#the hopes is that people will ask him the right questions and theyll basically show you everything you need to know

[jimlingss]

I can't believe you ended chp 16 of Jp like that...i want to fight 😭

if you fight me, i’m guaranteed to be hospitalized ((look at these noodle arms)) and then who will post the next chapter on Monday? uh huuuh, that’s what I thought. Think twice before you wanna square up. (ง •̀_•́)ง

I am now answering spoiler-y messages below, so beware....

[SPOILER ALERT] 

*SPOILER ALERT**SPOILER ALERT**!SPOILER ALERT!*

Massive spoilers to come, please do not read if you have not yet read Jungle Park Chapter 16. Or go ahead and read if you’re chaotic like that.

Anonymous said: ok but what if oc and Hoseok were actually engaged....

I’m an idiot, anon - I accidentally deleted your ask before I copied it correctly lol oops, but ding ding ding! correct! you’re a winner!! i believe you sent me this message like 2 chapters ago and honestly you freaked me out by how accurate you were. dammit, I might’ve been too predictable, but you catch on quick. sorry i couldn’t answer sooner hahaha i couldn’t risk other people jumping on the same theory. you’re a genius tho, i’ll give you props for it.

Anonymous said: DATED!FOR 4 YEARS! ENGAGED! Omg wow shit really hit the fan like there is no coming back omg Wowoowoeoeoeooew I’m SHOOK like I never expected that like NEVER!!!

Anonymous said:I KNEW IT!!! i had a feeling it was either a really long relationship or they were engaged at one point. TURNS OUT IT WAS BOTH omg gahdhsjxbjsjs I'm so excited to see this all just unravel omgomgomgomg

kawaii-ing said: FhbsjshJuxYhUgrnziVJgdjsbdud JUNGLE PARK CHAPTER 16 JUST WRECKED ME YO 😱😱😱😱😱 HE KNOWS AND SHE DOESNT KNOW HE KNOWS IM SO CURIOUS FOR WHATS GONNA HAPPEN NOW Btw lovvvveeee your writing, thanks for all your hard work boo xxx💜💜

ASDFGHJKL I SAID SHIT WOULD HIT THE FAN AND I FOLLOWED THROUGH, RIGHT?? AREN’T YOU PROUD! THERE’S NO CLICKBAIT ON THIS BLOG HAHAHA 

Anonymous said: omgg 4 years? ENGAGED?? I’m ??? jut WHAT happened

:O :O

Anonymous said: BROOOOOOO! THEY WERE ENGAGED :o *insert Pikachu meme*

pikachu meme?? hahaha is that a sarcastic surprise? so you weren’t actually? lolololol :O

Anonymous said: Ahh I loved jungle park 16!! I'm so excited for the angst to come 👀 is hoseok's car accident related to oc at all?

hmm guess you’ll have to wait and see ((but also just putting it out there that if it was related that would be pretty makjang and lol im not about that life with this series))

Anonymous said: (1)oh holy hell Kina,,,my head’s hurting bcs of JP:16. ENGAGED what?? huh. now its one of my fav chapters, like 4-6 (ah those innocent cute baby steps in hoseok’s&oc’s relationship,,,not THIS). but freaking FINALLY someone spilled the beans. i love this kind of scenes, THE truth revelation. chang’s unaware of storm hes causing with his words, hoseok’s world’s simply crushing, oc doesnt know yet whats happening&dae is helplessly watching from sidelines trying to stop the catastrophe&failing

Anonymous said:(2)thats sad. i kinda can imagine what hoseoks feeling now, plagued w question that almost no one’s willing to answer, that drive him crazy.what happened? why did oc hide the truth? what did i do, how bad did we hurt each other? why can’t i remember any of it fuck. its a perfect opportunity for insecurities&ugly thoughts&inner demons to poison his mind. and oc...her house of cards collapsed revealing things she was trying hard to escape. will she feign ignorance again or will she finally face it

Anonymous said:(3)i just hope that in the end after this storm theyll reach their own peace, whatever the outcome will be. past stays in past, but only if every issue is resolved. otherwise it might return later&be worse than before. it was a great chapter. thank you — chem

THE BEANS HAVE BEEN SPILLED!!! honestly the universe is in chaos right now lol Hoseok’s like the fuck....and oc doesn’t even know lol but yeah it’s definitely a sad situation for almost all parties. there’s still more to be revealed tho, like the actual details of what the fuck went on haha anyways, i’m glad you’re enjoying it!

Anonymous said: AAHHHHH ITS FINALLY HERE!! Thank you 💞💞. Wow it was truly a lot and honestly, I feel kinda scared for Hoseok... it’s crazy that he really doesn’t remember anything and learning all this new information is like being in another word. If this story wasn’t one about love and fluff, it could’ve totally turned into a horror story lol. Thank you again and I’m very excited to see where the story goes!!

a horror? can’t say im very good at the genre but that’s definitely an interesting concept....the more i think about it....like for someone to go through something suppper traumatic and not remember at all and someone appears in their life but it turns out that someone was actually the serial killer? dammmmn that would be really interesting. i digress, thank you for enjoying it. definitely Hoseok is lost, scared, confused.

Anonymous said: SHIT’S 🗣 HITTING 🗣 THE 🗣 FAN 🗣 omg *insert “she’s meditating” “she’s dead” meme* and the fact that this is just the beginning??? how?? what?? i’m honestly so skek for the next chapter like i dont think hoseok’s gonna go apeshit on yn but you never know now do you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ superb chapter for reals!!!! like, all of your writing is great but this chapter?? *chef’s kiss* didnt even know i was an angst fan until this chapter lol sending all my love to you!!! - chanting anon

hahhahahahhahaha there’s a lot more to unravel. now the puzzle has been exposed, we gotta start looking at the details. thank you for the message *throws chef’s kiss back* also welcome to the angst realm lol

Anonymous said: finals starts at the 20th and school ends in the 24th and we're still at chap 1 on our research. Due to stress, i thought, hey, might as well read the latest chapter bUT WHO KNEW IT WOULD BRING ME MORE STRESS. FOUR YEARS?! ENGAGED?! i feel like hoseok right now. You make such awesome stories and worlds. It affects me in so many good ways i cant even. i dont always give you my thoughts per chapter but i want you to know that i scream at every single one of them. have a nice day! - anon h.a.n.d.

oh my goodness!!! good luck on your exams!! hahah im sorry the chapter isn’t very much comfort food and kind of more wild but still happy you enjoyed it! 

Anonymous said: PT. 15 & 16?! WHAT. I COME BACK TO TWO CHAPTERS. HOLY COW. but really, like now that I know what I know, I’m so sad. I wonder what their relationship was like. That’s a lot of time to invest in someone and for it to fall apart like that... I couldn’t imagine what OC had to go through. I’m sad BUT THE DEVELOPMENT IS MAKING ME SO FREAKIN EXCITED. THANK YOU FOR GIVING US SOME ANSWERS ABOUT THE PAST. I CANT WAIT TO SEE HOW MUCH ELSE HE FINDS OUT.

I KNOW RIGHT?? LIKE FOUR YEARS IS A FUCKING LONG TIME. then again that was like 8 years ago. but yeah, it’s sad for both oc and Hoseok, y’know? I’M GLAD YOU’RE EXCITED!!!

Anonymous said: Great Jungle Park chapter! I'm pissed because SOMEONE SPOILED IT and i saw they were engaged before i could even click on the 'read more',,, but great chapter! I wish i could've read it without knowing, it kinda made me sad and it was not as great as it could have been.. @people spoiling, fuck off >:(( @you you're the best writer ily u nice keep going!! Can't wait to have Hoseok's full mind process over how crazy it is he doesn't remember 4 YEARS and an ENGAGEMENT (and only 2 dates huhu)

haha chill, anon. did you actually know that spoilers can make someone enjoy a story more? it’s actually a really interesting thing to google and find out more about. the chapter’s still the same whether you had an inkling of what was going on or not. you still enjoyed it too, right?  :D 

Anonymous said: CRAP OK, well, we knew it was something more than two days, but HONESTLY lol I love how you wrote y/n trying to keep it together. I could feel her fear as she lost control of the situation when Hoseok showed up. Do you think in her mind she even slightly expected him to show up? I'm assuming she's very internal w/ her thoughts/feelings seeing as she doesn't talk to anyone about what happened between her & Hobi all those years ago nor has she dealt w/ it, mostly just avoided it, would you say?

oh yeah oc was on the verge of a mental breakdown when he showed up rofl, damn near scared her. he was basically like a jumpscare LOL. but yeah for sure she didn’t expect him to come. i mean she basically told him and he was like ‘ok whatever’ and didn’t express interest and it’s not like he got an invite so she didn’t know he would actually go out of his way to show up. and yeah i agree, oc’s very internal with her feelings, or at least what happened all those years ago. it’s sensitive issues anyway that she’s left behind. or at least tried to.

tofugguk said: BROOO i LITERALLY— LITERALLY LOST IT. WHEN CHANGSUB DROPPED THEM BEING TOGETHER FOR LIKE FOUR YEARS THEN THE- “You guys even got engaged.” PART I SCREAMED. YOOOOO I CANTTT HANDLE THIS

Changsub isn’t the dumbass that we wanted. But the dumbass we needed.

((don’t you love how oc tried so hard to keep it a secret for like 16 chapters aka like near a year and some idiot comes trapezing in and in his first scene he just spills all the beans??? hahahha))

[julianmakesmydickhard]

uncomfortably deep and personal questions

questions here

————

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

thankfully, me and my mom are super close.... we don’t talk about my dad tho

02: Who’s the last person you said “i love you” too?

man, i tell everyone that i love them. i truly love everyone that shows even the slightest bit of kindness towards me

03: Do you regret anything?

yes,

04: Are you insecure?

oh yea. part of it is my introverted, soft spoken personality, and part of it is just how negatively i see myself oop

05: What is your relationship status?

single, unfortunately lol

06: How do you want to die?

painlessly. the pain that comes with death is what scares me the most i think

07: When did you last eat?

lunch!! i had a bomb ass colombian dish,, man do my people know how cook good food

08: Played any sports?

does show choir count?? aggressive dancing with aggressive singing??

09: Do you bite your nails?

nope

10: When was your last physical fight?

i know i say that i want to slap people sometimes, but i’ve never actually done it

11: Do you like someone?

y’all, im always attracted to someone sksksk

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

yup

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

yes, but we don’t talk about him

14: Do you miss someone?

oh god yes...

15: Have any pets?

yes!! i have one lil doggie

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

i’m very tired lol. it’s like 11pm which is v late for me since i have 7am classes

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

nope, bathrooms are gross

18: Are you scared of spiders?

yes, have you seen them??

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

yes, imagine all the things you could change or prevent

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

honestly, it’s been a while, i don’t really remember

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

i’m gonna go see a play that one of my friends is starring in on saturday and then i’m gonna celebrate my birthday with my doggo on sunday

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

ahh, this is such a difficult question. i want to give my kids the childhood that i never got. but what happens if by some circumstance, i give them the childhood i had, and negatively impact their life through it?

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

i just have my ears pierced

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

english and art! math and science are my worst. i guess i function best when i’m able to use the creative and imaginative side of me whereas i fail when logic and reason come into play

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

yes yes yes and yes

26: What are you craving right now?

blueberries

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

no, never

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

yes

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

no. unless something changed in their heart and they, for some reason, felt bad for treating me so badly, and decided to weep, no

30: What’s irritating you right now?

so many things ahhh,, why do i have to be so introverted? why am i so deperate to find love, when it keeps biting me in the butt?.why can’t i make friends as easily as other people?

31: Does somebody love you?

honestly, i don’t think anyone does, maybe only my mother?

32: What is your favourite color?

auburn

33: Do you have trust issues?

oh god i wish i did. i wish i was able to keep people at a distance. i let people in and basically ask them to use my secrets, my insecurities, my whatever, to break me. and then the cycle goes on and on

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

i dreamt about me meeting billie eilish a couple of days ago. it was v nice

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

i don’t know lol, there’s not a lot of people around to see me cry i guess

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

yea, it’s not good i know

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

no, but it’s definitely not the worst, and i’m thankful for that

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

i don’t remember, but i do know that i was v late to the game

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

god no

51: Favourite food?

colombian food, thai food, japanese food

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

i want to believe this, but sometimes shitty things happen and i’m like wow, there’s literally no benefit or reason to why this happened except to make me feel like shit

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

kissed my doggo goodnight

54: Is cheating ever okay?

if you’re my friend, i’m just gonna say that even if you’ve cheated on someone before, i don’t see you as less of a person or a friend. people make mistakes, and it’s also part of who i am: someone who tried to look past the bad and see the good, ahhh i don’t know how to explain this the right way but i hope you understand my pov. anyways, i’ve been cheated on before and it sucked balls. so no, i don’t think it’s ever ok in a relationship. but i also don’t think that it’s something that should affect your friendship with someone. i think cheating is something that needs to be dealt with among the cheater and the cheated and shouldn’t bleed into your friendship with a random, uninvolved person. but you can totally disagree with me and that’s fine!! everyone is subject to their own opinion based on their own experiences and personalities etc.

55: Are you mean?

i don’t think so!! but then again, i can’t really be the judge of that lol. i try my hardest to be the friend that i’ve always wanted, if that makes sense. i try to be kind, and supportive, and positive, and there for them, etc.

56: How many people have you fist fought?

no one, ive never gotten into a physical fight

57: Do you believe in true love?

it’s not that i believe in true love, it’s that i hope and pray for it. i hope that one day i’ll find it

58: Favourite weather?

cold, cloudy, people walking around in big, fluffy jackets and scarves

59: Do you like the snow?

yes! i saw snow for the first time in my life a couple of weeks ago!

60: Do you wanna get married?

ahhhh,, my parents set a really bad example for good marriage. my parents’ marriage taught me that men can change over time. and that once they’re safe in the bounds of marriage, theyll stop their act, get tired of you, and act like a totally new person. and that... scares me. i don’t want a husband like my dad and i’m so afraid that the same situation will happen to me

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

yes, names like baby, sweetheart, love, honey etc. make my heart weak

62: What makes you happy?

real friends, tight hugs, platonic cuddling, romantic cuddling, acts of service, uplifting words, hand holding, forehead kisses, soft intimacy, need i go on?

63: Would you change your name?

i wold ditch my last name.. can you guess why? i’d love if my middle name became my last name, legally

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

romantically? yea

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

nothing, cuz that kind of stuff doesn’t happen to me

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

no. i try my hardest to only let my friends see the happy side of me. i don’t like burdening them with all the bad emotions i sometimes feel. my complete self would be if i shared ALL of my emotions, the bad as well as the good. but i think it’s better this way, they would most definitely get annoyed after a little bit of time

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

probably my friend tino

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

i don’t remember,, it’s been a long time since i’ve actually talks about truly deep subjects with someone personally,,

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

i want to believe it. i want to believe that i’ll one day find the person of my dreams. the person that fits so perfectly with me and is just so perfect ahhh

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

i don’t know, i’m selfish when it comes to dying. death scares me

[owlways-and-forever]

Summary: The Marauders are getting older, and that means so many things. Mischief, heartbreak, and trying to figure out who they really are. They’ll face problems within their group, prove their loyalty to each other, and discover the ugliness that is brewing in the wizarding world at large. Welcome to Years 2-4 of the Marauders time at Hogwarts. **This piece is a sequel to Behind the Mango Tree, however, you do not have to have read the first installment to pick this up. It does stand alone, but there is some carry over from the last book, especially with inter-character relationships. Basically, you don’t have to have read BtMT, but it certainly helps. Word Count: (5256) 9786 Links: FFnet | ao3 | tumblr: Ch 1, Ch 2

A/N: Happy hump day everyone! I hope you didn't think I forgot to update! This chapter is pretty long, and I think somewhat emotional, but I hope you guys enjoy it! See ya next Wednesday!

Chapter 3: Home for the Holidays

"Come in," Dumbledore called from inside his office, after Remus knocked on the ornate wooden door.

Slowly, he pushed it open, dreading the conversation they were about to have. In the year and a half that Remus had been at Hogwarts, he had been in the Headmaster's office a handful of times, and never for anything good. Not that Remus was one to get in trouble, but his condition sometimes necessitated these chats, and Remus had no doubt that that was why he was there.

The Headmaster was sitting at his desk, fingers steepled together and eyes closed in calm consideration. Behind him, Professor McGonagall stood, looking altogether more intimidating, her lips pursed as usual. Remus approached them, taking a seat in the chair across the desk and dropping his bag at his feet.

"Mr. Lupin, Professor McGonagall and I would like to discuss the upcoming winter holidays with you," Dumbledore began, fixing his blue eyes on Remus.

"There's a full moon on the second night," he answered, shrugging slightly. He paid close attention to the lunar cycle, and he was well versed in when his transitions would happen.

"We've talked to your parents, and they don't feel... prepared... to keep you safe during your transition, and they thing it would be better if you remained here over the holidays," Dumbledore continued, watching Remus carefully.

"They don't want to see me?" Remus asked, unable to contain his disappointment, or even hide it.

"Of course they do," Professor McGonagall interjected kindly, her expression softening. "They just think that we can provide for your needs better here. Madam Pomfrey will be on hand to help you recover from any injuries, and you'll be safe in the Shack as usual."

"Right, of course," Remus agreed, his mind stuck on his parents and feeling undeniably rejected. He had thought that they would be excited to see him, even more so since his sister's death, but they didn't want him at all. "I should get back to the library, Professors, some of the end of term projects are rather difficult."

Remus stood and grabbed his bag, turning to go before he could start crying. He felt very emotional, and he didn't want to break down in front of the Headmaster and his Head of House.

"Mr. Lupin," Professor McGonagall called out to him as he reached the door of the office, "your parents care for you very much."

Remus nodded and swallowed thickly, but at that moment he felt distinctly like Professor McGonagall cared more for him than his family did. He knew his father thought his kind were monsters, and his mother only really knew about his condition from muggle fairytales and his father's work, and he wasn't sure which gave his kind a worse reputation. But he had always believed that, even though they thought he was disturbing, his parents had still loved him. Maybe not as much as his sister, who had been perfect in every way – in his eyes as much as theirs – but he had thought that they loved him somewhat. And yet, here was the proof that Remus had been mistaken, that he had been fooling himself this entire time.

A few floors down from Dumbledore's office, Remus ducked into an empty classroom, quickly locking the door behind him. He collapsed into the professor's chair, letting his head sink onto the desk. The cool wood felt nice against his skin, which had grown hot with emotion. Tears began to flow freely across his cheeks, making little puddles on the desk, and Remus was happy to let them come.

After half an hour, maybe more, Remus heard a small click that meant someone had unlocked the door. His tears had stopped several minutes earlier, but it had only left him feeling defeated, rather than better, so he had stayed where he was. But as the door opened, he straightened up and wiped at his face, trying to erase the evidence of his tears. To his surprise, Lily Evans walked through the door, a curious look on her face.

"Remus?" she asked, closing the door behind her. "Is everything alright? Only I heard noise and it sounded like someone was upset..."

"I'm fine, just having a rough day," Remus sniffed, giving Lily a weak smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she offered, sitting down on one of the students' desks.

"I dunno," he shrugged, and Lily was kind enough to sit quietly, waiting for him to decide. "My parents don't want me to go home for break."

"I'm sure that's not true," Lily said automatically, but she frowned when Remus gave her a withering stare. "Well, did they say why?"

Remus was quiet for a moment as he considered what to tell her. He didn't like lying to her, Lily had always been kind to him, but he couldn't tell her the truth about his condition.

"They just think it would be better for me to stay here," Remus answered at last, trying to toe the line between truth and lies.

"Because of your sister?" Lily asked, her brows dipping down in concentration. "I guess that makes sense, they think it'll be too hard to be at home without her."

"Maybe, but I thought they would miss me even more," Remus replied, frowning.

"I'm sure they do," she said. "But maybe they need more time to grieve on their own. It's a big change for them, and I'm sure it takes a long time to deal with. They might be worried that if you come home, it'll be even worse when you leave to go back to school again."

Remus was torn. He knew that it wasn't the reason that he was being set aside, but he couldn't tell Lily that. Yet at the same time, her words made him feel slightly better about the situation. She might, at least, be right about them missing him, and oddly that made a difference in the situation.

"But I still want to go home," Remus said at last. "I miss my parents and I want to see them."

"Then you should tell them that," Lily shrugged, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. "Remus, your parents love you, and if you really want to go home, I'm sure they would let you. Or at least, maybe you could stay with James or Sirius or Peter for the holidays? I know it wouldn't be your family, but it might be better than staying at Hogwarts."

Remus appreciated her words, but he knew that staying with any other families was completely out of the question. Deep down, he knew that his parents were right. He would be better of turning at Hogwarts, and everyone else would be safer. His werewolf form was growing as rapidly as his human self, and he could no longer simply be contained in a soundproofed basement. The days when Remus transformed into a cub were long gone, and now he was easily strong enough to break through a door. The thought of what he could do to innocent villagers if he got out was enough to make him shudder with fear. No, everyone else would be much safer if he stayed at Hogwarts. But even knowing that it was for the best, Remus was filled with sadness.

"You should talk to the others about it," Lily said, pulling Remus from his thoughts. "James, Sirius and Peter. You should tell them what's going on. They might be able to help you."

"I don't want to burden them," Remus answered, shaking his head lightly. "They won't be able to change anything, so there's no point."

With a sigh, Lily stood and collected her bag, scooping up the rolls of parchment that had fallen out. She felt more than a little exasperated at boys and their stupid need to do everything themselves. Why didn't they realize?

"Friends are meant to share your burdens," she said, looking over her shoulder at Remus, "even the ones they can't change."

With that parting wisdom, Lily walked out of the classroom, leaving Remus to the company of the misery he was resolved to keep.

Lily made a beeline for the Great Hall, where she knew that she was most likely to find the boys. She didn't particularly care if Remus showed up there, but she felt pretty confident that he wouldn't. In his mood, he would probably sulk in the classroom or hole up in the dormitory. Predictably, James, Sirius and Remus were sitting at the table, stuffing their faces with food. They didn't even seem at all concerned that Remus had been called away, that he hadn't returned yet, and Lily felt a surge of disgust roll through her stomach. She liked Remus well enough, and Peter was alright. Both of them were prone to self-pity, which thoroughly annoyed Lily, but they were good people besides that. But James and Sirius were complete idiots, often jerks, and they consistently made Lily's blood boil.

"The three of you could look a little more concerned that Remus got called to the headmaster's office," Lily huffed, coming to a stop next to Peter.

James looked between her and Sirius in confusion, and Peter looked up at her, frozen, with food halfway to his mouth. But Sirius just rolled his eyes at her and shrugged, and Lily had to suppress the anger boiling inside her.

"He get's called to Dumbledore all the time," Sirius answered nonchalantly.

"And how often does he leave those meetings and go cry in an empty classroom?" Lily snapped, anger flashing in her eyes.

"How is this your business?" Sirius retorted, his mouth twisting into a sneer.

"Because I'm the one who found him!" Lily answered, crossing her arms against her torso.

"So?" Sirius scoffed. "It's not like you're -"

James reached out and put a hand on Sirius' shoulder, stopping him in his tracks before he could say something regrettable.

"What happened, Evans?" he asked, and Lily turned her glare on him.

"His family told him not to come home for the holidays," she answered, a bit more sharp that necessary. "He's pretty cut up about it, feels like they don't want him."

"We'll take care of him," James assured her, though his tone was stiff.

"Thank you for letting us know," Peter said quietly, dropping his fork to his plate.

Lily turned and stalked away with a huff, her mary janes clicking against the stone floor. Overhead, the stars began to wink out as storm clouds drifted through the sky.

"Why does she have to go about, sticking her nose where it doesn't belong?" Sirius mumbled, poking at his food aggressively.

"But it was good she told us," Peter countered, his eyes round and sincere.

"I guess, but still, what does she care? She's not Remus' friend, she hasn't given a hippogriff's behind about him before," Sirius argued heatedly.

"Look mate, normally I'd agree with you," James cut in. "Evans can be bloody annoying most of the time. But I think right now we just need to focus on Remus. We have to make him feel better about this somehow."

"He could come spend the holidays with one of us," Sirius suggested, as if that solved the entire problem.

"Don't you think that would really just be rubbing in that his family doesn't want him at home?" James countered, shaking his head. "No, that's no good. We'll have to do something else..."

"What if... what if we all stayed here too?" Peter offered, looking nervous. "I'm sure it's a rubbish idea, but..."

"No, actually, I think it's brilliant!" James replied, smiling broadly at Peter.

"Look, normally I'm as chuffed as anyone to avoid my parents," Sirius said, "but won't your parents' mind you not coming home? Not to mention, I don't think Remus would take it as well as you think. He doesn't like people doing things for him, especially if it means sacrificing something."

"My parents will be sad not to see me, but they'll understand," James answered, and Peter nodded in agreement. "But you might be right about Remus. What if we just... don't tell him..."

"You want to lie to Remus?" Peter asked, incredulous.

"I think it might be the only way to get him to accept the situation," James said, giving Peter a tentative smile. "Isn't a white lie alright if it's to help someone?"

"I'm not sure..." Peter answered, looking uncomfortable.

"Peter, you know Remus would never let us give this up for him," Sirius argued. "Not that there's much to give up, really. But he would see it as a sacrifice, and he'd be upset. It's the only way."

"I suppose," Peter admitted, reluctant.

"We'll have to come up with different excuses," James reasoned. "And tell him at different times."

"Well my excuse is simple, I just don't want to go home," Sirius shrugged.

"You should go last, once we're all staying, you can say that you'd rather stay here with the rest of us," James said, nodding.

"I suppose I could say that one of my parents is sick," Peter suggested, hastening to amend his words when the others looked at him wide-eyed. "Nothing life threatening! The flu or something, just contagious enough to keep me away."

"Alright, well, I guess my parents could be traveling, they might not return before Christmas. If they were abroad, a storm would be enough to delay them," James considered. "I can go first, I'll send myself a fake letter from them and get it in front of him tomorrow. Peter you can go a day or two after that, and then Sirius, you last. We'll have to do a fair bit of acting to sell this though."

"Good thing we've had a fair bit of practice acting to get out of trouble," Sirius replied with a mischievous grin.

"When have you ever gotten out of trouble?" James scoffed, laughing lightly at his friend. "We all know you're the master of getting into trouble."

James pulled a small roll of parchment from his bag and extracted his quill and ink. He dipped his quill and began scratching a note out, imitating his father's handwriting flawlessly. When he was done, he held it up, satisfied, and blew on the ink lightly to dry it. He waved his wand at the base of the letter, and it tore cleanly away from the rest of the roll and folded itself neatly into a note.

All three boys got up from the table and left the Great Hall, making their way to the Owlery. James found his owl, Driscoll, and gave him specific instructions to bring the letter to him in the Great Hall at breakfast the next morning. When it was all arranged, they returned to Gryffindor Tower, finding Remus surly and brooding over his textbooks.

He said nothing about staying at Hogwarts for the holidays, and with an exchange of looks, the other three boys agreed it was better to pretend not to know. That way, when they announced they would be staying, it would be more plausible that it wasn't all for him.

Remus' mood had not changed by breakfast the next morning. He stared at his plate sullenly and pushed around bits of food without eating anything, though he had skipped dinner the night before. He didn't even notice when Driscoll swooped low over the Gryffindor table, landing gracefully on James' shoulder and dropping the letter in his lap. James opened the letter and did his best to look upset, tossing the letter down on the table and sulking into his beans on toast.

"Something wrong?" Sirius asked, nonchalant as ever.

"Mum's written, she says that she and my dad won't be home for Christmas," James answered, keeping his eyes on his plate and frowning seriously. But he saw through his lashes that Remus was looking up at him curiously. "They've been traveling a bit, seeing some of her extended family in India and friends in Egypt and Greece. But there's some big storm happening I guess, and she says they won't be able to get back in time, so I'm to stay here for the holidays."

"Really?" Remus asked, his voice a touch more upbeat. "You're staying here?"

"Looks like it," James said glumly, poking around at his breakfast. "Wish I didn't have to though. It'll be rubbish here alone for Christmas. Although I guess some people are staying. I think Benjy and Stebbins are both staying, since Hanukkah will be over by then."

"Well, I'll be staying too," Remus admitted, a little sheepish.

"You will?" James answered, markedly happier.

"Yeah, I found out yesterday," he said, shrugging. "I guess my parents are just... not feeling very festive this year. They're not ready to do the whole Christmas thing, so they want me to stay here."

"Well that's excellent!" James replied, cheerfully. "I mean, not... not that your parents aren't... but it'll be much more fun with you here!"

He stammered through the end of his speech, blushing slightly as he tried not to imply that everything was fine and dandy. If what Remus had said was the truth, then he must feel awful for not being wanted. But as it was, James suspected that there was more to the excuse than what had been said, and if Remus didn't feel like he could tell them what it was, then it was probably very upsetting.

Peter waited two days before announcing over lunch that his parents had both gotten bronchitis, and they didn't want him to come home and get sick, so he really ought to stay at Hogwarts. Neither James or Sirius had any idea what bronchitis was, but it seemed sufficiently contagious that Remus accepted the explanation without question. Peter had been brilliant – he'd gone to Professor McGonagall's office to tell her about their plan, and when he came back, he pretended to be all doom and gloom and said that she had called him in to tell him the news.

Sirius didn't even bother saying anything at all, but when Professor McGonagall assembled all the Gryffindors who were staying over the break, he followed them. When Remus gave him a confused look (which James and Peter were quick to replicate), Sirius just shrugged and said, "Much better to stay with you lot than go home to my family." Remus mere shrugged in reply, used to Sirius' oddities and dislike of his family enough not to be surprised by the decision. And just like that, all four boys were spending their first Christmas away from their families ever.

Most of the students left two days before Christmas, leaving the castle empty and quiet. Of the Gryffindors, only a handful remained, and mostly from the upper years. Alastor Moody and Iseult Courtenay wanted to stay to prepare for N.E.W.T.s, while Straton Faulkner wanted to study for the O.W.L.s, and Frank Longbottom wanted to spend the holidays with Alice Matthews. A few younger students stayed, but most had gone home, missing their families. Nearly all the Jewish students remained – they always had special permission to Floo home for suppers with their families during Hanukkah, the high holy days, and pesach, if they didn't fall during the breaks – which meant that Benjy Fenwick and Daniel Stebbins were staying, as well as Leon Wycliffe and Simon Beringer, although it was a shame that Rosaline had decided to go home to see her family anyway. Only two students in the entirety of Slytherin stayed at Hogwarts, Vortigurn Warwick, who was being made to do extra Charms lessons, and Emma Vanity, who hadn't been assigned a new foster family yet. Altogether, there were only 23 students staying for the break. The House tables had been replaced by one long table, with professors sitting interspersed among the students, and the decorations in the Great Hall had been scooched in closer so that the room didn't feel quite so vast and empty.

Remus was peaky and tired as break began, and the boys assumed he was just gloomy about being away from his parents. They tried everything to cheer him up. Together with Foxtrin Flint and Benjy Fenwick, they started a wizarding chess tournament, after finding a hidden passageway to Hogsmeade Sirius snuck bottles of butterbeer from the Three Broomsticks, and they even talked about setting off some of the stink bombs they had to trick Filch. But Remus seemed to only half enjoy all of it.

On Christmas Eve, Dumbledore declared that they would have a pajama ball after supper, and everyone should come dressed for the occasion. It was a bit odd, seeing students from other years and houses, even professors, all in their pajamas, but they had a blast. Professor McGonagall, predictably, excused herself early, and Remus said goodbye as soon as dinner was finished, the sun dipping low in the sky, and the ceiling of the Great Hall stained pink and orange.

"I'm going to go for a walk," he said, pushing his chair back and looking up at the ceiling. "I don't really feel much like partying tonight."

"Right, sure," Sirius replied, jumping out of his seat. "Let's go!"

"No!" Remus answered quickly, a bit louder than normal. "I mean, no, thank you, I... I feel like being alone."

"Oh... okay..." Sirius slowly sank back into his seat, looking confused and a bit disappointed.

Remus ducked between two Christmas trees, slipping into the shadows and out of the Great Hall. Professor McGonagall was waiting for him in the Entrance Hall. As usual, she was carrying a dark cloak to help hide him as they walked through the grounds, and she handed it to him as they stepped through the doors.

"Do you think Remus is okay?" Sirius asked, looking at James and Peter.

Around them, the Great Hall was transforming from a cozy dinner room to a festive night club. Most of the professors began to dip out, leaving the party in a respectable manner, without too many drinks. But the students took advantage of the free flowing butterbeers and the music echoing from the rafters. It was tame as far as parties go, no one was stumbling drunk or making out on the dance floor, they were all just letting a little loose and having fun.

The night dragged on, and the full moon climbed higher in the sky, bathing the Great Hall in light. Peter stood on the edge of the room, looking up at the ceiling. He didn't much feel like being at the party. As much as he agreed with what they were doing for Remus, he did miss his parents, and he sort of wished he was home with them. He supposed life was good at Hogwarts, and he was happy here. He had friends and didn't get bullied as much, but... but he wasn't like Sirius. He loved his parents, very much, and it was hard for him to be away from them so much. He huffed a breath of air and squinted at the moon, trying to make out some detail of its surface, even just one crater. Something clicked in his mind then, and he thought back to Remus' words, his behavior for the past few days, and suddenly he knew. But it wasn't his secret to know, much less to tell the others. Peter could guess though, why his parents had really told him to stay at Hogwarts, and he was more glad than he had been before that they had all decided to stay.

Half an hour later, James started yawning and dragged Sirius away, finding Peter. The three boys left the Great Hall, waving goodnight to the other students, and returned to the Gryffindor Common Room, making a beeline for their dormitory. The fire was crackling in the warming stove in the center of the room, making them even sleepier. Remus' bed was still immaculate, so he clearly had not returned from his walk yet.

"I think I'll stay up and read or something until Remus gets back," Sirius said, as all three boys got ready for bed.

"If you like," James shrugged, crawling under his comforter. "He's probably fallen asleep in the library or something though."

"Maybe," Sirius answered, but he was a little concerned.

"I might stay up for a bit too," Peter chimed in, but he didn't expect Remus to come back that night at all.

"Goodnight, then," James said, drawing his curtains around him, and his friends echoed the sentiment.

Try as they might, Peter and Sirius were both too tired to stay awake for long, and both drifted off to sleep within the hour. When Remus snuck in not long after sunrise the next morning, he found Sirius asleep sitting up, a book about Megaera the Magnificent fallen, abandoned, on his chest. He smiled, knowing that his friend must have tried to wait up for him, before crawling into his own bed to try and get a few hours of sleep before the others awoke.

Peter was the first to wake the next morning, looking over to find Remus asleep soundly in his bed. For a moment, he began to wonder whether his conclusion was wrong, but he saw fresh cuts on Remus' hands, and knew that he'd been correct. Quietly, so as not to wake the others, Peter slipped out of bed and padded over to the stove, warming his hands by the fire.

They each had a pile of presents at the base of their beds, delivered in the night by teams of owls. Peter examined his carefully, and saw a few from his parents, one from each of his friends, and one small, oddly shaped parcel that he couldn't identify. Remus had a similarly modest pile of presents, but James and Sirius both had small mountains of gifts at the base of their beds. With a sigh, Peter returned to his bed, pulling his Herbology textbook onto his lap and cracking it open.

He'd read a chapter and a half when James began to stir, stretching his long limbs and cracking his joints. He sat up, pulling the curtains of his bed aside and blinking sleepily at Peter. Then, without a word, he grabbed his pillow and threw it at Sirius, hitting him in the face. Sirius groaned and wrapped his arm around James' pillow, sinking deeper into his bed.

"Oi, wake up you muppet," James mumbled, and Sirius grumbled in response.

"Let them sleep longer," Peter said, watching as Remus rolled over onto his stomach and yawned.

"But it's Christmas!" James answered, his voice brimming with excitement, and he reached out to grab one of his presents.

"Even more reason to sleep in," Peter retorted, exasperated with his friend.

"What's got your wand in a knot?" James asked, grimacing across the dormitory.

"Nothing, but neither of them slept very much last night, and we haven't got anywhere to be, so what's the rush to wake them up?" Peter snapped, a bit louder than he meant to.

"'S'goin' on?" Remus mumbled, sitting up and yawning, running a hand through his very messy hair.

"Peter thinks I'm being a twat for wanting to wake you two," James answered as Sirius blinked his eyes open.

"I didn't call you a twat," Peter said, gritting his teeth. James was really trying his patience.

"Well, it doesn't matter, we're awake now, right Sirius?" Remus replied pacifyingly, scooting down to the foot of his bed. "C'mon let's see what we've got this year."

Peter's annoyance dissipated fairly quickly as his friends woke up and began tearing into their presents, whooping excitedly. Even Remus seemed a bit happier than he had been the day before, although he looked positively exhausted. Still, he was smiling and happy as he opened his presents, and Peter relaxed a bit.

It was a good haul for all of them that year (not that it ever wasn't). Sirius' parents had sent him a few things that he hated (a book of his lineage, really?) but they'd also included a bunch of chocolates and a few treats made by their kitchen elf. The Potters had more than made up for Mr. and Mrs. Black's poor choice in presents, sending Sirius a bunch of fun gifts, many of them mirroring things James had gotten himself. They'd also sent James a new broomstick, with explicit instructions that it was for practicing quidditch ONLY and that if he broke this one, he would be buying the next one himself. Sirius cackled at the note, but James blushed scarlet, looking horrified at the memory. Remus' parents had sent him a framed photo of him and his sister when he was young, which left him in a teary sort of smile as he opened the rest of his gifts. Peter had gotten some clothes and books and sweets, nothing big or fancy, but he was more than happy with his lot. The oddly shaped package turned out to be a small plant from Professor Sprout. It looked like a little succulent, and it emitted a kind of soothing energy. He could feel it leeching the anxiety from his brain and almost instantly felt more relaxed, even happier. He placed it on the nightstand by his bed, making a mental note to spend a few minutes holding this plant each morning and night.

When they had finished opening all their presents, the four boys made their way to the Great Hall for a fabulous Christmas breakfast. The spread was fit for a king, and they couldn't help but grin as they tucked into their meals.

"You know," Remus said after a few moments of idle chatter, "this Christmas hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be."

"No?" James asked, grinning happily.

"Nah," Remus answered, echoing his friend's smile.

"And we still have days before everyone else returns!" Sirius added. "Loads of time to get into all sorts of trouble."

All four boys giggled delightedly, thinking of the different pranks they could pull and thinking about sneaking out of Gryffindor Tower. It felt like the world was their oyster.

"Really though, thank you all for staying," Remus said sincerely.

"Dunno what you're talking about," Peter denied, but his smile told a different story.

They all knew what had transpired that Christmas, and more than anything, it had cemented their friendship. Beyond friendship, really. They were family now.

[get-the-treasure]

school log #1

9-5-17

Happy last ‘first day of high school’ I’m finally a senior let’s fuck shit up.

Assembly: i came in and first went to hug taylor cause jahsbfjfaks i havent seen her all summer nd did i tear up? yeah kind of lmao i missed taylor sm what a gem. then i went by like. the squad (for memory reasons: ???? ppl on the side, jade, bean, yadi, eren, rye showed up, dalon showed up, sammy showed up, ashley showed up, might be missing someone?). eren gave me a bitching smoothie (bless ty) nd i think we all just talked like we normally would. its nice to just slip into normal conversation with people wou havent seen in what feels like forever.

Hour 3 (Homegroup): sat in hg for like 2 hours. we got some new freshman of whom i only can name 3 because i missed the others names. nd i also only kno one of the sophomores by name cause i forgot the others. maybe we should talk w maya sometime? ive seen her around a few times and she looks like shes mostly alone? we got our lockers too. sike some middle schoolers took our lockers and now we have to wait until tomorrow to figure out if we can get them b a c k. then i knocked over the smoothie eren gave me nd like a little came out but not much so um thanks god. we filled out this helping sheet thing that were going to be checked on every monday soooo better keep up on work i guess. also there was a lot of talk of grilled cheese up the ass???

Hour 1 (AP Bio): i turned in my poster board and we just went over the same rubric we went over when i signed up for the class smh. doesnt seem like itll be hard tho? sammy might have to drop it if she doesnt do her entire thing over and turn it in tomorrow and even then he might say no. so heres to hoping. also sabastion sat by our table nd honestly w h y do we have to have mutual friends i hate my life.

Hour 2 (ROPE): went over like oNLY the autobiography part of the rope packet tbh. also amy said we should know who our thesis paper advisors are but 1. i didnt even know what the thesis paper was and 2. the day ended and i still have no idea who my thesis advisor is weLL GUESS ILL SUFFER. im worried i wont have a good autobiography and that i wont be able to keep up with rope, but if i just dont goof around (lol) then it shouldnt be a  w  f  u  l. i notice a big student mood is being like ‘i want to die’ when school starts but christ its not rlly that bad? u get a normal ish sleep schedule, its easier to hang out w friends imo, and the work isnt even that hard you just have to pay attention and do it. it kind of bugs me honestly when school breathes and someones like THIS IS THE WORST THING ON EARTH FUCK SCHOOL FUCK ALL THE WORK THIS SUCKS cause its literally not that bad if you just idk. dont goof off all the time. sometimes u can goof off im sure everyone does sometimes. just. do ur work nd dont get so uppity about it. also idk if nyone will even read these but this isnt directed at anyone.

Hour 4 (English 12): our class is huge lmao. sammy and i got seats by jimmy, josselin, and ariel but i think eren wants us to get to class earlier tomorrow so we can sit together w yadi at the back of the room. but we get out of hg when peter lets us out soooo we cant rlly control when he lets us out.

Lunch: there was a lil spider where i sit so i kind of shooed him away so i could sit and i ended up cramping a lot. the worst part abt school imo is the chairs are just as hard as the floor and i have awful pelvis issues so my entire lower half starts to freeze and lock up and it hurts rlly bad getting up or shifting after sitting still for a while, so i fidget a lot and shift positions a lot so i can try and reduce the pain. nyways i played music nd sidney nd alexis sat down by us and theyre really quiet (whenever i would see them in the halls on the way to class and they had a free hour or it was lunch nd id see them they were always quiet then too) and sidney left her chapstick and i hope she remembered to grab it (i told her at the assembly at the end of the day because i forgot to grab it to give back to her). i cant rlly remember what else happened honestly??? thats of noting at least.

Hour 5 (Free): eren and i are probably going to sit in michelles room for this hour since she has chairs and 3 hours in a row on the floor is going to bust my ass so bad. eren started doing work but we ended up just talking and eating and listening to a vine comp.

Hour 6 (Free): sammy came down and we did basically the same as the previous hour but more talking and laughing. i cant remember what we talked about tho?? or nything else?? (edit: we tlaked about fucking and spanx)

Hour 7 (Government): eren sammy nd i had put our stuff down in michelles room early to save our spots (but i bet ill be the only one still at the table tomorrow because they have to go to the front) and then eren nd i left to go to the bathroom then fill sammys water bottle and by the time we came back in michelle was like ‘please arrive on time’ like 1 we were in here first nd 2 the bathroom was packed nd were supposed to go between classes i couldnt piss any faster thanks tho. we got the syllabus and an intro to the class/classroom and thank god jared isnt in this class fuckkkk. also we have to do debates like in front of the class?? no t h a nk you i hate it

Hour 8 (Advanced Drawing/Painting): we just sat around ny amy was like ‘heres what well do’ but ariel sammy nd i basically talked the entire time we all know how art works.

Assembly: a final assembly to wrap everything up with all grades together (since middle nd high had separate assemblies this morning) and i dont kno if we got any important information i think it was just things only 6th graders nd new students need to know cause we hear the same spiel every year. then i guess we all left??? 

After School: my dad picked me up and hell be picking us up every day from now on (unless like smthn comes up u kno its whatever). he didnt say anything on the ride home unlike when he and mom would both pick us up and theyd both ask a lot of questions. i thought he was angry and i ended up being right. he and my mom got into a bad argument she told me later on and now shes changing the locks so he doesnt have a key. its kind of upsetting how she said i should be civil with like whoever my parents may end up dating nd the entire family and whatnot but she (vise versa) cant even be civil with him or the rest of our family so??? nice example you set for your kids, parents. anyways my dad is also apparently switching up stuff he says like what hell pay and what theyll keep asset wise and how theyd cooperate for our sake and now hes changing what he said during court and all this mess and i feel like hes doing it to spite my mom but hes also spiting us in the process because we rely on our mom. ughhhhh this is stupid difficult to deal w id rather just not have to hear this stuff but moms always on the phone talking about anything and everything and were forced to hear. nyways lol

[haeroniel-doliet]

i need more money to buy little art

honestly tho feeling like for that ideal goal existence i’ll try get to someday, i’ll needa be making proper money comfortable and good so i can spend all i like on society 6 and other to buy shirts and bags and just everything to a house all in different art prints (mostly florals) bc just those pictures are  like everything i want but just so expensive. i’m trying to sum down like 10 to stickers, bc i wanna do up my laptop, but dedicating to a single decal (thats like 25 ON SALE) is too much esp since i love so much. so ive kinda decided to get a hard cover for the laptop just in case i break it, and just in case i do break my laptop that i can keep the stickers on the hard case and dont lose them to replaced parts. idk seems smart. ill probs buy a kinda shady cover off of ebay for 5 or 6 pound and then spend 20 on stickers for it :] since theyre on sale till 8 am today and its 3 am im probs just gonna settle and order them. might order cover tomorrow w my dad bc i need trust assurance. hes not all on board on the stickers so im just gonna go for it. theyre gonna be like my post cards. i buy so many every place. and no. not trashy postcards. i want art. i have so many postcards of paintings in galleries and so many from comic con art valleys (guess who wants to get so much more and 100% will) i love original art the most when its pretty to me and like everyone who sees it. simples okay but i prefer soft and detailed. excited now i can go to con and also be looking for stickers bc maybe ill get a few cool ones that wont cost me as much as the society 6 ones do. and then my laptop can replicate my walls, displaying all the art ive loved that ive been able to take with me (bc theres so much i obviously dont have on my walls) anyway im looking at these and making some small bc i suddenly realise this laptops got realestate. and the saddest thing w stickers (literally why i had one of those waxy paged sticker books as a child) is that i cant dedicate stickers to a single spot. its so much dedication. what if i buy a bigger sticker and it wont fit? what if i get the perfect sticker for that spot and it wont fit? (over lap i guess) how can i be sure i put them in the right spots to start with? augh i dont really wanna cover just half of it and obviously leave space bc that puts pressure on finding stickers and i might get ones i dont love. i cant get sick of any one bc itll be there  (joy of having multiple mean theres less getting sick of anything). anyway i think im happy w the sizes of these 10 stickers and can work w them (also for now i think im just gonna be going around the edges and leaving the apple logo as it is, esp bc it glows and theres already this shitty old smiley face sticker from my old psych teacher and i kinda dont wanna get rid of it, i just wanna add things around it so it doesnt look so: clean (actually dirty) laptop that a child marked as their own) 

anyway society 6 has random discounts all the time which is p rad and maybe the day im ready to invest in my own living space and dont feel obliged to check w my parents about just about any purchase, i’ll then subscribe to something thatll tell me what discount is on. that in mind, i think i’ll only get the 9 now, that hopefully wont cost too much, and leave a bunch in my wishlist, bc there’ll be another discount (this is 20% off everything)  and maybe that’ll be like 50% off stickers and boy then when my collection is underway you bet ill go for it. and like maxx sticks on their sketch book, if i dedicate to a new book maybe ill get more for that and have a pretty thing to keep and reminisce over (tho knowing me, ill not use it much bc i have a need for pretty things to stay perfect and presentable, and i have a need for everything that i might show to others to be like near perfect otherwise its sucks and ill feel bad bc i dont wanna show it off to people. like my art book, sure i couldve made it all experimental and crap and then edited the real pages together on the computer. but no. i needed everypage to be presentable and pretty and handwritten and creative. and they must go page after page, its so awkward showing someone something and then going “oh wait now these few are empty sorry yeah heres the next page” so i baasically have  a book with mhmmm 20-26 pages of beautiful spreads that im quite proud of inside beautiful covers ( i knew id want to be presenting it for years to come) and the back pages are just...empty. and theyll probably stay that way bc i no longer have projects to be doing to fill them with. maybe one day ill grow into myself and grow out the fear of ruining what ive achieved and fill some with new projects to please myself and be an indepenednt artist not just a teacher pleaser. you know its like that with my work too, like it has to have a direction and a plan that will be achieved, and its terribly frustrating when that vision doesnt happen. but i think thats the same with everyone. 

anyway on a side note, dont you guys think its so fun and cool how ive not done my post labs that were due last friday? how every night ends up being 3-4 am until i go... mhmmmm yeah i guess nothing is happening. like i hope id bloom and do work at that 11pm-3am window and then i get here, suddenly having lost all track and sense of time and just sigh. its wasted, its basically tuesday already. have to keep telling myself dates bc it moves so weird. i planned on getting shit done two days ago. here we are regardless. and the most ill get done is get those stickers ordered bc that is i guess what ive been half focused on for mhmmm5 hrs. then ill save my 7 dollars or whatever, have stickers on the way, tomorrow order the case and thats one insignificant thing done. then the question will be have i looked at summer jobs? no of course not ive looked at ballet courses. shush. i havent showered for days bc theyve just slipped by too laying in bed, maybe tomorrow ill take a shower and pick up all the trash and tissues on the ground. maybe i will. i know i wont get real work done tonight, and already ill be sleepy till 1 pm and by then mom will be again on me abt sleeping to latesoo... yeah no point. and here i thought id make a quick totes relatable short post about how i need more money to buy stickers and maybe a brief my ideal life is to have enough money to spend on art being in every part of my life and all this  being unique so people love coming to my house and go wow its so original and cool. and that turned into a word vent thats so far taken me over half an hour. hi my batterys dying. 

lng story short, i’ll order the stickers currently in my basket after so much though, suck it up and do it and know that i have a bunch over in my wishlist for that next maybe even better sale when it happens. the only thing is im taking all the rest as transparent which for sure dulls them down (yeah white background looks sick but for some its just more classy w transparent, then theres this one bear i’m 100% naming wojtek thats in white bc i feel it’ll be best for him, and i guess having him in white will set that theres no clear rules to follow and worst case if it doesnt fit he can come chill on the keyboard side next to my mouse pad thing) honestly i cant tell if i should be getting them all in white and just hope that theyll look gorgeous no matter what. yikes 3 dollar shipping for stickers, ok itll actually be 19.62 pound and using euro card 22.50 in  euros.... am i dumb? maybe. and tho im supposed to be saving money up so i have some, i also did get birthday money sorta recently soo... birthday gift from them. first set of stickers. deep breaths ok. my parents told me when i bugged them that i just have to make a decision and not ask them all the time, and he said to get 3 stickers i told him id pick 12 so i think getting 9 is reasonable. also oh shit realising that the delivery time is 1-3 weeks and im staying here only 1 and a half more so i should really order it to scotland even tho it might get ther ebefore i do bc my parents might not rly want to send them up to me. idk ok order to scotland, thank f at least one of my flat mates is staying and tbh i should really bring her some chocolate... shes done me faavours.