#which is really fucking up my progress with my ed

[deadandwalking]

if teenage years are the best years of my life why am i apologising to the little girl in my head why am i fearing my family falling apart why am i failing to accept my bio family are not good for me why am i worried about grades and jobs and life why am i preparing to mourn my best friend why am i fearing growing old why do i miss what i never had why do i miss people who don’t miss me why am i disgusted by my own urges, wants and needs why do i cry over the things i love the most why do i seek comfort in fiction because reality is against me why do i fear the touch i crave why do i feel i am dying

[widevibratobitch]

uni on monday. kicking myself into the sun.

[devotedlystrangewizard]

life is about fucking yourself over for attention from ur parents and still receiving none. sometimes.

[captainkirkk]

✩ WEEKLY FIC ROUND-UP ✩

All the fics I’ve read and really enjoyed in the past week-ish. Reminder: This list features any and all ratings and themes. Please look at tags and warnings on ao3 before reading.

Marvel

Dumb, Dumber and Dumbass by tempestaurora

As Coach Wilson peered out the window in the living room, May said, very quietly, “You didn’t realise your brother worked at Peter’s school?”

“We all make mistakes!” Sam hissed.

Then Coach Wilson was leaning back and a figure in a hoodie and jeans stepped through the window and into the living room, and Peter’s heart sank into his stomach like a rock. Sam’s brother was, true to story, scarred from head to toe. He could see the puckered skin on his hands, the burns across his bald head. But that wasn’t the shocking part—the shocking part was that he’d already seen it before: he’d seen it when a certain vigilante’s suit had been destroyed three nights before, and Peter had walked with him back to his backpack to loan him some clothes.

“This is Wade,” Sam introduced.

Sam Wilson had two brothers: one was Peter’s gym teacher, and the other was fucking Deadpool.

OR: A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Family Dinner, during which Peter and May meet Sam's family. Meanwhile, Tony sends constant text updates about his search for whoever graffiti-ed Avengers Tower.

Death Before Inaction by hppjmxrgosg

"Fuck off, Nicky.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Hasn’t anyone ever told you spider-napping is illegal?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “You can’t hold me here, I know my spider-rights.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “God, you guys are so old. What are you? Like 27?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Scale of 1 to 10, how upset would you be if I told you I banged your mom?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Or, I got my grubby little hands on the spider-man time line and fucked around a little bit. Not much (everything) changes.

DC / Star Wars (Crossover)

Obi-Wan in Gotham by hoebiwan (+ podfic)

Obi-Wan falls through a hole in the universe and ends up in the Batcave.

Clone Wars

the war has just begun by unintentionalgenius

The first problem was that the Supreme Commander didn’t give them enough warning about what they were stumbling into, when they were ordered out into it. Someone above General Kenobi’s head sent the men planetside in standard-issue gear, without thermal clothing or heat packs or sleeping kit or enough food for more than a single day. They had no extra ammo, no tents, no heavy artillery. They had barely any warning.

The second problem was that Supreme Command underestimated the strength of the enemy; it was supposed to be an easy enough job, holding the planet long enough to route the Seppies and then right back to the ship, leaving a contingent of troopers stationed there to retain what they’d won.

The third problem - the real problem - came when they let themselves become surrounded and the Separatists cut their supply line. Cody’s partially at fault for that one; a better Commander would’ve seen it coming. A better Commander would’ve had more backup plans, been prepared for more contingencies.

Being cut off from re-supply would’ve been a problem before the snow started.

Then the snow started.

I've never made it with moderation by Trixree (+ podfic)

He’d known how some of the men are with younglings—known from Waxer and Boil how sharply those attachments can form with little ones. Hell, the men were raised to be protective, so much so that Obi-Wan has often wondered if their protective drive was not written into their very atoms, some intrinsic part of their DNA.

It wasn’t something Obi-Wan had ever questioned. He’d thought he had understood the scope of it. In reality, he hadn’t understood a thing.

Not until Kamino.

Or: Not all that dive from cliffs make a running head start. Sometimes, the Fall is only a natural progression.

Standards of Professionality by Trixree

"Are we going to pretend I didn’t just find you fucking your General, vod?” Rex hisses over private-comm.

Cody doesn’t even turn his head to look at him. Rex can hear the smile in Cody’s voice when he replies, “No, because I am not fucking my General, Rex’ika. I am fucking Obi-Wan. We are professionals.”

5 times Cody and Obi-Wan struggled to maintain plausible deniability regarding their affections for one another + 1 time they decidedly Did Not.

The Hunger Games

Lover & Loner by amateurwordbender

Haymitch once told him that he’s a survivor. It hadn’t been a compliment; he’d slurred out the words in pity after finding Finnick shaking apart from a panic attack.

Jo’s a survivor, too.

(Finnick and Johanna, from the moment they meet to the bitter end)

Original Works

for the want of a jewel by FormlessVoidbeast

With his country fallen to the unstoppable tide of the Dread Warlord, a terrified king sends a peace offering of his own flesh and blood in the hopes of buying leniency.

When Prince Damian of Miska is accepted as the symbol of his country's surrender and immediately wedded to the Warlord, he expects his fate to be both painful and humiliating, and his death inevitable. To his confusion, the Warlord and his terrible Warlock seem to have no interest in abusing that which they have claimed as their own. As Damian finds his feet and gains friends in a new land, he begins to question everything he once thought was true.

But some jewels were never meant to be sold, and the consequences of Damian's sacrifice are more far-reaching than anyone expected.

[millie-mar]

think i’m in love with you

part 1

in which Eddie believes that gay men can be friends with straight guys without there being any subtext to their relationship. duh he’s got a friendship like that! well, had. guess he was proven wrong.

| 1k words | modern!steddie | bestfriends!steddie |

A lot of people believe that women and men cannot be friends. And before you disagree, let me give you this example.

It was my last year of highschool, and I became really good friends with Chrissy. Average height, blonde, on the thinner side as most cheerleaders are, but she stood out from them. She wasn’t homophobic for one, but there was an aura around her, that compelled you to be friends with her. She invited me over to watch Brokeback Mountain; she had a huge crush on Jake Gyllenhaal while I was jacking off to Heath Ledger almost every night. I’m not anymore. That afternoon, we went to hers straight away. She was still wearing the school’s cheerleading outfit, the green and white suited her nicely. She opened the front door which wasn’t even locked and to my surprise I heard voices inside.

“Your parents are here?” I whispered to her, stopping at the entrance.

“Yeah, but it’s fine. Don’t worry Eds.” She closed the door behind us with a loud thud.

“Chrissy? Honey is that you?” a female voice erupted from within the house, Chrissy’s mum, my guess was.

“Yeah. Eddie’s here, we’re gonna go upstairs,” Chrissy shouted back, grabbing my hand and taking me towards the stairs.

“Keep the door open at all times,” a male voice exclaimed, weary clear in his voice.

“He’s gay dad!” Chrissy sighed, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, heard that before,” his tone shifted, this time he sounded tired.

Chrissy rolled her eyes once again, mumbling something under her breath.

However, with how the world’s started to progress now, and how people started to accept the queer community, this has changed a bit. Now, every time a gay guy befriends a man, people immediately assume they’re going out. And with the media internationally making stories about straight men ‘turning’ gay, let’s say some like to butt their noses into others business. But gay men can be friends with straight guys without any kind of subtext to their relationship.

“I think I’m in love with you!” are the first words I hear from my best friend, Steve Harrington, the straightest man I know. And I think to myself.

“Fuck.”

“What?” Steve’s puppy eyes catch me off guard. Shit I said that out loud.

“Uhh what are you saying Harrington.” I let him in and just now I realise the guy is drenched, the rain chasing him as I close the door behind him.

“I- I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and that was just… I think I’m in love with you.” he stutters horribly, which is unusual for Steve. I squint my eyes at him.

“Man, we’ve been friends for the twenty hears that we’ve been alive. You’ve seen my dick more times than any guy I’ve been with. If you were in love with me I would have realised.” I laugh it off, not meeting his gaze as I pick up a pillow off the floor and throw it on the couch. But I can feel his eyes boring into my head.

“Eddie, I’m not kidding.” His voice is stern, confident all of a sudden. I turn to look at him and fuck, am I in trouble. I have to admit, I have always thought Steve is beautiful, hot and everything in between, but nothing more than that. Never really had the hots for him. But fuck me, the way his eyes have darkened, brows slightly furrowed, his pinkish lips closed in a tight line. He’s angry and I’ll be lying if I said that wasn’t turning me on. What the fuck?

I grab his hand and pull him towards the door with a ‘you come in you’re dead’ sign, the door to my room. I push him in, slamming the door behind us and leaning on its surface, my head down, curls covering my vision.

“Prove it,” I say, my voice cracking slightly at the words that escaped my mouth. What am I saying?

I can’t see Steve’s face, but I’m waiting for him to tell me it’s some stupid joke, so we can laugh about it in ten years time when he’s happily married with little Harringtons running around and screaming. He’d have some high position job at a company, maybe he’d be a CEO, and we’ll keep in touch, barely but we will. He’ll tell me about another happy year with his wife, while I’ll tell him about another couple week relationship of mine that failed because the guy was either secretly married or fucking other people.

I’m so focused on my own spiralling thoughts that I just now come to my senses when I feel huge hands cupping my cheeks. Steve is now standing right in front of me, the tips of his white sneakers touching with the tips of my black combat boots. He brings my face up to meet him eye to eye. The brown of his eyes so much lighter than earlier in the apartment’s living area. So warm, the intensity of his stare is making me feel all giddy inside. His eyes shift between mine and my lips, he flutters them closed and kisses me. The softness of his lips is reflected in how softly he’s pressed them to mine. A little reluctant, or maybe just affectionate. I wouldn’t know, all the guys always kissed me with such fervour, this is a nice change. The initial shock passes and I fist his yellow shirt to bring him closer to me, our chests closer together. My lips move on their own, returning the kiss before I can think about it further, as if on instinct. Usually I’m more composed, I don’t let the moment get to me, so why? Why today? And why with him?

Part 2 ->

[vclvetfleur]

Obedient Chapter 3

roman roy x fem! reader

Summary: You get invited by Roman to go to a party to celebrate Kendalls win in getting a new investor. But Roman's envious and jealous nature can't allow his own brother to be happy. He uses the party to ruin it leaving you alone to explore the party by yourself.

Warnings: implied child abuse and past assault, sexual dysfunction, talks of mental health, drugs and alcohol abuse, mentions of ED

Word Count : 4.5K

Notes: Wow. This was the most i've ever written. I think I need to go back to edit the warnings. Now that I have a kind of header for my fan fic now. I also do want to mention that I am going to make y/n a dominant person overall, but not in any sexual way. I also do want to mention again, this is a work comes for my own therapy and some of my own personality and traumas. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 3: An Original Paul Gauguin

You sped to the shower the minute you stepped into the apartment. You needed to get ready for this party. You turned the water on before checking it. “Ow!” You yelped, backing away from it and carefully trying to lower it. You lowered the shower head before grabbing your phone, going onto Spotify and playing whatever came onto your shuffle playlist. You left the phone alone as you finally went under the water. One of your favorites eventually came on, prompting you to sing along to it.

The shower was meant for two things, to finally get rid of whatever the fuck you put your hair through and removing all the makeup you had on.

And to just sing. It made you ignore your body as much as you would usually stare at it. You were particularly the most secure with what you looked like. It was a lot worse, but you were still making progress to appreciate it for what it even was. Most people told you that you were fine or that you looked good, but nothing really convinced you other than random hook ups that came in and out, but that only helped if they were even able to make you cum, which they usually couldn’t. You weren’t sexually inept, you hooked up with a lot of people, you were able to have sex. You even thought you were good at it by what you were told by countless suitors that walked in and out of your bedroom, just you seemed to never enjoy it or get comfortable enough. You always wanted to get over with it as soon as you realized it wasn’t what you were expecting. You’ve only had your expectations met a few times, enough to count on one hand. But regardless, it reminded you, you liked sex. Just you couldn’t find the right thing. It kind of made you jealous of your friends. Even Roman with how perverted he was, he seemed to actually be able to enjoy himself. If you took what he was saying as even truth, which you mostly didn’t. I mean who would text someone if they were saying they were going to an orgy?

You scrubbed down your body with soap once you finished your hair routine. You never knew what to put into it to make it look like everyone seemed to. Everyone liked your hair, but you just always thought it could look a lot better than it did. Midway into your shower you heard loud banging. You turned your water off and looked at the bathroom door. Who the fuck? You stepped out, wrapping a towel around yourself before leaving the bathroom. You checked your front door, seeing the stick that you got off of amazon to keep your door locked was still there. You removed it and unlocked the doors to only open it to see a tall and large man. “Roman sent me to hand this over to you.” He cleared his throat, avoiding looking at you. You nodded slowly before grabbing the box from him. You brought it into your apartment, setting it on your dinning/coffee table. “You should expect me again by 8:30. Roman wants me to pick you up before the party.” He explained once more before leaving. Weird. Why couldn’t this be done in a simpler way? Is he sending an assistant to his own assistant? You shut your door before grabbing your door stopper and putting it up against your door, locking the locks right after. You took a pictures of the box, sending it to Roman.

‘is this the box you sent to bomb my house?’ you tried to joke

‘bomb squad is on their way. thanks asshole.’

You went back to the bathroom, setting your phone on the counter. You wiped down your body and then ruffled your hair into the towel in an attempt to dry it. You quickly put on some underwear and a large shirt to get ready in. You hopped onto the counter, scrolling through Pinterest to find some kind of inspiration to do your look for the night. You watched as notifications from Roman flooded in. You couldn’t find anything good on Pinterest anyways. You opened Roman’s text, snickering at them.

‘no dumbass they’re what your wearing. pick something. but if you pick the ugly one your fired.’

You left the bathroom and rushed back to where you left the box. You grabbed a pair of scissors from your kitchen and opened the box up to see 3 dresses that were left in there. They were so plain. You never realized how boring rich people’s clothes were. Sure, celebrities and artsy rich people were fashionable, but not the others. Except for Shiv, she actually knew how to style whatever boring thing she put on her body to make it look good. You just decided on the less boring one before refolding the rest and putting them back in the box. You spent the rest of the night getting ready, making sure you looked professional, but loose enough for the party. You couldn’t be so uptight at a party, right?

You had been texting Jess the entire time, getting her opinion. She gave you all the advice you needed. She was shocked to even hear about your good day with Roman today. She assumed I would’ve lost it by now. She nearly has with Kendall. She has even mentioned to you a couple of time how much she wanted to quit sometimes, but she felt so much pity for Kendall. How could you not? Spending less than an hour with him made you realize how sad he was, imagine spending hours, day to night, with him.

Thank god, Jess was also showing up. She had to. She needed to make sure Kendall did nothing stupid that could be used to blame her for ‘not being there’. You were gonna at least have someone to attach to there. Before you knew it, you heard knocking at your door again. You had already gotten ready and just quickly grabbed your bag before answering the door. You double checked your belongings before pulling on your heels for the night. You opened the door and saw the same large man from earlier. You walked out, locking your door before following him out to his car. It was a brand new Rolls Royce. You got in to find it completely empty. It was huge. There was a little cooler in the back with a bottle for some liquor and mixers. You were too scared to open it though. You didn’t know if it was even for you to touch. You left it alone and stayed in the back, watching the city from the window. You were raised in New York. You just lived right across from Manhattan in Brooklyn. You used to be able to go down to the parks to stare at the skyscrapers at night and see all the light coming from it. It was gorgeous. Always has been. You could only really take in the beauty of it when in the car. You drove through most of Manhattan before finally stopping. You watched the driver leave before he opened the door for you. You moved over to step out to only realize the door wasn’t for you. It was for Roman. You scooted back over to your spot, maybe a bit farther too.

“Hey, looks like I don’t have to actually fire you.” He laughed before sliding into the car. He turned to the cooler, pulling out liquor from it and glasses that were set on the sides before pouring himself a glass. He looked at you and offered, but you decline. “Boo boring. Come on. Just drink. You can even watch me; I won’t date rape you.” He shook his head before making you a drink regardless. You sigh before taking the drink from him.   He relaxed in his seat, looking off at you as you were sat up straight, holding the top of your drink avoiding his glare. You looked incredible to him. He admired his choice, but all the small ones you made to your appearance. Granted, his choice wasn’t that huge since you were the one in the dress, but he liked to take credit. His eyes wandered over you, knowing you weren’t looking at him to even notice how he was staring. Either way he was always on the radar of recovering from his actions. He took a sip before clearing his throat to get your attention. “So, did the bomb go off in your apartment? Womp womp. Looks like you’ll live with me.”

You nearly spit your drink up, looking at him shocked to even hear something like that from him. Or anyone in that regard. “Why would I live with you?” You attempted to wipe your mouth without ruining the lipstick you have one, even though you had more in your purse. “Y’know so you can do this assistant stuff easier.” He tried to make his case, but he knew it was idiotic.

“Roman, you can’t just-“You groaned, pinching the bridge of your nose before taking a drink.

“Well, thankfully it was just a joke. Fucking crybaby” He whispered the last part to not annoy you any further.

Before you knew it, you were at the party. “Why did we need a car if it was only a few blocks away?” You asked before stepping out of the car with Roman. You just followed him to wherever he was leading you. “Cause I’m rich.” Was his only reasoning to it. You acted almost like a little puppy, following Roman around only because you knew you had to. There was no way you were going to even know how to begin a conversation with these people. “What’s the party for?”

“Uh- it’s some swinger party my brother threw together. You have your keys?” He turned back to you. You looked in your bag before putting your own hand out with all the fingers down except your middle one. “Hardy har har, aren’t you fucking hilarious.” He was unamused.

The elevator opened to the penthouse. It was a party for a win in one of their investments that they just had made, but parties were another way to bring in more investors and find more people to buy their business off of. You walked right behind him, looking around to find Jess. You couldn’t bare being here alone any longer. You weren’t alone technically. You were with Roman, but he didn’t seem like he was very much in a laughing mood with you anymore since you both stepped in the building.

Roman was planning to make the investors back out. All because Kendall made the deal instead of him. He needed to figure a way to make this a move on him rather than his brother. He needed a way to make Logan just pat him on the back for his work. This is all Roman ever did. He didn’t do work at the office because he saw no point in it. There was more use of his time. Meeting and having ‘fun’ at these stupid events were his way of making deals. It’s what he did.  Informal. No rules. He was held to no obligation that the office had. “Uhh, why don’t you just go around and well, fuck off for a bit.” He asked you while looking way to distracted to even look at you. Your face dropped. You finally thought Roman was going to be a bit nicer now. But you thought wrong apparently. He was acting like a dick again. You just nodded and walked away. “Noted.” His head turned back to you; his lips pressed into a thin line. He knew it was mean, but he had no time to waste. He made a B line for the investors. And he did what Roman did best. Ruin his brother’s reputation to complete strangers and lose their trust in him.

You wandered around, looking at various art pieces on the wall. You enjoyed art, especially ones there you knew weren’t just copies of the original. It was like looking at a piece of history up close. You got lost in the painting before hearing someone talking to you. You looked over to see a tall younger woman with blonde hair. “It’s an original Paul Gauguin” she quietly said, looking your way after taking a moment to look at the painting. Her dress fell right above her knees and the collar sat right below her collar bone. It was a very vibrant blue velvet. It wasn’t too boring, you assumed. She let her hand out before smiling. “I’m Willa, I swear I think you’re the only person my age here.” She laughed before you took her hand. She seemed quiet; kept to herself. “Y/n.” You introduced yourself. “Uh so what do you do?” You prompted. At least that’s what you assumed people in this kind of environment said. “I write plays.” She said proudly. “Oh wow, anything I might’ve seen?” You began to question. She shook her head no before holding a kind of hurt smile. Willa was never proud of her own work. She use to do acting, but that wasn’t paying the bills nearly enough, so she decided to start escorting for rich guys before she realized she enjoyed writing a lot more than acting. But at least she figured out what she wanted to do with her life early enough. Her boyfriend couldn’t say that.

“That’s fine. Well when you do, I would love to get a ticket to it, are you writing anything currently?” Willa began to go into her whole passion project that she had just started working on before the conversation getting interrupted by an older individual. “Hi darling.” He smiled before wrapping an arm around Willa’s waist and leaving a kiss over her cheek. “Oh hi Con.” She said in an uncomfortable tone. She never really seemed comfortable around him. Always shifting away when he kissed or held her. Never prompting affection in the first place. “Connor Roy.” He started.

“Roy?” You questioned. “Are you their cousin or uncle or?” You wondered before getting cut off with an answer. “I’m Logan’s son.”

You looked shocked to even hear he had another son other than Roman and Kendall. In the entire week of working with them, you never heard of him yet. They never even quiet mentioned another brother. They just mentioned Shiv. “Oh well it’s nice to meet you. I’m (y/n).” you tried to be as likable as you could after the awkward interaction.

“Oh, you’re Rome’s assistant, right?” He asked. You nodded, puzzled on why he even knew he had a new assistant. How much do they talk? “Ya, dad told me about you.”

Logan Roy knew who I was!? I never even had met him yet and he knew who I was. I had passed by his office and had been in eyes view, but I never actually met him. Willa looked at you like she knew something you didn’t want to hear. You were just still in shock of someone as big as Logan knowing of your existence to the point, he mentioned me by name to someone else. “What’d he say?” You asked.

“Oh, it wasn’t anything on you. Just more about Roman. He was just going on about how he thought Roman was being reckless again and just- “Connor went on before halting know he should stop. You just nodded slowly before tapping a waiter on the shoulder and grabbing a drink from their hands. You downed it quickly before excusing yourself. Holy fuck. This was big.

You needed to find Jess immediately.

You looked around for her before spotting Kendall. He didn’t seem to good. He had already had quite a few drinks in him. If Kendall was near, so was Jess. Before you knew it, you spotted her. “Jess.” You whisper screamed before taking her arm. “You are going to shit your pants when you hear this. Logan knows who I am. He was talking about me to fucking Connor. Did you even know they had another brother? I didn’t! What the fuck?” You were panicking. What could Logan have possibly been saying? Sure, he was talking about Roman, but why did I need to be brought into it? Fuck.

“Hey, relax. It’s okay. He probably just seen you walking around. That’s all.” She tried to assure you it was okay. She took your hands and tried to remind you to take easier breathes. “See.” She smiled before continuing to breathe with you. She had seen you at such low points that she knew exactly how to pick you up from a slump. Not always, but before they started, Jess was the person to call to help you. You were upset she never studied Psychology; she’d be great at therapizing people. Hell, she basically does it for Kendall now.

Your nerves were still shot, but better than earlier. “Uh- can we get a drink please?” You asked. She nodded before holding your arm and guiding you to the bar. You ordered yourself 2 drinks, both for yourself. Jess just got herself a wine. Jess stopped over drinking after working with Kendall. His issues scared her enough that she felt like she needed to be sober to deal with any situation. She drank from time to time, just never when she knew Kendall would need her. And after his relapse, she couldn’t afford to get drunk. She needed to make sure her boss didn’t end up like a real life BoJack Horseman.

You downed your drinks as quick as possible before finally settling on some champagne. You knew to keep your pace. “So, what’s wrong with Kendall?”

“The investors backed out. He tried to talk to him, but there was no convincing them. I don’t know. The poor guy just needs a win.” She sighed, watching him to make sure he didn’t act out.

“So, this is what was stressing you out so much.” You finally realized why Jess had been having so many outbursts outside of work or just seemed a lot more stressed in general. She was a lot more anxious. She was on edge a lot of worrying Kendall was gonna send her a text to make her worry about what was gonna happen next to him. “You have no clue. This is barely anything I went through. This is a tame night dealing with Kendall. At best, I’m just going to make sure he gets into bed tonight.”

“Aww are you gonna tuck him in and read him a story?” You laughed. She tried to hold her giggling before lightly nudging your arm. “No, but you might soon with Roman’s insane mommy issues. But honestly thinking about it, that might make him hard.” She sounded grossed out at the idea before laughing along with you.

Speak of the devil himself. Roman finally decided to actually have fun. He seemed a lot more off edge. He probably just took a molly in the bathroom or something. “Aren’t you supposed to be babysitting him?” Roman asked Jess before sitting at the bar with the two of you. “I’m an assistant not a babysitter Roman. You should know that you have one now.” Jess was unamused. She had a hatred for Roman. Most people did. But she saw him as someone who was actively trying to ruin Kendall. Which he did, but especially after Kendall’s relapse.

Roman was there when Kendall relapsed. He ran to even get him and help him out. He was scared for him. But after all that went down in the deal and all that drama that came with it, Kendall and Roman were once again strained.

“Yea, but this one is kind of defected. Might need to get it fixed at a factory or something. Oo should I get the new model?” He pointed at you. It really sunk in that Roman believed you were an object. You quietly sipped your wine. Jess knew how annoyed you were though. She could read you easily. Your jaw was clenched tighter, and you got this disassociated gaze when you got annoyed. “Kind of hard to do my job when my boss spends most of his morning making sure the cum in his hair dried up enough to hold for the rest of the day.” You shrugged. He couldn’t even begin to know where to start with mocking you for that comment. “Look just cause you’re… a commoner, doesn’t mean you don’t understand what mousse is. And no, not like the animal that Kendall clear looks like.” He giggled behind his drink before watching Kendall make a complete ass of himself.

“Okay, he just called me a commoner.” You whispered to Jess. You tried to breathe in and out slowly before losing your cool.

“Huh? What was that? I don’t speak church mouse, speak louder than that.” He put his hand on his ear, leaning closer to you to understand what you said. He was insisting you repeated yourself. He actually didn’t hear you. But he did like hearing all the insults you were willing to throw back at him. He thought you seemed to take his jokes well enough.

“I said you’re a fucking dick.” You said blankly to his face, looking at him directly. Your face stone cold as you gave him the meanest look you had.

“Ooo scary.” He wiggled his fingers. “Oh no. The peasant- “he tried before you had gotten up and stormed off away from him. That was enough. You came to the party to see what he needed if he did need you, but he made it clear enough you were here just to be embarrassed and humiliated by him. Who else would? No one was his friend anyways. Jess got up quickly and followed you. You headed out on the balcony. Most people were inside anyways. And the cool air felt good. “Hey, don’t take what he says seriously; that’s just how he is.” She tried to rationalize.

“Ya, if so, people gotta stop making excuse for that fucking prick. Who the fuck is he to act like that? Just because daddy gives him the money and fucking bull dogs to do so? Nuh-uh fuck him. That was- UGH!” You clenched your fists as you tried to hold back from screaming.  “I don’t care. Fuck him.” You paced back and forth. “Fuck that dude. Dirty fucking unwashed little ferret.”

Roman had decided to look for you too. He might’ve crossed a line with you. He didn’t mean to. He knew he could be harsh, but he didn’t ever mean to come across as that bad. He never knew what was too far in all honesty. All of his boundaries were broken down since he was a kid, so he no longer had any. He knew his would be unlistened to and broken, so he assumed everyone else’s were too. He stepped out and found you. “Uhh Jess, Ken is about to do a backflip, so I think you should go back in.” He warned.

“Fuck off Rome, no he isn’t.” She scoffed, her arms crossed, staring back at him. But he refused to make any effort to even look at her. He avoided all eye contact. “Just please. Yea cause the junkie who you ordered coke for earlier is so okay right now after blasting through 6 lines and 3 shots.” He sounded annoyed. You weren’t sure you could even believe his lie. There was no way Jess was willingly getting him in touch with a dealer. She groaned before leaving you alone with Roman.

“Uhhh soo, that was I guess, I mean, I guess I violated some workers right law or something.” He tried to start the conversation. He never knew how to apologize.

“Yea. Multiple. For the past couple of days.”

“Right.” He noted before leaning against the railing across from you, making sure to give you space in case you pushed him off the building. “Uh so, which part made you so upset so I can just apologize and you let this go.”

There were no words to truly describe Roman. How could he really believe that it was that simple?

“Roman, I’m not forgiving you.” You laid out the truth. You were so embarrassed of yourself. Just earlier today you were practically cuddled up with him thinking he was actually kind of cute and funny. But he was just some other capitalist billionaire prick. The image and stereotypes were true.

“Weeeeeell you kind of have to. You are my assistant.”

“I just tolerate you.” You said coldly. You refused to look his way. You looked around the city to see the light that you admired earlier. It seemed to rest your nerves just a bit. They had a calming effect on you.

“Oh, come on, don’t be a fucking snowflake.” He whined. He was so pathetic looking. His eyes turned into pleading. They were practically like a little child who knew they did something wrong. His lips twitched to hide his discomfort. His head even lowered. He was a billionaire, and she was just on his payroll.

“Seriously? This is why I don’t forgive you Roman. You’re sorry but I’m a snowflake? Really? Do you even know how to form the words ‘I’m sorry’?” You berated him. “No. Do you? Well? No apparently not.” You finally faced him. You knew his ego was bruised. It was evident. It almost made you feel sorry for him. But you just couldn’t. You couldn’t feel sorry for someone who refused to take accountability for their actions. “I’m gonna go home Roman. I will see you tomorrow in the office.”

“But-“ He tried to reach out, but he knew he should probably back off for now. He didn’t wanna upset you anymore than he has.

You made sure to say goodbye to Jess and Willa before you had left, but you knew you’d see them both very soon.

You left and got into the Rolls Royce that waited for you and Roman. You told the driver to go without him. You relaxed on your way home. You were just happy to leave that mess. You couldn’t stand being there any longer than you had to. You walked back into your apartment and kicked your shoes off. You locked the door before making your way to the bedroom. You stripped down and laid onto your bed as soon as you possibly could. You quickly set your alarms before calling it a night.

Note: Poor Con, always the forgotten child :(

Chapter 4

[corrodedbisexual]

For a rather long while, Steve mostly keeps to himself just how truly unhinged he feels about Eddie. Because surely Eddie would totally freak out if he knew.

Of course, Steve would often pay him nice compliments, normal ones, things like "you are so gorgeous, you know?", and that alone is enough for Eddie to turn a pretty shade of pink, hiding his grin behind a strand of hair or tucking it into his elbow briefly before saying, "oh shut up," grabbing Steve and kissing him senseless. Not really understanding how much Steve means it. How difficult it is to just look at Eddie a normal amount and not stare like a creep for hours, cataloguing every inch of that face in his brain.

But one day when they smoke up on Eddie's porch Steve gets a little too high, maybe it's the skipped dinner, or maybe he shouldn't have had that beer beforehand, but his self-control just flies right out of the window. To make matters worse, the setting sun hits Eddie's face just right, and Steve can't stop gawking at the literal nature's masterpiece that is his fucking boyfriend.

He leans closer, taking Eddie's face between his hands, just staring until Eddie, slightly concerned, asks him if he's alright. And the words just spill out of Steve. A little slurred, voice full of naked awe, eyes roaming over every inch of his boyfriend's face.

"So fucking beautiful. Like, what the hell, Eddie. Who allowed you to look like this? Do you even know what you're doing to me? Why are your eyes so big like that? For me to drown in them? And your lips. Holy shit, your lips, Eds. Just. Your whole fucking face, actually. What the fuck."

Eddie stares back in shock, progressively getting redder and redder, giggling madly and trying to duck and hide his face except Steve doesn't let him, squeezing his cheeks.

"Jesus, Stevie. You're high as a kite right now."

"Nah," Steve replies with a dopey smile. "I mean. Yeah. Totally." He grins. "But I always feel like that. Looking at you. Can't get enough. So pretty. Your eyes look like chocolate, you know? I kinda wanna lick them. To see if they taste like like chocolate."

"Sweetheart, I love you, but please don't lick my eyeballs."

"But I wanna," Steve pouts, turning Eddie into an absolute giggling mess.

"And they called me freak," he sighs, shaking his head and drawing Steve in for a kiss.

It makes Steve happy because Eddie's lips are his favorite candy. Although it makes him a little sad because he can't look at Eddie's face properly this up close. If Eddie notices that Steve's eyes are open throughout the kiss, he doesn't comment on it.

The kissing doesn't exactly shut Steve up, he keeps muttering utter nonsense whenever they come up for a breath. But judging by the enthusiasm with which Eddie keeps devouring his lips, his words do the opposite of freaking Eddie out.

[three--rings]

Okay so I know we're in this big anti-sex cultural moment.

And I know my own personal standards on this issue are way out there. I am a sex first relationship later person. It's just how I roll. So I'm biased.

But I have to say, everyone talks like it's definitely for sure that it was a bad idea for Ed and Stede to have sex when they did.

And honestly, like, I'm not even arguing with that. It was a very understandable time for them to have sex. There should have been some more talking either before or AFTER about how they were both feeling. But it wasn't ideal perhaps.

Still I want to be clear: I don't think them having sex is the fucking problem here.

Ed is overwhelmed and unsure of where he fits right now. He's been through a lot of trauma recently (and caused a lot of course.) So it's understandable why he'd feel unprepared to add sex with Stede on top of it all.

However, they both do very much want to have sex with each other. And when two people are in love and really attracted to each other and really want to have sex, even if they have other reasons why they are holding back from it...well, eventually they're going to have sex. Sooner or later, but probably sooner.

Time in this show is very difficult to gauge, especially this season. So some time has passed between the moonlight scene and the beginning of ep 6. Ed had his leathers back, he's not wearing the bell, things have changed and progressed. It's not the next day. Probably.

We don't get to know how much time it's been or what has been said in between. Ed seems basically in the same place mentally. If not a worse one. Progress is not being made.

It's easy to criticize Stede for initiating a rather aggressive pounce on Ed in the wake of his trauma. But he's clearly not thinking. That's his issue, separate from the question of whether Ed is ready, so I'm not going to get into it. But he does pause, and he looks to Ed for permission, which Ed gives before enthusiastically and passionately joining in.

They both just went through a scary time. They both are seeking comfort in each other. It means sooner comes rather than later in the inevitable 'they're GOING to fuck' race. I know that sentence is a trashfire but let's move on.

Ed is happy in the morning. He's a little nervous, with the breakfast, but he feels good about dumping his leathers. He's come to a decision. Even after he starts to get nervous after Stede talks about their career, he's mostly fine when they go eat. Relaxed, happy about what happened.

And then all the fame stuff starts and he's fine at first. He talks to Jackie and is fine about it until Jackie is like yeah but you have a problem with your man. He talks to Izzy.

Now he's REALLY done a 180. He doesn't see his desired life and Stede's desired life matching up. Stede apparently doesn't understand Ed and where he's at if he thinks they're going to be pirates together now.

This is the problem. This is what upsets Ed. he spirals for hours. He's running scenarios and coming to negative conclusions. He's not valuable or loveable if he's not Blackbeard. Stede doesn't want him if he doesn't fit into that life. He needs to move on. He is panicked and freaking out.

Then he talks to Stede, after already making the decision to leave and go fishing. Like, let's be clear, he doesn't decide that during their fight. He's decided and signed on. He's just saying goodbye.

It's only then that he brings up the sex. He does throw blame at Stede for it a bit, which I think is mostly fair. But he also isn't accounting for Stede's state of mind at the time. They were both off tilt. But he digs into that, and to me, I think he's using the sex as an excuse.

He didn't have a problem with the sex itself. He was happy in the morning and after. Smiling, smug, cute, loved up, having heart to hearts about mermaids and letters.

It was all the life/identity stuff that crashed in that shifted him. But he doesn't know how to talk about that. He doesn't know how to explain it or be vulnerable about his worst fears and self-worth issues.

So he goes on offense and says hey, actually, this is your fault. He picks the issue he has words for, the only one they've actually talked at all about.

Stede is NOT wrong when he identifies Ed as panicking and wanting to run. Stede is recognizing the behavior from himself.

Just like it's not about Ed wanting to fish, it's not about them going too fast. It's about them not communicating about their deepest needs and desires and fears.

They can have sex or not have sex, if they're not communicating it won't work. They could continue fucking like rabbits and have long talks in between sessions and get really really far. Or do what they've been doing which is NOT having sex and also not communicating which can go on forever and they won't get closer to happy.

I feel like fandom has latched on to this one thing as The Problem, because it's all Ed SAID was a problem. But we have lots of evidence otherwise.

I mean, even the conversation...Ed says it's too fast, Stede is like...okay well we can do whatever. He doesn't get defensive even though he's hurt. But that's not good enough, because that's not actually the problem. But at that point Ed really starts running away.

And they start getting more heated, both being sloppy at expressing themselves. (Stede is unfortunately pretty freaking drunk.)

I think they are both very avoidant personalities when it comes to this kind of thing, this kind of deeply personal conflict. Their anxieties keep them from being honest. And so the sex combined with Stede's killing of a man, and newfound fame, that all became a crisis that forced them to confront these issues. I think ultimately probably for the best, instead of not addressing them.

[brigdh]

I was thinking more about how Stede doesn't really have an arc this season (see my previous criticism here), and I've decided that what I would have loved to see was Stede actively attempting to court Ed.

Now, we did get a little of this in the first few episodes: Stede's letters in 2x01 are great, I love his attempting to track Ed down via a crime-map in 2x02, and of course the "I'll never leave you. I'll never leave again" speech at the end of 2x03 is fantastic. But once Stede and Ed are both in the same location and conscious, there's really nothing. Stede just hangs around, waiting for Ed to figure himself out, or take the lead, or something, I don't know, but Stede's certainly doesn't take any action to progress their relationship himself. He's such a static character in the second half of S2.

But! Imagine instead the arc where Stede is actively trying to romance Ed! I don't need him to be good at it; it's probably a better character arc if he isn't, in fact. Maybe he comes on way too strong at first and this is why Ed asks him to slow down, until Ed can figure out what he's doing about his own guilt/violence/identity/daddy issues (maybe Ed can actually figure out something about his guilt/violence/identity/daddy issues). Maybe Stede's entire conception of romance comes from poetry and novels and it hits a hard skid when he tries it out in reality. Maybe there are cultural clashes between how pirates approach one another and how the landed upper class does it. The exact way Stede fails doesn't really matter, because the point is that Stede is trying something, and fucking it up, and trying again, and growing as he does so, learning more about what the relationship between him and Ed needs and who they are as people.

This also could have been a really interesting arc for Stede internally. Throw in a couple of flashbacks to Stede courting Mary, to make a parallel between how he acted then and how he's acting now with Ed. If it's beyond the budget to fly Claudia O'Doherty to New Zealand or she's busy or something, give Stede a random other lady or two he approached as a young man – ones who obviously refused to accept his hand. Excellent! Now there's even more weight to him getting it right this time with Ed, when he's never managed to get someone to like him before! Or give young Stede an intense friendship with another young man that went wrong, and back then he didn't understand, but now he can look back and be like, 'oh I guess that wasn't as platonic as I thought'. (Personally, this would be my favorite option, but I know Jenkins & co said they didn't want to write a coming-out story, so maybe they'd have been less interested in this one. Fine, but I want it! 🥳 ) I think you could do this without taking up a lot of screentime – I doubt all the scenes we got of Ed's childhood add up to five minutes in total, but we got plenty of information from those three glimpses.

It would also make sense for Stede to discuss the issue with the crew, which gives the show a chance to flesh out their role a little more, another thing the season could have used. If he asks Lucius, what Lucius responds and how he reacts could help to develop the Lucius/Pete relationship. Similarly, if Stede turned to Olu or Jim, we could have heard more about Jim/Archie or Olu/Zheng or any combination of the four. Or any of the crew! What kind of relationship advice does Frenchie give? Roach? This also could have intersected with Ed's redemption arc nicely: which are the crew are willing to put aside their anger at Ed to help Stede (and them doing so would give more credence to Izzy's speech about them being family and loving Ed at the end)? Who isn't willing, and tries to deliberately sabotage their relationship for revenge, and how do Stede and/or Ed react to that?

Overall, I think such an arc could have fit the show's themes of masculinity and toxicity really well. There's so much about dating and pick-up lines and romance that reflects on gender – there are expectations of who should be aggressive vs receptive, flowery vs crude, prudish vs too fast, gifts as a sign of love vs gifts as obligation... it's endless. Obviously the season wouldn't have time to explore all these angles, but I list them as a sign of how many directions they could have taken this topic in. Ultimately it all comes down to: Who does Stede want to be as a partner? And who does Ed want him to be? And that would be so strong as a direction to go in, even if we didn't get final answers to the questions! At least they would be asking them.

But instead we got a vision of a mermaid and never explored who Stede is in reality. :(

[naranjapetrificada]

Time for Fanfic Friday!

First, a WIP update: it appears that the much lamented Izzy POV section of Chapter 3 was important scaffolding for the chapter as a whole, and finally tackling it clarified most of the rest of the structure I needed. I order to gauge my progress over the last several weeks, I moved everything to a new doc and it looks like I'm about halfway to my self-imposed upper word count limit of ~8000. That's not a goal, it can be shorter, but it will certain grow on revision.

All of which is to say that the weeks I've spent whining about my slow progress weren't necessary, because I have been making progress, even if it wasn't visible to me at the time. TLDR Chapter 3 will be here sooner than you think, although idk exactly when. My progress over the next couple days will determine whether it takes one week or two (or three) for me to have a beta-ready draft. I think. I hope.

Anyway, time for recs! I seem to have fallen into a rhythm of a few OFMD recs and one from GO, and if it ain't broke I won't try to fix it! Here's some things I've been reading:

Maybe it's just time to give @piratecaptainscaptainpirates a permanent Fanfic Friday slot, because no matter what he seems to end up on here. And this time I've got TWO recs! There's Moth to a Flame, a sweet funny modern one-shot where Ed pretends to share Stede's enthusiasm for bugs early in their relationship, with predictable consequences; and their newest multi-chapter WIP On a Bright Day, Next Week, which is (sort of?) a Portal/Portal 2 AU? Or at least inspired by it? In any case, I've never hit the subscribe button faster.

fuck ’em, only we know by @medievill, which is more of the inevitable Zaddy fallout, something I cherish every possible iteration of.

In "older fics I'm finally circling back around to" we've got Here's to the Night by @xoxoemynn, a Y2K NYE AU because who doesn't love acronyms? But for real, it's sweet and funny and full of wonderful 1999 flavor that made me smile a lot.

As an Astrology Gay you know I was gonna love Connecting the Dots by @theyellowestmustard! It's so good I can even ignore my personal headcanon that Ed is a Pisces, whereas in this fic he's a Cancer. At least we agree on his undeniable watery nature, and that even though astrology is fake, he's too sweet to ever be a Scorpio. Anyway what really matters here is Ed getting pampered on his special day by Stede "The Most Romantic Motherfucker Alive" Bonnet, as is right and proper.

Last but not least there's Waddle Together by @sylwritesstuff, a weird wonderful GO fic that I genuinely can't explain how I found, but I have to assume it was fate because I had such a blast reading it. This may be the first and only time I've finished a fic where Crowley and Aziraphale aren't their eldritch selves. They're uh, not human either. Just roll with it.

As always, happy Friday and happy reading!

[ygodmyy20]

Okay I finally am getting around to this post! It's the 'Fuck how can mob psycho help me in so many ways god damnit I hate and love this show' post!

Shigeo joining the body improvement club, and everything about this part of his story is so personal to me. I just have to talk about it.

So as we all know at the start of the story, Shigeo joins the body improvement club to impress Tsubomi. Thats it. Thats the goal. He also joins because he wants to get stronger and not rely on his psychic powers but really like...the main reason is to impress her.

And this isn't new. A character wanting to get fit, lose weight, change some physical part of themselves for a crush is SO common in stories that you barely notice it.

But what I love, what I ADORE is how this progresses and changes.

This gif from an amazing AMV by @thekagepro24 and it just UGH hits me so hard it is so perfect!!! I could watch this 5 second gif over and over and over again

I just am. I just am dying while running, I just am making progress, I just am enjoying this because I really like it.

This puts everything I feel into visuals (it's so gooooood watch the AMV!!! DO IIIIIIT)

So many times society tells us to change something about ourselves, or we tell ourselves to change for the appeal of others.

Lose weight so people think you're pretty.

Get fit so you can get into clothes that make you look hot.

Get swol to make a person think you're attractive.

You are the one and only you, this is your one and only body. So why are you working out, why do you WANT to get "swol" who are you trying to impress. Is it for yourself? A crush? Society?

I have battled with the above for so long. I come from an athletic background, and did a lot of sports growing up, but I have never been small. I have battled with weight my whole life and had my own shitty bouts with ED.

I have been in therapy, I have read books, I have watched videos, I've been in and out of PT for nearly 5 years because of a lower back and hip pain that NEVER went away.

I never figured out WHY i wanted to exercise. It just always was "To lose weight" because I couldn't get that goal out of my head for years and years and years.

But then I watched mob psycho 100.

And I started a new type of physical therapy.

And was it mp100 or was it the therapy finally working, who can say which did it—probably both—but one day I thought...

....maybe I should just go for a run...for 5-10 mins. Just to see how it feels. It went against all parts of my athlete brain (because 10 mins is too short to see "gains"....which is dumb but whatever)

I thought of Shigeo and how he basically passed out every time he ran for like 2 mins, but he got better. He had to start from 0, well...kinda like negative 5 really. But then he was doing so much not even a few months in!

35 pushups is so hard!!! You go my boi.

Shigeo started off doing it all for Tsubomi, for others, and even if he really wanted to do it to improve himself I think it was a secondary goal initially. Main goal was to impress someone. Secondary was to get stronger.

But then the marathon happened. And those goals SWITCHED! DURING THE RACE! just....man it hit me. It hit me hard. THAT WHOLE EPISODE IS JUST A LOT FOR ME GOD DAMN

He ran for her initially but he continued running for himself. He continued working at it because he wanted to and in the end, after everything, after confession arc, after all that

This scene!!! makes me cry happy tears!! look at how happy he is UGH IT JUST IS SO UGGGHHHHHHH

Anyway if you made it this far, know that everyones journey through their body improvement, mental improvement, emotional improvement is different. We all have to tackle it in the way that works for us.

It took me nearly 10 years to start again because of this beautiful anime connecting the right dots in my brain.

Every journey is different, but just keep fighting on and you'll figure it out!

[gerrystamour]

that's the kind of love i've been dreaming of [chapter one]

Written for: Lex's Summer Spicy Six Fanworks Challenge Prompt: Skinny Dipping

Explicit★Steddissy★In Progress

They were absolutely insane; Eddie was certain of it as he parked the van and cut the engine. Steve was sitting on the passenger seat, tapping his cell phone against his inner thigh, while Chrissy was practically vibrating on the bench between them, her grin huge. This is part of my second fill for @thefreakandthehair Summer Spicy Six Fanworks Challenge! CW: Steddissy, Dom/sub dynamics, Good Boy Eddie, Soft Dom Steve, Soft Dom Chrissy, Transmasculine Steve, light CBT, Skinny Dipping, Public Sex, Modern AU, Drug Use (Edibles)

[ READ ON AO3 ]

They were absolutely insane; Eddie was certain of it as he parked the van and cut the engine. Steve was sitting on the passenger seat, tapping his cell phone against his inner thigh, while Chrissy was practically vibrating on the bench between them, her grin huge.

“We should leave any of our, like, identifiable shit in here,” Eddie suggested as Steve opened the passenger door.

Chrissy, in her barely contained excitement, was already scrambling over Steve’s lap to get out. She had said something about racing them when they parked the van, and Eddie guessed that meant now. They had partaken in some high-quality edibles, and Chrissy was always a bit hyper when the special gummies came out.

Steve caught her wrist and she immediately giggled and swooped in to kiss him. Anyone else watching would think it was sweet, basically chaste, but Eddie knew better. Sure the kiss was slow, almost shy, but the way Chrissy arched her back, pressing her chest into Steve’s said otherwise. Add onto the fact that Chrissy wasn’t wearing a bra…

“Hey! C’mon now, this was y’all’s idea! We’re not driving all the way out here just to fuck in the van,” Eddie said, snapping his fingers at both of them.

Steve and Chrissy pulled away from each other reluctantly, and Eddie couldn’t tear his eyes away from their shiny, wet lips.

“What were you saying, Eds? About leaving stuff here?” Steve asked, tilting his head as Chrissy leaned in to kiss his neck.

“Like phones, wallets, y’know. Just in case we get caught and we drop shit,” Eddie replied, lifting his ass to get his wallet out of his back pocket. He also took off his rings before leaning over to open the glove box.

“You’re a genius, Eds,” Steve sighed, catching Eddie’s chin as he moved to sit back up and guided him into a hungry kiss that immediately overwrote any thoughts of protesting.

It wasn’t until Chrissy slid off of Steve’s lap and out of the van that they pulled away for air.

“Luckily for me, I’m in my pajamas, which means I still get my head start!” Chrissy said brightly, her grin huge before she took off. She was fast, even high and wearing flip-flops, her legs long and powerful—well, long for her height, at least.

Snapping out of their thoughts as they watched Chrissy run off in her tiny shorts and tank top, Steve pulled his own wallet out of his jeans pocket and tossed it along with his own cell phone into the glove box.

“I’m not a genius, Steve, I’m a criminal,” Eddie said quickly, squawking a bit when Steve grabbed his face and pulled him into another kiss.

“Uh-huh,” Steve said as he pulled back and smooched Eddie’s nose before sliding out of the van. “C’mon, she’s gonna get cold if she stands out there too long and makes us go home.”

Sure enough, as they reached their destination—several blocks away from where they parked, of course—Chrissy was already rubbing her arms and pouting a bit at them.

“What took you so long?” she groused, sighing when Eddie wrapped her up in his arms and held her tight while Steve led them around to the back gate. It was a little difficult to walk holding her, but they always seemed to manage somehow—it really did help that Chrissy was so much shorter than him.

“You know how to pick locks, Harrington?” Eddie asked as Steve eyed the lock and reached into his pocket.

“I mean, yeah, but I might not have to,” Steve replied with a broad smirk as he pulled his keychain out and singled out a big key. Eddie had always wondered what that one was for. Apparently, it was for Hawkins Public Pool?

Steve slid the key in and tried it, and the lock turned. Letting out a triumphant little hiss of a cheer, Steve opened the gate and motioned them through.

“How do you have a key to the pool?” Chrissy asked with a little giggle, delighted as they hurried around the building to the pool deck.

“I thought we were doing this because, and I quote, it’s only fun if we’re not allowed to be there?” Eddie added with a raised eyebrow, doing exaggerated air quotes in the way he knew would get a laugh out of both of his partners.

“I used to be a lifeguard here, and I just… never gave my key back,” Steve said with a shrug, slipping his keys back into his pocket before pulling his shirt over his head. Once he was shirtless, hair a wild mess around his head, he turned one of his classic, heart-breaker smirks on Eddie and said, “And just because I have a key doesn’t mean we’re doing anything less illegal, yeah?”

Eddie blinked at Steve before looking at Chrissy in bewilderment. “Hopper was right, I am a terrible influence,” he said in a daze and Chrissy just laughed, covering her mouth and snorting as she tried to keep her laughter quiet.

“C’mon, let’s get swimming,” Steve said, rolling his eyes as he kicked off his sandals and undid his fly.

In a flurry of motion, Eddie and Chrissy started to strip, though Eddie stopped while he was still in his boxers. When he looked at Chrissy, she was still wearing her tank top and panties. Glancing at Steve, Eddie had to do a double-take because—yeah, yep, Steve Harrington was buck-ass naked in the moonlight at Hawkins Public Pool.

When Steve looked at them as he stepped up to the edge of the pool, he scoffed. “I thought we were skinny dipping, cowards,” he teased lightheartedly before jumping in.

Eddie and Chrissy looked at each other a bit nervously, but then Chrissy just shrugged and pulled her tank top off. Struck by the sight of her naked tits, Eddie stood there in stunned silence as she finished slipping out of her underwear and jumped in after Steve. Shaking himself out of his stupor and willing his body to calm down, Eddie shoved his boxers down and jumped in.

The temperature of the water was definitely enough to take care of whatever downstairs situation was starting, that was for sure.

“Oh, fuck, it’s cold,” Eddie gasped as his head broke the surface, pouting when Chrissy and Steve just laughed at him. Crossing his arms and shivering, Eddie whined, “I’m freezing my dick off and you’re laughing at me?”

“Get moving and you’ll warm up, Munson,” Steve said flatly, completely unsympathetic as he started doing fucking laps like the goddamn jock that he was. If Eddie wasn’t so into him doing jock things, he would be so annoyed at that moment. However, as it was, the cold water wasn’t going to keep Eddie Junior in check for very long.

“C’mon, Eddie, let’s swim a bit,” Chrissy cooed in his ear, jolting Eddie out of his increasingly horny thoughts, but when he turned his gaze toward her, he just started thinking about her instead.

She was so beautiful, grinning up at him with her hair wet and slicked back, the swells of her tits just barely breaking the surface of the water. They only had the light from the moon and one of the lights in the parking lot to see by, but it was more than enough. Especially with his memories of her body in broad daylight, laid out on the sheets of her bed, flushed and gorgeous. What he couldn’t see right now, he still remembered. When he didn’t respond, Chrissy stood up properly and swam close to Eddie, her softness pressed flush against his front as she slid her hands up to rest on his chest.

Eddie held his breath, one hand cupping her cheek as Chrissy tilted her head back, glancing at his lips before a mischievous smirk passed over her features.

Before he could even react to the change in her expression, Eddie found himself underwater, the lingering feeling of Chrissy’s shove still lighting up his chest. He could hear her peals of laughter through the water, and even through his indignation he couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth.

Without surfacing, Eddie squinted through the water and found Chrissy’s retreating silhouette through the darkness and immediately swam after her. Even though he liked to make fun of sports and most athletic activities, Eddie prided himself in being an excellent swimmer. Steve regularly lamented the fact that Eddie never actually joined the swim team back when they were still in high school.

His arms closed around Chrissy’s waist and he dragged her under, rolling as she thrashed. When they finally surfaced, giggling and breathless, Chrissy was coughing around the mouthful of water she inhaled at the end. Eddie pulled her in tight to his front and kissed her forehead as she caught her breath, and she clung to him, giggles overtaking her as she tipped her head back.

Without hesitation, Eddie grinned and stooped to kiss her, immediately opening for her questing tongue with a low groan. With a little sound against his mouth, Chrissy wrapped her legs around his waist and Eddie’s hands immediately slid down her back to grab two ample handfuls of her ass. Holding her tight as he stood up so they didn’t sink, Eddie deepened the kiss, moaning thickly as he groped her asscheeks roughly, chasing her lips when she pulled away.

Opening his eyes slowly, unsure of when they even closed, Eddie furrowed his brow as Chrissy clasped her hands behind his head and took a dramatic breath, puffing her cheeks out with it. Then she tightened her legs around Eddie’s middle and launched herself backward, her grip on Eddie’s head dragging him forward and into the water once again.

Their second tussle was much more short-lived as that much naked skin against each other had them both distracted, and soon Eddie found himself pinned against the wall of the pool, Chrissy’s demanding mouth on his as he kneaded his handfuls of her ass once again. That’s just where his hands belonged, on her ass, or her hips, feeling the perfect softness there and getting hungrier. He was greedy and possessive in his touches, pulling her against his hardening cock with a desperate whimper.

When she pulled away to catch her breath, Eddie said sternly, “Don’t try to drown me again, Cunningham, I swear to god—”

“I would never try to drown you while you’re grinding a boner against me, baby,” Chrissy cooed comfortingly, nudging Eddie’s chin with her nose until he tipped his head back and allowed her access to his throat. With a low whine, Eddie groped her ass and rocked his hips against her, his entire body shivering with pleasure as she met his movements, her teeth worrying a bruise into his skin.

Then Eddie shuddered as two hands slid between their bodies to squeeze and massage Chrissy’s tits. Her mouth pulled away from Eddie’s throat as she threw her head back, biting her lips to muffle a cry.

When Eddie opened his eyes—again, when did they close?—he watched hungrily as Chrissy rested her head back on Steve’s shoulder, panting softly against his ear as he pinched and plucked at her nipples. Steve met Eddie’s gaze with a little smirk, turning his face to kiss her sloppily, coaxing her tongue into his mouth. For a moment, it wasn’t even a proper kiss, just their tongues meeting each other in quick touches before they both moaned and sealed their mouths together. It was one of Eddie’s favourite sights in the world, his two favourite people kissing each other and making each other feel good. It was intoxicating.

He was so distracted by the picture they made together that Eddie didn’t even notice that one of Steve’s hands had disappeared from Chrissy’s chest. Steve’s firm grip suddenly settling on his hip made him jump slightly before he leaned into it. It was the only warning he got before Steve’s hand went on to sweep across the front of his thigh until it was cupping Eddie’s balls, pulling a sharp whimper from him. Steve’s eyes met his with a smirk against Chrissy’s mouth as he massaged his handful, making Eddie buck and whine.

The movement had his cock slipping from between his and Chrissy’s bodies and right to where her strong legs met, the length of it rubbing teasingly against the seam of her cunt. Shuddering between Steve’s fondling and the teasing friction, Eddie let out a long, high keen.

Pulling away from the kiss, Steve rested his chin on Chrissy’s shoulder and grinned at Eddie, toothy and predatory as his grip on his balls tightened and pulled until he was sobbing at the pleasure-pain.

“Want him inside me,” Chrissy sighed, her own hands resting on Eddie’s chest before plucking at his nipples, playing roughly with the barbells there with her manicured nails. Eddie sobbed and screwed his eyes shut, head tipping back as she pinched his sensitive nipples.

“You think he deserves it, baby?” Steve asked in a low voice and Eddie felt his head go fuzzy with hot static, the blush on his cheeks so warm he felt like he was about to start sweating.

“Not about him. I want a cock in me, and you didn’t bring any of yours,” Chrissy replied, and God being talked about like an object, like he was just a sex toy for them to use, really did something for Eddie.

Steve hummed at that, thoughtful and mocking. “Could give you my fingers?” he offered and Eddie bit his lip against the whimper that was about to tumble from his throat.

He wanted to beg and convince Chrissy that his cock was better than Steve’s fingers, but he knew firsthand that Steve’s fingers were wicked in their accuracy and talents. He was so fucking good with his fingers; it took a month for Eddie to upgrade to one of Steve’s straps when they first started dating. Apparently, Chrissy went three months with only Steve’s fingers at the start of their relationship as well.

Opening his eyes again, he froze at the change in the lighting, at the flashing red and blue of it. Gravel crunched under a tire, and Eddie could hear the squeak of a brake being applied.

“Cops!” Eddie hissed and that immediately snapped them out of it. The three of them swam across the pool and dragged themselves out, scooping up their clothes. Chrissy managed to get her tank top on before they heard a car door shutting.

“Shit,” Steve hissed, still struggling with figuring out his clothes in the dark.

“Just put your damn shoes back on, Harrington. We have to run now,” Eddie hissed, grinning maniacally at Steve’s alarmed expression. He wanted risk, right? With that, Eddie grabbed Chrissy’s hand and ran around the building to the back gate.

As the three of them fled the pool, Steve and Eddie were still completely naked except for their sandals and Crocs respectively, and they heard a shout from inside the fence. Squealing and giggling wildly, they booked it as fast as they could to the van. Eddie didn’t even bother getting into the driver’s seat, just tossed Steve his keys and scrambled up into the van after Chrissy. Steve was a much better getaway driver, thanks to his ability to balance speed with recklessness perfectly.

Steve started the van and immediately pulled away from the curb, speeding down the quiet, dark road with a broad grin on his face, checking the mirrors for lights.

“This was so stupid,” he said with a huff, laughing brightly as he took a corner just a touch too fast and made Chrissy and Eddie slide across the bench and against the passenger door.

Eddie let out an indignant sound as he threw his hands up. “It was your idea!”

Chrissy giggled and Steve just grinned sidelong over at Eddie, making his heart do a series of somersaults. “Yeah, it was,” he said with a smirk before returning his attention to the road.

[ TBC ]

[ READ ON AO3 ]

Taglist! @mylilplanet @scarcrossdlvrs @patchworkgargoyle @stobinesque @spectrum-spectre @judasofsuburbia @connected-dots-st-reblogger @jaxildan @hellion-child @spicysix @starryeyedjanai @sidekick-hero @steddieas-shegoes @yournowheregirl

[nobeansforyou]

Okay...

So, I've liked Izzy Hands from the beginning. Not because I condone his actions in the first season (I agree, they were a bit fucked up, especially the "namby pamby" scene), but because he's an interesting, very complex character. I don't think that he didn't like Stede because Ed is in love with him, although that definitely plays a part, but because Izzy and Stede just didn't like each other. From their first interaction, where Ed wasn't even a part of the story yet, they didn't like each other. Honestly, I don't really like Stede either (a hot take, I know, but he just gets on my nerves a lot).

As the season progresses, we see this emotionally immature, repressed dude watch the person he's in love with fall in love with a person he hates. I also don't think that Izzy even has internalized homophobia. He knows that he loves Ed, he just doesn't have the words to express it, and the whole thing with him disliking Stede is, in my mind, because he views Stede as incompetent (which he sort of is) and as a threat to Ed. It's less of an "I don't want two guys to kiss >:((" and more of a "oh my goodness, this clueless person is gonna get us all killed."

Imagine you have lived your entire life doing something one way, only for someone else to come along and do it completely opposite, but not only is everything working out for them, the person you have loved and based your entire identity off of is suddenly in loved with them. It would be unnerving and uncomfortable, right?

And another thing. Izzy is essentially Ed's executive function in the first season. We see him following Ed around, trying to remind him that they have things to do, but Ed is not doing well. He literally says to Izzy that he would be interested in dying. So Izzy has to deal with that on top of a crew that doesn't listen (l love them, don't get me wrong, but come on guys), and now interacting on a daily basis with Stede. Bro's literally doing everything he can to keep the ship running. Of course he's gonna feel fed up when Ed shows up in Stede's clothes, goofing off, and not really being a captain.

This is getting long, so I'm probably gonna make another part, but I kinda want to go episode by episode and just analyze Izzy because I love him and yeah.

Also, also, this is in no way hate towards the Izzy haters, I (kinda) understand where you're coming from; he's not for everyone, I get it. But please don't come after me for saying I don't like Stede...

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

hi bestie saw ur post and im kinda curious about this since it's something not a lot of ppl are talking about next to ed's arc and izzy's death and all— what do you think about how they handled stede in the finale? I felt like a lot of the "incompetent wannabe pirate" jokes undermined his progress this season and also him deciding to stay at the inn with ed felt odd as he expressed he wanted to be a pirate and sail the sea. just wondering what other people think about that

[Oct 31, 2023]

Before we get into it, you are allowed to enjoy this show! My past (and next few) responses WILL be negative, but you aren't wrong for agreeing or disagreeing with most posts. Thanks to all the people who have already sent in messages! I can't wait to respond!!

I am an Izzy fan first and foremost, but how a show handles it's protagonist says a LOT about how it handles it' characters overall!

TLDR for this post: In any character-centric media, explore your characters as characters first. Develop your plot around them and their arcs. Don't treat an ensemble cast as faceless props for the story you're trying to tell. Stede's arc is weird because Stede is shoved in places where it feels like he doesn't fit anymore.

Creating a narrative focused on central character conflicts can work. This is how S1 was written. Stede and his actions directly lead to revealing truths of the world that push the plot forward. This worked because I'd argue the strongest part of OFMD overall is its characters. S2 misses out on this strongest aspect by only referencing its characters when it needs something from them.

S1 We went from Stede killing a guy-> The Act of Grace. S2 Stede tells a guy he shouldn't be an idiot and leave behind a calling card -> burning down the Republic of Pirates and killing Izzy. S2 doesn't feel as tied to Stede's arc of growing into a pirate. But Stede isn't the only person this has fucked over.

Each crew member has their role established from S1, we fans know how they work as a family. But in S2 most of the cast can be swapped out interchangeably unless its something that features this side character NICHE (Wee John in drag being good with fabrics, Roach being a cook).

Sadly, by focusing on the larger Zheng vs. Military arc, a story our characters BARELY caused, the audience misses out on potential character development. Instead of our characters facing the consequences of their actions, our favorite side characters are used as faceless narrative tools. This is largely why the crew was abandoned this season unless they had a romantic side plot. Seeing The Revenge sail off in episode 8, it feels like we barely care about them at all anymore.

As seen from @the-buttspie 's comment, even Stede's arc isn't left out of the firing range. His characterization in episode 8 is constantly thrown back and forth between 'Captain doing his best' and 'Village idiot' if the scene needs it.

Analyzing WHY I started to dislike Stede post episode 4 is FASCINATING, and I feel that digging all the way back to the beginning is a smart way to look at his character growth this season.

FRAMING: Stede's early story get's fucked over pacing-wise because his storyline happens side by side to that of Ed/Izzy.

Any dramatic moment is cut short to show just how much the other crew is NOT about to die. Every time I watch S2 with a new person, for episodes 1-3, they'll comment on how much they don't care about Stede's plot. Which is not a thing you'd want for your protagonist in a season of TV that's only 8 episodes long.

Stede goes through a really strong arc from S1 to the start of S2. For the first three episodes of S2, he puts the needs of his crew before the needs of himself. Literally making sure his crew is safe before going down to see Ed's corpse. I genuinely enjoyed how Stede stepped up for his family. How he doesn't blame the Revenge crew for killing Ed, realizing that yes. Ed is the love of his life and also a man who has seriously hurt so many people.

Eps 4-5: From that we see him trying to talk it through with Ed. While both of them aren't telling the whole truth, it's a good start! We're midway through the season, so we should expect things to get fleshed out more soon.

Until Stede decides 'I'm going to bring a man that tortured my family for 80+ days onboard less than 24 hours after my crew voted him off' Yes. Stede loves Ed to a stupid extent, but this starts the trend for Stede to be dangerously selfish this season using his power as captain to overwrite the want of his crew, a habit of his that partially gets Izzy killed.

I really enjoyed Stede in episode 5, and for me, this felt most like the Stede we recognize growing into a real Captain with hints of who he was. I think it says a lot that Stede still misses his layers and silks. That he craves the softness he used to have in the form of that cursed jacket. But as soon as Izzy is like 'you idiot, please listen to them, they will mutiny' Stede gives it up!!!! He's grown. He's listening to Izzy, he's talking with his crew! This episode did the one thing I wish the season did more of, show the reunited crew just living their lives.

This is where Stede stands out, it lets him be a bit more of a leader to the crew. Let him find his groove again. I loved it!!

Now: Killing Ned Low.

Stede choosing to kill Ned Low is the first time Stede killing someone counts. Yes, he burned down the ship French ship. But this is the first time the audience is supposed to care. I think this moment WAS in character and a really important moment for Stede. He chose this. This wasn't up to crew vote, Ned insulted Ed so fuck him, he deserves to die. Ned walks the plank, also referencing historical Bonnet's tendency to do the same thing.

This is where both Ed and Stede make an in-character mistake, having their first time after the rush of 'oh shit, I'm still alive, and I'm hurting and you're here too'. They don't regret their first time, clearly, they both enjoyed it, but both of them can't ignore what fueled it. Stede has had 3 episodes to re-establish himself with his crew, and now has very little time for the rest of the season with them to show off his growth. That's why, after the party, we don't feel like this show is showing off a family anymore. Even when reunited, they barely feel like a united front.

But from this point on, I personally feel that Stede should have toned down the humor a bit and act like he did in episode 3. Well, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself so-

Episode 7: Stede enjoys being popular, following in Ed's footsteps. He holds his ground against Ed, and overall this feels like a natural progression of his arc from episode 5. He knows what he wants in life and Ed not communicating is genuinely frustrating for him. Him being heartbroken and trying to fight Zheng like she's Izzy is one of the few callbacks I feel that works. As it compares a Stede who was supported by his crew, to this Stede who feels totally alone. I loved Stede this episode, only to be disappointed by-

Episode 8:

Where Ed is allowed to have his silly moments in private, I feel that Stede fluctuates between silly and serious WAY too much for us to take him seriously. Stede's response to Ed telling him he loved him being 'I know' also felt off to me.

"You're not a dick, life's a dick" This line is frustrating to me as it's Stede's response to Ed apologizing. Genuinely apologizing for his actions in the previous episode. This could have been a moment for us to feel like Stede and Ed were a united front but Stede's constant joking and not taking shit semi-seriously. Yes. He feels more comfortable around his family which is amazing.

But I can't help but point out how Stede chooses to go along with a plan the rest of the crew doesn't like. What NARRATIVE purpose was there for Stede trying to sell the captain? He has money, clearly. With the loot they still have, and a future alliance with Zheng.

Stede fucks up. His choice a plan that gets Izzy killed. The writers sacrificed Stede being a competent Captain who cares about his crew into what is described as a 'suicide mission' to push Izzy into his rushed death. A disservice to both characters.

ONTO:

Stede abandons piracy

I'm not shocked they did this, not after the other flubs of the episode, but I hate that it wasn't a conversation held between Ed and Stede.

They could cut the stupid joke about Ed being bad at fishing at the beginning and have these two idiots talking about their issues. Maybe establish that, yeah, piracy is a lot, and they deserve to settle down and get to know each other. Even if they return to the sea, this frames it as Ed finally finding peace and Stede getting pulled along, going against his character growth this season.

I'm surprised that they're setting this up now and not at the end of Season 3. Hell, I used to think S3 would be focused on Ed and Stede avoiding/faking their historical deaths. Given all the bullshit they'll have to clean up to wrap up all the loose ends established this season- S3 will be VERY Ed/Stede focused, I think the crew will still be inserted in without care or arc. Characters like Jim and Oluwande will be prioritized as they are in a relationship before our nonromantic characters like Wee John and Frenchie.

Stede and Ed's relationship, the driving force of the plot, still falls flat because after everything it still feels like puppy love. They've spent at most two months in person together, and two weeks in a serious relationship. I don't really feel convinced that they actually love each other. Ed still doesn't know that Stede was kidnapped at the end of S1, or why he struggles to talk about his feelings. Ed still hasn't talked about why he feels he needs to leave piracy, or his issues feeling like he doesn't belong anywhere in life. Their habit of running away the MOMENT things get hard just makes me not care about them.

I blame the size of the Izzy fandom on the fact that if you don't buy into the leads, there's almost nothing left here to sink your teeth into. The moment the show seems like they'll talk about it they hard pivot.

I hope S3ep1 happens after a LONG time jump. I want these fuckers to be snippy like two people snowed into a cabin for months. Sick of each other and bitching back and forth like no tomorrow. S3 is about genuinely breaking down their walls. Until then, I'll stick with Izzy, the Canyon, and his depressing version of this reality.

[happiness-of-the-pursuit]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks to @kiwiana-writes for the tag!! I did this back in like... October, and a LOT has changed since then lol

How many works do you have on ao3?

29

What's your total ao3 word count?

299,988 (though this includes 110,000 from the co-written PJO AU and 2,000 words from Manu's fic that I podficced to)

What fandoms do you write for?

Only RWRB for now, though never say never to others. I recently read Check, Please! and I've had some thoughts, but I have far too many WIPs for RWRB to write them rn. Also I have some ideas for The Pairing, but again, I have... so many RWRB wips...

Top five fics by kudos:

Longer Than Most | 26K, trans Henry accidental pregnancy (also this is how I found out it had become my top kudos-ed fic AH)

The Super Six Take a Lie Detector Test | Vanity Fair | 7K, YouTube interview

Let Me inside (I Want to Get to Know You) | 6K, epistolary roommates

Claremont 2008 | 28K, canon divergence where Ellen gets elected in 2008, childhood friends to lovers

(Dil)Do It Yourself | 17K, meet cute at a DIY dildo workshop

Do you respond to comments?

I really try to. But. I have gotten quite behind recently. I would love to catch up but it's just a bit overwhelming at the moment.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really have any angsty endings?? but a fic @affectionatelyrs and I are working on is going to have an ambiguous ending and my joke is that someone should the version of it where things take the angsty route

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I mostly write happy endings, but I am going to say that Let Me inside (I Want to Get to Know You) is the happiest because it's kinda the tropiest

Do you get hate on fics?

Not hate, but I've gotten one or two weird comments, or comments asking about updates.

Do you write smut?

I do! (this is one of the things that's changed since the fall)

Craziest crossover:

The closest I've gotten to a crossover is the PJO AU, but that's not even an actual crossover.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes!! Super Six and the Siren's Call with @inexplicablymine and @read-and-write- was the first, and then I wrote Let Me inside (I Want to Get to Know You) with @affectionatelyrs. I also did the podficcing of the voice notes for love has a voice (and it's yours) by Manu. I've also got a couple more projects coming up with Jamie also.

All time favorite ship?

Well that I've written for, FirstPrince :)

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Unfortunately I don't know if I'll ever finish Baby's First Pride because I've grown a ton as a writer since then and I would want to redo the old chapters and that just isn't all the compelling to me anymore...

What are your writing strengths?

I fucking hate this question. But I am going with dialogue and humor (and humorous dialogue) which has been co-signed by others so I feel less weird about saying this.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I would like to be able to keep smut more concise at times, because it always turns into a Big Scene but it doesn't always need to be a Big Scene. And I've been trying to work on a particular style of writing which is a bit more uhhh snappy? I don't know how to describe it. But that's still a huge work in progress, because I always get more rambly than I want.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I definitely try to include it for the characters in RWRB who speak other languages, and when I do I lean on my friends who speak those languages as a native speaker.

First fandom you wrote in?

Officially: RWRB. For myself: HP.

Favorite fic you've written?

Honestly it's always whatever I'm working on at the moment, which is a couple of WIPs: Fire Island WIP, Parasocial Relationship AU with @affectionatelyrs, and my Big Bang fic come to mind.

But really I want to know what y'all's favorite fic of mine is!!!!

I'll tag 20 people, sorry if anyone's done this recently, but in case anyone wants to go again: @mainstreamelectricalparade @14carrotghoul @anincompletelist @littlemisskittentoes @gay-flyboys

and @songliili @gayrootvegetable @leojfitz @welcometololaland @rmd-writes

and @bigassbowlingballhead @eusuntgratie @captainjunglegym @cactusdragon517 @cricketnationrise

and @violetbaudelaire-quagmire @bribumblebee @nocoastposts @magicandarchery @itsmaybitheway!!!

[mousemilf]

if you’re interested in working out, you could do planks and pushups and other body weight stuff to start with. after a while you might even feel comfortable enough to go to the gym, which ceases to particularly daunting after the first few visits anyhow.

i dont want to sound like, dismissive or like im resistant to helping myself, but tbh i am actually not really interested in working out at this point in my life. im in pretty good general physical condition from having an active job and lifestyle, so im not like sedentary at all - ive just given up (for the time being) on trying to put on muscle for aesthetics....

main issue is that most of my joints are either hypermobile or chronically inflamed, and i feel like every time i do try to go on a fitness kick it gets a little harder bcs so many traditional exercises are ruled out. last time i worked out was a little over a year ago, i had probably a five-month streak of going to the gym at least once a week, and i eventually gave up because i was not making any progress because every time id get frustrated by how much the weight bearing exercises hurt and just hop on the elliptical for half an hour instead. i understand this is a mental failing on my part.

and yeah, ive been in and out of physical therapy a bunch and tried twice to figure out why my joints are so fucked. i have been putting off testing for vascular eds which is the latest theory since my circulation is also completely fucked. but generally im on my feet all day and eat a lot of veggies, ive just accepted im not going to have a huge ass rn bcs ive got so much else going on and god nerfed me.