#the problem is. that i do not believe in the beliefs of the 'bi means you are in love with every woman and 2.3 men' but i am playing it out.

[farragoofwires]

don' dweeblog

fuck completely forgot about my erstwhile crush on my best male friend who turned out to be gay. queers really do be into other queers. is the thing.

[capinejghafa]

ooh! I would love to hear your thoughts about Kanej and how they could bridge a gap between them being people who love/want each other and lead it to sex… or if you don’t think this way lmk too

I personally think that Bardugo left it open to them to eventually have a physical relationship. But I can also see someone who is ace believe them to never need it, at least never need sex but still enjoy physical intimacy (hand holding, kissing, cuddling, nothing much more beyond that).

I think Leigh Bardugo definitely intended for Kaz and Inej to eventually bridge that gap from holding hands to kissing, to leading them to have sex. I don't think there's nothing particularly wrong people who have such trauma with touch to want to have. In the books, LB has shown us that Kaz, in particular, has romantic feelings for other girls but due to age/circumstances nothing happened. I think it's hard for Inej because she was taken when she was 14.

The problem isn't that Kaz and Inej don't want it, it's that the trauma is severe. Throughout both the book and show, we see them gravitate towards each other. We see the phrase like his girl, his wraith, her husband; we learn about their deep connection that other people notice. Leigh isn't trying to hide what they mean to each other (even Nik sees it lol)

To develop a relationship between the two it's going to take time, it's going to take energy, space, and room to grow together and apart. I would even add maybe exploration of their sexuality, since of the six of crows only three we know for certain. I'm not personally of the belief that they shouldn't be allowed to explore with other people (not that I read a lot of Kaz or Inej with an OC... Kanej has to always has to be the endgame for me). I think that's why I could easily buy into bi!Kanej simply because they are actually rather young and have the capacity to grow, explore, and learn about themselves if they so choose to.

And listen before I get into this next part: there is nothing wrong with being ace, you are valid, you are real.

I don't personally agree with the hc of ace!Kanej. I think i might be more inclined if it was stated that they were on the ace spectrum. Something like demi!Kanej works because they have grown to develop that type of relationship. The personal issue I have with ace!Kaz or ace!Inej is people's assumption that asexuality has to do with trauma, both of the sexual nature or circumstantial nature. As someone who identifies as demi bi, that type of thinking is so harmful and for someone who is a survivor of SA... I take issues with it because it's so personal. At the end of the day, I'm not going to police people for hc-ing Kaz or Inej as ace and that's that on that.

I think it's important to that we acknowledge that these kids aren't getting the therapy they desperately need but they aren't beyond the abilities to grow as characters or in a relationship.

[the-crystalized-cosmos]

Welcome to The Crystalized Cosmos

[PT: Welcome to The Crystalized Cosmos /end PT]

This is a place for us to coin terms, share our wordmojis, as well as just kinda do our own thing. Everything will be tagged, so if you don't want to see one of those, feel free to block that tag. Most of the terms we use are easily found upon googling, but feel free to ask what something means! General Heads up that we are not consistent! We may post several things at once, then nothing for a week. Energy varies, we'll be back soon enough.

There's a lot more under the cut, including a general "About Us" section, BYF/DNI, how we handle various accessibility features, and a general overview of our tagging system. Fair Warning it is long, but sectioned to help against some of the visual overwhelmingness.

Pronouns and general info can be found on our pronouns.cc (link). All terms and flags are free to use by anyone. Anyone can make an alt flag/synonym for our term. Please just give us credit for the original coining.

[ID: A thin light red line. /End ID]

About Us

[PT: About us /End PT]

We're a system primarily made up of 2 side systems and a large sparsystem, and a second sparsystem. We're a mediple mixed origin specutien system, however specifics differ between sisasystems. Our overall host (and main blog keeper) is Zev, who has been frontstuck most of our life. Overall we're trans nonbinary genderfluid, aspec omni, and polyamorous, though obviously this differs by headmate. We're also intersex.

We are both neurodivergent and physically disabled in several ways. This includes Autism and ADHD, Multiple Personality Disorders, RSD, a Tic Disorder, Breathing Problems, and more. We are currently a nearly full time cane user (full time when not home, part time at home), and are a part time AAC user due to speech and typing ability loss episodes.

More info on individual blog keepers can be found at on our pronouns.cc (link), but it is a huge wip currently, so be warned.

[ID: A thin light yellow line. /End ID]

BYF: (Before You Follow)

[PT: BYF: (Before You Follow) /End PT]

Our "Before You Follow" list is a list of our identities/beliefs that may make you want to not interact with us, however we have no rules around any interactions revolving things on this list.

We are bodily a minor

We are not comfortable using Tulpa for our created headmates in any way, however do not care if someone else uses it.

There will probably be cussing on this page. It will be tagged, but you've been warned.

We reclaim slurs, a lot. We, collectively and as individuals, find them important to our identity. They will be tagged, but not TW or CW.

[ID: A thin light green line. /End ID]

DNI/DNF: (Do Not Interact/Do Not Follow)

[PT: DNI/DNF: (Do Not Interact/Do Not Follow) /End PT]

Anti Endos, Sysmeds

Anyone fine with sharing anti-endo rhetoric/post into spaces that are supposed to be safe spaces for endos. We're fine if you interact (comment, reblog, etc), but don't want you following. An exception is wikis and archive blogs. This rule is loose, and we are more lenient on it, but trust our personal moderation for us best.

Anti Mspec Monos (bi lesbian, omni turian, etc)

Anti Lesboys, Turigirls, etc

Don't believe being any form of Aspec or Intersex is inherently queer on its own.

Anti Xeno- or otherwise Neo- genders, Anti Neopronouns or other form of Pronoun Nonconformity (She/Her Gays, He/Him Nonbinary, etc)

Believe non-physical disabilities belong in cripple punk (I will not debate what counts as physically disabled. If you use the label physically disabled, you can be a part of cripple punk, if you do not, you are not a part of it).

Radqueer/TransID (TransID in the Radqueer way specifically, not from the communities they stole terms from)

Generally a bigot (Homophobic, Transphobic, Racist, Ableist, you get the point)

We reserve the right to block whoever we want for any reason we want (and do), and encourage you to do the same.

[ID: A thin light blue line. /End ID]

Accessibility

[PT: Accessibility /End PT]

Plain Text:

Plain text is text that a screen reader can read without breaking, and in Tumblr is needed for everything that is not regular text (like this), a list format, and indented text.

We add plain text in the following format you've seen throughout this post which is [PT: example /End PT]. We also make it indented for easier visual separation.

"Why do you bother using formats if you have to write plain text?"

We mostly use plain text for Header formats. This is because headers help us not get visually overwhelmed when reading our posts, and make it easier for us to read.

Image Descriptions:

An Image Description is a text describing what an image looks like. We will primarily do these for flags, emojis, and dividers as we don't plan to post any other pictures (but will describe all images we post).

Image Descriptions follow the format you've seen in this post, and look like the following [ID: example /End ID], and are indented for easy visual separation.

"Why don't you use alt text?"

We don't use alt text for a few reasons! 1: it commonly breaks on tumblr, while in-post IDs don't. 2: we actually find them inaccessible! While we don't need them for most posts, images with a lot of words are inaccessible to us, as we cannot highlight to keep track of words, and cannot read it otherwise. Alt text is not highlightable! So it is just as inaccessible to us as the image itself for us.

Dividers and Headers:

As mentioned, and as you have likely noticed, we use both dividers and headers a lot in our posts. While we understand this isn't the most accessible to screen readers, we tend to get very visually overwhelmed when looking at long posts without separation. Headers and Dividers make finding parts of a post fast, easy, and mean we can read back our own posts. But as stated we always transcribe these for screen readers, and keep it simple too avoid overwhelming everyone.

TQs:

This is a section we will add to, once we've decided how we plan to handle this.

However, some of us do have involuntary TQs, and it causes us the same pain to translate in the moment as it does trying to force a not scribal headmate to type. It doesn't work.

They are allowed to make posts here. This is not debatable. We are currently trying to figure out the best accessibility option on posts, that doesn't require completely erasing their TQs, as that is a part of them and deserves as much recognition as a member not being able to talk or type.

These posts will be tagged, and we understand sometimes access needs are incompatible. However, if you will be pissy about this, get out. We will not debate the validity of what you think members "can" do, or "should" do.

[ID: A thin light purple line. /End ID]

Tagging Format

[PT: Tagging Format /End PT]

This is not a comprehensive list of common tags on post, but just general guide to how we tag stuff.

Poster:

Each post will be signed by who posted it with a dash (-) after the hashtag and before the name (ex: #-Zev). If multiple folks post together, each name will be separate (ex: #-Scribs #-Adrian). You may also see roles if it's from just most or all of the folks who have that role (ex: #-NPD Holders).

Along with this, you may see #-Translator for some folks who cannot type on their own. We wont put who the translator was as to keep the focus on who created the post, whether they typed it or not.

We also tag reblogs as #-Reblog and add the member who reposted it (so if Zev reblogs something, you'll see both #-Reblog and #-Zev)

Accessibility Tags:

We tag posts as either #Has PT or #Needs PT if they have or need plain text respectively. Same with #Has ID or #Needs ID.

We will tag any posts we suspect of being eyestrain-y as #Eyestrain. This helps us immensely, and helps a lot of others too. However despite being heavily affected, we may miss something. If you find something eyestrain-y that we do not tag, please either send us an ask or message us! Preferably with the link.

We also plan to tag any posts with a non screen reader safe Typing Quirk as #TQ and #No PT.

We will not be posting any videos with jump scares or flashing lights, and therefore do not have tags for them.

Please let us know if we need to tag anything else for accessibility!

Slurs and Cussing:

We will not tag usage of slurs with a TW or CW. We will instead tag them as #Reclaimed Slur as well as the slur itself like #Cripple.

We do not tag individual cuss words, nor do we tag these as a TW or CW, but just tag them in general as #Cussing.

Creations:

We plan on coining terms (as well as flags to go with most if not all the flags), as well as wordmojis (emojis of words) that we use for communication. While we don't actively advertise requests, we are willing to at least contemplate requests (and very likely to do it for wordmojis, terms take more energy).

We will tag terms as #Terms, flags as #Flags, wordmojis as #Wordmojis and #Custom Emoji. They will also be tagged as other things related to it (so queer centered wordmojis will be tagged as #queer wordmojis and what the actual words are such as #lesbian wordmojis).

However #Terms, #Flags, and #Wordmojis are good things to search if you're looking for something here!

Other Things To Look Out For:

This blog will likely have bug talk, and bug pics, tagged as #Bugs #TW Bugs #Bug Talk and #Bugs #TW Bugs #Bug Pics respectively.

We are also likely to posts Vents (#Venting), and Complaints (#Complaining) so feel free to block that if you want. (Vent is more heavy than complaints, complaints tend to be little things that annoy us).

We also tag especially system/plurality focused posts as #Pro Endo and #Endo Safe.

Again, this is not an exhaustive list, but might help some folks better filter content.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

There are a lot of misconceptions about what bisexuality means and looks like.

Many stigmas surrounding what it means to be bisexual place unwanted labels onto others.

It's not true that bisexual-identifying people are more likely to cheat or are simply "confused."

According to the Kinsey Scale, sexuality is a spectrum. The way that you identify is not limited to "gay" or "straight," and sometimes, it's not limited to identity at all.

There's a societal pressure to choose a label to make your identity more simple or convenient for other people, and in doing so, it can be difficult to experience your journey on your own terms.

It took me many years to understand and accept that I am bisexual.

Even as I say that, the identifier doesn't quite sum it all up, because there's more to my sexuality than the perception attached to its label.

There are a lot of misconceptions about what bisexuality means and looks like, and sometimes the stigma makes me want to scream. Let me clear some things up.

I'm not only attracted to people who identify as women or people who identify as men

The prefix "bi" means two, and therefore there's a belief that being bisexual means you're attracted to men and women. Period.

According to the Human Rights Campaign, bisexuality can be defined as an attraction to more than one gender, meaning that I am attracted to people that identify as female, as well as those who do not. Gender in itself is complex, and it would be naive to assume that bisexuality can simplify it to either male or female attraction.

I'm not confused about my sexuality

There's an unfair stigma that being bisexual is another way of saying that you're confused as to what you want. That belief erases the bisexual identity as a whole by discrediting who I am attracted to.

I am not unsure of who I love, this is not a phase, and I am not repressing some alternate, closeted sexuality. I am bisexual, and I am sure of this. No one gets to decide how you feel other than you.

Being bisexual doesn't make you more likely to cheat on your partner

Being bisexual doesn't mean I'm unfaithful.

There's an assumption that having an attraction to two or more genders makes someone less capable of being faithful in a relationship because their needs are not fulfilled by the gender of the person they are with. Sexuality has nothing to do with infidelity.

A person's loyalty to their relationship is personal and based on the individual, not their sexual identity.

Having an attraction to someone opposite the gender of the person you're in a relationship with does not mean that you're more likely to wander from your partner.

Anyone is capable of cheating on their significant other — bi, straight, gay, trans, so on and so forth. Bisexuality is not the gateway drug to infidelity.

Bisexuality looks different for everyone

There is no wrong way to own your sexuality. Everyone experiences a different journey to discovering their truth, and the way that I define my bisexuality might not look the same as the way you define your bisexuality.

That does not make my identity more or less real than yours, it just means that we are different, and that's OK. How boring would life be if we were all the same?

I am a part of the LGBTQ community

The "B" should not be overlooked.

You see that B in LGBTQ? It stands for bisexuality. That in itself should be an indicator that we are included within the overarching LGBTQ community, but bi-erasure is a real problem.

There are some people within the community that fall into the trap of believing many of the stigmas against the bisexual community, and therefore they choose to negate the existence of our sexuality because it isn't queer enough.

If you are not in a relationship with someone that is the same gender as you, but you identify as bisexual, you are a valid member of the community. If you are in a relationship with someone that is the same gender as you, but you identify as bisexual, you are a valid member of the community.

The gender of your partner does not invalidate your sexual identity or your inclusion within the LGBTQ community.

[lacktastrophe]

My issue with Paulo x Daisy is how it’s pushed in when Paulo’s sexuality is brought up. It bugs me that whenever he considers a guy an option, it’s immediately followed by Paulo x Daisy. I know that it’s important he accepts his sexuality and that him ending up with Daisy doesn’t change that. Why not just have him accept that he’s bi without all the back and forth with James? It’s a bit disheartening to see a chapter start with “ooh gay” and quickly shift to “nah”

Paulo has already accepted his bi-ness though, this happened back in Golden Hour. Paulo had already worked up to the idea that he was Bi in Boy Toy, but Casual Outing was dealing with an inner conflict that was stopping him, and that was really with the idea of others accepting him, particularly given it's a 180 from his earlier idea of believing hyper-masculinity would find him the kind of acceptance he was originally after. Paulo had to do so without Daisy's help through a greater number of interactions, one through David who had his own coming out (Paulo running away too because he's not at all well when he is the one receiving affection/positive afirmation, which also leads to....), and perspectives outside of his own from an older person who is just as scared as he is about his sexual identity and acceptance from others. That enabled Paulo's confidence into him understanding he's not alone with feelings like this or the one dealing with the worst cards out there.

And maybe also becoming juuuuuuust a little less judgy on people.

Had Paulo not already been confident in being bi himself I'd be pretty sure doing what he did to find out if Jordan was gay would've been more difficult if not an option if he was not already comfortable with the idea of trying the thing he does with women would work on men too, nor would I think he would've been more admitted or considering the idea of seeing either James or Mike as valid candidates in Track Meet. Paulo is not here in Track Meet gushing over the prospect of being bi still, he's upset and dealing with a broken heart because he mistook James' natural positive atitude towards him as potential interest of a closer relationship.

I'll take the Knuckle on the head for suggesting Good Enough was about Paulo's sexuality. That wasn't accurate, should've given it more thought; it's about relationships. It's a continuation of Track Meet and goes further with the previous story as Paulo is able to confirm for fact that James is absolutely set on Mike without a doubt, and he opens up to Daisy about the status of his interests among a number of things:

Daisy letting him know he can rely on her for support when it comes to his feelings, he doesn't need to internalise his problems like how Lucy had.

Paulo coming to terms with him losing out on a relationship and dealing with an indirect-rejection given James' interest and move in on a close friend and not him.

We understand Paulo never really tried to move the wheels on those relaitonships because we discovered they were fallbacks. Paulo's admits that his heart is absolutely set on Daisy. He's just jealous of the fact those two are likely ready to hit it off in a faster time than what it's taking for him (or for her for the matter) to work up to the courage of telling Daisy what she really means to him.

And yeah, the last point is that these two do love each other and they both KNOW this. But they are holding out, because neither believe they're Good Enough for the other.

David's still playing match maker

But yeah. I think the belief Paulo x Daisy is being shoehorned in is a misunderstanding. It really is more this was bound to happen because Paulo only ever apparently sought her out when it came to his feelings. He trusted her that much above the others, and this is more of a point especially as Paulo has access to older people who are marginally better adjusted to their sexuality and so on. Considering too that these two only ever see growth through these kinds of one-on-one interactions, it's hard to imagine there really being any other path available. Daisy being the more rational one over Paulo's brashness really just consolidates how they really are made to develop off one another. This is the same sort of thing that's really only stopping Paulo from developing other closer relationships too, whether that was Paulo x David/Jordan/Matt/Sue/Amaya/Rachel etc etc, it really is because Paulo is more comfortable with sharing the deeper ones with Daisy a greater percentage of the time.

Honestly not too different to how Lucy and Mike would only share their feelings between each other, now that I think about it...

[eisforeidolon]

The problem with Hellers was/is that they rely on their assumptions, ''theories'' that they come up with, ''analyses'' of things like lighting, shot angles, and ''meta'' & ''subtext'' etc rather than focusing on the actual story that was being told to us.

They essentially built a whole new narrative that they came up with and wrote several ''analyses'' on that new narrative that they created. Their 'meta' had the same reason and point. By writing those meta, they were/are essentially trying to make their new created narrative reasonable. Because after all, not all Hellers' analyses and detailed meta essays can be wrong, right? In their logic it is like, ''Don't you see the theories/analyses/meta that we have? How something this detailed and ''intelligently'' analysed can be wrong????''

Then they were and are building a community, an echo chamber surrounding it. They posted their ''meta analyses'' on tumblr or elsewhere, and then trying to make other people believe in those analyses. They take stuff/scenes out of context from the show to prove their point. The slowed-down gif sets, the irrelevant ''bi lighting'' stuff, their trying to dig underneath the real narrative and actual story to find something that supposedly 'supports' their reasoning and meta analyses.... and so on so forth.

It is also not so great when other people who have not watched SPN believe in those things. Because like. They are being led to believe in things that do not even canonically exist in the show.

It also creates false perception, and overall toxic fandom experience when it comes to the point that Hellers lash out to people, even to the cast members like Jensen for supposedly 'being homophobic' just because those people/cast members do not believe in Hellers' so ''intelligent'' meta analyses.

It is also very tiring and... quite irritating and unhealthy when this is still ongoing even after at least 10 freaking years... People still believe in the stuff they come up with, or believe in their own delusions. They think Destiel is or will be made canon... somewhere, somehow, in some year, in some future. Oh, it is definitely going to be a thing in the prequel. Or somehwere in the future in another show for sure.

If it is not ''canon'', then it still is acually canon due to the '''obvious parallels'' the prequel puts on screen!!!!! But it is also queerbaiting because the show didn't show Castiel and Dean fucking on screen. and so on so forth....

This level of reasoning won't end. It will continue to exist even after years. Because it is something that is embedded in the Hellers community.

I agree completely. Except I am equal parts exasperated and fascinated by it. Just the whole process of how people get sucked into believing in something that's so patently false and as a group dig down to become so entrenched in that belief seemingly no amount of reality can shake it.

The giant house of cards that is their meta, where supposedly it's this epic narrative built over time - but if you examine any/every individual piece in its original context, the whole thing falls in on itself. The obvious logical fallacy where all their theories start by assuming D/C has to be made canon and work backwards to determine what can be used as evidence effectively ignoring most of the show. How its literally always the lighting or set dressing or some exhausting meta about real meaning of bacon and never anything in the explicit narrative telling the supposedly existent story. How literally the only person involved in making the show that eggs them on to insist it's intentionally part of the show is the guy who has ship-themed crap to sell them. If you look at it with any degree of objectivity, it's absolutely, obviously bonkers.

And yet.

Year after year, failed prediction after failed prediction, end of the show included? Here they still are, actively insisting that even though SPN is over, RC/TW/a reboot will show us all that it's REALLY REAL.

[futurecorps3]

Hi. I’d like to get 🩸, please. I wrote this beast of a description some time ago and don’t really have time rn to be so kind & shorten it, so I don’t mind the potential wait/your refusal to do it. Either way, congratulations on your follower count, I look forward to interacting (in a more digestible form)

Looks: I’m in my teens. I look close to Mia Goth, though I have gray eyes. My hair is blond and thick, an overgrown wolfcut I always take care of myself. I’m 5’7, somewhat athletic. I switch between dressing like Bella Swan, dark coquettes (most often) and this masc casual style. I have a diy tattoo I did a few years back. I also have a few noticeable scars, don’t like them but the stories can be interesting. One big on my chest (sword fight), between eyebrows, left chin (knife), big few on the right arm (ironically, a crow). I wear dark fem makeup or coquette. My dominant hand is a little messed up bc it was broken in a fight as a kid and I never did anything with it so it didn’t heal well

Personality: Im an entj, he/she (male/female bigender), bi. I’m social, hardworking, brave, optimistic, ambitious, motivated. People tend to get frustrated with how closed off I can be. I’m careful with my words and I don’t talk about my life if I don’t need to. Actually, I’m not very honest at all, though if I care about someone it can change. I see it as valuing my privacy and looking after myself. Romance is a nice concept, love the books, but I tend to dodge all attempts people make at forming relationships. And the amount of people who see friendship w me as a degrading means to an end made me a tad cynical about it. Doesn’t mean I don’t like the occasional flirt though. In the right company I like to make friends laugh, unwind, be the life of the party. Doctors said I don’t have empathy and show many sights of npd. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it’s a part of me. I still can be decent to friends (where empathy fails I still have common sense). Honestly,I’m softer than I’d like to admit. I get on with kids nicely and I’d like a few on my own when I grow up. I’m protective of my family, my older brothers mean the world to me. Another thing that’s important is my faith. I’m polytheistic and very religious (but I respect other beliefs). I like to befriend local animals too, in my free time. People call me stubborn, I’m the kind of person to push until I succeed, even if it hurts. Privately at least. In any kind of structure I know my place and I help the team/my boss/other superiors dutifully. I try not to be very emotional, but sometimes i fail. Usually I turn to anger, though I wouldn’t turn on my loved ones. I try to be fair in my actions. Many say I’m comforting, though I see myself more as a problem solver. And yeah, perhaps I am filled with (rightful) guilt about the loss of my close family member. But that’s mine to know and for others to never find out. I have shared more here than I did (or will) with anyone irl. In private I believe I can be a little funny and silly, nonchalant even. Also soft, as my friend calls it, ‘homely’. In the end, I did manage to fit myself into quite a list of friend groups so I’d like to believe I’m not too bad to hang around

My type: I’d like someone I could relate to. Someone who would understand my ambition and drive, my issues, inspire me to try harder, but also someone who would understand my anger (even if by enabling my worse parts). Maybe even harder than me. As bad as it sounds I don’t care for morals all that much, not in a “I like bad girls/boys” kind of way. It’s just that if they don’t hold harmful beliefs (racism, sexism etc) I don’t look much further into it. Someone who wouldn’t jump on the whole romance thing right away and smother me. They have to have their own thing they do, other than love. My love language’s acts of service. And when they notice details, learn about me. It’s a running joke among my friends that I’ll end up in a rivals to lovers kind of deal bc of how stubborn and averse to romance I am. I need someone who would understand that my family comes first (before me too) and I do anything for them. And I will call my s/o out if needed too

Likes: physical activity (I used to do a ton of sports from cheer and dancing to basketball); money - having it, making it; romance novels; dogs; birds; writing stories, poems, making music, painting, though I’m not so open about it; parties; family; social interactions; my job (legal or not, anything that involves bulshitting ppl and supporting myself is nice, sry); taking care of others; cooking and baking; acting/performing; giving gifts; fashion; snow and the cold (my hand be damned, I view winter as a gift from gods); shows like Bridgerton (I’m so fine after watching Kate/Anthony storyline I swear), books like soc, pjo, the cruel Prince, dps;

Dislikes: losing/failing; deep bodies of water; whole concept of death, even if I know what comes next I can’t stand it; feeling useless; people with no drive; quitters;

Facts: Im Slavic; had basic medical training; my family would call me something akin to ‘little merchant’ in our language, bc of my talent for bargaining and talking ppl into things; normally I don’t flex half as bad; dark eyes r soo attractive to me, but if I like your goals and motives, I’m into you either way; like Hannah Montana I have the best of both worlds - I was born in the capital & I’m well versed in the life there but I spent my formative years helping on a farm (which I miss), I still more so identity as a country guy; I think revenge driven ppl are attractive but that's less of a preference, simply a thought

-💎

My guy you had me thinking for this one! It screams Kaz Brekker BUT that could also be problematic since reading your description gives a very similar vibe to his and he might not like it. ALSO YOURE THE OPPOSITE OF WYLAN AND INEJ SO THAT COULD WORK OR ABSOLUTELY NOT.

In the end, I decided… (cue drumroll)

WYLAN HENDRICKS! (Van Eck? Who?)

Your type description gave me the gentle love Wy gives <3 he’s patient, understanding and is his own person before being a lover. I can see you both reading together all the time as well as you cooking for him! I think we all perceived him (in the beginning of the books) as a soft and fragile boy but he’s a badass, he’s mature, and he’s always there to support you if you need it. He’s a sweetheart, you know him, you love him<3

[you-can-be-what-you-want-to-be]

ugh.

so that person who screenshotted my thing now has like. Half their posts (at least since then) clowning on me and other people like me so for the record

the issue isn’t headcanons or having fun. Those are great. The issue is that the majority of people are repeatedly going out of their way to ignore everything canon (which like. Why are you watching the show if you don’t enjoy what’s there. Adding is fine but why are you straight up replacing) make their headcanons and then criticize and harass anyone who just talks about the text of the show! And then says their view is canon!

I don’t even disagree with their beliefs all I said was while he’s likely attracted to men he’s def for sure attracted to women because he was interested in other women than his wife!

This happened to when I expressed displeasure at 90% of the fandom not knowing that walking across country to see Hawkeye again was about him fulfilling the promise to see each other in goodbye farewell amen and that it would’ve not been as wonderful as they thought (Mike Farrells words! Not mine!) because all anyone talked about was how gay it was. Like 90% of people shouldn’t have to actively be kept on the dark to make your specific idea for how to ship it (Not even shipping it at all! Just using that specific thing to do it that is canonically about them falling out of touch! Why would you want that as your gay rep!) work.

like is it really that hard to not directly contradict canon and then whole heartedly say “no this is real in show stuff and to disagree is homophobic” (again! Not even saying he can’t like men or fuck them silly or anything! Just to stop erasing canonical stuff for it!) and to maybe use the word bi instead of gay. Is me being frustrated that the only kind of queer that counts to people is gay upsetting to you and wrong of me? Or is it alright to go let’s not erase canon attraction and let this guy still be into men.

Or even to realize I’m talking about text and meta stuff and go “oh it’s not playing silly right now like it sometimes does” and then just ignore me? I talk about bi repressed Bj sometimes, but you guys make it really hard to keep doing it because the community is making me sick. My issue isn’t queer readings or smashing characters together like dolls to kiss, it’s going “no I am serious and correct about this stuff and will harass people over not erasing 50% of the originals themes motifs and meanings to further support this idea they already might believe in five specific spots.” That’s the issue. That’s my problem. It’s embarrassing to be around that and say I agree with anything those people say. It’s hard to look for content knowing half of it will be out of character on PURPOSE.

I’m sorry that I came to the dramedy about traumatized war doctors for the drama of traumatized war doctors instead of for the shipping culture and that I know reading things with a queer lens doesn’t mean forcing things into a hole that doesn’t fit and shaving half of the substance away to jam it in but is instead looking at the existing text and going “oh this as is can be read as queer”

like guys. I’m so tired. Maybe just think for two seconds before responding on if this is a serious post on my love for a show and my frustration with the disservice done to it or if this is a place to try and debate with me (who already shipped hunnihawk) on the merits of your ship (which I wasn’t attacking and said multiple times I ship.)

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

001 of 2023

I’m a HUMAN, so I MUST be stereotyped I’m into THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual I have RED HAIR so I MUST have no soul I’m a GIRL, so I MUST be WEAK I’m a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun I’m BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot I’m a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie I’m INTO JIMMY HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up I have GREEN SKIN, so I MUST be a wicked witch I’m BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz I’m JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed I’m a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy I live in the COUNTRY, so I MUST live on a farm. I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be goth I’m HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat I’m ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy I’m JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy I’m YOUNG, so I MUST be naive I’m GAY, so I MUST have AIDS I’m a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape I’m SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash I’m DIFFERENT, so I MUST just want attention I’m ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist I’m WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch I’m a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell I’m a CHRISTAN/PROTESTANT so I MUST think gay people should go to hell I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish (hahahahah XDD) I’m RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat I’m ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world I don’t have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals I’m REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people I’m DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy I’m a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants I’m IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem I’m INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store I’m a good ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be a liar I’m an ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be mean I’m THIN, so I MUST have an eating disorder I’m NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage I’m a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore with a jock boyfriend I’m a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut I’m AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries I’m a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone’s ass I’m a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs I’m RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob I’m a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend I’m CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars I’m a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hear crazy God voices in my head I’m NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore I’m a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut I’m POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals (XD) I’m ITALIAN, so I must have a “big one” I’m EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST I’m PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin I HAVE STRAIGHT A’S, so I MUST have no social life I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention I’m a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist I HAVE A BUNCH OF BOYS who are FRIENDS, so I MUST be screwing them all I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player I have big boobs, so I MUST be a hoe I’m COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser I’m RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool cuz that’s how Russians roll I’m GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO I’m a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports I’m BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT I’m PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited. I’m SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13 I’m POLISH, so I MUST be greedy I’m HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy I like CATS, so I MUST grow up to be a crazy old cat lady who lives alone (lmao) I’m PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction I’m a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude I’m STRAIGHT EDGE so I MUST be violent I’m BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid I’m a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat I’m SINGLE so I MUST be ugly I’m a SKATER so I MUST do weed and steal stuff I’m a PUNK so I MUST only wear black and date only other punks I’m ASIAN so I MUST be a NERD that does homework 24/7 I’m MIXED so I MUST be screwed up (still within Europe, though) I’m a FEMALE, so I MUST not SWEAR I’m MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist I’m in BAND, so I MUST be a dork I’m BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA I’m MORMON so I MUST be perfect I’m WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I’m black I’m GOTH so I MUST worship the devil \m/ lol I’m HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty I’m NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser I’m OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control I’m PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don’t wear Abercrombie & Hollister I’m on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore I’m RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob I’m MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat I’m BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon I’m BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot I’m an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis I’m a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian I’m a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay I’m a PREP, so I MUST be rich I don’t like the SUN so I MUST be an albino I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party I wear tight PANTS and I’m a guy, so I MUST be emo I couldn’t hurt a FLY, So I MUST be wimp I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone I hang out with TEENAGE DRINKERS AND SMOKERS, so I MUST smoke and drink too I don’t like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills I’m DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch I’m a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs I read COMICS, so I MUST be a loser I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE, so I MUST be a whore myself I’m TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted I’m an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled I’m INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak I’m WELSH so I MUST love sheep I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent I’m a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend o.O’ I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers I’m DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare I’m a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth I’m a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE I’m an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person and A MURDERER I’m ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future (that’s a conspiracy, you know; 53643654end.) I don’t like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser I care about the ENVIRONMENT, so I MUST be a tree hugging hippy I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue I CHAT, so I MUST be having cyber sex I’m PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins I’m PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan I’m CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion I’m SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall, blond, blue-eyed lesbian I’m a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick I DON’T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast I wear BLACK nail polish, so I MUST be EMO, GOTH, or PUNK I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish I’m SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic jerk. I’m GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid I’m Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around I love MARCHING BAND, so I MUST be a friendless freak I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a cutter too I am an HONOR STUDENT, so I MUST be a NERD I CRY EASILY, so I MUST be a wimp I can’t help POINTING OUT MISTAKES so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist I’m a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems I can’t help but BLUSH when I’m around a cute guy so I MUST be a dumb slut I’m good at SINGING so I MUST need attention I’m QUIET so I MUST be stuck-up I sit ALONE at lunch so I MUST be snobbish I still have SLEEPOVERS with my female friends so I MUST be lesbian I’m HARD TO FIGURE OUT so I MUST be impossible to get along with I sometimes say I LOVE MY FRIENDS so I MUST be gay/lesbian I wear MAKE-UP so I MUST be ugly I LOVE country music so I MUST be a redneck hillbilly I am SKINNY, so I MUST be sensitive about my weight I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don’t I’m EMOTIONAL, so I must be depressed I HAVE MANY DIFFERENT INTERESTS, so I MUST be unable to commit to one thing I’m a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED

[vtori73]

Ugh... I just, personally as a genderfluid person don't get how people seem to TRUELY believe trans masc/men are more susceptible to being misogynistic than LITERALLY anyone else. EVERYONE has the ability to be misogynistic, EVERYONE!!! I would argue cis people in general are more prone to being horribly misogynistic than any trans person, honestly. I mean... do y'all seriously forget how misogynistic white conservative women can get?

So why the fuck do y'all think trans masc/men are an extra special case that are somehow worse about it? Misogyny isn't stored in the testosterone or gender you know, if it were we wouldn't have sexist women but we do so what EXACTLY are y'all actually trying to say here???

Look, all I'm saying is the way people are speaking & treating trans masc/men feels & looks no differently to how people treat bi people, ace people, etc. It just feels like y'all found a new acceptable target to punch down or sideways at because why is it that trans masc/men seem to be singled out for supposed "bad" things they do that aren't at all limited to them BUT also at the same time are ignored anytime anyone brings up the specific oppression and problems they face. And what's extra "funny" about all this is that it all comes from the same place, terf/rad fem talking points that y'all REFUSE to actually learn from & finally move past!!!!

Again, this especially reminds me of talking points people use against bisexuals, specifically bisexual women, because of our assumed proximity to men we get treated like we're sapphic traitors regardless of who we are dating and are told we have to make sure we aren't prioritizing men even though ANYONE has the capacity to do that (romantic/sexual relationship aren't the only ones that exist you know) yet for SOME reason we are told we have to stay vigilant & watch ourselves & who we are with because we can put the fragile pure sapphics who don't date men in danger & that we are basically asking for it if anything happens to us because our our assumed proximity to men. It's all just so *screams internally* ...frustrating.

I've come to honestly distrust a lot of the online queer community because of this, no, not specifically because of anti transmasc/men sentiment but because of this continued refusal to dig deeper and learn about/from the past & queer politics and finally learn to see the patterns of infighting and bigotry repeat themselves because NONE of this is new!!!!!! All of this basically has its roots in political lesbianism (if your queer & don't know anything about political lesbianism you should, but basically the gist is they were a group of straight women who infiltrated the lesbian community & kicked out anyone who wasn't basically a pure lesbian & spouted ideas about ANY involvement with men was a betrayal to each other/the group & very sexist puritanical beliefs/ideas on sex & the damage caused from that still lives on today. It just takes on a slightly new form when it gets exposed again & again but so few of you learn from this shit and seem to forget immediately what it once looked like and just happily continue the cycle because shitting on other queer people is easier & more fulfilling to yall than actually doing something productive for the overall community).

I've also said this before on a different post but y'all lumping in trans men with cis men to talk about how much "privilege" we have is not at all progressive especially since it's the only time you ever bother to remember trans men/masc people exist. Say it with me, trans men cannot and never will have the privilege cis men have because that is not how our whiteallocisheteropatriarchal society works. Trans people are not desired or wanted in our society & thus do not have or are given the same privilege that cis men get for being CIS, same with men of color, disabled men, etc. Can marginalized men punch sideways or down at people that are equal to or less privileged than them? Yes, but... that's not unique to us specifically, not even close, & honestly the people I believe we should be most concerned about leveraging their power over others & being a hindrance to the community/our liberation is any white queer person/ally, I mean even Silvia Rivera basically said this.

It honestly happens all the time too, especially in these vast instances of infighting because white people do not like acknowledging they have the capacity to oppress others and want to believe they have no privilege because of their other marginalized identities like being queer. It's no different from the allocishetero white people who do this in other marginalized spaces they are supposedly being allies in only the marginalized white people can't & refuse to see the privilege they have for being white because it didnt/doesn't protect them from the bigotry they face for their marginalized identity/ies. The white privilege they were promised at birth doesn't shield them as much as they were expecting it would and thus refuse to believe they have any at all because of it.

Oh, and also on a related note passing privilege isn't really a legit thing or is a concept I at least refuse to entertain. If you have to hide who you are in order to pass which is something that's not even accessible to all that many trans people in general it wasn't/isn't really all that much of a privilege to begin with meaning it's conditional and thus null in void. Personally I feel this is just white people pushing the blame off of them & their white privilege onto this so called "passing privilege.

...

(Read more below because the thoughts below aren't as articulated as I would hope so while I stand by them I'm probably not explaining them well enough for others to understand)

It's also a continued way to punch sideways/down at other identities and people they don't like & refuse to understand such as bi, pan, ace, aro, trans, enby & whoever else despite the fact that many seem to glaringly ignore a hole in their logic that if passing privilege is real legit concept then anyone who isn't allocishetero can obtain it, not just identities you THINK can pass more easily. If other queer people can choose to pass so easily then everyone else has the capacity to do so as well. It's not really all that different from the argument made by homophobes that gay people choose to be gay, if it's such a choice why would it be so much harder for you to ignore who you are to gain/maintain this so called privilege then? And, not to mention this concept can't exist in a vacuum, many other factors can affect "passing" that is hard/impossible for specific marginalized groups and will be heavily influenced by white patriarchal ideals. Those able to obtain this so called privilege the easiest would, again, be white middle/upper class people & yet this concept is used willy nilly on huge swats of groups that are full of a various individuals who can't really obtain or access "passing privilege" but are treated like they can.

Tbf, when I say this it's based more so on my location/the IS and some of this may apply less in other areas around the world but regardless i do believe anyone can gain passing privilege so long as you hide who you are which in my eyes makes it a useless concept then because having to live your life a lie doesn't really seem all that much of a privilege especially since it can and will be revoked if you get exposed and may even lead to extreme harassment or violence.

[woetotheconquered]

The thing other people REALLY hate about me on here, and /always have/ for as long as I've been politically vocal - is my nuance. By this I mean, I don't fit under their bullshit. I'm not red, blue, green - I'm not antifa or blm or any of that stupid shit - I'm not insane and I'm not cult-minded.

Instead I have an understanding of: what my heart believes would work in an ideal world; the understanding that the world is not and never will be ideal and that therefore my heart's beliefs are impractical and unworthy of real-world pursuit; what I know can, has and does work in the real world; what I know is possible; and what best works between all of the above.

At heart, I'm an anarchocommunist; the individual must be utterly free and fight to remain so at all costs, and the state, for its own well-being as an entity, is inherently opposed to this and therefore must utilize all individuals as resources, and cage their lives.

The ideology is inherently self-conflicting and it makes for a more dangerous world. It makes sense on the two levels of individualism and statism for each to be what it is. ...but then what? What about the dying and suffering, the economy, the - everything.

Then you come to find why I am what I am. The state can only exist through tyranny and must be destroyed. The individual persists and always will, and therefore must be able to do so: therefore, all people should be free to teach, to fight, to love, to live, to earn and to die, etc.

Then you add more nuance. What about abortion and LGBT and women's rights and -?

...well. Abortion is murder. I'm wholly against the murder of innocent and/or defenseless people. So abortion is a no. But I'm also so thoroughly pro-free will that I will not go and stop a woman from aborting. I will only try to speak them away from it. The consequences which come are theirs to reap, whether from god or the law or some zealot.

LGBT- well. I'm bi. I know plenty of gays across the spectrum. ... But it's hurting children. The community. Is fucking hurting children. So now I'm against my own community. See how that works? Nothing. Stands above the innocent. I will actively shoot a pedophile if I see one. Every day is shown a new proof that Trans people are mentally ill and that they are harming innocents. ...well. Here I am. I've known many trans people too, I've been at the point of questioning, submerged in the culture. ...and I saw the darkness there. I turned away. As a result I'm a problem.

Women's rights are equal to men's currently, where I am. Both have struggles in this particular society. Both are facing challenges which ought to be worked on and I am egalitarian. My god, feminists and MRAs and TERFs and everything else fucking hates that shit.

It all comes down to the reality of: freedom for all, protection of the innocent, and the preservation of what keeps the highest number of innocents happiest and healthiest.

So... Capitalism works best, for that. So I'm a fucking pro-capitalist. My godddd commies hate that shit.

You see how it goes?

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Dear How to Do It,

I am currently in my early 30s, and I’m almost four years into the most loving, supportive relationship I’ve ever had. My queen (let’s call her Emily) has been there for me through the passing of both of my parents, I helped her get her business up and running, and we weathered the storm of her being a small business owner during a pandemic. I feel like we communicate very well, I only have my frame of reference but I feel like the sex is phenomenal. I bought a ring last November and plan on proposing.

At some point, after I purchased the ring, we had a party and she got very drunk and revealed that she was “kinda weirded out” by bisexual men who hook up with other men. She believes that they MUST be closeted homosexuals, and should stop duping women into believing that they are capable of male-female relationships. I was shocked by this; we are both forward-thinking, seemingly progressive people. The problem is, for about three months in college I was in a same-sex relationship. It started out very innocently, with a few drunk hookups but it was a pretty serious thing for a significant part of my life. I had two or three other flings that were similar, but have not had any desire to do anything with a man since. The only two other girls that I have been remotely serious with, the relationships turned awkward and uncomfortable after I revealed this part of my past to them.

To that end, I have not revealed this information to Emily. I am both uncomfortable with her opinions and terrified that she’ll leave me if she finds out. I am weighing the pros and cons of just burying this part of my past—the friends that I still have who know about that part of my life are people that I trust would never reveal that information. But I do feel like you can never really be in a relationship with someone if things like that are topics you feel uncomfortable disclosing. What do you think that I should do?

—Occasionally Curious Carlos

Dear Carlos,

I think there’s a high-minded, extremely principled answer to the effect of, “Dump her to show her the error of her ways and make the world that much less biphobic.” But I don’t think that’s necessarily practical. People are imperfect, and even the seemingly coolest people may hold onto some outdated and/or toxic beliefs. (Remember how Cher had an issue with her son Chaz’s initially stated sexuality and then gender identity?) Everyone is a work in progress, including the queens among us. You get to set your limit for what you will tolerate in a partner. You also get to say, “I would like to continue being with this person who practices bi-erasure as a matter of course,” and then continue being with that person.

Emily is coming from a place of ignorance that your life experience could in theory obliterate, if she is open to enlightenment. That’s a big if. Whether tempting fate is worth it depends on how important your past experiences with men are to you. Did they contribute to the formation of your identity, or are they merely discrete encounters that happened and were nice, but will be relegated strictly to your past? Do you think you’ll get curious again and want to act on it? If your bisexuality is mostly circumstantial and won’t really come up again other than in conversation, I think you’re justified in letting her comments slide. Her ignorance needn’t blow up your life; it’s bad enough that it colors her worldview. If you foresee a time when you’ll be in an open arrangement and theoretically available to hook up with another dude, or if it’s too big a part of your identity that suppressing all acknowledgement would qualify as effective deception, you should reveal and hope for the best. I’m guessing you’re leaning more toward the circumstantial scenario as it had not yet come up in your years together prior to her reveal.

Also! She was drunk when she said this, which could mean that she really feels like bi dudes aren’t a thing. It could also mean she was exaggerating for effect, or even better, that she was just talking shit. Alcohol can be a truth serum, yes, but it can also be liquid bullshit. I think you need to engage her on the topic when she’s sober to get a better grip on her actual position. You can take the opportunity then to push back on her misconceptions about bi men without divulging your personal experience. If you position the conversation as a thought exercise, you can collect information that could help you plan the next step.

[trannydykes]

New Pinned Post!

Hello! Not everyone checks abouts anymore so I decided to make a new pinned post, for ease.

About me:

My name isn't Aven, but if you need to call me something call me that

I'm a young adult, in my 20's (20-29 Range)

I'm a Butch Lesbian

I'm Genderqueer/Nonbinary and identify with an unspecified Xenogender

Note to the above, I am TME at the moment. I'm still subjected to Misogyny, but currently I've not been subjected to Transmisogyny. (May change as my gender presentation changes)

I use She/They pronouns on this blog

I'm Autistic and have Dissociative Amnesia

The purpose of this blog is for spreading awareness of issues within the queer community, and when not doing that, spreading positivity.

I mostly over Lesbian and Transgender topics, but do occasionally talk about ableism in the queer community when it comes up. Because I am white, I do not make posts about racism in the queer community. Instead I try to keep myself educated and spread awareness on topics using this blog.

Now I can get a little discoursey, so below the cut is things that have been, and probably will be again, brought up. If you have a problem with this, I try not to debate as I'm not too articulate, so just block me if it bothers you.

Frequent Topics of Discourse Below::

Men can't be Lesbians, doesn't matter if they're trans men. This actually comes from Radical Feminist circles who believe sexuality is based on your genitals, instead of gender

Lesbians can't like men, it's an exclusive identity

On the above 2, just because your sexuality is fluid doesn't mean all sexualities are, do not project your experiences onto everyone else. It's not restricting, it's how I live

Bi-Lesbians cannot exist, lesbians are exclusive identities. And most Bi-Lesbians identify with the label to say "I like women and nonbinary people". Congrats you're a dyke, nonbinary isn't a 3rd gender

The Vincian/MLM/Blue Gay Flag is a cheap rip off of the Lesbian flag and has no substance to itself

Radical Feminism isn't radical, nor feminism (we've heard this one b4)

Androphobia/Misandry, and by extent Transandrophobia/Transmisandry, cannot exist

Arohet/Acehet Cis people are inherently queer

Pronouns =/= Gender

To the above: Presentation =/= Gender. Butches/Studs are not trying to look like men

Not every trans person has Gender Dysphoria, but every trans person as Gender Euphoria. Being a Transmed is bullshit and bootlicking behavior

I also try to spread positivity for Xenogenders and Neopronouns

And like I said, along with fighting for my ideals and beliefs, I spread positivity. I'll spread posts with cute girls in them because it makes me proud to be a lesbian. Or art of trans people being happy. And I also reblog every queer donation post I see onto this blog, because in the end we help each other out.

And to wrap this up, I am a human, I make errors, and I learn from those errors. If you disagree with me, and want me to change my view, don't tell me to kill myself or send me hate, that doesn't do your cause justice. I may not be down to debate, but I'm always down to hear people out. I don't always agree in the end, and if I do I don't always agree 100%. But I try to hear everyone out, especially because I am someone who is easily confused. If you wish to send hate, send hate, be yourself idc. But you can win ppl over by being nice more often than being a bag of dicks. <3

[autistic-fuckwad]

your immediate belief that lesbians are radfems or want to kill all men bc some of us would like to be acknowledged as a sexuality that aren’t attracted to men is really upsetting. bisexuality is valid! ppl liking men is valid! lesbians r allowed to have weird relationships to their gender or be multi gender! trans and nb lesbians exist! womanhood shouldn’t ever be something to be gatekept from anyone? and I wish ppl would stop instantly assuming that lesbians share so many beliefs with terfs and radfems. like we love our trans siblings?? so much?? that has nothing to do with us wanting nonlesbians to stop trying to force men into our spaces. at the end of the day we r all fighting the same queer fight to be free. I don’t think it’s unreasonable tho for lesbians to be upset with ppl constantly trying to put men into the equation of our attraction when that’s just… not the case. we’re not evil for not being attracted to men? and it really feels like ur painting us out to be that way with some of ur posts and replies

To begin with, I never said all lesbians are radfems or want to kill all men. I said that you held the sentiment that being a lesbian is "sacred" and "must not be invaded by disgusting men", which is radfem rhetoric. Radfems also believe men should all die because they're gross. You can spread rhetoric without actually believing in most values of the thing you're spreading. Stop putting words in my mouth that I never said just because you're upset that I caught you spouting bullshit.

You are really mad about people who you consider to be "just fine", in your own words. I'm not your personal therapist to scream at because you're uncomfortable with the way someone identifies. If you genuinely have a problem with people identifying as bi lesbians because you see it as "non lesbians are ruining our sexuality by forcing men into it!" You seriously need to reconsider how you even view sex and sexualities as a whole. People identifying in a way that they feel fits their personal experiences does not harm you, no matter how much you say it does. It is their experiences first and foremost that let them pick a label that suits them the most, not your ideas behind what a "real lesbian" is.

I'm not going to entertain this entire thought process and debate you on why you're wrong and disgusting for thinking that way because you've clearly taken me in bad faith, and in the first place I'm not even the person you're mad at. I'm just a gay trans man* to begin with, I'm not in lesbian communities and I don't engage with discourse about it. But frankly, I don't believe people's identity should be discourse.

Also, to add: the very idea that being lesbian means excluding men entirely over loving women is a radfem ideology. Men aren't some toxic beast unlike what you'd assume, and many women are men at the same time. People's genders are extremely complex, even my own is. I don't care if you don't personally like men as a lesbian, that's just fine. I as a gay man am only attracted to people who don't identify as women in any aspect. That doesn't mean I get to enforce the same definition to people who have been around for years more than I have, just because I don't feel the same way. That's not how this works.

I don't care about whatever baggage you have when it comes to your sexuality label. I don't care if you personally chose the label lesbian because you hate men, though I'm not saying you do. That doesn't mean you alone get to be judge jury and executioner about who gets to be a lesbian. "Contradictory" identities have been around before both of us have been born and they will still be around no matter what. Bi lesbians have been around longer than both of us have. It is not anyone's right, no matter how much of a "true lesbian" you are, to tell them how to identify in good faith.

Now fuck off and don't come back ever again. You're a miserable hateful person and I want no part in interacting with you. You're acting like a fed and you get no bitches.

[sky-cow0]

I feel like a lot of people don’t understand how discord is spread through “woke” posts censuring specific behavior. People tend to just reblog or whatever, especially if it appears to be coming from the specific demographic. But think about it first.

I will give an example of a post about antisemitism with full understanding that it is a problem and they are at risk of violence from it spreading. But there is a point where it passes from being helpful to being harmful.

The one that is much too far are the ones saying it is antisemitic to hold common Christian beliefs: the Old Testament Gd is vengeful and the New Testament Gd is merciful, the biblical laws against homosexuality are outdated like the other laws in the Old Testament.

An average Christian stumbles upon this and sees a presumably Jew telling them what they can and can’t believe, it makes them suspicious.

They play the HP goblin game and are annoyed people are calling them antisemitic and transphobic because they never thought of the goblins as Jews and there is trans rep. They decide that all these “woke” warnings are dumb and ignore the more sincere ones. They start listening to people who they previously ignored because they were labeled antisemitic.

And guess what, their words sound much more appealing than ones telling them they are bad for doing normal things or believing normal stuff for their demographic. If they are going to be “cancelled” for being Christian, the Jews are a problem and they are trying to get rid of Christians. They discover how many Jews are behind beloved media and think it is because they are trying to get rid of Christianity and thus feel like they have to go out of their way to support obviously Christian media. They get called antisemitic for these much more problematic beliefs, but they don’t care because they already questioned themselves over something that wasn’t really antisemitic and found themselves in the clear.

They are now in fight for survival mode and this will ignore rational discussions. They have followed the pipeline to fascism that the most likely planted post wanted them to follow.

This goes for posts claiming bi people in straight relationships aren’t actually in straight relationships implying that being straight is bad. People claiming any failure in properly gendering a trans person is unforgivable transphobia. Calling a white person who has never interacted with black people who ask all the dumb questions/make all the dumb comments black people hear all the time racist for not knowing anything.

Being woke isn’t about controlling other people’s behavior or calling out who is “pure” and who is “evil”, that’s what encourages and builds oppression. Being woke is about listening and understanding each other and seeing how we are harmed by each other’s actions and by society so we can work together to stop hurting each other and build a better society.

This does not mean you have to be part of conversations that are not yours to bear. A trans person should not help their family members mourn the person they never really were, but their family members might need to go through that process and need to be pointed to someone else to process the change. A black person doesn’t have to be the go-to person in their community for every white person to ask all the basic questions, they can point out how to find the answers online. We need to remember to live in communities instead of taking everything on ourselves.

It may feel offensive as an Orthodox Jew to hear Christians misinterpret your sacred text, but realize how many Christian denominations there are based on the same Bible and realize that there is no universal interpretation. You can choose to not engage in the conversation or politely share what you actually believe and clear up misconceptions about your beliefs. A lot of Christian beliefs are if you don’t believe exactly this way you are going to hell, but they get along with those people all the time in their day-to-day lives.

It is important for people to be allowed to believe different things and to get along with people who believe differently or society will never progress. If you imagine a world with a lot of different types of people but holding very similar beliefs, you are not imagining a diverse future. The goal isn’t to end all people being wrong, the goal is to stop harm and build a better tomorrow.

[obiternihili]

I'm an antitheist, but I don't really make it clear that I think the same way about ideology in general.

"Religions probably do more net harm than good" is something I believe like "ideological thinking as a whole probably does more net harm than good" (yes, including marxism). It's just inescapable and a major part of being human. You build a world view that you use to make sense of the world about you, and the material and political conditions you experience cause you to believe things about the world, how justice is enacted, cause your culture, what rites and other practices your culture enacts, etc. And all of this seeks, in a memetic sense, to transmit and reproduce and that means establishing itself; ideas that tend to preserve themselves do, ideas that tend to spread themselves do. Religion is mostly just a subtype of ideology easily depersonalized and compartimentalized away from other ideologies, whether that be political, professional (e.g. when academics fight for their paradigms/theories/whatever), civic (the civic religion stuff), what-have-you.

Like I'd defend my antitheism/antiidealism on epistemic and ethical grounds. But I'm not the kind of person who thinks you can just ban such a big part of the human experience.

Lightly I kinda think that people in general either have some kind of internal drive to be religious or they don't. Whether it's some cognitive thing or if it's some secondary psychological thing, I don't know. I'd even estimate that the number of people like that are probably close to the number of people who are bi - always there, enough that it can be normalized even among people with no such predilection, enough that it can also be unnormalized and people like that can be normalized.

The kicker is I think I'm one of these people and that quite a lot of atheists, even strongly convinced of secular materialism and the untruth of religions atheists, can still feel a "yearning" or something towards having religious beliefs.

I kinda want to have a place for that. To do the anthropological/cultural thing of exploring practices and beliefs. To share little things for the psychological aspects, like catharsis, meditation, mindfulness, whatever.

So like I've toyed with the idea of setting up a little discord group or something for that purpose. "And to do so responsibly" by which I mean firmly grounding the place in materialism and with organizational policies at the beginning to prevent harmful cult behaviors, reminding ourselves that "no actually crystals are just rocks with geometry, there's no conduction of energy or whatever" or "no you aren't cursing anyone by scratching out their name, you're just getting some emotional catharsis, and be careful with your anger". Etc. And watching group drama and being firm about issues that might lead to harmful behaviors.

Trouble is I have a ton of hang ups that I'm not able to let go of.

I dealt with the problem of evil by concieving of the monotheistic god as evil, and later came to believe he was just a vainglorious god who planted genocidal beliefs in his followers so they'd end up killing the followers of better gods (in the same way a psychopath who hates his neighbor might throw poisoned meat over his fence to kill his dog). So it's like the whole way I'd need to process the monotheist stuff would be different than how I'd process polytheistic stuff. Like I actually already created the server months ago (thouh I haven't invited anyone) and named it polyatheism because I didn't know what else to call it but I wanted the focus to be on, like, polytheism.

The main people I thought about inviting to this have just completely alien relationships to death compared to mine. I honestly see death itself as end of suffering while they see death as a great cosmic injustice and I just don't know how to even bridge that gap in a way that makes grieving together work.

I'm also terrified that trying to build a religion-esque community is just going to go into building a cult.

idk. rambling