#the one thing Taylor has never let anyone forget is her humanity throughout this entire thing

[itspileofgoodthings]

“The problem with Taylor Swift is that she writes like an underdog despite being one of the most successful and celebrated artists of all time” oh I’m so sorry, I forgot that money and acclaim made you not a person anymore.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Nightwing #81 Review

i swear i actually thought no one was interested so i didn’t write one but a grand total of two (2) people said they wanted to read it, so here it is. honestly, my opinion’s been going a bit downhill, but the art is really cool and there are some decent parts so. holding out i guess? i really hope taylor has an end goal or at least a cohesive plan, otherwise i don’t see this series going anywhere i’ll particularly enjoy

the cover is very straightforward in its imagery, this villain has nightwing in the palm of his hand, easily manipulated, easily controlled no matter the action dick thinks he’ll take. 

what i find interesting is the colour: both previously and heavily in this issue, the colourist has chosen to make pink this villain’s main colour, with different shades of pink as accents. so why the red in the cover? possibly to just make it more eye-grabbing, though one could argue that pink is even more eye-catching than red. maybe to convey a sense of dread or fear that pink won’t fully get across. either way, it’s definitely a decision i’m curious about.

so melinda zucco is in a high enough political position within bludhaven that she is next in line to become the mayor after the previous mayor died and dick just,,,,didn’t have any idea she existed? dick didn’t know anything about her? forget dick’s own brilliant detective skills, forget his doggedness at anything zucco related, you’re telling me bruce never found her and told dick about her? maybe he wouldn’t have now, but back when dick was a young kid, he definitely would have at least made dick aware of her existence, to let dick know and ask if he wanted to interfere with her life or anything.

i have a thought about zucco’s facial expressions. she is very much stone-cold poker face throughout the entire issue. the only time i see her pull a different expression is near the end when dick corners her against a wall with an arm around her throat. 

this is most certainly intentional, what with the varied and intense expressions we see on other characters, dick most prominently. i’m wondering what exactly is the creative team’s reasoning behind this. in these panels, zucco is meeting with the most dangerous, powerful, near-bloodthirsty man in all of bludhaven and becoming the mayor of the city respectfully. in both of these panels, there is barely a hint of emotion in her face: no fear, no determination, no satisfaction. it’s just odd, considering the circumstances she’s in, regardless of any training recieved.

just spitballing here but. like. from what i’ve read so far, dick doesn’t really seem like bludhaven’s guardian angel. more like when peter parker first put on spandex and blindly stepped out into new york.

dick, how exactly can you underestimate someone from one move. so he caught your escrima. anyone with enhanced reflexes can do that. you still don’t know how he can actually fight, and this is shown in the next set of panels. 

i just don’t like the wording here. dick’s “underestimated” him, but beats him up easy in the next page. in addition, i don’t know much about combat, but i would assume it would take more than one move to determine exactly what an opponent’s skill level is, made even more complex when you add physical enhancements and metahumans and aliens into the mixture.

idk my first thought when i saw that he caught the stick was “ah ok he’s enhanced” because obviously he couldn’t have reacted fast enough if he wasn’t (as there are few people trained enough to catch it on human reflexes alone.) then the wording in the next panel, i’ve underestimated him, made me think “oh no ok so he’s not enhanced, he’s just a really good fighter and can give dick a run for his money in a fight.” then, it turns out my first assumption was proven correct in the next panel. it just comes across as misleading to me.

(also sidenote but his curls are cute.)

have i praised the art enough in this series? no, i have not.

i adore the way this is laid out and illustrated. without even having to read the text, the action sequence is visually engaging and intense, and easily followable from one panel to the next. dick’s physical expertise comes through quite efficiently, and i love the special attention shown to draw our attention to dick’s escrima in the bottom right corner.

also that move in the middle row leftmost panel that’s the mcu black widow move to get up off the ground it was the first thing i noticed and it made me laugh; thought it was worth noting

i’m really loving dick’s escrima sticks in this run. they’re just so multipurpose, it’s hilarious and exhilarating. kinda reminds me of bruce’s belt, the way the button in the middle does eevveeerrryyytthhiinngg. 

got a problem? don’t worry! dick’s installed a feature into his escrima that can fix that! (i like thinking dick helped make them it makes me happy and makes my engineer!dick side satisfied)

yawn. your big heart is your one true weakness yadda yadda the fact that you care will be used against you blah blah we get it. jesus can the villains please find a different weakness to exploit, this is getting old.

i need dick’s capacity to empathize and care and love to stop being a weakness that villains sneer about. bonus points if dick saves everyone anyway, either because of or despite his great big heart and the villain is surprised by the goodness of mankind or some shit like that.

i need it to be a strength, right from the get-go. the fact that he cares so incredibly much should be an asset that dick has and will use. he’s a very complex character with years of background, it can’t possibly be that hard to find another weakness of his. 

ooooh this is cool, gosh i absolutely love this.

because what exactly is the reader doing? we are seeing the fear in dick’s face, just as this villain intended. even better, we’re seeing the reflection of it from the villain’s glossy mask, telling us exactly what we’re seeing and exactly what he likes so much about it.

dick’s standing up straight, shoulders drawn back, looking up at this villain’s face with determination and resolve, but his suit is tattered. one eye looks to be swollen. his hair is falling limply around his eyes, as opposed to the curls from earlier. his escrima aren’t even part of the main focus, instead blending into the side of the mask in the outer corners of the mask’s eyes, which tells you exactly how big of a threat they are to this villain.

poor bitewing’s quite alarmed.

also on second thought why would you bring your puppy out like this, when you know you’re gonna end up fighting someone in the suit. a) how many grey three-legged adorable little puppies live in the bludhaven area dick? and how easy will it be to connect the doggo running around with nightwing with the doggo that dick grayson owns? and 2) is this puppers trained? does she have fighting experience? how exactly can you ensure she will survive this highly stressful situation?

dick take better care of your dog 

you know what? i was with tim on this one. why exactly is dick so optimistic and trusting about the people of bludhaven? bludhaven, which has been described as gotham’s smaller, smellier, more corrupt sister city once or twice. it’s not just the corrupt people in power, the entire system needs to change and people need to have faith and hope in order for them to come together, espcially if they’ve been living in conditions like how bludhaven has been described. from how clueless dick is about his own goddamn city, i can tell he hasn’t been here long.

it was a nice moment of hope, i’ll admit. but it was a tad unrealistic for me.

also it was in a weird place in the comic. this sort of confrontation and big get-together of the people to rejuvenate hope in each other feels like it should come near the end of a run, if not the end of an issue. certainly not in the first third of an issue. the pacing’s a bit off to me.

loyal little puppy patiently waiting for her human to wake up. i love her so much.

no it’s not. it’s bitewing.

living for this t-shirt honestly. do comics of dc characters exist in the dc universe? they must if the mug and the shirt are any indication

(now i’m imagining the first batman movie that came out in the dc universe and bruce just. being so offended at who they chose to play him.)

well, yes. but when a group of people are put through hellish conditions over and over again, they soon become desensitized to the pain and terror of their everyday lives in order to both stay sane and keep their life relatively stable, and part of that becomes ignoring or blocking out anything that isn’t directly important to you or your loved ones. having a bleeding heart will most likely get you killed in a city like bludhaven if you don’t have the same skills that vigilantes have.

and of course, people are more than capable of coming together and rallying under their city’s vigilante after seeing the good they’ve done and how they’ve helped the people, but that sort of trust takes time and effort to build. dick also had the whole ric arc and was gone for a while, which has been referenced several times in this particular issue in fact. that’s not going to make bludhaven’s citizens any more likely to trust him.

maybe i’m being a bit harsh but this comic is comic off as a bit too idealistic for the amount of change nightwing can do in a city given the present and past circumstances as well as nightwing’s own abilities. even dick grayson can’t pull off everything.

ok seriously this needs to stop this needs to stop.

right now, dick reminds me of oliver queen in the few episodes of the cw’s arrow i watched. he does the punchy-kicky-fighty and occasionally has smart insights due to the skills he gained from his past that he certainly definitely totally has but only ever exhibits once, while his team does all of the background research and information gathering and actual work.

this is dick’s city. if he has the same intelligence, worth ethic, and stubbornness in this run that he’s been shown to possess all his life, then he knows this city inside out. he’ll have meticulous notes organized in a ridiculously efficient system, he’ll have scouted out zucco long before this started, he’ll have known when anything big happened in the bludhaven political landscape in an instant.

i’m really not liking exactly how much dick’s relying on babs and tim in this series. sure, he loves them and cares for them and likes working cases with them. but he always pulls his own weight, has always been a mentor figure to tim instead of what’s weirdly becoming the other way around, and takes point on the cases in his own damn city.

what kind of weak-ass oracle is this?? redacted fbi files are child’s play. babs used to hack into the fbi for fun. this one particular picture is so out of character i want to laugh.

reading this series has unfortunately made me confront that, despite the tiny fluid acrobat dick that lives in my head 24/7, canon dick is impossibly 5′10 and muscular at that.

mmm. titties.

tim said hydrate or die-drate bitch

love how dick’s doing all this intense brooding and stuff meanwhile bitewing is curled up in a soft comfy post having the time of her life.

you don’t understand i would legitimately kill myself for her.

also the lighting in this one scene is cool. the blue tones come off so well.

they’re just. so multipurpose!! they can become a bo staff. they can cut glass. they can become a grapple hook/line. they can electrify someone. they’re a funky colour. i’m becoming really attached to these things. absolute solid choice in weaponry.

if you’re gonna write up every rookie mistake dick has made during this series to head trauma, then dick shouldn’t be out and about at all, much less in costume.

see this? this is just straight up wrong. dick most definitely should have spotted her, and would have immediately moved to take her down.

scratch that, dick would have done a full check of the building, because he knows not to break into places uninformed, especially if the owner of the apartment was raised by the maroni family. someone as highly trained, experienced, and competent as dick wouldn’t have done this.

and if you chalk it up to head injury, (which is probably true), than his ~love interest~ and his little brother should have done a much better job making sure he stays in his house.

zucco looks so awkward it’s fucking hilarious

are those shadows that mimic a domino mask, to both reflect and hide the fact that his mask is missing? are those bruises around his eyes, to show how, despite what good he’s doing, being nightwing is hurting dick right now? 

(isn’t his domino mask supposed to have an electrifying feature that keeps people from removing them?)

it’s a little odd how the three known villains of this series are all coloured in warm shades, more specifically pink. meanwhile, in earlier issues, dick’s fondest memories were in pink, memories of him and alfred in particular. why has the colour pink changed from signifying something benevolent to something malicious? idk i hope this gets explained later.

this i did like. either it’s just a display of brute force in anger, or dick slipped the ties and pulled them off once untied. both ways, it’s an unintentional display of power, and i think that’s kinda cool.

again. dick is,,,tall? sort of? weirdddd

i’m so glad most readers are unified in the notion that this was the absolute dumbest fucking thing.

i’m hoping this gets disproved or something soon. and i hope dick doesn’t fall for it, because he definitely knows better than to take something as important as this at face value.

what exactly is taylor trying to accomplish here? why is he trying to go back on what we all knew was a happy, loving childhood and throw strife and disharmony and (what i’m assuming will be) infidelity? this will not end well at all.

---

,,,,,this review got way longer than expected lol. and i realize most of it just became me ranting. i guess i didn’t realize how ticked off i was originally. fingers crossed it gets better.

tag list: @woahjaybird @birdy-bat-writes @anothertimdrakestan @subtleappreciation @screennamealreadyused @bikoncon @pricetagofficial @catxsnow @thatsthewhump @xatanna-troy @red-hood-redemption @capricorn-stark @batshit-birds​ @comics-observer

[songsofacagedbird]

you’re something out of a dream

a love letter to luxor’s balo driskell

While I think tissues are needed at this point for all three of these playlists, can I just say with Balo’s I think they’re especially needed? Maybe I’m just extra soft for Balo in general but hers personally made me the most emotional, she definitely went hard with this one. Anyway, it covers the entire Luxor timeline for her just about, major plot points and stuff, but a bit less so the reveal of her main secret that occurred during graduation honestly - as this playlist was made before that and given it took me ages to perfect the end, I’m just going to leave it be. 

Again, there’s references to other muses / plot points littered throughout, as well as references to eating disorders and a couple nicer things like her love for art. I’d also like to thank Lex for her help during these playlists, from the idea itself to helping me test listen yet again, this is going to be a pattern in these descriptions and I’m sorry for anyone who like “Katie stfu” already but genuinely it’s really thanks to her that these even exist and honestly they’re actually some of the playlists I am most proud of to date.

Please keep in mind that the standard Balo triggers apply (mental health, eating disorders, abuse / child abuse). Any additional tws will be noted on their sections if they apply.

in dreams you will lose your heartaches. whatever you wish for, you keep | pre-luxor (aka pre-rp):

balo before luxor, navigating her life

Song of the Caged Bird (Lindsey Stirling) [ instrumental ] // Castle On A Cloud (Isabelle Allen) [ I know a place where no ones lost. I know a place where no one cries. Crying at all is not allowed, not in my castle on a cloud. ] // Paint the Pictures (of Verona) [ I paint the picture of the oceans I'll never see. I hold a candle through the darkness so I believe. ] // almost home (mxmtoon) [ No one ever says all the love you give might not be enough. Broke my heart in two a couple times before it hurt too much. ] // A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes (Lily James) [ Have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing the dream that you wish will come true. ]

does it hurt to see how our smiles have changed, my friend? | summer & fall 2019:

the period of time I was playing Balo in Luxor originally, from June 2019 right up until her intervention in October

Friends In The Corner (Foxes) [ Do you need someone? Everybody's looking like they need someone. All of my friends in the corner, everybody's looking like they need someone. Pretending we don't fear the morning. ] // Scars To Your Beautiful (Alessia Cara) [ She says, “beauty is pain and there's beauty in everything. What's a little bit of hunger? I could go a little while longer,” she fades away. ] // Never Gonna Let You Down (Colbie Caillat) [ I'm never gonna let you down, I'm always gonna build you up. When you're feeling lost, I will always find you, love. ] // Running with the Wolves (AURORA) [ There's blood on your lies, the scars open wide. There is nowhere for you to hide, the hunter's moon is shinin'. ] // She Is the Sunlight (Trading Yesterday) [ And it will take this life of regret for my heart to learn to forget. Tomorrow will be as it always has been, and I will fall to her again. ]

you keep trying to get inside my head while i keep trying to lose the words you said | winter 2019 & early Spring 2020:

Balo’s hospitalization, and the time at home following it.

All the King's Horses (Karmina) [ Is it still a home when you're all alone? All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put me back together again. ] // Safe (Britt Nicole) [ Oh no, my walls are gonna break. So close, it's more than I can take. I'm so tired of turning and running away. ] // Lost Boy (Ruth B.) [ There was a time when I was alone, no where to go and no place to call home. My only friend was the man in the moon, and even sometimes he would go away too. ] // Keep Your Head Up (Ben Howard) [ 'Cause I'll always remember you the same, eyes like wild flowers with your demons of change. ] // Wake Me Up (Madilyn Bailey) [ They tell me I'm too young to understand. They say I'm caught up in a dream. My life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes, well that's fine by me. ] // Dance (Foxes) [ I want you, got no shame. This therapy's gone to waste; when the midnight hour comes in vain, you're in my head, you say my name. ]

what the fuck are perfect places anyway? | spring 2020:

Balo’s return to Luxor, leading up to her breakdown at prom additional tws: drugs and alcohol (perfect places)

Good Day for Dreaming (Ruelle) [ There's a hope, there's a spark, there's a fire. There's a light in the dark burning brighter. It's a good day for dreaming. ] // Perfect Places (Lorde) [ All of our heroes fading, now I can't stand to be alone. Let's go to perfect places! ] // prom dress (mxmtoon) [ I'm sitting here, crying in my prom dress. I'd be the prom queen if crying was a contest. Makeup is running down, feelings are all around. How did I get here? I need to know... ]

i would sell my sorry soul if i could have it all | summer 2020:

summer camp adventures, and the starts of questioning who she is

Live Life (Zayde Wølf) [ Sometimes I think that I'm the dreamer, the one that's standing all alone. Sometimes it feels like it's forever since I've truly felt at home. ] // Celeste (Ezra Vine) [ You're something out of a dream, messing with my head and I've been looking for you. Are you hiding? ] // The State of Dreaming (MARINA) [ If only you knew my dear, how I live my life in fear. ] // If Only (Dove Cameron) [ If only I knew what my heart was telling me. Don't know what I'm feeling; is this just a dream? If only I could read the signs in front of me, I could find the way to who I'm meant to be. ]

my heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with | fall & winter 2020:

balo’s disownment, her breakup with kitty, and coming to terms with them

raindrops {an angel cried} (Ariana Grande) [ The day you left me, an angel cried. ] // Because of You (Kelly Clarkson) [ I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me. You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain, and now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing. ] // human (Christina Perri) [ Your words in my head, knives in my heart, you build me up and then I fall apart 'cause I'm only human. ] // Illusion (Zedd feat. Echosmith) [ It feels like the fairytale is over. I really wanted these pages to begin with once upon a time like all those lullabies. I should've known better. ] // Cry (Kelly Clarkson) [ Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry? ] // drivers license (Olivia Rodrigo) [ Sidewalks we crossed. I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing over all the noise. God, I'm so blue, know we're through, but I still fuckin' love you. ] // Until The Sun Comes Up (Gabrielle Aplin) [ Do you want to get lost? Go waste our time, lose this city skyline. Be so much better if you're by my side, find myself and lose my mind; think I need a moment to re-align. ] // Part Of Me (Katy Perry) [ Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows but you're not gonna break my soul. ] // Love Not Loving You (Foxes) [ You were always giving me all of your insecurities. How could you do it? You knew what you were doing to me. ] // no tears left to cry (Ariana Grande) [ Right now, I'm in a state of mind I wanna be in like all the time, ain't got no tears left to cry. ]

you forgive, you forget, but you never let it go | spring 2021:

her classmates choice in the gym, and it’s aftermath additional tws: drowning (When the Storm is Over)

Bad Blood (Taylor Swift feat. Kendrick Lamar) [ Remember when you thought I'd take a loss? Don't you remember? You thought that I would need ya, follow procedure, remember? Oh, wait, you got amnesia. ] // Talking to Ghosts (Foxes) [ And I can be your guiding light if you just let me, but I can’t be your guiding light if you have left me. ] // When The Storm Is Over (Sofia Karlberg) [ But when it comes down something in the air says we're 'bout to drown. Baby, we wеren't meant for closure, tеll me when the storm is over. ] // Try (Colbie Caillat) [ You don't have to try so hard, you don't have to give it all away. You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up, you don't have to change a single thing ] // Still Have Me (Demi Lovato) [ So take my faith but 'least I still believe (I still believe, in me), and that's all I need. I don't have much but 'least I still have me. ]

and i don't really care if nobody else believes ‘cause i've still got a lot of fight left in me | early summer 2021:

the story of therapy, the start of recovery, learning to love oneself, and a little bit of romance.

Daisies - Acoustic (Katy Perry) [ They told me I was out there, tried to knock me down. Took those sticks and stones, showed 'em I could build a house. They tell me that I'm crazy, but I'll never let 'em change me 'til they cover me in daisies. ] // Home (Gabrielle Aplin) [ I'm a phoenix in the water, a fish that's learnt to fly. And I've always been a daughter but feathers are meant for the sky. ] // Change (Taylor Swift) [ ’Cause these things will change, can you feel it now? These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down. ] // Dear Happy (Gabrielle Aplin) [ Don't you worry, oh no, don't be alarmed. I'm just working it out here, working it out here. I'm somebody with a recovering heart, you've waited there for me, keep waiting there for me. ] // Fight Song (Rachel Platten) [ And all those things I didn't say, wrecking balls inside my brain. I will scream them loud tonight, can you hear my voice this time? ] // Catch My Breath (Kelly Clarkson) [ Catching my breath, letting it go, turning my cheek for the sake of the show. Now that you know, this is my life, I won't be told what's supposed to be right. ] // Wildflowers (Elle Fanning) [ Wildflowers you brought me are crumbled in my hands. This love that you taught me, I still don't understand. ] // Begin Again (Taylor Swift) [ And for the first time, what's past is past. 'Cause you throw your head back laughing like a little kid, I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did. ] // Let's Sort The Whole Thing Out (Carly Rae Jepsen) [ I love you, this is a new thing. One more drink, let's get to the bottom of it. I love you, let's sort the whole thing out. ] // Youth (Foxes) [ And as we cross the line, these fading beats have all been severed. Don't tell me our youth is running out, it's only just begun. ] // Soft to Be Strong (MARINA) [ I took my bitterness and made it sweet, I took a broken heart and made it beat. ] // Way Less Sad (AJR) [ Don't you love it? Don't you lovе it? No, I ain't happy yet, but I'm way less sad. ]

[maraudeath]

Gorgeous

Because I only do fics based off of songs apparently and I saw a post saying that someone wanted a Jily fic based off of this song in particular Gorgeous by Taylor Swift 

Everything about the bar on a Thursday night was awful.

Half priced drinks all night brought pretty much everyone from the college out including Lily Evans' group of friends and, due to an alarming amount of peer pressure, Lily Evans herself. Every Thursday since they became legal they'd been there until closing, more often than not with one or two less people than they started out with by the end of the night.

The beat of the music was unfortunately loud and Lily stood with her friends wishing that they could just leave. Benjy had left her almost as soon as they arrived to go with some of his senior friends, Lord knew where he was now or what he was doing.

Usually the place was bearable but something about tonight and the feeling in Lily's stomach that something bad was going to happen overwhelmed any feeling of fun.

"What're you drinking?" The bartender asked her.

"Whiskey on ice," Lily told him.

She'd already had a couple shots with the girls but she needed something even stronger now, mostly to drown whatever this feeling was. Marlene was off talking to someone but Mary and Dorcas were still with her so Lily tried to include herself in whatever they were saying.

"I don't know, I've never seen him before but I've seen his friends," Mary told Dorcas.

"I think he spends most of his time playing sports, I'm pretty sure he has a scholarship or something," Dorcas answered.

"Who?" Lily asked, taking the drink the bartender had set down.

Mary turned to her with an excited look on her face. "Marlene's talking to some guys over there and there's one that we don't know. Normally I wouldn't even bother with someone I hadn't met at least once before but like, just look at him."

As soon as Lily turned to see this guy the feeling in her stomach twisted into something much bigger. She'd never seen this boy, if she had she'd remember it for sure, nothing like him had ever crossed her path before and she was pretty much speechless.

The first thing she noticed was his lopsided smile that would make anyone else look ridiculous but somehow accentuated the fact that he had an unholy jawline. He used his hands a lot when he was talking which just brought her attention to the fact that his body was insanely fit.

Even from the distance they were at she could tell that he had really nice eyes, not even his glasses which were hanging just a little bit crooked could hide that. When he fully smiled, laughing at something his friends had said, Lily could feel her heart tighten.

This wasn't just an average boy you could find anywhere on campus, this boy was something else entirely.

He was gorgeous.

"Lily? Hello?" Dorcas snapped her fingers in front of Lily's face, making her look away from the boy.

"Huh? What?" She asked, clearing her throat and turning away entirely from him.

"I asked you where Benjy was."

Benjy.

She had forgotten about him.

They had been dating for a while now but she barely saw him anymore, this had actually been the first time she had seen him in quite some time and he had ditched her immediately. Everyone knew they shouldn't be together, even they knew it, but for some reason they held onto each other.

"Uh I'm not sure, somewhere over there," she said, pointing to the clubbing area.

Dorcas and Mary exchanged looks but couldn't say anything due to the return of Marlene, who looked equal parts happy and drunk. She had the boys she was talking to in tow and, upon seeing his face again, Lily took a huge swig of her whiskey.

"Guys I want you to meet some people!" Marlene yelled over the music. "This is Sirius, Remus, Peter and James. They're all in our school but I've literally never seen them before."

"Marlene you've met me and Remus like five times before," Sirius said.

"Never seen them before," Marlene repeated.

Mary rolled her eyes at her friend. "Alright let's get you something else to drink, maybe just some water this time though."

Lily watched them walk away and desperately wished that they hadn't. At least with them there a conversation would always be going that she wouldn't have to include herself in.

Now that they were gone though she would have to say something because she actually did know both Remus and Sirius. She had classes with both of them and often sat with them so they would definitely expect her to talk.

"What's up Evans?" Sirius said to her.

Lily smiled, finishing the rest of her drink right after. "Not too much Black, how are you?"

She tried to limit herself on the amount of times she looked over at their friend, James she remembered Marlene had told her. God even his name was gorgeous, she'd always liked that name.

"Can't complain I suppose, have you met James by the way? He doesn't usually come to these because he's always playing football or something but we dragged him out tonight," Sirius said, pulling James over to them.

Up close Lily could see that he was even better looking, everything about this boy was perfect and she couldn't believe it. How could a human be that good looking? It should be physically impossible, maybe even illegal.

"It's nice to meet you," he said.

His voice was downright dreamy and it took everything in her not to pass out right on the bar. It was ridiculously deep to the point that on anyone else it would be unnatural but, of course, it suited him perfectly.

"Likewise," Lily spat out, turning around quickly to the bar again.

She could hear him introducing himself to Dorcas and felt like throwing up from sheer frustration. The bartender took her order of another whiskey and while she waited for it she took a shot of whatever Marlene had ordered before she got pulled away.

Everything hit her very fast and she realized all at once that she was becoming quite drunk. This was the opposite of a problem though as this meant she had quite a bit more freedom than she ever did sober.

With a huge sip of whiskey she turned back to the conversation where everyone was discussing something she had no interest in. All she wanted to do was talk to people, anyone at all in fact except for James.

"Remus my dude, how are you?" She asked.

Remus laughed. "I'm pretty great Lily, how are you? How many drinks have you had?"

"Ah, a good question. I am not sure but I know it's more than one," she answered.

Out of the corner of her eye she could still see him and it bothered her so much that she had to leave. Without saying anything more to Remus she made her way to a group of people she only briefly knew and joined in their conversation.

She made her way around the room, stopping to talk to everyone she saw and tasting quite a few of their drinks as well. At some point she saw Benjy through the crowd with a crowd of girls, one in particular seemed very attached to him. This probably should have bothered her more than it did, she noted to herself as she kept going.

By the time she made her way back to her friends she was quite a bit more drunk than before and could feel the gorgeous boy, who she had made herself forget the name of, watching her with interest. She ordered another drink and waited for it with Mary, leaning her head on her shoulder and watching everyone else talk.

"I didn't know it was physically possible to have a voice that deep," Lily said, quite a bit louder than intended, after she heard him say something. "It kind of sounds like how I imagine a 50 year old CEO of a company would sound."

Everyone burst into laughter but he didn't, he was staring at her with that stupid half smile again. It made her want to slap him.

"Is that so?" He asked, seemingly amused.

She just shrugged, willing herself not to look in his eyes, which were turned the most beautiful shade of blue by the flashing lights. It almost felt wrong to even be in his presence, he was so good looking it could be fatal to her.

It was really quite annoying, he wasn't supposed to be a figurative angel and he certainly wasn't supposed to get her attention but it happened.

So now he had her attention, and she had his too judging by the amount of times he was looking at her per minute, but she couldn't do anything about it. This stupid boy was quite literally ruining her life and she couldn't take it.

Who did he think he was? Coming into her bar on her Thursday night and being that attractive most definitely on purpose? That was just bad manners.

In the end she had no idea why she was getting so worked up in the first place. She couldn't have him anyway and besides, no boy that looked like him was single so why should she care?

But there was also the possibility that he was single and that was even worse. If he was single it meant that she was the only one who couldn't do anything, he was perfectly free to talk to whoever he wanted and that might not even be her.

This was ridiculous, this boy ruined everything and she hated him for it, she didn't hate a lot of people but at that moment she really hated this boy.

As the night went on Lily caught glimpses of her boyfriend talking to other people but she found that it still didn't really bother her. In the grand scheme of thing she was a lot more bothered by James and his ability to make everything he did look flawless.

Throughout the night she had become increasingly interested in him and that just made her anger towards him mount. She knew that she shouldn't be spending so much time thinking about him but there was something drawing her to him and it was incredibly hard to resist.

By the time the bartender made last call Lily was fuming and wanted nothing more than to bring this stupid boy home with her, but she couldn't.

"Okay let's go, everyone's gonna be awful to get around when we try to get out," Dorcas said, prompting everyone to start moving.

Lily had been using Mary as a crutch for the better part of the night so as soon as she moved Lily stumbled. Someone caught her hand and she was about to thank them when she looked up and saw James standing over her, holding her hand.

Without the lights on them she could see that his eyes weren't blue at all but were actually a fantastic shade of hazel. She snatched her hand back and looked away from him, refusing to let herself be sucked in.

"Thanks," she mumbled.

"Wow," he said. "I was beginning to think you weren't going to speak to me at all tonight."

"Well I debated it but, I don't know," she said, walking towards the exit with him following behind.

She kept moving and was very surprised when she was turned around to face him. On instinct she avoided looking at him, refusing to be weak.

"What's your problem anyway? You've barely so much as looked at me the whole night but definitely talked to everyone else in here. What did I do to offend you?" He asked.

Even confusion looked good on this boy and Lily had had absolutely more than enough. There seemed to be nothing he couldn't pull off and it was just ridiculous, especially because she couldn't dwell on him when she couldn't have him.

She sighed and looked down at the ground, not really knowing what he expected of her to begin with. All she wanted to do now was go home, she would be leaving alone since her friends and her supposed boyfriend had all completely left somewhere else.

Of course, her and Benjy were barely even dating anymore it was all about saving face at this point. He had definitely left with some other girl and what was stopping Lily from having this beautiful boy come over just to hang out? She could always text Benjy and end things like she'd been meaning to for ages.

Finally she looked up into his face and almost immediately regretted it, he was a really beautiful boy.

"You know," she said slowly. "You should actually take all of that as a compliment."

Gorgeous even.

[in-defense-of-the-horror]

American Horror Story Hotel: A Rant Continued

Yesterday I posted my thoughts on AHS: Roanoke, because it was terrible and all my anger was eating me up inside.  I thought that would be the end of it, but I was wrong.

@colonelcaribou was curious as to my thoughts on Hotel, and so I’m here to present you with more ranting about American Horror Story (something that I’m always more than happy to do, by the way.)

SPOILER WARNING: Like my last AHS rant, this is intended for people who have already seen the season in question, this time Hotel.

Let’s just go ahead and start this off with one of my favorite things; unpopular opinions. Hotel is actually my personal favorite season of American Horror Story. While I don’t think it’s as good as Murder House from a critical standpoint, the strengths from the season all play to my preferences whereas the weaknesses are issues that I seem to have with every season of the show - making it the most enjoyable for me to watch. That being said, it’s the only season (excluding Roanoke) that I’ve only seen one time, and I’m probably the least familiar with it.

While it is my favorite season - it’s far from perfect. Since this is a rant, I’m going to start by talking about the things that drove me crazy.

I think one of the aspects that bothered me most throughout the season was Chloë Sevigny’s portrayal of the grieving mother Alex Lowe. I can see where she was going with the role, the under-played emotions were meant to illustrate the detachment and depression that her character is experiencing (at least, that’s what I got out of it.) However, it led to me feeling like many parts of the story regarding her character were bland at best. The fact that the only real emotion I remember her distinctly expressing was anger (which was often misguided, misplaced, or exaggerated) tipped the scales toward me actively disliking her character. This was a big issue that I had with what was an otherwise great subplot.

Before I move away from the Lowe family too much, it’s also worth nothing that I took issue with some character design choices for the small son, Holden Lowe. This sounds like nitpicking, and maybe it is, but could they have made the kid any creepier? It would be one thing if that was part of the story all the way through - or if they had made him look more like a normal kid in the flashbacks at least, but I actually found it really distracting. With the long, wispy, white blond hair, the pale skin, and his mother’s vacant expression - this kid was legitimately the most terrifying part of the season in my opinion, and it kind of sucks that I don’t think it was intentional.

Now let’s talk about James Patrick March.

Don’t get me wrong, I thought he was an interesting character. His design was great, Evan Peters did a fantastic job playing him, but his name bothered me. It’s not the first time that American Horror Story has changed the name of a character or even a historical figure being portrayed on the show - and I can see why they wouldn’t want to flat out say that this character was H. H. Holmes. After all, the Hotel Cortez was an amalgamation of many different locations, and it wasn’t even located in the same state as the infamous “Murder Mansion” that Holmes built in Chicago. Using the name of the actual killer would have been spreading a wild amount of misinformation, and considering the amount of liberties they had to take with the character’s history, could have been seen as pretty insensitive. 

It makes sense that they would choose a new name for him and just use Holmes as inspiration (like they did with the Briarcliff Institute in Asylum) but there was one episode where it started bother me; Devil’s Night.  In a room with the spirits of the most notorious serial killers, the fact that H. H. Holmes had been replaced with James Patrick March meant that he obviously couldn’t be at the soiree, since he was, in a way, hosting it. It’s a small enough detail, but it’s one that got on my nerves while I was watching, and as I’m typing this out I realize it really stuck with me.

That small issue is also a great transition into Devil’s Night, which was my least favorite episode and, as far as I saw it, the worst part of the season.

Let’s say for a moment that I buy into the premise of serial killer ghosts having dinner together annually on the one night of the year where they have physical form on this plane (which for the record, I don’t.) Let’s also say that the ghost of not H. H. Holmes was somehow a mentor to all these serial killers from all over the country, and that somehow makes sense. The execution was still very flawed. The whole scene was over the top, the dialogue felt very forced, and what the fuck was going on with the Zodiac killer?

Like, okay, I get that we don’t have enough information to do an accurate depiction of the Zodiac killer, but I feel like there were a lot of better alternatives than to making him look like the world’s worst Monty Python and the Holy Grail cosplayer (did anyone else get that impression from his outfit, or was it just me?) Much like my issue with Roanoke where they failed to give me an answer to an actual, historical mystery that they decided to bring to screen, I feel like there were a lot of ways to go.

Zodiac could have been just a regular guy whose name wasn’t mentioned. Could have been a regular woman whose name wasn’t mentioned. They could have created a name (like they did with James Patrick March.) He could have been Ted Cruz - which would have been the best use of a meme on television. He could have, and this is crazy, not been there at all. I think that would have been my top choice, actually, because from what we do know of the Zodiac killer, what are the chances he would attend an event like that anyway? I feel like the most elegant solution to the dilemma would have been to have a place-setting at the table for him (with the symbol on it of course) and then to have slipped a line in there about how he never shows. 

There were some other issues throughout the season, but these are the ones that really stuck with me, and that I’m still thinking about a year after watching it. So, with all these complaints, you’re probably wondering why this is my favorite season. Unlike Roanoke, Hotel had a lot of redeemable moments and now I’m going to transition into some more positive ranting.

For one, the ambiance was great. The set was stunning, the cinematography was gorgeous, and hands down this was the season with the best sound track. (They got my favorite She Wants Revenge song AND my favorite Eagles song in the pilot, how awesome is that?)

There was an excellent use of body horror throughout the season, from the grisly killings committed to represent the ten commandments to the flashback where Sally sews herself to her friends. I think more than any other season the visuals really stuck with me.

While I have already brought up some problems I had with certain casting decisions - there were a lot of fantastic choices also made in that regard. I was surprised by just how talented Lady Gaga was in her role as The Countess, Kathy Bates continued to impressed, I think Sally was one of Sarah Paulson’s most intriguing and well-played characters. Let’s  also not forget about the amazing supporting cast in this season. While there were countless characters in the Hotel Cortez that were wonderful, I don’t think any of them stand out as much as Liz Taylor.

In addition to being beautifully designed, perfectly portrayed and having a fascinating backstory that contrasts with  the darker themes in the rest of the season, Liz Taylor was possibly the best instance of representation in the season - perhaps in the entire show. While the Countess also offers some LGBTQ representation, I was deeply moved by the mature way they dealt with having a transgender character recur throughout the season. 

They addressed Iris not being comfortable with Liz due to her own ignorance, and she was upfront about how she didn’t know how to ask. Liz, a strong woman confident in her identity is happy to set the record straight, even though it means sharing about a time in her life before she had that confidence. 

That flashback scene also shows The Countess in a softer light as she helps Liz embrace who she was meant to be and acknowledging her as a woman before the rest of the world did. She pushes Liz to come out as a woman, and when she sees that she’s pushing too hard, tones it down and suggests a smaller, more manageable step. Maybe she didn’t handle being an ally the best, but the fact that she realized she was trying to force someone to do too much too fast and backed down showed a side of her character that was unexpected, especially considering her unflinchingly dominant personality.

Where I thought Liz really shined though, was after that when she’s in bed with Tristan. Tristan is surprised that he’s fallen for Liz because “he’s not gay.” Liz is quick to assert her gender and set him straight. “You’re not gay for being with me. I’m a girl. I’m a hetero girl.”

There’s one last big thing that made me really appreciate this season, and that was the mythology. Those of you who have been following me awhile know that I am tougher on vampire stories than I am on just about anything else. It’s partially because I got burnt out on it, but I also feel like a lot of vampire mythology is poorly executed and overly romanticized. If I had known there would be vampires in the season, I might not have even wanted to watch it - but I’m so glad I did.

There are a lot of vampire romances in Hotel, but at the same time I feel like they weren’t glorified. At no point did I feel like the show was trying to sell me on the concept of eternal love through a vampyric virus. On the contrary I think it illustrates how the undead are in many ways lonelier than they ever were as humans. The relationships aren’t born out of romance, they’re born out of the lust that comes with the vitality of everlasting youth, and that’s how it was depicted. 

All in all I felt like this was a much more realistic take on vampires. They’re less idealistic and in a way the idea of vampires being more human is a lot scarier than the alternative. They’re not dangerous because they’re monsters, but rather because they have the same wants and needs that we all have, but amplified. Not only does it make the prospect of them existing more plausible, it makes the idea of becoming one much less appealing - which is exactly how it should be. 

The undead (the ghosts and vampires both) were glamorous, but that beauty was always matched with such clear suffering.

I have a lot more that I could probably say about the show, and about this season in particular, but this hits most of my big points about it. While it’s not perfect, there were a lot of things that made me enjoy the story. 

In fact, writing this up, I think I’ve talked myself into re-watching the season to see if it holds up.

[sammyj-me-blog]

My computer notes for my class presentation

Summary of the reading:

·         Snugglepot and Cuddlepie in the ghost gum (https://sydneyreviewofbooks.com/snugglepot-and-cuddlepie-in-the-ghost-gum-evelyn-araluen/ )has multiple narratives over the 10 pages. Overall, it feels like it is a personal account of the author about her Indigenous culture, land, memory, and Australia’s cruel treatment of the Indigenous through history.

·         The first part, the ghost gum sequence, has the character travelling the land via roads to Sydney. It goes into detail the characters connection and consideration to the land. It very quickly takes a turn into the government’s control of the land, where they ‘close off every path to leave without paying’ (p. 2), and then into the Stolen Generation, where ‘Governor Macquarie gathered up the precious children … to teach them God and Civilisation’ (p. 2).

·         There’s a very succinct passage that demonstrates how the Indigenous and white Australians see the land very differently. ‘Why don’t they build something there, a sunset profile picture asks on the community Facebook where we gather to buy and sell and complain. There’s nothing in that field but a tree’ (p. 2).

·         Afterwards, she touches on memory and childhood, through the characters from the childhood book Snugglepot and cuddlepie. She then considers, ‘they want me to write about them—or maybe they don’t, and they just want to be left where they are’ (p. 2). This line almost speaks to me to say that she wasn’t sure if she should write about this content.

·         The last paragraphs touches on the history of Australia. “The Cumberland Plains of Blacktown and the Hawkesbury are drenched in a history of settler violence and forgetting that goes unspoken when we squabble over heritage”. But despite this, without having to be taught, they know the land. “In the way I know all times are capable of being, Tench’s gaze is still there – but so is ours, staring back”

A nest of auspoes:

·         She appears to be telling a metaphorical story from the point of view of animals. The Auspoes are white Australians who are ‘an invasive species’ that ‘suffocate the native species’ (2019, p. 2). The entire paragraph points to this conclusion, but it is through reading the previous paragraph where the themes were introduced, that allows us to think this way. As Walker states about the braided essay: it ‘lets [her] pop in and out of different realties—not so much manipulating the facts but instead to pace them out, allowing [her] to digest reality in drops’ (2017, p. 3). And I think that’s what the rest of the other piece is doing by separating them into sections. It’s like everything is too much to deal with all at once, so separating them helps.

·         And another link to do with this paragraph, is that she talks about the children’s book snugglpot and cuddelpie. And maybe, for some reason, she is taking the approach as if writing a story for kids.

Playing in the pastorals:

·         This paragraph talks about peoples view of the Australian bush from what seems is a bit more academic approach.

·         “The environmental conditions of the land being incompatible with European modes of agricultural practice, nineteenth-century poets such as Charles Harpur and Henry Kendall necessarily emphasised Gothic-Romantic themes of hostility and hardship in early Australian pastoral poetics, while Henry Lawson and Barbara Baynton staged forbidding prose tales of estrangement and annihilation against the backdrop of a land fundamentally opposed to humanity and civilisation”

·         “Hodge and Mishra have explored this double premise as the ‘Aboriginal archipelago’ of simultaneously refusing to acknowledge Aboriginal presence in social space while conjuring up emblematic tropes of Aboriginal spiritual presence in disembodied forms”

·         She also touches on how the eucalyptus was misused in settler text; how settlers wrote about it however they saw fit. These all highlight how settlers had no connection to the land and used and abused it along with the Indigenous people.

·         About children’s literature. “Affrica Taylor extends this notion in her argument that for the white children of this literature, native animals functioned as guides or mentors through their ‘journey towards indigenisation’, naturalising their claim to the land as both entitlement and inheritance”

·         She talks about a native/settler binary towards children is that they are only ever safe at the homestead. And that the books cast out Aboriginal people through negative representation.

To the poets

·         This section is different yet again. It seems more emotional and passionate. Summing up, the narrator talks to the white settlers; about the differences between them and the Indigenous. How they are “puppeting your hands through ancestors, through relations”

·         “But I want to know what it means to lose the world you’re still standing in.”

To the parents

·         Is more of a straight talk about settler views and control of the land. As well as the influence of children’s literature depicting Australian lands.

·         It changes back to the first narrative where it seems like it’s present day narrator. They talk about land and animals and we can feel their connection. They ‘write poetry here, and about here’

·         “I can name the colonial complexes and impulses which structure these texts but it doesn’t change the fact that I was raised on these books too. They tell me they never chose them to hurt us, and I never thought they did. They both grew up surrounded by the bush in country New South Wales towns”. They can’t change the fact that they’re part of the ‘new’ world as well.

·         Shen then talks about her parents and how hard they worked to just afford books to read.

·         Her dad however read to them with “salt grains and disputations”. To say to scrutinise everything, don’t just believe off the bat. He told his own stories, but let them join in too.

·         She then describes that it was too easy to see Indigenous Australians as victims, but this disregards all their hard work and effort.

·         To finish that paragraph, she arrives home, where everything belongs.

The dropbears poetic

This appears to be a narrative that combines all of the settler myths that were mentioned throughout the story.

Why did you choose it?

·         Besides it being one of the last ones to choose from. But because the structure of the piece was different, and after having read it, I just found it very interesting. It’s hard though.

Discuss what practical applications this reading had--what did you gain from reading it that will inform your writing practice going forward? What do you disagree with, and why?

·         I’m looking at this piece in a braided essay lens. By switching between different narratives that detail the same story, it lets you look at it from different angles. The writer uses a few different narratives. Like through the personal, through the influence of children’s literature, in a metaphorical sense, through a parent generation. However by including so many different perspectives, I lose the sense of the specific thing she is talking about. I feel that there are so many elements that I get a little lost. Although I feel I got the bigger picture, I lost the nuances she was telling.

Question: Do you think that the use of subheadings and separate sections added additional meaning? Or perhaps do you think it is too much? They lose the sense of what’s happening? Has anyone does something like this before?

 Discuss the reading in relation to the piece/s of writing you have chosen from the ‘Community of Practice’ folder--why did you choose to discuss these pieces together? Do these pieces demonstrate lessons that the piece of theory has to offer?

https://www.theliftedbrow.com/liftedbrow/2019/2/28/blossom-by-leah-jing?rq=leah%20jing

·         I’m looking at Blossom from a braided essay lens, as well. I found Blossom was easier to understand because it just uses two narratives and it’s clear what she is talking about. They both write about personal narratives overarched with a wider concern.

·         jing switches between concern for writers of colour and how their bodies are perceived, then abruptly to a personal love story between her and H. She flips between these two narratives, yet it is still about bodies. Her body and how her lover treats it, and as a wider concern, bodies of coloured people, particularly how people view hers, and how she views it herself. By having two different narratives of the body, adds a deeper meaning when the reader is engaged in the text.

·         Although they both look very different in structure they both have an interweaved narrative that lets us see multiple sides of the writer.

Last question:

·         I’ve been looking at this from a braided essay point of view. Is this a limiting view? Or perhaps not a quite right way to look at it? How did other’s read it?