#the amazing wonderful kind people that have stayed around for these 3.5 years who still say kind words to me I love you so much

[doctorweebmd]

I was thinking about this the other day and wondering why it’s become so much less fun to write for BNHA and I think it’s because… I’ve written too much?

Like being a one-off author was fine and fun and novel and people were so cool and supportive, but now I’ve got multiple long fics and people have started treating me like someone that “creates content” rather than someone who is writing for fun. And I’ve shot myself in the foot by continuing to write long-fic and putting my heart and soul into them and it’s like never enough, people just expect more and more and more and I want to keep giving and keep doing better but no matter what I write it’s just not ENOUGH

And like… this started a little after I finished Zero Sum Game but like… people have started forming “opinions” that they share openly about “me” - I can’t stand going into fandom space and seeing people say they can’t read anything I write, or they don’t like me as an author, openly ranking my works, saying xyz is overrated or mention me by name in shipping discourse or send me hate mail or update requests or just straight up telling me they’re not going to read what I write anymore… and these people don’t know me!!! I’m just an empty space to them!!! Just a machine that pumps out thousands on thousands of words to just look at an forget about instantly!!!!!!!!

Where do people get off honestly. Is it like this everywhere or is it just BNHA? Is it because it’s so popular that the community has broken down completely? Sincerely what the fuck how can anyone treat writers like this…

[bettsfic]

Hey! I was just wondering if you would soapbox a little about your creative process. I absolutely adore your writing advice but was wondering a bit more about how your ideas form and how you choose which to pursue and do finished products look like you want them to? What's a bad habit you're trying to break? No obligation to answer, especially cause an anon is like tell me your secrets! But thank you for all you've written, you are so helpful and kind

thanks for the great question anon! i wrote a bit about my drafting process here but that doesn’t encompass the idea building side of things (also i’ve made some changes to the process so i was thinking about writing a more cohesive, updated version at some point).

i tend to think of project ideas as piles of aesthetic, and usually i only begin writing once the pile has toppled over and i can’t not write it. that’ll make more sense in a moment. 

i’ll walk through 2 examples of my idea generating process, from how they started to where they are now. 

1. Vandal

Vandal is a novel i’m working on that i really have a lot of hope for. i’m about 60k words in right now and 75% finished. it’s about a teenage girl (sierra) who casts a spell on her hot, helpful neighbor (frank) to bind them together. the spell ends up working but backfiring when he becomes her foster father. then, in his custody, sierra gets jealous and casts a spell on his girlfriend (jenny) to break them up, but that backfires too: sierra gets taken out of frank’s custody and placed with a manipulative and abusive foster brother (leo). frank more or less kidnaps sierra and they have to Run From The Law. throughout the novel, sierra is inwardly battling Vandal, an immortal archangel that has possessed her and is trying to get her to kill herself so he can break free of the prison of her body.  

the idea for that story has a looooong breadcrumb trail and a huge aesthetic pile. since i couldn’t manage to get Baby traditionally published, i had a lot of that dynamic i could adopt into something else. i wrote at length about where that idea came from but i can no longer find that post (UPDATE: here it is). it’s somewhere in my training wheels tag. in short, i spent an entire summer watching/reading age gap stories and the male perspective in them bothered me a lot, so i wanted to write a story from the younger party’s perspective, and do the reality of those situations justice. i wrote that story, though, so i didn’t want to rewrite it. 

then, in december 2019, for reasons i don’t remember, i started reading snape/hermione fics. i really liked the dynamic, but it was a little too angsty for me, and none of the fics gave me the catharsis i was looking for, which was basically Grouchy Soft Boy Takes Care Of PTSD Weary Girl. being unable to find anything that fit the exact no-conflict, angstless dynamic i was looking for, i decided to write it myself using an A/B/O reylo idea i’d been kicking around for about 8 months but i could never land on, because i didn’t know if i wanted ben or ren. that fic turned out to be Reclaimed.  

to answer one of your questions, Reclaimed didn’t turn out the way i wanted it to at all, and i’m still kind of shocked by the traffic it has. i felt bad about writing it, because i was setting down so many other things to work on it, and it was a struggle from start to finish. at the time (and this is a major theme of my process), i thought it was a waste of energy.

but it opened a very important thematic concept to me, which is the idea of voicelessness and trauma, and recovery through finding one’s voice.

fast-forward to february, i’m headcanoning with @star-sky-earth just days before i have to head to nebraska for a writing residency. she and i are talking about a certain male celebrity who shall not be named, flirting with his younger female costar who shall not be named, and i said something along the lines of, “wouldn’t it suck to get a crush on a dude like him, only to find out he likes you back, and then you realize he’s actually kind of shallow and boring?”

i remember distinctly saying, out loud, “god fucking dammit,” because, right then, an aesthetic pile had toppled over, and an entire novel unfolded itself in my brain. i pound out an outline. it’s garbage. i play around with a vocal gauge. it’s not quite right. then, two days later, i write an opening scene that i don’t think is great but i send it to some people and they’re like, oh this is fire. 

the aesthetic pile looks like this:

lolita, where dolores is the one in control

delusions of grandeur born from a major traumatic event

obsessions with fairy tales and the escapism they provide

the consequences of extreme neglect

forced voicelessness as both a theme and a major structural constraint

a lot of wolf imagery

non-chronological timelines

i proceed to spend the next two days driving across the country brain-writing. by the time i reach nebraska, i hit the ground running, and write for basically 30-40 hours a week for 5 weeks. then, because pandemic, i decide to stay 2 more weeks, but i hit a snag. i write about 14k of really boring drivel and realize my outline has failed me. i toss the 14k and re-outline and try again. then, my attention is rattled by a crush on a composer who has no interest in me. 

i go home and fall into my annual summer depression and i lose focus. so, that’s where i’m at. i really miss vandal but it’s gotten super dark and i’m finding it difficult to manage darkness with everything going on. which brings me to my next aesthetic pile that has recently toppled over.

2. Eden

that’s not the title but it’s the project name. i’ve begun writing a YA sci fi comedy with an ensemble cast. this aesthetic pile took years to build before it toppled. it started with Elixir of Erised, hands down the best fic i’ve ever written by a huge margin. i reread it this past winter and was kind of amazed i’d written it. 

i really liked the idea of a potion showing you your deepest desires, but until recently have not had the patience to build an entire world around it. so, for the past 3.5 years, i’ve kept a document of “if i WERE to a YA SFF book with the themes of EOE, what would i want to include?” over those 3.5 years, here’s what the list became:

dark academia vibes

heist plot

soulmates

that list is not really conducive to an entire universe, and i never had the motivation to sit down and think through it. 

then i watched breaking bad, and a lot of things started clicking. at the same time, i was talking to my buddy kyle about my fallen knight archetype schematic, and i began fleshing out all the archetypes that went with it. i came up with 12. i built a database. i thought, wouldn’t it be cool to write something with ALL 12 ARCHETYPES?? haha but who would be dumb enough to do that?

me. i would. 

with breaking bad as the missing plot piece (which introduces the idea of conflict around the MANUFACTURE and DISTRIBUTION of addictive substances, with an ensemble cast of morally grey characters, which leads to a war), i had enough to get started. 

i wrote an outline. i wrote another outline. i wrote a third outline. i stopped to write some histories of this place i’d built. i wrote a fourth outline. gdocs became a mess so i downloaded scrivener and taught myself how to use it. i wrote a gauge of the first chapter and landed the voice on the first try. then i did a rough sketch of how a trilogy would go. then i outlined each book in the trilogy to make sure my character trajectories were on point. then i did a lot more worldbuilding. now i’m working on my fifth outline, which breaks the entire novel down scene by scene. 

and for Reasons, i’m tasking myself with writing the first draft in 6 days across two weekends. it’s a high-stakes adventure story with a very tight timeline, so i think it’s conducive to being written quickly.

which brings me to another question you asked, which is, what bad habits do i want to break? i always, always slow down at the halfway mark. sometimes i even give up. i have no idea why. no matter how much preparation i do, no matter how solid my endgame is, at the halfway mark i either slow to a crawl or set the whole project down and pick up something new. i do this with reading books, too. i can only ever read the first half of books. then i either skip to the end or put them down forever. it’s definitely something i have to figure out because at this rate i’ll never finish anything.

okay this took way longer than i thought it would to write but i hope it answers your question. tl;dr i follow aesthetic and thematic interests until they lead me to a point where i can’t not write the stories that develop from them. 

[dillydedalus]

what i read in april

in which i read two (!!) 5-star-adjacent books and also defeat my nemesis thomas mann 

the paper menagerie & other stories, ken liu

impressive collection of (mostly) scifi short stories with some fantasy elements. liu is particularly interested in historical/collective memory, historiography, textmaking and textuality, and the importance of stories. my favourites were the bittersweet title story (feat. living origami animals), an alternative history story about the construction of an underground tunnel between japan and america, and the last story, in which time travel becomes tied to politics of remembrance. some stories are not as strong, especially an honestly boring take on AI/voice assistants/surveillance, but overall these are really good, especially in how they approach SFF from asian perspectives. 3.5/5

der zauberberg/the magic mountain, by my nemesis thomas mann THE EVIL IS DEFEATED!!! after 1.5 months i finally finished the magic mountain & honestly.... i really liked it. literally all that happens is that a sweet young fool called hans castorp goes to a mountain sanatorium in switzerland to visit his cousin for three weeks and then.... just stays there for 7 years even tho he ISN’T REALLY ILL (which is both incredible dumbassery & incredibly relatable). up there he hangs out with a lot of people, has lots of conversations about politics & philosophy, falls in love w/ someone, some people die, some people leave, hans takes up skiing, everyone becomes obsessed with seances & psychoanalysis & whatever else for a time, there’s duels, and most of all, thomas mann is like HEY TIME IS WEIRD AM I RIGHT??? and it is! it is pretty weird. things i didn’t expect: a) it’s honestly pretty funny, b) i had several feelings (’als soldat und brav’), c) i kind of knew what the ending was going to be but still i was. distraught. ANYWAY. sometimes.... books that are classics.... are really quite good. 4/5

city of dragons + blood of dragons (rain wild chronicles #3-4), robin hobb i really enjoyed this series even tho i think these two are not as strong as #1-2. the central characters & relationship dynamics are great, i was happy to see malta back, and i loved the new plot points here (trader conflicts! hest coming to the rain wilds! most of all, chassim and the chalcedean women’s liberation front!!!) BUT i think all of these could have done with a bit more space; it all feels crammed together at the end & not really satisfying. 3.5/5 for both these books, series rating 4/5 

the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy, douglas adams like, it’s funny. maybe i was not in the mood, but funny doesn’t carry a book. 2.5/5

remembering babylon, david malouf (uni) this book is really good but it is also exactly the kind of book you read in a seminar on postcolonialism, which is what i’m doing. it’s set in a small australian settlement in the mid-19th century, where one day a strange man appears who looks like a “savage” but claims to be a ‘british object’. it turns out that he was marooned as a child and joined a native community, and his presence and strange liminal status (’the white black man’) disturb the entire community. it’s all about questions of assimilation, indigeneity, whiteness, and who owns the land, and it’s very very good, well-written, evocative of the australian landscape, dreamy and i’m probably gonna write my paper on it & end up resenting it a lil bit. 4/5

a canticle for leibowitz, walter miller jr. post-apocalyptic monks in the desert preserving knowledge!!! i ADORED the first two parts of this with all my heart (the first set 600 years after the nuclear apocalypse in a new “dark age”, showing the canonization of leibowitz, engineer-turned-protector-of-knowledge; the second 600 years later again, when during the “renaissance”, conflicts arise between church and secular scientists), the third part (a new nuclear/space age w/ mutual destruction threatening) i liked less, especially when it abandoned the themes of cyclical history, the danger knowledge presents to humanity but also its value, and the process of science and culture rebuilding itself from the atomic ashes for a digression on euthanasia, but i still loved a lot about it, particularly the monks sent to human colonies on other planets (”remember this earth... never forget her - but never come back” made me cry). it is very steeped in catholicism (obvi) which i don’t have much of a connection with but i actually loved how the book talked about religion. on the whole, i genuinely, genuinely loved this, loved francis illuminating a blueprint for 17 years, loved benjamin/lazarus (?), the apocalypse being reframed in biblical terms, loved the melancholy & despair over humanity destroying itself again and again, and the mad mad tiny hope for peace somewhere, some time. i will read this again for sure. 4.5/5 

machandel, regina scheer perfectly fine multi-perspective novel about 20th century (east) german history, all revolving around the small village machandel (a lower german word for the juniper tree). it incorporates some interesting perspectives/topics you don’t necessarily see a lot (forced laborers from eastern europe, euthanasia programs during the third reich, a sympathetic look at the promises & failures of the gdr) and it’s a pleasant read but it didn’t resonate with me in any special way. i’m more interested in scheer’s new book, which is literally set right around the corner from me. 3/5 

wild seed, octavia e. butler sooo this is a afrofuturist-y science....fantasy (??) book about two immortal beings, doro (spirit possessing bodies) and anyanwu (healer & shapeshifter) & their complicated relationship over about 200 years. also involving a magical selective breeding programm, changing your gender, slavery of different kinds and a whole lot of babymaking. it’s interesting&unique&very immersive, but not really octavia e. butler at her best imo. i think my next butler will be xenogenesis. 3/5

kokoro, natsume soseki early 20th century japanese classic about a young student and his mysterious mentor. very quiet and slow but still a good read. don’t have much to say about it tho - i’m probably missing a lot of cultural context. 2.5/5

the merchant of venice, willy shakes (uni) tbh i skimmed most of the scenes shylock wasn’t in bc in this house we stan shylock & no one else, but also like why would anyone sign away a literal pound of their literal flesh as a bond for money you don’t EVEN NEED fuck you antonio. 

shylock is my name, howard jacobson (uni) the hogarth retelling of merchant. i’ve read this before & thought it was clever & sharp re: the play & shylock, but ultimately sexist & gross. i still kind of think that but i liked it A LOT more this time around; it’s really the best of the hogarth series (that i’ve read) in terms of actually engaging with & deconstructing the play rather than just retelling it in a modern setting and it does it in a really smart & thoughtful way. everything not about shylock is ridiculous and farcical but that’s really the point - all the characters beside shylock are the worst and already were the worst in merchant. still not happy about the sexism but: 4/5

the complete maus, art spiegelman honestly it really just is that staggeringly good and given the amazing panels about beckett (x), i’m not going to say much more. if you’re interested in the graphic novel (not really novel bc it’s not fictional) and can deal with the subject matter, just like. read this. predictably, my favourite part was the beginning of maus ii, where art (post-publication of maus I) reflects on what he was doing and why (and why mice) and deconstructing the central conceit from within (see the panel linked, where everyone’s wearing animal masks and he wonders whether mentioning housepets will ruin everything). 5/5

[douxreviews]

Outlander - ‘Man of Worth’ Review

"You dinna ken how worthy you are."

If I'm very very quiet, I swear I can hear the collective Outlander fandom starting to panic as droughtlander sets in.

I'm not mad at this finale. Not one bit. It may not have been as epic in scale as some others but it tied some things up and set some things up and delivered some exceptionally beautiful moments. I cant really imagine a better end for the season we got. Plus I now know exactly how I feel about Roger. Wins all around.

I haven't gone into it yet because I'm not sure how historically accurate it is but who ever was in charge of set design for the Mohawk village should get a raise just based on how beautiful it is. Everytime we're there I am taken aback by both the details and scale. Too bad we probably won't be seeing it for a while, if ever again.

How sad for Otter Tooth that he traveled all the way back in time to deliever a warning that he thought would save a people and a culture and they didn't even believe him. I mean, I'm not saying that running around inciting war dances and shoving scalps in peoples faces was the tact he should have taken but man. He and Geillis should start a a club in the afterlife. Maybe they already have.

The raid was an outright disaster and from what we know of people shunned by their tribes, the Native American woman that helped them isn't going to have a very happy life. I felt like Claire and Jamie should've offered for her to come back to the ridge. Or at least let her have the stone she was so desperate for. But hey, maybe they looked for her off camera and she was too good at hide and seek to be found.

The fight to get back to the river was exciting. It had me on the edge of my seat while Jamie's skill as a warrior and fighter kicked in Claire took down whoever got in her path (all while practically carrying Roger's useless body, but whatever). But it was for naught. They were severely outnumbered and surrounded and out of options. I find it hard to swallow that the Mohawk would hold on to Roger so stubbornly since he spent so much time disappointing them but can we give that Chief some kind of award for the amazing deal he struck for himself. He traded an injured fourth string nobody for an all-star that got through the spirit tunnel on his first try. Wow. Bargain master of the year.

I've stayed pretty on the fence with Ian. I liked him, I laughed at how naive and adorable he was. I even like his dog. But he was expendable as far as I was concerned. Then he traded himself to save Roger so that his uncle wouldn't have to. He even refused to run away and begged Jamie not to make him a liar. He stayed determined to honor his word and got himself expended and suddenly I miss him. Jamie is right. He really is a man worth very much. I suppose it would be silly to expect anything less. Ian has spent most of his life looking up to and emulating one of the most honorable people to exist. Of course he would have it coming out of his ears and his admiration for Native Americans has been set up from the jump. Out of everyone he could make a place for himself here. He found his clan. The whole goodbye amalgation ripped my guts out, Claire. Ian and Claire, Ian and Jamie. Even the fakeout Claire and Jamie goodbye was well done even though I was pretty sure what Ian was going to do from the second he decided it. You could feel that patented Jamie and Claire fire between them. It was beautiful and romantic and full of anguish and thankfully short lived. The emotional strikes just kept coming. Very well done all around. But that look of elation when Ian was accepted as a mohawk was worth the price of admission. He was so so happy. So I'm happy for him. It's as close to a happy ending as any other character has gotten.

Bye, Ian. I'll miss you more than I thought. Come visit soon.

And the there's Roger. I'm happy for Bree and all but I feel like she could do better. Way better. It's like when your friend gets together with their ex for the 300th time... Fine, I accept this. I knew it was coming but it's still very dumb. It's not that he's a bad person or that he hasn't been through a terrible ordeal. And hey, he did show up fir her at that the end. He's just such a whiner. He didn't even seem particularly grateful to be saved. Just slumped over and rolling his eyes and helping not at all during the attempted escape to the river but then had buckets of energy to throw into his fists at Jamie. And during his tantrum, he took no responsibility for leaving Bree alone in the freaking 18th century and only seemed to show emotion about it when he realized he couldn't cart her back through the stones to yell at her some more. Give it a rest, Rog everyone has been through terrible things. Hell, as far as Roger knows Ian just put his life in the hands of men that will be kicking the crap out of him for no reason for the rest of his life. He couldn't even mutter a 'thanks, bro'??

Bree was attacked by Bonnet? OMG, he totally forced me to sail up the coast with him. Guys a monster!!

I did very much like all the character beats sprinkled throughout that confrontation in the woods. Jamie took everything that Roger dished out because he was wrong for beating him in the first place but he wasn't so sorry that he could hide his anger that Roger didn't stick around to protect his daughter from Bonnet. It was written all over Claire's face that she was desperate for him to be the kind of husband for her daughter that Jamie is but was trying very hard to be understanding and calm.

While Ian was busy becoming a man and Roger was busy deciding what kind of man he wants to be, Murtagh and Jocasta had a slumber party. Possibly manh. The writers have been pandering to an eventual coupling since these two got on screen together and I am here for it. They did the whole thing so well, too. Even though I been waiting for them to get together i was still somehow taken by surprise when it happened. I love love love them together so much. Both opinionated and stubborn and crotchety and passionate. I loved every second of it. I loved that neither one would back down even though their words were obviously hitting nerves left and right. And the whole thing was bookended by food. At the start, they were sharing dinner and the next thing I know, hes asking her to skip breakfast. It felt like a glimpse of a domesticated life that Murtagh could've had. Or maybe symbolic of the life that Jocasta is putting in jeopardy. Or maybe they were just meals and I am seriously over reaching. It wouldn't be a finale review if I didn't make at least one mountain out of a molehill.

As Outlander finales go, this was tame as a kitten. Sure Jamie's been put in charge of getting rid of his godfather but investing in even the idea that anything could ever truly come between them is laughable. Their loyalty has been tested worse than this. It just wouldn't be believable to me for that bond to fall apart now. And now that Aunt Jocasta is on board (I think?) the rest should be cake.

It hit the beats I needed it to. There have been stronger finales to be sure but I don't how this particular season could've been tied up better. 

3.5 out of 4 ominous stone necklaces.

Bits and pieces

Jamie's instincts are still so keen that he can feel the presence of other people in the woods. Once an outlaw...

Do we understand why Otter Tooth helped Claire find Jamie after that storm earlier in the season? Are they cosmically connected?

I felt a pang of sadness for the time. Ian keeps racking up people that he will probably never see again or ever get to say goodbye to. His parents, siblings, Fergus, Murtagh, Bree. It's practically never ending. He did get to say goodbye to Jamie and Claire though.

Where did Ian get the Mohawk version of Rosetta Stone??

I wonder if I will view Ian differently when I inevitable rewatch these past seasons he was in given my new found respect and love for the character.

I wonder if Father Alexander participated in the spirit tunnel??

All Roger and Bree do is flirt and argue and somehow I hate them for it. So far Murtagh and Jocasta have followed their example but somehow I'm fully on board. What gives??

Oh, and Bree had her baby. I wonder who his godfather will be. Who is Germain's for that matter??

Murtagh certainly has a type. As far as we know hes only been serious about two people in his life. Sisters that heavily favor each other. Interesting.

I was bumming a little that we didn't get to see Jamie's relief and reaction to the knowledge that Bree forgave him. But it kind of all read in the reunion. There was an ease to the family dynamic even though crap news was getting delivered.

No Fergus. No Marsali. Did they make it to the ridge? Is the pig still alive? Is Fergus a wanted man?

Murtagh: "Thank you for the roast. It's been a long time since I had a meal this fine. " Jocasta: "I imagine it's better than whatever they were serving in the jail at Wilmington." Murtagh: "News travels fast." HA.

Jamie: "I will come back to you Sassenach."

Ian: "You once said you wished me to become a man of worth." Jamie: "You dinna ken how worthy you are." I'm not crying, you're crying.

Jocasta: "How does it taste?" Murtagh: "Like home." Jocasta: "Whiskeys hard to come by in the new world." Murtagh: "Aye and I canna drink that horse phish they call rum." Hahahaha.

Jocasta: "I'm an old woman now, my wars are behind me and you should put yours behind you as well."

Roger: "Having me beaten almost to death and sold into slavery seemed a trifle extreme even for a woman with her temper."

Jamie: "You cost me a lad that I love and my daughter doesn't need a coward. I'd rather her hate me than for you to break her heart again. So make up your mind." Roger: "I need some time." Claire: "If you need time you should take it because this is our daughter so you better be sure." Would you rather face Jamie and Claire or a tribe of angry Mohawk Native Americans???

Laure Mack

[elastigirl72]

Day 20: Herceg Novi>south of Shkoder, Albania

Mountains or coast?

Sometimes and without planning, things just seem to fall into line. I reconnected with my younger brother, Alex, 19 months younger than I, and #4 of 4 siblings born within 5 years to two crazy, outlandish parents. That reconnection in itself is a long story and I won’t go into now. But i regularly work in Norway and by chance, in Alex’s home town where he lives with his wife, Monika and two girls, Emma and Susi. Life and families are complicated but, stars aligned and 25 years or more have passed, and the next time I’m there. I’ll stay and be Auntie Michelle to nieces I love.

Also by chance, the last time I visited, I mentioned to Alex about my planned trip, and where I was heading. He looked at the route and said “I have a friend who has an apartment there. Let me call him”. So he did. It just so happened that Per was happy for me to stop by if it worked in with my plans, even if he wasn’t there. As if by magic, I came through, and it coincided with a rest day. I was met by Lidija, who having checked with me a few days earlier, met me with freshly caught fish, and a potato salad, a bottle of wine of choice (red or white. Or both!), bananas, strawberries picked from her friend’s garden that morning, and a barrel full of conversation. After 3 cups of tea, she left me to indulge in the shower, with shampoo, hair conditioner, body cream, moisturiser, radiators, chocolates a washing machine and a view if it became visible across the whole of Herceg Novi. I have never met Per, and only just met Lidija, who I believed lived in the same road, but in fact had caught a taxi from a nearby village, just to make me feel welcome. I am now so fed and rested, if I don’t do a big week, I’ll go home heavier than when I set off!

This was the shelter in a storm, quite literally. And couldn’t have happened at a better time, at any point during the 3.5 week expedition. How do you show gratitude for such generosity? If I wasn’t already in heaven, to top it off, Lidija returned the next day with home made lunch, and took me on a walking tour of her home town. An amazing woman who is a Tony Robins coach. I am apparently a sun person, and she a moon. I need 20 minutes of sun a day and she needs to sleep. She knew everyone in the town as we walked around. I fell in love with Herceg very quickly.

As the storm passed over during the early hours of the day, I noticed a figure on a rock outcrop, and was sure the silhouetted figure was fishing. Walking along the promenade, I learnt the figure was a statue of a haunting and beautiful woman, a memorial to a lady who was betrothed to a sailor, who went to sea and never returned. For the rest of her days, the lady returned to wait for her love to sail back to shore, and did so until she died. Truly moving and befitting of such a small sanctuary in deepest Europe where most people won’t visit or have heard of.

Every trip I’ve done, I’ve come across incredible, memorable people who have stayed with me since. Mario (Italy 2015), Jonathan and Pete (Canada 2016 and 2018). Sadly, from my first ever trip, in 1991, I met equally kind people who are written in a diary, but long since past. It’s these moments that erase the challenge days and sow a seed deep inside. I hope that I can in turn be so generous and kind.

6th May is a big day, and start to the biggest week, both mileage and climbing but also uncharted waters. I’m a little anxious but at least slightly recovered...if something is going to go wrong, it will be in this next week. So near, yet so far...mountains or coast? Start days early and ride as far as possible?

6 May: Shkoder 1430

After the mountains lit up in a fury of lightening bolts and torrential rain, I felt confident that setting my alarm for 5am was a good decision. Early miles were the plan, and at 7am, although there were still torrents running across the roads, the bay was calm, and I was on my way.

One day’s full rest was telling from the first rotation. I felt great! I was prepared for the intermittent downpours with my new bin bag and trusted shower caps, and knew, come hell or high water, I was crossing into what in my head felt like another continent today but was in fact, just another country, and my 10th on the list: Albania.

You can get to Albania by bike several ways from Montenegro: outright ferry, around a huge bay and up Kotor or a €1 ferry crossing, which takes 10 minutes and provides a panoramic view of the black mountains. I opted for the latter, and sailed my way through towns and up climbs, barely noticing the gentle early headwind, almost a pre-requisite to a ride now. The traffic was less, although I did see an elderly pedestrian spontaneously leap in front of a speeding knackered old VW Mark I Golf...how he wasn’t killed! If it wasn’t suicidal pedestrians, it was motorists pulling out of side roads or shop fronts, almost teasingly to see what a cyclist with right of way might actually do: stop or ride straight into the now stationery vehicle blocking the carriageway because in fact they can’t pull out on to the opposite carriageway anyway. I counted at least 20 stray dogs between Herceg and the border, and now have come to expect them at every turn in the road. I will need to plan my defence strategy as I believe at some point, a dog and I are going to get better acquainted, probably as I find my steepest climb, am tired and can’t escape 😃. I am considering tying a stick to my bike and working out my war cry as I write.

Maybe it’s because I am recharged or maybe it is because even with impending doom looking down on me from the heavens, the green clad mountains that now surrounded me made for yes I know I’ve said it before, an epic day’s cycling. The bin bag and shower cap yo-yo’d in and out of my bag, gaining me much attention in the rural Montenegro countryside as I rode through as the joker on wheels. Here, the people, buildings and cars all changed, decrepit, off the beaten track, and oblivious to style, just functional living: the need for a car, a roof and clothing rang through and any signs of wealth disappeared as I approached the Albanian border. Soaked, I noted that I’d never seen such dark and threatening sky over any mountains. I wondered if the swallows that darted around the road indicated anything, but it was memorable and beautiful.

I’d already fallen in love with the day before I reached Albania, and despite twanging my bad knee before the climb between countries, was prepared to ride on as long as I felt as I did. 😀

And suddenly, surprisingly, Albania! (And another passport stamp 🎊)

Where the tarmac is smooth, the ageing locals ride bikes, the area feels untouched by time or tourism, and the surrounding countryside is jaw-droppingly Jurassic. In 10km I rode past two mosques, minute and not what I expected. Every last morsel of flesh was covered so being a heavily Muslim country, I felt I was being respectful. Motorists gave way, and many people, young and old, even waved, or honked positively. I even got a “go, go, go” from one driver! I wanted to stop and take so many photos, but the ever threatening sky bore down on me and reminded me to keep pedalling.

I barely noticed the city of Shkoder; I was through it so quickly. The driving here made me laugh, as it was chaotic. My lasting memory will be of a very large old lady in her local dress, headscarf and woollen tights, pinned with her bottom just on the edge of the scooter seat, driven by her husband, bouncing off down the road in front of me. I wish I’d got a photo of that, or the old guys on scooters, smartly dressed, but weathered and worn.

Not long after leaving the city limits, I saw lightening ahead and a distant rumble of thunder. It was only 16 miles till my planned stop, and another 56 to Tirana, my stretch goal. I was feeling great. But checking these details and considering my options, I’d stopped right outside a brand new looking spa hotel. I went inside, enquired, and found the room, full spa access, and breakfast would cost €35. I repeat €35! And the possibility of booking a massage. Even with this information, I had to sit down, digest and consider my options: the weather radar, my knee, how good I was feeling...

The weather is looking better from tomorrow, so why push on? I am lying down in my €35 room, snuggled in a huge dressing gown having had a luxury shower and awaiting my massage. I am hoping very much my knee twang isn’t terminal but it doesn’t feel good. But if my journey ends here, I am truly happy. I love Albania, even if I’ve not spent a night here yet. I couldn’t feel more welcome. I hope you can make it too someday...till tomorrow...and decision time; mountains or coast? 🤔

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

One Last Hope: Chapter 5

(Not my gif)

Sera Darros has fought for the rebellion since she was eight years old.  She knows the horrors the Empire can inflict on its people, but rumors are starting to spread of something much worse on the horizon.   Whispers of a secret weapon.  A weapon too terrible to comprehend, one that could annihilate an entire planet and bring an end to freedom in the galaxy: The Death Star. She along with a team of unlikely allies must band together and fight in order for hope to survive.

Masterlist

AO3 Link/ Support Me on Ko-fi

A/N: Shout out to @kboogie09​, @cobalt-one​, and @umbra12​ for helping me through all this.  You guys are amazing and your feedback is so important to me.

Word Count: 3.5 K

           Jyn had been orphaned when she was eight years old.  She had lost her mother on the shores of Lah’mu. The same day Galen Erso, her father, had been taken away from her.  She had now, just lost the man who had raised her in the caves of Jedha.  And, the same day, found Galen Erso, whoever he was now.

           If she’s alive, if you can possibly find her to let her know that my love for her has never faded and how desperately I’ve missed her.

           The words echoed in Jyn’s mind, tearing her apart with the same voracity as she clung to them.

           Galen Erso is alive.  My father is alive.

           He wasn’t a traitor.  He wasn’t a coward, or a pawn of the Empire.  Those men, the men she had hated her entire life had died on Jedha.  A different man, one made up of pale blue light had taken their place.

           She sat in the cabin of the U-Wing trying to reconcile all the opposing facts scrambling to find order in her mind.  She was only vaguely aware of her compatriots scattered around the cabin. She could only imagine how she looked; disheveled, dirt encrusted, and catatonic. It was pathetic.

           “Baze, tell me,” Chirrut said, managing to pierce through her mental fog. “All of it?  The whole city?”

           The blind man’s protector gave no answer.  His eyes stayed forward, watching the white blue streaks of hyperspace stream past the bulk head window.

           “Tell me,” Chirrut repeated.

           “All of it,” Baze answered bitterly.

           Jedha City was gone.  For a long moment, her mind couldn’t picture it.  The concept of an entire city disappearing off the face of the planet in a single blast eluded her.  Then she thought of Saw, and it became real.

          The death of Jedha City meant the death of Saw Gerrera.  It meant the death of Saw’s rebels.  It meant the death of the vendors and pilgrims she had hours before pushed past in the now destroyed market.  It meant the death of the little girl she had saved in the plaza.  She felt sick, and then she got angry.

           The planet killer was real.  The Death Star was real.  That’s what her father had called it.  She had mocked its existence and, now, she was faced with the undeniable truth.

           “Understood.” It was Cassian’s voice.  She looked up to see him mummer into the comm unit.  He then called to the droid in the cockpit.  “Set course for Eadu.”

           “Is that where my father is?” Her voice was hoarse from lack of use, but she still kept her chin high.

           “I think so,” he answered.

           She tried to picture meeting him.  The light in the cave turning into something solid and real.  She should had felt joy at the idea, but all she got was apprehension and shame.  She wasn’t the little girl he had left on Lah’mu. She was a fighter, a thief, a killer. She was a person who had spent the last fifteen years hating Galen for being a man he never was.  What could she say to him?  What kind of person could she had been if she had known?

           “You’re Galen’s daughter?”

           She turned to the man sitting in the corner.  She didn’t recognize him, but that didn’t stop her from pitying him. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days.  His entire body was on edge and his eyes were wide as if, at any moment, the entire haul would swallow him whole.  She couldn’t imagine somebody looking worse than her, but there he was.

           “You know him?”

           “I’m Bodhi,” he said, placing a hand on his chest. “The pilot.”

           “You brought the message.”

           She felt a light in her brighten.  He knew her father.  He had seen him with his own two eyes. There were so many questions she wanted to ask.

           “Yes.  Your father…he said I could get right by myself.  He said, I could make it right, if I was brave enough to listen to what was in my heart.  Do something about it.” He stopped, as a swell of emotions threatened to overpower him. He held his head low, finally choking out the words.   “Guess it was too late.”

           Jyn shook her head. “It’s not too late.”

           “Seems pretty late to me,” Baze commented darkly.

           “No.”  The word resounded in the ship as loudly as in Jyn’s mind.  Her father had sent the message.  The pilot had delivered it.  It couldn’t be the end.  It could not have all been for nothing.

          “We can beat the people who did this,” she said, her voice stronger than it had been in years. “My father’s message, I’ve seen it.  They call it the Death Star.  But they have no idea there’s a way to defeat it.”

           She stood, facing Cassian.  The fire was back and she clung to it for life.

           “You were wrong about my father.”

           “He did build it,” Cassian countered, as if that made all the difference.

           “Because he knew they’d do it without him,” she bit back, just as harshly. “My father made a choice.  He scarified himself for the Rebellion.  He rigged a trap inside.”

           She turned to Bodhi.  “That’s why he sent you.  To bring the message.”

           “Where is it?” Cassian asked. “Where’s the message?”

           Jyn stopped.  The emptiness she had felt came back to her.  She saw the pale blue figure stop and fade from existence as the entire cave shook.

           “It was a hologram,” she said limply.

           Cassian didn’t let up, taking a step closer. “You have that message, right?”

           She shook her head, feeling a tightness in her throat. “Everything happened so fast.”

           Cassian scoffed at the excuse.  He turned to Bodhi. “Did you see it?”

           The pilot looked up at him clearly wishing he had a different answer.  He shook his head, before looking away, ashamed.

           “You don’t believe me,” Jyn bit out.

           He looked at her then, and suddenly, she wasn’t so sure.  It landed somewhere between earnest and patronizing. “I’m not the one you’ve got to convince.”

           Meaning the rest of the rebellion.  Jyn’s jaw tighten at the thought.  What sway did she have over them?  General Draven would shoot her down the moment she opened her mouth. Mon Mothma might side with her, but the odds of that were too great.

           “I believe her,” Chirrut stated.

           Cassian almost laughed.  “That’s good to know.”

           “So do I.” It was Sera’s voice.  Both Jyn and Cassian looked to her.  Jyn had barely registered the girl on board.  She hadn’t said a word since they blasted off from Jedha. She hadn’t even moved. Jyn felt a twist of guilt, as she stared at her.  The fear in the girl’s eyes could rival Bodhi’s.  Still, she met each of their gazes, and even managed to shoot Jyn a small smile.

          She had one rebel ally. Jyn doubted the girl would be enough to convince the council, but the girl seemed to know that.  It was gesture of solidarity, and for that, Jyn was grateful.

           “What kind of trap,” Baze asked.  He had been slumped against the wall of the ship during the exchanged, but at the voice of her partner and the girl, had moved upright. “You said your father made a trap.”

           “The reactor,” Jyn said, feeling some of her confidence come back to her. “He’s placed a weakness there. He’s been hiding it for years. He said, if you can blow up the reactor – the module – the whole system goes down.” She turned back to Cassian. “You need to send word to the alliance.”

           “I’ve done that.”

           “They have to know there’s a way to destroy this thing,” she insisted. “They have to go to Scarif to get the plans.”

           “I can’t risk sending that,” he snapped. “We’re in the heart of Imperial territory.”

           She couldn’t argue with him, but she couldn’t let him win either.  All she had left was the message.  She couldn’t fail now.

           “Then we’ll find him,” she said. “And bring him back, and he can tell them himself.”

           The silence which proceeded Jyn’s declaration did not bother Bodhi. He was too preoccupied with his own mind to give it much thought. The Bor Gullet and tore his mind apart and put it back together again in the wrong order.  His mother, Galen, his flight instructor, Saw, the cave, the message, all of it blurred together, happening all at once, and not at all.  He was starting to get a hold of himself again.  Lines began to define themselves between his past and his present.  But, it was a slow process.

           He could see Galen, his voice low and forbearing.

           If you wish to know what we are building, Bodhi Rook, you may simply ask.  

           And he had asked.  He had seen it.  He could still feel the ground shaking beneath his feet.  He could hear the wall of death and destruction hurtling toward him. And he could see it in the sky, hovering above the planet.

           Come on, a voice pleaded. He felt a tug of his hand.  A girl with red hair was staring at him, begging silently to run.

           He had been on Jedha.  The destruction had come to Jedha.  The Holy City.  His home. It had all been for nothing.

           But it wasn’t.  It couldn’t. Jyn, Galen’s daughter, said it wasn’t. They could stop it.  They had to stop it.

           If you can blow up the reactor – the module – the whole system goes down.

           He clung to the thought, repeating it over and over again in his mind, allowing it to bring him to the present moment.  They were going to Eadu.  They would find Galen.  They would find a way to destroy it. His mind was coming back, slowly, but surely.

           He caught a movement out of the corner of his eye.  The red hair girl was moving around the cabin, shuffling through one of the nearby packs.  The name, Sera, drifted into his mind.  He remembered her from the cave.  Her voice had pierced through all the scrambled memories and sounds.  He wondered why it took him so long to remember.

          Sera stopped her movements, smiling as she found what she was looking for. Crossing the cabin, she held out a food packet to him.

          “Here,” she said.  “You must be starving.”

          Bodhi stared at the offering as apprehension filled him.  It was a trick.  It had to be. A part of him wondered if he was still in the cave, but then he thought of the monster in the sky, and he forgot all about it.  He glanced up.  The girl hadn’t moved.  She was still holding out the packet, waiting for him to take it. Cautiously, he did.

          It seemed enough for her as she took a seat next to him and opened her own.

          Bodhi took a small bite.  It wasn’t good, but it wasn’t bad either.  His stomach growled as he took another bite.  In a matter of minutes, the packet was completely gone.  He hadn’t realized how hungry he was.  

          Silently, Sera handed him a canteen, which he took gratefully.  He couldn’t stop himself.  As soon as the water reached his lips he chugged the whole thing. When he finished, he looked back to Sera and handed the canteen back to her sheepishly.

          “Thank you.”

          “You’re welcome.”  

          There was a pause.  She looked like she wanted to say something but couldn’t think of the exact words.  She looked down at her hands, fiddling with then idly, until, finally, she spoke.  “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

          Her voice was so sincere, it made his heart ache.  Suddenly, all he had left behind came back to him.  He had abandoned his friends, suffered torment and humiliation, all for what?  For the small hope of destroying a now complete battle station.  One that had already destroyed his home?  He had failed.  He was not a good man or a brave man.  It was all gone.  Who was she to offer him any sort of sympathy or kindness?  

           She gave him an odd look and cocked her head to the side.  “Are you ok?”

           He blinked.  He hadn’t realized he had been staring.  A slight panic took hold, as he physically gulped.

           “Why are you being nice to me?” he asked.  

           Sera didn’t answer right away, letting the question hang in the air. Her initial reaction as surprised, but it only lasted a moment and sadness took over her features. He had a strange feeling he wasn’t the first person to ask her that question.

           “You defected, right?” she asked. “Brought the message.”

           He nodded.

           “Then, I don’t see why I need another reason.”

           Bodhi stared at her.  Her tone had left no room for argument, but doubt still resided in his mind.

           “You said Galen told you, you could do right by delivering the message,” Sera said, as if sensing his thoughts. “What were you going to do after?”

           He was taken aback by the question.  He hadn’t thought about it in so long, it felt like a lifetime ago.  When he first started out, the idea of joining the rebellion had appealed to him.  After he delivered the message, he had hoped to be welcomed into the rebellion with open arms.  Instead, he had been met with distrust, contempt, and pure unadulterated hatred. Saw’s men were not the gallant men and women Galen had promised in his stories.  They were the killers, and the terrorist the Empire had warned him about.

           “I don’t know,” he said.  “I suppose I would join the rebellion.  Home isn’t really an option anymore.”

           “Where is home for you?” she asked, gently.

           His gut twisted.  She didn’t know.  How could she?  A sudden sadness took hold of him at having to be the one to tell her.

           “Jedha,” he answered.

           Her face turned blank.  He wished it hadn’t.  It remined him of every other soldier’s face he had encountered since he started his mission.  He needed the openness back, if only for a moment.  He wanted to talk to a person again.

           “Where’s home for you?” he asked, hoping for some kind of reaction.  

           She blinked in surprise.  The blankness fell away, as distance replaced it.  He wasn’t sure if it was better or worse.

She found his gaze again, shaking her head as she tried to hide her embarrassment with a smile.  “The rebellion, I suppose,” was her only answer.

            Bodhi’s heart twisted.  What had the Empire taken from her?

          Flashes of dead bodies, burned down homes, and white stormtroopers echoed through his mind.  All of them possibilities. He looked around at the others strung about the cabin. The Empire had taken from all of them.  Was that what the rebellion consisted of?  Lost souls with no home to go back to?

           His attention came back to Sera just as she rose from her seat. She couldn’t look him in the eye.  

          “There are supplies in the pack to help you clean up, if you’d like,” she said, walking towards the cockpit. “You should try and get some rest, it’s a long way to Eadu.”

           “What about you?” he asked, quickly.

           She stopped and turned to him. The embarrassment was still there, but it had faded slightly at the gesture and a soft smile returned to her lips.

           “I’m alright,” she promised.

           He didn’t believe her, but he didn’t know her well enough to call her out on it.

           “Get some rest,” she insisted.  “Nothing is going to happen between here and Eadu.”

           Sera turned and continued on her way to the cockpit.  Her conversation with the pilot got to her more than she wanted to admit.  Did he have family on Jedha?  Perhaps she should have asked, but she wasn’t sure she could handle the answer.  What could she even say?  She didn’t know what losing a home meant.  Before the rebellion, the closest thing she had was her mother’s ship. And a ship was a poor substitute for a city.  

           She shook her head.  She couldn’t get the roar of the explosion out of her mind.  She closed her eyes and she could still see the wall of earth engulfing the ship and the small, out of place moon in the sky.  

           The Holy City is gone.  The Empire did it.  They actually did it.

           She took a breath.  One foot in front of the other.  She just had to keep one foot in front of the other.  First, they had to find Galen Erso.  Once they got him off Eadu, then she could think about the rest.  She had to take it one step at a time.    

           She entered the cockpit to see Cassian staring out into hyperspace with a blank expression.  She made sure to place a little more pressure into her steps, so not to startle him.

           “I can take over if you’d like,” she offered, softly.

           Cassian didn’t say anything for a long while.  He turned a few switches, not looking at her.  For a moment, Sera thought he hadn’t heard her.

          “She could be lying, you know,” he finally said.

            Sera held back a sigh.  She didn’t want to fight him.  It felt like it was all they had done since they started the mission.  Without a word, she slipped into the co-pilot seat, and stared out into the void in front of her.  

           “You don’t believe that,” she said.  

           Again, Cassian remained silent.  The only indication of his emotions being the smallest twitch of his jaw.  “Maybe,” he admitted, “but that still means Galen could be lying.”

           Sera turned her gaze to him and shook her head.  “I can’t believe that.  It’s too elaborate a ruse, just to lure us out.”  

           He didn’t make any counter argument.  It was starting to frustrate Sera.  Silence meant one of two things, either she was right, or he was hiding something from her.

          “Besides, it doesn’t matter,” she continued. “We’re supposed to bring him back alive any way.”

          There was a shift then; a blink and you’ll miss it flash of doubt on his features. She thought back to when Cassian first sent word to the alliance. She had seen the look on his face; the hardened resolve the appeared after the transmission was over.  Whatever his orders were, they didn’t sit well with him.  If there was one thing which could unsettle Sera more than anything, it was Cassian even remotely questioning his orders.

          “We are bringing him back alive, aren’t we?” Sera questioned. “Those were the orders Mon Mothma gave us.”

          Cassian wasn’t even trying to hide the fact he wasn’t looking at her.  His grip on the stirring tightened as he tried to distract himself by adjusting the controls.

           “Those were the orders Mon Mothma gave us,” he repeated blankly.

          Sera’s jaw tightened as she realized who had received Cassian’s message. It was no secret amongst the rebel soldiers that she did not like General Draven. She always found his methods too swift and brutal for her taste with little thought of the consequences. In his mind, so long as the job got done, none of it mattered. And he did get the job done.  The high command trusted him.  Cassian trusted him, and she trusted Cassian.  It was a strenuous paradox.

           She could only guess what Draven had ordered Cassian to do.  But she knew, whatever it was, she had to convince him not to.  

           “I have to believe Galen is telling the truth,” she said, “because it he isn’t, we’ve already lost.”

           Finally, he met her eyes.  It was the same look he had given her when she first declared she believed Jyn.  It was the same look he had given her years ago, as she clung to his jacket while Imperial bombers dropped their load overhead. She had told him she wasn’t afraid, even as the bunker shook around them.  It was a pitying look, patronizing.  She didn’t want his pity.  She wanted him to believe her.  The only thing keeping her from falling over the edge was the vague hope that Galen Erso wasn’t lying.  For her own sanity, she needed him to believe too.  

            She watched his face carefully.  There was a brief flicker of hesitation.  A glance of vulnerability and something she could only categorize as guilt.  For a second she thought he was going to tell her something.  But the moment passed.  His old resolve took hold and Captain Andor, rebel intelligence stood before her.  

           “When we get to Eadu.  I need you to stay with the ship,” he said.

           It wasn’t a suggestion.  It took everything in her not to scream.

           “Yes, sir,” she replied, tightly.  

           Without another word, she got up from her seat, and took a place across from the control panel.  She turned her head toward the cabin, looking at the assortment of new comrades aboard.

          The pilot, the guardians, the rebel, all of them believed in the message. The belied in Galen Erso. She leaned her head against the wall of the ship, closing her eyes.  She knew once they reached Eadu, she would have to make a choice. And, for the first time in her life, Cassian wasn’t the obvious answer.

Permanent Tag list:  @sassy-satanunicons, @roseslovedreams, @stargeek727, @kaliforniacoastalteens, @yourwonderbelle (Sorry I didn’t tag you guys sooner.  I didn’t know if you wanted to be tagged in my OC stories.  If you want me to untag you, let me know)

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

asks (40)

Anonymous said: Holy frick that is so encouraging and I needed that so much bc I literally visited my college to measure my dorm room and drove home in tears bc I panicked myself into a frenzy about whether or not everything leading me to this point has been a mistake and what if I fail and ruin my life before it even starts (I have since calmed down a little) so your encouragement was much needed & is much appreciated

I’m glad I could help <3 <3 <3 Good luck at school! I’m sure you’ll kick its ass

areverieofchaosdreams said: It's Fanfiction Writers Appreciation Day. So thank you for all your amazing stories!!!

Oh goodness I’m all a blushin :’)

Anonymous said: *HAPPY WRITER APPRECIATION DAY* Send this to someone whose talent has blown you away, who you'd like to encourage to keep on writing always, and who you'd like to thank for working their butt off to provide fandom members with breathtaking stories to consume! THANK YOU :D

Aw thank you!

Anonymous said: Hi! I Hope you're well! Do you still take fic requests? Because I really miss Colin Wilkes and I'd love to a story of him with your writing!

Unfortunately I don’t often take requests these days, but I’ll definitely keep Colin in mind!

dirtycherrypie said: hey! applying for WE for the R&D department (may or may not be aware of producing bat gadgets)

dirtycherrypie said: SHit forgot my name - Bea, at your service!

[Bruce Wayne voice] hired

tigers-and-weeds said: Literally just fell down the rabbit hole on your tumblr for the last 12-24 hours. I am in love with with you headcannons and fics! The angst feeds my soul... So I figured I would request: anything angsty with Dick and Damian please please please

Okay again I don’t usually take fic requests BUT I like me some angst so the odds that this will eventually happen.... are extremely high. I’ll try to remember to dedicate the next one to you :) And thank you!

math--ew said: I went on a little birthday vacation to california and I've never been to the beach before. I was bending down to grab a pretty shell and this huge wave knocked me face first into the sand. Like, five people saw and laghed but I got the shell so I guess it's a win win.

Duuuude back at Lake Michigan last month the same thing happened to me. I was taking care of my little sister and her five year old friend, so I was so busy making sure they were okay that the wave plowed me halfway across the beach

babybatbrat said: when i was in ap physics i once spent an entire study period in my physics teacher's room working on one problem. as far as i could tell i was doing all of the work correctly and had all the initial values right so i was racking my brain trying to figure out why i wasn't getting the right answer. the third time i went up to my teacher and asked for help he told me to start at the beginning and walk him through my process bc he couldn't tell why i was getting it wrong either (1)

babybatbrat said: (2) so i start the problem and explain how i got through all the values - "okay so the rod is 5 inches long and half of 5 is 3 and a half -" and i stopped there bc it occurred to me that 3.5 is not half of 5. "it's what?" My teacher asks. i put my head in my hands and stood there for a minute before picking up my work and walking to the back of the classroom while he laughed, bc i had just spent 45 minutes convinced that half of 5 was 3.5 and not, in fact, 2.5, and that was the only thing wrong

Honestly??? Relatable

babybatbrat said: One time i woke up at six in the morning to hear the neighbor's dog barking and instantly realized that meant my dog had jumped the fence, so i went racing outside and sprinted down the street to catch her. when i did i picked her up and turned around to go home and then saw my neighbor standing on their front porch, realized i was in only an oversized spiderman tshirt and snowman pajama shorts, holding a twenty pound labrador and thats how i met my new neighbors

Incredible...... 10/10.....

thrakaboom said: Not a funny story,but two days ago at comic con I met Tom King and he showed me a picture of his kids while he was signing my books

Well hey that’s pretty cool

Anonymous said: I adore your Tumblr. It was a wonderful way to get into the Batfamily fanbase; prior, I thought that there was only one Batman and a single Robin, dearie me was I wrong. And those stories you write, just great. The Headcanons are just as enjoyable. As for Batman, that has come to be a sibling enjoyment. Thank you for your contributions and existence!

!!!!!! Welcome to the crew!

frnkensteingrrrlz said: hey!!! i just went through ur reasons to be happy tag and!! i'm so so happy bc of it (esp the damian hcs, they're spot on imo and he's my favourite) so i hope u have a good day!!!

Thanks! I am having a good day today! Although I’m sure it’s been a long time since you sent this :////

Anonymous said: HELLO I have just discovered and binge-read all of your fics with my homeboy Damian in them, and just wanted to pop by and say that I love you & you are my hero & you write my boy so well so thank u and I hope your life is blessed & you achieve your wildest hopes & dreams

My day is made :D

badfaith00 said: Best batman storyline you've ever read ?

Ooooooh hm I’m mighty attached to n52 Batman and Robin? Particularly the first storyline, but the second is also fantastic

Anonymous said: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHAMELESSLY REBLOGGING YOUR OWN WORK BC I HADNT SEEN IT BEFORE AND ITS HONESTLY SO PHENOMENAL ITS GOING ON MY LIST OF ALL TIME FAVORITES THANK U AND BLESS U

THANK YOU!!! THAT ONE IS MY FAVORITE AND I AM VERY PROUD OF IT

onwardmotley said: In today's Detective Comics someone finally told Bruce and co that Tim's alive. They didn't explain where he is, or how to get him back, but hey. It might've had more impact if anyone was seen actually mourning Tim and it wasn't just played as him being in cosmic time out, but at least it should end soon idk. Hopefully.

Tim Drake? It’s been years since I heard that name.....

Finally. Thank goodness.

Anonymous said: Idk if I prefer your soul crushing angst or your heartwarming fluff... actually I like to suffer so I'll stay with angst lol

Y’all seeing this? Anon gave me permission. Can’t yell at me next time because it won't be my fault (thanks babe :))

Anonymous said: for music, idk what kind of music u like so here is variety: St. Vincent - Paris is Burning, Sea Wolf - Dear Fellow Traveler (tbh everything by Sea Wolf is great), Dirt Poor Robins - Eleanor Rigby, Between Wind and Water- HAEL, Ellem - Kings and Queens and Vagabonds, The Rigs - Rise & Fall, Tally Hall - Light and Night, and Streetlight Manifesto - The Hands that Thieve.

Thank you! I’m excited to listen to these! I’ll start right now!

Anonymous said: 1) What are the good comics to read for Batfamily stuff (from any point in time) and 2) what are the best Jason Todd comics? Thanks!

Okay for Jason I would definitely start with the big ones, which are A Death In the Family and Under the Red Hood. After that you could try Red Hood: the Lost Days and Countdown to Final Crisis. I would avoid the n52 series until you have a good enough grasp of the character to recognize bad writing when you see it. 

For the generalized batfam.... that’s pretty broad. My personal favorites are Red Robin, Batgirl (2009), and both B&R series. If you have more specific questions, you should IM me! I promise I’m better about answering those than asks

yellowwallsbluesky said: Have you heard Swooner by The Zolas? I've really been jamming to it lately

Listening to it right now! Sounds like a bop so far :)

Anonymous said: Hidden citizens paint it black 💜

Much obliged!

Anonymous said: Harry styles "sign of the times".

[adds to list] thank you!

neo669 said: I MISS CASA OLE!! Sorry just read that you lived in Bryan/College Station and I used to live there as well. It's kinda hard to find people that even know that it exists. But I'm sure you can kick law schools butt. You got this!

Yooooooo I miss cstat too :((((

palliddark said: Adalgiza, and I'll be a translator (English to Brazilian Portuguese)

[Bruce Wayne voice] also hired

maeofthedead said: I love your headcannons and now I sort of want to cry thank

Excellent that is the exact target response 

Anonymous said: Love your rant in the tags about the pizza making I'm laughing so hard

Listen..... I have strong feelings

Anonymous said: Did you hear they're making an omnibus of Tomasi's entire run on Batman & Robin?? I just heard and now I kinda want to get this massive book in honor of my favorite batkid and the series that made me love him so much

Man I already have all the individual volumes but if I didn’t......

sonicboom00724601 said: Hi. :) Nice headcanon. :)

I’m not sure which one you’re talking about, but thank you! You're real sweet

Anonymous said: can you maybe write an interaction between Wonder Woman and Captain America? I absolutely adore your style and would love to see your take on it.

Hmmmm I don’t really have a good enough grasp of Captain America’s characterization to try that one :////

Anonymous said: i tried to kill on mosquito that was on my ceiling by slamming it with a book but mosquito was on the move so i bounced swiftly and jammed both my wrist and thumb and now my existence is Pain. also my thumbs swelling and looks purple, so that's nice

Oh shit anon you good???

daziy said: Do we know who Barbara's mother usually is?

Yeah! In her original version, Babs had a birth mom and an adopted mom. She was originally Jim’s niece, so her birth mom’s name was Thelma Gordon. After the adoption, her parents were Jim and Barbara Gordon, with her adopted mother being her namesake. So two Barbara Gordons.

I think for awhile the canon was that her mother died in a car crash, but the current version has her still alive. She left Jim when Babs was young, taking her son (Babs’s brother) with her. James Gordon (the son) turned out to be a serial killer. 

Barbara Gordon Sr. and James Gordon Jr. both appeared in the n52 Batgirl series during the Death of the Family arc. There’s also a very good story about James from the Dickbats period. That one’s called The Black Mirror, if I’m not mistaken?

Anonymous said: Hi! What do you think of the upcoming metal event? Dick and Damian seem to have a big role in it ( I hope Jason is involved too but there's still no sign of it)

Hmmmm I don’t know that I have an opinion just yet, but as always, I hope to be pleasantly surprised 

Anonymous said: bless you are your wonderful tagging system. know that i may have avoided death because of how easy it was to f ind the thing I wanted in your tags. bless

Oh goodness anon I hope you’re not serious about almost dying.... but thanks?

Anonymous said: hi amy! would u say that damians narrative is written as a child abuse one? like there are definitely many allusions to it but its also not as explicit as say, cassandra or rose. like how much of it would u chalk up to comic world dynamics and how much to actual abuse? also would u consider jason to also be a case of this?

Oh I have very strong opinions about the role of abuse in Damian’s narrative. It’s absolutely there, and the effects are staggeringly large. There is no doubt in my mind that the league was an abusive environment, and I can’t justify some of the things Bruce did either.

I think I would say the same thing for Jason, if not quite as strongly. I definitely think that some of the things that happened to Jason as a child shaped his story later on, but less of those were abuse than outside circumstances. The n52 takes a different track on that one, I think, but I don’t put much stock in that characterization. 

Anonymous said: has jason forgiven bruce for not killing joker? if so, what made him?

Unlikely. They get along better these days, but I would argue that comes from poor characterization of Bruce, not an actual resolution process. 

mellenabrave said: My mom accidentlly threw my Damian doll away (╥_╥)

Tossed in the garbage by yet another parent--

Anonymous said: Whoa where'd you get that bat and oracle shirt you're wearing in your necklace pic? It's so cool! (The necklace is also gorgeous!)

Shoot I think it was from Redbubble? But I can’t find it now

Anonymous said: Omg that necklace was so cool!!! Kudos to the maker of it!! Also I really like your top!!

Thank you <3

[sassenach-j]

ECCC2017 goodness: my recap

Ok, so I've actually never written a blog, nor am I on tumblr too much, but I had such an incredible experience at my first comicon that I thought I should write a bit about it!  Let's see how this goes.  It all started when Sam and Cait (and Eddie), posted that OH SO ADORABLE video from the makeup trailer telling everyone they would be at Emerald City Comicon in Seattle.  I was so busy at work that day, it was almost a blur.  Twitter was abuzz about it, and my girlfriends and I were messaging back and forth like....I'm going, how can I not go, are you going? We have to go!  And before I knew it, I was telling one of them...just buy me a ticket!! I'll make it work!  And alas....ECCC2017 was a go. The opportunity to see Sam and Cait in person, and also a chance to meet 7 of the most wonderful girlfriends in the same city?  SIGN ME UP! The first night in Seattle was so much fun!  7 of us (none of us had ever met, but have been talking on twitter every day for about a year), completely clicked so seamlessly, it was like we had met 10 times before!  Meeting them was seriously the highlight.  Ok yes, seeing Sam and Cait at the same con was also an out of body experience :).  Besides majorly fangirling over seeing our faves the following day, the night i arrived at the hotel and meeting and spending hours laughing and drinking and eating lots of non MPC approved snacks, and playing Cards Against Humanity, and Never Have I Ever.... was priceless!  The next day, on verra little sleep (how can we sleep when we were gonna see Sam and Cait the next morning!!), we arrived at the convention center at 7:15am. We mayyyy have gotten 4 hours of sleep night before, and that’s being generous!  The doors were going to open around 10am, and we just HAD to get up close and personal at that panel.  We arrived so early we were super close to the front of the line.  It wasn't so much a line as a....smush together and stand for 3.5 hours...  But heck, for them it was worth it, sore bodies and all. 

They didn't let us in until 10:30, so needless to say our legs were about to fall off.  When the time came to herd us thru, the organizers said..."no running".... ummm...yeah good luck with that.  So we "walked super fast" and tried to get pretty close, but our squad of 8 kinda broke up in the shuffle and some of us grabbed seats in row 5, and the other girls a few rows behind.  Still great vantage points!  Cait came out first looking absolutely adorable.  And in that leather jacket she wears soooo well.  She looked beautiful in all black!  Then Sam came out IN A KILT!  Hallelujah!! It's been so long, I was like...are my eyes deceiving me?? They were not.  And then he killed us with a wee kilt twirl. Lawwwwwd!  Cait laughed!  They seriously make each other laugh, oh...about every 5 seconds. And they were both wearing black leather jackets.  As per usual...matchy matchy.  The panel was great! They're just SO giggly and adorable and happy together, you can't help but feel the same!  I love how much Cait teases him. It's the cutest thing ever to witness in person! They truly are just such bright lights and so engaging and caring and they love their fans so much.  It's so evident when you watch them together.  

There were tons of Q&A questions, and one of my girls, @heyheykatiemae asked one too!!  It was perfect.  Cait said ‘Hi Kate’...and I think we all died.  Of course, after the fact, I now have like tons of questions I'll ask next time! The panel was about an hour or so, and after taking tons of pictures (most came out blurry....damn those low lights in the event room!), alas, the panel was over.  We all had autograph tickets for Sam and/or Cait for that day after the panel but the room was already full so we were told we can go back for the 2nd shift around 4pm. So instead, we grabbed lunch and then headed to the hotel where they were doing the group photos! Omg, soon enough I would get my samcait sandwich!!! Kind of a dream! Long lines were completely fine bc it gave us time to catch our breath. Although, the nerves were definitely rampant! I mean, these two beautiful humans would be NEXT TO US in a matter of minutes. Never having a con experience before I didn't know what to expect regarding the photos . People around us who had already taken their solo pic with Sam said it's super quick and u barely have enough time to say hi! I wore my Unusual Lady tshirt, and under it I had my MPC shirt. Yes, my plan was to flash Sam the MPC shirt after Cait saw my Unusual Lady shirt. I also recently got into knitting so I knitted them both hats! Granted they'll be in 80 degree temps in South Africa, but eventually they'll be back in cold Scotland!  Hearing that the photos would be super fast, I had no clue how I would say hi (or ramble incoherently), give them their hats, flash Sam (uhh the MPC shirt, that is), AND take a pic w them in the minimal time allotted!  I was on line to take my pic, and after dropping off my jacket and bags on the nearby table, I heard NEXT! I saw them standing there and omg are they tall and gorgeous, and as I walked up to them I THINK I held out my arms and said Hiiiiii! I heard Cait scream and point to my shirt and smile! My unusual lady shirt!! I quickly pulled up my shirt to show Sam the MPC one underneath. And omg thank goodness I held down the shirt so there was no actual flashing 😳.. and he pointed and smiled and said that's great! I then mumbled...I knitted you both hats!  Mind u, as I walked up, someone literally snatched my bag with the hats from me and put them into a box with other gifts. So after I said I knitted u two hats, I remember Sam saying oh great! In the blink of an eye I was between the two of them, and both of their arms were around me, and mine around them. Hello out of body experience. 

Oh wait...let's back up slightly. So the day of the Con, I said to the girls..ok so I want to show Sam my MPC shirt after Cait sees the unusual lady shirt , and I said my fear is that I'll forget to pull my shirt down for the pic. Well, lo and behold half of my shirt was up for the pic.  🙈. As I was flashing Sam, I heard the organizer go MOVE. Umm gee, thanks for the time. So I ran between them for the pic and I remember pulling my shirt down, but I guess not all the way! When the pic was printed I was like oh nooooo 😂.  But heck, it gives the pic more of a pop of color, and to be honest, no one is even looking at me when those two stunning humans are in that pic!  Ok so back to being in between them... they both really squeeze tight and I remember that feeling so well! The photographer said.. READYYYY ... and then there was the FLASH. Then he yelled NEXT !  I said thanks and ran off. Problem was I ran the wrong way bc I was so flustered and then I hear someone say..wrong way! And I ran back to the correct exit side like a chicken with my head cut off. Thankfully there was no video of this! I tried to wait for my friends bc I was the first to go, but we had to move it along. After we were all done, there was a lot of screaming and squee'ing!! It really felt so rushed and I wish they gave us more time, but omg it was still so amazing taking a pic w them! They really are so tall in person! And so gorgeous and so kind!! Sam's leather jacket was so soft! And I remember putting my arm around Cait and it ended up on her arm! And Sam's hand ended up on my side and his fingers were pressed down. *faints*

So after we picked up our hard copy pics, we had a little time before the autographs. We composed ourselves. Ok, who am I kidding, there was zero composure as we all rehashed our picture experience with one another! We were freaking out!  Next stop...the autographs! We lined up rather early but neither Sam nor Cait were in the room as of yet. It was so intimate! Didn't realize the room would be so small and cozy. They each had their own table next to one another but they were somewhat on opposite ends. After about 10min or so, Sam came in!  So he walked in to all of us hootin and hollerin. I can't believe I just used the phrase hootin & hollerin. Does anyone say that anymore? Anyway.... when he walked in he did his cute schoolboy smile and wave. Granted I was just next to him for a photo but he was so close again! Cait was gonna be another few minutes bc she was still taking individual photos with fans.  Because of this, they allowed the people who only had Sam autographs to move up in line while the others (I only had Cait bc Sam was already sold out) waited on Cait.  I actually thought that half of the room would start to move up in the line, but it was only maybe 10 people or so.  The others had both Sam and Cait, or just Cait.  After a few min Cait arrived to a raucous applause. Not to mention a banging on the table by Sam when she walked in, and his big smile at her as she sat down. Such an adorable goober! Ok where was I... so we were waiting for the line to move and all of a sudden the lights went out! Then u hear Cait go... ladies, this is not the way to get to Sam! 😂  To which everyone laughed. When the lights came back up, both Sam and Cait were leaning back in their chair looking at each other and smiling. They continue to kill us.   Sam was just sitting there alone, cause at the time no one was lined up at his table.  So he made a funny comment like, where is everyone? I was standing so close and decided to talk to him.  Cause I mean...why not, right?  So I said yeah what's the deal.  I said something like I'll keep you company.  So he looks at me and goes (with a hand waving gesture) come on over.  And then he winked.  And then I died.  I of course wasn't allowed to hop over the rope (darn), but that wink and smile was everything.  A few minutes later Sam walked over to Cait, put his arm around her and scrunched down to her, whispered something, and then stood up and hand gestured that she talks too much, basically saying that's why he has no one in his line. Haha!  He's the cutest, and he can never stay away from her!  She laughed.  We all swooned. 

So I had brought with me the main promo card picture of Jamie and Claire from S1. I had Ron D. Moore sign it while ago and thought it would be great for Cait to sign it too. I was so sad I wasn't able to buy Sam's autograph ticket bc he was sold out. Cait is seriously so stunning. She just radiates joy. She is so genuine and so warm and friendly. You could truly tell she was having such a great time! She needs to go to cons more often! She's just so real,  you can't help but smile in her presence. I was so thrilled to see how much love she was getting at this con. I mean...we all love Sam, that goes without saying! But Cait never attends these events, so to see all the attention and admiration from the fans, it was really a sight to behold.  Both she and Sam are legit mesmerizing in person! They are just so beautiful, with such beautiful hearts. Sorry, got distracted there for a minute...ok, so it was finally time to walk up to Cait. I had my season 1 promo pic for her to sign, as well as a gorgeous pic of Cait that a couple of my friends & I had printed out to surprise one of our girls who couldn't be here.  You really do lose all sense of speech when looking right at her!  She signed both pictures and then i rambled.  Earlier on, when I took my pic with her and Sam, I had brought them hats that I knitted, but someone snagged them from me so fast and put them into a box, so I asked Cait about it! *burrows head in sand*.   I was like...hi!  Question for you!  So when we took our pic, someone took these hats I had knitted for you and Sam, and I was was wondering if you'll get them?  So she goes, oh yes, they put everything in a big box for us and we'll definitely get it!  She thanked me!  Then she looked at my unusual lady shirt and said, with a big smile, thank you so much for supporting.  I said oh of course, I'm so happy to.  It's such a great charity and you do amazing work.  She thanked me again, and I floated away.  So, as I mentioned earlier, I didn't have a Sam autograph, but after leaving Cait's table you end up walking right past Sam to head out of the room.  No one was in front of him at the time, so I verrrrry slowly walked by, while holding my picture that Cait just signed.  His handler (not sure if that's the correct name) holds out his hand (to take my autograph ticket), but I said...I don't have one *sad face*, he was sold out.  He felt so bad that he handed me (also with a sad face), one of Sam's headshots that was sitting there, unsigned.  So I said thank you and then Sam looked up at me.  He also held his hand out for my pictures, and I said....you were sold out, so you won't be able to sign my picture.  I still had my sad face on, which was valid! He looked sad too and said oh noooo.  He then put out his hand and goes..I'll sign it!  Then he takes the picture from me. His handler lady says, did u buy an autograph? I was lost in the moment & didn't say anything, so she gives Sam a dirty look, he looks at her, continues to sign and goes...I'll pay for this one.  DEATH. DEAD. GONE.  He's the sweetest person in the world!! I cannot believe he did that!  Then I proceeded to say thank you and blurted out...I'M A PEAKER TOO! I DID A 5K LAST WEEKEND.  Yes, I blurted! He goes oh that's great! So good, way to do it.  Then I left....walked into the hallway, and screamed with my girl Katie, because she was standing there next to me basically the entire time while waiting to have him sign her picture.  So yeah...that moment was kind of everything.  

Sam and Cait are just incredibly generous and genuine. Such good people. The OL fans at this con were so respectful and gracious and I enjoyed meeting other twitter and tumblr fans, as well!  It was just the thrill of a lifetime seeing Sam and Cait together at the con.  And what made it even better was getting to spend it with 7 of the best girlfriends, and going thru this experience together. They also had incredible experiences with both Sam and Cait, as highlighted wonderfully in @heyheykatiemae's blog!  Take a gander, if you haven't already! My first con was absolute perfection.  Fingers crossed they go back again next year, because we're all currently saving up money for ECCC2018 :).  Ok well, that’s about all!  Thanks for reading my ramblings! xx

[exochartrecords]

My EXO’rDIUM in Manila Experience!

[Personal Blog Post]

Hi guys, this is Admin J, the sole admin of EXO CHART RECORDS. I thought it would be fun to share my EXO’rDIUM experience from Manila, Philippines.

It was a 2-Day concert, for Day 1 I was seated in the Upper Box section, had a nice view of EXO and got to enjoy the performances as a whole, everything went smoothly and my heart was captured by EXO from start to finish. 

Now let’s talk about Day 2, because this is 100% the most unique concert experience I have ever had in my life. 

I lined up at 3PM, entered around 4PM and the concert started at 5:15 PM. The concert ended around 8:45, it lasted 3.5 hours.

I was in VIP Section, Floor B, Standing (AKA the pit - right side). So I was standing for 6 hours straight, but it was worth it.

Lay was not present during the shows in Manila. The political climate between China & The Philippines is still complicated and he has endorsements, contracts, etc. I understand his situation, I’ve seen EXO 5 times without Lay, so hopefully, one day, I hope to see you on stage with your brothers soon Zhang Yixing. <3

I was extremely close to the stage, only 2 people were in front of me, which I was totally satisfied with, considering I’m very tall and broad, so no problem.

2 people fainted, 1 Filipino girl & 1 Chinese girl, I need to applaud my fellow Filipinos for handling the crisis with compassion, holding up the girl, calling for bouncers quickly and feeding her water. That’s why, if you are planning to watch inside the pit, DRINK UP AND STAY HYDRATED, very important!

Concert started and boom, they push.

See this is where I don’t play, I like to consider myself a gentleman, so I’m not going to push this tiny girl in front of me just to get closer. Good thing I’m strong because those in the back are not going to push me out.

FANSITE MASTERS EVERYWHERE. At one point during the concert, there was a huge camera lens to my left shoulder, a huge lens to my right shoulder, and another lens right in front of me. They were so close, I could hear the rapid sniping of their cameras, photo after photo. 

I need to make a pause here and kinda highlight my experience with these fansites. Disclaimer: If you like fansite photos (because I do as well) that’s okay, if you don’t like them, that’s okay too. It’s up to you to decide if you like them or not. 

MY EXPERIENCE however, was both Good & Bad, let me start with the bad first. The fansite girl to my LEFT, was... for the lack of a better word, a complete beast. She was pushing me so hard to get closer that I would have fallen, but NO, SORRY GIRL, you were NOT going to ruin this night for me. I pushed her back so hard, she tumbled back and looked at me, and I gave her the biggest death glare of my life. The people around beside me saw us and if you search on twitter, MANY Filipino fans had less than stellar experiences with these girls. Listen, as a man, I’m not going to put my hands on a woman, but you aren’t going to elbow your way to the front and you will NOT DISRESPECT ANYONE to get there. 

My advice when dealing with them is, if you can, stand your ground. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a guy and I’m tall that she didn’t try and come for me, because I’ve read experiences online of them pulling on the hair of female fans. If you feel threatened, call the bouncer right away and have them escorted out because these cameras are not permitted. Don’t allow them to touch your personal property (your camera, phone or lightstick), some will try to push your hands, grab your phone, do anything to get a nice shot. Don’t allow them, try and get the bouncer’s attention.

I’m not the type to retaliate, God tells us to never take revenge and to leave it to the Lord. So around 15 minutes later, a bouncer parts our section like the red sea, grabs her around the waist and hauls her OUT of the pit! I’m happy that happened during around the start of the concert, because everything after that was amazing!

My Good experience with a fansite, was a shorter girl who was pretty nice! She had a fellow fansite girl with her and they weren’t being disrespectful or rude. She was talking to me, but I couldn’t understand her, sorry bes. :( But at one point, she thought I was leaving or something, and lightly grabbed me to stay and I think she wanted me to hide her cause I’m tall and I was like “lol ok”. When she wasn’t taking photos, there was a short fan beside her trying to film EXO on stage, but her arms couldn’t really reach EXO since they were on the extended stage; so the fansite girl took her phone and started filming EXO for her since she had longer arms, it was cute. She gave it back and then left, but grabbed me to get into her spot, and I ended up even nearer to EXO. 

Overall, I’m happy my experience with these fansite girls was both positive and negative. It showed me two different sides. My guardian who was waiting outside saw a girl leaving a decoy camera lens before entering the arena but her real lens was strapped to her leg, underneath a long skirt. (She saw it when the girl ran). And then AS SOON as the concert ended, all the Korean fansites RAN LIKE WILD, they were probably the first ones to leave. On Day 1, my guardian saw 5 girls, caught, having to leave their lenses before entering. She couldn’t believe it.

OK! So, back to EXO! I will highlight each member.

Suho: Leader Kim! He gave THE most fan service. He’s so grateful, it didn’t matter whether it was a ballad, a dance track, an acoustic session, or whatever, the guy is always waving to the fans. His English is incredibly thoughtful and cute. Please support our leader, he’s someone to be cherished. 

Xiumin: SEXY.  When ‘White Noise’ came on and he was elevated right in front of my face. Winding down, and body rolling, and everything was EXTRA. Extra face, extra body, extra everything. That’s a man, yet, also a child because 3.6.5 would come on and if you were next to me, you would think that was my favorite song with Xiumin jumping in my face. I haven’t played that song on my iPod in 2 years and I KNEW ALL THE DAMN WORDS.  

Chen: FAN SERVICE KING. I know he saw me, we had a connection, I’m currently in his mind as of this moment. But seriously, he was such a performer! Everyone I know thought he was the most handsome that night. His arms too. And his voice, the vocals were on point. It’s such an experience to watch him hit those high notes up close. 

Chanyeol: TOBEN HAIR, is a Q-T-PA-2-T, is a real life human puppy. But suddenly transforms and slays the electric guitar while eye body slamming me. His guitar skills were SO GOOD! What a multi-talented king. Last January 2016, for EXO’luXion, he was serving sex with arms that could choke and straight hair. This time, he was too cute, all cuddly and his tummy was FLUFFY, I LOVED IT. His shirt would raise and I would see glory, I’m happy you enjoyed the lechon babe. 

Baekhyun: When EXO first appeared, the first person I saw was Baekhyun, and I immediately thought “Shet, the pit is worth it, I see the eyeliner, I see heaven”. There was a fan who got hurt on the middle side of our section, and Baekhyun was staring at the scene the whole time. He was concerned, you could see it in his face. I think a Korean fansite was escorted out after that. His vocals were perfect, not a single imperfection, and he’s an amazing dancer. He really is.

D.O.: I feel like I saw D.O. the most, I probably made the most eye contact with him. He looks like and felt like a man you could bring home and everyone would love him. He had a really beautiful aura around him. He was so beautiful in person, sang like an angel and he also looked so manly in person, all I saw was TopD.O. I’ve converted.

Kai: Absolutely... I need to take my time, because words cannot describe how this human being exists. Photos, Videos, do not do Kai justice, NO JUSTICE AT ALL. His body moves and curves in all the right places, I was stunned, truly the Dancing King. The stairs were right in front of me, so when he came down after performing, I saw his face up close, and God, he’s so handsome. 

Sehun: My Pyak Pyak. TT_TT My UB, oh how perfect you were last night. You danced like an angel and I heard your wonderful voice. You had the tiniest waist, the longest limbs and the cutest smile. During ‘Run’, you would jump and I would see your tummy and UGH you killed me. I honestly didn’t care I was probably the only fanboy in my area screaming your name, an Introvert who starts using his voice when you appear. 

Lay: He wasn’t there, but he wasn’t forgotten. Lots of EXO-Ls still had their Lay banners, headbands, and screams would become even LOUDER when his face would appear in the screen. Trust and believe, I will see you one day!

My EXO’rDIUM experience is something I will always remember and cherish. EXO sang ‘Hawak Kamay’ again, Queen’s ‘We Will Rock You’ was suddenly included in the setlist, Baekhyun’s PHIXO made another cameo, Kai did some kind of Chicken themed rain dance, which inspired me to order Jollibee for today’s lunch, thanks KimKai, and the Philippines will always love EXO. The loyalty of a Filipino fan will always be with you. I know you guys will come back, probably next year, so until then, I will continue to support my loves. <3 Thank you for a wonderful 2 nights.

Thanks for reading! Now back to your regular programming. 

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California Road Trip: A 21-Day Suggested Itinerary

Posted: 7/2/2020 | July 2nd, 2020

California. It’s the third-largest state in the country and home to over 40 million people and a range of environments and landscapes: dense forests in the north, rugged mountains in the east, majestic deserts in the south, world-class beaches on the coast, and the fabulous wine regions on the coast and central valley.

And it’s perfect for road trips.

I’ve already outlined an awesome seven-day itinerary for Southern California, but today I wanted to share a longer, more comprehensive route for anyone who has a few weeks to explore more of the state’s cities and landscapes.

Even with three weeks, you’ll still miss a lot of great spots in this state (I mean you could spend months traveling California) but this suggested itinerary hits some of my favorite major — and not so major — places.  

Days 1–3: San Francisco

San Francisco is one of the most recognizable cities in the US. Home to hippies, yuppies, techies, students, and a sizeable immigrant community, it’s a vibrant and diverse city. It is an eclectic destination to visit. Here’s a list of a few of my favorite things to see and do:

Walk the Golden Gate Bridge – When it opened, it was the world’s longest and tallest suspension bridge, stretching some 4,200 feet. It offers incredible views of the bay and the ships coming and going. You can walk across it too.

Tour Alcatraz – Alcatraz is one of the most infamous former prisons in the country. It housed some of the nation’s worst criminals, such as Al Capone. Today, it’s a national landmark where you can take tours of the prison, step foot in the cells, and learn about its history.

Visit the Beat Museum – Dedicated to the 1950s Beat Generation, this unique museum houses original manuscripts, rare books, letters, and more from authors like Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg. It also holds regular events, so check the website to see if anything is happening during your visit.

Take a food tour – San Francisco is known for its foodie culture. If you want to cast a wide culinary net and try a lot of different cuisines and dishes, consider taking a food tour. Some companies to check out are Wild SF Tours, Secret Food Tours, and TasteBud Tours.

Explore Chinatown – When immigrants from China first came to America, many set up shop in San Francisco. Today, in the biggest Chinatown in the U.S., you’ll find some of the best Chinese food in the country, as well as wonderful teahouses, bars, souvenir stalls, and fortune cookie makers.

Relax at Golden Gate Park – This gigantic park a great place to walk or relax. It features a Japanese garden, museums, an arboretum, a carousel, and many hiking and walking trails. It’s 20% bigger than New York’s Central Park so you easily could spend an entire day here!

For more suggestions, here’s a detailed list of things to see and do in San Francisco.

Where to Stay

HI San Francisco – Downtown – HI Downtown has some standard perks, like free breakfast and free towels, but the staff also organize a lot of events, including pub crawls, trips to Muir Woods and Yosemite, and bike tours across the Golden Gate Bridge.

Green Tortoise Hostel – This lively hostel is my favorite in the city. It offers free breakfast, free dinners multiple times per week, and even a free sauna! It’s a party hostel, so be sure to stay here only if you’re looking to meet people and get rowdy.

For more suggestions, here’s a full list of my favorite hostels in San Francisco!  

Day 4: Big Sur

On the coast just over two hours south of San Francisco is a 90-mile expanse of stunning views and massive redwoods known as Big Sur. There are plenty of beautiful beaches, hiking trails, viewpoints, and campgrounds in case you want to stay overnight (which I recommend). It’s one of the most beautiful stretches of craggy, unspoiled coastline in the state, so take your time exploring as you head south.

Where to Stay I suggest staying at least one night around Big Sur (or just south of the region) to split up the drive to LA. If you don’t have camping gear, Airbnb has a lot of places around the area. You can also just pop into any of numerous cheap motels in the area too.  

Days 5–7: Los Angeles

Though I hated it when I first visited, I’ve come to love Los Angeles. It’s not a “tourist” city: everything is spread out and there are not many attractions as you’d expect. But, if you come to LA and go with the flow like a local, you’ll see why people love it so much. This is a city where you eat, drink, hike the many trails in the area, and linger in a coffeeshop.

Here are some suggestions on how to fill your days:

Hit the beach – Venice Beach is an iconic LA hotspot where you’ll encounter all kinds of street performers, surfers, rollerskaters, and both locals and tourists alike soaking up the sun. Other beaches worth checking out are Carbon Beach, Santa Monica State Beach, Huntington City Beach, and El Matador.

See the Le Brea Tar Pits – Located in Hancock Park, these natural asphalt pits have existed for over 50,000 years. Tons of fossils preserved for centuries have been found in the pits, and there’s a museum nearby that has lots of interesting information about them and how they came to be.

See the Hollywood Sign – You can snap pictures of the sign from pretty much anywhere in Hollywood. However, it’s also possible to hike up to the sign itself to take in the view. The three trails that you can take (from easiest to hardest) are the Mt. Hollywood Trail, the Brush Canyon Trail, and the Cahuenga Peak Trail. Bring water, because the hike will take a few hours.

Visit LACMA – Home to some 150,000 works, the LA County Museum of Art is the largest art museum in the western USA. They have collections from pretty much every era throughout history and every region of the world. Admission is $25 USD.

Visit The Last Bookstore – This is one of my favorite bookstores in the world. It also sells records, has art displays, and features a cool upstairs area with cheap used books. Browse the shelves, grab a coffee, and buy a book for your journey.

Stroll down Hollywood Boulevard – Don’t miss the Walk of Fame (where celebrities have their names engraved in the sidewalk) and Grauman’s Chinese Theatre (featuring celebrities’ handprints and footprints).

Visit the Getty Museum – This art museum opened in 1997 and boasts a diverse collection paintings, manuscripts, drawings, and other artwork. The collection runs from the eighth century to the present day, so there is something for everyone. Admission is free.

Go hiking – Get out and stretch your legs on the city’s hiking trails. Some worth checking out are the Charlie Turner Trail (90 minutes), Baldwin Hills (30 minutes), Runyon Canyon (45 minutes), Portuguese Bend Reserve (3 hours), and Echo Mountain (3-3.5 hours).

Visit The Broad – This contemporary art museum is one of the city’s newest. Opened in 2015, it has over 2,000 pieces of art. It also has a rotating series of temporary exhibitions too (check the website to see what’s on during your visit). Admission is free.

For a much longer list on what to see and do in LA, check out my Los Angeles travel guide.

Moreover, the city also has innumerable world-class food options. Some places I really like are Musso & Frank Grill, Dan Tana’s, Meals by Genet, The Butcher’s Daughter, Sugarfish, and Thai Pepper.

Where to Stay

Banana Bungalow Hollywood – A laid-back but social hostel that organizes lots of activities and makes it easy to meet people. If you want to party and have fun, this is the place for you!

Freehand Los Angeles – This hostel/hotel features designer rooms with comfortable beds, a rooftop pool and bar with amazing views of the city, a lobby bar, a restaurant, and even a fitness center.

For more suggestions, here’s a list of my favorite hostels in Los Angeles.  

Days 8–9: San Diego

San Diego, just two hours down the coast, has just as much to offer. It’s easier to navigate (it’s smaller), the weather is always perfect, the beaches are better, and it’s cheaper too. After LA, it’s my favorite city in the state. Spend a day or two soaking up the city.

Here are some suggestions for things to see and do during your visit:

Visit the USS Midway Museum – This aircraft carrier, commissioned right after World War II, was the largest ship in the world until 1955 and saw action in numerous conflicts, including Vietnam. It was decommissioned in 1992 and became a museum. You can explore the flight deck as well as many of the rooms below.

Hike Point Loma – This is the peninsula where Europeans first arrived in California. Walk out to the tip and enjoy the serene views, visit the lighthouse (built in 1855), and watch locals climb the rocks and cliffs of Osprey Point.

Visit the San Diego Zoo – This is one of the best zoos in the country. Located in Balboa Park (see below), it has over 3,500 animals and 700,000 plant species. It’s a massive, 1,800-acre park where you could easily spend an entire day. If you’re traveling with kids, don’t miss it.

Explore Balboa Park – In addition to the zoo, Balboa Park also offers dozens of museums as well as walking paths, sports fields, gardens, greenhouses, stadiums, theatres, and much more. It’s one of the oldest recreational parks in the country.

Enjoy Pacific Beach – If you want to soak up the sun, swim, or surf, head to Pacific Beach. If you’re a night owl, the area also has lots of bars, clubs, and restaurants too.

Go whale watching – California gray whales, which can grow up to 49 feet and live for over 70 years, migrate from Alaska to Mexico each year between December and April. They are incredible to see up close, and tours are quite affordable (usually around $35 USD).

Relax in Belmont Park – This is a kitschy amusement park right next to the ocean. It has a few classic rides, as well as games and lots of greasy (and delicious) snacks. It’s cheesy but fun!

Go surfing – Whether you’re a veteran or a newbie, grab a board and hit the waves. There’s some awesome surfing here. You can usually rent a board for around $30 USD a day. Lessons cost around $70 USD and last 90-minutes.

Where to Stay

HI San Diego – HI San Diego organizes lots of events and tours that make it easy to meet other travelers. They include free breakfast and also have a big kitchen so you can cook your own food to save money.

ITH Adventure Hostel – This is an eco-friendly hostel with a vegetable garden (guests get free veggies), a recycling and compost program, and even backyard chickens. There is lots of outdoor common space to relax in too.

If you’re on a budget, here’s a list of the best hostels in San Diego for you.  

Days 10–12: Joshua Tree National Park

Located just under three hours from San Diego and sandwiched between the Mojave and Colorado Deserts, this is where you’ll find the iconic Joshua trees (Yucca brevifolia), twisted multibranched trees. Towering boulders dot the arid landscape and swaths of cacti poke up from the hard dirt. It’s an otherworldly place perfect for hiking, camping, and escaping the busy cities along California’s coast.

The park was declared a national monument in 1936 and designated a national park in 1994. There are a lot of trails here, so consult the trail map when you visit. Some of my favorites are:

Barker Dam Trail – A quick 1.1-mile loop on which you can see wildlife such as rabbits, bighorn sheep, and all kinds of birds.

Wall Street Mill – An easy 2.8-mile hike that leads to an old mill used to refine ore from nearby gold mines.

Ryan Mountain – A steep 3-mile hike offering some incredible views.

Split Rock Loop – A quiet 2-mile hike with lots of neat rock formations.

A seven-day vehicle pass for the park is $30 USD (it allows multiple entries in case you stay in one of the nearby towns).

Where to Stay Airbnb is the best option if you don’t have your own camping gear, although there are also glamping and more rustic options.  

Days 13–15: Sequoia National Park & Kings Canyon National Park

Sequoia National Park, established in 1890, is where you’ll find the largest single-stem tree in the entire world. Named “General Sherman,” this giant sequoia tree stands a whopping 275 feet tall and has a diameter of 25 feet (that’s a 103-foot circumference). It’s so big that one of its branches is bigger than almost every single tree east of the Mississippi.

Start your visit at the Giant Forest Museum to learn about the history, geography, and importance of the park and its flora and fauna. Afterward, walk the Big Trees Trail, a short loop that will get you in and amongst the trees so you can see them up close.

For a sweeping view of the forest and surrounding landscape, hike up Moro Rock, a massive 250-foot granite dome that juts out of the surrounding hills and forest. Stairs and a concrete viewpoint were built into the rock itself, so you can safely climb to the top and enjoy the magnificent vista.

And for more hiking options and beautiful scenery, visit nearby Kings Canyon National Park. Here you’ll find “General Grant” (the third largest tree in the world). For a scenic drive, cruise along the Kings Canyon Scenic Byway.

Both parks are around 4-6 hours from Joshua Tree.

Where to Stay There are tons of places to camp here (both inside and outside of the parks). However, there are also lots of lodges and hotels if camping is not for you. Booking.com has the best list of them all.  

Days 16–18: Yosemite National Park

Located in the Sierra Nevada mountain range two hours from Sequoia National Park and encompassing nearly 750,000 acres, Yosemite is one of the most iconic national parks in the country. It’s where you’ll find El Capitán, the towering granite cliff you’ve likely seen on social media (it was also featured in the movie, Free Solo). It is one of the most popular parks in the US, seeing over four million visitors each year who enjoy hiking, biking, climbing, camping, rafting, canoeing, and kayaking here.

Here are a few hiking suggestions to help you get started:

Mirror Lake – An easy 2-mile hike to Mirror Lake. Takes 1-2 hours.

Nevada Fall Trail – A challenging 5.8-mile hike to the top of the Nevada Falls waterfall. Takes 5–6 hours.

Tuolumne Grove Nature Trail – An easy 2.5-mile hike around a grove filled with massive giant sequoia trees. Takes 1–2 hours.

Elizabeth Lake Trail – A moderate 4.8-mile hike that leads to Elizabeth Lake, a glacier-carved lake at the base of Unicorn Peak. Takes 4–5 hours.

Eagle Peak Trail – A difficult 6.9-mile hike to the top of Eagle Peak and back. Takes 8 hours.

Be sure to visit the visitor’s center on arrival to get information on activities, prices, and information on the latest weather.

Where to Stay If you aren’t planning to camp, there are actually many other options here. Lodges, resorts, and hotels can be found both inside the park and all around it. Use Airbnb or Booking.com to find a place to stay.  

Days 19–20: Napa Valley

Finally, head northwest to Napa Valley, one of the world’s premier wine regions, and end your trip relaxing at a vineyard. Napa is just over three hours from Yosemite and offers a plethora of world-class wine and food to indulge in.

While it’s a particularly expensive region of the state, it is possible to visit Napa Valley on a budget if you plan ahead and share costs with other people.

If you’re on a budget, stick to the markets and sandwich shops. Gott’s Roadside has locations in both Napa and St. Helena and serves delicious burgers for under $10 USD, while Ad Hoc runs a delicious food truck offering fried chicken made by a Michelin-star chef for $15 USD with sides.

Whereto Stay While some vineyards offer accommodation, they are usually super expensive. Unless you’re looking to splurge, use Airbnb. I find the best value accommodation in the area on that site.  

Day 21: Back to San Francisco

It’s time to head back to San Francisco. The drive is around 90 minutes, so you’ll have plenty of time to make stops along the way if you see anything that piques your interest.

***

This three-week itinerary will help you cover a lot of ground without being too rushed. Adjust the route as you go (or based on the amount of time you have). But, no matter the route you pick, the diversity and beauty of California will ensure you’ll have a wonderful road trip.

Book Your Trip to the USA: Logistical Tips and Tricks

Book Your Flight Find a cheap flight by using Skyscanner or Momondo. They are my two favorite search engines because they search websites and airlines around the globe so you always know no stone is left unturned.

Book Your Accommodation You can book your hostel with Hostelworld. If you want to stay elsewhere, use Booking.com as they consistently return the cheapest rates for guesthouses and cheap hotels.

Don’t Forget Travel Insurance Travel insurance will protect you against illness, injury, theft, and cancellations. It’s comprehensive protection in case anything goes wrong. I never go on a trip without it as I’ve had to use it many times in the past. I’ve been using World Nomads for ten years. My favorite companies that offer the best service and value are:

World Nomads (for everyone below 70)

Insure My Trip (for those over 70)

Looking for the best companies to save money with? Check out my resource page for the best companies to use when you travel! I list all the ones I use to save money when I travel – and I think will help you too!

Want More Information on traveling the United States? Be sure to visit our robust destination guide to the US for even more tips on how to plan your visit!

The post California Road Trip: A 21-Day Suggested Itinerary appeared first on Nomadic Matt's Travel Site.

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Thorough guide to Dental Tourism in Da Nang

Located on the coast of the East Sea, embraced by Han River, Da Nang is one of five direct-controlled municipalities, and also an economic center of Vietnam. During the past years, Da Nang has turned into a hotspot for tourism. According to the Vietnam National Administration of Tourism, Da Nang has welcomed 3.5 million international tourists in 2019 (increasing by 22,5% over the previous year). There is no surprise when Da Nang has ranked number one in the top 10 trending destinations for international tourists in 2020 according to Forbes. Along with the sharp growth in tourism, Da Nang dental tourism industry has undergone significant development in the past few years. This article is a thorough guide for global patients to plan an amazing dental vacation and provides reviews about Da Nang dentist.

Information about dental tourism in Da Nang 

1. Procedures

Since the significant development of dental tourism, many international dental clinics provide dental tourists with high-quality procedures such as dental implants, cosmetic dentistry, and endodontics. Some implantologists in Da Nang, as well as Vietnamese dentist, are members of ICOI (known as International Congress of Oral Implantologists). Understanding the requirements of dental tourists, most international dental clinics such as Dr. Bao dental clinic, Serenity dental clinic, and Paris dental clinic have been upgrading their service quality. 

Most dental procedures in Da Nang are utilized for a detailed and time-saving treatment plan. Since there are plenty of fun activities and popular tourist attractions in Da Nang, most dentists in Da Nang are flexible on paperwork and treatment schedule so dental tourists can spend more time on tourism activities. 

2. Facilities

Taking the quality as the number one cornerstone, most Vietnam dental clinic, especially in Da Nang have updated the latest dental technology. With the support of digital radiography, implant planning system, dentists can make quick diagnoses based on the immediate image preview and perform accurate surgery. Understanding that infection control is one of the biggest concerns when it comes to dental tourism, most international dental clinics in Da Nang strictly follow infection control regulations from US organizations such as the Occupational Safety & Health Administration and the Centers for Disease Control. 

3. Cost advantage

Da Nang is not only a paradise of tourism but also incredibly affordable dental costs. In general, dental prices of most procedures of Da Nang dentist are more cost-effective than in Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh city. It is understandable since the living cost in Danang is lower than Hanoi and Saigon. Lotus Dental Travel has summarized a quick comparison of dental price among Da Nang, HCMC and Hanoi to highlight the incredible saving when choosing Da Nang as your dental vacation.

Treatment Cost in Da Nang Cost in HCMC Cost in Hanoi Dental implant $1100 $1207 $1207 All-on-4 $7587 $9483 $9483 Crowns $216 $259 $259 Teeth whitening $151 $216 $216 Veneers $259 $302 $302 Root canal $84 $86 $86

  4. Patient’s reviews about Da Nang dentist

Dental services in Danang have received a lot of good reviews from patients, mostly from America, Australia, Russia, China, etc. Most Vietnam dentist reviews highly appreciate courteous professionals and affordable dental costs. Dr.Bao dental clinics – one of the most reliable dental clinics in Danang is highly recommended by many patients:

Patient Ari Cohen said:

“Dr. Bao is honestly the best dentist I think I’ve ever had in my life. He’s incredibly thorough with his work. He is patient and thoughtful to make sure every detail is covered, done perfectly before moving on to the next step. It’s wonderful to have a dentist who’s not only incredibly skilled but who treats your work, with his 100%. I had a lot of work done, and he nailed each part!! I’ve never had such a good experience at a dentist’s. Somehow, even with all the work he did, I don’t think I ever felt any significant pain or discomfort. It was like magic.

I had crowns done, and he made sure I was 100% satisfied with the exact color. His English is GREAT. And he’s happy to communicate and explain everything to you with patience and personal attention.

His prices are very reasonable, and he’s not the type to try and take advantage of you. You can feel the from him, and that’s the most important thing.”

Patient Gareth Turner reviewed: 

“Dr. Bao was excellent. All his team was kind and courteous. Very professional, modern dental practice. Very reasonably priced compared to the traditional western dentist.

I was also given a 7-year warranty on my new crowns. I have already recommended my friends and family to Dr. Bao.”

With the low-cost advantage in comparison to other cities such as Ha Noi, Ho Chi Minh City as well as owning various attractive destinations for tourists, Da Nang is definitely a perfect city for your Vietnam dental vacation.

If you want to explore the facilities of Dr. Bao, check the link below.

Dr. Bao dental clinic’s Youtube channel 

Travel in Da Nang

1. Weather

In Da Nang, there are two main seasons: a typhoon and wet season from September to December and a dry season from January to August. Temperatures are highest between June and August and lowest between December and February.

2. Tourist attractions 

While waiting for Da Nang dentist to provide treatment, why don’t you take a trip to explore this beautiful place! Da Nang is the perfect combination of manmade structures and natural beauty, ranging from long, beautiful beaches, breath-taking mountains to centuries-old pagodas, gothic cathedrals. Here are 5 of the most alluring destinations in Da Nang that you don’t want to miss out on.

Non Nuoc Beach

Non Nuoc Beach was on the list of the most beautiful and attractive beaches of the planet, according to Forbes. The beach is covered by the long seashore with soft white sands and verdant mountains. With the pristine beach, it’s an ideal place for relaxation like sunbathing or wandering in the sunset. Besides, you can do plenty of other things such as jet-skiing, surfing. 

Non Nuoc beach is just 8 kilometers southeast of the city center of Danang. 

Dragon Bridge

Dragon Bridge in Da Nang is the longest bridge in Vietnam, offering dazzling lights, fires, and water. This impressive bridge is 666 meters in length and constructed in the shape of a golden dragon. The best view is at night when the dragon is lit up. 

Ba Na Hills

Located 35 kilometers away from Da Nang city, Ba Na Hills is a favorite resort and tourist destination for both national and international tourists. There are many things you can do in such a beautiful landscape, some of them are to enjoy the scenery by hopping on the cable, or to visit Dream Spring Waterfall and definitely to walk on the legendary Golden Bridge. What’s more, you’ll fall in love with the French village in Ba Na Hills from first sight. Every corner, every street or house is all designed exactly in French architecture. 

Phap Lam Pagoda

If you worship Buddha, or you want to experience the most popular Vietnamese region, Phap Lam Pagoda is the one you will never wanna miss out. 

Despite its location within the bustling Da Nang city center, Phap Lam pagoda is full of quiet, peaceful and serene atmosphere. The pagoda is also famous for three gigantic Buddha statues in the courtyard.

Hoi An ancient town

Hoi An is a well-preserved ancient town which only takes you 30 minutes drive from Da Nang. Compared to other cities in Vietnam, Hoi An is less crowded and there are more spaces for pedestrians. 

If you visit this heritage in the daytime, you may want to walk, ride a bike or venture around the town to see the people’s daily activities. After the night falls, you definitely have to contemplate the colorful lanterns hung on many buildings. 

3. Local cuisine

Da Nang is a noble city for special dishes. Here are 5 must-try cuisines in Da Nang: Cao Lau, Mi Quang, Banh Xeo, Banh Mi and Nem Lui.

Cao lau seems very similar to Japanese udon and Pho but the texture of it is much firmer and chewer. It is also said that the texture of Cao Lau in Hoi An is more delicious than the others because the noodles here were cooked using water from well-hidden ancient Cham wells.

For lunch you should have a bowl of Mi Quang containing rice noodles, meat and herbs served with a small amount of strongly flavored broth. The meats topping may vary among restaurants but basically, in a standard bowl includes shrimp, pork, chicken or even fish or beef.

Nem lui is a traditional snack that originated from Hue but it can be found in Da Nang’s markets, street vendors and Vietnamese restaurants.

When coming to Hoi An, you should try a loaf of Banh mi. Though you can find Banh Mi in every corner of Vietnam, Banh mi Hoi An still serves the best taste. 

4. Accommodation

Your accommodation also plays an important role as it partially decides your health, both physical and mental, during the dental vacation. Since most of Da Nang’s dental clinics are located in the city center, staying in the city center is the most convenient for you. You could ask Lotus Dental Travel to help with room reservations. We suggest you check out some hotels in Da Nang as below. Their location, in general, is not far away from tourist attractions. Besides, the state-of-art facilities with first-class rooms are promisingly worth your money. For 5-star or 4-star experience, expect to pay $50 – $130 per night on average. However, you can book through platforms like Traveloka or Agoda, which could help you get a good deal. 

Pullman Danang Beach Resort (5-star)

Hyatt Regency Danang Resort & Spa (5-star)

Olalani Resort & Condotel (5-star)

Pavilion Hotel (4-star)

Monarque Hotel (4-star)

5. Transportation

For tourists from Hong Kong and Singapore, there are direct flights to Da Nang. However, if you depart from Australia and Russia, you have to take one transit in Ho Chi Minh City or Nha Trang. There are many airlines with different services and prices in Vietnam, such as Vietnam Airlines, Bamboo Airlines, etc. Vietnam Airlines, the first airline in Vietnam, has the best quality in the business with a wide range of both international and domestic flights. Singapore Airlines and Thailand Airways are also good choices for your international flights.

For ground transportation, you could ask the dental clinic receptionist or patient coordinator from a dental travel facilitator in Vietnam to book for local transportation for you. There are some trustworthy with reasonable price taxis in Da Nang, namely Mai Linh, Vinasun Green, Tien Sa, etc. Mai Linh taxi, one of the oldest and most prestigious brands in the industry, is the most popular with dental tourists.

About Lotus Dental Travel

At Lotus Dental Travel, our mission is to connect patients with the best dentists and dental clinics in Vietnam – for free. Through our platform, you may find that dental implants are 70% more affordable abroad than at home, at the same level of care or better. Once you find the clinic you are interested in, contact us for a customized procedure quote and free personal consultation. By reading this post, we hope you could find the best Da Nang dentist. Start planning your dental vacation from now!

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How much should a Hyundai Sonata lease and insurance be?

How much should a Hyundai Sonata lease and insurance be?

I want to lase a 2011 Hyundai Sonata Limited 2.0T fully loaded within the next couple of days. I ve totaled it on HyundaiUSA.com and it cam out to $30,195. the dealer said he would he down to $26,795. Their current promotion says you can lease a 2011 Sonata for 199/mo. for 36 months with $2,399 due at signing. I only want it for 24 months with $2,000 down. Any body have any idea what the lease rate or the insurance would be? Anybody whose leased a 2011 Sonata, please provide input. Thank you to everyone who answers!

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[flauntpage]

What Can Sixers Fans Expect From Matisse Thybulle? A Q/A with Seattle Times Writer Percy Allen

The Sixers open Summer League minicamp on Monday, which should give us our first look at draft pick Matisse Thybulle, selected #20 overall one week ago today.

A 6’5″ wing, Thybulle was considered one of the draft’s best defensive prospects, a player who averaged 3.5 steals per game as a senior and topped Gary Payton for the most steals in PAC-12 history. Not bad, eh?

Beyond the defense, Thybulle wasn’t much of a scorer at the University of Washington, averaging 9.1 points per game on 7.5 field goal attempts as a senior. His three-point shooting dipped to 30.5% this past year, down from 36.5% as a junior and 40.5% as a sophomore.

So what gives? And how much did things change when long-time head coach Lorenzo Romar was fired by the Huskies, leading to the appointment of Jim Boeheim disciple Mike Hopkins?

I touched base with Seattle Times writer Percy Allen, who covered Thybulle’s college career and was good enough to spend a few minutes on the phone this morning.

Crossing Broad: Let’s go macro to start; we didn’t watch a lot of PAC-12 basketball out here on the east coast, not a lot of Washington games at all. We’ve seen Matisse’s Youtube highlights and talked to him briefly via conference call and an introductory presser. What can Sixers fans expect from a guy like Matisse and what will they like about him?

Percy Allen: This may sound cliche, but I have to start here, and he is a fantastic person. That’s first and foremost. I saw a little bit of the initial press conference in (Philadelphia) and saw what Elton Brand said about him, and when Elton started with (his high character) it really echoed a lot of the things I got to learn about Matisse over the years. Truly, he is an amazing individual. This is a young man who has really come into himself as a person. Again, that doesn’t speak for the basketball side of things, which I know fans love and clamor for, but the Sixers got an amazing young man. Now, that being said, as a basketball player he’s still young, even though he was in school for four years. He is a defensive savant, he lives and breathes defense, and his father taught him at a very young age the importance of defense. A lot of players like to see the ball go into the basket but he’s not somebody who is really impacted by that. He knows that he can make an impression on the game with his defense. This is someone who likes to study film, likes to pick up other player’s tendencies, and for a lack of a better term, he just has a knack for it.

Crossing Broad: One thing that turned into a talking point out here was the fact that Washington played 2-3 zone under Mike Hopkins, the former Syracuse assistant who took over a few years ago. Some people think Matisse put up inflated defensive numbers as a product of the zone. Do you lend any credence to that, or do you see him as a guy who can play anywhere in any system?

Allen: I think all questions are fair. With Matisse, he did play in zone his first two years under Lorenzo Romar. I don’t have his numbers in front of me, but I imagine there was a big spike there in terms of his steals and his blocks (note: there was; Thybulle improved from 0.7 to 1.4 blocks and 2.1 to 3.0 steals per game as a junior). But he is not unfamiliar with man-to-man concepts from his first two years in college. Obviously Mike Hopkins realized what he had in Thybulle, that he could put somebody at the top of the zone. Now, initially, Thybulle started at the back of the zone, and I don’t know if a lot of people know that. But initially he started at the back of the zone and only stayed there for like one game before the assistant coaches saw that he was so long and so dynamic, so they moved him up to the front. Then it was lights out and everything changed. But I think there is a learning curve for him, and he’s going to have to learn sort of the NBA man-to-man defense, learn how to get over screens, learn how to get under screens, how to chase guys around the court. That’s gonna be something that he just hasn’t done it in the past few years, but I have every bit of a confidence that he will be able to do those things.

Crossing Broad: To follow up on that, or just dig a bit deeper, I was reading a story you wrote in 2017, during Lorenzo Romar’s last season, and you talked about how they went to some zone during that year, before, quote, “Washington returned to a man-to-man defense in 2015-16 and posted a 19-15 record.” Was this just something Romar did to help a struggling squad, a little bit of zone to stop the bleeding before going back to man?

Allen: Yeah he did. So with Romar, not having the success that you’d like, or that you want, you’re trying a lot of different things. Romar grew up on a man-to-man principle and that’s where he had his most success at Washington. Then maybe when the team wasn’t doing so well, or in his mind, they didn’t have the personnel to run his schemes – and I don’t know how that happens in college since you’re recruiting your players – but he tried other things. That’s when he went to the zone at times.  It was an abysmal failure. He realized it, but didn’t realize it quick enough, I think, in my opinion. Then he went back to man-to-man concepts.

Crossing Broad: Let me ask about Matisse’s three-point shooting. He did well as an underclassmen, hitting around 37%, 40%, 36%, then down to 30% as a senior. When we asked him about it, he said he just sort of had to make sacrifices on the offensive end to accommodate the team, but is there anything more as to why his perimeter shooting dropped off the way it did as a senior?

Allen: I think there’s some truth to that. Matisse is really just trying to figure it out for himself as to why that was. Look, there is some truth to that, that early on, as a freshman and sophomore, maybe he thought ‘I should be focusing on my offense more.‘ But then, as he really realized where he can make an impact with this team, I think he, not really let the three-point shooting ‘go,’ but he knew he didn’t have to grind over it because he knew could be such a force as long as he’s leading the defense. I think it’s a part of his game (shooting) that just needs to get there, and he’s really gotta work on that shooting and gotta get it more consistent. He’s gotta shoot the same shot, which I think he does, and I think there’s some hope there because he’s a pretty good free throw shooter. Normally when you have good free throw shooters, you can stretch that out (to field goal shooting). I also think it will benefit him – and I’m not trying to throw anybody under the bus – but it will benefit him to have a point guard who can find him and find him in rhythm. I’m not so sure he necessarily had people who were looking to get him easy shots at Washington. A lot of times he had to hunt for his own shot.

Imagine the first time Matisse Thybulle does this in South Philly? @MattyCord is gonna have a heart attack. @marczumoff might pass out. pic.twitter.com/pBa9JeAuuR

— Jeff McDevitt (@JeffMcDev) June 21, 2019

Crossing Broad: Last one for you, another macro question. Is this where Matisse needs to improve the most to be an effective NBA player? Is it shooting? Or is it maybe that evolution to professional man-to-man defensive concepts? If there’s a hurdle that he needs to clear to take the next step at this level, where is it?

Allen: I’m not trying to dodge because I think it’s a great question, but it’ll be about the fit. I truly believe this; I used to cover the NBA and I’ve seen guys come in with so much promise and not do well, and I’ve seen guys come in with no expectations whatsoever and do phenomenal. A lot of times it just has to do with fit. I think it’s really important to see who Elton is able to keep on that team, surround Matisse with. I do wonder if Ben Simmons and Matisse Thybulle can play on the court a lot together, because with the both of them, perimeter shooting is not a strength. I wonder about that. So it’ll be about fit and role, because I think he’s a smart enough player where he can figure some things out. But I’m curious as to how the Sixers will use him and when they’ll use him. Right now, is he the third best player on the team? I don’t know what that means. What kind of opportunities will he get? I think the fit is going to be really important with a player like that, because you know on defense he is really good, really locks down there. It’s about finding a role that a rookie can feel comfortable with.

  Follow Percy Allen on Twitter: @percyallen

The post What Can Sixers Fans Expect From Matisse Thybulle? A Q/A with Seattle Times Writer Percy Allen appeared first on Crossing Broad.

What Can Sixers Fans Expect From Matisse Thybulle? A Q/A with Seattle Times Writer Percy Allen published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[diasilek-blog]

Some of my story

Just to preface this: i am not dx with PTSD or CPTSD. I have not spent much time in therapy to share all of this. But will share it with my current therapist. Thanks for listening if you make it to the end you deserve all karma. I am sorting this by houses and places I've lived as it's much easier for me to remember that way, provided is the place I lived the the ages I was.

The apartment 0-1.5

I remember nothing no surprise there

House 1 1.5-4

Remember barely anything. Know that father and mother were together but father was an angry alcoholic however mom notes the nicest person when sober. I suppose an abusive father and Vietnam can do that to you. Mother tells me some frightening stories of him but also continues to note he's a teddy bear when sober. My aunts confirm this as well. My father was also a semi driver so he was often gone. Probably a good thing. There are 4 things I know about my dad (Now, not then) He drove truck, was an alcoholic, played drums in a band, and was in the Vietnam war.The only thing I visually remember is rice aroni for dinner, what I thought was a GIGANTIC spider on a lightbulb in the basement, and my room. I can also see those black and white fillagree like brogue oxford dress shoes next to a closet. Oh and those bouncy horses. When my mom was selling the house a buyer can through with her daughter and She got on the horse - I pushed her off. Other than that really nothing else. Father divorces my mom when I'm 3.5 and moved to California to be with his mistress. He ends up in a psych ward for what was either a ptsd episode or schizophrenia. No one I ask knows for sure. And I can't imagine actually asking him.

Quadplex 4-6

It's just my mom and me and our cat. I remember little from this period as well except for the following: eating Oreos for breakfast, slamming my head into a waterbed headboard and needing stitches, and sticking tweezers in a light socket, oh and making friends with neighbors next door. There are more but those seem the most prominent. Oh I'm also in daycare; I have fond memories of that at least. I don't hear from my father at all. I make 2 "friends" at daycare. They take turns ignoring me, forcing me to choose between them, and telling me I need to buy them toys to be their friend. I think about asking my grandma to buy me three jewel trolls. My mother meets someone new. I start kindergarten.

Duplex 6-9

My mother marries someone new. He seems nice. We move into the duplex. I don't remember a whole lot from this time besides my bedroom, the layout, pretending to run away in the back yard, eating chives, learning to ride a bike and then seeing my step dad kick my cat down the stairs. I'm still in daycare. Those girls are gone now.

House 2 9-11

I find out a girl from school lives across the street. We become inseparable. I am a little too eager for friendship and call her at 6am some days. Her family is annoyed with me. I can tell. We make friends with other neighborhood kids. One is a boy. Both of them start "dating" and exclude me from everything. Back to no friends. I ask my mom to intervene but she clearly doesn't want to. Eventually friend and I see each other at school on the playground. I tell her I have the new Nintendo system and now she wants to come over and play. This is how friendship works I guess.

I meet a girl in 3rd. Eventually we become good friends. I am always too eager for friendship. I call her one afternoon, we talk, then she says to hold on. I hold for 3 hours and then hang up. She becomes friends with the popular crowd and eventually I am left behind. I remember listening to "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston and wanting to dedicate it to her. My mom says she doesn't think that's what the song is about. I wonder What was wrong with me?

I start soccer and am terrible at first. My father comes to visit infrequently. I am basically forced to see him but I have no desire. My father and grandmother come late to a soccer game and they take me for the afternoon. I am scared and angry but they still take me. It's not as bad as I think it will be and I start to equate him to Fishsticks. They never sound good at all but then I eat one and it's not as terrible as I thought it would be. So, it's not always bad with him.

Eventually it is planned that I stay at his house one night. He lives directly across the street from my grandmother. At first it is fun however there are empty cardboard 12 packs lining his wall. I’m only 11ish so I find it disconcerting but I’m not sure I know the extent. We play a game centered around being a truck driver. I sense some pride inside for my father and his career. My father asks if I want to play pool in the basement. We go downstairs. I see his drum set. He teaches me the basic 4/4 beat. Somehow we begin talking about his time spent in the war. I don’t know what comes over me or why I decide to ask him, but the words just kind of come out. I ask him if he killed anyone in the war. He is visibly upset and says he’d rather not talk about that. Things are very awkward after this and he tells me he thinks I should go back over to my Grandma’s house and not spend the night. I leave.

House 3 11-18

Lots of good lots of bad. My father moves back to our state 1995. He's been gone for 7 years. Still not sober.

I initially meet a girl who seems to come from some dysfunction. Her mom is nice though however there is a guy who hangs around a little older than us. We go to my house and he breaks into my stepdads liquor cabinet. I freak out on him, he then goes into our garage and punches many dents in my step Dads car. I call my mom and they call the police. He runs. They catch him and eventually let him go after whatever punishment they gave. When he was back I got a call from him and his friends threatening me for money. I visited the girls house one day and he and his friends waited outside the house. I was terrified to leave but with my friend and her mom watching I walked home.

I play indoor soccer and my dad shows up with my grandmother to a game where is visibly intoxicated. He tries to find his way to our bench - I am mortified and crying but trying to hide it.

Eventually I meet a friend who I become very close with. She is basically a sister for me and still is to this day although we are a few states a part. I finally get to see what a normal family dynamic looks like. My father calls every few months when he is drunk. I hate it. He wants me to know that my stepdad isn't my real dad and that he is my dad. My whole body is tense. My step dad is always angry, emotionally mean and abusive to my mom. They argue about the dumbest things and he is mean. There are always eggshells to walk on and I am always angry with him. I want my mom to stand up for herself and there are many times she tells me she wants to divorce him. I tell her if support her in that decision. There is a night where things get really heated and I finally step in, crying I tell them to stop fighting and lock myself in my room. Eventually my stepdad comes knocking and he’s crying profusely apologizing. It felt so awkward.

Soccer continued, I become really good. I’m on varsity my sophomore year and am not happy about it. I’ve played soccer for the last 8 years with the same people. I am asked during Spanish class what I will be doing this weekend, I mention there is a varsity soccer sleepover. A past friend of mine thinks I’m bragging and tells everyone on my old team that I think I’m better than them. Some don’t talk to me for a while. Soccer was one of the best things my mom ever put me in. I am honorable mention in the state that year. The next year I experiment with marijuana and start smoking. I’m not as good the next year. Senior year I decide not to join – eventually I do after seeing a game and missing it. Definitely not as good as I was. In fact I suck in comparison.

I obsess over the availability of the internet and the vast expanse that it allowed me to explore. I make friends online and develop relationships with people. Eventually at 16 I fall head over heels for someone (Guy A) who lives in another state. We bond over music and I am hooked. He surprises me on Valentine's Day by showing up to my house after asking my mom her permission it's a fucking fairy tale. I am also only 16. I visit home once at his house and it is the first sexual experience I have. Long distance didn't work and my heart shattered. He would come and go out of my life for a few years. I meet another guy through the internet (Guy B). We bond over music and I fall hard. We talk for a year, on the phone, through netmeeting, aim, and even texting (nokias!). I graduate.

I attend my (very close friend who is like a sister)’s graduation. We are hanging out with 2 of our friends who attend a different school. They bring a friend with them. We drink a lot. There is a tent we all plan on sleeping in. We pile in and the friend we don’t know lays next to me. We all try to fall asleep. Until he does it. Out of nowhere reaches into my pants and touches me. I’m really not sure how long this lasts. After it stops I wait until I think he is asleep and then I go home. I tell no one.

I continue speaking to Guy B. He informs me he will come and visit. I am ecstatic. I forget about what happened in the tent. Guy B visits, I end up getting really sick and it turns out to be mono. (Which I think I got a month prior while still in school when one night I went out with friends and got super plastered and made out with a guy I didn’t know where he also stuck his hand down my pants but I didn’t stop him. I had hickeys all over my neck and my soccer team makes fun of me) The week with Guy B was amazing. He left and I was hopeful. But once he got back home he stopped talking to me. Eventually telling me he couldn’t take the distance and that one of us would eventually need to move. Another shattered heart. My step dad is still mean. I remember riding in the car with him and my mom when someone either cut him off or break checked him. He proceeded to tailgate them, cussing, yelling, swerving side to side. The car in front went faster and so did he. It was terrifying. My mom eventually yelled at him to take us home.

College Dorm 18-18

I start college and make it half a semester. I know no one and the social anxiety is terrible. I move back home and see a psychologist who diagnoses me with social anxiety.

Home 3 18-19

I’m back home. My mom wants me to find a job; a stipulation of dropping out of college. She finds a job listing for a warehouse worked disassembling computer equipment. It’s night shift, but it’s money and it’s stability I needed at the time. The company is amazing and I am very fortunate. My sister friend has been dating a guy for a very long time and they ask me to come bowling. I meet my first long term boyfriend. He is my friends boyfriends best friend. He is also 7 years older than me. I lose my virginity to him after basically telling myself “Well, this is it” It wasn’t the experience I was hoping for.

I basically end up living with him and his roommate.

1st BF House 19-20

I’m back and forth between houses but mostly at his. He works days, I work nights. I wake up one morning and he’s at work; I spot a camera under his tv stand. It’s on, and it’s recording. I’m baffled. I watch it. It’s basically nothing but me sleeping. I question him about it and he states that he just wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to do anything (not sure what that includes) For some reason I let it slide. We date for 2 years. I have gained some weight since 18. I wasn’t anywhere near unhealthy but I wasn’t in the greatest shape. We get a dog together. I start running with the dog. 1 year later I’m in the best shape ever. This dog is my life. I’m drinking lightly at this point but running causes me to not want to drink. But I do smoke cigarettes after my runs. Go figure.

1st Apartment 20-21

We live together. When we move I’ve been sort of back in contact with my father. He offers to help us move. Up to this point we are very off and on, maybe once a year we speak. I am still running. My job is going well and I move to first shift as well as moving departments. I begin doing inventory and being a computer repair technician. Things are ok.

I decide to go back to school for what I thought was my passion – graphic design. I attend a local community college. My boyfriend says to not take many classes or I may end up in the same situation as before. I honestly think he just doesn’t want me to advance myself or meet other people. One day on my way to school I remember that my dad is living in an efficiency in a motel nearby. I find some courage that day to confront him. To ask him about what happened. He’s not there when I knock on his door but just as I’m about to leave I see him pull up. He’s gone to the store to buy another 12 pack of beer. So much anxiety at this point. Ultimately I ask him why he left, he doesn’t give me a good answer (as if there would be one) he just said sometimes 2 people just drift apart. This doesn’t explain why he was never around. Days later, on my way to school I am listening to music, a favorite thing of mine to do, when all of a sudden I feel disconnected from everything. The music sounds different. I can’t “feel” it anymore. It’s pretty much been that way since.

After coming home from my half semester away at college I’ve been experimenting more and more with illegal substances. Almost everything except for Meth and Heroin. I don’t consider this to be necessarily negative. I was always safe about my experiencing making sure to check Erowid for stories, information and overall preparedness before we’d ever do anything.

Guy A contacts me online and my current boyfriend and I are arguing a lot. Intimacy basically never exists in my relationships so they are always rocky. I find escape in talking to Guy A again. I sneak out to see him one night and my current boyfriend finds out. He is very hurt and wants to end it. The next morning I try to smooth things over, I am panicking. He goes to work and I am supposed to eventually go to mine. I can’t think about anything other than he is going to leave me. I don’t even get dressed for the day, I get in my car and follow him to his work. I am in survival mode basically. I need to know that I won’t be abandoned or left again by someone. I feel crazy. Things eventually smooth over.

Home 3 21-21

Months later I decide to move home and he moves in with his old roommate into a duplex. I am running even more now with our dog. The dog lives at his house and I miss him terribly. We still fight and argue and I’m still unable to develop real intimacy with him. I continue to seek connection outside of the relationship but know that I shouldn’t. I can’t remember how this happened but I must have given my number to someone online and they began contacting me. My boyfriend found out and was again hurt and this time very angry. Threats of breaking up occurred over the phone. I went to his house and banged on his glass sliding door screaming on the patio. He wouldn’t let me in, and again I felt that panic that sets in when someone is about to leave you. I think eventually he let me in out of pity. Some form of reconciliation happened. I tried as much as I could at that time to connect with the person I was supposed to connect with. I wasn’t able to. I eventually ended it on my own terms AFTER I had met someone else at work. It’s a pattern of mine to do that. He takes my dog with him. I don’t see him ever again. It’s extremely heartbreaking for me. I loved that dog. I eventually get a new dog a few months later to fill the void and that dog is still with me.

I date this person from work for 6 months or so and we break up, after I run into someone I went to high school with who I had a major crush on.

Apartment 2 21-22

I move into a new apartment with one of my good friends. I’ve been able to make a few friends at this point. At this point I’ve been working for that same employer since I was 18. I’ve since moved from the warehouse into the office doing work on their website and marketing material. I haven’t finished my graphic design degree and decide to switch my major to marketing. I begin making some good money at this point and am fairly comfortable. I’m dating the guy I knew from high school. I also know that since high school he had developed an addiction to heroin. When I meet him he claims he is clean. I’ll find out later that he definitely isn’t. One day I go out and about while he’s still at my home. I come back to find that he’s vacuumed my stairs which is super nice of him and then I see my dog. His eye and surrounding area is 3 times the size it should be. I ask my boyfriend what happened and he says the dog peed on the stairs after he cleaned them. He fucking punched my dog.I don’t know why I stayed with him. I eventually left after he continued to lie to me about using. This time I didn’t have a back up. It was the first time I actually did something healthy for myself in regards to a relationship. I meet someone at my cousins wedding. We see each other around afterwards.

My friend decides to move back home. I find an apartment in the same complex with a 1 bedroom and move. I get a call from my doctor after an abnormal pap, it comes back with CIN III dysplasia. I don’t quite know what this means as far as fertility and my overall health. I have a leep procedure and am lucky that it gets rid of it all. 6 months later I am HPV free.

Apartment 3 22-24

Guy B calls one night randomly. Guy B and I continue talking, he’s saying all the right things to me and is regretful of how it ended between us. I am kind of talking to guy I met at the wedding. Guy B and I bond again over music and I plan to go and visit him. Guy at wedding wants to date. I’ve booked a flight to go see Guy B. I don’t know what to do. I think I should go for what I feel is a sure thing with wedding guy. Guy B hurt me the last time we were together. I end up cancelling my flight with Guy B and calling that off. I date wedding guy for a few months, but I’m not feeling a connection. Somehow guy A ends up in my town and we meet up. I do things I shouldn’t with him while I’m in a relationship wedding guy. I break it off with him. I get a hold of Guy B and apologize. I make plans to visit him on new years. The week I spend there is awesome but I have this sinking feeling that the situation will only end the same as it did before. At the end of the week he drops me off at the airport. He only gives me a hug and leaves. I am devastated because I know this is it. I cry for hours in the airport and am approached by a random stranger who was in town for a lighting project. He comforts me and tries to calm me down. I am appreciative of his compassion.

I date a few people here and there and eventually meet someone. I like him, my friends basically hate him. I should have known, for some reason I am always hooked on people who aren’t good for me. within 3 months I am pregnant. I remember the night, we use a condom but find it has broken. The next day I take plan b. I think everything is ok until I miss my period. I am not sure what to do. I do tell 4 people. My mom, 2 friends, and a coworker who has become a mentor to me. I am thankful for this support network.

This guy has a career he has worked very hard for and is continuing to work hard on. I tell him I am pregnant and he is very supportive at first. But he wants me to consider abortion. He is afraid he will resent the child for not allowing him to pursue his dreams. I am torn. I have always wanted children – but not in this way. Knowing he would resent his child or the possibility of him resenting his child just reminds me of my childhood and not having a father. I don’t want to put any child through that. I decide to terminate. Before I can do that I need a counseling session. Boyfriend comes there with me. I am definitely not ok but am going through it anyways. I breakdown on the phone with a nurse when I scheduled the appointment.

My boyfriend is out of town for work on the day of the abortion. I go by myself, have to watch a short film, and then take a pill. I will need to take one more later on. There is a group of students doing a study and the doctor wants to know if they can watch me while I take the pill. I agree for some reason. It was all over so quickly. I am ushered out of the building and walk to my car alone. I feel guilty and numb and sad and so very alone. I go to my parents’ house and wait it out. All of the things that happen happen and my mom is there for me. I go back to my apartment that night and take a bath. While taking my bath a feel a weird sensation and one last clot is passed – it’s large, and it’s not something I wanted to see. It’s floating in the bath with me. I scoop it out and throw it in the toilet.

I’m sure my boyfriend is relieved but I am the one that lives with this. He tells me I have 3 days to mourn and then it’s something we need to get over.

I have a hard time living with this decision. It causes many issues in our relationship. He gets fired from his job. We go see his family in his home state. I see how terrible he is to his mother. Why am I still in this relationship? Somehow his mother and us are talking and discussing babies and I have no idea how abortion is brought up but she says “you better not be aborting my grandbabies!” I break down.

Eventually he finds a job out of state. I basically beg him to take me with. We move, all 3 of us, which includes his roommate. They have been best friends for years and I am constantly the third wheel.

Apartment 4 24-25

Lots of things happen here. Most of it is extremely toxic. My boyfriend and I argue so often. I am still seething from the abortion and am resentful. I find that he’s joined a dating website. He says he only did it in case we don’t work out.

I find a job relatively quickly and will work there for the next 3 years. It is also extremely toxic for me. He loses his job fairly quickly.

When my boyfriend and I fight I tend to not remember most of the arguments. I think I remember what I say but when we fight about things we’ve said he disagrees with me and tells me that’s not how things happened and I start to feel crazy. I find a document on his computer that is titled “what -myname- says during arguments” and I do not open it. He says he keeps it so he has proof of what I say. Is he gaslighting me? am I really crazy, do I really not remember things correctly? I am so confused.

Maybe I am the perpetrator?

Many nights are spent fighting, I can’t remember what they were about now. I remember the anger in his face when he was trying to leave the apartment to go for a walk and I remember the panic that set in as I shrunk into a ball on the floor. Another panic attack when someone threatens to leave. He walks out and I gain the composure to try and find him. I find him and I yell at him for not being there for the abortion about him not having to deal with what I dealt with. I’m sure everyone in our apartment complex can hear us.

I find he’s actually been talking to girls on this dating website and I go stay at a hotel for the night. A few months later he finds a job in his home state and moves back, he wants me to come with. Instead I’ve been looking at apartments and sign on one. I am terrified of being on my own. I don’t move with him, I stay.

Apartment 5 25-28

I am finally alone with only my work relationships. I try to make friends with the girls there but they are not my kind. My boss likes to use intimidation and vitriol to manage our department. Most days I have anxiety about going to work.

I find someone online and we begin dating. He is dx bi-polar and takes medication. He consistently claims he is no good for me and that he has never dated someone as normal as I am. I am not really normal there is just a very convincing façade.

The relationship is mysterious and not stable. Eventually he breaks up with me and I am fired from my job for declining performance I think but they don’t give me a reason and I am kind of devastated but also kind of relieved.

I give it a few months and am applying for jobs here and there. I have a quick stint at a VA job fair for a week. I begin talking to someone on okcupid, but have decided that I should probably move back home. After the job fair is complete I pack up some bags and drive home to visit. I continue talking to this new person through okcupid and now texting. I am applying for jobs in my hometown. I am getting requests for interviews. I’m not sure what I should do. I go back home and meet the person I’ve been texting with. He’s very sweet and kind and I think sexual things may have happened too quickly, but he cares and for once I finally feel safe somewhere. I get an interview for a company and eventually get the job. I’m making good money and things are starting to level off. New guy and I connect quickly and there is no doubt that there is finally something stable, good, and loving in my life. It is quick though when we become pregnant after talks about wanting children. We really didn’t think that would happen so quickly. I am kind of shocked but we are both excited. I know we’ll need a place to live and neither of our places suited so I set out to buy our first house. My credit was good enough at that point.

Final House 28-32

We move into the house when I’m 4 months pregnant. I am proposed to on mother’s day with the rocky II proposal. Thing are great. We have our daughter by c-section and it’s the most emotional and happy I’ve felt in my entire life. We both cry. Breastfeeding isn’t easy and she has lots of phlegm so when she spits up she has a hard time breathing. I develop post partum anxiety over feeding her and eventually get prescribed anxiety medication. Life goes on there is depression and I’m having a hard time being intimate.

It seems as though intimacy is always easy for me in the beginning of relationships but as they progress it gets much hard for me to connect. And it’s not just with my husband but with my kids as well. Oh yeah, we have another child after we get married. These kids are the fucking best and I am SURROUNDED by love all of the time. I think sometimes it is so overwhelming. I have never felt this before. I actually have a group of friends who care about me and who care about each other and it is entirely evident that these people are the best people I’ve ever had in my life. I sometimes feel I don’t belong and have a hard time relating. I still have anxiety and issues and my drinking has increased throughout my life. I no longer do any type of drugs.

I am currently a business analyst for a different company and I absolutely love what I do. I have a caring employer and I feel as though my life has done a complete 180. I am extremely fortunate but I have a hard time feeling that. I know in my brain that I am safe but that is not how my body feels most of the time. Intimacy between my husband and I is pretty nonexistent but he is very supportive. I just feel bad that I am unable to give him what he needs. I am in therapy every 2 weeks. I want to get better for him and our family. She seems to be the first therapist I feel has some understanding and concern for me. I am trying very hard to be present here and to enjoy what I have but it is very hard to do. I have dermatillomania as well. I am working on that, and it doesn’t bring me as much shame as it used to. I feel lots of different things but I think confusion is the most common feeling. There is so much more but I’ve already wrote a book.

If you’ve read this far thank you. Sorry for the mess and jumble The chronological pattern is based on where I lived verse my actual age. So I hope the skipping around in certain sections isn’t too confusing.

[ridecyclingadventures-blog]

From Adventure to Misadventure - the CT

The Colorado Trail, a ride that had been placed on my heart for over a year had finally come to pass.  Months of research and planning.  Months of gear analyzation and packing, Months of mental preparation and training all thrown away in one sentence, “By the way, this is my last day on the trail.”

On July 28th I left Jackson, WY, leaving behind my wife and two children to embark on the biggest bike adventure I had ever attempted, the Colorado Trail (CT).  Although I wasn’t going to be racing the CT I was planning on scouting the route for the 2016 race.  I arrived in Denver that night excitedly anticipating the next day launch.  In Denver is where my cousin Taylor would be meeting me as he flew from San Fransisco that afternoon.  Taylor arrived late that evening to the hotel, and it was midnight before we finally crashed.  

Day 1: The next morning came early as we loaded our bikes on the truck and were driven to the Waterton Canyon trailhead.  After making a final gear check and fist bump, we were off!  It wasn’t long before we passed the first CT racer (1st place, and new record holder at 3.5 days) tearing down the canyon road towards victory.  I was amazed at what little he was carrying on his bike compared to my touring gear.  I guess I better look into lightening up for next year I thought.  

We crossed through a gate at the top of the canyon which was the start of Segment 1.  This is were I first began to notice that something wasn’t quite right with Taylor.  I’ve been riding with Taylor since he was 14 years old.  Now at 23 he had turned into a very talented and strong cyclist.  At 6’2” and maybe 165 lbs Taylor was a solid climber, or at least stronger than I.  As we began to climb the switchbacks on Segment 1 I noticed that I was easily pulling away from Taylor.  Although the trail wasn’t that technical I found Taylor preferred to walk his bike over the smallest rock obstacles vs riding them.  Primarily a road cyclist I assumed at the time that Taylor was just struggling with his technical skills with the added weight of all his gear.  At the top of the climb Taylor reported that he felt like he was, “breathing through a straw” and that he just “couldn’t push” himself at all.  I became concerned that at this pace we weren’t going to make it to our first camping spot on the trail by nightfall.  We pushed on.  A few hours later we began our decent towards the end of segment 1 and again I noticed Taylor seemed to be struggling to just keep his bike on the trail, he looked weak!  At the end of segment 1 (mile 16) we stopped for a break and to eat some food.  During that time we saw the second place racer on the CT, and again I was shocked by what little he was carrying for gear on his bike.  We gave him an update on the race leader and he was off again.  Taylor however seemed less than impressed to continue.  We began the second big climb on the day when we started Segment 2.  Quickly, I had pulled away from Taylor again on the switchbacks.  My fears were confirmed when he finally got to the summit 45 minutes behind me.  He wouldn’t eat, he wouldn’t drink and he wasn’t making any sense.  Taylor had altitude sickness.  

Not something to mess around with, I knew we needed to get him to a lower elevation quickly and get him off the trail.  Back at the junction between segments 1-2 I was hoping to find cell coverage.  Fat chance!   Looking a the map I figured we had a 14 mile climb out of the canyon we were in to get to the main road and hopefully cell coverage to call Taylor’s parents who were in Denver staying with friends.  I went ahead to move quickly and left Taylor to plug along at his 3 mph pace up the paved climb.  About an hour and a half later and nearly 8,000 feet of climbing on the day I reached the main road and cell coverage.  Taylor had been picked up by a couple and given a ride to a near by convince store to call his parents.  I waited maybe 5 min and was picked up by them.  We drove back to Denver so that Taylor could rest and heal.  

At this point in time I had a lot of mixed feelings going on.  First of all I was worried about Taylor.  Altitude sickness can be brutal and can take days to recover.  Secondly, I didn’t have extra days to complete this ride, only 10 and I was already behind by 1/2 a day.  That night as Taylor was attended to by his Mother, I contemplated my next move.   I informed Taylor and his parents that I was going to continue the next day without Taylor and depending on how he felt he could join up the next day or so.  They agreed to take me to the beginning of segment 6 the next morning.  

Day 2: At the top of Kenosha Pass began Segment 6.  I was dropped off and planned to ride the 35 mile segment (east and west parts) that day.  It felt great to be back on the bike and moving at a reasonable pace.  I prayed that Taylor would heal and could join me again soon.  The East half of Segment 6 looked and felt like Colorado plucked it right out  of New England.  It was technical with rocks and roots, off camber descents and steep punchy climbs.  Growing up on trails like this in NH, I was ear to ear smiles.  This was my kind of riding and I was loving it.  I met up with a group of guys on their annual ride of segment 6, and they kindly let me tag along.  Meeting people on the trail was one of the things that I was most looking forward to on this ride.  I love to know peoples story, their motivation, and their passion whether it be day bikers or through hikers.  Finding that common piece in each one of them to explore is fascinating to me.   I left my new friends at the beginning of the west half of segment 6, and began to climb up to my first real mountain pass of the trip at 12,000 feet.  The trail was beautiful and almost all ridable besides some small sections.  At the saddle the views were wonderful but the sky was grey and it began to rain lightly.  I made my way down the descent and into the parking lot where Segment 7 began.  I was picked up by Taylor and his Mother and surprisingly Taylor looked good, and he reported that he felt a lot better than this morning.  I was hopeful that he could join me in the morning, Segment 7 over the 10 mile range was one segment I was really looking forward to.  

Day 3:  I was joined again by a slowly recovering Taylor as we embarked on segment 7.  I’m going to take this time to explain segment 7.  I’m not sure why I was told by multiple people that this segment was fun.  I had a different choice of word, STUPID!  Stupid hard, stupid steep, stupid technical, and just plane stupid to attempt on a bicycle loaded with 40 lbs of gear.  Taylor and I essentially hiked 12 miles (the first 8 with over 5,000 feet of climbing) in 5.5hrs.  Sounds like a great hike you might say.   Yeah, I agree it was beautiful at the summit, and frankly all along the trail.  As a hike it was great! The problem was, I wasn’t hiking I was “biking”.  Note to self, in the future just take the 10 mile bike path from segment 7 parking lot to Copper Mountain!  Here’s the kicker to this story…Taylor gets bitten by a small cat-dog about 2 miles from the finish of the segment, and proceeds to get yelled at by the owners, informing him that HE is a hazard to the trail.  Unreal!  Taylor’s Parents were waiting for us at the end of segment 7 in case he needed to bail, but with the high amounts of adrenaline coursing through his veins at that time, it was the best he’d looked thus far on the trip!  

After a call to the animal control officer and statements from both parties on the biting incident we had lost valuable time on the day.  We decided to catch our “last ride” and be dropped off in Leadville, CO for the night.  This would mark the first night sleeping in our tents and using our gear that we had been carrying this whole time.  It was great!  

Day 4:  we woke up early and were pedaling by 7:45am earliest start thus far.  I had high hopes to make it to Buena Vista before dark.  We had a long road/gravel section leading us to the trailhead and Taylor seemed better.  He still wasn’t able to eat much which I feared would come back to bite him later in the day, but spirits were up and frankly after yesterday, anything was an improvement.  We entered the trail and immediately began to climb steep endless switchbacks.  I was able to ride 75% of the climb but I’m pretty sure Taylor walked the majority.  He started to not look good again, damn!  After the climb we enjoyed the plushest section of the trail so far.  Fast flowing descents, amazing views and great weather into Twin Lakes.  We stopped at the Twin Lakes store to collect our resupplies and eat lunch.  We realized quickly that we packed way too much food and there was no way we were going to be able to use it all.  We made plans for Taylor's parents to swing by Twin Lakes on their way to Durango to pick up the remainder of our boxes.  We were off again.  Somewhere along the next 5 mile paved stretch we missed the access point to the trail and ended up having to ride road all the way into Buena Vista.  With impending weather closing in on us as we reached the town limits we decided to get a hotel room for the night, shower and eat a good high caloric meal of burgers, nachos and beer at the Fault Line Brewery.  

Day 5 We had a bit of a slower start to this day, eating breakfast at a great little diner in town before heading out the find the trail head.  Again, the trail immediately began to climb back into the mountains and Taylor again was struggling.  This time however, it was different.  physically he seemed okay but mentally he was broken, he looked pissed, conversation was minimal and it was obvious he wasn’t having fun.  We had planned for a short day today just segment 13 about 18 miles with only  about 3,000 feet of climbing.  We knew we had the upcoming stretch of remote long days in the woods ahead of us and we thought we’d get some rest today.  At the top of the first climb on the day, about 6 miles in Taylor dropped his bomb.  “By the way, this is my last day on the trail.”  I couldn’t believe it, we were finally doing the ride we had planned.  We were finally riding our bikes, and were about the take on a challenging section of trail out beyond the assistance from the rest of the world, back in the thick of it, survival mode.  “I’m just not having any fun carrying all this crap with me.”  he said.  This is what this trip was suppose to be all about, the challenge, the struggle, digging deep, finding out what you’re made of.  This was the part of the trip I was most looking forward to, and in one sentence he threw it all away.  

I needed some time alone to get my head around this.  I carried on along the trail, not waiting for Taylor on every climb or technical section, not being concerned on how he was doing or feeling, I was broken.  I went through moments of anger and moments of frustration, moments of sadness and moments of selfishness.  I don’t think Taylor understood what this trip meant to me.  I have two small children who require a ton of effort and time, I work hard at job to provide for my young family.  I don’t get many opportunities to take a trip like this.  This was my “Big Trip” and just like that it was taken from me.  I proceeded awhile longer then stopped to wait for Taylor.  

At lunch I asked what the plan would be now that we were no longer riding the trail.  Taylor suggested riding to Salida, CO and spending a couple of days riding the trails there and then having his parents drop off my truck and driving to Durango and riding a couple of days there, before we head back home.  Seemed like a good solution to our problem, and so that’s what we did.  We road 18 miles on pavement to Salida, CO got a hotel and explored the town.   We went to the Absolute Bike shop and inquired about a nice long ride to complete in the morning.  The shop manager sent us out to do the Rainbow trails.  The trails were amazing, well built and fun.  The next day my truck was dropped off to us, along with the rest of our gear and we set off to Durango.  I had forgotten what a beautiful drive through Ouray and Silverton, CO was.  While driving over those winding mountain passes I made the decision that I wasn’t done with the CT.  No, far from it.  The CT might have won this battle but I win conquer  this trail someday.

Happy Adventures, Craig Jordan