#making me extremely uncomfy

[spaciebabie]

okay i was gonna make a long winded post abt how being autistic and aplatonic fucks up any semblence of connectedness i am able ta feel w/my fellow humans but i got tired so let me just shorten it ta say:

when u dont feel motiv for friend make and u bad at making frend as well life! is hell at times. blah blah blah i feel abnormal all the time something something i am aware i do not socialize "normally" like others and it makes me self concious. blah blah blah sometimes i wish i could feel how alloplatonics feel. end post.

[loaflovesdoodling]

TW: HEAVY GORE, IMPLIED BONE INJURY, ANGST AND BLOOD UNDER CUT

Pleiades pleaded, as the Dollmaker's dagger dug deeper and deeper into his back, cutting right through his yellowish-colored flesh, golden blood spewing out, he had no way of fighting back, and stabs to the pancreas wouldn't have been enough to shut his cries up anymore.

His spine, she aimed at his spine. She tried to break it using her sharp blade, so she could easily rip it out of his body, leaving him absolutely motionless. She didn't care if he'd heal, like he always does, somehow; all she wanted in that moment was to make him suffer.

The warrior could feel costant hits on his vertebrae, like a hammer on a nail, it was terrifying, disturbing. painful.

His wails completely for naught. he felt a horrifying snap, followed by atrocious pain. His consciousness started fading away. All he could do... was look back.....

...and scream his heart out.

Dollmaker belongs to @ilikesillythingswooo

[nonbinaryaubrey]

ok. im going to say this real quick. i hope it doesnt come across as an odd thing to be uncomfy with. and id also like to say, if youve sent me these kind of asks in the past before, im not mad or anything at all.

anyways.. PLEASE. dont send me (and other accounts) asks just asking things like "hi can we be friends?", esp if we have not talked ONCE prior. please. it makes mee.. wildly uncomfortable. please, if you want to be friends or something like that, or whatever, idk. just try talking to me like a person? please?

[extreme-internal-screams]

You know, being in the closet again for this pride month has been an experience. Like, yay I'm pan, but also like, it's still not the brightest for me. It's like I stepped out from a darker closet into one that gets some natural sunlight coming from a window. Idk if that makes sense, but yeah.

I don't think I'm ready to be out just yet, but one thing I can do to celebrate is get myself a gift. So here we are. My gift to myself is acceptance of myself:

So hi! I'm Lacus! And of course...

I am trans! Demiboy if you wanna be specific, but subject to change. He/they pronouns, and I'm pre everything atm. All I have is a chest-flat-inator.

Gonna keep this blog specific lgbtq+ related and use it to help understand myself further :p

[prozac-shaped-urn]

oy vey. introvert rant incoming.

went to a going away party today for my neighbor and friend becky and i had war flashbacks to hacks 107 with dj's birthday/engagement party and boy son i was not ready for that......

turned out that becky is in fact moving, but this was an opportunity to surprise her friends about her recent engagement. which like.... that's fine. it's reasonable, but good GOD one of her friends just straight up starting crying like actually falling to pieces in front of my literal salad and i just couldn't deal with that so i starting doing some work on my phone so i could dissociate from the ridiculous display in front of me. i can't stand women who cry at nothing. like what is so moving that you'll cry for no reason? i've never in my life cried for no reason. i hardly ever cry to begin with. i get it, we all have hormones n shit, but for fuck's sake CALM DOWN!!!!! (maybe also the fact i've never been in love or been in a relationship or have many friends at all might contribute to my confusion and blasé reaction but make it make sense. i do not understand.)

moving on.

so at the beginning of this little party i was fine. like it was okay to be around new people because there were only two people there who i didn't know and then more started showing up and i felt myself turtle instantly. i shut down and folded into myself. just completely cut myself off from the group because this is something i've always done when confronted with a bunch of people i don't know. i get extremely quiet and reserved and distanced. i'm not sure if it's a defense mechanism from being mocked and outcast in school or what, but it's a go-to in stressful situations (groups of people is a stressful situation for me) and makes for awkward company, which i'm apologetic for but i'm also not about to change it. honestly i'd much prefer being around one person and one person only for future company. i dunno about a life partner or whatever but i'd be happy with a confidante. or like,,,, a neighbor. someone i know i can have irl to keep in touch with and offer support to. bestie lives in utah. we also wouldn't spend a lot of time together if we did live in the same city, so that arrangement wouldn't work lmao

anyhooters. i hate parties, i can't stand overly emotional women, i can make some damn good mango salsa and i need some solid rest. i'm still very tired from this week and my clit is still misbehaving at odd times. whatever. it'll fix itself eventually.

[satoruswaifu]

been more inactive now because i was triggered on the dash a few days back ehe,,, i don’t want to sound rude or “selfish,” but i would really appreciate it if moots who don’t use share tags could use my catch-all tag “sera don’t look” when reblogging self ship art with g/ojo… i unfortunately don’t have everyone blocked who ships with him, since i don’t actively search for these blogs (･_･;

[dustofthedailylife]

Genuine question because what I found online is conflicting and I just don't know what people mean by it anymore.

What does "pro-ship" actually mean?

Some define it as: "One who supports a specific ship or shipping in general." While others define it as: "One who supports a ship or shipping deemed problematic (e.g., due to incest, age differences, abusive dynamics, etc.), and/or believes in the freedom to create and consume fanworks with such elements."

Which one is it?? Are they interchangeable definitions, how am I supposed to know what is meant? /gen 💀

Help this lost girl over here out because... I am confusion.

[dungeonbf]

not to be mean or a hater cuz like obviously people are allowed to share f/os, it happens, but a selfshipper reblogged my post about anti-centrism’s sweat 😭😭 my personal post 😭😭 yeah i blocked them

[carbonateddelusion]

you should totally go follow my art-only blog (@carbonatedmalice ) if you're over 16 and don't mind more raunchy jokes/suggestive imagery btw. sometimes I post stuff there that I don't post here that fit under those categories (like pinups. and also a lot of Isaac and Jack because I think they're very handsum)

also it's all of my art without all of the other random posts I have!

[lith-myathar]

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[thanksfortheflaglove]

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[sri-rachaa]

im horrible at social situations omg

alternative title: raes overthinking hours

[troubled-doorman]

Uzi did you fucking die??

( If you mean me the mod- No, shockingly. just had the worst week of my entire life prior to wisdom teeth removal. )

[jackalhadrurusluvr]

i did lots of laundry today and i am changing my sheets and i would like a little bit of gentleness from the universe

[yumenosakiacademy]

gum was previously my way of trying 2 eat less (even if it only worked Sometimes) but bc tht was likely part of the reason 4 my massive toothaches (via encouraging teeth clenching n stuff) tht means i cant rly use tht method anymore n ive been bingeeating a LOT 2 much recently n hav gotten like, FAT fat now n im fucking disgusted in myself but i dont kno what 2 do bc the hairtie wrist method doesnt work bc i jus fidget so hard w the tie tht it ends up off my wrist n sheer willpower of trying 2 resist cravings n eat in moderation ALSO doesnt work bc i dont hav a sense of self-restraint bc im obsessive. im stuck n jus getting worse n worse orz

[comicaurora]

Hey, sorry if you’ve been asked this before, but I have ADHD and I’ve been following your comic for years and just now have started to write my own comic (partially because you really inspired me). But I’m really struggling with staying on the project even when it’s boring and getting myself to work on it in the first place. Do you have any tips on how to keep your brain invested or just to make yourself do the work at all?

I have excellent news, I literally just figured out something really important about this.

So when you're an ADHD kiddo or otherwise have difficulty staying on task in a structured environment where Task is the Priority, the main way people try to MAKE you stay on task is by removing your access to anything that is not The Task. No phone, no TV, no doodling, no going outside, etc. In practice, this just makes us miserable because it takes the boredom that's always simmering around a 2 or 3 and cranks it all the way up to 11. In the same way that you would have difficulty staying on task if you were in physical pain, this crushing existential monotony makes it very difficult to work. The work might get done simply because you have no other options, but it will not be done quickly or well, and it will take a while to recover from how much it hurt.

What I realized earlier this week is I caught myself doing this to myself. I had 42 pages of background colors to do, and I thought to myself "this sounds really tedious, but I suppose I have nothing better I can do." And I realized what I'd just thought, and got very alarmed.

Because back when I was an ADHD kiddo imprisoned by school scheduling and a million little factors that keep children immobile and restrained, I couldn't stop thinking about how big and exciting the world was, and how much I wanted to be anywhere but here. When I was feeling really crushed in I'd pick a random spot on the maps on my wall and just imagine being there instead of my bedroom. This was the impetus behind almost all of my creative energy. I've said it before - anything is a prison if you can't leave, and being in a prison makes it easy to imagine how amazing things could be outside of it. Aurora's initial worldbuilding was forged in the crucible of fifth grade misery. My enthusiasm for art and my creative drive are inextricable from my sense of wonder and yearning for excitement in the real world. Not escapism, but appreciation. Wonders unimaginable are out there, and I gain just as much joy seeking them out as I do conjuring them up in my head and sharing them with all of you.

So now that I'm a grown-up with actual freedom in every way I've been able to get, the idea that I was staying on task by making myself believe the world was small and not worth seeing was extremely alarming. It could keep me on task for an afternoon, but at the cost of slowly extinguishing the thing that made me want to make art in the first place - the hunger to experience and draw inspiration from all the myriad complexities in the world.

So what I've been doing is I've been purposefully and intentionally taking excursions whenever I catch myself thinking "I could take a break but it wouldn't be worth it, it's the same outdoors as always, I'll be uncomfy and unproductive and tired." Because that is never true. Every time I've put down the stylus and gone out, I've been renewed in one way or another, and when I come back to comfort fully recharged I get a lot of shit done. Because it is easier to work on anything if you remember why you wanted to make it in the first place, and it is self-defeating misery to just lock yourself in with it and tell yourself you're a bad person if you can't get it done.

I honestly don't know how widely applicable this is. I have worse wanderlust than anyone I know, so for me this has always been modeled as imprisonment vs freedom. I've also been extremely lucky to find myself in a profession that lets me set my own pace on literally everything I do. But I genuinely believe that when it comes to making art with ADHD, you need to give yourself freedom to move laterally, not just in the direction of obvious forward progress. We don't think linearly in any other part of our lives - art is no different.