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unproduciblesmackdown · 7 years ago

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6:15am Gripes Post lads!! 🥂

im in one of those things where something innocuous bugs me for days b/c its just a personal irritation...i saw something for like a book or a game on twitter & it was like “this is about being a teenager” and it looked like it was about the kind of teenagerdom where you hang out with your friends after school & have a few romantic partners where it doesn’t all go smoothly because youre both inexperienced and havent figured things out enough to have a really healthy mature relationship but its complicated and there’s good things in there too so its all just a mixed bag and classic teenager

anyways theres nothing wrong with that in and of itself of course but i dont like getting what is a specific narrative conflated with a universal narrative...i.e. while that might be a common experience, being 13-19 isnt defined by that kind of usual teenage experience checklist. i mean, everyone who’s been a teenager has an experience in that time which must also be a teenage experience you know. and of course mine happens to be the kind that was nothing like the being out late with friends and having awkward date moments of bewilderment and figuring out who you are and all

i dont love to be reminded that theres a specific narrative thats meant to describe the General Universal Experience, when thats not my experience. what does that make my experience, and by extension, me

like i already feel invalidated enough by the course my life happened to go, i dont need a reminder that it was supposed to go This Way actually, and if it didnt then are you even a real person. and theres a ton of ways peoples lives could differ in major ways from whatever idea of whats universal that are also different from mine, so i dont know how not to be a bit annoyed from that angle either. i dont know its like....i guess ~Adolescence~ is especially treated as some flat, formuleic, predictable time in life where everyone is simple and shallow when its all really the opposite. its as complex and varied as ever and so are teenagers & people are completely wrong to act like teens are all just self centered immature kids—and not only wrong to do so but actually writing off really serious issues that affect teens as like “angst!!” or whatever...lord

anyways so i was like actively suicidal from like 14? 15? i say “was” when its just more like “have been,” but anyway. theres that part, and i didnt go to high school, which im sure would be for the better for anyone, and i wasn’t interested in dating anyone & also didn’t, and i was kind of having a version of the Universal Teen Story in that i was getting to be away from home for weeks at a time with only a weekend back every now and then (and breaks between semesters) and doing so finally let me like, even start to be a person who could exist outside the hellzone of my house. which made going back home for say, long summer breaks increasingly laden with friction. teens and their spats with parents right!! but actually it was that my situation was abusive & i had to figure that out on my own & in the meantime i did think i must be doing something wrong in trying to feel like i actually had the right to my own identity, because i must be doing something wrong if it makes me get along with my parents less. and really the idea that teens are just angsty & rebellious & argumentative was further damaging b/c i trivialized my own abuse as i always had (b/c all i had to go on was that it must be normal) & blamed myself for not succeeding in this impossible situation. it was really Not the universal experience even with the conflict and identity questions and growing familial pains

also i still had few friends, but i at least had a bit more room to Do Shit than at home. idek how to say how isolated i was for the entire like, well most of my life but a tiny bit less so during college. i had campus & a 1.5 mile radius and occasional trips and stuff, and being able to just do things as i wanted. at my parents house, the location made it so you couldnt really walk anywhere, and our town didnt really have a lot of hangouts anyways, and i didnt have any friends really. i did get a few from school and friendly acquaintances but i would rarely see any of them outside school, and that was mostly only middle school anyways. i was on the fringe even in preschool, which i imagine helped w how i read all the time at school and at home. and home and the abuse and having nowhere else to be also had to contribute to how i live in my head, i have to guess. i dont mind that, my head is great. but other people think im weird and in terms of being someone who grew up exposed to long term trauma & bad attention & memory & an awful lot of pretty specific things seem to align w autism but if i mention that ppl (irl) like to talk abt how well really everyones autistic in SOME ways (which well they arent unless you want to have a huge talk abt the entire field of what it means when usually nt ppl define Disorders) anyways the point is that i also dont trust people much because theres a slight history of taking a chance on ppl who seem interested in being friendly w/ me only to turn around & realize i was being laughed at to a degree for things that were just part of how i personally socialize, thanks. but not all of it. ive met some really solid people. but im not that eager to meet people as im wary of a lot of them & my instincts are usually justified when i take a dislike to somebody. and ive just never been in a position to make or have a lot of friends. and that sucks, coz the few times ive been able to be around multiple people i like is always a lot of fun, usually the result of some roadtrip or special occasion or something and very short lived. i WISH i’d had a period of constant access to a friend group, that i couldve left my parents house and had somewhere to go anytime i felt like it, that i had people i could do things with and all. i dont need adventure, i like parking lots and just doing nothing but hanging out and all, but that didnt happen. i was stuck in my parents house & i didnt even think i had maybe been cheated out of anything & maybe i wasnt just a inferior quality person until i started to figure out for myself around 18 that i might actually be abused, and it took me another couple of years to really believe that i didnt deserve it

and i mean still i didnt just take an “alternate route” to the same endpoint everyone else did. i cant do buzzfeed quizzes about You And Your BFF / Friend / Friend Group coz i cant even fake my way through them. i know i have an identity and am as much a person as anyone but i know that the chances to explore life that are supposed to be Common and Universal werent available to me, and that who i am as a person, aka a normal one, not a terrible one, was info i didnt know for most of my life and had to figure out on my own. and im still figuring out on my own, because shits never exactly been okay yknow

anyways my experience may be “worse” but its not lesser or less real or valid or makes me less of a person because i didnt get to do it your way. idk

tldr it annoys me like thanks for reminding me ive never got to have friends even though that’s still one of the few things i’ll feel bad about b/c i know just how much that hurts me & how much ive missed my fleeting chances to have a micro taste of what that couldve been like. and for a reminder that whats considered Real Full Person’s Experience is so default it doesnt even need modifiers, & so what does that make me if it doesnt apply at all?

funny how much an throwaway almost joke of a sentence bugs me but thats how it goes huh

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outofthewoods · 7 years ago

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REPUTATION - ALBUM REVIEW

alright girlies here it is my first impressions (whatever I wrote down after the SS plus a few notes I made when it dropped) I AM LITERALLY....QUITE LITERALLY SHAKING....MY WIG: IS ON MARS

READY FOR IT: At first I was kind of like…. :/ about this song but it’s actually a really good opener and a banger. Not sure I would’ve picked it as the second single but it goes all the way off. The bass has me shook Line: “he can be jailor burton to this taylor”

END GAME Very…..the weeknd vibes right ladies ?????????? this is like…..taylor’s Instagram baddie moment It is still SO WEIRD To me to hear rapping and Taylor swift in one song. Even tho we have the bad blood remix Im still….shook by Future and Taylor together ??????????? I really like this, it’s not one of my top 5 I don’t think but it’s so different from what I would've thought of for another ed/taylor collab Ed is giving me some don’t vibes..i’m into it…ed talking about the fourth of July is really iconic. Taylor telling the story of how this came about was really iconic too…I can literally picture her and ed getting drunk and being like HOWWWW COOL WOULD IT BE TO COLLAB WITH FUTURE????? LOL and then it actually happening I love her like. talk/shout/singing when she says “big reputation…” Line: “I swear I don’t love the drama, it loves me” Her runs in the last chorus THANK GOD…..I NEEDED THESE VOCALS…..

I DID SOMETHING BAD THIS SONG HAD ME FUCKING QUAKING IN THE SESSION…… “If a man talks shit then I owe him nothing” THE CHORUS BANGS…..IM LITERALLY……MOUTH OPEN SHOCKED I CANT BELIEVE THIS….THE M.I.A. PAPER PLANES MACHINE GUN SOUNDS…. This is so……blank space but……..fucking darker you SINNERS “If he drops my name I owe him nothing, if he spends my change then he had it coming…” The chorus is here again Im bopping so fucking HARD WOWWWWWWWWWWWWW I’M……….CRYING AT THE VOCALIZATIONS OF THE HOOK. I’m pretty sure she said this came to her the same way she came up with “STAY!” in AYHTDWS The bridge ladies LIGHT ME UP!!! GO AHEAD AND LIGHT ME UP YOU FUCKING HEATHENS!!!! THIS SONG MAKES THE WHOLE ALBUM WORTHY OF A GRAMMY Im literally shaking like my skin is quivering….that 2000’s fade out……Please kill me

DON’T BLAME ME This is the hozier…take me to church….taylor swift version The chords are her vocals and that. Is revolutionary, Einstein found dead in Miami Line: “I would fall from grace just to touch your face, if you walk away I’d beg you on my knees to stay” The like…..wopping of the chorus is really just…..gold Her falsetto at the end of the second verse. Wig on mars This is the stoner Taylor swift song we didn't know we needed but are so thankful we have VOCALS IN THE LAST CHORUS….I NEEDED SOME RUNS AND THE PRERELEASES DIDNT GIVE THEM TO ME BECAUSE SHE WAS SAVING HER DESTRUCTION OF EVERY OTHER PERSONS VOCALS FOR THE ALBUM

DELICATE This is very Imogen heap to me…… like the layered robotic vocals. It’s very interesting…..a really good segue from DBM It’s got like a deep house….tropical feel to it that I am really enjoying girlies “my reputation’s never been worse, so he must like me for me” why does that line have me crying Taylor swift you are literally sunshine THIS IS THE CHORUS I REMEMBERED….the is it cool is it chill etc…….that’s what I thought CIWYW was after the SS for some reason ???? “do the girls back home touch you do like I do?” SECOND VERSE LYRICS Got me feeling some wildest dreams type of way she looked at me so much during this song I’m emotional, I was bopping to the chorus and she was laughing at me and winking when the beat comes in during the chorus Not a standout from the album but very cool very different good vibes man

LWYMMD Obviously a bop. I see why it’s in the middle of the album and when Taylor explained the progression of the songs this really makes a lot of sense. I’m just feeling fragile bc Taylor swift grabbed me by my cheeks, pulled me towards her, grabbed my hands, and danced with me during this song. Wow BABY I GOT MINE BUT YOU’LL ALL GET YOURS!!! We literally screamed this in each other’s faces it was so……amazing I will NEVER FORGET The video…..do we even need to remind ourselves of how fucking iconic it was When I first heard this I was so confused I had just woken up in Ireland at 6am to listen and I was like . What is this But the chorus goes all the way off tbh This is like a parallel to shake it off….the themes and messages of……being yourself and rising above what other ppl think of you…..

SO IT GOES… Ok I literally blanked this song from my memory at the session, I think bc it was right after LWYMMD and me and Taylor having our first proper moment of the night “Back against the wall….tripping when you’re gone…” This album is so bass heavy. I’m loving the studio instruments, I thought I would miss the live guitars etc but I really don’t because it doesn’t fit with the album “I’m so chill but you make me jealous” Sis we have learned from 10 years of music from you that you aren't chill al;ksdfnjksdhifbknsdfdkjf I love you mom I love the way she says so it goes! In the chorus “You know I’m not a bad girl….but I do bad things with you…” WHOMST “SCRATCHES DOWN YOUR BACK NOW…. Taylor you've done several numbers on me I stopped counting 8 years ago the whispered 1..2….3……WOW VOCALS….AGAIN……….SCRATCHES DOWN YOUR BACK NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHES REALLY WILDIN OUT HUH

GORGEOUS This is such a cute song. For me it seems like one of the ones I like less, but at the session I remember being so happy listening to it because she pointed me out and called me by name when she was passing out the new merchandise….so I was chillin Also she kept winking at me during the DINGS!

GETAWAY CAR Queen of whisper singing I wanted to leave him….I needed a reason SUDDENLY I WILL ONLY EVER DRINK OLD FASHIONEDS. IVE NEVER HEARD OF ANY OTHER DRINK Okay in my mind I was like this song is :/ but it bangs to be honest! I love the chorus Should've known Id be the first to leave….this song is full of tea ladies This song to me seems like it’s about a rebound relationship that wasn’t so serious/was just a way to release pent up emotions from something awful “X marks the spot….where we fell apart…..” the pre chorus is really out here doing that sweeties The bridge has an interesting modulation that i don't know how to feel about….this whole album is like full of surprises/polarizing musical techniques so this is cool This is Taylor Swift fleshing out a metaphor/concept masterpiece to her full ability. Queen of literature who is Shakespeare I’ve never heard of him Said goodbye….in a getaway car……. The ends of the songs are so interesting on rep…….this one goes off

KING OF MY HEART “I’m better off being alone…” Miss Taylor I’m so glad that you’ve stopped thinking this because you are really….the most WORTHY person of love in the whole wide world… This is probably my least favorite song on the album. It has some remnants of getaway car in it I feel……she’s cute but getaway car is sexy and sexy destroys cute It’s a little repetitive but I appreciate it’s placement on the album………..you move to me like a Motown beat…..alright Miss king of my heart redeeming herself My broken bones are mending……….taylor I love u………why are u drinking beer when u could be having an old fashioned tho…..beer is gross

DANCING WITH OUR HANDS TIED Thank you piano I love a live instrument The story behind this song is so heartbreaking and knowing that makes….the song so much more impactful to me “You had turned my bed into a secret oasis, people started talking putting us through our paces” here’s a big fat FUCK YOU to the daily mail Again the chorus comes in and is so….huge and sprawling compared to the rest of the song…..shaking us to our very cores! I love that you can hear the frantic/anxiety she was feeling throughout the song….like the rushed vocals and drawn out lower notes…..then the chorus just coming in with GLORY I LOVE the instrumental of the chorus so much…..it’s so beautiful and a little 1989 to me. Like very eighties synth heavy We also have some VOCALS! In the bridge and last chorus! the runs are giving me life

DRESS This song is like a …… I’m kind of drunk in the meatpacking district running from bar to bar with someone I love in the cold with big coats on….tea to me The falsetto. Queen Taylor has really been expanding her vocal register and I’m FUCKING here for it “Everybody thinks they know us” circling back to the overall theme of the album. We know what she chooses to let us know and beyond that we’re just fucking guessing sinners This song is like a …… I don't really care what they think of us I just wanna really…………see your dick and I don't care what anyone thinks of that ! THE HAIR BLEACHED LINE……SHE IS LITERALLY THE QUEEN OF SELF DRAGS I CANT SHES SO SELF AWARE ITS UNBELIEVABLE…….she’s like being humorous but also referencing a time in her life that was really shitty for her so. Queen of duplicity “I woke up just in time…” this line says so much about where she was when she started seeing Joe

THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS Oh girlies…..I have been so excited to hear this again since the session. She spilled some major fucking SCALDING tea before playing this so my ass was fully ready to be sloughed The alarms in the beginning…..a champagne sea…..my dream…… This is so fucking tongue in cheek about what everyone said about her #squad “I have to take them away” DEAD this is why she stopped having 4th of July parties klsadjidfnksdfd “Stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand….” Oh no…………WHO WOULD DO THIS TO MISS TAYLOR!!!!!!! “I took an axe to a mended fence….” The mhhhhhmmmmmm………. IF ONLY YOU WERENT SO SHADY SALKJFSDNKFJGM,DFLKNJGIDK WHY IS THIS SONG ABOUT ME SITTING ON TWITTER DRAGGING PEOPLE LEFT RIGHT AND CENTER Hard knock life………..TEA……during the fucking BANGER of a chorus….this is going to be so fun on tour…..SHE BETTER BE A SINGLE!!!!! hE sAiD shE saID!!!!! Here’s to mama…….yes miss Andrea here’s to u queen of the world THE BRIDGE…..SDFLSDMFJKNDNDSLJFKNFDJDSFNSD THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE!!!!! NICE!!!!! THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant even SAY IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE Heres to my REAL FRIENDS! WOW….just wow ladies this is the future liberals want

CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT In my personal onion this is the most vulnerable song on the album. The first verse really has me out here crying in the club The chorus is so cute, this is a low-key banger and I wanna see her flying across the crowd during this song on tour

NEW YEARS DAY So here it is girlies….the most hyped song on the record…… Live piano. Minimal production. The concept behind this is so adorable “Candlewax and polaroids on the hard wood floor….” the most Taylor swift thing I have ever heard This relationship really seems like its forever my dudes she’s in it for the long run. She has never been so confident in a relationship that she’s CURRENTLY IN. She’s opening up DURING a relationship which is like……basically unheard of for her I love how subtle this is….the harmonies on the second chorus….crying in the club again “Hold on to the memories they will hold onto you…..” she said she's had that line ready to go for a while but couldn't find a place for it and here it is being adorable and wonderful also the line “Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I can recognize anywhere” Can I just speak on that line again….it is so beautiful and simple and shows how much she’s been through and the pain she has dealt with….and the sadness she KNOWS………..but she’s okay enough to talk about it. Im crying in the club 3.0

INITIAL RANKING: I Did Something Bad Don’t Blame Me Call It What You Want Dress Delicate Dancing With Our Hands Tied This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things Look What You Made Me Do Getaway Car …Ready For It? End Game New Year’s Day Gorgeous So It Goes King of my Heart

#reputation review

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comicteaparty · 6 years ago

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July 19th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on July 19th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT. The chat focused on Wednesday7 by Viki Kuli.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY START!

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning~! Today we are discussing Wednesday7 by Viki Kuli~! (https://tapas.io/series/Wednesday7%20) For those new or in need of a reminder, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer, and you can pay them no mind if you wish. If you miss out on any though, they’ll be pinned for the duration of the chat once they’re posted~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comics that the community makes~! As a bonus, each chat a top comment will be picked and featured in the archives and on an ad for CTP! All that being said, let’s get started and have a great discussion!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Hello!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

hey super~!

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Glad to see Wednesday7 get the CTP treatment!

I think my favorite moments thus far were Chapter 3 and the beginning of Chapter 4, mostly with the character interactions.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yes there are definitely some interesting character actions going on

tho one of my fave moments is when the cat slips the key under the door for penn

that is an A+ cat

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yeah that moment was good too

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

actual favorite scene wise though i think id have to pick the scene at the bar. i like the visual nature of mercury's visual distortions. and i also really love mercury's reaction to it. i think just the pacing and expressions are entirely too real. like how he kind of snaps at Penn even though its not Penn's fault exactly. yet, you get why hes snapping cause hes freaking out. and just that little detail makes it a really engrossing scene for me.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I agree, the bar scene was really memorable.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

thats one thing i definitely like about this comic in general though. i feel that the emotions are really realstic and that helps you put you there in each moment

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yeah

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

but back to character interactions, i do enjoy mercury and penn's dynamics. its kind of this interesting mix of tenseness since penn is a stranger who got overly personal really fast. and like...its one of those things where id hate to be mercury cause that situation seems uncomfortable. having a stranger be the only one that can help.

✨Respheal✨

WHOA HI lost track of time okay uhh

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Hello!!

✨Respheal✨

Favorite scene....Okay no I gotta agree with @✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨ -- the scene at the bar was good

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

speaking of the bar scene again i also really love the game they played. i thought that was an interesting setup for getting expositionary info out of the way.

✨Respheal✨

It does really make me wonder who Penn actually is though He definitely knows a lot more than you might think he would(edited)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Kind of speed read the comic but my stand out moment was the deal with Wednesday. Visual interesting, great angles, and the character at his lowest.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

That was a really tense moment, making amends with (and ultimately assembling with) a wolf spirit/ghost/whatever

also eey Jonny

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

yo justin

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah. i really just want to know why penn so rando approached him. like was it really just being a neighbor thing? but it might just be strange to me cause ive never been rando approached by neighbors who want to introduce themselves so idk. XD

but yes, the deal with wednesday was really interesting visually for sure. i loved the tense drama as well cause you can really feel that eternal struggle but ultimate acceptance its probably better than death

✨Respheal✨

For sure x.x It's like, "welp, this'll suck, but it's something?"

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

I don't think the initial meet up at the apartment was odd. He got real werid at the bar but that's because he found out some weird demony stuff about him.

✨Respheal✨

And then there was the handshake before that, which clued Penn in to Merc's....weirdness

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

what ever life he leads could also make him not very social(edited)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah once the handshake penn's behavior made more sense. just that initial approach even felt weird, but like i said just not something ive experienced with neighbors.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

For a sec I thought it was a "sixth sense" type of ordeal or ghost vision.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

maybe he does that with everyone to find demons or something.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah. thats what im wondering. if penn is a demon hunter. cause if he went with purpose thatd make way more sense to me.

not that he cant be a nice but weird neighbor

QUESTION 2. Besides Mercury and Wednesday, there are two more characters worth discussing: Penn and Julia. Despite seeming normal, Penn seemed to have the best clue of what was going on with Mercury. Who exactly did Penn know that this same thing happened to? Why do you think this person supposedly didn’t make it? How do you think Penn found out about the house where he took Mercury? Was Penn approaching Mercury a coincidence, or was Penn somehow drawn to Mercury because of the impending possession? There is, of course, Julia as well to talk about. What do you think Julia’s past history is with Mercury, especially given she apologized vaguely for something in the past? Do you think Julia will find out about Wednesday, or will Mercury keep it a secret? What role in general do you think Julia will have to play in the story?

✨Respheal✨

A demon hunter? Not sure about that since he basically helped get a demon stuck in Merc

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Ooooh, this'll be interesting

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

well demon hunter in the sense of wants to find the ppl cursed by demons. he just may not know how to do the demon murdering yet

hes only in finding demons 101 at demon hunter school

✨Respheal✨

Okay hahaha xD Yeah, getting into Penn's past will probably reveal a lot about Wednesday, too....like do they know each other? Penn seems to recognize Wednesday at least

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Maybe he needs a demon to resurrect whoever he lost

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

idk. i didnt get a sense that penn had ill intentions or wanted to use mercury. but i could be wrong. penn could indeed have a specific goal in mind for helping mercury (besides just trying to not fail again). idk if penn knows wednesday. maybe penn knew another day of the week. like monday.

✨Respheal✨

Actually yeah, rereading a bit, I don't think Penn knows much about Wednesday specifically, just that someone else previously went through this and died because they didn't get demon'd

I bet everyone hates Monday......

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

But that implies he's been searching for someone to by demon'd

I'm just super suspicious of Penn

✨Respheal✨

With good reason x'D He seems good! Just......

What does he knooooooooow

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Who even knows!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

its good to be suspicious though cause how could penn tell mercury was possessed via a handshake. like...i know he knew someone who was possessed before but i doubt that just auto gives you the power to know possession via handshake

✨Respheal✨

Fair xD

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

not to mention who does penn know that told him about the house

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

With Julia I figured that her and Merc tried to start a relationship that didn't work out. Maybe something to do with her leaving for town or maybe they were friends first n it was weird

the blushing implies something romantic

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah i do get the distinct impression that there were romantic feelings involved. tho hard to say if they were together or not. though im leaning towards they were together...maybe like while they were in school. and then julia was rando one day like "welp im out i need more in my life"

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

maybe not that blunt

she got her dream job in town and Merc didn't/couldn't leave

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yeah, least that was worth it

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

it doesn't seems like things ended too badly but I could be wrong.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah. i mean its still possible they werent actually dating before either. which couldve actually been a motivation for julia to leave. like she liked mercury but since neither would make a move she felt that hoping and staying for that relationship wasnt worth it.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

My presence is really driven by the mood of my month old daughter. I'll be good for a while, checking the backlog here.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Lol

Hey Math

THat's fine- best keep your baby occupied and happy

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Nice, someone already mentioned the scene with the cat passing off the keys, I liked that one too. :>

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

tbf i also think all cats are A+ cats

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

And when all cats are A+.......no one will be........

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Cat MVP(edited)

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Yeah, if memory serves, Mercury was an "I" (introvert, in the character bio) while Penn seems pretty extroverted. That can be awkward. I also liked in that bar scene how if Mercury hadn't been quite so specific, he could have won. ("You have a child" versus specifying the gender.)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

he wanted to one up him and lost

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

It's true, A+ to cats. Was also very well behaved in the carrier on the trip!

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah it was kind of sad how close mercury was to being right

and then just missed

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I feel like it was that handshake which had Penn press the point... agree that maybe he just shakes hands with everyone waiting for that sort of thing. Must get weird at family reunions.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

shakes everyone's hand at the bar until he gets kicked out

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Penn might have known Friday. Looking forward to the inevitable Robinson Crusoe cameo.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

a bit off topic, but as i think about penn's knowledge of the house more, im starting to wonder if the person he knew he brought to that house. and that person refused to make the deal so thus died. and so mercury is going to tell penn that and penn is going to be devastated.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Yeah, I thought maybe there was some kind of relationship thing with Merc and Julia. But I thought maybe he comforted her when she was having a bad relationship with someone else. But then she fled town to get away.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 3. Though Wednesday reveals a few tidbits of information, little is known about him. Do you believe Wednesday’s goals really are to just get closer to humanity, or do you think Wednesday has secret goals? Besides what we’ve seen so far, what do you think Wednesday will do with his newfound freedom? Do you believe Wednesday will continue to remain interested in the human world, or do you believe he’ll eventually get bored? Additionally, do you think Wednesday will find a way to bond with Mercury? Speaking of Mercury, why do you think of all the people in the world Wednesday picked Mercury? Was it just happenstance, or is there something special about Mercury? Of a last note, do you believe Wednesday will meet another demon/spirit?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe the previous person was the owner of the house, and that's how Penn knew about it?

✨Respheal✨

On the "why Merc" point...apparently Mercury's parents were in on it, naming him like that

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I suspect that this isn't Wednesday's first merging with a person, but the seventh. Given the title. ^.- I'd be curious to know how the previous melds went.

✨Respheal✨

Mercury = Mercredi = Wednesday I get the gist that Wed just wants a body to live in since he's probably trapped in whatever parallel purple world he comes from normally

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Respheal: Should you really speak about his parents Venus and Mars that way?

✨Respheal✨

pffffff

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Mercury was also the messenger, hence the speeding around town, methinks.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

What about Saturn?

or Uranus?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

He seems to just want to cause mayhem

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

or Wednesday's alternate universe friend Friday?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i can only conclude mercury is from a hippie family and left town cause he didnt want to do anything with their new age stuff.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

horribly forced joke over

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i mean to be fair there could be a club. of planet named ppl who are all possessed by demons. and penn is gonna go introduce him.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Wed said something about destroying humanity.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

but yeah with a title like wednesday 7 it could be implying that wednesday has done 7 possessions now. although there are also 7 days of the week so maybe wednesday is actually the last to possess someone in this generation

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe the club is behind that bar that they went to? I feel like that wasn't coincidence that they were there, and that's when Mercury started having the swimmy visions.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

7 days of possession per haps

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

OH. Which reminds me. The talk Mercury had with the bartender in the background there was funny.

Rebel: Oooh, that's an interesting one. Wednesday's late to the game.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Then again getting drunk does really weird things

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Incidentally, I kind of like that idea that random names we give to things take on their own identity out in the ether somewhere. In part because it fits with my personifying math functions, but still. ^.-

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

could Penn be a previous possession?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe but i dont feel he is. although it would explain why he could tell via handshake

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

(The scene I meant by the way was this one, where he's calling the bartender "Joey") https://tapas.io/episode/558419

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Ooohhhh, good find

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yeah i thought that was a cute background convo.

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Oh! Penn had a daughter, and he's divorced. Maybe his Daughter was the previous possession, and it led to the marriage breaking up.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

and my thoughts still stand, don't underestimate the lower of alcohol

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

What's Joey's backstory?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Joey owns a small kangaroo.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

ya know didnt penn just say he lost someone to a demon? i keep assuming it means said person died, but maybe said person is just 100% possessed all the time whereas mercury gets to get his body back somehow.

i think you mean joey was raised by kangaroos O_O

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Rebel: That's an interesting thought. Maybe after the person dies the spirit can still possess them, but only for a finite amount of time....?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Penn possessed killed someone.

would be pretty dark

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

He's spent time in the state.... penn.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

"Back into your pen(n)!"

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

math no

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that could be tho. penn is secretly a murderer

although now im worried for mercury

petty thievery is one thing O_O

murder is a whole other ballpark

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

but if he's possessed then did he really kill them? or did the demon do it?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

The cat trusted Penn though. He can't be too bad.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yea(edited)

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

So here's a question.... are there spirits for months too? Because August just refers to Augustus Caesar. Is the spirit of Caesar roaming around out there? Because I don't think he'd fit in too well.

Jonny: Hmmm. Maybe there's rules like with hypnosis, you can't do anything you wouldn't normally? (Is Mercury the type to steal watches?)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

well given that a day of the week can have a demon spirit thing, its not inconceivable a month can. albeit i doubt august is the spirit of augustus ceasar XD unless the demon dresses up like it for fun.

and if hes possessed it depends on who controls the body O_O

i do hope wednesday and mercury can mentally communicate somehow

or leave like post it notes for one another at least

"Drank all the milk. Buy more. -Wednesday"(edited)

✨Respheal✨

Yes please

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Julia... that's a bit like Julius, for Julius Caesar, for JULY, hmmm.

✨Respheal✨

I need this in my life

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

"That wasn't milk. -Merc" (Gotta keep him guessing.)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

would stories have demons since they embody thoughts and emotions for people?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Stories like Virgil's "The Illiad" kind of thing?

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

would make sense if stories could

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Wait, he wrote the Aeneid, what am I thinking.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

although if stories can i think demons outdo humans in population

so there must be specific circumstances that allow someone to possess someone else

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Though that reminds me of that old poem about the days of the week. And "Wednesday's child is full of woe".

Ref: https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/Monday%27s+child+is+fair+of+face

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Okay, so time for a fun theory. Penn and Wednesday used to date, but something went wrong with the possession. So now that Wednesday has a new body, we're in for hijinks as Mercury and Julia have a date at the same time as they do.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

the real reason they divorced: penn's one true love is wednesday

and by they i mean penn and his other spouse

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

God I hope that doesn't happen

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Penn was born on a Wednesday.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Solomon Grundy born on a Monday

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe wednesday had to pick mercury because of the name and maybe mercury was born on a wednesday. maybe it takes that sort of high affiliation for possession

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

It would cut down on the number of possessions per year.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

possession tax?

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

They have a tax for that too?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Maybe the fact that Merc's place was partially furnished is also indicative of shenanigans.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

QUESTION 4. In order to save his own life, Mercury fuses himself with Wednesday. However, the full consequences of this act are yet to be known. How do you think Mercury might gain control of his body again, even if only temporarily speaking? Assuming he does (as the comic description implies), do you think Mercury will be completely normal, or will being possessed by Wednesday give him access to Wednesday’s supernatural powers? Do you feel Mercury will have an easy time having a normal life, or will the experience render him unable to fit in with society anymore? How do you think his relationships will affected by the change? Lastly, do you think Mercury will attempt to get rid of Wednesday, and if so, what lengths do you think he will go to?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Already contains Wednesday's favourite couch.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

thats a good point, math. it is suspicious the apartment was furnished without mercury knowing

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Well look at the bight side

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Maybe Merc's mind is in some other plain and we'll see that

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

you're merged with a bloody wolf

you can do wolf things

Like howl

and...uh...

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Merc regains control on the full moon.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

what other badass wolf things exist?

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Julia tries to bring Merc back but Penn gets in the way(edited)

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Merc's probably going to have to do a bunch of research. I imagine he'll corner Penn for info, could create a rift there.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Maybe it's a night thing. We've only seem Wed at night

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

(I won't propose a Mercury Penn ship because that's too Sailor Moon jewelry-esque.)

Jonny: Oh, that's a good point.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

maybe its a day thing and wednesday can only come out on wednesdays

cause wednesday did keep checking the time it seemed like

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Especially cause there's no thing as Wednesnight

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

stop

now

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Yeah, we don't know what day of the week it is. Though that would make meetings awkward, if they can only possess on particular days... hmm.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

really hard to say this early on.

i definitely think mercury is gonna try to cure himself though

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yeah(edited)

he has to

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

cause i mean on this first night wednesday has already caused a lot of chaos

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

No kidding

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

At least he has a totally different appearance from Merc. So the people with the camera phones and the theft videos won't be going after him.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Yea

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Will Wednesday save the girl on purpose in that latest episode, you think? Or will he just mess them both up by blowing past? (Maybe giving the watches away is meant to show he's a ladies man himself?)

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i think hell save her on purpose. but less cause hes like "oh no that girl allow me to save her"

but more as a "wow this looked fun"

i would be interested in seeing merc's mind on another plain as jonny suggested. i think that would lend to some very cool comic visuals

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

That might be interesting. I wonder if he'd see the purplish vision things in living colour, and the real world as purplish blobs.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

now thatd be a cool reversal

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

With Penn living in both places, maybe.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i wonder if well see wednesday and penn have a conversation

that could be interesting

and could reveal stuff about penn that maybe wednesday knows for whatever demon spirit reasons

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Yeah, I wonder how well they get along, since Wednesday just kind of blew by him.

There's also that mercury tattoo, maybe Merc lives there? O.o

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Oooooh

Interesting find

(again)

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

lots of little details I missed. probably cause I read it fast.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i just noticed

https://tapas.io/episode/1000244

that sign says swift st.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

zoom

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

i really hope that was an intentional joke XD

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Well you do move swiftly along

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

probably

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Oh! I noticed that at the time and thought it was really clever.

Glad you remembered to say something.

I wonder what does show up on traffic cameras, if anything.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

well given the comic description probably just what it appears.

cause the descrip implies that basically wednesday is gonna be some wanted criminal

which is gonna suck if they collect dna evidence

suck for mercury that is

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Ah, right, good point. Fingerprints even.

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

possible story arcs

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

yes. so mercury is definitely gonna be tapering on the edge there

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

yus

OH crud only 4 minutes left

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I wonder how much Mercury's been watching of stuff like technology. He did seem to know to grab the more expensive watches. Surely he knows about surveillance systems?

vikikuli

Hi everyone! Sorry I just make it on, had work until now :/ but the discussion looks awesome so far! thoroughly enjoying it

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

VIKI!

Hello there!

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

hey man!

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

It's actually about to end ^^;

3 minutes left

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

Hi author/writer/artist!

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

Glad you made it in time so I could tell ya you're an awesome person with lots of great skill and talent

and I wish you luck with working on more of the comic!

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

dido

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

I suppose one of the questions that Mercury should probably answer is what Wednesday did last time, given the remark "Good to be back".

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

"You still have all these unpaid parking tickets from twenty years ago too."

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

glad you could make it, @vikikuli ~! even if it is towards the end

tbf

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

You'd think Penn could've paid them.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

that would be wednesday's last body's job to pay im sure O_O

does anyone have any quick closing remarks?

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

It'll be interesting to see how the body sharing goes.

Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨

I already said mine so I'm good!

And yeah, I second that

The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey

Penn is evil

MathTans the Pun 👑Prince👑

But only on WEdnesdays.

✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨

COMIC TEA PARTY END!

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party time is now up~! Thank you everyone so much for reading and joining this week’s chat~! We want to give a special thank you to Viki Kuli, as well, for making Wednesday7 and volunteering it for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Viki Kuli’s efforts however you’re able to. All that being said, if you would like to continue discussing this week’s comic, we highly encourage you to do so~!

For next week, Comic Tea Party will focus on Stomp by Brodnork. As always, please use the next several days to read as much of the comic as you would like. We hope to see you next Thursday on July 26th from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat~! Until then, happy reading~! Comic: http://stompwebcomic.com/

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #comic book club #comic bookclub #webcomic bookclub #webcomic book club #comic tea party #ctp #wednesday7 #wednesday 7 #viki kuli

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haeroniel-doliet · 6 years ago

Text

dwhos here for another raaaaaant (vent)? topic is friendships but lets see where thisll go! waheyy let us insert the read more.

kayokay okay welcome youre gonna regret this; if you havent read through my shitty vents before prepare for ilegibility and thought trains going all over the place and references to things and people youll never know okay great you got off this train? cool gives me more power to crash it see ya.

okay where do we even begin, oh lets go wild and push out a couple topics first. one is; how shit has improved being uni and how everything seems awful brighter now; why it hasnt actually improved and im lonely as ever; how lonely have i always been; but am i really lonely or just think i should have more bc expectations; why im like this and cannot form relationships

lets start with a bit of a history dive eh eh this is what youre here for, me oversharing my life to nobody thatll read it but come on anyway bc one of the reasons i even fucking do these is because; ironically enough; i have no friends to vent this to!! nobody who actually gives a shit!! and even if they did i have a lot more words and confused thoughts to write out here that would just be really mean to inflict on someone else.

ok so, classically as a kid ive almost grown as an only child, obviously have a big bro of 7 yrs older that i never formed more of a bond to than the one we share by sharing a family. aka we barely talk. but like i know he doesnt hate me i guess? ok im not gonna go there. its a weird mess. but. all childhood was mostly me playin by myself bc our family friends had kids his age not mine, and we moved around a bunch too and people came in and out, i guess i made ‘best friends’ pretty easily, but none stuck around longer than a year maybe 2-3. bc thats how life was and as a child i guess it wasnt a bother bc hey, let me be friends with everyone! oh but protective parents also mean mostly on my own. thats cool. im totally mature to be sitting at the adults table (there was no kids table) well early at 6-7. mhmmm

lemme return to finland and start being an early awkward preteen! oh ill be friends with everyone! oh. everyone already has their best friend or best friend group? oh i get left on the playground alone ‘playing the dog at home while they go shopping okay playground games were lame but whaddyou do’ aight cool im okay with this theyre all my friends and im gona draw you all to make friends and nobody like actually bullies me or thinks im weird i guess, anyway school work. oh okay ill make best friends w my neighbour bc were only 7 days apart in age and thats crazy!! i guess we also make friends with lil girls next door bc were 10- 12 and thats what u do. sure. i feel rather criticised by my so called bff bc. we are not on the same wavelength, i feel dumb, im never as funny even if they are hilarious to me, i do gross things w out thinking (imagine having to be told by your friend that you need to buy deodorant when you never thought abt it) and like a bunch of other stuff like not picking up on social cues they dont wanna hang out with me or they dont think looking at funny pictures on the phone is fun... oh okay i mean i guess theyre way better than me but were still friends right? uh yeah.

okay lets take a gap and go to uk, oh wow, SHIT people actually miss me at home?? im making friends with all these kids in my neighbourhood! oh i can be like the movies where they go down the street and hang out and have movienights awesome! who this is the best! fucking halloween w other 13 yr olds?? having hobbies w them? walking to the bus together and home together?? mad. wild. friends. lets ignore the school consisting of pricks and the only time in my school career ive gotten bullied. like classic bullying. pens thrown at me, butt touched, skirt lifted, name called, teasing my ‘naivety’ (do you work at the dildo factory? haahah. are you frigid? would you have sex with me if i bought you a burger?) oh 13-14 yr olds.... ok no its a wild really good and really shit year combined into an okay year. let me just return home and promise to keep in touch and really very barely keep in touch with any of them. thanks instagram for enabling minimal contact and keeping up w each other.

(also back then made my first post cryin to tumblr oh why cant i have tumblr besties like everyone else seems to, please someone be my internet buddy! lucky enough actually talked to Amelia a lot, though...... 14 yr old and abt 20 smth. but we played minecraft together and made two shit youtube videos of our competition participation like. you were a good friend to me. never pushed it too far and i really liked having a mature friend. such a shame you seem to have disappeared off the internet (anywehre i know how to reach you) bc hell, i would not have been opposed to meeting you finally irl at fuckin mcm like i always kinda wanted to bc i saw ppl online do, anyway i hope ur life is good and thanks)

kay so, finally back home weve all moved past the best friend cliques okay okay my class is actually fuckin rad like whaddu you know i dont have to aggressively swear and avoid hugs anymore (self defence from that shitty year) but actually have all these wholesome friends, ofc there were stronger relationships between some people but! i was included. i felt good. it was good. i figured out this being everyones friend thing. im a proper teen now eh. oh but i still had my best friend (briefly moirail) maxx! talking everyday at least for least half an hour if not more, skype calls... watching movies together... sending shit to canada and that one mail i got from you and planning so hard a visit there, even if it felt unrealistic. maybe even spending too much time on you and not making as many connections to my class friends as i could have, u know. stuck on my phone to always be available to you. making you more important. dunno how often id talk thru a crisis in class or however late at night bc, i wanted to be there for you! i loved being needed and being an important piece in moving thru tough times. sure detrimental maybe irl but i was being too much online anyway which i still do but were not there yet. besides, that relationship has had a bit of a roller coaster in the past nearly4 yrs (is it more?) shit that started from an rp and then slowly talking more to being moirails to being the tightest best friends “momma” and all, to your irl friends breaking it up slowly, then a boyfriend really took oyur time and we didnt talk daily lt alone ever get to call bc... shit. okay but i was friends with your boyfriend and though i saw it wouldnt last i was okay with it, like right cool thats teh boyfriend and im the bestfriend. im still involved. yeah man. oh you broke up and now talk more to me! fuck yeah. ill take your side in this regardless. lets get close again even if its not quite the same. i try join your cosplay groups though i cant help feeling me joining killed them, and i followed some you were passionate on! drew all those rad characters of you and your friends to feel adequate and appreciated. then you ad your drama, hated this kid and i wasnt even rly involved. all of a sudden, tight friends, oh i get to be in a chat w you both and a rad other person i had a mild crush on! rad. hell yeah. ive never been in a groupchat like this! this is great i love it. and the vikings came up. and your new friend left bc i was a cis girl and he has problems and could not deal with me not agreeing with his shit argument. (about my countrys history!!) anyway. they make their groupchat, groupchats die. oh. great i ruined it. okay. i no longer know whats in your life.... oh youre best friends now? i kind of have to bug you to even get added to your ‘friends page’ as dumb as it is. i get knocked right aside as hes the bff and the greatest sweetest person ever even though he still seems like a major dick and even your cool older friend agrees with me..... a load of bullshit and weve drawn apart to barely talking once a week and ive still sent you many gifts bc i think its great! until. yeah i wasnt gonna send anymore till you promised to set me up with cosplay pieces for christmas and i freak out to send you smth in return (never got more than measurements from me, and due to shit timing i didnt even get to be there for you opening the presents which fuckin ruined it) but whats this? a year on im fucking coming to america and conviced my parents to also go to canada???? fucking insane. still we dont talk much, the plans werent like i expected but i met you and the cool older friend! amazing! it happened! youre real! i brought you more gifts and i got pictures with you and its, it doesnt feel real still. i keep the fucking bus ticket i took from toronto to guelph to remind me. sure i didnt like get much from you back and thats kay different monetary situations and all and yeah. wild. oh but we still barely talk after? no its ok i get it youre not that good with texting people anymore (even if you kept texting you bff while i was there.... like. maybe he was having a crisis i can understand but... please you barely talk to me anymore and now amazingly im there and. you still talk to him a lot. okay...) ‘ew were not dating were just best friends!” a month later becomes ‘this is my boyfriend and bff i love him more than anything else in the world” ‘oh but hes absolutely a huge mean prick who is super self centered and manipulative,’ and i guess you needed to feel needed like i did and dedicated everything to this shitstorm of a human but. okay... weve drifted apart further, till i demanded thru to your discord (not even active anywhere else) and try damn hard to still talk to you. but its just not genuine. i wanna talk abt important shit to me and worries about myself, but life is difficult on you and i dont feel like you do the same to me so i cant. is it no longer part of our relationship? i guess)

anyway chapter; who the fuck cares; why i feel i can open up to internet friends more than irl ones;;coming up, the other irl exploits after 9th grade.

internet friends are based on talking over text and emotions that come up in the moment and contacting them whenever. with irl people, ive always set a sort of boundary that like. our quota of talking is irl. i might message you online but its strictly related to irl things or smth we discussed irl, u feel? even then i mostly never message anyone (thank the two friends in uni ive talked to more than anyone else) but still. theyre people i will unload burdens to IRL when im sitting with them for hours talking about our fucked up relationships with things and life and thats beautiful. but its not consistent through life? like rn all this shit. i cant just go and vent tto you (i guess i could but who knows if youre mad busy and needa be up early tomorrow or are already sleeping or have other shit on your mind, let alone would be offednede by me being so explicit abt me feelings w friendship u being my friend.) anyway, internet friends have broken that and sometimes i talk abt dumb shit ive seen that remind me of them or i wanna get a reaction from someone about and sometimes this bullshit. but more recently, (my discord has fuckin 3 ppl) i cant. i mean. idk if ever could and now theyre just being better w themselves but i cant? Ana tries being a friend and a good online friend but. i cant take it any deeper than like, look how cool this is! yeah that is cool bc theyre exhausted and dont wanna deal w others bullshit and dont want me to deal with theirs bc theyre online to avoid it. all of which i understand but. its kind of hard to deal with. like. youre currently only passionate about your gays in southpark. two things i dont care bout jack shit (actually hate south park idec) and then your response to me just like contemplating quizzes or the way i felt in the mirror at ballet or like smth that comes up to me when im talking abt normal shit, i get an ok, i dk how to respond or, i dont really care. and wildly i love the honesty, and glad to have lines drawn for me when i dont see them, but it always feels like a smack in the face regardless. having stepped out of line and not having realised and stopped before they had to tell me to stop. like it was w that old neighbour bff. i could never tell when she wanted me to leave her alone or smth bc i was having fun! but shed be tired of it and it just. always hurt realising i was too wrapped up in emotion and myself to realise i was annoying or overstepping boundaries and im still terribly self concious about it bc i feel terrible being a bad person like that! i wanna be the perfect friend.ugh.

the other people on my discord are maxx and the cool older canadian dan, who still is rly cool and admirable. and i feel bad. bc when i first got the dumb thing i talked to him like adults! yea! talked abt maxx and a bit of college and a bit of life and like. it was good! he said good night friend <3 which is like!!! the most wild and exciting thing it fuckin exhilirates me to be called friend in converstion like please fuck validate me being your friend!!!! (god isnt that sad and basically gonna sum up this whole thing) anyway recently im sure things have been sad or busy or hes just that kinda person but my last 4? attempts for convo have gotten no response, even when hes online (supposedly when its ok to message him) and i no longer want to say anything unless its smth im sure id get a response to. bc then im just buggering and annoying the poor guy and become annoying. (even if hes said he doesnt mind and thinks im a great person. i hope) and maxx u know. i can message, and i do, and now more than in a rly long time i- oh my god i get responses!! still they cut short. theres no, hey sorry i dont care or, hey i gotta go, or hey i dont wanna talk abt this, just. no more responses. and i guess my conversational skills are rusty and i havent written anything thatd get an easy response from them! (but stilll, should talking to friends rly require you to formulate conversation starters and talk in a way that doesnt provoke too much but is just easy enough for them to respond briefly and with no investment to make talking to me easy as possible? idk even iguess? maybe im shit at having friends and thats why i have none. shush.)

okay lets head back to irl. high school was shitty weird thing, around 10 ppl in class and i only made friends w 3? got bullied for a good couple days on a trip by 1 and another class person. terrible trying to make friends and keep friendly with everyone in a tiny school but i managed and alls good, and even still, just made friends with the most compatible people, not sure if id have been friends with otherwise. one a nervous wreck of a boy that the teacher tried to like ‘ship us together with’ but while he had a girlfriend and we managed to keep conversation joking and chill (as it should be and i made good sure of it) it was fine, he still like i a very girlfriend oriented person and i guess doesnt chat much online w other girls? im cool with it, a couple snap updates on life here an there its whatever. youre an anxious person anyway and we dont always like. work as friends. another was from japan, who id decieded to make a friend if only to have a friend in japan to visit and to teach me a bit (and teach us to make food! okay im so glad we were friends) and at school it was great enough. helped her get confident in speaking english and correcting work and sitting together at lunch and hanging out outside of school on the rare occasion schedules lined up was fab! i actually am gonna miss her. even if we werent close. and i feel bad bc idk if she wants to keep in contact, and i really suppose i should just aim to write her like a text once a month or so to keep in touch thatd be good, cover that. keep up english and so on. maybe (ps old friends from childhood pop up every now and then on social media and have the rare chat which is quite nice actually! even if im not active or keep them updated, some realtionships i like to leave lukewarm and not hateful but smth thats easy to catch up with if opportunity comes up. i actually can do that quite a lot, make good conversation and feel friendly and make acquaintances. i just. have no idea how to push them to proper active friendships (it just happens sometimes by accident) and no absolute clue how to make htat into a very close “bff we share everything i can message you whenever” kinda relationship classic media like facebook portrays idk. do i need it? i guess not but i kinda wanna know what thats like bc relationships are not a thing for me. lets make that its own paragraph) oh but also on old school friends my frustration of a few days, just. a friend that is the easiest to keep in touch with bc they intitiate and have time and want to do things, but god its annoying and i dont like them. our humours dont align and i feel judged and criticised and like. idk. dont feel great w them. theres moments of like genuine “im glad i met you bc i would have switched schools otherwise” from her and a jar of reminders why were friends and some good memories, but its just. she drains me. and i dont wanna talk deep w her. and though to some other friend it seems like we are heckin dating in secret bc of how comfortable we are and how much we end up communicating to organise things, uhm were not. i wouldnt date her ever im sorry. struggling to stay friends and have it fade to the background amicably before i do or say smth wrong and fuck it up. anyway its just bugging me and i hate it bc i feel bad for her and bad for myself and its just a mess that i dont wanna deal with that mucheven if i talked my parents ear off about it.

ok intermission to parents. in a way no. no fuck they are not my friends. my mom will never be my best friend and i dont think they want that either,being classic parents and allbut i guess, sometimes when i get past the ugh youll never understand youre so god damn annoying!! teenage phase my brain still has, i do talk to them about a lot of things that upset me, bc unlike friends, they cant decide not to care about me or stop talking to me u know. i have vented about shit practices that have really tested my self worth and lack of emotions (remind sobbing like a bitch with a mud covered ass walking home from a terrible skating practice and falling in the rain) and mom comforting thru it. mind telling them all the pent up feelings abt flatmates and analysing them to her like”well shes rly nice and we talk abt this and this but i cant help but feel she doesnt really wanna talk to me and also they didnt wanna hang out and they keep leaving their dishes and told me to clean mine but they did this and that and....” i never talk about internet friends or a lot abt other things bc. not relevant and i dont think id hear what i wanna hear. but im kinda glad i still can do that and vent to them abt like real life things and things that upset me even if its not exhaustive and i cant do everything and they dont fill the gap of this “true best friend” i have emulated. but thats a point of why im not rly lonely. bc i have outlets to a lot of these needs that im not missing it all . just dont have it all in one person or even a small group of ppl.

wht next. oh remind me to come back to group things online. anyway lets give uni a try. so weve talked abt my two impressive friends irl who take the same course as me and kind of have dragged me thru and have gone to hobbies w me and hung out w me for hours and actually come to visist me in london an been cool? yeah theyre pretty rad people and very smart and im glad theyre in my life. even if w al the ranting im not comfortable messaging them all hours of the night to talk abt all my insecuritites and thoughts and problems u know. and one is dating and both have flatmate drama and other groups of friends and tho theyre friends between each other we dont like. make the ultimate trio which is why were not moving in together ( also reminder to being called the 3 musketeers w my high school two gals bc we were seein kinda doing everything together (in school) by me sticking us all together with my “i need to feel validated with friends” glue. that was quite nice.)

but like in uni, ive said it to a lot of people. its amazing. ive never been happier knowing this many people. i dont make drama, i almost never get included in any drama so all i get are friends!!! and having flatmates, and flatmates friends, and class mates, and people ive just met , and hobby friends i just knew so many people thatd be friendly to me and even smile at me in passing it feels great man. having multiple group hobbies and socials to go to (even if i dont drink much and its not like were partying) it feels good man. i want more of this next term now that i have no”i dont know anyone there” excuses. god i love it. i love waving to people i know, i love getting a ride from someone to go hang out t another friends place and people knowing me by name and caring about my presence! (though not too much, like nobody would miss me i guess, but i still have more of a place to carve and i cant say for sure that they did not notice me missing) anyway archery has been terrbily wholesome and one of the best things ive invested time into and im sad some of the happy faces there are leaving this summer....... and sure none of these friends have gone even to proper hugging levels, let alone talking together without a group of people or god, messaging privately if not strictly club stuff (ok theres like, a couple, one that im delighted about and cant wait to hang w in finland even tho theyre cooler than me) but u know, same problem w. hm were friends within this hobby group. were not like. actually friends outside of this and wouldnt hang outside of it. uh. yeah. dont rly have that many that kinda friends..... just 2 in fact. ill work on that....

side note, i try joining in online groups like mxrp discords, and an odd skype chat for homestuck cosplayers. but its kinda the worst. i dont mind observing and reading in and commenting in my head and rarely actually participating tho nobody knows who i am, but like. nobody knows who i am or cares if im there at all. and its kind of a not great feeling. im not needed or wanted here. they just dont mind me being there u know. idk wht to do with those feelings. i dont really wanna make myself obnoxiously present and make people remember and want to talk to me and actually become immersed in it, bc these dont seem like that great people idk. i guess im too ‘mature’ to just go omg i love you an all that.

anyway lets dive into hmmmmmm why am i still lonely? funny question eh. its because i have no consistent close relationships with anyone. have i ever? maxx was closest but i guess nawh here we are. i can get close to u in a night of just talking for hours but. if it doesnt carry through consistently does it count? i have a couple people to message when im delighted abt smth (heck even post to snapchat to get those lukewarm friendships to be reminded of me) and i have my parents to be sad to about a certain category of things that i share w them (like hobby frustrations and friends theyve met frustrations, and some body upset) i have this hunk of friends in uni i can hang out and chill with and will continue making better friends with gladly. im not an isolated herrmit (all the time) nor do i think im socially despicable. im just. normal. online ive felt more and more as much as i spend my entire day online w all these things im not an internet person??im not always posting on social media, im not always talking to 10 ppl at once, im not writing or creating media, im not consuming other than youtube actually, (like i dont watch shows u knw) , all i do is rp when i muster the strength and hang out lukewarm on tumblr posting rants and reblogging pretty and fun things, not getting involved much. not a fan of anything, not obsessed w anything, not overtly gay ( i dont even know what i am but girls are pretty and sex and relationships get gross as soon as you add me into the picture) and not an exciting personality. hell. i currently fuckin like ballet and archery and like. thats about it. (also hahahhahh catch me going down the abc list of hobbies, aikido, archery, badminton (w archery ppl) ballet. what next. cricket? crochet... cooking? dance (ballet) fencing gaming (hah no), hockey? ice skating ( im already doing it) like look at me anyway shh) im not trans and i dont feel gay enough to fit in (what a rant that is, but im just ignoring it for now) im so boring. too reational, too uninvolved, too unopinionated/have an opinion but prefer to keep quiet and at peace. i guess this is what normal people are like off the internet. and ill just deal with it. but how normal people fill the gap are these ridiculously idealistic bff groups that i clearly dunno how to achieve, and uh. relationships.

so i can foresee a future where an imaginative foggy figure will care about me so much and want to hear all these rants and talk about all my wild thoughts with me and love me and remind me of it and be happy around me and think im funny and make me feel good and loved and better than i am and be someone i love being aorund constantly and wont have to feel self concious with or like i need to be putting on the front that is not gross and is a lovely sociable person. like i doubt they even exist. the kind im specifically thinking off thatll make life a sunset gold and unbelievably happy and good. ill save that sunset gold feeling to my dream future, one in which im happy with my body and personality and have that shadowy figure that makes me all whole and better than im alone and all these pets and animals that i love and love me and plants and color and art and whimsical decorations and yknow. i see it in my head. it feels real good. i kinda wanna see if itll actually happen. it just. it feels so fuzzy and warm and i would love for that actually be real and look back on this and be like. i have it. everythings complete. we can dream. i might get it when im grey and old and all alone but found smth that makes it that good. anyway im not discounting that there might be ‘the one’ in that future, the perfect one. but. i still doubt in the present when or if ill ever meet them let alone if i do htat anything would happen. ive never ever dated anyone or even come close to it. i dont understand how people just, end up in relationships or almost always have one, and i guess im not trying to bc idk if i want it- idk if im ready for it, but its a weird one ill tell u. i feel with this perfect imaginary figures all these bad feelings would go away and i could talk about them and someone help me fix them and become more and better than my thoughts. but i dont wanna look for one. i dont wanna experiment in relationships so that im ready and wont fuck it up when the one comes bc, its horrendous and stressful and im gross! im not dating material. nah. and obviously nobodys tried to date me so were all on the same page. honestly once i sort out the other things wrong w me, i might just get to therapy for this shit. like. why are relationships such a shit concept to me and like why and how do i deal with it without just saying fuck it relationshipss are not for me. i have no doubt ill keep making connections and friends throughout my life in all different random places, but im actually... kinda afraid none will stick around. if i cant form consistent strong friendships theyre al gonna fade away and ill have nobody when i need someone. having that one solid person would really help bc theyre there thick and thin i guess aparently. i have myself, but considering what a mess i am idk if thats enough at all. i think i should change myself an awful lot though before a relationship could happen. like. nobody wants a barely showering fat chubby in an awkwardway terrible skinned messy sad blabbery person. like. just a gross one. i gotta become so much better before i can even consider letting someone past to get this close i guess. i guess. these feelings are really not settling here and i feel off the rocker. like unsettled and uneasy. also i need to pee which is rly not helping feel less gross. that and my hair is nasty greasy bc rather than take a shower at a reasonable time i did.... nothing. and then i started writing this an hour, two hours ago? more? idk.

kay then, we have reflected briefly while i was away on how fat and ugly i am and how hopeless considering ive been trying to finish a knitting project for my baby cousin and start drawing again or even just playing my old pokemon game (yknow summer vacay) things in the past few days. nawh. havent. even more productively i should have done actual exercise to build my stamina and make faster improvements in ballet and actually try and tackle the fat and ugly feeling in 8 weeks (but that like... requires diet control... which is hard?) and like o u know. finishing my fucking university course ive lied to everyone abt? ok lets be real i have passed the year and can move into the next w the credits i have and passed all the mandatory classes. but. i want/ need to pass this class. and i already forked out 30 pounds hopefully correctly to apply for a resubmission (more like first submission) of all these projects and its hard. considering in my hirearchy of shit that needs to be done (easiest most necessary first) i havent even reached the first ladder of like washing my nasty hair. the ladder includes all the above projects and at the end of it is like completing that course (needs to be done by the end of the month u kno bitchh. u dont know how long its gonna take you cannot leave it to the last few days. and this other bulshit course idk if ill even get credit for completing late and dont know if i care but i guess i gotta do it anyway

basically i just wanna d ie. thatd be nice. id not have to feel fat and stupid and worthless and discomfrot in my own skin and just. nasty and numb but bad all over. okay im really not feeling great bout now. but thanks to all the above weve realised i have nobody to talk to whod talk me out of these feelings and comfort me (let alone if im capable as a person to accept that considering theyd have to be very convicing to get past me going “mhmmm but youre wrong” )

anyway this has been terribland i havent achieved anything but feelin kinda bad. we have covered that ive never had proper friendships and that might be detrimental to me ever forming the kind of close companionship i seem to be missing, however at least i can make easy friends briefly and as such know im not a terrible person thru and thru that people hate. i just dont know how to cross that nd not be horribly annoying or how to find those kind of people bc shit and bullshit. do i need it? no i guess ill be fine. would it make my life better and more worth it? probably. id hope so. i mean it seems pretty important in human existence for there to be so damn many songs and movies and aboslutely everything focused around it.

anyway. i know nobodys gonna finish reading this and i kinda hope i dont read back on this either. my cringey diary moments hidden under a readmore on tumblr. whats sadder.... tsk who wants to figure out how many words this all is?

mhmmmm mmm 7 pages on word and 6059 words. damn gurl. no FUCKIN WONDer nobody wants to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings when they just erupt. bc even by erupt i mean a mild discomfort that im trying to pin down to a cause and an actual feeling so and so unsuccessfully.

#tf when youre your own therapist #hah yeah thanks tumblr for being my digital diary #cringey enough and private enough it may as well never be read by anyone #but still if some crazy dumbass read it all theyd know me all too god damn well #but its not like...anyone ive mentioned will ever fucking read it. even consider to #aka #if you stumble past this #i guess you can assume its not abt you #ugh #this didnt even help that much #time to try option c #ignore everything and numb it with some rad youtbe videos for another 4 hrs and crash asleep at 5 am and everything continues to be bad #but like bad tomorrow #sorry this was a vent post #a very long one over 6000 words #i am SO sorry if youre on mobile and the readmore didnt work

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