#the fics always treat the jedi different. so some i agree more with than others but that's chill

[protagonistscum]

star wars time travel fix-it my beloved

[amadwinter]

for the fic writer ask: 4, 8, 12, 14, 18, 30

for this ask game

thanks lils ❤ this is a long one so it's all going under a cut but I'm grateful for all the questions! Now bear with my while I blather a little

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet

The best part about having so many unwritten ideas is I can just easily choose a different one when asked this question multiple times!

Omega Anakin’s mom is sick, and the treatment is too expensive. The only chance he has is selling himself to a rich alpha. But not for a night: for the rest of his life as a wife. Unfortunately, the alpha dies before they can marry, but his son Obi-Wan is willing to take over the contract.

This was a twitter thread originally, but I really like this idea. Basically, Anakin agrees to marry rich alpha doctor Qui-Gon who up and dies the day before they're supposed to go down to the courthouse and get married. But luckily his son Obi-Wan, also a rich alpha doctor, is willing to help him.

Except Obi-Wan has no interest in marriage of any kind, so Anakin has to strong-arm him into it. And then he strong-arms Obi-Wan into consummating that marriage (and by strong-arming, I mean, he pouts a little and Obi-Wan throws his hands up in defeat).

I seriously considered sitting down at writing this one at the end of last year, but it didn't happen. And now I have too many WIPs going that I would feel too guilty about starting another.

But when those are finished..... >:D

8. if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you’d write one for…

Well, I have very solid ideas for sequels to you'll never know, dear, better run, boy, the night is so long, and love(?) in an elevator... and once i finish the thrill of the fall ohoho

12. a trope you’re really into right now

Creature fics. Please. I need more Anakin as a dragon. Obi-Wan as a fairy. Just more werewolves. Please, I beg of the fandom. And merpeople! Always the mers. I have some works drafted, but as anyone can plainly see, I have more ideas than I do time or common sense

14. where do you get your inspiration?

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

I cut out a lot from too old for childish comforts. It was supposed to be a case fic, and then I cut out all the plot. Go figure.

Here's a little bit from my cut outline (unedited, so a bit of a mess, I apologize):

The study group meets while there’s a parent-teacher night at the school.

{Something something Obi-Wan has been given literature about “encouraging your child’s interests” and spoke with other parents at the school about their autistic children and realized “oh that’s what’s up”.}

Goes to the study group and gets work done, meets with people. Two invite him after to do something not quite legal shenanigans (like trespassing), and Anakin thinks he needs to get back to Obi-Wan, but no he’s not a child. He’s a jedi, and he needs to complete the mission. They do, Anakin has fun (maybe running away from cops), they tell him that he’s alright, and Anakin goes back with a wide grin on his face, but Obi-Wan is sitting at the dining room table looking sick with worry. Anakin tries to brush him off by saying that he told him he was going to the study group, and Obi-Wan says that he also said he would be back before dinner. Anakin shrugs and asks if it’s really a big deal. They were just going to have leftovers anyway. Obi-Wan says that when they’re investigating missing teenagers, then yes, his teenage padawan going missing and not contacting him is a justified cause for concern. Anakin shrugs and says that he can handle himself. “That’s not the issue.” “Then what is?” “A lack of communication.” Obi-Wan says, and Anakin gears himself up for a fight, but Obi-Wan raises a hand to stop him. “Which is a pattern for the both of us. I have treated you just like my master did me, just like any master would their padawan. And you in turn have taken every opportunity to prove that you are very much unlike I was. You are not an ordinary padawan, Anakin. I have done my utmost not to show favoritism, but I think we are beyond that now.” “What are you saying?” “That I regret keeping things from you needlessly, and I will try to be more open about things I deem unimportant, because you are a very curious person. I don’t wish to punish that curiosity, so long as it is within reason.” Anakin can’t believe what he’s hearing. He starts imagining what this will mean, just how Obi-Wan will open up to him. What glimpses he’ll allow Anakin to see of himself, of his mind and his body. “However, in turn, I ask that you try to keep me abreast of your plans.” Anakin eyes flick down briefly to Obi-Wan’s chest, and he nods. It’s easy enough to agree to, if it means he gets to see more of Obi-Wan.

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of

All of them? No? Okay, I guess I'm going to cheat and choose 3:

the thrill of the fall ~ my first posted Obikin fic. It was originally intended to be the first in a... chain so to speak that I dubbed "The Yeetverse", and though I haven't even finished this fic, I absolutely hope I will get around to all of the others I have planned.

An Unorthodox Courtship ~ my first finished Obikin fic, and actually the first omegaverse fic I've ever written

love's a hand-me-down brew - my first completed multi-chapter fic that I didn't entirely pre-write, and currently the longest fic I have ever written. It was written in an entirely different way from how I usually write things (minimal editing), and it changed a lot from the original idea in terms of tone, but I'm extremely proud of how I managed to tie things in from the start (sometimes unintentionally), and some of the subtleties.

[tomicaleto]

My unpopular opinion is that Sith AUs are just an excuse for Jedi bashing.

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

I know where you're coming from and sure, yeah, part of the Sith AU nature (especially when all characters end up Sith) tends to be criticizing the Jedi philosophy unfairly. The levels of harshness in those criticisms vary from AU to AU.

I think it really depends on the intentions of the author. I've seen Sith AUs where you can see (or read) clearly that what the Sith characters are saying does not correspond with the author's opinion on the Jedi and it's actually a twisted perspective, helped by the dark side. Misconceptions or outright lies about the Jedi, something I would expect a Sith to try and say to convince (themselves or others) that the Jedi are truly evil.

I've also seen other fics where the common "criticism" to the Jedi is that they are not truly neutral or balanced, that sith are necessary. Overall, a more "grey jedi" approach. I think that is mostly born from the very loose and free interpretation of the Force legends ran with. I think in those cases, the author may not like the Jedi completely but I don't think it counts as bashing. I've seen it a lot from people that consummed a lot of EU content (legends in particular) that liked the Jedi but held this kind of perspective. I think in this case it's a matter of reworking how the Force works in universe. That would affect their way of treating the Jedi in general.

I've seen fics too, that are very critical of Jedi, they end up being the "bad guys" in the story. But again, these are the minority, or at least, the group I've found the least. I honestly think these are the ones that are very deep into AU lore that you cannot take it too close to heart. The Sith are the protagonists now, you need to understand that the opinion on the Jedi will be shaped by that, it's necessary for the narrative. It fills a function in the story.

But! I will conceed that there are plenty of Sith AUs that use the same kind of arguments you usually see in Jedi-bashing metas on tumblr. These are usually older fics as well, so I think the more vitrolic takes on the Jedi weren't as aggressive then (not sure, though, I wasn't an active participant in fandoms discussions there)

I think, though, that usually in fics, those takes become less aggressive. I've read fics with character/group bashing and the tone of those are much more terrible than what I've seen in Sith AUs. But again, I've separated the Sith AUs into three big groups and two of those can be taken as bashing, especially when taking into account how the discourse outside fics has grown bitter and angry. In my personal opinion, there is a lack of true anger and hate and vitrol in the Sith AUs I've read for me to consider the whole trope as an excuse to Jedi-bashing but I understand where people my differ.

Though! I will clarify! that most Sith AUs I've read are inside a very limited part of the fandom such as obikin or anidala, I don't know if other ships fics tend more towards Jedi-bashing in their fics.

Also, because I forgot to mention it before, sometimes it's not even that deep: villain aesthetic is neat and it can be fun to play around with, I've seen it in several fandoms, the "what if good guys are actually evil" and some are much more hateful towards the good guys than the Sith AUs I've read.

Would love to read what you think in further detail, anon! (always with good will and respect of course :) )

Send me unpopular opinions?

[clonemando]

Star Wars Fun in the Sun Submission

This fic was written for @starwarsfandomfests “Summer Fun in the Sun” event. This event was really fun to participate in and I’m glad I joined in. I was given @anaisonfire to write for and chose to write some fluffy Jangobi for you with some bonding between Jango and the clones and Obi-Wan and young Boba. I hope you enjoy!

Find it on AO3 Here

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The sound of the waves lapping at the sand of the beach and the feeling of warm sunlight against his bare skin had Obi-Wan almost dozing in his chair. It had been so long since he could just relax like this and soak in the beauty and sensations of a place instead of worrying about an attack but the war was finally over. A lucky break had come from Fox who had nearly faceplanted onto the council room floor in a combination of his haste to speak with them and complete exhaustion. He had overheard a conversation between Dooku and Palpatine revealing his plans and had recorded it on his helmet cam, giving the Jedi evidence against the now exposed Sith Lord. Dechipping started as soon as they located what it was Palpatine was talking about and within the month, the head had been cut off the snake. Without Palpatine’s funding, a lot of previously Separatist worlds returned to the Republic begging for another chance. Dooku was backed into a corner and he knew it, so he had willingly turned himself into the Jedi council, giving up information on Grievous that led to his capture and the droid army’s shutdown. Things still weren’t perfect. The flaws of the Republic were more obvious than ever. The corruption ran deeper than before. The Clones still didn’t have the rights they deserved.

“What has you frowning like that, cyare? We’re supposed to be on vacation.” Jango’s voice interrupted the downward turn his thoughts had taken and his lips turned up in a warm smile.

“Just thinking about the mess we are not supposed to be thinking about while here. The usual.” He said and Jango snorted when Obi-Wan looked over to soak in the sight of him. Despite seeing his face repeated a million times in the war, none looked quite as handsome as Jango’s own scarred appearance to him.

“That’s fair enough. I keep worrying about Boba.” Jango admitted looking out over where the 212th and 501st were all playing volleyball or splashing in the water or laying in chairs like Jango and Obi-Wan just soaking in the sun. Obi-Wan sighed. Boba was another issue they would have to figure out a solution to. Well, not Boba himself, but how to integrate him into the rest of the family.

“Where is he now?” Obi-Wan asked when he didn’t see the boy in question.

“Inside the hotel room moping. I left him some books to read that I thought he might like so hopefully he’s curled up with one of those at least. I wish I knew how to make it better. I suppose just time with the mind healers for all of us. Watching who he thought was me get their head cut off is not the sort of trauma that goes away in a few months.” Jango murmured rubbing his face and Obi-Wan reached out to squeeze his hand.

“I have to admit it was a big shock to all of us when Dooku revealed you were alive and that the person Mace killed had been one of the clones he had kept personally for purposes such as that. I’m just glad that you survived and that Boba had been able to be located and reunited with you.” He said seriously. Jango nodded.

“If Aurra weren’t already dead I’d kill her again for poisoning him to think I’d want him risking his life that way. I just want him happy and healthy.” He said, squeezing Obi-Wan’s hand back. The relationship that had somehow started between them, since Jango was recovered from where he had been imprisoned and had started helping fight for the clones and clean up the mess that he helped make, was the biggest surprise of all. Obi-Wan had always assumed that Jango was a cold heartless person to have made all the clones and treated them so indifferently, however he had realized that the opposite was in fact true. Jango cared greatly for the clones but he had been just as much a prisoner in Palpatine and Dooku’s schemes as they had and he had distanced himself to protect them from being targeted due to Dooku thinking he might use them against him. Finding out Jango had also been implanted with a rudimentary version of the chip also explained a few things and allowed him to be pardoned for the attempted hit on Padme. Of course, a lot of it was still on Jango’s shoulders and he was doing all he could to rectify his actions. Somehow in all the working together to help the clones, Obi-Wan and Jango had become close enough to the point that even Boba and Anakin had been calling them a couple behind their backs. Now they really were.

“Vacations don’t work well when we just lay around and let ourselves worry about things. How about we go join in on the death ball game the boys are playing instead?” He offered and Jango chuckled, kissing his cheek.

“That sounds like a great idea. Just don’t complain when my team crushes you.” He said getting up and waving over at Cody.

“Wait a minute! Cody is my commander! He’s going to be on my team!” Obi-Wan quickly hopped up to follow and get integrated into the teams. Obi-Wan ended up on Rex’s team while Jango had cockily gained Cody’s choice, Cody giving Obi-Wan a fake-apologetic smirk.

“You can’t even hold onto your lightsaber and you expect me to think you can keep a ball?” He teased with a lot of clones’ ‘ooo’s surrounding them.

“Oh it’s on now, my dear, you’ve made a grave mistake.” Obi-Wan had said, moving to huddle with his team. In the end, due to a non-Force use rule, the teams were evenly matched and the game never really got far in either team’s favor. They were all just having fun wrestling a ball from each other and trying to get it to the opposite team’s goal. Eventually, they all decided to split the difference and go change in Anakin’s room so he had to deal with all the sand instead of the losing team’s when they broke for lunch.

Jango managed to convince Boba to come out and join them for the meal and Obi-Wan smiled as the boy enthusiastically told his father about something he had been reading about snails. Seeing the difference in the way he acted when he had thought he lost his father compared to now was a shock. With Jango’s love and support, it was like looking at two different people. Although, the older bitter Boba was still in there and came out around the clones as shown when Cody sat beside Obi-Wan and started to chat causing Boba to quiet and withdraw.

“Can I go to the tide pools and look for the snails once we’re finished here, buir?” Boba asked and Jango nodded.

“Of course. Just be careful.” He agreed and Obi-Wan perked up at the perfect opportunity to try to bond a little with the boy.

“If you don’t mind, I’d love to come with you Boba. There are lots of little creatures there I’d like to see. Plus those bioluminescent snails sound really fascinating.” He said making sure to show he was listening to what Boba was saying by repeating some back.

“I guess it wouldn’t be bad to have you along. You can probably use your Force thingy to find them more easily.” Boba agreed after a moment of thought and Obi didn’t bother correcting him that the Force didn’t work that way. They quickly finished up the last of their meal and Boba led Obi-Wan towards the rocky area where the tide pools resided. Jango had declined in joining them with a knowing look at his Jedi and made an excuse of needing to call and check in on some work.

“Do you like ocean animals a lot, Boba?” He asked, trying to start a conversation to which the boy shrugged.

“I like all animals. There are so many planets with so many different ways for them to evolve and so many little differences even in species that are mostly the same. It’s cool to see what new things I can find out on each planet my buir and I visit. He used to make it a game we’d play together.” He admitted kicking a rock to splash into one of the little pools of water.

“Jango loves you a lot. You know that him helping the other clones doesn’t change his feelings about you, right?” Obi-Wan asked him and Boba grunted.

“I didn’t invite you to have you try to pick around in my brain. Now get to using your Jetii magics to find me some glowing snails or go back to making dopey looks at my dad and let me do my thing.” He grumbled and Obi-Wan rolled his eyes but did his best to feel around them to try to see if he could connect to any of the animals and figure out where the snails could be if they were even there at all.

While sensing the creature’s minds he felt them all diving deeper from what he figured was fear of the two humans encroaching on their homes however suddenly there was a faint rumbling and he gasped when Boba went barreling right into his stomach knocking him back into one of the ponds just in time to keep him from falling into a hole that opened up under where his feet had been.

Boba groaned as they both picked themselves up, equally soaked. “Dang it. Buir specifically told me not to fall in, now he’s going to laugh at me,” he whined.

“Thank you. I’m not even sure what just happened.” Obi-Wan confessed glad he had been in beachwear already, unlike Boba who was trying to wring out his t-shirt without removing it now.

“The rocks here aren’t round and solid like on most beaches. They’re flat and shift around with the tides as well like plates. It was in the book. The change in temperature at different points in the day causes the water currents to shift and then they move. I saw the fish diving and the rock around it start to move. I might not fully like you but my dad does, so letting you get trapped in a hole and drown seemed like the wrong move.” Boba said, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his shorts awkwardly.

“Well, I appreciate it nonetheless. It seems your extra reading saved my life.” He said with a chuckle, stroking his beard out of habit. “It would have been a shame to live through a whole war only to die to a little water and rock.” He said and Boba snorted but relaxed.

“The great Jedi General Obi-Wan Kenobi done-in by a change in tide while on vacation does sound like a great holonet headline.” He teased and they both continued their search for sea snails a little more carefully, eventually catching a few in a bucket to bring back and show Jango and the clones. Things weren’t perfect, but as Obi-Wan curled close to Jango’s warm chest that night, he found he was okay with that.

[kiarune]

late-night coffee

Inquisitor!Cal x Reader // fluff

a/n: this is the first fic that i wrote and actually posted anywhere. it’s not perfect and i’ll probably edit it someday or even rewrite it entirely, but it deserves to be seen by somebody. so, enjoy!

word count: ~2k

***

"Do you want some coffee?"

He was standing by the counter in a tiny kitchen, focused on pouring the dark liquid into a small cup. The grey T-shirt suited him, although it was very different from his usual Inquisitor attire. It was a warm evening, a couple of faded lights brought the poorly lit apartment to life, allowing me to notice the dark bags under his eyes. I could only guess it was a long and wearying day for him.

"Yes, I'd like a cup, thank you," I replied, shifting my position on an oddly comfortable couch. I knew the Inquisitors had better accommodation than us, the Purge Troopers, but I had no idea it was that cozy.

"It's smaller than the other ones, anyway." He placed both cups on a wooden coffee table. I raised a brow, not sure what he meant. "The apartment."

"You've read my thoughts again." I sighed while he took a seat beside me.

"Sometimes it just happens, I can't always control myself." He shrugged, turning his face to me. "How are you feeling? Any better?"

"Honestly? I thought I'd be fully healed by now." I bit my inner lip and leaned in to grab the coffee, minding my injured leg. During our last mission on Kashyyyk one of the Rebels shot me, leaving an ugly wound that I've been treating for two weeks now. I took a sip from the cup and continued. "No training, no missions... I don't know how much more I can stand doing nothing."

"It's better that way, you know. If you come back to normal too early, you'll just make your wound worse." He paused to yawn and reached out for his cup. "I can wait for you a little longer, no worries."

"Wait for me? For what?" I chuckled, punching him lightly in the arm. "You must be so bored training without me and want me back in the dojo, just admit it."

"What's there to admit? I miss you on the sparrings, obviously." He shook his head playfully. "But you need to heal first before I can kick your ass."

"Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure about that. Next time we fight I'll beat you, you'll see." I let out a small laugh and glanced at his green eyes. "Hey... Thanks for having me here for the evening. I really appreciate doing something different than these small trips from my room to the med wing and back. The rehabilitation is boring me to death."

"I'm sorry I couldn't invite you earlier, but I still had some things to take care of..."

I didn't have anything to say to that, so I let us stay in comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company.

Cal wasn't always like this around me. He used to beat me up during training like every other trooper, with so much power in his fighting style. Unlike the other Inquisitors that I fought, he wasn't infuriated, he just seemed... hurt. He intrigued me, that's why one day I stood up to him and fought back harder than usual. I didn't beat him, but after the sparring, he came to me and we talked for a while. It was a good talk, it must have been because he kept coming back after every training. From that moment we started eating together at the cafeteria and went on missions together, fighting side by side. And like that, I became friends with the most unique Inquisitor this Fortress ever had.

He's changed a lot over these couple of months. Firstly Cal was really distant, never wanted to talk about himself too much. He slowly opened up to me, although I still don't know what happened to him before he became an Inquisitor... I hoped he would let me in more, but I didn't want to push too much, even if I knew his past haunted him still. I was happy to have him as a friend, he really needed someone that cared for him. One day, if he felt a need to tell me about his past, I knew he'd do it, I just had to give him time.

"Can I ask you a question?" He broke the silence, placing his empty cup on the table.

"Yeah, sure. What's on your mind?"

"Just answer me honestly ok? And let it stay between us." I nodded, giving him the confidence to continue. "Do you ever... think that maybe what we're doing is wrong? That the Empire is not the right side to be on in this war?"

I took my time, thinking about what to say. "No, I never really gave it a thought. I trained for years to do this and I guess that I've always assumed I was doing the right thing." His face changed – the corners of his mouth dropped while a blank gaze settled in his eyes. It got me worried. "Why are you asking?"

I tried to move closer to him and when I moved, my leg started to hurt again. I wanted to adjust myself, but couldn't quite make it.

"Here, let me help you."

Cal took my coffee and set it aside, carefully raised my legs from the floor and placed them on the couch, then helped me lay down. My head was almost on his lap now, just an inch or two from his thigh.

"I want to be honest with you. It's just– well... When I became an Inquisitor, I was all alone and I hated myself for more reasons than I can explain to you now...." He stared down at his hands, almost as if he blamed them. "It's like a void inside that eats you up. The hatred, the pain. Do you know what I mean?"

"I... I think, yes." It was surprising how he bottled up his feelings all this time and managed to keep them that way. I closed my eyes to focus – even if I was glad he finally talked to me about it, this was all hard to process. But he needed me to understand... so I listened.

Cal smirked, more to himself than me. "I never thought I'd find a friend here. I imagined that I'd probably die alone, somewhere in the battle the Empire forced me to fight. After I was made an Inquisitor by them and–"

"You were made an Inquisitor?" I interrupted. "So you didn't want to be one?" My eyes widen.

"Yeah, it's complicated..."

He started to play with one of my hair strands, probably without even realizing it. I didn't even flinch as he twirled his finger back and forth around my hair, actually, it was... comforting. I gave in to the feeling, it reminded me of my childhood and my mother. Better times.

"What I mean to tell you is that... You helped me. Helped me survive from day to day, made me laugh when I thought it was impossible to." Cal paused. "You were my light, reminded me who I am. And I know now that I'm not an Inquisitor, not anymore... I can't continue to be the Empire's executioner. I need you to understand..."

I didn't know what to focus on now. How am I the reason that he changed his mind? I've been nothing less than loyal, I could never... And what does it mean he can't be an Inquisitor?

"Cal, that's– that's a lot to process." I raised myself on my elbows and risked a glance at him. His warm gaze contrasted with a tense expression that painted on his face as if he waited for something to happen. "I can't imagine what you went through. If you were forced to become someone you didn't wish to be– just... Thank you for telling me all this. If there is anything I can do... Just know I'm always here for you, no matter what you need."

I decided to take a risk and laid my head on his lap. He responded by stroking my hair slowly, with his fingers barely touching the top of my head. The situation felt different than what we were used to, but in a good way. I didn't want it to get awkward, so I pursued the left topic:

"Assuming we're on the wrong side of this war," I started, trying to gather my thoughts. "What is there to do? We can't just leave. They would kill us."

"So you would consider leaving the Empire?" His face lit up.

"Well, it's not an easy decision to make. What do you want me to say?" I sighed. "I have nowhere to go, the Fortress has been my home for so long... This life's all I have."

"You have me. I–" His cheeks burned with red, enhancing his fiery hair. Oh, he was so handsome. Why haven't I noticed it before? "What I mean is... Here all we have is an ideology, something that the Empire believes, and that's not necessarily a good cause. Just think about it: they tell us that every planet we invade provides us resources, but nobody even gives a thought about all the lives we torment, the environments we destroy... and for what? So the Empire keeps its power and does it all over again?"

I shifted my focus from examining his flawless features to what I was going to say. "Okay, I agree, it makes sense. But what about the Jedi we hunt down? They're the ones that caused all that disaster in the first place." I raised a brow.

"It wasn't like that... Listen, you just need to trust me for now, okay? I promise I'll tell you everything when the time is right, but please come with me. I've been working on a plan to escape for some time now. I know I'm asking for a lot and that you're skeptical about the idea, but... Just think about it, okay?"

I thought about my life in the Fortress, the missions, my purpose. What was really holding me here? Not fear, certainly not faith in what the Empire was doing. Maybe Cal was right and I didn't belong here. Just maybe, I could have a life somewhere else, a good life, with him by my side as a friend, or...

Screw it.

"I agree. I'll go with you."

"That's..." He pulled me into a tight embrace, holding me against his chest. The cold apartment suddenly became warmer, and I stopped caring for what will happen. As long as I was with Cal, I knew it was going to be okay. We had each other, that's all that mattered.

"What changed your mind so sudden?" He asked, not letting me go.

"You did." I breathed in the scent of his shirt. He smelled like rain and coffee beans. "I can't stay here knowing I might never see you again. I need you." He didn't say anything, just pulled me closer.

I had no idea how much time has passed, but despite the caffeine in my system I started to fall asleep in Cal's arms. It must've been really late into the night, with no sound coming from anywhere in the Fortress, filling it with a soothing silence.

"Stay here tonight."

I hummed in question, only half-awake.

"The medical wing must be locked away for the night by now and someone needs to look after you."

He carefully laid me back on his lap and placed one of his hands under my knees, and the other on my back. I could feel the pressure of the couch beneath me leave as he raised himself up, carrying me to another room. His bedroom, I suppose. In a matter of seconds, I was put down on a fluffy mattress and wrapped in a heavy blanket.

"I'll take the couch." Cal sat beside me. "Goodnight, sleep well."

As my mind drifted away into sleep, not knowing if it was already a dream, or still reality, I felt his lips softly pressing on my forehead.

My mind probably just made it up, though.

[bedlamsbard]

you've probably been asked this before, but-- thoughts on jedi fallen order? your star wars meta/fic/etc is always my favorite and i'm very interested to hear what you think of the new game!

I liked it a lot!

So, as I’ve said before, I haven’t played it; I watched a playthrough on YouTube about a week or so after it came out, so I’d gotten spoiled for it despite trying to avoid spoilers, and the particular playthrough I watched actually had the sound cut out on two of the big scenes, so that was a disappointment.  Watching it rather than playing it means that I definitely missed some things that I’ve seen people mention about it, and I’d like to play it at some point if I can get the tech to cooperate, though that likely won’t be for a while.

I was a little wary about Cal Kestis going in because of the comments that the creators of the game had made about not wanting to have a female/POC/alien main character, but for me Cal was good enough, sweet enough, and interesting enough to overcome that.  I really liked how much weight JFO gave to trauma, living with it, and overcoming it, with Cal, Cere, Merrin, Trilla, and the other characters.  Obviously the poncho is Peak Star Wars, and BD-1 is very sweet.  And I love Inquisitors.

I know JFO has gotten some criticism for being ~yet another padawan survivor story, but Cal is so distinct from either Kanan or Ahsoka that that’s not really how it feels to me, and I think his interaction with Cere, Trilla/Second, and the Ninth Sister really make his story unique compared to the other two.  I love the beginning of the game; it’s such strong world- and environment- building, and the strong sense of Cal’s personality really comes through in his introduction (headphones, blasting music, “I’m trash, I’m just not approved trash” -- he’s peak 2019 gen Z, in my millennial POV).

As far as the actual plot goes, it’s *flips hand* pretty much eh.  It’s a MacGuffin and there’s no way around that; it’s also revisiting plot points from TCW and the Charles Soule Darth Vader comics.  I can understand why Lucasfilm would want to continue to revisit that particular plot point but also, I’m tired of it.  As far as JFO goes, the MacGuffin is mostly an excuse for the journey, which was...interesting.  There are parts of it I really liked; sorry, my dumb brain loves gladiatorial fights even if that probably wasn’t, like, necessary.  Kashyyyk was fun; it’s fun to see Saw Gerrera again even if I’m also kind of like “dude, you haven’t changed your armor in fifteen years?”  I enjoyed seeing Dathomir again even if I have mixed feelings about the choices made insofar as the worldbuilding, but Merrin was really wonderful.  The Zeffo...I still feel that the Zeffo, aesthetically, belong in Stargate rather than Star Wars; their actual use in the game also felt a bit more Stargate rather than SW, for me?  I mean, they’re also a MacGuffin, but I suppose insofar as SW go they’re on the same order as Loo Re Anno’s species from the Han Solo comic or the Rakata from the EU, so not really something that doesn’t have a place in Star Wars.

The Inquisitors. I love Inquisitors.  I don’t necessarily love these Inquisitors. I unfortunately got spoiled for the Second Sister’s reveal as Trilla/Cere’s former padawan, which kind of affected how I felt about her, and I’m also in the FB cosplay build group for Second and it’s a little cutthroat, so that affected it too.  She’s...fine?  Something about her just doesn’t hang together for me, and I can’t quite put my finger on what it is at the moment.  The Ninth Sister has such a strong personality from the Darth Vader comics, and while she’s in character between the comics and the game, it also means I was a little taken aback by her abrupt ending.  (And I note that it feels a little weird that Trilla gets the name and the tragic backstory and the personal attachment and the not-actually-redemption, but Ninth doesn’t get any of those.)  It was also weirdly surreal for me to see the Fortress Inquisitorius, a.k.a. the canon version of the Crucible from Backbone, but tbh I think the decision to put it on another planet/moon(?) in the Mustafar system actually weakened it.

I got spoiled for Darth Vader’s appearance and that was one of the places where the sound cut out on the playthrough I watched, so it didn’t quite have the effect that it probably would have done had I gone into it cold.  That said, Cal and Cere should probably be dead; as I’ve seen pointed out, Vader hasn’t been allowed to kill anyone of significance in the new canon, which kind of undercuts him.  (The closest he’s come has been Jocasta Nu in the comics.)

All right. The ending. I don’t like the ending. Not because I really thought that Cal and Cere should have refounded the Jedi Order, but because I feel like they put the destruction of the holocron in the wrong place; I think they should have destroyed it to keep it away from Vader.  The conscious decision made not to re-found the Order is really uncomfortable for me, especially in light of the way that the new canon has treated the subject over the past couple years.  I was talking about this with @reena-jenkins a while back, so I’ll just copy and paste what I said there.  (Note that this was back in November, before TROS came out.)

(I’ve cut most of Reena’s responses and a little bit of other conversation we were having.)

So yeah, I have some problems with the ultimate ending decision, but as usual a lot of it comes down to how that intersects with other plot lines that Lucasfilm has done over the past five/six years.

Another thing I kept thinking of throughout the game was something one of the creators said -- either in an interview or at SWCC earlier this year, I can’t remember which, that there was a lot of debate on where to put the hyphen in Jedi: Fallen Order, i.e. that it could have been Jedi Fallen: Order (though title-wise that doesn’t stand up as much).  I do like how much emphasis there is on “fallen order” -- the Jedi Order, of course, but also the Nightsisters, the Zeffo, the Inquisitors and Purge troopers as a kind of twisted version of the Jedi and clone troopers, even the structure of the Republic being corrupted into the Empire.

One thing that took me by surprise with JFO was also how much intersection it had with Galaxy’s Edge!  Not to the extent that I would have noticed it if I hadn’t already been to Galaxy’s Edge, but having gone and also having the kind of brain that literally just absorbs stuff and then retains it.  Like, for example, the Galaxy’s Edge sporks that are now no longer used because people kept stealing them; they’re used in one of the meals on the Mantis.  Cal remaking his lightsaber and using the parts you can get at Savi’s got picked up by a couple of news outlets; I think this is actually a bit unfortunate, because they went for the Galaxy’s Edge lightsaber proportions for many of his lightsaber options and in my opinion, those are less elegant proportions than usually seen in Star Wars, so it ends up looking clumsy to me.  Another proportion thing that follows Galaxy’s Edge -- the holocron, both Cere’s and the MacGuffin holocron; the Galaxy’s Edge ones seem to be proportionally a bit bigger than the holocrons seen in Rebels and TCW, and the ones in the game follows Galaxy’s Edge rather than TCW/Rebels sizing. The Nightsister zombie crate in Galaxy’s Edge may also be a JFO reference rather than a TCW one, though obviously it could also apply to both.

I really enjoyed the Clone Wars/Order 66 flashbacks, though actually Order 66 was ANOTHER place the sound cut out!  I told you that it was the most dramatic reveals where I lost sound!  I loved that Jaro Tapal was a Lasat; I also like that, as far as I can tell, some of Cal’s specific movement types (wall-running and his tendency to be like “cool, gonna climb that”) seem to be more Lasat-inspired than other types of Jedi movement we’ve seen before.  I really like the design of Jaro’s lightsaber; I remember in the promo I was confused about the fact that it didn’t seem to be proportional to Cal, but of course it’s not!  It was made by a Lasat for a Lasat!  Order 66 is always such a mess -- and actually, I’m struck by how different Cal’s and Caleb’s experiences of it were?  I think one thing that the game made clear to me is how lucky Kanan got, in all ways.

The ending is obviously setting up for a sequel; I don’t really think Cal and Cere should have survived, but it we get a decent sequel out of it I guess I’m okay with it.  I know I’m missing details in this review, but I really did enjoy watching it; I liked the characters, I liked the worldbuilding, I think it did some really intriguing things even if I don’t agree with every decision made. (And, selfishly, I like my Inquisition better than the canon one.)

[myevilmouse]

In Defense of The Rise of Skywalker

Or...how I learned to stop hating and enjoy a movie

Spoilers and random thoughts below the cut.

I hate the abomination that was/is The Last Jedi.  Let’s get that out of the way.  I’ve already explained the hundreds of reasons why, the biggest and most unforgivable being the character assassination of Luke “I call him Jake” Skywalker and the invalidation of every victory of the OT.  I resent this making people lump me into a “gatekeeper” sect, or accuse me of racism (Rose was annoying and ruined Finn’s heroism, jeopardizing hundreds of lives for her own selfish reasons without building up a convincing romance and blah blah etc).  It has nothing to do with her gender, race, or anything.  It has to do with poor character development and inconsistent motivations/messages. 

I’m also not a huge fan of The Force Awakens, mainly for its lack of originality and the treatment of Han/Leia, but otherwise I thought it was OK.  I liked Finn, wanted him to become a Jedi, found Poe to be a worthy heir to our antihero mold.  Rey left me indifferent and Kylo Ren was a temper-tantrum throwing teenager, but anyway...

Let’s keep that as background/context and not get bogged down.

Since they announced the title of this movie, I have been livid with rage. How dare they use my man’s name to sell their disgusting imitation of a beloved universe?  I was certain, ever since it was announced, that Rey would take Luke’s surname, despite having treated him so horribly in TLJ, despite having done nothing to earn it, despite having spent far more time with Leia, so if anything a Solo/Organa family name would make more sense.  It was just to sell tickets and I was furious.

I read all the spoilers.  Worst fears:  confirmed.  I looked at leaked photos.  I raged over the inanity of the plot and the sad conclusion to the Skywalker Saga, which in my mind will always end with ROTJ.

Still, I love Mark Hamill, and I decided to treat this film as a MH film. The completist in me required theatrical viewing.  Rare to get our man in a cinematic release.  So I went, ready to hate watch, prepared to dull the bitterness and betrayal with wine.

But….JJ Abrams directed a fix it fic.  And it’s good.  This film not just address the real injustices and horrible story decisions of TLJ, but also addresses some of the major problems of TFA too. 

I tried to go in with an open mind, but obviously I had many preconceived notions, and already knew almost every single story point and character beat.  I was ready to roll around in my hate and slam the abomination.  I want to emphasize that I am one of those people that was COMPLETELY prepared to hate EVERYTHING about this.

There are flaws. 

But there is so much that is great. 

I really really liked it. 

No one is more shocked than I at my own reaction.  I was ready/willing/wanting/primed to hate everything about this.  Please keep that in mind.  Hahah and no one is paying me to write this post 😉

I decided to write this because I also read all the negative critical reviews online from the pro critics yelling FAN SERVICE.  And I’m like…damn straight?  Ever since George Lucas made Han shoot second, fandom has understood that we understand this franchise better than film executives.  We aren’t concerned with adding an extra dewback or improving special effects.  We love these films the way we first experienced them, and they cannot and should not be “improved” to the ultimate detriment of the brand.

I’m here to tell you that the critics are not being fair.  The spoilers on reddit were true, but the movie works. Let’s accept, before we go further, that Abrams couldn’t entirely rewrite the mess that he stepped into/helped create. So I can’t defend the fact that Finn isn’t a Jedi yet or the mess that is the new Rebellion/failure of the old. I, like many fans, wish we had been given a different/better story from the beginning.  Sadly, we were not.

That is something we don’t have to accept (I certainly don’t consider these films “canon” in my mind—Mara Jade forever!) but let’s approach this film in the spirit it seems to be intended:  An attempt to address the very valid criticisms loudly voiced about the others in the trilogy, with the caveat that we are stuck with TFA and TLJ no matter how much we hate them.

First, the music is amazing, as we all knew it would be.  The acting is stellar.

Some of the things Abrams “fixed:”

“Rey is perfect/Mary Sue/good at everything”.  There is a conscious effort in this film to show her training, with Leia as her Master.  There is a good scene foreshadowing her final struggle, where she strains to hear the voices of Jedi past and fails.  There are several signs that she is not a Jedi yet, including how Palpatine talks about her, and perhaps my favorite, when she tells Leia she hasn’t earned Luke’s lightsaber.

Me: Damn straight you haven’t.

And Leia AGREES, keeping Luke’s weapon because Rey isn’t ready for it. She’s still learning.

Further proof of her non-Jedi status, when Rey is killed, she doesn’t join the Force.  She is a corpse.  On the other hand, Ben Solo, once redeemed, disappears as we would expect a good Jedi to do.  A clear distinction between the two of them.

And speaking of Leia:

Leia’s character:  TFA and TLJ Leia is weak and sends other people to fight, whereas our brave Princess from the OT is volunteering for suicide missions, grabbing weapons from the hands of her rescuers, and running into danger for a good cause.  It always bothered me that she didn’t go after Kylo herself (or with Han).  In this, we see her as a Jedi Master, training Rey, with her own lightsaber.  Leia is once more a badass, true to her character.  A legitimate Jedi who also joins the Force (although not sure why it took her so long post-mortem, that was weird).

Luke’s character:  Hello, I am A LUKE FANATIC.  The biggest sin of TFA and especially TLJ was this idea of Luke hiding out and becoming the disgusting, pessimistic coward he was shown to be.  Abrams ignores this pretty much entirely, starting with the revelation that Luke was actually going on missions with Lando to hunt for a Sith artifact to help the Rebellion.  Luke kept notes, he was busy and ACTIVE.  He wasn’t giving up; he was leaving a trail to help anyone who followed.  The best ‘fuck you’ in the whole movie was Luke catching Anakin’s lightsaber when Rey throws it away.  The ultimate rejection of his TLJ characterization.  

Luke’s conversation with Rey echoes very much the ROTJ “you must confront Vader” conversation.  There are many echoes of ROTJ but given the restrictions on what we are working with, I accepted this parallel.  Much like Luke had to face his unfortunate inheritance, so must Rey.  It’s not terribly original, but these films aren’t.

I also loved the simple line “I was wrong” when Rey asks why he did what he did in TLJ.  This to me is simply “Rian Johnson was wrong/The Last Jedi was wrong.”  There is no excuse that is acceptable, but this is a filmmaker acknowledging an injustice, and I appreciated it.  (Did I mention these films are not canon for me? They aren’t, just giving credit for this attempt.)

Han’s character:  I hated SO MUCH how they turned Han into a failure in TFA.  A buffoon, not even a good smuggler anymore, a failure as a father, a husband.  When I heard he was going to be in this I was like HUH?  But this “memory” of his father that Kylo Ren sees after Rey heals him and departs, after he’s lost his mother, is another attempt to redeem the injustice to Han’s character.  Han is the one in the movie who brings Kylo Ren back to the Light, not Rey.  It is a very short scene, but effective.  The acting is poignant, with the “Dad” working for me.  Maybe I’m a softie.  But I appreciated this brief proof that Han Solo, in the end, didn’t suck as a father, and ultimately, even as a hallucination, inspired the love that saved his son.

Chewbacca got a medal:  I said Abrams was fixing things in the sequels, but I admit I was choked up to see this fixit from A New Hope.  Finally Chewie gets the medal he is LONG overdue.

Team dynamic with the new characters:  Finally we understand why these people care about each other.  They go on shared adventures, they have banter (and some good jokes, not the stupid bathos of TLJ), and there is finally some sense of camaraderie that was discarded in TLJ.  There are several references to Rey’s “new family,” clearly referring to this band of Rebels, and it was far more compelling than in earlier films.

Finn’s Force Sensitivity:  I, like many, desperately wanted Finn to be a Jedi.  Since TFA, it seemed inevitable!  I loved how he used the lightsaber, how he seemed to have Force abilities (that were never really explored).  TLJ ignored that potential completely, sidelining him on that stupid Canto Bight quest and pulling him away from Rey.  There are so many signs that he is destined to be a Jedi in this film, I was thrilled to see them.  Knowing things without explanation, doing amazing things, sensing things, trusting his feelings, it’s another ‘fuck you’ in my opinion, to RJ for ignoring this former stormtrooper’s destiny in favor of overblown set pieces and pointless CGI theatrics.  When he says, towards the end “I can feel it,” I wanted to fist pump.  YOU GO BE A JEDI FINN!  THE FORCE IS WITH YOU.  Personally, I would have loved for Finn to be the main protagonist of all three films, but I appreciate us getting what we got, since we can’t get what we want.

Stuff that worked:

The Wedge cameo:  Yeah.

Lando:  Wonderful. His dialogue, especially at the beginning, does a lot to fix our view of Luke.

Kylo’s redemption:  See above re: Han.  I’ve seen a lot of criticism about the kiss.  I get the whole “female character’s purpose is to validate the evolution of the male” criticism, but I want to point out a couple things about this. First of all, it’s not a “Reylo” kiss. Kylo is gone.  This is well after Kylo is redeemed.  He’s been of the Light for a while before this, it’s clearly Ben at this point.  It’s also obvious Rey knows that, and like Luke forgave Vader for his abuse, she forgives Ben Solo for his.  So I understand also the criticism that is making people puke about Rey kissing her abuser, but again, Luke sheds tears for the father he loves, who maimed and traumatized him.  Star Wars is about redemption and forgiveness that accompanies it, and I don’t have the same issue with this.  If she kissed KYLO without him being redeemed before he died, for example, I would be disgusted.  This is not that.

The cinematography/pacing/story:  So many critics and the spoilers made it sound like this was a convoluted mess.  I went to see it with a non-native English speaker and neither of us had any trouble following the plot.  Yeah, a lot happens, but it all is linear and consistent within the film.

The humor/dialogue:  Felt way more Star Wars-y and better placed than the last two films.

The Jedi Helping Rey:  As much as I thought I would hate this, it was really well done, largely, I think, due to the foreshadowing during her earlier training.  When Palpatine says all the Sith live in him and we know what she’s gonna say but it still works SO WELL.  I was rooting for her and I’ve never been a huge fan.  But at that climactic moment, I was a believer.

Major flaws

Of course there are some.  For me the most major:

A Jedi Strikes Not In Anger: In every single lightsaber battle (pretty sure, I only saw the film once), Rey is the first to strike.  She always seems to be fighting from anger and with negative emotion.  This is not at all Jedi-esque and I found it particularly jarring in her duels with Kylo Ren.  This bothered me more than almost anything else in the film because it is never addressed.  She fights ANGRY and she fights FEARFUL and then somehow when she’s supposed to strike down Palpatine, she has it in her to resist.  This, above all else, makes me not like her as the “heir to the Jedi”.  I thought it was a real problem, and makes her ultimate evolution at the finale less convincing.

Rey Skywalker:  I get why they did it, but I stand by my earlier thoughts regarding taking the Solo or Organa name.  I have nothing against adopted families.  And I found it SLIGHTLY more palpable because since the Emperor refers to Ben as “the last Skywalker” and then since he transfers his entire life force into her, you can argue that she has “Skywalker” literally in her spirit now.  OK fine.  But I still don’t really think she earned it.  She came CLOSER than I thought she would and I didn’t ultimately want to burn down the cinema as I expected I would want to.

Force Resurrection:  No. Just no.  This changes so much and makes so much of the earlier films moot. Why wouldn’t Anakin just resurrect Padme?  Don’t get me started.

Other random new Force things:  Like Force Ghosts touching shit.  Yeah I know Obi Wan sat on the tree in Dagobah, I know, but we keep learning new and more powerful Force shit each film.  Teleportation of objects (that lightsaber?!), astral projection, rapid healing, and now playing catch with your ghost friends.  I get they are important to the story but it feels lazy.  But my exception here was Luke catching the saber because FUCK YOU RJ. 😊

Redemption=Death:  I wanted Kylo Ren to die for his sins too, but I recognize this strange thing we have going on in the GFFA that if a baddie goes good they die.  It’s the equivalent of the horror movie “fuck and the killer gets you” trope.  I didn’t necessarily mind Ben dying, but it seemed … lazy.

The final shot:  It was a mistake to even touch this iconic moment.  It wasn’t earned.  Make your own legend/iconic moment and leave my farmboy his.

Something no one can fix:  The sucky destinies of Luke Jake, Han, and Leia.  They didn’t live happy lives, they didn’t see the end of tyranny, they all died with only the hope of success.  I will never forgive the attempted destruction of the legacy of the OT (attempted cause it’s still how it all ends in my world), this disregard of the triumph of the Rebellion over the Empire, and I will never believe that the New Republic failed so completely and miserably.  Bring on the EU/Legends and forget this shit.

Final thought:  I went to this expecting the cinematic equivalent of a back alley abortion and instead I got what felt like an apology.  An entertaining and polished and sincere apology.  We deserved better, and I think the people who made this film realized that and did their best.  TROS had to wrap up something that was divisive and imperfect and misguided, and tried as hard as it could, in my opinion, given what they were working with.

It was a good movie.  Ambitious, with flaws, but I am glad I saw it, and I hope you will be too. <3  May the Force be with you.

[its-captain-sir]

Last in a Long Line of Soldiers

My brain: *comes up with a story idea for Writing Wednesday at 5pm on Wednesday*

Me: why are you like this

Anyways, enjoy this hastily written fic for the 2/6 prompt: The End in Sight :)

******

Blaster fire rained over his head, hitting the ground and kicking up dust. A group of mercenaries had attacked the ship of the Crimson Corsair when they landed on this backwater planet in the Outer Rim, and now the pirates were trying to drive them away.

Kix was a medic for them, had been ever since he woke up 50 years in the future. They were good pirates, or at least better than most pirate bands he had been familiar with. They helped him get back on his feet after coming out of cryosleep. Gave him a place to stay. Normally he would be kept out of any fighting they did, but Captain Ithano had asked for his help personally. He used be a soldier after all, not just a medic, and they needed all the help they could get.

So he helped. He situated himself close to the front lines. Close enough fight back against the enemy, but also far enough away where he'd be able to drag any fallen crew member to safety and treat them as best he could.

He popped up from behind his cover, squeezing off a few rounds as he sprinted to a pile of crates he'd seen one of the crew go down by. It was a Nikto, one he'd seen around around fairly often. A blaster wound went right through his chest. Dead. He'd seen that same injury on his brothers enough times to know that there was nothing he could do. He couldn't save this man. Just like he couldn't save his brothers.

A blaster bolt hit the crates above him, making him flinch. This wasn't a good time to get lost in memories like that. But he couldn't help but remember all the time he fought beside his brothers in battles just like this one. He remembered the way his rifle felt in his hand, so different from the blaster he held now, as he shot down droid after droid.

He wasn't shooting droids now. These were real people he fired shot after shot at. Not kill shots though. These were only disabling shots. He didn't want to kill anyone, mercenary or not. Not anymore.

It took a lot of concentration, however, to make sure each shot didn't leave too lasting of an injury and yet still incapacitated each enemy fighter. Maybe more concentration then he was capable of at the moment. He kept getting lost in his memories of the war, of what it felt like to fight alongside his brothers, their Jedi at the front with their lightsabers weaving deadly dances as they cut through enemy forces, any droid missed quickly shot down by the troops behind them.

He should have known better than to get distracted on a battlefield.

One of his shots must not have been enough to incapacitate the mercenaries he realized too late, as he stepped out from behind cover to fire off a few more rounds. All he could do was watch as the bolt from the fallen mercenary flew forward and hit him straight in the gut.

He fell to the ground with a grunt, barely dragging himself far enough behind his cover. His fingers clutched the dirt beneath him as he maneuvered himself into lying flat on the ground, clenching his teeth against the pain. Once he was situated, he strained his neck until he was able to look down at the wound. His shaky fingers skirted along the edge of it, coming away smeared red from his own blood. He let out a broken laugh, wincing at the pain that flooded through him as he did so. Even if someone were to get here in the next five minutes, they wouldn't be able to save him. The wound was fatal.

How many battles had he made it out of? Too many to count. He had survived through three years of war and capture by Count Dooku, only to be shot down by some mercenary 50 years into the future. He would have laughed if it didn't hurt so much.

As a clone, it was thought that if you were going to die, it'd be in service to the Republic, surrounded by your brothers. It was a strange sort of irony for him to die in the company of pirates, in a time when the Republic didn't even exist anymore, alone on the battlefield. Maybe he deserved it after everything he'd done.

"You always were too hard on yourself."

He looked up at the blurry figure that appeared in his vision. That was strange, it almost looked like... "Jesse," he croaked out, trying not to cough as he spoke.

"Hey, Kix." Jesse smiled at him, and he almost laughed again. His mind must have decided to take pity on him, letting him hallucinate that Jesse was really there talking to him.

"You're not hallucinating," not-Jesse said, sounding sad. "I really am here."

He let out a puff of breath that would have been a snort had he been able to get in enough air. There was no possible way Jesse was there. He was dead. Just like the rest of his brothers.

"You're right," not-Jesse agreed, sitting down next to him on the ground. "I am dead. I marched away a long time ago, just like you are now. That's why I'm able to talk with you."

If that... if that was actually true, then- "J-Jesse," he whispered, his vision growing even blurrier as tears filled his eyes.

"Hey, hey, hey," Jesse said in a low voice, one ghostly hand drifting over his face as if wiping away the tears. I'm sorry, Kix thought, not having the strength to speak the words (though Jesse seemed to understand him just fine so far). I'm so sorry. I failed you, I failed all our brothers-

"You didn't fail us, Kix." Five more figures appeared on the edges of his vision, mixing in with the black spots forming there until they moved closer. He was able to make them out much faster than he did with Jesse. Hardcase, Tup, Fives, Echo, and Rex, all standing over him. "You tried your best," the Captain said, sitting down on his other side. "That's all we could have asked of you."

But I didn't warn you in time about the chip, he argued.

"I knew about the chip, too," he said. "Still wasn't enough to save our brothers from it." Rex looked away for a moment, old pain and sadness crossing over his features. "Just... don't beat yourself up over this, alright?" he asked, finally turning back to him.

Kix swallowed. Yes, sir. He managed a small smile, pleased when he saw the Captain return it with one of his own.

A wave of pain pulsed out from the wound in his stomach and he sucked in a deep breath to keep from crying out. Or he tried to. It turned into a coughing fit almost right away.

"He doesn't have much longer," Tup said, kneeling down and grasping his hand. Kix could almost feel the weight in his palm. Tup was probably right.

Fear spiked through him at the thought. He'd always known he'd die someday, you had to make your peace with that during war, and despite knowing as soon as he got it that the shot was fatal, it still scared him, the thought of dying alone.

"You're not alone, Kix," Hardcase spoke up, a calm sincerity about him that he hardly ever remembered seeing in his enthusiastic brother.

"We'll stay with you to the end," Echo said, both him and Fives kneeling behind the others, all of them somehow fitting in the range of his quickly darkening vision.

And after that? he asked.

Jesse smiled. "We'll all be waiting for you on the other side."

The smile was the last thing he saw as his vision completely faded to black.

——————————————————————

Kix woke with a start, eyes flying open and sitting up as he clutched his stomach. He looked down. No wound, no pain, nothing. Not even a scar left behind.

"Kix." He stood up and spun around. His brothers. All of them. Standing right there.

"We told you we'd be here, didn't we?" Fives said, smirking. Echo slapped him playfully on his shoulder, the motion something he still expected from them both even with Echo having been dead for months before everything went to hell. He watched all of them. Fives and Echo joking with each other. Hardcase, bouncing on his feet with excitement. Tup, rolling his eyes at the three of them. The Captain, gazing fondly at his men. Jesse, watching him with that caring look in his eyes he'd missed so much.

"You're here," he whispered, tears springing to his eyes. "You're really here." Jesse opened his arms and Kix threw himself into them, sobbing at the feeling of being held by one of his brothers again. He felt the others slowly move in, bracketing him from all sides. He buried his face in Jesse's shoulder and hugged him tighter.

He wasn't alone anymore.

He was finally home.

[tanadidreamer]

Here We Go Again (Rewrite)

Notes: This is a rewrite of Here We Go Again. As well as the “new” prequel of sorts for @outcastcommander‘s awesome fic Savages. No major changes, just more detailed stuff and fixed typos.

Jysella Aru stood quietly before the holoterminal with Chaos standing next to her, the former captain displaying the marks of his new rank. “Ma’am, we’ve been able to hail the Galidraan’s Vengeance, putting them through now.” Knockback announces as the hologram of a very familiar Jedi appeared before her, with Captain Sunny by his side.

“General Fett, you look well.” Jysella greeted warmly. “Captain, good to see you.”.

“And you look like you haven’t slept in a week.” Master Fett remarked as he eyed her warily then glanced at the man beside her. “Where is that commander of yours?”.

Jysella’s gaze flickered towards a somewhat unwanted guest who was quietly speaking with Admiral Varr. “Can we meet in person?” Jysella asks as she bit her lip nervously. “I...I’m not sure how to handle this, Master. And the Council isn’t much help.”.

“What’s the situation?”.

“In the aftermath of Umbara, the Council had requested to speak to Reaper separately from the rest of us.” Jysella answers as she nod at Chaos, who remained silent by her side. “We haven’t heard from him since then, I received word as recently as yesterday that Reaper will still be unavailable while…..”.

“I was promoted to battalion commander.” Chaos added quietly as he caught Jysella off and slipped his helmet off to look at Fett. “They promoted me to Reaper’s rank. I….General, this isn’t standard practice unless……”.

Fett scowled slightly as he looked at Chaos then sighed. “I’ll send you coordinates and don’t bring an entire platoon on board.”.

“Just Voss, Cabur and Chaos then.” Jysella said softly which caused the unwelcome guest to clear his throat pointedly. “And somebody I rather shove out a Force-forsaken airlock!”.

Chaos snickered while Fett eyed them both warily before giving a slight nod and ending the holocall.

“Varr?” Jysella asked once Knockback announced that they had the coordinates.

“En route, General.”.

Chaos quietly adjusted his new kama as he boarded the ship and cursing his luck, the last one just had to be ruined by those little gremlins! The former ARF paused as he noticed Lynch and Skids glaring at Arch before casting looks at Chaos, announcing their silent protest at Arch being on their ship before they stalked towards the cockpit.

“How many times do I have to apologize?” Arch asked as he looked towards Chaos, who had claimed his seat and proceed to slip his helmet off and set it on his lap before glaring at Arch resentfully. “I didn’t have a choice!”.

“Funny, I thought you were the run who was constantly running his damn mouth about choices.” Chaos snipped as he kept glaring at the older clone from his spot and reached up to snap the harness into place. “We wouldn’t be here now if there was always a choice.”.

“Chaos, I…..”.

“Shut up, Just…..I don’t want to hear it.”.

Chaos had more things to worry about than the traitor.

Arch sighed as he followed the little Jedi and her squad off the ship once they arrived on Fett’s flagship.

“Behave.” Jaster mumbled over the internal helmet comm link as the group as joined by Fett and his own group.

“Thank you once again for agreeing to meet me, Master.” Jysella said, which initiated a conversation between the three Jedi while Arch’s attention drifted to the clone who stood by Fett’s left. The scar was pretty familiar, as was the body posture and those eyes.

“So, any particular reason why one of Spar’s loyalists are with you?” Fett asked as he looked towards Arch.

“Lieutenant Arch Reau at your service.” Arch says cheerfully as he slipped his helmet off to reveal his mousey brown-blond hair and all too familiar features. “Formerly known as Commander Arch of the Three-Hundred-and-Forty-Fifth.”.

“So much for MIA.” The Zabrak Jedi -- Kalash, if he remembered correctly -- remarked while Arch took note of his injuries.

“MIA?” Arch began to crackle at that like an a madman before Voss nudged him roughly when the Outcasts looked at Arch warily. “What? I wasn’t missing! Spar found me!”.

“What happened to you before he found you?” Fett asked warily, which was understandable, how does one survive an ordeal like his own? Arch wasn’t sure, maybe it was Mother?

“Quit acting like a psycho and answer him, you’re wasting valuable time, you idiot.” Grimm’s voice ordered which caused Arch to cease his laughter, like always -- even if it was in his head -- Grimm was right.

“Reconditioning. It….it didn't take.” Arch said as he shivered when memories of the worst experience in his life resurfacing. “A lot of Hellions went home. No idea who.”.

“You think Reaper’s been reconditioned then?” Fett was quite the inquisitive fella, Arch liked that trait. It meant that somebody actually gave a damn and that Fett was more aware then some Jedi.

“Palpatine and the Council want a scapegoat that will go unnoticed by the public. Who better then Krell’s commander?” Arch shook his head as he allowed a snarl to slip past his lips.  “Knowing that little bastard, Reaper probably bargained his own wellbeing for your men and the command staff for the Hellions.”.

Jysella sighed as she raked his right hand back through her freshly cut hair, which honestly did look good on her. “See my situation?” The Dathomirian inquired wearily.

Dagorlad Fett scowled in a way that reminded Arch far too much of the Original.

“Do I know you?” Cabur turned his attention away from the Jedi when he heard Arch speak, and found that the former commander had actually approached Swipes and leaned towards the psycho. “I feel like I know you from somewhere.”.

The A-Type’s gold-colored eyes met Arch’s own durasteel-colored eyes, and there was a glint in Arch’s eyes -- which Cabur didn’t like at all, he’d known the man before he lost his mind and that look as never good -- when an angry and embarrassed flush started to crawl up and across the kid’s cheeks.

‘Oh, this isn’t going to end well.’ Cabur mused, nothing ever did when you set a Reau and Priest together. Voss and Arch getting along was a bloody miracle.

Cabur watched as Arch spent a few more seconds staring at Swipes before he doubled over from laughing. “You have to kriffing kidding me!” Arch declared as he straightened himself a bit. “The assassin was you?!”.

Cabur barely noticed Voss facepalm while Fett regarded the two coolly. “I take it you two have met?” Fett inquired with a guarded look.

“This idiot tried to assassinate Spar a while back! Which ended up with him getting his shebs kicked five different ways to Primeday!”.

“Funny.” Swipes snarled irritably as he glared at the larger clone. “Wasn’t your face in the dirt for most of that?”.

“Nah, that was Shysa. I was the idiot trying to avoid getting stabbed by you.” Arch respond as he smirked at the A-Type while Cabur went to intercept the two, just in case a fight broke out. “Spar had ya too, if that scar proves anything. Ain’t my fault Alphas are superior to A-Types.”.

“I was younger and more inexperienced.” Swipes bit out. “And I certainly wasn’t the poster boy for stability.”.

“Neither am I.”.

“And I’ve killed other Alphas, Spar just got lucky.” Swipes snarled slightly which caused Cabur pause and consider rather he wanted to protect one of Spar’s lieutenants or not, but Spar was also killing their baby brothers so why should Cabur care if Arch picked fights with Swipes? Cabur, contrary to popular belief, isn’t suicidal.

Cabur looked towards the three Jedi who looked back at him, with varying looks of wariness. “Nope, I ain’t dealin’ with these two.” Cabur stated as he held is hands up in the universal sign of surrender. “I value my life, thank you.”.

“Right, I totally believe you.” Arch mocked as he acknowledged Swipes yet choose to ignore Cabur, or at least that’s what Cabur believed, and shoved the A-Type. “A-Types are all talk. Place ‘em in a fight with a Reau or an Alpha and they’ll get their shebs kicked.”.

Voss made his way over to Wrench, deliberately letting his footsteps fall with a heavier than normal thud to announce his presence.

“You better not start with the cryptic osik or --” Wrench began to warn.

“I don’t want to be near that.” Voss told the older medic as he nod at his own ori’vode, a lot of the younger Reau and Priest cadets knew better then to involve themselves in situations like this, it was common sense or a survival instinct. “And I wanna know how Trauma is. I mean, I know he’s kinda terrified of me, but --”.

“Work in progress.” Wrench said, which resulted in the older medic cutting the younger medic off, who simply beamed at the old clone. “And I assume your brat sent treats for my brat?”.

“Yep, he loves spoiling Trauma.”.

Wrench shaked his head slightly as they turned their attention back to the situation

[londonfog-chan]

Kylo Ren x Reader: Connect/Disconnect

Part 1 (Here)  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4

A/N: This is it. This is the fic that’s going to get me through 2018. I’m in pain and hurting but god dammit I’m not going down. I’m going to cling to Star Wars and Adam Driver and I’m going to be ok. This is my healing me fic. It will be ok. 2018 will be ok...

He had plans for the four of you. Four became three, and you wanted them far away from the monster he became.

...

You were students. It was wrong. He was seventeen, a year your senior. You came from nothing. There were rules for a reason. He had the unmitigated temerity to break them. You had a tendency to look the other way. Both of you were throwing away the code and risking punishment, a stupid decision considering the way of the Jedi was what the both of you had wanted in the first place.

“First, we will have a girl.” you decided finally.

Ben Solo smiles and his large, skinny hands rubbed the area just below your stomach. It’s a different place and time. He took risks then, albeit poorly calculated ones. It was the middle of the night. The other padawans and Master Luke were all asleep soundly in their huts, Ben having snuck from his abode to yours because this way you both were so far from the others. No once could hear Ben’s whimpers or your grunts of ecstasy as you two touched through the barriers of your clothes, you sitting in his lap clothed from the waist up in your tunic, legs covered in bandages from fresh lightsaber wounds while Ben’s busy hands avoided the tape and touched you intimately on the stomach like a gentleman. In the dark you both become different people. No longer students of the Jedi way, but instead two very desperate lovers who ache and feel in sync with each other. When the two of you unite, the Force within you both seems to knit together an impenetrable wall that hides well your illicit affairs. His calloused fingertips would always catch on the rough fabric of your tunic, but he didn’t mind. Not when he held in his hands a realm of possibilities. A finite bubble that with proper nurturing and care would contain a multitude of potential. If he listened closely, he could hear them calling softly in his ears. Drowning out the seed of doubt in his mind and filling him to the brim until there was no Jedi temple, there was no Ben Solo and his forbidden lover. There was only the two of you. His warm hands over your womb.

This was stupid... This was too sudden.

“I want a boy.” He murmured into your hair after deep consideration, and you relished the whoosh of air in your ear as he breathed in the smell of your locks. Pouting lips captured the shell of your ear with a chaste kiss, while your hands lay on his and busied themselves stroking the soft skin.

“But first a girl Ben.” you insisted, laughing softly when his tongue penetrated your ear canal in play. “I want our son to have a sister who will take care of him, show him how to be gentle. I’ve always wanted a beautiful little girl with your raven hair.”

“And your bright eyes.” he sighed.

“Yes. I will allow that.” you chuckled. “But I hope both grow to look like you.”

Ben held you possessively, and you loved every minute of it. Loved the way his hands cradled your lower abdomen as though it was already swollen with child. There was something about it that filled a void in both of your hearts. It fulfilled some missing element in the relationship even though you had each other. Like ravenous young lovers, you allowed the young padawan’s essence to permeate every pore of your being when he reached out to you, his head resting against yours. You explored each other’s feelings and minds, the Force acting as curious fingers which probed and prodded the very cores of your being more intimately than anything you could have ever known. He knew every secret carried in your heart, every fault and flaw, and at the time you knew his. Once, unpleasantly, you had caught a taste of the doubt and of the dark, only to chase it away with your own strong light. Unfortunately, your own worries penetrated his mind strongly.

“You needn’t be scared of carrying two children.” Ben whispered, sensing your fears at the thought of even carrying one baby. “I’ll be there to look after you and tend you.”

“Mostly I fear the pain.” You replied honestly. “More-so than the punishment of getting caught, and having to take the brunt of the absolute mayhem of not only Leia Organa, but of Master Luke as well.”

“We can handle that.” Ben insisted. “We’ll run away. Maybe if I tell my father, he’ll be able to come back and help. I think he would understand how I feel about you. If there's anyone that would be willing to take the risks we want it's him.”

“I know.” your fingers laced with his as he continued to rest his hands against your stomach. “But that does not solve the issue of the birth pain I’ll have to endure... Women have died because of it you know.”

“I’ll be there for you.” he reassures you with gentle nosing as you shiver. His hands begin to rub your abdomen. Beginning at the bottom where he cradled your womb and ending just below your breast, until the entire process is reversed and repeated.

“I’ll be right there when the time comes.” Ben assured. His voice is so soft and soothing, you could stay like this forever.

“Maybe... Maybe something can be done for the pain. There certainly must be a way that I can take some of it away if we make a connection. I would bear every burden for you if it meant sparing you the agony of bringing our children into the world.”

“You take such good care of me Ben Solo.” you whisper.

In his own way, he begs for his lips to be paid attention to. You give him offerings of your own, your lips chapped and rough from the intense physical effort of neglecting beauty in favor of training to catch up with the others. Ben frowns, his tongue darting from his parted lips to lap at your own, coating them in his saliva and softening the dead skin. You sigh contentedly, pulling yourself up onto his lap where you writhe against him skillfully. He’s wary of your new wounds, avoiding a grip on your hips and instead keeping his hands on your stomach as you grind against his parts. He doesn’t like how Master Luke treats you and the three other girls, even if the Knight is his blood relation. The sexist notion that female jedi must undergo far tougher physical conditioning to catch up to the level of the boys sickens him. There’s one in his year, Pavel, that could barely handle the lightsaber properly. You and another young lady called Heela always lead lightsaber practices under Luke’s eagle eye. But often times it’s just Heela, because your recklessness with a lightsaber often causes more burns than Ben Solo would like to admit. But it’s not that you’re clumsy. Far from it in fact, Ben feels as though you and the blade become lost in one another so thoroughly, you often forget it is a separate entity. Your skills are fairly good, the green blade slices to ribbons anything that Master Luke sets before you and only falls when Ben Solo focuses everything he has into your defeat during training. It becomes an extension of your arm, so natural and fluid with a particular grace that Ben can not get enough of when he watches you. He supposed that’s why you would try and sheathe it while still activated. Tomorrow, Master Luke promised, he would find a solution for your habits.

Yet it might not even be possible for you to get up and walk to the temple tomorrow. The way Ben holds you, whispering in your ear his plans for the children and the home life the four of you will make together on some undisclosed planet made you uncertain. Often times in meditation you would catch these negative thoughts. Instead of connecting with all life in the universe, you found yourself deep in thought regarding if this training was really for you. You wanted to be strong and protect the ones you loved from the darkness, and Ben had expectations riding on his success as a new Jedi Knight. Then there was the life you planned to live together, for life was not worth living if one could not have the other. There were so many things twisting you both apart. He felt the seed of your doubt in his own heart, and reached out with a silent insistence that everything will be fine.

"It won't be easy..." you said.

“They’ll be very angry at first,” he said logically, “In time, they’ll understand how we feel. It will take a great deal of reasoning with them if they find us. For now, we simply have to keep up this facade until I can get hold of my father to smuggle us away.”

“So we can’t be together in the interim?” you ask, voice too soft for him to notice the break in it. But inside his mind he feels your hurt pierce him like a dagger.

“Oh my sun, my moon, my stars.” he gushes your praises like an old poet with each pet name punctuated with a feverish kiss, far too much of an old romantic not to make you laugh. “Of course we can be together. I would never leave your side.”

“Never?”

“Never...”

Your thoughts return to your own mind. Ben jumps a bit from the sudden disconnection, and even though you’re near to each other the separation in consciousness makes him stir crazy. An anxiety takes over his mind whenever he is not completely melded with you, as though he is missing some crucial part of himself. He feels vulnerable, afraid that if you close off from him too long, some unseen force, his own doubts and darkness, might take root in the place you’ve left behind.

“Jaina.”

It sounded like a belch at first. A hitch in your breath. He wondered what you were talking about, until you entwined your fingers with his and returned them to your stomach from Ben’s resting place on your lap.

“Her name will be Jaina Solo, and she will be the spitting image of her father.” you smile.

Ben Solo understood then.

“And he will be Jacen Solo, and he will be every bit as charming and sensitive as his mother.” he agreed. Instantaneously your Force connection was restored, driving away the seeds of doubt and keeping them at bay for a little while at least.

“I think we should try soon.” he whispered into your ear. A warm, jolting shiver descended down your spine as Ben became brave. He told you how and when you both with try, because he’s been waiting for this moment since the two of you became infatuated with school time crushes. He whispers sultry things in his deep voice, having dropped a few octaves since you’ve known him in the earliest days of training. Very much so you still were in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. Yet because Ben was such a smooth, even talker, and because his hands and body were so deliciously lanky and so completely yours, you felt the honeymoon would never end.

[lajulie24]

Commentary for this whole scene from Epic Love - here's the start of it: "You’re welcome to take a look, see if there’s any of your other things you want,” Leia was saying, a little louder than strictly necessary, as she and Han walked toward her quarters.

First – thank you! This is going to be rather long-winded, so bear with me.

You picked one of my favorite scenes to write,particularly because when I started coming up with the idea for it, it kind ofturned a corner for me. I realized that my “fix” for TFA could be about so much morethan just whether Han lives or whether Han and Leia are together/back together.I realized could keep the parts of TFA that I enjoyed (and there were quite afew, even though it may not always sound like it when I complain about it) and find ways to explain away things Ididn’t like, or didn’t ring true to me, or were just plain awkward and didn’tmake sense. And thankfully, I discovered that the premise of my story providedan easy vehicle for fixing some of these other things.

Since this is a DVD commentary, I’ll back up and explainwhere we are in the story. This scene is from Chapter 7 of Epic Love – We WillStill Belong. For anyone who’s not familiar with the story, I’m not giving awaymuch to tell you the basic premise of this fix-it, since it’s revealed in thefirst chapter. Basically, while everyone thinks Han and Luke each ran off and abandoned Leia after Ben fell to the DarkSide and did that whole murdering all the students thing, their individualdisappearances and Han and Leia’s “breakup” were all a front to hide andprotect Han and Leia’s daughter Jaina, whom everyone thinks is dead but wasactually living with her father and Chewie for awhile on the Falcon, and is now on Ahch-To with Luke,training to be a Jedi. (Jaina was 10 when she “died” and is now 17.)

Meanwhile, Han andLeia have been meeting up in secret all this time. So while everyone thinksthey haven’t seen each other for seven years and just had a super-awkwardreunion in the briefing room on D’Qar (the scene we see in TFA), in actualitythey were probably making Chewie groan about their frequent mating practices afew weeks ago.

[More under the cut]

Now they’ve gone toLeia’s quarters, with the excuse that Han needs his winter coat for StarkillerBase. (Side note: @mandatheginger has a great fic about how Han gets his wintercoat, so that was an inspiration for this excuse.) And at the beginning of thisscene, as quoted above, Leia is very loudly pretending that she’s just lettingher estranged husband pick up any of his other things, because clearly they areall but broken up and not, you know, about to jump each other’s bones oranything.

Yeah, they totally jump each other’s bones. But first theytalk about a few important things.

Now, to me the dialogue in TFA in the briefing room isextremely awkward and uncharacteristic of either of them. Leia not giving Hancredit for anything, including either of the Death Stars? Han saying there’stoo much Vader in their son, which is right up there with saying “he gets thisfrom you”? The notion that each of them went back to the only things they knewhow to do after things fell apart, meaning that none of the character growth inthe OT (Leia is more than the Alliance, Han’s not just in it for the money,their love is more important than their duty/money) ever happened?  Leia giving some half-baked reason whyHan should go after their son? (I’m sorry, even we were sticking with the Leiawhose character growth in the OT was eradicated, that would make her more likely to self-sacrificially insiston going after Ben herself, not send Han to what she had to know wasnear-certain death.) When people complain about the Han/Leia relationship inTFA, a lot of what we’re complaining about is this scene.

So our first order of business in the Epic Love scene here(after having them spend a few minutes necking after the door is shut) is totry to fix this.

So, the awkward dialogue? Well, they haven’t been togetherin public for seven years; Chewie, Luke, and Jaina are really the only oneswho’ve seen them interact during that time, and they all know what’s going on.So Leia is just really bad at pretending to argue with Han now, and weird shitcomes out of her mouth. And in this scene, Han calls her on it, multiple times,until she finally says, “Just so we’re clear—are we having a real argument about our fake argumentnow?”

And right after that, Leia admits:

“Guess I’m just notvery good at pretending with you,” she reasoned, drawing closer to him andputting her hands at his waist. “I usually don’t have to pretend with you.”

After they fought so hard to admit their feelings and betogether, it’s so hard to pretend otherwise. Han is the one person with whomshe has almost never had to pretend, at least not since they got together. Inaddition to explaining the awkward dialogue, part of what I tried to show herewas that concealing the truth of their relationship is really hard on both ofthem, even if they are doing it for a good cause.

Then Han apologizes for the Vader comment, which from hisperspective slipped out because they were still in fake argument mode, and theydidn’t generally talk about Ben out in the open. And we get to our second orderof business in this scene: discussing how Ben Solo’s parents see his fall tothe Dark Side and what K*lo turning back would look like in actuality.

But first, I take a minute to describe what the “damn holos”had to say about K*lo, which will sound awfully familiar to anyone who’s runinto a K*lo apologist:

Following themassacre, the holos had had a near-obsessive need to come up with theoriesexplaining why Ben had done it— theories that tended to blame Leia, or Han, orLuke, or all three. (And curiously, rarely Ben himself.) But most often theblame was put on Leia….

I also take the opportunity to add my own personal headcanonabout the “Vader is your biological grandfather” issue: that they had a talkabout it when each of the kids was old enough to understand. The holos may haveclaimed that nobody ever told Ben/K*lo about it until he was an adult (which – really? That does not sound at all likewhat Leia and Han would do), but as Han said, “We had the Vader talk before wehad the sex talk.” It was just another family talk about an important subject.

Then we come to the Ben/K*lo discussion, and Leia is feelingtorn:

“Still,” Leia began.She looked up at Han. “I’ve been struggling,” she admitted. “I’ve been sofocused on getting Ben back, I haven’t really figured out…what happens if weactually manage to do it.”

It was reallyimportant to me that Han and Leia have an actual discussion about what“bringing Ben back” really means and how they would do it. They love him,clearly, but they also know that they can’t just say “welcome back, no worriesabout all the murder, here’s your Resistance uniform,” and they are also stilltrying to come to grips with what exactly went wrong.

The best metaphor they can come up with is addiction. In this piece, I headcanon that while Benhad a lot of love and attention and care as a child, he was interested inpower. Snoke lured him with the promise of power, and Ben’s pursuit of it made him twisteverything he’d been taught: his mother was a coward because she refused to betrained beyond a certain point in the Force, Anakin Skywalker was weak becausehe saved Luke, Darth Vader was great because he used his power, his father wasweak and foolish because he wasn’t Force-sensitive and thus had no power. So Ben’saddiction to power turned him from the son they loved into something else thatthey didn’t recognize.  That’stheir way of understanding it, but it still doesn’t excuse anything he’s done,any more than addiction excuses a murder committed while high.

So they talk a little about Han’s ex-girlfriend Bria, whokicked an addiction, with Leia hoping that there might be some clues as to“what’s next” from that experience, but that comparison breaks down a bit  (“ButBria didn’t murder a bunch of students and then throw in with the fascists,either.”)

So Han poses the question a different way:

“All right, tell methis. If Anakin Skywalker had lived for longer than like 20 minutes or whateverafter he turned back, what would you have wanted for him?”

Leia snorted. “At thetime? To kill him, and then revive him and kill him again. Maybe severaltimes.”

But despite Leia’s rather bitter joke, they agree that ifK*lo comes back to the light, he’ll have to face whatever punishment is deemedfair, and if he doesn’t – he’s not really back in the light. And it wasimportant to me that Leia acknowledge that it will never really be the sameagain. You can’t go back, completely.

Then we get to the third order of business in this scene: toestablish exactly why Leia wants Han to go after their son. And I’m prettyproud of this explanation, so I’m going to quote it here:

“You know, one of thereasons I love you is that with you, I get to be…me. And you’ve always treated me that way.” She gave him a gentle smile.“I think— if Ben is going to come back to the light, we have to reach the partin him that is Ben. Not the Jedi. The person. The boy who used to fix the Falcon with you, who wanted to fly with you andChewie when he grew up. If he’s going to give up that power…he needs to knowthat he’s still someone without it.”

Leia needs Han to find Ben’s humanity—in some ways, this isa mirror of Luke’s quest to find Anakin Skywalker within Darth Vader. If he canreach the person, maybe they can show him how much he is loved without anyfancy Force tricks. And if love can bring back Anakin Skywalker, maybe it canbring back their son.

And finally, we get to the other purpose of this scene: forHan and Leia to get to have a reunion before Han leaves for Starkiller Base. Ilove writing these two as so bonkers about each other nearly forty years onthat they can’t keep their hands off each other anyway, but it was especially important for me to give them somekissing time because WHY WAS THERE NO KISS IN TFA?

So they get to have a little playful banter ahead of time,including this little bit:

“Han. Wait. We’resupposed to be having a reluctant reunion here. That doesn’t work if someonehears us.”

He kissed her again,then his breath was hot against her ear. “Maybe we’re not getting backtogether. Maybe you’re just usin’ me for sex,” he purred.

(Sometimes, frankly, I put lines into fics because they justamuse me, and isn’t fic writing supposed to be great fun?)

They argue playfully, they kiss, fade to black, and thenafterward she sends him off with his coat to help Finn and Chewie with the Falcon, and promising that after this,they can stop pretending and get the family back together.

It was important to me that Han and Leia send each other offwell. Both of them know the stakes, because they’ve lived them; they’vesacrificed too much to let each other go without expressing that. After Bespin,they don’t leave things unsaid. To me, this was something that was reallymissing from their dynamic in TFA, so I added it to my “things to fix” pile.

Well, if you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading thiscommentary! I love chatting about all the little things that go into thesescenes, and apparently I had a lot to say, so thank you for indulging me. Andthanks to @culturevulture73 for the ask!

[ncfan-1]

K, M, and P for the meme please :)

This got long.

K - What character has your favoritedevelopment arc/the best development arc?

Ibelieve that one of the last few times I played this meme, I answered LondoMollari from Babylon 5. I still standby believing he has a fantastic character arc (And if you’re curious about Babylon 5, it’s a fantastic show, and he’sone of the best parts of it). A lot of people, I know, would put Zuko down forthis one. But having replayed KOTOR 2 recently, I think the Exile (when youplay Light Side) has a great character arc throughout the course of the game.Granted, this is kind of dependent on player choices even beyond being LightSide, and is kind of dependent on my head canon, but me, I play that game andwatch a broken-down, apathetic woman regain her sense of purpose, refuse to letgo of it again, and save the galaxy in the process. The whole game is heremotional journey, and it’s incredible to watch.

M - Name a character that you’d like to havefor a friend.

IdrilCelebrindal, and also her husband, Tuor, from the Silmarillion would both make very good friends, I think. Idril iswise and perceptive, and Tuor is optimistic and determined.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (wealways need more ideas).

(Thisactually happens to be a fic—or fics—idea I’m planning on writing eventually.)

Okay,after the events of KOTOR 2, the Exile—Kalani—goes looking for Revan. Atton’salong for the ride, because no matter what TOR or that novel have to say on the matter, the trajectory of the game wasdefinitely pointing towards him going with her. So it’s them in the Ebon Hawk, with T3-M4 and HK-47.

Theystop at Citadel Station to drop off everybody else, since as it happens,everybody else has other plans (Asides from rebuilding the Jedi Order, that is;it’s an important goal for them all—asides from Mandalore, and maybe Atton andMira—but secondary to their concerns right now). Bao-Dur’s getting back in withthe Telos Restoration Project. Mira’s heading back to Nar Shaddaa to settle oldaffairs there, and for other reasons that she doesn’t want to share with therest of them. Visas has hitched a ride with Mandalore and the Mandalorians backto Dxun; why, no one but her and Canderous really seem to understand. Mical isresuming his search of various Jedi Academies across the Outer Rim, and he’sbeen given clearance to enter the Temple on Coruscant, so he’s going to gothere and see if anything can be salvaged (He’s also planning on readying it asa base of operations for what admittedly is going to wind up being an extremely decentralized new Jedi Order).They’re also dropping off the HK-51 droids that showed up out of nowhere on theship after they were done on Malachor V, much to everyone (sans HK-47’s)relief.

Kalaniinsists on taking Atris with them in the EbonHawk. Atris isn’t really good to be left to her own devices right now—thoughKalani is more worried about Atris doing harm to herself than others—and needssupervision. There’s also the matter of getting her away from all of those Sithholocrons, and figuring out what to do with them (Kalani is seriouslycontemplating putting them in a box and letting them drift into the neareststar; it seems the safest way of disposing of them). Brianna is coming alongfor the ride, too. Atris had sent the other Handmaidens home to Eshan, buttheir family wouldn’t take Brianna, thanks to the stigma against children bornout of wedlock in their culture, and the fact that Yusanis is no longer aliveto shelter his youngest child. Brianna doesn’t really have anywhere else to go,so the Ebon Hawk and the search forRevan is her only real option.

Somebodyelse hitches a ride on the Ebon Hawk atTelos: Bastila. Carth can’t join the search, as much as he would like to.Revanasi is not part of my fic head canon, though I don’t mind the ship itself.Instead, I imagine their relationship as being rather like Marlin and Dory’s inFinding Nemo and Finding Dory, and a good quote for it would be Guinan’s from TNG’s ‘TheBest of Both Worlds’: “closer than friends, closer than family.” Carth ishorribly, intensely worried about Revan—whose post-brainwashing name is Jìngyī Yuen—buthis duties in the Republic fleet don’t allow him to leave to go looking forher. Bastila is also horribly, intensely worried about Jìngyī; she wants to findher, bring her home, and she feels that the bond the two of them share mightallow her to help Kalani in the search.

It’s…not a fun trip.

Atton,as you can imagine, is extremely tense with Bastila and especially Atris on board, worried of one or both of them digginghis past out of his head. He and Kalani have an understanding that what theyspoke of was between them, and Kalani agrees that it would be bad, really bad, if Atris found out, even asshe is now. Atton is okay with Kalani; he’s okay with Bao-Dur, with Visas andMira, even somewhat okay with Mical nowadays. But he is not okay with Atris and Bastila, especially as, to him, they’reboth the embodiment of the Jedi who could not give less of a fuck as the OuterRim burned during the Mandalorian Wars, but were more than happy to try to tearthe galaxy apart during the Jedi Civil War. He avoids Atris and tends to becool, bordering on hostile, towards Bastila.

(Thefact that Atris is his girlfriend’s ex doesn’t help matters. He knows thatrelationship is stone dead, but the fact that the two women still have suchstrong reactions towards each other, pretty clearly still have feelings for oneanother, well… Atton is both more than a little insecure, and more than alittle worried for Kalani’s well-being.)

Kalaniis still recovering from everything that happened with Kreia, and the idea thatshe is a Wound in the Force and may or may not be unconsciously psychicallydominating her companions is weighing heavily on her mind, even with Micaltrying to reassure her that the Council was full of shit and were so ready tochalk up every success of hers to her being a Wound in the Force that they didn’teven take into account that she is genuinely a very inspiring person withouttaking the Force into account. Her history with Atris complicates mattersfurther; all the old wounds there, the scar tissue slowly pulling open.

Andthere’s the fact that she’s dreading having to meet with Revan again. She knewRevan the legend much better than she knew Revan the person. They didn’t getalong very well, and there’s the fact that Revan basically set Kalani up to beeither killed or turned to the Dark Side at Malachor V; I feel like evenwithout HK-47’s comment about Revan ‘cleaning house’ at Malachor V, she couldprobably have extrapolated that. Kalani isn’t like Bastila. Kalani doesn’t knowJìngyī Yuen, redeemed; she only knows Revan, whom she once idolized, and whonow inspires mingled fear and loathing in Kalani. Kalani is trying to trackdown Revan because she believes that that’s what’s best for the Republic, butthat doesn’t mean she has to like it.She and Bastila, who was close to Jìngyī, after all, get into arguments aboutit from time to time.

I headcanon Bastila as having once been a student of Atris’s. I’ve noticed as I playthrough KOTOR I that she has some mannerisms in common with Atris—the way she gesticulateswhen she talks, for instance. Her tendency towards dogmatism, her (stronglyimplied) isolation from her peers, going far beyond what I would expect fromeven a Jedi, and the fact that Bastila is frankly the most tightly-wound personI have ever come across in a piece ofStar Wars media, have Atris’sfingerprints all over them. I imagine Bastila as having come under Atris’s careafter the Mandalorian Wars broke out and Kalani left to fight. Atris would havebeen a stern teacher even at the best of times, but after this happened, yeah,Atris was not the sort of person who should have ever been put in charge of a child, especially not a naturallyhigh-strung child like Bastila probably was to start with.

MyBastila actually left the Jedi Order a few months after the events of KOTOR I.She had a strong desire to proactively go good that she had no outlet for nowthat the Jedi Civil war was over and the Jedi were expected to file back totheir surviving Enclaves and Academies, withdrawing from the affairs of the galaxyat large. She had questions for the Council that they had no answers that theywere willing to give her, like why they’d been treating Bastila more like aweapon than a person over the last several years. And Bastila had noticed adifference in the way she was treated post fall and redemption, a differencethat made her feel even more isolated and alone than she already had.

Soyeah, Bastila left the Jedi Order, and proceeded to become the second personthat year to have a nervous breakdown/existential crisis in Carth Onasi’sliving room (I head canon Jìngyī and Bastila both as having crashed with Carthafter they, independently of one another, left the Jedi Order after the eventsof KOTOR I). Bastila’s feelings towards the Order are extremely complicated.She wouldn’t have left if she had felt like she had any real choice, if she hadeven the slightest chance for a life she felt like she could actually live with them. She has no lightsaber,and is no longer part of the Order, but verymuch still considers herself a Jedi. After a while of trying, to no avail,to find a job (life in the Order left her extremely ill-equipped for lifeoutside of it), she, with Carth’s help, gets involved with the planetaryrestoration efforts, and being able to do real, active good helps her come toterms, somewhat.

As forher relationship with Atris, Atris came down on Bastila pretty hard after herfall and redemption, but when Bastila actually left the Order for good? Then,the two of them had a truly horrific falling-out, nearly as bad as Kalani’sfalling-out with Atris was, minus the added complication of a previousromantic/sexual relationship. So for the two of them to have to be on the sameship at the same time is, umm, not pleasant for anyone.

Atrisis not murderous, and understands that what she did, regarding the Order,Katarr and Kalani, was wrong, but she is extremely brittle, extremelyshort-tempered, and just kind of broken. She rarely ventures out of the starboarddormitories, and just tends to sit on one of the beds, staring at the wall. Shecan be coaxed into speech, can be coaxed into ‘life,’ but something’s justsnapped inside of her—or, rather, something snapped in her a long time ago, andshe’s just now realizing it, just now feeling it. She’s not sure how to makeamends for everything she’s done, not sure if she even can, and this uncertainty leaves her paralyzed. She gets intobitter arguments with Bastila, into screaming matches with Kalani that leaveone or both of them in tears.

Briannais just sort of left to cope with her surrogate mother having completely fallenapart, and with her surrogate mother’s ex-girlfriend and ex-student being onboard and all of the messy baggage that comes with that. There’s also heremerging Force Sensitivity, and her desire to explore that clashing with thevows she swore.

Juhanimay or may not join the crew at some point. Yuthura Ban, too. This is really, really not a fun trip, and it’s only thedroids who aren’t dealing with baggage.

That’snot to say it’s unrelenting fear, tension and misery. There are a few softerspots.

Kalaniand Atton, with the events of their game taken care of, actually have time todevelop a romantic relationship. PDA freaks Bastila out like nothing else can,which is annoying, but it freaks her out in such an amusing way that they almost don’t care. Kalani and Bastila, whenthey aren’t arguing about Revan/Jìngyī, find common ground commiserating overtheir miserable relationships with Atris. Brianna gets kind of starry-eyedwhenever she speaks to Bastila and especially Kalani, and when the matter isbrought up, Atris is surprisingly okay with the two of them teaching Briannathe ways of the Force; Kalani and Bastila find further common ground inteaching Brianna. If Juhani’s on board, she and Bastila are of course friendlywith one another, and they support each other emotionally. If Yuthura is onboard, she actually gets on fairly well with Kalani and Atton both. Atriscan occasionally be persuaded to come out of the starboard dormitory and spendnon-miserable time with Kalani, Brianna, and/or Bastila.

Whenthey actually find Jìngyī, well… It’s a mess. Partially because Jìngyī is,herself, a complete, fucking mess of a person. Her memories are fractured; sheremembers that Revan found evidence of a Sith Empire beyond the Rim, but solittle beyond that that she’s just stuck searching worlds in Unknown Space fortraces of it. Her sense of identity is fractured. She remembers only bits andpieces of her life before being brainwashed and having the false memoriesimplanted; there are huge, gaping holes in memory. My Jìngyī basically fellapart after the events of KOTOR I, because with the Star Forge destroyed, therewas nothing to distract her from her crawling fears regarding Revan and her ownidentity. Her mental state can be best summed up by the phrase “afraid to sleepbecause every time she does she fears that she will never wake up again, butthat the shadow in the back of her mind will wake up and walk away wearing herskin.” ‘Revan’ feels more like a shadow to her than something, someone she actually was, once. It wouldhelp if her implanted memories had more substance to them, but they’re onlybare bones; they were designed that way, the better to avoid inconsistenciesshe might pick up on (And thinking about a life she never really lived ispainful and confusing anyways). She’s desperately trying to find traces of the SithEmpire almost more because she needs a distraction from her crawling fears thanbecause she’s trying to protect the Republic.

Kalaniwants to hate her. She is, when she finds her, genuinely extremely frustratedwith her, and loses her temper with her easily (Atton is genuinely surprised,but this is easily the angriest he’s ever seen her get). But she can’t hate Jìngyī, because she’s not theterrible, towering figure she remembers. She’s just a frightened, miserablewreck of a person who’s trying in her own fumbling way to do good. She can’tremember Kalani at all. She can’t remember using and using Kalani, and thenbreaking and throwing her away once she wasn’t useful anymore. Bastila has toexplain to Jìngyī who Kalani is and why she should know her. And it’s not goodbecause, oh, look, here’s yet anotherpiece of closure permanently denied to Kalani, but she just can’t bring herselfto hate someone so genuinely pitiable,and that’s just the story of Kalani’s life, having to find a way to move onwhen closure is denied her. Jìngyī is eventually wrangled onto the Ebon Hawk and carted back off toRepublic space. It’s easier than Kalani thought it would be.