#the bio family kinda speaks for itself but uuuh yeah i am not accepting my sister is bad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

deadandwalking · 4 months

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if teenage years are the best years of my life why am i apologising to the little girl in my head why am i fearing my family falling apart why am i failing to accept my bio family are not good for me why am i worried about grades and jobs and life why am i preparing to mourn my best friend why am i fearing growing old why do i miss what i never had why do i miss people who don’t miss me why am i disgusted by my own urges, wants and needs why do i cry over the things i love the most why do i seek comfort in fiction because reality is against me why do i fear the touch i crave why do i feel i am dying

#thinking a bit too hard now #am i even going to survive long enough to make it all ok #why does nobody see i’m a kid #also side note obsession hurts so fucking bad especially when your object causes guilt because you know it should be someone else #pattern recognition is a curse #mmm yknow what fuck it i’m gonna elaborate briefly on everything because fuck silence i deserve to be heard for once #apologising to Boo because i ruined her life #i fear my family falling apart because most of us want to die and it’s impossible to keep everyone happy it seems #the bio family kinda speaks for itself but uuuh yeah i am not accepting my sister is bad #worried about grades and jobs because there’s a lot less money at home now but my brothers won’t cut back so i have to #which is really fucking up my progress with my ed #preparing to mourn because Angel’s been dying a while now and now he’s trying to finish the job himself #fearing growing old because will i really be better or will i spend my life miserable and psychotic #i miss Vermin again #i want him back but he was never here #i miss Wade #but i don’t think he misses me #he’s been online he’s just ignoring me #disgusted because hypersexuality is a bitch and i’ve tried sliding it into conversations with people i really need to fucking talk about it #it’s starting to feel suffocating but i’m too fucking embarrassed still #like i know it’s just a coping mechanism for all the trauma but #i can’t help feeling disgusting still #i cry over my family near every day because i just want us to be fucking happy for once #i have been clinging so hard to newer headspace members to give the others a break #two of them just happened to take the form of Chris Redfield and Mewtwo #again a sex thing i want to feel like my husbands want me but i’m too scared to do anything yet #ok confession done i’m gonna regret this tomorrow but whatever who really cares

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