#the nanny named Fran ate this up

[filmloversociety]

Fran Drescher, president of the SAG-AFTRA, in her strike announcement speech

[fangtastic-vampyra]

*crying from Merc retrograde*

GREAT TIME TO START A COMPUTER REPAIR HOBBY. YES.

I bought a Cheap Project comp.... And things are going um, better, til I lose data or it says it's not online, when, it is, or icons magickally disappear, I can only Play old, games currently.. Sims 2, even, keeps crashing,,,, OOOH I CAN TRY TO RUN ORIGIN. .. I have Sims 3, expansions too, i never buy item packs like dont care that much, hehe i mean i play for a few hours and get bored, idk, but sometimes Fecking hilairious shit happens, like its severely bad.. Woman starts having a baby in my dudes living room, the imaginary friend doll is named Cosmo, ._. Im disturbed... One of his female guests, ate in the bathroom then peed on herself .. kinda weird lol then the cat was playing in the urine, it was fucking FUBAR, I think my handlers fuck with my games ... like OBV, what the fuck kinda game session was that. THE SIMS 3, THE SIMS 4, I have the sims 2, from old games Once I made Joker and Harley and there was the popo, pulled up in the drive way, i guess a practical joke, anddd there were no options when clicking on it.. wtf lol

Computer wont even run Petz 5, im like, an internet queen goth and aunty. yes. lol. i mean no harm, ive always been a nanny, like Fran lol. ^.^ Now I have a stepson, he spent a verrrry long time in restroom, over an 1+, sigh, and thenn he goes in there without checking to see if theres bath towels, had to wait up for him, i wanted to bath at the same time. WE ARE SYNCHRONIZED. OMG. ITS EXTREMELY ANNOYING. TWO BED, 1 BA, APARTMENT. CRYING.

"dont forget to bring a towel" lmfao.

and noo id ont want to get high... im grown.. idk, its teenager stuff to me, younger stuff, to me, i cant blame them, weeds weaponized now.. idk.. i want uhm, more cdb / thc gummies.. or cbd liquid rops. govt weed heh..those are wild.. im starting to get anxiety surrounding it, panicking that i want things to stop before they stop, i have did okay, like im...affected strangely.. I think that means use more but im starting to find highs, undesirable, maybe kava, kratom are better options, i want to be present ... okay. i really want to stop worrying ,, im nervous,, people think im fun, interesting, kind, but i have a lot of sides...

[lovemesomesurveys]

hey there. what's your name? Stephanie.

what is your age? 31.

do you have blonde hair? No. 

if not, what color? if so, do you like it? I have naturally dark brown hair, but I’ve been dyeing it red the past few years and I like it a lot better. Well, I’m over a year due now but shh...

what are the colors of your eyes? Brown.

do you like the life you are living? Absolutely not.

what school do you go to? do you like it? I’m done with school.

does your teeth show when a camera takes pictures of you? No.

are you in middle school? Uh, no. I’m 31 years old.

do you have a cell phone? Yes.

how many siblings do you have? I have two brothers.

do you use lotion when your hands or feet is dry? I should more often. I could use some now.

do you have a house phone? Yes.

are you talking to anyone right now? Nope, everyone is currently asleep seeing how it’s 5:08AM.

do you love Kentucky Fried Chicken? I’ll eat their mashed potatoes, but that’s it.

did you notice i capitalized the KFC? Okay.

are you a smart or a dumb person? I feel very average.

are you a boy or a girl? I’m a girl.

do you wear any make-up? I haven’t for the past few years.

are you a regular person, or are you gothic, emo, or anything else? What’s a “regular” person?

are you in any gangs? No.

do you love to play video games? Some.

do you like heart shaped things? Yeah.

what is your myspace/facebook background if you got one? --

do you add salt to all your food? If it’s something that isn’t salted already that I would like some salt on. I only add very little.

do you carry a purse, or are you a boy? I carry a mini backpack. Also, I didn’t know if you didn’t carry one you must be a boy cause boys can’t do that. Huh.

do you like to watch spongebob squarepants? No.

do you like to watch Disney channel as much as i do? I haven’t in years.

have you ever saw the show THE NANNY? Yes. I’m sorry, but I could not stand Fran Drescher’s voice.

are you hungry? No, I just ate like an hour ago and I feel really full.

are you thirsty? Nope, just drank some water. 

do you know anyone named Michael? No.

what about penny? Nope.

do you listen to miley cyrus any? Some.

have you heard the new Disney channel song, Send it On? I’ve heard the song. Wow, this survey is reallyyy old.

are you a vegetarian? No.

have you ever felt so sad only because you haven’t seen your pet in a while? I really do miss my doggo when I’m on vacation.

who is your science teacher? --

are you one of a kind? Nope.

when you go to weddings, do you dress up? Yeah.

do you like to eat chicken meat? That’s the meat I eat the most.

have you ever realized you were staring mean at the tv for no reason? No...

what color is the sofa in your living room? Gray.

do you have a wii? My brother does and I’ve used it in the past.

do you play on a psp? Nope.

do you like to eat chips with some dip? I love chips and dip.

can you eat mashed potatoes with no gravy? No, honestly. It would be too dry for me. I like to add a lot of gravy.

what's your favorite tv show? I have several.

what is your favorite song at the moment? I don’t have a current new favorite.

are you happy? No.

are you sad? I’m severely depressed.

do you know what question you're on? Nope. Don’t care, either.

do you take really good care of your teeth? I should have taken better care of them.

do you ever get any mail in the mail? Yeah, bills and stuff I order online.

do you even have a home? I do, fortunately.

do you drink beer or any other bad drinks? I don’t drink beer or any other alcohol if that’s what you’re referring to. 

is any of your grandparents alive? Both of my paternal grandparents are still alive.

what time is it? 5:18AM.

did you enjoy my survey? Not the best, sorry.

[missmartian369]

Wasabi

M’Gann and Conner always tell the current team stories about the original team, going from their old missions to them just hanging out and bonding, mostly the latter. One of the stories that they told was how the original team decided to get together once a week to go out for dinner. The current team decides to make that one of their traditions to grow closer to each other, especially after three of their members left the team. They decided that they would take turns on who would pick the restaurant and every Friday night they would eat dinner at that particular restaurant. This week it was Cassie’s turn. She picked a sushi joint in Metropolis that she and her mom love going to and thought that it would be the perfect place to go, especially since not every person on the team has tried sushi. Friday night soon came and the team found themselves at the crowded sushi restaurant waiting to be seated.

“You guys are going to love this place! My mom and I try to come here whenever we can! Their sushi is amazing! It’s always packed, too.” Cassie exclaimed. Virgil looked unsure.

“I don’t know. I don’t really like the prospect of basically eating raw fish. I never understood why and how people can eat anything raw.” Virgil said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeah same. I remember cringing when I saw Rocky down raw eggs while watching the movie.” Jaime said.

“I thought the same about sushi, but then I ended up trying it one time and it actually tasted really good.” Traci said with a smile. “So I think you two might end up liking it.”

“Yeah, and not all sushi is raw. There are definitely some options that include cooked seafood as well. And this place has other option besides sushi, like ramen noodle bowls, if you guys don’t see any sushi dishes that interest you, so you guys will definitely have options to choose from. And they’re good, too!” Cassie said. Virgil and Jaime seemed to relax more after receiving that bit of information.

“Well I’m just excited to try sushi, especially since there isn’t any in the future.” Bart said. Both Traci and Cassie turned to him with surprised looks on their faces.

“There is no sushi dishes in the future?” Traci asked. “Nope.” Bart said, shaking his head. “Wow I definitely chose the right place then.” Cassie said.

The hostess called out her last name and sat them at a round table. Their waiter came and took their drink orders. He came back with their drinks and took their orders. Turns out that Bart, Jaime, and Virgil found a sushi dish that peaked their interest. Fifteen minutes later, the waiter came back with their dishes and the team began to eat their food.

“Oh wow this is good!” Virgil said after one bite. Jaime nodded his head in agreement after biting into his dish.

“See what did I tell you?” Traci said. “I knew you two would like it!”

“This is so crash! I love sushi! I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on all this!” Bart exclaimed. He was already on his second plate (Bart in Bart fashion, ordered three plates of the same dish).

“Awesome job Cassie. This place is amazing!” Traci told Cassie with a big smile. Cassie beamed. She was glad that everyone was enjoying their sushi and her choice in restaurants. As everyone continued to eat and converse with each other, Bart notices something green on a plate in the middle of the table. “Hey what’s that?” Bart asked, pointing to the green substance.

“That’s wasabi.” Traci answered. “It’s something that people put on their sushi to give it a kick. It’s like spicy mustard.” She added, putting some on her sushi.

“Oh I love spicy mustard!” Bart said, taking a big wad of wasabi and placing it on his sushi piece and plopping it into his mouth. Everyone continued their conversations and about 3 seconds later, Bart freezes mid chew with his eyes going wide. Everyone stops and turns to him.

“Bart are you okay hermano?” Jaime asked, looking concerned. Bart didn’t answer. He just put his hands to his throat as if he was choking. “Oh my gosh are you choking?!” Traci asked him, ready to get out of her seat to give him the Heimlich maneuver just in case. Bart shook his head and continued to put his hands close to his throat and flail them around.

“Dude what’s wrong?!” Virgil asked him. Bart didn’t answer hi either. He just continued to flail his arms around and eventually fell over his seat and on to the ground with a thud. Some people sitting at the tables around him looked at him with concern. Cassie got out of her seat and walked over to him.

“I’m sorry.” She apologized to the people with an embarrassed smile. “He…He’s okay.” She said, and then squatted right next to Bart putting her hands on his shoulders. “Bart! Bart!” She hissed at him while whispering. “Get up right now! If you aren’t choking then what the hell is wrong with you?! Get up! Get up! She hissed at him and eventually Bart sat up, panting a little. Cassie helped him up and went back to her seat as Bart sat back down in his seat.

“Dude what the hell was that?” Virgil asked him. Bart took a minute to answer as he was still panting. “I…..I di…I didn’t know that eating a big wad a wasabi would do that to you.” Bart said without a care in the world. Everyone else looked at him like he had two heads. “What?” Bart said looking at all of them.

Cassie pinched the bridge of her nose. “Bart……you made that entire scene because you ate a big wad a wasabi?” She deadpanned.

“Yep!” Bart exclaimed, using his fork to get some more wasabi for his sushi, only this time a reasonable amount, and continues eating as if nothing happened. Both Jaime and Virgil just face palm. A muffled giggle was heard.

“He..hehe…hehehehehe.” Jaime turns his head to Traci who’s sitting right next to him. She had one hand covering her mouth and the other hiding her face. “Trac….are you okay?” Jaime asked her.

Traci sat up straight, her hands leaving her face. “Yeah! Yeah! I’m sorry I just…..” She couldn’t even finish her sentence. She put her head back down, shaking it, and covered her mouth again, this time out right laughing. Jaime looked at her with surprise…..until he too started laughing too. “Hehehe….hehehehahahahaha!” Jaime laughed. Virgil soon followed suit, with Cassie not too far behind them. Soon four out of five members of the team were laughing hysterically. Bart looked around at them with a smile, mouth full of food, trying not to burst out laughing himself. “Wha…what’s so funny?” He asked, his mouth full and with a slight laugh.

A small piece of food shot from him mouth as he talked and landed in middle of the table, and for some reason, that ended up setting his four friends off and they laughed even harder. Virgil was laughing so hard that he banged his fist against the table. Bart, swallowing his food, couldn’t contain himself anymore and joined in on the laughing. Pretty soon, some people around the restaurant found themselves looking over to five teenagers hysterically laughing like they inhaled the Jokers’ laughing gas.

This just marks another great memory that the current team can add to their team bonding experiences.

Here’s another one-shot for my team shenanigans story. Here’s the link for it on FanFiction: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13268013/1/The-Team-and-Their-Shenanigans

Inspiration for this one-shot came from an episode of the hilarious sitcom The Nanny where there was a scene where Fran tried wasabi for the first time and put a lot on her sushi after CC told her it was like spicy mustard and Fran loves mustard. She puts it in her mouth and hilarity ensues lol. You can find the scene on YouTube, just type in ‘The Nanny wasabi’.

[thisislizheather]

April Activities 2021

The major news of the month? I can’t believe I get to be fully vaccinated. It’s hard to describe how incredible it feels but I’m so ready to really start this next phase and I can’t wait for everyone I love to feel this feeling soon. Here’s what went down last month.

Here are my favourite tweets from last month. Also, I’ve decided to compile the best tweets list every two weeks rather than only once a month mostly because I love re-reading them and want that sort of joy in my life twice a month, not just once.

I did Nathan’s podcast and we talked about Rogers, sex robots & god only knows what else.

Two new nail polishes that I bought and love: English Lavender by butter and Cold Brew Crew by essie. Beautiful colours.

I’ve made this lamb ragu from Alison Roman twice so far, it’s so luxurious but somehow easy to make. I’ve put it on tagliatelle as well as zucchini noodles and both have been wonderful. Small tip: it does get better after it sits in the fridge for a bit, for some reason. (Also, the recipe doesn’t call for it, but I added basil at the end. I tend to add basil anytime something calls for parsley because it’s just so much more flavourful and fun.)

Above Photo: Alison Roman’s lamb ragu

I want to buy new underwear and I’m looking for any suggestions that aren’t Victoria’s Secret, Aerie or The Gap. I might just bite the bullet and try the ones from Blush (love love love the models they use).

I tried the strawberry short cake soft serve from Milk Bar and it was heavenly. The soft serve is even better than the strawberry cake (although the cookie crumbles within the cake always make my knees weak). In fact, I’ve yet to try a Milk Bar soft serve that I didn’t love (their vegan apple pie soft serve was out of this world), should I have been buying their pints this whole time? Yes.

I gave a chance to Ouai’s Air Dry Foam and it didn’t impress me or anyone else for that matter, so I guess I’ll just stick with the Wave Spray instead.

The rain boots that I bought a few years ago from Winners have disintegrated and I’m in search of new ones, but please don’t recommend Hunter ones. I hate Hunter. Open to any other suggestions!

Influenced by a TikTok video, I bought Falscara and holy shit. I know I promise this a lot, but I’m going to do a video on it so you can see how good a product it is. So many videos are coming, I vow.

There milk chocolate coconut almonds from CVS are UNHOLY.

I tried a sample of Glamglow’s Glowstarter moisturizer and was pleasantly surprised at how it really does give you a pleasant glow. What’s that about.

It’s uncivil how expensive body suit/swimwear hangers are. Who is this benefiting? I just want to hang my delicate bodysuits and carry on with my day.

Trader Joe’s has started selling their own vodka and I’m hoping they’ll start to sell it in New York soon. Seems weird that they don’t already.

I tried a small sample of Charlotte Tilbury’s Magic Elixir and discovered that the true magic behind the elixir is how she got anyone to believe that it does anything at all. Makeup products truly enrage me at times.

Nathan and I went to a movie theatre and it was everything I wanted it to be and more. We saw Godzilla vs. Kong and I found myself beaming through every inane scene. Perfect movie to see after a year of no theatres. Would I ever watch it again? Good lord no.

I bought a lotion bar from Gift Box on Broadway in Astoria and I love it. I think I’d use it more if it were slightly smaller and more manageable, but I love it nonetheless.

I tried Rao’s spaghetti and it was incredible, so now I’m forced to seek out their other types of pasta. Such a quality pasta.

I ate at The Pineapple Club and the basil fried rice and frozen pina coladas were both outrageously good.

I bought this bag from Zara and I’m honestly nervous to even wear it out for some weird reason. Like, am I the person who would have a bag like this? Do I want to be that person? Am I feeling this way because of having nowhere to go for so long? Have I always been this fearful? Some of these questions I shouldn’t answer, I realize.

Just bought these shoes in tan and I think I have my life all figured out now. Now if I can just leave the house wearing said shoes and holding said bag.

Speaking of shoes, I truly can’t decide if I love or loathe these slippers.

Last shoe thing: head over HEELS (not sorry) in love with these feet hugging sandals. Should’ve bought four more pairs.

I made these chocolate banana muffins and they were great but the real standout is the recipe at the bottom for the salted honey butter. Christ, you should make that butter.

I perused Molly Baz’s new cookbook and it’s a big one. Some standout recipes: The Big Italian salad, a dilly horseradish cream sauce for shrimp, and of course her caesar salad recipe.

I never thought I’d be the type of person to buy fake plants, but this one is so lifelike and pretty that I had to get it. Plus it’s perfect for the top of a bookshelf.

Above Photo: Fake plant from Target

It’s ramp season and I couldn’t be happier about it, you’ll hear more about my ramp creations next month.

I watched This is a Robbery on Netflix and don’t waste your time. Yes, it’s an interesting story, but save yourself a few hours and go read this instead.

I’m watching The Nanny and loving it. I’ve only ever watched a few episodes growing up, and I thought I would hate it because of how much everyone makes fun of Fran’s voice but her voice is fine! It’s wild that anyone ever said it was annoying. Also, the theme song is catchy as hell.

I rewatched Speed and it’s, of course, still great. What can’t Keanu do.

I watched the 90s movie The Crush and it’s really weird that movies like that would never have a chance being made today.

I’m all caught up on Riverdale now and… it’s hard to remember when it was really good. Maybe it was all Skeet Ulrich? Was that the main draw in my mind? I can see that making sense. In any case, it’s taken a turn.

There’s something so inviting about having good washroom rugs, I just got these soft-as-hell Threshold ones and I’ll never buy another brand again.

I visited the midtown Ideal Cheese Shop (been meaning to forever) and it’s such a great spot for NYC delicacies as well as, obviously, cheese. They had pre-packed bacon from Peter Luger and salmon from Daniel Boulud.

Things are already changing fast with new restrictions loosing in NYC, but did you know you can rent out a bar for an hour?

I tried the breakfast Beyond Meat sausage patties and surprise, surprise, they’re great. There’s nothing this company can do wrong. I’m becoming suspicious.

I got drinks and some small bites at Bar Dalia in Astoria and what a sweet little place! Would go again.

I finally got my hands on the kitchen-scented mini candles from Trader Joe’s (the scents are lemongrass, tomato leaf, fresh mint). They fill me with joy, unfortunately. I also got their grapefruit scented body butter, which goes on very smoothly but I’ve noticed it has a scent that’s slightly off-putting over time. I will not dwell on that fact further.

Had no idea that Banza made a pizza crust but I tried it and it’s wonderful.

I love seeing what promotional giveaways are planned for the upcoming baseball season but since we’re technically still in a pandemic, the Mets are only releasing what the promotions are each month (makes sense). So I’ve bookmarked the page to go look at on the first of each month.

I don’t eat a ton of fast food, but I’m sorry, some of these are genius ideas.

I’ll regret it if I don’t buy a box of these, right?

I know that it’s common to read an article about something and feel “that’s me!” but this one really resonates with me: “There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing.”

The best brand at Target: A New Day.

Love and fully agree with all of this woman’s questions about things that don’t make sense.

I was walking past a Home Depot in Queens and the smell of the sandwiches at Rocco’s was heavenly. I had just eaten, otherwise I would have leaped into line. Must remember to get a Philly cheese steak here next time. The Yelp reviews are calling me.

I bought this earring organizer from The Container Store and it’s perfect. Fully recommend. I also finally got a purse organizer and some shoe boxes that make me feel like I might be a successful woman in her prime.

Above Photo: Earring Stand from The Container Store

Above Photo: Left: purse storage holder, Right: shoe storage boxes, Not Shown: me, opening & closing my closet door ten times to bask in my new found organizational skills

I had no idea Zara had a home section. I wish I didn’t have this knowledge, but now that I do, you must too. Literally ALL of these glasses are gorgeous. Tempted to go smash each glass in my kitchen cupboard right this instant.

This Artist Faked Being a Billionaire to Photograph New York City's Best Views - such a great idea, such great photos. How was it not me who came up with this?

Some more spring recipes I’m dying to make:

Ramp & Ricotta Tart

Grilled Asparagus Caesar Salad

Lemon Poppy Seed Cake

Scallop Risotto with Lemon & Sweet Peas

Grilled Caprese Skewers with Halloumi and Sourdough

Some things that I’m looking forward to this month: the new/final season of Shrill comes out this week (!), I might be going to a Mets game (!!), dying to eat at Under The Volcano, really want to visit the new Dippin' Dots store, I’ve been craving a good club sandwich for months so I might try to get brunch at Mark’s Off Madison, I know it might be early but I can’t wait to go tan on Governors Island soon, and at some point I’d really love to take one of these pasta cooking classes.

Above Photo: The club sandwich at Mark’s Off Madison, photo courtesy of Front of House

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in March over here.

[thatshighlyoffensive]

THAT’S HIGHLY OFFENSIVE: MET GALA 2017

THAT’S HIGHLY OFFENSIVE: MET GALA 2017

Well, well, welcome to the annual skewering of Dummies with Money Pretending They Care About Anything Other Than Themselves AKA the Met Gala 2017 (or as Drew Jordan called it, “a party for relatives of famous people.” I hate most of the people that attended this year, plus my supply of fucks is as depleted as my bank account these days, so the positive reviews are scarce. Cat and I watched the E! red carpet coverage together and tried really hard to care, but it never happened. We were passionate about one thing though: Whoever manned the camera tonight should be fired and exiled to a country where they only photograph people from the shoulders up and then seek treatment for his obvious battle with Parkinson’s. HIGHLY OFFENSIVE. Enjoy!

Giuliana Rancid (who is obviously not at the actual event because she would never be invited to anything other than a Ruby Tuesday’s salad bar ribbon cutting) spent the evening with a bunch of other nobodies in a studio on the west coast and chose to drape her Antz body in the milky exoskeleton of one of her albino brethren.

I hate Katy Perry almost as much as I hate Lena Dunham, so the fact that she has dated my future husband John Mayer is something that whittles away at my black heart daily, and whatever the hell I’m looking at on the red carpet right now just took out another big chunk. I literally cannot, so that’s all.

Lily Collins looks like the Berries ’n’ Cream Starburst guy on his way to a Sophia Coppola sponsored transgender formal.

Kendall Jenner would be 100% perfection if she’d done something different with her hair. Those legs, MY GOD.

Kylie Jenner (as always) looks like Bruce Jenner in a Pretty Woman wig with a Kris Kardashian’s worth of plastic surgery in a girdle and pair of Steve Maddens.

Rose Byrne: The sun’ll come ouuuut tomorrow! Actually, it saw you tonight and decided not to.

Brie Larson looks like the love child of Babette the feather duster and one of my hand bells from middle school church choir in Dorothy Zbornak’s footwear.

Lily James looks like Natalie Portman from Black Swan wrapped in a Swiffer Wet Jet.

Rihanna looks like two Jimmy Dean sausage links wrapped in red licorice, stuffed into a clotted human heart piñata.

Naomi Watts looks more like Nicole Kidman every day. But probably my favorite look of the night.

Celine Dion looks like Jenna Lyons wrapped one of her old, bedazzled J. Crew tees in the Oscar gown she pulled out of Angelina Jolie’s trash can and secured it with the straps from one of the antique electric chairs Billy Bob is afraid of. #teamjolie

Bella Hadid- I don’t love all the weight she’s lost since becoming an ‘it’ girl/I’m insanely jealous, but her look harkens back to the origins of the MET ball aka the OG supermodels and the designers that loved them, so I give her look an A.

GiGi- While I really do appreciate your channeling of Christy Turlington (whether you meant to or not), I can’t say that I fully understand your look tonight. The color is that of a gout ridden tuna, the shape is that of a sushi wrapped tuna, and your panty hose are reminiscent of someone wrapping tuna in seaweed at Hibachi Express. Sanitation grade: C+

Chrissy Teigen looks like she always has: bloated and wild. Her outfit looks like a cotton gin exploded next to a L’eggs factory.

Lupita Nyongo looks like the Toucan Tropicana Barbie and that is all.

Ruby Rose is channeling some ‘She Sells Sea Shells by the Jersey Shore’ shit.

Miranda Kerr looks like a walking, glossy, coral reef, made up by Bobbi Boring Brown, as usual.

Rami Malek went to the Ball as a Twizzler. Or was it a Red Vine? #redvinesfamily

Zendaya: Mac-OW.

Paris Jackson: I have never been so offended by someone. First of all, she has about as much of Michael Jackson’s DNA in her as I do. Secondly, she looks like she put as much effort into her appearance tonight as I did when I dialed Dominos earlier. Also- Express’s formal collection has never looked worse. Also, also, your tattoos rival the mess of ink on a backstreet water rat.

Madonna- I didn’t think I could be more offended by a poseur than Paris Jackson, but again, I’m proven wrong. Her gap-toothed, fake-British bullshit can’t be hidden by all the camo in the world, and certainly not by one hideous dress.

Zoe Kravitz- Big Little Lies made me love her and this outfit does nothing but add to my new obsession. I could do without the sleeve contusions, but I’m obsessed with the rest. Like the finale of BLL, she’s channeling Audrey Hepburn like a boss.

Kate Hudson- Yo ass has looked the same every damn year. This year is the same, just more boring and like you’re trying to channel a Kartrashian aka HIGHLY OFFENSIVE. But also- i love you.

Gwyneth Paltrow looks like she ate Chelsea Handler and borrowed Titus’s pumps.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen: Two canoodling Weimaraners.

Lily Rose Depp: I actually love this. All of it. I am ashamed.

Sarah Paulson: And the cockatoo cried ‘Nevermore.’

Cara Delevigne: The Tin Man and The Nanny Named Fran had a baby. And it was ugly.

Rita Ora: Wasn’t it nice of Russell Stover to cater the red carpet?

Maggie Gyllenhaal: If Dorothy Draper, the Jolly Green Giant and a footless grandpa had a baby.

Halle Berry: Barnacles never looked so good.

Reese Witherspoon: Alexis Carrington would be proud. But that ponytail… She’d snatch it off.

Amy Schumer: So you ate Tonya Harding and then stole some kid’s Scarlet Witch cosplay outfit from their Orlando double-wide and threw it over your hamhocks? You belong IN a trash bag, not wrapped in one.

Kim Kartrasashian: An OB tampon at a Renaissance Faire. That is all.

J. Lo- You’re channeling Jennifer North and I love that, but your horse hair ponytail is highly offensive. And I’m not sure I get the color. But I think you and A. Rod make a perfect couple.

Karlie Kloss- Your shiny face is offensive. Stop. Your shoes are on point like a mosquito’s knee. Stop. Your dress is half terrible/half almost there. Stop. Put on a damn necklace. Stop.  

Kerry Washington- Whitney Houston in The Bodyguard with a lisp. Also- your lace front is almost as off-putting as Johnny Travolta’s. OFFENSIVE ON ALL COUNTS.

Blake Lively- I don’t know how someone makes golden chain mail with a peacock’s ass attached to it so boring, but you’ve done it. Also- you’ve done the braid/ponytail to death and made me want to follow suit. Death’s, not the hairstyle’s…

Jessica Chastain- Queen EleaBore of Land O’ Lakes called, she says you look melted.

Hailey Baldwin- I don’t know how dressing like a slutty piece of salt water taffy turned state’s surprise witness in a dog collar makes you a top model, but best regards and kindest wishes.

Nicki Minaj looks like Chun Li’s evil twin going to prom in Cleveland, Ohio.

So, Elle Fanning The Chinless Wonder thought tonight’s gala was an audition to be another boring ass Disney princess?

Mandy Moore- I love you more than anything because you are Rapunzel but NO. You are not Anjelica Huston in Addams Family.

Salma Hayek- you are naturally STUNNING and tonight you look OFFENSIVE and like a character from one of my brother’s anime shows. And not in a good way.

Selena Gomez made my eyes roll out of my head, onto the floor, out the door, into the street, and under the tire of Rachel Leigh Cook’s Volkswagen Rabbit.

Emma Roberts looks like a Jennifer Garner drag queen auditioning for the role of Jessica Rabbit in a high school production of Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Priyanka Chopra is literally just wearing a trench coat. #carmensandiegoworeitbetter #andwithahat

Kate Bosworth always looks like a creepy Victorian doll with alopecia.

Worst dressed: Daisy Ridley, hands down. She looks like someone sewed fabric from the bargain bin onto one of those built-in-bra pajama dresses from Target and threaded a wonky hula hoop into the bottom. Hideous hair. No jewelry? HIGHLY OFFENSIVE.

BYEEEEEEEE

[mayax81]

People I have never forgotten, for some reason

Part 1

1. A group of Possum activists who showed up & gave my group of Regional Student Convention-goers little green badges up in Oregon (14yrs, 2008) 2. These two girls with whom I took a college-level drawing class at Butte who LOVED my gigantic Spirited Away space-fanart (9yrs, 2002) 3. Forest and Dream, the children of a hippie lady named Anilla (”Free Spirit of the Wind”) at Castle Lake near Mount Shasta (16yrs, 2010) 4. My “cousin” Alexander/Alexandria who was friends with my other “cousins” Savannah/”Nanny” and Dakota (daughters of Fran, my mother’s friend) (unknown, childhood/pre-adolescence, 1999-2006) 5. A Japanese exchange student with my exact same name (Emily) who stayed for a while with my grandparents (Bob & Judy Moore) in Santa Rosa who gave me my very first Kamaboko (which I ate by itself like a moron) (unknown, 17-20yrs, 2011-2014)