#the wall only goes away after fulfilling certain criteria.

[spaciebabie]

okay i was gonna make a long winded post abt how being autistic and aplatonic fucks up any semblence of connectedness i am able ta feel w/my fellow humans but i got tired so let me just shorten it ta say:

when u dont feel motiv for friend make and u bad at making frend as well life! is hell at times. blah blah blah i feel abnormal all the time something something i am aware i do not socialize "normally" like others and it makes me self concious. blah blah blah sometimes i wish i could feel how alloplatonics feel. end post.

[fortunatelyfresco]

A Holistic Integration of Type 1 Narcolepsy into the Reading of Moist von Lipwig

Literary Interpretation, Disability, and Finding Yourself Between the Lines

As it goes, "I wrote this for me, but you can read it if you want." It might be a fun ride for anyone who is very interested in Moist von Lipwig, or narcolepsy, or both, and/or anyone who enjoys collecting small details from within a body of work and arranging them into threads that are supportable by the text, without being actually suggested by it.

Personally, I find it very interesting to read the meta behind different headcanons, and see how creators can unintentionally write a character who fits certain criteria. There are only so many traits, after all, and some of them tend to travel in groups! Humans are pattern seekers, etc etc.

The first step of reading Moist von Lipwig as narcoleptic is wanting to read Moist von Lipwig as narcoleptic. Being narcoleptic myself and relating heavily to Moist, this step was very easy. I invite you to take my hand and come along, at least briefly, if you were interested enough to click the readmore.

Once you have taken that step, things start falling into place. At least they do if you're intimately familiar with narcolepsy, or if you first learn about it in detail through, for instance, a Tumblr post with an agenda :)

I'll break this down symptom by symptom, citing only the ones I both have personal experience with and see textual support for.

I'll be using OverDrive's search function to catalogue "evidence" in (the American editions of) Going Postal, Making Money, and Raising Steam, so I might miss passages that don't use certain keywords.

Please take any statements along the lines of "being narcoleptic means X" with a huge grain of salt. Sometimes it's just more succinct. Narcolepsy can manifest in many different ways, and is still being actively studied. Don't base your entire understanding of it on a fandom essay I wrote to cope with the crushing pressures of capitalism. I have not even fully read the scientific studies linked here as sources.

Here we go! Spoilers abound.

I. Excessive Daytime Sleepiness (EDS) and sleep attacks.

Being narcoleptic means (salt now, please) that your brain does not get adequate rest while you sleep, no matter how much you sleep. This is because of a disturbance in the order and length of REM and NREM sleep phases. This leads to constant exhaustion. Some sources describe narcoleptic EDS as "comparable to [the sleepiness] experienced by a healthy individual who has been sleep-deprived continuously for 48–72 hours."

(Source.)

Sleep attacks can come on gradually or suddenly. In my case, I become irritable and easily overwhelmed, and nothing matters except finding a place to lie down. A more severe attack, under the right circumstances, can put me to sleep while I'm actively trying to stay awake and engaged.

Moist refers to 6:45 am as "still nighttime." He is "allergic to the concept of two seven o'clocks in one day" and is "not good at early mornings," and the narration even cites this as "one of the advantages of a life of crime; you didn't have to get up until other people had got the streets aired."

In Going Postal, he repeatedly falls asleep at his desk. I can only find two instances, but the first one describes it as having happened "again," so it happens at least three times over the course of one week. Both of the times I found were after Mr. Pump cleared his apartment, giving him access to a bed, and I can't find any reference to the fire destroying it—just that his office is "missing the whole of one wall." His presumably wooden desk is still intact, even, just "charred."

There's also no build-up either time. No direct narration of the time right before he falls asleep, just retroactive accounting for it.

Which is primarily a function of stories not showing us every boring second, and secondarily one of the smaller ways we're shown Moist being overwhelmed and racing to keep up with himself, but tertiarily it's a great set dressing if you've already decided he's narcoleptic. Sometimes sleep is just a thing that happens, without any deliberate transition. Sometimes you sit down to catch your breath or get some paperwork done, and wake up several hours later.

I've found only one example in GP of Moist waking up in his actual bed at the post office: the morning after being possessed by all the undelivered letters. Presumably either they put him there, or Mr. Pump did.

There are two points in Making Money where Moist, in an effort to be a comforting and/or guiding hand, advises people to get some sleep. First Owlswick Jenkins, and then one of the clerks (Robert) who is worried about Mr. Bent.

I take the optimistic view that this is Moist genuinely caring about these people, not just trying to get them to do what he wants. He has always done some combination of those things (GP opens with him having befriended his jailers, after all), but there's definitely a thread of him learning to treat both himself and those around him more like real people. (See also.)

Looking at this thread through narcolepsy-colored lenses, you get Moist perhaps drawing from his own experiences in an effort to be helpful. In Owlswick or Robert's position, what is something he would want to hear from the man currently in charge of his fate, or at least his job? "Get some sleep."

If we accept this as a pattern, it culminates in Raising Steam, when Moist starts to worry about "Dick Simnel and his band of overworked engineers," fixating particularly on their lack of sleep.

What sleep they got was in sleeping bags, curled up on carriage seats, eating but not eating well, just driven by their watches and their desire to keep the train going.

[...]

"People are going to die if we push them any further," he said to Dick. "You lot would rather work than sleep!"

[...]

The young man swayed in front of him and Moist's tone became gentle. "And I see now that part of my job is to tell you that you need some rest. You've run out of steam, Dick. Look, we're well on the way to Uberwald now, and while it's daylight and we're out of the mountains it's going to be the least risky time to run with minimum crew. We're all going to need our wits about us when we get near the pass. Surely you can take some rest?"

Simnel blinked as if he'd not seen Moist the first time, and said, "Yes, you're right."

And Moist could hear the slurring in the young man's speech, caught him before he fell and dragged him into a sleeping compartment, put him to bed, and noted that the engineer didn't so much fall asleep as somehow flow into it.

Moist then recruits Vimes to help him talk the rest of the engineers into getting some rest. The two of them briefly commiserate about people not realizing how important it is.

"I have to teach that to young coppers. Treasure a night's rest, I always say. Take a nap whenever you can."

"Very good."

II. Insomnia.

This is a lesser-known but very common symptom of narcolepsy. Or a comorbidity, depending on how you look at it. It seems counterintuitive if narcolepsy has been presented to you as "sleeping all the time," but it makes sense once you know it's really a matter of disruption in the brain's ability to regulate sleep cycles.

The case for this symptom is flimsier, and I fully admit I'm just reading my own experience into it. But here are two excerpts from Going Postal that I find quite suitable for my sleepy agenda:

1. "A man of affairs such as he had to learn to sleep in all kinds of situations, often while mobs were looking for him a wall's thickness away."

I latched hard onto this detail the first time I read GP.

At my worst, I could not get more than a couple hours of sleep in my bed. I kept taking naps in the bath because it was one of the few places I could sleep. It seemed to fulfill some of the criteria (isolation, temperature control, etc) that my brain demanded in exchange for playing nice.

We're told over and over again, throughout Moist's books, that he functions best under pressure.

(Brief aside: This is often cited as a reason to interpret Moist as having ADHD, which I'm also fully on board with. Not coincidentally, narcolepsy and ADHD share a few symptoms, have a notable comorbidity rate, and are treated with some of the same medications. Source.)

So again, if you're already inclined to read Moist as narcoleptic, the following is an easy jump:

"Moist thinks he's good at sleeping in strange places under strange circumstances. This is because A) his basis for comparison is a disordered attempt to sleep in normal places under normal circumstances, B) something about danger satisfies his brain into running more smoothly, and C) he's a resourceful person who is 'not given to introspection,' and so is less likely to wonder why his body demands sleep at strange times and more likely to focus on finding a place for that sleep to happen, and chalk this up later as a skill."

And returning briefly to EDS: Why would someone like Moist waste time finding a safe place to sleep while people are actively trying to kill him? At the beginning of GP, he leaves Vetinari's office and immediately goes on the run. In multiple books, when he feels threatened, his brain instinctively launches into complex escape plans. We see him successfully blend into an Ankh-Morpork crowd at least once after becoming a public figure.

So why bother? After all, a safe place to sleep is also a safe place to change clothes, or at least remove whatever distinguishing features he's given himself. Why wouldn't he just become someone else and leave town immediately?

The obvious answer is that sometimes things just happen, and an author doesn't need to know or explain every single detail of a character's past.

I would suggest, though, that one of those things might be Moist reaching a point where sleep is just not optional. A point where he not only doesn't, but can't, care about anything else. Where he is too tired to think straight, too tired to talk his way out of trouble, too tired to even contemplate the long journey from one town to the next.

2. "Moist knew he ought to get some sleep, but he had to be there, too, alive and sparkling."

Sometimes (especially in combination with underlying mental health issues) narcoleptic sleep deprivation can bypass everything I've described so far, and lead straight into a manic state. You won't necessarily find that on Google, but it's been my experience.

That's obviously not what the text is implying. "Alive and sparkling" is just a very relatable description. And we do often see Moist getting away from himself, speaking without thinking, making absurd promises that he justifies immediately afterwards as Just Part Of Being Him, always raising the stakes.

And here are a couple of excerpts from Raising Steam that could be interpreted as Moist being a light sleeper, AKA struggling to get deep sleep:

1. "And slowly Moist shut down, although a part of him was always listening to the rhythm of the rails, listening in his sleep, like a sailor listening to the sounds of the sea."

2. "All Moist's life he'd managed to find a way of sleeping in just about every circumstance and, besides, the guard's van was somehow the hub of the train; and although he didn't know how he did it, he always managed to sleep with half of one ear open."

Moist is exactly the kind of opportunist to see that as a useful tool, isn't he?

III. Hypnagogic and Hypnopompic Hallucinations.

These are hallucinations that come on as you're falling asleep or waking up. They can also happen during REM intrusions while you're awake. My most memorable ones include piano notes, someone calling my name, being trapped in the waves of a large body of water, and a huge truck going over a guard rail and tumbling down a hill. These are often, but not always, accompanied by sleep paralysis (and sleep paralysis is often, but not always, accompanied by hallucinations).

In GP, Moist casually cites his own hallucinations as proof that what is happening at the post office is not one.

"They're all alive! And angry! They talk! It was not a hallucination! I've had hallucinations and they don't hurt!"

Obviously that's not true for everyone, but it's true for Moist, and he has enough experience that he immediately recognizes the difference.

At one point while awake, Moist "[snaps] out of a dream of chandeliers" to realize someone has approached him to talk, while he was busy having visions of what the post office used to look like/could look like again.

Now, that's cheating, because we're probably supposed to assume it's a side effect of being possessed, but... I'm putting it here anyway.

There is also perhaps a case to be made for the tendency of Moist's internal monologue to lapse into extremely specific and prolonged hypotheticals. The lines between hallucinations, waking dreams, and "regular" daydreams have always been very blurry to me. I'm especially curious about the example at the end of Going Postal, which goes like this:

"Look, I know what I'm like," he said. "I'm not the person everyone thinks I am. I just wanted to prove to myself I'm not like Gilt. More than a hammer, you understand? But I'm still a fraud by trade. I thought you knew that. I can fake sincerity so well that even I can't tell. I mess with people's heads—"

"You're fooling no one but yourself," said Miss Dearheart, and reached for his hand.

Moist shook her off, and ran out of the building, out of the city, and back to his old life, or lives, always moving on, selling glass as diamond, but somehow it just didn't seem to work anymore, the flair wasn't there, the fun had dropped out of it, even the cards didn't seem to work for him, the money ran out, and one winter in some inn that was no more than a slum he turned his face to the wall—

And an angel appeared.

"What just happened?" said Miss Dearheart.

Perhaps you do get two...

"Only a passing thought," said Moist.

In-universe... what is Adora reacting to? What did just happen? The fact that these incidents are not isolated to Going Postal is a point against it being some sort of literal timeline divergence caused by The Spirit Of The Post.

So maybe Moist visibly zoned out. Maybe he had some kind of minor but noticeable cataplexy attack (more on those later) as part of a REM intrusion, brought on by the intense emotions he's currently struggling with.

IV. Vivid Dreams.

Again, at least some of this is probably supposed to be part of the possession, but I've been professionally projecting myself onto the surreal dreams of magically afflicted characters for years. Do try this at home.

1. "Moist dreamed of bottled wizards, all shouting his name. In the best tradition of awaking from a nightmare, the voices gradually became one voice, which turned out to be the voice of Mr. Pump, who was shaking him."

2. Moist is uneasy about the Smoking Gnu's plan, and then he has an extremely detailed dream about the Grand Trunk burning down.

This culminates in "Moist awoke, the Grand Trunk burning in his head," followed by a paragraph of him thinking things through and starting to form his own alternative plan, followed immediately by "Moist awoke. He was at his desk, and someone had put a pillow under his head."

So he fell asleep at his desk, woke up from a vivid nightmare, was awake just long enough for a coherent train of thought, and then passed back out. Which once again is not "proof" of anything, but fits the predetermined interpretation like a glove.

V. Cataplexy.

Cataplexy is a sudden loss of muscle control, usually triggered by strong emotions. This is thought to be a facet of REM intrusion—waking instances of the atonia that is meant to stop us from acting out our dreams.

The most well-known manifestation is laughter making your knees buckle, but it's not always that severe. My own attacks range from facial twitching, usually when I'm angry or otherwise extremely upset, to all-over weakness/immobilization and near-collapse when I laugh. My knees have fully buckled once or twice.

This is the biggest stretch. This is the one that is absolutely only there if you've already decided to read entire novels between the lines. It's also not even necessary for the broader headcanon; plenty of people have narcolepsy without cataplexy (or such mild cataplexy that it's never noticeable, or very delayed onset, etc).

However. I am doing this for fun. So I want him to have it. It's also become a major part of how I imagine Moist engaging with emotion, and I'd like to make a case for that.

There are a few scattered references to Moist's legs shaking, or being unsteady, or outright giving way, but there's usually an external physical reason, and/or enough psychological shock to justify it without a medical condition.

The most compelling example I've found so far comes from Moist and Adora's conversation about people expecting Moist to deliver letters to the gods.

"I never promised to—"

"You promised to when you sold them the stamps!"

Moist almost fell off his chair. She'd wielded the sentence like a fist.

"And it'll give them hope," she added, rather more quietly.

"False hope," said Moist, struggling upright.

"Almost fell off his chair" at first sounds like casual hyperbole, but then "struggling upright" implies it was a bit more literal. It's also an accurate description of me recovering from my more severe attacks, supporting myself on a wall or my spouse, or pushing myself up if I've fallen over in bed.

That happens to me multiple times per day, by the way. It doesn't bother me, and I didn't realize there was anything unusual about it for a long time. I barely think about it, except to fondly note that my spouse is good at making me laugh.

Which is to say, even severe cataplexy is not always noticeable or debilitating. Sometimes it absolutely is! It can be downright dangerous, depending on where you are, what you're doing, and whether you have any other conditions it might exacerbate. I don't want to undermine that.

I am just hell-bent on justifying the idea that this fictional character could have repeated attacks throughout the canonical narrative that are so routine they don't merit an explanation, or even a description. Especially for someone who is used to hiding his few distinguishing features behind false ones that are much more memorable. (See also.)

(That link goes to my own fanfic. Sorry.)

On the milder side, between Going Postal and Making Money, there are three instances of Moist's mouth "dropping open" when he's shocked, upset, confused, or some combination of the three. This is the kind of thing that shows up a lot in fiction, but rarely happens so literally in real life.

(There's technically a fourth instance, but I'm not counting it because it seems to be a deliberate choice on his part to convey surprise.)

And then there's laughter. Or rather, there isn't. I could be missing something, but I've searched all three books for instances of laughter and various synonyms (not counting spoken "Ha!"s), and what I've come up with is:

Moist laughs once in Going Postal, when he receives the assignment for the race to Genua.

Two packages were handed over. Moist undid his, and burst out laughing.

There's also an instance earlier in the book where Moist nearly "burst[s] out laughing."

I find the specifics here interesting, and, for our purposes, fortuitous. Cataplexy is complicated and presents differently for everyone. In my case, when laughter triggers an attack, one of the effects (which is sometimes also a cause) is that I laugh very hard, with little or no control. "Burst out laughing" is quite apt.

Let's move on to Making Money, and start with a quick tangent:

Mr. Bent explains that he has no sense of humor due to a medical condition, and that he isn't upset about this and doesn't understand why people feel sorry for him.

Moist immediately starts in with "Have you tried—" before getting cut off by the frustrated Bent.

Out-of-universe, "Have you tried" is such a well-known refrain to anyone with an incurable condition, I'm not at all surprised to find it in a book written by someone who had at least begun the process that would lead to a diagnosis of early-onset Alzheimer's. And Pratchett has certainly never shied away from portraying ignorance in his protagonists.

In-universe, it feels a little odd. Moist's tongue runs away from him all the time, but usually in the form of making ridiculous claims or impossible promises. Moist's entire stock-in-trade is People Skills, and it feels strange for him to make this kind of mistake immediately after being told Mr. Bent is not looking for solutions.

But if one were reading with, for instance, the idea in mind that Moist himself has an incurable condition related to laughter and is enthusiastic about, but still relatively new to, the practice of drawing on his own experiences to help people... it is easy to imagine the gears in his head turning the wrong way, superimposing those experiences over the tail end of Mr. Bent's explanation. Disabled people are not immune to these well-meaning pitfalls.

There is another Mr. Bent moment that I want to discuss, but we'll circle back around to it later.

I found two instances of Moist himself laughing in MM.

1. "He said it with a laugh, to lighten the mood a little."

This is deliberate laughter, employed as a social tactic. A polite chuckle, probably. Not the sort of thing that generally triggers cataplexy.

2. "Moist started to laugh, and stopped at the sight of her grave expression."

The first and only involuntary laugh in MM. It doesn't always trigger attacks...

Which brings us to Raising Steam. Compared to the first two books, Moist laughs a lot here. I count nine instances. Two of them are "burst out laughing"s, a couple include him as part of a group, some of it comes off as deliberate, and some of it doesn't.

I've always seen a lot of... rage in Raising Steam. Combing through it for laughter, I realized Moist's emotions in general are much closer to the surface here, and he's much less concerned about letting people see them. He laughs with friends and acquaintances, he cries in front of strangers, he shouts at Harry King, he has that entire conversation with Dick that boils down to "I'm very worried about you," etc.

Opinions vary wildly and sharply on Raising Steam. I have my own hangups with it, as I do with most books in the series. (Every time I make a new Discworld post, Tumblr passive-aggressively suggests the tag "my kingdom for a discworld character who is normal about women and other species.")

But I like this particular change in Moist, and I choose to see it as character development. He's trading in the professional detachment of a conman for the ability to grow into himself as a person and make meaningful connections.

So, what does that have to do with cataplexy? A lot.

I don't want to get too maudlin, so I'll just say I have plenty of personal experience with emotional repression masking cataplexy symptoms. And so, I believe, does the version of Moist we've put together over the course of this post.

Which brings us back to Making Money, and Mr. Bent. He says something about Moist that I find very interesting: "I do not trust those who laugh too easily."

Unless I've missed something, at that point in the book, Moist has never actually laughed in front of him. And Mr. Bent is a man who pays very close attention to details.

So, what is the in-universe explanation for this? I'd like to propose that Moist is very skilled at seeming to laugh, without actually laughing. He smiles, he's friendly, and he makes other people laugh, which is another thing Bent dislikes about him. He gives the impression of being someone who laughs a lot. (He certainly left that impression on me; I was very surprised by the lack of examples in the first two books.)

Even staying strictly within the bounds of canon, it's easy to imagine why this might have become part of Moist's camouflage in his previous life. He wasn't looking to get attached to anyone, and he didn't want anyone getting inside his head. Engaging with people genuinely enough to laugh at their jokes would run counter to both of those things, but some of his personas still needed to come off as friendly and sociable.

Still working within the canon, it makes sense to assume he's similarly distanced himself from emotion in general. He sits in a cell for several weeks without truly believing he's going to die. He's bewildered when Mr. Pump points out that his schemes have hurt innocent people. He has no idea what to do with his feelings for Adora. Etc.

Interpreting Moist as having cataplexy adds an extra element of danger. Moist thrives on danger, but there's a difference between the thrill of a con and the threat of sudden, uncontrollable displays of vulnerability. And so it becomes even easier to see him stifling his own emotional capacity.*

We meet Moist at a moment of great upheaval. He is forcibly removed from his cocoon of false identities, and pushed out into the world as himself. And we are shown and told throughout Going Postal that he does not know how to be himself. (See also.)

He is repeatedly stymied by his own emotions. He gets tongue-tied and confused around Adora, he snaps at Mr. Pump, he lashes out at Mr. Groat, he gets lost in school flashbacks when he meets Miss Maccalariat. This thread continues in Making Money, where the sudden reappearance of Cribbins immediately rattles him into making an uncharacteristic mistake.

I called him Cribbins! Just then! I called him Cribbins! Did he tell me his name? Did he notice? He must have noticed!

Later in the same book, Moist misses a crucial opportunity to run damage control on the bank's public image... because he's excited to see Adora.

The Moist of GP and MM is not used to feeling things so deeply. It throws him off his game. I'm not at all suggesting cataplexy is the only (or even primary) reason for that, but I do think there's room for it on both sides of the cause and effect equation.

With or without the cataplexy, I find Moist's relative emotional openness in Raising Steam... really nice. (It's a work in progress. He's still getting a handle on anger.)

Cataplexy just adds another dimension. A physical manifestation of emotional vulnerability, which would have been especially untenable for a teenager on the run. Just one more facet of the real, human, fallible Moist von Lipwig who spent years buried beneath Albert Spangler and all the rest.

Another piece of himself that Moist is growing to understand and accept, as he learns to more comfortably be himself.

The Moist of Going Postal runs into a burning building to save lives without fully understanding why he wants to, and justifies it on the fly as an essential part of the role he's trying to play.

The Moist of Raising Steam mindlessly throws himself under a train to save two children, and then blows up at Harry King about the lack of safety regulations. Freshly traumatized by the murder of several railway workers and his own violent, vengeful response to it, he still offers, in the face of Harry's own grief, to be the one to inform their families. On a long and dangerous journey with plenty of moving parts to think about, he worries about Dick Simnel and the other engineers, and pushes them to take better care of themselves.

He also meets a bunch of kids who nearly derailed a train as part of a childish scheme. His admonishment is startlingly vivid.

"Can you imagine a railway accident? The screaming of the rails and the people inside and the explosion that scythes the countryside around when the boiler bursts? And you, little girl, and your little friends, would have done all that. Killed a trainload of people."

[...]

"I'll square this with the engine driver, but if I was you I'd get my pencil and turn any clever ideas you have like this into a book or two. Those penny dreadfuls are all the rage in the railway bookshops."

Maybe what he is also saying, between the lines, is:

I left home at 14 and began a life of smoke and mirrors. I was empty inside, and I thought everyone else was, too. It was all fun and games, and then a man made of clay told me I was killing people. Nip it in the bud, child. Write books.

------------

*There are studies suggesting that in addition to deliberately employed "tricks," people with cataplexy may experience physiological reactions in the brain meant to inhibit laughter. (Source 1, Source 2.)

Most of the information here is way over my head, but that second link also says "one region of the brain called the zona incerta (meaning 'zone of uncertainty') was only activated during laughter in people with narcolepsy, not in controls. Research on the zona incerta in animals suggests that it also helps to control fear-associated behavior."

The linked article about that (https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-018-03581-6) is also over my head, but I would certainly describe Moist von Lipwig as having unusual fear responses.**

**Narcolepsy is a fun roller-coaster ride of constant scientific discoveries about exactly which parts of your brain are paying too much attention, not paying enough attention, or trying to eat each other.

[javblanc-blog]

THE FOUR HUNDRED’S LIST

By the year 1911, Squattedman has already become very popular among New Yorkers. However, he maintains anonymity. Therefore this situation is abused by too many unscrupulous guys who show themselves walking across New York avenues in a crouch and in his birthday suit, so that people would look at them with admiration in the belief that it is Squattedman in person who they are seeing. Until an emergency arises or an alarm voice is heard like “Help! Stop the thief!” and the false Squattedman stands erect and runs away in the opposite direction or even sides with the thief.

When the authentic Squattedman goes for a walk, he is dressed like a dandy. Almost always his transformation occurs within the privacy of his apartment: off come garments, his figure squats and, after a characteristic thud behind him, he shoots off out the window. (That very window that had to be expanded several times because too often he didn't succeed in going through it and he ended up stamped against the wall or the window frame.)

Such is Squattedman’s popularity that newspapers have begun to call him "the New York Superhero." However, there are still those who consider him rather a "Superantihero". "A naked, squatted, elusive guy whose filiation is unknown, is not reliable, even if he is dedicated to fighting crime," Ward McAllister recently sentenced. And McAllister's judgements are final and cannot be appealed against.

But who the hell is this Ward McAllister whose opinions carry as much weight among the New York upper class as the opinions of a mustached histrionic leader among a bunch of morons?

Ward McAllister is the author of the Four Hundred’s List! That is, the list of the New Yorkers who really matter. The New Yorkers worthy of attending The Mrs. Astor's Balls, of putting a doughnut on their head instead of a hat and of jumping rope without lifting their feet off the ground.

Going into more detail, Ward is a weirdo. What is more, he is an asshole. And above all, he is one of the greatest ass-kissers in modern history. (Without reaching the level of the bunch of morons that about twenty years later would be around a certain German histrionic leader with a mustache.)

This ability of him is the only thing that can explain the enormous influence he exerts on New York high society. Because, following his own strict criteria, he would be the first to exclude himself from his famous list if he could see himself with his own eyes. But he shuns mirrors and burnished surfaces. He doesn't know his appearance other than what his flatterers tell him. Ward McAllister is afraid of not measuring up to his own standards and that's why he hates mirrors. (Also because as a young man he held bitter discussions with a stubborn young man who lived in his house's lobby, until he discovered that it was his own reflection in a full-length mirror.)

Spiritually speaking, he has a depth of feeling and thought close to that of a brick wall (although he does not reach such a level). Physically, he has a great resemblance to a cockroach: identical oval and crushed body, the same two long thin antennae protruding from his head ... Almost the only difference is that he walks on two legs.

The resemblance is such that Horatio Alger Jr (who dislikes cockroaches so much that he is always armed with a roach spray) almost killed Ward by spraying him with pyrethrum when he was introduced to him at a party.

Because that's another difference between Ward and a cockroach: while the cockroach has a penchant for damp and dark basements, Ward loves the luxurious and profusely lit ballrooms.

In his French aristocrat character of François de La Rochefoucauld, Squattedman has had occasion to treat this Ward McAllister. It was in one of these random meetings in a ballroom when McAllister, trying to justify his urinary incontinence at the expense of a ficus, confessed to him that he was being blackmailed by some Eskimos.

This confession, however, was interrupted by the sudden showing up of the hostess bitterly complaining that lately her ballroom’s ficus were dying for unknown reasons.

Now, however, McAllister is in an even more serious hurry: during The Four Hundred’s balls, he cannot fulfil the ceremony of roll call because his list has been stolen. As a result, high society ballrooms are filled with homeless and hookers while la crème de la crème of New York society stay on the threshold.

The Mrs. Astor herself is unable to enter her own ballroom due to lack of space. This puts McAllister in such an awkward situation that he is reluctantly forced to request the help of Squattedman through his French contact François de La Rochefoucauld.

Of course, Squattedman has more urgent matters to attend to, and only accepts the task of recovering the Four Hundred's List in exchange for a generous donation to the Children’s Aid Society, a private institution dedicated to providing housing for orphans in New York. For a man so obsessed with genealogical trees and people’s filiation like Ward McAllister (for whom orphans belong to a caste similar to that of the untouchables of India), this is a hard decision to make, but he has no choice but to agree.

But what is known about the disappearance of the list? McAllister only remembers having momentarily taken it out of his safe to strike out a certain gentleman who had dared to oppose him about the influence of top hats on the tides. Who else knew the combination of the safe apart from McAllister and the Four Hundred? No one he knew. Although he remembers that on one occasion, while returning the list to its safe after roll call, he noticed that someone was looking over his shoulder. But when he turned around, he saw no one suspicious, only his butler newly hired because of the sudden death of his lifelong butler who had suffered a tragic accident by manipulating a rope with which he was hanged.

Squattedman's instinct tell him that the new butler is involved in one way or another in the matter. But McAllister considers this assumption "crazy". In spite of everything, on the butler's day off, Squattedman secretly follows him from the air to an isolated cabin near the High Bridge at Harlem. There the butler meets with a couple of Squattedman’s old acquaintances: Gerhard and Sakarty, who have recently left prison after having served their sentence for the theft of the Pittingball diamond.

With all this, the suspicions that Squattedman harbors are increased and soon are confirmed when Sakarty shows up in McAllister's house to blackmail him: the list in exchange for the Pittingball diamond. “Couldn't it be any other diamond?” asks McAllister, who is not in possession of that particular diamond.

At this point there is a bitter dispute between the two blackmailers: Gerhard is willing to bend on this, but Sakarty is determined to get the Pittingball diamond for a sentimental issue (he is in love with it) and, being P.P. Pittingball one of The Four Hundred, he knows of the influence McAllister has on the diamond’s owner and, therefore, of his possible access to it.

Advised by Squattedman, McAllister agrees to the exchange. But getting the Pittingball diamond will take time, he warns the blackmailers, who get into another bitter dispute about that, although in the end the sentimental motivation of Sakarty prevails and they agree to wait as long as necessary.

However, McAllister is in a hurry to retrieve his list since next Thursday another ball is going to take place at The Mrs. Astor's mansion, and the homeless and hookers have already started queuing at the mansion's gates.

If Squattedman only knew where those ruffians have the list hidden! But even though he doesn't let them out of his sight, he cannot find out. He even take them on an aerial tour threatening to drop them if they do not reveal the hiding place. But they know that, in case Squattedman made good on his threat, the list would be lost forever and The Four Hundred would be replaced by pariahs. Besides, Squattedman doesn't want to jeopardize the substantial donation to the Children’s Aid Society promised by McAllister. So he soon realizes that he is backed up against the wall. The only solution is to give in to blackmail, which means stealing the Pittingball diamond. But what if he was discovered trying to steal the diamond? That would not be beneficial for his reputation. It could even be harmful. Ah, but what if the thief was not Squattedman, the  New York Superhero, but a French emigrant named François de La Rochefoucauld?

This is a non-profit blog whose purpose is to raise funds for children in need. So if you want to make a donation in exchange for this story, click on this link to UNICEF. I really appreciate it!

[itssoquietintheworldtonight]

Run Your Own Service By Reselling Wholesale Baby Garments On EBay

In order to chat concerning love as well as still create a socially appropriate metropolitan identity, artists have a tendency to carry out among the 5 successful love narrative types. No one recognizes circumstances like that, people cant handle it, so they 'll talk regarding it for life. The lady trying to offer me their most current phone set referred to a television advert. She kept me talking for around 10 mins during which time she referred me to this particular TELEVISION advert an additional 4 times, and also each time I assured her I had actually not seen it due to the fact that I don't view tv. Knitting can be gotten during the adverts and also worked at for 5 or 10 mins at once. New threads as well as trendy pattern layouts make weaving fun and quickly, and I can weaved also if I am enjoying TELEVISION, albeit an uncommon occurence for me personally! With the internet, even if you stay in a neighborhood that is small, you aren't limited to your city, and also can discover people not simply around the UK, however across the world too! After that embellish with infant pictures as well as such, after that take it to your local copy store, like Kinkos, and have them publish the page on pastel tinted paper. In some cases weve come across regional street fairs or windsurfing tournaments or a model train gallery. Weve discussed endometriosis, that which can be a cyst. So, you can have bleeding with a cyst but the majority of the moment those are uncommon circumstances. The endometriomas, if they continue, and theres continual bleeding in the abdomen and the ovary that can create adhesions. Any type of bleeding cyst can be a trouble. A maternity with a corpus luteum, the 2nd kind of functional cyst goes on to create as the baby is expanding. A lot of these, the bigger blood products, the bigger blood vessels on cysts are generally the corpus luteum cyst. Many ovary cysts in as well as of themselves are not going to be triggering an issue. However, the important thing below, is that cysts themselves, in and of themselves are not going to be a trouble or harmful issue. The nature of the event is probably mosting likely to often tend towards the feminine side; if the organizers of the celebration have a provision for this, after that welcoming men would certainly be great. Indeed, there are numerous guys and ladies that are making excellent loan making use of the internet organisation route. In this tune, the poet makes use of the affective story to acknowledge that some men "dont be comin right ", yet that he has a various perception of women than these various other men. Meant to help with the pain, meant to help me keep In this track, Master makes use of the contrasting story to share his view of what love must be. It is essential for the clothes to be completely dry prior to they are put away or used by a youngster, and also hanging the garments on childrens clothing wall mounts will assist maintain their form. Nonetheless, aspartame was allowed on 1981 for dry items and also 1983 for carbonated beverages.

free baby stuff expecting mother

People utilized to exchange products and solutions for other items and solutions prior to loan was developed, as well as some individuals still barter today to prevent making use of loan (mostly for tax reasons I am informed). A few other fantastic services are a diaper service for towel diapering mothers, or even a diaper distribution solution for disposables, as well as pay for the first 2 weeks or a month well worth of diapering products. Even the shades utilized in the textile must be organic as well as non-toxic. You may be initially drawn in by all the eye appealing shades as well as the fanciness of the clothing, but if your youngster is not going to like it, it is going to spoil. Pyjamas and bodysuits for little baby girls come in all different shades as well as styles, as well as are created all kinds of climate. One or 2 items would certainly do - a set of babies suits, a pair of shirts, a pair of pyjamas. Alternately, you can place a Tee shirts over their jammies. They will guard as well as insure any kind of money you place into an interest-bearing account and pay you probably 3% annual rate of interest on your deposit. They know that if you're satisfied with your sample, greater than most likely you be come to be a regular client as well as invest cash with them. There are actually a great deal of giveaways readily available; you just require to know exactly how to browse for them. Or search by chemical components (see listed here for some instances) as well as discover what brand names have it. Next off, you will certainly reach your search engine result web page; this is a listing of all products that fulfill your search criteria. Allow us take a peek into what makes these requirements a need to for those moms and dads looking for baby clothing. Likewise, allow your very first few roadway journeys teach you what you require to have along. There are millions of very first time mommies available that have a great deal of information to show you as well as they do not want you to be without the details. They want to have dresses with breathable textile and very easy on the body. Is this what we have pertained to, - everyone in our area sees the same adverts, the same programmes, the exact same newspaper article every single day or evening? Note: After attempting single foods, good combinations are potatoes and also carrots or carrots and also peas. And not just will I evaluate it for him, Sickness make it sound like the Elvis of foods, since Im already fairly certain that Ill enjoy a hamdog. He likewise describes his love interest as "this Ethiopian queen from Philly ", utilizing the royal characterization so usual in spiritual love stories. If you're truly strapped for cash money, after that you can most likely make do with utilizing your bed as a changing table, but if you can, this is something I very suggest. Its much better to feed child initial point in the morning, after that allow some play or remainder time in between before providing baby a bath. At a "Pamper Event," a suggestion increasingly preferred for mothers who already have several children as well as for that reason a lot of right stuff they in fact need, they could take house health facility accessories such as a loofah or bubble bathroom. A fantastic bath-themed present basket would consist of some hypo-allergenic bath items, like baby baths, baby powder, towels, and bath playthings.

The major plus is that a lot of, if not every one of these complimentary things, are provided right to the mother's house. And also, keeping that, allows obtain right to the nitty abrasive. Do you have the software you require to get going? At some time you are going to wish to move your baby, so you will need to purchase something. Unless you're planning to hang on to them for your next infant, they're simply accumulating dirt. With a few basic skills, a convenient collection of "stuff, " and just a bit of preparation and also prep work, youll be on your means! There is an area for TV in our lives as well as it desires all the fastest method of taking in information from around the globe. Taking courses abroad Below, the poet utilizes the spiritual story to define the time, area and emotions that his love was started on, talking them as if they were somehow meant to take place. Probably she thought that was her place on the planet and no-one can fault her if she did her duties to miraculous of her capacity. I as soon as had a neighbor who informed the world and it's mother she believed tidiness was next to Godliness and invested all day each day cleaning her house. It is believed that from this you truly have the option to take a look at everything before you even have to get something. Limited neck lines would certainly problem you and even the positioning of switches at weird positions would cause you troubles, so check these ahead of time. At the same time the switches and other aspects in the layout ought to be very carefully stitched. Yet Betty had the cash every time I went to prison This track even more highlights using contrasting stories to express love. This instance further illustrates making use of introductory language in conversational stories. The poet feels it is undesirable for any person to "call you out your name ", or in various other words, make use of disparaging language toward his love. A number of the child shower suggestions will work for any kind of place, inside or out. Do you want your baby to look cute or great with child garments but you don't have ideas on where to search for them? Price is a major point you would intend to consider when acquiring baby garments. It's easy, take a look at a child clothing store. Clothing care plays a large function in your child's security. Therefore, it is constantly advised that you keep the safety as well as convenience aspect in mind also when you are shopping for occasion outfits for your kid. Even when you have purchased a lacy blouse for your tiny woman, if you end up obtaining a dimension that takes place to be a little larger than her real size, she will be comfy in it. As well as, moms and dads will certainly be likely to keep buying garments to stay up to date with the alterations in the infant's growth - size, weight, length, and also form. Hence, getting garments that are somewhat larger than the actual dimension of your infants body gifts will be great as it ensures optimal comfort for the kid.

Nevertheless, these immunization processes will only make their systems solid however it doesn't offer a guarantee that bacteria can't permeate their method. So why did she act in this method? The same thing can be real with, certainly with tube pregnancies, thats why those 2 can be perplexed. Yes it holds true that baby clothes don't last long with kids expanding as rapid as they do, but caring for an infants clothes is still equally as, otherwise even more, crucial. Hip-Hop, you the love of my life which's real This flow is unique because it uses both the metaphoric and contrasting narrative methods. The presentation of Hip-Hop love stories is an extremely challenging job. And also that leads us to one of the most prominent metaphoric Hip-Hop love narrative of our time. Babies will like this dish. Thick and cosy attires will certainly keep the child warm from head to toe. Here is a listing of prominent items that has actually been looked into with several of the largest on-line merchants of baby products. Right here are several of the standard points you'll wish to have. Do you intend to offer a present to a brand-new mother without spending a whole lot of cash? They utilize it when cleaning to remove odors, soften the fabrics, as well as offer your baby and also young child garments a fresh and also a lot more natural fragrance. When you are thinking of your kids comfort, its not only about the design of the clothing youre buying it will certainly likewise be a matter of how the product rests on your children body. Think about how much you have into the product. The next time you are re-assembling your kit, make sure to add that item. I prefer to hang around with my family as well as close friends, chatting on the phone, going for lengthy strolls or dancing the evening away. With all that having been said, Ive uncovered a brand-new food that I recognize I'm mosting likely to love. Soon you'll uncover that having just a few great clothing ends up being not practical. I had a good totally free website a few years ago I checked out daily. Utilize your Roadway Experience logbook to tape everyones remarks regarding the day. This will serve no excellent as getting baby products indiscriminately will not just be waste of money but additionally wild-goose chase and also energy which you can put for some useful use. If passing by cars and truck you must constantly utilize a safety seat and comply with the producer's guidelines for suitable. If your journey restriction disappears than a one-hour car ride one means, after that look for places of passion within about 40 miles of house. Which is not a problem since much like kidneys, just like testis, women with one ovary can have equally as several babies as a woman with two ovaries and 2 tubes. Evidently it is a 2x matrix, suggesting those first 2 people you obtained to join are on your initial level. You ought to constantly have two pairs in the evening time, due to the fact that you never ever recognize when a baby is mosting likely to spit up or have a baby diaper leak that can require a complete garment adjustment.

[scrumptiouslyfreeyouth-blog]

10 Considerations For Choosing Suppliers

where to find suppliers for my business is an important element of every business. A supplier is actually a provider of good and or solutions which the business in turn resells or adds value in order to. The quality of suppliers a business possesses directly impacts or has an effect on the quality of service delivery. You have to select your supplier to the right reasons. While you could possibly have once-off suppliers from time to time, its riskier as there is no certain service level guarantee and long term commitment. Such suppliers are to be avoided as much as possible. In certain companies, procurement is only accomplished from a list of vetted registered suppliers who would have fulfilled stringent criteria and overview. It is easy to find any kind of dealer. When you put considerations along with conditions you can easily sift and choose those suppliers who match the standards and status of the organization. There is a supplier for any size and class associated with business. Not every supplier which exists is a genuine spouse to rely on and build your company on. Below are considerations as well as tips that will help you get the finest suppliers to partner with your enterprise. 1 . Supplier Capacity in addition to Reliability - In what way could be the organization you are considering as a dealer capable of meeting your needs. How much time have they been in operation? What on earth is their production capacity in addition to level of pressure they are previously under from their existing shoppers? Consider the reliability and track record the company may have. You may need to talk to other customers who have already commenced using the services of this particular supplier to get a second or third judgment. Without traceable references you will be left to assume that the actual supplier is reliable. Also consider the levels of stock how the supplier keeps at any given time. This would indicate to you whether your own personal order will be fulfilled instantaneously the next time you order. A few suppliers do not even hold stock, they only purchase from their own suppliers as soon as they get an order in which case delays are experienced which could affect how you offer services to your own clients. It is important to note that typically the reliability on lack of the idea on the part of your suppliers possesses a direct impact on the business's reliability. You cannot support your customers entirely with unreliable suppliers which you are not sure to find in the same location the next time you visit these people. Take time to cut out those who disappointed you constantly. 2 . Corporate benefit system - The value approach to a business tells you what they rely on and their general work ethic. Generally study the value systems along with choose suppliers who manage to live according to their price in real life. Values get to be the habits and character concept of the people serving you. Still some suppliers simply hang values on the wall that is certainly where it all ends. A business would rather have 3 ideals which they advocate for in addition to live by than include ten flowery values which usually remain imaginary not authentic. Are the values in any way indicating anything about the service distribution, the customer focus etc? Find a supplier who matches your current values and beliefs. The supplier who does not reduce corners in a bit to have a sale. A supplier who rather lose the buy than supply imitations purporting to be supplying originals. a few. Quality of products - Nearly all organizations thrive because they provide quality products. You may have sales team who are very jovial, along with a positive attitude, smiling all the time but if the product range you are coping with leaves a lot to be sought after in terms of quality then your services mars the business growth entirely. No one will ever wish to resell products that are not thoroughly tested. One thing most customers avoid is having to deal with the comebacks or return as this impacts with profitability and reputation. I use noticed that each time I have provided good and services to a customer and there are some concerns and comebacks, I have needed to work overtime to retain in which customer than in cases wherever I have given a product or maybe service of high quality. In such cases consumers have gone out and spoke well of my company and in turn became my noiseless sales people. 4. Credit conditions - The payment alternatives that supplier provide help them to retain and serve consumers satisfactorily. Most customers are not interested in partying with cash around the very day they obtain the goods or services. Customers require a chance to process payment and be able to improve their cash flows by these legal delays within payment. While credit terminology are attractive, some clients tend to abuse such features by over extending their credit payments. If you are picking out a supplier, always agree on realistic credit line such as 7 to help 14 days which is not too short or maybe too long. It gives a win win scenario. Realize that you also often have customers who require the same credit facility. In cases where vendors refuse to give you such phrases, then you also need to tighten your cash-flow position by ensuring that the customers pay as you give the goods. I have seen organizations collapse at the weight of getting to finance other corporations all because they simply sought orders and debtors. You rather not have the obtain if you are not getting terms including your customers are putting tension for terms. You can simply give away what you have been granted. 5. Proximity and Yardage - This is an important consideration. You could have suppliers on some other continents outside of your own. Recognize that there is a delay in cargo that occurs between the time associated with placing an order and getting the purchase into your own stock bedroom. You may need to keep contact with companies that also close just in case you run out and receive emergency orders. In you deal with your imports properly you could be able to get all your material from all other continents. In that scenario range ceases to be an issue. Outstanding however of dealing with scaled-down local suppliers is that you have got a backup plan and in the event of returns, it is an much easier process to get product returning to the supplier without enormous transportation costs 6. Cut-throat Pricing - Businesses plan to be profitable. After all, the reason why businesses exist is to make a sound consistent profit for the benefit for the investor and all stakeholders. One way to increase on earnings is to ensure that you do not thoroughly purchase your inputs by expensive suppliers. Having registered suppliers and also a consistent romantic relationship with existing suppliers makes it possible for the customer to leverage on pricing. They can negotiate regarding bulk purchase discounts. For most companies, even after selecting a pool area of suppliers to deal with each locally and abroad, there is also a policy for procurement staff to get 3 quotations for the same product from different providers. The $5 difference in cost does make a difference in your costs of the same product. The goal is to ensure they find the best pricing possible so that it will forward the same benefit for the end user. 7. Warranty Troubles - It is one thing to supply a product and it is a totally several ball game to ensure that there is appropriate warranty on it. Make it clear because you purchase the product that you want extended warranty card or certificate. You may only give warranty to your clients based on the warranty given to you by the supplier. This is when paying attention to detail is best. You must be able to return the merchandise if it fails to deliver exactly what the manufacturer claims to be the suitable life and performance capacity. Often the warranty must not be assumed but be in writing. If you have bought in the local channel, it is easier to process your warranty compared to situations where you go to option channels or markets. I had fashioned a rude awakening after when I established a company in United States of America while in operation in Zimbabwe. It took days and nights for the huge machine to get to my office. The machine seemed to be delivered to the client immediately. Immediately after two weeks the huge machine failed and had to come back to the office. Because I had not really bought the machine through the set up channels, I had to deliver the machine back to America. The price tag on shipping alone equated to the profit I had received 2-3 weeks earlier. It is not worth it; relatively focus on a channel in which honors international warranty. 7. After Sales Support rapid Depending on the nature of product or service you intend to be procuring from your supplier, you need to establish what goes on in the event that they have sold you the items and you now will need support and technical aid. Always assess the capacity to support you after the sale has been performed. Likewise you also need to develop or hire skills to ensure they give the first level of support and maintenance of the equipment you are providing. 9. Up to date Product Range - How up to date is the product range that your supplier is offering you. There are always new products becoming developed daily if your supplier sticks to the old array, soon enough your company will be that is abandoned. Technology advancements have ascertained that new releases of better, faster, more efficient and cost-effective products come on the market. Often the goal is to make modern-day products available to the market from competitive pricing. This is authorized as companies invest in analysis to ensure they make the same items if not better at a lower cost at all times. Sometimes it is good to partner with a supplier who has the broader range of choices when compared with where one range is marketed. The broader the product range the more the choice you have available for you to yourself to choose from. 10. Reduce Lead times - methods efficiency - When choosing vendors you have to consider how much longer you normally have to wait for ones order or for inquiries to be responded to. Some firms grow to levels exactly where they can no longer give personal promises to customers and also stick by them. You are left unsure about regardless of whether upon placement of an obtain you will get it instantly, soon after 3 days or 15 days. Your own customers usually determine the lead times they require from you. In the event that you are suffering from delays in your service, try to communicate with the customer as much as possible to ensure that lead time issues never affect their loyalty in your services. Partner with suppliers that have efficient systems. I usually receive annoyed when I have to wait for 20 minutes as the bureaucracy in a company is laid out. All I want in most cases is to pay, get a product with my receipt or account. If the supplier's internal processes are that you