#the only other time this has happened to me was at a Lovejoy show in 2022!

[theeretblr]

Hi Eret! I was at Tommy's show tonight and I just wanted to say that I'm so, so deeply sorry if us in the vip section pointing you guys out caused you or any of the other ccs there any trouble. It was absolutely amazing being able to see you though, even from the first floor. I hope you still enjoyed the show!

No worries! Let me explain how it was from our perspective

I was invited to TommyInnit's LA show last night with some other creator friends (e.g. Slimecicle, Ted Nivison, RubberRoss, and more). Security tried to make sure that we wouldn't get swarmed, so they brought us in at the back of the theatre and took us away for the intermission.

We were brought back a bit early for the start of the second act. All the lights were still on, and when one person saw us and shouted our names, everyone else started turning around!

It was so sweet to see how excited everyone was! But I did definitely appreciate that the security was on top of it to prevent it from getting too rowdy! I hope you enjoyed the show!

[thestreamdreampony]

Me adding my two cents is probably not gonna do much, but here I go, I guess:

I want to preface this with saying that Wilbur's content and Lovejoy have been incredibly important to me and I've put a lot of time, effort and money into supporting Lovejoy especially. So finding out about this, before finding out about the details, I had originally reacted with incredulous derision of twitter stans. And then erring on the side of caution about how things developed.

At this point there's almost no question that it's Wilbur, for the simple reason that Shubble would have cleared up his name if it wasn't. There's no way she would throw someone innocent under the bus, if she knew somebody else was guilty. Additionally, not a single person in Wilbur's surroundings has disputed any claims and have only narrowed it down further towards Wilbur. At this point it is incredibly unlikely she is talking about anybody else.

I do want to take a moment to comdemn those (mostly on twitter) who used this opportunity to dig into both Shubble and Wilbur's private lives, trying to construct a narrative of her abuse and in some cases going so far as doxxing Wilbur. It is entirely possible to support Shelby and condemn her abuser, without invading their privacy and endangering people's lives. Shelby's goal was to warn people and to make them more aware of the signs of abuse. As well as make it as clear as possible, who she's talking about without saying who it is directly, for a meriad of possible reasons. It was not an invitation to write abuse fanfiction about her private life.

That being said, the way I will feel about this in the long run will depend heavily on how Wilbur deals with this situation. I will definitely distance myself either way (slowly but surely), but his reaction to this will influence how I will act moving forward.

Should he stay silent or respond with insincerity/derision/defensiveness/etc., then that's it for me. Fuck him.

But should he come forward, own up to it, apologize and prove that he is working on himself, then I might be able to find it in myself to give him a second chance over time. I just don't believe that doing bad things makes you irredeemable forever and ever and ever.

We know for a fact that Wilbur has been struggling with mental health problems for most of his teen and adult life and from his solo music we are also aware that he is incredibly aware of the fact that he is the problem in his relationships. Expressing dark thoughts in music, does not automatically mean somebody is abusive. In fact, creating dark art is an excellent way to deal with harmful thoughts and impulses. I have literally never taken his lyrics to mean that.

However, his lyrics in YCGMA and MSR have always been incredibly autobiographical and do show that he is acutely aware that he's the unhealthy element in his unhealthy relationships.

We also know directly from him, that he has distanced himself from most of his social circle and sought out therapy as recently as 2 weeks ago in an effort to improve his mental health.

This does not excuse his actions whatsoever. Mentally ill people are still responsible for the harm that they cause and Shelby is unbelievably brave to tell their story. I hope they finds peace, I hope she has all the support she could ever need and I hope she has achieved her goal of making people more aware of how people end up in situations like this. She is an inspiration for standing up for herself like this.

But I also think that, should Wilbur come forward, admit to his wrongdoings and prove over time that he is working on becoming a better person, friend and partner, that he does not have to be shunned forever and ever and ever. He has a long life in front of him and I hope both for him and all his future friends and partners that he manages to find a healthy, happy way of living. This can happen, even while he never bothers Shelby, or the other people he hurt, again.

This is a best case scenario. I do think he is allowed to take some time to formulate a response. A hasty response to situations like this have never helped anyone ever, neither the victim, nor the accused. Taking his time to come to terms with the situation, which surely came as a shock, and to really think about how he wants to deal with this situation is much better than him writing a twitlonger as soon as he finds out.

Either way, I will distance myself from him and Lovejoy, slowly but surely. I won't get rid of the merch clothing I own because it was quite expensive and throwing it away is a waste of perfectly good clothing, but I won't find the joy I once felt wearing them. (I am salty about me being gone from home for a few months and having ordered Lovejoy merch, which had been waiting for me for weeks and then finding out about this literally the day I travelled back. It definitely felt weird as hell to unpack that stupid NORMAL longsleeve with his fucking face on it, while being hurt and confused and angry.)

Listening to Lovejoy's music, likewise, will never feel as euphoric as it once did, even if I go back to it. Which really sucks cuz they genuinly hit my sweet spot in music taste. YCGMA and SISV specifically, have been so, so important to me and removing them from my listening rotation i going to Hurt.

Interestingly, I don't feel quite as terrible as last time I had to suddenly cut a content creator out of my life. So I guess practice makes perfect lmao.

I don't know if me writing and posting this had any point. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest and maybe it resonates with somebody.

Anyway, take care of yourselves. Take it easy and try to focus on other things, if this hit you hard (ideally offline). Try to meet with friends, maybe play some boardgames (or video games), go for a walk,read a book, have a coffee with a loved one. There's joy in the world, despite it all.

[stellz-mybeloved]

i was enchanted to meet you..

wilbur x reader

1125 words

requested by : @vibestillaxxx

tags: @vibestillaxxx (please ask if you wanna get tagged)

you walked through the streets of brighton feeling free after a tiring day of work, work for you was an absolute nightmare especially customers who are very picky and act like a karen. some customers complained alot and you try your best to calm those customers down cause its super embarassing that a customer would complain to an employee especially in the public eye making almost every single person in the restaurant look at them making you regret this job so much.

but on the good side you made friends with the other employees too and you felt comfortable around them cause they were your only ones to be with every time at work which was the best part of your shift,

you eyed down on something then you see a coffee shop down by the corner which made you stop by and you thought about getting a drink. after a stressful day working alot and you felt relaxed, you walked down the shop and took a deep breath, the smell of coffee tantalising around your nose and as you walk in you saw lots of people. like lots. you waited patiently in line until you hear someone yelling to the waitress in front not that kind of thing that would happen to me at work too.. you thought, you just couldn't handle it, you were tired of it. "you got my order wrong! it was lacking some ingredients, this is the worst coffee shop I've ever been to-" the woman was cut off by someone which was her friend "alright we have to go now, you need to calm down! im so sorry for my friend here.. she was kinda overreacting.." her friend says nervously to the waitress and they left the store like nothing ever happened, not even a single bit of an argument.

you sighed, people these days are like this every single fucking time.. even at your job , you went forward in line and you accidentally bumped on a tall figure, he turned around and looked at you, it took you a second to look at his features, he's tall.. like approximately 6'5, he has brown curls and hazel eyes and pearly white teeth.. you've never seen a person that pretty before.. wait- isn't that kinda cliche? you thought and shook it off, "uh- im so sorry for bumping into you, uh.. did i spill your drink?" i apologise and asked him as in if I was worried that he may get mad at me but then he chuckled "it's alright, you almost did-" he was cut off and you slightly panicked "what?! oh my fucking- I'm so so sorry about that I didn't mean to-" you were cut off by him smiling with his white teeth showing "it's okay, you didn't actually spill my drink.. but you almost did anyway." he stated and smiled.

his smile literally caught you, and m holy shit he was so nice to you.. i wonder who is he.. you wondered and you went forward in line and ordered your drink. "that would be £75." the cashier spoke and you looked through your wallet and realized that the money in your wallet isn't enough, and you panicked for a bit until you heard a deep voice saying "i'll pay for it." you looked behind to know who it was  and it was the same guy you accidentally bumped into what?! he wasn't supposed to do that! it was my drink, he didn't have to do that, you didn't even expect that to happen..

"but-" you were cut off by him "no buts, i'll pay for it," he said with no hesitation, he grabbed the money on his pocket and paid the cashier, "keep the change." he told the cashier and the cashier smiled at him you grabbed your drink and walked off the counter.

You look at him and smiled "thank you, that was very nice of you." you reply and he chuckled, "you're welcome, wanna sit on that table right there and have a nice chat?" the brunette asked you and pointed to that table and you nodded as a response,

you two had a nice chat together, you found out that his name was wilbur and he streams and makes music for a living and he's also the lead singer of a band called lovejoy, wow you didn't even expect that you'd meet a famous singer from a band and a streamer too. "wow.. that's so cool! and aren't you stressed because you have a huge fanbase and you have alot to do like writing some songs, go on tour?" you asked curiously and he huffed, "well.. yeah, but right now i'm taking a break from that" he answers and smiles at you staring into your eyes as he continues to talk, you slightly tilt your head to the right , admiring his prescence.. wait a minute.. you just met that person! you can't fall for him yet! you thought and wilbur was looking at you, "hello? you awake" he interferes and you shook your head to focus. "yeah, sorry I zoned out" you smile.

you guys continued talking alot, you both shared your personal experiences in life, your jobs and many more until the chat is finally done and it was finally time to go, "well, it was nice chatting with you..?" he looks at you confused not knowing your name, "y/n." you answer and he smiled "it was nice chatting with you y/n." he redid the sentence and you giggled "it was nice chatting with you too wilbur," you respond, "oh- and here's my number. so we can communicate through dms!" you added and you gave the paper to wilbur looked at it and smiled and kept it in his pocket.

"alright, it was nice meeting you!" he commented and ran his hand through his brown curls and you smile at him "me too, and i hope we see each other again soon" you reply and blushed, you both said your goodbyes and went off to your own ways.

you went to your apartment and you grabbed the keys for your apartment door you inserted the key to the keyhole of the door and opened it, finally revealing your apartment. ah.. the feeling of home, the time that you can finally rest and do stuff, but you couldn't get wilbur off your mind and you blushed all they way here still thinking about him, were you actually in love with him? is this love at first sight that you're experiencing right now? when you first saw him, the negative thoughts and feelings vanished when you saw him, and it was enchanting, you were wonderstruck.. you were enchanted to meet him…

should i make this a series? should i make a part two?

dividers by : @cafekitsune

[lav-endermoon]

i think i speak for all of us when i say that i am mentally and emotionally exhausted. aside from many reblogs, i've held off on posting about the wilbur situation for the sole reason that it is difficult for me to cope with. to be clear, i will no longer be posting in support of cc!wilbur or lovejoy, nor will i be interacting with those who continue to. time will tell if i continue posting about his characters - i've been drifting away from dsmp for a while now, and at the moment i feel very uncomfortable associating with anything related to wilbur.

i'm going to take some time off tumblr to process all of this (seriously, if you see me on here, please yell at me), but before i go i want to say that we should thank shelby for exposing the truth, being vulnerable, and opening up conversations that needed to be had. deplatforming wilbur and spreading the word of his actions is important, but our energy also needs to be directed to supporting her.

i hope that after a long series of mcyt scandals (<- for lack of a better word - feels a bit reductive), this is a wakeup call for people to stop putting their emotional stability in the hands of public figures and realize that anything they show us not only could be, but most likely is, a facade. i say "public figures" because this is not an mcyt problem - it's a problem within content creator circles in general. recent situations have displayed what happens when parasociality/idolization becomes dangerous. the amount of people in these communities who resort to downplaying and dismissing victims or blatantly upholding abusers, all in the name of keeping their fave on a pedestal, is disturbing. this is a conversation that needs to continue, for the sake of victims and those who fall into unhealthy patterns of idolization. we need to change the way our communities treat victims, and we need to think critically when engaging with CCs who we will never know personally.

none of this is to say that anyone's feelings of grief are invalid. this is a hard thing to come to terms with. it's hitting me that i was deceived by the person who influenced me to become a songwriter, whose music found me at the most relevant time, who wrote a character who i could connect with during a time where i felt deeply alone, who wrote a story that brought me so much joy and comfort at my darkest hour and inspired so many creative projects. i feel hurt and betrayed. even though all the time and love i devoted to his content was voluntary, i still feel like something has been taken from me. like i've been taken advantage of - not just by him, but by the entire industry that he is a part of. i feel manipulated, threatened, and unsafe, and those feelings have been an undercurrent throughout my time in this fandom.

your attention is quite literally currency, and you should assume that creators will try to exploit it. our brains are hardwired to trust others, not to tell the difference between real human connection and a streamer broadcasting their personal life + showing affection to their audience. don't blame yourself for the effects of an inherently parasocial type of content. don't blame yourself for having an emotional attachment to someone or something that once brought you comfort. be gentle with yourself right now, and going forward, examine how the content you consume makes you feel. how does it make you act? how does it change your thoughts? what biases do you have? these forms of content can be deeply manipulative and putting up a mental boundary is important - and, like shelby said, listen to your gut. we need to remember that they are profiting off of us and learn how to keep ourselves safe psychologically. this is another conversation that needs to continue.

take care of yourselves.

[small-tragedies]

Number 03 with: Lisa Simpson!

How I feel about this character: I love Lisa so, so much in older seasons; I loved her storylines, and how much Lisa wanted to fit in and make friends reminded me of my younger self. She has always been relatable, and still, while I have some complaints about newer seasons, sometimes I have seen good storylines for her, and she’s my favorite to write about when I write fics. It’s fun to play around with what-ifs with her character that are fun to explore for me.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Okay, here it goes: Jessica Lovejoy, Allison Taylor, Francine Rhenquist, Sherri and Terri Mackleberry, Nelson Muntz, Hubert Wong, the three bullies: Jimbo Jones, Dolph Starbeam, and Kearney Zzyzwicz ( I only ship them with Lisa when she is an adult or an AU I came up with where she’s Bart’s older sister who is the same age as the bullies), Shauna Chalmers (same answer as the bullies), and many more, and that’s off the top of my head lol. What can I say? I’m a multi-shipper. 😂

My non-romantic OTP for this character: This is for obvious reasons, not romantic, lol (no incest here). Lisa and Bart. I always loved seeing the episodes where Bart and Lisa actually have a nice sibling bond, aren’t at each other’s throats, and can get along longer than five minutes. 😂 Especially in the episodes where it shows they have a stronger bond as adults than when they were children, it’s sweet in a way that they mellow out in later years and become each other’s confidantes. And even if they’re fighting, they have always had each other’s backs, and I always think they will. And I just like writing them as a stupid brother-sister duo who go to each other about their gay crushes (Lisa and Bart are both bisexual in my headcanon 😆).

My unpopular opinion about this character: Give me back old Lisa’s characteristics! Please stop making her an overly opinionated butthole who thinks she is smarter than everyone and nitpicky about stuff. She literally had a problem with her parents in an episode because she felt like they weren’t showing they loved each other like how she wanted them to! Like seriously? 😒 Lisa would have never done that in older episodes; she was genuine and kind, and I want that back in her character! 😭 It’s sadly why a lot of people don’t like her in the fandom (I still love her very much; I can be critical of her character at times, though) because everyone thinks she’s a nag, which the writers have turned her into at this point.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: She never married Millhouse and instead married Jessica Lovejoy, and they were happily married. 😁

My OT3: Lisa Simpson Jessica Lovejoy and Francine Rhenquist. I have sooo many WIPs with fics exploring their dynamic as a polycule. 🥰😍

Thanks so much for the ask, Dawn! Once again, I love getting to gush about my Simpsons brainrot. 😂💕💕💕

[byneddiedingo]

Keir Dullea in 2001: A Space Odyssey (Stanley Kubrick, 1968)

Cast: Keir Dullea, Gary Lockwood, William Sylvester, Daniel Richter, Leonard Rossiter, Margaret Tyzack, Robert Beatty, Sean Sullivan, Douglas Rain (voice). Screenplay: Stanley Kubrick, Arthur C. Clarke, based on a story by Clarke. Cinematography: Geoffrey Unsworth. Production design: Ernest Archer, Harry Lange, Anthony Masters. Film editing: Ray Lovejoy.

I know that I first saw 2001 on April 13, 1968, because (as a little Googling tells me) that was the date of the lunar eclipse I witnessed on leaving the theater, an appropriately cosmic climax to the cinematic experience I had just had. Kubrick's film was an experience to be savored by those of us who were already hip to the revolution in American filmmaking underway after the sensation of Bonnie and Clyde (Arthur Penn, 1967) and The Graduate (Mike Nichols, 1967). I doubt that anyone who wasn't of an age to experience it realizes quite how revolutionary those movies seemed to us. Though it's conventional to say that our experiences were produced in part by controlled substances, anyone who really knows me knows that I wasn't under the influence of any substance stronger than beer. Today, 2001 doesn't seem much like a revolutionary film: We have lived through the actual 2001, which had its own epoch-making event in the September of that year, but in which no one was making trips to the moon on Pan Am. That airline went out of business in 1991, and the last real moon expedition, Apollo 17, took place in December 1972. But the future is never quite what it's cracked up to be. What was revolutionary about 2001 the movie is that it taught us how a movie can make us think without spelling out its ideas for us. Kubrick wisely whittled down the narrative given him by Arthur C. Clarke to a series of images, and ditched the score written by Alex North for an evocative set of snippets from classical works, letting us assemble any meaning to be derived from the film for ourselves. Of course, in 1968 we went back to our homes and dorm rooms and did just that. Seeing it today, I am most struck by how skillful Kubrick was in creating the persona of HAL, the sentient computer. Much credit goes, of course, to the voiceover work of Douglas Rain, but also to Kubrick's choice to make the dialogue of the humans in the movie as banal and jargon-filled as possible. HAL's final pleading and breakdown as Dave pulls his memory chips is haunting. Yes, the movie has its longueurs: Kubrick is deservedly proud of its landmark special effects and spends more time than is necessary showing them off. They won him the film's only Oscar, without honoring the work of Douglas Trumbull and others who executed them. He was also nominated as director and as co-screenwriter with Clarke, and the art direction team received a nod, but the film was passed over for the significant work of cinematographer Geoffrey Unsworth, who was assisted by John Alcott, and for the sound crew headed by Winston Ryder. And it failed to receive a best picture nomination in the year when that award went to Oliver! (Carol Reed, 1968). I happen to like Oliver! and don't think it's necessarily one of the Academy's more shameful choices, but it's certainly not an epochal movie.

[s3thwrit3sstuff]

There are some popular artists on here but I figured I’d add ‘em anyways. I tried to somewhat organize it for you!! Let me know which ones you liked :))

Bleu Bledsoe & Gregory Sandomirsky:

-Cafe 130

Wilbur Soot:

-Trying not to think about it

-Amazon Standing Lamp

-Eulogy

-Around the Pomegranate

-Jubilee Line

-Melatonin 130

Lovejoy:

-Call me what you like

-Portrait of a Blank Slate

-Normal People Things

VIOLENTVIRA:

-God Complex

-I don’t care

-Luka

-Tarantula Girl

The Goo Goo Dolls:

-Iris

Will Wood:

-Cotard’s solution

Laufey:

-This is how it feels (& d4vd)

-Promise

-Let you break my heart again

-A Night to Remember

IU:

-Can’t love you anymore

K.Will:

-Please don’t (I love the mv for this one)

Usher:

-You make me wanna…

-Nice & Slow

Ciara:

-Like a Boy

Brandy & Monica:

-The Boy is mine

Queen Najia:

-Medicine

-music anon 🎶<3

Music anon, I'm sorry it took a while to reply to this ask! Life has been a little hectic (T⌓T) but I finally got the time to listen (and re-listen again and again!!!) to the songs you recommended and wowowowowowow!!

Cafe 130, Bleu Bledsoe & Gregory Sandomirsky — I loved this so much??? I don't listen to a lot of music of this genre (unless you count acoustic covers, lol) but this felt so dreamy! I constantly kept thinking of two lovers dancing together, as cheesy as that sounds. Or of a character visiting some castle in a foreign land, the mysterious king in a mask being entranced by them~ The violin and guitar go so well together, dancing step in step with the other, chasing after the other!! I loved this so much!!!! IDK how many more exclamation points I can put to show it!!! ಥωಥ

Wilbur Soot —

Trying not to think about it Is it fair to say listening to this made me feel like I was in some teenage coming-of-age film and just had an explosive fight with my best friend and now I'm on the bus ride home, staring out the window and trying to keep my tears in as I watch the scenery past by. I loved his lyricism so much! This song especially feels like reading a diary and the trumpets that come in during the interlude? The vocal layering? Chefs kiss, the regret in every sentence fuels me to write angst I swear.

Amazon Standing Lamp The guitar in the beginning literally made my ears perk up, the vibes in the very beginning piqued my interest so much. The tone set itself quickly, and I loved every second of it. And the discontented (?) plucky strings with the bridge? I need it in me actually. The lyrics made me add it to my OC's playlist immediately, lmao.

Eulogy GUITAR!!! ONCE AGAIN!!! BIG SLUT FOR IT!!! Also, how does he keep writing yearning so well??? His descriptions feel like poetry in a very angry way. I must know who hurt him - is he okay? (´;︵;`) "I wish I'd be the one who's hurt indignantly, but I can see; that the only one who hurts someone is me" BWAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! UEU UEUE UEUE!!1

Around the Pomegranate "In rapid eye moves. I fall right back to you," and if I die??? Honestly, another "I'm in a coming-of-age movie" feeling song but this song feels like I'm an outcast who just met another outcast and there's a montage of us spending the summer together and running away from bullies or lame adults. Then the bridge happens and it's a montage of me eyeing my best friend with queer angst. His voice sounded so fucking emotional!!! The way the song just ends after it??? INSANE!!!

Jubilee Line Guitar strums, save me guitar strums,,,, the quiet humming in the background spooked me when I used my headphones (lol) but I love humming along to it!!! The way he blames the city for his angst? Yes, I love directing anger at inanimate objects, that's so my genre of anything. "I'm so angry at you I'm beginning to find you in everything" I LOVE IT!!! The bridge where he talks about the barriers on the tube line/rails and how they fail??? Take me, music anon, I feel like I'm gonna faint

Melatonin 130 The beep boops made me smile when I first listened to it. Also, as someone who has insomnia, this song was giving big #relatable vibes but then he added about tucking his face in someone's neck and it became a painful kinda #relatable. ALSO THE WHOLE TALK ABOUT MEDICINE AND ANXIETY??? TAKE ME AGAIN MUSIC ANON I'M GONNA FAINT!!! The bridge??? THE BRIDGE??? OUUUUEEEEEE WHAT A GOOD SONG TO CRY TO WHILE YOU'RE SMOKING IN YOUR ROOM!!! "We're all apes with a diary book and corporate reads your pages" ????

Lovejoy —

Call me what you like The shift between Wilbur Soot's guitar strums to this band made me snort. I personally love pathetic yearning, like yes, kiss me if you need to but IDK if you need me like I need you MMMMM DELICIOUS ME THINKS "I'm not a paranoid, I'm a realist; I know you're gonna kill me!" OUGH HE IS SO PATHETIC I LOVE IT The twangy electric guitar plucks makes my brain happy. My head kept bopping just listening to this song.

Portrait of a Blank Slate The beginnings made me think of a movie montage lol. The lyrics make me think of a broody, distrustful, dude who falls for a magnetic woman who he feels will get bored of him but lord the yearning does not stop him. Her boyfriend is an asshole and the singer wants to make her happier??? I've got my head in my hands, music anon, when the interlude played I can imagine scenes of them getting closer than they should but always pulling away - hold me, music anon, hold me, please. Him apologising for it all being predictable??? What a loser (I need him).

Normal People Things HEAD BOPPING THE SECOND WE PLAY THIS!!! If I could drive, this song would need to be on the ban list, I will crash the car. This song playing during a chase scene with a delinquent and another delinquent but they're just introverted? Perfect me thinks.

VIOLENTVIRA —

God Complex Ough, ouGH OUGHOUGH This song reminded me of Yuno Gasai, lmao. But oh god, the lyrics??? Obsessed actually, I need this song put into a chip so I can stab it into my brain. The dark yearning??? The instrumental??? The way she keeps saying "I wanna be" to "I'm gonna be" - I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! Also reminded me of Brahms Heelshire but that's just me being a simp.

I Don’t Care OUGHGGGGGGGGHHHHH THANK YOU FOR INTRODUCING ME TO SUCH A WONDERFUL ARTIST, MUSIC ANON!!!! Her songs have been on repeat for me since the second I listened to her lORD I just know the Creepypasta speed paints back in 2010 would've loved her music. This song is giving "I don't care if this love is destructive, I'll love you until I can't anymore" OUGHGHGGHGHGHGH MUSIC ANON HOLD ME AGAIN

Luka This song was so sad but knowing why she made it made me physically hold back my tears, especially the voice note at the end?? :((( Her lyrics, and the video description, I was teary-eyed reading it. The chorus is so heartwrenching (;﹏;) "I'm always pulled back to your soul" (´;︵;`)

Tarantula Girl This song reminded me of the time I was 13 and listening to Three Days Grace or Get Scared omg - I love vampiric love songs!!! GIVE ME MOREEEEEEEE!!! Was head bopping the entire time listening to this!! Also the instrumental scratches the itch in my brain "I kinda want you to stay, gimme the sweetest taste" OOOOUGHHH IM SO ILL also her voice is so good I'm obsessed

Iris, The Goo Goo Dolls — this song gave me SUCH a flashback please FNIERUHGRG I remember the fucking Wattpad trailers with this song, also when I was 15 and I had a crush on a girl in school I put this song in the Spotify playlist I made for her LMAOOOO Such a bop, and one with so many memories!! the OG yearning song for me personally

Cotard's Solution, Will Wood — piano, save me piano. the spookiness of the song made me sway a little in my seat while listening to this but then it got more and more unhinged and the way the vocals and instrumentals matched up with each other??? Insane actually!! "Sha na na na na na, free will!" made me giggle The song reminded me of old animes that I could never watch because my mom disapproved of my uncle's anime CD stash but specifically that one old anime about that vampire Van Hellsing? The vibes!!!

Laufey —

This is how it feels (& d4vd) I'm gonna be honest, I never actually listened to Laufey - no reason, just never got the time too so this list made me so excited!!! d4vd's voice reminds me of Disney Prince's serenading oh lord, so good. Then Laufey's voice joins in with the piano??? The yearning?? The violins?? You're out to get me, music anon, aren't you??? (this reminded me of satosuguynkento - "sorry for leaving like that, you don't deserve to get caught in my mess. loving you is just so difficult, i don't know how i should tell you that. I've fallen for somebody else, happened so quickly i lost myself. a shadow of you drifts by my window" especially. I'm going insane, I'm unwell, I'm ill.)

Promise THIS SONG??? EVERY TIME A FUCKING JJK EDIT CAME ON WITH THIS SONG, ESPECIALLY THE LYRICS "I've done the math-" SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING!!! Okay, but the lyrics? The instrumentals? Laufey better be ready to be charged with my therapy bill, I cannot do this anymore, I'm physically ill(er). another song that reminded me of satoyn - "Honestly, I didn't think about How we didn't say goodbye Just see you very soon It hurts to be something It's worse to be nothing with you" I'm deceased.

Let you break my heart again Just so you know, I had this song on loop when I "broke up" with my 4-year long situationship and sobbed my eyes out. It also me realize I have in fact listened to Laufey and she will most definitely be sent my psychotherapy bills.

A Night to Remember I braced myself for this song because so far it has not looked good for my mental health but I was greeted with such a smooth jazzy introduction and seductive songs and lyrics and I cautiously let my guard down. This song playing makes me think of two characters dancing in those wood, smokey, wine-glass-filled clubs. Made me think of Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle, lmao. The orchestra rising and falling in the background - oh god, I had to pace my room while listening to this. The vocals, the sultry tone, the instruments in the background OUHGHGHGHGHGGH I'm so gonna write something based off this song it's too good, I wish to consume it.

Can't Love You Anymore, IU — Nation's Little Sister never misses!!! I was preparing for a back-and-forth angry singing, but the resigned yet spiteful lyrics being delivered so smoothly made me go insane!!! "When I see you, I keep seeing myself in you, and I hate it" OUEUEUEUEEUE YOU WANT ME TO EXPLODE!!!! "I don't think we're in love anymore," the casual way they just sing it OUGH OUGHHHHHHH Like you expect things to be more explosive or dramatic, but the way it just happens and they're just tryna ignore it, hopes something sparks but it doesn't???? If I didn't read the lyrics, I'd honestly just bop to this in a cafe.

Please Don't, K.Will — THE FAMOUS MUSIC VIDEO LMAO. I honestly never read the lyrics to the song and watched the MV one time so it was such a pleasant time revisiting this masterpiece. The yearning, the pleading to not be left and the panic he feels as his lover grows more and more distant??? Ough hold me again please music anon,,,,,

Usher —

You make me wanna… The juxtaposition of Usher's songs next to the previous ones made me wipe away my tears and get ready to body roll seductively. The casual mention of infidelity and the infamous girl-best-friend syndrome oh lord, the lyrics feel so wrong but the vocals and the song make you feel less guilty. Do you think Satoru played this song when he was boinking Suguru while YN was depressed in the background, lmao?

Nice & Slow Usher whispering in my ear about coming over to my house made me think of those boyfriend ASMR videos and IDK how I feel about it LMAO This song plays when an early 2000s rom-com movie introduces a hot guy with cheekbones for days and also wears a scarf for no reason other than fashion (we respect it tbh).

Like A Boy, Ciara — Her spelling her name in the beginning was so cunty. ALSO, I KNEW THIS SONG SOUNDED FAMILIAR AND THE CHORUS PLAYED AND I WAS INSTANTLY HEAD BOPPING!!!

The Boy is Mine, Brandy & Monica — Had to immediately pace my room for this song, the edits playing in my brain making me go insane all over again. Such a classic tbh, should put this song in a national treasure vault so that when aliens find the carcass of our planet they can also bop to this song.

Medicine, Queen Najia — "Give you a taste of your own medicine," I love it when women succeed and enact their revenge. "imma leave you crying," OUGH IM IN LOVE! Also, I had a feeling this song trended on Tiktok and the "not for you, but for him" popped up BUT I NEVER KNEW IT CAME FROM SUCH A CUNTY SONG???? LOVE IT SO MUCH!!

[beeindaclouds]

If the DSMP were Dating Sim characters

Includes: Dream, Georgenotfound, Sapnap, Badboyhalo, Quackity, Karl Jacobs, Wilbur Soot, C!Technoblade, Nihachu, Eret, Punz, FoolishGamers, Awesamdude, Aimsey

Click here before requesting, please <3

[Ok, wait, let me explain why I got this idea. I remembered of when I used to play these Dating Sims game created by Pacthesis (they're an artist on any social media and also have a webtoon, go check her out <3) and, to pay an homage to her games since they've all been deleted by now, I kind of wanted to make this :)]

❝ Dream ❞

He's that one rich character that you hate at first but learn to love by the end of the game

Basically an enemies to lovers lol

Like y'all start "fake dating" cause he needs to clear up his image from some dating rumors while you need money

So y'all act all lovey dovey in public but behind the scenes you want to kill eachother

But you get to know him better and learn that his true self is actually not bad, he's just cold and an asshole because he's scared of getting hurt

❝ Georgenotfound ❞

The privileged prince who has it all and falls in love with the commoner that shows him the reality of his kingdom

You came to complain about the money and food taken from your land and he just instantly falls in love

He promises you that he'll learn more about becoming a better king but you needed to teach him

And you learn that he's clueless to whats happening not because he wants to, but because he's been hidden many things from his dad, the king

So while you secretly teach George everything you know about the outside, feelings start getting in the way

But will your relationship be accepted?

❝ Sapnap ❞

He's that one scary neighbour that's just misunderstood because of the way he dresses

Maybe you've also seen him doing some questionable things or just seen him during moments where he seemed really scary looking

Always wearing black and covered from head to toe, his hat hiding his eyes and making him look more sinister

But then after you befriend him you realise that he's an actual puppy

He'll pass by your house just to talk cause he loves to spend time with you

And because of this y'all fall in love pretty quickly

❝ Badboyhalo ❞

He's the one that works at a bakery you always visit after school

He's probably a few years older then you, and all your friends have crushes on him

But you're the only one who he has his eyes on, which Skeppy loves to make fun of

Then you start working at that bakery, getting close to him in the process

Y'all have those cliche moments where y'all are cooking and it just turns into a food fight

Or he calls for you to taste something and you end up getting your face dirty, so he cleans it up with his thumb

And boom, kiss moment!!!

❝ Quackity ❞

The typical class clown and shy student story

Y'all are complete opposite but during a project that you've been assigned to do togheter y'all get pretty close

He starts trusting you and telling you all the things that happen outside of school

You're there to always listen and help him whenever he needs it

So falling in love with eachtoher was inevitable

You also have a cute moment where he's serenading you and, caught in the moment, y'all also kiss

❝ Karl Jacobs ❞

The cute boy that just looks out of place in your town

This probably takes place in the past, maybe the 800's

You get to know Karl and he seems so clueless about everything, but you push the thoughts away thinking that maybe he's from a different country

But you discover later on that he's actually a time traveller and that he'll be leaving the next day

But why was he there in the first place you may ask? Well, you'll never know 👀

❝ Wilbur Soot ❞

You happened to transfer in the same apartment that the famous singer Wilbur lives in

You stumble upon him and try to act cool as possible, you fail

The little meetings outside the apartment and small talk later turn into hangouts

You also get to meet the other members of his band, Lovejoy, and get to see a snippet of their new song

And things just seem to go from there~

❝ C!Technoblade ❞

The secret character that you only get to meet if you do a favor for the blacksmith, Philza Minecraft

You end up finding a map on one of his table that indicated that something was in the woods nearby

And instead of finding a treasure you stumble upon a Pig hybrid

The legends of the Blood God finally make sense to you, but the scary figure turn out to be just another misunderstood man

And only once he trust you does he turm into the handsome pink haired man cursed into beign an ugly pig hybrid because of all the sins he's commited

❝ Nihachu ❞

From the same universe as Karl, but this time you're the time traveller

You met her on one of your journeys and quickly befriended her

There was something odd about her, but you never let it get to you. She seemed like a new born baby, only now getting to learn things

And she also refused to touch water for some reason

On your last day there y'all had a fight, because you never told her that you weren't from a different time

But she was also keeping a secret of her own...

❝ Eret ❞

The cold soon-to-be king that, after losing their partner, just shut everyone out completely

You, a simple servant on you frist day of work, ended up getting lost and stumbling upon their room

They didn't let anybody in, but with the small talk y'all had the first few days they started getting interested in you

After a while they finally showed themselves in all their beauty, both of your feelings growing each moment you spent with eachother

But Eret's dad interrups his child's happiness with an arranged marriage, and it's up to you to stop it and get your lover back

❝ Punz ❞

[Don't ask me why, ok :')]

The vampire that has lived years alone

Watching all the people he has loved and cared about die

And promising himself to not get attached to any ody anymore

Will you find a way to keep this love alive? Or will you die like the rest of his partners?

But after meeting you, the bakery owner that would always give offer him something, he couldn't take you out of his mind and ends up falling in love

You also being interested in the mysterious man that would always visit the garden near by

❝ FoolishGamers ❞

You get stuck in the theme park you were visiting with some people you don't know

One of them was this very clumsy but cute guy, Foolish, who was the first one you met there

Y'all don't know how to get out, but you all come to the conclusion the different numbers on your phone screens are what will keep you alive in this universe, and that if it reaches zero it might be the end

Knowing that your days are basically counted, you get close with the cute guy that first approached you

Will you both live long enough to actually start something is a question that, for now, will remain unanswered

❝ Awesamdude ❞

From the same universe as Foolish

He was the lasy to join the group

All your numbers seemed pretty high, but Sam never showed his phone

At first you stayed by him to see what he was hiding

But whenever he'd talk about hismelf he sounded so...lonely

You took it upon yourself to try and make him happy by passing as much time togheter as possible

Sam happy to finally have a group of friends, secretly felt guilty from what he was hiding from them

❝ Aimsey ❞ [Fem!Reader]

They've always been someone you admired

Never scared to hide their personality and be themselves

But, like magic, you wish became a reality

You dreamed of becoming like them one day

Even wishing it upo a star ome day, not believing that it would actually come true

As the girl themself approached you in hopes of becoming friends and teaches you the ways of "not giving a sh*t"

While those lessons brought up new part of yourself that you didn't even know where there, Aimsey started blossoming some feelings for you too

This took me 2 hours, wtf-

Also the universe of Foolish and Sam are inspired by the game from Pacthesis! Most of them pretty much are, but they're more prominent in those two

[allywritesforfun]

hey i really enjoyed your nightly routine post with wilbur? i was wondering if you could do something similar but in the morning instead?

awe my love! I'm glad that you enjoyed the nightly the routine... here is the morning routine!

{Morning Routine} Wilbur Soot x Reader

summary: you and wilbur made a nightly routine video that blew up more than you have thought, so now its time to do a morning routine!

pronouns: not mentioned

word count: 2280

trigger warnings: swearing, mention of a knife for going chop chop, this was too cute for even me to handle and it came from my hands

a/n: my god is this long! I really got carried away. I could've made this into two parts but whatevs

a/n pt 2: takes place after the “Nightly Routines” but not directly connected 

regular masterlist

wilbur masterlist

You deeply groaned as you fluttered your eyes open. This was not a great time to wake up. You really wanted another hour of sleep, but you knew you had work to get done today.

You looked behind you. You smiled at the sight of Wilbur in his sweet slumber, his arm lazily draped over your waist. Wilbur very much loved to be in bed with you. If he could, he would spend all day there, just you in his arms and some soft lofi in the background. 

That was something very rare to get. Being a streamer and musician, Wilbur was busy almost all the time and rarely took a day off. Mornings and nights were dedicated to you. However, there were times that you would stream with him, or stop by the office to give him food, but nothing was compared to waking up with him.

“Oh shit,” You whispered, “We’re supposed to do morning vlog today.”

You looked around for Wilbur’s camera, which was no where to be found. You settled on stretching over to nightstand and unplugging your phone. You looked back at Wilbur to make sure he was still sleeping. You could tell he was by the gentle raise and fall of his chest and subtle “Ah-woo”. You just knew that was the perfect way to start the vlog. You recored him for about ten seconds of him doing his ‘not really a snore but definitely something’ and giggled almost the whole way through.

You would think that after living with him for two months and the multiple sleepovers that you’ve had with him, that you would be used to it by now. But even today you still giggled just like you did when you first woke up with him. 

You snuck yourself out of bed and made your way to the kitchen. Once arrived you did the intro, “Good morning chat! It is currently about 6:30 in the morning, and as you realize, I am the only one awake. As you saw, Wilbur is still sound asleep and that how it is every morning. So we’re going to vlog our morning routine today, which I promise is way more interesting than the nightly routine vlog. So, Wilbur is literally the best person ever and deserves the world. And his world, besides me of course, is his morning coffee. So I’m going to use our Keurig to get his coffee started.” 

You stopped the recording and decided to get some of your creativity out. You weren’t musical like Wilbur and can't draw for shit, so videography was your way of being creative. You set your phone the in the corner and opened up the blind to let a little bit of light through. It still looked basic so you moved your plant to the background, which added the perfect look. You started brewing and hit record. 

While that was going, you measured out the creamer and syrup and grabbed your sippy cup for your chocolate milk. No judgement here. We all know chocolate milk tastes better in sippy cups. 

The brew came to a slow stop and you grabbed the camera, “Wasn't that a satisfactory angle chat? Now, I am more of an iced coffee person, so in the morning I have water or chocolate milk, and today is definitely a chocolate milk day.” You raised your cup to the camera and fake ‘clinked’ it, cutting the recording when it was closest to the camera. You finished up making Wilbur’s coffee and set it on the living room table. 

You looked at the time, 6:50 am, now was a good time to get Wilbur up. You always let his coffee sit out for a little bit, that way he could drink it the second that he woke up. You threw some napkins under your drinks and moved another plant over there. You wanted your place to look aesthetically pleasing, even if it was a little bit staged. You did a transition with your cup, this time now on the table.

“Okay chat, we all now mr. simpbur is a snuggler so we don't have breakfast in the kitchen, instead we share on the couch, that way we can get all of our snuggles in before he has to leave for the office. I have everything set up, normally I would prepare breakfast too, but I feel like cooking with Wilbur this morning. We’ll do this about once a week for some bonding time, so let's go get him up,” You decided to keep recording, just in case Wilbur woke up from your loss of presence. 

You creaked the door open, Wilbur was still asleep. He adjusted his body for that he was hugging a pillow, who you assumed was your replacement. You laid down next to him and just took a moment to admire him. It was moments like this that you forgot that you were internet personalities. This was you. This was Wilbur. Both of you living your life without needing to exaggerate yourself. This was Wilbur at his purest form. He was all relaxed, not even aware that he was being recorded.

You scooted closer to him and intertwined your legs with him. You brushed his bangs with the back of your hands and gently placed your lips on your forehead. He stirred a little bit, but not enough to wake him up. You took the pillow from him and wrapped your body around his, “Wilbur, my love, it's about seven, you need to get up.”

You could tell he woke up by him pulling you closer and burying his head only you neck. You gently massaged his head and twirled his curls between your fingers, “Come on Will, I got your coffee made already. We need to start breakfast.”

He shook his head and kissed your shoulder, “Mine.”

You laughed, “Yes Will, and ‘yours’ is hungry, let’s get up and eat.”

He slowly nodded and pulled you closer, “Mmmm... I love you.”

“I love you too, simpbur.”

He snapped his head up at the nickname and saw the camera, “Fuck-that’s today?”

You giggled and detached yourself from, “Say good morning to chat.”

He shook his head and buried it in his pillow out of embarrassment. You stop recording and put your phone on the stand. Just seeing Wilbur all flustered was enough to make you go back to bed. You laid back down with him and pulled him on top of you.

“We’re gonna have to re-record that part,” Wilbur mentioned.

You rubbed his cheek with your thumb, which he happily leaned into, “No bubs, we gotta keep it in. It was a very cute moment.”

He shook his head aggressively, “No! That was embarrassing!”

“Too bad, it’s on my phone so I get to chose what goes in.”

He huffed and grabbed your hand, accepting defeat, “You said you made my coffee?”

You two got up and sat down on the couch. Wilbur took you into his arms the second he took his first sip, his personal way of saying ‘thank you, you’re the best person to ever exist’. 

“What are you feeling for breakfast?” You asked.

“You,” Wilbur joked, kissing your temple. 

You gently pushed him, “No actually, I really want yogurt, so pick something that goes well with that.”

“Can we just make a fruit plate?”

You excitedly nodded, if it wasn't for Wilbur, you would not be eating healthy. He really made sure that you were going to live as long as he did. Neither of you could live without the other. If something crazy didn't happen to you, you were going to die from a broken heart.

Wilbur grabbed your phone and started recording, “So um, good morning chat, I’ve had some coffee and more awake now. What you just saw- no you fucking didn't. We’re on the sofa right now and we decided on a fruit plate with yogurt this morning, trying to be a little healthier considering we had ice cream at one am last night. So we’re gonna make that off camera, because if you guys get us to six million subs, we’ll do a cooking stream!”

“Oh we are now?” You questioned. “I was never told about this.”

Wilbur laughed and kissed your temple, “Well you know now, that's good enough innit?”

You shook your head and placed your hand over the camera, Wilbur stopped the recording. You go the fruit out while Wilbur prepared the sink for rinsing and knives for chopping. 

You made the plate look all nice and took it back to the couch. Wilbur placed his arm back over you and grabbed the remote with is free hand while you centered your phone.

“Okay chat, we’re gonna eat and watch tv for a bit, then you're gonna get ready with us. Wilbur has a test shoot at the office today, so we gotta make him look all pretty and obviously personal hygiene is a must... so yeah, brb.”

You two set up another game show to watch, it sorta became your go to show. Especially because there was no storyline and you could talk when you wanted. This was a pretty chill morning, you two enjoyed each other's presence. 

When you finished up, Wilbur took the dishes and you went to the bathroom and cleaned up a little bit. You heard Wilbur go into his closet, so you started recording, “Okay chat, last thing we do before he leaves is actually get ready. Wilbur is getting changed right now so I’m gonna brush my hair out. I can get a little aggressive with the snarls and Wilbur always thinks I'm ripping my hair out so I always do it when he's not around to make sure he doesn't get worried.”

You set the phone in the corner and set it up to record a time lapse. You heard off in distance some light pop type of music, so you knew that Wilbur got his speaker out.

“Are you playing copyrighted music?” You called.

“It’s released Lovejoy!”

You smiled, you always got giddy seeing how happy Wilbur was able to make himself with his own music. You set your brush down and started to wet your toothbrush, Wilbur slid into frame, already jamming out to his own music.

You covered your mouth with your hand stifled your laughter. Wilbur laughed with you and tugged on your waist, trying to get you to dance with him. You aggressively shook your head no, you hated dancing. You would think by now that you would be used to Wilbur and his random dance breaks, but you never came around. 

You looked down in shame as Wilbur attempted to get you to spin around. Once you made it clear that you were not in the mood to dance, Wilbur turned down the music and waddle over to the counter.

You grabbed the camera, “If someone wants a very tall British man, you can come get him. Warning: not fun dance outbreaks.”

“Oh come on now, y/n!” Wilbur wrapped his arms around your waist and placed his head on yours, “Stop pretending like you don't like to dance.” “You know I hate dancing,” You reminded him.

“Well chat, apparently I’m not allowed to have any fun in the morning? But anyway, that was a joke, but- we do really have to get ready. Should we do this Disney Channel style?”

You laughed and shook your head, “No, I think I just want to make sure you don't miss your meeting.”

“That’s at nine! We have time! Please let me have fun with you! It’s going to be such a stressful day!” He pouted with the cutest puppy dogs eyes.

There was no way that you could say no to him, “Alright, what fun we having?”

Wilbur said nothing and prepared his toothbrush like yours, “Last one to finish brushing their teeth has to do the dishes tonight.”

You hated dishes. You were winning this one. You didn't even wait for a countdown. You instantly grabbed your toothbrush and turned on the water with lightening speed. 

“What?!” Wilbur yelled. “That’s not fair!”

You did your best to bump him away, but it literally did nothing. Both of you were laughing very hard but Wilbur quickly caught up. You both fought with your hands, trying to cup a decent amount water. You both managed to get the water into your mouth and you turned to face Wilbur, it came down to who could rinse the fastest. You two just stared at each other, wishing the water around. You were dead serious. You were not doing the dishes tonight. Wilbur kept flaunting his hands around trying get himself to go faster, which ended up in him completely breaking out in laughter and spitting all over your face. It took you by surprise and all that you could you do was laugh to yourself, you eventually spit the water out in the sink, raising your hands in victory. 

“I am so sorry, love!” Wilbur took your hand and guided you into his arms, gently running his hand up and down your back, “I didn't think that would be that hilarious.” “It’s okay,” You laughed and looked back in the mirror. You were completely drenched shoulder up, “It was fun. Better to happen to me than you, you look really nice today for the shoot.” “Thank you,” Wilbur blushed and turned you around, “I think that is enough recording for today. All that we have left to do is leave so... thank you for watching! Subscribe now and remember, cooking stream at six mil! Bye guys!”

[thedeadhandofseldon]

The Anti-Mercer Effect

On the Accessibility of D&D, Why Unprepared Casters is so Fun, and Why Haley Whipjack is possibly the greatest DM of our generation.

(Apologies to my mutuals who aren’t in this fandom for the length of this, but as you all know I have never in my life shut up about anything so… we’ll call it even for the number of posts about Destiel I see every day.

To fellow UC fans - I haven’t listened to arc 4 yet, I started drafting this in early August, and I promise I will write a nice post about how great Gus the Bard is once I get the chance to listen to more of his DMing).

Structure - Or, “This is not the finale, there will be more podding cast”

So, first of all, let’s just talk about how Unprepared Casters works. Because it’s kind of unusual! Most of the other big-name D&D podcasts favor this long, grand arcs; UC has about 10 hours of podcast per each arc. And that’s a major strength in a lot of ways: it makes it really accessible to new listeners, because you can just start with the current arc and understand what’s going on!

And by starting new arcs every six or seven episodes, they can explore lots of ways to play D&D! Classic dungeon delve arc! Heist arc! Epic heroes save the world arc! Sportsball arc! They can touch on all sorts of things!

And while I’m talking about that: Dragons in Dungeons, the first arc, makes it incredibly accessible as a show - because it lets the unfamiliar listener get a sense of what D&D actually is. (It’s about telling stories and making your friends feel heroic and laugh and cry, for the record). If I had to pick a way to introduce someone to the game without actually playing it with them, that arc would definitely be it.

And I’d be remise not to note one very important thing: Haley Whipjack and Gus the Bard are just very funny, very charismatic people. Look. Episode 0s tend to be about 50%(?) those two just talking to each other about their own podcast. It shouldn’t work. And yet it DOES, its one of my favorite parts, because Haley and Gus are just cool.

And a side note that doesn’t fit anywhere else: I throw my soul at him! I throw a scone at him - that’s it, that’s the vibe. The whole podcast alternates between laughing with your friends and brooding alone in a dark tavern corner - but the laughs never forced and the dark corner is never too dark for too long.

Whipjack the Great - Or, the DM is Also a Player!

I think Haley Whipjack is one of the greatest Dungeon Masters alive. The plots and characters! The mechanical shenanigans! The descriptions!

Actually, let’s start there: with the descriptions. (Both Haley and Gus do this really fucking well). As we know, Episode 0 of each arc sees the DM reading a description - of a small town, or the Up North, or the recent history of a great party. And Haley always strikes this tricky balance - one I think a lot of us who DM struggle with - between giving too much description and  worldbuilding, and not telling us anything at all. She describes people and events in just enough detail to imagine them, but never so much they seem static and unreal - just clear enough to envision, but with enough vagueness left to let your imagination begin to run wild.

While I’m thinking about arc 3’s party, let’s talk about a really bold move she made in that arc: letting the players have ongoing control of their history. Loser Lars! She didn’t try to spell out every detail of this high-level party’s history, or restrict their past to only what she decided to allow - she gave them the broad outlines, and let them embellish it. And that made for a much more alive story than any attempt to create it by herself would have - but I think it takes a lot of courage to let your players have that agency. Most Dungeon Masters (myself included) tend to struggle with being control freaks.

And the plots! Yeah, arc one is built of classic tropes - but she actually uses them, she doesn’t get caught up in subverting everything or laughing at the cliches. And it’s fun! In arc 3, there really isn’t a straight line for the players to follow, either - which makes the game much more interesting and much trickier to run. And her NPCs are fantastic and I will talk about them in the next section.

Above all, though, I think what is really impressive is how Haley balances mechanics, and rules as written, with the narrative and rule of cool - and puts both rules and story in the service of playing a fun game. And the secret to that? She’s the DM, but the DM is a player, and the DM is clearly having fun. Hope Lovejoy mechanically shouldn’t get that spellslot back, but she does, and it’s fun. The changeling merchant in Thymore doesn’t really make some Grand Artistic Narrative better, but wow is it fun. And she never tries to force it one way or the other - the story might be more dramatic if Annie didn’t manage to banish the demon from the vault, but it’s a lot cooler and a lot more fun for the players if Annie gets to be a badass instead - and the rules and the dice say that Annie managed it.

Settings feel like places, NPCs feel like people, and the narrative plot feels like a real villainous plot.

Anyway. I could go on about the various ways in which Whipjack is awesome for quite a while - she’s right, first place in D&D is when your friends laugh and super first place is when they cry - but I’m going to stop here and just. Make another post about it some other time. For now, for the record I hold her opinions about the game in higher esteem than I do several official sourcebooks; that is all.

Characters - Or, Bombyx Mori Is Not an Asshole, And That Matters

Okay, I said I would talk about characters! And I will!

Just a general place to start: the party! All of the first three parties are interesting to me, because they all care about each other. Not even necessarily in a Found Family Trope sort of way, though often that too. But they generally aren’t assholes to each other. The players create characters that actually work together, that are interesting; even when there’s internal divisions like SK-73 v. Sir Mr. Person, they aren’t just unpleasant and antagonistic all the time. Listening to the podcast, we’re “with” these people for a couple hours - and it isn’t unpleasant. That matters a lot. (To take a counter-example: I love Critical Role, but the episode when Vox Machina pranked Scanlan after he died and was resurrected wasn’t fun to listen to, it was just uncomfortable and angering and vaguely cruel).

All of the PCs are amazing, and the players in each arc did a great job. If you disagree with me about that, well, you have the right to be incorrect and I am sorry for your loss. Annie Wintersummer, for one example: tragic and sad and I want to give her a hug, but also Fuck Yeah Wintersummer, and also her familiar Charles the Owl is the cutest and funniest and I love him. And we understand what’s going on with Annie, she isn’t some infinite pool of hidden depths because this arc is 7 episodes and we don’t have time for that, but she also has enough complexity to be interesting. Same with Fey Moss: yeah, a lot of her is a silly pun about fame that carries into how she behaves, but a lot of how she behaves is also down to some good classic half-elven angst about parenthood and wanting to be known and seen and important. (Side note: if your half-elf character doesn’t have angst, well, that’s impressive and also I don’t think I believe you).

There are multiple lesbian cat-people in a 4-person party and they both have requited romantic interests who aren’t each other. This is the future liberals want and I am glad for it.

Sir Mister Person, the human fighter! Thavius, the edge lord! Even when a character is “simple,” they’re interesting, because of how they’re played as people and not action-figures. And that matters a lot.

In the same way: the NPCs. There really aren’t a lot of them! And some of them come from Patreon submissions, so uh good work gang, you’re part of the awesomeness and I’m proud of you! The point being, the NPCs work because enough of them are interesting to matter. It’s not just a servant who opens Count Michael’s door, it’s a character with a name (Oleandra!) and a personality and history. They’re interesting. Penny Lovejoy didn’t need to be interesting, the merchant outside the Laughing Mausoleum didn’t need to be interesting, but they ARE! And Haley and Gus EXCEL at making the NPCs matter, not just to the story but to us as viewers. I agree with Sir Mister Person, actually, I would die for the princesses of the kingdom. I actually care about Gem Lovejoy of all people - that wouldn’t happen in an ordinary campaign! That’s the thing that makes Unprepared Casters spectacular - and, frankly, it’s especially impressive because D&D does not tend to be good at making a lot of interesting compared to a lot of other sorts of stories.

And, just as an exemplar of all this: Bombyx Mori. Immortal, reincarnating(?), and described as the incarnation of the player’s ADHD. I expected to hate Bombyx, because as the mom friend both in and out of my friend-group’s campaigns, the chaos-causer is always exhausting to me. And yeah, Bombyx causes problems on purpose! But! She is not an asshole.

And that’s important. Bombyx goes and sits with the queen and comforts her. Bombyx gives Annie emotional support. Bombyx isn’t just a vehicle to jerk around the DM and other players; Bombyx really is a character we can care about. To compare with another case - in the first couple episodes of The Adventure Zone, the PCs are just dicks. Funny, but dicks. Bombyx holds out an arm “covered in larva” to shake with a count, and robs him of magical items, but she also cares about her friends and other people! She uses a powerful magical gem to save her fertilizer guy from death! Yeah, Bombyx is ridiculous, but she’s not just an asshole the party has to keep around for plot reasons; you can see why her party would keep her around. And one layer of meta up, she’s the perfect example of how to make a chaotic character like that while still being fun for everyone you’re playing with, which is often not the case. And I love her.

The Anti-Mercer Effect - Or, “I think we proved it can be fun, you can have a good time with your friends. And it doesn’t have to be scary, you can just work with what you know”

The Mercer Effect basically constitutes this: Matthew Mercer, Dungeon Master of Critical Role, is incredible (as are all of his players). They’re all professional story-tellers in a way, remember, and so Critical Role treats D&D like a narrative art-form, and it’s inspiring. Seeing that on Critical Role sets impossible standards - and people go into their own home games imagining that their campaigns will be like Critical Role, and the burden of that expectation tends to fall disproportionately on the DM. And the end result, I think, of the Mercer Effect is that we get discouraged or intimidated, because our game isn’t “as good as” theirs. (And I should note - Matt certainly doesn’t want that to be our reaction).

So the Anti-Mercer Effect is two things: it’s D&D treated like a game, and it’s inspiring but not intimidating. And Unprepared Casters manages both of those really freaking well. Because they play it like a game! A UC arc looks just like a good campaign in anyone’s home game. They have the vibes of 20-somethings and college students playing D&D for fun because that’s who they are (as a 20-something college student who plays a lot of D&D, watching it felt like watching my friends play an especially good campaign). They’re trying to tell a good story, sure, and they always do. But first and foremost, they’re trying to have fun, and it shows, and I love the UC cast for it.

And that’s the other half of it: it’s inspiring! It’s approachable; you can see that Haley and Gus put plenty of work into preparing the game but it also doesn’t make you feel like you need hundreds of pages of worldbuilding to run a game. Sometimes a cleric makes Haley cry and she gives them back a spell-slot from their deity! That’s fantastic! It’s just inspiring - listening to this over the summer, when my last campaign had fallen apart under the strain of graduation, is why I decided to plan and run my new one!

That quote from Haley Whipjack that I used as the title for this section? That’s the whole core of this idea, and really, I think, the core of the podcast.

The Mercer Effect is when you go “that’s really cool, I could never do that.” But Unprepared Casters makes you look at D&D and go “wow, that looks really fun. I bet I can do that!” And I love the show for it.

And I bet a lot of you do too.

[chelsie-fan-55]



‘Oldies are doing well’ Phyllis Logan hails older generations as Downton helps BritsDOWNTON Abbey star Phyllis Logan says it was “fabulous” to be reunited with the cast and production crew to shoot a second film due out early next year. The sequel follows on from the events of the first film released two years ago, which was set in 1927 with Robert and Cora Crawley, the Earl and Countess of Grantham, receiving a visit from King George V and Queen Mary during a royal tour of Yorkshire. Filming of the second film, which sees Dominic West, Hugh Dancy and Laura Haddock join original stars including Dame Maggie Smith, Hugh Bonneville, Michelle Dockery and Elizabeth McGovern, started at Highclere Castle in Hampshire in April and finished in June. Phyllis, 65, who has portrayed Downton housekeeper Mrs Hughes in all six series of the original ITV drama and reprised the role for both films, said: “It was fabulous to be reunited with the cast again, we had such a lovely time, but it was over far too quickly. “During the six seasons that we did (for TV) we usually started filming in the February and finished in the autumn, so we had a good six months of each other, and now it is curtailed into a matter of weeks, so it was done a bit too quickly but we had a great time. “There is lots of nice, really fun stuff in it, I must say and some lovely star turns.” Phyllis, who is also the narrator of fly-on-the-wall TV show The Highland Vets, which starts its fourth series on Channel 5 tomorrow (MON) night, believes period dramas like Bridgerton and Downton have provided much-needed escapism during the past 18 months of the Covid-19 pandemic. She says: “With the likes of Downton Abbey it looks so magnificent, the costumes are magnificent and the mores of the time are different where you don’t air-kiss and have to be suited and booted, and straight-laced, well certainly outwardly.. who knows what they got up to behind closed doors. “But we try to show some of this too and the public just can’t get enough of this type of costume drama. “Everyone has been bingeing or re-bingeing on their favourite shows just to give them a sense of normality. “If you can watch Bridgerton, if you can watch Downton Abbey, or your favourite comedy show, you think the world is ok now, or get a sense that life is continuing in a fashion.” Downton has also led the way in using older actors in prominent roles at a time when TV and film has been criticised for being ageist. Phyllis says: “It’s been fabulous and long may this continue. With Dame Maggie (Smith), Dame Penelope (Wilton), myself and Jim Carter, the oldies are doing well.” Her husband Kevin McNally, who is also 65, is best known for portraying Joshamee Gibbs in all five Pirates of the Caribbean films but joined the cast of Downton for its second series on ITV as Horace Bryant. Phyllis says: “It was nice to have my husband in Downton as well but it was very peculiar the way it happened. “He was on set at one point and said I have just been offered this job and I said ‘oh, what is it?’ And he said Downton Abbey, and I said ‘very funny, what’s the job?’ And he said Downton Abbey and I said ‘oh come on, I haven’t got time, I’ve got to go back on set’. And he was being serious. “They did not even tell me they were going to offer it to him and I thought they should have run it past me first, surely.” She adds: “And it ended up with most of the scenes we were involved in being together, which was unusual. “In normal circumstances as he was playing a posh person and I was playing the housekeeper as usual, I thought our paths would never cross but the way the storyline worked we were always together. “So sometimes we got picked up in a car together to bring us to the castle and it felt like ‘bring your husband to work day’, so I thought ‘what is going on?’” Phyllis, who also starred as Lady Jane Felsham in Lovejoy with Ian McShane for eight years, met Kevin, who portrayed Bernard Ingham in The Crown last year, when they co-starred in mini-series Love and Reason in 1994. Since then they had only appeared together in short films and an episode of comedy show Rab C Nesbitt until their joint stint in Downton, but Phyllis says she would be happy to work together again in the future. And Kevin’s help was vital when it came to recording the narration for The Highland Vets, which follows the vets, nurses and receptionists at DS McGregor & Partners veterinary practice in Thurso, Caithness, as they treat animals in the remote northern tip of the UK mainland. After recording the first couple of episodes of series one in a studio in London’s Soho, Phyllis has been forced to do her narrations since the first lockdown in March last year from the study of her home in west London. She says: “Kevin was my sound engineer for the Highland Vets. They sent all this equipment and I was so useless at using it that Kevin was thankfully around and on hand to be my sound engineer.” The fourth series of the Highland Vets, which contains seven hour-long episodes, starts with the vets treating a young Common seal spotted struggling on a beach by a walker. She adds: “I haven’t done many narrations. I enjoy this one because it is such a lovely programme, there is always something different cropping up, so it is a pleasure to do it.” As a result of the repeated lockdowns for the pandemic she has yet to travel up to Caithness to meet the staff at the vets. But Prince Charles did pay them a visit during a two-day tour of Scotland, where he is known as the Duke of Rothesay, at the end of last month (JULY). Unfortunately the TV cameras were not there at the time but wearing a kilt, he was welcomed by senior vet and director Guy Gordon, who introduced him to his team, including Katie Reiss, 22, who had only started work a few days earlier. Ms Reiss said: “It’s an unorthodox start to work! We spoke about my training at Edinburgh University and chatted about how the vets have been really helpful integrating me into work. “He (Charles) said to stick at it and not lose hope because I have wanted to be a vet since I was a wee kid.” Guy says: “We felt honoured that Prince Charles was keen to visit our veterinary practice to meet the staff and learn about what we do. “He stayed with us for about 45 minutes chatting about aspects of our work with genuine interest and insight. “The light drizzle didn’t dampen this special occasion nor cause him to hurry, he took time to engage with everyone. “So they have the royal seal of approval.” She adds she loves getting to see The Highland Vets before anyone else to do its narration. “There are a few sad bits that do not go to plan but it is so heartfelt.. and the fact that they are in that location which is absolutely spectacular, that they all love it, they love their lives, their jobs, their workmates, their animals. “It’s just beautiful and lovely and life-affirming stuff, even when things go wrong.” Phyllis also stars in a film, The Last Bus, with Timothy Spall which they shot two years ago but has just been released. It tells the story of an old man whose wife has just died using his free bus pass to travel to the other end of the UK, where they originally lived, with her ashes in a small suitcase. She will also be seen in the second series of BBC drama Guilt, which is due to air later this year. *The new series of The Highland Vet starts tomorrow at 9pm on 5Select. Source: Sunday Express

[clayandstuff]

Becho Musings Part 1

Just some Becho musings I wanted to keep on my blog for posterity. 

TL;DR

The show did a ton of groundwork for Becho and their romantic relationship. Here's how it's pretty clear to me that romantic Becho was happening from the very first moment they met in the cages. This is going to be long, so my apologies in advance.

Echo and Bellamy get off to a rough start when she spits on him for being Skaikru (to which Bellamy responds “guess no one told you were not enemies anymore” - remember this moment as it’s a major recurring theme between them). She tells him to be quiet when he’s rattling the cage and the mountain men come to take someone to harvest, protecting him even though she didn’t trust him initially. Then seeing that the mountain men decided to take Echo, Bellamy deliberately gets himself chosen instead, to spare her. He saw she was scared and immediately took her place to protect/save her. He showed her kindness in a torture chamber, which caused her to rethink what she knew about total loyalty only to her people.

Then Echo helps Bellamy kill Lovejoy, saving his life and returning the favor. Bellamy promises to come back for her and they share a moment staring longingly at each other through the cage bars and Bellamy even reaches his hand out to touch her cage (this is before there was a plan to free the grounders and use them as an army...) he was going to come back and free her. And then he does! He keeps his promise and comes back to rescue her. They worked together and trusted each other right from the start, when they both didn’t have any clan loyalties or obligations getting in the way. 

Then the next time we see Echo she escorts Bellamy (as well as Pike and Octavia) out of Mt. Weather before it’s blown up by the Ice Nation. This saves Bellamy’s life. She had to betray his trust in order to get him to safety without compromising Azgeda’s attack on the mountain. Echo apologizes to him in the beginning of s4 for what she did, but she also reminds him that she saved his life and was following orders. (Again, the conflict between their different loyalties/clans is explicitly vocalized here - but notice how Echo still didn’t allow that to stop her from saving Bellamy). When Bellamy is leaving Polis, she asks him if “they’ll ever be able to trust each other again” to which he responses “I doubt it” and there is a look of hurt/disappointment on her face. She quickly hides it though, and officially welcomes Skaikru to the coalition. 

Later on, she has to capture Octavia and bring her back alive, but it doesn’t go as planned and she ends up stabbing Octavia who then stumbles off the cliff (clearly an accident as evident by Echo’s horrified/distraught face and the fact that she repeatedly said she “wanted her alive” and that “it doesn’t have to be this way”). She thinks Octavia is dead and says “Yu gonplei ste odon” for her, a compassion for those who have died. She looks completely numb while having to deliver the news to Bellamy. She knows she hurt him by “killing” his sister, and in her own way she tried to comfort him by telling him “it was a good death”.

Now we’re at 4x05, arguably the biggest Becho development episode thus far. Bellamy is taken as a hostage by Roan and while in the canyon with Kane, realizes that Skaikru was warned that Azgeda was coming and that Octavia must be alive. He also realizes that this means Echo didn’t kill her, and he looks over at her with an almost unreadable expression (could be gratitude, relief, thanks? Whatever it is, he isn’t mad or upset anymore though) and then everyone realizes Riley is missing and Roan is in danger. Bellamy tells Echo to work with him and they’ll both go stop Riley. There’s a cute little moment where Bellamy holds out his tied hands for Echo to remove the restraints and she turns him around to which he replies “so much for building trust” - calling back to the conversation they had episodes ago about being able to trust each other again, as this is something being developed between them over the course of the season. 

Anyway, then we have the big culmination of their relationship thus far. Echo asks him “are you really willing to kill your own man to save my king?” And Bellamy responds “Don’t you get sick of it? Sides? Your man, my King? Praimfiya doesn’t give a damn about what clan you’re from”. He acknowledges that this division between them, them being on opposite sides of this war, at the end of the day doesn’t matter. They are all just people trying to survive - they are all the same - and nothing makes that more clear than the impending, unstoppable death wave. Echo responds to this by saying “I’m glad you’ll get a chance to say goodbye to your sister before it comes”, offering Bellamy a very human, very personal comfort. However, at the mention of his sister, Bellamy visibly gets agitated and basically says if she had killed Octavia then he would have killed her. Echo isn’t offended by this though. She simply tells him “it’s like Queen Nia used to say, war makes murders of us all” (this is a super important line). 

They eventually find Riley and Echo has a shot lined up ready to kill Riley to stop him from killing Roan, but Bellamy tells her to wait. (She tells him to “move or she’ll kill him too” but then she moves herself right around him… an empty threat…. she would never hurt him.) Bellamy is pleading with Riley and all the while Echo stands ready to strike, but doesn’t. Every second she stands there while Riley is staring down his gun’s scope ready to take the kill shot at Roan, Echo is risking her king’s life. She is risking his life on the hope that Bellamy can handle this. He manages to get through to Riley by echoing back the very words he just heard from Echo. “War made me a murder, don’t let it happen to you”. 

And there it is. They are the same. Echo is Bellamy on the other side. The parallel has been fairly obvious the whole time (they delegate terms opposite each other, both met in the mountain, both are soldiers but ultimately not the person in charge, “good little knight” and “good little spy”, etc.), but it is explicitly stated on screen here, using the exact same words as before. Bellamy sees himself in Echo and fully recognizes how war has forced both of them to do terrible things – but he knows their worst actions don’t define them (I mean, Bellamy killed 300 people in their sleep who were there to help him, he better believe he can come back from something like that). They’ve saved each other’s lives, multiple times, despite not being each other’s “people”. 

So after they stop Riley, they eventually meet up with Roan and he asks Echo what he missed. She looks over at Bellamy, he looks back at her, and then she lies directly to Roan to cover for Bellamy (and Skaikru). She tells him “nothing, sire”. She lies to her King about an assassination attempt on his life to protect Bellamy (again). After everything they went through, their different clan loyalties and allegiances forcing them to be at odds, here Echo chooses Bellamy over her clan. 

This post is getting quite long and doesn’t even get into Echo saving everyone’s life on their way to get to Raven, Bellamy physically pushing Murphy away from Echo to stop him from trying to get her radiation suit (and this after the conclave so why is he saving her now?), him going over to help her walk when she's weak from radiation, stopping her from ending her own life (also intentionally making her laugh), or when she scrambles over to him on the ring to pull his helmet off so he could breathe. 

They have TONS of development lol. It’s pretty obvious that the next step for these characters, with their story, would be a romantic relationship given there was a time jump and the only thing keeping them apart was clan allegiances (which now no longer exist). Even as enemies on opposing sides, they’ve trusted and gone out of their way to save each other (multiple times) despite not being each other’s “people” (in a show where “I did it for my people” is used as justification for main characters committing atrocities to keep their loved ones safe). Why do they care so much about saving each other when they are not each other’s people and are actively on different sides? Hmmm, what could be the reason? Bellamy and Echo clearly mean something to each other that goes beyond their feelings of duty to their own people. They are so obviously set up to fall in love and be together.

Just look at all the major relationships of the show up until this point: Murphy/Emori, Clarke/Lexa, Octavia/Lincoln - All of these pairings are with a Grounder and Skaikru who fit the same mold. Murphy and Emori are outcasts, Clarke and Lexa are the leaders who have to make tough choices and prioritize their people over themselves, Octavia and Lincoln both don’t fit in or feel like they belong with their people… and Bellamy and Echo are both soldiers who have done bad things but were always looking out for their people. Kane/Abby and Miller/Bryan are also couples that follow this pattern, the similar people are paired together. 

Becho’s development is all there. People who like to claim there’s “no development” are being willfully ignorant and never seem to have a problem with Marper having literally having no buildup. Marper slept together once and then boom they were in a relationship. The dynamic between Monty and Harper was never explored before they got together, and yet they are lauded as this major beacon of love and are #couplegoals. My personal favorite Marper moment is in season 1 when Harper walks into Jasper and Monty’s tent and Jasper wants nothing to do with her and calls her “low-hanging fruit” in front of Monty after she leaves while Monty has no response or reaction. #couplegoals. 

I love both Marper and Becho, but the double standards in this “fandom” regarding Echo and Becho are ridiculous.

It’s amazing how in the same breath blorkes will scream about how “Echo can’t be with Bellamy because she tried to kill Octavia” (nevermind that it was clearly an accident, Echo was a soldier on the opposing side of a war while Octavia was going around making political assassinations, and Echo didn’t just decide to disregard Octavia’s life - she was trying to bring her in alive) while completely ignoring the fact that Clarke has left Octavia for dead twice while claiming to be her friend (letting her get blown up by the bombing in Ton DC and then locking her out of Bunker after she risked her life fighting in the conclave). Ok, so if that’s the reason blorkes don’t want Becho then surely that should disqualify Bellarke too, right? Right??? They’re so hypocritical it’s nauseating... Not to mention they hate Echo for the very things they praise Clarke for. It’s just idiotic and exhausting. 

And look, I’m not here to tell anyone who they can and can’t ship. Ship whoever you want. But what I don’t like is people trying to invalidate Becho for asinine reasons and then simply ignoring that stuff when it comes to Clarke and Bellarke. There’s no need to make up lies and willfully misconstrue canon in order to hate on Echo and Becho. Just be honest about why you hate Becho - because it gets in the way of a ship you prefer. There’s no need to go around blatantly misinterpreting the characters and the show. Or conjure up some ever-changing goalpost of arbitrary criteria to meet before you find Becho to be an acceptable couple. Blorkes will never accept Becho, because it diametrically opposes their purpose for watching the show. Nothing would ever make them actually ship it or enjoy it. Thus, all of their talking points against it are instantly rendered moot, since the very nature of their “criticism” towards Becho is made entirely in bad faith (as well as being laughably hypocritical). It’s not really about Echo or Becho, it’s just about wanting Bellarke.

Blorkes wouldn’t be called delusional if they could just be honest. Blorkes approach the show with such a sense of entitlement coupled with this crippling belief that they have the One True Reading of the show (despite the show giving them zero romantic canon anything). You do not need to seek any kind of validation or be “correct” about a pairing in order to ship it or want to root for it. You want to root for Bellarke? Root for Bellarke, but leave Echo’s name out of your mouth. People are allowed to have different preferences and tastes, but my god stop trying to invalidate Becho with your hypocritical nonsense.

I just needed to type this all out for my own sanity. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. 

[samtheflamingomain]

old man yells at tv show

I'm a Simpsons superfan. I don't care what anyone says, I'll argue to my grave that it was still a great show until season 25, and a watchable show until now.

So it is not without immeasurable grief that I finally say, a broken man, "it's time to cancel the Simpsons".

I don't mean "cancel" as in they've committed some heinous act, literally cancelled. End the show. Please.

Until today I would always say, "The worst episode of The Simpsons is better than no Simpsons", and with the season 33 premiere, I finally have to retract that statement. That's just how fucking awful this episode was.

Here's a quick synopsis: Lisa puts on a school musical as Stage Manager, but finds herself left out of the friendship the cast create. She exposes the Big City New Girl as being a fraud and a liar, but because she does it in a mean way, she has to apologize. The end.

Now, because this really shows how little the writers care about character consistency, replace "Lisa" with "Marge". Because despite this being a pretty convincing Lisa plot, this is for some reason a Marge episode. Also, because it's a musical episode starring Julie Kavner as Marge who can barely deliver her spoken lines. they "make" a "joke" saying Marge "sounds like a Disney princess in her head" so they can have Kirsten Bell do all her singing. It's eerie at best.

This episode, which might I mention has no B plot, is bizarre, jarring, and surprisingly unfunny in every capacity. It doesn't feel like a Simpsons episode, which is encapsulated perfectly in one of the "jokes" they did try to throw in next to all the cringey musical numbers.

Marge is realizing through song that the group of friends she thought she was close with in high school actually went and did a bunch of fun stuff without her and she feels left out. After the first verse, Marge says something like, "Okay, so I don't remember all of those exact memories, but I'm sure there's something! Keep going!" which probably came the closest to making me laugh. It wasn't super close, but my mouth muscled twitched slightly.

Anyway, the next verse starts with "The kegger at Marge's house!" and Marge goes "What? Where was I??" which, if it had stopped there, would've been a solid laugh from me. But they answer "oh you were doing stage manager stuff" and then list a bunch of things that supposedly happened on Marge's property without her ever knowing, including the suicide of a classmate.

Again, if it had stopped there, that might have been a bit funny, and definitely as edgy as The Simpsons would ever get. Right?

Well, this keeps going until we get this South Park joke Frankensteined onto a Simpsons corpse: "We didn't see the signs... then when the news crew came we made it all about ourselves!" In bold is the drawn-out solo part of the song.

Look, I'm a huge fan of South Park and other "not PC" comedy. It just doesn't belong in a song on The Simpsons. It's absolutely jarring with not only the tone of the show as a whole but even the tone of the episode.

So the "jokes" that are there suck, there's maybe 10 attempts made overall, and it feels like an episode written by a casual fan. Ask a casual fan you know, "name 5 Simpsons adults who you'd think were theatre kids in high school" and they'd probably guess most of them.

Not that their characters do anything. We have Kirk, Helen Lovejoy, Smithers, Dr. Hibbert and Barney. The only one to have lines relevant to their character at all is Barney, because he has a 2-line moment where he mentions being an alcoholic. That's literally it.

It's also very weird to see Bart and Lisa as bookends. They have 1 line each at the start and another one each at the end. I honestly don't think I've ever seen less done with a main, speaking character. They don't even make jokes, they just comment on the current situation.

On the surface, it seems like this episode was terrible because it was a musical. Usually, I hate musical episodes of shows; I think they tend to be worse for it. But I loved the musical episode where Lisa becomes class president because it was a musical - a parody, but still.

However, this is one of the only cases I can think of where I think it being a musical actually made this episode better than if it had been about a musical (like "A Streetcar Named Marge") without all the songs.

I read a book by a few of the early writers of The Simpsons, and one thing that made me realize why this episode is so bad is because, in the writers' own words, "musical numbers take up time, so they never get cut". When I read that at the time it made me reflect on how astounding that is, given that almost every original Simpsons song is a fuckin banger. Now it makes me realize that this episode would've somehow been even worse if it wasn't a musical, which I didn't think was possible because boy were the songs bad.

Maybe it's the plot, the characters, the lack of jokes, the bad songs, the expectations of a 33-year old show, but honestly I think it's everything. Everything that could've gone wrong did. I literally cannot think of a single thing this episode did right or even just well. For Homer to take the spot of Lenny in the cast they have to injure Lenny, so of course, it being Lenny, they get him in the eye. Just kidding, they break his leg. If it had been an eye injury, and I'm not even kidding, I wouldn't be typing right now. That would've been enough.

For a show that's been on life support in my mind for a long time, in a way, I'm almost glad this episode was the worst piece of shit I've ever seen, because I'd rather pull the plug now than keep it braindead in the ICU for another season, trying to find a single solitary moment in each episode that makes it worth my time.

I'm taking solace in the fact that now, when The Simpsons does eventually end, I won't be upset at all. Last season I would've still been upset and said "it's still good!" Now it has, in my mind, officially stopped being good.

Stay Greater, Flamingos

[tyronehugh]

Timothy Wepner officiating.

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[aion-rsa]

The Simpsons Season 32 Episode 22 Review: The Last Barfighter

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This The Simpsons review contains spoilers.

The Simpsons Season 32 Episode 22

The Simpsons Season 32, episode 22, “The Last Barfighter,” is a perfect mix. It’s got secret societies, booze, and a big, old, ugly head. Since time immemorial, this unholy trinity has come through for the series. The Stonecutters cemented the dank and seedy underground of Springfield into the minds of the series’ fans. The Olmec relic of Xtapolapocetl proved even Mr. Burns could be gracious. And, of course, alcohol is the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.

“You’ll never believe what they laid on me tonight: Crappy marriages, crappy jobs,” Moe says as he sits on what we discover is his usual stool. Even bartenders need bartenders, and when Moe needs to unwind and throw back, he’s got a mixologist who’s got his back. Ian McShane’s Artemis is the bartender’s bartender, it is immediately apparent. Before Moe even pulls off his helmet and bellies up at the bar, we’d like him to pour us a drink.

Moe belongs to “something bigger than himself, and super weird,” another winning combination. He drinks at The Confidential, a secret club even speakeasy regulars couldn’t get in at the time. Members don’t have a special knock. There are no peep-holes. They need a special key. This is ancient. It is exclusive, historic, and they only serve the usual. They live by a sacred code, and this is the place where someone will “listen to the listeners.” It makes it sound so noble, you almost want to buy one of Moe’s pickled eggs.

But it’s a crystal skull which binds the story. Krusty cancels his show after his afternoon animal entertainment escapes in the studio, endangering dozens. This leaves the clown to drown his sorrows in tongue at the local deli, and Bart and Milhouse with useless tickets. They go into Pedro “Bumblebee Man” Chespirito’s Noches de Abejorro show, a Spanish-language almost-equivalent to Krusty’s show, and Bart keeps his cool long enough to win the coveted Calavera Gritando, or Screaming Skull.

The head is designed to look like a relic of the Day of the Dead, the 3,000-year-old Meso-American ritual honoring deceased loved ones. It is really a knockoff of George Clooney’s knockoff tequila Casamigos, which he “accidentally” founded. I always imagined while drunk on the tequila, which brings us to Carl. He’s an inventor, and a pretty good one, but he’s never filed a single patent. We are always getting fascinating tidbits about Carl and Lenny. Though it was even more revelatory to learn Barney got fired from the AutoZone for huffing floor mat cleaner.

Homer recognizes the skull immediately, at least enough to know it is filled with a tequila superior to all other mezcal. Homer has always wanted to drink something “fancy enough to come in a bottle that doesn’t look in a bottle.” But Bart won’t give it up, and Marge sides with her son. Bart says he’s going to “save it for high school,” which is encouragingly diabolical. He’s going to be just like his dad. You can almost hear “Cat’s in the Cradle,” it’s so touching.  But it sets off a classic comedy duel. Bart taunts Homer relentlessly, antagonizing him with the forbidden elixir, even dedicating the song “Tequila” to his beloved father during morning drive-time radio. The punchline lands so hard, it sets off the airbags on Homer’s car. Even Lisa pretends not to know her father, that’s how effective it is.

Thus is the curse of the Screaming Skull. Soon, even the Calavera Gritando is tormenting Homer. Urging him with taunts he is “too weak to drink me.” Homer finally cracks, he “may not speak Spanish but I know when a talking skull is talking to me.” We know we’re going to see a Raiders of the Lost Ark parody long before it happens, but it is happily surprising to see how Homer replaces the weight of the skull.

The sequence at Moe’s bar is funny and moving. Moe-centered stories are usually among the best of the secondary character pieces in the series. He has such depth, Lisa once dubbed him a poet. He certainly is a tortured soul. Even the glasses he breaks out to drink from the skull are Iranian hostage commemoratives. When he comes to the other side of the bar and says “So this is sitting,” it condenses a lifetime of upright crouches. When we hear the barflies tell Moe “You’re not our bartender, you’re our friend,” we are touched. When we hear the skull declare “You fool, you’ve ruined a man’s life, and now begins his slow descent into hell,” we’re relieved. Because, from this moment, the entire episode builds a palpable sense of suspense.

We come back when Moe is remembering what happened 12 hours earlier. A time when he was just one of the drunks on the street, instead of putting them there. The sequence of the revelries includes amusing diversions like getting a group photo-booth picture with the skull, and a team teeth-whitening session, including one for the skull. But then things get ugly, and when things get ugly with Moe, that can go pug ugly, fugly, or pug fugly, which is where it goes tonight. He dishes so much dirt, even his crotch rag wants a raise, and it earns its pay tonight. Moe lets loose from the Lovejoys’ sexless marriage to Lenny’s wet spaghetti arms. And just who is the mayor of Greenfield? It’s funny because it’s true, but there’s nothing less funny than an honest drunk.

Moe makes a very astute observation. He is wasted. His bartending friends are drunks. The secret club sends an even more astute signal. Moe has to follow a rat named Kristoff to answer for his broken vows of silence. But the punishment of the society is worse than the curse of the skull. Not only is Moe cast out, but his regulars are cut off. And when a secret society of bartenders calls last round, it’s a serious matter. There’s cranium-splitting headaches, firehouse sweating, and hurricane vomiting involved, they don’t even show the last one, but the reaction shots and sounds are hilariously horrifying. If the bartender sticks you with a needle, you never touch alcohol again. Oktoberfest becomes sober fest.

The peril is real. There is true commitment to the premise and how frightening the prospect is. Springfield’s bartenders become a roving mob, whether from the League of Extra Horny Gentlemen or the Lesbian Rye Curious bar. Moe’s taverners are hunted like dinosaurs. Given the choice between a life without alcohol and one on the run, Carl and Lenny choose flight, a hazardous decision, with sobering consequences. Homer gets it from Dr. Hubbard, who bartended his way through medical school. It is all too horrible to witness. It’s enough to drive you to drink.

Even though it appears life without drink works out good for the quartet – Lenny gets ripped, Carl heads a body-hair-shaving mini-robot startup company, Barney holds the big arrow at the AutoZone, and Homer’s such a good dad even Maggie’s happy – it feels like something out of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Moe is at his lowest, even for Moe, making omelets on demand in a well-lit, non-dank mall shop. He doesn’t even have a shotgun behind the oven. It’s such a sad spectacle, we’re rooting for a break on the wagon train.

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The episode ends on a cliffhanger, but we all know how it will turn out. Just like we know how even the water at Moe’s bar is watered down. “The Last Barfighter” is a fun, action-packed, and twisted installment. Secret societies, booze, a big old ugly head, and a Simson on the run. It’s a grand slam best watched on a wall at a dive bar. It leaves us with a subversively comic paradox. Will Homer upset the balance of the nature of Springfield if he doesn’t get re-boozed? It is a beautiful ambiguity, but this is last call for the season. If The Simpsons season 24 opens with Homer doing Smithers’ job or its equivalent, even for one segment, it will be more satisfying than learning Maggie shot Mr. Burns.

The post The Simpsons Season 32 Episode 22 Review: The Last Barfighter appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 15/05/2021 (Coldplay, J. Cole, Trippie Redd & Playboi Carti)

I’m awful at predicting this chart, I really am, but most of that is probably down to how I only make vague predictions at the end of each episode without even considering most releases that’ll actually chart. Let’s just say I didn’t expect nine new arrivals this week. At the top, however, little has changed as the absolutely huge “Body” by Russ Millions and Tion Wayne with a remix featuring whoever the hell is spending its second week at #1. The rest of the chart, however, gets a bit more interesting. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

The biggest story to effect the chart this week is of course 2021’s BRIT Awards happening this Tuesday, which I’m sure boosted a lot of songs during the mid-week. I also actually covered the awards show on that day if you’re curious, with some of my observations, predictions and opinions. We can very clear see – or hear, for that matter – the impact of the BRIT Awards in this week’s chart, as it did cause a lot of gains and new arrivals that shook up the chart right in the middle of the tracking week. Firstly, we do have some drop-outs from the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, only one of them, “Paradise” by MEDUZA and Dermot Kennedy, being all that important given it was a top five hit but we do have a handful that lasted five or more weeks or peaked in the top 40, like “Medicine” by James Arthur flopping embarrassingly, “Addicted” by Jorja Smith dropping out to prepare for the rebound next week given her album release and “Solid” by Young Stoner Life, Young Thug and Gunna featuring Drake.

Speaking of Drake, he also provides the singular returning entry as “Wants and Needs” featuring Lil Baby is proving to be the actual hit from that three-pack from March, coming back to #65. Scaling down the chart, we also have some notable losses, songs that dropped at least five spots on this week’s chart. Those that fell include “Your Power” by Billie Eilish dropping harshly to #15 off of the debut, as well as “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S at #18, “Confetti” by Little Mix to #21 off of the return (with Saweetie, the artist quite literally solely the reason it’s had this second wind, still bizarrely left without a credit by the UK Singles Chart), “My Head & My Heart” by Ava Max at #27, “Titanium” by Dave at #31, “Wellerman” by Nathan Evans and remixed by 220 KID and Billen Ted (yes, THEY’RE credited) at #36, “Patience” by KSI featuring YUNGBLUD and Polo G at #42, “Heartbreak Anniversary” by Giveon at #44, “We’re Good” by Dua Lipa at #47, “Way Too Long” by Nathan Dawe, Anne-Marie and MoStack at #49, “Head & Heart” by Joel Corry and MNEK at #51, “Beautiful Mistakes” by Maroon 5 and Megan Thee Stallion at #55, “Don’t Play” by Anne-Marie, KSI and Digital Farm Animals at #56, “Calling My Phone” by Lil Tjay and 6LACK at #59, “Commitment Issues” by Central Cee at #67, “You” by Regard, Troye Sivan and Tate McRae at #69, “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #70, “Hold On” by Justin Bieber getting ACR’d at #71, “Streets” by Doja Cat at #73 and finally, “6 for 6” by Central Cee at #75.

Filling up the room for those losses, however, are the gains, always a tad more interesting, as the songs that rose at least five spots on this week’s chart – or make their first appearance in the top 40, 20 or 10 – are usually having the BRITs to thank to some capacity. The climbers include “Summer 91 (Looking Back)” giving Noizu his first top 40 hit at #31 (and I’ll admit, the song is growing on me), Griff also getting her first with “Black Hole” at #35 thanks to her win and performance at the BRITs, “WITHOUT YOU” by The Kid LAROI rebounding to #13 thanks to that once-again uncredited remix with Miley Cyrus and finally, entering the top 10 for the first time is “Anywhere Away from Here” by Rag’n’Bone Man and P!nk at #9, getting the boost from a perfect trifecta of gains: Rag’n’Bone Man released his album on Friday then on Tuesday had the closing performance of this song at the BRIT Awards with additional vocals from the Lewisham and Greenwich NHS choir, who are also now appearing on a new release of the song the day after, prompting a whole lot of sales, of which I assume and hope are going to charity. It’s Rag’n’Bone Man’s third top 10 hit, P!nk’s 21st(!) and interestingly enough, the NHS choir’s second top 10 hit as they had the Christmas #1 back in 2015. With all of that out of the way, I suppose it’s time to get to our varied array of new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#74 – “Dick” – Starboi3 featuring Doja Cat

Produced by Nius and SoFLY

This week is kind of a weird week if that wasn’t immediately obvious as our new arrivals are kind of all over the place, starting with... well, I think I could say less about the song than the title does. Starboi3 is this SoundCloud rapper from New Jersey who made a song with Doja back in 2019 – I assume she was more accessible for features back then –and it didn’t blow up at all, really, giving Starboi3 some additional traction but not until 2020, in which Doja Cat got her #1 hit and TikTok picked up this explicit single as a new sound. Sadly – or thankfully – the song was never released officially onto streaming until very recently, meaning, surely, the hype’s over by now? The answer to that is no, as it’s climbing up charts in both the UK and the Bubbling Under in the US... so there’s got to be something good about this song, right? Well, no. Not at all. Of course, that is subjective, but I do question your sanity if you’re honestly enjoying this unlikeable nobody shout “Dick!” over a basic, no-melody trap instrumental with heavy 808s not too dissimilar to drill, before going into a beyond basic chorus and verse about, well, you can guess, with rhymes sounding either like an awful freestyle or a kid with a rhyming dictionary. “She not with him tonight, she not with Jim tonight”? Of course, that’s in the post-chorus because if there’s one thing this song needs, it’s a freaking post-chorus. I also don’t think Starboi3 realises that making her scream for her parents is quite the opposite of sexy – or even raunchy and mindless, as it’s actually just creepy and terrifying. Speaking of terrifying, Doja Cat is here and not even she can add a less basic flow with a verse that just ends up going in one ear and out the other, even if I do like the seductive backing vocals that at least try to make this not a slow, joyless slog. However, I do NOT like the Pickle Rick reference. To be fair, this was 2019, but also to be fair, never reference that again, I am begging you. This is a disaster on all fronts and probably one of the worst tracks I’ve had to review in this series. Good start!

#64 – “Freaks” – Surf Curse

Produced by Surf Curse

This new song is actually even older, being released initially as a deep cut from this Nevada duo’s 2013 album. As you’ll probably tell, this is charting off of people streaming after hearing the song on TikTok and, I mean, at least the song’s actually good this time, careening off of a clearly surf-inspired clean riff surrounded by some basic drumming and a good bassline. It’s not great as it does feel increasingly basic as I said, almost like one of those local bands that don’t get much national attention or traction but do play some gigs and get some love at those places, to the point where it’s kind of big if they play shows outside of their region... which makes sense because that is exactly what they are. This is just some band from Reno but here it is charting on the UK Singles Chart and while it’s here, I should say whilst there’s not much here to discuss given how minimal it is, Nick Rattigan’s vocals are fittingly desperate for the theme of social alienation and particularly rejection as it’s pretty obvious he’s aiming venom at himself for a bad break-up, although given the sound and tone of the song, probably his first, with that double meaning of the mantra in the outro, “I won’t wake up this time”, potentially being a crushing line for someone in similar circumstances. That’s not me, exactly, so this doesn’t hit, but I’m glad that Machine Gun Kelly song from last week got replaced with some actually decent alternative rock on the chart. I hope this does well.

#60 – “One Day” – Lovejoy

Produced by Cameron Nesbitt

“One Day” is the biggest track from new English rock band Lovejoy’s debut EP, Are You Alright?, and whilst I was planning on not mentioning the fact that the band is fronted by Minecraft YouTuber Wilbur Soot, that is the only reason it’s charting – and he’s charted with “Your New Boyfriend” a couple months back, a song that I actually kind of liked. It’s also immediately obvious in the writing that this comes from an Internet personality, with some not-so-well-woven detail and increasingly gratuitous self-awareness that eventually cycles back and ends up as seeming like they have none at all... okay, like most indie bands but that’s beside the point. This happens to be Wilbur’s least favourite song on the release – one that I haven’t listened to because even if I’m not too old for mindless pop music, Minecraft YouTuber alt-rock may be where I draw the line – and I can completely understand the distaste for this given that it starts with the line, “Why’d you have to kill my cat?” I also have some qualms with the song sonically as it may be the most derivative rock single I’ve heard on this series, given how obviously it rips from indie rock bands of the 2000s, with an oddly clean mix that doesn’t exactly fit the obvious stream-of-consciousness lyrics and Wilbur’s erratic delivery. Also, there’s a whole lot of trumpet on this song, which I guess is a surprise, but that doesn’t make up for a drummer who can clearly play very well but has to chaotically play over a song with practically no groove. I do like that second chorus in how it builds up to a somewhat anti-climactic guitar solo but as a full song I do not really get the appeal of this that I don’t get out of other post-punk revival bands from decades back who are still pumping out music. This isn’t bad – I swear, don’t dox me – but I just want something more compelling from this. I will always be glad regardless of the quality that we have more rock on the chart, though, even if this’ll be gone by next week.

#57 – “It’s a sin” – Years & Years and Elton John

Produced by Stuart Price and the Pet Shop Boys

One of my favourite performance from the BRIT Awards this year was Olly Alexander of Years & Years sharing the stage with the iconic Elton John to cover Pet Shop Boys’ “It’s a Sin” which had renewed interest from last year as it was the namesake for a hit TV series about HIV/AIDS, for which this fittingly played a role and has kind of been recontextualised as a gay anthem, which makes complete sense if you look at its lyrics about the Church telling Neil Tennant “how to be”. It’s also one of the Pet Shop Boys’ most camp and theatrical songs, so giving it to Years & Years and Elton John to cover for the BRIT Awards make all too much sense. No, they’re not able to live up to the theatricality of the original, especially if Alexander’s vocals are going to be this clearly manipulated at points, but with Elton John’s piano laying a perfect foundation for the rising intensity of the track, we do get a sense of that original melodrama, with the synth-work and house groove coming in before Elton John’s voice, sounding smokier and wiser with age, and in my opinion, more compelling as a vocalist, especially if they’re both going to sell this song with the most convicted of deliveries. I don’t think a cover could ever live up to that original iconic track but if anyone’s going to get close, it’s Elton John. Expect this to rise next week.

#50 – “Never Left” – Lil Tecca

Produced by ThankYouWill, Taz Taylor and Cxdy

I’ll always be annoyed that Lil Tecca blew up as a rapper instead of a producer, as I don’t think this guy has any likeability or charisma about his flow, cadence or delivery, and that’s only after you get over how dry and whiny his voice can get. However, he can make some great and incredibly infectious beats for other rappers, including a song I see becoming a hit soon in SoFaygo’s “Knock Knock”, which I will bet on at least making the Billboard Hot 100 if not the UK Singles Chart. It’s unbelievably catchy. With that said, Tecca is here in the form of some SoundCloud raps over a boring synth pluck and vaguely tropical Internet Money trap beat, sounding and flowing way too much like Gunna for his own benefit, or Gunna’s benefit, if we’re honest, as this shows how easily he can be replaced. I usually don’t write off this type of rap and will absolutely defend it, but this song isn’t even catchy or unique. I mean, I don’t like “Ransom” either but at least it was kind of fun and I still know the lines in the chorus a couple years later. I’ll forget all about this by next week if it doesn’t stick around. At least he shouts out Chief Keef. God, I hope he charts sometime, that’d be funny.

#45 – “All I Know So Far” – P!nk

Produced by Greg Kurstin

So, P!nk is back but not with a studio album, rather an upcoming live album in which the two new, original songs are about or featuring her daughter. This is the second single from said album and is probably coasting off her appearance at the BRITs in terms of a relatively high chart debut. I’ve never been that big a fan of P!nk but she has her classics, none of which are in the past 15 years but that’s beside the point. This single in particular is an acoustic ballad dedicated to her daughter in which P!nk provides a rapid intensity alongside pretty great-sounding acoustic guitars, pounding drums and strings that sells the content about empowering yourself, with some nice lyrical detail about always being yourself, basically, which would come off as cliché and preachy if it weren’t for some oddly specific lyrics in those verses and the chorus that basically just tell her daughter that despite the fact the world will constantly try to crack down on her and everything she does much like life does to anyone but especially women, she should stand up for herself and what she believes in. However, none of that cuts deep when she’s being raised by a millionaire, huh? There’s little Hell to be put through when you’re born with a silver spoon, huh, Willow? Regardless, this isn’t a bad pop song and its content isn’t as misguided as it is just sang by the wrong singer, although I’d find it hard to get a singer with as much rasp and wisdom in the mainstream to sell this as convincingly as P!nk does – vocally, not lyrically. This is a couple steps above that last single, “Cover Me in Sunshine” at least, which was just insidious. Next.

#32 – “Miss the Rage” – Trippie Redd featuring Playboi Carti

Produced by Loesoe

Okay, so all of our last three new arrivals are in the top 40 and we start with... o-okay, well, it’s 2021, anything can and will chart and I should know this by now, but it’s still surprising to see a song by these two guys debut so high, especially since Whole Lotta Red produced absolutely no charting hits in the UK outside of “@ MEH”, which doesn’t really count. This is Trippie’s highest-charting song ever in the UK that isn’t fronted by KSI, so I guess streaming must have been that good – also, the charts are still weak. For what it’s worth, I do like both Trippie and Carti to their respective extents, and I am aware that this is only as big as it was because of the hype from the leak, which also featured Mario Judah, and that in itself was a big song but it took years for Carti’s feature to be cleared by the label, as is infamously true for much of Carti’s work and even his last official collaboration with Trippie that was actually deleted after release. I’m still hoping on an official release for his verse on Yung Lean’s “Yayo”, but whilst we have this instead, I might as well talk about it and... Well, let me explain to you what I see as the appeal of these two rappers. That appeal is, mostly, that they don’t rap even though they both very much can. Trippie yells, moans, growls, screams and spends most of his work singing in his typical raspy, venomous voice, whilst Playboi Cart spits and coughs his way through substance-less ad-libs to the point where any actual wordplay or lyrical detail gets you excited for that brief moment. In this song, Trippie and Carti don’t eschew the typical role of a rapper and both just... rap normally, which would not be a complaint if they weren’t so bland in that role, which is the whole point of their unique, phlegm-filled deliveries in the first place. As a result, this song just ends up feeling empty, even if this awfully-mixed, bass-boosted beat with some lovely distorted video-game synths and hardly audible trap skitters does go incredibly hard. Don’t get me wrong: this is still catchy and Trippie flows very well over a beat that sounds made for him and Carti. Hell, Carti has grown on me so much recently that my fondness for this might just be me eating anything he releases up. With that said, he’s the worst part of the song as his baby-voice style emphasises how lacking this song is in just anything. I do like the wordplay at the tail-end of the verse as, yes, that happens, perhaps not as iconic as some of his other oddly profound or clever lines on his last record but at least it’s something. At least this is some interesting American trap, unlike...

#25 – “i n t e r l u d e” – J. Cole

Produced by J. Cole, Tommy Parker and T-Minus

The pandemic has affected the music industry to the point where big-name rappers release album interludes as lead singles. Said album has songs shorter than this interlude, with most of its dull filler feeling like additional interludes, quite unbefitting for such a big and hyped-up album from Cole which frankly is just another boring addition to an already consistently dull catalogue. I’m just not interested in what Cole has to say because he’s never been likeable and I feel like there’s better rappers that bridge the gap between old and new like how Cole sees himself as doing, the “MIDDLE CHILD”, perhaps, like, you know, Drake? If we want to go for a more direct comparison from lesser-known rappers, the direct comparison I use for this new record is Aminé’s latest, also made up of a variation of trap bangers featuring massive, charting names versus introspective, conscious lyrics, yet Aminé is an interesting character with quotable lyrics that aren’t embarrassing, knows how to write an actual hook and whilst he also brings on both classic and modern features, he’s never out-done by them, creating an actual bridge rather than just some guy who thinks he can write his own role in the industry and culture without his own music backing his case. Unfortunately for me, it works – every freaking time – largely because of his continually loyal fanbase but also a general public interest in the guy that I do not understand, especially when more than a decade into his career, he’s still pushing out mediocre projects. He cuts his album’s length by a ton and still ends up with a bloated record. I barely need to talk about the track itself, right? Even if it has as much structure and effort put into it as his normal songs do, it’s labelled quite literally as an interlude. Sigh, well, in this interlude, Jermaine raps over a drowned-out soul sample and admittedly, sticks to the topic of reminiscing on where he came from, the violence in Fayetteville, a similar violence of which was what killed Nipsey Hussle, who he compares amongst Pimp C and Jesus as they all died at 33. Cole himself is 36 so I guess for once he doesn’t think he’s Jesus. It took him a while to realise.

#12 – “Higher Power” – Coldplay

Produced by Max Martin, Oscar Holter and Bill Rahko

I assumed this would debut at #3 until the BRIT Awards performance gave it a boost to debut at the top but I guess everyone else had the same opinion of that awful opening performance as I did, because here it is at #12. Well, that doesn’t matter, right? Coldplay’s last album similarly underperformed... but at least that time, they had a genuinely ambitious album for once in their careers with some genuine experimentation and themes I did not expect to come out of Coldplay. It was a better album but not an accessible one, with its only pop single being a bittersweet anti-war anthem which trivialises bombing in the Middle East to onomatopoeia. It’s a great song but it wasn’t going anywhere, so it’s no surprise that their next lead single is a soulless synth-pop track produced by Max Martin. Admittedly, the synth tone in the intro is kind of unique in all its nasal 80s nostalgia, but, man, I thought we moved past just rehashing for a hit, Coldplay. This is pretty obviously just a crap attempt at being “Blinding Lights” which trades in its machine-gun loco-motive drum pattern for one that is a lot more stiff, and its iconic, memorable lyrics for a forgettable set of love-struck laziness. Oh, yeah, and Chris Martin is far from the Weeknd both in the studio and live at the BRIT Awards – seriously, dude sounded half-alive. This isn’t offensive, just a bore that is clearly a desperate label move ready for when they can tour again, and if their last record proved anything it was that Coldplay seemed like they were finally above that.

Conclusion

Well, that’s our week – again, a questionable one at best and kind of a bad one at worst. Either way, this is a strange array of songs and I do like how the UK Singles Chart subverts everything you’d expect of it so often that chaos becomes the trend, even if not all of it is any good. I guess Best of the Week goes to “Freaks” by Surf Curse, with an Honourable Mention to Elton John’s cover of “It’s a sin” with Years & Years. Surprisingly enough, J. Cole actually doesn’t get Worst of the Week as the album gets a lot worse than that interlude, so he gets a Dishonourable Mention alongside Starboi3’s “Dick” being crowned Worst of the Week, and honestly probably Worst of the Year so far, not that I’m keeping track of that. Here’s this week’s top 10:

What’s coming next week? More J. Cole, Olivia Rodrigo’s newest single and probably – and hopefully – some album tracks from Jorja Smith and Nicki Minaj. For now, though, thanks for reading. It’s a big week next week, and I’ll see you then!