#the dentist asked me how often do i floss and i was like um..never

[cinnabeat]

please brush your teeth and hopefully youll never have to hear your dentist tell you the terrifying words "laser" and "cauterize"

[dansphlevels]

Could you do a fix where one of them goes the dentist please? You're an amazing writer.

This ask freaking haunted me. I can not tell you how many times my family or friends asked me what was wrong and I sobbed out “how am I supposed to write a story about them going to the DENTIST? What spin can I put on this? How has my life come to this?”

(Don’t let that keep you from ever sending in asks tho. I will write whatever stories you request, no matter how vague/detailed the prompt is. A little bit of challenge/emotional turmoil is necessary for the creative process.)

Words Aren’t Always Needed

Day 6 of 12 Days Of Prompts

Length: 2.5k

Summary: After a bad reaction to painkillers administered by his dentist, Dan loses the ability to speak for a few days. Which wouldn’t be that big of a deal if they didn’t have plans, including an important business meeting and going to the Star Wars premiere.

Or, the one where Dan loses his voice and Phil has to interpret for him like an extended, inappropriately timed game of charades.

TW: For light (but semi-frequent) cussing 

Dan certainly had his peculiarities. One of which being that he actually enjoyed going to the dentist.

Well, most of the time.

Daniel Howell, as in danisnotonfire from YouTube, as in ‘Dan and Phil’ Dan, was slightly different than many people due to his high tolerance for pain. This meant that he didn’t mind small bumps or bruising and that he seldom took painkillers unless they were really needed. It also meant that going to the dentist every six months wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable an experience as it was for others. Dan always left with his teeth feeling fresh and clean. What was the harm?

That was on a normal trip to the dentist, however.

This specific trip to the dentist was supposed to be no different. Dan would go, the dentist would poke around for a while, there’d be a little scrapey scrapey, then Dan would get a free toothbrush and be sent on his way. And Dan was an absolute slut for free toothbrushes. But instead, he found himself reclined in the dentist’s chair as the man towered over him, tapping the side of a needle with his knuckle. “This will make you go numb for the procedure. When the medicine wears off, your voice might still be slurred for a few hours, but should recover relatively quickly.”

The dentist lied. Because after the ‘relatively quick procedure’ was over, Dan’s voice wasn’t slurred, it was gone. When the dentist asked him to say something, all that came out was a squeak.

The dentist frowned. “That’s not right.”

No fucking shit, Dan thought, trying to avoid glaring at the doctor as he inspected his mouth and throat to see what the issue was. Fifteen minutes later, and Dan was sent out the door with the explanation of 'the numbing medicine seems to have had a small unexpected side effect. While uncommon, this has happened before, and your voice should likely return within the next few days.’

And, to top it all off, they were out of free toothbrushes.

So Dan was left with no voice, the lower half of his face still numb, and a goody bag with only floss in it. Floss.

Dan managed to get in a cab and hand him his phone with his address typed into it- his phone was on 7% battery, because God absolutely hated him- and was sent on his way. He was already almost home when he remembered to text Phil, and let him know what had happened.

To Phil: The dentist was horrible. He screwed up the numbing solution and now I’ve lost my voice for the next few days.

To Dan: Aww, I know how excited you were to goI’m sorry the dentist didn’t fulfill all of your scrapey dreams But you lost your voice? What about the event tomorrow?

And that’s how Dan ended up sitting in the backseat of a cab, banging his head against the window, because Fuck, they had plans tomorrow and how was Dan supposed to do anything when he couldn’t even speak?

—-

Phil was waiting for him when he got home.

He laughed when he saw Dan. “Is your face still numb? You look a little, um…” he didn’t need to finish his sentence.

Dan managed his best seriously, Phil expression and flicked his friend the middle finger before heading to his room to charge his phone.

That night was Phil’s turn to make dinner, which was good because otherwise they weren’t going to fucking eat, were they? Unfortunately, by then the painkillers had completely worn off and Dan’s jaw hurt to move too much, so he was unable to eat the fajitas. Finally, taking sympathy on him, Phil stopped making fun of him for thirty seconds so he could get Dan some applesauce.

“The shoes I ordered came in!“ Phil said when Dan was settled in with his applesauce and spoon. All of their normal spoons were dirty, so Phil had given him a decorative tea spoon that someone had given him. It was about half the size of a normal spoon and made Dan want to crawl under his duvet and never come out.

Still, Dan managed to give Phil a mildly interested look. Okay, that was a lie. But he did manage to not scowl at him, which was an improvement.

"They’re really cool Dan, they’re gold and like, scaly-” he giggled at Dan’s expression. “And shiny. Really shiny. Actually, they’re not gold, they’re more of a yellowish, copperish, I’m just going to keep talking because it’s not like you can interrupt me, and they fit really well…”

Dan set his tiny spoon on the table and picked up the cup of applesauce, bringing it to his face and trying to down it like a shot. Instead, a single glob fell out and went down the wrong pipe, resulting in Dan almost choking to death which would have been just awful, really, he wouldn’t accept the warm embrace of death at all on a day like this.

Dan was done with his applesauce after that. In fact, he decided then that he was done with that day in its entirety, and with a small salute to Phil, Dan headed off to his room to scroll on the Tumbs for a while and try to forget the day he’d had.

—-

The next day, Dan woke up and had almost forgotten about his loss of voice.

He went about his morning routine as always, scrolling on Tumblr for a while before getting up and making himself get ready for the day. His face was back to normal, which was good. Dan put on some of his nice-ish clothes and went to grab breakfast.

"Hey Dan, is your voice better?“ Phil asked when he saw him.

And Dan. Dan actually yipped. A full blown, injured puppy yip. And Phil gave him this look, like he was wondering if Dan had just been possessed or if he’d stepped on the LEGO Phil figurine again (which happened far more often than you would think, seeing as Dan’s LEGO figurine never fell off their whiteboard. Dan believed there was a conspiracy.)

Dan tried to explain himself, but all that came out was a squeak.

"I guess that’s a no,” Phil reasoned. “How are we supposed to even go to the things today? Should you just stay home?”

Dan shrugged, looking at Phil pointedly, like you should be able to figure this out because I don’t know.

Phil scratched the back of his head. “Well… you might as well come? I mean, you’re going to the Star Wars thing anyways-” Dan nodded vigorously “-so it’d probably be offensive if you skipped the meetings.”

Dan sighed, which he was still able to do just fine. He nodded and went to get his shoes, pouting all the way.

—-

In the car on the way to their meetings, Dan and Phil texted each other back and forth, even though they were sitting right next to each other.

They got to the official-looking office building and Dan climbed out of the cab as Phil paid for them. They walked in together, with Phil taking the lead slightly and Dan trailing behind, his hands stuffed in his jacket and his eyes on the floor. It was strange how the loss of his voice seemed to affect the rest of him; no one was trying to take to him, yet he still felt as though he wasn’t able to communicate properly.

They got to the queue. A chirpy seeming receptionist (who’d probably been there since five that morning and drunken her entire body weight in coffee) greeted them, letting Phil in with a chirpy “Floor 5!” But when Dan tried to follow, the turn dial didn’t let him through. “Sorry, I don’t think there’s anyone else authorized to go upstairs? If you’d like to take a seat, I can check.”

At this point, Dan had absolutely mastered his 'I’m so fucking done’ face, which he proceeded to show the receptionist.

And Phil hadn’t noticed. He’d kept walking along, turning a corner and was out of sight, and Dan couldn’t fucking yell to get his attention, because, well, he couldn’t fucking speak.

Dan aggressively gestured and pointed for the next thirty seconds before Phil came back, looking a little embarrassed. “Um, sorry. He’s with me.”

Damn fucking right I am, Dan thought as the receptionist apologized and let him through. He was still glaring as they started walking away.

"Sorry about that,“ Phil admitted sheepishly.

And Dan was so done with not being able to speak that he actually stopped walking, pulling Phil to a halt with him, and grabbed his shoulder, pulling him so close that Dan’s lips were almost touching his ear, and Dan managed to whisper in the quietest, raspiest voice imaginable, "Lit-rally fuck everything.”

Phil giggled, made a bad innuendo, etc etc. Dan smacked him on the arm. And they kept walking.

The meeting was, surprisingly, not as miserable as Dan expected. They came in and shook hands with everyone, Phil explaining that Dan couldn’t speak while Dan tried to smile instead of grimace. Then they got down to business.

This particular meeting had to do with new mercy that was to be released. It involved a lot of technical stuff, which, depending on the topic, Phil was either very good at or completely oblivious to. He and Dan usually split up the duties of remembering important things.

"We need to approve the styles of shirts as well. Did you have some in mind?“

Phil looked to Dan. "Um…”

Dan gestured like go on, you should know this. Phil just widened his eyes, to which Dan rolled his eyes in response. He gestured at his arms, tapping his wrist.

"A watch?“

Dan pinched the air above his wrist as if tugging at invisible cloth.

"Oh, long sleeves. And…”

Dan tapped on his shoulder, right where the cut off of short sleeves would be.

"And short sleeves.“

"What style of short sleeves?” One of the official looking business people asked.

Dan cupped the air under his chest, as if pushing up invisible boobs.

"Girl ones,“ Phil translated. "Like… you know those tighter fitting shirts that girls sometimes wear?”

"You mean a fitted T-shirt?“ One of the people supplied.

Dan nodded. "Yes!” Phil said. “And…”

Dan flexed his arms like a bodybuilder.

"Muscle shirts?“

He shook his head, pointing under the table to his crotch.

Phil looked a little uncomfortable. "Dan, I don’t think that’s exactly appropriate…”

Dan huffed. Finally, he reached over under the table and pulled Phil’s jacket up a little, grabbing onto the edge of his T-shirt.

"And normal T-shirts,“ Phil supplied. "Um… unisex ones.”

Dan nodded, giving him both thumbs up.

—-

Phil adjusted his bow tie in the mirror. There was a knock on his bedroom door, and he walked over quickly, opening it to reveal a suave looking Dan decked out in a completely white suit with a black dress shirt underneath. Dan leaned against the door, biting his lip, showing off his ensemble for Phil to admire.

"You look very dashing,“ Phil agreed, because though Dan hadn’t said anything aloud, his feelings towards the outfit were made clear with the prideful glint in his eyes.

Dan nodded in a you too. He stepped forwards, admiring Phil’s golden shoes.

"Pretty snazzy, right? I kind of based the whole outfit around them.” Phil tugged at his lapels, which were patterned with golden swirls. The rest of his suit was a formal black, save for a white dress shirt underneath.

Dan nodded in agreement, moving closer and adjusting Phil’s bow tie for him wordlessly. Phil had been wearing them for longer, but Dan had more of an eye for detail.

Wordlessly, they grabbed their phones and wallets and headed out front, Phil stepping into the road and catching the attention of a cabbie almost immediately. He stopped, and Phil climbed in, followed closely by Dan. They sat so close their legs touched without thinking. That’s just how they were comfortable.

It took a long time to get to the Royal Albert Hall where the premiere was being shown, mostly due to traffic. It was a big event, and if you weren’t going as a guest, you were going as press. Then, when they finally got there, they had to wait in line for ages just to get in, as everyone had to have their bags searched, because the princes were there, screeeeee!

"We could play i-spy!“ Phil suggested in excitement. Dan tried to let him down easily, gesturing at his throat like um, how? Then, when Phil insisted they try and make it work, they tried, and it didn’t work.

Dan pointed at himself, gesturing that he’d go instead, and Phil could guess. He scanned the room, his eyes locking on a hideous white dress shirt with polka dots on it. He nodded, pointing at his white jacket.

"It’s white,” Phil translated. Dan nodded in agreement, and Phil scanned the area.

"Those shoes that lady is wearing-“

Dan shook his head.

"That man’s white shirt.”

Dan saw where he was pointing, and shook his head again, smiling a little smugly.

"Is it one of the stormtroopers?“

Dan widened his eyes, peering over the heads of people to where Phil was pointing. He squeeeeed in excitement, one of the only noises he could still make, ignoring the looks he was sent.

"You have to take a picture with them!” Phil encouraged.

Dan gave him his trademarked 'duh’ expression, though this time, it came with a genuine smile. He puffed out his jacket a little, like you think I wore this for any other reason?

———-

They got the picture with the Storm Troopers, even though in order to do that they had to pose for the press, which both of them tried to avoid as much as possible. It was still sort of funny to think that people were actually interested in pictures of them, but Dan sort of doubted anyone in the press actually knew who they were. They just knew they were snazzy looking guests and that they must be important enough to have been invited to the event, so they didn’t question it.

Then, finally, they got to see the movie. And almost the whole time, they whispered back and forth, Dan’s whisper even quieter than Phil’s, but he still understood it. They’d been best friends for long enough that sometimes, words weren’t completely necessary. They could interpret each other’s expressions and general excitement almost as easily as they could interpret each other’s words.

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