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#the explorer was voluntarily childless
his-heart-hymns · 6 months
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Last night, I was watching this documentary about tribal people from Sri Lanka.And these nomads were whipping up some kind of drug from leaves, and the explorer says: "No matter where you go, people will always find some kind of way to get high. We have to, the pain of existence is just too much!!!" Man,I laughed so hard.😭🤣
But wait, it gets even funnier at the end.So an older guy starts quizzing the explorer. He starts asking about his wife, for how long they've been married....... Then, when he finds out they don't have any kids yet, he starts praying to the forest spirit because he thinks the explorer is impotent! 💀😭😭🤣🤣
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joannalannister · 7 years
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Lady Joanna, may I please ask if you have any thoughts on Loren the Last and any other past Monarchs of the Westerlands? (I ask this having already commissioned and posted an illustration of King Loren on deviantArt, but genuinely wondered if you had ideas for any of his predecessors and thought one might as well include the first "modern" Lord of the Rock).
OooOOoooo omg this is you? I saw it this morning on DA, It’s gorgeous! Do you plan to post it on tumblr? I would love to reblog it from you, along with the other ones!
My main interest in the Lannister kings is that GRRM uses them to continue to explore themes present in the main series. For example, the relationship between the body and the self (or identity), and #body as battleground, is something that goes all the way back to Lann the Clever, who supposedly “sired a hundred bold sons and a hundred lissome daughters, all fair of face, clean of limb, and blessed with hair ‘as golden as the sun.’” 
GRRM/Yandel establishes ~The Lannister Identity~ as people who are beautiful, able-bodied (“clean of limb”), and golden-haired … people who are gender-conforming ie men who are “bold” and Masculine to the point of Toxicity, and women who are thin and gentle and graceful (“lissome”) … 
When the text says this, we’re supposed to say, “Wait. That’s bullshit.” (So much of Yandel’s writing is Bullshit.) Because characters like Genna immediately spring to mind. Genna who is fat and so much bolder than her timid husband. Genna “Get the Trebuchet” Lannister who is anything but gentle. Or Tyrion, who is disabled and who has white hair instead of gold and who in his own words would rather die in bed than in battle. (This is why Tyrion is Not A Targaryen; Tyrion is the linchpin of GRRM’s deconstruction of ~The Lannister Identity~.) 
And so, continuing this deconstruction in TWOIAF, just a few paragraphs after the “bold sons” passage, we get Loreon V, who “was dubbed Queen Lorea, for he was fond of dressing in his wife’s clothing and wandering the docks of Lannisport in the guise of a common prostitute.” I don’t know if Loreon would have considered themself trans or genderfluid or what, but Loreon undercuts the Bold, Masculine image that House Lannister would like to present to the world. And the fact that Loreon would rather be perceived as a common prostitute than a king … that’s a profound rejection of Lannister classism and elitism imo. I love how GRRM builds House Lannister up so that he can tear down its most vile aspects. 
The other ASOIAF theme that crops up here that I’m interested in is the duality of man. It’s not something readily apparent in the individual Lannister kings mentioned in TWOIAF, because we usually only get a sentence or two describing them, but it’s the way that GRRM writes it. In one sentence, Yandel praises the Lannister kings for their wisdom and their valor, only to follow it with this sentence: “Yet Casterly Rock also housed many a weak, cruel, and feeble king.” 
And my favorite example of this in TWOIAF is Tyrion II versus Tyrion III. Tyrion II was known as the Tormentor who delighted in making women bleed, while Tyrion III was a great conciliator, bringing the Andals and the First Men of the Westerlands together through marriages. We know from GRRM that Tywin named Tyrion, and I feel 100% certain that Tywin named Tyrion for Tyrion II the Tormentor, but I like to think GRRM named Tyrion for both. Or rather, GRRM created both of these Tyrions for the World Book, so that Tyrion Son of Tywin could be named for both of them to fill in that backstory. Tyrion has done some horrible things, but I believe he’s also capable of doing great things. (Such great things.) 
The heroes will always be remembered. The best.““The best and the worst. […] And a few who were a bit of both. 
And so we come to Loren the Last. 
Do you know who I think of when I think of Loren? I think of Lancel, Kevan’s son. 
When Tyrion was recounting the tale of the Field of Fire in AGOT, he says, “King Loren had escaped, and lived long enough to surrender, pledge his fealty to the Targaryens, and beget a son, for which Tyrion was duly grateful.” 
Now – this is just my impression!! maybe I’m wrong!! – my impression here has always been that Loren was a young man when he set foot on the Field of Fire – young enough that he hadn’t yet fathered any sons before his surrender. 
So imagine, if you will, a young Loren, not long a king, “cursed with all the certainty of youth, unleavened by any trace of humor or self-doubt, and wed to the arrogance that came so naturally to those born blond and strong and handsome. His recent elevation [to the throne of the Rock] had only made him worse.” 
The Gardener king needed the Lannister armies more than the Lannister armies needed him imo. Highgarden would have fallen easily to the dragons, but Casterly Rock? Never. So what madness possessed King Loren to leave the safety of the Rock and voluntarily meet the Targaryens and their dragons in the field? I believe Loren was “too young, too bold, too eager for glory” (like a lot of other Lannister boys). 
Loren must have thought he couldn’t lose. And for a few golden moments, it was high summer for House Lannister.
The hosts met on the broad plains of the Reach, amidst golden fields of wheat ripe for harvest. When the Two Kings charged, the Targaryen army shivered and shattered and began to run. For a few moments, the chroniclers wrote, the conquest was at an end … but only for those few moments, before Aegon Targaryen and his sisters joined the battle.
But it is high summer for House Lannister. So why am I so bloody cold?      –Tyrion, ASOS
(There are so many parallels between ASOIAF history and the main sequence of events, I love it. Whether it’s the Conquest or the War of the Five Kings or the War for the Dawn, the Lannisters can’t stand against the fire, and they shouldn’t try.) 
Oh, how he must have regretted his folly. 
Loren Lannister […] knelt as a king and rose as a lord.
The sense of loss here – of failure – to have a major part of your identity stripped from you and to be branded with that shameful sobriquet, “the Last,” a title that calls to mind Jon Connington’s words to Tyrion as “the last and least of our company”.
This newly minted king, who reigned so briefly, only to lose everything because of his pride. 
Imagine walking off that field, the sickly sweet smell of charred flesh all around you. 
Imagine the horror of it:
Ravens soared through a grey sky on wide black wings, while carrion crows rose from their feasts in furious clouds wherever he set his steps. […] From the pyres of the dead rose black columns of smoke and white-hot ashes. My work, thought […] Lannister. They died at my command. […]
So many dead, so very many. Their corpses hung limply, […] unrecognizable, hardly human. Why did I kill them all? He had known once, but somehow he had forgotten.
What madness possessed Loren to leave the safety of the Rock and meet the dragons in the field? “He had known once, but somehow he had forgotten.”
Perhaps Loren stepped onto the Field of Fire as a young man, but I believe he left it an old one. 
“Near four thousand men had burned that day, among them King Mern of the Reach.” 
Imagine turning your horse for home with that many ghosts. 
Imagine Loren’s once-mighty army, now greatly diminished, marching back up the Ocean Road. In every village, every town, every holdfast they pass by … imagine the accusing eyes of all the women of the west, the highborn and the low, the widows and orphans and now-childless mothers. 
Imagine how many of Loren’s friends died on the Field of Fire. The male half of Loren’s court must have been decimated, and the female half might have taught Barbrey Dustin a thing or two about hate. 
And after the dust settles…
How crushing must it have been to be the last and least of thousands of years of Lannister kings?  The last and least of such a proud lineage? 
Imagine walking through Casterly Rock, the seat of Lannister kings, the Rock itself like a throne at the edge of the Sunset Sea. And in every hall, every gallery remain the trappings of a lost monarchy, a constant reminder, as if Loren could ever forget. 
“Loren […] lived long enough to […] beget a son”
Again, this is just my headcanon, but I imagine Loren died young, with only the one son to his name. 
(We don’t know Torrhen Stark’s age AFAIK, but in contrast to young King Loren, I imagine Torrhen was an older man. He was certainly a wiser one.) 
idk, Loren hits all of my Lannister feelings. The Romanticism-capital-R, the tragedy, the hubris, the trainwreck of it all. 
And this is, like, probably totally irrelevant to everyone but me, but this:
Loren Lannister […] knelt 
makes me also think of this: 
Yet Grand Maester Pycelle tells us that when Aerys II announced Ser Jaime’s appointment from the Iron Throne, his lordship went to one knee and thanked the king for the great honor shown to his house. Then, pleading illness, Lord Tywin asked the king’s leave to retire as Hand.
The loss, the tragedy, the failure to protect the people we love … it kills me every time. Every time. 
(I paralleled Tywin and Loren in my fanfic, they give me Emotions.) 
Also Loren and I share the same name, his is just the male spelling :) Since you asked for my thoughts and that is definitely something I think about :)
Also also, I would be remiss if I did not mention @racefortheironthrone’s essays on the politics of the Westerlands, which analyze the policies of Lannister monarchs in detail
Part I
Part II
Part III
***
I don’t know if this satisfies your curiosity? Whenever people ask vaguely for my thoughts on a broad subject, I’m like, “But which thoughts? Headcanons I made up? Close examinations of the text? Both? Character-driven or thematic? An ASOIAF-only approach or in the context of the larger fantasy genre?” and then I just spray unfocused thoughts all over the place, if I answer broad questions at all. 
Anyways, this is far too long already, so I hope that satisfies! 
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negizad · 4 years
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𝔸 ℙ𝕣𝕠𝕡𝕠𝕤𝕖𝕕 𝕃𝕚𝕗𝕖 ℂ𝕪𝕔𝕝𝕖 𝔽𝕠𝕣 𝕍𝕠𝕝𝕦𝕟𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕪 ℂ𝕙𝕚𝕝𝕕𝕗𝕣𝕖𝕖 ℂ𝕠𝕦𝕡𝕝𝕖𝕤
This academic journal examines and identifies the challenges that voluntarily childless couples face. In what ways do they fit in and do not fit into the traditional family life cycle? Other factors studied and interpreted in this article include how the issues that these couples deal with differ from those who have children, as well as societal pressures that these couples face. The primary purpose of this article is to determine and focus on the needs of those who intentionally choose to live a lifestyle of childlessness. The authors discuss the theories and preconceived notions connected with voluntary childlessness, including the couples’ lack of overall satisfaction, the assumption that they are compensating for loss, and the societal view that they are selfish and socially undesirable.
The authors use research findings from other studies in order to determine the characteristics of voluntary childfree couples, as well as create a proposed life cycle for those who are voluntarily childless. The data examined from Abma and Martinez (2006) states that in 1976, 11% of women aged 35-39 were childfree, while 20% were childfree in 2002. The data also states that those aged 40-44 had a lower percentage of childlessness. Among the characteristics of voluntary childfree couples, the authors discuss the motives to remain childfree, along with the marital and life satisfaction of couples.
In the section regarding the motives to remain childfree, the authors discuss a study conducted by Park (2005). These findings indicate that both men and women were motivated by similar characteristics, some of these including anxiety, introversion, perfectionism and impatience. Many of these couples chose not to have children in order to prevent negative parenting outcomes. Men specifically desire freedom, spontaneity, and career flexibility. Overall, the majority of these couples sought independence and did not want to conform to the daily routines and responsibilities involved with parenting. In the study of marital and life satisfaction, the authors mention a study performed by Gillespie (2003) which consisted of interviewing women aged 21-50. These women were asked about their lifestyles, and Gillespie concluded that they preferred more freedom, larger opportunities and the more intimate relationships that come with childlessness. There was also opposing research done by Cornell University that found that couples without children tend to buffer the stress from their workday.
The authors proposed a life cycle for couples who are voluntarily childfree. The purpose of this life cycle is to work with each couple in order to help them develop their identity as a couple, that lies outside of having children. The first task in this life cycle is the Decision-Making Process. Therapists encourage couples to explore the idea of having children, and the outcomes of each decision they make. In Task 2: Managing Stigma and Pressure, couples are aided in coping with the societal pressures to start a family. They are taught to express their self-fulfillment and explain to others that they are choosing not to have children. Finally, Task 3 and Task 4 include defining an identity and building a support system.
I found that the authors were able to include and evaluate other research findings, as well as propose a life cycle with different tasks for each couple. I would have liked to see more research conducted by the authors themselves. Couples must also be willing to seek therapy in order for the proposed life cycle to aid them.
My topic for the final project is voluntary childlessness and life satisfaction. This article relates to my paper and is a great starting point for me to obtain information and data. The authors provide supporting research on how overall life satisfaction relates to childlessness. By reading this scholarly journal, I was able to find information that explains why couples intentionally choose to live a life of childlessness, and all of the societal factors that play into their decision.
Pelton, Sara L., and Katherine M. Hertlein. 2011. "A Proposed Life Cycle For Voluntary Childfree Couples." Journal of Feminist Family Therapy 23(1):39-53.
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thesassybooskter · 6 years
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LOVE IN CATALINA COVE by Brenda Jackson: Review
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Love in Catalina Cove by Brenda Jackson Series: Catalina Cove #1 Published by HQN Books Publication Date: October 30th 2018 Genres: Contemporary Romance Pages: 480 Source: Publisher Format: eARC Goodreads Buy Online: Amazon ♥ Barnes & Noble ♥ Kobo
Disclaimer: I voluntarily reviewed a copy of this book. All opinions stated are solely mine.
In her brand-new series, Brenda Jackson welcomes you to Catalina Cove, where even the biggest heartbreaks can be healed…
In the wake of a devastating teen pregnancy that left her childless and heartbroken, Vashti Alcindor left Catalina Cove, Louisiana, with no plans to return. Now, over a decade later, Vashti reluctantly finds herself back in her hometown after inheriting her aunt’s B and B. Her homecoming gets off to a rocky start when the new sheriff, Sawyer Grisham, pulls her over for speeding, and things go downhill from there.
The B and B, a place she’d always found refuge in when it seemed like the whole world was against her, has fallen into disrepair. When a surprising benefactor encourages Vashti to reopen the B and B, Vashti embraces a fresh start, and soon old hurts begin to fade as she makes new memories with the town—and its handsome sheriff…
But some pasts are too big to escape, and when a bombshell of a secret changes everything she thought was true, Vashti is left reeling. With Sawyer and his teenage daughter determined to see her through the storm, though, she’s learning family isn’t always a matter of blood—sometimes it’s a matter of heart.
  Review
I honestly did not know what to expect going in, but I’m a huge fan of a couple of the author’s other series and I don’t think you can go wrong with Brenda Jackson. I’ll say other than having cursing a storm at the end of the book, it was actually very enjoyable to read, with very little angst and a lot of drama, which was quite appropriate given the subject matter.
Vashti Alcindor planned to never return to Catalina Cove with good reason, but the issues surrounding her inheritance of her aunt’s B&B mean she has to break that promise to herself but the potential reward at the end is too good to pass up. Getting a speeding ticket was certainly not in the plan but how else could she have met the town’s sexy new sheriff?
Sawyer Grisham gave up a flourishing career in the city for chance to bring his daughter up in a small town where they could heal after losing his wife to cancer and he is certain he would never care for another woman like he did his wife, but fate has a way of throwing a wrench in plans.
With Vashti determined that she was done with men for good and Sawyer wanting to explore his feelings for her, it seemed they were at an impasse. Fate again steps in when Vashti discovers that her parents lied to her twenty years ago and her past and her future are tied to Catalina Cove, in more ways than one.
I enjoyed the slow pace of the story and the fact that the author did not just limit us readers to Vashti and Sawyer’s lives, but gave us insights into the lives of the secondary characters, along with creating an extended family of people brought together by fate for good. While Vashti had expected a huge sum of money, what she got was infinitely more valuable.
About the cursing at the end? I’m not a fan of keeping toxic people in my life and it rubbed me the wrong way that Vashti sought to make up with her parents after the decades of massive lies and deceit from them, and even when they had a chance to some clean and own up, they refused to take it. Besides that, this was a really great start to this series and I’m really looking forward to the next book.
  About Brenda Jackson
Brenda Jackson is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of numerous novels, including the Westmorelands series and, from St. Martin’s Press, Some Like It Hot, Taste of Passion and The Playa’s Handbook. She was the first African-American author to have a book published under the Harlequin/Silhouette Desire line of books and the first African-American romance author to make USA Today's bestsellers list and the New York Times bestsellers list for the series romance genre. Jackson has a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Administration from Jacksonville University, and worked for thirty-seven years in management at a major insurance company. She now divides her time between family, writing and traveling. She has been married for thirty-seven years to her childhood sweetheart, Gerald, and they have two sons. She lives in the city where she was born, Jacksonville, Florida.
Website | Twitter | Facebook | Goodreads
  Instagram tour stops:
Monday, October 22nd: @createexploreread
Monday, October 22nd: @book_hangover 88
Tuesday, October 23rd: @girlandherbooks
Tuesday, October 23rd: @thebookishsisters
Wednesday, October 24th: @novelgrounds
Thursday, October 25th: @theliteraryllama
Thursday, October 25th: @mountain_reader_
Friday, October 26th: @pnwbookworm
Saturday, October 27th: @_ebl_inc_
Sunday, October 28th: @jennblogsbooks
  Review tour stops:
Monday, October 15th: Amy’s Book-et List
Tuesday, October 16th: @bookandchinooks
Tuesday, October 16th: From the TBR Pile
Thursday, October 18th: @omg.kacie.reads and omg kacie reads
Friday, October 19th: Books a la Mode – excerpt
Monday, October 22nd: The Sassy Bookster
Tuesday, October 23rd: Books and Blends
Wednesday, October 24: Becky on Books
Thursday, October 25th: Really Into This 
Friday, October 26th: Run Wright
Monday, October 29th: The Romance Dish
Monday, October 29th: Books and Bindings
Tuesday, October 30th: Book Fidelity
Wednesday, October 31st: Books & Spoons
Thursday, November 1st: A Chick Who Reads
LOVE IN CATALINA COVE by Brenda Jackson: Review was originally published on The Sassy Bookster
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bluewatsons · 6 years
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Katarzyna Adamczyk, Voluntary and Involuntary Singlehood and Young Adults’ Mental Health: an Investigation of Mediating Role of Romantic Loneliness, 36 Curr Psychology 888 (2017)
Abstract
The present study tested the hypothesis that single young adults who perceive their singlehood as voluntary would report a higher level of positive mental health (i.e., emotional, psychological and social well-being), lower levels of mental health illness (i.e., somatic symptoms, anxiety, social dysfunction, severe depression) and romantic loneliness in comparison to young adults who perceive their singlehood as involuntary. This paper also investigated whether romantic loneliness mediates the relationship between voluntary and involuntary singlehood, positive mental health, and mental health illness. The study sample included 151 participants (86 females and 65 males) aged 20–26 (M = 22.48, SD = 2.01) from Poland. The main findings were that voluntarily single young adults reported a lower level of romantic loneliness compared to involuntarily single young adults. The two groups differed neither in regard to positive mental health nor in regard to mental health problems. In addition, gender differences were observed solely in the domain of romantic loneliness, with women reporting greater romantic loneliness than men. The mediation analysis revealed that romantic loneliness does not mediate the relationship between voluntary and involuntary singlehood, positive mental health, and mental health illness. Voluntary and involuntary singlehood was predictive of somatic symptoms, anxiety and insomnia, severe depression, and romantic loneliness.
Introduction
The breadth and depth of an individual’s social connections is predictive of subjective well-being, and social connections (such as the spouse, close friends and confidants, friendly neighbors, and supportive coworkers) decrease the likelihood of sadness, loneliness, low self-esteem and problems with eating and sleeping (Helliwell and Putnam 2004). Prior studies revealed that regardless of the method of measurement of mental health (i.e., diagnoses, symptoms, overall psychological well-being, psychiatric treatment), married people reported the best health compared to never-married and formerly married people (e.g., Barrett 2000). Moreover, prior research also provided evidence of the linkage not only between mental health and marital status, but also between mental health and non-marital relationships (e.g., Adamczyk and Segrin 2015a; Braithwaite et al. 2010). At the same time, in most Western countries we can observe the diminishing position of marriage in people’s lives (Næss et al. 2015), in particular in young adults’ lives who postpone marriage and prolong their premarital relationships (Lehnart et al. 2010). These changes are accompanied by higher social acceptance of alternatives to marriage, such as non-marital heterosexual cohabitation and singlehood (Glenn and Weaver 1988). As a result, the psychological advantages of marriage over singlehood have been suggested to become weaker (Glenn and Weaver 1988).
While the number of single persons has been on the rise, in particular in the case of those who declare choosing to be single, it is important to investigate whether and how voluntary and involuntary singlehood affects the psychosocial functioning of single young adults. This issue is gaining in importance in light of the fact that although remaining single is becoming prolonged with respect to individuals’ lifespan and is increasingly more prevalent, remaining single – especially by choice – leads to negative perception of people making such choices. For example, Morris and Osburn (2016) found in their study that singles who had chose to remain single were perceived more negatively (as being more self-centered and less well-adjusted) than singles who wanted to marry. The issue of involuntary singlehood is not limited to remaining single and experiencing the unmet need to have a partner/spouse; it also raises the question about other life spheres that might be affected by involuntary singlehood, in particular when singlehood extends over time and continues in young, middle and late adulthood. Involuntary singlehood may, therefore, be related to certain negative effects, for example involuntary childlessness and unmet parenthood goals. In turn, involuntarily childless people experience a number of physiological and psychological symptoms of distress (e.g., health complaints, depression, anxiety and even complicated bereavement) (Lechner et al. 2006).
The present paper focuses on singlehood understood as voluntary (i.e., a result of an individual’s choice) and involuntary (i.e., as related to external factors, thus not experienced by choice). Therefore, in this paper the nature of voluntary or involuntary singlehood is related to the subjective perception of singlehood by an individual in terms of his or her own choice or external barriers hindering finding a partner and/or remaining in a relationship, rather than to more objective circumstances leading to involuntary singlehood such as, for instance, in China, where as a result of the unbalanced sex ratio at birth, excess female child mortality and increasing female marriage migration, the male marriage squeeze led to difficulties among men in some rural areas in finding a wife (Liu et al. 2014). Although the linkage between marital status, romantic relationships and mental health is strongly established, few studies have investigated the linkage between voluntary and involuntary singlehood and mental health. Therefore, the primary aim of this paper is to provide a deeper insight into singlehood from the perspective of its voluntary or involuntary nature. In order to achieve this aim, the present study intended to investigate possible differences in the domain of positive mental health (i.e., emotional, psychological and social well-being), mental health illness (i.e., somatic symptoms, anxiety and insomnia, social dysfunction, and severe depression) and romantic loneliness between voluntarily and involuntarily single individuals from Poland. The study also focused on possible gender differences as prior research suggested that marriage and romantic relationships may operate differently for women and men (Simon 2002; Wadsworth 2016) and that certain gender differences exist in the domain of romantic loneliness and mental health (e.g., Dykstra and de Jong Gierveld 2004; Simon 2002). The second major objective of the paper is to explore a theoretical model postulating the mediating role of romantic loneliness in the linkage between voluntary and involuntary singlehood and young adults’ positive mental health and mental health illness. It is important to emphasize that the sample of Polish young adults examined in the current investigation provides a useful context for a test of these interconnections since most people associate Poland with strong Catholic values and low acceptance of alternative forms of marital and family life (Baranowska-Rataj et al. 2013). Such dominant pro-marriage culture may negatively affect mental health of single people (Adamczyk and Segrin 2015b) as, for example, the association between marital status and subjective well-being may depend on the marital context, i.e., the degree to which marriage is recognized as a normative expectation or achievement by a given peer group (Wadsworth 2016).
Voluntary and Involuntary Singlehood
In regard to the choice of whether to remain single, undoubtedly some persons chose single life and prefer such a lifestyle (Boyd and Bee 2008; Braun-Gałkowska 2008; Lewis and Moon 1998), but at the same time, for real or imagined reasons, some people do not find a lifetime partner (Lewis and Moon 1998). Prior research attempted to investigate the reasons behind singlehood. For example, Frazier et al. (1996) in their study based on 217 heterosexual divorced and never-married adults aged 31–68 years (M = 43) identified the following attributions regarding reasons for being unmarried: (1) not meeting the right person, (2) not meeting potential partners, (3) marriage as not a priority in life, (4) importance of other things in life, (5) choice of being single, (6) difficulties in establishing relationships; (7) fear that the relationship will not work, (8) fear of commitment; (9) belief that all good partners are already “taken.” Out of these reasons, the choice of being single was the fifth most frequently provided explanation. In the same study, when asked in an open-ended question about their reasons for being single, the respondents also listed the choice of being single (the second most frequently indicated category). In a study by Gigy (1980) in which 66 single women (of 30 years of age or more) took part, the choice of being single was also indicated as one of the reasons for being unmarried. In a study performed on a sample of 160 women (of 30 and 60 years of age and more) from Jammu and Delhi, Prabhakar (2011) found that the two main reasons for remaining single were the individual’s voluntary decision and circumstantial factors. The first category included reasons such as high marital expectations, desire for independence, pursuit of career, disappointment in love, and parental objection to choice marriage, while the second category included financial constraints, loss of parents, inability to find a suitable mate in one’s own caste, and health /disability (Prabhakar 2011).
In general, prior research revealed the following three primary reasons for being unmarried reported by single adults: (1) personal choice, (2) external circumstances, and (3) personal deficits or self-blame (e.g., Austrom and Hanel 1985; Frazier et al. 1996. The first category refers to having positive reasons for being single (e.g., “present lifestyle could not be improved by marriage” or “the lack of need to involve in a relationship”; Austrom and Hanel 1985; Palus 2010). The second category includes single adults indicating external circumstances or “barriers” as reasons for their singlehood (e.g., “not meeting the right person” or “unreciprocated feelings”; Frazier et al. 1996; Palus 2010). In turn, the third category pertains to personal deficits such as shyness or sense of being unattractive (Austrom and Hanel 1985; Palus 2010). Moreover, based on his two primary dimensions to the experience of singlehood (a choice and a temporal dimension), Stein (1981) proposed the following four types of single adults: voluntary temporary, voluntary stable, involuntary temporary, and involuntary stable. At the same time, Stein (1981) and other researchers (e.g., Reynolds et al. 2007) recognized that this classification is a flexible process rather than a stable categorization. Moreover, as Reynolds et al. (2007) indicated, the perception of one’ own singlehood as made by choice or as made by chance may be associated with different outcomes. For instance, individuals who represent themselves as having made a choice to be single and for whom having an intimate relationship is not a central goal in life may not feel that they have failed to achieve this goal. In turn, individuals who want to be committed in a serious relationship, may have to deal with the sense of failure in achieving this goal and they may attribute themselves less agency than those who chose to remain single (Reynolds et al. 2007). This different perception of one’s own singlehood may reflect more general concepts of autonomy and self-determination (e.g., Deci and Ryan 2008). Moreover, control over self and over the environment is related to a wide spectrum of positive outcomes in various life domains, for example satisfaction, physical and psychological well-being (Hostetler 2009). In addition, prior studies, however concerning involuntary celibacy, showed that involuntary celibacy was associated with feelings of sexual frustration, depression, rejection, problems with concentration or work, and low self-esteem (Donnelly and Burgess 2008). Therefore, it is plausible to assume that individuals who perceive their singlehood as chosen may experience greater freedom in making their own choices and taking actions regarding their single life than individuals who perceive their singlehood as being beyond their control. As a result, chosen singlehood might be accompanied by greater positive mental health and lower levels of mental health problems and romantic loneliness.
Mental Health
Recently the concept of mental health has extended beyond the simple definition of the absence of psychopathologies such as depression and anxiety (see Keyes 2002; Lamers et al. 2011; Westerhof and Keyes 2010). Alongside the assessment of mental health in terms of internalizing symptoms (such as depression and anxiety) and externalizing symptoms (such as alcohol and substance abuse), mental health is also conceptualized as well-being that is related to subjective well-being, psychological well-being, and life satisfaction (Bierman et al. 2006). Mental health is, therefore, understood as “a positive phenomenon that is more than the absence of mental illness” (Westerhof and Keyes 2010, p. 110), as “a syndrome of symptoms of positive feelings and positive functioning in life” (Keyes 2002, p. 208). One of the operationalizations of mental health is subjective well-being, which has been investigated within the following two research traditions (Keyes and Simoes 2012): (1) hedonic tradition, in line with which well-being involves happiness and pleasant emotions; and maximizing positive, pleasant feelings, and minimizing negative, unpleasant feelings contributes to the increase of mental health (Lamers et al. 2011). This aspect of the hedonic tradition has been widely investigated in studies on emotional well-being, in which measures of satisfaction with life and positive affect are used (Keyes and Simoes 2012; Lamers et al. 2011; Westerhof and Keyes 2010); (2) eudaimonic tradition, which focuses on optimal psychological functioning in life and is referred to as psychological well-being (i.e., the subjective evaluation of optimal individual functioning) and social well-being (i.e., the subjective evaluation of optimal functioning for a community (Lamers et al. 2011; Westerhof and Keyes 2010). In regard to Keyes’ (2002) model of mental health, only a combination of emotional, psychological and social well-being allows for the consideration of mental health.
On a general level, the feeling of being connected with other people can lower morbidity and mortality, and the quality of relationships is a predictor of physical and psychological outcomes in the domain of health (Gore 2014). In their study, Kamp Dush and Amato (2005) concluded – in accordance with prior studies – that romantic relationships (marriage, cohabitation, steady dating) provide benefits for individuals’ mental health and sense of well-being. In line with this notion, in prior research single individuals when compared with married individuals reported higher levels of depression, anxiety, mood disorders, adjustment problems, and other forms of psychological distress, and a higher rate of alcohol-related problems (see Braithwaite et al. 2010). When compared with individuals in non-marital relationship, single individuals also reported more mental health problems (Braithwaite et al. 2010) and lower emotional well-being (Adamczyk and Segrin 2015a). Single people were found to have the lowest level of well-being, followed by dating, cohabiting, and married young adults, who reported the highest levels (Soons and Liefbroer 2008). At the same time, contrary to prior research, in a recent study (Adamczyk and Segrin 2015a) single young adults did not differ in regard to social and psychological well-being and total well-being, as well as in regard to somatic symptoms, anxiety and insomnia, social dysfunction, severe depression, and total mental health illness when compared to their counterparts in non-marital relationships.
With respect to gender differences in the domain of mental health, numerous studies provided the following results (see Simon 2002 for review): (1) married women and men experience better mental health than unmarried women and men; (2) regardless of their marital status, women report more mental health problems than men; however, these studies focused on women’s typical emotional problems; (3) there is an interaction between gender and marital status, with inconsistent findings showing men to derive more emotional benefits from marriage or women deriving benefits from marriage. Simon (2002), in his study ran on a US sample, found that for both women and men marriage and lack of marriage are related to emotional benefits and emotional costs (with the exception of separation and divorce). In his study he found that in the case of all marital statuses women reported more depression, while men reported more substance abuse (Simon 2002). In a study using data from the British Household Panel Survey, men in first partnerships reported better mental health than those who remained single, while single women experienced equally good mental health as did women in their first partnership and better health than those who had experienced a partnership split (Willitts et al. 2004). Therefore, the author emphasizes that gender differences in adults’ mental health should be explained in reference to the function of emotional-socialization experiences. In a study by Bierman et al. (2006), a small number of marginally significant differences were found between men and women with respect to the mental health advantage of the married. In their study, Simon and Barrett (2010) found that relationship status was more important for young women’s than for young men’s emotional well-being. In addition, a break-up of a recent romantic relationship was related to more depression for women than for men, and a current romantic involvement was related to fewer substance abuse problems for women (Simon and Barrett 2010).
Romantic Loneliness
Loneliness is considered to be a common life experience viewed as a subjectively unpleasant and distressing feeling, and is recognized to be a risk factor for various physiological and health outcomes (Cacioppo et al. 2006). Specifically, regardless of objective social isolation or social support, loneliness has been found to be related to negative outcomes in the domain of physical health (e.g., poorer immune functioning, poorer cardiovascular functioning, impaired sleep, obesity) and to personality disorders, hypochondriasis, schizophrenia, suicidal ideation and behavior, depression, and anxiety (Aanes et al. 2010; Cacioppo et al. 2006). Aanes et al. (2010) in their study found that the importance of loneliness as a mediator of the linkage between interpersonal stress and health outcomes (i.e., anxiety symptoms, depressive symptoms, and somatic symptoms) differs for these outcomes. To be precise, the authors found that in the case of depressive symptoms over 75 % of the total effect was mediated through loneliness, whereas in the case of somatic symptoms just over 40 % of the total effect was mediated through loneliness. In a more recent study, individuals with the worst mental health and well-being were three to five times more likely to report occasional loneliness and three to six times more likely to report frequent loneliness (Kearns et al. 2015). Furthermore, in a Russian study, lonely individuals were characterized by a significantly increased risk of reporting poor self-rated health, mental health problems and insomnia in the previous twelve months (Stickley et al. 2015).
Loneliness may be conceptualized as a multifaceted and domain-specific phenomenon. Weiss (1973) was the first to describe loneliness as a multidimensional experience and proposed a distinction between social loneliness as a result of an inadequate access to a network of peers, co-workers, neighbours, or friends, and emotional loneliness resulting from a lack of close or intimate relationships that are characteristic of ties with a romantic partner, parent, or child. Emotional loneliness is primarily related to “the absence of a partner, that is, with the absence of an exclusive, close, and intimate tie” (Dykstra and Fokkema 2007, p. 9). In turn, social loneliness is related to a perceived deficiency in social networks, or a lack of social relations or social activities (Russell et al. 1984; Weiss 1973). Furthermore, on the basis of Weiss’ (1973) distinction between the experience of social isolation (social loneliness) and emotional isolation (emotional loneliness), DiTommaso and Spinner (1993) noted that emotional loneliness appeared to be comprised of two domains, that is, family emotional loneliness and romantic emotional loneliness. The lack of romantic partners or intimate relationships may be an important perceived causal factor for one’s present feelings of loneliness (e.g., Rokach and Brock 1998). For example, married individuals and individuals living with a significant other reported less romantic loneliness than those who were not in such relationships (Bernardon et al. 2011). DiTommaso and Spinner (1993) revealed that being involved in a romantic relationship was significantly related to lower levels of romantic loneliness, but was only weakly linked to family and social loneliness. Divorce or widowhood were found to be associated with an increased risk of feeling lonely, whereas not living alone and having more social support turned out to lower the risk of being lonely (Stickley et al. 2015). Furthermore, several studies conducted in Poland also provided consistent results demonstrating that single young adults report greater romantic loneliness than young adults in non-marital relationships (e.g., Adamczyk 2015).
In regard to gender differences in the domain of loneliness, the results of past studies are not congruent. In other words, some prior studies revealed that men experienced greater loneliness than women (e.g., Dykstra and de Jong Gierveld 2004), whereas other studies indicated no differences (Cramer and Neyedley 1998) or women reporting greater loneliness (e.g., Jakobsson and Hallberg 2005). In other studies, male university students had higher levels of romantic loneliness, while there were no significant gender differences for either social or family loneliness (DiTommaso et al. 2003). Furthermore, in a study by DiTommaso et al. (2005), men reported higher levels of family and social loneliness than did women. In turn, DiTommaso et al. (2007), in a study utilizing a sample of individuals aged 17 to 79 years, did not find significant gender differences in the area of three distinct domains of loneliness. In a recent Polish study men were found to experience greater social loneliness than women, but no gender differences emerged in the domain of romantic and family loneliness (Adamczyk 2015).
An Exploration of Mediation Model
As discussed in the previous section, there is a well-established linkage between marital status (and non-marital relationships) and mental health, as well as between loneliness and mental health outcomes. At the same time, to the best of my knowledge, there is little research investigating these associations in reference to voluntary and involuntary singlehood and a specific type of emotional loneliness, that is, romantic loneliness. Therefore, the current study also intended to explore the theoretical model in which romantic loneliness is postulated to operate as a mediator of the linkage between voluntary and involuntary singlehood, positive mental health (i.e., emotional, psychological and social well-being) and mental health illness (i.e., somatic symptoms, anxiety and insomnia, social dysfunction, and severe depression) (see Fig. 1). In addition, since prior research suggested possible gender differences in the domain of romantic loneliness and mental health, the hypothesized mediation model was also intended to be tested separately in a sample of women and men.
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Fig 1. Conceptual Model of Hypothesized Mediation: Voluntary vs. Involuntary as Predictor, and Romantic Loneliness as Mediator of Positive Mental Health and Mental Health Illness
As shown in Fig. 1, there are four paths in the model to be investigated: (1) Path c pertaining to the relation between the predictor (voluntary and involuntary singlehood) and the outcomes (positive mental health and mental health illness). Considering that prior research attempting to empirically link these constructs is scarce, it is, however, plausible to assume that voluntary singlehood will be related to more positive outcomes (a higher level of positive mental health and a lower level of mental health illness) than involuntary singlehood; (2) Path a pertaining to the relation between the predictor (voluntary and involuntary singlehood) and the mediator (romantic loneliness). Similarly, although no prior study examined the linkage between voluntary and involuntary singlehood and romantic loneliness, it is plausible to expect that voluntary singlehood will be related to lower romantic loneliness; (3) Path b pertaining to the relation between the mediator (romantic loneliness) and the outcome variables (positive mental health and mental health illness). The studies cited in previous sections provide strong evidence for the linkage between loneliness and mental health outcomes. Therefore, it is possible that also romantic loneliness will be associated with mental health outcomes, in particular higher levels of loneliness will be related to lower positive mental health and greater mental health illness; (4) Path c’ pertaining to the relation between the predictor (voluntary and involuntary singlehood) and the outcomes (positive mental health and mental health illness) when the mediator (romantic loneliness) is included in the model. This path was intended to be examined in the current study.
Present Study
Research Objectives and Hypotheses
The aim of the current study was twofold. The first objective was to investigate the possible differences between voluntarily and involuntarily single young adults, as well as between women and men in the domain of mental health (positive mental health and mental health illness) and romantic loneliness. Based on the literature presented in the previous sections, it was expected that:
Hypothesis 1: Voluntarily single young adults will report a higher level of positive mental health (i.e., emotional, psychological and social well-being) and total well-being than involuntarily single young adults.
Hypothesis 2: Voluntarily single young adults will report a lower level of mental health illness (i.e., somatic symptoms, anxiety and insomnia, social dysfunction, and severe depression) and total mental health illness than involuntarily single young adults.
Hypothesis 3: Voluntarily single young adults will report lower level of romantic loneliness than involuntarily single young adults.
With respect to gender differences elaborated in the theoretical part of the paper, and considering that prior studies provided inconsistent results with respect to gender differences, two open research questions were formulated:
RQ1. Will women and men report similar levels of positive mental health, mental health illness, and romantic loneliness?
RQ2. Will be there an interaction of voluntary and involuntary singlehood and gender in the domain of positive mental health, mental health illness, and romantic loneliness?
The second major aim of the study was to explore the theoretical model in which romantic loneliness was postulated to be a mediator of the linkage between voluntary and involuntary singlehood and young adults’ positive mental health and mental health illness. Therefore, the following hypothesis was formulated:
Hypothesis 4: Romantic loneliness will mediate the association between voluntary and involuntary singlehood and young adults’ positive mental health and mental health illness.
Method
Participants and Procedure
The study was carried out on a sample of university students from different faculties at a Polish university and non-students. Five hundred questionnaires were originally distributed. A total of 320 students and non-students returned questionnaires (64 % response rate).
Of these, 169 participants were removed because they were involved in a non-marital romantic relationships, married, divorced, separated, single without declaration if singlehood is to be perceived as voluntary or involuntary, or due to incomplete data, yielding a final sample of 151 single, heterosexual, never married, childless participants. University students constituted 68 % of the total sample (n = 103), while non-student participants with higher education level constituted 32 % of the total sample (n = 48). The age of participants ranged from 20 to 26 years, with the average being 22.48, and standard deviation of 2.01. Participants resided in a large Polish city with a population exceeding 500,000 inhabitants. Women represented 57 % (n = 86) and men 43 % of the sample (n = 65). Thirty respondents (19.87 %) indicated that in the past they had sought psychological/psychiatric help, whereas 121 respondents (80.13 %) indicated that in the past they had not sought this type of help.
All participants fitted into one of the two types of singlehood: (1) voluntary singlehood or (2) involuntary singlehood. First, being single was defined as “not in a committed relationship for at least 6 or more months, but wanting to become committed in the near future (within the next year or so)”, and being in a non-marital romantic relationship was defined as “in a committed non-marital relationship for at least 6 or more months, and wanting to be committed in the near future (within the next year or so)” (see Schachner et al. 2008). The criterion of 6 months was used to distinguish between single and partnered individuals arbitrary. It was based on prior study performed by Donnelly and Burgess (2008), which, however, referred to involuntary celibacy within long-term partnered relationship not to the lack of a lifetime partner. This criterion, however, helped to include people about whom we may say that their singlehood is a rather long-term situation rather than a short-term situation. Regarding this criterion, all participants who were single for a period shorter than 6 months were excluded from further analysis. Second, in the current study, voluntary singlehood was defined as being single for at least 6 months by one’s own decision, whereas involuntary singlehood was defined as being single for at least 6 months due to external circumstances perceived by an individual as not depending on him or her (see Donnelly and Burgess 2008). Participants who perceived their singlehood as voluntary constituted 53.60 % (n = 81) of the analyzed sample, whereas participants who perceived their singlehood as involuntary represented the remaining 46.40 % (n = 70) of the sample. Thirty three persons declared that they had never had a partner. The average duration of remaining single was 5.08 years, standard deviation of 7.35 years among 118 respondents who provided the duration of their singlehood. One hundred and one participants declared that they would like to have a partner in the future, while 10 participants declared that they would not like to have a partner in future. In terms of ethnicity, the sample included 100 % of Poles. In terms of religion, 106 participants (70.20 %) reported to be Catholic, whereas 45 participants (29.80 %) declared to be atheist.
The sample was recruited by author by distribution of the questionnaires through university students who were also asked to refer members of their social networks to participate in the investigation. The questionnaire packages were administered in classrooms to groups of 20 to 30 students at a time and participation was voluntary. The nonstudent participants were obtained through university students who passed questionnaires to members of their social networks. At the same time, university students were specifically instructed to not recruit their romantic partners and relatives into the study, but they were allowed to recruit friends. The purpose of the study was explained to participants along with an assurance of anonymity and explanation of their freedom to withdraw from the study without consequence. The study was conducted according to the ethical guidelines in the Polish Code of Professional Ethics for the Psychologist that apply to psychologists who are researchers and practitioners. Participants were not offered any compensation for their participation in the study.
Measures
Demographic Variables
The demographic variables in the study were as follows: age, gender, place of residence, education level, possessing children, sexual orientation, religion, current relationship status, duration of being single or being in a relationship, and desire to possess a partner in the future. These variables were assessed with straightforward single-item questions.
Mental Health - Emotional, Psychological and Social well-Being
To measure emotional and psychological well-being the Mental Health Continuum - Short Form (MHC – SF; Keyes 2009) (Polish adaptation – Karaś et al. 2014) was used. The MHC-SF consists of 14 items measuring emotional, psychological and social well-being. In the current study emotional and psychological well-being were used. Respondents are asked to answer questions about how they have been feeling during the past month using a scale ranging from 0(never) to 5 (every day). Example items are: “During the past month, how often did you feel happy?” (emotional well-being) and “During the past month, how often did you feel that you had warm and trusting relationships with others?” (psychological well-being). The short form of the MHC has shown excellent internal consistency (> .80) and discriminant validity in the case of adolescents (ages 12–18) and adults in the U.S., the Netherlands and South Africa (Keyes 2009). In the present study the internal consistency for the subscales was as follows: α = .89 for Emotional well-being, α = .84 for Psychological well-being, α = .75 for Social well-being, and α = .90 for the Total mental health.
Mental Health Illness
To measure mental health illness the General Health Questionnaire-28 (GHQ-28; Goldberg and Hillier 1979) (Polish adaptation – Goldberg et al. 2001). The General Health Questionnaire is a self-administered questionnaire used to measure non-psychotic psychiatric disorders (Goldberg and Hillier 1979). The GHQ-28 scale was derived from the original 60-item version of the questionnaire mainly for research purposes but it is also often used as a measure of psychological well-being (e.g., Goldberg and Williams 1988). GHQ-28 consists of four 7-item scales: somatic symptoms, anxiety and insomnia, social dysfunction, and severe depression. The respondent is asked to compare his recent psychological state with his usual state on a 4-point response scale. For each item the four possible answers are as follows:1 – not at all, 2 – no more than usual, 3 – rather more than usual, 4 – much more than usual. In the current study the bimodal scoring procedure (0, 0, 1, 1) was applied. Using the conventional bimodal GHQ scoring method there is a range of 0–28 with a score above a threshold of 4 indicative of psychiatric disorder. In the present study the internal consistency for the subscales was the following: α = .73 for Somatic symptoms, α = .81 for Anxiety, α = .75 for Social dysfunction, α = .82 for Severe depression, and α = .90 for the Total scale.
Romantic Loneliness
I used the 5-item romantic loneliness subscale from The Social and Emotional Loneliness Scale for Adults - Short Form (SELSA-S; DiTommaso et al. 2004) (Polish adaptation - Adamczyk and DiTommaso 2014), using 7-point Likert-type scale, ranging from 1 (strongly disagree) to 7(strongly agree), to measure romantic loneliness. This subscale has demonstrated adequate validity and reliability in prior research (e.g., DiTommaso et al. 2004). An example item is “In the last month had a romantic partner with whom I shared my most intimate thoughts and feelings.” In the present study, Cronbach’s alpha coefficient for romantic loneliness subscale was α = .70.
Voluntary Vs. Involuntary Singlehood
The voluntary vs. involuntary singlehood was assessed with the following item: “Being single is a result of …” (options “My decision” or “External circumstances beyond my control”).
Results
Preliminary Analyses
As a starting point, a univariate analysis of variance was performed on the demographic variables to evaluate the mean differences in the variables between voluntary and involuntary single young adults as well as between women and men.
Results indicated that voluntarily and involuntarily single individuals did not differ in regard to their age, F(1, 147) = 0.90, p = 348, η 2 = .01, gender, χ2(1, N = 151) = 1.86, p = .173, place of residence, Cramer’s V (5, N = 151) = .23, p = .156, education level, Cramer’s V (4, N = 151) = .14, p = .562, or the duration of remaining single, F(1114) = 3.33, p = .071, η 2 = .03. Both groups also did not differ in regard to their use of psychological/psychiatric help in the past, χ2(1, N = 151) = 0.50, p = .494.
With respect to gender, women and men differed in regard to age with men being older (M = 23.08, SD = 2.62) than women (M = 22.29, SD = 2.10), F(1) = 5.33, p = .022, η 2 = .04. Significant differences were observed between women and men in regard to their education level, Cramer’s V (4, N = 151) = .27, p = .030, with a greater number of women reporting higher education levels than men. Women and men did not differ in regard to their duration of remaining single, F(1, 114) = 1.88, =.174, η 2 = .02, but at the same time there was an interaction of voluntary vs. involuntary singlehood and gender for the duration of remaining single, F(1, 114) = 6.02, p = .016, η 2 = .05. In an attempt to explain this interactional effect, an analysis of the simple main effect of voluntary vs. involuntary singlehood in the group of women and men was performed. Results of this analysis indicated a significant simple main effect of voluntary and involuntary singlehood and gender for the duration of remaining single in the group of men, F(1, 49) = 4.54, p = .038, η 2 = .09, whereas a simple main effect of voluntary and involuntary singlehood and gender for the duration of remaining single in the group of women occurred to be nonsignificant, F(1, 65) = 0.54, p = .466, η 2 = .01. Voluntarily single men reported lower duration of remaining single (M = 17.67 months, SD = 18.23 months) than involuntarily single men (M = 39.28 months, SD = 53.14 months). Women and men did not differ in regard to their place of residence, Cramer’s V (5, N = 151) = .20, p = .313, and use of psychological/psychiatric help in the past, χ2(1, N = 151) = 2.83, p = .092.
Next, the bivariate correlations among the major variables were assessed (see Table 1).
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Table 1. Bevariate correlations among major variables. N = 151. *** p < .001; ** p < .01; * p < .05
Cohen’s (1988) benchmarks were used and correlations of .20 as small, correlations of .30 as moderate, and correlations of .50 as large were regarded. Results indicated that most of the correlations were moderate and strong. Only the correlations between measurements of well-being and romantic loneliness were insignificant, with the exception of the correlation between somatic symptoms and romantic loneliness, which was moderate and positive.
Substantive Analyses
Differences in Positive Mental Health
Regarding the strong correlations between emotional, psychological and social well-being, (see Table 2) a multivariate analysis of variance (MANOVA) was performed to examine the differences between voluntarily and involuntarily single young adults.
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Table 2. Means, standard deviations, effect sizes, and significance levels for voluntarily and involuntarily single individuals. *** p < .001; ** p < .01; * p < .05
The performed analysis revealed a nonsignificant multivariate effect of voluntary vs. involuntary singlehood on emotional, psychological, social and total well-being, Wilks’s Λ = .97, F(3, 145) = 1.62, p = .147, η 2 = .03. Voluntarily and involuntarily single young adults reported similar levels of emotional well-being, F(1, 147) = 0.36, p = .555, η 2 = .00, psychological well-being, F(1, 147) = 3.47, p = .064, η 2 = .02, social well-being, F(1, 147) = 0.19, p = .666, η 2 = .00, and total well-being, F(1, 147) = 1.52, p = .219, η 2 = .01.
Differences in Mental Health Illness
As with positive mental health, regarding the strong correlations between indicators of mental health illness (see Table 2), a multivariate analysis of variance (MANOVA) was performed to examine the differences between voluntarily and involuntarily single young adults.
The performed analysis revealed a nonsignificant multivariate effect of voluntary vs. involuntary singlehood on somatic symptoms, anxiety and insomnia, social dysfunction, severe depression, and total mental health illness, Wilks’s Λ = .95, F(4, 144) = 2.03, p = .094, η 2 = .05.
As Table 2 shows, voluntarily and involuntarily single young adults did not differ in regard to somatic symptoms, F(1, 147) = 3.64, p = .058, η 2 = .02, anxiety and insomnia, F(1, 147) = 7.29, p = .008, η 2 = .05, social dysfunction, F(1, 147) = 3.02, p = .085, η 2 = .02, severe depression, F(1, 147) = 4.20, p = .042, η 2 = .03, and total mental health illness, F(1, 147) = 7.63, p = .006, η 2 = .05.
Differences in Romantic Loneliness
A univariate analysis of variance (see Table 2) demonstrated that voluntarily single young adults reported lower romantic loneliness than involuntarily single young adults, F(1, 147) = 32.56, p = .000, η 2 = .18.
Gender Differences
With respect to positive mental health, a multivariate analysis of variance (MANOVA) revealed a nonsignificant multivariate effect of gender on positive mental health, Wilks’s Λ = .98, F(3, 145) = 0.97, p = .410, η2 = .02. In light of the results of the analysis (see Table 3), it can be stated that no gender differences exist in regard to emotional well-being, F(1, 147) = 1.11, p = .293, η2 = .01, psychological well-being, F(1, 147) = 1.14, p = .288, η2 = .01,social well-being, F(1, 147) = 0.04, p = .837, η2 = .00, and total well-being, F(1, 147) = 0.52, p = .475, η2 = .00. The performed analysis also did not reveal an interactional effect of gender and voluntary vs. involuntary singlehood on positive mental health, Wilks’s Λ = .99, F(3, 145) = 0.28, p = .839, η2 = .00.
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Table 3. Means, standard deviations, effect sizes, and significance levels for women and men
In regard to mental health illness, a multivariate analysis of variance (MANOVA) (see Table 3) revealed a nonsignificant multivariate effect of gender, Wilks’s Λ = .96, F(4, 144) = 1.37, p = .247, η 2 = .04. Follow-up analyses demonstrated that women and men did not differ in the domain of somatic symptoms, F(1, 147) = 2.95, p = .088, η 2 = .02, anxiety and insomnia, F(1, 147) = 0.66, p = .416, η 2 = .00, social dysfunction, F(1, 147) = 3.78, p = .054, η 2 = .03, severe depression, F(1, 147) = 0.83, p = .364, η 2 = .00, and total mental health illness, F(1, 147) = 2.99, p = .086, η 2 = .02. At the same time, no interactional effect of gender and voluntary vs. involuntary singlehood on mental health illness emerged to be significant, Wilks’s Λ = .99, F(4, 144) = 0.23, p = .922, η 2 = .01.
In the domain of romantic loneliness, a univariate analysis of variance revealed that women reported higher levels of romantic loneliness than men, F(1, 147) = 6.52, p = .012, η 2 = .04 (see Table 3). At the same time, no interactional effect of gender and voluntary vs. involuntary singlehood was observed to be significant, F(1, 147) = 0.86, p = .355, η 2 = .01.
Tests of Mediation Model
The final set of analyses examined the mediating role of romantic loneliness in the linkage between voluntary and involuntary singlehood, positive mental health, and mental health illness (see Figure 1). In order to establish the mediation effect of romantic loneliness, four steps (involving three regression equations) were performed in line with the method for testing mediation in psychological research as outlined by Baron and Kenny’s (1986) and other researchers (Frazier et al. 2004). In order to make them more concise and available in one place, all the results of the testing mediation are presented in Table 4. The tests of mediation effect of romantic loneliness were preformed separately for each of the seven outcomes, that is, for emotional well-being (Outcome 1), psychological well-being (Outcome 2), social well-being (Outcome 3), somatic symptoms (Outcome 4), anxiety and depression (Outcome 5), social dysfunction (Outcome 6), and severe depression (Outcome 7).
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Table 4. Testing mediator effects using multiple regression. VIS = Voluntary and involuntary singlehood; EWB = Emotional well-being; PWB = Psychological well-being; SWB = Social well-being; SS Somatic symptoms; AI = Anxiety and insomnia; SDYS = Social dysfunction; SDEP = Severe depression; RL = Romantic loneliness. a0 = voluntary singlehood, 1 = involuntary singlehood. *** p < .001; **p < .01; * p < .05
In the first step, the outcome variables (see the above-mentioned outcomes) were regressed on the predictor (voluntary and involuntary singlehood) to establish if there is an effect to mediate (see Path c in Fig. 1). The simple linear regression analysis revealed that Path c was significant only for somatic symptoms, anxiety and insomnia, and severe depression. The performed analysis revealed that voluntary and involuntary singlehood was not predictive of any of the indicators of positive mental health and social dysfunction as an indicator of mental health illness.
In the second step, the mediator (romantic loneliness) was regressed on the predictor variable (voluntary and involuntary singlehood) to establish Path a (see Fig. 1). The performed analysis indicated that voluntary and involuntary singlehood was associated with romantic loneliness, explaining the 18 % of variance in romantic loneliness.
Finally, in the third step, in order to test whether romantic loneliness was related to each of the seven outcomes, the outcomes were regressed simultaneously on both romantic loneliness and the predictor (voluntary and involuntary singlehood). The coefficients associated with the associations between romantic loneliness and all seven outcomes (controlling for predictor) were nonsignificant. Thus, the condition for Step 3 was not met (Path b was nonsignificant). This third regression equation also provided an estimate of Path c’, the relation between predictor and seven outcomes, controlling for romantic loneliness. When that path is zero, there is complete mediation. However, Path c’ for all seven outcomes was not significant. Therefore, this final criterion in the mediation test was not met.
In sum, the analysis of mediation of romantic loneliness in the linkage between voluntary vs. involuntary singlehood, positive mental health, and mental health illness demonstrated that this mediation is not significant. There was significant direct relationship (Path c; see Fig. 1) between voluntary and involuntary singlehood and somatic symptoms (β = .16, p = .049), anxiety and insomnia (β = .21, p = .008), and severe depression (β = .18, p = .032), and significant direct relationship (Path a; see Fig. 1) between voluntary and involuntary singlehood and romantic loneliness (β = .43, p = .000).
Since the performed analyses revealed only direct effects of voluntary and involuntary singlehood on somatic symptoms, anxiety and insomnia, severe depression, and romantic loneliness, moderation analysis with gender as a moderator was performed only for those outcomes (see Table 5). The moderation analysis was performed in the PROCESS module within SPSS 23.
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Table 5. Testing moderator effects of gender on the linkage between voluntary and involuntary singlehood and somatic symptoms, anxiety and insomnia, and severe depression
Results presented in Table 5 indicated that gender did not operate as a moderator of the linkage between somatic symptoms, anxiety and insomnia, and severe depression.
Discussion
The objective of the present study was to investigate whether voluntary singlehood (singlehood by choice) and involuntary singlehood (singlehood not by choice) are related to romantic loneliness, positive mental health and mental illness in a group of single Polish young adults. In addition, special attention was paid to gender differences in regard to domain of romantic loneliness, positive mental health and mental health illness. The present study also intended to expand prior research on singlehood in young adulthood by exploring a theoretical model in which romantic loneliness was postulated to mediate between voluntary vs. involuntary singlehood and mental health outcomes.
The major findings obtained in the presented study did not provide evidence for the hypotheses (H1 and H2) predicting that voluntary single young adults will report higher level of positive mental health and lower level of mental health illness. The present study showed that voluntary and involuntary single young adults differed neither in regard to emotional, psychological, social well-being or total well-being, nor in regard to mental health illness (i.e., somatic symptoms, anxiety and insomnia, social dysfunction, severe depression, and total mental illness). At the same time, performed analyses supported the third hypothesis (H3) which assumes that voluntary single young adults experience lower level of romantic loneliness than involuntary single young adults. The results from the current study add to the complexity of singlehood captured from the perspective of its voluntary vs. involuntary nature. The lack of differences in the domain of positive mental health and mental health illness, contradict popular social stereotypes of singles perceived as miserable, unhappy, insecure, more neurotic, less satisfied with their lives, with lower self-esteem, less satisfied with their relationship status, and desiring to change their relationship status when compared to partnered individuals (DePaulo and Morris 2005; Greitemeyer 2009). This positive view of voluntary singlehood may be related to the fact that nowadays singlehood is often assumed to be an expression of individualization and individualistic attitudes and the expanded freedom of people’s choice (Poortman and Liefbroer 2010). Moreover, this new perception of singlehood as a consciously and voluntarily chosen lifestyle was noticed already by Stein in Stein 1975, who in his qualitative study analyzed singlehood as a positive choice made by adults who chose not to marry or re-marry. Furthermore, the results obtained in the present study seem to support observations made by some researchers that negative associations with singlehood may not be accurate, and that a more contemporary singlehood may represent choice and be associated with positive outcomes such as happiness (Keith 2003).
At the same time, the present study suggests that regardless of whether one’s singlehood is perceived as a result of personal choice or caused by some external circumstances, it is related to the experience of romantic loneliness; however, the level of this loneliness is lower among those who chose their singlehood. The association of romantic loneliness with voluntary vs. involuntary singlehood revealed in the current investigation may support the results from a prior study by Poortman and Liefbroer (2010), indicating that despite greater freedom that young adults nowadays have in the area of the possibility of shaping and directing their life paths, they generally choose to commit rather than to stay single (Poortman and Liefbroer 2010). Indeed, if young adults prefer being committed to remaining single, the experience of romantic loneliness by single individuals is not surprising. Furthermore, the presented results emphasize the significance of the need to belong as a fundamental human motivation (Baumeister and Leary 1995). Although this need can be satisfied in a variety of frequent positive interactions with other people within the context of long-term caring relationships (e.g., friendships, relationships with parents and siblings), during adulthood, romantic partners assume a special position in the network of attachment figures and become a primary attachment figure (Rowe and Carnelley 2005). Moreover, most people prefer to have a romantic partner than to be single (Greitemeyer 2009), and the vast majority of singles are more positive about living together than about living apart from a partner (Poortman and Liefbroer 2010). Therefore, considering that single individuals do not have a romantic partner, they experience romantic loneliness, especially when they do not perceive their singlehood as voluntary and depending on their personal decision.
In the current study two open research questions (RQ1 and RQ2) were formulated with respect to gender differences in the domain of positive mental health, mental health illness, romantic loneliness, and the possibility of interaction between voluntary and involuntary singlehood and gender. The performed analyses demonstrated no difference in the level of positive mental health or mental health illness, and no interactional effect of voluntary and involuntary singlehood and gender. Lack of gender differences in the domain of positive mental health and mental health illness may be related to contemporary changes of a diminishing pattern of gender differences in the sphere of intimacy during young adulthood (Feldman et al. 1998). These changes are thought to contribute to acknowledging the benefits deriving from intimacy and closeness with a partner by men (Feldman et al. 1998). Thus, as gender differences in the domain of romantic relationships appear to diminish, it is possible that men and women have similar experiences in the domain of romantic relationships, and as result, they experience similar levels of positive mental health and mental health illness. This explanation would be congruent with Simon and Barrett’ (2010) indication of the complexity of the association between non-marital romantic relationships and young adults’ mental health, which is of special importance in relation to the contemporary changes in young adults’ lifestyles, including being single, living apart together, and cohabitation without marriage (Lehnart et al. 2010), and in men’s and women’s roles (Simon 2002). These notions could also explain whether gender in the current study was not found to moderate the linkage between voluntary and involuntary singlehood, positive mental health and mental illness.
Although in the current study single women and men did not differ in the domain of positive mental health and mental health illness, they differed in regard to romantic loneliness which higher levels reported by women. In literature, women are depicted as having a stronger interest in establishing close, dyadic social ties (Feldman et al. 1998; Stokes and Levin 1986), and also, in line with commonplace beliefs, that men are less willing to connect with others than women (Schmitt 2008). As a result, single women, regardless of the nature of their singlehood (voluntary vs. involuntary), may experience higher romantic loneliness than single men.
Finally, in line with the fourth hypothesis, it was expected that romantic loneliness would mediate the linkage between voluntary and involuntary singlehood, positive mental health and mental health illness. The set of mediation analyses separately performed for emotional, psychological and social well-being (positive mental health) and for indicators of mental health illness (i.e., somatic symptoms, anxiety and insomnia, social dysfunction and severe depression) revealed that romantic loneliness does not operate as a mediator for the relationship between voluntary and involuntary singlehood, positive mental health and mental health illness. It is also possible that the mediating role of romantic loneliness was not detected in the current study due to the lower reliability of the scale used to measure romantic loneliness variable. As suggested in literature, the mediating variable should be measured with a reliability of at least .90. (Mallinckrodt et al. 2006). In result, lower reliability of the interaction term increases its standard error and reduces the power of the test (Frazier et al. 2004). Thus, the more reliable measure of romantic loneliness and larger sample sizes would have revealed mediation of romantic loneliness that was not discernible in the current study, but the present results suggest that such mediation may not exist.
The performed analyses demonstrated the direct relationships between voluntary and involuntary singlehood, somatic symptoms, anxiety and insomnia, severe depression, and romantic loneliness. Specifically, higher levels of these indicators of mental health illness (the weak associations) and higher level of romantic loneliness (the moderate association) were predicted by involuntary singlehood. Thus, the outcomes of involuntary singlehood do not seem to be so detrimental as Adelman and Ahuvia (1991, p. 273) pointed, writing that “Involuntary singleness can be a profound source of pain for many adults.” At the same time, the associations observed in the current study, however weak and moderate, suggest that when people have the need to possess a partner/spouse and when this need is unsatisfied, they may experience symptoms of psychological distress. For example, Mellor et al. (2008) found that the unmet need to belong was associated with loneliness, suggesting that a failure in satisfying belongingness needs may contribute to social isolation, alienation, and loneliness. Thus, in light of the obtained results, remaining single, if an individual’s choice, seems to be related to lower psychological distress.
Limitation and Future Directions
Several factors specific to the present study limit the conclusions that can be drawn from this article. Several factors specific to the present study limit the conclusions that can be drawn. First, because of the cross-sectional nature of the study, it cannot be determined whether being single (voluntarily or involuntarily) is a cause or consequence of positive mental health and mental health illness, and longitudinal research is needed to evaluate the nature of these associations over time. This issue is of special importance in light of research indicating two possible explanations of the linkage between marital status and mental and physical health. Specifically, in line with the social selection hypothesis, better-adjusted, healthier people become and remain married, and this selection effect accounts for observed group differences between married and unmarried people (e.g., Horn et al. 2013). In particular, psychological well-being or mental health may influence the probability of staying in a marriage, and, in addition, less stable personality traits may enhance the risk of marital dissolution and contribute to lower psychological well-being (Mastekaasa 1994). In turn, in line with the social causation hypothesis marriage offers a variety of benefits which causes positive changes and/or protects against negative changes in mental or physical health (Horn et al. 2013). Thus, the lack of material resources is detrimental to the health among unmarried people (Wyke and Ford 1992). Prior longitudinal studies demonstrated that the above-mentioned hypotheses indicate that mental health is a consequence as well as a cause of marital status (e.g., Mastekaasa 1992). Regarding this issue, future research would benefit from longitudinal assessments of the relationship between status and mental health. Second, the sample size used in the current study is relatively small and consisted solely of heterosexual participants living in Poland. Therefore, the results may not generalize to individuals of other sexual orientations, in particular gay, lesbian, and bisexual young people whose mental health wellbeing may be at risk as suggested by Fergusson et al. (1999). This has also been suggested by a more recent study, in which among participants under the age of 35 years, lesbian/gay identity was associated with an increased risk of symptoms of common mental disorders (Semlyen et al. 2016). Third, Poland, despite many social changes regarding marital and family life, is still a country of traditional values, in which most adolescents and young adults desire to marry and have a successful marital and family life (e.g., Rostowski 2009). Therefore, this specific social and cultural context may impact the experiences associated with singlehood. Further research should include larger samples and participants from Western cultures to examine the possibility that the more individualistic and nontraditional social context has influence on the effects of voluntary versus involuntary singlehood. Forth, future studies, for instance in research of qualitative nature, should carefully consider subjective and objective reasons for singlehood, and their associations with loneliness and mental health. This issue may be of special concern regarding the diversity of single status and reasons for singlehood (i.e., never-married, divorced, separated, widowed) (Cotten 1999; DePaulo and Morris 2005), which may translate into various aspects of singlehood. For instance, in White’s study (Mastekaasa 1992), individuals who had always been single were in better health than people who were married, divorced, separated, or widowed. In addition, it is important to note that the distinction between personal choice and external circumstances as a cause of singlehood may not be so clear and evident, and it seems to be rather related to subjective perceptions of singlehood by an individual than merely to objective circumstances.
Despite these limitations and the initial nature of findings, the present study highlights the importance of further research on the voluntary and involuntary singlehood and young adults’ mental health and other correlates and outcomes such as self-esteem, perceived social support, attitudes towards one’s own singlehood and involuntary childlessness.
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viralhottopics · 8 years
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This May Explain Why So Many People Feel Outraged About Childfree Adults
There was once a time when deciding not to have children automatically made you a social pariah. And even as an increasing number of people are choosing not to become parents, the social bias against childfree adults persists.
Birth rates among 20-something women have declined steeplyas millennialsdelay marriage and having kidsin order to focus on things like education, career, personal growth and financial stability. Many others arent having children at all, and the number of women who have chosen to forgo motherhood altogether has doubled since 1970.
Yet many people still consider the decision to forgo parenthood as not only abnormal and surprising, but also morally wrong, suggests new research from Indiana University-Purdue University.
The findings, published in the March issue of Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, show that most people view parenthood as a moral imperative for men and women.
For the study, 204 psychology students at a Midwestern university read a short passage about a married adult and then rated their feelings toward the person and their perception of the persons level of psychological fulfillment. The only details in the passages that changed were the characters gender and whether they had chosen to have kids.
Childfree men and women were consistently viewed as being less personally fulfilled than those who had two children. This is likely due to the fact that the participants reported significantly greater feelings of moral outrage including anger, disgust and disapproval toward the voluntarily childless people.
Perceiving the childfree people as less fulfilled acts as a way of punishing them for violating whats often considered to be both a social norm and a moral imperative,according to study author Dr. Irene Ashburn-Nardo.
Parenthood is a cultural norm and as with other norms, violations are not looked upon kindly.Research has shown that people who diverge from social role expectations often face backlash from other members of society for defying the unwritten social contract.
People who violate social role expectations based on widely shared cultural stereotypes are subject to perceivers backlash. Dr. Irene Ashburn-Nardo
Through parentsand peers,people learn that parenthood is both typical and expected,Ashburn-Nardo wrote. Peoplewho violate social role expectations based on widely sharedcultural stereotypes are subject to perceivers backlash, suchas social and economic sanctions and sabotage. This backlashis justified in the minds of perceivers because the targets arethought to have brought it upon themselves by not fulfillingtheir expected roles.
Of course, the fact that childless women are widely discriminated against shouldnt come as news to anyone. Childlessness has been described as the final female taboo,and women who choose not to become mothers are often considered selfish or career-obsessed.Women are still expected to conform to gender stereotypes and are criticized and punished when they dont.
This enduring bias carries real repercussions. A 2011 studyfound that women without children suffer from poorer health, likely thanks to the enduring social stigma against childlessness. Childless people are also discriminated against in the workplace, being subject to less schedule flexibility and fewer tax breaks compared to their co-workers who are parents.
Other research has linked moral outrage to discrimination and interpersonal mistreatment, Ashburn-Nardo said in a statement. Its possible that, to the extent they evoke moral outrage, voluntarily child-free people suffer similar consequences. … Exploring such outcomes for this demographic is the next step in my research.
Read more: http://huff.to/2mfD7eS
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ongames · 8 years
Text
This May Explain Why So Many People Feel Outraged About Childfree Adults
There was once a time when deciding not to have children automatically made you a social pariah. And even as an increasing number of people are choosing not to become parents, the social bias against childfree adults persists.
Birth rates among 20-something women have declined steeply as millennials delay marriage and having kids in order to focus on things like education, career, personal growth and financial stability. Many others aren’t having children at all, and the number of women who have chosen to forgo motherhood altogether has doubled since 1970. 
Yet many people still consider the decision to forgo parenthood as not only abnormal and surprising, but also morally wrong, suggests new research from Indiana University-Purdue University. 
The findings, published in the March issue of Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, show that most people view parenthood as a moral imperative for men and women. 
For the study, 204 psychology students at a Midwestern university read a short passage about a married adult and then rated their feelings toward the person and their perception of the person’s level of psychological fulfillment. The only details in the passages that changed were the character’s gender and whether they had chosen to have kids. 
Childfree men and women were consistently viewed as being less personally fulfilled than those who had two children. This is likely due to the fact that the participants reported significantly greater feelings of moral outrage ― including anger, disgust and disapproval ― toward the voluntarily childless people.
Perceiving the childfree people as less fulfilled acts as a way of “punishing” them for violating what’s often considered to be both a social norm and a moral imperative, according to study author Dr. Irene Ashburn-Nardo.
Parenthood is a cultural norm ― and as with other norms, violations are not looked upon kindly. Research has shown that people who diverge from social role expectations often face backlash from other members of society for defying the unwritten social contract.  
People who violate social role expectations based on widely shared cultural stereotypes are subject to perceivers’ backlash. Dr. Irene Ashburn-Nardo
“Through parents and peers, people learn that parenthood is both typical and expected,” Ashburn-Nardo wrote. “People who violate social role expectations based on widely shared cultural stereotypes are subject to perceivers’ backlash, such as social and economic sanctions and sabotage. This backlash is justified in the minds of perceivers because the targets are thought to have brought it upon themselves by not fulfilling their expected roles.”
Of course, the fact that childless women are widely discriminated against shouldn’t come as news to anyone. Childlessness has been described as the “final female taboo,” and women who choose not to become mothers are often considered selfish or career-obsessed. Women are still expected to conform to gender stereotypes and are criticized and punished when they don’t.
This enduring bias carries real repercussions. A 2011 study found that women without children suffer from poorer health, likely thanks to the enduring social stigma against childlessness. Childless people are also discriminated against in the workplace, being subject to less schedule flexibility and fewer tax breaks compared to their co-workers who are parents. 
“Other research has linked moral outrage to discrimination and interpersonal mistreatment,” Ashburn-Nardo said in a statement. “It’s possible that, to the extent they evoke moral outrage, voluntarily child-free people suffer similar consequences. ... Exploring such outcomes for this demographic is the next step in my research.”
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
This May Explain Why So Many People Feel Outraged About Childfree Adults published first on http://ift.tt/2lnpciY
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yes-dal456 · 8 years
Text
This May Explain Why So Many People Feel Outraged About Childfree Adults
There was once a time when deciding not to have children automatically made you a social pariah. And even as an increasing number of people are choosing not to become parents, the social bias against childfree adults persists.
Birth rates among 20-something women have declined steeply as millennials delay marriage and having kids in order to focus on things like education, career, personal growth and financial stability. Many others aren’t having children at all, and the number of women who have chosen to forgo motherhood altogether has doubled since 1970. 
Yet many people still consider the decision to forgo parenthood as not only abnormal and surprising, but also morally wrong, suggests new research from Indiana University-Purdue University. 
The findings, published in the March issue of Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, show that most people view parenthood as a moral imperative for men and women. 
For the study, 204 psychology students at a Midwestern university read a short passage about a married adult and then rated their feelings toward the person and their perception of the person’s level of psychological fulfillment. The only details in the passages that changed were the character’s gender and whether they had chosen to have kids. 
Childfree men and women were consistently viewed as being less personally fulfilled than those who had two children. This is likely due to the fact that participant reported significantly greater feelings of moral outrage ― including anger, disgust and disapproval ― toward the voluntarily childless people.
Perceiving the childfree people as less fulfilled acts as a way of “punishing” them for violating what’s often considered to be both a social norm and a moral imperative, according to study author Dr. Irene Ashburn-Nardo.
Parenthood is a cultural norm ― and as with other norms, violations are not looked upon kindly. Research has shown that people who diverge from social role expectations often face backlash from other members of society for defying the unwritten social contract.  
People who violate social role expectations based on widely shared cultural stereotypes are subject to perceivers’ backlash. Dr. Irene Ashburn-Nardo
“Through parents and peers, people learn that parenthood is both typical and expected,” Ashburn-Nardo wrote. “People who violate social role expectations based on widely shared cultural stereotypes are subject to perceivers’ backlash, such as social and economic sanctions and sabotage. This backlash is justified in the minds of perceivers because the targets are thought to have brought it upon themselves by not fulfilling their expected roles.”
Of course, the fact that childless women are widely discriminated against shouldn’t come as news to anyone. Childlessness has been described as the “final female taboo,” and women who choose not to become mothers are often considered selfish or career-obsessed. Women are still expected to conform to gender stereotypes and are criticized and punished when they don’t.
This enduring bias carries real repercussions. A 2011 study found that women without children suffer from poorer health, likely thanks to the enduring social stigma against childlessness. Childless people are also discriminated against in the workplace, being subject to less schedule flexibility and fewer tax breaks compared to their co-workers who are parents. 
“Other research has linked moral outrage to discrimination and interpersonal mistreatment,” Ashburn-Nardo said in a statement. “It’s possible that, to the extent they evoke moral outrage, voluntarily child-free people suffer similar consequences. ... Exploring such outcomes for this demographic is the next step in my research.”
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
from http://ift.tt/2mMhbop from Blogger http://ift.tt/2maxPkN
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imreviewblog · 8 years
Text
This May Explain Why So Many People Feel Outraged About Childfree Adults
There was once a time when deciding not to have children automatically made you a social pariah. And even as an increasing number of people are choosing not to become parents, the social bias against childfree adults persists.
Birth rates among 20-something women have declined steeply as millennials delay marriage and having kids in order to focus on things like education, career, personal growth and financial stability. Many others aren’t having children at all, and the number of women who have chosen to forgo motherhood altogether has doubled since 1970. 
Yet many people still consider the decision to forgo parenthood as not only abnormal and surprising, but also morally wrong, suggests new research from Indiana University-Purdue University. 
The findings, published in the March issue of Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, show that most people view parenthood as a moral imperative for men and women. 
For the study, 204 psychology students at a Midwestern university read a short passage about a married adult and then rated their feelings toward the person and their perception of the person’s level of psychological fulfillment. The only details in the passages that changed were the character’s gender and whether they had chosen to have kids. 
Childfree men and women were consistently viewed as being less personally fulfilled than those who had two children. This is likely due to the fact that participant reported significantly greater feelings of moral outrage ― including anger, disgust and disapproval ― toward the voluntarily childless people.
Perceiving the childfree people as less fulfilled acts as a way of “punishing” them for violating what’s often considered to be both a social norm and a moral imperative, according to study author Dr. Irene Ashburn-Nardo.
Parenthood is a cultural norm ― and as with other norms, violations are not looked upon kindly. Research has shown that people who diverge from social role expectations often face backlash from other members of society for defying the unwritten social contract.  
People who violate social role expectations based on widely shared cultural stereotypes are subject to perceivers’ backlash. Dr. Irene Ashburn-Nardo
“Through parents and peers, people learn that parenthood is both typical and expected,” Ashburn-Nardo wrote. “People who violate social role expectations based on widely shared cultural stereotypes are subject to perceivers’ backlash, such as social and economic sanctions and sabotage. This backlash is justified in the minds of perceivers because the targets are thought to have brought it upon themselves by not fulfilling their expected roles.”
Of course, the fact that childless women are widely discriminated against shouldn’t come as news to anyone. Childlessness has been described as the “final female taboo,” and women who choose not to become mothers are often considered selfish or career-obsessed. Women are still expected to conform to gender stereotypes and are criticized and punished when they don’t.
This enduring bias carries real repercussions. A 2011 study found that women without children suffer from poorer health, likely thanks to the enduring social stigma against childlessness. Childless people are also discriminated against in the workplace, being subject to less schedule flexibility and fewer tax breaks compared to their co-workers who are parents. 
“Other research has linked moral outrage to discrimination and interpersonal mistreatment,” Ashburn-Nardo said in a statement. “It’s possible that, to the extent they evoke moral outrage, voluntarily child-free people suffer similar consequences. ... Exploring such outcomes for this demographic is the next step in my research.”
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://huff.to/2mGs5wN
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negizad · 4 years
Text
ℍ𝕠𝕨 𝕥𝕠 𝕓𝕖 𝕊𝕦𝕡𝕡𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕒 𝕍𝕠𝕝𝕦𝕟𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕚𝕝𝕪 ℂ𝕙𝕚𝕝𝕕𝕗𝕣𝕖𝕖 𝕎𝕠𝕞𝕒𝕟
“Encourage women wrestling with the parenting decision to think critically and act purposefully. Support healthy skepticism and questioning, and provide a safe environment for exploring perceptions about and attitudes toward gender roles. Reframe the pathology of the voluntarily childfree woman as pioneering and trailblazing.“ (Mollen, 2006)
-This quote from Voluntarily Childfree Women: Experiences And Counseling Considerations by Debra Mollen demonstrates how we can support a woman who is in the midst of this difficult decision. Many women come to a crossroads in life when they must decide whether or not they want to have children. This article actually goes through the experiences of each couple and pinpoints why they have decided to not have children. When family and friends are not supportive of their decision, they tend to feel unsafe. It is our responsibility to reframe how we think of childless women. They are not any less of a woman because of the decisions they make.
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bluewatsons · 7 years
Text
Rachel Louise Shaw, Women’s experiential journey toward voluntary childlessness, 21 J Community & Applied Social Psychol 151 (2011)
Abstract
Voluntary childlessness is a relatively novel yet growing phenomenon. It has implications on fertility rates, our ageing society, health and social care, and economic growth. This idiographic study explored three women’s experiential journeys toward voluntary childlessness to help understand this phenomenon and its impact on contemporary society. Semi-structured interviews were carried out and analyzed using Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis. Themes identified were: the legacy of feminism, models of mothering, and owning the choice to be childless. Despite defining ‘voluntary childlessness’ as an unequivocal decision, the women’s experiential accounts revealed an intrinsic complexity in their journeys toward childlessness. Factors including beliefs in equality, independence and career aspirations competed with constructs of mothering/motherhood, partnership and choice to create a complex tapestry of contributory factors in these women’s childlessness. The findings question the notion of choice and particularly women’s ownership of that choice. The journeys toward childlessness that these women shared reveal a synthesis of agentic decision-making, personal histories and challenging lifestyle choices bound up within an existential need to be a woman. Further research is needed to fully understand the role of voluntary childlessness within society’s notion of family, its care systems, and its impact on future generations. 
This study investigated meanings attributed to ‘voluntary childlessness’. An idiographic approach was taken using Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA; Smith, Flowers & Larkin, 2009) to analyze three British women’s experiential journeys toward identifying themselves as voluntarily childless.
Recent changes in UK fertility patterns show that birth rates fell to 1.63 children per woman on average in 2001 (below the population replacement level of 2.1; ONS, 2005a) and although there was a slight increase to 1.96 in 2008 (ONS, 2008a), the largest growth is among women aged 40 and above. This may be due to more women having their first child later (Rollins, 1996) or more people deciding to opt out of parenthood altogether (Hakim, 2003). Furthermore, increasing numbers of migrant women at childbearing age have contributed to the recent increase (ONS, 2008a).
The success of medical science has meant improved mortality which, when coupled with a decline in fertility rates, could be problematic for future generations. For the first time in recorded history, the percentage of people living in UK under 16 has dropped below those at state pensionable age (ONS, 2008b). This impacts on already over-stretched health and social care services. Ill health increases with age as does the likelihood of consulting health and social care services; the largest proportion (43%) of money spent on personal social care in 2007 was on services for older people (ONS, 2008c). One way society has dealt with this is by families providing informal care for their ageing relatives: in 2001, 78% of social care provided in the community was delivered by a family member (ONS, 2005b). The problem is clear: if the number of people choosing not to have children continues to increase society will no longer be able to rely on adults caring for their elderly parents.
This is not a manifesto for increasing fertility rates because other factors are at stake: the world is already filled with densely and over populated areas struggling to meet demands for food, health care and housing; and then we have dwindling energy supplies of gas and oil to consider and the impact children have on our ‘carbon footprint’. Rather than promoting one lifestyle (with children or without) over another, what is needed is an in-depth investigation of our changing society and social networks so we can better understand the life paths available, their benefits and challenges, before moving on to determine how these impact on society. What we currently know about motivations for childlessness is limited, which is why this study was designed to explore it further.
Existing psychological research has focused on attempting to predict what sort of woman would choose not to have children. The following reasons for remaining childless have been identified: more reliable birth control, later marriage and marital breakdown, higher levels of education, high status employment which women are reluctant to risk, heightened concern about the environment and general state of society, partner’s wishes, less time with partner, emotional strain, responsibility and lack of patience (Langdridge, Sheeran & Connolly, 2005; Dalphonse, 1997; Kiernan, 1989). Others have used measures of masculinity and femininity, which typically cast childless women as more ‘masculine’, categorizing them as ‘early articulators’ (women who made a decision not to have children before marriage) or ‘postponers’ (women who remain childless due to circumstance rather than an explicit decision; Callan, 1984; Callan & Que Hee, 1984). Other research has approached voluntary childlessness as a social phenomenon. For example, Cannold (2004) described her Australian sample according to their ‘baseline orientation to motherhood’ with respect to their imagined futures and identities, as opposed to when a decision was made. Her classification included ‘childless by choice’ and ‘childless by circumstance’; the latter was broken down again to include ‘thwarted mothers’ and ‘waiters and watchers’.
The bulk of literature has tackled voluntary childlessness discursively from a feminist perspective; while previous generations of women would consider it ‘natural’ to become a mother, increasing opportunities for women in the workplace and dramatic changes in ways of living mean that motherhood is no longer a ‘gender fate’ (Beck & Beck-Gernsheim, 1995). Nevertheless, Gillespie’s (2001) study of socio-historical discourses of womanhood identified powerful ideologies which convey femininity as commensurate with motherhood. One is the discourse of submission and obedience to God’s will present in religious doctrine; another is the medicalization of reproductive technology which maintains patriarchal power over women’s bodies and further promotes motherhood, even ‘against the odds’, i.e. with increased use of artificial reproductive technology (ART; Snowden, 1998). Another force which unites Western-nation states in the normalization of motherhood is pro-family legislation: in the US, the Republican Right continues to preserve ‘traditional family values’ and restricts the availability of abortion; in the UK, Brown’s Labour has strengthened its Working Families policy through measures such as family tax credit schemes and increased maternity and paternity leave (Department of Trade and Industry, 2006); and in Australia the maternity payment (or ‘Baby Bonus’) has increased by 40% since its introduction in 2004 (Carmichael & Whittaker, 2007). These initiatives normalize the nuclear family and with it heterosexuality, monogamy and raising children. Anyone who does not fit within this narrow framework becomes marginalized:
“Consequently, the nurturance of children has historically been seen to be what women do, and mothers have been seen to be what women are, constituting the central core of normal, healthy feminine identity, women’s social role and ultimately the meanings of the term woman.” (Gillespie, 2001: 3).
As the majority of existing research has been survey based or at the societal level, this study will examine the conceptualizations of voluntary childlessness by investigating the personal experience of choosing to remain childfree and what it means to be identified as voluntarily childless.
Method
University ethical approval was granted to solicit an opportunistic sample using invitations to UK-wide electronic mailing lists. This study was part of a larger project investigating voluntary childlessness from different perspectives. The women included here were selected on the basis that they defined themselves as voluntarily childless during data collection. All volunteers were asked to sign a consent form and informed of their right to withdraw. All data were kept confidential and participants were given pseudonyms to protect their anonymity.
Participants
The participants, Judith, Beth and Lily are all white professional women: Judith was aged 47, Beth 40 and Lily 28. Due to its focus on individuals’ accounts of particular experiential phenomena, IPA research suggests recruiting a homogeneous sample as far as possible. This sample is homogeneous in terms of ethnicity and professional status.
Data collection
Participants were interviewed individually and encouraged to tell the story of their journey toward voluntary childlessness. The interview was guided by a semi-structured schedule but was flexible in order to privilege participants’ voices (Mishler, 1996). Open-ended questions were asked, for example: ‘how did you come to describe yourself as voluntarily childless?’ Interviews were audio-recorded and transcribed verbatim.
Analysis
Interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA; Smith, Flowers & Larkin, 2009) was used to examine individuals’ experiential accounts (e.g., Eatough & Smith, 2006; Shaw, 2004). It takes from hermeneutics the importance of interpretation and involves a ‘double hermeneutic’: “The participants are trying to make sense of their world; the researcher is trying to make sense of the participants trying to make sense of their world” (Smith & Osborn, 2008: 53). From Heideggerian phenomenology, IPA takes its interest in being-in-the- world (Heidegger, 1962). The temporality and historicity of human experience is considered paramount which drives IPA’s idiographic commitment to investigating the person’s experience in context (Reid, Flowers & Larkin, 2005).
The analysis proceeded on a case by case basis as described by Smith & Osborn (2008). The first transcript was read several times to achieve generic understanding. It was then read more closely and the text separated into meaning units. For each meaning unit, a descriptive summary of the experience the participant recounted was written. Following this, interpretative coding was undertaken and salient themes identified before moving on the next case. Interpretative themes from each woman’s account were then synthesized to produce the themes presented.
Reflexivity
Engaging in reflexivity is crucial when making sense of human experience (Shaw, in press). In this analysis, the process of hermeneutic reflection was considered most appropriate. This involved “continually reflecting upon our interpretations of both our experience and the phenomena being studied so as to move beyond the partiality of our previous understandings and our investment in particular research outcomes” (Finlay, 2003: 108). A reflexive journal was kept throughout.
Results
Themes identified in the analysis are: the legacy of feminism, models of mothering and owning the choice to be childless. At the start of the interview, each woman was asked for a definition of ‘voluntary childlessness’ and each assumed it involved an unequivocal decision:
“a couple who have deliberately chosen not to have children [Interviewer: yeah] for whatever reason they’ve made an active decision not to have children” (Beth)
“Women who choose well I suppose it could be broader than just women I mean you could apply it to their partners as well but situations where people have no fertility problems or other reasons that would be an obstacle to having children but they’ve just made that sort of lifestyle choice that they don’t want to have children” (Judith)
“Erm I think it refers to someone who has the option to have children whether biologically or not by other means but chooses not to” (Lily)
Several assumptions are implicit here. Firstly, Beth assumed the decision is made by a (heterosexual) couple. Judith introduced motivation – a “lifestyle choice” – attributing agency to couples as did Beth’s “deliberate” choice. Judith suggested that voluntarily childless people would not have any (known) fertility problems while Lily argued that people who cannot conceive biologically may choose not to have children through other means (e.g., ART or adoption) making them voluntarily childless too. In summary, these definitions stress the voluntary aspect of this childlessness inferring that it is actively decided upon by individuals or couples.
The legacy of feminism
Using the literature as a starting point, and taking into account the ages of the women who took part, it was almost inevitable that feminism would contribute in some way to the discussion. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it played the strongest role in Judith’s account because she lived her teenage years in the sixties. Judith drew on feminist concepts of equality, independence and freedom to pursue a career as significant to her own voluntary childlessness:
“I suppose there’s a strand of feminist influence in the sense of when I was young I was very aware of erm as a woman not wanting to feel pushed into a traditional role if that wasn’t what I wanted [..] it was an exciting time because I felt I was part of a generation that would erm stick two fingers up at all that and say ‘no I’m going to do whatever I want to do, I’m going to have a career, I can be whatever I want to’. [..] I suppose I felt resistant to compromising a career and being independent and having the freedom, and that I saw having children as being an obstacle with all of that” (Judith)
In this extract Judith positioned herself as rebellious, following her own path rather than one prescribed by tradition. Reflecting on her younger self, she stressed feminism as what attracted her to a life without the “obstacle” of children. Although the intervening years and the advent of a “post-feminist era”, later led Judith to see those ‘ideals’ as unachievable and potentially irrelevant to the everyday world:
“despite people saying it’s a post-feminist era you know men still don’t do their share, they’re not you know there are still different expectations about roles of men and women and there are certainly very big differences in terms of what men and women do with regard to you know domestic stuff, with or without children, and certainly with regard to childcare” (Judith)
Despite this gendered domestic scenario, which Judith implied was overly demanding on women, she did reminisce about the past when women were housewives and men breadwinners, but when mothering was a shared experience conducted in a communal environment:
“I think we live in such a fragmented society [..] we’re living in smaller households and families don’t- aren’t around to help share, because I think that’s what I enjoyed as a child and what I plugged into was that collective stuff with all the cousins and everybody else’s children and aunties and uncles and next door neighbours whose doors were always open [..] so I think we need to break down some of those barriers to collective living and share that sort of thing and I think that’s the thing about motherhood that- that we’ve got an over focus on motherhood” (Judith)
Judith remembered a sense of community where families lived in and out of each others’ houses. The received wisdom of extended families and shared nurturing they bring seemed to Judith to offer something more than the isolated way of living today. Judith felt that because of changes in ways of living the responsibility of raising children has shifted to women as individuals, instead of the community at large, who are nevertheless expected to perform their mothering role autonomously and successfully.
Related to this is the notion of motherhood as natural which Beth referred to in her rejection of it. What is remarkable in Beth’s account though is not the lack of a “maternal burning desire” but Beth’s surprise at herself for feeling this way:
Beth: I do think it’s a bit weird that I don’t that I’ve never worried about not having children, I have thought a few times perhaps that’s a bit weird Interviewer: but then why- why should it be weird? Beth: well I’m female, aren’t women supposed to want children. Even when I had that conversation [about whether to have children] with John [husband] you would have thought I’d be really upset or something [..] I didn’t get upset afterwards about what was said, just it seems strange
Beth’s account raised anxieties about how childlessness impacted on her external self. Our relational self is constituted by and communicated through the way we choose to live our lives and Beth seemed concerned that her rejection of motherhood brought with it a form of defeminisation. The ordinariness of motherhood is also evident in Lily’s social negotiation of her self as voluntarily childless:
“it does make you feel like a bit of a freak [..] because you’re the odd one out [..] you just feel like the person who doesn’t fit in, the person who’s life isn’t as fulfilled, which is crazy, what a sad situation” (Lily)
Lily oriented toward feeling stigmatized. Her experience of being voluntarily childless is characterized by the way she thinks others judge her for this. There was tension between Lily’s sense of others’ feelings toward her and her assessment of the situation as unfair. She saw herself as a freak – or thought that others saw her as a freak – because she “doesn’t fit in”. At the same time, she suggested the reason others think she is a freak is because she is living an unfulfilled life; hence, according to Lily’s view of society, having children is not only normal and natural but the only path to a fulfilling life. Given this assumption, it is not surprising Lily casts herself a freak. Nevertheless, Lily presented an alternative assessment of this “sad situation” as an unfair way to judge childless women when she rejected it as “crazy”. This short extract reveals the work Lily felt she needed to do to present her childfree self as a legitimate member of society. Despite having taken advantage of the increased educational and career opportunities for women in contemporary culture, thanks to the feminist movement, Lily felt that choosing a career over children will never be construed as a defensible choice for a woman:
“I think if people see you as choosing work over children then they think you’re making the wrong choice because children are so much more important of course they are because they’re living beings [..] that’s still a much more worthy thing to do with your life than to you know get a good job.” (Lily)
This again highlights the negativity Lily attributed to her voluntary childlessness. She constructed it as a competition – career versus motherhood. Lily’s interpretation focused on the benefits of having children to contribute to the gene pool which lead her to a positive assessment of motherhood compared with the less important contribution of “a good job”.
The legacy of feminism is complex for these women. As someone who experienced the feminist movement firsthand, Judith initially celebrated the positive effect it had and each woman participating, as a professional, is in some way a product of feminism. Notwithstanding the new opportunities brought about by social change, each woman questioned the legacy of feminism. While women are now able to participate equally in education, have a successful career, and be economically independent, Lily has shown us the allure of motherhood as a ‘natural’ and fulfilling alternative may always be perceived by others as superior. Beth’s concern about her lack of maternal desire illustrates the central place of motherhood within contemporary constructions of womanhood. And Judith’s nostalgia for a close-knit community demonstrates the challenge and potential loneliness of motherhood in the twenty-first century.
Despite these problems, Judith, Lily and Beth have identified themselves as voluntarily childless and the next theme will explore in some depth the personal histories that contributed to this construction of the self.
Models of mothering
It is not uncommon for children’s play to involve ‘faux parenting’ and the construction of ‘happy families’ in their imagined futures. In talking about her journey toward childlessness, Lily revealed that she had always imagined that she would have children and from being a young girl, she had forged a fantastical view of motherhood:
“we’d be in like this little house erm and yeah I’d probably have two kids or maybe more but probably two and they’d have blonde hair and it’d be all cool and we’d get up in the morning and we’d be singing and I’d be putting them in the bath and stuff and then we’d go out to the park and we’d do all this nice stuff and it’s kind of wonderful and yeah there’d be all kind of this idyllic little dream” (Lily)
Lily’s construction of motherhood draws upon the stereotypical simplicity of ‘2.4 children’ and living ‘happily ever after’; in her own words, an “idyllic little dream”. Reading that quote conjured a dreamscape of fuzzy images with bright sunshine, a fairy-tale cottage and a lush green meadow the like of which might feature in a children’s storybook. Indeed, this is an image Lily created in childhood. However, she did not leave it in the past. As Lily continued to describe this idealized view of motherhood it became clear that this is something she had contemplated more recently. In her “idyllic little dream”, Lily imagined herself as “quite a good mum”:
“I think I might have been a bit crazy but probably would have been quite a good mum. I did think that being a mother would change me for the better that I’d become a less selfish person and you know it’d bring out this really good caring about other people kind of side [..] you do sort of see it in a pink tinged perfect way with your little pram and everything and it’s not like that in reality” (Lily)
Alongside her childlike picture of happy families, Lily considered that becoming a mother would hold personal benefits in terms of creating an acceptable and ‘socially approved’ persona. In doing this, Lily constructed an alternative ending to explore the possibilities of life had she made different choices. This demonstrates Lily’s active self-reflection; she is clearly someone who has thought through her current situation and considered alternative life paths before choosing the route which led to her self-categorization as voluntarily childless. These extracts also illustrate the salience of imagined and idealized models of mothering and their potential impact on women’s journeys toward childlessness.
Instead of the somewhat romantic image Lily created, Judith took her model of mothering from her past:
“because I didn’t like the way my mother behaved with me and my sister, a really strong part of my identity forming was about not being like her [..] because she’s now got dementia I was sort of revisiting my relationship with her and trying to make sense of it and through talking that through in counselling I became aware that erm I spent a lot of my formative years trying to not be my mother and part of that came out as not wanting to be a mother” (Judith)
Judith shared her experience of counselling and among the topics of discussion was her mother’s recent illness which encouraged Judith to explore her maternal relationship in some depth. The extract above constituted the result of a great deal of reflective work and represented Judith’s current thinking about her own life choices in the context of her experience of being mothered. Having done this work, Judith was faced with the realization that her wish to avoid modelling her own mother’s behaviour did in some way contribute to her childlessness. Judith’s sister though took the opposite path which illustrates that the same circumstances do not always lead to a similar outcome:
“her response was that’s not how to do it, I know how to do it and I’m going to do it in my way and I’m going to be completely different with my children, whereas I just shied off it completely” (Judith)
Beth’s thinking about her childfree status was in some ways more organic than the rehearsed positions of Lily and Judith. It became clear that Beth had not reflected at length on her life choice to remain childfree and that some of the things she discussed emerged in-the- moment as she explored her own experiential journey. In doing this, Beth began to speak about her mother:
“I’ve got a very difficult relationship with my mother. She’s got a mental illness as well as a physical illness [..] she’s erm demanding, she’s like a spoilt child actually she demands an awful lot of attention [..] it’s certainly true that the difficulty I’ve had with my mother etcetera certainly has influenced whether or not we’d have had children in our case, definitely. [..] She probably is one of the reasons why I haven’t got children.” (Beth)
Beth’s candid description of her maternal relationship revealed an almost tangible sense of absence that had been overwhelmed by duty; absence of the loving and supportive mother model set against the duty of care Beth felt toward her mother resulting in the somewhat ironic situation of Beth mothering her own mother (“she’s like a spoilt child actually”).
This theme has illustrated the prominence of models of mothering both in terms of these women’s own lived experience of being mothered and its potential impact on the decision to remain childless and in terms of the idealized visions of motherhood which function to perpetuate the myth of the ‘happily ever after’. The final theme will further uncover the nuances of the phenomenon of voluntary childlessness by using these women’s accounts to deconstruct the notion of choice.
Owning the choice to be childless
At the beginning we saw each woman prioritize choice by defining voluntary childlessness as an unequivocal decision. However this theme will question the nature of that choice by exploring issues of agency and circumstance that contributed to these women’s journeys toward voluntary childlessness. The first example sees Beth construct her childlessness as something borne out of circumstance rather than a definite decision:
“it just sort of happened really we didn’t get- I’m now forty, we didn’t get married until I was thirty-five, although I was with John for ten years before that although I wasn’t living with him, so we’d had a fifteen year relationship erm I always imagined I’d probably have children [..] but never really sort of got round to it” (Beth)
This was Beth’s opening gambit regarding her childlessness; it came early on in the interview and worked to contextualize her current relationship status, her age, and her childlessness. In this extract there was little to reveal Beth’s feelings about remaining childfree as she has presented it in a very matter of fact way. Later on in the interview Beth talked through the decision-making process she underwent with her partner:
“about sort of a year in [to the marriage] we sort of said you know time’s getting on, I’m now thirty-six, you know, one needs to just make the decision one way or another and though I think we’d actually both make really really lovely parents erm John said he didn’t really want to share me with anybody and after what we’d been through [with Beth’s mother] so he thought it was quite late for us to start having children erm and I wasn’t that bothered either way to be perfectly honest I just accepted his decision and I don’t think [Beth knocks on the table] the tape can’t hear me touching wood erm we’re perfectly happy with that decision. It doesn’t bother us at all. I’ve got no particular desire to have children. I might regret it when I’m seventy I might not” (Beth)
In this extract we learned a great deal more about the factors that contributed to Beth’s childlessness, some of which might make us question whether it falls within the remit of what is voluntary. Firstly, Beth described needing to make a decision with her partner about whether to have children soon after they were married. This is set within the context of her age and is tinged by a sense of lost time; Beth inferred that her “difficult relationship” with her mother impacted negatively on her relationship and delayed her marriage, which prevented her from addressing this earlier. Beth’s summary of her discussion with her husband positioned him as pro-actively endorsing childlessness in order to fully commit to their marriage. In turn, Beth presented herself as reactive yet content with this proposal. Despite this, Beth still felt the need to position herself and John as potentially “really really lovely parents”. By doing this, Beth pre-empted and quashed the potential accusation that childless individuals take that path because they would fail as parents. She also pointed to her possible future regret which demonstrates a pragmatic stance toward life choices. It also conceptualized voluntary childlessness as contingent on time; a past experience, a current reflection, a future regret each existing along the continuum illustrating the significance of time in understanding this phenomenon.
Judith’s story also involved some intricate negotiations between circumstance and choice. In her thirties Judith was sterilised and at the time, as well in the years building up to her sterilisation, she identified her feminist beliefs as central to this decision:
“if you’d asked me this question in my twenties I’d have talked about all the sort of feminist things and wanting to be independent and have a career [..] in my thirties I was so adamant that I wasn’t going to have children that I’ve been sterilised so I can’t have children and I have no doubts that that was what I thought at the time. And I think on balance it is right” (Judith)
With the benefit of work carried out in counselling Judith analyzed her life choice to be sterilised from an experiential distance. In this extract Judith hinted at self-deception or perhaps denial; in her twenties and thirties, the dominant feeling driving her desire to remain childfree was a belief in equality and independence for women and the chance to escape the ‘gender fate’ of motherhood. Now in her forties Judith contemplated whether less conscious feelings contributed which had only come to light more recently:
“I know when I worked out all the feelings I’d had when I was younger I felt sort of cheated of having the choice taken away, which is stupid because I mean I did it in my thinking erm nobody deliberately did it to me, but, I don’t say so much cheated but I felt a sense of loss that that door wasn’t open anymore, erm but with a bit of space, I was, you know, I did go through a sort of sense of grief for that at the time but with a bit of distance from that now erm I think actually I may well not have had children anyway” (Judith)
Through engaging in a process of directed self-reflection, Judith begun to deconstruct what she had previously seen as an unequivocal decision to be sterilised. She described the process of reflection as “painful” particularly because she now believed it related so strongly to her relationship with her mother. The sense of time is especially salient in Judith’s account because it switches between a retrospective self-analysis and an evaluation of her current state of mind:
“having said all of that, if you’d asked me the question and I answered honestly, I’m not without regret. But I’m not deeply troubled by regret and the regrets aren’t a burden” (Judith)
It is the wisdom of hindsight which seemed to enable Judith to rationalize her childlessness and to openly explore the way she felt about it now.
Lily’s case is rather different but no less complicated: after they were married, Lily’s husband discovered he had severe fertility problems which meant a natural conception was deemed impossible and reproductive treatment was unlikely to be successful. For some, this prognosis would exclude Lily from identifying as voluntarily childless but Lily defined herself as such because she chose not to take up alternative (non-biological) methods of having children:
“I found this out erm about a year after we’d been married and that was like obviously really devastating. And they did think for a while that there might be other routes that we could go down, so we looked into those and over the like past four, five years we’ve found that actually no, the other sort of medical routes aren’t going to be viable either. Erm so that leaves you with adoption and we’ve talked it over and talked it over and just decided we just don’t want to go down that route so I guess, even though biologically it’s not an option that’s available to me, it is a voluntary choice erm not to adopt and actually that makes me feel a bit more in control of the whole situation because then it’s not that poor me I can’t have them it’s like okay my options are limited but at the same time there’s still options and I’m choosing not to take those ones and to go in a different direction.” (Lily)
Lily described her self-endorsed identity of a voluntarily childless woman as a mechanism for managing her childlessness. Previously, we saw the work Lily felt was necessary to position her sense of self as legitimate within a world she believed constructs motherhood as the only fulfilling fate for a woman. From this extract we learn that this work is crucial in building Lily’s sense of internal control. Moreover, it is essential for her to feel authentic. As the interview moved on, Lily appeared reconciled with her decision to remain childfree, that is, the decision she made with her husband not to adopt. However, at times she returned to the difficulty of the medical ‘truth’ which challenges her self-construction as voluntarily childless:
“So it’s a really mixed thing but I think I’ve forced myself to think of the positives [of not having children] to try and cope with it. So I don’t think it’s like a ‘oh yeah I’m so empowered this is wonderful I feel great about this decision’. I think part of me is still annoyed that it’s partly been taken out of my hands but I’m trying to be positive and feel empowered that I’ve made a choice not to adopt because we could do that.” (Lily)
This illustrates the lived experience of situated freedom; we can make life choices only within the constraints of the social world in which we live. For Lily, evoking a sense of control enabled her to rationalize her childlessness and to learn to live a life that is different from what she had anticipated in her dreamlike vision. Again, this emphasizes the significance of our personal relationships and time, as something we live through and which contextualizes our sense of self, in the journey toward childlessness.
Each woman seemed to deconstruct the notion of choice and, arguably, none of them fully owned their choice to be childfree: Beth constructed it as largely her husband’s decision and a result of her mother’s illness; Judith attributed it to feminist ideals and the inappropriate mothering model she experienced; and Lily’s decision to remain childfree was triggered by the realization that she would not be able to have a biological child with her husband. These complex interactions between circumstance and choice underline the challenge of understanding the potentially contested and dynamic phenomenon of voluntary childlessness.
Discussion
This study has examined three women’s experience of voluntary childlessness. Each woman defined herself as voluntarily childless and when asked to describe that status in general terms saw it as something borne of an unequivocal decision. Their lived experience of voluntary childlessness was rather more complex though. The legacy of feminism illustrates the varied impact feminism had on these women’s constructions of voluntary childlessness. Judith’s sterilisation was driven by a desire to avoid the ‘gender fate’ (Beck & Beck- Gernsheim, 1995) of motherhood and instead capitalize on opportunities brought about by feminism. However, this impact was not experienced as wholly positive by these women. Judith’s impression that domestic practices do not exhibit the same equality that has been achieved in the workplace is corroborated by previous research. Artis & Pavalko (2003) found that despite growing numbers of households with dual earners and the common practice of pooling income to support a chosen lifestyle, women are still more likely to do the majority of housekeeping tasks, including being the primary carer of any children. Furthermore, the voluntary childless men and women in Park’s (2005) study perceived parenthood as a sacrifice: women thought it an obstacle to career aspirations, as did Judith; men saw it as a financial sacrifice. It is not surprising that women, like those who took part in this research, would seek a successful career and financial independence and see motherhood as an obstacle to those things. What we learn from Lily’s account though is that professional women may not feel assimilated into society until they have also fulfilled their ‘calling’ to become a mother. So instead of feminism offering women a choice between children and career, it has left them feeling pressurized to have both (Shaw & Giles, 2009).
The impact of this dual life goal for women is intensified when we consider Beth and Lily’s experience of feeling de-feminized and stigmatized as voluntarily childless women. Previous literature supports these experiential claims. Women without children have been defined by what is missing; they are ‘barren’, childless, non-mothers (Letherby, 1994). Moreover, Hird & Abshoff (2000) argued that the ‘childless woman’ has been socially constructed as an oxymoron: “Indeed, in most societies to choose to remain childless is perceived as somehow ‘unnatural’, so deeply inscribed and culturally scripted are essentialist ideas of womanhood” (Miller, 2005: 58). Beth’s concern was that somehow she did not match up to her expectations of what it meant to be a woman because she did not experience a ‘maternal desire’ for children. This position evoked the well rehearsed discourse of motherhood as natural and its reverse, the ‘unnaturalness’ of non-motherhood. Certainly, existing evidence has demonstrated that women who are not mothers are ‘called to account for themselves’ in ways that mothers are not (Morell, 1994). In other words, women who choose not to have children are ‘othered’ because they do not follow the agreed script.
Furthermore, the language used in this field is contentious. Voluntary childlessness is said to have derogatory connotations: childlessness denotes a lack, hence supporting the discursive strategies which marginalize women without children; instead, using the term childfree implies freedom of choice (Veevers, 1980). This sense of marginalization and the stigma experienced by Lily is supported by the extant literature. Park (2002) found that negative stereotyping meant that some voluntarily childless individuals felt the need to alter or justify their position and did so by adopting a range of mechanisms. Some rejected the pronatalist discourse by ‘condemning the condemners’ or proactively redefining voluntary childlessness as a valid social role, while others claimed biological deficiency, passed over or substituted their identity in order to preserve a ‘good’ self.
More recent findings from Australia however turn this stigma on its head: Carmichael & Whittaker (2007) found that negative attributions of childless women as selfish, for example, tended to come from the childless women themselves rather than parents or others planning to have children. Indeed, Maher & Dever (2004) found that mothers respected other women’s choices not to have children which suggests a sea-change in public perceptions of voluntary childlessness; any negativity experienced by women who choose not to have children may be self-constructed and internalized rather than it being something directed at them by others. This is a possible explanation for Lily’s experience of stigmatization; although she felt like a “freak”, we do not know from this analysis whether Lily’s social network or others in society would confirm the negative self-image she had constructed. Nevertheless, Lily’s experience of stigmatization was real and therefore contributes to her lived experience as a voluntarily childless woman. A recent Media Framing Analysis of UK news media coverage relating to voluntary childlessness found a range of positive and negative ways in which messages were framed. Some rehearsed the childless-as-other discourse that was present in earlier work (e.g. Park, 2005, 2002; Gillespie 2001) but others indicated a shift toward more positive representations of childfree women in popular culture (Giles, Shaw & Morgan, 2009). Of course, this may be due in part to the increasing number of journalists who are childfree women (e.g. Defago, 2005). Notwithstanding these moves toward a greater acceptance of childfree women and away from the dominant prejudice one might have expected not long ago, this recent evidence indicates that approaching voluntary childlessness from an experiential perspective is crucial to understand its impact on the everyday lives of individuals.
The models of mothering theme revealed the significance of Beth and Judith’s relationships with their own mothers in forging their futures as childless women. The stories they shared are in some way supported by Reading & Amatea’s (1986) finding that choosing not to have children may be the result of childhood trauma, poor parenting roles or some other negative experience of childrearing. Judith’s description of her sister’s reaction to their experience of being mothered however demonstrated that similar circumstances do not always lead to similar outcomes; and during her interview Beth expressed concern about bringing a child into the world that may be susceptible to mental health problems since she and her sister, as well her mother, had experienced them. Nevertheless, this is an issue which has been under-researched and which this analysis has confirmed requires further exploration. It is not surprising that one’s own experience of being mothered would play some part in determining whether motherhood will be a chosen life course. These data have demonstrated that this relationship is not straightforward however and that other factors such as aspirations for independence, career or health issues may also be influential. What is surprising is that previous research has focused largely on the meanings of motherhood compared to non- motherhood without addressing subjective experiences of being mothered or mothering outside of the nuclear family structure. During her interview, Judith described caring for her nieces and nephew and Beth described her experience of mothering her own mother. These findings therefore suggest the need to breakdown constructions of ‘the family’ in contemporary culture as well as understanding the structure of personal relationships and their impact on life choices we make.
The final theme, owning the choice to be childless, indicates the need to unpack the term ‘voluntary childlessness’ and furthermore to understand the place of childlessness within the lives of men and women in contemporary Western culture. Previous research has increasingly criticized the old-fashioned categorizations of ‘early articulators’ and ‘postponers’ (Callan, 1984; Callan & Que Hee, 1984). The findings of this study also question the more recent labels of ‘childless by choice’ and ‘childless by circumstance’, which is further divided into ‘thwarted mothers’ and ‘watchers and waiters’, introduced by Cannold (2004). In one respect, Lily may occupy the position of ‘thwarted mother’ because, as she said, to some degree at least her choice was taken away from her. But in order to manage this circumstance, she pro-actively occupied the position of ‘childfree by choice’. Similarly, Beth could be construed as a ‘waiter and watcher’ because she described her childlessness as something that “just happened”. However, she was not waiting until an opportunity to become a mother arose; she was already in a long-term relationship but other factors, including her mother and her marriage, had taken priority. Judith presents a dilemma because according to the reflective account given in the interview, she had at one time considered herself ‘childfree by choice’ but then later in life began to wonder whether she too had had an element of choice taken away. Nevertheless, in her conclusion that “on balance” she had made the right choice, Judith demonstrates that she does, to some degree, own that choice.
This sense of ownership is something one must negotiate within the short- and longer- term projects of life. As we have seen in these women’s accounts, an unequivocal decision is something that reflects autonomy, empowerment and a sense of assuredness about the future a decision will bring. Life is far from simple; paths cross unexpectedly, relationships breakdown, careers move in unanticipated directions, illness disrupts familial networks, all of which may overturn rational decisions made previously prompting change. Given the significance of time in understanding the nature of human experience (Heidegger, 1962), it becomes meaningless to construe voluntary childlessness as something that is static and enduring. The experiential accounts analyzed demonstrate the inherent complexities in women’s journeys toward childlessness and the multifaceted factors that contribute to paths taken. In short, these findings suggest that further research is needed to unravel the complex and interacting components of personal and social factors which have contributed to the increasing numbers of men and women deciding not to have children. Each of the accounts analyzed here mirrors the conclusion of Carmichael & Whittaker (2007):
“While ‘choice’ is unprecedented, the [..] evidence is that family formation is intimately negotiated, rationalized and experienced through dynamic interplay between material conditions, personal aspirations, gender relations, social values and biological limitations.”
The depth of meaning examined in this study demonstrates the benefits of taking an idiographic approach to such a complex phenomenon. Nevertheless, it does raise questions regarding potential future research particularly with groups not investigated here. Although some studies reviewed have included men, there is clearly a need to understand their position more fully. We do not know whether men contemplate fatherhood as something which is socially expected. Nor do we know whether masculinity is experienced as contingent upon reproduction or ‘good’ fathering. The sample in this study spanned the twenties, thirties and forties but it would be beneficial to learn whether women in their teens or early twenties and post-menopausal women feel differently about voluntary childlessness. Given the diversity of contemporary European communities, further work with men and women with different religious beliefs and from different ethnic backgrounds is also required to explore whether religiosity or cultural tradition play a role in men and women’s journeys toward childlessness. In addition, recent legal developments in civil partnership and gay adoption may impact on the life pathways available to these individuals making voluntary childlessness something worthy of investigation in this population.
Further phenomenological work is certainly needed for us to develop our understanding of voluntary childlessness as lived. It is clear that changing times have prompted a need for ‘ontological security’ (Giddens, 1991) among women; moving away from taken-for-granted gender role stereotypes brings with it the need to re-negotiate a fulfilling life path for women who choose to remain childfree. Indeed, future research needs to be sensitive and reflective in order to take into account the ways in which we are “continuously revising our own individual biographies as part of the reflexive project of the self” (Miller, 1005; 47). Taking a phenomenological approach to meaning-making, as inspired by Bruner (1990), will help to unravel the complexities uncovered in future studies.
Although this study has identified the sometimes blurred distinction between voluntary and involuntary childlessness, it would be helpful for national statistics to document reasons cited for childlessness. This would radically enhance what we know about the context of current fertility rates. This would also help contextualize what we already recognize as an ageing society. Beth’s case illustrated that providing informal care for family members may indeed impact on whether that younger generation has children of its own. Furthermore, as the Adult Social Care Workforce itself ages, the focus has to be on how it will cope with growing capacity, how it will establish new skills and attract and train new workers to care for increasing numbers of elderly people (Department of Health, 2008).
In conclusion, the findings presented have demonstrated the fluidity of the phenomenon of voluntary childlessness. It was experienced differently by these women but similarities in their life journeys have shown that voluntary childlessness emerges from a complex mix of agentic decision-making, personal histories and challenging lifestyle choices bound up within an existential need to be a woman.
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Julia Moore, Facets of Agency in Stories of Transforming from Childless by Choice Mother: From Childless by Choice to Mother, 79 J Marriage & Family 1144 (2017)
Abstract
Family scholars have explored in depth how and why some women choose to never have children. However, some childless-by-choice (also termed childfree or voluntarily childless) women—who have declared their desire and intention to never have children—ultimately become mothers because of changes in choice or circumstance. Through a qualitative analysis of interviews with mothers who once articulated themselves as permanently childless by choice, this article presents three facets of agency in women’s stories about childbearing transformations: accidental conception, ambiguous desire, and purposeful decision. Participant interviews indicated that each facet of agency was enabled and constrained by multiple individual, relational, and cultural considerations, including self-described biological urges, partners’ childbearing desires and intentions, and cultural stigma against abortion. Pathways from childless by choice to mother often encompass multiple facets of agency and include movements in and out of various fertility desires and intentions before conceiving.
During the past 4 decades, scholars have demonstrated that women’s choice to never have children is culturally devalued in comparison to motherhood (Ashburn-Nardo, 2017; Gillespie, 2000; Houseknecht, 1979; Veevers, 1980). Although U.S. national surveys have shown that some women who once said that they never intended to have children end up expecting to have children or having children (Heaton, Jacobson, & Holland, 1999), fewer scholars have engaged in systematic investigations about how or why women who never wanted to have children come to be mothers. “Reproduction has been so taken for granted,” wrote Franke (2001), “that only women who are not parents are regarded as having made a choice—a choice that is constructed as non-traditional, nonconventional, and for some, non-natural” (p. 185). Exploring the ways that women become mothers after articulating themselves as permanently childless by choice provides deeper insight into the fluidity of child-bearing intentions. Scholars have already begun to consider childbearing desires and intentions as enabled and constrained by many factors (e.g., Bernardi, Mynarska, & Rossier, 2015; Letherby, 1994; Meyers, 2001; Miller, 2011; Park, 2005), and attending to the shifting familial formations of previously childless-by-choice women adds a novel layer of understanding to, and recognition for, women’s lived experiences of (never) having children. To add to this conversation, I engaged in a qualitative thematic analysis of the life stories of mothers who once told others that they never wanted to have children to analyze three multidimensional facets of agency that characterized women’s stories of childbearing transformations.
Background
Birth rates have diminished since the late 1960s and early 1970s in the United States as a result of access to abortion and oral contraceptives for adults and minors, delays in marriage and child- bearing, and women’s increased participation in the labor force (Brewster & Rindfuss, 2000; Guldi, 2008). In 2013, the U.S. total fertility rate, or estimated number of births per woman during her lifetime, was 1.86 births per woman, down from 1.88 in 2012, 1.89 in 2011, and 1.93 in 2010 (Hamilton, Hoyert, Martin, Strobino, & Guyer, 2012; Martin, Hamilton, Ventura, Oster- man, & Mathews, 2013; Osterman, Kochanek, MacDorman, Strobino, & Guyer, 2015). Simultaneously, scientists at the National Center for Health Statistics estimated that the percentage of childless-by-choice women—who have made the decision to never have children and are also termed childfree and voluntarily childless (Moore, 2014)—rose from 2.4% in 1982 to 4.3% in 1990 to 6.6% in 1995 (Paul, 2001). Abma and Martinez (2006) analyzed the National Survey of Family Growth to estimate that the percentage of voluntarily childless women aged 35 to 44 years grew from 5% in 1982 to 8% in 1988, peaking at 9% in 1995 and then declining to 7% in 2002.
However, statistics about voluntary childlessness are scarce and muddled; it is difficult to estimate the number of childless-by-choice individuals because many large-scale surveys do not delineate between individuals who delay childbearing and those who desire never to have children, between childbearing desires and intentions, or only survey married individuals (Abma & Martinez, 2006; Bernardi et al., 2015; Moore, 2014). Furthermore, it may be impossible to cleanly isolate “voluntary” from “involuntary” childlessness when considering how delayed childbearing may contribute to infertility or how infertility may contribute to the choice to not pursue alternative avenues such as adoption or assisted reproductive technologies (Jeffries & Konnert, 2002; Lundquist, Budig, & Curtis, 2009). Regardless, in the United States, the rate of childbearing is on the decline while the rate of voluntary childlessness appears to be on the rise, indicating that more women are choosing to never have children.
Pathways to Voluntarily Childlessness
The choice to never have children is not only a decision but also an identity that is often stigmatized (Moore, 2014; Moore & Geist-Martin, 2013; Park, 2002). Scholars have adopted multiple perspectives to understand women’s pathways to voluntary childlessness, including the study of motives and dyadic decision making (Blackstone & Stewart, 2016; Houseknecht, 1979; Lee & Zvonkovic, 2014; Park, 2005). Motives for choosing childlessness include the influence of negative parenting models, the desire for an adult-oriented lifestyle, personality and lack of parenting skills, ambitious career goals, negative feelings about children, and concerns about population growth (Houseknecht, 1979; Park, 2005). Partnership, better health, higher education, and more prestigious employment also correlate with chosen childlessness (Mynarska, Matysiak, Rybinska, Toccioni, & Vignoli, 2015). Delineating motives for choosing childlessness is complex because many individuals only justify their decision after the fact when called to do so, long after the choice has been made (Veevers, 1980). Therefore, pathways to voluntary childlessness are often processual, lengthy, and complex (Blackstone & Stewart, 2016).
To delve deeper into the complexities of dyadic decision-making, Durham and Braithwaite (2009) investigated what happens when married couples come together with similar or different childbearing intentions. The researchers developed a typology of family planning trajectories of couples based on each spouse’s childbearing preference. In the accelerated-consensus trajectory, each spouse entered the relationship with similar preferences for never having children, resulting in high levels of satisfaction. In the mutual-negotiation trajectory, each spouse was uncertain about family planning preferences, resulting in variable levels of satisfaction. In the unilateral-persuasion trajectory, one spouse persuaded the other never to have children, also resulting in variable levels of satisfaction. In the bilateral-persuasion trajectory, one spouse desired children while the other did not, resulting in a low level of satisfaction. Alternatively, Morell (2000) adopted a poststructural perspective to identify two contradictory experiences of voluntarily child- less women. Some participants experienced a “wavering no” where their comfort with childlessness was temporarily disrupted, whereas others transformed the “vacant emptiness” of childlessness into a “radical openness that allows for various possibilities” (p. 319). Morell emphasized how childbearing choices are processes that can be contradictory and emotionally challenging. In the present study, I sought to build on these results by analyzing how and why the childbearing desires, intentions, or statuses of formerly childless-by-choice women change over time.
Pathways to Motherhood
“Mother” is also an identity, but it is often culturally praised as a moral imperative and natural turning point in women’s lives (Ashburn-Nardo, 2017; Sevón, 2005). However, parents and intended parents do articulate motives for having children and timing considerations. Langdridge, Sheeran, and Connolly (2005) found that couples who intended to have children often reasoned that doing so would offer fulfillment, please their partner, make a family, be part of both parents, provide the child with a good home, and satisfy their biological drive. Many women also delay parenthood, especially those who obtain higher education, are employed in higher status careers, and value self-reliance (Dion, 1995). However, child- bearing motives are not clear-cut because an individual’s fertility desires and intentions do not always align (Iacovou & Tavares, 2011; Miller, 2011). Furthermore, many women experience ambivalence or indifference rather than a clear-cut decision to have children (Miller, Jones, & Pasta, 2016). In a study of pregnant women’s stories of becoming mothers, Sevón (2005) argued that timing, ambivalence, and heterosexual relationship quality all informed pregnant women’s choices to become mothers. Disagreeing with earlier arguments that mothers do not think much about their reasons for having children, Sevón revealed that women’s desire for motherhood “often involved considerations about whether one had the maturity to be a mother, whether it was possible to have a child under the prevailing financial or living conditions, and, especially, whether both partners were ready for parenthood” (p. 478).
Bernardi et al. (2015) further typologized six distinct categories of fertility intentions based on childbearing desires and the time frame of intentions: (a) definitively yes described a clear desire for children within a concrete time frame, (b) contingent intention described a clear desire for children paired with reasons that interfered with having children soon, (c) far intention described a desire for children but not in the near future, (d) indifferent intention described the absence of a strong desire or negative desires with a noncommitted perspective toward possible childbearing, (e) ambivalent intention described an uncommitted oscillation between desiring childlessness and desiring a child, and (f) definitively no described clear negative desires with no or a very unlikely possibility of ever having children. Furthermore, childbearing intentions sometimes change over time, especially when people are in their early 20s or as a result of their partners’ expectations (Bernardi et al., 2015; Iacovou & Tavares, 2011). Although these researchers explored shifting fertility intentions, particularly changes in timing and number of children, I could locate no research that analyzes the shift from definitively no to certain or uncertain childbearing desires and intentions.
Agency
The pathways to motherhood and voluntary childlessness can be understood through feminist theorizations of agency. Agency describes self-definition and self-direction, where self-conception is always informed by social relations and the ability to follow through on goals without dissuasion (Abrams, 1998). Agency also acknowledges that a middle ground exists where individuals always act within the symbolic and material conditions of a particular culture or context (Campbell, 2005). Studying life courses allows scholars to study agency, resilience, and meaning within families (Umberson, Pudrovska, & Reczek, 2010). Agency in terms of fertility intentions specifically encompasses desires and intentions (including childbearing, child number, and child timing; Miller, 2011) and the constraints that make specific desires and intentions possible. “A clear difference between desires and intentions,” wrote Miller, “is that the for- mer simply reflect a wish to achieve a goal through some sort of action, whereas intentions involve a specific decision to pursue an actionable goal” (p. 78). Agency, then, considers how decisions and actions are enabled and constrained by various factors external to an individual’s cognition. Agency informs path- ways to motherhood because agency accounts for how and why individuals make choices that are always contextualized and constrained.
Therefore, I posed the following research question to guide the present study: How do women who once articulated themselves as permanently childless by choice become mothers?
Method
I approached this question as a feminist qualitative researcher interested in making sense of the lived experiences of women. Wood (2006) wrote that feminist family scholars often critically inquire, “Which aspects of family life should be foci of research?” (p. 208). Therefore, I employed the feminist concept of agency to reframe the dominant pronatalist narrative of women as inherent future mothers (Gillespie, 2000; Moore & Geist-Martin, 2013; Park, 2005) by building on Bernardi et al.’s (2015) discussion of changing fertility intentions over time to demonstrate the complexity of shifting childbearing desires, intentions, and identities. I analyzed different pathways from childless by choice to mother using thick description (Braun & Clarke, 2006) and conceptual development, which “builds theory beyond the existing literature and offers new and unique understandings” (Tracy, 2013, p. 241). In this section, I detail the present study’s participants, recruitment methods, interview guide, and data analysis procedures.
Participants
Because so little research has attended to mothers who once told others that they never wanted to have children, besides to show that they exist (Heaton et al., 1999), I maintained inclusionary criteria for participation to fully explore the complexities and nuances of these women’s childbearing transformations. I welcomed participation by women who had biological children, who conceived via in vitro fertilization, who adopted children, who became stepmothers through marriage, and who became guardians of children (e.g., through the death of a family member). I required participants to meet two primary criteria to qualify. First, participants needed to have previously told others that they never wanted to have children. Some voluntarily childless individuals keep their desire to never have children private from others (Park, 2002), so I specifically sought out women who were vocal about their choice. This resulted in a coherent sample of women who desired and intended to never have children instead of women who were uncertain about having children or were postponing childbearing until later in life. Second, to ensure that participants had time to experience motherhood, I required that participants have at least one child who was, at a minimum, 1 year old.
A total of 32 women participated in the present study. All participants had at least one biological child, and three had at least one additional stepchild. Of the 32 participants, all were in heterosexual relationships when they conceived their children. Children were a mean age of 6 years, ranging from 1 to 43 years old, and the number of children per participant ranged from one to four. Participants were an average age of 35 years at the time of the interview, ranging from 22 to 64 years. Participants who were in relationships at the time of the interviews all identified their partners as male; 22 were married, four were dating or in a non-married relationship, four were single, and two were single and divorced at the time of the interview. Of the participants, 14 had bachelor’s degrees, seven had some college coursework completed, seven had master’s degrees, and four had doctoral degrees. A total of 23 worked outside the home, and nine identified their occupation as stay-at-home mother, with three of these stay-at-home mothers also in school. Of the participants, 28 identified as White, two as Asian, one as Latina, and one as multiracial, and 21 identified as nonreligious, six Christian or Catholic, three spiritual, one Jewish, and one Pagan. Participants lived in urban, suburban, and rural locations across the United States.
Recruitment
Notably, no online or offline community currently exists to bring together mothers who once told others that they never wanted to have children, so I recruited women from various parenting groups and forums. Tracy (2013) argued that qualitative scholars “should strive toward a purposeful sample, in which data and research questions/goals/purposes complement each other” (p. 135). Therefore, I sought out participants through a variety of avenues to help ensure variation in lived experiences. Three primary recruitment strategies yielded the majority of participants, wherein I distributed a recruitment script seeking participants for “research on women who at one point in their lives communicated to others that they were permanently childless/childfree by choice, but ultimately became a mother.” First, I posted my call for participants on my personal Facebook page, asked my Facebook friends to share the call, and emailed the call directly to various members of my social network. Second, I posted my call to a public Reddit forum for mothers with more than 20,000 members. Third, I posted my call with permission of the administrators to an online regional parenting newsletter that goes out to more than 30,000 parents each week. When participants contacted me to participate, I answered any questions they had and then sent them the informed consent document via email. After gaining informed consent, I engaged each participant in a two-part life story interview.
Interviewing
Interviews “provide opportunities for mutual discovery, understanding, reflection, and explanation via a path that is organic, adaptive, and oftentimes energizing” (Tracy, 2013, p. 132). To retrospectively capture stories of childbearing transformations, each participant engaged in a modi ed life story interview with me between November 2014 and January 2015. One interview took place in person, 14 via Skype or FaceTime, and 17 via phone. Reconstructing life stories allowed each participant to “construct her own deeply personal, written and oral history, thus allowing sufficient space for the woman’s voice to be heard” (Campbell, 1999, p. 12). Atkinson (2012) noted that life story interviews also allow participants to tell their life experiences in any way they choose to tell them. McAdams (1993) further systematized the life story interview process by asking participants to begin by thinking about life as a book, where participants divide their life into chapters, which I adopted in the present study. First, I asked participants to describe their journeys from childless by choice to mother in terms of book chapter titles, which named moments and phases relevant to childbearing and childrearing in their lives. The purpose of this prompt was to encourage participants to remember, reflect on, and compose their journeys into a coherent framework before the interview. Most participants completed the life story chapter prompt, although three participants declined, stating a lack of time or creativity. Second, after completing the book chapter exercise, to gain a general description of each salient moment and phase in the participants’ journeys, I asked the following questions: “Please name this (first, second, third, etc.) chapter in your life story”; “Give me an approximate date—when did this chapter begin?” and “Describe your story in this chapter—what happened?” The interviews averaged 67 minutes in length. Once I completed the interviews, I engaged in thematic analysis.
Data Analysis
To analyze the interview data, I engaged in inductive thematic analysis (Braun & Clarke, 2006) to articulate and analyze what I term facets of agency across the participants’ stories of childbearing transformations. First, I familiarized myself with the data by transcribing and rereading 517 single-spaced pages of interview transcripts. At this point, I began to think about how to make sense of participants’ childbearing desires, intentions, and agency during their transformations. Second, I generated initial codes and marked examples of the codes on the interview transcripts to describe participants’ childbearing desires and intentions, their partners’ childbearing desires, and why, how, and when participants had children. Third, after coding every transcript, I constructed higher level themes and subthemes by categorizing codes together, paying particular attention to participants’ childbearing desires and intentions at the time of pregnancy.
At this point, I engaged in data conferencing, a method of peer validation (Braithwaite, Allen, & Moore, in press). I organized a meeting with scholars versed in qualitative approaches to family communication research, where I gained feedback on developing analytical categories and theoretical applications. Shortly thereafter, 14 of the interviewees participated in follow-up member reflections (Tracy, 2013), where we brie y dialogued about the initial results via phone, Skype, or FaceTime. Based on participants’ feedback and the continued reading of scholarly literature about fertility intentions, I reread the transcripts again and engaged in an analysis of how facets of agency—including accidental conception, ambiguous desire, and purposeful decision—are not necessarily discrete, and sometimes multiple facets emerged in a single participant’s story. Sensitized by a feminist conception of agency, I paid particular attention to the relationship between participants’ internal desires and external constraints related to these facets of agency in participants’ stories of childbearing transformation.
Results
Before describing the three facets of agency I developed from the interview data, it is important to note that during the interviews the participants overwhelmingly framed their former voluntary childlessness as authentic. In other words, participants articulated that they were not pretending to desire permanent childlessness while actually desiring to have children and were not postponing motherhood or unsure about motherhood. Marilyn, for example, emphasized that her voluntary childlessness “was all authentic, it was just part of my life.” Similarly, Carleen stated, “I feel like in the moment I really meant it. I really, really did. And it wasn’t anything that I kept a secret.” Melinda explained how she felt like being childless by choice “was what was important to me at that time. It felt significant to me at that time, that that was part of my identity.” Kylie also clarified how she still views her choice to never have children as a part of her life story when I asked her if she talks to other people today about being formerly childless by choice: “It’s a part of who I was. It’s my identity, you know, it’d be like lying about who you were.” Although participants became mothers at differ- ent ages, in different phases in their careers, and in differing relational circumstances, research indicates that many women do know from a young age that they never want to have children (Morison, Macleod, Lynch, Mijas, & Shivakumar, 2016; Veevers, 1980). Therefore, I considered all participants to be equally authentic in their previous intention to never have children. Participants’ descriptions of living their lives as vocally childless-by-choice women closely aligned with research on the topic about motives and stigma management (Gillespie, 2000; Park, 2002, 2005; Veevers, 1980).
Although the participants were consistent in maintaining the authenticity of their previous choice to never have children, they were not consistent in their stories of transformation. Therefore, I offer three facets of agency represented in participants’ stories of their childbearing transforms. Drawing on Bernardi et al.’s (2015) typology of fertility intentions, I first describe participants whose stories centralized one facet and then explicate the fluidity of these facets by explaining how they often shifted and overlaid.
Accidental Conception
Many participants underscored accidental con- ception in their stories of becoming mothers. These mothers expressed de nitively no child- bearing intentions (Bernardi et al., 2015), but then conceived unexpectedly. Many continued to desire childlessness well into their pregnancies. These women were in their late teens to mid-20s when they became pregnant, except one who was in her early 30s. They were all unmarried at the time of conception, split between dating rela- tionships and single. Many of these participants were taking hormonal birth control that failed, and others never used pregnancy protection and assumed infertility because of a doctor’s diagnosis or never experiencing any pregnancies since becoming sexually active.
Upon learning that they had conceived, these mothers overwhelmingly recalled visceral, negative reactions to learning that they were pregnant. Sonia, who was vocal with her husband about not wanting to have children, and whose “greatest fear was to be pregnant and give birth,” recalled the moment she took the test after miss- ing her period while on the pill: “I just immediately was crying, super upset, ‘My life is over.’ I was like, ‘I don’t even know how far along I am but I’ve got to be pretty far.’” Jasmine, who spent “probably a couple of years thinking that I would just never have kids,” became pregnant at 19 after losing her birth control pills midway through her pack and recounted her reaction: “So I looked at the test and I was like, [whispers] ‘Oh shit!’ So I like slam it down and I’m like, ‘Oh my God,’ and like, ‘This is the worst ever.’” Amber, who described how by high school “everybody knew that I was not going to have kids,” found out she was pregnant in her early 20s while on an international vacation with her boyfriend and friend. She stated, “My first thought was, ‘Literally my life is over. I don’t want this child. I don’t want to have a child. I don’t want to raise a child. This is the absolute worst thing that can happen to me, ever.’” These mothers can be described as early articulators who made the choice to never have children at a young age (Veevers, 1980). Although young women who are not voluntarily childless who experience an unexpected pregnancy might react similarly, these participants’ reactions were also informed by a disruption in their intention to never have children.
Although most mothers whose stories empha- sized accidental motherhood explained this moment as devastating, one recounted her much more subdued—but still negative—reaction to learning she was pregnant. Esther, who at age 13 or 14 “was introduced to sort of a radical version of feminism, and in my sort of White, privileged life, to me that just meant I wasn’t going to get married and have kids,” described experiencing a more “numb” reaction when she unexpectedly became pregnant in her early 30s with her long-term boyfriend:
The entire 4 years we were together, we never had protected sex, which [scoff]. I was kind of going off the idea of these doctors telling me it was hard to get pregnant, and he always pulled out, and I guess it was also just sort of that feeling that, “Nothing bad will happen to me.” . . . The night I found out I was pregnant, I was actually on the phone with [my boyfriend] Peter while I was taking the test at home. And, “Oh my god, I’m pregnant.” And he’s like, “Okay, take the test again, make sure.” So I took the test again, “I’m pregnant,” and just I was very numb. Just it was so—it was like me just saying, “I’ve got a hangnail.”
Although Esther did not recall feeling as much alarm as the other mothers who emphasized accidental conceptions in their stories, per- haps in part because of her relatively older age, her initial reaction to learning she was pregnant was still a problem to be remedied.
Most of the mothers who conceived accidentally considered the possibility of abortion, if only brie y. Sylvia, who explained that in her hometown “everybody knew I didn’t want to have kids” by age 9 or 10, but then became pregnant at 17, simply stated, “I didn’t believe in abortion and I couldn’t give him up for adoption either to an unknown party or to a family member.” Whereas some participants who conceived accidentally did not believe abortions were right for them, others felt that they could not have an abortion because it was too late or too many people already knew they were pregnant. Sonia, who became unexpectedly pregnant in her early 20s, explained her thoughts about abortion after returning home from job training:
So I came home from training and went to the doctor’s and found out I was 11 and a half weeks along. So basically I had to make that decision within 2 or 3 days. And I felt like I just couldn’t go through with an abortion that late. Especially when so many people already knew.
Thus, some participants’ perceptions of how others would react informed their choice to con- tinue their pregnancies. The stigma associated with abortion as well as the cultural norm of keeping abortions secret from others (Major & Gramzow, 1999; Norris et al., 2011) influenced the choice of some mothers to continue their pregnancies.
In addition, the participants described the impact that their partners’ childbearing desires had on their choice not to terminate their preg- nancies. Jolene, who recalled that since high school, “the idea of having kids was just a no,” explained how if her then boyfriend “had been like, ‘Oh, I want to have an abortion,’ I would have been at the abortion clinic.” Although Jolene’s boyfriend did not ask her to terminate, Jasmine recalled the overt pressure she felt from her boyfriend and others to continue her pregnancy when she was 19:
I’m like, “Look at the test! It has two lines!” And he’s like, “What does that mean?” And I’m like, “It means we’re having a baby.” And he got all excited, he was like, “Oh my goodness this is the best!” And I’m like, “This is terrible!” . . . I talked to him [my boyfriend] about it, and kind of said, “I don’t want to have your baby, I don’t think this is good.” And he was so upset, I mean, and it was really interesting, he had said, “Well, I don’t want you to do this, you can just have the baby and you don’t have to have anything to do with the baby, but I’ll take the baby, if you’ll just have the baby.”
Esther also described how she believed that her boyfriend’s pressure for her to continue the pregnancy were part of his plan to trap her permanently in a relationship with him: “So I took a while, had a few conversations with Peter. He oddly and to my surprise was starting to subtly push for me to keep the child.” Esther later learned that this was an abusive attempt to preserve their relationship: “He straight admitted to me long after I had the child, he thought if I had the kid, it would bring us closer and keep me stuck with him, essentially.” Esther’s choice to have children, then, could be considered both agentic and coerced because she chose to continue her pregnancy within the constraints of her relationship.
Participants whose stories centralized accidental pregnancies often described how their childbearing agency, or ability to act within broader constraints, was primarily constrained by their own views of abortion, their perception of others’ reactions informed by cultural stigma against abortions, and perceptions of their partners’ childbearing desires. Similarly, many participants who emphasized ambiguous desire also experienced visceral, negative reactions to learning they had conceived.
Ambiguous Desire
Participants who underscored ambiguous desire in their stories of transformation previous articulated the definitively no, but then shifted to indifferent intention, where the participant felt open to either having children or not having children, or ambivalent intention, where the participant felt conflicted about having children or not having children (Bernardi et al., 2015). Although Bernardi et al. typologized indifference and ambivalence as separate, in the present study participants often fluctuated from one to the other, so I discuss both together in this section as stemming from ambiguous desire. All of these participants were in committed relation- ships or marriages when they became ambivalent about having children and often stopped actively trying to not have children by stopping the use of birth control. However, many explained that they still felt conflicted when they learned that they had conceived.
These participants described multiple considerations that contributed to their transformation from childless by choice to ambiguous desire, emphasizing that it was not a single event that led to their shift, but a confluence of factors. Melinda, who in high school “arrived at the conclusion that I was not going to have children,” explained a particularly salient event that contributed directly to her shift from definitively no in her mid-20s:
I took a walk in the evening in our neighborhood, and it was around dinner time, and it was summer so people’s windows were open, and I remember seeing all these families who were sitting down to dinner with their kids, you could hear their chatter through their windows. . . . And I had this lightning bolt feeling of like—and it came sort of in stages. The first stage was like, “Hey, you’re never going to go back to be a kid again, and have that experience again. That’s in the past, it’s never going to happen again.” So then the second part of that was, “And if you want that feeling again, the way you’re going to experience now is not as a child, but as a parent.” And that blew my mind [laughs].
Although Melinda explained a specific, personal event that contributed to her shift away from permanent childlessness, she did not shift immediately to definitively yes intention but instead to a mix between far intention and indifferent intention, where she thought that they would have children one day, but simultaneously expressed an indifferent desire (Bernardi et al., 2015). She described her conversation with her husband after her desire lightning bolt moment:
I was like, “So, I think I want to have kids.” And he was like, “What?” Because it was so out of the blue. We talked about it, and we kept talking about it off and on over time. And we sort of reached an understanding of like, “Yeah, we feel like we would like to have kids at some point in the future that is yet determined,” and it rested there for a while. . . . At some point, we sort of agreed that like, “We’re not trying to have kids, but we’re not trying not to either.”
Thus, Melinda’s experience of becoming indifferent incorporated both individual and relational moments that catalyzed her reconsideration of the positives associated with having children.
Other participants described how their partners’ desire for children led them to become conflicted about having children, which previous researchers have documented (Bernardi et al., 2015; Durham & Braithwaite, 2009; Letherby, 2002; Meyers, 2001; Sevón, 2005). Lisbeth, for example, who began telling others in high school, “I’m never having kids, I just want to be able to do what I want to do,” described how her husband influenced her transformation from childless by choice to ambivalent. He never wanted to have children in his early 20s but then began talking to Lisbeth about his desire for children in his late 20s. Lisbeth described how she and her husband seriously discussed having children after an interstate move in their mid-30s:
My husband brought the subject up again, and he’s like, “Well, you know we’re nearing 35 so apparently you don’t want to.” So I half-heartedly agreed, “Okay, I am willing to go off birth control and just see what happens. And if it happens, it was meant to be, but if it doesn’t happen, it was not meant to be. And I don’t want to go through any crazy measures to try actively to have a baby.” . . . And I had myself for some reason convinced that I wasn’t going to be able to get pregnant. There was no medical reason [laughs] I just kept telling myself, “It’s not going to happen.” So I’ll half-heartedly agree to do this but I didn’t really think it would happen.
Lisbeth was not fully comfortable with the idea of having children, but was also not sure that she certainly did not want to have children, and therefore embodied an ambivalent intention before becoming pregnant.
Although many participants felt indifferent or ambivalent about having children, some described the feelings of conflict that they experienced upon learning they were pregnant, even though most were not actively preventing pregnancy at the time of conception. Delila, whose desire for permanent childlessness “was just kind of always my thought,” recounted her reaction when she found out she was pregnant right before she was scheduled to enter the Peace Corps in her early 20s. After college, she and her high school sweetheart discussed the topic, and “I had become more open-minded about having kids but I definitely wasn’t thinking that now was the time, you know?” But when she found out she was pregnant, Delila recalled the following: “First I was shocked, and then the longer it set in I just got sad. I was like, ‘Man, this changes everything.’ I was like, ‘This is all the plans I had gone.’ And so it was really rough in the beginning.” This exemplar indicated how her definitively no intention shifted toward a combination of indifferent intention and far intention before pregnancy and then ambivalent intention after conceiving.
In addition, many of the participants who experienced indifference or ambivalence prepregnancy seriously contemplated abortion. Melinda, who developed an indifferent intention after seeing the happy families eating dinner in her neighborhood recalled the following:
It happened when we’d just moved into a new house, there were all these things we want to do, and it just felt like being pregnant would derail everything. And we actually got to the point of making an appointment to have an abortion. I remember sitting on the couch, and we were sup- posed to be putting on our jackets and going out the door, and just sitting there, and sitting there, and sitting there. And finally just saying, “I can’t do this.” He was like, “Yeah.”
Although Melinda and her husband decided to continue the pregnancy, her ambivalence persisted throughout her pregnancy.
Another participant explained how her choice to continue her pregnancy was partly influenced by the fact that others knew she had conceived. Lilian, who “was very vocal about it to my friends that I never wanted to have children” but then became ambivalent about having children when her former boyfriend discussed children in a positive light, reflected on how she might have considered an abortion if her current boyfriend’s sister had not told everyone she was pregnant:
She told everybody, not just his ex-wife, because his ex-wife had to call and gloat about it, thinking I hadn’t told him yet, which she ended up calling literally 15 minutes after I tell him that I’m pregnant. And so she told my now in-laws who I also had a history with. . . . Here I am, I’m pregnant, I’m not married, I have a man who has no obligation to me. And now I couldn’t even go through with an abortion!
Lilian ultimately experienced a miscarriage at about 6 weeks into the pregnancy. “I struggled with that; I felt so guilty because I felt like I killed it with my thoughts,” she recounted, “I mean, I don’t know, at that point I was like, I think I wanted it.” Lilian’s back and forth between desiring an abortion and then desiring to carry her pregnancy to term clearly demonstrates ambivalent intention toward having children, where participants “oscillated between the desire to have and not to have a child” (Bernardi et al., 2015, p. 120).
Although Bernardi et al. (2015) considered indifferent and ambivalent intention to be dis- tinct categories, these participants sometimes oscillated or switched over time as their child- bearing desires remained ambiguous. Ambiguous desire might not be easily recognized as agentic, but the shift from definitively no to ambiguous or indifferent intention does describe a shift in trajectory and self-awareness about how feeling conflicted does not align with cultural ideals of what feelings pregnancy and motherhood should evoke (Sevón, 2005). Alter- natively, participants whose stories centralized purposeful decision recounted smoother transitions to motherhood.
Purposeful Decision
Many women’s stories described neither accidental conceptions nor ambiguous desire and instead underscored the facet of purposeful decision. These participants moved from definitively no to definitively yes (Bernardi et al., 2015). These mothers, who previously never wanted children, but then shifted to assuredly desire and intend to have children before becoming pregnant, were aged between their late 20s and late 40s when they conceived and were either married or in committed relationships when they desired motherhood and became pregnant. These mothers generally pursued childbearing by stopping their use of birth control and sometimes pursuing medical fertility interventions. Similar to women whose stories centralized ambivalence, women who centralized purposeful decision often transformed slowly over time.
Those who emphasized purposeful decision often articulated multiple considerations that contributed to their change in childbearing desire and intention. Some participants explained how they still felt unfulfilled after they achieved their personal, relational, and career goals. Tanya, who leaned toward never having children in junior high and then by college having children was “something I didn’t think I’d ever do,” shared how life circumstances in her early 30s contributed to her change in childbearing desire before she and her husband married:
So we get the house, we get the dog, and got to do a lot of traveling, which was one of the things that was important to me. . . . There was a lot of time when life was just kind of stable and I just realized I was still wanting something more, and still like—I don’t know, if this is my life for the rest of my life, this is how it’s going to be and there was nothing wrong with it, I just felt like that wasn’t enough.
After pondering her changing childbearing desire and talking to her coworkers about their experiences with having children, Tanya recalled how she disclosed to her now-husband that she wanted to have children: “I was like, ‘So, I’m thinking that I might want to have kids.’ I mean, I guess he was kind of surprised, but not really.” Tanya continued, “He always thought he would have kids, so it wasn’t a big deal for him to be like, ‘Well, yeah that’s kind of something I always wanted anyway.’” Although Tanya explained that her husband never pressured her to have children, and ultimately their decision to try to conceive was straightforward because he already desired children when her desire changed.
A few participants alternatively attributed their change in desire to their biological clocks. Aileen recounted how her feelings changed immediately when she stopped taking hormonal birth control in her late 20s and within 2 months she
wanted to have a baby so bad, and I’ve never in my life wanted to have kids. And so I felt like my brain was like, “No, you don’t want this. This is not what you want out of life. You do not want to be a mother, you want to travel, you don’t want kids.” And then my heart was like, “No, you want kids so bad!” . . . The first couple weeks this was happening, I felt like I was going crazy and I never said anything to [my husband] Paul. And finally we were driving in the car and I said, “I have to tell you something. I’ve been thinking about having a baby.” And then he waited a second, and then he said, “Well, yeah I’m kind of thinking about it too.” And that was it.
Presumably coincidentally, Aileen and her husband’s shifting childbearing desires shifted simultaneously to definitively yes, and once they communicated this, it also shifted their intentions.
In addition, the participants who centralized purposeful decision in their stories sometimes described how deaths in the family caused them to rethink their choice to never have children. Sandra, who in college “was getting a little more militant in my views” about never having children as a result of environmental and overpopulation concerns, explained how her feelings about having children changed in her mid-30s when she witnessed her mother grieving her father’s death:
I do remember distinctly being like, “I can’t imagine going through that alone.” I can’t imagine, if I lost [my husband] Bradley, like going through that alone. . . . I remember just finally saying to Bradley, “I really want to talk about adoption. Like I want to get serious about it.” And he is like, “Well, why don’t we just have our own?” And I was like, “hm.” And it was like the first time that I seriously entertained it. And I was like, “Maybe, okay.” And so, it was just sort of like we decided then.
Sandra’s recollection of her father’s death contributed to her reconsideration of the role family members play during difficult times. She did not want either of them to be left without the support of close family members, including children, when one of them passed away.
Most participants who emphasized purposeful decision in their stories described agreement from their partners. Most pregnancies occurred when the participants were actively trying to conceive with their partner and were planned and relatively uncomplicated. For example, Marilyn, who decided together with a former boyfriend to never have children, described how she uneventfully became pregnant in her early 30s with a new boyfriend after deciding that they wanted to have a child together, thereby moving from definitively no to definitively yes: “It happened fast with us, but we were actually trying. I did the pregnancy test. So it was standard. We didn’t have protection on purpose.” Similarly, Carleen described the ease with which she became pregnant after she and her husband decided to start trying in her early 30s: “It was like the easiest pregnancy ever. Like it didn’t take any- thing for me to get pregnant, I was pregnant the second month.” These mothers’ uneventful conceptions contrasted sharply with the tumultuous experiences of participants whose stories highlighted accidental conceptions or ambiguous desire, who often felt conflicted about their pregnancies, and sometimes considered abortion. Because these mothers intended, with certainty, to have children, they rarely experienced anxious emotions upon learning that they had conceived.
A few of these participants also recounted their struggles with infertility after their childbearing intention transformed from definitively no to definitively yes but involuntarily childless. Tanya, who realized that she wanted something more after settling into her career and marriage, explained her conversation with the fertility specialist in her early 30s after her family doctor discovered her low egg count and her husband’s low sperm count:
Basically she was saying things were so bad on both of our sides that our only option was in vitro fertilization, that basically there was no point in trying anything less than that because it just wasn’t going to work. . . . And so I remember being at work waiting for her to call with the results [of the pregnancy test] and so when I got the phone call, I was excited.
The few participants who pursued fertility treatments described how they experienced joy when they learned that they had successfully conceived, demonstrating the enthusiasm for their purposeful decision to have children.
The transformation from definitively no to definitively yes is the most obviously agentic facet because these women reworked their self-definition before becoming pregnant. This facet of agency particularly demonstrates the ease through which motherhood is embraced and lauded within U.S. culture (Ashburn-Nardo, 2017; Franke, 2001). However, it is important to note that the facets of agency sometimes intersected with one another, thereby complicating participants’ experiences of childbearing desire and intention.
The Multidimensionality of Facets
The facets of agency in the participants’ stories of childbearing transformation often intersected, changed over time, and sometimes seemingly contradicted one another. I explored how participants’ (a) stories of accidental conceptions often interlaced with ambiguous desire and purposeful decision during their pregnancies, (b) stories of ambiguous desire often overlaid with accidental pregnancies yet simultaneously experienced purpose during pregnancy, and (c) stories of purposeful decisions sometimes overlapped with accidental pregnancies and ambiguous desires during pregnancy.
First, some participants experienced both ambiguous desire and purposeful decision during their pregnancies. As illustrated in the Accidental Conception section, childless-by-choice women who conceived unexpectedly were often unsure of what to do about their pregnancies and often experienced ambiguous desires about becoming mothers. Joy, who planned to never have children with her husband, felt ambivalence toward her unintended pregnancy because she assumed that she would miscarry when she found out that she was pregnant because of a diagnosis of early menopause. She said to her husband, “I’m not going to really think about it too much because of the medical stuff, I’m prob- ably going to end up miscarrying. So I’m not going to worry about it.” Most of the interviewed mothers who conceived accidentally also eventually found purpose in having their children. For example, Esther, who desired permanent childlessness but then accidentally conceived, explained how she found purpose in her pregnancy because she considered termination but ultimately made the choice to keep her son:
I pretty much just felt, “I am never going to do anything with my life that is going to justify having an abortion.” Like I just I didn’t have any grand plan, I couldn’t say, “But I want to accomplish these things.” Having a child really wasn’t going to fuck up any life plan of mine, because I didn’t have one! On top of that, I have a very, very steady job, I have good pay, I have good insurance. Like it just seemed—I’d always been told I could never get pregnant, so there was the whole idea of, “This is my one and only shot.”
Thus, the agency to choose motherhood instead of abortion allowed some women to feel autonomous and purposeful, even when their pregnancies were unexpected (Sevón, 2005), thereby reframing their childbearing agency as enabled rather than constrained.
Second, many participants with ambiguous desires conceived accidentally but ultimately found purpose during their pregnancies. Jade, who from aged 19 to 24 years was “really vocal with people in my [future] husband and my lives that that wasn’t the life that we were going to choose,” recalled how she became unexpectedly pregnant after she and her partner agreed that either having or not having children would be acceptable in her late 20s:
We just kind of stopped being careful. [laughs] And we didn’t really talk about it together for a long time. It just—we got more and more careless. ... [The pregnancy] was totally unexpected and finding out was the most terrifying thing ever. . . . I was like, “Okay, we’re here, but that doesn’t mean we have to do it. We have to make sure that it’s something we want to do, like I’m not going to say we’re stuck because I got pregnant.”
Although Jade ultimately continued her pregnancy, her story is akin to participants with ambiguous desire who stopped using birth control but then felt conflicted when they did become pregnant. However, most participants who centralized ambiguous desire, similar to the participants whose stories centralized accidental pregnancy, found purpose during or after their pregnancies. Melinda, who had experienced indifferent and ambivalent intentions and then lacked attachment to her child during the first few months of the baby’s life, explained how it was only when her daughter started talking that she felt purpose: “It was just like so exciting to me, and to see that growth and experience that growth of getting to know this person has been just thrilling.” Thus, the participants found purpose not only in the choice to have children but also in the experience of bearing and raising children.
Third, the mothers who articulated purposeful decision occasionally conceived unexpectedly and sometimes felt ambivalent about motherhood. From middle to high school, Kylie thought, “I’m never having kids. No way. I’d be a horrible mom, I’d be a horrible mom! I hate kids, I don’t like kids.” However, she recalled how she and her husband decided that they wanted children after they got married, thus moving from definitively no to far intention, but then accidentally conceived before they wanted to during their 1-year anniversary vacation in Florida:
We were obviously newlyweds in love. And at this point I think I was very accepting, I was like, “Yes, we’re going to have kids.” . . . And so we thought we’d still wait a few years....So then we go to Florida and I was a little nervous because I thought I was a little late, I’m super regular. And we have a couple of drinks, but I’m scared. And I’m like, “Charles, I think I might be pregnant. I have a test.”
A few of the mothers who emphasized purposeful decision experienced accidental pregnancies, although they described feeling more optimistic early in their pregnancies than the mothers who emphasized accidental conception or ambiguous desire.
These excerpts indicated that facets of agency sometimes overlay and shift over times and how facets of agency that appeared constraining (e.g., accidental pregnancy) were often reframed as enabling. Participant interviews demonstrated how childbearing desires are neither in-born nor determined by cultural pressures; rather, childbearing agency—constituted in desire and intention—is complex, and change in childbearing agency is often enabled and constrained by a variety of circumstances and considerations.
Discussion
According to Sevón (2005), “The choice to become a mother is a multilayered process and not a clear-cut one” (p. 462). Agency, a concept central to gender equality emphasized in contemporary third-wave feminism, opens up space for pluralism and change in women’s lived experiences (Snyder-Hall, 2010). Grounded by a research question about how women become mothers after articulating themselves as childless by choice, I have offered a qualitative analysis that constructs knowledge through the voices of women and focuses on agency in the movement between fertility intentions. Specifically, I articulated three facets of agency from participants’ stories of transforming from childless by choice to mothers, including (a) accidental conception, (b) ambiguous desire, and (c) purposeful decision. This categorization is useful because it represents an array of the complex considerations that contributed to participants’ change in childbearing choice or status over time (Meyers, 2001; Sevón, 2005).
Theoretical Contributions
The present analysis extends Bernardi et al.’s (2015) research about changing fertility intentions by investigating agency in women’s stories of transforming from definitively no to ambivalent intention, indifferent intention, far intention, or definitively yes. Because Bernardi et al.’s typology focuses on intentions, it does not fully account for accidental conceptions, which were central to many participants’ shift- ing childbearing statuses. Thus, it is not only through changing priorities that fertility intentions transform (Bernardi et al., 2015) but also sometimes the material condition of pregnancy that catalyzes a change in childbearing intention. Importantly, the pathways from childless by choice to mother include agentic steps in and out of different categories of childbearing desires, intentions, and identities, and categories of fertility intentions are also not always discrete or clear-cut, as illustrated by the participants’ stories that indicated simultaneous indifferent and far intentions. I do not mean to suggest that voluntarily childless individuals will or should became parents; instead, I seek to legitimate agentic movements between fertility intentions as more common than acknowledged in contemporary pronatalist culture. Furthermore, women who transform from definitively no to definitively yes, indifferent intention, or ambivalent intention considered their choice to never have children as valid, authentic, and a fundamental chapter in their life story.
Thus, it would be remiss to describe these women as simply delaying childbearing, because postponers desire and intend to have children eventually, even if the timeline is undetermined (Lee & Zvonkovic, 2014). To state that these women were delaying childbearing would not legitimate their previous self-definition as childless by choice. Scholars have demonstrated that the experiences of voluntarily childless women, involuntarily childless women, and postponers are quite different (Heaton et al., 1999; Lee & Zvonkovic, 2014). Rather than categorizing individuals’ fertility intentions through an end point or even start and end points, scholars should explore the twists and turns that characterize contemporary childbearing choices. These pathways do not always lead to the same destination, but it is attention toward the journey that sheds light onto the complexities of childbearing agency, and how individuals “ oat in and out of various family forms” throughout their lives (Baxter, 2014, p. 13).
Choice, of course, is framed retrospectively in the present analysis. Participants made sense of their pathways to motherhood through differing descriptions of agency, whether it be by moving firmly into the definitively yes category before attempting to conceive or by finding purpose in the decision to not undergo an abortion. However, choice was also constrained in participants’ stories because of individual, relational, and cultural factors, including insatiable biological urges, partners’ childbearing desires and intentions, cultural stigma against abortion, and in one case coerced pregnancy (Langdridge et al., 2005; Norris et al., 2011). The choice to become a mother after articulating oneself as permanently childless by choice is always afforded by constantly shifting factors. Thus, choices are sometimes dynamic rather than decisive, constricted rather than autonomous, and contradictory rather than unified (Abrams, 1998; Campbell, 2005). The notion of choice must be appreciated for its intricacy and fluidity, which the theoretical concept of agency affords.
Limitations and Future Directions
Although this study lends insight into how women move in and out of childbearing desires and intentions, the analysis is limited in three ways. First, participants were disproportionately White, educated, middle to upper class, and nonreligious. Life courses are heterogeneous (Umberson etal., 2010), and future research should adopt a feminist intersectional lens (Few-Demo, Moore, & Abdi, in press) to explore agency within and across race, ethnicity, nationality, religion, education, and class, especially in terms of cultural and material considerations that enable and constrain child- bearing agency such as access to contraception and abortion. Second, the sample included women who had biological children in heterosexual relationships, even though the call did not specify this criterion. Future research could consider the transformation from childless by choice to adoption or surrogacy, which would likely not emphasize accidental conception, but would lend insight into other nuances of individual, relational, and cultural forces that impact agency in nonbiological contexts. Third, this article focused on the individual, relational, and cultural factors that contributed to women’s transformations from childless by choice to mothers but did not explore the implications of this shift on women’s identity management as they moved from a stigmatized to privileged social location. Future research should con- sider how these women negotiate this drastic identity change within these mothers’ social and familial networks, with particular attention to how “choice” is strategically employed in conversation about childbearing transformations (Morison et al., 2016).
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