#the only thing powerful enough to make me post something non-jojo

[porunareff]

good boyo wins a wrestling (source)

[owenthetokencishet]

I'm bored. Time to do my extremely Marvel fatigued takes on every MCU... Thing.

-Iron Man: Holy shit it's a movie! It's actually a movie!

-Captain America: The First Avenger: ROCK SOLID. Shoutout to Agent Carter for being cool enough for her own spinoff series

-Thor: there is nothing remotely Norse looking about any of this

-Iron Man 2: -10 points for Elon Musk, whole thing is freakishly libertarian, but I like Justin Hammer as a villain

-The Avengers: Look, you can hate on Joss Whedon all you like and probably be correct, but this was the gold standard of superhero movies for a good while and with good reason.

-Iron Man 3: Character development??? In MY bloated superhero movie franchise????

Captain America: The Winter Soldier: trying to be deeper than it is when really it's just Steve fighting hydra again

Thor: The Dark World: well, that sure was a movie.

Guardians of the Galaxy: James Gunn's skill with the needle drop rivals Quentin Tarantino. Not just in this film but in all of his actually

Avengers: Age of Ultron: oh god why is the ROBOT quipping please make the robot stop quipping. Oh look Quicksilver's dead.

Ant-Man: this would be really good if it was directed by a director instead of two million overworked VFX artists

Captain America: Civil War: Hey, y'know that actually fairly interesting character conflict we brought up about government regulation of superheroes? What if we pretended it never happened by act 3 and then completely ignored it for the rest of forever?

Was there another movie here or did I make that up?

Doctor Strange: I love it when rich assholes meet poetic justice and the costume design on this film was unmatched. Although I still think it should have been directed by Lana Wachowski with Michelle Yeoh playing the ancient one but that's just me

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: teaching your dipshit male protagonist that toxic masculinity isn't something to strive for and showing him how to be better? FUCK YEAH. Also found family in a shitty spaceship my beloved 💖

Spider-Man: Homecoming: this is the closest the MCU has come to an accurate portrayal of Peter Parker, it's only downhill from here. Wait, why is Ganke here?

Thor Ragnarok: It's all the humour of a Taika Waititi movie with none of the compassion. Man's gone on record to say he only makes Thor movies for the money so if this is the price we pay for Jojo Rabbit, Reservation Dogs, and Our Flag Means Death, I'm okay with that.

Black Panther: hey maybe having your villain and only your villain saying racism is bad isn't such a good idea

Avengers: Infinity War: HE CAST TOO BIG FOR HE GOTDAMN MOVIE. Time to strip all these characters down to their barest bones because we don't have the time to do anything more nuanced!

Ant-Man and the Wasp: My Favorite versions of these characters will always be from the 2010 animated series and these ones just don't compare

Captain Marvel: we made a feminist girl power movie! What's particularly feminist about it? Carol gets catcalled exactly once and that's about it!

Avengers Endgame: is it over? No? Oh no.

Spider-Man: Far From Home: Peter Parker is not the "next" Iron Man, he's Spider-Man. Just let him be Spider-Man. Also seriously this is the wrong spidered man for Ganke why is he here

WandaVision: I am completely ambivalent about WandaVision

FATWS: are we supposed to believe that Sam and Bucky are friends? Also didn't fans give Wyatt Russell the 'non white male actor in a star wars movie' treatment for some reason?

Black Widow: 😐

Loki: Started strong and wandered off into the wild blue yonder of selfcest

What if: HEY WHAT IF...? YOU PAID FOR SOME DECENT ANIMATORS INSTEAD OF WHATEVER NERDS WITH BLENDER YOU CAN UNDERPAY AND WORK TO DEATH YOU MULTIBILLION DOLLAR CHEAPSKATES

Shang-Chi And The Legend of the Ten Rings: A post-endgame Marvel Movie that ISN'T hot garbage!

Eternals: couldn't be arsed

Hawkeye: Just different enough from My Life As A Weapon to avoid giving credit to Matt Fraction and David Aja

Spider-Man: No Way Home: Lots of things have been adapted into movies over the years: classic novels, comics, TV shows, plays, even video games! This however, is the first time a comic-con panel has been adapted into a movie. Also, no Spider-Man anywhere ever would EVER say "I just want to kill you myself" get a grip. I think I've now made my point about stealing Miles' best friend and giving him to Peter

Moon Knight: that's not an exciting Easter egg, that's an essential part of the character that you completely cut out and grafted on to the end

Multiverse of Madness: Nothing nowhere all at once. Themes? Character development??? PLOT??? Are you INSANE???? A good movie is one that's nothing but cameos and references to OTHER, BETTER MOVIES!

Ms. Marvel: Y'know, Kamala being a shape-shifter was kind of important because, comedic irony, top text learns she doesn't need to change for others, bottom text is a shape-shifter, you know how it is

Thor: Love and Thunder: haven't seen it, don't really want to

She-Hulk: Attorney at law: please just... Stop.

Comics are very good though! Read some comics!

[imagine-fight-write]

RANDOM - Banana Fish Review, Vol. 1, Part Four

(This was one of my fav gifs looking for gifs of Shorter.)

*There will be pictures/gifs included tomorrow, because this is already late & loading them is taking forever, for some reason.

Haha, no, I actually prettied it up 1/5/21. Yes, I’m glorious.

No I’m actually Dio DIO in this situation, who am I kidding.

(This transition from Caesar to Dio fascinates me, by the way.) (The GIF.)

The JOJO reference is because I’ve finally finished Diamond is Unbreakable! It was fun! I enjoyed it a lot! Ready for the next part!

But back to Banana Fish.

Hope you enjoy this!

So my plans failed again. Who is surprised? (Not me.)

I apologize profusely for the gaping void of Banana Fish-ness left since last I posted.

No really. I now have an alarm set for every Wednesday.

Let’s see how this goes. News Update: Maybe next time.

Also, my internet is still blitzy & rotten, otherwise I would’ve posted this yesterday (the 15th).

Now on to the in-depth, delighted gushing - er, review, of Banana Fish!

*Also, this is part 4, and 4 is a special number for me. Because of this guy:

And I can spell his name correctly!!! (It’s Ulquiorra, from Bleach, my 1st anime fan gushing love.)

Yes, I’m strange. Moving on.

So, brief recap, since I’m not sure anyone has read Part 3, given how terrifyingly long it is. If you missed it, here’s the link:

https://imagine-fight-write.tumblr.com/post/632014616404344832/random-banana-fish-review-vol-1-part-3-my

Please love & like it & repost to the rest of the Web. I worked tremendously hard on it.

Yes it’s long, but oh, it was delightful! There was snark! Delicious food! Wine! Fabulous mustaches! Mysteries! I gushed so much!

(And snarled at the wonton waste of good breakfast food, which I will not forget & always condemn.)

*I mean, I know people who will throw up if they have breakfast in the morning. But it’s important to eat so you have energy to do things & feel good.

And Dino took a perfectly beautiful breakfast & essentially wasted it for no good reason. I was so mad.

We meet Dino Golzine, a.k.a., Ash’s worst nemesis /enemy (note, I can’t spell nemesis) and major reason for why his life sucks.

(Although society doesn’t help either. Though the police try. They really do. Except what’s his face who’s complete scum & thoughtless, but we won’t meet him til Vol. 2. Plus I don’t think he has a name?)

But yes, Dino Golzine. All around awful person, and not safe around children (or anyone, really.) He’s low-key in this scene, mostly using verbal assaults (to great effect) but just you wait. There’s a reason he’s a mob boss.

Ash snarks, to great effect, but he’s no match. Dino has all the cards and all the dice (cards & dice being metaphors for power, & how he involves awful, painful memories of Ash’s past & tries to manipulate & order him around. Brrr.)

But Ash rallies, and ultimately refuses returning to be Dino’s heir / toy.

We meet Shorter! Huzzah!

(End of recap.)

It’s clear right away Shorter & Ash are old friends. They exchange quips about Marvin. We learn Marvin holds a mean grudge, so savvy readers can guess it’ll come to play later (it does.)

Shorter’s last line is strange.

“Just don’t put me in the position of having to kill you.”

Which is kinda out of the blue. I don’t know what to make of it. It doesn’t spoil or fore-shadow anything (unless in a very confused, round-about way) because that never happens later. So I’m confused.

Ash laughs it off and goes zooming off on his motor-bike / motorcycle (not sure which).

Note, from this short scene we already learn Shorter has his own sources of information - he knows Ash went to Dino’s, fast enough to be there before their conversation ended (unless he was just lucky to be there already  - why was he there?). He already knows about Ash’s talk with Marvin, with enough detail to warn Ash about Marvin’s temper & that Marvin likes him, which is a bad combination.

Shorter is smart & cares about his friends, warning Ash about Marvin. 

Aren’t friends great?

Especially after meeting such a dominating if soft spoken monster like Dino?

The answer is yes.

Next, we get this hilariously great shot of Ash running up the steps to his dingy apartment (pg. 47.)

 It’s reminiscent for me of a scene in JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Part 1, when Jonathan & Dino have their epic fight in the Joestar mansion.

There’s a part where Jonathan does this epic flip up to a second floor via sword (it’s epic) & it ends with this a few-seconds-longer-than it-needs-to-be shot of his butt. You can’t miss it. I’m usually oblivious to such things & I noticed it. I laugh every single time.

Anyway, back to Banana Fish.

(The atmosphere of grunginess (it’s not a word, I meant dirty, ugly, rough) & spartan furniture is great. Just look at those walls. I adore it. 

(But would never want to live there.) Ash is clearly not rich & after Dino’s rich mansion, this is a stark contrast.

Also, there are no pictures or posters on the walls (which are festooned with dirt and cracks instead.) In fact, there’s almost nothing in terms of personal effects at all.

This baffles me. I mean yes, I assume they’re all dirt poor, living in a gang & working for the mafia on the side isn’t something you do for the luxuries. But surely they’d have something.

Or maybe it has something to do with Japanese decorating aesthetics? Meaning, Japanese appear to be more spartan than Americans in terms of decor (see the book, In Praise of Shadows, for example.) 

* I can’t spell aesthetics. Why do I even use that word?

The apartment just looks extremely bare compared to others I’ve seen in movies depicting this era. Is what I’m saying.

Look at those bare walls. (It hurts me.)

Thoughts? Comments on how Japanese, Americans, and Europeans differ in basic decorating styles? Comment below!

Also remember as always, Banana Fish is both set & was written in the 1980’s, well before the “modern” style we have now.

Unless - wait. There is something very important to Ash which he’s clearly hiding in the apartment he goes to, which I assume only Skip & select members know about.

So maybe this isn’t actually Ash’s main base, where he sleeps & hangs out?

Yes, that must be it.

If you’re confused, I’ll explain once we get done with this section.

Moving on.

We meet Skip!!!! (Pg.47)

Black characters (and Latino) are still, alas, extremely rare in manga, anime, & other media, so all the cheers for including Skip so early & as such an important character.

Because Skip is very important. For multiple reasons. More on that later. Also note, 1 of the gang members Ash busts earlier is also black.

Again, the dialogue is great here between Ash & Skip, establishing Ash’s trust in him. Which is no small thing.

Skip is like Shorter, (agh, both their names start with S) sweet, but also has a nose for news.

Arthur’s going to get it, hah!

There’s yet another reference to it being early.

Though there’s no specific time mentioned . . . Nope, not since Ash found the poor, dying banana fish dude.

Does Ash usually sleep in? Is he a night owl? He was wandering around at 1 in the morning last night, after all.

*Yes, technically it was early morning, but it was still dark, so bite me.

But then, he was also suspicious & keeping tabs on his 2 gang members. So, who knows.

But I’m going to guess he’s a night owl.

Ash sits on the bed, and after Skip mentions everything is good, “him, too”.

 Ash gives his 1st real, genuine smile. Gentle, relieved, no hard edges. Just pure happiness & relief. It’s sweet.

(Also, I just realized the “him, too” is supposed to be a surprise / shock for the reader & I spoiled it earlier. I do apologize.)

Skip offers to get coffee but Ash declines, deciding to nap, which reminds me:

Actually, drinking coffee before you take a nap can, for some people, actually make you sleep better.

Also, short cat naps (15-30mins) can boost your energy and mood.

Naps are good for you!

I almost wondered if the comics Skip had on the table might’ve been manga, but remembered it was the 1980’s and, far as I know, manga wasn’t big the U.S. yet. Alas!

Which is funny if you think about this being in a manga.

Skip goes to leave. Ash puts his hand in his pocket and gets this intense, almost fierce expression on his face (middle panel, pg. 48).

I was absolutely baffled by this reaction for a long time, but finally figured it out. Ash’s reaction is supposed to be baffling, because what he realizes right here will be revealed in the next few pages.

Skip, concerned, asks what’s up, but Ash brushes him off and sends him off to buy coffee. (After which I sincerely hope he takes a nap, because he needs one, he’s been up all night.) Sleep is good for you!

Skip is able to buy coffee with a single coin. A single coin.

(Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

All my tears, and curses on inflation and overpriced coffee! And Starbucks!

Anyway, we learn Arthur’s going to get it (and Skip is the best spy ever) and the scene cuts to:

Our favorite person (not) Dino Golzine, tending his orchids.

I like this. It’s a rather unique hobby for a villian. I assume to give him a refined, elegant, and exact air.

He’s interrupted by Angie & his fabulous mustache (snickers) and this delightfully comic scientist person (who might be important later? The face sameness makes it difficult to judge, & I’m too lazy to consult my other volumes, which are not close by.)

But his entrance is priceless (pg. 50). I mean seriously, please go find it if you haven’t already. It’s dramatic, with a big WHAM! & he looks so cartoonish. 

I love it.

Dino tells him, essentially, “don’t disturb my orchids” and me being an non-gardner person, I wonder: is it actually true loud noises can disturb flowers?

Comment below!

Anyway, Dino quickly establishes yes, he did send Ash’s gang members to kill the poor banana fish guy who started this whole mystery, and yes, it was important.

There’s a great panel (pg. 51) of scientist dude, drawn much less comedic, the whole panel black except for a white aura around him sweating and clearly in distress.

He whispers, “It - it’s gone.”

Dino snaps to attention with a leonine look, exactly like a cat who has just spotted another cat. It’s easily my favorite picture of Dino so far, very striking.

The dialogue is brilliant and snappy, short and direct.

“What is gone? . . . You’re positive? . . . Just a small amount.”

And we get the grand reveal:

Ash, taking out a bullet shaped capsule (was the shape intentional by Yoshida?). A capsule he’d clearly taken from the dying banana fish guy. There’s a great panel on the bottom of pg. 52 of Ash’s questioning expression and a ?

He unscrews the capsule and pulls out a tiny vial.

Thinks of the address the dying banana fish guy gave him.

Ash goes into the next room, where we see the silhouette of someone sitting with a plaid blanket draped across their knees.

He expresses his first real look of vulnerability, and gives a wonderful line:

“Go see . . . Banana fish . . . He said it and died. And you say it and you might as well be dead. Who did this to you? Griff . . . Please tell me, big brother.”

Everything clicks together (almost.)

Griff /Griffin is the soldier shown way back in the very beginning. The one who left for a few minutes and came back insane and shot up his squad.

Who’s now a human vegetable.

Banana fish is clearly responsible. Somehow.

And Dino is mixed in with it (of course). Pieces are coming together, but questions still remain.

Until next time!

[aleatoryw]

okay, so, the bella sara tarot deck. below the cut because it’s a LONG post.

My process: I decided to limit this to cards I physically own, even though all the newer cards do seem to be archived pretty well on the wiki, because I think shuffling and touching the cards is an important tarot aspect, and I wanted the deck to be functional. Not counting item cards and shiny variations, there are a total of 90 unique cards in the first and second series, the only ones I ever purchased, and luckily I have all 90!

Since there are 78 cards in a tarot deck, I had to pick out 12 to discard. I settled on several non horses (artemis the zebra, pedro the donkey, dino the dinosaur, kio the lion, treasure the seahorse, wavebreaker the dolphin), three foals (bellisimo, beauty, spottie), cajus for including a merman in the artwork, friends for featuring two horses and only one name, and dynamo because i simply felt the art style wasn’t very realistic and didn’t fit in with the rest of the deck.

From there I divided the remaining cards up by their “symbol” at the top. conveniently, there are four suits! I decided the heart best fit with the cups, the flower with wands, the moon with pentacles, and the horseshoe with the sword. Great. Then I dug through every pile and pulled cards I thought best fit each major arcana card, while keeping 14 of each suit to represent the minor arcana.

For the unfamiliar, bella sara cards feature a horse portrait, but also a little message of positivity. A little horse motto. It’s a strange franchise but 2007 was a weird time for all of us. I mainly used the messages to sort these horses, but aesthetics and name played a small role. I used this site’s description of each major arcana card to help because I don’t know that much about tarot tbh. all images from the bella sara wiki.

The Fool - Luna - “A wonderful and exciting world awaits you.” a few other cards mention having the heart of a child or seeing the world as a child, but this one really expresses the beginning of a journey, the openness to the world that the fool offers, if slightly more uplifting because. well. it’s bella sara.

The Magician - Tao - “The whole world is at your feet.”  i was kind of hoping for a card that was more about being unique. but the magician also represents having what you need to accomplish your goals and should set forth. world’s your oyster. at your feet.

The High Priestess - Santos - “Be mindful of your senses and your intuition.” was slightly wary of assigning a stallion to this role but gender is dead and the high priestess is all about intuition

The Empress - Honey - “Create something beautiful. It will make you feel peaceful.” my first instinct was to make the titular bella the empress. But honey’s message about beauty, and her portrait surrounded by nature, won out.

The Emperor - Cantaro - “Develop your ability to lead. Ask a wise person for advice.” This card specifically mentions leadership and wisdom, a relatively easy pick.

The Hierophant - Angel - “Angel is coming. Make space and let heaven help you.” another pretty easy one, very few cards mention heaven or spirituality.

The Lovers - Yin & Yang - “You always have a choice.” i considered discarding these two early on, but felt the message was too tarot-relevant to discard, and they fit very well here. the only card in our deck with two horses who aren’t a mare and foal, reminding you of choices.

The Chariot - Tai - “Be resolute and energetic in what you do.” wavered on this one for a while but I think resolve and energy are related to determination and drive enough for this to work.

Strength - Thunder - “I give you courage. Now you can release your fears.” this is one where the portrait was pretty relevant - a few cards mention courage but this one is the most forceful and strong about it.

The Hermit - Mushu - “Find a peaceful place where you can gather new energy.” big hermit card energy, back away from it all and recharge

The Wheel of Fortune - Eagle - “See the world from above like an eagle.” fuck this card in particular. took me ages to find something that kind of matches, and even then it’s a stretch. the only real match here is that the wheel of fortune urges perspective, and so does this eagle colored horse.

Justice - Grey - “If you really want it, it will come to you.” this was a tough one too. The vaguely karmic aspect is appealing to pair this one with justice, but it’s still not the best match in the deck. i’m trying my best.

The Hanged Man - Yasmin - “Retreat and gather new energy for taking steps on the road.” the hanged man is about cutting your losses, sacrificing something small to move forward, and letting go of what’s not working. retreat seems like a good fit.

Death - Chung - “Let go of pain and sorrow. The road will open and everything will go right.” assigning a horse trading card to death was not a task i thought i would face. but i kinda vibe with this pick - death is about endings and new beginnings, so it’s important to move past your pain and onto new roads. also, traditionally, death rides a white horse.

Temperence - Peace - “Those who don’t think of winning or losing have peace in mind.” kind of a weird one, hard to find a good match, but I think this patient, peaceful war horse fits.

The Devil - Parlez - “Make a plan and commit completely to it.” crazy enough there really aren’t any uhhhhhh demonic horses in this children’s trading card series from ‘07. went with the interpretation that what traps you is your own unwillingness to move forward. also there is a skull on this horse’s forehead. kinda metal?

The Tower - Macon - “It is wise to accept that there are things you can’t do.” this card is one of very few that isn’t relentlessly positive and instead encourages you to accept failure. Let that tower, or stable i guess, crumble.

The Star - Star - “It is not what you do but who you are that is important.” i simply had to. nice healing message.

The Moon - Sheng - “Understand the past. Hold onto the great things and move forward alone.” the description for this bad boy mentions not allowing worry to cloud your past or future, and this horse is all about parsing your past to move clear-headed towards the future. nice moon colored palette.

The Sun - Bella - “Think positive every day! Feel the bliss of joy and energy that comes with it.” here she is, the figurehead of our series, the queen of happiness, joy, optimism, energy... our sun.

Judgement - Starfighter - “Believe in your vision and make it come true.” this was another tough match, i had to focus on the “you can change yourself and your future” aspect of judgement to make any of them fit, and this was my fave card that mentions vision.

The World - Sunny - “The wind blows. The sun is shining. Surround yourself with positive friends.” it’s not my favorite match, but it does have a certain element of being in the right place in the world, with a sense of completion.

Okay! so that’s the major arcana. For the minor arcana, while i did put the cards within each deck into an order I thought fit the ace through king, I was far less particular than with our major deck. Went with vague associations instead of real connection to each card. I’m also not gonna list out all my reasons, because while I may be an insane person, I’m not quite ready to dedicate that much time to this weird, niche late night project. Pictured below is the ace of each deck.

Suit of Wands/Flowers:

Ace - Shaman - “You are more powerful than you realize. It is safe and good for you to be powerful.”

Two - Feng - “This moment is full of opportunities.”

Three - Nanna - “Think positively. Your happy thoughts will grow.”

Four - Walter - “I love your company. Let’s have a good time together.”

Five - Shakira - “Goodness and generosity create loving energy.”

Six - Yung - “Don’t be afraid. Show who you are.”

Seven - Tiffi - “Paradise is a state of mind.”

Eight - Bosi - “Use all your abilities to make this a beautiful place.”

Nine - Jewel - “I will help you stay in a steady flow of abundance.”

Ten - Flipper - “I will embrace you with extra energy and magic. Then you don’t have to be afraid.”

Page - Pink Lady - “I am the spirit of your inner child. Be joyful and see the world as a magical place.”

Knight - Sarah - “Take a chance and follow your heart.”

Queen - Misla - “With me you will be safe and protected by heaven.”

King - Halloween - “I will keep you safe.”

Suit of Cups/Hearts:

Ace - Pegasus - “Your dreams are coming through. I am here to help you trust.”

Two - Saga - “Join me and we will be happy together.”

Three - Nikita - “You may join us if you like.”

Four - Sasha - “Make your goals magnificent.”

Five - Roxy - “Magical opportunities surround you.”

Six - Sung - “Retreat from conflicts and go where you feel safe.”

Seven - Fiona - “Be the hero in your own story.”

Eight - Lancelot - “Be patient. Wait for the right moment before you take action.”

Nine - Misty - “You have Misty’s touch right now, and everything you start turns to gold.”

Ten - King - “I will help you spread peace and unity throughout the world.”

Page - Skipper - “Believe in your worth. You are valuable.”

Knight - Filippa - “Enjoy what you have got. You don’t need what you have not.”

Queen - Ghost - “Your beauty comes from within.”

King - Lucas - “Run with me and you will feel the strength and power inside you.”

Suit of Swords/Horseshoes:

Ace - Konfu - “Move towards your goals. The road is open.”

Two - Alibi - “Find new ways to be with others.”

Three - Yellow - “Spend time with me and you will get your heart’s desire.”

Four - Freja - “Close your eyes and hear the sound around you.”

Five - Ninja - “Be careful every minute.”

Six - Cascadeur - “The things you have lost will come back by themselves.”

Seven - Jojo - “You create your own reality.”

Eight - Ming - “Be open and take care of what is necessary.”

Nine - Sweety - “You are a perfect child. Believe it.”

Ten - Moonlight - “Trust the moon and the stars. Then your dreams are coming through.”

Page - Colour - “Feel the joy in what you see, hear, and sense.”

Knight - Flame - “I run faster than the wind. Follow me and we will find a magical place.”

Queen - Blackie - “Follow your dreams. Feel the happiness it brings.”

King - Bello - “Life is a gift. Receive it and love it.”

Suit of Pentacles/Moons:

Ace - Sokki - “Seize the day.”

Two - Rose - “Listen to your dreams. What they tell you is important.”

Three - Rain - “Run with me and feel the power.”

Four - Leonard - “Your life is a sundance.”

Five - Charlie - “Make time to listen to your friends.”

Six - Leonardo - “When you hear me neigh you will feel the joy we have.”

Seven - Hummingbird - “Go after the point of life.”

Eight - Hercules - “Don’t be afraid to ask for help.”

Nine - Mermaid - “Laugh from your heart and feel the joy.”

Ten - Mandalay - “This is a magical moment. You can make a wish.”

Page - Jonathan - “It is time for joyful playing. Joy creates miracles.”

Knight - Lucky Light - “Always be clear and brave.”

Queen - Shadow - “Look withing yourself and love what you find there.”

King - Balto - “Happiness is a decision. Decide to be happy.”

And there you have it. the bella sara. tarot. deck. If you’re still here you’re either way too invested in assigning things to other things, procrastinating, or have fond bella sara memories from when the company was still out there, convincing us to spend several hours a day brushing virtual horses. PLEASE message me with your fond bella sara memories, or if you know about tarot and have suggestions/comments.

despite the insane time investment this took, i really enjoyed looking at all the messages and comparing them to tarot meanings. maybe i’ll actually do some kind of reading with it sometime! i don’t know a lot about tarot but i think it’s really cool and the concept of using silly horse trading cards to divine my future delights me.

[no-te-lo-voy-a-dar]

The guild of a Warrior

Words count: 4268

Yoo people! I’m back into writing to post this fic, it seems. This one is for the @linkeduniverse discord weekly writing prompt “Warrior’s week”, I’m still not sure if I got the boyes personalities right, because it’s the first time I write for them but hey! Jojo’s AU is amazing and I need more content of the boys ‘cause it never seems enough  (I stopped writing this at some point to talk ‘bout anti-vaxx people on the discord lmao)

I, don’t think there’s any trigger warning to be added but hey, regular fights, blood and injuries that come with the job ahead.

Also on AO3 

Warriors life with the others was usually a calm one. Sure, they were always tired and having to sleep with watch turns and whatnot, but after traveling by their own, having partners and someone to rely on while fighting was a good thing. A relief even.

And Warrior used to fight endless monsters, so the amount they usually fought against was a mental weight less on him. And, even if he doesn’t say it aloud often, he really appreciates the fact the others are so supportive and would straight up jump to danger in order to save the others, even when they keep secrets from each other.

If you had asked him some months ago, Warrior would have laughed in your face if you even suggested the idea of him fighting and trusting his life over a bunch of boys who he barely knows anything about.

Although...they do know a lot of one another, don’t they? After all, they share the same blessing of the Goddess and have faced trials and gained more power over time in order to protect their lands.

And they do keep learning things from one another!

Thanks to Time, for example, they have learned that love, a happy and more relaxing endgame could be possible for them. They realized, even with all the physical and emotional scars their journeys left them with, they could, can , find a especial other.

In retrospective, Time has taught them a lot of things, or guided them more than they usually realized.

Warrior was aware that Time was some kind of father figure for some of them, and for those who wasn’t, he was a figure to respect, to learn from. To follow.

Of course Twili has told him he was also a leader, a captain, since in many of their scouting missions he was the one who came up with a strategy.

Warrior was obviously gonna come up with stuff like that, and at the moment, he took pride in the compliment and made a comment about how his charms were not only limited to his aesthetical being, after all, he used to live fighting hordes of monsters...but he was no leader to the group. He knew that much. That’s how he really felt about that topic.

Until destiny decided to try him again. An interesting week that one time became, but he didn’t want to go over it again.

First, they have been at Twili’s Hyrule for a while, and he had to admit, the sceneries were beautiful, the people was nice and traveling from one place to another wasn’t that hard.

Wild did complain at the close to non-existence amount of wild horses, but a quick visit to Ordon ranch was all it took for him to stop. He fell in love with the goats immediately. And Warrior could see Twili was amused with how fast the goats were to accept the cloak user hero. Everyone could, actually, but just Wind and Warrior said something to him.

Everything was going smooth as usual. They kept traveling until the local Link felt or saw something odd, out of place; Wolfie appeared to accompany them for a while, Sky was amused by the local “terrenal” creatures, and Wind insisted on going to the Lake, or the biggest water body on the current Hyrule, since he still missed the water and it made him feel closer to home.

When things started to go downhill was when Hyrule and Legend didn’t came back to the camp for two nights straight, and then both Wolfie and Twili went missing too.

“Alright, we can’t keep waiting just for more of us to go missing. We have to split up and try to find them. I’ll go with Sky and Four.” Time was getting up and preparing himself to go looking for the others on a Hyrule they still didn’t quite know.

Wind and Wild didn’t need instructions to know they were meant to team up wit Warrior, who got a solemn look from Time.

“You are in charge. Take care.”

Oh Din.

They started searching on the Hidden Village, that ghostly place filled with cats that Wolfie took them to one day.

“If he showed us such a place, he must have done it for a reason, right? Maybe that’s where he usually lives, in this place.” That's what Warrior told the other two when they decided to go there, but he wasn’t convinced by his own idea. Something told him that they should try and find Twili, not Wolfie.

As expected, there was no sign of any of the missing partners in there.

“I bet Twili is alright. This is his Hyrule after all. Maybe he went to check on some friends of his or something like that. I would have done that.” Wind was making conversation, since Warrior was more busy with thinking of places to look in and Wild was checking the arrows in his quiver.

“But he would have told us something, right? He wouldn’t just, leave us like that.” Anyone who wasn’t aware of the issues Wild had with abandonment and the attachment issues those left, wouldn’t have heard the slight distress in his voice. Some level of fear about voicing out his concerns.

“Maybe not to all of us; to Time he must have said something if that was the case. But apparently we have another situation right here, because Time didn't know anything.” Warriors was on his strategy-man self and was giving even shorter answers than he usually did in this kind of scenarios.

“I hope he’s okay…” Warrior was aware of Wild’s voice: low and filled with doubt. He knew those two had spent more time together, since they were the first ones meeting, and it was only natural for Wild to worry about his mentor and friend.

“Listen Wild, Twili is a tough guy. Nothing is going to happen to him. And even if it does, as Wind said, this is his Hyrule. He knows his way around, and must feel better of being in a place he might know as well as the palm of his hand.” By this point, Warrior had stopped walking and was now facing Wild.

“And he must know we are going to look out for him. I would trust you all with my life. I know you wouldn’t let me alone.” He gave both of the younger than him blondes a sideway smile, and was relieved to see both of their faces a little more relaxed.

“Okay, let’s get to work now. Any idea what path should we took?”

“What about below those crows? Birds flying like that always mean there’s something going on.” Wind was more used to seagulls, but even monster-birds had a tendency to fly in circles around any kind of event going on on the ground.

And so they started walking. The birds were close, and the path lead to what Twili called “Eldin’s Bridge”.

What they saw, they never believe could happen.

Hyrule was holding Legend back using his wind magic, making a tornado cell, but it seemed as if said magic was stronger, the air he handled seemed to have a forest-like smell in it. Legend, on the other hand, was making lighting fall from the sky, and he seemed to try and shoot ice wind at Hyrule with one of his staffs.

Why were they fighting each other? Something happened on the small travel those two were in that lead to this.

“Hyrule! What happened?! How can we help you?!” Warrior called from one side of the bridge to the boy on the middle of it.

“Warrior! I’m so glad to hear you. And I’m not sure. We were in the province of Farore, and were searching for information on this Hyrule’s magic, when Legend found what seemed to be a mirror piece of some short and next thing I know, he's chasing me down all over the place!”

“Shouldn't we try and help him first!? They are fighting over that bridge whose bottom is not even visible!!” Wild was right but, that's not how things are supposed to work.

“Alright, listen. Wind, use your lasso to pull Hyrule over here, then walk enough to were we came from, to stay as away from the bridge as possible. Wild, you and I are going to work together on getting Legend to this side, while Wind does his part. When all of that is done, you are to switch places with him, and treat Hyrule's wounds. When you both are ready, re-join Wind and I.” While Warrior was giving instructions, Wind had already gotten his lasso-claw out and was preparing to shoot it forward.

After Wind pulled Hyrule over to them, Legend took a few seconds to realize his target had moved. Good. That gave them precious seconds to move to a safer zone to keep the plan going.

By the time Wind and Wild had changed places, Legend was already near them. Perfect, thought Warrior.

“We must not hurt him. We just need to tie him up and wait until we can talk to Twi’ and see what happens to him. This is his Hyrule after all.”

And as if that was an instruction, they launched forward, avoiding Legend's attacks, both physical and magical ones, which seemed to be stronger than usual, as well as more dangerous.

To make things worse, Legend didn't seem to have complete control over the magic attacks his medallions were producing, since he hurt himself a couple of times.

Wild and Hyrule were quick to join them, and soon they were trying to tire Legend up, and it seemed it was working. Or at least he was running low on magic, because his attacks started taking place less and less often, and the intensity of their damage kept decreasing.

Wild threw an old shield to Legend’s legs from the back, which made him stumble after hitting behind his knees; followed by that, Wind was quick to use his lasso to tie him up, but it didn’t seem like that would do.

“This is not going to last until we reach the camp. What else can we do?” Worry over both his lasso and his friend could be heard on Wind's voice.

Warrior didn’t have to think it a lot. He remembered Legend had an magical ice staff, and that it could semi-froze people. But he was no magician.

He approached Legend and kneeled down while taking his (precious) scarf off, and proceded to tie it around Legend’s head, covering his eyes and ears.

“I’m so sorry pal, you are not gonna like this”. Was the almost inaudible apology he gave to the possessed like hero while taking said staff from his persona.

He stood up and walked to Hyrule, handing him said object.

“You are the only one of us right here that I trust enough to make sure this works.” ‘Rule grabbed the staff, and immediately understood what Warrior wanted him to do.

“But, this is not the magic I'm used to. We should ask Four to do it, it would-” Hyrule's slightly panic filled speech was cut out by Warrior putting his hand on his shoulder.

They all were used to monsters and nightmare like creatures, but fighting one another, to be in the need of causing some harm to those they already considered brothers... that's something they weren't really prepared for.

“Listen 'Rule. We can't afford to wait for Four to get here. You're capable of this. I've seen you do magic often. I have to admit I'm not sure what most of those spells were, but as little as they are, you are a natural in magic, your skills covering a very good range of it.” Little by little, the worried eyes of Hyrule were replaced with ones filled with amusement over Warrior's words and determination on helping the others.

The brunette nodded to the scarf-less blonde, who stepped aside, and went to stand in front of a struggling Legend, who was trying to release himself from Wind and Wild, who were holding him down.

“Brother, I hope you forgive me.” And so, Hyrule allowed the magic to start flowing from his core, feeling the tingling that it came with it cover the arm holding the staff, and when the cold started to numb his fingers, he raised the staff and made sure of shooting a ray strong enough to froze, him but gentle enough to not, well, kill him.

And it worked.

When they approached their hands with the signature triangles mark to the frozen boy, it felt warm on each of them. They have learned that was a side effect of their “triforce pieces” being too close to one another. Something about powers clashing together it’s what Four said.

“Wild, could you go and get one of the big pigs the bulblins ride please? We need to take him to camp quickly.” Wild nodded at Warrior’s words, leaving Wind with the taller Link.

Once they secured Legend on the pig’s back, the silent walk to the camp took place, with just a comment or two between them to go clear the path, or to switch places with the one currently leading the pig-like creature.

By the time they got to the camp, the sun was setting away, but the relief was to see Twili with the other team. He had his head covered in scratches, and one of his arms was bandaged. It was almost the usual sight they got of each other after a fight.

Warrior could sense that Wild was holding himself so to avoid running to Twili, to check him up.

“Hey! It’s good to see you are fine. Well, mostly. We were worried when you left without saying anything and didn’t come back at night.” Wild, however, took the lead and went straight up to sit besides Twili, who just gave a chuckle at hearing the statement.

“I did plan on coming back at night, but some issues needed to be taken care of. I’m sorry.” He did sound like he was apologizing for something, but Warrior could feel it wasn’t to them, not completely. Something else was on his mind...perhaps a past memory of something that happened during his own journey. Visiting old places could awaken painful memories.

“Hey, where’s Wolfie?” Wind, just catching up, since he was the last to be pulling the pig, that was carrying both Legend and Hyrule, asked about the semi-wild animal.

Time being the perceptive one no matter the lack of one eye sight, was quick to notice both heroes on the pig’s back.

“Wolfie was the one protecting Twili, he went on his own, but he's fine. Most importantly, what happened to those two?” As soon as he pointed that out, the rest of the team was quick to surround the brown animal, and help down Hyrule, as well as carrying Legend to the floor.

“Well, we were searching for magic in this world, Legend wanting to see what he could use to enchant some of his weapons, and I was just looking forward into seeing the differences between our universes, as usual.” As Sky took care of some of Hyrule’s wounds, the later begun telling everyone the story.

“Everything was fine. We just had to cut down some Babas from the path, and scare some Keeses away. Then I got a blessing from some of this land’s spirits, a close one to Farore I think it was, and my wind magic got stronger and, somehow, it felt more alive.” He made his point by creating a small tornado and making it dance among the other Links, who felt indeed how the air was fresher and, for them, gave a sense of calmness.

“And when we got deeper into the forest, near a temple, Legend found was seemed to be a mirror piece, in the shape of a diamond of sorts.” At this, Twili’s eyes shined, and, if he had canine ears, Warrior thought, those would have perked up.

“Both of us could feel magic emanating from it, but it felt...weird. Like it didn’t belong to this world. I told Legend to leave it, but he said it felt similar to the one he felt when he traveled to his Dark World. As if that was reassuring.” Hyrule, now as healed as he could get, stood up and walked, staff in hand, towards the frozen boy.

Everyone stepped aside, to stare and listen to the story from behind, all except for Four, who was now standing to the right of Hyrule, certain cane on his hand.

“And then, he was going to drop the mirror piece by accident, and when he tried to catch it, it cut his palm enough for it to bleed. Next thing I know, Legend is just, not himself. And when I tried to approach him, he snapped and started attacking me. The rest of the story is a mere chase across this Hyrule fields and me trying to find any of you guys.”

Warrior knew, could almost feel how distressed ‘Rule was after what he saw. A perfectly fine hero, a warrior, a loyal companion, being corrupted enough to attack what used to be his friend.

“Are you sure what cut him was a mirror piece?” Twili’s voice sounded almost plain. Too serious, even for Time.

“Yes, but I have no idea what happened to it after it cut his hand. I didn’t see it on the floor.”

“That’s all I needed to know.” With that, Warrior became the audience, along the others, of witnessing how Twili stood up, and took what looked like...a pine cone with orange lines? from under his clothes, and proceed to move it all around the frozen boy.

When it reached the left hand of the boy, the, thing glowed.

“Four, I’ll need you to defrost his head and left hand. When I say it’s done and safe, defrost the rest of him. Then you’ll need to take him near the fire and help warm him up.” Twili wasn’t even looking at them, and that was unsettling for Warriors, because it was a sign that whatever happened to Legend, it was serious. Or had something to do with Twili’s own past in that land.

Wild and Skye were quick to go make sure the campfire was strong enough for the task, allowing Four to use his cane to warm the ice and release both the boy’s head and hand.

Soon enough, Legend woke up, and Twili could see the characteristic black straight vein-like lines going up Legend’s left neck side.

Warriors saw how Twili took a deep breath with his eyes closed, and when he opened them, he was sure he saw a flash of orange on the second leader eyes. Focusing now on Legend’s hand, he saw how Twili magically extracted what seemed to be little black dots, and a black mist too, from the still half frozen boy, whom, the most dots Twili pulled out of his body, more limp went.

It was a quick action, but for Warrior, who was amazed at the fact that Twili was using magic, felt like long minutes. Twili, the one who seemed to despite magic, who refused to use any magical item and prefered to do everything ‘the old fashioned way’ was capable of using magic, and to tame it too it seemed, because Warrior saw how a piece of mirror formed out of thin air when the dots and mist that were extracted from Legend’s body fused together.

“It’s done. Defrost him.” Twili’s voice seemed to break some spell that had fallen upon the boys, who were speechless after the event they just witnessed.

After Legend was safe by the fire, (and that he got his scarf back) Warrior, Time and Wild approached the former farm hand, who has sat down on the grass and haven’t moved since he ‘healed’ Legend.

Wild just sat besides Twili, same as Time. Warriors just stood aside by a tree near them.

None of them said a thing, giving Twili the chance of just stand up and leave, or say something, anything. Warrior could tell Twili was distressed.

At last, he talked, with a shaky voice.

“It’s my fault he got like that. The thing inside him, was a piece of the Mirror of Twilight, the object that opened the gate to the Realm of Twilight. To her home.” Oh Farore, Warrior was already doubting if he should be listening, after all he didn’t consider himself close to Twili. Not enough anyway.

“After my journey ended, I tried to fetch all the tiny pieces. She might have destroyed the Mirror, but not even her could eliminate it from the face of earth. Before I meet you guys, I had barely got a quarter of it. That’s why I left so many times on our time in here. I’m still looking for them, but I’m not sure if I do it for myself or to keep people safe.” Twili let out a heavy sight before continuing.

“What happened to Legend has happened before to the people of this Hyrule. And it’s awful. It’s easier for me to find the pieces as a wolf, since my form is created out of the same magic, but I freak people out like that.” Ok, definitely shouldn't be listening.

That mere sentence was all it took for Warriors to realize that Wolfie and Twili were the same. That’s why they never saw them together. And, if he had been more clever, payed more attention, he could have seen that the mark on both Twili’s and Wolfie’s foreheads were exactly the same.

How a fool he felt like at that moment. It made him realize he really wasn’t leader material if he couldn’t see that kind of stuff. So obvious yet he was so oblivious to it.

“Hey kid, it’s okay to still seek them, even if you are not sure yet why you keep doing so. You are keeping the people here safe, and maybe it will give you time to realise if you need closure or something.” Time, as wise as his adventures had made him, said what made the more sense. But he could see words were not what Twili needed right there, so he rubbed his pupil’s back a little before he went to the fire and tried to help with warming Legend up.

Warrior could see Twili will take a while to recover, and he didn’t seem convinced by Time’s words, so it was his turn to try.

“You know we are a team right?” Both of the sitting heroes turned their heads, as if just realizing Warriors was there.

“And this is your Hyrule. If you need help with anything you can just ask. ‘Course you don’t have to tell us the whole story on why you need this or that thing done, after all we all have secrets. But we are willing to help a friend in need...” Warrior gave a small smirk towards Twili, “...Wolfie.”

Wild just covered his mouth to cover his laugh, and Twili’s eyes went as wide as Wind’s got when he saw a Zora that didn’t fly .

“I forgot you didn’t knew. I…” Warriors put his hand up to shut Twili up.

“Don’t worry, I kind of see why you didn’t want us all to know. I’ll keep it a secret...as much as it is to some I suppose.” He allowed himself to sit down where Time was just moments ago.

“But seriously, there’s 9 of us, and some have knowledge in magical stuff. We could help you find more of these Mirror pieces.” When Warrior shoot a glance towards Twili, he could see he was on the verge of tears. We all are screwed up, huh?

He threw at Twili his scarf, half covering his face, I haven’t used it all day anyway . “Cover your face up; we can’t let the kids see their second leader’s face all red and ugly after such a day, can we?” Wild seemed surprised to see Warriors lend his scarf that easily, and Twili seemed grateful.

Warrior stood up to go sit by the fire, but not without first listening to Twili.

“You are also a good leader to them you know? To us. I'm serious every time I tell you this...You just love being under the spotlight.” Yeah well, maybe…

“That’s right! You really are good with keeping us sane in stressful situations. You are good at keeping your posture when things get too hard for some of  us.” The almost chirp like comment by Wild wasn’t something Warrior was expecting, but in retrospective, it appears the long haired hero was right.

Perhaps I can be a good leader after all. He nodded as a sign of gratefulness to the other two, and started walking towards the fire.

“You better wash my scarf before giving it back Twi’!” After such a departure comment, it was only natural to feel the rock softly hit his back.

As he walked to join the others, he realized this team, this many versions of himself, they made a nice...family, to him. It was something he would fight to protect and oh the Goddess better protect whoever hurt any of them, because he had fight swarms of enemies before, and he would do it again in the sake of any of the 8 boys that’ve been travelling along him these past few months.

A/N: I...was going somewhere different with this, but then I realized I wanted to cover like three different stories and arcs in one, and this one was (is) already pretty long so, later, maybe, in another fic. Besides, if I had done this one longer than it is now, who knows if I may have been able of finishing it up.

This was longer than planned too, but I still like it. Feedback is appreciated!

[genderfreezone]

Do you like the Evil Within 2?

Yeah! Certainly not as much as the first one (i was not immune to being sad they left out fan favorites Jojo and Ruvik's Cube)

The rest of this post is me rambling about things i didnt like about the game, and then things i did like (most of my issues are how they treat the female characters tbh)

Its missing kind of the action-noir-gone-horrifically-wrong feel of the first game. The scare factor also suffers bc our player character has been through this before, hes a veteran at dealing with this crazy shit, it doesnt phase him anymore and by extension it doesnt phase the player. They really like tripled down on the Evil Corporation thing and both the intrigue and horror suffer for it.

This game did not drink its respect women juice (the first one didnt really either, case in point: Everything About Kidman) Sebastian is surrounded by 5+ female characters and only 2 of them survive (and one of them is his 7 year old daughter hes spent the whole game trying to rescue... and yet they never bothered to give her any kind of characterization or agency. A highly empathetic and supernaturally powerful little girl in a monster-infested hellscape?? HELLO???? Lily really had the potential to be the most interesting, sympathetic, and complex character--especially as she slowly lost her innocence--in the WHOLE GAME, but she was just sort of relegated to Plot Device McGuffin) The rest of the female supporting cast are killed off for Sebastian's Man Pain. In fact, THIS ENTIRE GAME IS CENTERED AROUND SEBASTIAN'S MAN PAIN. Torrez is a walking stereotype, shes literally just Vasquez from Aliens. Hoffman was the most likeable and believeable, except when it Turns Out She Was In Love With Liam Or Whatever (psst, guess what, i dont care. Also O'neal was kind of a dick anyway? I dont care x2)

And you know who i SUPER dont care about? Bland-White-Bread-And-Mayo-Sandwich Myra. Where's the no-nonsense firecracker of a police lieutenant Sebastian married? Not here, thats for sure. Her entire personality is "mother" and "worries about stressed-out husband". We got more characterization of Myra in seb's jornals from the first game, where she never even made a physical appearance! Horror media does this SO MUCH, women are either A. Sexy Lamp B. Hurts Men (Sexily) C. Mother or D. Innocent Virgin. It sucks. Do better.

The story lacked the "digging up old buried memories" and "theres more to this than meets the eye" of the first game. It felt too...... Straightforward. Everyone told Sebastian the truth. EVERYTHING WAS EXACTLY WHAT IT SEEMED. It all felt too simple, too easy, like there SHOULDVE been something else beneath the surface. And yet there wasnt. (I watched markipliers playthrough and i loved his theory that Kidman was actually Lily. It had such potential. Kidman's entire resume for the police station was fabricated, who's to say the rest of her past wasnt fabricated as well? It would retcon a lot of stuff and like 80% of her backstory from the DLC, but you know games like this arent above retconning important shit, and at least it wouldve been sacrificed for something with actual intrigue. Maybe it wouldnt even retcon anything! Consider: tiny Lily is taken by Evil Corporation and dropped off in a non-nurturing environment that would lead her to become the kind of person who would willingly join & work for an organization like Mobius. At least wouldve been a nice excuse for why Kidman and Lilys face models looked so similar... other than... yknow.... "WomEN ARe hArD tO DRaWwwwwee")

Okay okay ive been ranting for long enough. It probably makes it sound like i kinda hate this game, but i dont! It certainly doesnt hold the same place in my heart as the first one (which i still have very glaring issues with lmao Kidman deserved WAAAAAAY better), but i do like it! It brings back salty, grizzled, tsundere Sebastian Castinellos. It brings back spooky monsters that kill you dead. It brings back having a fun theatrical over-the-top villain who takes himself a litte too seriously.

I love Stefano. Probably not in the way some other fans do, but i love him as a ridiculous theatrical over-the-top villain. He sucks! And i love that he sucks! I love him BECAUSE he sucks! Hes terrible and exaggerated and completely up his own ass and ITS GREAT. He isnt as ACTUALLY THREATENING as Ruvik was (even in his bad assassin's creed cosplay. I could go on and on and on about why Ruvik is simultaneously a ridiculous AND frightening antagonist and how much i love it but uh..... maybe later) but hes such a FUN villain! Hes the kind of pretentious art snob shitheel i cannot STAND irl, but in this game i LOVE to HATE him. Hes just SO over-the-top you kinda wonder if he actually subscribes to the pretentiousness he spouts, or if hes just being Exceptionally Extra.

The other villains? Theodore was.... forgettable. His monsters were forgettable. (Its like how i completely forgot that Frank Manera was a character in Whistleblower for like... 5 years lmao i guess this game also kinda followed that "having multiple named/characterized antagonists in one game" thing that Outlast did) Myra, i just didnt care. Her final design was kinda cool, i liked the red clusters of insect eyes. Her monsters werent really gross enough to be memorable. The only reson theyre gross at all is bc they kinda look like theyre made of semen. (I checked the wiki and apparently Myra's white goo is "psychoplasm" and her monsters lost 99% of their gross factor. I just dont care.) The Administrator literally just looked like a 3D human model of Maxwell from dont starve, and i have to laugh every time i see him. Hes not terribly threatening, all he does is threaten characters to work faster and doesnt actually follow through on those threats. He doesnt even make fun threats like HABIT or anything. He thinks hes so powerful and ominous that his mere presence will frighten the player but hes just kinda all bark and no bite. Hes The Big Bad Company Man so you know hes gonna get whats coming to him, and you know Kidmans gonna be the one to do it to him, so hes not even that much of a threat. Hes whatever.

Stefano definitely got all of the coolest monsters. Many Arms Buzzsaw Lady was terrifying and i love her. And OBSCURA was just *Chef's Kiss* Anima was cool, she kinda looked like a mix of Laura and Samara. The Harbingers were neat, but really only bc ive got a thing for gas masks. The rest of the monsters werent really unique or weighty/threatening enough to be memorable. Now the first game is a fucking TREASURE TROVE of unique monsters *muah* you got Sadist, Sentinel, Keeper, Amalgam, Heresy, Laura, Shigyo, the Twins, Alter Egos, and im probably forgetting some!! But holy FUCK!!!!! And if we're includong the DLC?? MOTHER FUCKING SHADE. SPOTLIGHT LADY. LIGHT WOMAN.  SEXY LEGS.  Whatever you call her, i fucking love her. Her design is so simple. Helmet. Sheet. Legs. Her voice? Unnerving as hell. Love it. (Also i just personally love the diving helmet. Also like you know how a lot of games have a spotlight mechanic where you have to avoid the light and if it lands on you, you're fucked? LET'S MAKE AN ENTIRE MONSTER OUT OF THAT. She's PERFECT.) Oh and also those weird crawling exploding dudes. They made gross sounds and it was great. (Tbh Keepers still probably my favorite, if only for horny reasons)

TATIANA HOW HAVE I NOT FUCKING TALKED ABOUT TATIANA. Shes like the ONE female character that i fucking LOVE in the sequel. I love how they finally gave her a personality, and that personality is literally just "fuck you, Sebastian" Oh GOD its great shes SO FUNNY. I just.... god i love Tatiana lmao. I love how she makes you kinda uncomfortable too, like she knows something, but she wont tell you bc youre stupid. I didn't like the kind of "all-knowing guide" thing they did to try and make her creepy (like she's a "guide" but then also turns around and is like "no i wont tell you what you need to know bc you """have to discover it on your own""" or whatever") it serves no purpose since she never gave you any actual information, and it didn't succeed in making her creepier, all it did was frustrate me. She was at her creepiest when she IMPLIED she was doing something behind the scenes or knew something you didn't know and then didn't elaborate (not REFUSING to elaborate, just... stopping talking and leaving the statement to hang in the air, like the "getting her nails done" and "its been a long time, detective" and the "now what makes you say that" from the first game) and she was at her funniest when she was interacting with Sebastian from the sidelines, her snide little comments and sarcastic clapping cracked me the fuck up. Tatiana not treating Sebastian seriously was a fantastic touch for a game that otherwise would probably take itself so seriously it would double back around to being silly. Without Tatiana, it would've been just another male-centric gun-toting "survival horror" game, and for the most part, it was just that. She was definitely a much-needed source of slightly derisive comedy and a definite high-point for me, even if they didn't so a great job of making her creepy or fulfilling her "purpose."

Oh I also really love the COLORS in TEW2. The first game fell into the trap of having the colors be totally washed out that a lot of horror stuff does, but it also kind of worked for it. Especially with the color pallette of our main villain and how the whole thing was His World. The saturation of the colors in the second game is a breath of fresh air and gorgeous to look at, and you can even see the color motifs of the game change with each new villain: the game starts out with Stephano has lots of blues and purples and dark reds, when Theodore takes over we get bright orange and yellow contrasted with black and brown, and in the climax with Myra the game goes back to having washed out colors and white (and with her villain design? Let's face it: they were kinda just trying to do Ruvik again) We did get portions that were still kind of wahed out whites and greens and greys, but it wasnt the ENTIRE game, even the big blood-and-brains splatterhouse sections of the first game kinda had their colors weirdly muted for that "Horror Aethetic."

In conclusion, i do like the evil within 2, but i also had a lot of problems with it. And i complain about these problems because i like the game and know it couldve done better, tried harder, and been a LOT more than it was (the wasted character potential is my real overarching pet peeve, probably becuase i loved the characters in the first game, and character development is kind of my whole jam) . But all in all, it was still a fun monster-zombie romp with at least one entertaining villain and fun-to-look-at designs and environments. It wasn't character or horror or even REALLY story driven in the way I know it COULDVE been, but i still had a fun time and enjoyed myself.

[nonhumanfamofkewkyu9]

2019 has been rough...

& it's Not Even October Yet

So, on top of personal mental health issues and family members having their own battles, and work being unpredictable with my shifts, a lot has happened with the non-human side of the family, not all good... not much good as far as my mental health tries to put it (I often need to be reminded to step back and see the "then vs now" of it all), so I'll try to do an update on that to the best of my memory (I've always been bad at remembering dates - I would forget my own birthday if people didn't fuss about it)

Sometime between January & February, a heatwave was the final straw for Cabaré who had been fighting a scale tumor (I know, my fault for not researching dragon scale variants before getting him) for 3 months, aside from the tumor, he was as active as he normally was, eating fine and his fins were recovering nicely from the fin nipping, but 45°C IN the flat with the air con running was stressful enough before the power started to cut.

Late February, a tank heater malfunctioned and killed a couple of my tetra before I caught it, thankfully, not too much trouble was caused and I had a spare heater on hand, various issues have stopped me from getting new stock for the shoal however, so it currently stands at 7 black neon tetra.

March... hooboi... uh, as much as I was meant to have a milestone birthday that month, the month was utter chaos... Shakita, my Gran's beloved Am.Staf previously posted about, had her age catch up in the space of a fortnight and had to be laid to rest. Another event, regarding people, unfolded days later that made it tempting to remove all reminders of the month altogether, looking for a timeline in chats from family, someone already has.

Early April, I had flown interstate on a holiday I'd organised around Xmas, so I allowed tank/pond plants to grow out; a mild regret in now I have to sift shrimp out of a 8×10×5 inch ball prism of moss before i can trim, seperate or transplant it. Amidst this, I also had gotten a female Betta; Beau-bo, named after Critical Role's Beauregard, I had intended to have a female in a display next to Cabaré just a few months earlier, but due to...reasons, I had let the empty tanks (quarantine + Cabaré's) go un maintained at all, a bad move that I'm still trying to fix in my own slowbutt pace, so she was put in beside the matten filter of the shimp/tetra tank. I managed to lose 1 of 3 rescue orchids but have had decent success with most of the terrestrial plants I've gathered admittedly with a few close calls. I also recieved news around late April/early May that a friend of mine needed to rehome their 4ft tank, so I set out to rearrange my flat so it could fit... this turned out to be a 3 month task as different bills and problems would pop up, including a vet trip for Ludwig who sprained his wrist, and we decided to get bloods checked for any nasties; an overactive thyroid gland due to age was causing his metabolism&appetite to soar, so a prescription was given.

I kept quiet about it, but I got some zebra danios for my little basin-ponds at around Xmas last year, the planted/natural filter pond having mild success breeding, however, winter and personal issues haven't allowed me to see whether the bubs made it through winter (I had to go away for a while and the ones I could find were 1.5cm when I did get to check - it will be a matter of headcount once time/weather allows me to get back in there)

So between June and August, I had been preparing for and focusing on the 4ft tank (my first tank over 2ft), especially when I was challenged to scape it. Thus far, the plants I was expecting to grow slow have gone mad and are due for another pruning, while the plants I expected to go mad and fill in are taking their time still. I have all 3 of the same fish that came with the tank (I was scaping it wet - not something I recommend with fine and/or planting substrates), 2 Angels and a Cory, however the quarantine tank I'd set up for the new cories (to give Dusty a shoal of his own) crashed (again, my fault for prioritizing other things) and I thought I saved 1, but he didn't make it through the next day, so that was a big bummer. I've only had the energy to do mild plant tending and water changes since. My cousin's household has also gained a few more sets of paws from G.A.P, so Jojo now has siblings that are his own size (almost - he was always tall).

And then we get to September, specifically this past week... Ludwig, the mascot & icon of this blog, got out and went missing after plumbers made a lot of ruckus (like, scared me awake in my flat next door noise), today is day 5 without his medications and mum has been beside herself about it. But we couldn't let ourselves be too shaken as we were in order to recieve a rescue Greyhound to try and help my little sister with her mental health. Scout, a huge 9 month old pup who was pulled before being raced due to injury arrived earlier today.

So, that's how the year has been playing in regards to my nonhuman fam and a little about the human part.

Hopefully, Ludwig finds his way home (we've notified council and neighbours, but 8ish years ago, vets refused to microchip him because he was already over 5yrs), and I hope to get back in the habit of photographing things, but that might have to wait for my phone to be repaired and my head to have cleared a little.

I have been vaguely active on my new started in April while I was interstate Instagram account with the same name as my main blog (it is just as eclectic as that main blog too, probably)

[yakumtsaki]

Ok I knew I hadn’t posted Unions in forever but good lord. The screenshots after, not before, AFTER this.. are the previews for this. Like we’re literally talking ancient history here. Let’s dive right in and see if we can wrap this up sometime during a human’s natural lifespan. SO when we left off we were desperately trying to make friends for Wyatt’s final promotion, ‘desperately’ being the operative word. We’ve done some pathetic shit in our time but shittalking each other to Apartment Life nobodies is honestly peak gutter, so you know. our natural environment. Spoiler alert, the kids are teens now and Wyatt has still not gotten promoted! Truly the Picasso of incompetence.

Good ol’ uncle Gunther is also here for some reason which I’m guessing is ‘came over uninvited’ but at least someone is paying attention to Shajar for once. Beggars can’t be choosers and Gunther as a father figure is the equivalent of someone leaving a button and good vibes in your cup. 

-So you see Shajar, life is nothing but a slow march towards our certain doom so who cares if your parents hate you?? My parents hated me till adulthood and I turned out amazing as you can surely tell by my stripes/plaid/indoor sunglasses combo!

-Think long and hard before procreating, brother, because there’s no guarantee you’ll even like your kids. Looking at you, Shajar.

-Um can I go now?

-Don’t know why you’re here in the first place and not in the crypt where we’ve set up your bed and everything! Kids these days.

Oh right, Brit Brit is also here so I guess I did invite these douchebags over. Way to go @ me.

-BRITTANY HOW COULD YOU TEAR THE MORAL FABRIC OF OUR WIFE-SWAPPING-BASED LIFE PARTNERSHIP LIKE THIS???? JUST STEAL ONE OF THEIR PETS LIKE AN UPSTANDING CITIZEN 

DON’T YOU DARE BRIT-

Ugh nevermind, it’s Sophie aka Brittany in cat form. Take her!

And take Shajar too while you’re at it cause absolutely not @ Victoria dying but the gnome drama living on. ENOUGH. This almost makes me appreciate Cyneswith’s ridiculous 10 nice points for a split second..

..but then I turn around and see this. GOOD GRIEF. How did Jojo and Wyatt produce vegan Tinkerbell here not even god knows.

This alliance of obnoxiousness is but the first in what is gonna become a running theme of every annoying flop in this neighborhood looooooving Maxx. Can’t keep kindred spirits apart for long! Honestly this legacy is turning me from pet maniac to Captain Ahab, like on one hand you have fucking Maxx who hasn’t done anything yet but just you wait till he grows up- 

-and on the other you have FUCKING VICTOR’S GHOST TRYING TO KILL US EVERY NIGHT. Apparently Victor + being a dick = a love not even death can tear asunder. Seriously tg kids can’t die cause these overactive freaks are up all night till the sun, are up all night to get some (entertainment), are up all night for good fun, are up all night to get lucky murdered.

This happens about 3000 times per night, I’m not even taking pics of it anymore, but it’s worth pointing out that everyone in this house, both alive/dead and human/non has a raging hate boner for Shajar in particular. It’s uncanny and depressing..

..and speaking of depressing, UGH. My poor, poor Shajar. I actually attempted to intervene and have them interact being the moron that I am:

JOJO WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM 

.....................................WHERE IS VICTOR’S GHOST WHEN I NEED IT

Yea sure, waste your niceness reserves on fucking Goro here instead, who isn’t even the cat heir and is about to go live on the farm (not a euphemism, Daniel and Melody’s literal farm). This Jojo fuckery is seriously starting to bum me out on top of pissing me off, let me find something cute to look at to raise my spirits..

No.

No.

NO.

Disturbing stuff.

Seems about right.

Old habits die hard.

No.

Ugh.

Ugh.

UGH.

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE

FINALLY. THANK YOU CATS. Now let’s get back to this nightmare..

..and I mean nightmare in the technical sense of something not real occurring when you’re asleep, because Wyatt maxing a skill is truly the stuff of Taylor Swift-Wildest Dreams.mp3. It’s official, the only thing standing between us and Wyatt’s LTW is social ineptitude. But what if we revolutionize the friend game by approaching someone who can’t leave..

..because she’s contractually obligated to be here?? Go for it Wyatt!

-So Kaylýnn, you have the français maid thing going, I’m French and in need of a hag, c’est match made in les paradis!

-Yea sorry, Henry III, but it’s my professional policy to not fraternize with married clients I have no chance of fucking. 

-But..but you’re just a face template fiasco!

-..I have some bad news for you.

Kaylynn left Wyatt dick in hand and went to pet the cats, so I guess the day has arrived for me to go from being the leading Langerak hater of this community to being the leading stan-

-and apparently the leading Jitmakusol stan as well, which as we all know is a large and very competitive group. DOWN WITH JOJO

Well at least you still have this invaluable stamp of approval! All I see in this pic is 3 bags of trash.

Look at this trove, treasures untold, how many assholes can one photo hold? The reason there’s more awful people in our house than usual is the “exciting” occasion of the Shajar/Wulf double birthday and honestly even by our standards this party was especially terrible. Like it makes the one where Komei and Marissa happened look like Project X.

When this is the situation 10 seconds in you know you’re in for a good time. I don’t think a single positive interaction took place this entire party and I’ve subconsciously (?) forgotten every birthday since. What a loss!

Wulf is up first, and of course since this is Wyatt’s literal one and only parenting-related job, it took 3 cakes to happen and no one is paying attention by the time it does.

Wyatt makes one last-ditch effort to kill his child via decapitation and obviously he thinks it worked thus the wide smile. But Wulf is named after the spawn of Satan, head spinning comes with the territory-

-as do incredible looks. Gunther hair + tuxedo, and you think your little yellow blazer is subversive?? Step it up.

-If the sunglasses weren’t blocking the power of my stare this child would be dead by my sheer resentment.

Happy birthday, Wulf! 2/2 surviving murder attempts.

Wulf gets this Don Corleone makeover because a) he also survived murder attempts b) wedding tuxedo c) trying to avoid a Gunther mental breakdown. He looks exactly like Wyatt, like I don’t think there’s a drop of Jojo in there..

..BUT MAN IS THE PERSONALITY PURE UNION. Another nice little addition to our ever expanding freakshow.

Shajar time and no one is paying attention now either but there’s no cake malfunction, they just don’t care! And why should they? What is she, their child?

Wyatt can’t even be bothered to stay standing for literally 10 more seconds. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a parent do that before but you can always count on Wyatt for this sort of innovation. 

And this is what Shajar grows up to: Wyatt half-asleep, Daniel waiting to beat him up and the rest reacting to Wulf having shit himself. I don’t think any further comment is needed. 

Now, having lived through the experience that was Daniel and having marveled at Shajar’s seemingly genetic unlikability, I’m sure we can all tell which is the one aspiration she should under no circumstances roll because it’s going to make nails on a chalkboard seem like a fun musical break.. Yes, this is not a drill..

..we have another trainwreck firstborn who can’t get their own family not to hate them roll popularity. AND DANIEL WAS NICE. Shajar is bringing 1 nice point to the table so all I can say at this point is fml. 

And of course because the above wasn’t bad enough on its own and we always need the overkill, gaze upon whatever the fuck this is-

-YE MIGHTY AND DESPAIR. GOOD GOD SHAJAR 

LOL. Well with the custom sky this is an Under The Dome situation so technically you’re not wrong but still. fucking popularity? Leave the sky alone and aim for ‘slightly above ground’. Even that is pushing it.

Good, finally we return to reality and face the facts. Couldn’t agree more! 

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Idolish7 17 | Hinamatsuri 8 | Boueibu HK 8 | BnHA 46 | MSO 9 | Rokuhoudou 8 | Code:Realise 13

Idolish7 17 (FINAL)

The culture clash here is hilarious! It’s pretty obvious this unknown guy is Douglas, though.

I can’t believe they’re doing these songs! I’ve known about these songs for a while, since they made waves a few years back – I think Memories Melodies’s music video was animated by Studio Bones and Leopard Eyes by NAZ.

Come to think of it, they never really show idol shows from the fans’ perspective, so this girl’s shots (Aya’s?) are a new thing for the entire genre…

Huh? Wait…this is the real Aya! Oh my gosh!

Well, that’s the end of another show. See you around.

Hinamatsuri 8

Where is “home” for Hina, though?

Geesh, the continuity on this show…what they’re saying right now means the opening of the episode was in medias res, dangit. Stop being so confusing.

I don’t really care about Ikaruga, I care about the “Standing Sushi Bar” in the back more…sorry, Ikaruga.

A few episodes, Hina really was homeless…hmm, continuity’s back in action here.

“Hurray for Psychic Powers” – I was reminded of a book that once appeared in Kado. Unfortunately, that book’s name is Ningen Manzai with all kanji, so it’s not a very close reference if it’s intended to be one…

“Ma Monthly” – Well, wouldn’t you know it? Boueibu collabs mean something here! See, this magazine is a parody of Monthly Mu, which (for some arbitrary reason) decided to team up with Boueibu back in 2016. Hinamatsuri even parodies the magazine’s logo properly! Amazing!

More namahage gags. C’mon, they wouldn’t escape me. They’ve been appearing for a while now, those.

Last time an anime character had a master the same age…*thinks back* That would be Ore Monogatari, with Saijou! Man, that was a while ago. If you don’t count the “same age” bit though, you have OPM and BnHA, which are a lot more fresh.

Jojothan’s (sic)? Is that a Jojo reference, a Johnath…aww, it doesn’t seem to exist. Dangit.

Hitomi’s going to take the dog in, isn’t she?

Even Hina’s shirt says “byebye”…geez, this is kinda saddening already.

Now Hina’s shirt says “sayonara”…why did they poke a hose through her nose, anyway? It made me laugh, sure, but…it’s stupid anyway.

What does Hinamatsuri do without “Hina”, anyway?

Oh, so that’s the significance of that part (post-credits sequence, ep 1)! I didn’t like that part, so I wished to never see it again, but now that it has some significance…it can stay.

I don’t think I’ve seen that image of Nitta with the hand to his head, with the vases on the side before…it must be new.

Normally Hina’s in the seat next to Nitta, right? Oh dear. Also, Utako’s missing and you can see Nitta’s sister in the bar shot as well. The rock singers who wanted to go to the Budokan with Hina are in the back, too, although there may be some people I don’t recognise in the bar shot as well…

Jinsei wa Survival = Life is Survival, not Life is About Survival…

Boueibu HK 8

Summer episode! At least it doesn’t sound as bad a fanservice episode than episode 7 did…(for Astral’s sake)

Karurusu brought back En’s old “What did you say?!”, but now there’s a rakugo background! (small LOL)

I can’t believe Manza tried to push his glasses up in the bath (LOL). Is this what glasses-wearers have to go through?

These seem a little too specific…and to Wakura’s sadistic taste for that last one…to be anything Kyoutarou thought up on his own. (i.e. They probably actually happened.)

Huhhhhhh…I think we finally had an actual woman appear on this show…amazing! (The Osomatsus’ mother, she has a name but I forgot what her name is.) Must be Osomatsu-kun from the ‘60s or ‘80s though, because that sure as heck ain’t the “gets episode 1 pulled from Crunchyroll” Osomatsu-san. I watched the entire season one of that thing, remember?

That dot point looks like a shell for some reason. It’s just two circles put together though. My brain must be in a summer mood from the episode, eh?

I know there’s one jellyfish where you have to cure the sting by peeing on it…oh sorry. I’m falling into Mahou Shoujo Ore’s “crass jokes” trap…

Dougo…likes natto? Weird. Plain weird.

I almost thought they were going to go camping just to fulfil the gap left by YuruCamp, but I guess the audience for YuruCamp and Boueibu doesn’t really cross over. I’m such an anomaly in that case, huh? I still want to know Pinecone-chan’s VA, come to think of it…

Like, c’mon! I can’t even break down that joke (Rashio Taison), it’s too obvious from looking at his name in furigana!

So Rashio is like the snowman from season 2…and the volleyball guy from season 2…maybe Kurotori? I don’t remember his school circumstances anymore…

They used CGI on the plane…? If they did, I barely noticed it until I played the scene again.

Oh wait, that’s a Studio Comet plane…ahaha…(look at Studio Comet’s logo for the joke explanation)

*crashes head on wall* Martha Shirahone…*eyes blank*…Martha Shirahone…Martha’s a girl’s name!!! Does that mean Astral wins?! My pride and the Boueibu status quo have both been wrecked if Martha (sic) really is on the non-binary spectrum…and it’s not some weird Engrish typo…Poor boy though, he spent 4 years depriving himself of one of his favourite things to prevent himself from being teased. (Okay, this “Martha” spelling’s going to annoy me for a while, so I’m going to revert back to “Maasa”…)

Interestingly, Maasa seems to be using a standard vinyl umbrella and not a “student-council-worthy” one. Update: Nope, this one’s sanctioned by the British Royal Family.

Eh? What’s with this monster’s face? He doesn’t have one, does he? I know what the kanji on his face is, but…I think this might be a first. A monster without a face whatsoever.

Is it just me, or did they get CGI for those clouds as well…?

Wait, so even Karurusu is against the idea of fighting this monster? Mr Enthusiastic’s kinda selfish, eh?

Kyoutarou’s still wearing his school swimsuit. But this definitely reminds me of Dark Aurite with the lip coloration...

Wakura so obviously followed Ryoma’s voice instead. It’s pretty much what Astral termed a “nutshot” for MSO ep 8, only it’s…meant to be kinky (I’m not feeling it, y’know?). I’m just vaguely miffed right here that they could be trying to put a cheap joke in Boueibu.

Ooh, nagashi somen with its bamboo…thingy…looks cool. Oh, but Ibusuki…no wonder Ata likes this kind of noodles.

Karurusu’s flag says “summer” on it.

It’s a bit blurry, but the bus says “campground” as its destination.

I wonder if that “spirit of fear” thing was a joke? I’ll come back and find it later. Update: There’s no joke there in Japanese…the word for “spirit of fun” sounds like kyuuki and then “spirit of fear” is just dokidokishiteru (which is just a word for the heart pounding, suggesting nervousness in this case).

Hey, someone (Ryoma) noticed Taishi’s angry outbursts for once!

What, the monster has a mouth, so he does kind of have a face…? (I’m confused…what constitutes “face” with this guy anyway?)

Karurusu…he dab! (…Kind of.)

Full transformation sequence again…*sigh*

Noticeably, you can only see Ryoma nodding when the Rajio Taiso monster asks if you can do rajio taiso outside of summer. I’d assume this is because Ryoma’s the one with the grandpa who does it all year round, but it might just be a space constraint. You never know with these things.

There’s another pun I need to go back to – “I feel radio calis-cleansed”. That can’t have worked in Japanese…Update: Uh, there was actually one here. It seems to be a pun on taiso.

Aw, Rashio’s so happy. Even if I think the staff have reached a new low with the “petty” on the monsters this time around, just seeing that smile lights up my face too.

Why do I feel a Madoka moment coming on right here with Karurusu’s promise?

It’s a Kagerou Project-style time loop, but for August 31st! Yikes! This is going to get confusing…

Yeah, it’s better not to think about time loops, Kyoutarou. You’re right.

Is “firework” a verb? Or is that wasei-eigo? Or slang? Or both? More things to not think about there…methinks. Update: Dougo says “hanabi taikai shimashou!” (literally “let’s do a fireworks tournament!”), so it’s not wasei-eigo, nor is it a verb. It’s just an unconventional subber’s choice.

They censored a big sign in the preview! But Crunchyroll doesn’t have episode 9 yet because of the French Open! Dangit!

I love how the blue bars randomly go “La la la laaaaa!”…LOL. But it also says “they find party dice in the clubroom…” (because it’s bushitsu kara dete kita no wa party saikoro).

BnHA 46

“Those acts are the same as those of villains.” – Actually, that would be the acts of vigilantes…*thinks about the Vigilantes manga*

Because Kouta’s letter was in hiragana, I could understand most of it…eh, my skills are pretty shabby after all. I couldn’t even understand the last line much.

“like a pair of tight jeans” – LOL, Best Jeanist seems to love a good jeans pun, eh?

Come to think of it, Gran Torino doesn’t have a number to his hero status, right? He’s just an ol’ fart after all, even if he’s mighty skilled.

We haven’t seen Mt. Lady or Shinrin Kamui (“Forest Kamui” would probably be his English name, but it’s in katakana…and it sounds stupid, to boot) in a while, come to think of it.

I didn’t think Iida was going to go with them! Wow, what a twist!

I always thought having two Kirishimas in the same season was funny enough (Ryoma from Boueibu and Eijirou).

Kamino? Because the subbers spelt it with a C, that seems like it should be a reference for some reason…Update: Yep, it is!

What’s up with the roses around Todoroki? Are you trying to make the fangirls squeal like this is some shoujo manga? Yeah, right! (laughs in the background anyway)

Aizawa looks really different in a suit…hmm, I normally like men in suits but I’m kinda iffy on suit!Aizawa. *ponders for a second* I prefer his old style more, actually.

MSO 9

Noticeably, Michiru uses koitsu (“this guy”) to refer to Ore. It does tell you something about how Michiru views her enemies.

What’s up with Mohiro in a dress? Princess Peach parody?

Even Saki’s ahoge goes “Oh!”, LOL!

A heart shake for the yuri fans…and stupid glasses for my entertainment. (Thank goodness you’re still catering towards me, show…)

That joke about murdering Hyoue completely went over my head…I get what it was trying to do, but…not funny, man. Not funny.

Michiru uses the –ssu ending that Dougo and Yumoto use, too…

Oh…dear. I think we have more than enough of the word “Happy” with Happy Kiss…now this mascot, too???

I thought Hyoue’s surname was “Kuroda”? Or is that just my imagination? Update: It seems I made it up…

U-Uh, hey…so this was their real intention with those eyecatches, huh? Another “draw me like one of your French girls” memes is in order! Wait, but Ruka’s magical girl form isn’t doing the right pose…aww.

It seems Ruka isn’t into the Magical Girls (it’s implied she’s into Michiru instead), but Michiru’s into Ore…just as Astral guessed.

If that sentence didn’t make sense, it wasn’t meant to! It was just a bunch of long English words thrown together…although “jihad” certainly isn’t English. I wonder if any religious people will get angry at that word being used so casually, though? (I didn’t expect to laugh so hard at these guys. Konami’s my favourite character – of course he is, considering the karaoke episode - but I think I have an appreciation for these guys now.)

LOL, me and Astral like to complain about how thinking up new attack names takes an hour or so…so we totally know your feel, Michiru.

If you look at the scene where PRISMA are shown to attack, it says bokasuka, which apparently means “lots of hits and punches in succession”. It’s basically like subbing it “fistfight!”, “kapow!” or something.

Happy-chan doesn’t even have a body in tiny form!!! What??? (LOL)

Can we please stop with the montages?! A show is better when people bother to animate stuff, alright?!

Happy-chan went “doukashira?” (-kashira is a female sentence ending) which made me laugh because it’s a contrast to that head of his.

Happy-chan doesn’t even have hands…I’m not sure how he’s meant to live like that, y’know?

That catchphrase has less impact the second time around, it seems.

Hmm…so it was actually foreshadowing for Michiru’s love, huh? I thought it was pandering to tsundere stereotypes…

As much as I laughed at the ol’ kick to the face, are Happy and Kokoro really brothers? Or is this just filler after all?

Oh, this new ED is “We’re Not Magical Girls” by the Mahou Shoujo unit (Saki/Sakuyo)!

You can spot a tiny magical girl figurine with pigtails on Yamo’s desk if you watch at the right time.

PRISMA’s song is called “Love/Attack!”

They actually got a next episode preview narrated by demons?! (LOL) This is a new level of weirdness, and I’m actually glad to have heard it with my own ears (because I’m trembling with laughter right now because of it). But…they talk at the end! They can speak?! Whatttttttt?!

Rokuhoudou 8

Gure’s got stud earrings. Don’t think I’ve noticed them before…

It appears to be a florentine and not a “florentin” like the subs say. It is just missing an “e” though…

Happy, happy! I think Karurusu got me into the spirit of being happy all the time…or at least happier than I used to be, anyway.

Seriously, this middle school kid acts like a Boueibu monster, it’s hard not to make a comparison.

Gure’s so goofy, I’m laughing as much as I normally do for Boueibu or MSO…Rokuhoudou isn’t normally like this, that’s all.

“good way to sober up” – It sure doesn’t seem that way for Tsubaki, though…poor soul.

That style with the lips…it’s so un-Rokuhoudou, and yet it still works! I can’t think of what it reminds me of, though, because it seems to remind me of another anime or manga and I can’t put my finger on it. Update: Maybe MSO? That’s the closest thing I can think of that matches right now.

Hey, come to think of it, doesn’t this guy look like Shishigami from Inuyashiki? Their outlook on life is mostly the same, too! (from what little I know about Shishigami in passing)

Uh…Gure? Didn’t anyone teach You about stranger danger?!

The delinquents…are in the duck boating club?! Well, that was a surprise…

This pretty much became my favourite episode, even though Tokitaka’s still my fave Rokuhoudou boy, LOL.

Code:Realise 13

Since I don’t know whether to denote this as the final episode or not, I won’t note it as anything…

Isn’t Cardia Lupin’s girl? Hands off, Impey!

The newspaper Herlock’s holding has an ad for animators…wuh? In the Code:Realise Victorian era? No way, Jose!

[timeclonemike]

Time to reinstall it again.

So. There’s this thing about Deus Ex that’s been rattling around in my head for a while.

The original game was iconic because despite its flaws and the limitations of the engine, it existed in a sweet spot of storytelling narrative, world exploration, stealth, combat, and strategy. It wasn’t the first First Person Shooter / Role Playing Game hybrid, but it was one of the best for a long time and still holds up today.

But I think some games that tried to follow in its footsteps, including the later installments in the same franchise, missed the mark when aiming for that sweet spot. I don’t necessarily mean choices to port to consoles or not, or engine limitations, or anything that exists on the technological side of the game design process. I mean the stories that these games are trying to tell.

In the original Deus Ex, there was some optional dialog when talking to one of the members of the old guard Illuminati where he explains the whole psychological aspect of secrecy and inducting recruits into a multi-tiered conspiracy; the prospect of learning increasingly valued and restricted information is the biggest incentive for the new guys to do well by whatever standards the group uses to evaluate people. (I think it was Stanton Dowd but don’t hold me to that.)

Whether or not the writers intended to or not, they were also describing the progression of a player through the game itself. Every new objective met and mission accomplished and note found and computer hacked filled in another blank, completed more of the jigsaw puzzle, until by the time the endgame starts if the player has been playing attention, they know what’s going on and how high the stakes are.

The focal point of the original Deus Ex was secrecy and trust. You start out working for a top secret task force that holds its cards very close to its vest by design. When you find out that they’re the fox guarding the chicken coop and switch sides, you end up working with... more groups that hold their cards close. Do you trust these organized crime guys to help you and not stab you in the back? Do you believe this lady whose apartment is filled with the telltale sound of security lasers? Do you take your pilots advice? Do you listen to the voice in your head? If you’re working with organized crime now, maybe you’re the bad guy after all. Maybe your old bosses were hardcore hard-asses because the sociopolitical situation is that fucked up. Maybe society really does need an invisible hand on the steering wheel, if ordinary people are just going to panic and turn on each other. Or maybe there are no good guys in this war, just competing assholes with different outfits.

These are the questions that a first time player had to ask themselves, and it isn’t until you start screwing around in the VersaLife facility that you start to find evidence supporting what your allies are actually telling you in dialog, emails, and infolink transmissions. You find the Dragon’s Tooth blueprints and spread that around. Doing that, you find out about the Universal Constructor and its role in the creation of Grey Death and Ambrosia. You blow that up (and according to newspapers most of the VersaLife building) and you find out about the supertanker. Scuttle that and both before and after you learn more about the Illuminati and Majestic Twelve, so you head to Paris and so on and so on and so on... every step fills in more of the blanks. Honestly a conspiracy thriller is the perfect story to tell using a video game because the pacing is so compatible.

Now let’s look at what was not the focus of Deus Ex: Questions about the human condition and the socioeconomic implications of technological assistance. Mechanical augmentation is old school by the time JC Denton gets dumped out of the incubator tank with his cutting edge nanotechnology based augments. There’s two other mechs working at UNATCO, the bartender at Underworld, and maybe Jojo Fine, even if his are cosmetic. The MJ12 Commandos are, according to one email, outfitted with “off-the-shelf” hardware that turns them into walking weapons platforms with enhanced vision and hearing, and running off of standard power supplies. The questions of how this technology would change the human condition and society didn’t get directly addressed during the main plot because for the most part, they didn’t matter; the world was literally falling apart and everyone had much more important stuff to think about. Like not catching an incurable disease. Or finding enough food to live another day.

The implications of what the technology could do to or for people did get addressed in the endgame, but in service to the game’s central theme of trust and secrecy. Technology is a force multiplier and by exploiting the developments in nano augments, artificial intelligence, and the Universal Constructor, Bob Page was turning himself into God. Omniscient, able to manipulate information on a global scale through Helios and the Aquinus Protocol, immortal, and theoretically invincible through his armies of mass produced robots, engineered life forms, and loyal followers. And Bob Page would certainly not be a just and loving god, because he’s an asshole with a massive ego. So he can’t be allowed to become One With All Things. Aside from that, the game is open ended in what happens next, and it comes down to trust in the end; you can trust humanity to steer its own course with nobody in the shadows trying to pull strings, you can trust your fellow conspirators to steer humanity in the right direction behind the scenes... or. You can say “fuck this” and do it yourself by merging with the Helios AI before Page does and becoming a much more benevolent higher power than he would ever be, no matter how much of a dick you were in game.

This is the problem I have with Invisible War, Human Revolution, and to a lesser extent Mankind Divided because I haven’t played it (waiting for a Steam Sale) and I don’t know how much it takes its cues from the other two games. Basically, the dichotomy between augmented and non augmented humans is given center stage, driving the conflict between different factions even when engineered by a third faction behind the scenes. Even within the context of it being another attempt by conspirators to guide human society in a direction that they want it to go, it dominates the philosophical landscape of the plot as well. This is especially true when both sides are presented as having good points, and both sides are shown being supported by assholes who will do anything to further their ideals, and other assholes who use the ideals of their action as an excuse to be assholes. The entire narrative tension becomes a never ending circle jerk until the player picks a side and kills key members of the other one.

Not that anyone’s asked me, but I think the Deus Ex franchise needs to return to its roots of secrecy, trust, and open ended philosophical meandering. And to a limited extent, I have some ideas on how to do this.

First, focus on a plot that really emphasizes the idea of a conspiracy seizing power purely for the sake of power itself. This disconnects the main antagonist, whoever they are, from whatever philosophical arguments get made in the rest of the game.

Second, the question of “what it means to be human” needs to go back into the setting background again. Have it crop up in newspaper articles, blog posts, books and ebooks, have it be something that academics can make tenure arguing about, and (this is important) only have NPCs bring it up when it directly affects them. And have most of the NPC banter and dialog be entirely based around stuff that people today can relate to; incompetent politicians playing fast and loose with the rules, the rising costs of health care, climate change and deniers of the same, economic uncertainty in all of its many many flavors, natural disasters, and mixed in with all of that is a little bit of concern about augments and how it affects their lives specifically. Hell, include a parody news article where augment producing companies complain that post-millennial generations are “ruining” the augmentation market.

Third, bring back skills all the way. Deus Ex started you out with a flashlight in your eyes and a radio in your skull, with options for upgrades later, so you had to get by with your wits, planning, and whatever you put your skill points into during character creation. In Invisible War Alex starts with just the flashlight, but their entire genetic structure has been developed from the ground up to prototype universal genetic alteration and biomod integration. Adam Jensen kicks a reasonable amount of ass with just his tricked out gun during the opening interactive cutscene / tutorial of Human Revolution, and does real well right up until he gets bushwacked by Team Asshole, after which his boss has them put literally everything in the Serif Industries catalog into the guy’s body. No Deus Ex protagonist can ever realistically be expected to align themselves with the anti-modification side in any conflict without invoking emotional manipulation, delusion, a suicide mission, or a vendetta against whoever wired them up without their consent. So either the mods have to be completely optional, or the social dichotomy has to be completely optional. (Or a completely unimportant background detail compared to the rest of the plot.)

Fourth, if you have to keep some sort of dichotomy, make it more complicated than just two sides, for and against. Make it like real life. Make it complicated as different people go “well I agree with this part but that other thing is a deal breaker” and mix and match until the whole human augmentation position exists on a grid system just like political ideologies do, measured using two different X and Y axes. Or (I cannot believe I’m saying this) take a page out of Civilization Beyond Earth’s book with the Affinities, especially the Hybrid Affinities from Rising Tide:

Purity: No augments at all. Skills only

Harmony: Biotech and genetic engineering.

Supremacy: Mechanical augments.

Purity / Harmony: Genetic engineering, but only to wipe out disease and increase humanity’s natural abilities.

Purity / Supremacy: Cybernetics as a matter of utility and tool use, no AI research or enhancing the brain beyond what’s needed to interface with the augments.

Harmony / Supremacy: Transhumanism or bust!

This also lends itself to different abilities and how they get developed. So instead of just mech stuff added by surgery, there’s also retroviral gene therapy, and with skills that makes a trinity of abilities that all need to be balanced. Or at least, if a player goes all in with one group, it requires a certain play style to do (probably with an achievement for beating the game that way). If skills are about what you can do in the world and how well you can interact with objects in that world (five different weapons skills to choose from, hacking, picking locks, etc) then it would make sense for genetic engineering to add passive upgrades and abilities like health regen, improved strength and reflexes, resistance to toxins and knockout darts, and so on. Meanwhile mechanical augments go straight for adding functionality and integrating technology, as with the infolink and seeing through walls. Having all three of these categories be open ended, without any artificial mutual exclusion and railroading along a specific path, means that a player is limited entirely by the circumstances they find or expect to find, and the opportunity cost of making one choice at the exclusion of others. Presumably the requirements for skill progression involved going out and doing things, while mech augments need at least outpatient surgery, and gene therapy requires some convalescence and has a nasty debuff effect while the virus is playing with the PC’s DNA, so there’s that tension going on. Also, augments probably require money while skills can be improved for free, but upgrades for the equipment that skills use, ammunition, and supplies also cost money, so there’s that resource management aspect.

This also means that the players allies and enemies can be more varied as well, because no group is defined purely by adherence to one type of ability or another. The groups are defined by where they stand in relation to the conspiracy driving the main plot (part of it or not, supporting it or not, aware of it or not) and possibly a completely tangential goal or mission like money for a mercenary team. This means that allied groups have more room to have memorable characters, and so do enemy groups as well. It also means that fighting against a specific group requires a lot more planning and tactical thinking, if they have a team made of different people whose abilities compliment each other.

And that’s about all I have on this subject, at least for the moment. It’s getting late and I have to peel potatoes in the morning.

[deltaengineering]

Spring Anime 2017 Part 1: woke up late

This time I prepared so I could get to the procrastinating right with the first post! Yay! Let’s get this show on the road.

See also:

• spring anime 2017 part 2: girlfriendship is magic

• spring anime 2017 part 3: comfy and easy to wear

• spring anime 2017 bonus round: things you already knew were good

Alice to Zouroku

So get this, a pretty girl with psychic superweapon powers escapes from a lab she’s been in her whole life and now has to adapt to the real world with the help of a guy she stumbles upon, all while being chased by her superweapon former friends. But in a shocking twist, this is actually better than Elfen Lied! Not being written by someone as brutally incompetent as Lynn Okamoto is a start, but the real change here is that our heroine is less murder machine and more genuinely cute, and more importantly the guy she ends up with is not a harem ringleader dorklord, but a grumpy elderly florist. Yeah, we’re skipping the recent trend of dadfeel anime and diving headfirst into granddad feels (I don’t know if aging otaku are quite old enough to fully self-insert yet, but the same principle applies). It’s a low hanging fruit, but that’s what makes it work; a deliberate, contemplative pace and delightfully whimsical music by TO-MAS also help. So far, so good, were it not for the fact that this is only one aspect of the show. Of course a show like this would have an action half as well, and that one’s pretty garbage. Not only is it directed with zero impact or excitement, it also relies on horrible CG a lot - I really don’t want to be reminded of Hand Shakers this quickly again, thank you very much. Plus, it runs with a Alice in Wonderland metaphor, which is baby’s first literary reference and doesn’t bode well about the intellectual ambitions of the project. So we have one half that’s admittedly effective, but also very predictable and which desperately needs to go somewhere to pay off. The other half just plain sucks and has little chance to improve. I think I’ll give this one a few more chances to sort out its priorities, but it’s definitely not a sure thing.

Busou Shoujo Machiavellianism

A cocky guy walks into a school full of pretty girls with weapons who have managed to sissify all the dudes by forcing them to crossdress. He then proceeds to troll them with his rugged charm. You know, it’s really not that easy to offend me but damn this show is trying. Apart from bottom-tier harem crap setup, this show also looks like ass and is tremendously boring; a few well done action cuts do not in fact excuse “fights” that mostly consist of exposition about special attacks, or terminally uninspired direction. Macchiavellism is the worst of shounen fightmens crossed with the worst of harem LNs, plus some of the worst jokes bad anime comedy can come up with. It’s not even audacious enough in its badness to boggle the mind; I could watch this if I was interested in adding another 1/10 to my MAL, but that’s about all I can appreciate about it.

Frame Arms Girl

Speaking of unholy combinations, here’s Gundam Build Fighters x Rozen Maiden x Strike Witches: A girl stumbles into a sentient mecha musume model kit that spends its time explaining the technical details of model building to her and attracts other model kits that want to fight. It’s an ad for model kits, what do you expect. There’s no characters, the plot is utterly uninteresting, the action’s bad, it looks subpar to bad, and the only high point is how brazenly it reads to you from the manual.

Gin no Guardian

Here’s your latest Chinese webcomic adaptation from your friends at Haoliners Animation League (Shanghai) Inc., whose output has been asymptotically approaching the quality level of a bad Japanese cartoon for years now: Closer than ever, but still not quite there. Maybe they should stop picking bad webcomics with incomprehensible nonsense plots as source material, just sayin’. So this is about a dude who beats up CG zombies in the spirit world but the actual story is how he got there? Or something? It manages to look barely alright and even has some visually striking design work, but its half-length run time prevents it from forming any semblance of coherence and I’m not about to ask for further clarification.

Oushitsu Kyoushi Haine

In a vaguely 18th century Germanic kingdom, a grown ass man with the body of a ten year old and a snarky disposition is hired to become the tutor of an instaharem of fabulous princes. I really don’t get who this is for; obviously the harem is straight out of a PSP otome dating sim, but it’s lacking the obvious self-insert dimwitted main girl, and no, it isn’t gay romance either. Even though it’s a comedy, that aspect does not seem to be played for outright parody. The source material is running in GFantasy, a shounen title (but not one as specifically elementary schooler-focused as Jump, it also carries fujo favorites such as Black Butler). Dubious provenance aside, Haine is moderately funny if nothing else, mainly due to the deadpan reactions of the main character to these ridiculous dreamboats. It just also drags more than a little, with long conversations that aren’t very entertaining all the time. It’s watchable compared to a lot of the stuff out this season, but I remain unconvinced.

Rokudenashi Majutsu Koushi to Akashic Records

After Macchiavellism already obliterated the battle harem bingo, here’s our next winner. The setup’s more or less the same and in some respects it’s even more formulaic (the school is actually a magic school for magic people, princesses, duels, &c), but Akashic Record is not quite as odious simply by focusing on being a comedy first and foremost and pulling that off at least on a technical level - it has good visual execution and comedic timing. The question is just how much credit you want to give it for that when the jokes themselves still suck, and that’s of course ignoring the entire setup being Light Novel as all fuck. Kinda seems familiar actually, because this is not entirely unlike to what KonoSuba did to the isekai genre, and people keep trying to tell me that that was totally great. Well, go watch this one then, motherfuckers.

Sagrada Reset

But there’s always the other kind of light novel, the one where high schoolers talk about life, people and the world. Think Bakemonogatari or OreGairu. Sagrada Reset wants a slice of that pie and starts by stealing the magical realism conceit from classic™ visual novel Wind ~A Breath of Heart~: There’s a remote town in Japan where everyone has superpowers, but if they leave the town they instantly forget about it. Oops, i guess I just spoiled Wind’s midgame, but I have to since Sagrada Reset puts this stuff right upfront because it has to discuss technicalities (at length) to make its plot work. Yeah, that’s how I like my magical realism, thoroughly explained and conceived by people who should write wikis, not fiction. There’s a girl who can reset time, but only once per arbitrary period of time and also including herself, which means she only finds out she already did it once it doesn’t work again. So that’s pretty useless, except there’s a guy whose superpower is having his memory unaffected by this. They have to work together to solve... some problems, I suppose. This whole idea seems to have potential in a JoJo subplot sort of way, but it’s completely sunk by the way the thing is written, since apparently the writer has never met a human being in his life. It’s entirely made of these pseudo-deep highschool stoner philosophy conversations presented in a lifeless inflection by people who stand around like robots on battery saver mode. This seems to be intentional (at least the term “robot” is thrown around a couple of times, which is certainly ominous), but it also makes for an excruciating and interminable watching experience.

Sakura Quest

Since Sakura Quest was announced, I have been gleefully throwing water on the hype of people who expected this to be the next Shirobako. After all, how likely is it for lightning to strike twice, especially considering Mizushima is not in the director’s seat? Surely it was all just wishful thinking, I want a S2 of Shirobako as much as everyone but I just don’t trust anime. Well consider me fucking told, since apparently among the parties wishing for more Shirobako is P.A. Works, and unlike the anitwitterati they can make it happen. The actual brand name seems to be reserved for a Mizushima project, but I would have no trouble believing that Sakura Quest is a spinoff about Aoi’s sister in the boonies; Shirobako Sunshine, if you will. The initial setup is mirrored here; Yoshino is not a young professional starting her dream job, but a young professional unable to score a dream job (or any job) so she settles for a random one she’s very skeptical of, but will undoubtedly learn to love. Apart from that, well, it’s Shirobako: The positive tone, the large cast of likeable oddballs, the relatable writing about post-highschool problems, and it even looks completely identical. I’ll still be realistic about it: Shirobako isn’t great for what its ideas were, but for how thoroughly it delivered in the long run, and this is by no means guaranteed to also happen with Sakura Reset Quest. For an episode 1 though, it’s like a dream come true, and P.A. are setting themselves up for seasonal double domination with this and Uchouten Kazoku S2.

Souryo to Majiwaru Shikiyoku no Yoru ni

Enough gushing, here’s 5 minutes of porn. Okay, it’s josei porn so there may still be gushing involved if you know what I mean, nyuk nyuk. Er, sorry about that. Sooooo there’s a sexually frustrated woman who meets her school crush who’s now a priest, and then they fuck. With a staff made up mostly of (non-josei, but hey) hentai OVA veterans, there is really only one way this could go. I appreciate the brazenness as usual, but I really don’t know how much steamy harlequin romance tailored to TV broadcast standards I want to watch.

Tsugumomo

I’ve seen some warnings about Tsugumomo based on its source material which is a manga with 1. a very high level of art quality and 2. content that has been described as “makes To-Love Ru Darkness look family friendly”. This may explain why it has not been licensed. It doesn’t explain why this first episode is fairly tame though; sure, it’s very much an ecchi comedy, but you get those from time to time and Tsugumomo is not any more raunchy than what I’m used to seeing (and it accomplishes this even without obvious BD-advert censoring). That incidentally also removes any reason to watch it: The plot is as basic “guy gets magical girlfriend for purposes of fights and/or walking in on her naked in the bath” from 15 years ago as they come, and it’s suspiciously well animated, but not well enough for that to be a selling point. Maybe it will get real skeevy eventually, I won’t be around to find out.

Warau Salesman NEW

Warau Salesman starts strong with ultra cool, Saul Bass-inspired opening credits, but that’s about all it has to offer. It’s based on a “black comedy” manga from the 60s by one of the Doraemon authors, and oh boy can you tell. Not only are the character designs 60s-tastic (so at least the Osomatsu-san fujos can schlick to something while they wait for the S2 of that), but so are the sensibilities: The titular salesman goes around tempting frustrated office workers with doing something moderately irresponsible, such as drinking in your lunch break or spending above your means, and then ruins their life when they actually do it. It’s like Twilight Zone written by your HR department. In the 60s. This stuff would have been outdated even in 1989, when it was animated for the first time – hence the “NEW”. I don’t know, it just seems mean-spirited, obvious and pointless, and most importantly I put the “black comedy” in quotes because in addition to not being very black, it’s not funny in any way, and unlike regular anime comedy I can’t even see what’s supposed to be funny. 

[ginnyzero]

Completely Harmless Ch. 33

Completely Harmless An SSO SilverGlade Re-imagining Story (Or Fix it Fan Salt fic) By Ginny O.

When Lily and her friends wanted to buy horses and were directed to the Silverglade Manor and its myriad of problems, they didn’t expect to start a revolution. They were just a bunch a stable girls. Completely harmless. Right?

A/N: Things are only canon if I say they’re canon. Pre-Saving the Moorland Stables compliant for the most part. Posted in its entirety on my website. Posted in 2000 to 4000 word bits here. Rated T for Swearing Word Count 177,577

Chapter Thirty-Three Rainbow CRASH!!

The first day of Rainbow Week couldn’t have dawned any better. Clear skies, warm breezes, everything looked like it was going to go off without a hitch. The girls scrambled through the daily chores and then dressed in outfits for a day of having fun.

They stood in a circle and put their hands on top of each other.

“Right, girls, time for fun,” Regina said.

“Get ready to party!” Brittany shouted.

“Go Silver Drakes!” They shouted and raised their hands together. “Whee!”

“To Moorland!” Tyra pointed.

“To Moorland!” They all agreed as they mounted their horses and rode out.

The main part of Moorland’s festivities were taking place at the festival area. So, that’s where they went. First stop, they went to the tent to choose what friendship bracelet they wanted for their charm bracelets. There were two different rainbow styles to choose from and one that was hearts.

They would have to talk to Jenna at the stable to get their charm though.

They took photos at the selfie wall, browsed the Jojo and Rainbow Week shop. It had clothes and mysterious powders for their horses and interesting tack. They made bows and put them on at the crafting stall.

There was a large table where they could make and write Rainbow themed Friendship Cards for everyone. That took the longest, and was perhaps the most fun. They made them for everyone in their Clubs and the other Clubs. They even made them for the Bobcats, because no one wanted to be mean. It was Rainbow Week. Embrace the power of friendship! There were huge sacks of letters they stuck theirs in to go to the post office later.

And then when Jojo got on for her first set, they went and did a line dance in the front row.

Jojo jumped up and down she was so happy to see them and insisted for the second song that they dance with her. Which was tons of fun.

They promised her to come back later to listen to a full set.

They had just enough time to get their bow charm from Jenna before joining the parade to go to Fort Pinta!

Loretta insisted Lily ride with her. “Tan’s outfits were a disaster,” she said.

“Which is why you’re wearing the black on black,” Lily observed. The vest and capri pants had rainbow piping, and there was a rainbow bow at their necks.

“It was so tacky. I told her that next year, I’ll have someone else do the Festival grounds if she can’t focus on decorating and coming up with a reasonable design.” Loretta rolled her eyes.

‘I’m sure she tried her best. Rainbow is challenging.”

“Well, this was like a rainbow puked over everything. So not tres chic. We have fashion police on Jorvik and I don’t want to be arrested!”

“I don’t think that’s what the fashion police do.”

Loretta gave her a long look. “Nobody is supposed to know what the Fashion Police do. They’re, they’re this secret agency that we know exists. Think of all the Fashion crime they’re stopping by merely existing. Do you want to wear 100% polyester? The Fashion Police put a stop to that,” Loretta shuddered.

“For being secret, you know a lot about them.”

“Look, Tan might want to be a fashion designer, but I think I’m a top pick for the Fashion Police if I can’t make it in Eventing. I have studied everything. Fashion history. Fashion laws. I know it.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine at it,” Lily said trying to hide her dubiousness. Okay then. “Whatever you end up doing, that is.”

“I’ll win the eventing circuit in Jorvik if Anne Von Blissen doesn’t come back. Just watch me,” Loretta tossed her head. “I’m a shoo in. And, between you and I, I’m prettier than Anne. And everyone thought she was going to be a model before she went after the dressage circuit. Then, she’s gone. You know what I think.”

“No. I’m not psychic.”

“I think she was losing and couldn’t hack it. So she elected to disappear rather than face the shame of it all.”

“That’s a wild theory. I don’t know Anne at all.”

“She’s stuck up.”

Lily bit her tongue. That was rather hypocritical of Loretta to say.

Behind her, Pauline snorted.

“Like, Herman told her she had these fancy magic powers, that don’t exist, and I mean, she already thought she was better than the rest of us and that made it worse.” Loretta rolled her eyes. “She started hanging out with complete losers like Alex and Lisa and that nerd, Linda.”

“Isn’t Lisa a music star like Jojo?”

“She wasn’t then,” Loretta huffed. “Come on, it’s like you don’t get how this works.”

“No, Loretta. I don’t get how you do friendship,” Lily’s voice turned tart. “If I waited to be friends with someone before they were somebody, then I’d have no friends. You’re friends with Tan.”

“Tan gets it.”

The parade ended at the gates of Fort Pinta. Fortunately, because Lily was about to lose her temper. She rode straight into Fort Pinta without even saying good bye. She just, she couldn’t or else she was going to say something she’d regret later.

Pia ran over. “You came!”

Lily smiled as she looked around. There were pinatas in the trees and people of all ages lining up to look at them and take a swing to crack them open.

“Of course we came!” Pauline said. “Forgive Lily, she’s in Loretta daze.”

“Ugh. I understand. Mayor Peanut has the charms,” Pia explained. “So, you can head over and get them there.”

“The art show is,” Lily paused. “Colorful.”

Arrayed around the fountain were stands and little tents and umbrellas, all were rainbow themed, and under the rainbow themed tents and umbrellas were more, well, rainbow themed things.

Pia led them and their horses around the edge of it. DJ Kai was blasting “I Hate Plastic” in the disco. The floor lights turned random colors, the disco ball turned radiating small square lights onto the walls and the door of Disco Daze Clothes Shop.

Pia put a hand to her forehead. “I didn’t even ask for it and they, they showed up with tie dye. All of them! I mean, there’s pillows, and blankets, and wall art, and I don’t know what that is,” she gestured at something. “And t-shirts, I mean, get yourself a rainbow tie dye t-shirt.”

“We will,” one of the girls said.

Mayor Peanut had a rainbow sequin band on his new shiny black top hat. And someone, cheekily, had put a large rainbow tie around his neck.

The girls put up their horses in the stable first before coming back to see him.

James had rigged up a motion sensor and a bunch of recorded phrases it seemed as Mayor Peanut was talking almost non-stop. They got their charms, the pony head. And took selfies with him. He had a snack station too. And the tourists were using it egregiously. The girls though gave him extra scratches that he enjoyed just as much.

“It’s a good thing that James has to take him out with Fussywithers,” Tyra murmured. “Or he’d be getting fat.”

Eyes widened.

They found the backdrop near the statue and took more selfies with it.

Lily leaned against the sign as she waited her turn that explained who the statue was, one Governor Gareth. It popped open.

Lily jumped. “What in the world?” She went to close it and stopped. Inside was a round seal. She swiped it out and shut the sign up. It had a sun on it, like, the sun on Elizabeth’s dress design. It felt warm in her hand and her skin tingled. Lily glanced around. No one had noticed. She slipped the seal into her pocket. She’d show it to Linda later.

She didn’t think much of the hiding spot though.

They browsed the art show and there were purple t-shirts with rainbows on them. Of course, they bought them. The purple was a light purple and dark purple tie dye, then with the rainbow tie dyed in as well. They were perfect.

They decided they’d have to wear them the next day.

Of course, they had to dance to DJ Kai’s music and eat some cookies at the café. They stopped to look at all the cute piggies at the Pet Shop. The owner warned them that they wouldn’t be that small for long. Pigs, even dwarf pigs, could grow as tall as a person’s waist. Though normal pigs were taller than an average human.

The short take away was that pigs were big and were a commitment.

“Oh, we’re browsing,” Lily said. “Do you know anything about pet ducks?”

“No,” the owner said slowly.

“We have lots of ducks around our stable,” Linn said.

“Some of them want to adopt us,” Pauline giggled.

Once the pigs had gotten enough pets, and there was some stomach rumbling, they decided to head to the next place.

“All the sugar cookies are making me hungry!” Stacy said.

“Sugar does that,” Elsa said flatly.

They all rolled their eyes and headed to the Farmer’s Market where all the different restaurants had stands. They chose what they wanted and reconvened outside to eat in the sunshine.

They were halfway through the meal when something strange happened.

Across the Golden Fields, a rainbow appeared. Now, it didn’t appear like it shimmered into being. No. It appeared as if it had been spilled down from the sky (that was mostly clear still) and rammed into the ground.

“Is that?” Regina asked.

“Normal?” Melody finished.

“That’s not scientifically possible,” Elsa said.

It didn’t fade away either. It stayed there, exceptionally bright and vibrant.

As one, they got up and walked over finishing their meals. When they arrived at the base of the rainbow, they received no more answers.

Near the base of the rainbow pranced a being. They were dressed in a green jacket with an equally green top hat, and had two arms and two legs and one head, but that’s where the similarity to humans ended. For one, this being had grey brown fur all over their body. Their feet were cloven like a goats. They had a tail. And set in their rather beaky face were two big black eyes like, well, a spider.

“Krampus,” Brittany murmured.

They all looked at her confused.

She shrugged.

Lily approached cautiously. “Excuse us, good neighbor, is there something wrong?”

“Wrong!” The being’s voice was definitely male. “Yes. Much wrong. Rainbow crash. Rainbow gold go flying all over. Chaun flung to ground.”

“I’m sorry,” Lily said. “That sounds painful and terrifying.”

“Sounds like sabotage.”

“Brogan!” Chaun waved his fist and jumped up and down. “Brogan hate Chaun. Wants Chaun’s rainbow gold. Get gold. Chaun give gift. Gold scattered in dirt.”

The girls looked around, and sure enough, scattered around the area were piles and piles of dirt.

“So, if we go through the dirt and get the gold, you’ll give us something in return,” Lily said just to make sure.

“Fair. Chaun get gold. You get gifts.”

Right then. The little being or Krampus was gruff and short, but Lily didn’t have a reason not to think he wasn’t being honest. He was being pretty clear after all.

“And if we see Brogan?” Brittany asked.

“Capture. Bring to Chaun. Chaun deal with Brogan.”

That seemed reasonable. They didn’t want to get involved in a feud between Krampus leprechaun creatures.

The girls scattered to the different mounds to rummage through them for rainbow gold.

“Not what I thought I’d be doing today.”

Thankfully, it wasn’t difficult to find. They brought it back to Chaun who had a selection of items they could trade the gold for like he had a shop in magic space.

Chaun turned his head like a bird and seemed happy enough with what they’d returned to him. “Chaun go now.” He said and hopped onto the end of the rainbow and it drew upwards back into the sky.

“Okay, that was weird,” Lily said.

“Only on Jorvik,” Tyra said.

“Like, are we just going to accept that happened? We, we talked to a leprechaun,” Abigail waved her hands.

“Krampus,” Brittany corrected.

“Is there a difference?”

“Yes.”

“Does it matter?”

Brittany bit her lip. “For the sake of this discussion, no.”

“Right. And found his gold for him? Like, I’ve heard at gold at the end of the rainbow,” Abigail trailed off again.

“I need to wash my hands,” Lily said.

“We should pack the heavy gloves.”

“You think he’ll come back?”

“Well, he’s not the only one running around and it is Rainbow Week and if this,”

“Don’t say his name!” Brittany interrupted. “Do you want to call him to you?”

“If it makes him easier to find.”

“It’s not like the rainbow damaged anything.”

“Other than our sanity,” Elsa said.

Lily ignored them. She strode off to get her horse and headed to Steve’s farm. A quick use of the water bucket cleaned up her hands. The other girls joined her. Thankfully, they were all in short sleeves. There were some grass bits sticking to knees, but mostly they were fine. It wasn’t like the dirt had been damp.

Kate raised her brows at seeing all of them. “Do I want to know?”

“If you see a rainbow ending in a field, there’s a little guy named Chaun at the end that needs help retrieving his rainbow gold.”

“Are you ill?” Kate asked.

“You’ll see.” Lily warned. They went and got their charms, a rainbow with a cloud that now felt more ironically appropriate, from Steve. “Oh, and there might be another one named Brogan running around. I want to make a teddy bear,” she said brightly before Kate could respond and leaving her horse at the stable, she headed into town to see Daxton.

The other girls fervently agreed.

“Pack thick gloves,” Tyra warned.

Kate stared after them. “Well, that happened,” she murmured.

Making teddy bears with Daxton was soothing and grounded them back into reality. Harold had plenty of cookies for dessert. And Lance and Lillith were rocking it out on the steps of the Village Council house.

They really weren’t that bad.

They’d drawn a crowd too.

But they’d promised Jojo they’d go back and listen to her sing and sewing teddy bears by hand took a lot of time. And if they didn’t go now, they’d be late. So, they grabbed their horses and headed back to the festival area in Moorland.

On the way between Steve’s Farm and castle, one of the girls scouted a bit of red where red wasn’t supposed to be. “There he is!” She shouted.

The red thing stopped scurrying about, stiffening.

It looked almost exactly like Chaun, except it was wearing a red coat and a red felt flat topped conical hat with a long tassle.

“Get him!” Another girl shouted.

Wisely, Brogan took off at a sprint. He was fast, but the girls on their horses were faster and knew the area better.

They cut him off.

“Hello,” Lily smiled. “You must be Brogan. Chaun is unhappy with you.”

“Chaun greedy.” Brogan stomped his cloven hoof foot and then jumped up and down. “Keeps all rainbow gold for himself. Brogan likes gold too. It shiny!”

“Uh huh, it’s not nice to crash his rainbow though.”

“Brogan get rainbow gold,” Brogan said with a smirk showing off his pointy teeth.

“Red cap,” Brittany breathed in horror.

“I thought Chaun was a Krampus.”

“This is a Red Cap type Krampus.”

“Do you mean fae?”

Brittany waved a hand at the other girl when she realized Brogan was staring at her.

Lily cleared her throat.

“Help Brogan!” Brogan wheedled. “Get gifts in exchange for rainbow gold.”

The girls pursed their lips and looked at each other.

Brogan wanted dandelions. Not that he would explain what he wanted dandelions for. They needed to bring him dandelions.

Lily was suspicious. But they went and got him some dandelions.

As soon as he got them, Brogan cackled and disappeared with a pop.

“Oh, that!” Regina waved her arms.

Brittany sighed. “He wasn’t very specific was he.”

“Oh, I will nail his little hooves to the floor.”

“That will kill him,” Brittany sing songed.

“So, they are fae.”

Brittany shrugged. “They didn’t lie. I’d say they might as well be fae.”

“Well, we’ll have to be quicker if we see him again,” Lily said.

They rejoined the now much larger crowd. Jojo’s last set went through sundown and the sky turned dark. They used their cellphone lights like lighters, and waved them in the air. As she finished her last song, a huge display of fireworks went off behind the Silverglade Castle.

Jojo jumped and spun around. Her eyes widened. She squealed and waved her arms about how awesome it was. They overheard her say she couldn’t believe they’d done a rainbow themed fireworks show just for her.

Lily rolled her eyes. They’d given Jojo a schedule. The fireworks had been on the schedule.

No one was willing to burst Jojo’s bubble and tell her it wasn’t.

FOR THE ACCOMPANYING IMAGES PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE MY WATERMARK AND CONTACT INFORMATION. THANK YOU. I get it. Some of you might get excited and want to see this stuff in the game, especially the clothes, tack, and pets. However, the only way I want to see this in the game is if I get paid for it. If I see it in the game and I’m not paid for it, there will be hell to pay. You think I’m salty. I’d be angry. Personally, I’m not going to send this info to SSO. If you do, leave my contact information there! Don’t give them any excuses to steal.

Now, I’ll know you haven’t read this note if you leave me comments about how ‘salty’ I am about the game and if I hate it so much I should do something else. I am doing something else. It’s called Mystic Riders MMORPG Project. Mystic Riders however is a very baby phase game. You can check out our plans on the game dev blog. (Skills, Factions, Professions, Crafting, Mini-Games, 25+ horse breeds!) If you know anyone who would be interested and has money or contacts about game making, direct them to the blog.