#the second one was especially fun to answer! ty for sending this in! ^^

[sulfies]

In your heavy bleeding au, does Desmond remember his bleeds or does he just black out during the whole process? Also, does he have certain triggers?

Love all your au stuff btw owo

Im glad my au is infecting everyones brain muhahaha

to answer, when I draw Desmond with yellow eyes and fainting like a damsel I think in my head its one fo 2 things:

1) he is having such a heavy bleed(hehe pun) his body shuts down and all he can do is to live thru the bleed basically, he would not be able to tell its a bleed even if someone told him it was one(they cant tho since he is stuck in the bleed in his head) so he just has to ride it out. It probobly disorients him quiet a bit once he gets out of it for hrs maybe in some cases days.

2) he is having visions from apple and its such heavy knowledge his human brain kinda goes overheat mode.

In the end you can determine yourself (since its an au nothing is set in stone lol) if he remembers or not but for myself:

I think on 1)

he doesnt remember all details, after he is out of the episode he probobly remembers who the bleed was about and some context but not all, but some stuff lingers for few hours sometimes days as mentioned. maybe he finds hard to switch to the language he uses the most or his emotions carry over, like if it was about altair right after he lost his ranks, he feels some petty anger towards Malik he cannot explain but he can figure out it was cocky-altair memories probobly due to context clues. They are probobly like dreams(or nightmares) in a sense where the more he tries to remember the more he forgets about details…

for 2)

He is just not that smart enough (sorry Des ur no Altaïr…)to explain what the apple showed him but he probobly does remember in a sense; if its things like a remedy, a basic invention or instructions that he can learn from a yt video normally he can muscle memory to make em. its more like “how tf did u do that” “uhhh i have no idea” withing a limit lol so he cannot invent phones bc he probobly cant even make a phone in modern day

——————

for his other heavy bleeds where he is not passed out with eyes all gold I think some of the same rules as 1) apply where he doesnt know he is in a bleed, especially if he is bleeding as someone bc at that moment he thinks he is that person, but someone could snap him out of it if they tried (usually if he is bleeding ezio and actual ezio shows up he can make Des snap out of it but its not foolproof) and afterwards he probobly remembers most of it (to his horror) bc he did actively and physically live thru it. Like w the fic where he thinks there are guards after him but its a bleed, after he learns it is he still remembers them and sees them

but again I think the fun part is u can kinda make Des suffer in anyway you want (again…sorry Des…)so no rules are set in stone, so if you dont want him to remember anything after bleeds you are free to do so and ill probobly break these guides aswell lol

————-

for triggers hmm i think anything you want could be a trigger lol but it doesnt have to be “triggered” to happen. I think like that other fic when he first time-travels and lands in Italy or Levant he would most likely have a bleed where he thinks he is someone else sooner or later bc the enviroment shocks him and confuses him (as time travel does) so something that “shocks” him can send him into an episode but he could also be totally fine in another scenerio

in my hc w the fainting ones, they are similar to seizures w how they come and go (I do not get seizures so my research is very limited) so sometimes he can guess it will happen few seconds to min before but he cannot stop them and sometimes it just gets him by suprise, for the ones where he doesnt faint he again has no idea when it will happen and most likely cannot tell it will, those ones are probobly more affected by “triggers” but they dont have to be as I said above

ty for askingg sorry to give an essay as response lol

[poryphoria]

RANDOM QUESTION OUT OF THA BLUE BUT!!! I've been thinking about what various madcom characters' fursonas would be bc i do that with all my hyperfixations and im v curious what animals youd assign them,, (especially crackpo n phoobert bc ur takes on both of them are delightful !!

OHH!!! I REMEMBER U SENDING ME A REQ ABT THIS AND I NEVER GOT TO IT BUT I REALLY REALLY WANTED TO SO IM ABSOLUTELY AT LEAST GONNA GIVE YOU AN ESSAY ABOUT IT

see the thing about this question i LOVE is that you can answer it two ways: "what the characters would say their fursona is" and "what God and everyone else knows their fursona is". "jerma you'd be a rat" vs "lion wolf hybrid king of the junjle". you get me?

we'll start with what they'd make up as fursonas- i think phobos would try to be as realistic as possible n choose a deathstalker scorpion, nd make VERY clear to specify that he has remarkably small claws (so you know how potent his venom is!!!) [scorpion venom is relative to the claw size- smaller claws = more potent venom, as they have less need to hold down their prey!]. tbf he'd probably literally just base it off one of his owned scorpions- no fancy bits n baubles attached, although he would also design UV markings [scorpions, along with many other animals glow under UV light!] for himself so the design isn't necessarily bland or lacking.

crackpot would be the complete opposite, however- he'd be too indecisive with which bird species he likes best that he'd just give up n make an every-hybrid of some manner (tho it WOULD look most similar to a vulture, i think!). he'd literally make a sparklebird. rainbow feathers, scene getup, FUCK YOU let him have fun for once in his miserable life!!! realistically unlike phobos, who cannot ever take the stick out of his ass for 2 seconds to indulge in a little whimsy, i think crackpot probably had a fursona at some point (he just kinda stopped having time to think about it after The Occurrences. you get it!)

now. as for what god and everyone else would assign them....... actually a little tougher. bc a scorpion still feels right for phobos, symbolically- the ole fable about the scorpion and the frog, y'know? DAMMIT, PHOBOS. YOU WIN THIS TIME! but maybe he'd be a species with weaker venom. Just cause. (i could be really extra mean and say pseudoscorpion but cmon man.)

crackpot on the other hand.... ive gone into such meticulous detail about the kinds of bird he could be, but the funniest part is i don't think God would let him be a bird at all. birds are something he takes great comfort in, something he wants to be-- but he's a pretender, he's always worn a mask his whole life, always wished he could be somebody else. he'd be something that exhibits batesian mimicry [batesian mimicry is when one harmless species mimics another, more threatening species]-- i think he'd be a hoverfly, a type of fly that mimics bees! alternatively he could be a salamander but i don't have cool symbolism reasons for that i just think it's right.

TLDR;

if we're talking "jerma you'd be a rat" phobos could be a scorpion or pseudoscorpion and crackpot would either be a hoverfly or salamander, if we're talking "lion wolf hybrid king of the junjle" phobos would be an ostensibly cooler scorpion & crackpot would be some kinda sparklebird.

TY FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO WRITE AN ESSAY!!!! i love prompts like this so so much plsplspls don't hesitate to send me three hundred asks of this nature I LOVE FEELING LIKE A GREEK PHILOSOPHER

[minmin-pal]

you don't have to send a reply or even an answer really, i know it's close to the time so please feel free to ignore this and give yourself some time or just do something else you'd like other than answering a tumblr ask lmao/lh/gen

welcome back to custard/mikey/mustard/🍮 speedrunning asks in 2 hours go!

'Trying to become happy by doing assassinations' caught me off guard but yay I've already properly fixed and added the stuff you said to my watch guide, i appreciate the 'using the wrong pronouns for extra concealing' lol, ty jjba veteran for ur wisdom :pray: /gen

i've gotten so used to expecting them to come back too lol, but yes alright, thank you for the advice :D maybe i can somehow make it thru jjba with even a quarter of my feelings intact? (I'm not confident in that either ::/j/lh)

and woah I'm glad you were able to enjoy naruto! and yeah truee the possessed fox mode(?) thing always looked so cool and reminding is understandable lol, and now that you mention it he really would've been that one friend everyone would have in elem lmao. his cheery, rebellious to teachers and pulls pranks, he definitely would've been a popular kid or something during elem (is elem the same as primary school? ;;)

ngl i'd maybe say the reason gaara was more appealing than sasuke is maybe he was actually a nice character?/lh also younger gaara was very adorable to watch but yeah sasuke was just being a tad bit of an asshat lol

and ohh, people's opinions on tsunade is often positive leaning but it's neat to hear your thoughts on jiraiya and orochimaru are often like switched, if that makes sense? it's fun to see other opinions finally exist lmao, jiraiya was weird as heck but he had that character appeal going on somehow lol/pos

the 'hercules-corona borealis great wall' new term i never knew existed, ty for this brain food :pray:

and ah, somehow that single image you inserted of the dude drawn in the first style explains it (art looks nice though, muscles so cool omg/lh/pos)

I'm getting the same feeling that aot will end in the same-ish manner that killer in love did, just completely turn everything on the viewers heads and make us all feel emotionally exposed or smth lol, i'm gonna have to put on some protective gear before restarting the anime ;;

oh wait there's a csm part 2? I haven't heard much about it though it makes sense if his still working on it, and yep csm has already been added to my to-read list and csm2 is joining >:)

oyasumi punpun sounds very cute, i will be checking that out now, i need to feel feelings again after speedrunning killer in love lol/hj/lh

"boy's abyss" added to the collection (i will actually finish this list I swear lmao/gen) help naur "you didn't dislike kokoa, and that's really telling of you as a person" had me worried if it was bad for a few seconds TT/lh

and yeah I'm really glad they made her kinda of a victim too, really pulled the story together especially in the 'backstory leading to her walking off into the distance' ending (and yeah don't worry about any of it being too short or anything, it's understandable so pls don't strain urself :D/lh)

oh yeah, seeing a character make the same decisions or do the same thing as you and it's being shown/viewed(?) as a bad thing, is definitely an eye-opener moment

i don't know all the details and this might seem unwarranted but you were both human and I'm sorry they left you so suddenly (i'm not trying to come as all like- dunno pompous or anything i swear ;;) not trying to argue since it might've been the healthy decision for them and i can respect that, i'm sorry you had to be left alone so suddenly though/gen (i hope this didn't come off badly ;;/lh)

we're speedruninngg :run:

and yay, yeah i really did it like it, thank you again for getting me to read it/gen the wholw story and it's art in general was very lovely:]<3

(mustard is my new, nEW name that will appear on my birth certificate lmao, also how did i not think of that sooner it was literally staring me in the face lol)

i'm answering the first of the 'thank you and nice to meet you' post thing and i reached where you said you were physically running out of time and i am also running out of time physically, the irony is making me cackle lol/hj/lh

it makes me a bit sad too, but i'm really glad i did meet you (as much as meeting you counts to stumbling across your blog?) i might not have said this enough times, but reading you rant off on random tangents and just talking about silly random stuff that you liked and things that mattered to you was genuinely a very fun experience that i won't be forgetting./gen

mayb the afterlife or void or whatever turns out to be meeting you there, does have wifi, i mean you can never be too sure right lmao? I can imagine it might just be 2 bars or something tho lol/lh

bye bye to you too min, and yeah no worries, the end poem has a special place for me so i don't consider it corny at all that you brought up, not gonna lie the first time i read your response seeing the response just made me bawl harder lol,

you like showing me stuff and i like watching you show me stuff, it's very fun would reccomended:D/lh reccomended:D/lh

don't be sorry, you don't need to be/lh/gen

thank you for that, (am i allowed to save it?/genq/nf) making you tear up was the goal muahaha >:)/hj/lh

even if it's not new, i stand by "all min art is good art", thank you. genuinely for everything min. this has been a very nice few 47(?) days of knowing you and i'll always check back on here, i know you said promises don't count to dead people, but welp unfortunately one of us will still be alive and chilling so that promise is gonna get fulfilled >:) my evil masterplan all along, it's gonna take you so long to scroll down thru my jjba review part 1 ask with the shitty wifi in the afterlife/again, whichever ends up waiting

i'll take care of little dustball min >:) could go to a cat cafe, i heard you liked cats./lh

It nice meeting you min, thank you for everything genuinely, it's been nice.

love you stranger :D

gonna go offline permanently in 5 mins (plus i will be deleting a lot of posts- just cus i dont want to be known for some of these) so i cant go too indepth

im really happy we spoke. i sometimes would worry that people who found me off my more. sad stuff would never know me much and im happy u let me . not be so depressing and let me rant about fuckin g jojos bizarre adventure to you

thanks mustard custard mikey and see u in the next ecosystem

[queen-beefcake-sqx]

Ask game, feel free to comment for both fandoms please or skip for one.

2,6,7,9 16, 17, 21, 22,

I'm going to like.... jump around to whatever fandom I feel like for each question.

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

Okay so I did this for Disco Elysium so -- He Xuan would never bottom. My compelling argument is he told me personally. Next question.

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

I'm sorry but all ya'll Qi Rong fans who keep trying to find him a boyfriend... I support you, but maybe go stand over there? please????

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Again, did this one for Disco Elysium, so again tying into the above answer... Qi Rong is a character I'd like to be able to spend more braincells thinking about, because I think there COULD be some interesting meta I could make about him, but the fandom seems to have a very predetermined way of thinking about him and writing him that makes it so hard for me to want to engage.

9. worst part of canon

I feel like I can't speak on DE just because I haven't finished or explored it as thoroughly as I'd like to yet. For MXTX books... God I'll be so honest it was silly and fun the first time, but I cringe rereading the whole Statue Mecha scene near the end of TGCF. It's so ridiculous and outlandish that it breaks emersion for me a bit.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Okay, I'll be SO HONEST -- as someone who's come to better accept his trans masc-ness because of Kim Kitsuragi -- I'm kind of shocked at the sheer amount of trans!Kim fics. And I guess there's a part of me squinting at it going, "Isn't there something a little weird about ascribing transmasculinity to a character who -- in the real world -- is part of a race that's often feminized (the "pretty Asian boy" stereotype) and is visually the most slender and short of the male characters? Like? That feels a little weird to me, ya'll..."

(Like, not saying stop, I get it, and the fanfics handle it really well on the whole, but also like... I think it's worth asking ourselves (1) WHY Kim gets this treatment over Harry or another character and (2) WHAT kinds of queerness we're ascribing onto characters. Especially in light of stuff like me seeing KimHarry on a yuri poll.... like. come on ya'll. A tiny bit of critical thinking) (and again. not saying "don't write queer characters" but maybe like... consider diversifying your options).

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

Tip Top Racer Kim. Why the fuck are none of you writing Tip Top Racer Kim Kitsuragi AUs. Why. Where's the art. Where's Kim in tight fitting racing uniform huh??? (which. uh. if anyone has a good artist you'd recommend for a commission....) (I am LEGALLY obligated to drop my favorite DE fic now just so you all can see THE POTENTIAL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40802268) Also not enough Jean crossdressing fics, send tweet. That blonde wig is all I think about and there's so much unresolved in that choice....

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

In Disco Elysium, who the FUCK are these student communist dudes everyone is talking about because I LITERALLY haven't seen them.

Also for TGCF, the underwater kiss scene. The actual kiss is honestly secondary to me to EVERYTHING ELSE happening in that moment because people seem to forget how INSANE the circumstances are.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores Oh for my MXTX fandoms that's easy -- I am easily the second most Beefleaf brain rot person you'll ever meet and the Black Water Arc of TGCF is everything to me. Everyone always talks about the climax and the beheading and sure that's cool but the BUILD UP? The visit to Fu Gu and watching the performance of He Xuan's massacre? The Truth or Dare game in the temple? The foreshadowing with the Water and Wind master statues? The visit to Shi Qingxuan's terrace and the poetry written there? BREAKING SQX OUT OF HER PALACE BECAUSE SWD IMPRISONED HER? AND THEN SQX WALKING AWAY FROM YUSHI HUANG'S FARM AFTER "MING YI" TRIES TO GET HER TO STAY BEHIND? None of you talk enough about the LENGTHS He Xuan went to to try to avoid getting SQX involved in SWD's death and it makes me ABSOLUTELY INSANE ON A DAILY BASIS!!! I am chewing on glass about this!!!!

[taegularities]

🐼✒️anon here, omg rid you're so sweet😭 just listened to the commentary and first of all, your voice is so soothing, i could listen to you talk all day

second, i teared up when you mentioned isabella's lullaby. that is literally one of my favorite pieces of music, and i have imagined singing and harmonizing together with jk, and when you mentioned that he hums that for OC i literally teared up, felt like cmi!jk was made for me🤭

third, thank you so much for answering my questions🥹 it was so comforting, and it was so interesing to hear more about your writing process. and thank you for your encouragement, i really appreciate your advice and support, you're such a sweet soul🥹

also peraltiago??? and elemental??? i literally yearn for that kind of love and connection, especially peraltiago (although the cmi babies have long replaced them now) ughh i can totally relate to everything you said there! if you havent already, watch the good place, i think you'd really appreciate the dynamics between the characters, trust me

lastly, i was so surprised when you said that you've started the blog in 2020?? the way you write really makes you think you've been in this for far longer. i am genuinely amazed by your talent rid, you fucking rock💪🏻

its not a 🐼✒️ ask without writing a full essay, i apologise🙏🏻 i just wanted to let you know i really enjoyed the commentary, and im looking forward to the rest of cmi (im still in denial about the fact that its gonna end, and im also in denial of the possibility of you leaving yup) you are truly amazing, i cant find anymore words😭 love you so much, take care of yourself and rest well! I hope you get well from the cold soon, sending you all my love💜💜💜💜💜

holdddd, i guessed your name? kajshasj that's crazy bc i wouldn't even know lol but omg super proud i pronounced it well!! 🥰 as to your message… are you kidding, you're so 😭 gd sweet, like ilysm!!

isabella's lullaby is truly one of the most spectacular and gorgeous pieces i've ever heard. immediate favourite. it's become a lullaby to oc, too, bc i imagine it so feathery soft in his voice. also, wdym?? i didn't give any advice, that was totally these two heheh 👀 and all i want is for them (me heh) to comfort you <3

PANDAAAA, YOU AND I ARE VIBINGGGGG. peraltiago is my shiittttttt (fun fact, i just watched an episode last night where they used the ship name for the first time jkfsdhssf). how dare you say cmi babies have replaced them I WILL LITERALLY SOB INTO MY PILLOW WHAT 😭 also, putting the good place on my to-watch-list!!

i actually started this blog in early 2021 which makes your praise even more meaningful and sweet babe i adore you 🤧 ty ty ty!! and i've gotten a lot better!! spent my week off work well (but about to work for uni deadlines 💀) <3 not the deniallll 😭 if i do decide to stay, i promise i'll try my best to keep this thing going for as long as possible. we shall not see the end of their story soon (bc i'm very much in denial, too) <3

[allexiaah]

🏳️‍🌈 and 💎 (for DBD)?

Since it's been a while since I posted it, this is the ask meme! I'll still take any asks if people wanna send em in ^^

🏳️‍🌈: do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc,) that are important to you?

God, this is a good one. One of the headcanons I have most strongly are my aspec ones. Claudette in particular is the character I hc as aspec the most, actually! I see her as ace and aro, maybe grey aro. It's a big "comfort hc" so to speak I guess, because I'm aroace myself. Although canon heavily implies it already but the devs can't make up their minds, I guess interpreting her as autistic is also a "headcanon" so to speak? But it's canon to me. Claudette is a huge comfort character to me so my headcanons for her are probably the ones I'm most sure of or I don't think will change much in the future. I have many more LGBT hcs in particular, but I'll spare everyone the entirety of it, unless someone does want to hear. I can answer those separately ^^

💎: are there any fun facts or trivia that you would like to share?

Ooh! There's some good stuff, actually, but I'll stick with a small one. A friend actually told me this, and I think it's extremely interesting.

This is the perk icon for Botany Knowledge.

The flowers look interesting. Three petals isn't something that I, at least, see very often. As it turns out, the flowers on this perk are trilliums, flowers that grow in Quebec! I think it's a very nice detail, making the flowers on the icon resemble a species from the province Claudette lived in. Here's an image of a real trillium for comparison!

Very neat.

Another tiny one that I see people overlook/miss is that the wraith is actually wearing a shirt under his cloak! The sleeves are obscured by the cloak, but if you take the cloak off of his model, you can see it. Also, that "scarf" part of the cloak around his neck is a part of the shirt. The Wraith is literally wearing a turtleneck t-shirt. I love it lol.

Tysm for the ask! It was good to answer these. I'm SO sorry with how late I make answering these sometimes TwT especially since anons don't get the notification when I answer their questions. But thank you! I'm glad I got to share a lil bit ^^

[miyagihawk]

for hawk

lover of mine - 5sos

it's a selfship anthem, bby!

the lyrics make so much sense

i love 5sos!!!! ty for the request :)

lover of mine | eli “hawk” moskowitz x reader

warnings: cursing, i think that’s it?

summary: based on lover of mine by 5sos <3

Lover of mine

Maybe we'll take some time

Kaleidoscope mind

Gets in the way

Your relationship with Hawk was more complicated than most.

You had to be patient with him. His mind was like a kaleidoscope; his thoughts were in intricate patterns that you could never comprehend. It amazed you, but it also frustrated you when you couldn’t understand him.

And when it seemed like you finally did understand, he would shift into new colors and you’d have to start all over again.

“I just- I don’t get you, Hawk! Why are you always lying to me?” you said loudly, already feeling exhausted from the argument.

“I’m not! You just never believe me!” he turned it on you. Like always.

You looked at him with a hard stare and crossed your arms. “Did you or did you not break Demetri’s arm?” you asked in a calmer, but still threatening tone.

You already knew the answer; everyone was talking about what happened in the laser tag room. But here Hawk was, denying it. You just couldn’t grasp why he hid so much from you.

When he stayed silent with his gaze not meeting yours, you sat on your bed with an exasperated sigh.“We should take a break,” you interrupted the quiet atmosphere, looking up at where your boyfriend stood in front of you.

“What?” Hawk finally met your eyes with a hurt expression.

You patted the spot on the bed next to you, and he sat reluctantly. “I’m just tired. We need a break Hawk.”

“We don’t need a break,” he protested quietly, and the subtle sadness in his voice was enough to make your heart pang with hurt.

Hope and I pray

Darling, that you will stay

Butterfly lies

Chase them away

He was scared. Even through all the countless arguments and lies, you never left. Now you were suggesting a break, and Hawk knows from seeing other relationships that they always just end in an actual break up.

In a weird way, you did want to scare him. Because he would never change if you didn’t. You hated the idea of a break, but maybe Hawk would finally stop lying to you if you showed him you were serious.

“It’s not a breakup,” you assured, because you knew what he was thinking. For once. “We just need time apart for a little bit. To think.”

“About what?” he asked defensively, starting to raise his voice again.

“You and I. We’re quite toxic, you know?” you contrasted his volume in a lighter tone, making his face relax and his lips turn up a bit.

His small smile dropped suddenly, replaced by an anxious expression. “Don’t leave me Y/N.”

Your heart dropped at his words, and you wanted to wrap your arms around him. To tell him you’d never leave and that it was all okay. But it wasn’t all okay.

You grabbed his hand instead, “You’re my best friend. I love you. But I need this, okay? We both do. Just some time to figure out how we can fix... us.”

“I can fix it now, we don’t need to take a break. Please. I’ll never lie to you again. I just- I hate disappointing you,” he pleaded, tightening his hand around yours, and you wanted to give in.

But you knew that letting this go on, this never ending cycle, would only end with the both of you in a huge crash and burn.

“You said that last time,” you gave him a sad smile. “Let’s just figure our shit out, and then come back better for each other. We need this Hawk.”

-

6 months later

Things didn’t end so well after your break with Hawk. After spending some time apart, you two were just never close again.

None of you planned for it to happen; you just drifted away from each other. And neither of you exactly established when the “break” would be over.

So for the next few months, you passed each other in the halls without any acknowledgment of the other’s existence. Of course you missed him, but not being with him just became the new normal. And you accepted it and pushed your feelings aside.

“So you’ll meet us there? You sure you don’t want the limo to pick you up?” your friend Cara asked from across the lunch table.

“Yeah don’t worry about me, Jesse’s picking me up,” you replied, making the rest of your friends wiggle their eyebrows teasingly.

“What happened to prom with the girls, Y/N? I thought we established no boyfriends during prom season,” Cara pouted playfully, and you elbowed her in the ribs.

“He’s not my boyfriend. He just asked me to prom and that’s it,” you corrected.

Your other friend jumped in, “And why not? Jesse is so cute.”

As she asked, your eyes trailed away from your friends and towards a certain someone with loud red hair, sitting across the room with his karate posse.

Your group noticed your lack of attention and turned to see what you were looking at. They sighed in unison, making you bring your focus back to them.

“He’s why, isn’t he?” Cara gave you an understanding smile and rubbed your shoulder comfortingly. “It’s okay. Just have fun tonight.”

You only nodded, giving your kind friends a soft smile of appreciation.

As much as you tried to convince yourself that you’ve moved on fully, the boy with a kaleidoscope mind would always have a place in your heart.

-

Where is he?

You paced around your living room anxiously, checking your phone for what seemed like the millionth time in the past hour.

You scrolled through the numerous texts you’ve sent, contemplating if you should send another one. Calling him wasn’t even an option; it went straight to voicemail everytime.

After an hour and a half, you gave up waiting and hoping that your prom date would show up. You flopped down onto the couch despairingly, replying to worried texts from your friends.

‘I’m not going to make it, just don’t worry about me. Have fun my loves.’ you typed, throwing your phone onto the floor right after.

You didn’t want to ask them to pick you up and ruin their night, and you were honestly too drained from being stood up to call an Uber.

So prom night ended up with you spread out on the couch with your outfit that you’ve planned out months ago, eating out of a carton of rocky road ice cream.

Honestly, it could’ve been worse. You could’ve been spending the night with an absolute jerk named Jesse. (a/n: so sorry if ur name is jesse lmao)

In the middle of your rom com movie marathon, an abrupt knock at the front door made you sit up from your pathetic, ice cream eating position on the sofa.

Immediately, you turned off the TV and tiptoed towards the door. You silently grabbed the baseball bat next to it, while squinting to see through the peephole.

Your stomach immediately dropped when you saw him.

Clad in a black suit, with a bouquet of your favorite flowers.

Shifting on his feet and chewing on his lip nervously, as he waited for you to open the door.

The boy you didn’t know you needed to see until now.

What is he doing here?

You covered your mouth in shock as you ran to the mirror to check if you had chocolate stains around your mouth. You smoothed down your hair and straightened out your dress in a frenzy, before unlocking the door with a deep breath in.

“Hawk?” you tried to act surprised, which wasn’t hard because your heart was racing.

He took a second to look at you in your wasted prom attire, and he was locked in a trance for a second before he snapped out of it. “Oh... uh, these are for you,” he held out the flowers to you and you took them with a smile.

“Wow, I love them. Thank you,” you brought them up to your nose for a whiff of your favorite floral scent. “So, what are you doing here?” you asked awkwardly.

“Oh crap, sorry, do you want to come in?” you said before he would answer, and you opened the door wider so he could step inside.

Hawk looked around the room where he’s been countless times, and he frowned at the sight of 13 Going On 30 paused on the screen with half melted ice cream on the coffee table. That movie plus the sweet dessert was your absolute comfort pairing, and it made him sad that you needed it.

“Cara texted me, and I was worried,” he finally spoke, answering your earlier question. You suddenly felt embarrassed as you placed the bouquet in a vase. You didn’t want to be pitied. Especially by your ex-boyfriend.

“I’m fine,” you said bluntly, busying yourself with the flowers so that you wouldn’t have to face him. You hadn’t talked to him since the night you suggested the break, and you already felt too exhausted from tonight’s events to even talk about it with him. “It’s better that I didn’t go to prom with that dick.”

Hawk chuckled at your remark, and you felt more at ease. The tension between you was thicker than an iceberg, and you didn’t know if you could handle it.

“So did you leave? Or are you just dressed up like that for me?” you smiled, sitting down on the couch where he followed.

He laughed again, lightening the mood even more. “I was there, but you know, Cara told me about what happened and... I just felt like I needed to come. It was lame though. The whole thing is just dancing. And I don’t dance,” Hawk explained, and you found yourself smiling at the thought of him caring about you. “But I know how excited you were about prom, so I thought I’d bring it to you. Some romantic shit like that.”

Your eyebrows raised at “romantic shit”, but you decided not to say anything about it. Although, it did make your cheeks heat up and you hoped he didn’t notice. “That’s really sweet Hawk. Thank you. Really,” you placed your hand on top of his, but you recoiled awkwardly because it felt too intimate, given the circumstances.

You cleared your throat, “So... since you’re bringing prom to me, does that mean I get a dance?” you got up and stood in front of him with your arms playfully crossed.

Hawk squinted his blue eyes at you, crossing his arms as well, “I don’t dance, remember?”

“For me you will, right? Or I could just, you know, dance by myself. It’s already been such a great night for me,” you teased, walking away from him towards a clear space in the living room.

He groaned from behind you and got up to follow, making you cheer happily. “For you I will,” he stated under his breath, releasing dozens of butterflies in your stomach.

Dance around the living room

Lose me in the sight of you

I've seen the red, I've seen the blue

Take all of me

You turned on your Dad’s old record player, where a slow, jazzy, 60s vinyl was spinning. You almost wanted to change it because it felt too romantic, but Hawk was already waiting behind you and you were scared he would change his mind.

The rush his presence gave you made you boldly put your hands on his shoulders, and he stiffly placed his own on the curve of your waist. Your hands were locked at the nape of his neck; his hold on you was light as if you were fragile china.

You forgot how intoxicating it felt to be this close to him, and you wondered how you went so long without that feeling.

The both of you swayed to the smooth melodies of Nina Simone with interlocked eyes, and with every second his hands on your hips became more relaxed. You rested your head on his chest, pulling him closer.

For a song or two, none of you said anything; there was just an unspoken appreciation of each other’s presence. After 6 months without him, you needed this.

I'll never give you away

'Cause I've already made that mistake

If my name never fell off your lips again

I know it'd be such a shame

When I take a look at my life

And all of my crimes

You're the only thing that I think I got I right

“I should’ve never let you go,” Hawk whispered close to your ear, sending a shiver down your spine.

“I was the one who wanted the break. It’s my fault,” you opposed, lifting your head up from his chest to look up at him.

He raised one of his hands to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, and it brought a warm smile to your face. “But I didn’t chase after you,” his lips turned down into a frown.

You put your hands on the sides of his face while you two continued to sway to the staticky vinyl. “Maybe it’s both of our faults,” you laughed lightly, touching his soft skin.

“It’s me Y/N. I’m the one who lied to you throughout the whole relationship. I’m so sorry,” Hawk looked down at you with glossy eyes. “I’ve done so much fucked up shit. But you’re the only thing I got right. I hate myself for ruining it too.”

Your felt yourself melt at his confession. “It’s not ruined,” you disputed. “You aren’t perfect and I’m not either. I shouldn’t have given up on us. I’m sorry.”

He closed his eyes in peace as your hands ran through his bright hair. It was down from its usual style, giving him a softer look.

“Maybe we both messed up. But I’m never giving you away again Y/N. I won’t make that mistake. I love you,” the boy you’ve missed for months admitted, saying everything you wanted to hear.

You kissed him in reply.

a/n: ah idk if i like this but i hope u do, i feel like my writings are getting repetitive im having bad writers block (as u can tell by how slow im doing requests)

[saltedkoifish]

good afternooon;Decided to send you an ask wondering if you have any visual novel recommendations or would want any (I'm reading one asi am tying this)

thank you for the ask ~. hopefully this isnt a late reply ?? i dont know i dont see dates on here rn but anyway :D please prepare for a long and detailed, to my best ability, descriptions. to answer the second half of your question .. please by all means recommend to me !!! i feel like my vndb library has been lacking, and i would love to enjoy new things. start - starting with the non R18 and well known novels i know so far. CLANNAD is a very well known anime and visual novel. as someone who has yet to finish maybe 95% of the game left ... (i've been stalling, sorry .) i am confident that the appraisals it has gotten by those who HAVE finished it are definitely worth listening to. with especially high rating, it could most likely be considered a MUST for visual novel readers. the higurashi series !!!!! this is bloody and scary, and can be considered denpa as it takes alot of elements of insanity into the characters. i LOOOVE these sound novels (sound novels are visual novels that have no choices, you just read. there are also no CGs and rely on audiowork in the overall environment (but no voice acting unless youre playing in some certain versions of the game .. ? i do not know anything about them though but they are not in steam. no voice acting in these novels is no problem for me at all ! ) , which is especially really immersive and personally really crucial to the novels, so headphones recommended ! and description. instead of a CG, you imagine the full picture in your mind..) it being a series with arcs, and as someone who usually likes to prefer short series especially in anime, all seconds of these novels i have spent were fun and worthwhile. if you dont know where to start, i gotchu the first four sound novels are considered the "question arc", introductory novels as they make you "question" whats going on. read these four in order, and then you can move to the "answer arc" .

the second four sound novels are now the "answer arc". of course, likewise the question arc, this is where the secrets shown in the questions arc novels are finally revealed!!

all of these novels are found on steam. onikakushi (first question arc novel/first novel of the overall series) is FREE. beforehand warning: i believe majority, if not, all of these novels are R18 and may or may not have blood related content. if possible ill label them! some visual novels i REAAALLY wanted to read (but unfortunately couldn't find any downloads at all ..) were the White Album visual novels! they are a romance series, with a love triangle trope (maybe more than three people liking each other ?) !! R18, these have sexual scenes. !! another one is "shizuku", a very denpa-based novel and one of the "big three" of the denpa genre consisting of it, sayooshi (which i read and love but do NOT recommend casually to majority of people), and jisatsu no tame no 101 no houhou (i dont know anything about this but here is a lil page that talks about it ! (be wary of possible spoiler ?) !! all three of these novels are R18; GORE, not just blood, related content as well as triggering and sexual scenes. (this is especially in sayooshi as it basically revolves around it.) !!

(a novel mentioned in my pinned post introduction:) kimi no kanojo no kanojo no koi, better known as totono for its shorter title lol, is a romance novel !! with denpa. a little bit of patience and feeling as if you're finishing the game and it'll pull you into a whole new second half of the overall thing. even when you expect it, i am sure the turns of events will still surprise. !! R18, mild blood related content (can be triggering to a certain but mild extremity) and sexual scenes; these are also triggering to a certain extent especially in the "second half" of the game where it turns dark. !! as a subahibi fan, of course i would recommend that one too . i've also been wanting to read it's remakes, tsui no sora, and tsui no sora remake. !! R18 likewise subahibi, heavy content! one or two very graphic sexual scenes as well as extremely detailed description concerning it and some gore. !! kara no shoujo. this is a very intriguing novel despite me having not read any part of it or know any of the plot besides vndb description, the following:

"" March 1956. Tokyo, a metropolis finally starting to recover ten long years after Japan's defeat in the War. Private eye Tokisaka Reiji accepts a strange request from a girl in Inokashira Park.

"I want you to look for something. Me. My true self."

Meanwhile, a series of bizarre murders plagues the area, where young women disappear, only to turn up dead and maimed with their wombs torn out. Seeking assistance on the case, Detective Uozumi Kyozo called up his old friend and former coworker, Reiji.

Reiji's little sister attends Ouba Girls Academy, a school on the outskirts of Hoya City, where two young women have mysteriously vanished. Saeki Tokio, the vice-principal, calls Reiji to investigate their disappearance, giving him his third case.

Reiji infiltrates the academy as a substitute teacher to glean more information - that's when he meets the girl once again.

Kuchiki Toko - his first client, the girl who asked him to search for her true self. Her manner is distinctly boyish as she remarks:

"Heya - so we meet again, Mr. Detective."

The body count continues to rise. What should be a simple search for some students is starting to grow out of control. For some reason, the number of missing people and unidentified bodies don't match up.

Who will be chosen as the next victim?

As the endless cycle of tragedy continues, what mysteries lie behind these new cases? Behind a similar series of murders from six years ago?

Perhaps one girl's smile might await beneath the shell of tragedy... "" i have been a big fan of detective stories! i liked reading agatha christie novels for book projects in school. this novel is on steam too ~~ i also believe there is not only an episode two, but a third (last) episode. all three of these episodes have the same lone protagonist (the detective). second episode has an additional main protagonist. !!R18, sexual content and, most confident that there could be death and blood. !!

swan song . a novel i still have zero clue what is about. it caught my eye and i put it into my wishlist because it had some quite popularity among people. (as someone who is a big fan of sayooshi, which also has some more 8 ratings than 10s, this does not put down my interest.) ratings of swan song for reference:

an earthquakes ruins a city during christmas eve, and six of the main characters gather in a church in desperation of finding shelter from snow. (cover of the novel is a naked lady btw but nothing else thats graphic) !! R18, sexual content and possibly triggering description and setting concerning extreme conditions in life. might be blood .. ? !! i believe these are the ones i have to display ~~ . i hope description has helped a lot. thank you for the ask ! once again.

[storiesbymads]

GIVE IT UP ( tyson jost . )

You find yourself at your ex’s house party despite the fact that you’ve pretty much convinced him and yourself that you hate him. Apparently, he’s not that fond of you either. At least, that’s what he wants you to think.

warnings: smut, hate sex, unprotected sex

wc: 2.6k

add yourself to my taglist + masterlist

It was shocking of how quickly the sweet boy who once would’ve done anything to see you smile turned into the man before you that managed to get a rise out of you without even directly speaking to you.

Granted, most of that was your fault. All he’d wanted was a break, a few weeks, maybe a month apart to think things over. You’d been the one to suggest a full breakup.

“Tys-“ you stopped yourself. “Tyson.”

His pacing stalled, the hand that had been furiously running through his curls fell to rest on his hip as he turned to face where you were sitting on the couch. The couch you’d helped him pick out when he’d first moved into this apartment. The one he’d first kissed you on three years ago, though it was a bit more beat up now than it had been then. It was a faded blue in color now.

“What,” he halfway snapped. The tone of his voice caused you to flinch at his words, which almost sent Tyson into a deeper downward spiral had he not been so desperate to get through this evening without you killing each other.

“You know this isn’t working,” you said. “Not like it used to.”

“Then why are you fighting with me about taking a few weeks to figure things out,” he sighed before moving to sit on the matching ottoman in front of you.

“Please don’t make me say it out loud,” you said. Your jaw was trembling as you didn’t know how much longer you could keep looking him in the eye without breaking down.

Tyson’s hands were quick to start rubbing his eyes, almost painfully so as the heels of them dug in.

“You don’t mean it,” he whispered.

“Tyson.”

“I still love you,” he sighed.

“We had a great run, yeah?” you smiled sadly at him as you picked yourself up off the couch. “I’ll be back to get my things in the next week or so.”

And that probably would’ve been the end of it had Andre not been your best friend. He was, and he claimed, the best guy in your life before Tyson and he was going to stay that way after Tyson.

Sure, parties were awkward but it was nothing you couldn’t get through without a couple girl friends and some distance. And a handle of pink whitney.

“You’re kidding!” you gasped as your old college roommate gushed about her new boyfriend and their bedroom antics. “There’s no way you let him do that!”

“Long time no see, sunshine,” a familiar brown haired swede said as he pulled you into his side by the hip. You could tell the drink in his hand was far from his first based on the slur of his words and the way the snapback was situated sideways on his head.

“Hey, Dre,” you said before pecking his cheek quickly and sipping on the drink in your own hand. Contrary to your usual party behavior, you were only about half of the way through your first.

“Yeah, sunshine,” you heard Tyson say from behind you. The smile on your face wiped away into a scowl within seconds. “Long time no see.”

You opted to ignore him, continuing your conversation with your roommate, Savannah, as Andre left your side to join the beer pong game in the corner.

“Aw, c’mon. It’s not my fault you’re desperate enough to come to your ex’s house party,” he mocked as he shuffled his way closer to you.

“Aw, it’s not my fault your other eye’s just begging for a matching shiner,” you cooed. You could feel his breath against your pulse point as he leaned in closer.

“Think you have it in you?” he asked, voice grovely as it dropped an octave. Scoffing, you pushed away from him in search of anyone else to talk to. You couldn’t stand the fact that he was still able to jump start your heart rate after all these years, especially after all the things he’s said to you after you’d broken up.

You shouldn’t even be going to this part. You wouldn’t be had Andre not literally dragged you into his car with a promise that you wouldn’t even see Tyson, let alone have to speak to him.

“You haven’t been out in months, sunshine,” he said as he pulled out of your apartment complex. “We miss you.”

“You missed me,” you sighed, pulling your head up from where it was resting against the cool glass of the window.

“The team misses you,” he said, temporarily taking his hand off the wheel to pinch your hip. The team minus Tyson, you thought.

The party itself was fine for a while. You’d practically attached yourself to Andre’s side, not that he was complaining. He was just glad to have you in a social situation again. You were actually having fun for the first time in a while playing flip cup with some of the guys. Tyson had practically slipped your mind, another first.

Until he decided to, rather harshly, drag you away from the table.

“What are you doing here?” he rushed out as he clicked the lock on the bathroom door.

“Dre- Andre invited me,” you stuttered. The party was still going strong outside the room and you could feel the bass through the floor.

“God, I haven’t seen you in months and you’re here because my teammate invited you?” he scoffed. The shock in his eyes had since shifted to something more of disgust.

“We broke up, Tyson,” you said.

“Exactly! We broke up!” he said, throwing his hand up in the air. Your eyes stayed glued to the lock behind him.

“I didn’t come here to see you,” you said, though it came out more like a whimper. You swore you saw something crack in Tyson’s eyes before his resolve went back up.

“That’s rich, even coming from you.”

“God, you’re such a dick, Jost,” you pushed past him, wiping a tear away before it had the chance to fall as you unlocked the bathroom door.

You hated him. You hated him.

Thankfully the kitchen was empty when you found yourself there. You weren’t looking for anything, your cup was still mostly full.

How was Tyson always able to find you in a crowd? Even when you were actively avoiding him like the plague, he somehow managed to sneak up behind you and send your head into a downward spiral.

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing thinking so much at a party,” an unfamiliar voice said from beside you, pulling you from your daze.

“I’m not-“ you cut yourself off. “It’s just…”

“Whoa, don’t burst a blood vessel,” he smiled at you. His comment was awkward at best, but the soft look in his eyes made up for it. He was cute.

“Sorry,” you chuckled. “I’m Y/N.”

“Jason,” he responded, clinking your red cups together in a fake toast.

Jason, you learned, was a bartender at the Star Bar in downtown Denver. Though, that was a temporary job as he worked on his masters in biochemistry. You ended up telling him a story about the time you found yourself being escorted out of said Star Bar from dancing on the bar.

“If you’ll excuse me, I really have to go to the ladie’s room,” you said, starting to walk past him in the now crowded kitchen before turning back to face the blond. “Would you mind holding my drink?”

“Sure,” Jason said, even going as far as putting his own drink down so that he could cover the top of yours fully with his hand. Maybe this party hadn’t gone completely to shit.

The line to the bathroom was nonexistent and you’d managed to finish your business in record time. You checked your appearance in the mirror before clicking the lock on the bathroom door and opening it to see the one person you really wished you hadn’t.

He pushed his way through, slamming the door and locking it behind him.

“What are you doing, Jost? Let me out,” you said.

“You really think you can come here and flirt with some random guy in my kitchen?” he scoffed. With every word he took another half step closer to you until your back was pressed against the far wall.

“What do you mean your kitchen?”

“Did Dre not tell you? Can’t believe this is the fourth time you’ve been here and you didn’t even know who’s apartment it was. I think that’s a little rude, if you ask me,” he cooed. Four times; he was counting. He’d made a mental note every time you’d been sitting on his couch and he’d been too fucked up about it to do anything.

His knee pushed your thighs apart as his hands found solace on the wall beside your head. You felt the sudden urge to spit in his face. Or to let him spit in yours.

This was much more possessive than he’d ever acted when you were together. Granted, he hasn’t acted the same way he’d been when you were together in the year and a half you’d been apart.

“Answer me,” he hummed. “It’s rude isn’t it.”

You tilted your head to the side in response only for Tyson’s thigh to press up further so that it was resting against your core. You took the sudden close proximity between the two of you to gauge the changes in his features. Most obviously was the beard he was sporting now, he’d never been able to accomplish more than a patch here or there while you were dating despite his best efforts. His shoulders were more filled out now, too, and his curls looked longer. He looked more… mature, if that was the word for it.

“Answer me,” he tutted. “Or am I gonna have to fuck it out of you?”

“You’re a lot bolder than I remember, Jost,” you gasped. There was a definite wet spot growing in your underwear at the rasp in his tone.

“You’re just as annoying,” he said before one of his hands found your hip. His mouth came crashing against yours an instant later, a rough mess of teeth clanging together as he popped the button on your jean shorts. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’m sure I’ll fuck that out of you, too.”

The comment caused a gasp to slip past your lips as he removed his knee so that he could tug your bottoms to your ankles in one fell swoop. His fingers were quick in replacing the delicious pressure against your clit, circling the nub with the pad of his finger.

“Do you still make those pretty little noises you used to make?” he asked, only to pull a whimper out of you not even a second later when he slipped a finger into your hole.

“You’re still a dick,” you moaned as you dropped your head to rest against his shoulder. You bit down on the cotton of his t-shirt to conceal the whimper of emptiness as Tyson slipped his finger out of you so that he could push the band of his sweatpants down just enough for his cock to slip out.

“Yeah? And you’re about to cum all over it.”

The string of profanities that followed from your part were involuntary.

He pushed into you slowly until he was halfway in before snapping his hips forward in one quick motion so that your pelvic bones were pressed together. You hadn’t felt this full since… Well, since him.

“Fucking-“ he hissed. “I forgot how tight you were.”

His eyebrows furrowed as he started thrusting his hips. You would’ve been able to admire it longer had your eyes not rolled into the back of your head. Your hand slipped down between your bodies to rub your clit only to be swatted away and replaced by Tyson’s a moment later.

His name rolled off your tongue like a chant as you felt your orgasm building with each pump of his hips.

“I’m gonna cum, holy shit,” you said.

“That’s right, baby. Cum all over my cock,” he said. The rhythm of his thrusts was getting sloppier by the second and you could tell he was getting close. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Where do you want it?”

“What?” you asked, head still very hazy from the impending orgasm.

“I can’t cum inside you—shit,” his thrusts slowed. “Where do you want it?”

“I’m on the pill,” you rushed out in hopes that he’d start fucking you again. The thought alone almost had him falling apart.

“Holy shit, ok,” he mumbled before picking up his thrusts once again. It was a step the two of you hadn’t taken before, and he was dying to see his cum drip out of you.

“Fuck, Tys,” the words came out rushed as your high washed over you. Tyson came soon after as ropes of it coated your walls in hot spurts.

Your senses came back to you as you came back down. What the fuck were you doing? Why did you allow yourself to hook up with the ex you were still pretty sure you hated in a bathroom.

“I-I’ve gotta go,” you said, pushing Tyson off, and subsequently out, of you so that you could pull up your shorts and button them.

“Wait, Y/N,” the flustered, blushing Tyson you thought you’d never see again made an appearance as you threw the bathroom door open just as he tucked himself back into his boxers. The fly of his blue jeans was undone as he chased you out of the bathroom, practically begging you to stop as he followed you out the front door.

“Leave me alone, Jost,” you scoffed as you watched him zip his pants out of the corner of your eye.

“There’s no way you’re gonna go back to hating me after that,” he said. You could feel his cum dripping into your panties as he spoke.

“We made our decision last year. We should’ve left it at that,” you shivered in the open exterior of his apartment complex, silently cursing yourself for thinking a jacket would ruin your outfit.

“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” a dry chuckle slipped from his lips. “After all of that? After a year and a half of pretending, you can’t admit it?”

“I wasn’t pretending-“

“Like hell you weren’t. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t regret even mentioning the idea of a break between us. What we had doesn‘t just go away,” he took a step towards you. You could still hear the music from inside his place, though it was fainter now and still half-muffled by the various conversations just past the front door.

“We weren’t working out,” you said, though it came out as more of a squeak.

“You and I both know we could’ve worked on it. We were stupid to let what we had go over nothing,” he said. “I miss you.”

Your resolve was breaking more with every word.

“Jost, what if this doesn’t work?” you asked, allowing him to get close enough to take your hand in his. It was quite the contrast to the way he’d been with you not even ten minutes ago.

“Would you stop calling me that?” his features were screwed tight as he asked. “You only call me that when you’re mad at me.”

“Tyson,” you said, only to be greeted with a knowing look in his brown eyes. “Tys.”

“We’re gonna work out,” he said. “We’re gonna work out because…”

“Because?”

“Because I still love you. And I’m not letting you go again,” his voice had lowered to a whisper and it shook and his forehead was dangerously close to resting against yours. Within the span of an hour, he’d transformed back into the shy boy you’d given your heart to three years ago on his blue couch.

“Ok,” you whispered back, closing the distance and resting your foreheads against each other only for Tyson to bridge the gap completely with a tilted head to plant his lips against your own.

tagged @ptersparkers @annedub @corebore123 @damndunner @kiedhara @watermelon05 @sidscrosbyy @thelionkingpw @besthockeyfics @iwantahockeyhimbo @beauvibaby

[peach-skull]

Forever yours

Forever yours

Tomura Shigaraki x Reader

__________________________________________________________________________

tags/TW

Unprotected sex, dry humping, pregnancy mention, cumming inside, childhood friends to lovers, facesitting, shiggy being his nasty self, no quirks au, fluff adjacent 

________________________________________________________________

You would get a turn once he died. That’s how it was: That’s how it had been ever since you two were children. Tomura rarely died in video games, so if you wanted a turn you either had to whine until he gave in or wait until he was too focused to notice you take it from him until it was too late. However, you weren’t interested in video games today. You were interested in him. In his soft blue hair, his long, slender fingers, his beautiful crimson eyes. You were head over heels for your best friend since childhood, Tomura Shigaraki. It was a terrible,  roiling mixture of puppy love and sheer lust. You wanted to go on long walks and hold his hand. You also wanted him to bend you over a table and fuck you until your legs gave out. 

“ Tomu.”

He didn’t answer you, too absorbed in his game to pay attention to anything else. You huffed and tapped him with your foot.

“Tomura!”

Shigaraki muttered something unintelligible and paused his game, looking at you over his shoulder.

“ What do you want, (Y/N)?”

Showtime.

“ I have, uh, a personal question for you”

He grabbed an energy drink and took a sip.

“ Just ask it already.”

You needed to ask this casually. Like you couldn’t care less about the answer. Just making friendly conversation.

“ You’re still a virgin, right?”

He choked on his drink, coughing and sputtering as he tried to think of an answer. Who just asks shit like that?! You better not be making fun of him.

“ That’s none of your goddamn business,asshole.”

Based on his reaction alone, he had to be. You shrugged casually and adjusted one of your thigh-highs, smoothing your pleated skirt once it was back in position. You had worn them especially for him: you knew him long enough to know what he liked.

“ I’ll take that as a yes. So am I. I want to lose it but like, with the right person y’know? Not some rando, or like, a boyfriend who’ll sour the experience if we break up.”

You have never used ‘like’ in a sentence so many times in your life. Or used the word rando. 

“ so I was thinking, wouldn’t it be way easier to do it with someone you already trust? Like a close friend . so what if we, Y’know, helped each other ou-

SLAM. before you could even finish your question, Shigaraki had moved from the foot of the bed to the headboard, straddling you with his hands gripping above your head. 

He loomed above you, a massive cheshire grin plastered on his flushed face.

“ You aren’t fucking with me, right? You’re being serious? You actually wanna fuck?”

You didn’t expect him to be so enthusiastic about it. You thought he would decline, or accept in a less...intense manner. He was panting and leering and- was he seriously drooling? As if to answer your question, a drop of spit landed on your chest. Maybe a keyhole sweater wasn’t the best thing to wear today. 

“N-no, I'm not messing around, Tomu. I-I want… I want to have sex with you.”

Tomura quickly laid on top of you, pinning you down and shoving his tongue into your mouth. You had never been kissed before.  You tried to keep up with him, but he was just so rough that it was difficult to do so.You put your trembling hands oh his shoulders and tried to wiggle into a more comfortable position. He snickered and began to grind against your lap, completely misunderstanding what you were trying to do. You pushed his face away, a string of saliva connecting your lips. 

“ Get off for a second, I need to move my legs.”

Tomura rolled his eyes but did as you said, crawling backwards on all fours. More of a scuttle, really. You lifted your skirt and spread your legs, revealing your string-tie panties.  You didn’t even get the chance to tell him to come back before he pounced, rutting against your covered pussy and latching onto your neck. You could feel the seam of his jeans rubbing on your clit as he frantically humped you. It felt better than you thought it would: his weight on you, the teeth on your throat, the grind of his hard cock on your aching sex. You were getting close to the edge already, moaning and grabbing onto his hoodie as you  tried not to finish.

“T-Tomura! Please slow down, I- ah! I’m- I don’t want to cum from kissing! Please, just s-stop for a second!”

Goddammit, he was so close. It hurt to pull away from the warm embrace of your thighs, but he grit his teeth and did it anyways. You had a point: cumming from dry humping alone was a little pathetic. Shigaraki sat back on his heels and surveyed the damage.

Your skirt was pulled up past your stomach. One of your thigh highs had rolled all the way down to your ankle and your neck was covered in bruises. The hole in the chest of your sweater had slipped, exposing the top of your nipples. You weren’t wearing a bra. Holy shit, you weren’t wearing a bra. You had waltzed over to his house and sat on his bed in thigh highs and a sailor skirt and one of those sweaters with a boob window and NO FUCKING BRA. Tomura jumped off of the bed and pulled down his pants without bothering to unzip them. As you stared at the absolute monster of a cock that your best friend somehow had tucked away just moments ago, you only had one question on your mind.

“ um, Shiggy?”

You only called him that when you were particularly nervous. Tomura tore off his hoodie, his shirt going along with it and threw them both on the ground.

“ Why the hell is your dick so goddamn big?!”

 He looked down at his crotch as if he had absolutely no clue that his cock was roughly the size of a coke bottle. He looked at you and shrugged.

“ No idea. It’s always been like this, can I fuck your tits?”

He had to be joking.

“What?!”

“ Can you give me a titjob? Please?! I’m really close! It’ll take like two minutes, I swear!

If you weren’t madly in love with this man, you’d put him and his stupid horse cock in a shallow grave.

“ Yeah, yeah, just gimme a sec…”

He sat on the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to him, grinning wildly.

“ Lay down over here and put your boobs on my lap. This’ll be great,I swear.”

Shit, why did he have to be so cute?! You grumbled about various grievances you had with your friend and his dopey smile and that scar on his lips and and his stupid fucking fat dick as you got off his bed and walked over to where he was sitting. You stood in front of him and took off your sweater, chucking it into his face.

“ I swear to GOD if you choke me with that thing, I’ll bite it off. No head-pushing, Understand?”

He just smiled and nodded his head rapidly. 

You turned around and took your skirt off, bending over afterwards to roll up the rogue stocking that had decided to slip. While you were busy trying to keep the damn thing from falling again, Tomura grabbed the strings tying your panties together and tugged, undoing the bows and yanking them off of you.

“HEY!”

He held the underwear up to get a closer look. They were white and (f/c) striped, with lace and a little bow on top. Absolutely adorable. He was going to add them to his collection when you weren’t looking,but he just couldn't resist pressing his face into the damp fabric and inhaling deeply.

Was this motherfucker seriously sniffing your panties right in front of you?! You snatched the cloth away from him and threw them across the room, safe from his nasty clutches. For now.

“ Heh, sorry about that (Y/N). You always smell so good, I couldn’t help myself.”

That really shouldn’t have made your stomach flutter the way it did. You laid on the bed, lowering your chest onto Tomura’s lap. He ran his hand down your back and slapped your ass, laughing when you yelped out of pain and surprise.

“ Raise your hips. I can’t have you doing all the work now can I?”

He lowered his hand past your ass, but his fingers couldn’t reach your clit, stopping a few centimeters short. He grumbled and leaned to the side, trying his best to figure out a position that would let him rub your clit and finger your dripping pussy at the same time and gave him the lap titjob he wanted. He might have miscalculated, but that couldn’t be: it looked great in the hentai he saw a couple weeks ago, so it should work just fine IRL!

“ Tomura, this position is kinda weird. I don’t think this is going to work the way you think it will.”

“ Yes it will! C’mon, just raise your hips a little more-”

You looked up at him as best you could from the awkward position on his lap.

“ You saw this in a doujin, didn’t you?”

After around five minutes of arguing about whether or not Tomura’s stupid position would ( or even could) work, you decided to take initiative by pushing him down  and sitting on his face. How else were you supposed to shut him up? 

“ Sorry, Tomu. This was the only way to get you to be quiet. Seriously, who the hell gets into an argument about hentai in the middle of a hookup? There’s a time and place for everything, dumbass.”

You drooled into your palm to make impromptu lube before wrapping your hand around the head of his cock, smearing your saliva and his precum around as you jerked him off. You had never given a handjob before, but if the moans sending vibrations straight to your  core where anything to go on, you were doing a pretty good job. You grabbed the back of his head and ground against his face, giggling when his cock twitched.

“ C’mon, make me cum! Don’t you wanna get to the main event? I want you to rail me until I can't walk. Don’t you wanna fuck me, Tomura? Do you wanna slam that fat cock into my tight little pussy or not?”

He’d always been fun to tease, but never like this. There was a sort of power in it now: you had him right where you wanted him. Or so you thought.Shigaraki growled and grabbed your ass to hold you still. He was sick and tired of you always messing with him. Elbowing him during multiplayer games so he would mess up.Taking the last sip of his energy drink, not even thinking of the indirect kiss. Filling his room with the smell of your perfume after a day of hanging out and then just leaving him alone to masturbate to the thought of you. 

“ Aw, are you getting cranky, Tomu? I’m almo-”

He licked  along your folds before getting to your clit. He drew slow circles with his tongue before wrapping his lips around the sensitive bundle of nerves and sucking harshly. He flicked his tongue over your clit, adding a maddening amount of stimulation to the already overwhelming act. You squealed and tried to pull away, but his grip on you was too strong. 

“ Oh fuck! It’s too much, I’m not gonna be able to - ah!- be able to focus on what I’m doing here!”

Tomura didn’t give a fuck about what you where trying to do. He cared about revenge. And if revenge came in the form of eating your pussy until you cried, then so be it. He had no plans of stopping : your bittersweet taste and your thighs squeezing his head was too damn good. He stopped sucking with a loud pop and shoved his tongue  deep inside of you. He didn’t have a lot of experience ( he had 0 experience) but he had heard enough stories from his more socially savvy friends to know that you were supposed to keep your hands, mouth, or toys on the clit at all times. Keeping this advice in mind, he rubbed his thumb over your clit.

This was ridiculous. How was he this good at eating pussy? He was supposed to be the same as you: an inexperienced virgin. Maybe all that porn he watched did some good. You had no idea. All you knew for certain was that if he got the upper hand, you’d never hear the end of it. Your efforts had slowed due to Shigaraki’s distraction. You gripped his cock harder and moved your hand faster. Tomura moaned and bucked his hips. With the amount of precum that was leaking out, he had to be close. 

He didn’t want to let you win, but your hand was making it impossible to focus. It was just so damn soft: nothing like his rough, calloused fist. Tomura had no idea how he was going to go back to his left hand after this. If your hand was this good, what was your cunt going to feel like? It really hit him then. He had been fantasizing about it for years, and now it was actually going to happen. He was going to fuck you. The mere thought of it caused the tension in his stomach to break, thick ropes of cum spurting out of his throbbing cock and landing on his torso. The look on his face was driving you insane: bright red, eyes rolled back in his skull, brows crinkled in a way you had always found adorable. You threaded your fingers through his hair with both hands and started desperately humping his face. You wanted to cum,needed to cum: you just wanted him to fuck you already. You had waited for years. You finally came with a wail, crushing his head between your thighs as you rode out the high of your long-awaited orgasm.

It took you several seconds to remember that your friend probably needed to breathe. You got off of him as quickly as you could on your trembling legs. 

  “ Are you okay, Shiggy? I didn’t mean to suffocate you: it just felt so good that I lost control…”

Shigaraki quickly sat up. He was doing great: just had the best nut of his entire life, got his head squeezed and his hair pulled, and he was going to lose his virginity to the girl he had pined over for nearly his entire life. How could he be doing anything other than amazing?!

“ I'm good.”

You looked at the mess all over his chest. How was it even possible to cum that much and still be hard? Was that just how much there always was? Did he need to see a doctor?

While the gears turned in your head, Tomura grabbed a shirt from the floor and wiped himself off, tossing the soiled fabric away once he was done. The sheer nastiness of that snapped you out of your confused state. You were about to say something when he beat you to it.

“ What position do you want to do?”

“Huh?”

“Y’know, like doggy, or cowgirl, or wheelbarrow-”

You didn’t think wheelbarrow was an actual position, but you really didn’t want to get into another argument right now. You were gonna call him out on it later, though.

“ I’d like to do missionary.”

Tomura nodded sagely. Missionary was a classic. A bit basic, but it would do.

“If you’re ready, let’s move on to the next level”

You nodded, too nervous to speak. He shuffled slowly towards you, hands shaking and arms outstretched. He needed to be cool about this: he came on a bit strong after your proposal earlier. You laid on your back and resisted the urge to cover your face with your hands. You had wanted this for such a long time, but he was just so big and he was seeing you naked and he was actually kind of muscular without his clothes on and- for fucks sake was he seriously drooling again?! 

Shigaraki quickly wiped the drool away from his mouth. You were just so beautiful. You looked scared,though-was it the drooling? He couldn’t help that! He started to scratch his neck- a habit that he just couldn’t seem to break. Even if it meant that he wasn’t going to get to have sex today, he needed to make sure that you still wanted this.

“ Are you okay? We can… we can stop i-

“NO! I mean- n-no, I’m fine. Just- just be gentle, okay?

Gentle. He could do that. Just go slow, don’t go in all the way, and probably no biting. Wait, didn’t he need a condom? It must not be that big of a deal if you didn’t bother to bring it up, right? Yeah, he could just pull out.

Tomura grabbed the base of his cock and lined it at your entrance before carefully pushing inside of you. It didn’t hurt nearly as bad as you thought it would: it just stung a little bit. You had expected ripping, bleeding pain before seeing his dick, and kind of assumed you would die after seeing it in all it’s terrifying glory. But no! You were alive and thriving.

Your partner in crime, however, was having a significantly harder time. Your pussy made his fleshlight feel like sandpaper in comparison: he considered burning the stupid peice of silicone after you two were done for being so inferior to the real thing. The fleshlight wasn’t this tight, or this warm, and it didn’t twitch like your pussy did. He honestly felt kind of bad for the times that he used it while thinking of you- not for jacking off to you or anything like that, but for using that piece of shit as a stand-in. It was insulting. Shigaraki figured that it probably wasn’t the best idea to put it in all the way in,but it was taking every ounce of his self-control to not just slam in balls-deep and fuck you into the mattress. 

….. Was he okay? There was a vein bulging on his forehead and he looked damn-near terrified. You were going to have to make the first move again. You put your hands on his waist and pulled him towards you until his hips were flush with yours. Despite the slow entrance, his cock hitting your cervix still knocked the air out of you. It hurt a bit more now, but not nearly enough to stop.

“ I-it’s okay Shiggy, it doesn’t hurt. You can move now..”

Tomura cautiously  pulled backwards a few inches and pressed back inside just as carefully. His first couple of thrusts were a bit awkward, but he soon found a slow, steady rhythm. 

You couldn’t believe how soft he was being. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your collar bone before moving to your breasts, licking your nipple before putting it in his mouth and sucking. His other hand was lightly caressing the opposing mound. It was all so sweet and tender that you almost wanted to cry: you knew that he didn’t feel the same way that you did. But for now, all you could do was stroke his hair and pretend that you were making love instead of just hooking up. 

“Mmmmn, T-tomur-ah!”

This wasn’t fair! He had liked you for years, you were gasping and moaning underneath him, but something unpleasant was still prodding at the back of his thoughts. After this, you were going to find some strong, confident man to take his place. This was just practice. Shigaraki didn’t want this to be practice: he wanted you to be his last. He wanted to be your only. He buried his face in the crook of your neck and started to thrust into you harder. He wanted you to be all his.

“ Mmmineeee...” 

Mine?! Did he just say “mine”?! Did he- did he feel the same way?! No, that couldn't be: you probably just misheard him.

“ um, w-what did you say?”

He snapped his head up and glared at you, his ruby eyes practically glowing.

“ I said mine! I want you to be mine! MY player two, MY pussy,MINE!”

With every repeat of mine he slammed into you a little harder, a little rougher.

“Come on, say it! Say you’ll be mine, (Y/N)!

You felt like such an idiot. Of course Tomura wasn’t going to say that he liked you- this was Tomura you were talking about. But he’d been showing it for years- walking you home, helping you win plushies at the arcade, dying on purpose so you would get a chance to play, giving you his hoodie whenever it was cold out…. How did you not notice? But he was never going to take the final step. So as per usual, it was up to you to take initiative. You put your hand on his cheek and smiled when he nuzzled into your touch.

“ I love you, Tomura. I’ve always been yours.”

He froze at your confession. Oh shit, did you go too far? Was the whole “mine” thing just his idea of dirty talk? Shigaraki pulled out  and moved backwards. Just as you were about to say something, he grabbed your knees and moved your legs up until they were above your head. Was he seriously going to just ignore what you just said?! You just told him that you loved him, for fucks sake!  Did all the blood rushing to his dick leave him braindead? 

Shigaraki knew the look on your face well: narrowed eyes, pursed lips, puffed cheeks. Impatient and suspicious. He’d better not keep you waiting,then. He positioned himself so that his cock was dangling above your exposed hole and leaned in close until you two were nose to nose. 

“ I love you too, (Y/N).”

With your confession returned, he slammed into your waiting cunt in one quick thrust, groaning as he was finally balls-deep inside of your warm,slick pussy. You squealed as he jackrabbited into your core with short, deep thrusts, hitting a spot inside that you’d never been able to reach. The headboard of the bed crashed against the wall loudly, creating a lewd orchestra alongside the squeaking of the bedsprings and your wanton moans. Tomura’s hair fell alongside your face in a soft curtain, making it so he was the only thing you could see. As if you’d look anywhere else.

“ I love you! I love you! I mean it, I love you! You’re gorgeous, you feel so good, I love you! I love you so fucking much! I love you! IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveIloveyouIloveyou-”

You pulled your babbling lover into a deep kiss as the knot inside of your stomach snapped. Your convulsing walls squeezed his cock in a vice grip as you came, nearly sending him over the edge .

“ C-can I cum inside? I don’t wanna pull out! I swear I’ll take responsibility if you get pre- i-if anything happens! Please, let me cum inside of you!”

You could barely think through your haze, so you just nodded your head. Of course he could cum inside: where else was it supposed to go? He wasn’t wearing a condom after all… you probably should’ve made him wear one. Oh well. That was a problem for future (Y/N) to worry about. 

Tomura wrapped his arms around your waist and thrusted his hips one more time before  

Blowing his load directly into your womb, spurt after spurt of creamy white filling you to the brim, tongue sticking out of his mouth as he howled with pleasure.

“Hhhhhhhhh…. I love youuuu…..”

 He let out a contented sigh and flopped on top of you without bothering to take his cock out of your cum-filled pussy. He was too tired- he’d pull out after a nap. You were just as exhausted as he was- cleanup was just another issue future (Y/N) would have to deal with. You yawned and nuzzled into his neck before drifting into a peaceful, messy sleep. 

End

_______________________________________

I wrote this after a debate with @libiraki about who’s dick was worse: Shigaraki or Dabi’s. 

[trainpalsforthawin]

Tomás, or TUGS if someone already got to the Engines lol

TY for asking !!! sorry that my blorbo gets a whole paragraph but everyone else gets a couple of sentences LOL

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most):

Thomas of course, obviously, this was the expected answer. I LOVE HIM OKAY??!!? We KNOW this. ok i wanted to write a giant paragraph about how much i love his character for a lot of reasons,, okay mabye i will

idk theres just smth about how he’s so seemingly simple at first glance and impression, like how complex can THOMAS the TRAIN be. but oh my god i was mistaken.. NAW. to ME personally he is just so perfect. i love his character development and how he becomes more humble after we first saw him being like That seasons 1-2. However.. when he’s written well, he still retains that cheekiness that makes him so loveable. (and even still when he was a little shit back then.. the fact that this childrens show protag was just dishing out snarkiness left and right.. LMFAO??) thats when he’s his best and im angry at how distorted he became just to be seen as a better children’s show protag. like no that just made him more bland and at worse times, r…racist? you know? especially with diesel which is infuriating. BUT that is not my thomas. MY thomas is from the best era of the show that understands him, and when they do, he’s actually wonderful and i uhhh Adore him so much okay i need to stop talking

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped):

Percy!! hes the cutest 🥺💗💗 one of the characters i half-kin.. i always ID with the ditsy happy go lucky one in a cast of characters LOL but yeah hes precious and so funny.

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave):

stepney !!!! hes such a quaint little guy and he’s apart of this sort of overarching story where an engine saves another from scrap that goes like.. (edward saves trevor -> douglas saves oliver -> rusty saves stepney) :’) <3

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week):

i have Several hehehe, mostly from CGI era. Hiro and Gator (both such nice older gentlemen with nice backstories), Skiff and Phillip, (BABY BOYS!!), Ashima and Gina (BAD BITCHES)

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave):

DIESEL!! i blame @smirked-with-triumph for opening my eyes /pos. he’s so misunderstood im mad about it… he’s not 100% malicious he’s just coded ND and i get it man. like yeah at first you’d want to see him as the designated villain character but cmon he cant help being a diesel yknow?? its like. WHY is he like that. think abt it… also . also oh my god remember “diesel looked hurt” LIKE??? THAT WORDING? crying sobbing

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason):

James.  yes i am aware that he can be interpreted that omgg he has an inferiority complex that he hides with being arrogant about his paintwork and he wants to be like one of the bigger engines wahwahh. BUT STILL i think as an individual he is annoying. Sorry!! I do think he’s FUN and FUNNY to watch and to write for. but i couldn’t get along with him easily.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell):

surprisingly not James, i think he’s redeemable and i believe in him.. but I would absolutely send Spencer to hell for trying to get Hiro scrapped FUCK That guy. fuck you Spencer go to superhell now

[blxetsi]

Hey u! If you write for Erwin could I maybe request like some fluffy headcanons where they just take care of each other after an expedition? Thank you so much <3

hey you ! ty for requesting this was fun to make 🤩🤚

caring for erwin smith after an expedition headcanons (canonverse)

lowercase intended !

warnings: mentions of death, titans, gore maybe idk ???, female reader kinda ??? idk i didnt use gendered pronouns u decide

enjoy friends 😎🙏,

the ride back was hard.

- everyone always says "it was supposed to be an easy mission !" but this time it really was. which makes it so hard to understand why just so many of your comrades had to die

- you rode back near a wagon filled with bodies, the most abled bodied people were going to be tasked with getting their bodies identified and sorted, then ready to be buried.

- after that, whichever squad leader had those soldiers would have to write to the families, to send a formal apology as well as details of the situation.

- you knew that no matter what, even if there was just one death or a thousand, erwin would have a hefty stack of paperwork to go through

- from writing his own report to looking over others, going through soldier files to order out the deceased ones, and signing any letters that come his way from squad leaders.

- you had your own job to do. although it wasn't identifying bodies, you had to go back to the infirmary with the injured, and work with the doctors and nurses there to try and save the injured.

- your head was filled with names and tallies, who got hit where, how long has this person been passed out, when did we set their dislocated shoulder, they suffered a nasty head laceration, did i ever check their pupils ?

- you and erwin both had a lot on your plates, and you knew you wouldn't be able to see him until hours later, maybe not even until the next day

- and as much as you wanted to go see your fiance, who would be silently beating himself up over this, you couldn't, your responsabilities always came first, just as his did

- so after hours upon hours in the medical hallway, with nurses and doctors flowing from one room from the next, soldiers coming in with gurneys to transport soldiers that had passed, their names already being added to a list of fallen soldiers.

- it was about one in the morning when things finally started to die down. nurses that were tasked with the night shift had been helping greatly, as others were ready to pass out. you'd been employed by the scouts for years, first as a medic, then after almost dying from an abnormal on a mission, retired from the field to become one of the on call doctors at the base, before coming out of your haitus to rejoin your squad. since you had so much experience on and off the field, you could keep going. you were tired, but your body just couldn't stop moving.

- you decides itd be good for a shower, and saw lots of soldiers there with you.

- it was quiet, which wasnt normal but not surprising considering the circumstances. most times in the showers girls would be helping each other braid their hair, or sharing soaps and lotions, chatting about whatever happened that day on base. the boys' showers were usually even more rowdy, youd almost be able to hear them next door.

- you were surprised by just how much blood and dirt came off of you. you didnt feel like you treated or assisted a lot of people today, but maybe thats just because this whole days been a blur. because the showers had been used so frequently you had ice cold water streaming down your body, after soaping down your body, getting into every nook and cranny and line you could, you shut off the water, before wrappy your body in a towel and going to one of the sinks there

- you brushed your hair (which took some time) and brushed your teeth before making your way back to the dorms, where you found some pajamas to change into.

- your roommates were all asleep, two snoring, one not. you knew they were absolutely exhausted, and silently hoped that theyd get to sleep in the next day

- you made your way to the lounge room, finding some stragglers stationed around. two sitting on a couch, one sitting on the ground in front of them, someone at a near by table with a chess board in front of them, and another had come out of the kitchen with some tea.

- you knew walking around was useless, youd just disturb others and could possibly get yourself in trouble. but you couldnt help it. it was just past two in the morning now, and you knew even if you only got an hour of sleep, you were sure to wake up in a cold sweat from a nightmare.

- so where do you go ? erwins.

- getting there was easy, you knew this route like the back of your hand. from coming in tk hand him reports from the medical hallway, to sneaking in after curfew for goodnight kisses, making your way to his office was like second nature to you.

- you didnt bother knocking, and he didnt bother looking up at you. he knew only you would dare to interrupt the commander after curfew without identifying yourself, and although he had asked you to knock you absolutely could not.

- you slowly stepped in, your bare feet padding against the squeaking floorboards. you sat in a chair in front of his desk, and simply watched him while he wrote.

- he wasnt in his uniform now, but in pajamas like yourself, you were glad he found the time to shower and change, his hair drying and frizzing up the tiniest bit.

- it was quiet, the only noises you could hear were the scribbling of his pen against paper, and the soft whistling of his nose as he breathed, time blended together until finally he stopped, and simply looked at you.

"my dear, why don't you sleep ?" he asked.

you gave him a soft smile, not noticing until now just how droopy your eyes had become. "because then i wouldn't be able to stare at you, my love." your voice was nothing but a whisper, and with the way the wind howled erratically outside, like it was mourning the fallen with you and everyone else, erwin wouldve missed it.

"you flatter me too much." he replied, his deep voice breaking off at the end.

you two stared like that for a while, just remembering every detail of the other person. the candle light was getting dimmer as the wax kept melting, but the soft glow it gave made all your beauty stand out to erwin. although it was a depressing moment, he still found time to admire just how perfect you looked. he could've lost you today, and he knows that. he stopped vocalizing things like that long ago, as your answer would always be "well you didnt, and you never will !" he didn't need you jinxing yourself like that.

you observed the bags under his eyes while he observed your own. erwin felt worried that youd be all sore and achy, from running around performing medical miracles on his soldiers from afternoon into night. you however, were worried if his shoulders and back were sore, from sitting in the same position, hunched over for hours on end. you knew how easily his muscles tightened, you didn't want him to be in any discomfort, especially after today.

you were the first to look away, staring at one of the candles on his table, watching a race between two wax droplets, trying to see which one would hit the metal candle holder first.

"-my dear ?"

you turned your head back towards your man, giving him a hum of acknowledgment.

"i asked if you were ready to go to sleep, y/n." he repeated. his thick brows furrowed a bit, showcasing some wrinkles he had on his forehead. his eyes showed visible worry in them for you, and you couldn't help but return them.

"will you sleep with me please ?" you whispered. the day had caught up with you, and now the only thing you wanted was for erwin to be safe in your arms as he finally let go of this awful day.

erwin looked down at his work, weighing the actions of his possible decision. you were so sure he would decline, while sending you off back to your dorm to ensure you didn't bother him. you could feel your eyes fill with tears, erwins being becoming blurry. you couldnt conceal the whimper that left your mouth, clamping your hand against it to muffle anything else. your head turned down into your lap, while you felt hot tears hit your pajama bottoms.

erwin wordlessy got up, before moving to your side. you tried to protest but you couldn't take your hand away from your lips, afraid youd let out a sob.

the blond put one arm under your knees, while the other took your right hand and slung it around his shoulders. he let out a quiet grunt as he picked you up, before nuzzling your head into his neck as he made his way into his bedroom, which was connected to his office.

it was a small room, but there was a big bed that could probably fit quite a few people. he slowly sat you down on the edge, which was his side of the bed. pulling away he got on his knees in front of you, rubbing up and down your arms.

you gripped his shoulders as you gasped for breath. "you- you can't leave me. please erwin i- you have to stay." you sobbed, trying to pull him closer by his shirt.

he shushed you quietly, urging you to lay back as he pulled the covers away, he tucked you in silently, wiping your cheeks and forehead before joining you on the other side.

his pillow smelled like him, and you turned your head to breathe it in better, needing erwin and his comfort.

pulling the covers up around his waist, he leaned into your touch, your arms coming out to wrap around his shoulders. you pulled him into your chest, and you rubbed his back with one hand while the other cradled his head to your beating heart.

he didn't offer you any words of comfort, erwin knew that it wasnt what you needed right now. you didn't need reassurance, or promises that could be broken, you just needed him. and he would fully give himself over to you if he could.

your cries had died down until all you did was sniffle and let out the occasional shaky breath, and erwin found it a bit odd that instead of needing to be nurtured, youd need to nuture to feel better. instead of feeling protected, you needed to feel like you could protect to calm yourself.

slowly but surely you recovered, until all that was left were puffy eyes and soft sighs.

erwin tried to push himself up, to face you, but you pushed him back into your chest, making him chuckle slightly. you continued to rub his back, feeling his shoulder blades and muscle, and around his neck too. you kept your nose in his hair, no doubt getting snot in it but you knew right now erwin didnt care. you breathed in his shampoo while carding your hand through the short strands.

the commander would be lying if he said this didn't help him too. just a bit of alone time with the one he loved, being held the way a parent would cradle their child. he truly felt at peace in these moments with you, he felt warm and safe in your embrace. he wasn't a leader anymore, he wasn't a soldier. right now he was just a man, being held in the arms of the person he absolutely adored. and that was enough for him. because you would always be enough for him.

he whispered out your name, only hearing a soft hum in reply. he glanced up at you to see your head against the pillow, your eyes closed. he smiled before kissing your collarbone.

"i love you, my dear."

thats it !!! i hope you enjoyed !! love u all, requests r open ❤️❤️❤️

[hunxi-guilai]

state of the hunxi (3.9)

hello friends! it’s been a hot second, hope you’re all doing swimmingly as March makes itself at home again (seriously, wasn’t it just March?)

(it’s also the one-year anniversary of this post, which, gosh)

I’ve been taking some time away from this blog because 1) those translations ended up taking a lot more time and brainspace than expected, and 2) because I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want this blog/my relationship to tumblr to become. Thank you all for your time and patience and support as I try to wrestle my life into a semblance of order (success pending, check back later); it’s often a frustrating and nonlinear process, but here’s where I’m at so far:

Firstly, I’m going to start phasing this blog out. Not actively or soon! But I’ve mentioned multiple times that this blog feels like an archive of my thoughts on CQL--the keyword here being “archive.” I’ve written upwards of 200,000 words about/around CQL/MDZS in both fic and meta, and over the course of this past year and those hundreds of thousands of words, I’ve made mistakes, come to realizations, backtracked, re-contextualized my thoughts, published follow-ups, issued corrections. There are some metas I’ve written that I still have linked in my own masterlists that I don’t wholly agree anymore, or have more nuanced takes on now, but I have neither the time, interest, nor inclination to go back and revise all of those thoughts or reissue every single meta because, well, this is tumblr, and this is fandom, and I should hope we’re all just here to have a good time.

All of which is to say--I’m more invested in this blog existing as a crystallized cross-section of the past year I’ve spent in this fandom rather than as an unimpeachable resource of thought and research (which it most certainly is not, my goodness, the more I read the more I realize how much of a 井底之蛙 I am)

Secondly, I plan on re-opening my askbox and leaving it open! You’re welcome to swing by and say hello, of course. That being said, I’m going to be much choosier about what I end up responding to; I’m no longer interested in being a resource, especially for research purposes, because, well--it’s honestly quite draining. A big part of why I’ve been absent for so long is because the idea of being in/interacting with Anglophone fandom on non-Anglophone texts has become more stressful than fun lately, and it’s honestly still an issue that I haven’t resolved completely. Which is to say: please be forgiving, and also try googling your way to your answer, because odds are that’s what I’d be doing anyway.

Thirdly, I’m planning for this blog to remain CQL-only, so please don’t send me questions about other fandoms or shows here! Those of you who follow me at hunxi-after-hours already know that I’ve been reading, watching, and consuming other media and responding to them over there; once again, this blog is a dedicated archive to CQL thoughts and CQL thoughts only.

(also, a request: please don’t send me book/show/music recommendations, they actively stress me out for personal reasons! ty)

whew, okay, that was a lot of logistical stuff! thank you for reading, and much love from my corner of spring,

hunxi <3

[spvce-cowboy]

hi!! i love all of your writing and was wondering if you’d do this prompt w din: 💕

being jealous! not to the point of it being unhealthy, just a moderate amount of cute jealously, in which their partner just laughs it off and gives them a kiss

THANK YOU ! <3 you must understand that cute protectiveness is my fav fav fav thing in the world, thank you for sending this in hehe

warnings: implied smut, overly indulgent on all fronts i just have a thing for pretty dresses okay

--

you think he buys you the dress because he notices the way it catches your eye in the store window. he doesn’t mention it to you after the fact, but he clearly notes the little sigh that leaves your parted lips in passing, or the way your gaze clings to it while the two of you pass by the shop’s window.

the village is nearly bursting at the seams with energy, the spring festival that would start that night is enough to have nearly everyone on the streets in preparation. at first Din was insulted to be hired on a security detail, but some lordling had slipped Karga enough cash to make it worthwhile for the guild, so here the two of you were. 

it’s been a while since the worst of your worries were the Sullustan rabbit pups that wriggled free of their pen that morning. you can’t say you don’t appreciate the reprieve.

the spring festival was set to begin that night, and the villagers seem more than ready to begin the celebrations. the town is the spitting image of a pastoral landscape, warm and illuminated with the colorful ribbons curving in sweeping arcs of color high above you. the blossoms are beginning to open, the fields already thick with tall green grasses. the livestock were fattening and the beginnings of the harvest were coming in--which meant that the market that you and Din had to weave through on your way back from the Town Marshall’s offices is a maze of bodies and stands.

the Town Marshall had finally told you and Din that it had been a long cold season. raiders had been coordinating attacks on their homes, killing those who resisted. the lordling only just got it under control in time for the festival to be hosted safely.

once the two of you are a safe distance away from the heavy-set Marshall, Din mutters something about the lord’s incompetency in not hiring him sooner. you roll your eyes, prodding his side with your elbow.

“he wants to be extra safe,” you mutter in return, shooting him a raised brow. “play nice.”

you think you hear him give a huff from underneath that layer of beskar and glass. he walks closer to you in that way he does when you know he wants to reach for your hand--or the small of your back, or your opposite hip--but can’t given the circumstances. you keep pace with him as the two of your weave your way back to the main pasture, and it’s then that you pass the window of the dress shop that catches your eye.

it’s a dull peach color, made of sheaths of long, fine fabric decorated with the smallest of embroidered flowers. two wide stripes of the material are fastened to the bodice and tied into flowing bows at the peaks of the mannequin’s shoulders, perfectly framing the tight, curved neckline of the dress.

least to say, you can’t really help the way you melt a little while looking at it. it’s absolutely beautiful and, more importantly, utterly impractical. it’s a shame, but that’s the life you signed up for. you don’t really think that much of it as the two of your part ways and go about your days.

so when you return back to the Crest and there’s a neatly bowed box on the bed, you can’t suppress the happy grin that overtakes your face as you lift the top of the box and reveal the neatly folded fabric of the dress from the window. in a moment of pure awe, you run the tips of your fingers over the thin material, delicately tracing the small flowers.

you are pretty sure Din is still out on patrol, doing his rounds in making sure security was up to par for the events tonight. you wish you could have thanked him before getting ready, but you hope the two of you could at least catch a glance of each other once the festivities began. you know he’d more than make up for the day’s necessary distance between the two of you once you returned home for the night, but it would have been nice to see him while you were fresh.

you get ready quickly, showering then stepping into the dress. you’re in the middle of trying to figure out the back’s fastenings when a gruff voice comes from the threshold of your shared cabin.

“need help with that?”

you look over your shoulder at your partner with a bright smile. he’s leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed, the heat of his gaze readily apparent despite being hidden beneath that T-visor. 

“yes, please,” you face forward again so he can easily reach the fastens. wordlessly, he crosses the room to stand behind you. you ease into his touch as he pulls the strings closed with deft fingers. you think for a second before speaking up again. “thank you, for this. it’s beautiful.”

din hesitates after tying the last bow, you feel him graze his knuckles over the curve of your shoulder in a gentle caress.

“we’ll be late,” his voice is thick with something that makes it sound like he’s the one who doesn’t want to go.

turning to face him, you look up at your partner through your lashes with a smile. you think it’s in the way his hands linger as they drag over your sides that makes you want to play the tease for the rest of the night.

it’s a role you’re far too good at, anyway.

“sounds good,” you stand on your tip-toes to bump your forehead against his in your usual parting gesture. 

the festival is a whirl of bright colors and music and dancing. by the time the band starts playing the slow songs, you’re barefoot with the rest of the young women and twirling around the maypole fixed to the center of the pasture. there was a lot of cooing over your dress when you first arrived, and more than a few of your partners got a little handsy, especially once the drinks started flowing. nothing you couldn’t laugh off with a small roll of your eyes and a push.

you knew your were one of the safest people in the galaxy as long as that familiar glimmer of beskar is at the corner of your gaze. you were really only interested in his hands, anyway.

it’s more than a little annoying when one of the lordling’s guards keeps approaching you for a dance. you oblige him the first time out of courtesy--he’s only a year or two older than you, and decent to look at, but you are much more interested in the group dances with the other women than the ones with the men that kept stealing your newfound friends away.

the crowd has been reduced to just adults, the children long since tucked into their beds, and the tone has changed accordingly. the guard approaches you for the third time that night, interrupting you and the girl trying to teach you the footwork of the slow song being hummed by the band.

the guard isn’t even able to open his mouth before Din materializes by your side.

“you should listen when she rejected you the second time,” his voice isn’t necessarily sharp, but it certainly isn’t friendly. “leave her be.”

“it’s the spring festival,” the guard snorts with a sneer, his eyes still raking up and down your body. you feel the heat rise to your cheeks as his gaze catches on the dress’s daring neckline. the guard’s tone goes sharp with the way men can get when they think they’re in the presence of a similarly belligerent companion. “if she’s gonna be a prude then she shouldn’t’ve--” 

Din takes one step forward.

it’s a small movement, almost unassuming--certainly unrecognizable to anyone still dancing--but he somehow manages to make it drip with promised violence.

the guard balks almost immediately, stuttering an apology before retreating. Din takes another step forward, as if to follow him, but you reach out your hand to stop him. he does so immediately, turning back to you.

“are you okay?” he lowers his head to speak to you quietly. he doesn’t let go of your hand, just rubs his thumb along the length of your palm. no matter how long the two of your have spent--traveling the galaxy, tangled in sweaty sheets, sharing meals, falling asleep against the other’s chest nearly every night--he still manages to render you breathless. 

“yeah,” you murmur, longingly looking up at him, still unsure what level of public affection he’d be willing to display while on the job.

as if in answer to your unspoken question, Din wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you against his body as he lovingly nuzzles the brow of his helm against your forehead. it’s somehow infinitely more intimate than any kiss could have been. 

“have fun,” he tells you as he pulls away, retreating with no more than a brush of his curved knuckles against your cheek. you lick you lips, wanting nothing more than to take his hand and march him straight back to the Crest--or, well, straight back to your bed, that is. or any bed. even one of the pallets of hay tucked in the alleyway would’ve been fine.

instead, you turn back to your cohort, dance with the tittering girls until your feet hurt and a sheen of sweat glazes your skin.

the night is one of laughter and flowers and bright bursts of light. and when the band stops playing, Din is there to lead you home. he’s there to sweep you off your feet in a bridal carry once the two of you enter the empty stretches of the street. he’s there as you giggle and peck the side of his helm in appreciation, leaning your cheek against his shoulder. 

you’ve never been luckier. you know that for sure.

[binniesthighs]

♡nsfw alphabet w minho♡

I tried my best to make a list of my own, but I borrowed a few terms from this lovely template! 

requested by a cutie anon! 

Aftercare: (what they are like after sex) ok, so I see minho as someone who would be super caring after you’ve both properly come down and would want you to feel as comfortable as you can be--he doesn’t want you do have to do much. I am a big believer in minho drawing you a bath to help you relax and get cozy after: he’d hold you in his arms too while giving you a little massage. 

Bdsm: (are they into it? how “hard” do they like to go?) yes. the answer to this is yes. I feel like minho is one who really really gets off to the feeling of being the one in control, and knowing that you’re under his control. hearing your little whimpers, or seeing the way that you toss around when he’s using toys or has you bonded turns him on like no other. along this line, I feel like he’d also gladly tease you relentlessly until you’ve got tears in your eyes. he’ll only give you what you want if you ask him nicely 

Cum: (anything to do with cum) sooo minho loves cuming on you. he loves it a ton. for him, its the perfect picture when you’re gasping underneath him, just off your own orgasm, hands bound or clawing to the bed when he’ll cum on your chest, or your back, mayyybe even your face if you’re comfortable. oh! if you’ll cum on him...he doesn’t mind that either.

Degredation: (do they like using names on you, or for them?) as we have seen above, I feel like he would be into using degrading names, or having you say them back to him, for example: “you’re such a whore for my dick, tell me that you’re a whore for me.” etc. Of course, he never means what he says, he just knows that it amps things up for the both of you. 

Experience: (how experienced are they?) minho is fairly experienced, and also knows well what he likes and knows how to ask you what you like as well. minho isn’t scared to give you instructions or guide you in how you pleasure him as well--he would ask you to do the same!

Favorite (pet names): well, i think that there is a general consensus that minho likes kitten and kitty--it just makes sense lol. Otherwise, the softer ones would be my love, sweetheart, hun, doll, baby girl/boy etc.

Gagging: (size kink perhaps?) I think yes on this one. minho is alll about the power that he has over you, so seeing you gag would boost his confidence. knowing that you have to work a little harder to take him in reassures him that you’re his and that you only bend to him. at the same time, he would never push you to do something that made you uncomfortable and would ask you if you wanted to use safe words/ symbols. 

Hair: (how well groomed are they?) this is kind of funny because I think that minho would actually really care about this. mostly from a functionality standpoint, but also when he’s trimmed he feels more confident and like he’s got everything together and organized for when he’s with you. 

Intimacy: (the romantic aspect) so minho has 2 modes, and they vary depending on his mood or yours. mode 1 is where he’s doming the hell out of you and he gets to do what ever he likes, making you cum over and over again, teasing you for as long as you can take it and doesn’t show much mercy. on the other hand, when the vibe is different, holy hell he can give you the softest, most intimate sex that you can ever experience. i’m picturing super slow and deep thrusts into you, kissing you just as slowly in between while he tangles up his hands in your hair u g h i love thinking about this 

Jack off: (all about masturbation) I see Minho as one who would jack off really lazily, much later at night when there isn’t too much else to do; it isn’t something he prioritizes often unless there’s something that crosses his mind that really turns him on, he’ll even risk doing it somewhere semi-public if it means he gets to roll the image over and over in his mind, especially of you. Oh, and he loves jacking off in the shower when its steamy and warm, I don’t make the rules!! 

Kink(s): Minho loves having you all dressed up for him, I’m talking lace, velvet, anything strappy, harnesses, collars, chokers, thigh garters, maybe some kitten ears, mostly he just loves watching you and this is like icing on the cake. I see him having a hand kink as well?? When he’s worshiping your body, he watches his hands trace you all over, he loves it when you suck on his fingers, or when he rubs his thumb over tongue. Also, breath play, edge play and voyeurism!  

Location: anywhere. and I mean it. the more risky it is, the more exciting it is for him. bathrooms, locker rooms, dressing rooms, kitchen, living room couch, dining table, shower, bathtub, hotel rooms, the place doesn’t matter, it’s you that does. he would never miss an opportunity to be intimate with you whether its more slow and passionate or sweaty, rushed and needy. 

Multiple (partners): i think that this is something that minho would be open to! but not at first. minho is someone who can be very possessive at times, so sharing you with others when the realtionship is new makes him a little nervous--bc he wants you to be all his! after a while though, the idea of sharing you with someone and watching you get wrecked under them...he wouldn’t oppose. 

No: (something they won’t do, turn offs) while he won’t say no, daddy kinks aren’t his favorite, it’s simply something that doesn’t turn him on; he prefers to be the one calling you names hehe. he’s mostly an open minded person, just because he gets off on helping you get off. 

Oral: loves loves giving oral to his partner, it’s one of his favorite ways to begin foreplay, he’s exceptionally skilled as well, and knows perfectly how to use his mouth to tease. gives one hell of a blowjob, and knows how to make you cum over and over just from his tongue on your clit. he won’t ask you to blow him, but rather tease you until you’re begging to do it for him. 

Pace: super slow or super fuckin’ fast. there is no in-between and that’s that on that! if you ask me, as much as he revels in pounding you into the bed, it’s the slower and more sensual moments that linger on his mind longer. 

Quickies: i think this goes without saying, but minho never passes up the opportunity to take you right then and now. funnily enough, if you’re at work/school and send him a message about how you might be feeling a little horny, this man will drive all the way to you just to help you out. lil anecdote: his favorite thing to do is fuck you bent over a bathroom sink, battling the time before someone notices you’re away. he loves watching your fucked out face in the tinted green bathroom mirror. 

Ropes: (tying you up au) i added this to the list mostly for fun, but also I’ve got this idea of minho loosing his mind over having you tied up or restrained. ropes, ribbons, velvet, bow ties, handcuffs and much more. there’s nothing more that he likes than seeing you all helpless and not able to do anything about it. he thinks you looks so pretty tied up especially if it’s ribbons of pretty colors that look beautiful on your skin. 

Stamina: bucket loads. I’ve definitely seen something somewhere talking about how minho’s got a dancers stamina and I can’t agree more. minho’s got the stamina to draw out his thrusts for hours or give it to you as quickly and as roughly as he possibly can, granted he’ll be a sweating mess by the time that he’s done, but he sees that as sign that he did his job very well. 

Toys: in my oponion, yes and no. lolll I say this for the reason of minho’s ego getting in his own way. he feels fuckin’ amazing knowing that he can make you cum as hard as you do only from his body and would much rather use the tools at his disposal rather than toys...but...seeing what toys can do to you and how he can use them to his advantage is soemthing he won’t pass up. His personal favorites are all kinds of vibrators, cock rings, hmmm and occasionally nipple clamps

Unfair: (tw: dubcon) (how much that they like to tease) oh my, very much so. fuck, it’s probably his favorite thing to do to you! I’ve said before on this account that minho is into teasing even when it isn’t “that time” meaning he’ll brush up against you in public with his hand or grind himself into you when you’re sitting in his lap. his hand will creep up your thighs slightly when the two of you are in the car together to make you squirm a little bit. and of course, he’ll tease you for real when he’s got you all to himself, and would do it for hours if you let him. 

Volume: frick i love thinking about this!!!! i see minho as being someone more on the quiet side: shaky exhales, choked little breaths, the occasional soft “mmm” or “ahh.” if he’s really loosing himself in it however, looking down at you with tears in your eyes, or drool slipping down your neck from blowing him, he’ll let out some of the most unapologetically erotic moans on his pink lips

Wild card: (you pick!) i would like to use this place to talk about how much a bratty sub makes him go frickin’ feral. There is something about the way that you bite back at each of his demands, it only makes him want to dig into you even harder. you’d say to him as he’s relentlessly fucking into you “i-is that all that you can do? you’re bo-boring me...” in seconds, he would have you flipped around into a completely different position, something you didn’t even know existed that makes your muscles burn but your heat ravenous. he’d say, “if i’m so boring how is it that I’ve made you a fucking mess for me three times already?” 

X-ray: (what’s going on under those pleather pants) thicc thighs I’ll tell you that HA, jk that’s just me having the biggest most embarrassing thigh kink alive lmaooo. buuut it’s true! minho’s got those perfectly toned and thick thighs that he loves having you grind on of course. as for what this letter is really about, I see minho has having just the right proportions. not to be cheesy, but it’s like this boy was practically frickin made for you!! buuuut I think we all know that minho’s packing with something  

Yes: (biggest turn ons) on top of the ones mentioned above, I wanna make this one kinda cute and sentimental just bc I can lolll, but a major turn on for minho is a bomb ass personality!! minho really treasures people who are unique, true to themselves and passionate about something! he finds this super super attractive. this man is an absolute SIMP for a personality and that’s the first thing he falls in love with about you! (also shhhh I’m not pushing my pan!minho agenda shhh) 

Zzz: (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) kinda like with aftercare, minho can’t rest himself properly until you are fully taken care of! as soon as he knows that he’s covered all the bases: cleaning you off, getting you clothes, water, food, giving you a massage if you need it. as soon as the two of you are all cuddled up in together, then he’ll be able to relax himself, patiently smoothing down your hair as you fall asleep yourself, then, he’ll be out like a light. 

[catradoramma]

how about a fic of Adora noticing being the jealous one after noticing other women give Catra attention.

i have been getting prompts like this since Mine, and honestly, hell yea. i deadass started working on this in 2019 and well. its finally finished. this is who i am folks. thanks so much to @kittens-and-foxes, @magicchalkdust, and lunatica (ao3) for the prompts! prompts are still open! i’m just a slave to writers block. evidently

Oh, How the Turntables

|  Rated: T  |  Words: 2,604  |  Chapter: 1/1  |

Adora was not a jealous person. She was confident with where she was in her life and always had been. Trying her best and being proud of that was something that was basically sewn into her DNA.

Adora was not jealous. Never had been, and never would be.

She wasn’t jealous.

She was just…a little upset.

Or how Adora handles being jealous. A significantly less fun sequel to Mine. 

| ao3 | buy me a kofi |

Adora was not a jealous person. She was confident with where she was in her life and always had been. Trying her best and being proud of that was something that was basically sewn into her DNA.

Adora was not jealous. Never had been, and never would be.

She wasn’t jealous.

She was just…a little upset.

It wasn’t really that big of a deal. Honestly it wasn’t a big deal at all. In fact it wasn’t even a deal at all. Catra was just making friends. Which Adora, for the record, was extremely happy about.

Catra was making friends with some of the people in the Royal Guard at Bright Moon and it was awesome! People were accepting her! And, like, treating her with respect like she obviously deserves as a literal war hero! So naturally, Adora was happy to hear this. Adora was enthused!

Obviously, okay?

It’s just that Catra had recently become closer with a few of her friends in the Royal Guard which meant they were out all day training and running drills, and then out all night getting drinks and singing bar shanties or whatever soldiers did together. Adora was so glad that Catra was fitting in and being accepted. That goes without saying.

But.

Adora also really, really, really missed her girlfriend.

Like.

Adora missed her a lot.

As simple as that.

Although, it didn’t help that one of Catra’s new friends was the totally smart, pretty and badass Captain Kassandra. And it also didn’t help that Captain Kassandra was definitely Catra’s best friend in the guard which meant Catra and Captain Kassandra were spending the majority of their days together.

Alone.

And it’s not like Adora thought anything would happen! Catra would never cheat, okay? She wouldn’t! She just might...you know. Realize that Captain Kassandra was so, so much better, and smarter, and stronger, and prettier, and cooler than Adora.

And Catra might want to break up.

Which Adora definitely didn’t want.

— . —

“Hey, Catra?” Adora called as she was pulling her hair up into a ponytail.

“Yeah?” Catra called from the closet where she was trying to decide between two identical burgundy sports bras.

“I was, uh,” Adora paused as she grabbed her hair tie with her teeth off her wrist. “I was thinking that it might be fun if we went out tonight? Go into town and grab dinner or something? Have a little date?” She asked with a tentative smile as she finished tying off her hair.

Catra turned to face her properly, lowering both sports bras. “Tonight?” She asked, not sounding excited like Adora had thought she’d be.

The lack of enthusiasm made Adora a little nervous. She licked her lips and continued. “Yeah. We’ve both been really busy lately, and I finally have a night off from--you know--She-Ra stuff. So I was, you know, just wondering if we could, I don’t know. Go on a date,” Adora bumbled, her nerves getting to her the longer she went without an answer.

“Shit, tonight?” Catra asked, her shoulders slumping alongside Adora’s heart. “I can’t. I have a game tonight.”

“Wait, you have a what tonight?” Adora asked, immediately confused.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, I meant to tell you. Me and the Guard started up a Softball team. Bright Moon Royal Guard against Entrapta’s Robot Army,” Catra explained, a little smile curling up her lips which Adora knew meant that Catra had really been enjoying playing Softball.

Adora was, admittedly, a little hurt by the fact that Catra hadn’t even thought to tell her about this. Adora was always super supportive of everything Catra did and would have loved the opportunity to cheer her on in a very literal and vocal way.

But, Adora supposed, she had been really busy with She-Ra stuff lately so it made sense that Catra forgot to mention things. Especially when they really only saw each other at dinner and when they got in and out of bed everyday.  

Adora pushed down her hurt feelings and pressed on. “Alright, well. When’s the game? I’ll come and maybe we could grab a bite or something after,” she suggested.

Catra winced. “After games, C.K. usually buys everyone a burger,” Catra explained. C.K. So we’re calling Captain Kassandra C.K. now. Adora suddenly craved physical violence.

Catra continued, not noticing Adora’s mounting frustration. “It’s like--I don’t know--a team bonding thing,” Catra explained with a shrug. “You could come to the game though! I’ll hit a homer for you,” she added, sending Adora a deliciously wicked grin that Adora couldn’t even enjoy due to the slowly mounting rage within her.

Adora took a deep breath, suppressing the anger for the time being, and forced a smile. “That sounds awesome, babe. I’ll….be there for the game then.”

Catra grinned at that and darted over to press a kiss to Adora’s cheek. “I’ll look for you in the stands,” she said, practically glowing with happiness, and just like that, all of Adora’s rage and jealousy melted away. This was something Catra enjoyed. Having friends and maintaining them was important to Catra. So it was important to Adora.

Adora turned and stole a proper kiss from Catra. “Leave your alternate jersey for me and I’ll wear it,” she suggested with a soft smile.

Catra nodded eagerly before she disappeared back into the closet. She came back out wearing one of Adora’s white and blue sports bras, and, honestly, that made everything a little better.

— . —

Adora had no idea how Softball worked, but Gods, was she becoming a fan quickly. Everything from the tight white pants Catra wore, to the slashed up cap she wore to let her ears through was doing things for Adora. Adora was pretty sure she was actually learning less about Softball the longer she spent in the stands. Probably because she was happily staring at Catra’s ass instead of the game.

The whole experience probably would have been a net positive if it wasn’t for what happened at the very end of the game. Catra must’ve hit a particularly impressive ball (Adora wasn't exactly paying attention to the ball or where it was going as much as she was focusing on where the hitter was going and doing) because as she dashed around the diamond, everyone around her was cheering and freaking out. The Bright Mood Guard left the make-shift dugout and ran onto the pitch. They swarmed Catra as she passed home. They all wrapped her in a hug before Captain Kassandra tossed her up into the air and then sat Catra on her shoulder.

Jealousy burned inside of Adora. That was Adora’s move! Adora was absolutely the only one allowed to toss Catra into the air and catch her on her shoulder! Why the hell was someone else doing that?! Was this a common thing? Did Captain Kassandra toss Catra all the time?

Adora was about three seconds away from going full-on beast mode on the Captain. The only thing that stopped her was the way Catra pulled her cap off in celebration, waving it excitedly in Adora’s direction. The elation on Catra’s face—the pure joy that was clear from whatever game-winning hit she’d made—was entirely enough to cool Adora’s temper.

Catra looked radiant out there. And she deserved to be praised like that. She deserved to be celebrated and loved by her friends. Adora wanted that for Catra so badly, and if it wasn’t for the ugly jealous monster that was living rent free inside of her for whatever reason, Adora was sure she’d 100% be just as happy as Catra was in that moment.

So, with her mind made up, Adora grinned and waved back. She cupped her hands around her mouth and cheered loudly. She made a heart with her hands and held it up above her head for Catra to see. Catra must’ve seen it because she blushed a little darker and bit her lip in a way that made Adora’s blood burn in a very different way.

If only Adora wouldn’t have to go home alone after the game.

— . —

Adora decided to wait up for Catra. She wanted to show Catra exactly how proud of her game-winning home-run she was. Adora lit candles around their room while she waited, and even changed into some of the more frilly underwear she owned for nights exactly like this. She kept Catra’s jersey on, though, and made herself comfortable in bed to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Adora waited long after the sun went down behind the back hills, long after the candles burned down to nubs, and long after the lacey bra she wore became too uncomfortable to continue wearing. Adora didn’t want to admit defeat, but eventually the mood was lost, and she could barely keep her eyes open.

It was with a new level of bitterness, and a little heartbreak, that Adora cleaned up the candles, slipped into pyjamas, and put Catra’s jersey away. This time when Adora curled up into bed, she didn’t wait. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

If the smell of candle smoke was still in the air when Catra got back, then so what.

— . —

Adora felt very off for the rest of that week. She hadn’t even heard Catra come in that night, and when she woke up, Catra was curled up into a ball on her own side of the bed. Something about not even waking up in Catra’s arms left a sour taste in her mouth.

Adora knew, logically, that Catra hadn’t made her any promises to come back early that night. She had said that she’d be out with the team, and Adora had agreed to that. It was just that...after a game like that, the first one Adora had gone to, shouldn’t Catra have wanted to come home and celebrate with Adora? Shouldn’t she have at least come back at a decent hour? Catra had only said that she’d be getting dinner with her team. Did getting burgers really take that long?

What else had Catra been doing out there?

That thought alone was enough to leave Adora in a horrible mood for the rest of the week.

She destroyed many straw filled dummies, and snapped at anyone who so much as thought about asking her what was wrong, including Catra.

Especially Catra.

Adora hadn’t been in this bad of a mood since the war--since the time she hadn’t slept for weeks at a time.

And the worst part? Adora knew she was being unreasonable. She knew she was being dramatic and was definitely blowing things out of proportion. It was just that—

The jealous little monster that lived in her mind rent free was slowly taking over.

— . —

Adora was lounging in the bath, trying to make herself feel better though aggressive self-care, when she heard Catra come in. It was already late into the evening. Adora would usually be in bed this time of night, and Adora was beginning to think (unreasonably) that Catra was coming back late on purpose.

“Adora?” Catra called as she noticed the bed was empty. She sounded a little afraid and suddenly Adora was just tired. And sad. And frustrated. She was so, so frustrated with herself and this stupid situation. She didn’t want to be upset at Catra anymore.

“In here!” Adore called back as she moved her hands a little anxiously through the bubbles still floating on the surface.

Catra appeared in the doorway and smiled tentatively. She looked concerned and tired.

“Hey,” Adora said softly.

“Hey,” Catra repeated, her voice just as soft.

“How was your night?” Adora asked. “I missed you at dinner.”

Catra’s shoulders dropped a little and she nodded. She stepped into the bathroom and sat down on the floor right next to the tub, her knees pulled up to her chest as she looked at Adora. Catra looked small like that. Small and afraid.

“Missed you too,” Catra said back, her voice just above a whisper.

Adora bit her lip a little anxiously and had to look away. She couldn’t look at Catra knowing she was the one who made her feel uncertain like this. But...wasn’t it because Adora herself felt uncertain that this whole thing had happened?

Adora pulled in a deep breath and forced herself to look back at Catra. “I’m sorry I’ve been...rough this week,” she said.

Catra leaned her head onto the side of the tub. “Are you gonna tell me what I did?” Catra asked, her voice soft and non-judgemental.

“Catra you didn’t...do anything,” Adora said. “And...well. That’s the problem. I feel like we never see each other anymore. I feel like we don’t talk.”

Catra straightened up, her shoulders coming up in a defensive stance. It was clear she was afraid of what else was coming from this conversation. Adora reached out and placed her hand on top of one of Catra’s knee.

“I just really miss you Catra. All the time, even when I wake up next to you,” Adora admitted.

“I’m sorry,” Catra said immediately, her ears pressing back flat onto her head. “I…”

“Hey, no, I should have said something—” Adora said but Catra cut her off, her eyes wide in realization.

“Oh my gods,” Catra breathed. “You did say something. You wanted—and I totally just brushed you off to hang out with the Guard. Adora—” Catra spoke frantically, and it was Adora who cut her off this time.

“Catra, hey, no,” Adora said as she moved closer. “No, you didn’t brush me off. You just. You’ve never had a really solid group of friends before. Of course you got caught up. I like that you have these people who like you and want to hang out with you. I’ve been so busy lately and I’ve been so thankful that you’ve found these people to keep you company when I can’t,” Adora said honestly.

“It’s just that...I’m not used to having to share your attention. And it’s...it’s making me feel a little insecure—which I hate. I don’t want to be jealous of your friends. I don’t want to keep you away from them,” she admitted, looking at her hands now, ashamed of how she was feeling.

Catra reached out and threaded their fingers. “Adora…” she breathed softly as she squeezed Adora’s hand. “You should have said something, dummy,” she said affectionately, reaching out with her free hand to smooth Adora’s hair back and turn her face up.

“I’ve only been spending so much time with those idiots because I’ve been wanting to give you space to relax,” Catra admitted. “I thought that having me around, wanting your attention after you’d had to listen to people bitch and complain all day would just cause you more stress.” She leaned forward some more to press a kiss to Adora’s lips softly. “I’ve been missing you too, Adora.”

Adora let out a sigh of relief, and then a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a sob. She shot forward and wrapped her arms around Catra in a hug, holding her tight. “You’re sure you’re not unhappy with me? You wouldn’t rather be with C.K.?” Adora asked, finally voicing her deepest concerns.

“What?” Catra asked softly as she held Adora tighter, seemingly undisturbed by the fact that she was getting soaked by the bath. “Adora, Captain Kass is married. To a man. And besides that, I don’t want anyone but you. You make me happier than anything.”

Adora let out another sigh of relief. “Oh, I’m so glad,” she breathed as she pressed her face into Catra’s neck.

— . —

That little jealous monster was finally evicted.