#the first night they closed with ‘body paint’ and played the outro for like three minutes straight

[daddy-long-legssss]

I MISS THE BODY PAINT EXTENDED OUTRO

[kiirokero]

Outro: Love is Not Over (8)

Pairing: Daycare Teacher! Hoseok x Single Mom! Reader.

Genre: Single Parent! AU, Teacher! AU, Hybrid! AU, Fluff, Angst, Adorable Kids,

Warnings: Nothing much, just fluff and some romance wink wonk

Word Count: 1.1k

Note: Happy day of starting life to me, Imma go splurge on pizza now.

Summary: Years after a relationship goes south. You are the single mother of a beautiful 6-year-old golden retriever hybrid who you named Yunho. He is the light of your life. Yunho is everything to you, and you’d do anything for him. But you’re a human. Yunho doesn’t care, he will tell you he doesn’t. “You’re still my Eomma. No matter what.” He says. But you can’t help but feel like you will never be enough for him. You can’t be the mother he deserves. You can’t show him the ropes of being a hybrid, and you can’t teach him things the other moms can. But you try. You try your damn hardest. So, when a handsome German Shepard hybrid comes into your life, helping you and guiding Yunho in a way you can’t, you can’t help the cozy home he sets up in your heart.

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    It was 11pm. The inky black void of the night sky peered through the closed curtains as Yunho continued to watch his show. Yunho was hanging on to conciousness by a thread, and more than once I had tried to get him to go to bed, but every time he shook his head, insisting that he was fine and that he just wanted to stay next to me. It made my heart clench.

    Reluctantly, I let him. I let him drawl on about how worried he was when the main character got trapped by the villain. I let him lean on my shoulder while he stubbornly held his eyes open. I let him do what he felt was best for himself. As long as he wasn’t hurting himself. He’d probably sleep all day tomorrow, but if staying up with me brought him peace of mind, I’d let him do it. 

    Yunho’s ears perked up and eyes shot open when a knock sounded at the door. He looked at me, wide-eyed, fisting his hand tighter into my sweatshirt. “Eomma?” He whispered, and I gave him a reassuring smile. “It’s okay, bub. It’s just a friend,” Yunho nodded, getting up along with me as I went to answer the door. 

     When I opened the door, I couldn’t stop the small smile of pure happiness that made its way onto my face when the handsome German Shepard hybrid filled my vision. He was dressed in sweatpants and a sweatshirt, much like myself, and had slightly ruffled hair. His warm, heart-shaped smile graced his face as he held up a plastic bag. “I brought the goods!” He chuckled, looking down at my legs where Yunho was hiding. 

    Yunho recognized Hoseok, but didn’t immediately come out, opting to look up at him curiously from afar. “Say hi, bub,” I encouraged, putting a hand on the top of his head, playing with the blonde fur that hung from his ears. “Hi...” Yunho whispered, his tail slowly wagging side-to-side when Hoseok’s said hello back. Hoseok slowly leaned down so he was about eye-level with Yunho, but still keeping a respectful distance. 

    “Hey Yunho, do you remember me?” Hoseok asked, playfully tilting his head to the side. Yunho silently nodded, easing up a little bit. “I’m glad. Your Eomma was telling me that you had a bad day,” Hoseok continued, and Yunho squeaked out a “Yeah... Bad day...” earning a smile of sympathy from the older hybrid. “That sucks, but guess what! I brought ice cream!” Hoseok’s experience with kids was really showing now, knowing exactly what to say and how to say it. 

    I chuckled at Yunho’s starry-eyed expression, sending Hoseok an appreciative smile as Yunho came out from around my legs and went up to stand in front of Hoseok, sniffing the bag. “Eomma, can I?” Yunho asked hopefully, looking back up towards me. I don’t know whether it was his puppy eyes or well-behaved manners that made my heart squeeze, but it didn’t matter because the answer was yes, anyway. 

    “Of course bub, but let’s get to the kitchen first, okay?” I responded, picking Yunho up and guiding Hoseok towards the kitchen. Hoseok put the bag down on the counter along with his keys, turning to me, waiting for any sort of instruction or objection. “Thank you again, Hoseok,” I smiled, but Hoseok just waved me off with a smooth, “It’s nothing! Ice cream makes everything better,” Smiling, not realizing just how meaningful the gesture was to me and Yunho. 

    I got out a bowl and spoon for Yunho, asking him to wait in the living room while I get him his treat. Yunho did what I asked, somewhat reluctantly, but after I reminded him that he could see me from the couch, he relented. “Classic vanilla,” I chuckled, scooping out some of the cold deliciousness. “Can’t go wrong with vanilla,” Hoseok chirped, filling up bowls of our own. 

    Soon, all three of us were sitting on the couch, Yunho in the middle of Hoseok and I, shoveling down his vanilla ice cream with vigor. “And that’s how rainbows are made!” Yunho exclaimed with ice cream around his mouth, finishing the rant he’s been on for 5 minutes after Hoseok asked him about the show he was watching. Yunho had just learned how rainbows were made thanks to the programme, and he was eager to share that information to everyone. You, Hyejin, Yoongi, Hajun, Namjoon (somehow) and now Hoseok. 

But Hoseok didn’t mind. No no. He was actively encouraging him. 

    “Wow! That’s so cool! You’re so smart, Yunho,” Hoseok gushed, getting Yunho to blush and look away, fiddling with the edge of his space themed pajama top. “Thank you,” Yunho smiled, leaning back onto your shoulder. “I also know how to count to twenty!” Yunho boasted, puffing out his chest. Hoseok dramatically gasped, indulging the proud hybrid boy. “Amazing! Can you show me?” Hoseok asked, and Yunho confidently (and correctly) counted to twenty. 

    Both you and Hoseok clapped, and you didn’t miss the way Yunho seemed to relax a bit more. “I also painted a dragon at school! I’ll go get it! Stay here,” Yunho bubbled, running up the stairs. “Careful!” I called after him. “Okay!” He called back, voice now distant. Now it was just you and Hoseok alone, listening to the childish dialogue of the cartoon playing in the background. 

    “You’re a lifesaver, Hoseok,” You sighed, slumping into the couch. “It’s nothing. Y/n, really. We all have those days, even kids like Yunho,” He shrugged, finishing the last bite of his ice cream. “No, really, you have no idea how much this means. I mean, Yunho seems to really like you,” I pointed out, trying my best to stress just how hopeless the situation seemed before he got here. 

    Hoseok put his bowl down on the coffee table, turning his entire body towards me, giving me his full attention. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” He proclaimed, looking me right in the eyes. It felt like I was back in the cafe, on our little lunch get-together. Nothing but the two of us and the smell of coffee. His ears flinched, but his earthy hues never strayed from mine. His stare pulling me into an all too familiar trance. It blurred all other stimulation out and nothing but Hoseok filled my senses. 

Was he always this attractive?

Is his skin as smooth as it seems?

Why was the slight timbre in his voice so enticing? 

Where does he buy his cologne? 

What do his lips taste like-

    “I found it! Here!” Yunho cheered, shoving a wrinkled paper into Hoseok’s hands. Hoseok looked confused for a minute before he shook off whatever just happened and gave Yunho a big smile, complimenting him on his artwork. I shook my head, trying to get the thoughts that invaded my head to go away. I can’t. I just met the guy! I can’t let my emotions get the best of me. I’m just touch starved, that’s it. Nothing else. 

    Except that’s what I wish was the case. But the warmth in my heart when I found Hoseok and Yunho snuggled together, asleep, was too much to ignore. Yunho’s chubby cheeks pressed against Hoseok’s shoulder made him look like a dumpling, and the way Hoseok quietly snored shouldn’t have been attractive, but it was. I couldn’t ignore the feeling of home that filled my chest whenever I saw Hoseok and Yunho interact... But I found myself trying anyway...

[interesting-blog-name]

Björk DISCOG REVIEW Part 1

One of the most recognized avant-garde singers in the world, Björk Guðmundsdóttir is an Icelandic artist who has been releasing critically acclaimed albums since the early 90s, and an icon in the experimental music scene. I thought it’d be an exciting experience to dive into her discography to find out if her music resonates with me, and to understand what this revered singer is all about. I decided to start with her major studio albums first, then moving on to her early work with Icelandic band The Sugarcubes and whatever else she has out there.

 Debut

Björk’s properly titled debut is a wild amalgamation of sweet love songs, upbeat house music inspired by the UK’s early 90s scene, a hint of jazz, and of course, Björk’s enchanting voice. I won’t pretend to be a music university graduate or whatever, as I know close to nothing about what 90s music sounded like, what could have potentially influenced Björk on this album, nor will I try to give some sort of lecture about what is going on here; I’ll just cite what I enjoy and what I don’t, and why.

Debut feels authentic, it’s a finely crafted album, from its musical styles to its production to its songwriting. What spiked my interest immediately in it were the drums, and how fresh and varied they were; this is a very percussion-heavy album, the UK beats Björk implements are all about the infectious rhythms that enter your body and seem to control it, but even on tracks not so influenced by the nightclub life, the percussion is very good, in songs such as the opening Human Behaviour, with its fat bass drums, or the iconic, soothing Venus As a Boy, featuring tambourines, strong kicks, some rattle instrument, a prominent sampled echoing sound and a hint of bongos; these are all alongside various other rich instruments, violin passages that flow with the track perfectly, what sounds like xylophones peppering the track, all of this making this the best song in the album, in my opinion.

And when these instruments are not there, of course Björk herself makes up for it. Like Someone In Love is a beautiful ode to, well, love, comprised only of a harp, the singer’s eye-watering performance, and some ambient noise; it reminds me a bit too much of her cover of I Remember You, mostly because they’re both based on harps, but it is still very beautiful on its own. The Anchor Song is the emptiest on the record, closing the album up with some tension and overall introspection. It features only one verse from Björk sung two times, and like three saxophones? Definitely two at least, I’m not sure how they work, but it makes for a great, simplistic finisher (even if latter editions include Play Dead, a beautiful song, but not exactly fitting after the song before it).

Throughout the first handful of tracks, the pattern of “inward emotionally potent song sequenced by urban-life dance anthem, and back again” became apparent to me, but then broke after One Day did not transition into a dance track. Basically, my instant perception was that the record was this rollercoaster showcase of the hopeless romantic experience in a metropolitan, nocturnal city, and it may be, but if it is, it’s not as in-your-face as I initially thought. What catapulted these thoughts was the live version of There’s More To Life Than This, probably the most commercially-adept instrumental tune in the record, performed by Björk in a version purposefully awkward and weirdly personal, where she sings her second verse directly into a mic while the beat faintly plays in the background, fading further and further until the song flawlessly transitions to Like Someone In Love. It really makes you feel like your are at the Milk Bar, the night is packed, and Björk just pulls you into the bathroom and starts singing the rest of the song (for some reason); it reminded me of all those YouTube videos where the uploader takes a popular song, adds some background chatter, and soaks it all in reverb to give you the experience of listening to the song from the bathroom of a party. It is a distinct, creative way of spinning the original dance track around into something more, something that conveys this feeling of slight loneliness, even when surrounded by people, the central topic of the second song, Crying. The lyrics describe the big city, the huge crowds, but conversely the feeling of solitude and missing your loved one, or maybe even a place, it’s not explicitly told who or what Björk misses.

Romance is ever-present in Debut, through many incarnations. Big Time Sensuality, one of the most upbeat tracks here, is about a fresh romantic relationship, and the growing sensation of “something important (...) about to happen”, assumingly between Björk and whoever else. The house beat paints the scenario for this relationship as a club, by default. It brings you into this exciting nightlife, only for you to be pulled away immediately after by One Day, a track so cheerful it’s irresistible, and holding tight to the theme of romanticizing a loved one, then reaching Aeroplane in yet another beautiful transition. I have to admit this is the first song I don’t love in the album, I think it is good, and in the context of the album, definitely brings something new. What sets it apart is, this time around, the bongos are being used to their full extent, paired with birds chirping and a comfortable bass, incremented by occasional saxophone passages, this track ends up very tropical. After this, Come To Me is another passionate song, this time, Björk sings of comforting her partner and nurturing them, which naturally creates a super chill aura to the song. Accompanied by the violins and the lowkey guitars, it makes for a solid track, which in the context of the album I think eases the mood a bit too much, but is appreciated as a solid production, and closes out by bringing out the bongos once again, in a very nice outro (I should also note this is the first appearance of a real drum set on the album [I think]) (I should also also note the bassline sounds a little like early studio versions of True Love Waits by Radiohead, just some trivia).

Violently Happy right afterwards is the least interesting of the house tracks, with a mostly simple instrumental, and vocals Björk seeming to be compressed, or dowsed in some other effect. It’s not a standout in the tracklist to me, but the beauty of Debut is that the worst song is still solid as fuck. I think it’s a very consistent album, that delivers a unique and one-of-a-kind experience.

I didn’t expect this type of sound from Debut, but I was pleasantly surprised. It took me a while to like, but it definitely grew on me on with this 4 a.m. listening session I just had. I look forward to everything else I will listen to by Björk.

 FAVORITE TRACKS: Venus As A Boy, Like Someone In Love, One Day, Big Time Sensuality, Human Behaviour

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK: Violently Happy

 8.7/10

“Lately I find myself gazing at stars, hearing guitars like someone in love.”

 Post

Going into Post, I was aware this would be quite different from Debut. I had listened to Army of Me and It’s Oh So Quiet before, seeing as they’re two of Björk’s biggest songs, and they obviously sound nothing like the acid house beats and soft, calming ballads in her debut, and that’s what is good about it, the sudden shift from a relatively safe musical environment to aggressive, chunky electronic production in Army of Me and Enjoy, and the absolute turnaround that is It’s Oh So Quiet.

The bold production decisions are what make this album exciting and surprising, in tracks such as I Miss You, mixing a synth-line with super loud bongos and some addictive synthesized drums, and trumpets at the end of the song, or the famous use of the Locrian mode in Army of Me, creating this menacing, dissonant melody, which perfectly fits the song and serves as an appropriate intro to the album that succeeds it. But they don’t always have to be out there to be notable and great: what I can tell from around the internet is that you can ask every single Björk fan ever what their favorite track by her is and it feels like at least a quarter will answer Hyper-ballad, and (even though I’m not nearly done with her discography) I can I say it’s with very good reason, as it is an amazingly composed song; same with Possibly Maybe, an enheartened slow jam which progresses from a cute love song about desiring to be with the one she’s flirting with, to disappointment in how they treat her, to the breakup, where she states she started wearing lipstick again, sucking her own tongue in remembrance of her once lover.

The album is very love-centered, specifically focused on the desire to be physically with someone, with how Björk mentions her love interest’s touch in plenty of tracks, such as I Miss You, a song about missing someone she apparently has never been with, where she literally asks her significant other “when will I get my cuddle?”. uwu.

(also what is this cover art lmao)

Also including this thirst for deeper contact are the songs Enjoy (“I wish I’d only look, and didn’t have to touch”, “How can I ignore? This is sex without touching?”) and Headphones (”They start off as cells that haven’t been touched before, these cells are virgins”), but the subject matter isn’t always literal and spelled out, as the tracks Isobel and Hyper-ballad seem to play with the idea of a hermit lifestyle, whether it’s at the top of a mountain or in the heart of a forest, with different meanings between the two, however. In Hyper-ballad, she’s isolated from the world alongside her lover, while in Isobel, she’s completely alone, married to herself, as she says. I enjoy the theme, but I think the vocals and instrumentation, while interesting, aren’t as good as many other examples from the album, same with the track previous to it, You’ve Been Flirting Again, which employs very faint and uniform violins under some soothing yet stagnant lyrics by Björk; it serves mostly as an interlude, I suppose, but it could go a little further, in my opinion.

To end the album, Cover Me and Headphones subdue the atmosphere by a lot. They’re very toned down, the first features some really nice windy background noise, and what I think is an oud. It’s an amazing section of the album, and from what I can gather, seems to be about her own experimentation with her music, describing a journey into what I think is this very album, a big departure from Debut for sure. It then transitions seamlessly into Headphones, which, on par with its title, is a much better experience if you are wearing headphones. The buzzing bass, Björk’s nearly ASMR vocals turning into gibberish at the end, and bubbly percussion are all super pleasing to the ears, and it continues the theme of her own musical creating process, singing how her headphones saved her life, and how nothing will ever be the same; it’s almost prophetical, and definitely one of my favorite songs here.

Post is much more colorful, daring and wild than Debut, but I don’t know if I like it better than its predecessor. I feel like Debut is obviously much more comfortable and pleasing than Post, and that even though Post has amazing tracks like Hyper-ballad, Enjoy and Possibly Maybe, as an album, I’m not really feeling it as much as the last one. The sense of cohesion in the last one, and how it used the UK beats to the best of their potentials, mixing them with much more soothing tracks and beautiful vocal performances is what attracts me to it so much. I really appreciate the direction Post took, as I don’t suppose many people were doing anything close to this in the 90s or before, and it certainly has its highlights, but I think Debut just got a tighter hold of me, and I just enjoyed it more, if looking at it from a purely superficial standpoint. The experimentation here is great, but I enjoy how fresh Debut sounds slightly more.

 FAVORITE TRACKS: Hyper-ballad, I Miss You, Army of Me, Headphones, Possibly Maybe, Enjoy

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK: You’ve Been Flirting Again

 8.5/10

“This is really dangerous, cover me. But worth all the effort, cover me.”

 Homogenic

Alright shit got real.

This is way better than the last two albums, and they were amazing to begin with. But this album is insane. It’s focused, but also so loose and free. It’s an amazing experience, and I think Björk in her most comfortable style yet. She doesn’t miss the mark in one track of this album, they’re all at the very least good.

It starts off with the delirious drum patterns and violins in Hunter, and I tell you, I haven’t seen a better streak of amazing songs in an album yet: from the intro to 5 Years, all the songs between it are fucking fantastic, and that is only broken by Immature, a track which I don’t think is supposed to be much more than an interlude anyway; then it’s right back with Alarm Call.

I really don’t think I have anything to complain about in this review apart from 5 Years and Immature. On the first listen, I thought Howie B’s version of All Is Full Of Love was inferior to the original, which I had heard and loved a while ago, but I can’t even say that, because this one is perfect as an outro. With the drums gone, the track feels like a goodbye from Björk as you slowly descent from heaven after listening to this album; plus, it comes right after Pluto, by far the most aggressive song in Homogenic, with the singer yelling over her glitchiest production yet. Then it suddenly gives way to that incredible outro. Other amazing transitions include Unravel to Bachelorette, decorated by the overlapping violins, and from 5 Years to Immature. The serene, gorgeous sound of Unravel against the energetic, cinematic Bachelorette orchestra is easily one of the best moments in the album as well.

I find that whenever I find an album really good, I have problems describing why, but I promise this time I’ll try harder than when I listened to MAGDALENE. To start, Björk’s singing and the instruments backing her have never been more in harmony with each other, mainly due to Björk’s and her producers’ focus on maintaining a homogenous sound throughout the record, as its title implies, and this style is the mix of strings and other orchestral instruments (including an accordion at some points) with the odd, sometimes glitchy (All Neon Like, 5 Years, Pluto) other times fleshed out and bulky (Hunter, Immature, Alarm Call) production of Mark Bell, Guy Sigsworth, Howie B, Markus Dravs and, of course, Björk herself. Jóga and Unravel are my favorite Björk songs so far, and the fact that they come back to back, right before Bachelorette, is still crazy to me.

Alarm Call is a beautiful song about how your music impacts the world, and just an anthem of euphoria basically, which might be a little out of place surrounded by the very specific sound the album goes for, with its bop qualities and dance rhythm, but I appreciate it a lot just for how easily Björk can pour her feelings onto a track and make it work out of seemingly nowhere. This song demands happiness from the listener, and it’s extremely difficult not to give in to its groove (“I’m no fucking Buddhist, but this is enlightenment”).

In my opinion, All Neon Like is the perfect embodiment of Homogenic’s atmosphere: it’s not as brilliantly and enormously produced as the songs before it, but it is frigid and ethereal, the lyrics are sung fairy tales, continuing the genius metaphors in Bachelorette.

It’s slightly futile for me to try and dissect Björk’s lyrics one by one, but they do stand out more than in her previous records as well, even though the focus on Homogenic is mainly in its aesthetic. 5 Years is the first song that features lyrics that point themselves against someone, a former love interest of Björk, accusing them of not being able to handle her, and while Immature’s lyrics don’t go anywhere due to them consisting of a verse repeated twice, they follow the theme of abandoning a lover, and this time, the questioning is to herself, wondering how she thought her significant other was a cure to all her personal issues. Hunter, an amazing intro to an amazing album, centers its lyrics around some of the same topics as the outro in Post (Cover Me and Headphones) which describes a voyage into the unknown that was Björk’s musical endeavors at the time, her will to go the distance to create something brand new and exciting. In this intro, she compares it to hunting and bringing the food to the table. It starts: “If travel is searching and home what’s been found, I’m not stopping”. It’s fucking brilliant man holy shit.

Now that I write this, I realize, from 5 Years onward, the songs cease to be about idolizing another person, with tracks such as Immature and Alarm Bell being introspective looks at Björk and her current feelings, and Pluto being about batshit self-change. Even All Is Full Of Love, with its first lyrics being “You’ll be given love, you’ll be taken care of”, seems to be addressing more of the ambient surrounding the person than the person themselves, as if they’re a placeholder for all the angelic ambience around the listener. Maybe the song is literally about placing the listener in this scenario, who knows.

Definitely best album I’ve heard yet, and what excites me is that people praise the next album so much, I’ve never seen someone talk much about Homogenic. I literally don’t know how Björk can top this, but I’ll see.

 WORST TO BEST: 5 Years, Immature – Mark Bell’s Version, Hunter, Pluto, Alarm Call, All Neon Like, Bachelorette, All Is Full Of Love – Howie’s Version, Jóga, Unravel

 Fuck it, 10/10

“I’m a path of cinders burning under your feet. You’re the one who walks me, I’m your one-way street.”

 Vespertine

I am pleased.

This is insane, man. I think I’ll be a huge Björk fan after I’m finished with this discography. Vespertine is meticulous, it’s enchanting, it’s all-around wonderful. You can tell Björk and her team put incredible effort into this album, for it to sound as effortlessly beautiful as possible; not one idea or song here sounds forced, out of its element, or simply put bad. They unite to create one of the most astounding listening experiences I think I’ll ever get in my life.

Vespertine is proud, but introverted. As a sequel to Homogenic, it serves as its lighter half: where Björk described Homogenic as “confrontational”, “active” and “warrior”, Vespertine flips that upside down, and brings microbeats, music boxes and harps to the table. This is a very effective alternative to songs such as Jóga and Bachelorette, where the instrumentals and the singer seemed to try and outdo each other, creating these grand, empowering songs; in this album, they merge together into living, breathing and deeply personal lullabies. One of the most impressive talents of Björk is that she seems to take the identity of her album to heart, and mixes her unique songwriting and singing talents and her otherworldly personality into the project’s own personality, becoming an artform much greater than the sum of its parts.

Songs like Hidden Place, It’s Not Up To You and Pagan Poetry are Björk to the bone, with their more elaborate and ear-catching production, their humongous vocals, and would be comfortable if they were to be pulled from this album into another; however, deeper cuts such as Aurora, Cocoon, Undo and An Echo A Stain are the embodiment of this album’s aesthetic, its frigid atmosphere and tiny, fragile surroundings. They are like symmetrical, unique snowflakes when softer, or huge, arctic blue glistering caves when grander. They’re precise; stable, but at the same time would not work if they weren’t organized exactly how they are.

It’s easy to get too comfortable listening to Vespertine. The tracks are almost spiritual in a way, they convey an unparalleled bliss to the listener, and getting lost in the album is almost part of the experience. Especially in the second half of Vespertine, where things get real lowkey. Songs merge into each other, starting with the wonderful music box interlude Frosti into Aurora, which features one of Björk’s strongest vocal performances, proceeding to An Echo A Stain, a standout for its weird, suspenseful and eerie instrumental, evoking a dark vibe, it sounds like a deep underwater exploration into the darkest abysses of the ocean or some shit. The lyrics are also uniquely confrontational, they don’t portray the undying passion of songs before it, instead proclaiming “Don’t say no to me. You can’t say no to me. I won’t see you, denied.”. With all the vague and spacey lyrics, and the uneventful instrumental, it’s impressive this song progresses so well, mainly due to its weird, unsettling tone that sets itself apart from the rest of the songs. In a way, these odd and abstract lyrics mixed with the ethereal and bittersweet instrumentation remind me of some Radiohead songs, such as The National Anthem, How To Disappear Completely and Ful Stop, and I’m realizing this is a style of music I’m prone to liking.

Sun In My Mouth is not much of a standout topically or sonically to me, as it doesn’t do much to expand upon the sexuality of the album, with lyrics once again referring to inserting fingers into wherever, and closing with “Will I complete the mystery of my flesh?”, the themes seem to have nowhere to go. Heirloom depicts a reoccurring dream about Björk losing her voice, and having her mother and son pour a glowing oil into her mouth, which is a cute and artsy way of saying they’re her fuel for continuing with her craft, I guess. The lyrics don’t go anywhere with themselves after this though, but the instrumental is very creative and memorable, it creates a neat little bubble of involving, resonating synths.

Employing some heavy strings for Harm Of Will, Björk doubles down on the romance of the album, in a rather stripped-down song, with a few vocal highlights from her. It finds its place in the tracklist, I guess, although the oral sex line comes off a bit too strong for the smooth sentiment of the song.

To close Vespertine off, Unison, the longest song in the album, lays back on an ambient sample by Oval, and features one of Björk’s most unique vocal harmonies on its chorus; overall a nice, upbeat outro for a wonderful album.

I will say I felt more excited listening to Homogenic, as I think Vespertine’s romantic, sexual aura doesn’t expand into much after some of the many heavily sensual verses, while Homogenic wasn’t as tight and claustrophobic for me. Vespertine, however, was freer and left a bigger impact on me, It’s Not Up To You succeeded in making me cry. At the same time, none of the songs here felt like they didn’t belong, like they took away from the experience; every sound and line collaborates to make something bigger, something I don’t think I’ll get from many other albums in my lifetime.

 BEST TO WORST: It’s Not Up To You, Pagan Poetry, Undo, Hidden Place, An Echo A Stain, Unison, Aurora, Heirloom, Cocoon, Harm Of Will, Frosti, Sun In My Mouth

 It is a 10

“I can decide what I give, but it’s not up to me what I get given. Unthinkable surprises about to happen, but what they are, it’s not up to you.”

 Medúlla

Björk’s 2004 Medúlla is, surprise surprise, an acapella album. And to further surprise, I liked it.

After Homogenic and Vespertine, I guess there was nowhere to go but towards the more experimental. You can’t really outdo those two albums in their own game, so you gotta branch out, try different things; and trying different things is exactly what Björk excels at, apparently. With Medúlla, all that wild, bombastic or serene instrumentation her previous albums were peppered with is gone, giving way to backing vocals ranging from super deep male bass to angelic choirs, beatboxing, and occasionally an isolated instrument. The album is rooted on the most primary form of music: barely any instruments, almost no effects or audio manipulations, just many voices uniting to become one; lyrics about childbirth, the human body, oceans and, of course, love.

Listening to Medúlla is interesting because it is very familiar, while also being a completely different experience from Björk’s previous albums. Songs like Who Is It and Mouth’s Cradle are unmistakably her, while at the same time being coated with an extra layer of experimentation, and with this new direction, Björk and her team are able to channel an energy that stands shoulder-to-shoulder with some of her best production. Where Is The Line? and Oceania are intricate and complex, showing just how much can be done with only the human voice. The low male vocals and beatboxing structure the songs, the choirs in the background give them depth, all the sounds link with themselves to amount to some incredible songs.

On the flipside, however, few songs fail to achieve that, in my opinion. Desired Constellation is notably bare and empty, with few aspects to its composition. The mystical lyrics that characterize Medúlla are still here, describing Björk playing routinely with stars to form whatever she desires, but apart from that, there isn’t much to experience. Mouth’s Cradle and its successor Miðvikudags are also not of much significance to the rest of the album, as they drift from its acapella compositions by employing some pleasant, but unnecessary synths as the basis of the songs. The simpler, shorter interludes that are peppered through the album are pretty much the standard sound for this record, fleshing it out with small little vocal passages and, of course, gibberish. Show Me Forgiveness, from my interpretation, is Björk apologizing to either herself or her daughter (as implied by the last line, “The girl might live”), for letting her interior voice be drowned out by the exterior; Öll Birtan is a simple buildup to the aforementioned Who Is It, but the best of the bunch are Sonnets/Unrealities XI, the poem it may not always be so; and i say by e. e. cummings over some of the best backing vocals in the album, Vökuró, where Björk sings a traditional Icelandic song in a very intimate and gorgeous moment in the album, and Ancestors, which features some passionate, odd and intriguing growls all throughout it.

It’s remarkable what Björk came up with in this album, the mystical aura surrounding it and forming its lyrics, in particular the verses in Oceania where she takes the role of the Ocean, exploring its perspective of Earth, time and the continents, Pleasure Is All Mine, which describes motherhood and childbirth for a sublime intro, and Submarine, featuring Robert Wyatt, evoking a sense of rebelliousness and urgency. Great album.

 FAVORITE TRACKS: Oceania, Sonnets/Unrealities XI, Where Is The Line? Pleasure Is All Mine, Vökuró

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK: Mouth’s Cradle

 8.8/10

“When in doubt: give”

Outro

I postponed ths review for like 2 months or something, I don’t even know. Basically, from Debut to Vespertine was probably a one-month span of time, while it took me about double that time to actually write about Medúlla, because of what I think was a depressive episode. In the meantime, I started just reviewing shit on RateYourMusic (my username is fantaguarana, if anyone cares). I thought of stopping, I had this feeling that the whole “writing about everything I listen” thing was really forced and starting to become a chore, but now that I actually got to it, I think I notice how much it helps me organize my thoughts on music, compared to just listening to an album and never really reflecting on what it really means.

I’ll probably stop writing about everything I listen to, and leave this blog for the albums that really change me as a person. Have a good day yall.

[1-800-channie]

Cigarettes & Mint | Chapter 4

→ Chapter: 1  |  2  |  3  | 4 |  5

→ Genre: Very Angst  / Very Suggestive / Highschool!Au

→ Warning: Strong language; cursing; sexual themes; heartbroken; character death (?);

→ Pairing: Badboy!Hyunjin x Innocent!Reader;

→ Summary: When your ego is bigger than your brain, you don’t mind breaking someone’s heart. As soon as the smell of cigarettes and mint invade your nostrils, your heart starts beating faster and your life starts falling apart. I bet you will end up broken.

→ Playlist for the Chapter:

 ↳ Outro Tear - BTS ↳ What I’ve Done - Linkin Park  ↳ Swim - Chase Atlantic ↳ Listen Before I Go - Billie Eilish ↳ Take me Home - Jess Glynn

→ Words: +4K

→ N/A: Hiii everyone! This chapter contains strong language, violence, heavy make out and character death (?) prepare your heart ;)

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[00:00 AM/  DAY THREE (AND LAST) OF THE BET]

Your eyes are shedding warm and sour tears, your hands are trembling, your legs are stuck and your breathing is heavy. What is wrong with you?

With the last strength in your body you got up of your knees, stumbling over the stairs to get inside the crowded residence, and you ran, praying for not being too late and being able to talk to the man that was always there for you.

Hyunjin was screaming your name but you didn’t bother to care, not when you made your best friend cry. Jinnie’s body was shaking, his heart ached so strongly that he fell on the ground, the tears making his vision get worst.

Everyone inside stared at you like you were some kind of alien, your clothes were dripping small water drops, you were barefoot and even had your makeup stained under your eyes in a dark mess.

You managed to exit the house, finding your best friend sitting on the ground, face hidden in his large hands, and quiet sobs echoing on the empty road that was illuminated by the street lights. Seeing him this hurt made you cry even worst, the pain similar to someone stabbing your poor heart.

He heard your sobs and his head turned around to face you, you didn’t look like yourself. He couldn’t even recognize you…

“Hendery…” You call his name in between cries. “I’m so sorry, i completely forgot it.” You confess walking towards him, reaching your arms out for him, wanting his comforting arms around your frame.

The black-haired man stood up and took steps back, refusing to be close to you. He is too hurt, and its all your fault.

“That’s not why i am hurt, Sun.” His voice cracked. “You left me for him…” He cries, his heart is breaking even more by the memories of you making out with that other man.

You wanted to say something back, but you couldn’t. Your stomach is throbbing like someone is crushing it between its hands. You are shaking all over, your body feels like it’s frozen from how cold it is, your eyes barely open and your legs feel unsteady.  A sudden urge to throw up comes all the way up to your mouth, and so you do, on the beautiful flowers that were decorating the front of the large and noisy house.

Your best friend was disappointed at you, but still, even if his head feels like it’s going to explode, he runs to you and holds your hair while you finish, your throat raw from all the acid you just left out of your opening.

“Hendery, I’m sorry…” You whisper weakly. Your eyes rolled at the back of your head and you pass out on his arms, your body falling unconscious against his.

He screams scared, his hands are uncertain as he pets your hair and he feels anxious, what should he do? He didn’t even bring his car, he walked all the way here…

The people inside the house didn’t care about was happening outside, and they would never let him borrow a car. Their body was being drowned in alcohol so they could forget all the shitty days they had because everyone has their own fights.

Feeling like his heart is being torn apart he manages to put you on his back as he gives you a piggyback all the way to your house, that’s about half an hour away. He doesn’t care if he is going to be sore tomorrow at school, he needs to help you.

His mind gets filled with questions, and he doesn’t have any answers, yet. He studies the possibility of Hyunjin playing with you…Maybe he wants to upset you more… Or maybe his friends are plotting something with him.

The sky was cloudy, just like his mind. Crickets were his only company, singing noisily their melancholic melody, making him feel even more lonely. Suddenly quiet snores were heard, and he felt relief, you are sleeping.

His mind travels to the first days he met you, you were a short, adorable girl that loved rap music and had really deep thoughts for your age, and Changbin was always with you. He remembers how the small man’s laugh was loud and happy when he was with you, but ever since you left him, he turned quiet and moody.

He remembers how you started to hang out more with him and left Binnie behind. Not because you were trying to replace the small boy, but because Hendery was treating you like a princess. That’s how Changbin ended up on the ‘fuckboy club’ that Hyunjin and Minho were the presidents of.

Hendery didn’t mean to separate them, you were just a cute girl he had a crush on, and due to him not having friends, because he just moved to Korea, made you get closer to him.

A powerful bark scared him, making him take some steps back, and hold your legs tighter around him. The last thing he wanted was to run away from a canine with you passed out on his back. But for his luck, the dog was just being a creep and barking at him from the inside of the house.

Your best friend signed.

Would Changbin want revenge after all this time? Nah, that’s stupid. He would have done it by himself… Hyunjin never fought with Hendery, they barely spoke to each other, so he shouldn’t be worried about him… but that’s why something is missing.

When he arrived at your modest house, he searched for the safe key that is hidden between the yellow and blue flowers on the pot that’s resting on the floor, and he opened the door, not caring about the noise he would eventually do.

Your dad is a cop, and he works at night, so he isn’t home now. Hendery experiencedly crossed the long hallway covered with pictures of you, all the way to your bedroom. He laid you down carefully on the comfortable bed. You seemed to be sleeping, your breathing calm and steady.

Grabbing the makeup wipes from your clean bathroom, he cleaned the memories of the hard night of your eyes, careful not to wake you up.

He also got your pijama and helped you get rid of your wet clothes. Hendery’s cold and slender fingers took your t-shirt off, surprised to see that you were wearing no bra underneath.

His eyes met your soft breast, and with his cheeks painted in an adorable shade of red, he admired them for a second. Realizing it was wrong to stare at your naked body when you are resting he quickly overcame to the urge to admire you and helped you dress the rest of your dry clothes.

You looked peaceful, little snores escaping your nose, your chest moving up and down steadily and your lips in a pout, holding your Koya teddy between your arms for dear life.

Its time for him to move on with his life, this chapter of his book needs to be completed. He can’t keep waiting for something he can’t have. His heart told him to reject the offer, in hopes you would choose him and make him yours, but it’s clear that you only see him as a friend. It’s difficult for him to accept it, but its the truth.

His lovely fingers quiver as he starts to write you a letter, a letter where he confesses what the feels for you, where he tells you that he doesn’t hate you for not loving him back because we don’t choose who we will fall in. How sweet of him?

It was late, the clock on your desk marked 2 am in red numbers, his head was thumping and he needed to rest. He needed to get the energy to find out what those three assholes were plotting against you. On his way out of your room, Hendery’s digits slowly graze over the little plushie you have on your study table.

He gave you this teddy on your 17th birthday, you were so happy, and it made him happy. The broken-hearted boy picked up the plushie and he inhaled it, your rosy perfume invaded his nostrils and he smiled.

Writing a quick ‘ps’ on the note, he holds the teddy in his hands, declaring he is sorry for stealing your favorite toy, but explaining that he needed to keep happy memories of you, even if you broke his heart.

Hendery took a last look at your frame curled on the bed, illuminated by the blue glow of the moon that was escaping from your window. He smiled once again, you will always be his love.

His moves were sad, his heart was permanently hurt and we didn’t want to go but he had to. Before it was too late.  The drops started to roll down his cheeks again as he walked out of your house.

Hendery will miss your voice, your essence, your laughter, the charming notes you left him every day with cute drawings and sweet words to remind him of homework or just to show him you liked him a lot, he kept every single one of them.

He loved you, that’s for sure.

[11:00 AM/  DAY THREE (AND LAST) OF THE BET]

The bad smell of your breath waked you up. Your eyes wanted to keep being closed so as soon as you opened them the bright light of the sun made you yell in pain, your head burns. You got out of bed, with shaky legs, warm feet coming in contact with the cold floor, and walked to your bathroom.

You looked normal. Your lazy eyes traveled all around your figure on the clean mirror; you had a mark on your neck, then other on your collar bones. That simple marks triggered your brain and you recognized how you and Hyunjin were making out on the pool.

You laughed at yourself, a shy blush taking over your fat cheeks… But then… Wicked memories of Hendery showed up in front of your eyes, like a tragic movie and your eyes got filled with tears.

Wait, how did you even get home? How did you end up with your pijama on?

You walked back to bed and were surprised to see your phone there, with a small green note from your dad: ‘it’s finally fixed, my dear. Dont get late to school, i love you, dad.’

Oh, wait… Its Thursday and you are home? You glanced nervously to your phone and checked the time, it passed the 11 am. Fuck, you overslept!

Quickly you typed a text to Hendery while sitting on the edge of the bed, asking if something was up, and what happened yesterday because everything was a blurred mess in your mind.

He explained everything, how he caught you making out with the smoker, to the big fight and the throwing up incident. He confessed he brought you home and he took care of you, making you sign relived.

You trust him.

After five minutes of debating if you should or not stay home, you end up staying and being your dad’s company. He gave you a lengthy and boring speech of how irresponsible you were, and you nodded every time, too busy with the images of Hyunjin touching your body to care.

The visions of his cold fingertips touching your body in the right ways, making you see stars in just a slip of seconds made your virgin body shiver in arousal. He knew your body so well, even though it was the first time he was touching you that intimate.

You were snoozing on the couch when loud ringing music was heard from the kitchen, and right after quick steps were audible inside the place. Your caring dad comes close to your sleepy frame and tells you:

“Baby, they finally caught the man that was robbing people in the supermarket after all this time, and they need more backup for the safety of the people that are inside the building… Please stay home, I’ll be out for a few hours. If you need anything call Hendery, he will take care of you, ok?” You nodded, too tired to worry and he kissed your forehead, walking out some minutes after, leaving you home alone.

When you were almost falling asleep again the bell rings, scaring you. You open your eyes, looking around and examining the windows in fear. Quietly and carefully you wander towards the entrance, only to see Hyunjin’s face on the peephole.

You open it, observing the brown haired boy smile at you in a different way than usual, making your heart melt. He had a plastic bag on his hand.

“Sun, are you home alone?” He asks walking inside your house, more worried than curious.

“My dad just left because of work…” You answer yawning. “Is everything alright? Why are you here?” You ask taking a careful look at the handsome man in front of you.

“I know yesterday wasn’t really good, and i figured out that maybe you needed some help, so i bought you the hungover soup and ice cream.” You look at him with surprised eyes.

“Why?” You simply ask, walking towards him.  Hyunjin wrapped his arms around your waist.

“You didn’t come to school… I knew you were hungover and needed some help from someone that has been in the same situation as you.” You rest your head on his shoulder, your nose brushing his neck as the normal scent of cigarettes and mint filled your nostrils. So familiar yet so cruel.

The truth is the images of you crying on your knees made his brain bring back all the images of his Mom screaming for his dad to come back. He started crying, the pain taking over him in a merciless way. He felt horrible for what he is doing to you, he has a reputation to keep.

If he doesn’t get attached to you, it won’t hurt him or you, so he can leave when he wants. He didn’t want to be like his dad…

“Lets get to the sofa and there i can eat  the soup you bought me.” You inform him, getting out of his firm arms.

You eat the heaven-sent remedy silently feeling your headache calm down and your body coming back to his normal state. After finishing, you and Hyumjin ended up cuddling on the comfortable sofa while watching Spiderman.

The atmosphere around you was relaxed, almost like he is your home, where you feel secure and guarded. Even if it is just for a moment, you are pleased to be his.

His legs were tangled with yours, his arm resting on your waist and his breathing hitting the back of your neck. But he didn’t care about the movie, not when you were wearing those short shorts, and a simple shirt, making his breath inch… His veiny hand traveled up on your sides, and he started to tickle you, fingers smoothly taking over your fragile frame.

His experienced digits rubbing the right stop under your arms, making your body move around and a loud laughs escape your red-ish lips, while you tried to get rid of his sneaky hands.

A certain spot made your body jump and you ended up falling on the ground, hitting your head, Hyunjin immediately stopped laughing.

“Outch…” You moaned in pain.“ This one hurts like hell.” You say in a whimper, trying not to cry.

The big man began to get worried. He immediately hovered you, his big frame almost hiding your body under his, and your only reaction was to blush, forgetting the sharp pain. He stared at your face, your full lips, your brown eyes, your squishy cheeks, your soft hair. His thumb caressed your cheek and he smiled, you are so beautiful.

How could he even think of hurting you?

His body felt drunk. His brain was melted, his heart beating fast, his stomach felt turned upside down and his eyes were full with love.

He kissed you. His tender lips molding against yours perfectly, almost like they were made to each other. His tongue licked your bottom lip and you opened it, letting him slip inside, exploring your mouth with care as your hips started to move upwards, pressing against his.

He moaned, the hottest sound you have ever listened to and your whole body seemed like bring turned on like a simple light switch.

You bite his bottom lip right beside his sexy lip ring, smiling after. The rationable Hyunjin disappeared, the hot desire took over his body and he couldn’t take it anymore.

He needed you, right now.

He kissed you again hungrily, holding your face so wouldn’t run from him. He tapped the inside of your right thigh and you wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer. With your body tangled with his, he sat down on the floor, his back against the sofa.

Hyunjin swore your strawberry lip balm was addicting and he wanted to taste you more and more every time.

Quickly the temperature raised all the way up, making both of the teens feel hot and all bothered from head to toe.

As your lips parted once again you lifted your head, letting him have access to your already marked neck, while your hands were gripping his soft hair. He was starved, his teeth biting and sucking your neck, leaving noticeable clues that he was there. When he licked the spot under your ear you moaned as your hips pressed harder against his, drawing a groan from him.

“Hyunjin…” You moaned pulling his mouth away from your sensitive neck. “Kiss me, please.”

“As you wish, Princess.” He smirks, your lips being shut up by his once again.

But it wasn’t enough of him, he needed more. His cold fingertips pulled your plain shirt over your head, surprised but not disappointed to find your chest nude for him, right in front of his hungry eyes.

You closed your soul windows, too embarrassed to look at him in the face, but he wasn’t having any of it and he curiously pulled your nipple with his fingers, watching your body shake from the stimulation.

“So responsive… so beautiful… You’re so perfect to me, princess…” He whispered before his lips came in contact with your nipple, licking it and flicking it as he knows you like, making you throw your head back and start grinding harder against him, feeling his own arousal in contact with yours.

As his mouth was busy taking over your attractive boobs, his hands gripped your ass. Oh man, he loves your ass, and he can’t wait to have you only for him: feel you cum around him, feel your body shake because of him, hear your whiny moans and make you, his.

A loud banging on the door scared both of you, and you tried to push his head away from your abused nipples but he didn’t let go, he craved you and didn’t want to stop just yet.

“Ignore it, princess. They will go away…” He moaned softly as his fingers dived now, inside your thick thighs, gripping them.

“HYUNJIN I KNOW YOU ARE INSIDE WITH SUN, OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR OR ILL FUCKING BREAK IT SOMEHOW!” That voice, you know that voice… It’s Hendery.

You quickly get away from his addicting touches and search for your shirt, pulling it over your body again, as you ran to the door.

You couldn’t understand why but your hands started to shake as you turned the door handle, anxiety took over your body.

As you opened it a body was pushed inside,  falling on his knees, bloody hands and nose marking your floor, making you gasp.

“What the fu-” Hyunjin started confused, but didn’t finish because your best friend’s fist was hitting his face.

You took a look at the boy on the ground, Changbin was crying.

“Hendery, what is happening?” You ask, your breathing heavy and tears peaking at your eyes already.

“IF YOU WANTED TO HURT ME, YOU DIDNT NEED TO COME CLOSER TO HER YOU WEAK PIECE OF SHIT!” Hendery yelled once again, his fits didn’t see to stop hitting Hyunjins face.

You didn’t know your sweet best friend could turn to such a beast when he was mad, and that made you wonder that maybe, you didn’t know him that well.

“STOP HENDERY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Your body was trembling, your vision blurry, but you found a way and faced him. Getting between your best friend and your loved one, trying to protect both of them.

“ASK THIS LUNATIC WHAT HE WAS DONG! WHY ARE YOU PROTECTING HIM! HE WAS PLAYING YOU, KIM SUN! HE WAS USING YOU. ASK HIM!” Hendery yells close to your lips, and with salty tears, you turn around and face Hyunjin, his lip was bleeding, staining his lip ring and t-shirt.

“Jinnie…” You sob.

“DONT CALL ME THAT! IT WAS MY FAULT OK? I WAS USING YOU, HE IS TELLING THE TRUTH.” Hyunjin confesses angrily, avoiding your hurtfull gaze.

“It was the three of us… Minho wanted revenge for Hendery stealing the girl he wanted, so he asked Hyunjin to fuck you and then leave you, so Hendery would feel bad… He knows the feelings he has for you, and this was the only way he found to hurt him.” Changbin confesses yelling, his tears getting mixed with the blood that was dry under his nose.

You felt like dying, your heart was beating too fast and you fell on the floor on your knees, facing Hyunjin.

“So you were acting all this time…” You whisper to Hyunjin, his face was also bloody, nose and mouth dripping thick drops of blood because of Hendery. “You wanted to fuck me? And that is it? You were planning to leave after you TOOK MY VIRGINITY, HYUNJIN?” You sippled angrily.

“YES! I WOULD LEAVE YOU ALONE CRYING SO I DIDNT HAVE TO SEE YOUR FACE EVER AGAIN!” He yelled with his lungs filled with air. “I WOULD LEAVE YOU SO I WOULDNT CATCH FEELING FOR YOU, OK? FUCK, SUNNY, I AM IN FUCKING LOVE WITH YOU. AFTER THE FIRST DAY OF THE BET I WANTED TO QUIT, I WANTED TO STOP IT AND NOT TALK TO YOU AGAIN BECAUSE YOUR SMILE WAS STUCK IN MY MIND AND I COULDN’T SLEEP BECAUSE OF YOU!” Hyunjin yelled with his eyes closed, the tears flowing down his eyes.

Its the truth, he fell for you. He fell for you in the most hurtful way, and he hates to feel attached to someone, even though he knew, you could take care of him and help him face his fears with you by his side.

“Hendery, how did you find this out?” You ask, getting closer to him, your fingers were almost touching his face when he pulled away from you, too broken to close to you.

“Changbin confessed everything..” His voice was visibly hurt. “Then i went to Minho’s house and beat him.”

You screamed in horror, he didn’t have to do this… This is all your fault…

“I broke his jaw, and he broke my nose.” Hendery narrates to you, his nose still bleeding nonstop. The feeling of guilt turning you blind.

There was silence for a whole minute. Changbin was quietly sobbing, his leg was aching so much that he is afraid that is broken. Hendery has his head thrown back, trying to stop the dark blood from falling from his nose. Hyunjin was on his knees, all curled up, face hidden in his bruised hands.

“This is-” You start, feeling your brain decline. “So, the four of you are hurt.” You whisper. “And its all because of me…” Your voice breaks, and you get up, your legs almost giving up.

“Where are you going?” Changbin asks, trying to get up to stop you from doing something stupid, but his leg ached and he fell on the floor in pain.

With shaky fingers, you opened your dad’s drawers, knowing exactly what you are looking for. Your sobs were loud, louder than Hyunjin’s heart, that was just a step away from exploding in guilt.

“It’s not your fault… Please calm down…” Hendery warns you.

“If i didn’t exist any of you would be hurt… Changbin, I’m sorry for  leaving you behind.” You recognize your actions, crying. You finally found the drawer, and with shaking fingers, you grabbed your dad’s gun. “I’m sorry for not loving you back Hendery, i wish i could, so you wouldn’t have dated Minho’s love and he wouldn’t want revenge.” You describe to Hendery, the gun resting against the side of your head. “Hyunjin, I’m sorry for being a creeper, you just… Seemed so lonely and hurt, i wanted to be there for you. I’m sorry for making you fall for me.” You confess the tears didn’t seem to stop flowing down your orbs, making your head hurt.

All the three boys had their eyes on you, even if they wanted to stop you they couldn’t. They were to shock to move.

“DO SOMETHING GUYS SHE IS GOING TO KILL HERSELF IN FRONT OF OUR EYES,” Changbin yells in pain, the salty tears fastly falling from his eyes, scared.

Hyunjin gets up, his legs failing him, and at the moment you were going to press the trigger your dad gets home.  He barely had time to look around and understand what was happening. But it takes him only one second to stare at the three boys, bleeding and crying, and then at you with his gun against your head, about to end your life. He runs after you, pushes Hyunjin away from you, and takes the gun away from your hands as you fall unconscious on his arms.

All this pressure made your heart stop beating and body faint. As your dad holds you unconscious in his arms, he hopes that you didn’t die because you were the only thing he had…

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