#something something ppl notice when i dont talk ta others and put me on the spot

[spaciebabie]

okay i was gonna make a long winded post abt how being autistic and aplatonic fucks up any semblence of connectedness i am able ta feel w/my fellow humans but i got tired so let me just shorten it ta say:

when u dont feel motiv for friend make and u bad at making frend as well life! is hell at times. blah blah blah i feel abnormal all the time something something i am aware i do not socialize "normally" like others and it makes me self concious. blah blah blah sometimes i wish i could feel how alloplatonics feel. end post.

[fapper]

full story of what happened in office hours 2 days ago and how i accidentally rizzed up the TA who is also my crush

*note: FAAM stands for "fine ass asian man" who is like, an acquaintance of mine idk

okay mind you this happened only 2 days ago bruh. okay buckle up cuz i cant stop thinking abt it 😭 so me and FAAM went to this review session for our midterm that was wednessday (i got a 75% btw) anddd i only went bc my crush who is also the TA was going to be teaching. soooo i came into the room and mans was sitting in the front so he didnt notice me, but later on he got to the blackboard and started yk teaching shit, and i made sure i was consistently looking at him to see if he'll look at me anddd i think he did like 3 times. not that many tbh anyways after review session we had office hours in a differrent room, so me and FAAM immediately head to office hours, and they have this annoying queueing system and there were A LOTTT of ppl in offce hrs that night, the room was full and there were only 4 TA's, and i only had my eyes on one guy HAHAHA ok so i mind u office hrs was from 6 - 8pm. i couldnt get help from him and i was waiting and waiting and waiting and me and FAAM kept talking abt him while he was in the room omfg 😭 FAAM was like 'wait so its him?' and he proceeded to point to the wrong TA and i was like, bruh FUCK no ITS NOT HIM DUMBASS like i think our behavior was hella obvious in hindsight bc we were literally talking abt him in front of himmmm bro 😭 FAAM was like 'you should go talk to him' BRO STFU YOU KNOW IM NOT! and i was likeeee 'what do u think of 'eagle' for my nickname for him?' (cuz he had a really big hairdo and it reminded me of wings ok) and FAAM was laughing and we were just kikiing like 2 old bithces bruh.

okay so it was 7:50pm. and at this point i was waiting for my turn to get help so i was literally on TIKTOK bored as shittt 😭. and i feel my crush stand up from his seat and slowly walk to stand behind me... and i was thinking 'aint no way' and then he says 'y/n?' (OKAY FIRST OF ALL HOW DO U REMEMBER MY NAME) and i was surprised at first so i jumped a little and he said 'sorry! 😭' and FAAM immediately says 'do you need a seat?' to the TA cuz we were sitting together and the TA goes 'noo its fine hahaha' but i told FAAM to be a wingman so he was insisting on it and so FAAM moves to the next chair and my crush sits next to me to help me. ight so boom

so immediately i start asking him questions and he was explaining hit to me and i couldnt focus fr. FAAM and i kept making glances at each other and every time we looked at each other we smiled real hard meanwhile the TA probably noticed all that shit HELPPPP I JUST KNOW MY CRUSH NOTICED ALL THE EXCHANGED SMILES ME AND FAAM HAD LIKE U COULD JUST TELL WHAT WAS GOING ON OKKKK!!! at one point when FAAM and i made eye contact and smiled i literally stoppped typing whatever he said and lost my train of thought bc i was trying not to laugh sooo hard bruh. meanwhile the TA is witnessing all this shit happen in front of him rn bruh (the TA was sittin between us 😭) so i notice my crush was starting to struggle in answering the question/ explaining shit so he started looking into the distance to think, and every time he got quiet i would look at his face and just look at him reallll good lmfaoooo omfg i kept looking back at his face while sitting next to him bruh. and one time when i looked at him, he smiled and closed his eyes and looked down like DAMN ARE YOU FR HAVING THIS REACTION TO ME LOOKING AT U RN? OMGGG so immediately i was like. ight he wants me. andddd lo and behold. my crush gives up and puts his laptop on our table and says "okay so im just gonna show you the solution dont tell anyone haha" *nervous laugh* meanwhile everyone in the class heard him and they look at our direction 😭 so me and FAAM laugh at this and when i looked back at the TA his face was literally PINK broooo.... im not fucking kidding he was blushign or something. and so as i was taking a pic i jokingly said "bro is about to get fired" and he was like no its fine and laughed it off. also hes just generally a nice guy like i had CHATGPT open in one tab and i said 'ohhh sorry not me having chatgpt open rn' and i closed the tab and the TA noticed and laughed and i said 'women in stem' and he laughed and said 'no yeah exactly' (i made the same joke the last time in office hours with him, he said 'i believe you' when i hinted that the hw answer i had was NOT INDEED MINE LOL) so i guess u could say i have that joker rizz the way he supports me and laughs at my jokes bruh. anyways after that i was like. 'thank you! *makes thumbs up gesture with both my hands* and he stands up and says something bla bla and i say thank you again and he makes the same thumbs up gesture with both his hands and turns around to help the next person.

bruh moment

do yall think he wants me? it was definitely not his normal or usual behavior, *this is random but his voice is so nice* and i feel like i made it really obvious that i liked him by joking with FAAM.

[insidemyinvisibilitycloak-blog]

SHAWN MENDES WORLD TOUR MANILA | MARCH 18, 2017

(PS: I wrote this the night when i got home after Shawn’s concert. English kasi tnype ko sa notes ng iphone ng nanay ko predict ng predict kairita kaya inenglish ko na hahaha pero inedit ko pa bago ko ipost sa ayun haha)

We arrived at the venue around 2:00pm thanks to pat and his Kuya hehe anyway we changed out clothes inside moa and then we totes forgot to withdraw. My sister was so agitated about it bc they were slowly letting us in

When we got inside we waited for about 1-1/2 hrs I guess and there's this man that shawns representative was talking to and was asking if there are any gifts for Shawn. I figured I wouldn't have the chance to do so I gave mine (Gryffindor notebook/journal and I wrote something on it!! TOO BAD I DIDNT TAKE A PICTURE) but then I forgot that there's a sign there that I wrote so I ran to the security and got the sign (thank God bc that sign is so important in the next scenes lol) anyway

So we lined up in a hallway and there's a sign with meet and greet in the nearest door. I was so excited but it didn't really sink in until we were so close and then we realize that everything went by so fast... then my turn came and I couldn't feel anything (manhid as in!!) even my stomach fingers lips idk tas ayun.. anyway the security was friendly and asked me if I was ready I said yeah and he said r u nervous and that's when I felt the numbing feeling then he let me in and said 'say hi to Shawn' Shawn said hi then I said 'omygosh hi Shawn' then I gave him a hug I swear omygosh I love it I hugged him tight, I can still remember that part well. I wrapped him in a hug!!! I can still remember the first time I saw his face, he was looking right at me too T.T then we proceeded to a normal pic (he put his arms on my shoulder i cant remember well but i just smiled and i think my hand was in his stomach but i cant remember feeling his abs lol) and then they motioned me to the exit. Well I manage to turn around and say “hope you'll enjoy the show later” and I can't really remmber if he replied or anything and I'm not sure but I think I was holding his hand that time then I turned to go. I was in shock and still a little numb when I went out and I was so disappointed at first bc I was expecting to have a conversation with him which didn't happen. My sis and I went on to get our signed posters and lanyard. Then we went out of where the m&g happened and I could hear convos where they said it was too fast for them too. My sister went to the ATM machine upstairs cause she was still fussing about merch then she went on to and buy them and I waited for her. Soon enough sound check started.

He first sang the weight which was one of my fave songs. There was someone who shouted 'pukingina mo' we all laughed and Shawn laughed too bc he didn't know what that meant hahaha. He kindaaa looked at me that time and I remembered the sign I wrote, which says 'can I have a guitar pick' idk which song he first noticed it but I'm not sure he'll give it to me and then there's this one Indian girl who's pushing and trying to come in between me and my sis so I fought back (pushed her with my arms) and she was the one who got mad. The indian girl kept on ranting “wtf r u doing?” I said “IM WITH MY SISTER” She said, “Then go with your fucking sister” then i can still hear her “I hate ppl who push blabla” anyway my sister said we should switch places bc she was nearer so Shawn would see my sign and then during stitches he looked straight at me and at the sign then I even gave him a flying kiss while singing along with stitches and I'm so happy coz he was smiling, while singing and while looking at me. When he finished sound check he went down and gave his pick to someone(Idk who that was). Then he took the other pick he used that was on the floor already (I think thats the first pick he used coz it was at the floor of the stage and he puts his picks on his lap if he’s no using it) and motioned to give it to our part so I extended my hand. There were people trying to get it but he made sure I'll get it so basically I touched his hand again and he LITERALLY GAVE ME his pick. (PS: DONT U EVER FORGET WHAT THAT LOOKED LIKE ANA, DONT U PLEASE) Idk what I said after that if I said thank u or I love you idk. Anw so my sis and I hugged and jumped up and down and I was so happy. By the way I shouted a lot of 'I love you Shawn' whenever the room was quiet. Pretty sure he heard it.

The show came and it was surreal and it was a sweet and a gentle show. I hope he enjoyed the crowd like how I enjoyed seeing and hearing him play. It was really fast and I didn't know it was about to finish already too lol hahaha then I can see his smile and everything and I knew he was at least happy. The first part with something big and the weight he was looking at our part too well I don't want to assume but he was looking at me hahaha. Anyway I sang a lot but I could've sang more I guess hahaha (cause my faves are from handrwritten) just a bit sad that he sang more illuminate than handwritten but I'm still so thankful!! Shawn is one of the best! OMG OMG his face lights up when he sings and I hope he enjoyed the crowd cause we were all singing!! And Im pretty sure he was happy bc of it too haha then there was one time after a song, not sure if it was Mercy.. He looked at someone from the band and he put his tongue out saying like “I messed up” cause his voice cracked on one of the higher notes but i dont care he’s adorbs and great!! Hope he'll tweet smething bout Manila. I'm still hoping he'll get my gift but anyway stitches and never be alone are my new anthem (not really new but theyre my totes pcd anthem) damn anyway I thought I heard him say mahal ko kayo but not sure then he headed straight to his hotel immediately.

BTW WE’RE STILL WAITING FOR THEM TO POST OUR PICS OMYGOSH

I cant believe i actually met him and had a moment with just the two of us, i got to hug him... then he really gave me his pick. TO ME!!! TO ME OMG THEN HE SANG STITCHES TO ME DAMN SHAWN U MY MAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH COME BACK REAL SOON MISS NA KITA AGAD GEGU TAPOS ANG TAGAL NUN TALAGA AS IN MAGKATITIGAN KAMI HABANG NAKANGITI SYA POGI NYA BES

PPS: Greedy ako sa pics kaya konti lang ippost ko kasi baka may kumuha lol bye

MOA ARENA CONCERT GROUNDS - MARCH 18, 2017

[spaciebabie]

PLEASE tell me about your oc lore that comic was SO INTERESTING I'm on my hands and knees begging for more pls

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK I LOVE TALKING ABT MY OCS SM

I HADTA GET MY NOTES OUT FOR THIS ONE!

RANT UNDER READ MORE CUZ IT CONTAINS SPOILERS (EVEN THO IM PURPOSFULLY VAGUE) AND ITS ALSO A LOT

my GOD katherine quin- MY TRAGIC PROTAGONIST BABY WHO FEELS LIKE SHE ALWAYS HAS TA DO SOMTHIN ABT THE SITUATION EVEN THO SHE'S JUST A KID

i LOVE slow burns so everything in the story takes a moment ta kick off. you have katherine, "curiosity killed the kat" quin n her perfect parents, perfect friends n perfect life. everything is good. she's a kookie middleschooler abt ta go ta highschool, she's president of the history club, she's designated as the LEADER of the rexica manor field trip b/c of how dedicated she is ta learning abt their history.

she goes on the trip! it goes great, stupendous even! she comes home!! her parents are unreasonably upset for no reason b/c of a specifc thing that happens that i dont wanna spoil EERURUERUGUEGUEUGR

and she ends up learning a horrible truth. she's like, "i feel like we should do something now, with this thing i aquired maybe i can do something." n ppl keep telling her ta, "leave it ta the adults" "what are you even going ta do?", "everything is already in motion you just hafta wait till it all falls inta place" but-

FROM HER POV THE ADULTS HAVE BEEN STAGNANT, AWARE OF THE PROBLEM FOR 20+ YEARS N HAVENT BEEN DOING ANYTHING (spoilers? this is the incorrect mindset)

so she goes n does something STUPID. she directly puts herself in harms way, she puts herself in the forefront of the action b/c she thinks she can do somthing and the adults are forced ta acknowledge her b/c of this. they're forced ta include her even though they dont want to. again another child has decided that they want ta b involved in an ADULT MATTER and the only way they can make sure she n the other dumb kids stay alive is ta involve them so that they can watch over them.

time passes, a new character joins the fray. a deranged lunatic who will stop at nothing ta get what they want. they fucking flip the WHOLE WELL PLANNED OUT OPERATION THAT HAS BEEN IN THE WORKS FOR 20+ YEARS ON ITS HEAD AND KAT TURNS INTA A DIRECT TARGET.

people are hunting her. they want her dead. the police are aligned w/a new corrupt government that are after the thing she has designated herself ta protect (notice how i said, "herself" THE ADULTS DO NOT WANT HER TA PROTECT THIS THING) she's a fugative. she's an outlaw. she's protecting something the public percieves as dangerous, but she knows its not. her parents cant help her, n while she does have adults there ta aid her its obvi not the same. she misses her parents so much, she's stressed trying not ta get caught n die, having ta move from place ta place b/c of the threat of being recognized n the constant raids on the places she's at. i think that her birthday falls w/in this timeframe so like,,,,imagine trying ta celebrate your sweet 16 when your government is actively out hunting you.

AWFUL ANGSTY JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT

I HAVE HAD THIS WHOLE STORY PLANNED OUT SINCE I WAS 14 OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE THIS ARC!! ITS THE ANGSTIEST ARC OF THEM ALL AND AFTERWARDS THE CHARACTERS HAFTA SPEND THE NEXT ARC HEALING FROM THIS HORRIBLE THING WHILE DANGER STILL LOOMS IN THE DISTANCE.

THEY'RE IRREPERABLY SCARRED. PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, KAT IS NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO SUFFERS FROM THIS!

and the best part of it is that some of it is her fault