#the vagenda

[spockvarietyhour]

Vagenda "Entrada"

Bonus, he's right there:

[lesbianjudasiscariot]

pink album covers

[brotherconstant]

[send-me-a-puffalope]

Happy new year! And I think you're both the mentally deranged and wholesome moot :3 Your posts make me love Vanessa even more!!!

HAPPY NEW YEARS JEDI!!!!

meeeee? wholesome….? *stares at my 27 pages document of angst* h,haha yeah no yeah haha yeah no yeap mmhm

and TYYYY!! I LOVE SPREADING THE VANESSA AGENDA!!!! PEACE AND LOVE ON PLANET DADDY ISSUES !!!!!

[pawsedits]

— — ﹐ Hiddagendalbumic.     ★

An -albumic gender that is best expressed / explained / understood through Kimya Dawsons album, “Hidden Vagenda”.

[hesitationss]

My heart will stop if I put out the fire As long as I'm burning I'll keep on yearning To save the world Not sure how but I'm learning

Fire by Kimya Dawson

[uwo]

everyones got that One kimya dawson song that hits a little too close to home and if u dont i do Not trust u.

[ockymilk]

[outsidedykeotomy]

emotional man makes the mistake of listening to hidden vagenda while otherwise alone with his thoughts

[buhbuhbuhbuhbeanz7654]

HER EVIL VAGENDA???????

[spontaneousbakery]

if only you could love how i love

[blackbloodedisabel]

1st 10 songs when I shuffle my 'on repeat' playlist: (thank yeww for the tag @antlerslayer<33)

1: I'll call you mine - (girl in red)

2: viva la fiesta - (s club 7)

3: just a girl - (no doubt)

4: two in a million - (s club 7)

5: motion sickness - (phoebe bridgers)

6: losing grip - (avril lavigne)

7: I really miss you - (s club 7)

8: mariner's apartment complex - (lana del rey)

9: the grants - (lana del rey)

10: sober ii (melodrama) - (lourde)

passing the optional baton to @stonergirrrlwrites @holyfacehead and @not-out-of-the-woods-yet <33

[melonfacade]

watched cat person. heavy handed but good. really like that robert was multi faceted. he sucks but hes not just Le Nice Guy

also thoroughly enjoyed margots unreliability, the therapy session in her head was entertaining and i was never sure when itd cut to her imagination or reality

tangential but i hate watching stuff in the living room cus then people walk in at the climax and give unwarranted commentary absolutely ruined that moment

[lunarcigar]

Song of the Night!

Fire - Kimya Dawson from “Hidden Vagenda”

“My heart will stop if i put out the fire

As long as i'm burning

I'll keep on yearning

To save the world

Not sure how, but I'm learning

And telling the truth the best way that I'm able

Placing my cards all face up on the table

It's okay to be scared, you do don't hafta act tough

Take all that pain and turn it into love”

[what-gs-watching]

“There is only room for one God in this lab and it's not yours."

Welp, my city has decided that it forgot how weather works, and we’re snowed in and there’s a frozen pipe in my goddamn basement and I finished an interview loop for a company last week so I’m just sitting here trapped in my house and waiting desperately for any news on if they might hire me and it’s not going amazing SO, 

It’s time for a FRINGE BINGE. 

I saw a post a week or two ago that Fringe might be leaving Max at the end of the month, and I couldn’t let it go without a rewatch. It’s one of the reasons I started playing “What G’s Watching” with my husband - he’d seen it when it first came out and I thought maybe he’d remember some of it and could understand my rambling, because you need some kind of background to truly grasp what the eff is happening in Fringe. He didn’t. But that didn’t stop me from becoming completely obsessed. 

Even when I’m not rewatching, sometimes I’ll yell “PREVIOUSLY ON FRINGE” when the show I’m actually enjoying does a recap. I don’t know why it’s stuck in my brain, but it doesn’t matter, I love it.

Here’s the thing about Fringe: it’s absolutely ridiculous. It’s like X-Files on acid (or Walter’s Brown Bettty?). The science is ridiculous and honestly it’s difficult to follow the lore sometimes, especially the first time through it. But it’s weirdly captivating and it tugs at your heart strings, which doesn’t make any sense.

Basically, FBI agent Olivia Dunham gets sucked into a special division that investigates weird occurrences that seem to have to do with ‘fringe science’, and she ends up enlisting Peter Bishop and his genius scientist father, Walter Bishop (who’d spent almost twenty years in a mental institution) to help her get to the bottom of what the eff is going on.

AND THEN THINGS GET CRAZY. 

They pump so much backstory into this show. There’s monsters of the week, sure, but every single character has a whole damn room full of skeletons and it was so much fun trying to puzzle all of that shit out the first time. In my rewatch so far, I’m picking up a ton of little random clues and I’m loving it. It’s clear that J. J. Abrams had some IDEAS. 

Also, I’ve never watched Lost, (and I never will, I put my foot down on that)  but I can confidently say this is the better J. J. Abrams show. The ending doesn’t make you ridiculously angry you watched the whole thing. So there’s that. 

Honestly, there’s too much I love about this show. The whole alternate universe plotline for one, which creates some of my favorite moments. But it’s mainly about Peter and Walter. At its core, this stupid show is about their father son relationship, and how far people are willing to go  to protect their family. Which is weird, but also perfect. 

Before the mental institution, Walter was a little bit of a sociopath, pursuing scientific enhancements, consequences be damned. He was a shit person. He ran tests on children, he fucked with the fabric of the universe. No fucks given, that man. But the Walter we get for most of the show is just…oddly charming. Quirky in his brilliance, instead of calculating. And it’s FUNNY and endearing. 

Olivia brings in another agent to help corral Walter in his resurrected lab beneath Harvard, Astrid, and he spends most of the series calling her anything but. “Astro”, “Astrix”, etc. It’s not malicious, he just can’t hold the information, as much as he appreciates the work she does with him. Like, how does that turn out to just be kind of cute? 

Some of my favorite made-up words are from Walter.  “Vagenda”, for one. Which is ‘vagina agenda’ obviously. As in, “Peter fell for her vagenda”, which had me rolling. Even if it came about during a storyline that made me absolutely FURIOUS, but in the best of ways. (There was a lot of time wherein I was yelling at my husband about how much I hated “Fauxlivia” and her vagenda, but honestly I don’t want to spoil it because the twists and turns this show takes are so wonderful, they should be experienced with absolutely no background.)

The whole thing with Walter is that he’s atoning for the sins of his past, even if he doesn’t really realize it at first, and it’s just, really comforting. His entire arc is compelling and satisfying, even if it leaves you a crying mess. 

Also, Peter Bishop is forever my perfect New England boyfriend. At first I’m not sure who they wanted him to be exactly, but eventually he smoothed out into just an earnest, genius, gorgeous man trying to do the right thing and get past all of the hurt Walter caused him. They put him in devastatingly handsome peacoats and he saves the day and he’s sweet to Olivia and I just spend most of the time swooning. That smile, gang.

Is it because I fell in love with Pacey Witter as a young girl during Dawson’s Creek’s heyday? 98% yes. I will always love Joshua Jackson and Pacey was done dirty for a while. And come to think of it, Peter was too. It’s his thing, apparently. 

I do  realize Olivia is supposed to be the main character probably, but she gets me to my two favorite guys so I guess she’s fine. Anna Torv is wonderful, she plays Dunham really well (which I imagine was grueling given some of the storylines) but the Bishops are the stars of the show. I just want to squeeze both of them.

The crazy thing is there are some episodes that will destroy you emotionally. The white tulip? Jesus. That one just came up in my rewatch, and it was still a punch in the face the second time. There’s one where Walter gets lost in Chinatown, I had to literally mute it because it’s gut wrenching. Even with the silliness and the science that makes you roll your eyes, they make you look at things you don’t want to, and it can hurt. I love/hate that so much. 

And look, I understand that the moral of the show is that science and technology can be dangerous and we shouldn’t let it get away from us because it could eventually cause the downfall of everything, but that’s not what I’m here for. I’m always here for the relationships. And the ridiculous ways we can get people to die. And the outlandish scifi. If you wanna remind me of things that I don’t want to think about in between that, I guess it’s okay, because it makes no sense, but when I think of Fringe, it just makes me feel warm and fuzzy. It’s not a warm and fuzzy show, but it is for me. 

I started watching it because it was a complete series that had a purposeful ending and I needed something, but it turned into a lot more than that. I’m jealous of people who can see it for the first time. It’s just so…special. In weird and wonderful ways. There will never be another character quite like Walter Bishop. Or a truly realized tv universe as outlandish. They swung for the fences, and it really landed; vagenda, the observers, Walternate, and all. 

Let Walter charm the shit out of you, you won’t be disappointed.

[dykeulous]

| ~ fatphobia ~ |

near the end of 2014, rhiannon lucy cosslett published the article “I Feel Guilty but I Hate My Body: a Feminist Confesses” in The Guardian, in which she described in detail her own obsession with counting calories, with catching her own reflection in all reflective surfaces, as well as the fact that; regardless of the fact that she knows better– she does not like her body and constantly tries to reduce it. many things in her text are probably well known to a large number of women who at some point were overweight or thought they were overweight: googling “miracle” diets, fixating on clothing items that we no longer fit in, but kept in the closet; in hopes that the reality will change soon, the fear of photos over which we had no control, but also the sincere belief that other women who had the same problem were beautiful & had no reason to worry about their appearance. cosslett feels additionally guilty because she’s a feminist and the co-author of the book The Vagenda, critical of the way the media writes about (female) bodies, is expected to put into practice what she advocates on a theoretical level, as people like to assume feminists are immune to the pressure of media and pop culture.

while reading the text, i sympathized with the author, and in some things even identified with her; but after that, i was gripped by that familiar feeling of anxiety that is well-known to me, due to the colorless conversations about fatness that i had with various friends & acquaintances from high school until today. conversations in which we were seemingly equal, sharing the same problem, but in reality it was never like that. cosslett says that her body mass index is 21.7, on the lower spectrum of “normal” or “healthy” weight, and my friends from the mentioned conversations were also regularly slimmer than me, sometimes significantly so. i have no doubts about the sincerity of their dissatisfaction with their own bodies– the main task of the mainstream media is to keep us all in that state 24/7– but i can’t help noticing the imbalance: were my friends so focused on their problem that they didn’t notice the differences between us, between their problems and my problems? did they also have this issue of only applying these strict standards to their own selves, while otherwise believing in the beauty of all sizes? and, finally, do we really believe that “big” can be “beautiful”, if at the same time we cannot accept our own bodies, according to medical, cultural, or personal criteria?

i’m writing this from the gray zone. i’ve been in this zone almost my whole life, fluctuating– as mindy kaling would say– between curvy and chubby, curves; 11 and 44 pounds “extra”. it is the “in-between” zone, within which you are not officially defined as plus size, but at the same time a zone within which distant relatives, neighbors, saleswomen in clothing stores, and random passers-by feel invited to comment on your appearance, negatively or positively: “have you lost weight?” (even though i haven’t), “you could lose a few pounds!” (saleswoman after my pants were tight in the hips). i don’t want to sound like hannah on hbo’s Girls  when she tells adam, “i am 13 pounds overweight and it has been awful for me my whole life!”. i am very aware that i’m actually quite average in my clothing size and weight, however– i cannot ever ignore the fact that at one point, i used to be near the line of obesity. i cannot forget that at one point in my life, i used to be so mentally exhausted that i let my bmi grow to a 29– i cannot ever forget that i went to the gym & dieted for 2 months, and i cannot get rid of the obsessive calorie counting, purging desires, and the horrendous effect diet culture has had on me. i am complimented on the regular basis, and it’s now almost exclusively about my looks and weight– it never stops. “you’ve lost even more weight! do you still go to the gym?”, “you used to be so fat… you’re so beautiful now!”, “you genuinely changed! are you glad you did?”– yes. i did, in fact, lose an additional of 17 pounds unintentionally, but that is not something that we should be celebrating, i don’t think. i developed a lifelong thyroid disease, due to incessant chronic stress & paranoid tendencies, and that caused my metabolism to rapidly speed up. i am now taking medicine, but somehow people around me, even my own mother; who is a medical professional, by the way– compliments me on the additional unintentional weight loss, even though she knows it’s no matter for celebration.

recently, mainstream popular culture has begun to let women with a bmi above 25 into its ranks more often– so far, admittedly, mostly white & heterosexual– who are no longer there just for comic effect or as material for a miraculous transformation. more & more sites, blogs, profiles on instagram, slowly, but increasingly– include more & more diverse representations of women for whom there was never a place in the narrowly defined mainstream ideal of beauty. mainstream feminists often see this as a step forward– as it should be– but capitalist exploitation & beauty trends are ever-changing, and the commodification of female bodies should never be celebrated, even if rebranded as curves are sexy. fatphobia is therefore still a feminist issue. patriarchal control over women’s bodies is further reinforced by the pressures of the capitalist fashion, cosmetic & pharmaceutical industries and the mainstream media, which depend on advertising revenue. it is well-known that sexism also works by evaluating a woman’s value primarily on the basis of her external appearance. many of us have internalized this external control in the form of self-control and self-discipline; constantly counting calories, and constantly checking whether we fit into the ideal. for many, the tip of the scale is one of the few things they can control in a world where so little is under our control. it seems to me, however, that we measure our own worth in kilograms/pounds and implicitly agree that others value us in that way. such prejudices are regularly supported by a seemingly irrefutable argument: “concern for other people’s health”. part of the comments on every internet text that aims to destigmatize obesity will always fall under the so-called concern trolling, trolling packaged as concern for another person that only supports prejudices using the alibi of health, ignoring numerous scientific studies that prove that obesity & health are not contradictory terms. these prejudices are also connected with the “aesthetic” intolerance of fatness, its incompatibility with beauty, which is wholeheartedly supported by the mainstream media.

capitalism, the media, the beauty industry (and its institutions of reinforcement; make-up, mandatory shaving, cosmetic surgery, etc.) & our culture altogether– are focused on minimizing women’s humanity & maximizing profit from women’s pain. fatphobia is a form of female oppression, and feminists cannot be fatphobic, even if we are concerned for a fat person’s health, or projecting. projection is often a form of female infighting, and it serves to prevent female class consciousness– it is regularly enforced by patriarchal institutions. making fun of plus size models, telling an overweight girl/woman to put the burger down, competing with other women on who can starve themselves for a longer time period– it all needs to undoubtedly end. fatphobia is systemic, it is built in the very fibre of capitalist society, and it affects the medical field as much as it does fashion & beauty trends; which can be detrimental to a fat person’s life. fatphobia does affect men, but it affects women uniquely; especially women of color– and especially black women. i am saying all this as the person who lost a bunch of weight, and who is very annoyed at being told how beautiful i am now– i seek to heal the fat girl who continues to live on deep in my heart.