#the problem is he doesnt have an official bday so i have to make one up

[youmourn-a]

who here knows astrology because i need Assistance

[piningeddiediaz]

I personally think Pynch anniversary is November 2nd because 1st is ronans bday and idk they kissed and all and probably talked through the night and i think it makes sense that the anniversary would be November 2 but thats just me. They’re basically together now for 1 yr and idk 1-2 months. Since they got together 1 yr before adam left and now it’s November/December again.

I have a question btw. Why do you think so many people seem to dislike Adam and/or Declan? I mostly am following pynch / Adam blogs but i see a lot of negativity too and idgi.

I personally like gansey and blue for example even tho they’re not perfect but actually no character is, not even adam even tho i love him dearly. But so much of the stoey happens bc of adam and idk…

Also I hate kavinsky apologists or people who say ronan had a crush on him wtf 😳 like. No. Kavinsky was disgusting and yeah maybe lost too but an asshole nonetheless. Ronan was already riding his crush on adam wave and he def wasnt interested in kavinsky except for the racing and dreaming convos ?! Sorry brain dump

yeah, I suppose that makes sense. depends on when you define their anniversary ig? is it an anniversary when you first kiss? when you admit feelings? when you officially declare you are together? I sure as fuck wouldn't know!

and oh boy, I have thought about why people hate Adam a lot and I think Adam perfectly described why in trb - "rags to riches isn't a story anyone wants to hear until after its done." I can't speak for everyone, but it wasn't until end of trb/start of dream thieves that I started to like Adam. I liked gansey immediately, but barely skimmed over adam's chapters until we got to his "what do you want, Adam? to feel awake when my eyes are open" because suddenly I could understand with vivid clarity why I was so eager to not pay attention to Adam - it's because he is real. gansey, at least at the start, was not. he was from the get go established to be the typical male lead. handsome, popular, rich. he's privileged but tries to be humble (even when he fails at it), he tries to be a good friend (even tho sometimes he fails at it). gansey was presented to be the kind of protagonist we are all familiar with. we've seen him in nearly every piece of literature. but Adam? Adam is real. Adam is like the average person. he doesnt get to hope for a future, he has to make one. he understands this fact, perhaps more and way earlier than any other person might, and he wont let anything stand in the way. in trb it made him appear to be cruel, because when people read books about friendship they want it to be all or nothing. you would give up your life for your friend. you would give up everything for them. and so the audience, who are already naturally inclined to immediately go towards gansey, are frustrated at Adam because he's your friend! he just wants to help you! it's not until adam's arc ends that people really understand where Adam comes from, why adam does this. you cant give something to someone who has always had nothing and expect them to not think it doesnt come with strings attached. in the real world, it always does. and I think that is why adam's character arc hits all the more. I thought he was an interesting character from the start, but it wasn't until dream thieves, it wasn't until Adam had really really started his character development, that I finally understood. to me, personally, thinking too hard on adam's character was uncomfortable because then I would have to face the reality of life. liking gansey was safer, because he is the prince. the hero. the one you know is going to make it out in the end. the one you're supposed to like. but then Adam, who was supposed to be the side character in gansey's story, makes his own. he becomes the protagonist, takes charge of the story and the narrative - he doesnt just get the title of protagonist, he specifically makes it for himself. and honestly, I dont think adam's absolutely amazing spectacular character development hits as well if you didnt dislike him at the start because, Maggie makes sure you inevitably have an 'oh' moment where you realise that its been about adam parrish all along. its one of the main reasons why I will undoubtedly say Maggie Stiefvater is my favourite author - she is so good at manipulating her readers!

the same goes for declan, I think. we're not supposed to like him, because aside from that one pov he has, we only see him from the perspective of people who don't like him. I personally liked Declan right from the start, but I am in the minority because I know what its like to have to parent your shithead brother because your parents wont. but we were intended to not like declan until we finally saw his story from his pov in the dreamer trilogy. again, expert storytelling by mstief.

(tho if you still dont like declan and adam idk what to tell y'all. maybe reread the book with critical thinking skills?)

and yeah, I have to agree with you there. I have a lot of problems with a lot of things gansey and blue - especially gansey - do (more or less all of dream thieves??? I dont think I will ever forgive gansey for the car convo) but I cant say that makes me hate them exactly, because they are very complex characters.

and yeah dont even get me started on kavinsky. tbh I have his tag blocked and dont ever interact with any k posts. he was gross and disgusting and im glad he died.

[jeffandsarahrelationship]

the ballad of jeff and sarah

this is a blog to basically do two things .....to help me heal by putting it all out there and to get people who want to know what happened between us a place to see it and to stop Inboxing me about.....the following is my account and my account of the events alone....i cant speak for sarah or others involved because im not them....they can feel free and post a blog of their accounts if they wish.....this is just me trying to get over a breakup that i had my heart in....after this all quesstions or inquiries will be ignored if sent to my inbox i just want to move forward....and my therapist thought this blog would be a good way to do that....

so... i met sarah at a mutual friend jamies bday party.....jamie, richard, erica, rickie, and sarah all went....she stunned me .....such a beautiful woman that i couldnt speak right away ....i got shy ...she spoke to me first and then we started a convo...she, i and richard pretty much talked to each other the whole night .....we added each other on facebook and at the dinner she had a bf so i didnt think anything would happen....i was also talking to someone but nothing was set at that time.....i had talked to richard after that and he said he was interested in her as well...but that she had a boyfriend so we were out of luck....we began sending facebook messages back and forth for about 3 or 4 days ....the more we talked the more i was facinated by her likes, her interest, and just all around her perkiness, we both agreed there was something there but neither of us thought we should persue it.....but we did .....we decided to meet and go out to eat just to talk and get to know each other..i promised her ..while she had a boyfriend i was not going to try anything.......the sexual chemistry was strong that day....she asked if we could make out...so we did .....and it just keep going further....i couldnt fight what i felt for her.....we did stop though to go eat and talk.....and it was an amazing conversation....its safe to say i was enchanted by this woman....we then went back to her place where we got physical.....i felt like dog shit that i could do that to another person....not her ....her boyfriend.....but i couldnt get sarah out of my mind....we met i think two more times within the next two weeks....i had finally went on one date with the other girl....but i did not feel that connection to her that i did sarah.....ive tryed apologizing to her....but i dont blame her for hating me.....sarah wanted me to be her side piece i guess but i told her i couldnt do that ....it wasnt right doing that to john....her boyfriend at the time...so i told her i was ending things with the one i was seeing but that i wanted to be with her ....but i couldnt be her side man....i wanted to be her boyfriend....its john or me i said.....then i figured id never see her again....but she chose me and broke up with john.....so we started dating officially.....i was so happy....this amazing girl had chose me .....needless to say ....i fell pretty quick....i spent alot of time with her ....i wanted her to know im not gonna just leave....that i cared about her....she said she loved having me around that much as well...but dont all couples at the beginning i guess....we were honest about everything as far as i know....but i feel like she was...shes has extreme depression and a food disorder.....having never dealt with that ...i wanted to do my best to help or at least be there for her when she needed me....she also had social anxiety ..shes also thought about being polyamourous which i wasnt sure if i was open to....but maybe .....so we hung out with my friends and i told her i wanted her to make some friends with mine....so she would have an outlet.....her therapist told her to make female friends to...since she had only guys friends at that time....well she really got to know richard in that time..she was in awe of him....all his experiences and life choices he had made....what he knew about art and other things....she told me she was growing a crush on him.....which i was like ..ummmmm cause i know he had a crush on her.....i even made comments about them hooking up with i regret completely now...maybe i guess i just wanted to get it over with and hope the crush would dissappear.....

.she had told me in our conversations that when she feels an emotional connection with someone she has a hard time controlling herself ....pretty much a she did with me....

now i didnt worry about any of this or did we ever have problems until one day when she had a bad suicidal depression episode ....i had to work the next day but i tryed to talk her down....as did her therapist and others that she told me....so the next day i got done at work and went to see her....she was surprised to see me and said that she had already set up to hang with some people to help her.....but since i showed up she said did i want to join.....turned out she had talked to richard and wanted to have a convo with him alone....i didnt like that....i got scared and worried cause i knew they both had crushes on each other....but as a boyfriend....i didnt want to stop her from getting help for her depression if he could help......so i took her to his house and i went home for two hours and let them talk....my brain was eating me alive ....but i trusted my gf even after what she told me .....and i trusted richard who was my best friend since moving up here.....after i picked her up ....i told her about all that ...that i was uncomfortable about it....and why .....that it really was bothering me.....she did her best to reassure me that nothing was going on with richard ....and i felt better once she was in my arms again.....after that ....everytime she wanted to go out...she was like lets go to richards cause he has surround sound and such...but it was like ....anytime we went out....lets hit up richard.....so i got exteremly uncomfortable and told her.....then a couple of sundays ago....while i had my daughter ....she went with richard jo and jamie to the knoxville zoo....i was sad i couldnt go but i hoped they had fun.....i messaged her  during that time to just know she was having fun....as well as to shut my brain down of the fact she was with richard.....

when they got home....i was supposed to pick her up and go back to her place....when she got here....she asked again if i would wait an hour so that her and richard could talk alone again.....i freaked....i was not having it....i was about in tears upset....why does she keep wanting to talk to him.....they both have a crush ...no no  no no......but i said go ahead and talk....but i drove over at the same time....i sat in the drive way about 10 mins....my mind running in circles....i couldnt take it....were they talking about us....did she make a move on him like she did me while she was with john.....i didnt know i couldnt take it....so i got out of the truck and went around the back and tryed to listen to the convo.....i know this is not a good look on me ....but i wasnt thinking straight.....i was scared to death....i sat there a min trying to listen then realized what i was doing.....so i went around the front ...knocked on the door and told them both we needed to talk.......

i told them i wasnt comfortable with them being alone ....i didnt want anything to happen between them....that i knew she wanted richard which she confirmed right then that she wanted us both.....so i freaked again....and it ended up becoming a conversation about how richard could take care of her better than i could....richard said cause of my scared nature of what might happen he may have to bow out of a friendship with him and sarah....sarah took her hand from me at that point....sarah and i at the end were both drained...we went home....talked more between us ....and she said well if he doesnt want to be friends...i guess thats it.....but i thought me and her were ok....the next day we spend the morning together happy as can be....i took her to her group and picked her up....she was happy....however while she was in group richard sent a group message to both of us saying he had seen where i was out back trying to listen or see in.....and that he couldnt be friends anymore with her while we were together....she held my hand ...until she read his message....took it away and never gave it back....we were gonna go on a hike but she said take her home instead....where she dumped me......i left crying.....blaming myself.....barely able to see...i cryed for two days ......the first day i watched the chattooine meeting and they were sitting next to each other....i went into a deep depression.....finally on wens or thurs she messaged me.....telling me she still loved me but he didnt know what she wanted ...that she did want richard...but she also wanted me....she told me the truth about what had happened between her and richard in those first few days....but thats their business so i wont share that here.......however we talked and talked and she asked me could i be poly with her and richard .....i said i didnt know....also that jack had asked her out as well as talking to her ex john....who she said she might have sex with or not....why tell me that?

well we talked and she asked me to pick her up friday so we could talk about being poly.....we did and i didnt know if i could do that ...share my girl with another man....but i thought about giving it a shot.. i even messaged a few friends to get their advice on the subject....we then made love that night....i dont think she told that to richard.....the friday after the breakup.....and she talked to me all day saturday telling  me being poly would be great ...i would see.....having thoughts about me and richard and her.....he then picked her up saturday night....and sunday they went facebook official ....i had to get out of this so i blocked them both.....i couldnt handle it.....it sent me back into depression mode.....so monday i told her over phone...i couldnt be poly .....i couldnt share my girl....she told me it didnt matter cause she was with richard now....and thats pretty much where im at....trying to move on..

NOW IM NOT LYING ABOUT NONE OF THIS....IT IS SIMPLY MY ACCOUNT OF THE SITUATION....I ALSO HAVE SCREENSHOTS TO BACK UP MOST OF WHAT IVE SAID .....SO I CAN PROVE IM NOT A LIER....i am not trying to break up richard and sarah.....she even told me today she thinks he the one...and good for her.....but i needed to get this out of my system and to also stop all the inbox questions....cause damn guys.....it fucking hurts .......i lost my best friend and the woman i loved.....and 50 of you ....wanted to know the details so here they are.....

[lavenoon]

Okay so like, I need to vent bc everything is too much and things are crashing down on me rn and I gotta organize my thoughts

1) school started again and every year I notice more and more shit, like, someone I thought was okay saying no one needs feminism and women just whine too much, same guy joking abt how it wouldn’t matter if boys are raped bc they enjoy that and me being too scared to say anything bc then I’m the killjoy and i take everything too serious and one against a whole classroom is too much for me  Like, I’m part of a anti racism/ intolerance team at my school and we had a whole project day last school year and it was a success but seeing all this in my school in my year from people I considered nice and everything else in the world, especially with what happened in the usa and in barcelona, I just feel like it was all for nothing, like I’m not making any difference even tho I know I did and I know this is only the first step and I can do more it’s just overwhelming

2) I still don’t have my driving license but I’m getting pressured from all sides to get it and I want it but my teacher doesnt call me back even tho he promised and then I’ll be gone next week bc of a school trip and like thats another whole week gone even tho I just need one more lesson to get used to driving again and then have the exam which I’m sure I’d pass???? and I meant to call my teacher but I got home from school dead exhausted the last few days and slept so long that it would have been rude to call him after I woke up again and now it’s not worth it anyway bc I’ll be gone the day after tomorrow??? my dad said he or my mom can call but it’s the same problem, I just want my damn license

3) school trip. like, really cool, firenze, sweet, toscana, nice. but with the course system at my school my main course is p big, we’re like 20+ people, and we’re going there with another course so we’re like 40 people. and out of those 40 people I get along with only a handful, like, even tho one of my best friends is there there’ll also be a girl I was friends with before I noticed it’s too toxic for me to stay in that friendship and we still don’t get along and I know my friend will always choose her over me and I don’t want to be whining abt second choices but it’s sure gonna be lonely if I can only hang out with people I just kinda get along with??? and it’s so far from home and I’ll be there on my bday so like I won’t be with my family that day, we got home a day later but still. In my course is also a girl I share my bday with, like, exact same day, same year kinda thing, and I’m not sure how to handle it bc like, do we do smth? will she do smth with my friend and other people I don’t know too well??? will I awkwardly sit with them on the bus ride home just what am I supposed to do????  I know I shouldn’t whine like this, it’s gonna be cool, we’re gonna have fun, I’m gonna have fun in the end but the anxiety is fucking me up and I feel like complaining abt it would be too much and like, first world problem like which it is but I just I hate my anxiety I’m sorry ???? 

4) my 18th birthday is in exactly a week and like, I’m not sure if I’m ready like it’s so much I don’t think I can do all that, I’ll be considered an adult my official shit like i gotta talk to the bank abt my account and I’m anxious and like, money what abt money abt insurance and taxes and like I have no idea I swear, I’m scared, I’m so scared of growing up I’ll graduate in spring next year and go to university and I have a plan but I’m scared and it’s pathetic and I hate it so much

5) I remind myself all the time that I don’t need romance/ a significant other to feel whole but really I’m craving some support and just being loved and being held and all that fluffy romantic shit and I feel weird because I hear so many stories abt (mostly) boyfriends and so many people have a partner and I want one too but I don’t do much beside school and like, I could go out??? go party??? but I don’t like partying and I don’t know if I want to go out with someone I met in the local clubs??? and I just feel so small and lonely and just really wish I had someone. My best shot really will be university, since I’ll probs move then and meet new people with the same interests too but it’s so much time till then and besides everything what logic tells me I am scared that no one will love me, it’s bullshit but I still think like that and I try not to and tell myself everything I read on here, I am whole by myself, I don’t need someone else to be happy, gotta give myself time to find someone, but I’m lonely and thoughts like that don’t help

so I’m crying but like, at least I could put that shit into words