#the pollen was rough this year but the indoor allergens are kicking my ass | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dredshirtroberts · 10 months

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the saddest thing about my life to this point is that because of it, if I talk just slightly "too much", or I want to sing for longer than like a couple notes of a song (especially at an audible volume), or I start laughing in earnest, or I've eaten something delicious, i start coughing. This is because my body is so unfamiliar with the sensation of having a good time that it freaks out and over-produces phlegm any time i'm utilizing my throat because it has no idea how much we're supposed to need for this shit.

I spent most of my life not talking, or laughing with my whole being. (i did sing a lot but normally as part of a group and i was afraid of being heard and judged to be as bad as my sister told me i was at singing, so if i'm audible it's more likely to make my throat freak out). The eating thing may not be connected, but like. any time i've enjoyed a food, my throat's like "mmm we need more lube in here" and then BLAM phlegm city while i choke on it.

And then of course if my throat is raw from coughing because of the aforementioned things, you know what it likes to do? make more phlegm to lube that shit back up. Which makes me cough.

You'd think staying hydrated would fix this problem but no! in fact it does not! it can sometimes make it worse! my body is a horror show and existence is a nightmare! :D

#i did not cough nearly this much the same time a few years ago #when i was on my own and not talking to folks above my body's Allowed Volume and also i was smoking cigarettes AND weed #i also have inherited my egg-donor's Seasonal Allergies #by which i mean she has allergies all year round but what she's reacting to changes depending on the season #the pollen was rough this year but the indoor allergens are kicking my ass #thank fuck for zyrtec #anyway #explaining this to people makes them sad so it is a lot easier to blame it on the weed vape in shorthand #but uhhh yeah no it's because i was isolated and shamed for making too much noise as a kid #and got used to only expelling all my loud in controlled ways and recovering from that #and now my body thinks any time i am louder than a strict librarian would shush me for it's gotta prepare to heal up again #i've clocked this before and am aware of it i just also hate that it's a thing so i avoid saying anything #until it becomes an issue like my partner being so genuine and concerned about it and me having to be like #no babe it's okay i'm dying because i'm happy these coughs mean i'm having a great time actually

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