharp figures, the poise of your body, almost everything being concealed by the colors of the bed, soothing him deep inside as he moved towards to door, swinging it open.

Haechan pushed in Jisung by the neck, nearly making him fall to his knees in front of Taeyong before he caught himself, stumbling forward instead. His huge eyes fixed on the man, his eyebrows scrunching in confusion before the straightened out again as Taeyong grabbed the tall boy by the collar, forcing him towards the other couch. “I wouldn’t have lured you over if I knew you would pull your precious sister away,” he said, quietly enough for him to hear as he pulled out more rope from under the couch, wrapping him down immediately. “You Parks are so fucking disobedient.”

Jeno had a clue who the pink-haired teenager was, assuming from the way he looked completely terrified as he laid his eyes on him. His eyes fluttered over to Haechan, who was walking over to the rest of them with you thrown over his shoulder, an arm secured over your thighs as he realized who that was. “You...”

He snapped his head over to Jeno at the whispered sound coming from his throat, raspy as he realized who it was; his ego soared, knowing that he had his brother’s fiancee fastened over his shoulder with you having no actual control over yourself as he smirked at the older boy. “Fancy seeing you here, brother. Taeyong said you would come; I didn’t believe it. Oh Mark, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

His face was twisted as he walked over to the bed, carefully laying your body against the soft mattress. Jeno and Mark watched him intently, Jeno’s fists curling involuntarily when he saw the silver-haired man’s hand brush away a few strands of hair from your face, the touch making you stir softly. Haechan cooed at the sight of you, sighing as he wished to press his lips against yours once again, but there was a hiss from the other side, making him look up. “Hands off,” Taeyong chirped, taking a seat next to Jisung with his head still facing backwards, scowling in annoyance. “I already told you, Haechan. She’s mine.”

He rolled his eyes, stepping back but ignoring his older brother’s word as he focused on Jeno, who was watching him as if he was about to pounce at any moment. “You got yourself a pretty Park and you took it for granted,” he ran a hand through his hair, giving your unconscious body one last look as he made his way over to the couches. “You’re so spoiled, Jeno, you don’t even know her value. And Father gave her to you, out of all of us. So fucking spoiled.”

“Don’t talk about her like that!” He shot back, even though he knew that Haechan was right. He had treated you like you were a piece of shit the entire time that you had been at their house, but it didn’t occur to him that not one, but two of his siblings were also pining after you. “What the hell did you do to her?!”

“And what do you mean she’s yours?” Jeno whipped his hair over to Taeyong, who was watching him in mock amusement as he raised an eyebrow. “What bullshit are you pulling, Taeyong? Abducting her from a mission that you were supposed to be at, both you and Donghyuck were supposed to be at, and using this place as what, your safe haven for some new mafia society? You do realize how fucking insane that sounds right?”

“No, Jeno, you don’t get it,” Taeyong deadpanned, glancing over at your brother, who was currently listening to the whole conversation in horror. Never did he think that your father giving away your hand to a Lee would lead to this, especially not including him, in the least. And now he was hearing that this was supposed to be some gang that he never heard about? “It’s not insane. You know why?”

“Because Park Y/N was supposed to be mine, right from the very beginning. Father set her up with you instead, because of what, some measly age difference? And brother, I already knew how you would treat her, just like you treat anyone that isn’t a Lee.” He sighed, leaning back against the soft cushions as he slapped a palm to Jisung’s thigh, startling the poor boy. “I wanted her to be the start of NCT 127. I wanted her to be my wife, a queen that would rule the way I wanted her to. But Father didn’t like that. She’s at the top of all of NCT, marked as one of the most graceful fighters, professional and beautiful. I’ve seen videos of her work before; her perfect slitting of a member of NCT Kim for trying to side-step her, that’s when I knew she had to be a part of the new generation. She’s perfect, Jeno, that’s what you don’t see. She’s better than you, than me, better than everyone else here.”

Taeyong leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees as he spread out his legs, cocking his head to the side. “That’s why Father sent you here, to get his precious treasure back before I’ve married her into the new clan. Isn’t that right? You aren’t here for your fiancee, or I should say, your ex-fiancee.” He opened his palm, the diamond ring that was fastened around your neck in a chain falling from a latch to his fingers, the jewelry dangling in front of Jeno and Mark’s faces. “It didn’t occur to me that this was the proposal ring until I saw it around her neck; she doesn’t wear necklaces, isn’t that right, Park?” He looked back at Jisung, whose eyes widened as he nodded slowly. “It’s pathetic, a fake ring around her neck. You couldn’t even put it around her finger like a man?!”

“It’s expensive,” Mark muttered under his breath, watching with pained eyes as he dropped it to the floor, a few sharp clangs ringing the room. Damn, I should’ve bought gold if I knew this was gonna happen. “Really expensive.” 

A slow jolt went through your body, the last few loud words bringing you out of your hazed slumber. Your eyes fluttered open slowly, closing almost immediately as you took a strangled breath, the voice of Taeyong’s rant moving on as you tried to raise yourself from the bed, but failed. You felt so weak, so much more weak than before as you sat up in the slightest, taking account of what was happening front of you. Mark’s eyes focused to your stirring body first, stifling a gasp as he realized that you were awake, his anxiety of never leaving the red room slowly dissipating as he quickly glanced away, trying not to make it too obvious. Your eyes met his however, and they widened at the sight of him, and you blinked a few times: was that really him?  

You recognized Haechan’s figure leaning against the opposite couch, his back facing you as you sat up completely, your posture catching Jeno’s attention as well. He didn’t give you a look, however, only acknowledging you for a moment as he quietly hoped that you would find a way to get them out of there. He was tied up, and so was Mark. The only one who was no longer chained was you, but you were already fazed from before, your mind being unable to process on anything that was going on.

Jisung. Jisung. Where’s Jisung? Your question was answered in an instant as you saw the dyed hair next to Taeyong, almost still as a statue as you realized that he couldn’t see you. He’s not hurt, right? He didn’t drug him, he injected me. I got it. I got the dose. Your thoughts were trying to convince yourself, making you shake your head as you tried to get back in focus. Mark and—Lee are tied to the couch though, probably Taeyong’s doing, I’m guessing. He really likes ropes, it looks like.

“ —She’ll love me eventually,” Taeyong’s voice finally found its way back into your brain as you swung your legs off the bed, grabbing a discarding knife on the bedside table at you tried not to make a noise, your footsteps being silent as you tried to listen to his words. You had already figured it out before, that Taeyong was the one who had requested for you to be sent over to the Lee household, that he was the one that wanted you to himself even though you were engaged to his brother. It sounded delusional. “That’s not the case, I don’t need her to love me yet. I have her now, and I’ll make her mine. One way or another. It’s just you that’s the problem.”

Your fingers wrapped around the hilt, the familiar feel coursing through your veins as you found a little control. Closing your eyes, you aimed the knife at the long torso of Haechan, leaning forward to throw it but hesitating. You weren’t sure if the man was even truly a follower in whatever Taeyong’s plans were, but from the way he had looked at you in sympathy when you had begged him not to drug Jisung, it didn’t seem like he wanted to.

Mark caught your eye, nodding over towards Taeyong almost immediately as he saw you perched to aim at the other brother’s back. You took note of it, watching as everyone was still focusing on his preaching words of his new gang, his new generation, with you as his newly wed queen. At the sound of that, you couldn’t help but let out a quiet hiss, which didn’t go unknown to Haechan as you let the blade go soaring as your eyes blackened out for a brief moment.

But you never missed, that was something that everyone knew, and the blade had now lodged into Taeyong’s right shoulder blade, making him fall forward as he groaned loudly. Haechan moved towards you, his arms outstretched as he realized your shaky movements, but you bent down, swinging your leg fast enough to sweep him off his feet, making him collapse to the ground in an instant. As fast as you could move, you ran over to where Taeyong was reaching for the blade in his back, but you were there first, pulling it out of him immediately. “H-Haechan, call for—backup.”

“You won’t need it,” you pulled him to the ground, tracing the knife through his shirt, seeing the trail of blood it left as you stuffed it into your belt, your fist giving him a hard few blows to the abdomen. You glanced over at Jeno, watching as he continued struggling against the ropes and handing him the blade instead, quickly focusing back on Taeyong. “How do you want to die? I can strangle you? Use the knife? Maybe the ropes—”

There was a hand in your hair, yanking you back painfully as you felt Haechan’s hand tangle further into your locks as you let out a squeal of surprise, your back pressing flush against his chest, his heavy breathing being evident in your ear as an arm fastened around your waist. “I treated you so well,” he whispered as your hand grasped his wrist, trying to yank it away from your head. “Is this how you repay me?” You were about to knee him when there was a huge force from your side, knocking the both of you towards Jeno and Mark as Haechan groaned, his grip loosening around you as you looked over at Jisung, who was now standing proudly, his foot having been used for a good work.   

You noticed how Jeno was struggling to get out from the rope, and you moved forward quickly, grabbing Haechan and slamming him to the ground with all the force you had in your body. Snatching the knife, you cut through both Mark and Jeno’s ropes, setting their torsos free. There was a hand around your ankle as you leaned down to work at the ropes against Mark’s feet, making you fall down to the ground. “Stupid girl,” Taeyong muttered, dragging you closer to him as you grabbed at Jeno’s feet, slicing the rope in one motion to let him free. “Is that how you treat your fiancee?”

Jeno felt his blood boil at the words, his body taking over him as he stepped down on Taeyong’s arm harshly, clearly making a break to bone as he let go of his hold on you. Standing over him, he hoisted him up and against the couch, punching him painfully in the face a few times. “She’s not your fiancee,” he snarled, watching his knuckles grew with blood. “She’s mine.” 

As you set Mark free, you watched as Haechan finally recovered from the shock, his consciousness coming back to him as you stood over him, watching the pretty man intently. Jisung was in front of him, his feet by his head as you gestured for him to come over to you, and he came immediately, standing beside Mark. 

There was a burst of the door from the left side, a swarm of Taeyong’s men flooding into the room as Mark cursed under his breath, making you unaware for a moment as Haechan grabbed at your arm, making you fall down onto him. You pulled yourself up quickly, however, yet his strong leg kept you fastened to him, making you squirm. “You can’t get away now,” he chuckled softly, blood oozing from the corner of his lip. “You’ve lost, darling, just admit it.”

You stopped your movements for a brief second, the sound of his words ringing through you as you pushed yourself off of him, giving him a sharp, probably stinging slap to the face. “I don’t think you get it,” you kept your knees down on his arms, digging deep into his muscle as you felt like mocking him the way he had been doing to you this entire time. “I don’t lose.”

As the men started coming towards them, Jeno manhandled Taeyong to face away from him, pulling out the two glocks that he had stolen from the two of them, turning back to throw one at Mark. He also got his hands on a set of keys, realizing that they matched the colors of your brother’s cuffs, and he threw them his way, his eyes not moving to match his. Jisung caught them however, and Mark helped him out of them, giving him a stern yet soft look.

“You drugged me,” you continued, still looking down at Haechan, who was looking up at you with a twisted look, one that spoke a firm ‘i’m proud of it.’ “You drugged my brother, I shouldn’t let you go. I should kill you. Right now. Right here, right where you did it.” Your hands were already fastening around his neck as you heard Jeno and Mark shoot at the men, each of them falling instantly with a fatal hit. “I should—kill you.”

But the world seemed to go by you in a blur as Haechan’s expression never changed, the beautiful dusted look that would have enchanted anyone in a second brushing over you as you couldn’t bring yourself to actually close your fingers over his throat: to take his life away from him as quickly as he got it. “But you can’t, sweetheart. You won’t be able to kill me, because deep down, you know that you don’t have it in you.”

The words stung at you, engraving inside of your brain so deeply as you were hastily pulled off of him by Mark, who was urging you to leave with them. Your mind was still out of it, unable to focus on his face as he shook you by the shoulders, yelling something: let’s go? We have to leave? You weren’t sure, but he pushed you forward, making you move towards the door in a stumble.

Jeno was right behind you, Jisung by your side as you walked without control, not being able to understand the world around you. You felt hot, suffocated too: was it the summer? The heat was too much, maybe you should open a window. You shook your head violently, the red walls shaking in your vision. It’s not hot enough to open the window, turn on the fan instead. 

“Lee Jeno!” You turned around at the shout of the broken voice, your name being called straight after as your mind spinned, the dizziness not registering anything except for an injured Taeyong sitting up with a gun pointed straight at you, right for your heart. But, you thought, your head tilting shortly, I thought he wanted to marry me. And maybe he did, maybe he wanted to marry you if you had agreed with him, but the bullet had already been shot, making you brace for impact.

But it never hit, a gasp coming from another as you forced your eyes open, your eyes falling on the tall figure in front of you, which fell to the ground in a short second. It felt like it happened in slow motion to you, from the way you noticed it was Jisung, your mind trying to process everything at once as you let out a silent scream, seeing the blood pooling out from your brother’s chest. Except it wasn’t silent, it was deadly, and you fell down beside him, kneeling to his face as you panicked, your heart nearly stopping at the sight of him. 

Jisung, Jisung, Jisung. It was the only thing on your mind as you touched his body, his face, pulling him towards you as much as you could before there were hands on your shoulders, trying to move you away. Jeno, perhaps, but you didn’t care, your body shaking him away as you saw your tears ruining Jisung’s bloodstained T-shirt, the emotions becoming too much for you to realize as you continued blabbing out something, anything. He needs help, he’s hurt. He’s bleeding, he got shot. He’s hurt, Jisung’s hurt. Please help him.

Your mind went blank, your vision going dark, your body collapsing in an instance to the shock; and yet so much changed, a family torn apart by a single shot. Oh, isn’t it so sad?

previous | next

oh my god guys!!! it’s out finally after like..two weeks? a week? i’m sorry i made y’all wait for so long but this took..oh my god, a long time!! what’d you guys think?? 

[spiltscribbles]

Oooh! Prompts! Remus and Sirius moving in together please! 💛

Notes: Thank you SO SO much gorgeous<3 I’m like kinda embarrassed that this is kinda shit, especially because you’re writing is so fucking gorgeous, so I’m sorry.

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A Reblog Is Worth A Thousand Stars  |  Send Me A Prompt 

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“YOU!”

With a start that almost makes him drop the vase in his hands, Sirius turns around to find his surly looking  boyfriend glaring daggers straight at him, lips pursed and nose wrinkled ever so fetchingly. “Me?”

“You!”

“ Is this a Muggle game of semantics or something Moons, because for the life of me I’m not following.”

Remus’s glower only deepens, radiating a distinct sort of disapproval that could only ever be  honed in by years of prefectness. “You thief!” He squawks, hands perched on his hips, and mouth twisted up mutinously.

“Is this the part where you say I stole your heart?” Sirius goads with a cocked brow, resuming their unpacking.  “Because love, that line gets old after the millionth recital, but I do appreciate the spirit.”

“Wha? Na—no that is not what I was going to say you egotistical prick!” Remus scoffs— just a bit flustered with a dusting of pink touching the tops of his sharp cheekbones. “You ate the last spring role!” He accuses emphatically, almost tripping over the over a dozen boxes that are strewn across their newly furnished living room. Sirius can’t help but be endeared by Remus and his everythingness. 

“Yes, yes I did Wise Guy,” He confirms distractedly. “I also dipped it into some spicy mustard and drank a bottle of water while I was at it… Your point being?”

“My point you utter berk is that it was mine! I called dibs!”

“I remember no such thing,” Sirius sniffs haughtily, moving to rearrange the photographs  on their mantel. (And yeah, it’s still fucking insane to him that he’s become so domestic that he’s got a mantel over the fireplace that the man he loves more than any other had insisted was absolutely crucial to have if they were to move in together—probably for really romantical love making sessions in front  of it’s flames with the bliss of  no worries of anyone barging in on them, or griping  if they were being to loud—Which by the way, James honestly  had no right in complaining about considering his track record with his and Lily’s on again, off again mating ritual.

“Liar!" Sirius honestly  wouldn’t be surprised if Remus started stomping his feet right about now, and pouting up a storm if the childishly  cross expression    on his pretty face is anything to go by. (And honestly how could one man be so adorable and sexy all at once.)  “You were finishing up the shrimp tempura— because you are a posh idiot without any tastebuds— , and I said that I’ll be right back to get some of the boxes in the spare room, and to save it for me! And then I come here, and I find this! This breach of all we’ve built together!”

Sirius barely conceals his snort. “Is that right? The foundations of our whole, entire bloody relationship? And right after this afternoon, when I made you—“

Two spots of color blotch high on Remus’s cheeks and he cuts him off before Sirius can completely recount the frankly remarkable romp they had just finished with before deciding they needed some nourishment before getting back to unpacking. “Don’t you try to change the subject you stealing stealer who steals!”

“That insult leaves something to be desired Moonbeam.”

“You’re a prick.”

“And you wound me!” Sirius mock sobs, slamming his fist against his chest and swinging back his arm against his forehead. “A plague on you, and your family! And another on your family’s cow.”

Remus’s face morphs into his painfully unimpressed expression, (Hint, it’s very, very flat). “I’ll take your intentional dodge as an admission,” He scoffs, arms crossed tight against his chest.

“I admit nothing!” Sirius shouts in an overdone accent that would better fit the set of Downton Abbey. “Nothing Lupin!”

Remus rolls his eyes at Sirius’s hyperbolic attitude, and okay. Yes. Perhaps Sirius remembers a similar conversation akin to what Remus had described  occurring only ten minutes prior. But to be quite honest, Sirius was hardly listening. Remus’s got on one of Sirius’s oversized t-shirts, a pair of boxer-briefs,  and nothing else. So yeah, he should definitely not be expected to be paying anything any mind while his beyond gorgeous boyfriend is sitting there, impossibly long legs put out for display, and one perfectly alabaster   shoulder bare where the shirt has slipped right off, effectively derailing  Sirius's thoughts to how he’d teasingly kissed across his collar bone just earlier that night, nibbling on the hinge of his jaw while Remus had been  writhing beneath him. so   Really and truly, he should’ve never been expected to remember anything— let alone something as trivial as dibs—  if his utterly perfect partner is right there for the taking, a determined dent between his brows, and intermittently rinsing his hand through his disheveled locks of hair like  spun gold, excited  over the prospect of fixing up this flat that is now their home.

Dear Merlin above   does Sirius love this bloke with every fiber of his being.

“Well,” he relents, swaggering up closer to Remus so that they’re standing only inches apart.  “Even if I did remember that such a discussion had taken place how you’ve described it—“

“It did, and you know it Black!” He harrumphs, using Sirius’s  surname just to get a rise out of him.

“Well, there’s nothing we can do about it now love, is There?.”

Sirius’s sure that he’s won the argument and they could just move on, until he catches the glint in Remus’s impossibly luminous eyes—a glint that always means trouble, a glint that’s never failed to make each one of Sirius’s nerve endings go ablaze.

“Is that right?”

“I reckon it is Moonbeam,” he leers, is momentarily distracted by the downright angelic smile Remus casts his way right then, but suddenly, an onslaught of fingers are piercing into his ribs, wiggling and tickling him into submission.

“Say you’re sorry!” Remus demands, an effortless grin of his own swept across his lovely face, brighter than the morning sun. And yeah, maybe Sirius should just admit that it was his bad, apologize a thousand times over in the form of lingering kisses and caressing hands.… But the thing is, Sirius’s  stubbornness  has always been too rigid for his own good, and he’s always loved prodding at Remus till He just went off like the world’s most darling firecrackers.

“Never you absolute wanker!”

“I won’t relent till you profess an apology to my satisfaction,” Remus scoffs— a playful giggle lilting his overly formal words.

“And I won’t surrender!” He parries with a leer. Sirius tickles back  harder, and Remus  shimmies around so much that He ends up jabbing him in the eye,  ramming straight into his chest, and  effectively sprawling them—all long limbs and crooked angles—onto the wooden floorboards.

“Just say you’re sorry!” He insists, strangled laughter starting to gargle his words while Sirius just gazes down at him, mercilessly besotted.

“”S not my fault you didn’t take it with you Lupin, i’ve committed no grievance.”

“Oh come off it pretty boy.”

“Oy! I’m ruggedly handsome you arse!”

“Testy, testy.”

 “You’re the pretty one.”

“Oh suck my cock.”

“Been there done that.”

Remus seems to be fighting down another laugh before he knees him lightly in the abdomen enough that Sirius tenses, giving Remus the chance to  switch their positions once again, so that  He’s back  on top. 

“My have the tables turned,” He taunts with one of his most dazzling smiles, dimples in full effect, and crinkles around his pretty sea glass eyes.

“I like how you think I’m at all opposed to this position,” Sirius says with a pixilated gleam, arching back enough so that their cotton clad dicks buck up against each other.

“Perv!” Remus scolds, smacking his chest playfully. “Now admit that I won!”

“Never!”

 Somehow, amidst all the thrashing bodies and choked peals of laughter, Sirius flips him over— slight body beneath his own, with Remus’s wrists pinned over his head and his legs wrapped around Sirius’s waste.

“Now, now Monsieur Moony, I reckon that spring has rolled into winter for you,” Sirius most definitely does not laugh raucously    at his own pun.

“That’s not even the direction that the seasons go in,” Remus frowns, nose wrinkled indelicately, a tell Sirius’s picked up on whenever He’s mad over an outcome.

“You still lost though,” Sirius barbs with no real bite, pecking a quick kiss to his lips in solace.

“You’re awful, and I’m breaking up with you,” Remus sniffs in turn—wiggling underneath him to try and get loose.

“Oh, you love me really.” Sirius preens like the cat who’s caught the canary— the world’s most beautiful and brilliant and ruffled canary that is.

“Lies and slander!” Remus waggles his tongue between his teeth, and Sirius dips down to bite it teasingly. 

“Hmm, now isn’t this cute,” the pair scramble away from each other, utterly stunned once spotting Lily of all people, gaze twinkling and lips set into a firm smirk, eyeing them while leisurely lounging against the door frame. 

“You two really can’t keep yr sodding hands off of each other, can you?”

Remus completely reddens, totally flustered, while Sirius only follies back a smug sort of grin at the force of nature  that is Lily Evans, his practical sister-in-law, remus’s best friend, and all around genius.

“How long have you been watching Red dearest,” Sirius asks wryly, making it so now Lily’s the one who’s flushing..

“I hate you Black.” She says shortly, and Sirius’s beam doesn’t falter. “Re, as your spiritual older sister—“

“You’re barely a month older Lils,” Remus interjects, but Lily just goes on as if he hadn’t.

 “I think it’s my job to remind you that he’s not the only bloke in London with a decent shoulder to waste ratio and nice hair. We can snag you someone with a bit of brains even.”

Sirius tosses her a V shaped salute, and Lily sticks her tongue out in retaliation,  but for his part, Remus only tries to cut through the tension with one of his friendlier grins, though it just comes out as an awkward grimace. “I forgot that you’re dropping off the boxes tonight.”

“Evidently Ace,” she snorts, strutting further into the apartment and setting down the box of photos Remus had asked her to bring over from their old place. “Far too busy snogging with the boy who single handedly received the most detentions in Hogwarts history, while also, somehow— by the grace of God— threatened our stances as top of the class.”

“Oy Evans, can’t take all the credit for myself. Jem was my better half, till he moved on to the likes of you.”

Lily ignores him, save for the way her pretty face gets a bit scrunched out of irritation. “Ace, I ask you, what would McGonagall say if she saw her favorite prefect gallivanting around with such a delinquent.

Remus lets out one of his rare and beautiful laughs, something that feels buoyant and is really more breath than sound, but is still so vibrant and splendid and it never fails to thrust Sirius back to the Hogwarts Express, where he and Remus had first met as a couple of wide eyed eleven year olds, and all the contradicting emotions Remus had provoked upon first sight. Wonder, and confusion. Intrigue, and diffidence. Wanting, and fear. It’s an attribute of Remus's that Sirius will never not be amazed by.

“Ah, Minnie my love, how I do miss her so, now where were we Moonbeam?”

“I’m still standing here Black,” Lily reproves with a scoff.

“I think it was about here,” Sirius continues, dipping down to kiss at Remus’s protruding  collar bones.

“Settle down mutt,” Remus rebukes with no real heat, a gentle hand carding through Sirius’s hair.

“God, you two are already an old married couple.”

“You really do know the best moments to interrupt sweetheart.” Sirius snipes with a playful roll to his eyes, his hand discretely resting over the small of Remus’s back.

“And you have no decency, corrupting   Remus the way that you do.”

“Okay first, I take fucking offense, you know better than me that Moony here was the mastermind behind most of our delightful pranks.”

“You mean your childish inconveniences you plagued on the unsuspecting public?”

“And secondly, we didn’t even get to the fun, currupting   part because of your oh so lovely interruption.” Sirius retorts moodily, though he soon suspects the joke was a wrong play to make  when Lily’s smile suddenly goes predatory and sHe flips back a lock of her wind blown curls, ready to pounce. 

“Well perhaps I just stopped by to make sure you weren’t further defiling   my dear Remus. But I guess that giant love bite on your neck proves that I’m too late.”

Sirius can’t help the chuckle that pours out of his lips at her needled observation, smacking a hand to conceal the hickey sHe’s taunting him about, knowing exactly where it is, it’s been a topic of teasing all morning long from a smug Sirius to a properly indignant Remus.

“He-he just marks easily,” Remus pipes out, cheeks completely infused red and worrying on his bottom lip. Sirius suspects that Lily just knew that the one chink in his armor is prodding at Remus’s less than poised acts. 

Lily rolls her eyes in a way that convinces Sirius that sHe doesn’t believe it for a second. “Whatever you say oh Saint Remus,” sHe smirks with no more argument. “but pray tell, are you guys about done swapping spit around me? Or is that going to forever be a regular occurrence in the Remus and Sirius show?”

“Now I’d reckon that’ll get a sold out crowd every night, don’t you?” Sirius asks, directing his question at the pair of  of them while taking Remus’s hand, and pushing him even closer— just always preferring to have some sort of contact with him.

“Oh put a sock in it,” Remus harrumphs, finally starting to return to his normal coloring in the midst of Lily’s unrestrained cackles.

“Aw, don’t be shy love, it’s only the truth.”

Remus presses the pads of his fingers to Sirius’s lips and glares at him for good measure, “Some things are better left for private.”

“Hah,” Lily scoffs, weight slung to her left hip. “As if I don’t get a front row seat every time  you two are within even in a ten foot radius of each other—OH hey, I know that look Ace! The one eyed squint, and the teeth. Well your “I’m about to kill my gorgeous best friend,” look has no place here, i’ll see my way out now. Just promise not to christen every room in this place, kay? We’d all like to visit without the residual specs haunting us! And I know how moody you get without your daily dose of my scintillating company.”

Sirius thinks that Remus’s trying to skewer a whole in the spot where Lily was just standing, if the terribly cross look on his face says anything. It’s precious, Sirius can’t help but snicker.

“Don’t laugh at me! I’m your boyfriend for Merlin’s sake! You’re s’pose to be on my side!”

“I wasn’t laughing at you Moons,” he kisses the fingers Remus has still got on his mouth, mock consolatory.  “Just incredibly turned on.”

That dent between Remus’s brows is back again for a moment, but then his beauteous features smoothen out and He just pecks a quick kiss to Sirius’s lips before rifling through the box Lily brought over, muttering a light,”Whatever,” as He does so.

There’s a quick wrapping to the window, and Sirius glances over to find his owl— Odysseus— with a bundle of letters attached to his left leg. By rote, Sirius feeds him some of the pellets they keep  there for convenience, and unwinds the bundle of parchments, beginning to shuffle through them.

There’s a copy of the Nightly prophet with the murder of another Muggle family splattered all over the front cover in a sickeningly gauche manner, a free trial subscription to the Quibbler with a reading for Scorpios in the month of October, a letter from Peter about his mum and sisters driving him up the rails, an invitation from Marlene for he and Remus to come out to dinner with them for Dorcas’s Birthday, and a ominous letter from James of all paper that simply says a gift for Moony.

Bewildered to why he hadn’t just sent it along with Lily, Sirius tares off the attached photograph only to find something truly, horrendously vile. a photograph of himself. One that was definitely taken fifth year— Sirius’s worst year where he absolutely could not stand being around his family for a moment longer, and James was getting more settled with his studies, an Remus was dating that prefect prick from Ravenclaw and was exceedingly elusive from Marauders nights out.  This was so obviously taken on one of those aforementioned nights out that it’s comical.  Sirius’s hair is as long as it’s ever been— touching the tops of his shoulders— and he’s chugging down a fruity, pink concoction— the type  that Rosmerta was always cooking up for them— hand over fist, and he’s got on puppy ears and a fake nose. In layman’s terms he looks like a complete and total pillock. Drunk off his ass so much so that you can see the stars in his eyes even through the clunky glasses he had stolen from James— convinced that he was sporting them for purely esthetic reasons and not because the knob is actually as blind as a bloody bat— and his finger is pointed and mouth is open in the way it always is when he’s ranting about something or the other.

It’s perhaps the only photograph in history where Sirius isn’t looking his typical, jaw dropping gorgeous self.

There’s about a thousand different retorts he wants to scribble on a spare parchment and  shoot right back to James— ranging from nasty to downright despicable— but then he catches the familiar peal of laughter coming from behind him. He’s not surprised when he sees Remus—beautiful, ingenuous, perfect Remus who’s physically incapable of taking a photograph less than effortlessly lovely, even while pissed— peering over his shoulder in utter amusement.

“Oh My God I need to ask James to send me one of the hundreds of copies he surely has.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Sirius retorts darkly.

“I’ll use an enlarging charm and hang it up above the mantel, for prosperity. The one time Sirius looks the way he acts,” he moves his hand over an invisible marquee and looks so damn smug that Sirius could kiss him, and in fact, that’s exactly what he does.

“I hate him,” is all he says afterwards, once he’s pulled away.

“I can’t believe that’s you!” Remus continues with eyes full of mirth.

“I want to banish him, no. No I want to banish all of them. All of our friends, we can make knew ones Moons. I mean look at us! We’re a catch!” He tosses the letters onto the newly acquired sofa as if they have personally affronted  him and all he stands for.

“ Oh brilliant idea love.”

“That sounds like your sarcastic voice Moons.”

“No, you’ve got my full support. this’s our castle Pads, we can banish whom ever we like,” Remus balances on his tiptoes,  and smacks an exasperated kiss onto his cheek. Sirius can barely contain the glee that’s dancing in his eyes at the thought of this being their own personal castle— a fortress just for the pair of them to escape within—  causing another swell of fondness to pound in his chest.

“Well maybe we can give’m another chance,” he relents, melting into how Remus’s locked his arms around his neck, and is smiling up at him with all the love in the world shining unadulteratedly in his lovely eyes. “I mean they did help us move all those boxes and all.”

Remus hums his agreement while he presses his forehead against his own, endlessly endeared.

“What a generous king,” He goads, words hugged with fondness. 

“Ooo, I like that, call me that in bed and I might bless you with my royal sector.”

Remus thumps his nose, “Your more tolerable when you don’t speak and just stand there being pretty.”

“Aw, you think I’m pretty Moonykins?”

Remus shakes his head ruefully, the smile on his face one that Sirius knows well— one that means he’s reluctantly endeared. “Dork.”

“Plonker.”

There lips meet for another kiss and it feels like all the resplendence in the galaxy being distilled between just the two of them.

[himboskywalker]

I heard something about a list of all the movies where Ewan appears naked and that there is some serious stuff over his stuff and I am ashamed but also intrigued to ask what 👀

Sksksksksk you came to the right person. I’ve made a list before of Ewan McGregor’s naked filmography. But aside from the basic list,if you want my personal opinion the best of those films are Trainspotting 1 & 2,Velvet Goldmine,The Pillow Book, Young Adam,and Perfect Sense.

Velvet Goldmine(1998) is about the 1970s British glam rock scene and follows the career of a fixtionalized David Bowie (played by Jonathan Myers) and his musical partner and eventual lover,a fictionalized Iggy Pop (played by Ewan McGregor). The movie itself is great just for the soundtrack and exposure of the 70s-90s British underground music scenes. The film changed queer representation in film and is one of the best in lgbtq film history. And this is my favorite role Jonathan Myers has ever played,but we’re here for McGregor. His character is just joyfully filthy and raunchy and he’s this drugged out American rockstar who literally could not give one iota of a single shit. In a scene where Ewan’s character is singing a live rock performance (and it is Ewan singing) he strips down completely naked,dances and generally goes insane,and we see him full frontal nude through the scene. There’s also a couple gay sex scenes and he literally rails Christian Bail on a rooftop 10/10 film all around.

Trainspotting 1 & 2 (1996 & 2017) Okay I’ll be completely honest here. Trainspotting is on my top 5 favorite films of all time list and I think it has the best movie soundtrack ever made. For those of you who’ve never seen it it’s based off Irvine Welsh’s book and highlights the heroin crisis and general drug crisis in Glasgow during the 1990s. Glasgow was the heroine capital of the world at the time and this movie,just as a note,changed film history in many ways,and changed how the public perceived drug addiction at the time of its release. Ewan plays the protagonist who is trying to get clean but all of his insane friends keep dragging him back into their shenanigans. But you guys don’t want my filmography essay,we’re here for Ewan’s dick and boy is it there! Ewan may be buzz headed and heroine skinny and pale as death but I would still absolutely get it. Trainspotting made history for Ewan’s nude scene,and while it’s brief,the whole movie is totally worth it. Its sequel which came out in ‘17 is genuinely so fucking good and is one of the few sequels I’ve watched that I’m deeply glad got made. It wouldn’t be Trainspotting without a naked Ewan McGregor and in the sequel he’s 20 years older with hair and I’d call him daddy, so double win. 10/10

The Pillow Book(1994) I won’t lie,it’s a Godamn weird and absolute bonkers of a movie. It’s a foreign film about a Japanese woman who has the kink of writing calligraphy on people’s skin and having it done to her. It is a fascinating and very blunt examination of women’s sexuality,especially in such a restricted culture for the subject as Japan in the early 90s. Ewan plays a British translater who falls in love with her. So half this movie is him buck ass naked with Japanese letters just painted all over him. He also is getting railed by his male publisher and there’s a very interesting scene where he’s just like,proffered to the man naked and covered in writing? It’s wild and the movie ends horribly but Ewan is also gorgeous and young in it and naked or fucking in almost every scene he’s in. I don’t know how to rate this one because anything where you can watch Ewan’s dick hanging around for like 30 minutes is great,but also the rest of the movie is like having a really weird dream when you’re crossfaded.

Young Adam (2003) This film is NC17 and is basically Ewan’s character trying to fuck every woman he’s ever met. He plays an English barge worker who is involved with the death of a woman who floats to shore where he works. So the film revolves around this woman’s death while he’s also fucking his boss’s wife (Tilda Swinton). The full frontal nude scene is brief but when he’s not naked he’s fucking in clothes and Ewan’s chemistry with Swinton is just *chef’s kiss* I also love how this film is shot and beyond hearing Ewan McGregor moan I actually wanted to know how this movie ended. 8/10

Perfect Sense (2012) God I love this movie,God I love this movie. Okay this one is mostly on the list because of how beautiful Ewan is in it and how much I just love the whole film. He is full frontal in it very briefly and there are some truly fantastic sex scenes,but Jesus this movie just makes me cry. Ewan plays a chef in Glasgow who takes smoke breaks under (Eva Green’s) window. She can’t stand him at first but it’s chef Ewan McGregor and no one can resist that. But the main part of the film is actually the end of the world and it hits way too close to home right now with Covid because it’s a disease that slowly start knocking people’s senses out one by one. The film is just so gorgeous and a truly moving examination of love and what it means to be human,and how that definition can change for us. But seriously,this is one of my favorite roles for Ewan,and he’s so astoundingly gorgeous in this movie and you can see his actual real tattoo the whole time so 10/10

These are just my favorites from his (full frontal)naked filmography. If anyone is a McGregor fan in general my other absolute favorites of his are Big Fish,Moulin Rouge and Zoe. (And Star Wars but also duh)

[theimpossibleg1rl]

Faking It | Mini Series | One.

Actor!Bucky Barnes x OFC Alex Pierce

Warnings: language, angst, smut in later chapters

James 'Bucky' Barnes is one of the most famous, sought after young actors in the world. Alex Pierce is the up and comer with a few credits under her belt. What happens when their PR people suggest a "fake" relationship to boost their images?

tags: @dreams-in-blxck @badassbaker | tags open

“Absolutely not.” Alex huffed, holding the phone away from her ear. She wasn’t that desperate. And he was the last person on earth that she wanted anything to do with. He had quite the reputation. It was no well-kept secret that James Barnes was what the tabloids referred to as a “womanizer.”

That was something she had no interest in getting involved with.

“Lex,” Jane, her agent, sighed into the phone, “you have two big projects coming up and he just landed a role in a big franchise. You both need this. And his reps are determined to clean up his image. You’d be good for that.” James certainly made no secrets of his “extra curricular activities.”

She ran a hand through her long blonde hair before pulling it into a braid. “He’s...ugh, Jane! Why him? Can’t you get someone else if you’re really determined to do this to me? There’s gotta be some other single guys.”

“His people have asked for you specifically, Alexandra. They want you.”

She sighed heavily into the phone. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

****

James Barnes reportedly dating newcomer Alex Pierce. The pair were spotted at dinner in Soho. A source close to the pair say they looked very cozy and comfortable with each other.

“They definitely looked like a couple,” the source commented. “Holding hands, very interested in the conversation.”

“Jesus,” Alex groaned, “I literally haven’t even met him yet,” she lamented to Maria. “I barely agreed and it’s starting.” She stared at the phone, almost unable to believe how fast it moved. “How in the hell was I ‘supposedly seen with him in Soho?’ This is insane.”

“The machine works fast,” Maria hummed, scrolling through her own phone. “On the plus side, he’s fucking gorgeous, Alex. Did you see that scene in The End? Holy fuck. His ass is outta this world.”

Alex had seen it. And as much as Maria was right, that didn’t excuse his off-set behavior. How was his PR planning to make him look like he’d done a complete one eighty? Faking a relationship didn’t necessarily seem like the best course of action here.

****

“She’s gorgeous,” Steve marveled, eyes locked onto his phone screen. Bucky was lounging on the sofa, legs up on the coffee table. His eyes were closed and he merely hummed in response. “You seen her movies yet? They want you to.”

Bucky shrugged. It didn’t matter. Six months to a year. He could fake his way through nearly anything. He did it every time he promised some chick he’d call her as he sent them on their way. He never called them. Why should he? They only wanted one thing.

“You paying any attention to anything I’ve said, Buck?”

“It’s all bullshit anyway, Stevie. They wanna make me a ‘bad boy gone good’. They’re tired of my fucking around. Doesn’t look good for the studio,” he muttered in a mocking tone. He rolled his eyes. He was perfectly happy doing what he was doing. He was a young man, plenty of pussy. Who needed a commitment?

“Well, it’s already all over the gossip blogs. Everyone’s talkin’ about it,” Steve hummed, skimming the comments. “People think you make a hot couple. They aren’t wrong.”

Bucky honestly didn’t give a shit. It was just another acting gig to him.

****

“Barnes,” Tony, his agent growled, ripping the phone from his hands, earning a deathly look. “Pay attention. Look alive. She’s here.”

The door opened and Jane escorted Alex inside the office. Bucky looked up, pushing his sunglasses up to the top of his head. Holy fuck. Steve wasn’t wrong. This might actually be better than he’d hoped. She was gorgeous. A goddess with long flowing blonde hair and a killer body.

Bucky wanted to get his mouth on her.

“James, this is Alex,” Jane introduced and Alex held out a hand. If he was beautiful on screen, it didn’t come close to real life. His blue eyes were piercing. His chestnut brown hair looked soft to the touch. His plump lips were perfect. He made her weak in the knees.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

“Nice to finally meet you, Doll,” he coped, his voice like honey. Alex melted a bit at his tone. Get your shit together, she reminded herself. It’s a job. Just a job. It’s not real, Alex. He doesn’t give a damn. If anything, worse comes to worse, you’re just another notch in his belt,

“You too,” she replied, keeping her cool, flashing him a blinding smile.

And action.

****

“The paps will be waiting outside the restaurant,” Jane told them both. “Step outside, hold hands, ignore them. Pretend they’re not there.”

Bucky nodded, looking at Alex for a long moment. He wondered what was going on inside her head. She seemed relaxed, that was a good thing. They could do this. Their jobs were to pretend. That’s all this was. In six months, she’d be out of his life. Simple.

****

“You’re all over the internet!,” Wanda squealed, shoving her phone in Alex’s face. “Yeah, yeah. I know what we look like, Wan,” she sighed. She’d seen them. They’d blown up within minutes. And this was only the beginning of this mess.

“You look good,” Maria agreed from her spot on the sofa.

“It’s all pretend, ladies,” Alex reminded them. She tried not to think about Bucky. How perfectly his hand fit in hers. How good he smelled. How he smiled at her like she was everything. He was a damn good actor, there was no doubt about that.

James Barnes and Alex Pierce take a stroll in NYC. Looks like the “bad boy” may have settled down. Sources close to the pair say that he’s telling friends that she’s the one.

*they’re cute!*

*aww! They look happy!*

*super hot together!*

Alex groaned. The one? Really? Who came up with this shit? They’d known each other for a week, not spending more than a few hours together. She didn’t know a damn thing about his private life. She figured she could Google it, but that seemed weird. It was just performance art, right? Nothing more.

****

Bucky scrolled through the comment sections, smiling a bit. “So she’s the one, huh?,” Clint teased, tossing a beer at him. Bucky caught it and laughed. “It’s all bullshit, Barton. Some asshole is actually paid to write this shit. It’s a fuckin’ joke.”

“She’s hot as fuck though,” he grinned, plopping down beside him, popping open his beer. “If you’re lucky, you’ll get something outta it, ya know?,” he added with a smirk and a shrug of his shoulders.

Bucky nodded, running a hand through his messy hair. “Yeah maybe? I don’t know. I don’t even know her.”

“Never stopped you before,” Sam piped up and Bucky threw his bottle cap at his head. “I’m supposed to be transformed, Wilson,” he said sarcastically, “she’s the one who’s gonna change me, didn’t you know?”

Sam and Clint laughed. It seemed extremely unlikely that any woman would have the ability.

Of course, Winnie Barnes had always pressed him to try and settle down. Find a nice girl. Get married. Have a couple of kids. Be a good man. But Bucky had other plans for his life the minute he got his first big paycheck and the first time some girl recognized him from the shitty TV show he was on.

Settling down was something he’d lost any kind of interest in a long time ago.

No one was gonna change that.

[365days365movies]

January 6, 2021: Last Action Hero (Part 2)

SPOILERS! And check out Part 1 beforehand! Anyway, let’s go! Got a lot to cover, TRUST me.

So, this movie is incredibly cluttered. Anyway, Slater makes his way to the Fart Bomb, and Practice (makes perfect) is a dirty cop working for Vivaldi. Danny and Slater get chained to a pipe, and I’m still surprised we haven’t even slightly revisited the time Danny got taken hostage about, what, an hour ago? Whiskers the Cat Cop arrives and shoots Salieri, and I weep for the part of my sanity that just died typing that sentence.

I want you to know, I mad that GIF. I had to type “furball problem.” I’m losing it, you guys...and I think I’m enjoying it.

Together, Slater and Danny steal the body of Leo the Fart (HUP, there goes a little more sanity), everybody at the funeral has a gun (including one old woman with a straight-up grenade launcher), and so, SO much property is abused and damaged. In other words, it’s a pretty fun action sequence. Leo drops into a conveniently placed tar pit alongside Jack Slater, and Danny briefly becomes a domestic terrorist by shooting a gun in a public area, WOW, the ‘90s was a different time!

So, it’s at this point that I start getting annoyed by Danny always being meta. I realize that I've been praising it for this, but...yeah, no, it’s starting to get annoying now. Especially considering that we’ve got an hour left in the movie. But, on the bright side, it’s also at this point that Benedict becomes my favorite character. This gorgeous motherfucker kills Vivaldi (whose plan was completely nonsensical, by the way), and then turns to the screen. Charles Dance effortlessly channels the spirit of Shakespeare’s Richard III, Duke of Gloucester, as says this to the audience:

If that little turd, Daniel Madigan, can move through parallel worlds, I can move through parallel worlds. In and out! In, steal whatever I want, and out again! Impossible to catch!

I can add colors to the chameleon, change shapes with Proteus for advantages, AND SET THE MURDEROUS MACHIAVEL TO...Anyway...  

Charles Dance is giving his absolute best energies to this role. And this might be a silly movie, but godDAMN is Benedict a great villain for it. It’s immediately followed by the surreal image of a monster truck crashing through the wall of this mansion, and the fight leads to Benedict, Professor Toru Tanaka, Danny, and Jack Slater falling through a portal created by the ticket, and ending up in the real world.

We put Jack’s action-movie world in contrast with the real world, first with little things, and then with a legitimately vicious-looking car accident. Like, wow, it’s a VERY realistic-looking accident. I’d show a GIF of it, but...wow, it’s extremely affecting. Toru dies, and there’s, uh...there’s blood. Man. It’s rough, honestly.

Speaking of affecting, Jack is beginning to understand the true nature of his reality. And Schwarenegger does an OK job pulling that pain off...but like everybody in this movie, his emotions are way calmer than mine would be if I were in his shoes. But there is one character I can identify with: Nick, the theater owner. When he finds out that the ticket works, he starts to talk about the movies he could now visit, the people he could meet. OK, most of them are beautiful female starlets, but still! I get it! Do you know how much I would love to meet Stan Lee? SERIOUSLY? It’d be amazing.

I can also identify with Danny’s mother, who is rightfully PISSED. Seriously, this kid just got assaulted by a robber, brought to the police, and went directly TO THE MOVIE THEATER. GROUND THIS CHILD. GROUND HIM SO GODDAMN HARD.

And then, Benedict experiences the darkest part of the real world, and Dance again shows his talent. He begins by showing surprise and mild horror at the depravity of an early 1990s New York City (a little more dramatically bad than it was in real life at this point, but still), then sees a man assaulted (and possibly killed) for his shoes. He remarks at this in horror...then realizes that the police don’t come as quickly as they do in his film universe. He experiments by killing a man in cold blood, in public, and no one stops him. 

Upon realizing his potential freedom in this world...he makes a plan. He uses the ticket, and brings back...the Ripper. ANY OTHER MOVIE VILLAIN? Dracula? Freddy Kreuger? Jason? Like...nobody? That is...such a missed opportunity, goddamn.  Anyway, their plan is to kill Arnold Schwarzenegger. As in the REAL Arnold Schwarzenegger, who actually appears upon his real-life wife at the time Maria goddamn Shriver! Which...yeah, that’s cool, but...the amount of celebrity cameos in this scene is, frankly, INSANE. 

Here’s a list: Little Richard, Jim Belushi, Damon Wayans, Chevy Chase, JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME, MC Hammer. And that’s not counting Tina Turner (the mayor earlier), Sharon Stone, Robert Patrick, Joan Plowright, and...well, I’ll save the best for last.

I haven’t even mentioned the development of Slater’s as a three-dimensional character in multiple different ways; the Ripper showing up at the movie premiere alongside the movie actor, Tom Noonan; the Ripper KILLING NOONAN’S REAL WORLD AGENT...

This movie is insane. So much to cover, and yet it’s SUCH A LONG GODDAMN MOVIE. This movie is 2 hours and 11 minutes long! SERIOUSLY! I am tired, I gots to go to BEEEEED. Let’s get this climax over with, shall we? Arnold Schwarzenegger meets Jack Slater in some REALLY seamless effect work (this movie has actually aged SO well, damn), the Ripper kidnaps Danny and brings him to the roof of the theater, in a bid to reenact their old battle. Some meta dialogue takes place from the Ripper, and he THROWS DANNY OFF THE ROOF. Noonan’s also actually pretty good at playing this unhinged, Joker-esque maniac, by the way.

Jack kills the Ripper (again), and Danny’s saved from falling by Jack, just in time for Benedict to show up and make my day once more. He expounds the true potential of the ticket and film villains (frustrating me even more), while also chewing the scenery splendidly. He points out that any movie villain would love the real world, noting that in this world, the bad guys win. He shoots Jack Slater, and as he’s about to win, Slater shoots him in the eye, resulting in this shot.

Nice. 

But he drops the ticket, which lands near a theater showing the classic Ingmar Bergman film, The Seventh Seal, a movie which is on my list for Drama December. Or maybe Experimental June, I haven’t decided yet. Anyway, the ticket activates in front of that theater and...that’s Ian fucking McKellen.

THAT IS IAN. FUCKING. MCKELLEN. PLAYING INGMAR BERGMAN’S DEATH. WHAT. HOLY SHIT. And that happens just as Slater is literally about to die in the ambulance, and Danny summons his domestic terrorist impulses again, whipping out a gun and hijacking the ambulance to get Jack back to the theater. Meanwhile, Ian McKellen just KILLS a dude on the street, because this movie is secretly AMAZING. DeathKellen follows the ambulance to Nick’s movie theater as Jack is dying. Leading to one of the most surreal things I’ve ever seen.

McKellen fucking TAKES this movie as an omnipotent death, and is essentially Death ex Machina. My God. This movie is the silliest, craziest, wackiest, most nonsensical, crazy movie that I’ve seen...and goddamn does it have some amazingly great moments. To the extent that I only just realized that the fucking cartoon cat is voiced by DANNY FUCKING DEVITO. WHAT. THE FUCK.

And all of this is also running over the almost completely ignored fact that Danny is still greatly saddened about the death of his father. And this film completely passes that fact over. Like I said, there’s so much extra folderol in the film, and it really did have the chance to be this emotional, existential epic. But sadly...it’s kind of all over the place.

Anyway, Jack’s back in the movie, where his wounds heal, and he now has a new understanding of his own fictional existence. He officially becomes the meta. And also ruins the Jack Slater franchise forever. Yeah, uh...the franchise has literally become self aware. And that’s not gonna be a good thing for the movie.

And that’s Last Action Hero! Epilogue coming in a few hours, so stay tuned for that. And I gotta tell you...I have some words to say about this movie. Some great, and some...stay tuned.

[eyebright-iris]

Review: Met Gala 2019

Good morning to girls and gays only.  Straight men can perish.

Well, the Met Gala has rolled around once again and all I can say is: I’m so glad I’m a lesbian. The theme for this year was ‘Camp: Notes on Fashion’ and my GOD did some men decide that this was the perfect opportunity to come in a bland black tux or worse.

Some of the biggest disappointments of the night for me have to be Rami Malek and Taron Egerton, who, having both just played some of the most iconic men in recent history who lived, breathed and ate the essence of camp, saw fit to turn up in black tuxes.  Taron’s was kinda sparkly though and I still respect the dude for his general lack of typical masculinity elsewhere (more men commenting “phwoar” on their mates’ Instagram, please).  Shout out to Frank Ocean who showed up looking like any bouncer you might find outside one of my local clubs on a Saturday night.  He collaborated with James Charles to prove that while some gays showed their best, others certainly did not.  The theme was CAMP, James Charles, and you still couldn’t deliver.

I appreciated the change in pace from Darren Criss and Harry Styles, but to be honest, Harry’s had camper looks in concert and Darren Criss…well, I loved his look, but it also took me a solid ten minutes to work out that it was him and not just Brendon Urie in his regular concert gear.  Glittery jackets and statement eyeliner do not a camp icon make, I’m afraid, though you certainly did better than so many others.

Kim Kardashian was certainly…there.  I’m impressed with the way she managed to make herself look like she’s just stepped out of the ocean butt-naked and dripping wet, but girl.  You’re rich as fuck.  There’s more than bodycon dresses out there.  Also please smack your husband, he’s a dick and he’s wearing a black tracksuit.  Kendall and Kylie were a little more flamboyant but honestly, they were single-colour knockoffs of things I would say you could find at a Rio street festival, except that would be an insult to Brazil and all the ways Rio festivals embody everything the Jenner looks were not.  And to be real with you?  For all the colour that was there, they were boring.  What is it with these women and being afraid to be #Iconique? It’s sad that all they seem to know how to do is emphasise their boobs and hips in dresses with very little fabric to try and be daring.  If they weren’t so rich and influential no one would pay them any mind because you can see the same look on anyone else.

While I don’t like Cardi B, I can appreciate her attempt to get into the spirit of the Met Gala, which she pulled off so well last year.  I only wish her skirt hadn’t ended up looking like rows of theatre seating.  Katy Perry was there as both a chandelier and a hamburger, which, while a step up from the Jenner-Kardashian contributions, leads me to wonder if she knows what ‘camp’ means, or if her foray into queer culture stopped once she was done appropriating sapphic sexuality for male consumption in 2008.  Special mention must go to Benedict Cumberbatch who saw fit to show up dressed like some bizarre visiting cousin of Colonel Sanders who maybe definitely owned a plantation.  It wasn’t a black tux but somehow I just wish it had been.

To get to the real stars of the night, I think it’s only fair to start off by saying this Met Gala was once again, Black Excellence.  I cannot BREATHE for the number of incredible, powerful black icons taking to the pink carpet in works of art.  Let’s begin, shall we?

Billy Porter showed up (and showed everyone else up) with six hot half naked slave dudes decked out in gold carrying him in on a black-and-gold chaise-lounge like a modern-day Cleopatra and, once he had both feet firmly on the floor, threw up the massive golden wings of Isis and owned the entire space around him.  The crown.  The wings. The copious gold sparkly shit. The gold bedazzled stuff on his face. Every other man should be ashamed of his failure to measure up to the king. Also every man in a tux found DEAD by the side of the road thanks to our Lord and Saviour Billy Porter.

If Billy Porter is the king, then surely, there are too many queens to choose from.  From Laverne Cox’s strikingly shaped black dress with her brilliant blue-white hair and statement makeup, to Lupita Nyong’o showing up in the full neon spectrum of the rainbow, black women showed up to take the crown every single time last night.  Janelle Monáe’s stunning artsy dress blew me away, from the Picasso-like features to the multitude of hats that I have no idea how she balanced, she’s a masterpiece.  Lizzo stepped out looking like the Empress of Flamingos and I am absolutely here for every second of it.  The colours are loud, bold, and the outfit is as large-as-life as Lizzo herself.  Her hair was so stunning, I swear I thought it was a crown at first.

Black hair certainly had a starring role on the red carpet as well, from Tessa Thompson’s insanely long braid (she was carrying a WHIP to complete her outfit RIP all wlw) to Lupita’s impressive afro with its many golden combs.  I adored Danai Gurira’s hair and especially loved her Oscar Wilde-inspired outfit: here is a woman who understands her brief and works from it to great effect, and I loved Keiynan Lonsdale’s gorgeous hair and butterfly gown – seeing him embracing his queerness with both arms since Love, Simon led him to come out has made my heart big.

I can’t move on from the black dominance and excellence of the night without mention of two of my favourite looks: Zendaya and Lena Waithe.  If Billy Porter is the king and there are too many queens to count, then Zendaya stands out yet again as the living, breathing princess of the lot of them. I can hear the white tears over black girl magic Cinderella from here.  She arrived in a whole Cinderella dress that expanded and glows from within, a pumpkin-carriage purse and her own fairy godmother to transform her with a little bibbity-bobbity-boo?  She even lost her damn glass slipper on the stairs. A true artist.  As they say in the LGBT+ community: um, wig.

Speaking of which: Lena Waithe.  The lesbian icon herself, who showed up to last year’s Catholic-themed Met Gala in a pride flag cape, and who went hell for leather this year as well, putting every man in a tux to shame by not only out-classing them in how fantastic she looked in her lilac suit, but also paying homage to the origins of camp, with the back of her jacket boldly stating “Black Drag Queens Invented Camp” and the pinstripes on the suit actually being cleverly displayed lyrics to iconic drag queen songs.  She really Did That yet again and I’m knocked dead.

This review is already long as hell and it’s about to get longer because there are more looks that I want to mention.

First of all: Lady. Fucking. Gaga.  My girl did four outfits on the pink carpet in the space of 15 minutes and holy shit did she kill it.  Starting out in a voluminous hot pink ballgown, followed by a more sedate but still impressive black one with a matching umbrella, then down to a slim hot-pink number, huge sunglasses, and statement telephone, and finally ending up in an iconic mesh and underwear set, all while sporting the most gorgeous gold false eyelashes that made the whole thing pop.  The creativity and flair of everything Gaga does has made her iconic throughout the years and this event was no exception.

Ezra Miller FUCKED IT UP. Pinstripe suit with the sweeping train, glittering cage corset on top and a myriad of imitation eyes all over his face, carrying an eerie mask of himself on a stick?  Phenomenal.  The confidence in his walk as he moved and the way he displayed his look was so striking and seeing him own it so much made my night.

I loved Jordan Roth’s take on Billy Porter’s wings, allowing him to show up as a literal whole theatre. I loved Ryan Murphy’s sparkling pink champagne tux and high-collared cape.  Florence Welch absolutely slayed in her glittering wing-collared cloak.

However, one of the standout looks for the night was Hamish Bowles.  The embodiment of camp, with that magnificent fur-trimmed patterned cape. The look is absolutely dominating even when he’s standing still, and when he moves, the whole thing comes alive. Watching some of the dynamic shots taken of him having fun with his outfit, I felt like I was watching a bullfighter in a lion’s mane – and all of that is good.  I can’t quite put my finger on why I felt he looked like a fabulous Mrs Doubtfire (maybe it’s the shoes) but the outfit was one of the best and definitely set a bar that so many men fell short of.

Final Words:

Can someone please tell cishet men to step their game up?  Or men in general (I see you Frank Ocean and James Charles letting the damn side down)?  They can stay boring if they want, however.  The rest of us will be having far more fun without them, and the plain black tuxes certainly are no talking point of the evening.

[yerabearmum]

Finally got around to watching season 7 and HOOOO BOY do I have a lot to say

“he’s the youngest pilot ever to lead a mission into space” I think you forgot to mention ‘professional gay disaster’

Shiro looking at Keith, who is staring morosely out the window: he so obviously needs a hug but he would also glare a hole through my face if I come within ten feet of him how can I show this child love

DO YOU SEE LANCE'S LITTLE SWOOPY HAIRCUT

why is Little Lance’s voice deeper than Big Lance’s

“the emo kid’s doing it!” of course he is what more would you expect from the kid who never talks and openly but silently hates your guts

how does this twelve-year-old know how to drive in the first place

Kieth:*steals a car*

Me: PROTECT HIM

shiro doesn’t even look upset he’s just concerned and impressed

lance is so done with science in general

hello my name is takashi shirogane and welcome to my ted talk

Romelle’s hand gestures fill my soul with warmth

Coran is literally just Space Steve Irwin

Coran’s intimidation methods are #fierce

if that’s seriously how you used to wrangle yelmores then is it really any wonder why Alfor is dead

“like you, lance” an hour of adoring silence for this sibling relationship

how much you wanna bet Shiro is aware of everything around him and his only thought is “listen baby bro I already came back from death once why do you fear that I can’t do it again”

Keith yawns like a gay queen

I aspire the be the same level of zen as the recorder guy in the background

just remember that keith was and still is just as much of a showoff as Lance

Hunk’s expression when James says the only reason Keith is there is Shiro ‘james srsly are you trying to die”

“is that what mommy and daddy told you before-” MY MOMMA NEVER TOLD ME SHIT

there is exactly -.0002% chance of me ever getting over the gorgeous indigo color of Keith’s eyes they’re like tiny emo galaxies

consider: Homelle is such a wholesome hufflepuff ship

Lance Saves All Our Asses Again and It Goes Completely Unmentioned Afterwards Again: a novel by nobody because Lance gets as much recognition as a piece of bra lint

Pidgeot shaking a water drop off her head like a tiny woodland nerd sprite is my new reason for existing

my smol children just got smoler

Shiro looks like some kind of Gaydiana Jones on that hover thing

it’s probably just the anime eyes but it seriously looks like Little Keith is wearing eyeliner

shiro zooming off the cliff is like me trying outrun the overwhelming weight of existence

bby keith in the sunset is Hiro Hamada minus the tooth gap and personal healt- oh no wait that would be Shiro. shiro is baymax. floofy boi= marshmallow bun. WHERE DO THE CONSPIRACIES END.

honey you’re like twenty-two and a very bad liar

Admiral Sonda is just Sam Holt as a woman

literally the gayest gay breakup they could get away with. I applaud you

how dare they use the most underappreciated character as literal bait 

ah, i see rescuers down under made an appearance in the timespace of a single frame

why do the yelmores sound like Chewie

the phonotonium bubbles are bringin back memories of the Newtcase scene

that moment when you realize what he means by “you can’t do this to me again” and you feel your will to live crumble into Satan’s coffee grounds

the way that Lance says “ready to charge up the lions?” reminds me so much of that time in Eureka when Zane was like “ready to smash some unstable atoms together at the speed of light?” 

I can’t remember a single time that Lance looked happier or more excited about life in general that he does in the intro and... oh, look, there goes my heart. falling to the floor. shattering on the concrete. again. look at it go.

Coran honey they are standing right next to each other does it look like Cosmo is eating her

road trip humor

darling child do you honestly believe that this lion is going to let some random-ass person sit down and drive it

HE'S LONELYYYYYY

What the everloving fuck is wrong with the Altean alphabet

Hunk's selfies are so precious

"No. Nope. Nuh-uh. No way. Can't do this." BIG MOOD OKAY

ALLURA HAS FUCKING SUPER STRENGTH

yes thank you for that recap Lance we had not yet noticed the difficulty of our situation

"super dangerous it's perfect" yeah me too hon me too

will the little PEW PEW sounds ever cease to amuse me? the answer is no

Kosmo+Krolia is the ultimate kickass mom team

WAIT WHAT I THOUGHT THE PROBLEM WAS THAT THE JAWS WOULDN’T OPEN

guys come on have a little faith in him

I, too, sometimes narrate my life inside my head

Kosmo: oh I’m sorry I’ve been a wee bit BUSY DYING

so apparently Kaltinecker is just a generic name for space cows? I don’t like this

“who are you?” *Mushu voice, unfurls wings* “your worst nightmare”

Axca is just “whoop I kicked your ass mY bAd”

“Indeed I was, but now I am your savior.”

why is Ezor so lovable

“we’re going to have to use a more extreme approach” *pulls out silly string threateningly* “start talking”

Hunk looks so offended when they’re picking who to torture

Ezor would be perfect for one of those Garnier Fructis commercials where they pick stuff up with their hair

Can we talk about Lance and Pidge's sibling relationship? I think as much as they complain, they both really miss having that close kind of relationship. Pidge has Matt, of course, but he's not exactly open to talk anytime they want. This leaves Pidge and Lance to fall back on each other. Lance grew up in a big family, and probably also a very tight-knit one. So whether he realizes it or not, he depends on those kinds of connections, with stupid little arguments and support. I think that sibling connection is the one thing that really keeps them grounded when nothing else can.

Oh! And the other thing: This first occurred to me during the "DON'T YOU TOUCH HER" scene, because Lance is the first one to react protectively. Sure, the other's are protective of Pidge, but it's different for Lance because he reacts in such a 'big brother' sort of way. Again, Lance comes from a really big family, so playing the big brother role is second nature to him, and I love that it's such a huge part of his character to be protective.

*S&M plays every time Axca is onscreen*

Coran doing the Office Look

Coran: the lions are weak, we’ll end up right back here

Axca: then perish

I think the guard is already overwhelmed enough, what with having his quiznack handed to him by a couple of mice

Takashi honey does he look okay

why does Zethrid just sound like a guy trying and failing to do a girly voice

so apparently Axca has a type and that type is guys with ‘flippity hair’

Pidge’s smolness is a weapon in and of itself

when did Lance become the right-hand man I like this arrangement

“Can we just fight?” is the pg equivalent of “I’M GAY BITCH”

Ezor’s... head thing makes her look like Space Rapunzel

she was *Star Wars voice* seduced by the dark side of the force

do they seriously expect us to believe that there’s just an alien named Bob

‘intergalactic goofballs” is the most accurate description yet

“c’mere keith” WIVEL WIVEL WHIRL

“I... uhhh” is the most artist thing I have ever heard

do the creators just stuff cookies in their mouths and say random stuff to come up with alien words

WHY DIDN’T THEY GUESS KOSMO IS LOOKS MORE LIKE KOSMO THAN A LION

princess Lance is playing this game the right way don’t you yell at him

Keith’s voice when he says “windy cave?”

”the dumb one” bitch you’re the one who’s dead so who’s really the dumb one here

Bob please stop hurting my son his self-esteem is already fragile enough

Is he beautiful? Absolutely. Is he dumb? ABSOLUTELY NOT STOP HURTING HIM

One of these days Lance will straight up dab and on that day I will die of joy

Allura is literally picking up Hunk and I love it

now Allura’s asking the really big questions. I mean, what are any of us doing here. We’re just specks of dirt floating on the vast tissue of time

Pidge is trying so hard to look like she couldn’t care less and I’ve never related to anything more

She looks so smug whacking the camera

KEITH HAS OFFICIALLY ADOPTED SHIRO’S PROUD SPACE DAD FACE

Lance’s face when he’s talking about his little crush on Keith

CAN YOU TWO GET ANY GAYER

I just want Coran to get to earth and be Dumbledore in a play

I like the end music it’s so dancey and disco but not cringy

In the course of two seconds Coran goes from the Lorax to a ginger version of the guy from Ratatouille

KoSmO ThE dElIvErY wOlF

was that for real an alien dick joke

I like how both my gay sons have marks on their faces. Shiro has a scar, Keith has a Galra mark. What’s next? Lance with airbender tattoos? I hope not.

that is legit just a watermelon with tusks

oh Merlin no that’s even worse please go back to the watermelon

zippity zap your neck goes snap

don’t you love it when female characters literally glow with power? because I do

that was such an Avengers moment

Chat Noir would be proud of you, Hunk

Shiro is a savage

THE FACT THAT KEITH THOUGHT HE HAD TO EXPLAIN WHAT FLIGHT FORMATION EXERCISES ARE

the paladins adopting ‘quiznack’ into their casual cussing vocabulary is what I live for

if “something will come to kill us any minute now” is a good thing, you have severely low standards

oh yes lovely they’re having group hallucinations of space bats

OHHHHHHHHHHH YES BRING ON THE QUESTIONING OF EXISTENCE I NEED THIS ANGST

Hunk stubbornly refusing to sound off is so relatable like my stubbornness also drives all those around me slowly insane

HUNK IS LITERALLY SHOOTING A GIANT RAY OF SUNSHINE BECAUSE HE IS ACTUALLY A GIANT RAY OF SUNSHINE

Hunk being shocked by being shown any form of value and appreciation crushes my heart this boy needs to be loved

that enthusiastic “YEAH!” is what sleep deprived happiness sounds like

I like to imagine the voice actors practicing dramatic anime screaming while they drive to work and now I can’t breathe cuz I’m laughing too hard

WAIT WHAT I THOUGHT THE ENTIRE PROBLEM HERE WAS THAT THE LIONS WEREN’T CHARGED ENOUGH TO FORM VOLTRON

Keith and Lance’s bayards make giant magic wings that’s some serious soulmate shit right there

really you’re not gonna shoot it first to check if it’s real? after that whole space monster thing? you’re just gonna zoom toward it? hon c’mon

and of course the creators had to ask themselves “How can we best ruin this moment of joy? THE GALRA INVASION”

Colleen Holt is a force of nature and the living embodiment of “don’t fuck with me I’ve got the power of God and anime on my side”

Iverson: here’s what we know

Me: YOU FOOL YOU KNOW NOTHING

Sammy’s not having none of your shit so shut it before he tapes it

DO YOU SEE COLLEEN’S FACE I DON’T WANT LIFE ANYMORE

oh jeez they’re lined up by height that’s adorable

I like how this clearly takes place in a fairly distant future, but robots aren’t doing everything like people seem to think they would. The evident majority of labor is still done by people, like engineers and flight directors.

BITCH IT’LL BE YOUR WAR WHEN THE GALRA ARE ON YOUR DOORSTEP DO YOU REALLY WANNA WAIT UNITL THEN 

I’VE ONLY HAD COLLEEN FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES BUT IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO HER THIS SHOW WOULD BE DEAD TO ME

If they’d shown Keith’s recording it would’ve been like “Hey, it’s me. *with Kosmo sprawled across his lap, panting loudly. Lance is snickering quietly behind the camera* I don’t exactly, uh... have family on earth. But I’m Keith, the Garrison’s number one discipline problem. I wear the title proudly, but I still just wanted to... apologize, kind of, to pretty much every authority figure at the Garrison for making your life living hell. Yeah.”

“but everything changed when the Galra invaded”

does Kinkade ever speak? I kinda want him to be mute. A disabled fighter pilot would be the coolest thing

Veronica is such a badass 

aw man he spoke 

I can’t wait for when Krolia comes back to earth everyone’s gonna be like “oh fUCK A GALRA SHOOT IT DOWN” and then Keith walks out with his arms up like “HOLD IT THEY’RE WITH US” *Krolia steps out* “everybody say hi to my mom”

“Don’t miss” oh yeah I just thought I’d let them go this would be a great way to let Sandac know we’re here

THE SMALLEST PIDGEOT

oh my Merlin they have a dog

oh what a soft moment

what was with that dramatic look between Keith and Griffin? I mean I know this is Keith we’re talking about but there’s no way they held a grudge that long over a disagreement when they were... what? Eleven?

Allura is rocking that Garrison uniform

“Allura, you’re a genius!” yeah sweetie I know

OH MY MERLIN MY TWO ANGELS ARE HUGGING DO YOU SEE KEITH’S FACE

that’s going to electrocute him 

HOLY QUIZNACK SHE HAD A BALMERA CRYSTAL ON HER FOREHEAD THE WHOLE TIME

 Shiro’s hair floof looks less like a bird now and more like a dead bush

WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS ALLURALANCE COMING FROM THE STARS GAVE NO WARNING OF THIS I DO NOT ACCEPT

Veronica is officially one of my faves

Kaltinecker is just like “oh this is happening now”

SMUSH

I still can’t believe they got the particle barrier up in the first place

PLEASE TAKE NOTICE OF THE FACT THAT LANCE IS THE FIRST PERSON KEITH CALLS FOR

ohhhh look it’s launching somethings going good- wait never mind  WHY ALWAYS THIS

Leifstoder is adorable

CAN YOU ANIMATE SOMETHING ELSE 

Griffin has the voice of an angel

Shiro’s floating arm kind of ruins the dramatic hero effect of the doors opening into the light of battle

should the beams from the zyphorge canons be that pretty

I know Sendac is an ass and he deserves to die but I have to admire his dedication

NOW I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEFALLIN

my major problem here is that, a) how is Shiro alive? he has no helmet, no oxygen tank. all the air should be sucked right out of his lungs. He should be dead, and b) NO HUMAN BEING CAN JUST BARREL THROUGH EARTH’S ATMOSPHERE UNPROTECTED LIKE THAT THE THERMOSPHERE IS LIKE 5OO KELVIN SHIRO SHOULD BE A CHARRED PILE OF BONES

we will remember this as the Battle of the Floating Arms

“Victory or de-” *Keith, falling fiercely from the sky* DEATH

aaaaaaaaaand the victory is short-lived

oh I missed this when is the last time they dedicated an entire episode to just fighting a giant-ass robot

KAWAII ANIME PLANCE

so what is this now? Dark matter? Dark quintessence?

Coran: but Voltron!

Shiro: bitch we are voltron

SoMeBoDy’S gOnNa DiEeE

is there anything I hate more than watching my children accept that they are about to die? My burning hatred for Severus Snape comes very close but no there is not

MATT HAS... I DUNNO WHAT IS THAT? A BOYFRIEND? A GIRLFRIEND? HE’S HOLDING SOMEBODY’S HAND AND HE LOOKS FABULOUS 

how much you wanna bet that when Haggar disappeared she took over Lotor’s little Altean colony and now she’s using them for the robots

[wellhalesbells]

If you have the time and if you don't mind, what are some books you really recommend? Doesn't have to be all time faves, but anything that pops into mind that you want more ppl to read and love, Extra points if lgbt+ , i got the whole summer with little to do and i wanna spend it reading some good quality writing and honestly so far your recs have introduced me to so many faves its unbelievable

[blushes profusely] oh wow, thank you!!!  i’m so glad you’ve trusted me enough to check out some of the stuff i reblog; that is like the ultimate compliment, i can’t even???  i don’t mind at all(!), fair warning though: i only started recording what i read partway through last year and my mind is like a sieve so i’ll do my absolute best to remember what’s sang to me in the recent past.  warning number two: i’m in an open relationship with absolutely every genre out there so i’ll try to note which belongs where so you can avoid those that hold no interest for you.

LGBT+

i’ll give you the sun.  i loved this book, the writing is fucking transformative and all the characters are so damn likable, while still being realistically flawed human beings.

the raven cycle (tetralogy).  definitely my favorite series since harry potter.  the writing, the world-building, the characters, it’s all on top-form.  i wrote a little, mini non-spoilery review of it: here, back when i was better (worse?) wordly-wise and my feels were brand new.

more happy than not.  i’m still not sure how i feel about this book.  it was hard, but it felt very true to the characters and the lingo and style matched the ages of the players and i have a lot of respect for that.

the watchmaker of filigree street.  woooow i loved this book.  i admit ‘historical fiction’ kind of makes me cringe.  it never precludes me from reading a book but it does knock it down the list by a book or five because they’re often very dense and very clunky and end up taking me ages to get through.  but this one was gorgeous.  i loved the plot, the attention lovingly placed on every character and the historical elements.  the surprise gay in an already brilliant book felt like winning the lottery honestly.

captive prince (trilogy).  okay, truthfully, i’m only putting this on here because the second book is such a high point for me.  it was never bad at any point but it had unfortunately been hyped far too much for it to live up to my, admittedly, very high expectations.  hopefully it’ll fare better with you?

everything i never told you.  i go back and forth on this one.  i like the writing a lot, i like the LGBT aspect a lot, and i like the mystery aspect a lot but there are definitely characters i would cut out entirely for sheer predictability if i could and that killed a lot of my enjoyment at the time (but i think much more highly of it in retrospect?).  so, take that as you like.

aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe.  if there’s a book that handles its characters with more care or respect or consideration then i haven’t run into it.  i love the way this is written and the people it’s populated with.

flying lessons & other stories.  a bunch of uber talented authors writing a bunch of uber diverse and LGBT-focused stories and, yes, that is exactly as awesome as it sounds.

the song of achilles.  it is utterly heart-breaking but so rich, honestly.

FANTASY

the diviners.  (also has a minor LGBT character, who may play a bigger role in the sequel?)  fair warning, i have not read the sequel, lair of dreams, because it is somehow still not out in paperback (yes, i read physical books, yes, i pretty exclusively read paperbacks so i can lug them everywhere with me, YES, I PRE-ORDERED THIS ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO AND IT’S STILL NOT OUT, NOT THAT I’M BITTER ABOUT THAT OR ANYTHING) so i can’t speak to that one finishing on a high note as i don’t know.  but this was the first historical novel i managed to like in a long while.  it does such a good job of fusing in 1920s lingo and dress and aspects that i couldn’t help but love it.  add in the fantasy elements and i can admit i’m the perfect sucker for it.

the scorpio races.  i’m not sure why but it took me a long-ass time to get into this book, i wasn’t flipping pages with gusto until well towards the end but - especially as i was reading so much YA at the time - i really appreciated coming across a romance that lets both people come into it as themselves and stay themselves, neither puck nor sean were ever smashed or crumpled or shaved away to fit into their relationship, which was so refreshing.  plus the water horses were fucking cool.

the night circus.  the writing, the atmosphere, the circus.  just… it is all very whoa.

all the birds in the sky.  i loved this writing style and these characters and the magical elements.

CONTEMPORARY

i’ll meet you there.  there was something about this and i just… ended up liking it way more than i expected to.  i might’ve just read it at exactly the right time, i’m not sure, but i really enjoyed it.

the invoice.  this is honestly just hella cute and so freaking surreal.  swedes, man.

NON-FICTION

why not me?  i like mindy kaling a lot.  i make no apologies for that.  plus you can read both her books in about five seconds, haha.

SCIENCE FICTION

station eleven.  i loved this book.  the way the narrative is woven is so refreshing and i wish the comic book miranda was writing in this book was a real thing more than anything else in the woooorld.

illuminae.  hot DAMN this book was cool.  the plot was rock solid, the characters were hilarious and badass and the graphics made out of text and spiraling words and just the way this thing is put together?  shit, it’s worth your money and then some.

a robot in the garden.  okay this is just cute as hell.  i can’t even with tang, he’s the most adorable robot to ever adorable.

annihilation (southern reach trilogy).  (LGBT minor characters.)  okay, honestly?  i don’t know.  this was freaking zany but i was invested as fuck in all the kookiness for reasons i can’t articulately elaborate on.

the martian.  hilarious, engaging, SPACE.  what more do you want?

HORROR

things we lost in the fire.  this is more atmospheric than anything but, damn, could this get me wishing i wasn’t reading this in the dark or looking over my shoulder to make absolutely sure no one was standing behind me.  it’s a book of short stories (by the way, i love books of short stories and i definitely realize that is not true for everyone) and each one is so well-delivered and stylized.  i really enjoyed reading this.

let the right one in.  okay, this is legit horror so definitely stay away if you’re easily squicked out but it is harrrrrd to find good horror (at least in my opinion) and this definitely, definitely qualifies.

horrorstör.  i honestly had such low expectations for this, a horror story set in a wannabe-ikea, but it ended up being so ridiculous and strange and funny that i was won over by the finish.

the girl with all the gifts.  holy unique and well-executed zombie idea, batman!

SHORT STORIES

the bigness of the world.  there were definitely ones here that hit better than others but the ones i liked, i really liked!

GRAPHIC NOVELS (i read a lot of these so, um, prepare yourself)

saga.  (LGBT minor characters as well.)  this is world-building to a degree that i’m convinced did not exist before.  just, i can’t say enough amazing things about this series and the staggering amount of imagination that regularly goes into it.

ms. marvel.  heart-warming as fuck.  it’s definitely really easy to lose faith in the world these days, luckily kamala is there to remind you that people are primarily and genuinely good.

black science.  this is another one that took just an insane amount of imagination to cook up.  i got off to kind of a rocky start with this one but the gray-ness of all the characters really speaks to me, and that doesn’t really blossom until later in the series.

spider-man/deadpool.  this was very satisfying for my super duper spideypool-shipping mind.  joe and ed did us so good, and joe basically said in his sign-off: i made it absolutely as gay as they would let me, haha.

the wicked + the divine.  (LGBT minor characters that you’re going to get way too attached to, and retroactively.  it’s awful [sobs].)  the concept for this, gods reincarnating into teenagers before they burn up their hosts after a predetermined set of time, is so fucking cool.  the humor and the characters and the plot is all just aces.

iceman (LGBT MAIN CHARACTER).  okay, so this just started.  like issue #2 was only released days ago but 1) i am liking it so far and 2) marvel did it so dirty and barely advertised bobby - an openly homosexual superhero - was getting his own series, like, i found out about it the day before it went on sale and i keep my ear fairly close to the ground (not as close as some BY A LOT, but closer than the lay person i’d say) so if you can support it, please do!  pre-orders mean a lot in terms of numbers. :))))

descender.  admittedly, this starts out rooough.  because the main character, TIM-21 (and his little dog too), are annoying as hell.  he’s an android so there’s no dimension to him so he’s booooring as all get out but i am so glad i stuck with it through to the next trade because, probably picking up on the unsustainability of him as a main character, he gets shuffled off and the side characters get the stage and they rock so hard.

paper girls. (LGBT main characters.)  i’m kind of just convinced that brian k. vaughan can do no wrong at this point.  his plots are so tight and mind-blowing and badass.

monstress.  here’s a little tid-bit about me: female comic book writers are 100% more likely to get my money and my time because they are so damn rare and this series is unique, badass, and eye-opening.

black monday murders.  i’m a little premature with this since there’s only one volume and i usually try to wait until there are at least two but i check up on a volume two a lot so that definitely means something intrigued me!

nailbiter.  okay, i haven’t read the final volume yet ‘cause i’m reluctant to let it go but, so far, a series about multiple serial killers all being from the same town has me VERY HOOKED.

i wish i could remember more but this is honestly way better than i expected to do, haha.  they’re definitely not all my all-time faves but they’re ones that have stuck with me for one reason or another and that i didn’t feel i wasted my time on, so that’s something, right?  i hope this helps get you started and that you don’t think too awfully of me when you inevitably run across ones that aren’t your cup of tea!