#the reason I have a bad reaction was bc of the tidal wave of

[lovelyhan]

— bad habits ⟢

pairing: joshua x reader

summary: it’s common practice to not sleep around with your ex months after you broke up. too bad you and joshua are terrible at doing things by the book. 

word count: 1.3k words

tags: exes with benefits, pining, mild angst, smut

warnings: graphic sexual content (minors dni!!)

notes: this is shorter than my usual work, bc i really just wanted to get shua out of my system..... smut tags are under the cut!

smut tags: car sex, fingering, protected sex, praise kink, soft dom joshua

It's Friday night when you tell Seungkwan that you're going out for a quick grocery run. When he asks if you're going alone, you don't really see any benefit in skirting around the truth.

"They're just errands," you say when you catch him glaring daggers at you from his comfortable nest on the couch. "I had my car fixed the other day, remember? He just happened to be in the area and offered to give me a ride to and from the supermarket."

Your best friend-slash-roommate scoffs. "When has it ever been just errands when you're left alone with him for more than five minutes?"

You love Seungkwan—really, you do. But there's something about his too-appraising stare and too-critical words that makes you want to do the things you aren't supposed to even more.

Then, you remember you're not that petulant. Of course you aren't constantly keeping in touch with your ex-boyfriend for the sole reason of going against what Seungkwan tells you. If that were the case, things would be much, much easier.

But life doesn't always turn up daisies, things don't always go as planned, and part of you doesn't always think it's a bad thing to fuck Joshua Hong in the backseat of his SUV.

"Jisoo," you whisper, a name he only ever lets those closest to his heart address him with. Half a year later, it seems that you're still on the list. "More, please."

You're perched on his lap, thighs splayed wide right atop his own as he loosens you up with lithe fingers. You can't see the way Joshua smirks, but you can feel how his lips twitch against the column of your throat, pressing a featherlight kiss across your fever-pitched skin.

"Always so good for me," he murmurs, thumbing at your clit in a way that has you squirming in his grasp. "You're so worked up today, baby. Have you been thinking of this? Of me?"

"Yes—" you gasp when he curls his digits inside you, the pads of his fingers grazing a spongy patch of flesh that makes sparks of electricity crackle beneath your skin.

Joshua catches on to your reaction quickly, letting out a soft chuckle before he increases the intensity of his thrusts. You feel like you should be ashamed of how your pussy squelches with each pass of his long fingers, but instead, you cant your hips in time with the rhythm he's set. Your head has soared right into the clouds, as you sigh out breathless whispers of please, so close, more, more, more—

Then, you topple over the edge—free-falling from the height of release because, just as good as you are to Joshua, he's just as good to you.

Never one to tease too much; always giving you the satisfaction that you constantly crave without expecting anything in return.

A hint of rationality prickles the back of your mind—saying that perhaps the reason you keep coming back for more is because Joshua is all too willing to give it to you. But the thought is lost in the tidal wave of your orgasm, washed away at sea before you can even spot it from the shore.

Your body tingles with oversensitivity, yet the spot where Joshua is holding you steady by the hips burns with need. Your clothes suddenly feel ten times more stifling, and you gaze down at Joshua like you want him to leave no inch of skin untouched.

But even in the midst of post-orgasmic bliss, you're not foolish enough to think this is more than just a quick fuck to him.

Joshua maneuvers you onto your back, laying you down on the leather seats as gently as he always does. Your heart aches at the way he looks at you—soft, with a hint of reverence that has no place in the setting you're currently in—and you forcefully tamp down the visceral emotions threatening to spill out of your chest.

You don't know when he even undid his jeans, but Joshua is already slipping on a rubber when you snap out of it—sighing as he glides the head of his cock along your glistening slit. You have half the mind to remind him that he doesn't need to use condoms, but you know he's doing this for a different purpose entirely.

A boundary. A tangible reminder that you and him only belong to each other in this moment, and nowhere else.

"So beautiful," he sighs once he slips himself inside you—pressing your knees to your chest before surging ever-so forward. "So perfect."

Sometimes, you wish he was as into degrading you as he is with praising you. If everything that came out of Joshua's mouth during sex was filthier than what you could take, it might've been easier to walk away from such a fucked up arrangement.

But all that spills from his lips and into your ears are honeyed words that make you forget every reason why you shouldn't be tangled up in the first place.

You're afraid that you'll never get tired of how he deliciously bucks his hips into yours—spreading your cunt open with each inch of his perfect cock. It doesn't help that he's such a talker. Each unforgiving thrust, he times with the sweetest of words. Taking me so well. Baby, you're just made for me, aren't you?

From the start, it was already a losing battle, and you'll gladly give Joshua all the spoils.

There's always something calculated in how Joshua pulls you apart every time. He never comes first—always wanting to feel your pussy squeeze the release out of him in the riptide of your orgasm.

It's no different now, when he reaches between your two slotted bodies—already cramped in the limited space of his car—and rubs your oversensitive clit in quick, precise circles. Your teeth catch on the curve of his shoulder, right over his shirt, to muffle the moan he inevitably rips out of you.

"Good fucking girl," he half-moans, half-growls before his vigorous thrusts come to a halt.

You try to ignore the sinking sensation that comes with feeling Joshua fill up the condom with white-hot release. You try not to remind yourself of the strict boundary he's maintained.

Most importantly, you avoid thinking about why he hasn't once tried to kiss you since you started fucking around all those months ago.

By the time you're both sated and dressed, the supermarket was already closed, and Joshua makes an off-hand comment about your misplaced priorities. You laugh with him for the sake of laughing with him, but deep down, you can't help but agree.

He drops you off in front of your apartment, smiling like he didn't just wreck you in more ways than one. You roll your eyes, pointing out that his ride reeks of sex, and that he should air it out before giving anyone else a ride.

"Then let's just take it somewhere else next time," he says so casually, you nearly trip on your own feet on the way out.

The two of you exchange goodbyes like two, well-meaning friends before he pulls up the window of the passenger seat and speeds away. You wonder if Joshua's heart twists the same way as yours.

Seungkwan is still awake when you make it back home—munching on a bag of baby carrots with a whole lecture about making better life decisions locked and loaded. But he never gets to present it when you collapse right next to him on the sofa, sobbing into his arms just like the day you broke up with Joshua.

He sighs, putting his food away before offering solace that you probably, definitely don't deserve.

But you have a bad habit of taking everything that's freely given to you, and you don't think you'll stop anytime soon.

[firebirdsdaughter]

Things that bother me…

… I need to vent a little bc I feel really ill now, but, random salt:

I find it a little ‘hm’ that all the ‘good’ henshin items were weapons for humans and all the ‘bad’ henshin items were the ones about empowering HumaGear. Like, the RaidRiser got treated as ‘misguided’ eventually, but the ZetsumeRisers were treated as ‘evil’ through and through. The ForceRisers were depicted negatively, none of mbjr used them while ‘good’ it was a ‘big deal’ when Aruto used one in the movie. The SlashRiser seems to have been made for humans initially/was to ‘repurpose’ Jin (bc I refuse to accept that Yotagaki did not see him as a tool, not w/ his ‘kill the abuse victim’ bs). Giving humans weapons to destroy ‘unruly’ HumaGear was depicted as ‘good’ while HumaGear gaining the power to fight was depicted as ‘evil’ or at least needing to be ‘repurposed.’ Literally an issue that could have been resolved by giving Izu a Driver, but I correctly guessed they were never going to do that. As much as I have complicated feelings about Izu, missed opportunity.

Another large thing that bothers me about Naki getting a wolf Key is that literally no one else got the same animal. They literally only got that Key so that they could give it to Fuwa later. Putting aside my other opinions about how that was written (aka that I don’t think that relationship had anywhere near enough development for any of that), it’s really glaring. Gai gives Yua a different Key to use w/ the RaidRiser to ‘clearly establish’ her connection to ZAIA, but it’s not another beetle Key. Jin was heavily connected to Horobi, was labeled as his son before he transformed, but they didn’t give him another scorpion Key or even an arachnid Key. No one else got the same animal. Like… They couldn’t even be bothered to just use a different canine? Yua used the Jackal Key! That would have been fine. Additionally, this was the Ark giving it to them, who hates humans. Why the fuck would the Ark give them a Key matching that of a human? Like, the fact that this is the only case of two characters having the same animal is just… Just really comes across as Naki not being their own person or character, that they were just a plot device wedged in for Fuwa. Which he didn’t need? At least not like that? Like… The implications just bother me? They still could have done them lending him the Key if it wasn’t a wolf? Like… Esp w/ all his insistence that he’s the wolf guy… It’s… Really uncomfortable implications for me. It’s not cute. It’s part of why I was really expecting the writing to make them his new ‘assistant’ and put them basically in the exact same place they were before. Like, yes, I’m personally a bit sour on that relationship bc it got shoehorned in in place of my favourite relationship, I’m still mad about the writers just dropping Horobi and Fuwa completely outside of Okada (bless him) changing a line. I would have still whined about my fave relationship going out of focus, but even the slightest follow up… But the point is, branding Naki w/ a wolf Key just… Feels like the nail on the coffin of them having no point other than giving it to Fuwa later. Like… The fact that literally no one else in the show, no matter their close relationships, ever has the exact same animal… There were other extinct animals they could have used that could still result in a similar suit. The sea mink. A bear. I would still have preferred snake bc that was Nakayama’s suggestion and I think they are absolutely right. But the fact is, it’s just really… It stands out that Naki’s just ‘an extension’ of Fuwa. Rather than giving them a wolf Key, maybe… Actually make them and Fuwa acknowledge each other when they’re not onscreen? That would have gone a lot further for me than just handing them a wolf Key to ‘establish’ their connection. You shouldn’t need to give two characters the same motif to prove their ‘connected.’ Literally no other connected characters in the show have the exact same animal. Gai wanted to be Aruto, basically, but he didn’t make another grasshopper Key. He did make another insect Key, sure, but they didn’t do that, they gave Naki the exact same animal. Like I said, even just a different extinct canine. The Japanese otter. There’s a little creature known as a flying fox that humans made extinct. Owls. It didn’t need to be a wolf. And the fact that no one else got the same animal, even when they were literal family, makes it really ridiculous to me.

[secretlyatimelady]

To any neurotypicals with neurodivergent friends/relatives/colleagues/etc with sensory processing difficulties:

If they ask you to lower your voice/not touch them etc please FUCKING LISTEN and don’t get all offended and take it as a personal attack. It is not me criticising you, it is me having to ask you to make a tiny accommodation for my messed up senses to avoid causing me pain. (Well. Technically for me it’s more of an extreme discomfort that produces a similar reaction to pain (flinching, hard to focus on anything else, etc) but it’s easier to compare it to pain because it’s easier for nts to understand.)

It really sucks when I have to ask someone to quieten down slightly and they seem offended. I’m already having a hard enough time if it’s got to the point where I actually need to say something and having someone make me feel bad about it doesn’t help. Do you want me to apologise for having a mental disability?

On a similar note, if I tell someone I don’t like being hugged, I don’t want them to pity me and say “oh that’s so sad” then proceed to hug me anyway, or to say “then I’ll just hug you then” (which makes no fricking sense btw?) and hold out a hand as if for a handshake and by the time I’ve processed what they said I’ve already taken the hand feeling so relieved that someone actually offered an alternative to a hug but they’ve already yanked me into a suffocating embrace making me freeze up because there’s too much sensory input. (Both of these are actual examples of things that have happened to me)

I don’t need you to understand. I don’t need you to know what it feels like. I just need you to respect my wishes. It’s uncomfortable because I say it is.

On the flip side, it is wonderful when I ask someone to quieten down, and they do so. No faffing about. This happened one time in PE. The sports hall is horribly echoey, and everyone was being ridiculously rowdy and cheering very very loudly, including the person next to me. When it got to the point that I was full body flinching every time they cheered, I finally found the courage to say something, and they were really nice and chill about it. They suggested that I might want to ask a teacher if I can leave, and eventually I took their advice, and the teacher just calmly took me outside and quietly talked to me without making a fuss. Don’t underestimate the positive impact of just calmly helping. It doesn’t need to be anything big.

To put this into perspective, for me, a sensory overload is mainly focused around auditory input. Every noise feels like it’s being played by a huge speaker on max volume right next to my head. Sound loses its direction and just feels like a tidal wave of overwhelming chaos. (Please remember that all autistic ppl are different. It’s called autism spectrum disorder for a reason. It’s a spectrum.)

TLDR: please listen to someone with sensory issues and don’t take them having to ask you to do something small to accommodate them as a personal attack bc it can make them feel like shit. Also please just respect the fact that they know their own experiences.

I don’t usually make long angry rant posts, but I just needed to get that off my chest.

If anyone has any questions about autism, feel free to drop something in my ask box.