#the devistation it would have caused

[fandoms-are-my-lifestyle]

The one hill I'll die on for YR s3

When Kristina said "it's hard to be your mom and your boss" I really just wanted Wille to say I didn't need you to be my boss I needed you to be my MOM

[nervoussagittarius]

got to have a taste of a pretty girl

matt sturniolo x singer!reader

summary: a past experience is brought up causing you to finally be comfortable telling your boyfriend your biggest secret, request

warnings: fluff, language, coming out, slight angst

“hey matt.” you said as he picked up your phone call. your current position on your couch was one of nervousness. you sat on the edge, hunched over, with your leg bouncing with anxiety.

“hey baby, what’s up?”

“so i have something to show you and was wondering if you’d be willing to come over?”

“yeah absolutely. i’ll see you in 10, love you!” he said hanging up the phone.

to rewind, you were cleaning out a few boxes this morning when you came across a cd with some of your old, unreleased, songs on it. you had a habit of recording stuff that was almost to personal to put out and hiding it away. you used this method almost as a coping mechanism. out of sight, out of mind.

curiosity came over you and you decided to see exactly what songs were in this record. a few of them were really nothing, just some stuff you had made when you were messing around with different vocals and settings. but the last song was something that you really did want to hide. you never meant to come across it again.

this song described the first intimate experience you ever had with another girl. you were about 18 at this point, close to a year before you even knew matt. you had known for a while that you liked women and men, but the only person you told was your best friend alexa.

now alexa was completely boy crazy. never once thinking she might be into girls. until one night when you guys decided to go to some random la house party a mutual friend was hosting.

after a few hours you both started feeling flirty and we’re having a lot of fun dancing with each other. this was when alexa decided to tell you that she had thought you were her favorite person she’d ever met and how if she were to ever experiment with a women it would definitely be with you.

one thing led to another and she led you into her bed. only to wake up the next morning saying it was a good time but it was a mistake that will never happen again. she could pretend all she wanted but it already happened. so you guys went your separate ways.

you weren’t devistated my any means, you almost expected things to happen this way. she went on to keep her boyfriend and you moved on with your life.

you never really felt comfortable telling anyone else about your sexuality though. it was a really scary process. you never knew how that person would react, and you were fine never being in a romantic relationship with a girl. you really did want to spend the rest of you life with matt. it was only far though that matt knew the real you.

matt knocked on your door exactly 9 minutes and 23 seconds after he hung up the phone. you were so nervous you kept count.

he let himself in like normal and made his way to your couch, leaning down to give you a kiss.

“okay, so what did you want to show me” matt asked with a dopey smile on his face.

“well,” you started. “i found something this morning and i’d like you to listen to it.”

you made your way over to the cd player and pressed play on the song, not so formally named, pretty girls.

a long 2 minutes and 26 seconds went by before the song ended.

“it was a good song, sweetheart. i love all of your music, but i’m a little confused about what it means. are you trying to tell me something? did someone do something to you? i’m not really comprehending.” matt began to ramble.

you took his hands in your, “okay i’ll explain. so basically, about a year before we started dating i was friends with this girl named alexa.” you stopped to take a deep breath but it came out shakier then expected.

“it’s okay love take your time”

you couldn’t get through the rest of the story.

“i’m not straight, matt”

you could see his eyes slightly widen but he nodded at you to continue.

“i’m bisexual, and alexa was the first girl i even did anything with. it didn’t really mean anything, to either of us, but she was the only one that knew and we were at a party. and she wanted to experiment, but she had a boyfriend. and it’s all a little blurry, but i needed to tell you because i’m really tired of hiding it.” your eyes started to fill with tears at your rant. it all was settling in on you.

“i really don’t want to lose you because i love you so fucking much, but i had to tell you how i really feel. and the song doesn’t really have anything to do about it, but it seemed like a good lead way into the topic.”

matt let go of your hands. you looked up at him in confusion and wariness. he instead grabbed your face and used the pads of his thumbs to wipe the tears that had begun to fall. he leaned his forehead against yours with tears also in his eyes.

“can i say something now?” matt asks.

you gave him a nod with a slight laugh.

“i am so proud of you.” matt said with a raspy chuckle. “i am so grateful that you felt comfortable enough to share that with me. you have not idea what it means. i see how much shit people who are homosexual go though and it’s really scary. so thank you.”

“and you could never lose me for being honest with me. if anything it makes me love you even more.”

once matt finished talking, you leaned forward to give him a passionate kiss. matt layed his back into your couch as he pulled you into his chest so he was holding you.

you went on to have a long and intense conversation on the entire event that happened between you and alexa. you also told him how and when you realized you were bisexual.

“i kinda want to put the song out.” you said as you played with the hem on his shirt.

“i think that’s a great idea, baby”

an: the end. i’m sorry it’s kinda short but full song credits go to mother renee rapp. i could’ve never written this without her. i hope y’all enjoyed🤍

[cryptidclaw]

Whisperingclan Yr. 2 Designs pt.3

This is a follow up to the Year 2 Lineup and the Yr. 2 Designs pt.2 !

Designs pt. 1 | Designs pt. 2

This will include the designs and blurbs (notable actions and relationships) for the Dark Forest and Starclan cats!

This Year's Actions: Was banished to the Dark Forest after getting into a physical fight with Ravenblur after the Starclan guide (Larkcaw) guided him from the Dark Forest; Changed her name from Jaggedlark to Jaggedheart, she was named after Larkcaw and she refuses to carry that name anymore, she chose "heart" as a reminder to not forget to care and love despite being in the DF; began communicating with Partridgepaw in her dreams in the hope that she can still help the living and stop Tempeststar.

Notable Relationships: Was close to her cousin Weedpatch and is devistated she can not be with him in Starclan; has a respect for and comradery with Partrigepaw

This Year's Actions: Was guided out of the Dark Forest into Starclan by the Starclan Guide Larkcaw; Got into a physical altercation with his ex-apprentice Jaggedlark which resulted in Larkcaw banishing her to the Dark Forest.

Notable Relationships: REALLY hates Jaggedlark/heart; was a minion to Tempeststar in life and is now one for Larkcaw

This Year's Actions: Guided Ravenblur out of the Dark Forest; Specifically did this to have a cat who would follow her commands, and so she could create a reason to banish Jaggedlark as she had been questioning Larkcaw too much; Caused Ravenblur and Jaggedlark to fight, blamed the fight on Jagged and banished her to the Dark Forest.

Notable Relationships: She guides and is allied with Tempeststar, she is also Tempest's grandmother.

This Year's Actions: nothin, he's just vibin; he is waching over his new great grand kits though, and is caring for his great grandkit Oakkit as well as Heronkit now.

Notable Relationships: Was very close to his granddaughter Sunmane in life; cares deeply for his descendants; close to Oakkit and Heronkit and is kind of their Starclan caretaker

This Year's Actions: reunited with his mother Celeste after she traveled to the Whisperingclan border to find him; met his half sister Rattlepaw who joined Whisperingclan to become a warrior and be with her brother; Received Rattlepaw as an apprentice; was caught in a sudden blizzard and died in the snow; went to Starclan, was reunited with his best friend and cousin Jaggedlark/heart for a short while before she was banished to the DF

Notable Relationships: Was, and really still is, best friends with his cousin Jaggedheart; had begun to regrow his relationship with his mother Celeste and had begun to get close to Rattlepaw as well

This Year's Actions: was born to Butterflyfreckle alongside his two siblings Partrigepaw and Heronkit; Caught kittencough alongside Heronkit; Heronkit died presumably due to kittencough; was made an apprentice with Sunmane as his mentor but died from kittencough a moon later.

Notable Relationships: was very close to his mother and siblings; spends most of his time with Heronkit

This Year's Actions: was born to Butterflyfreckle alongside his two siblings Partrigepaw and Gullpaw; Caught kittencough alongside Gullpaw; died presumably due to kittencough, in truth he felt a calling to the Whispering Crystal outside the nursery, and when he fell asleep beneath it alongside Oakkit their spirits both were taken to Starclan too soon.

Notable Relationships: was very close to his mother and siblings; spends most of his time with Gullpaw, Oakkit, and Flowermoon

This Year's Actions: was born to Mossleaf and Sunmane alongside his siblings Hickorykit, Comfreykit and Chivekit; Died of unknown causes the same moon (see cause above in Heron's bio)

Notable Relationships: loved his mothers and siblings; spends most of his time with Heronkit, Gullpaw, and Flowermoon

[nautilusgays]

AU where the kids somehow survive and join Nemo on the Nautilus.

Nemo's tragic backstory is slightly different but watching the British destroy your home and family (even if your kids survive) is going to mess you up big time. Plus he now has the motivation to keep them away from land and sink the British to keep them safe and free.

They'd be teens/young adults by the time the trio get kidnapped come aboard the Nautilus.

Pierre interacts so sweetly with them (my hc of him and his younger sister is in my next fic!) which only serves to endear him even more to Nemo - but also angst of 'i don't want them to think I'm replacing their mother/don't want to forget their mother (which they would never do but grief is complicated).

Imagine the girls trying to get Pierre and Nemo together in increasingly silly ways.

Nemo is starting to regret ever having romance novels aboard the Nautilus.

The girls are wary of Ned at first, since he really doesn't want to be there, but do find his antics funny. The story of him having to save their dad cause he wanted to fight a shark hand to hand (to impress Pierre) endears them to him and they mercilessly tease their dad about it.

After months of 'Opperation Second Dad', and having almost exhausted all the tropes from the romance novels aboard, finally they get them together.

Nemo, and the crew, now has no chance to deny them anything becaus his daughters and Pierre team up to consistently deliver the most devistating combined puppy eyes.

They convince Nemo to free Ned and Conseil (tho Conseil chooses to stay obviously).

And they all live happily ever after being a cute STEAM* family under the waves.

*science, technology engineering, arts, and mathematics

[viviskz]

✦ ִ 🐳 ⁔⁔ ۪ ⊹ ֗ ꫂ relationships in skz

▶ ₊˚.༄ BANG CHAN (choichan)

16 year old Chan met a 14 year old Vivian in a small practice room in 2013

He took her under his wing, walking to school together, helping with homework, making sure she was well fed

Chan taught Vivian how to write songs, and helped her get better at production

When Chan was told about creating a group, he wanted to add Vivian, but JYP tried to turn him down

Chan fought for Vivian to debut, and she is forever grateful to him for that

▶ ₊˚.༄ LEE MINHO (livi)

Minho and Vivian met in 2017

They were both highly trained dancers, and got along well during practice

Being close in age, the two bonded over similar life experiences and became an amazing duo

Vivian advocated for Minho to be on the roster for Stray Kids, and was devistated by his elimination

The two have supported eachother through the years, and are overall amazing friends

▶ ₊˚.༄ SEO CHANGBIN (changvivi)

Changbin met Vivian through Chan in 2016

The two were immedietly insperable, working on tons of songs together

They have said they are eachothers motivation

Changbin helped teach Vivian more about flow and rythm in rap, and helped her improve her skills

The two are gym buddies, and are often called the Buff duo

▶ ₊˚.༄ HWANG HYUNJIN (hyunvi)

Hyunjin met Vivian in 2015

The two never really became friends until they went on the survival show, where they both became very close

Hyunjin learned a lot about dance from Vivian, and has also started writing and producing with the help of Vivian and 3Racha

Hyunjin and Vivian are some of the closest among the members, often flirting with eachother and going on trips together

▶ ₊˚.༄ HAN JISUNG (choisung)

Han met Vivian in 2015

The two became fast friends because of their similar senses of humor

Vivian, knowing about Hans anxiety, made sure to check on him often during pre-debut; making sure he wasn't overwhelmed or too stressed

Han and Vivian were well known for the chaos they caused during pre-debut, pranks, skipping lessons in school, sneaking out of the dorms, all of the above

Han and Vivian are called the Chaos duo

▶ ₊˚.༄ LEE FELIX (vivlix)

Felix met Vivian in 2017

Vivian helped Felix with his Korean, and was one of his tutors

Vivian would often pack Felix's lunches for school and make sure he got there alright

She says she felt like he was ‘too innocent’, and wanted to protect him

He reminds her of her younger brother, Sohee

The two are known for their 'black cat, golden retreiver' dynamic

▶ ₊˚.༄ KIM SEUNGMIN (minviv)

Seungmin met Vivian in 2017

Seungmin and Vivian weren't as close during pre-debut, only getting close during and after the survival show

Seungmin and Vivian are known for their ability to roast other members, and like building off eachothers insults

The two have become known as the Savage duo, or partners in crime

▶ ₊˚.༄ YANG JEONGIN (yangchoi)

Jeongin met Vivian in 2015

Vivian has stated multiple times that her first impression of Jeongin was that ‘he was adorable’

Jeongin on the other hand, said that at first he was scared of Vivian, as she was ‘older and wore all black’

The two bonded quickly, and Vivian helped Jeongin with any homesickness he experienced

The two have become closer as they've gotten older, and are known as the 'cat and mouse' duo

[romancefranaticstay]

Cheaters get heated JK/Suga (Yoongi)

Warnings: a tiny bit smut 💋, swearing 🤬,

Category: smut 💋, fluff 💗, angst 👻

Backstory: Y/N had a long-term relationship with Yoongi, but one day he got really cold towards Y/N. He decided to break up with Y/N. He never told why he would do that, it was suddenly and it left a huge scar on your heart. You changed much, you got cold hearted…

P.S I always though that in some story’s Y/N was kinda shy and not thinking bright, so i changed that!!!

💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄💄

Maybe a week went by after the sudden break-up…

You locked yourself up in your room for the past week, and it was getting unhealthy (thats what your friends said). Your friends convinced you to go out and have some fun, let Yoongi behind you. He’s in the past they all said, they dont understand how much effect he had on you. You always saw yourself as someone with a ‘golden retriever’ personality, but that all changed…

You waited infront of your house to get picked up by your friends. You alreaddy heard them from a couple miles because they were so loud. ‘Y/N WHATS UP GURLLL!!!’ Jimin said ‘ LETS HAVE FUNN!!’ You stared with a cold face. ‘Your face is like ice, cmon its gonne be FUN!’ said Jenna, she is your bestfriend, she went through everything with you side by side. You just stepped into the car, not even a single word left your mouth. ‘Lets get moving, before Y/N change’s her mind.’ Lisa said. You never understood what the hype is about bars, clubs and that stuff.

You all went in, it was so loud in there. All those people in such a small space. Jimin ran to the dance floor and showed his move’s. Lisa joined Jimin while Jenna ordered some drinks at the bar. You just sat at the bar and drank your mocktail. The music was so loud, but you didn’t care actually. You though: ‘this music is so loud, maybe mine ears will explode so I don’t have to hear the name Yoongi anymore.

Ofcourse you suddenly heard somebody say: ‘ WHATS UP YOONGI!’ Wow, what are the chance’s that he is in the same bar at the same time as you. You saw him with some chick and some friends. One of his friends Jungkook made the holl time eye-contact with you. Gosh that’s gotta be akward you though. Jenna gave you a drink that made you so drunk. Jimin and Lisa were so loud and ofcourse Jenna hyped them up. You just hitted your head many time’s on the counter so you could pass out. Suddenly someone tapped on your shoulder, and guess who stood there?: Jungkook. ‘If you keep banging your head on the counter you can lose your memory.’ ‘Well maybe that’s mine goal for today.’ you respond sarcastic. ‘Your Y/N right?’ ‘Yes and?’ ‘Heard about your break-up with Yoongi.’ why would someone start about that you though, gosh you want to get outta here. You ignored him, this was supposed to be an fun night. ‘So you are single right?’ when he said that you just stared at him dead in the eye.

‘Single, that’s the perfect definition for me.’

He giggeld

It wasn’t meant to be funny, but you kept your mouth shut.

‘You maybe want to dance with me instead of sitting here on your own?’

You know what, your single, you hated to sit here alone and Jungkook is attractive so… why not?

‘Yea, why not.’

He took your hand, and leaded you to the dancefloor. Ofcourse the next song was a slow-dance song, and to be exactly it was ‘Careless Whisper’ that played. Why would that song play in a bar? He softly placed his hands on your waist, and moved slowly to the beat. You placed your hands on his shoulders and you got into the vibe.

Yoongi saw you two dancing, and made eye-contact with you. He didn’t seem happy about it, but he was the one to break-up and he brought a chick with him. Can’t he just decide what he wants. You were devistated by Yoongi, cause you loved him. You truely loved him and you didn’t dance with Jungkook to make him jealous, you danced with him because you didn’t want to sit by the bar for the holl night.

Jungkook stared in your eyes the holl time, and holded you close. ‘You have pretty eyes, you know that?’

‘No, i didn’t know that.’

‘You know, you deserve much more than Yoongi.’

‘I also didn’t know that.’ you say while giggling a bit. Wait a second, did he just made you giggle? For the past week the only thing you could do is stare at your wall and think what you maybe did wrong.

Jungkook moved really close towards your face, but really close. So close that your noses touched eachother. Wow, he has pretty eyes and he is so sweet. He asked you to dance while you were burned out. But you didn’t want to kiss him first because it’s only been a week. But if he kissed you first you wouldn’t stop him. That was a promise you made towards yourself.

Jungkook started to stare at your lips. Then he looked at you and then again at your lips. You saw what he wanted to do. You liked what he was planning to do. With every movement he got an inch closer, and closer, and closer. And then you felt his soft lips touch yours. You closed your eyes and sank into the kiss. The kiss was slow, gentle and soft.

When you pulled out the kiss he just smiled at you. He had an adorable smile, like an bunny, so cute. You laid your head on his shoulder while still slow-dancing. His chin was resting on your head, and his hand went to your back, he hugged you tight.

All of a sudden, you saw Yoongi kissing that chick deeply. A really intense kiss, it looked very heated. You though by yourself: get a room. You tried not to tear up, but one small tear could escape your eye. Jungkook took your chin soft and lifted it up so he could see your face. When he saw a tear rolling down your cheek, he kissed your cheek. He looked over his shoulder and saw what Yoongi was doing.

‘If you want we could just leave. You can stay over at mine place if you want to ofcourse.’

Even tho your a little bit drunk, you would have said ‘yes’ anyway. Jungkook truely cared about your feelings. And there was this feeling inside you that you felt with Yoongi. But now that feeling has been given’ to Jungkook.

He took your hand and leaded you outside. Yoongi saw what he was doing and was furious, you can’t imagine how angry he was. You ignored him, you didn’t care what Yoongi felt right now. Your legs hurted, you didn’t know why. You couldn’t step quickly so Jungkook decided to carry you towards his car. He placed you in the front seat of the car and gave you a little kiss on your forehead. While he drove you to his appartement, you fell asleep. And gosh you looked adorable. He parked his car and took you in his arms. He took the stairs instead of the elevator cause he wanted to keep you in his arms for a long time. He opened his appartement and went straight to his bedroom with you.

He placed you on his bed. And he went to the bathroom. You suddenly woke up and saw him going to the bathroom. His bed was huge, it was a king-sized bed. His room was also huge and the hole room was dark instead of the bed. The curtains weren’t closed on the bed side. He came back with his pyjama’s on. He looked so beautiful, you couldn’t imagine something so beautiful full.

‘Which side of the bed do you want?’ He asked shy.

‘The right one.’

He then layed next to you, silently. It was kinda akward to be honest.

‘You want to cuddle?’ He asked.

When he asked that you hugged him tight and you burried your head in his chest. He blushed.

‘Your cute, and so beautiful.’ he said while playing with your hair. Then you looked up to see him and you couldn’t resist,… so you kissed him. And that’s how an long make-out session started. But suddenly you heard someone banging on the door…

‘Y/N, Jungkook, I know you guys are here!’ Yoongi yelled.

‘Open the door! Now!’

Did he just followed you two towards his appartement? Should you open the door? Wait, why would you? He ended it.

‘Don’t open the door, please Jungkook.’ you said.

‘I won’t, I promise.’

Jungkook stood up and went to the door and said behind the doors closed:’Y/N isn’t here.’

‘Liar, I saw you carrying her to your car, don’t play with me Jungkook.’

‘I dropped her off at her house, now go away!’ JK said.

‘I will go to her house, and if she isn’t there, you are in big trouble…’ Yoongi said calmly.

You heard him go away, and Jungkook went back to the bedroom.

‘Thank you Jungkook.’

‘Your welcome princess.’

He than kissed you slowly and hugged you tight in bed.

‘What if he sees that I’m not home?’

‘Then I’ll protect you, princess.’

You though: excuse me, i am not afraid of him. What he gonne do to me? But you just simply kissed him slow back. And you both fell asleep in eachothers arms.

PART 2 Will be soon out!!! 💋💋💋

[redxixi]

Ok hear me out. The reader is a new teacher at UA and tries getting on all the teachers good side but aizawa is so good at keeping his emotions hidden she doesn’t know if he likes her. After the training camp incident they move into dorms and she lives with aizawa but they have seperate rooms to sleep in but everything else is shared. And during this time Aizawa “hating” her more as he always lectures her and gets mad at her so she’s convinced he practically hates her. She ends up hating him too cause he starts making her do more work. He ends up training her and she hates him even more since he wasn’t going easy and just gave her bruises or something. Then one day she was in the lounge room for their shared dorm area and she was doing something and aizawa helps her do it and BAM. she develops a crush and…. (Add ur own ending and twists because I know I’ll love it 💕💗) (also sorry this is long)

AHHAHDWJ ANON weird way or proposing but i accept. litterly AMZING. I did make this pure fluff tho so i hope you like this<3

`♧ : aizawa x reader

`♤ warnings : fluff, some unholy thoughts, some broken shi

~ summary : aizawa never hated you and he showed that when you got physically hurt.

as a new teacher in the best hero school you had to make sure to work extra hard and be friendly to everyone. aizawa made that difficult, whenever you would aproach him he would act cold towards you and lately he has been lecturing me for the dumbest mistakes, whats worse is that you live with him in the dorms. he had a problem with everything and it was suffocating. you couldn't stand him anymore, so how did it lead to this.

you were out with the class on the training grounds, training them to learn how to control their quirks better. aizawa obviously had to also be there because he "couldn't trust that you would do this task effectifely". seriously, i mean ofcourse you were new but why'd he have to be such an asshole.

aizawa on the other hands couldn't stop daydreaming about you bouncing up and down on his cock, making you scream his name, telling you love him. honestly he had a crush on you the day he saw you, he was just bad at expressing his feelings and that to you now hating him. couped up in his own thoughts he failed to see the incoming ice bolder todoroki made, but luckyly for him he had fast reflexes and jumped out the way. you were not as lucky.

"AAAH FUCK"

you yelled and he immediatly turned his head to you. you did manage to jump out of the way but you did it late causing you to make a horrible landing resulting to you spraining your ankle hard. immedialty aizawa and the other kids rush to your side.

"Y/N SENSEI are you okaay. im so so sorry for my mistake"

shoto was apoligizing frantically and bowin his head.

"n..no no i should have moved FUCK but its fine. i'll just go to the infirmary and they can fix me right up"

you said smiling trying not to cry. you feel aizawa looking at you so you looked back to him. he wrapped his hands around your waist and under your legs, caushing him to carry you bridal style.

"you kids go back training session is off today. i'll take Y/N sensei to the infirmary"

everyone was devistated but they did as they were told.

"what are you doing. you can put me down i can do this shit by myself"

you said in a snarky tone.

"shut it. im supposed to be supervising you so your my responsibility got it"

several days later you were still on bed rest. you were lounging in the living room of your dorm room and lets say things are different. after that day aizawa has been taking care of you, he makes you breakfast, lunch, dinner, he even reminds you to drink your meds. it was kind of him. he even gets your flowers everyday, he thinks you dont notice when he brings in fresh flowers and puts them in a vase. it made you smile seeing him like this.

he helps you with everything, he was sweet. you open your eyes to see the scorching sunlight. when you turned your head he was there, sleeping, sitting on the couch with you. you had your book in your head and you couldn't believe you fell asleep on his head. you were beat red. luckily he was still asleep but god he looked perfect sleeping, his hair was loose so there were a few strands on his head.

"this is nice"

you say soflty. you didn't want this moment to end. yes he had been an asshole to you but he's helped you alot, and now you didn't want him to wake you. you put your book away and gently snuggled back into him. you could hear his heart, breath and little snore. soon you yourself fell into deep slumber

this is nice.

A/N: TO THE ANON WHO ASKED THIS. thank you. i also dont know how to end this jdkajkqwenjk.

[matmiraculous]

Ok wait now im curious to EY branch's reaction to grey JD (@ijjstlostthegame) cause we know that the weeks his brother went grey were devistating for him, so what would be his reaction to a version of his brother that went grey and stayed grey for 20 years, all alone, cause at least he had john, grey had no one

Ooh this is a hard one honestly. Branch is torn between wanting to help him and wanting to hate him because Grey reminds him of what he COULD have been if John wasn't there for him.

[utopianparody]

Journal having possible BPD; an analysis

you read the title, im going to write on why i think Journal from PPT2 has traits of borderline personality disorder bc im very normal about this character and i like to study him like an ant (also i have bpd myself)

NOTES:

i already wrote down a thread on twitter so this is like a repost here

pwBPD stands for people with Borderline Personality Disorder, im typing this since im going to use the short version of said phrase

----------------------------

1) impulsive actions

knowing that Journal had an important task to stop Mr. Hand from escaping, it's no doubt that he would commit risks (even unplanned) to do his work, including;

- forcing himself to stay up to the point he barely had any sleep

- getting himself wet in the rain (since paper-based objects shouldnt be out on the water for too long)

- breaking relationships with others

there are other actions that i might have missed but these are the ones i could remember. in case you do not know, impulsivity is very common within pwBPD.

while things like consuming drugs and unsafe sexual intercourse arent included in the above list (i mean, ofc, this show doesn't contain adult themes especially when majority of its fanbase are minors), damaging positive relationships is part of this impulsivness.

2) unstable realtionships / splitting

as said before, Journal had seen breaking his positive relationships with others, notably with Treasure Chest and Post-It Note, over something they had said or did once.

that being TC with his immunity token and Post-It wanting to take a break from work, in which causes him to lash out on them for those reasons above. he was also seen acting negatively towards Ukulele and Bubble Wrap.

Journal's actions above can be similar to splitting (a BPD-exclusive term in which pwBPD tend to characterize themselves, other people, and situations in black and white), and it may contribute to relationships not being stable. it is possible for splitting episodes to be triggered from minor events or inconveniences (as said about TC and Post-It above)

3) intense emotions

Journal was seen to be more irritable as episodes went by, as his recent behavior include being bitter towards someone and having to easily lash out. he was also seen having fights and arguments with others characters, especially with Treasure Chest ever since episode 9 until 12.

One of the symptoms of BPD is that a person rapidly changes their emotions and even often.

he does not only have intense anger, but as well as intense fear or paranoia, and because of his stress-related paranoia, he feels more intensely than the others do.

4) psychosis

Journal is canonically psychotic as he had hallucinations shown on-screen twice. his hallucinations caused him to become more paranoid or, as in the recent episode, have a panic attack.

some pwBPD may likely have psychotic symptoms, although not common, it can still be possible.

5) favorite person

Journal likely has Post-It Note as his favorite person (fp for short). He seems to have a alot of trust with Post-It since he was the only one who tried to understand his struggles and is wiling to help Journal out on his work.

although, since episode 11, after Post-It Note said that he wanted to relax fron work for a bit and calmly told him to calm down, Journal got devistated and got angry at him for it, so he distanced himself from Post-It Note and continues to work by himself without his help.

"how would this tie to him having an fp?"

in some cases, pwBPD tend to put high (mostly unachievable) standards for their fp(s), and if those standards arent met, they will start splitting and push their fp(s) away for it.

even Journal's standard put on Post-It Note isnt as ridiculously high, Journal did lash out on him for not meeting it and this did end up hurting both parties at the end.

----------------------------

conclusion:

because of how his behavior connect to BPD symptoms listed above (there might be more that i might have missed), he is likely (if not heavily) implied to have borderline personality disorder

[popculturebuffet]

Thomas and Friends Series 4 Retrospective Part 1: Back on the Rails (Commissioned by Lachey V)

Hello all you silly engines and welcome back to my look at Thomas and Friends

Granted unlike my venture bros retrospective which is going on...

Since I made a new chapter thanks to near endless delays, this one was simply on hiatus to make way for it's sister series Tugs. During my Tugs Sabatical we saw 10 minutes of watery explosions, attempted military massacres, piracy, gangsters, and undertakers wanting an old boat to rest.. in.. pieces. That they scavanged. It was a fun ride, having similar pacing to thomas but not that. Now we're back to the mothership though, and while boats were exploding, the OG chugged on and it's budget was only increasing with better puppets and more success. And there was only one thing to do with that money

And after that use said money to finally adapt the remaining railway series books. As a refresher a bunch of the books coudln't be adapted because they starred narrow gage engines, i.e. smaller engines that would've been way too expensive to produce let alone make expressive enough on the early seasons budget. So now they had the money, it was an easy decision to just adapt those books.

The problem was while the decision was easy the actual trains were like living in a living nightmare: they broke down easily, the face mechanics often froze , and they had to create smoke around them as they coudln't smoke naturally.

As a result though the first half of the season focuses not on our main crew of stupid train children but an entirely NEW crew of stupid train children the other train children tell stories about at night. At first I was excited.... but then I realized I had to try and keep track of an entirely NEW set of trains that not only still mostly had red, green or blue colors but size aside STILL didn't look all that diffrent from the mainline trains. OH and two fo them have TWO sets of names

The good news at least is that while the trains are all new they at least usually come in pairs or get pretty detailed backstories so while I forget the names still, it's still easier to keep track of them. I'll also say the amount of introductions brings variety back to the series again, something it kinda needed. It's still mostly stupid train children fuck up or get fucked up by trucks, but the fuck ups at least are caused due to new interactions and not gordon being the worst.... most of the time. So let's see whose new, whose old but also new and who gets turned into a generator and dies.

Granpuff/Sleeping Beauty The framing device for these first two appearnces is simple enough: Thomas and friends can't sleep one night, so thomas tells them the story of Duke, an elderly gage engine and his co workers Peter Sam and Sir Handel. They are refered to as Stuart and Falcon here and i'm torn between the fact this is a very nice touch (as engines like being renamed).. and the facts that this is both annoying for me to remember, which is a me problem, and that arbitrarily renaming beings that already have names seems entirely fucked up.

The story itself is charming for the most part: Peter and Handel tease the older more cautious Duke, but slowly bond with him and are devistated when he has to be put away when the railway is closed. Thankfully unlike tugs, instead of being sold for parts Duke is simply kept in storage and goes into the Odinsleep till he can be found again. Unthankfully.. another engine on the line is not that lucky. After tugs I wasn't fully convinced Thomas would ever match the sheer brutality i'd witnessed in the first batch alone. Well i'm as scared as I am proud to announce while Thomas didn't match the ten minutes of naval mutation explosions it does have a train punished by being forced to become a generator because he keeps acting up.. and then MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEAR WHEN THE LINE IS SHUT DOWN. I never thought the series would SUPRASS henry's fate in horror but here we are. I mean Bricking him up where he can't see is horrific.. but this engine was gutted, turned into a power source then presumibly mercy killed. He was in a living hell of functioning but not being able to ever move.. .it's unkown if he could even SPEAK as he's shown just iwth a horrifying grin on his face.

The second half thankfully contains no such horrors: Instead the duo had never forgotten their mentor and surrogate dad and his tale kept and years later the fat controller funds a bunch of people looking for him. Stuart is found, refurbished and returns to his friends. It's the most heartwarming story containing body horror since Home on the Range.

Bulldog: Once again i'm reminded that as insane as Tugs was.. Thomas can still be a heck of a lot on it's own. Case in points not only have the trains now framed a picture of duke, but Duke rescues SIR HANDEL FROM DERAILING OFF A CLIFF. Yes really. This show has a literal cliffhanger... though sadly this isn't a two parter. Sir Handel takes a turn too sharply and held onto falcon.. er sir handle.. you... you see how this is confusing? Anyways how does he do that?

But their able to combine the trains and get him free, a genuinely heroic and awesome act. A decent enough episode

You Can't Win: Duke plays a trick on Peter Sam. I fall asleep and dream a bit of style, dream a bunch of friends, dream it never ends. This episode is what makes reviewing this series difficult.. sometims I just have nothing. It's the peril of doing a show mostly of morality plays for kids, when weird crap isn't going on I just kinda end up rambling like this.

Four LIttle Engines: This episode title makes no sense and I have no idea why i'ts called this. I guess because 4 engines are in it but it dosen't really impact the plot? Anyways thankfully this one is memorable: We're introduced to Skarloey, an older red engine who i'm able to remember better both because they gave him a unique nose and because his name is Skarloey. You don't go seeing a bunch of characters named Skarloey. Jeff yes, Kevin yes, even your ocasional jake but Skarloey is the one of a kind badass that breaks the ... however trains are assembled and proves himself. In this case Sir Handel gets horribly injured because his coaches decide to be dicks, and for once someone calls the trucks or coaches out, with Skarloey pointing out they could've hurt someone or worse. He then procedes to pull his passengers effortlessly and on time to meet james for the trade off, a small reminder these trains are both on sodor that's peppered throughout the stories after the first three had wraparounds. This would be fine but what takes it over the top is Skarloey somehow tops the little engine that could in train child persivernce as half his wheel sbreak down forcing him to get them through while leaning to the left. And trust me having playeda LOT of tears of the kingdom recently getting a vehicle to still move when the weights shifted is a fucking work of art. Skarloey is a train among trains and one of the seasons standouts.

Bad Day for Sir Handel Sir Handel dosen't want to do the work today, though he's partially right as after a long day carrying passengers, and admiring gordon NEVER a good sign of character, he's told to pull trucks. His response is the very mature deraling himself and holding everyone else up. The Fat Controller does get cross with him and put him on suspension, but i'll givfe the series credit for the character development: he simply suspends the train for misbehaving instead of bricking him up in a tunnel for always and always or rendering him sentient but imobile as his body is used as a living generator. I mean it's a very low bar to clear but hey he's learning.

Peter Sam And the Refreshment Lady: Henry proves he may need more time in the tunnel as he threatens to leave without taking Peter Sam's passengers if PS is late again, causing peter sam to nearly leave the Refreshment Lady behind. She's the one who brings the workmen their tea and cakes dammit. WIthout them they can't operate these sentient trains and the presumed mounds of flesh and boney seats within. You can't operate a styigan horror without some cake. Henry claims it was just a joke but wasn't saying it in a joking tone so how the heck would Peter Sam knows. As someone who can often be oversentstive I sympathise with PS here.

Trucks: We get my faviorite character of the season here as we meet Rusty, a kind diesel and as noted before the first one in the series not to either be a deciptive shit stirring asswagon (Disel) or simply be a bit arrogant (Daisy). It seems eventually the old reverned backed off his fathomless hatred for Disel trains or at least toned it down a bit. Rusty is kind, polite and happy to work the lines.

Sir Handel on the other hand is a dick again and gets lesson from the supereme heavenly king of all douchebag train children himself, Gordon, who advises him to play ill and as usual gets away scot free while Peter Sam gets injured as the trucks hate Sir Handel and attack peter sam and Handel saddled with his work. It just reminds me why Gordon is irritating, but Rusty pitching in to help his friend is nice.

Home At Last: Skarloey returns baby! And in time to fill in for the other star of this season, Duncan. Duncan is an asshole, but has more personality and range than gordon, so he'll be allowed to live when the reckoning comes. Duncan gets jammed in a tunnel due to doing his rock n roll.. because apparently he's not a very big fan of batman. Remember what Batman says about Punk and Rock Kids.

You know lately i've been behind, a lot of stress in my life has caused me to procastinate more.. but it's times like this where I get to put a batman: fortunate son refrence in a thomas the tank engine review i'm reminded just how glorious life can be. Anyways the Fat Controller is on team batman and threatens duncan with murder should he not shape up. And I mean the wiki tries to play it off as a joke, but the man has bricked a train up for always and always and madea nother into a living suffering battery. I don't doubt he'd do far worse to Duncan if he crossed the line.

Rock N Roll: So this episode continues the weird trend of our main characters making things worse for the new cast every time they appear. Case in point Duncan is being a dick about Rusty

And James makes it worse by pointing out how they got rid of a disel.. not knowing that Rusty is a good precious boy how dare you, and with James not knowing that he had nothing to do with that because as the narration points out, James has an ego the size of the railway itself. This thankfully dosen't end with Duncan's death though and instead in a heartwarming way: Duncan derails due to ignoring Rusty's sound advice to not goo too fast on a bit of broken railway and while Rusty saves him shockingly unlike most saves like this in the series, Rusty is.. humble about it. After about 80 or so episodes of trains rubbing misfortune in.. Rusty just lets it go, saves Duncan and offers to be friends, with Duncan warmly accepts. It's a nice sweet moment in a series that really thrives on humilation and misery in hindsight. I"ve noticed most episodes involve either the trains ribbing each other or train dickery causing problems. Here the latter is true but we instead get a Ted Lassioan response from Rusty that really warms the soul. Truly good stuff.

Special Funnel Normally i'd have nothing to talk about for this one. Peter Sam's funnel gets knocked off, he gets an embarassing replacement then gets a neat new one. But while the episode was typical for this show , I didn't watch the version I normally do. See I use youtube since it has most episodes and even with this season having a lot of them blocked i still managed to find most of them. The one exception.. was this episode. So while I could've just looked it up, I decided to have some fun and do something diffrent: I watched the AMERICAN version. Which is free in my region by the way, so if your curious about the show you can find the entire series up to a point on youtube for free. The results.. weren't too diffrent. THe script was likely largely the same and George Carlin is nearly as great as Ringo Starr and Michea Angelis. I do feel the latter two do a better job with the voices for the characters, but Carlin still does a fucktastic job, which I feel is exactly how he'd want that described. So it's not a bad way to watch it , just slightly off after watching the uk edit and not QUITE AS good, but still a fine way to watch it and it was neat to finally try it.

Steam Roller: This one is just fun as everyone is tired of Sir Handel bragging and unlike Gordon and his trains, can actually do something about him, setting him up against a racist steam roller for a race and then laughing at him for loosing. I guess that's a lesson? I mean the steamroller is a pretty bad person, he deserved to be sent away. Sir Handel isn't exactly worse for simply being arrogant. He's not a steamracist. A weird one but a fun one just for how off it feels. And giving me the term steamracist.

Passsengers and Polish So Skaloey gets a polishing from a small child

Duncan is jealous and eventually refuses to work at all, and what I like is that for once.. a train learns nothing. The Fat Controller scolds him but he's still pissed he didn't get his polish. Nothing is acomplished. I"m not saying every episode needs to be like this but it's a nice break from either trains learning via scolding or psychological torture.

Gallant Old Engine We get followup on Duncan being a dick and Skarloey, true to form, while disapointed in him, decides to handle it with a story. Because Skarloey like Rusty is the best. In this case he tells him how the soon to arrive and recently refurbished friend of Skarloey's, Renias, saved this entire railway himself. THis part of the sodor railway was about to be shut down, and with Skar Skar sick< Reinas stepped up, doing everything he could despite rain and exaustion to get to the station on time> Rain, colds, breakdowns, he fought it all and perservered just like his best friend and won praise.. and gets Duncan to get his head out of his engine equilvent of an ass and show some respect. A fine capper for this batch. So with that we take a break and we'll be back next month to finish this as the old guard return in full and mingl emore iwth the new. Until then be a very useful engine.. and thanks for reading.

[seyvetch]

A vent post of things that have been on my mind lately

I want to fucking die ;-; (I have no plans to act on that just need to vent)

Ffs everything is just getting harder, people can leave me at any time like the person I loved the most who left me a month ago and Im becoming a worse person and I wasnt that amazing in the first place. Everything is just going worse, I barely have hope for future and I cant even feel love properly anymore. Im overwhelmed by minimal ammount work I used to be able to handle and unsure I could even work to get money to sustain myself.

Almost all that I feel is despair anger and apathy. Last time I tried to medicate it caused me great loss of appetite and I almost starved to death bc I couldnt eat. At this point I just want my life to end. I dont know how Im supposed to live in Russia like this nor do I know how to escape it.

3 people who Ill eternaly be greatful to said they would be willing to let me stay with them if I wanted to escape Russia but problem is: one broke all contact with me cuz the host got themself a boyfriend so apperently they didnt like I had a relationship with their sysmate, one ghosts me for some reason despite actively reblogging my posts and me seemingly being on good terms with them when we talk and the 3rd one lives in Germany - a country which language of I dont know still.

Well even if I stayed with any of them Id probably just ruin my relationship with them. Im not that great in person.

One other thing thats been on my mind is the first person I talked about in the list of people who offered me to stay with. I loved them more than anyone probably. More than myself certainly. I thought we were soulmates. I just cant get over them no matter how much I try not to care. They even appear in my dreams though its more like nightmares of rejection. Why did it have to go this way. Is it bad that I still have hope everything will work out? Its probably futile. Im blocked instantly any time I tried to reach them. Whats the most cruel is how the breakup went it wasnt even them to my knowledge who broke me up with them it was their host or another sysmate despite the previous promise that I could still date them. I dont even know how they feel about the breakup. Maybe it was them and they got tired of me. Ill never know bc I havent recieved as much as a goodbye before being blocked. Not as much as a word. I only know that they have a boyfriend bc I looked at their tiktok in trying to decypher why I was left like that :/.

Whatever the painll probably go away with time. What wont go away is my disabilities which are getting harder to deal with in terms of my productivity. Its only getting worse. I can barely make myself do the minimum required of me. How will I find the job? How will I get enough money to move to a different country before I cant leave Russia anymore? Could I leave Russia now if I had money? Would that even be possible? Is it already too late? Had I never had a chance to escape?

No matter how I look at it all I can see in my future is being alone stuck in this hellhole of a country which will only get wose and more authoritarian with time. And then if Im lucky another revolution will happen and devistate what remains of the country leaving the poeple maybe not as oppressed but left in poverty just like the horror stories my parents told me of what happened last time a revolution occured.

Everyone will just leave me behind no matter what I do. It always happens. Its just the matter of time.

Well we will see how it turns out but for now all I can do is to move forward.

[tricksterscorvid]

31 and 46 for the writing asks, please? Thank you!

Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

Honestly it entierly depends on what it is that I am writing, the current fic I am OBSESSED with working on is insane to say the least and started with a small plot-bunny and grew from there into the monstrosity that it has become.

But two of my original writing things started with character creation over the plot.

--

How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, ect.)

Well this is going to require me to actually lay out the basics of a few things I have been working on, either with a partner or on my own compleatly, because I don't usually pay attention to my style?

Black Rose: Original story, a possibly orphaned young woman learning that the killer is still alive and discovered that they had not compleatly eradicated this family.

Cantara Chaos: Orignal story, Deities in the flesh join guilds and basically cause chaos in the world while trying to keep the fact that they are Deities and their special abilities definatly are normal like their fellow guild members.

Ride or Die: Orignal story, full of dark tones and a /lot/ of smut. A woman in an abusive relationship with another woman is rescued by a guy that is a member of the local motorcycle gang, there is some awkwardness between them at first, but they happy together for a while before the ex hires a friend thats in a less-than-legal profession to kidnap the one they lost and theres more dark tones before she is saved again.

Shadow and Fire: Fanfic, one Hell of a fanfic, let me just take D.Gray-man and smash it together with My Hero Academia and sprinkle a heavy amount of Irish Mythros. Lugh and Morrigan are reborn into twins, their parents know but do not want their children in danger despite the fact that the reason they were born was to face off against the reborn Balor, the search for the Spear of Luin and the sword Fragarach lead them to join those of The Black Order and learning to wield their abilities and their respective weapons before a devistating fight between the twins forcing them apart for a while, one being rescued by the Clan of Noah and nursed back to health[I know how it sounds shhh] while the other nurses their own wounds thinking that their twin hates them, they end up looking for their other half and find them in Japan attending UA….

Inheritance: Fanfic, Voltron but Mythological creatures. Galrans are Merpeople and Alteans are Harpies. The rest are various other types of Mythological creatures.

The rest of the things I am unsure if I am allowed to share yet as my writing buddy is the head on those <3 I… hope this answers those questions o^o

[fruitcakebro]

Micheal Afton is written incredibly poorly. Here's why:

He is presented as an upright, fairly self-respecting character. And yet he goes on this entire horrible, impossible rabbit hole of a task for his father just because he was asked to. (edited)

Someone who would go do that task, the WHOLE THING even after being treated horribly every step of the way, low paid, frequently getting hurt on the job, literally fucking DYING on the job, and still not stopping...

Is someone either with the morals of a god, or someone with so little self respect that they believe they are geniunely worthless if they don't.

[10:49 AM]Based on his backstory, we can eliminate perfect morals as a possiblilty, so we're left with guilt and lack of self esteem as possible causes.

How William is presented, he was probably not NICE to his children. But Micheal only works if not only was he not the favorite child, but in fact horribly abused.

You don't get to be the way Micheal is without having horrible parents. And he's presented as the highschool bully, so clearly he's fucking bitter. But that means he starts off with at least enough self esteem to believe he deserves a better deal.

And then he accidentally kills his brother. His fucking brother. I don't know about you, but I personally think that would be a fucking devistating thing to happen to a what, 15 year old?

He then gets to live with that trauma for the rest of his life, knowing he killed someone. It's his fault. He could have saved his brother if he hadn't been such a horrible asshole.

Because someone who does not believe that with every fibre of their being, would not go on this whole task to free the spirits of children he doesn't know. He doesn't know his dad isn't just bullshitting, cause' he was certainly crazy anyway.

Someone who kills their own brother by accident, without meaning to, and then goes on to be a happy, well-respected person who does not act guilty about it is going to be essentially a sociopath.

And someone like that would not do even a one-hundredth of what mike did for this series.

Someone who keeps going through all that, is someone who hates themself enough to feel like they have no choice but to keep going, because they believe it is the only good thing they will ever do.

Someone who does that is going to be someone who is fucking traumatised, and never really got the chance to grow up.

Because that kind of thing ruins your entire life, and your sense of self. Thinking that he did that, and then goes down this rabbit hole out of what, pity? No. He didn't. Someone who would be as committed to this as he is, and then agrees to burn with the rest of the monsters he's trying to save when it's over is someone doing this out of a combination of spite for his father and self-loathing.

That is why I hate how Micheal is dealt with both by the fandom, and by the game.

He doesn't get to be movie-fied, and still be an even halfway decent character.

He would be dirty, bad-looking, probably scarred, and looking at life with a thousand yard stare.

He would not be someone with any hope left in him.

Or he would not follow through.

[tittysuckersworld]

ejahdhwgejvd okay so know how i cut my hair?? i know its been like a few weeks now but im still ajusting cause i usually keep my hair up just so its out of face. but the delights i judt got back-

used to really love putting up my hair cause it would flop arounf and be very fun to shake and such but once it got to a long enough point i just couldnt anymore. was devistated when i found out it ment it also was just constantly irritating my neck also and i just, i was really sad. i dont usually have my hair up in a sorta high ponytail but gosh did i love it

and now! with new haircut i can enjoy ponytails again!!!! and like i diwbfuwbej with how i cut it, when i putt it all back the lil pony tail is so small and cute and sorta blunt i guess? like dont know how i did it but when its up it dosent really have much of any layers and looks sorta like an anime characters hair i guess?? like how some just have blunt pony tail? idk is hard to explain-

but its just soooo cute!!!!!! need to sleep but i just wanna get up and shake my head a bunch cause it dosent slap my face! it dosent brush my sholders! it can move with full motion

without being a pain! and i love it so much!!!!!need to figure out cute hair accessories and how to easily do higher pony tails just cause i now want to have more fun with hair style stuffs again.

like planned cute hairstyles before cutting it so could cut it to do those styles and am so so so so exited to do them now when i have time+energy+materials! need to ask for like the hair stuffs tho- but am sure can hopefully get them! so so happyyyy djegdjsjdhsidjw

[i-am-beckyu]

Everything you said can happen in a metal mana storm, actually!!

There's also been cases of rare minerals forming bc of one so those storms are actually held with high value...

Also the magnetized is one of the more common things but it's extremely inconvenient and dangerous for them

I had a specific thing for metal but I forgot? Uhmmm

I think it had something to do with things turning to metal

Also

The most dangerous would probably be the ice ones...

Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!! MHMMM PERFECTION THIS IS! I'm so happy :D

and ooOooO turning to metal would be so terrifying. I recon that would be cool if metal, fire and magic mana storms started all at once for that. You have the metal and the heat that melts the metal into a liquid, and the magic that seeks out people to literally coat them in metal alive. Oh the angst and devistation that would cause >:3

I think you've got my attention with this one 3D

[divorce]

serial letter

fuck you, pay me

i got so sick of waiting, 'who is my NSA Agent, who is my NSA Agent?' who will it be? who will they choose for me?! they must be someone fascinating, since they know everything about me they must have a diverse range of facts and figures, from the whole left, yes, by simply observing me, i'll make them a convert!

that's not enough, i must meet him in person! so i laid the trap, i'd act like i didn't know he knew i didn't know that he didn't know that i knew he knew, and the sucker fell for it and it went down in the vegetarian burger king, we invented the impossible whopper junior (of sales) that day

i didn't say anything, i just watched him pretending not to watch me. he pulled out a stingray and shot 5G Rays through my heart. croinky. then i ate 8 mozzerella sticks and left. as i was walking, i saw a woman pushing a baby stroller, in it, of course, was me. little baby me. i realize now, that i must have been staring at this mother and child for all of 5 minutes or more. the mom didn't look anything like my mom, she was a strawberry blondge, and probably from eastern europe. but the babe, i'd recognize THAT face anywhere!

it was as unmistakable as it was uncanny. anyway, rarely am i in communication with The Forces of Good, but, in this moment. My Higher Self was telling me that you are reborn in every moment. Every person Is You, potentially. I just had the devistating experience of catastrophic data loss. i'd already preemptively negated my own existence, and left no trace even if i'd wanted to. what will happen when the 'file transfer' of my present life, to the next life, gets corrupted?

after processing the message, i ran back to the bk, and I didn't say anything, I just slammed a note on his table that said "SQUAT: THIS ADDRESS (and go 'round back cause the front door's busted)". He had no difficulty locating the place.

his tactic was beyond genius, because it was my own goal at the time -- wait him out. wait against everything and don't do anything. a saturnal double-agent, resting in scorpio; a cold emotion-less killer, "the nightstalker" as he liked to be called.

in those days i would get stung by a wasp for the thrill, ran bagua around on inch-thick bricks suspended in air from sun up to sundown to intimidate the neighbors, we had hobo joe pissing himself in the living room and screaming, but we both had Jobs and we both had eBikes, and by golly.

the man carried gallons of my piss without me asking him to. excuse me, sir, i left gallons of piss there for a reason. he cleaned our squat from top to bottom for free, this is what the NSA pays people to do. I gave My NSA Guy a room and started putting him to work. He was an adult fan of legos https://old.reddit.com/r/AFOL/ and he was the most brainwashed person I'd ever met. He lived in a completely G-Rated cartoon, and he allowed for anything. No, never were any arrests made, not on the books; only the arrest of action, which again, being my own goal, was punishment enough.

it wasn't all fun and games though, i have to explain his overall strategy. i have the cad completely figured out, because i built him from top to bottom. i ordered him from a catalogue and had him shipped out to me. these boys you gotta break in, you gotta show em how to properly spy on a fellow evading the watchful eye of big brother. the mail-order panopticon at home.

but the strange thing is, he refused everything i had to say at face value. when i spoke it into words, 'ah! that's bad!' and he would short-circuit, overload, and shut down. the fellow to this day would not overclock at all, even though every second of the day he brags about his 5000x more capable PC that he has set up right next to me, he refuses to use it for 1 thread of 1 process towards Good Use. he is still on step one, like all of you are. you are all still in first grade, and i do not mess with first graders, their play is none of my business, which is the most important lesson I learned out of all of this: Learn To Sell the Playground that You Like To Play In, Basically (that is the libra -> scorpio secret).

i could only get to him by subterfuge. i had to send in theやなぎevery time. Real Subgenius Tactics Work Underground. Now he's out of control and can't go back. He Got His Own Ass Beat trying to act like a Kung-Fu Cameraman, chasing his passed out crackhoe down 25th street. This is what the NSA's finest throw at you when you fuck up bad, when you're the most wanted adversary of the state, when you know too much and they want you dead for what's inside your head. Do I need to say anything else? This report is finished