#thank fuck for zyrtec

[dredshirtroberts]

the saddest thing about my life to this point is that because of it, if I talk just slightly "too much", or I want to sing for longer than like a couple notes of a song (especially at an audible volume), or I start laughing in earnest, or I've eaten something delicious, i start coughing. This is because my body is so unfamiliar with the sensation of having a good time that it freaks out and over-produces phlegm any time i'm utilizing my throat because it has no idea how much we're supposed to need for this shit.

I spent most of my life not talking, or laughing with my whole being. (i did sing a lot but normally as part of a group and i was afraid of being heard and judged to be as bad as my sister told me i was at singing, so if i'm audible it's more likely to make my throat freak out). The eating thing may not be connected, but like. any time i've enjoyed a food, my throat's like "mmm we need more lube in here" and then BLAM phlegm city while i choke on it.

And then of course if my throat is raw from coughing because of the aforementioned things, you know what it likes to do? make more phlegm to lube that shit back up. Which makes me cough.

You'd think staying hydrated would fix this problem but no! in fact it does not! it can sometimes make it worse! my body is a horror show and existence is a nightmare! :D

[triassictriserratops]

I think if peeta even got a sniffle Katniss would go fucking feral, drop everything and take care of him (and get sick herself)

ABSOLUTELY SHE WOULD.

She'd call her mom like, "he's dying, what do I do?"

Peeta's in the background like, "Hi Mrs. Everdeen, I just have seasonal allergies, I took some Zyrtec, everything is fine!

"YOU'RE DYING, SHUT UP AND GO TO BED BEFORE I KILL YOU."

BUT NOW

Now, Anon? Now i get to talk about what I think happens when KATNISS gets sick. And spoiler alert, it's GREAT.

The first time Katniss gets sick after the war, she doesn't tell anyone. She just locks herself in her house, puts a note on the door saying that she's fine and to come back tomorrow hoping that Sae sees it and doesn't bother with cooking anything for her. She grabs some remedies, a box of plain crackers, a blanket, some water, and trudges her way upstairs back to bed.

A few hours later she hears a loud crash in the kitchen. She waddles and sniffles her way downstairs to the sight of a cursing Peeta, sprawled on the kitchen floor, while his prosthetic is dangling from the open window above the sink.

"What are you doing?" she says in a congested voice, "I left a note on the door." She moves over to the window to unlatch his prosthesis from where it got snagged on the windowsill.

"This," he says, brandishing the crumpled paper in the air, "is NOT enough of an explanation. People were worried. Haymitch was worried..." He glances away at that.

"Haymitch? Bullshit." she snorts as she bends down to reattach his leg. She stays down when she's done, realizing that she's feeling a little unsteady on her feet.

"Fine. FINE! I was worried. What's going on? Did I do something wrong?"

"No! Of course not. It-it's fine. I'm fine. I'm just sick. Thanks for stopping by. I'll see you tomorr-." She's struggling to get back up when she feels the air whoosh around her and realizes that Peeta has picked her up to carry her over to the couch.

"Sick? What's wrong? Have you taken anything? Let me make you some tea, or do you want soup? I can make soup." he's rambling as he presses the back of his hand to her clammy forehead.

"I really am okay. I got this. I'll be fine, Peeta." she says, pushing his hand away from her face and regretting it immediately at the loss of contact.

"Katniss. Please let me do this, okay? This is what you and I do, right? That's what you said. Now, tell me where you keep your bouillon. I'm making some chicken stock and a good soup for you."

That's when it hits Katniss. She hasn't really been taken care of like this in years. Maybe since she was 11.

For years now, her mother would do her best to take care of her during the occassional cold, of course. But for the most part Katniss struggled to accept any softness or warmth from her mother. Feeling caught between that desire to be held and comforted and the anger she still felt towards her - they instead both settled for the distant, clinical detachment her mother had with her other patients.

But, really, the last nearly 7 years of her life have been dedicated to the care of her family and her loved ones. She learned to stop asking for things and began instead to meet all of her own needs, without relying on others.

After the games she'd begun the process of extending that branch and allowing herself to lean on her mother a little more. But now? Now her mother isn't here. And here she was right back to what she knew. Taking care of herself.

Looking up at Peeta, blue eyes shining in earnest. Ready to do and be anything that is needed of him. Anything that SHE needs of him. She wipes her nose on her sleeve and smiles.

"Pantry. Top shelf. On the right. Thank you, Peeta."

[thecapricunt1616]

Blue Lotus - SxC One-Shot

♡ O/S Inspo: Blue Lotus - In Vedic Hindu tradition, the lotus represents enlightenment as well as purity. It is the symbol of the consciousness rising out of the mud of Maya and attaining its original nature or self-realization. 

♡ Summary: Carmen accidentally almost checks out of life permanently due to a migraine fucking up his vision, and Sugar flips & sends him off to a trauma rehabilitation center, Syd is realizing she finds it extremely hard to stay away from him.

♡ W/C: 7,616

♡ Posted Date: 04/06/2024

♡ A/N: This is my first SydCarmy fic aaa!!! I have a hard time writing in 3rd unless its not my characters, so writing in 3rd for them was okay! This OS is all thanks to the LOML - the person who FULLY turned me into a #SydCarmy4Lifer - @gingergofastboatsmojito - This fic was HEAVILY - heavily, inspired by hers - Tucson, It can be found right ❀ here ❀ - My only request is you go read hers if you are going to read this one!! Her SydCarmy fics are the best, and the only ones I really read, give her a follow because her SydCarmy theories are also out of this world. Also, YES GINGER - Stardust is .... a horse - ol' girl TOLD THEM she'd always be watching!! If you'd like to meet Madame in her human form, mosey on over here - this fic also heavily inspired me to write for SydCarmy hahaha. If y'all want more of Blue Lotus let me know! I have ideas for a PT 2 if it would fancy anyone :)

♡ Warnings for BTC: Accidental OD , Vomit, Sad Syd, but fluffy kinda!! Only lightly edited (we die like men), OC Carmy (IM SORRY) we all know he's down bad for her so maybe this can be considered IC Carm, because were just in his head more then watching him? But that's all basically.

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

Carmen was sick as a dog. Well - physically- the mental demons never stopped nagging at his overall happiness level, but it had been a long time since he’d felt this horrible, physically speaking, at least. 

His muscles were aching, to the point any brush on his skin left a dull pain in its wake. His throat was swollen and sore, he had a terrible fever- his head felt like it was so full of pressure that it would explode. 

He’d never experienced a headache like this before. His vision was actually spotty, there were little blotches in his vision, that were... glowing? He wasn’t quite sure, it was beyond the realm of anything he’d ever felt or seen before. 

That was what must have caused him to grab his black bottle of oxydose he’d gotten after a root canal he had a few months back- rather then his liquid Zyrtec cold and flu liquid medicine. 

The pain in his head was so bad, he didn’t even question why the usual cherry flavor had been replaced with bubblegum, as he swallows straight from the bottle, before putting the cap back on and going back to the couch, collapsing in the nest of pillows and blankets. 

It was only about 10 minutes, and Carmy was feeling fine- no…Carmen was feeling… amazing. 

His limbs all felt very heavy, but he felt warm, and comfortable. As comfortable as he’d ever felt. He actually found himself thinking ‘have I ever felt this good?!’ And before he knew it, he was laughing to himself about how he should double dose cold medicine more often, because he felt as if he was on cloud fucking nine. 

He laid back on the couch, closing his eyes, and wasn’t sure just how long he laid there that way. It could have been minutes, hours, days for all he knew. The only thing he was thinking of, was her. He began wondering what she was doing right now, if she was adorably leaned over the counter, writing in her little notebook- her braids cascaded over her face like a beautiful beaded curtain. 

If the blood in his arms hadn’t been replaced with cement, he’d have grabbed his phone and called her, and poured out his entire heart to her. Because nothing else in the world right now mattered. Carmen had no other thoughts, the past didn’t exist, nor did the future. The only thing that existed in this world at this very moment, was Sydney. 

‘Psssst’ 

Carmen opens his heavy lids, just barely, his vision was blurry and almost doubled. “Mmm?” He hums, not even sure if he heard someone- or why he would hear someone. He lived alone, and didn’t hear anyone come in. 

‘Yo. Dipshit.’ Carmen knew that voice anywhere. 

“What?” Carmy looked around, and knew something was very amiss, when his brother was standing there in his living room, looking at him. He had this ethereal glow to him. 

“What the fuck” Carmen said, sitting back on the couch, rubbing his eyes.  

‘You’re nodding out right now. Here’s what y’gonna do.’ 

Carmen couldn’t do anything but nod his head obediently, was Mikey really here? He couldn’t be- he was hallucinating. 

“Monkey are you here?” Carmen asks softly, rubbing his eyes again to see if he would disappear. He didn’t. 

‘I’m as here as you’ll be if Y’don’t listen. Crawl to the fucking bathroom and throw up. She’s gonna be here f’you, don’t fight her’ 

Before Carmy could look back at him and question what he meant - he was gone. 

Carmen suddenly felt…much too hot. He tried getting up, but narrowly missed bashing his skull on the coffee table trying to get to the bathroom, so he decided to take his wise older brother's advice and crawl there instead. 

He didn’t finish the journey, though. He actually collapsed in the bathroom a few feet in front of the toilet, luckily on his stomach. 

He was catching all sorts of luck today, because Syd had insisted she go and check on Carmy, as he was supposed to be at work today but hadn’t said a word- and that was nothing like him. 

She got the extra key from Nat, and told her she would go check because ‘Pregnant women have by nature weaker immune systems’ and would blame herself if she ‘let Carmen get her sick’, so she convinced Sugar to let her go by herself. 

When Sydney had opened the door, the first thing that greeted her was loads of empty Gatorade bottles on the coffee table near the couch, and a random French cooking show playing on the tv. 

“Carm?” She calls, but when she saw one of his feet sticking out from the bathroom, she dropped her bag and ran, gasping when she saw him splayed out there in a puddle of vomit, looking sickly pale, with dark blue lips and fingertips. 

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF!” She shrieked, getting him on his side as fast as she could and quickly pushing the emergency button on her phone, putting the call on speaker and setting it to the bathroom counter. 

“Carmen? CARMEN! Wake up!” She slapped his arm, shaking him violently. “Carmen! Oh- oh god.” She said nervously. 

‘911 do you need fire, medical, or police?’ The woman at the other end says. 

“Medical! Medical my friend- oh god Carmen” she shakes his shoulders. 

“Okay what’s your emergency?” The operator asks 

“Uhh- I- he’s- so he’s thrown up, he’s passed out, his pulse is weak- he- his lips- t-they’re blue. oh Carmy” she touches his cold clammy forehead. “He- he’s- he’s cold oh my god why is he COLD can you fucking send someone Jesus Christ!” Sydney snaps angrily. 

“Okay- it sounds like he is having an opioid crisis ma’am, do you have narcan available?” The operator asked her and Syds heart drops. 

“No- what? No! He- he wouldn’t- his brother- he…get here!” She said frantically and quickly told her the address of Carmen’s apartment complex.

“Yes, yes you’re calling on an Iphone, ma’am - we have your exact coordinates. Just in case - do not try to make him throw up more, make sure his airway is clear- what is your name?” The woman asked her. 

“Sydney- my name is fucking Sydney - but it doesn’t matter! He matters! My god! His name is Carmen- C-Carmen fucking Berzatto! Put that in your notes lady! He- he’s 31- where the fuck is the ambulance?!” She uses all of her strength to get him leaned up against the counter. 

His vomit was getting everywhere, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t find a way to care, the only thing that mattered to her was that each breath Carmy was taking looked more and more difficult. 

“They are en route! Remain calm, how long have you known this friend?” The Operator tried to distract Sydney, since there was only so much you could do for an OD patient if there was no narcan. 

“He- he’s my…my partner we run a restaurant together. This doesn’t matter! Save him. Please! I can’t loose him!” She said, shaking his shoulders. 

“Carmen! You fucking asshole! What did you do!!!” She shouts at him. “You would never do this! What did you do!!!” She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, it didn’t matter though- Carmen wasn’t awake to see it. 

No, Carmen was far, far away. Somewhere floating between life and death, he felt like he was being embraced in the warmest most comforting hug he’d ever felt, he’d never been more comfortable in his life. 

But Syd, was in hell. Her own personal version of it. It felt like a lifetime before 2 paramedics came barreling into the bathroom, one of them holds Carmys head steady and the other sprays a full dosage of narcan in his nose. 

Sydney stood in the corner near the shower, shaking hands cupping her face absolutely terrified. 

Carmen was up now, nearly the second the paramedic hit the plunger release. He sits up with a gasp, eyes wide like a caged animal. 

“What the fuck.” He mumbles, looking at both of them before meeting eyes with Syd. 

“Syd?” He blinks a few times. 

She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding “you asshole” she grumbles, wiping her teary eyes. 

“You’re home, you’re safe, you overdosed. Do you take opioids often?” The paramedic asked, putting a blood pressure cuff around Carmen’s arm. 

“What? No- what the fuck don’t touch me!” Carmen snaps, ripping off the cuff and whipping it across the bathroom “stop- stop! Stop touching me- get away” he shouted angrily “I’m fine” he hissed. 

“CARMEN!” Sydney barks, she’d never used that tone with him- so it was fair to say it very quickly got his attention. 

“You will let them do their job, dick. I just- I- I find you in a puddle of your own vomit on the bathroom floor- I couldn’t wake you up! So now? you’re gonna listen to them.” She said angrily, grabbing the blood pressure cuff from next to her leg where it fell and handing it back to the paramedic.

“Give him your arm.” She snipped. 

Carmen sits back against the bathroom wall like a dog being scolded, wordlessly offering his arm to the paramedic and keeping his gaze fixed on his lap. 

“192 over 96” the paramedic told the other. 

“Christ kid” the paramedic said, “gave you a fuckin dose of narcan and y’wired like y’re on coke” they helped him up and on the gurney. 

“Hes- he’s gonna be okay?” Sydney asked anxiously, watching as they buckled him in by his hips and legs. 

“He's gonna be fine in a day or so.” One of them responded. Carmen just looked away, the shame and embarrassment already looming over his mind like a huge storm cloud. 

“I’m gonna…I’ll- I’ll clean up, and meet you at the hospital, ok? And I’ll have sugar meet you” she told Carmen and went over, giving him a hug. 

He couldn’t understand. It made him slightly angry how sweet she was being to him. He was putting her out, he was fully fucking up her whole day- but all she was worried about was him. 

“Syd..I’m fine. Thanks. But I’m fine. Don't- just…ugh no- please- I’ll do it. Just go- go home. take the day” He said, gently patting her back. 

He wanted to throw his arms around her and never let go, he wanted to kiss her- he wanted to hold her and tell her he would never leave her again. He wanted to tell her he loved her. 

But he didn’t. He wouldn’t, and he wasn’t sure if he ever would, or could for that matter, since he didn’t even realize yet that was what the feeling in his heart really meant. 

“Thank god. Thank god you’re fine, Carm. What would I do without the biggest pain in my ass?” She teased. 

Even though Carmen was hurting all over in a way he didn’t realize was possible, his lungs were aching, as was his entire body, and he felt as if the pressure behind his eyes were going to make them pop out - he smiled. It was slight, of course. But it was there. 

“Couldn’t get rid’a’me if y’tried, Syd.” he told her. 

The ride to the hospital was Carmen’s nightmare. They insisted on the stupid flashing lights and sirens, since his blood pressure was ‘dangerously high’ so he was at risk for a heart attack, and then rolling him out on a stretcher in front of all his neighbors was nothing short of a god damn dumpster fire. 

He was never home, but like hell he’d ever intentionally show his face during the day again. 

The hospital was even worse, he got plugged in to all these monitors and had an oxygen mask, got poked and prodded with needles, and was told he was being put on a 24 hour psych hold per hospital policy after an overdose- just in case he’d been trying to end his own life. 

Sugar got there shortly after the nurses had finally let him be, when he heard her loudly telling them “CARMEN! BERZATTO! Like bear! B-e-r-z-a-t-t-o!!! Where IS HE !” He ripped off the oxygen mask, knowing if she saw him that way he’d never live it down. 

Even though it really was helping ease the ache in his lungs and the pain in his head, he was willing to deal with it for his very pregnant sister not to worry. 

Her heels click as she storms down the hall to his room, ripping the curtain back. 

“Oh- Bear” she said, bursting into tears and rushing up to him, hugging him tightly. “Oh my god, bear. Never do that! What did you do? No- no- you aren’t in trouble, you aren’t in trouble, Carmen. I love you. You just worried me! You made Sydney cry Carmy! What the fuck- what happened?” She cupped his cheeks, observing his exhausted face. 

“Oh you’re sick- you’re so sick- Carmy” she felt his forehead and cheeks with the back of her hand like she did when they were kids. “It was an accident, right, right Bear? You wouldn’t do this?” She said, more pleading him than asking.  

“No. No. No sug, no- I- I’d never. I just fucked up! I’m fine. I’m fine. C’mere” he hugs her close, kissing her head gently. “Stress isn’t good for the baby bear” he joked, hoping it would get her to lighten up. 

“Carmy stop” she pushed away, looking at him seriously. “No. No. This isn’t okay- nothing - nothing about this is okay, bear! You almost died! Syd said- “ she shook her head. “Carmy. I- we can’t do this. We can’t. You’re right.” She sniffled, sitting back in the chair next to his hospital bed and wiping her tears. 

“What- what do you mean?” He sat up a bit. 

“I- if you….i can’t watch you like this anymore, Carmy. I can’t- I can’t see you wither away. Fucking emotionally anymore. It’s killing me. It’s hurting-“ she took a shaking breath. 

“It’s hurting your niece. Carmen. I can’t do it anymore. here.” She dug around her purse, pulling out a brochure. 

“Go- go. Get out of fucking Chicago, Carm. This place- I-i heard of it” she sniffled “its stupid-“ she laughed a bit, shaking her head. “So stupid, fuckin this..this Astrologer. She said in her podcast that this is the best place to go based on the location? I dunno…it’s a therapy place” she said. 

Carmen looked at the Brochure, his brows raising. 

‘Blue Lotus Trauma Therapy Rehabilitation Center’ the front contained photos of absolutely breathtaking pine trees, mountains, as well as red cabins. 

‘Blue Lotus is tucked safely away on Big Bear Lake in Big Bear, CA. Come and experience an inpatient by day, outpatient by night 30 day program, along with 15 days of sole inpatient TF-CBT therapy, focused on your direct needs as a patient. We specialize here at Big Bear in Equestrian Therapy, and Cattle Therapy. Enjoy hiking on hundreds of miles of breathtaking trails, and get to know the stunning haven that is Big Bear, California.’ 

“Horses.” Carmen looks at her, unwavered. 

“Yes! They say they like- get us or something? You’ll be back before I give birth. Go. Carmen. Go. Or- or I can’t work there, anymore it-“ she shakes her head, looking down at her swollen belly as hot thick tears stream down her cheeks. “It’s like watching Michael…again. In a different way” she said quietly, wiping her face and looking up at him once again. “Please.” She whispered. 

He shook his head, setting the stupid brochure down on the bedside table and laying back in the bed, grabbing the oxygen since his head was beginning to pound again and putting it back over his face, averting her worried gaze. 

“I don’t have the energy to call these people” he muttered, closing his eyes and resting his head back, hoping that would be the end of the conversation. 

“I- I already got you a bed. I called them…on the way over- I begged them. And they are willing to take you, Carmy. Please. I’ll pick your cabin and everything - you- you stay in a cabin after the 15 days and then for 30 you go back and forth. It sounds so nice, bear. I know they’re gonna take such good care of you think about it- please- will you go?” she got up, pulling him into a hug. 

“Thank you” she whispered after a few moments when he didn’t decline her. 

Carmen didn’t reply. If Sugar really thought that stupid place would make him ‘change’ (if that was even possible) and if she really felt as if it was affecting her child that was growing inside of her- he would give it a try. Even though he felt as if it would be just another money pit in the name of ‘mental health’ that didn’t do a thing. 

“There’s dead man walkin’!” Richie said, Syd following in behind him. 

“Stop! Don’t call him that Richie it was scary!” Syd shoves his shoulder. 

Carmen grabbed the brochure, quickly tucking it under the blanket. 

“Fuck you, cousin” Carmy said, his voice all nasally and low from his flu or whatever the fuck he’d picked up, that had led him to giving himself a cocktail of meds that almost sent him to Michael prematurely by total mistake. 

“Carmen is leaving. As soon as he’s released. So- get your time in he won’t be home for a month or two” Sugar said and sat down, not budging on the issue. 

Carm just rolled his eyes, laying his head back and wanting to melt into a puddle on the floor, but at the same time, he also wanted to pull Syd into the stupidly small hospital bed, and hold her to him, never letting her go. 

“You are?” Syd asked, coming to his bedside and meeting his gaze. 

He just stared at her. Wordlessly, he pulled out the crumpled brochure and offered it to her. She took it, looking at it. Richie comes over as well, peeking over Syd’s shoulder to read. 

“Equestrian therapy? Gonna go play with some horsies Carm?” He teased, his smugness being wiped off his face when Syd stomps on his foot with most of her weight, causing him to whine in pain. 

“Woops! Maybe you should learn some personal fucking space asshole” she shoved back in to him so he would take a few steps back. 

“Ow!” He said dramatically, plopping next to Sugar who was also glaring at him with equal fire. 

“Okay- okay- sorry fuckin hell. The kid is fine” he said and Carmen motions to him. 

“See! See! Jagoff is right sometimes” he said to Syd and she shook her head. 

“This…is good. This is really good. I’m for this.” She said, looking at Sugar before handing the brochure back to him. “I’m… gonna miss you, but…you need to get the fuck out. Like really, out, Carm.” She told him. 

He sighed deeply, resting his head back and closing his eyes once more. 

Whatever will make Syd happy, he would do, no matter the amount of discomfort it brought him. 

“Fine.” He mumbled.  

“Really?” Sugar asked him and he looked over at her, brows slightly furrowed. 

“Want me to fuckin fight you about it?” He snipped, already annoyed with how easy he was giving in- but he was too exhausted to fight, and Syds lavender perfume was so comforting, and so familiar. He just wanted everyone except Syd to leave, and to be able to hold her. 

That wasn’t going to happen though, probably ever was what he’d told himself. No, that would be too good, the universe would be much too kind to Carmy as to let him have the ultimate pleasure and enjoyment that would come from being with her in that way. 

“No…no. I’m sorry. Thank you, Bear. I know this is gonna be good”  Sugar said quietly. 

The doctor came in, saving Carmen from the uncomfortable conversation. “Hello again, Mr.Berzatto. I have your results here- is this okay company? If not I can have them step out for a moment” she’d said. 

Carmen had already completely forgotten her name, her name to him was simple - not Claire. Which was the only good thing to happen to him today. 

“As long as I’m not dying cause these two will pitch a fit. You can go ahead” he said, sitting up slightly in the bed. 

“No, no. you are very healthy, well- for the most part. Does your family have a history of high blood pressure?” She asked, sitting in the rolling chair next to the bed and holding her tablet in her lap. 

“Dad. Dad did, bear.” Sugar said. 

“Oh! Lovely- and did dad also have chronic treatment resistant depression?” The doctor turns to her. 

“I- I don’t know but…I know he was depressed for sure.” Sugar replied honestly. 

“And I know per your file you’re a smoker, heavy or moderate?” The doctor asked 

“Heavy” Syd buts in and Carmen didn’t even have the energy to fight either of the women. 

“So heavy is a pack plus a day does that sound average?” The doctor asked Carmy and he nods a bit. 

“Sometimes…sometimes two. Depending on uh…how shit is” he cleared his throat. 

“Yeah, so we’re gonna need to reduce as much as we possibly can. And we’re also going to speak about treatment options. Have you ever done mental therapy?” She asked Carmen. 

“He’s getting help. Don’t worry” Sugar said, “he’s going to do a therapy program. Blue lotus? Heard of it?” She asked. 

The doctor nods with a slight smile. “That would be wonderful for you, by the looks of your chart.” She got up. 

“Visiting hours are over at 10 pm, he will need to remain here until at least 1 pm tomorrow afternoon- then he’s yours.” She headed towards the door, shutting the privacy curtain behind her before closing the door. 

Richie chuckled “hack job name” he muttered, rubbing his face tiredly. 

“What was her name?” Sugar looked over at him. 

“Doctor Ginseng?” He said, “isn’t that a- a fuckin-“ 

“A root. A very expensive, luxurious root. It can be put into tea, or soup…the native people of China believe it has properties that make your body better deal with stress” Syd said absentmindedly, staring at the clock while nervously twirling the end of one of her braids. 

“She got it” Carm said and the corners of his lips tugged into a smile, just a bit. He absolutely adored the way if Syd wasn’t beating him to the punch when someone asked a random food question- that she was teaching him something. 

Even after years in the kitchen, the hundreds of hours watching cooking shows, Sydney still managed to teach him. He was utterly amazed by her every single day. 

“That’s a good idea. I- I think we have some. Back at the restaurant. All the stuff here will be shit- I’m gonna make you tea. And soup.” she got up, grabbing her bag. “Don’t fucking die when I’m gone, Kay? Guess you need that reminder now” she told him. 

He rolled his eyes slightly “Y’don’t have t’fuckin make me tea Syd. I’m fine.” He said, but something deep inside him yearned for Syd to take care of him. He craved it. 

“I’m making the tea, and you’re drinking the tea. Be back soon” she said before heading out.

Sydney had stuffed Carm full of pastina chicken soup and warm ginseng tea with lemon, ginger root, and plenty of local honey. As well as sourdough bread that Marcus had made fresh that morning. 

They sat and talked, just the two of them for hours until visiting hours were over. The nurse had to actually warn them both that she’d told them 4 times already it was past visiting hours and she ‘wasn’t afraid to have people removed’ before Sydney finally hugged Carmy goodbye and left. 

They both took his leaving for 45 days extremely serious. They’d joked together about just how quickly and casually Sugar had whipped out the information, all put together so neatly - it was quite obvious she’d been waiting for an opportunity to ship Carmen off here. 

They laughed a bit, and shared stories, and of course Carm answered any and every question Syd had about running the restaurant on her own while he was going to be away. 

Syd had even pulled a chair up to the bed at one point, resting her legs across the mattress after taking her shoes off, and her legs were draped across his own. He didn’t dare say anything, though. He was relishing in the feeling of closeness with her, even if it was as close as they’d ever be.  

Syd had actually made him so excited that the nurse had come in when she first came back and Carmy realized they’d be alone, to realize he was perfectly fine- his heart had just settled at a new pace since she was around. 

He was feeling worlds better by the time he’d gotten to the airport on Sunday morning. He’d spent the rest of Saturday evening at Sugars after he’d been discharged from the hospital, and had one last close family meal with Syd, Richie, Nat, and Pete, well, Pete was a must - he couldn’t uninvite the man from his own house, unfortunately. 

Carmen would be in a hotel in Big Bear, California by nightfall, and by the following morning he’d be starting his 15 day inpatient stint at ‘Blue Lotus Trauma Therapy Rehabilitation Center’ tucked away on a farm, in a dip of Big Bear Lake. How fitting. 

The parking lot of the airport was full of tears, not from Carmy- of course, but a very tearful Sugar, who’d conveniently spent the rest of his hospital stay packing him 2 weeks of clothes to cycle through, explaining phones were allowed- but they gave the toiletries, since it was a mental health center after all. 

She kept hugging him, kissing his cheeks- as if she was sending him to war and not a fucking treatment center. “Is there…somethin’ I’m missing- am I never coming back er somethin are you selling me to some weird chef collector?” Carmen teased, getting at least a small giggle from her. 

“God no. I just… this will work Carmy. It has to work. You’ll get better, okay? It’ll all be fine.” She wiped her face. He nodded a bit. 

“It’ll work.” He said, he wasn’t sure if he believed it- but if it got her to stop feeling so sad, he would agree. 

“I love you, be safe ok?” She said for the millionth time “and remember look at your phone I sent you-“ 

“The flight number, Nat. I love you. Thank you again” he kissed her cheek, grabbing his suitcase and opening his texts, clicking his flight number she sent him. 

“Gate D11! Thank you Nat. Gotta go now- unless…” he teased. 

She smiled a bit, finally. “Get out of Chicago.” She pat his arm gently and got back in the car to a waiting Pete. 

The flight was okay, it felt much longer than he was expecting, but his anxiety told him a lot of things- he couldn’t trust minute things such as time and how he understands it anymore. The first thing he noticed upon landing was the stunning green, and the crisp air. 

The air felt…cleaner, then Chicago. It was chilly- since fall was quickly approaching. Carmen was suddenly grateful Nat had him put on a hoodie before leaving this afternoon. He had the entire evening to explore, and not be himself. 

He already was feeling some kind of new. He wasn’t here to work, definitely not to play, but he could enjoy himself, because he didn’t have to be him. At least not for the night. He opened the Uber app on his phone, booking a trip to the hotel to check in.  

When he’d gotten to the hotel and showered, dressing in some vintage Levi’s and a white long sleeve in trade for his short sleeve, along with his favorite plaid jacket. He had to get somewhere to see how people live here, how to be apart here, so he didn’t stick out like a sore thumb at this rehab place. 

He’d grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulders and opened Apple Maps on his phone, looking for a park to go sit at and just be. He found a park close by, simply called ‘BearHill Park’ and following the walking directions. 

He’d missed his ventures to various parks in New York, but especially in Copenhagen. Copenhagen had the most beautiful sunsets Carmen had ever seen before. He missed it sometimes, not the work, but the life. It felt worlds more simple then his life now, where every relationship, every aspect of his job- was dripping with difficulty to manage it all. 

When he got to the park, he’d found an oak tree that looked well over 200 years old, getting situated under it and resting against the trunk, taking out a cigarette and lighting it.  

He watched a couple and a baby walking by, carefully though as he’d learned quickly as a child most people don’t take kindly to being looked at for more then a few moments at a time. But Carmen didn’t watch people in an odd way, of course. He was just wanting to observe, see how he should be. And in a place so new, so out of his ordinary all by himself, it was gonna take a lot of observing to get himself readjusted. 

He watched as the father pushed the carriage along, the mother holding his hand happily. They were far away so he couldn’t hear what they were speaking about, but it must be funny because their heads were tilted back in laughter multiple points throughout the conversation as they continued on. 

He continued on his cigarette, his eyes now finding a younger couple. He sat up a bit, leaning further against the tree to get a better look. From behind, the woman reminded him a lot of Syd, of course it wasn’t- but it was also the way her boyfriend or- husband- Carmen wasn’t emotionally advanced enough to look for a ring, he’d never needed to before.

It was how his arms were covered in tattoos, and his hair was a muss of dirty blonde curls like his. It was how the woman was beautifully tall, with stunning long black braids, and a floral scarf tied around the top of her head. She was much more…boisterous then Syd, but none the less. They looked like them in another world.  

So not only, has this other man, found his Syd, the universe was determined to rub Carmen’s nose in it, or that’s how he took it, anyhow. 

He scoffed a bit, rolling his eyes and looking the other way. Of course. He thought. Everyone can be happy but me. I’m headed to adult crazy camp! And those two are just, fuckin happy and in love. 

The girl laughed loudly, causing Carmen to look back over. “CAMREN!” She squeaked as he tickled her. “Cam! Stop- I-I can’t breathe!! You asshole” she punched his shoulder playfully. 

“Do you give up?! Say it!!!” The man countered, continuing the assault on her sides. 

“No- NO! This- this is cheating!” She said, interrupted by her own laughs. 

“Cheating?! No, I'm getting what’s rightfully mine Scarlett!” He pinned her arms above her head. 

Carmen now looked away. He couldn’t help but think of Syd while watching them, and think of everything he was too pussy to pull off. He wished he could take Syd somewhere like this, but who would run the restaurant, and why would she say yes. 

He’d finished his cigarette by the time the couple had left and he took out his sketchbook and the pen that lived inside of it. He looked at the recipe on his phone Syd had sent ‘Farro Mafaldine with browned Black Truffle Butter and Chanterelles mushrooms’ 

He had tried it for her, and he actually told her he wanted another bite to be sure he was ‘getting everything’ when really- it was just so fantastic he couldn’t stop at one single bite. 

“Syd that is…wow. Really, really fuckin fire. If it weren’t for the mushroom, we’d need that on the permanent menu. Have you tried others?” He’d asked. 

Syd just smiled and nodded, a lot of times she was around Carmen- she thanked god for her darker complexion, considering he made her feel overly hot, all the time. Nearly every time he spoke to her, and she wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t always this way. But ever since they opened the restaurant together- things had changed between them. Not for better, not for worse, the energy just… shifted. 

Carmen got lost in thought of Syd, and before he could realize what he was doing- he was drawing her. He rested his elbow on his knee, crouched over as he added details to each intricate little braid. It was one of Carmen’s favorite things about Sydney. 

No matter how she wore her hair, she looked absolutely beautiful. The braids, he did have to admit, were his favorite. Maybe it was because it was how her hair was when they met, but they interested him. He wanted to sit and watch her doing them. She told him a while back, she did them herself. 

Apparently, her mother wasn’t able to teach her- but she had cousins that could. She says it was usually much more expensive to have it done then just do it yourself, that part made sense to him. He was really impressed the first time he told her, she laughed a bit at that.  

‘Most of us do our own hair, I mean- unless you got it like that. But otherwise, just like the white girls we have to do it on our own’ Carmen blushed, feeling silly for not realizing. 

‘Yeah- yeah I..I get that but. I dunno…I’ve seen Sug do her hair…it seems easier” he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. 

‘Oh, well yeah, that’s why I only do mine every 6 weeks!’ She’d said, wiping down the counter. 

‘Really? Well that’s cool. I thought you like…I dunno.’ He chuckled a bit. 

‘That I went home, took out 200 plus braids, and then put them all back in before I come in every day?’ She teased. 

Now Carmen’s cheeks were bright red. ‘Okay- listen I’m not a girl. I wouldn’t know’ 

Carmen caught himself smiling at the memory. He looked up at the setting sky, and his heart fluttered a bit at the beauty of it. He’d realized he’d sat there now for probably 5 hours, his back was aching, but he didn’t care. 

He didn’t care because this was the most at peace he’d felt since moving back to the states. And he was alone. He snapped a photo of the gorgeous sunset with his phone, hitting the send button and hovering over Syds name for a moment, before deciding to click it. 

She did tell him to text her when she got settled in after all. 

In CA - this place lives up to the name. Never seen so many bear statues in my life. 

He sends the text, with the photo attached, not even realizing the photo had been a live capture, and you could fully see the drawing of Syd for half a second if you held the photo down. 

He put his phone back in his pocket, continuing on his drawing. Back in Chicago, Syd was very glad that she was working today- because the only thing on her mind otherwise was one single person. 

“Okay guys! I need some hands here- we got 3 dishes for table 13 let’s move! Keep up the pace!” She called out. She had already been here 12 hours, and wasn’t planning on being out for another 6. 

It was just how Sydney operated - she couldn’t sit and worry about Carmen. It would just unearth emotions she didn’t want to go searching for, and once they came up she was worried it would ruin absolutely everything she’d worked so hard to maintain. 

And back across the country, 2,000 miles away, Carmen was contently packing his backpack, getting up, and heading to a small diner he’d seen. He enjoyed a quiet burger to himself, in the corner booth, looking out the window at the water. 

The place truly was beautiful, and very hidden away. There were barely any cars here, it was fully the opposite of anywhere he’d stayed long term, and he was beginning to feel as if he needed that, he wouldn’t admit that to sugar, though. 

He’d gone back to his hotel, taken a shower, gotten in his pajamas, and was laid in bed, watching some random cooking show on the food network since the TV unfortunately didn’t have YouTube like his did. 

When Sydney had seen the photo, she almost didn’t realize it was live at first. She was also at home, finally in bed- but she was 2 hours ahead of Carmen- so instead of it being 11 pm- it was 1 am. She’d scrubbed the restaurant floor until she was sure someone could eat off it, and made sure every station was in perfect condition before returning home.  

She laid in bed with sore hands, a sore back, and sore knees, and sore- well, everything. When she finally had checked her phone and seen it. She smiled a bit at the comment about the bear statues, clicking the photo open to see more. 

It was a breathtaking sunset for sure. She went to close the photo, her thumb lingering because she saw a speck of white in the corner- and the photo started moving. For just a short moment she sees…. Herself? On the page of Carmen’s sketchbook.

She could feel her heart thumping in her throat. Why would he be drawing her? Unless- no! Keep the emotions buried! He is sick. He is so depressed- treatment resistant depression the doctor had said his chart showed. 

She swallowed thickly, not sure what to say back. Should she just ignore it? Should she mention it boldly? Should she just…forget about it and convince herself it didn’t happen? 

She typed and retyped the message multiple times, smiling to herself a bit as she jokingly typed out ‘pretty sunset, even prettier drawing.’ Before deleting it and retyping before hitting send;

fire sunset. so I take it big bear is treating the bear well so far?

Carmen looked at the message right away, smiling to himself a bit. She’d never called him bear before, something about it made his heart begin to race. 

According to Nat, bear+big bear = depression gone, I’ll let you know in a few days if that's the truth.

He wasn’t sure about the whole equestrian therapy thing still, but he did know that being here seemed to allow him to breathe a little easier- and he was already here, so he would try.

The first 5 days in the inpatient program were…quite the adjustment. That was because it was what he learned was the most intensive part of the treatment, and meant to break down your walls by setting you in a hard routine so you had no choice but to think about your shit. 

This included a wake-up time of 6 am, the lights in his inpatient room literally turned on, then at 7:30 was breakfast, then- at 8 am they had 1 hour of either equestrian class, which you learned how to begin caring for the horses, or an hour of tending to the cows - Carmen chose the Horses because he was not going to shovel cow shit. 

Then, you had a therapy class of your choice from 9-11:30, he chose art therapy. It didn’t feel like therapy to him, they got to draw, or paint. Carmen just sat by the window, drawing different recipes - or, more often than not, drawing Syd from memory. 

12:00 was lunch, 12:30-2:00 you had mandatory either equestrian therapy, or cattle therapy. Carmen was more drawn towards the cattle on hard days, and the horses on easier ones. This was because the hour of 3-4 was mandatory group therapy. That usually emotionally drained him until at least art therapy the following day, since to progress and complete the program- you need ‘participation points’ in your 15 day inpatient stay, before you’re trusted to be on your almost fully on your own for a whole 30 days. 

The horses were usually nervous around new people, so it was a challange to get them to trust him. While the cows, people in the group joked- were ‘giant grass puppies’ the therapy consisted of literally just laying with the lazy cows and cuddling them, and feeding them snacks, which they very much enjoyed, and Carmen found to be very soothing once he learned to douse himself in bug spray before heading in the pen so the flys would be out of his way.

Then, dinner was at 5, and afterwards you had the evening to yourself in your room, or you could walk the trails until they closed at sunset. In your room you could watch tv, read, and the residents were also allowed to have their cellphones.  

It was quite exhausting the first 5 days, but the second 5 he was getting into a groove at Blue Lotus. He was beginning to enjoy the hard manual work that came with working with the animals, and the time it took to build their trust. There was one particular horse Carmen had become fond of, a white horse named Stardust. Perfect name for her. 

When he looked in her eyes she felt more human then most people he met in real life. She was different then the other horses. He’d been told that she rarely took to men, and that he was the only male she’d never need startled by. He always took extra time brushing her mane, and they both seemed to appreciate eachothers silence. 

Carmen heard other people in stalls next to him, they would talk to the horses- dump their issues they were too afraid to tell their therapists out on them. He wondered if the horses ever got annoyed, he probably would if he was a horse. He smiled a bit at the thought, and it was almost as if Stardust could tell what he was thinking, because she turned her head and looked at him before snorting almost in agreement and sticking her head back out of the stall. 

Getting into outpatient life at lotus though, was as easy as falling into bed for Carmen. His inpatient stay, he made sure to take the time in the evenings to learn his favorite quiet trails, the ones less taken usually, so when he graduated to outpatient - he could take stardust for rides on his own.

 It took them about 3 days to get to know each other in that regard, it was mostly Carmen’s fault though he realized, because when he’d get nervous he’d pull on her reigns in such a way that she thought he meant for her to go faster - when it was the opposite. But, Stardust was so, so patient with Carmen. 

He made sure to sneak her extra apples with a small drizzle of honey in return, so she knew her patience with him always came with great reward. 

Carmen had been gone for about a month now, he and Syd would text intermittently, sugar was sure to call once a week and they’d talk for about an hour. But it was mostly quiet from Carmen’s end, he had told them it was because he was usually out, all day long unless he was at therapy. 

It was day 19 of the outpatient part of the program, so he had just 11 days left. He had just finished his morning art therapy, and was in the stables tending to stardust, feeding her slices of pumpkin they’d had in the snack bucket for the horses today. “Come onnn- the tongue, really star” he wipes his wet hand on his jeans and she nudged his shoulder with his nose, asking for more. 

“You are greedy! I’m always the first one in here y’gotta leave some for the rest of these guys!” He grabbed another piece of pumpkin, feeding it to her. 

“And this is our horse stable, he spends a lot of time out here” Carmen heard one of the employees likely giving someone a tour, only half listening. 

Stardust snorts at him, nudging his chest and he rubs her neck gently. “What is it? Y’done? Pumpkin not good enough for ya? No honey apples until after our ride or Y’don’t listen missy” he pats her head gently. 

“I didn’t take you for a horse guy but I guess drop anyone off in the middle of nowhere and you’d be surprised. 34 days and you went full fuckin’ cowboy on me- are those boots, Carm? ” An all too familiar voice said from the large open sliding door of the stable He looked at stardust for a moment, he must be dreaming, or ODing again. Maybe he died, and had been dead the entire time. Because there was no way he could believe Sydney Adamu was standing behind him, 2000 miles away from their shared city, in Big Bear, California.

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡ ⋙

[tiannasfanfic]

Tongue Tied

Adrian Chase/Vigilante x Reader (Fluff)

| Adrian Chase Masterlist | AO3 Link |

Summary: After a long week of boring busywork and aggravating allergies, Adrian Chase does something a little unexpected.

Rating: General

Author Note: Gender-neutral Reader, no pronouns used. This started out as a different story, but I lost the thread of it. It's been sitting in my WIPs for months now. With a bit of editing, it is now a fluffy oneshot.

CW: Allergies and mention of taking over the counter medications for them.

Word Count: 1,620

4:59pm

The clock had been stuck on 4:59pm for five hours now.

Or at least that’s what it felt like as you stared at it.

“Burning a hole in it ain’t gonna make it go any faster,” Leota said to you from her desk, which was close to yours.

“If anything, you just cursed us by staring at it,” Harcourt said, who was sitting nearby and scrolling through her phone.

The group was between missions, but none of you had been dismissed to return to your regular jobs yet. Even Adrian hadn’t been allowed to go back to his position at Fennel Field’s, which was just fine by him. There was speculation among the six of you that meant something screwy was coming down the wire. None of you had any idea what it could be, but the whole thing was highly suspect. Amanda Waller never let you all sit around with nothing to do for this long before, even prior to your coming to the team, according to the others.

And so, the last five days had been filled with nothing but in-office busywork.

Everything that needed to be done housekeeping wise got done on the first day. The first half of the second day was spent finishing up some fine detail cleaning and supply restocking, then rest of the day after lunch was filled by filing paperwork. The third day was spent cleaning all of the weapons in storage to make sure everything was good for the next mission. But there had been nothing to do since then.

However, while everyone was simply bored out of their minds while waiting, autumn in Washington was playing hell with your allergies. While both John and Harcourt were being affected in similar ways with some sneezing and runny noses, over the counter allergy medication was working fine for them. You? Not so much. Something in the Evergreen air absolutely hated you. The sneezing had stopped, at least, but your eyes wouldn’t stop being itchy, which was making them water, and now you could feel a sinus headache starting to build up behind your forehead and eyes.

5:00pm

“Oh, thank fucking hell,” Harcourt exclaimed as she stood up and pocketed her phone.

You eyed her, then chuckled as you began packing your laptop away in your bag. “Now who was watching the clock?”

Harcourt flipped you off, which made you really laugh for the first time all day. She headed back to her office to collect her things, leaving you to finish gathering yours.

After saying goodbye to Harcourt and John, you and Leota walked out together. You didn’t see Chris, Eagly or Adrian and just assumed they had left early. That was pretty standard for them if there wasn’t actively something to do. Once you were outside, the work mode you had been trying to maintain slipped, and you rubbed your forehead, groaning softly with a slightly pained look on your face.

Leota looked over at you with an empathetic look. “The Zyrtec not helping anymore?”

You shook your head.

“Or the Advil. They really only took the edge off though,” you said, sighing. “I’ll pick up some NyQuil or something on the way home, just sleep this weekend.”

“That’s a good idea,” Leota gave you a gentle hug. “If you need anything, give me a call, okay? Keeya and I will be doing our errands tomorrow, so we can grab you anything you need.”

You told her you would, then you both headed to your respective cars. You were parked further down from her a couple spaces away.

“Hey, Y/N! Wait up!”

It as Adrian’s voice, not Leota’s, that called out to you. You turned in the direction it came from to see him jogging your way from the other side of the building. Your gaze shifted behind him to see Chris and Eagly watching Adrian from around the corner. They were not trying to be stealthy about it at all. In fact, Chris even waved at you when you looked at him.

“Hey Adrian,” you said, your gaze shifting back to him as you smiled tiredly. “What’s up?”

Adrian took a deep breath, fidgeting nervously.

“Would you-“ he started, then stopped. “I was curious if you wanted to-“ And he stopped again. “If I was to-“

Adrian stopped again and turned around suddenly, looking back at Chris and Eagly. They both gave him the “get on with it” gesture; one with a hand, the other a wing.

You glanced over at Leota. She was rapidly looking back and forth between the two of you, eyes widening and a big, excited smile spreading across her face.

Shifting your eyes back at Adrian, you were just in time for him to turn to you with an extremely serious look on his face. He looked you dead in the eye with an intensity he’s never directed at you before. It was as if a sudden blaze had sparked behind those green eyes of his. Butterflies started flapping around in your stomach.

Adrian opened his mouth to speak.

“Do you go out?” he asked.

You blinked.

He blinked.

“That was a dumb question,” he said quickly, his face turning a shade of red that looked like a sunburn. “Obviously, you do go out because you’re out right now, and you have to go out to be able to go to work or the store or on a mission, so that’s like a big ‘duh’ to that. And I’ve seen you out doing errands, so-“

You heard a slight “kaw” from Eagly and glanced behind Adrian again. Chris was rubbing the bridge of his nose in what looked like aggravation, and Eagly was staring at Adrian like he was about to fly over and start pecking at him. You looked back at Adrian, who was still rambling about all the things you’d have to leave your apartment to do.

“But I- what I was asking was- um- what I was wondering is…do you go out…in other ways?”

Adrian was looking at you with a hopeful expression.

“…I guess?” you said slowly, confusion really setting in. “I go out to eat sometimes, but that gets expensive, so I try not to very often.”

Adrian perked up. “Awesome! Did you want to eat something one night?”

You blinked again.

He blinked again.

“Er…” you said, really confused now. “I usually eat every night after I get off work.”

Now Adrian’s sunburn blush was pushing past moderate territory.

It looked like he was having trouble speaking now, which just added to your confusion. Adrian looked back at Chris, so you looked over at Leota with a questioning gaze to see if she could give you any indication as to what exactly was happening right now. Leota’s expression didn’t give you much as it was frozen somewhere in between excitement, secondhand embarrassment, and abject horror. But that made you feel a little better about the whole thing since you didn’t understand any of this at all. Between your head checking out for the day as soon as your allergies started and Adrian’s fumbling with words, you were properly confused as hell.

A few seconds after you looked back to Adrian, he got his voice back.

“Well, what I meant was- that is, what I was asking you is- I didn’t know if you- what I meant to ask you- I mean, would you like to possibly- or, if you’d like, totally up to you- um, I-“

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Chris exclaimed from behind Adrian, and Eagly kawed in agreement. “Y/N, would you like to go out on a date with Adrian and have dinner with him tomorrow night?”

Adrian blinked, suddenly a bright red and looking terrified.

You blinked, your face suddenly blushing a very deep red.

“Oh!” you said, your eyes wide.

While Adrian had been leery of you at first after ARGUS transferred you to Evergreen, seeing you take most of stress off of Harcourt while she recovered had quickly gotten you into his good graces. She was able to focus more on her physical therapy that way, which aided in her speedy recovery. It really didn’t take long for you to develop more than friendly feelings towards him. The feeling definitely was mutual as the flirtation between you two had been heavy for weeks now. But you figured if anyone was going to make the first move, it was going to have to be you.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to, no worries,” Adrian said hurriedly, his tone reassuring, but he did a very poor job of masking a disappointed expression. “I’m really sorry about asking. I didn’t think you would be interested, but Chris said-“

“No no, I’d love to,” you quickly interrupted him with a smile. “Sorry, I was just surprised.”

The look on Adrian’s face was priceless. He seemed unable to stop himself from jumping into the air and fist bumping the air above him. Then he turned red again, realizing he just did that in front of you and everyone else.

A thrumming behind your eye reminded you that you needed to get home soon before your head got much worse.

“Pick me up at seven?” you asked him.

Adrian nodded rapidly, and started to say something, but at that moment Eagly swooped over to peck Adrian in the leg, resulting in a “owowow” from him.

Regardless of what the bird thought of Adrian’s technique, you were going on a date with him tomorrow night.

And that made you smile for the first time all day.

[clumio]

YOU KNOW WTF IT IS BABY!!! ROGUE NOTES!!

CRAZY EPISODE. Catered directly to me. More under the cut per usual. Before the episode I got a Zyrtec ad playing rasputin and it jumpscared me. Spymaster is that you.

* Welcome back shitty lightning effects

* I am once again reminding everyone how much I love the new theme song

* I haven’t seen Bridget ton so my frame of reference for this is going to be like. Pride and prejudice

* YIPPEEEE this seems like such a classic episode setup. I’m deeply intrigued

* THE TWIST PAINTING? HELLO?

* Ruby is sooo like the doctor. Both of them are NOSYYYYYY.

* Is this fucking orchestral bad guy by Billie Eilish???? While Rogue and the Doctor flirt? We’re so back

* RUBY IS SO ME. LMAO.

* FIFTEEN FLIRTING VIA INFODUMPING I KNOW THATS RIGHT!!!!

* DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS 😭😭 KYLIE MINOGUE???!,!,!,!! Episode tailor made for ME. Gay ass doctor who episode thank god. Thank god

* “New boss” whom?

* BISEXUALITY WIN! Ruby girlfriend Doctor boyfriend. Yayayayaya

* Please give Ncuti Gatwa a million oscars immediately

* Oh my god that’s doctor therapy hours. He got therapy and instead of identifying their own mental issues he instead begins to therapize others with the tools he learned in therapy. love

* COSPLAY??????????PLOT TWISTS???????

* HAPPY PRIDE MONTH.

* Doctor larping immediately turning too damn real (eternal commitment) and having to end the scene. love that for him. Normal

* Chuldurs as an audience stand-in what in the fuck does this mean chat. Chat help me. Season finale in a season finale. Please please help me

* NOOOOO EVIL GIRLFRIEND:(((((

* I know I know in my head that Ruby lives but oh my god.

* DOCTOR RAGE. MY LOVE

* FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD????????

* POKER FACE ON STRINGS???;!;!,!,!,!?

* ROGUE NOW IS NOT THE TIMEEEEE????i feel like he’s not gonna be recurring recurring but like. That’s so entirely a setup for later plot

* Ohhhh tasty tasty Doctor characterization. Me when I throw myself into new things recklessly so that I don’t form real emotional connections and the prospect of sincerity is scary‼️

* HI? NEXT EPISODE PREVIEW??????? I can’t even process that right now

[peppermintbuttlemon]

https://www.tumblr.com/peppermintbuttlemon/752857192436236288/httpswwwtumblrcompeppermintbuttlemon75282899?source=share

Joe made a playlist on Spotify with a name on it (K) and someone named K went to BFI to see Hoard. This person like many others decided that this K was the K from the playlist and they were dating. They made a tiktok about their supposed relationship. Constantly updating with pics from K's IG saying she was alluding and dropping hints that she was dating Joe. This went on for a long time.

Then someone said the tiktok was actually K herself and she was pretending to be this crazy obsessive fan. Some people were reporting the tiktok and it didn't seem to do much until K dropped that she had cancer which I think pulled on everyone's heart strings. I'm assuming more and more people reported the account which finally got it removed.

She's done the same thing with Joe and other celebs. If you ever decide to get allergy meds to Twitter/X, check out the account, Nobodysbusiness. I'm pretty sure that account has the entire timeline.

Thank you anon 🙏

Costco has a bottle of 356 tablets of Kirkland brand zyrtec pills if you need

But also fuck Elon Musk

[forsworned]

don’t worry about it ur health is more important than my unsolicited ranting and uncontrollable outbursts in ur inbox

LMFAOOOO PLS THE WAY WE WILL ARGUE ABOUT DOUMA SENDS ME IM LIKE NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN

but thank you that means a lot im just fucking lowkey dying and waking up at 6:45am every week day is just not helping at all especially because ur bitch literally sleeps at 1am?? thankfully tho my sleep cycle has been regulating and i finally got prescribed PROPER fucking medication. like can you fucking believe this previous urgent care told me to take zyrtec for my FUCKING EAR INFECTION BITCH I AM NOT HAVINF SEASONAL ALLERGIES I NEED ANTIBIOTICS

but anyways i went to another place and they gave me exactly what i needed so i am picking that up tomorrow !!

[troglobite]

i’m not in that bad of a mood but a bunch of body/health complaints below the cut bc i wanna bitch abt em

my life is basically a series of: i need to do x to help y, but that causes z, and i need to do b to help z, but then that causes or worsens c

like i’m not unique, it’s just sort of stupid and i’m Tired. lol

it’s gotten v bad thanks to the pandemic and also this house/town i think? long story

anyway

rn i’m dealing with:

my mental health sucks, i need to get out more

well i can’t get out bc of covid so : /

then i could at least exercise more, bc exercising also will help my cholesterol which isn’t great (but is stable and not getting worse, at least)

okay great except that my MCAS means my sweat is out of fucking control so exercising is miserable

well i could just take it easy then, right?

well no bc going for a walk makes me the sweatiest person in the world

well i mean that’s just an inconvenience, right?

nope, bc i have an issue that is exacerbated by excessive sweating, so i can’t sweat too much, either.

(i also have ANOTHER issue in the same area as the previous issue that is only solved by direct contact with a heating pad, which as you might imagine, CAUSES HEAT AND SWEATING which EXACERBATES THE OTHER PROBLEM so that one in particular has been super fucking fun to navigate)

okay then i exercise inside

well there’s not really anywhere to do that, everywhere is too small, and i ALSO sweat INSIDE a lot so it doesn’t matter

okay well then--aha! i’ll just exercise in the shower! 

okay great!

it’s working!

wait why are my feet randomly seizing and in terrible pain while i’m walking arou--oh right. EDS. and exercising without shoes is. bad. 

okay well i just need to start working on my EDS and take it easy right?

okay except i can’t do the physical therapy/muldowney method bc when i started, it caused a lot of bladder and pelvic pain that got worse w stress.

and i’m trying stress management but everything is a fucking nightmare.

i had to stop PT so that i’d stop feeling like i had the world’s worst UTI whenever i got remotely irritated. 

and turns out that’s bc i have an undiagnosed autoimmune disorder

so until i figure out what that is...i can’t do anything for my EDS...or my MCAS...so i’m just stuck taking 2 zyrtec every day and topping up with benadryl hoping that i can breathe and stop getting hives

and that i can exercise and feel good and be happy, but also still manage to walk around without extreme pain

hahaha. ha. 

i hate everything. 

i’m literally covered in hives. all over my face neck ears and scalp. everywhere. they’re unstoppable. fucking. fuck.

oh wait one more

so i have steroid cream that works to get rid of my hives for the most part

but it’s like playing whack-a-mole bc more just pop up in place of the ones i got rid of 

and then what’s more

i can’t really put them on my scalp

bc my scalp sweats so much (bc lol i also have to use dandruff shampoo) so it runs the risk of hurting me

bc i had to put some on some hives that were vaguely near but not on my eyes, and bc they were hot and/or sweaty recently before i put the cream on, my skin burned for two days straight

no relief to be had

so now i have to be careful abt what i put the steroid cream on to get rid of my hives

bc there are no antihistamines that’ll get the job done

ALSO my right wrist has recently decided to be fucked up so i keep losing circulation in my hand and fingers while i sleep, which seems to be getting slightly better, but i can no longer do one of my EDS tricks bc it seems to be pinching nerves when i do it? i’ve only tested twice to see if there had been any change. 

so it’s just like

okay

i have no idea how the fuck that happened or when or why and i can’t seem to fix it by using braces, or stretching, or ANYTHING.

incredible.

[nathank77]

6/10/24

5 a.m

Bo4 was shit so I didn't play after dinner. Since I have to go to the dentist Tuesday and get bloodwork for my thyroid- it's going to be a 1MG day cause I want to go get bloodwork before my dentist appt at 4:30 assuming they don't cancel again.

Later today I have to schedule my mri they finally got back to me.

I didn't want to go out later today when I wake up cause I got to go to the dentist/bloodwork on Tuesday and I'm going to get a teeth sealant estimate which I hope he doesn't cancel cause I'd really like to move on getting this brown stain removed.

I also got to go out Wednesday for groceries. Technically I could do it Tuesday after my dentist appt but the chickens might be out for too long. And it's a lot to do in one day.

I still got to plan my car wash with weather but I can't do it with my dentist appt bc it's just too much, maybe this Saturday pending weather. I'm going to go grocery shopping Friday or Saturday as well so I can get chicken it's a healthy good meal and it forces me to go shopping 2 days a week bc it's technically better for me with all the vitamins and whatnot.

Anyways- I really didn't want to go out later today when I wake up cause I'm exhausted just thinking about calling for the mri. Going to do bloodwork and the dentist Tuesday and thinking about doing my car wash is too much.

Bloodwork I decided to do on Tuesday so it should have results by Thursday and I can get directed by my Dr on what I should do.

Anyways since I really didn't want to go out but my mouth is still dry and cutting out Zyrtec didn't do anything I wanted to get stuff to help so I got two products listed below. My gums always feel like shit. Maybe it's smoking-but before psychosis they didn't feel like this and it could be psychosis. Beyond that I started smoking more cigarettes like disgustingly to cope with my chronic auditory hallucination....

I got a probiotics that's been proven to help reverse and prevent gum disease. I figure it's worth a try cause I mean if it's not psychosis then my gums hate me.... if it is I mean I got a month supply to try to see if I can help my gingivitis.

The cost was a lot and I decided to do the 6 month no interest thing so I had to spend 100$ I was going to get a simple frame for my uhart degree but I deserve better so I bought what's pictured below bc I deserve it. My family is shitty for not doing it for me. I paid for that picture below from the graduation company like 40$ and I just paid for it to be printed for my plaque. So that's awesome. Now my tassle can leave beauty (My car) and can go in my plaque.

My auditory hallucination is driving me crazy. I'm freezing atm and my ac is off (I'm prob hypo...) and I can hear the birds chirping and the voice thank you Kristen Dew for making my life a fucking shit storm. You ruined my whole quality of life. Speaking of I still haven't heard back from the board. I'm anxious about it cause what if they toss it out.... cause I'm "psychotic."

Anyways I've noticed since starting cbd at least the last couple weeks that I don't panic anymore. I haven't been having palpitations. I don't want to talk about it much cause it often makes me panic.... but yea cardiologist this month just in case. My flashbacks have been not as bad too but my money is so tight.

I'm worried about buying cbd, getting my medical card if I can manage to smoke weed again bc my vapes go bad in August (technically i could get one recreational but I'd paid more for it but it would prob last a year with how often I can smoke...) my car wash, paying for my oil change on credit, paying for the gym and my teeth sealant... I'll make it work but I'm never getting glasses with the right focal point. I'm thinking I'm going to go to 50mg of cbd cause I mean it's expensive... and I'm still hallucinating... if I start to panic again maybe I'll do 100mg but idk.

I'm also going to start 2000mg of white mulberries on the 13th cause I've been tolerating the 1500mg well but I want to give it 2 weeks in Total... idk what to do about cbd cause yea I don't have panic attacks anymore.....

As for Elise I'm still in love with her but I accept I'll never get to be with her. It hurts and I have a lot of feelings about it but i really want her to be happy and that's all that matters.

Hopefully this stuff helps and I'm excited to see my degree on the wall.

[goodmorrowing]

Ttpd review?

NEW FAVORITE. may i present to you: meg's official ttpd ranking!

the tortured poets department. 138439343843/10 this song SPOKE TO ME. the bridge??!?!!?!?! as a habitual ring wearer it changed my life. this is like. life changing for me. i've listened 200+ times already. if i were still in college i'd write an essay about it. tbh i might still. i'm not even kidding. + lucy dacus mention!

the black dog. 10000000/10. the structure of this song is so pleasing to me and also the lyrics KILL ME. "i just don't understand how you don't miss me in the shower / and remember how my rain-soaked body was shaking / do you hate me?" ????!!! "I HOPE IT'S SHITTY IN THE BLACK DOG."

guilty as sin. 10/10 self explanatory. this is a BANGER and also? like? i love it i can't i vibe undeniably.

i can do it with a broken heart. 10/10. lyrics are tragic. beat is immaculate. feels like exactly how i have felt for the last few months! i feel very heard and seen! and am thankful i can bop to my depression! lights! camera! bitch! smile!!!

the alchemy. 10/10. i love a good trav song. and it's so catchy??? like yes please when i touch down call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team. the football references are peak. tbh i realllyyyy wanted the alchemy to be about joe (because of gold rush ofc) but i wasn't disappointed by this at alllll.

the smallest man who ever lived. 9.5/10. makes me cry! actually reminds me of my college ex... the parallels between this song and our relationship are kind of insane. also the bridge. without being too too personal, i was constantly paranoid in that relationship for several reasons and often felt like he maybe had an ulterior motive that involved ruining my reputation/hurting me for the pleasure of people who disliked me. which is kinda crazy but was a vvv real fear for me at the time. and this song gets it!

who's afraid of little old me? 9/10. high school meg would have loved this one. "you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me" lol. also sidenote having all my teeth pulled was a recurring childhood nightmare i had!

down bad. 9/10 yeah sounds about right. fuck it if i can't have [her]! (funnily enough She & I were discussing it when it came out and she was like "fuck it if i can't have you... i mean him" and we had The Smirk Moment)

so long, london. 9/10. perfectly describes everything i've been feeling recently (so long [boston] lmao). gets a point knocked because i can't listen unless i want to cry! this song was everything i couldn't say. :) + the peace parallels? crazy.

thanK you aIMee. 9/10. this one gets a 9/10 just for the sheer pettiness. FUC(K) YOU A(IM)EE. + andrea mention!

how did it end? 8.5/10. i sob. every time. without fail. just! the death! the dying! (it did not end well.)

the bolter. 8/10. another little meg song. she did a lotta running. this song is about idina sackville but i feel it in my SOUL. all her fucking lives flashed before her eyessssssssssssssssssssss!

but daddy i love him. 8.5/10. lowkey SO FUN and i love it! there is a field not far from me with lots of flowers and i take a bunch of zyrtec and put on a pretty dress and just go sit there for a few hours on weekends. i love it.

loml. 8/10. this song makes me sob. love of my life to loss of my life. lmao this album came at the PERFECT TIME. i needed it. "you shit talked me under the table talking rings and talking cradles i wish i could unrecall how we almost had it all" !!!! "WHEN YOUR IMPRESSIONIST PAINTINGS OF HEAVEN TURNED OUT TO BE FAKES WELL YOU TOOK ME TO HELL TOO". anyways.

the manuscript. 8/10. yeah this sounds like a little meg song. and also a college meg song (who struggled through being a writer and heartbroken and lovestruck). and a current meg song (who rereads her manuscripts and wonders whose life she is seeing). "he said if the sex was half as good as the conversation was soon they'd be pushing strollers". :') rip.

my boy only breaks his favorite toys. 8/10. it's a bop! i get it!

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus. 8/10. when i listen to this one i kinda just sit there and zone out for a while. it's a moment. i can't listen while driving because i'd crash. but i feel this song on a spiritual level.

fresh out the slammer. 8/10. hehehe i like this song. i don't have a whole lot to say about it except i really like how consistent it is and also how it is Moving On.

robin. 8/10. this song is so sweet and so sad. i'd sing this to my children. i wish i'd heard this when i was a child. it heals some part of me? tbh?

imgonnagetyouback. 7.5/10. this is indeed the kind of psycho we love. imnotgonnagetyouback but it's okay! i will still listen and vibe! #supportingwomen

so high school. 7.5/10. look okay it's silly and it gets shitted on but i like it. it's adolescent and fun and hahahah i like itttt. truth??? dare?????? spin bottles?????? YOU KNOW HOW TO BALL I KNOW ARISTOTLE!!!! brand new! full throttle! TOUCH ME WHILE YOUR BROS PLAY GRAND THEFT AUTO. taylor is CRAZY for that and i love it for her. also the scouts honor line is WILD.

cassandra. 7.5/10. i love this song. i understand what they mean. poor cassandra. this is mad woman's older sister. i get it. women! women women!

the albatross. 7/10. i like this song but the albatross metaphor is one i am Too Familiar With. "cross your thoughtless heart / only liquor anoints you" is kinda genius though!

florida!!! 7/10. maybe this is just my florida hatred showing through or maybe i'm just not super into it yet. it comes above fortnight because of florence welch though. <3

fortnight. 7/10. i found it? kind of mid? still good but the lack of post malone and inherent appeal to mainstream pop media sold it for me. :( music video was immaculate though!

i can fix him (no really i can). 7/10. again, reminds me of little meg but in kind of a painful way. also.... she could not fix him lol. she could not fix any of them for that matter.

peter. 7/10. this one is kinda bittersweet. i enjoy this song but it's got that blue tinge to it. "never to keep"

i look in people's windows. 7/10. more supporting of women! taylor.... you're crazy. i love you. you are kind of a deranged weirdo, but it's okay. personally you could not pay me to admit to stalking people but i love that you do!

i hate it here. 6.5/10. ngl the beginning slaps and i like some of the lines but the song is erratic? i did not grow up precocious (i don't think) but i was hyperlexic and did read a lot. this one just didn't hit like i thought it would as a chronic reader. :(

clara bow. 6/10. i love clara bow and stevie nicks and taylor swift and i understand the importance of this song! i just can't get into it right now :(

the prophecy. 6/10. i don't know why i can't get behind this one! i want to so badly! i just can't!!!!

overall: 1029302848/10. this album was life changing and arrived just when i needed it. i love it.

[ghostzussy]

This might be weird because I found you through a post you tagged with Hashimotos. My sister has an inactive one and my cousin and grandma have active ones and I started wondering if I might have it too. Totally fine if you ignore this, also it’s a bit long.

I need 9 hours of sleep to function but my body wants 12+ when it can get it and I’m still tired all the time. I eat with the rest of my family, but I seem to be the only constipated one. I’m also the only one so… round, shall we say, though I think part of that is taking after my moms side of the family while they take after dads more. Last but not least I got an unrelated surgery on my leg recently and suddenly my leg is covered in hives. I’ve never had hives before and don’t have eczema.

Obviously you’re not a doctor and I am meeting one as soon as I can, but I was wondering if this sounded familiar to you or other people with hashimotos. Medical websites don’t really do it when trying to figure out what concerns to bring up to doctors, y know?

Thanks for putting up with the rambling!

Oh man! Just as a quick disclaimer, I do not have a diagnosis for hashimotos at this time. It's suspected I have it but my labs keep coming back weird. I've had a bunch of the symptoms for about 3 years or so, and excessively high microsomal and thyroglobulin antibodies. (Doctors have told me essentially my body is attacking my thyroid and impacting it's function, it just technically works well enough I can't be treated.) As of right now my only officially diagnosed issues are "idk, it's probably autoimmune" 😑

Symptoms

Some things to watch out for are definitely hives. Mine (but not everyone's) just pop up anywhere and everywhere. For example when I get them they appear on my back, legs, arms, hands and face all at once, or in a short period of time.

You also should watch out for chronic fatigue (which it sounds like you have. I'm so sorry), mood swings, depression (or it getting worse), weight gain/loss. You can also check to see if your thyroid is swollen, which is located on your throat just above the little "v" shape of your collarbone. Also if you are AFAB, your periods will make you so fucking sick, it sucks. :( You might be a lot more sensitive to cold than you used to be. Heat can trigger hives. Keep an eye out for arthritis; though mine only recently developed after about 2.5 years. You'll probably feel hormonal and irrational, and that's okay. Just, try not to let it run your life. <3

Getting a diagnosis

If you have family history, you MUST bring that up with your doctors. ESPECIALLY if you are young. (I'm 19, had this issue since I was 16.) They will not believe you. They're probably going to tell you you're dramatic. TAKE PICTURES OF YOUR HIVES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. That's what it took for my doctor to believe me. Otherwise she let me suffer for 6 months before ever running any kind of tests.

Your doctors will probably run blood tests. Mine ran for the antibodies mentioned above, as well as your T4 and Assay Stim hormones. The T4 and Assay stim hormones are your actual thyroid function. They'll determine if you can be treated or not. Your doctor may also test for lupus, because a bunch of the symptoms can overlap.

And DO NOT EVER underplay your symptoms. Tell your doctor like it is; they impact every day of your life. I downplayed mine, they never took me serious, now three years later I'm still suffering with no diagnosis and no treatment.

Your doctors are going to mention your weight. Doctors are fucking assholes. I'm 5'3 200 lbs and every goddamn time I've seen a doctor they tell me I just need to go on a diet. For my height, I'm a little chunky, but not unhealthy. They just... don't know, don't care, I guess.

My advice for symptom management

1. Hives

I take 10 mg of zyrtec twice a day as prescribed by my doctor. I've taken it for 3 years now and it's worked really well; however, your body can get addicted to it. This will make you break out in hives if you ever stop taking it. After taking it for a long period of time, you will need to wean yourself off of it. (I'm also currently in the process of switching medications right now.)

I also take benedryl as needed.

Cold also helps soothe hives. Heat will irritate them. Every time I take a hot shower I come out looking like I've been mauled by a bear LOL

Do NOT take hot showers if you're having a flare up. That's how I ended up in the urgent care getting a steroid shot in the ass after being covered in hives for days. :( (on the other hand, it was funny for the nurse to go "oh I don't think your hives are that bad" and then lift my shirt only to go "OH. ok." And run to go get the shot 🤣)

2. Chronic fatigue

This is the most fucking frustrating symptom I've had (personally.) You're probably going to go through periods where your symptoms get worse; the only thing to do is to take it easy. Rest, if you can. Don't plan too many things on one day if you can help it.

Caffeine helps a lot too, but it's not really recommended. Unfortunately this is one of those things you really can't help. :/

3. Joint issues/arthritis

I alternate between ibuprohen, aspercreme (a literal fucking godsend), pain patches, heating pads and ice packs. It depends on how bad the pain is, where, the weather, etc... you just have to play it by ear. :/

I've also heard a tenz unit works great. I'm going to buy one and use it next winter, hopefully.

4. Period issues

Birth control and midol is all I really have here. :(

I take vienva and it works amazingly for me. That might not be the case for everyone, but that's what I take atm. It's the second one I've tried, because the last one made me want to take a permanent dirt nap. If you ever take a medication that makes you feel this way, consult your doctor and get on a new one. But be careful how you tell them; some doctors are willing to send people on grippy sock vacations for any reason.

/ / /

I really hope this helps. This is just my experience, and just remember I'm not a doctor, nor do I have an accurate diagnosis at this time. This is just all the advice I can offer as someone who's dealt with these issues for 3 years.

I really hope you get better, and that things get easier for you. It's going to be okay. It's hard at first, but once you learn how to manage things better it'll get easier. ❤

And if you ever need someone to talk to, you know where to find me. 🤝

[verfound]

WIP Wednesday: 3/2/22

...my goal, when I got 90% of it done Sunday, was to finish Winter's Fury up Monday/Tuesday and have it ready for posting today. Buuuut I forgot about an eye doctor appointment that left me blind Monday night. And I'm getting an allergy test Friday that has me absolutely MISERABLE rn (I've already asked about snorting Zyrtec & bathing in Benadryl - I'm told neither is a good idea and don't fucking care). And I'm experimenting with a recipe tonight, so... ._.

There's ONE SCENE left that I really want to include. I'm hoping to get it written tonight. But if I don't get the editing done tonight, I might just post it Friday after my test. If I'm not in a drugged-up coma by then. 😂

The next time Luka woke, he was immediately assaulted by the overwhelming scent of pine and ginger and burning wax overlaying the crisp cold of a recently opened door. Murmured voices – one annoyed and quickly cut off by a sneeze and a yelp – drew him from the nest.

He stilled when he found Perry in a heap on the floor, cradling his wrist to his chest as he moaned pitifully. A kissing bough was hanging haphazardly from the ceiling above him, and one of the table chairs was on its side by his feet. Marinette was half bent over him, reaching with one arm to help him up as the other held Clara to her shoulder. They both froze when they saw Luka watching them.

“H-hey, mate…” Perry said, waving nervously – and wincing when he moved his wrist too much and smarted whatever he had injured. Luka sighed and slithered over to them, lifting himself to straighten the bough before he bent and hauled Perry to his feet.

“You are usssselessss, Peregrine King,” he sighed, dusting some nonexistent dirt from his shoulders. Perry was still tense as Luka paused, his hands resting on his shoulders, and watched him.

After a long moment, he tugged the man against him in a hug. He didn’t miss the relieved smile Marinette gave them, one she quickly tried to hide behind Clara.

“Yeah, well, you know me, mate,” Perry whispered, tightening his arms around his friend.

“Absssolutely usssselesss,” Luka muttered around a yawn. Perry barked out a laugh, and Luka rolled his eyes as he clapped his back.

Much later, once the cottage was sufficiently decorated and Perry was gone and Luka was dozing by the table (where he’d drifted off while Perry and Marinette shared some tea), Marinette crept up behind him and bent to kiss his cheek. He shifted in his sleep, and Marinette smiled as she brushed his bangs back and kissed him again.

“Thank you,” she whispered, though he was too asleep to hear it. She glanced up at the kissing bough above them, but she didn’t remove a berry for the stolen kisses.

She’d let those two be freebies.

[stuckylibrary]

hi! what's the fic where bucky was allergic to steve's cum? thank you xox

This one?

sneeze disease by silentwalrus (oneshot | 5,540 | M)

Bucky starts to believe in a vengeful god on May the twelfth, year of our Lord two thousand and fucking eighteen, because that’s the day he makes fun of Clint Barton for carrying around a dainty little packetful of tissues in his pocket and honking into them like a congested donkey every fifteen minutes. “Fucking polleb,” Clint swears, wiping at his watering eyes. “Fucking claritin. Fucking zyrtec. Fucking bastards, all of dem.”

“What’s happened to your pokeymen now?” Bucky asks distractedly, not looking away from where Natasha is very slowly setting the last Joker on her vast, exquisitely balanced house of cards.

“Dat’s not - dey’re not pokémon,” Clint says, aggrieved. “Dey’re drugs. And dey don’t work for me.”

[aggedyann]

Missed Dose

Ethan forgot his allergy meds but still has to go about his day

“Hachoo!” Ethan covered the sneeze with a tissue from the box on his desk and resisted the urge to rub his eyes.

“Bless you.” Toby said, softly, from the next workstation.

“Thanks.” Ethan swiped at his nose and began making his way through his emails and patient messages.

He’d started to make a dent in his messages when he was forced to press the tissue to his nose again. “HatShoo!”

“Bless you.”

Ethan nodded, blowing his nose and depositing the tissue in the wastebasket under his desk. He plucked another tissue from the box and kept it in his hand, at the ready, a move that didn’t go unnoticed by his colleague.

He progressed his way through the messages, hoping to get through them before he and Toby had to start teaching diabetes education. And before Toby killed him. Although, he mused, that might be a blessing today.

“AtChoo!”

“Bless you. You sick?” Toby frowned.

Ethan shook his head, sniffling.

“Stop and play with a dog on your way to work?”

Ethan laughed. “That’s never gonna happen.”

“Forget your allergy pills, then?”

Ethan looked down at his keyboard. “Yeah,” he admitted, sheepishly.

Toby stared at him in disbelief. “You? You forgot your pills?”

Ethan sighed. “I had the worst migraine last night. Tim woke me for my insulin, but we both forgot about the allergy meds.”

“Picked a hell of a day to do it. Pollen’s through the roof.” Toby commented.

Ethan picked up on the congestion in Toby’s voice and sighed. For Toby’s allergies to actually be audible in his voice, they had to be bad. Which meant Ethan was in for a long, rough day.

“Hey guys!” Toby called out to the room. “Mr. Perfect forgot his allergy pill. Prepare yourselves for a long day of listening to him sneeze.”

His announcement was met with sighs.

“Sorry.” Ethan blushed.

“I’ve got some Benadryl…” Neelah offered.

Ethan hesitated, remembering the last time he’d tried to mix Benadryl with work. He’d been so sleepy he couldn’t keep his eyes open, and Dustin had had to come pick him up.

“Thanks, Neel. But no. I’ll be nonfunctional in 30 if I take it.” He looked at Toby, hopefully. “You don’t have a Claritin stashed somewhere in your desk?”

Toby shook his head. “Sorry, man.” Concern flashed across his face. “You gonna be ok today? I mean, we’ve got class til noon. Then you’ve got patients.”

“I’ll manage. I’m inside now; it’s shoul- AhShoo! Should slow down. Besides, not the first time I’ve had to do this. Might be the first time I forgot Zyrtec though.”

“We know.” Paul called from across the room. “We’ve had to listen to you every time your allergies flare. At least the two of you sit in the corner.”

Ethan wiped his watery eyes, looking apologetic.

Toby nodded, eyes glazing over. He pulled his scrub top up over his face, sucking in a deep breath. “HehhhEptschoo! EmmpSchoo, EhhhtSchehh! Looks like I won’t be the only one sneezing through class today.” He grabbed a tissue from his box and blew his nose.

“Fucking allergies.” Ethan grumbled, turning back to his desk, hoping he could get through his messages before class time.

“You got that right,” Toby sniffled.

They walked into the classroom with 4 students sitting there, waiting for them. Ethan cleared his throat as he set the box of tissues on the table. “Hi. I’m Ethan, and this is Toby.” He glanced down at the tissues. “And just to warn you all now, we’re both really struggling with allergies today. I apologize for our sneezing in advance.”

Toby finished handing out packets and nodded. “Just bear with us on that part. Ethan’s going to start you off on a brief overview of Type II diabetes.”

“One second,” Ethan paused. “Hatshoo!” He pressed his nose into his shoulder. “Just wanted to get that out of the way first. Although, unfortunately, that won’t be the end of it.” He smiled, launching into his prepared lecture.

He was only too grateful to switch out with Toby half an hour later after answering a few questions, so he could step out to blow his nose. Toby was trying to explain carb counting when his first round of sneezes hit, forcing him to take a step back from the table. “Hehtchehh, ehptchuhh, heptschoo, heyyechtschoo, ehhtscheshh. Excuse me.” He apologized. “I may not be sneezing as frequently as Ethan, but it’s never just once for me. Excuse me for just one more minute.” He stepped out of the room, and they heard two more sneezes and the door across the hall close.

“I can answer any questions you may have so far.” Ethan offered, stepping in for Toby, who he hoped had just stepped out to blow his nose. He’d listened to Toby’s portion enough and had enough of his own experience to answer any basic questions, but if there was anything in depth, he’d have to wait for Toby to come back.

He was in the middle of answering a question about foods that were a mix of carbohydrates and proteins when Toby slipped back in, listening to his answer. “And now I’ll turn this back over to Toby,” he grinned, finishing his answer. “Hopefully, he can see if there’s anything I left out.” He looked at Toby. “Combination food, like pizza.”

“I think you covered it.” Toby cleared his throat. “Ethan’s been teaching this class for so long, I’m sure he can do the whole thing by now.” He resumed where he’d left off, explaining that what he was giving was a general guideline, but that everything would be individualized when they met with their nutritionist, then turned the class back over to Ethan to cover hypo- and hyperglycemia management.

Ethan approached the white board and began talking the class through the signs and symptoms of a low blood sugar. He was starting to switch gears to treatment when a sneeze snuck up on. “Atshoo!” He turned his head quickly to the side, managing to get his forearm up to block it. “Excuse me. As I was saying,” he sniffed, “you’ll want to treat with fast acting carbohydrates. You should carry glucose tablets with you as you may not always have access so something to eat or drink.” Clearing his throat, he filled them in on other options for treatment, and when they should recheck.

“Now, switching gears to hyperglycemia, or high blood sugar, excuse me. Hashoo!” He smothered another sneeze in the crook of his arm. “The best way to prevent hyperglycemia is good management of diabetes, but it can rise if there are changes in your diet, if you’re ill or under a lot of stress.” He began covering the symptoms. “For issues that are not transient, such as one day, you ate an extra piece of cake, or you have a cold, or a brief stressful situation such as an exam, it will resolve. But for anything that lasts longer, you’ll need to contact your doctor to help adjust your medication to bring your blood sugar back down.”

He paused. “Now, switching gears to sick day management, I’m going to turn things back to Toby.”

He looked over at Toby who was fiddling with a tissue and who shook his head. “On second thought,”

“HeptSchoo!” Toby interrupted.

“Let’s take our 15 minute break now. I’m sure we all could use it.”

“Ehckshoo!” Toby agreed as Ethan gave the 4 students directions to the restrooms and cafeteria.

“Hehhtsheshh, ehtshoo. Heyyyehhshoo-ehshoo!”

“Bless you.” Ethan frowned. “You ok?”

Toby blew his nose. “Making it. You?”

“I’ll get through it. Not gonna lie; counting down till I get home and can grab an allergy pill.”

Toby laughed slightly. “I still can’t believe you forgot.”

“Tim had to give me my insulin last night.” Ethan admitted.

“Damn…that bad?”

“Yeah.” Ethan bit his lip.

“Hey, thanks for covering for me earlier. Just couldn’t stop once I started.”

“No problem. Like you said, I could probably teach this solo by now.”

Toby cleared his throat. “I’m gonna go grab a drink. You want anything?”

“Sure. Diet whatever.”

“I know, I know.” Toby blew his nose again, sanitizing his hands after tossing the tissue in the trash.

Leaning back in the chair, Ethan sighed. It had already been a long day, and it wasn’t even close to 4. “Hatshoo!” He grabbed the hem of his shirt, ducking forward with the force of his sneeze to cover.

When the class returned, Toby launched into how to get enough carbohydrates to keep your blood sugar from dropping when you’re having a hard time eating. Ethan took over at the end, stressing the importance of continuing medications as usual, and contacting your doctor if difficulties persist more than a day. Pressing hard against his nose with the back of his hand for a second, he continued. “You should…AtShoo! Excuse me. You should go to the emergency room for the following.” He sniffled, launching into emergency management. Sniffling again, he concluded, “I know we’ve thrown a lot at you in the last 2 and a half hours, so Toby’s going to start taking questions, and I’ll be back in just a second.”

He stepped across the hall into the restroom to blow his nose and caught sight of his puffy eyes in the mirror. ‘At least he didn’t look a total disaster,” he thought, ‘considering the way he felt.” He’d looked much worse, but fortunately that had lately been reserved for Tim. Rinsing his face, he blew his nose again, washed his hands and headed back to the education room.

Toby was fielding food related questions when he entered, but the questions quickly turned to him. After 45 minutes, the questions had ceased, and the students were looking at them expectantly again.

“Hands on portion time.” Ethan cleared his throat, as Toby handed out glucometers to the students. “These are yours. The machine given to you is what your insurance covers and the supplies you get from now on will match the machine. We’re going to cover the use of these, making sure you all know how to use them. One of us will work with you individually to make sure you’re comfortable with the technique and the machine.”

He and Toby each paired up with a student, giving two students time to review course materials for a final Q&A at the end, then switching.

Fortunately for Ethan, his two students caught on quickly and were able to demonstrate with no problems within minutes following his example.

Toby, on the other hand, had a student who was having trouble with the machine and a nose that was starting to give him trouble again.

“Hehhptschoo.” He sneezed for the third time since starting his instruction, quietly thanking the student as she blessed him and apologized for struggling.

“It’s alright.” He reassured her, rubbing his nose.

“Want me to see if I can make it simpler? I’m basically an expert.” Ethan grinned, stepping next to Toby.

Toby shot him a grateful look, burying his face in his arm again. “Huptschoo. UhhtShuhh!”

Ethan took the spot next to the woman as Toby moved on to the final student and immediately knew what Toby’s problem had been: the perfume the woman was wearing was nice, barely noticeable (at least with his congestion) from a distance, but strong and very floral up close. And after a few seconds, he saw her problem as well. She wasn’t penetrating her skin far enough with the lancet, so by the time she had enough blood, the meter had timed out.

Using the demo meter, he showed her how to pierce the skin of her finger enough so she had enough blood, then slide it onto the strip. He adjusted her lancet to make it easier on her, and a few minutes later, she had the process down.

Burying a sneeze in his arm, he regrouped with Toby for the final Q&A. After another half hour of questions, they were able to dismiss the class a half hour early and return to the office.

“Thanks for covering for me with that woman.” Toby sighed. “Her perfume.” He groaned. “And I didn’t want to say anything.”

Ethan laughed. “No problem. You had a rough morning.”

“You were pretty undeterred by yours.”

“Just sneezed like 20 times as I was trying to teach…or interrupted you.”

Toby shrugged as he sat down at his desk. “I did my fair share of sneezing while you were talking.”

“AhChoo! Now to work through messages before lunch…and patients.”

[yessoupy]

i think i have to unstan harry styles.

best weekend of my life (so far)

it's been a week [a fucking year] and I still haven't posted my review. at this point y'all know the show was awesome. hannah is posting her pics after a week straight of actually working (let's take up a collection to hire hannah to go to harry shows and produce exclusive content for us, what do you say?). after a week [a YEAR] away from the harrie commune all I can say is.... I don't know if I can continue on this way without it. i might have to stop altogether. [somehow, i’ve made due.]

after the last show of the 2018 tour I had such a fierce feeling that I'd missed out on something I would have really loved. there was nothing to do for it, since it was my sister's wedding day, so I moved on pretty quickly. but I also made the decision that for harry's next tour, I was going to go all out.

my dudes, what a way to ring in the new era. [and present me needs to interject here that i think i knew that something was going to go horribly wrong in 2020. even with tickets in hand to such faraway shows as phoenix, denver, and raleigh, i could NOT book flights or hotels as late as february. i knew about coronavirus in late december because i was traveling abroad and acutely aware of travel warnings about wuhan province. and in early february we had our mardi gras party and franny showed up kind of sick and i hugged her but cautiously, mentally cataloguing her symptoms. so when it finally happened i think i was just ... resigned. and that’s why i wasn’t as upset as i would have been if nothing had changed from the time i started writing this review.]

this kind of show always seemed like something that happened to other people. getting the actual tickets was rather stressful (though not as stressful an experience as others had...) but once everything shook itself out i couldn’t even think about the weekend or else I’d implode. thank god for @chasm2018‘s organizational abilities. 

we missed a measles exposure at LAX by 2 days (bless). my first harrie commune™ experience of the weekend was riding the connections shuttle to pick up @papiermachecat at terminal 6 like she was a conquering hero (she is). we rode the connections shuttle to pick up @stylesinthewild and found a little table at starbucks in the baggage claim to wait for the bay area harries to arrive in their rented minivan full of goodies.

we piled in and hannah got us to our two hotel rooms, one with three queen beds, and somehow we got to the forum twice, once to buy pre-show merch and then the final time for the fine line show. we all dressed up and then took just ONE picture. one.

you know how the show went. i’m trying to cover ground that the squad hasn’t already posted [a YEAR AGO]

here is the note I DM'd to harry the next morning, which i think sums everything up nicely:

thank you for the show last night at the forum. I flew in from Houston and met up with friends from all over, only one of whom I'd gotten to hug in real life prior to yesterday. today we're sharing beds and toothpaste and fond memories. thank you for being you and bringing us all together. 💜

i don’t remember WHEN i sent it, maybe 3am, but later that day i took an uber to a vegan tattoo artist’s backyard studio to get a planned tattoo that @papiermachecat had sketched for me and my impulse tattoo of a fine line around my left wrist. while i was doing that, the squad finished up eating breakfast with other harries and then went to stand in the pop-up shop line.

you’ve heard the line stories. i fucking LOVE standing in a line for something because of the people you meet. in front of us we had a personal DJ who’d play what people wanted to hear and airdropped a picture of harry’s dick from WMYB. we’d break off in pairs to go to CVS or visit other people we knew in line. and this hasn’t been written about before, but one of those times hannah and i were walking around the block we saw some men standing by some cars near the entrance and we kind of stopped.... and i think at the same time realized who we were looking at ... and after looking around and realizing that no one else in the fucking line recognized jeff azoff hannah went in for the kill. we thanked him for taking such good care of harry, answered questions he had for us, thanked him again, i had the presence of mind at the end to tell him our names, and we took the pop-up shop merch menus that hadn’t been passed out to anyone yet, and then walked back to our spot in line silently, processing that moment. sometimes i’ll think about that conversation and get all warm and fuzzy thinking about that show and how well it went and how much LOVE there was for everything and harry and between all of us and it sustains me through a shitty, shitty pandemic day at work.

eventually we got through the line and got our merch and looked at all the things they had set up and after moving our reservation back we got to cafe habana to sit at a very familiar table and i took off my bandages to show my tattoos to everyone (to this day i regret not having the presence of mind to show jeff my brand new fine line tattoo, he would have loved it) and we ate and laughed and had the server take our picture and that’s probably what i miss most about the weekend, being in that place imbued with such silly meaning to us and all FEELING that gravity of where we were and being able to recognize it in each others’ eyes and smiles. perfect weather, amazing food, the best company.

the early morning saw our three queen room breaking up, and @papiermachecat left a single zyrtec in the middle of the room on the floor, bringing me to tears laughing even without her physical presence. @chasm2018 and i went to randy’s donuts (where we met up with @treatpeoplewithnice again) and GOD i want to eat donuts that good again. 

it was sad to leave LA that afternoon, wearing my new tpwk oversized hoodie. it wasn’t the last time i was around a big crowd of people, wasn’t even the last concert i attended before all of this happened (that was in vienna on december 30), but it was the last time i was going to be full of unbridled joy. that weekend was the real ode to joy.

we’ll get back to it, it’s just going to take some time.

@stylesinthewild, @papiermachecat, @greeneyesharry & emily, @treatpeoplewithnice, @aggresivelyfriendly, and @chasm2018: fine line forum squad forever in my heart. that weekend will always be so special to me for so many reasons and it wouldn’t have been the same without each and every one of you.

@accidentalharrie and @styloff - ONE of these times we’ll be in the same place for long enough to do more than hug and grin at each other.

@ferryboatpeak and @ticklefighthockey - it was great to meet you! and la who would have thought then our next meeting would be in the backyard of an airbnb sitting six feet apart because we don’t want to spread a disease?

to harry, who isn’t reading this but i need all of you who ARE to know my heart ... thank you for bringing these people into my life. this experience of being your fan has changed me in such profound ways that there’s really no way to express it. it’s less about you and more about those who love you like i do, and i love them. and you.

to jeff, thank you for taking such good care of harry and having his best interests at heart. 

to anne, thank you for raising such a good person and giving him to the world.

to camille, thank you for fine line. without you, that weekend doesn’t happen the way it did and i love that weekend. 

[just-your-average-tangerine]

You will never be a real man. You have no penis, you have no testicles, you have no sperm. You are a homosexual woman twisted by drugs and surgery into a crude mockery of nature’s perfection.

2) All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your parents are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your ghoulish appearance behind closed doors.

3) Women are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed them to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even trannies who “pass” look uncanny and unnatural to a woman. Your bone structure is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk girl home with you, she’ll turn tail and bolt the second she gets a whiff of your diseased, infected meat sausage.

4) You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.

(Apparently terfs didn't get the memo that tumblr removed the character limit on asks)

I know this is supposed to be insulting but this is honestly the funniest thing I've read in a while. Like the absolute confidence in sending hate mail that is just so obviously not applicable to my life.

"YoU DonT HavE A PEniS"

Do you think I don't know that? Do think I'm just going to read this and then look down and be like "what the fuck, where'd it go" like thanks I never would have guessed?

"You'RE a HomOSexUAl WoMaN"

I am attracted to men. Exclusively. And I'm pretty open about that.

"TWIstEd BY DrugS aND SurGErY"

What drugs? The only "drug" I use is zyrtec? Are you saying my fucking allergy medication transed my gender? And surgery!? The only surgery I've had in my life was to remove a potentially cancerous spot when I was 4? Was it the not cancer that turned me trans? Or was it the surgery itself? Who knew that minor surgery on my arm would trans my entire gender? Wild!

"Nature's perfection"

Honey my entire spine is crooked nature has some explaining to do.

"People mock you behind your back"

I'm autistic. People mock me to my face.

"Ghoulish appearance"

I fuckin wish that would be sick dude. Are we going like Tokyo ghoul style? Or are you using that more broadly? Can I be a vampire? I'm pale enough

"Women are repulsed by you"

Okay? Is that supposed to mean something to me?

"Thousands of years of evolution have allowed them to sniff out frauds"

Thousands of year of evolution dedicated to me? I'm flattered. But also I'm 23 so if thousands of years of evolution were dedicated to me before I was even born I think that makes me a god.

"Even trannies who “pass” look uncanny and unnatural to a woman. Your bone structure is a dead giveaway."

1. I don't care about passing

2. Again why do I care what women think of me

3. "Wait baby before we have sex let me break out the x-ray machine, gotta analyze your bones"

"diseased, infected meat sausage."

Actually I'm a vegetarian so it's a diseased and infected *soy* sausage. Thanks

And in regards to the whole 4th message.

Yeah I know. I've been depressed and suicidal since I was 9. Something about being forced to live as someone that I knew wasn't really me really fucked with my head.

I do appreciate the concern but I'm doing much better now. Finding a loving and supportive group of friends and getting to live more authentically really helped. Plus I'm hot