#the way i imagine their 20 years in troll village is that one meme where its the two different nothing in life matters pics

[ryssbelle]

Thought of this while at work, sorry it's a bit hard to read I sketched it out really fast before my last shift lmao wanted to get it done so I could work on other stuff hehe

If it's any consultation Floyd is mostly talking about himself

[swoodthis]

50 Headcanons: the Happy Mask Salesman

1. The Happy Mask Salesman is benevolent. This one comes first, for obvious reasons. 2. He is the last living Ancient One. 3. The Ancient Ones were not always an empire of magically-genetically-engineered people, but they were demonized for the actions of their last few kings. 4. Majora was their greatest and most terrible emperor. 5. The Ancients had a rigid caste system of 3 groups of 13 subcastes. Ironically, the Salesman is of the 23rd caste, son of a household servant and a scribal clerk. 6. The Salesman took the soul mask of Terminus, Termina's equivalent to Hylia, from the temple as the Imperial City was being destroyed by the Forces of Light to try to save his dying sister and his playground friends. So he's Termina's Zelda as well as Termina's Link. 7. The Clock Tower is sacred to Terminus. It was also built by pre-imperial Ancient Ones, but that tends to be glossed over in favor of jingoism. 8. The Salesman was ten when he became the avatar of Terminus, and never aged. His true form... is a child. This is why he can traverse the Lost Woods so easily. 9. ...Except when he got nearly killed by Light spirits due to the warping timelines in OoT. And Majora's Mask's warded box's wards started to fail. He was trying to renew the wards when a Skull Kid showed up... and due to Majora's influence the rest is history. 10. The Salesman took Majora's Mask in the first place because the post-imperial and defected Ancients sealed it inside a warded tomb. When the Ancients were wiped out, the wards could not be maintained properly, and our tiny wizard took it upon himself to take the Mask to try to find a way to destroy it. Imagine if Frodo had no idea what Mount Doom looked like, where it would be, or if there even WAS a Mount Doom in the first place... 11. The Salesman rescues Link when he runs out of time. 12. The Salesman met Mynos when Mynos was nine. He had escaped from Fierce Deity cultists and was half-starved, injured, and had stumbled into Kakariko Village, where little Mynos convinced his family to take care of him. They've been friends ever since. 13. The Salesman as you see him is about 40% clothes. 14. Like all Ancient Ones, the HMS has vaguely feline behavioral qualities, but while Majora is reminiscent of a snarling, psychotic tiger, the Salesman is more of a playful, cuddly little kitty. 15. The Salesman went to the astral realm of Koholint to get his current form. 16. And he also had his name erased. Like a cross between the reasons of L and the Doctor. 17. Speaking of whom, the Salesman is a friend of multiple Doctors. Occasionally the Happy Mask Shop is covered with TARDISes. 18. The HMS lives in Smashville, thanks to Master Hand and Crazy Hand. 19. Much like in ancient Rome, it was a capital offense for anyone not of the upper castes to wear purple. Having your culture overthrown has its upsides if you have an illegal favorite color. 20. The HMS collects anything old/historic/magic/cool/shiny... Though, granted, destruction of art and history has been a very real problem for him, so... 21. The HMS has a mechanical horse. His name is Brass. 22. The Salesman loves eating anything sweet... or weird. I mean, what else do you do with all that leftover demon flesh when you're out hunting? Mmm, sinfully delicious. 23. He does this so much that he wrote a wizard cookbook called Chicken Soul for the Soup. 24. In case you haven't noticed, the Salesman is a bit crazy. 25. His glitchy movements are an illusion put in place around himself so he can have a head start against anything trying to kill him. 26. The Salesman is asexual and aromantic. 27. He named his giant piano Elouise. 28. He is the trolling champion of the multiverse. 29. He taught Defense Against the Dark Arts at Victorian-era Hogwarts under the name Hieronymous Nemo. 30. His infamous, often-creepypasta-ized temper is only present with too much stress or not enough sleep/cake. But the Salesman will often go for long periods of time without sleep... 31. As a result, there is a "Designated Defenestration Area" next to his shop. It's so nobody gets hit when he throws a jammed blender out the window. He also has some very Mythbusters-worthy methods for appliance vengeance. 32. The Salesman is actually good friends with the Skull Kid, much to the Skull Kid's surprise. 33. The Salesman's ears move a lot. 34. He makes 'dad jokes' that are actually funny. 35. People will often go to the Happy Mask Shop with grave misconceptions about magic and paranormal hunting, and end up telling the Salesman that what he does is blasphemous. After a bit of awesome you-got-rekt comebacks after his science-magic explanations, they leave, and are sent on their way with "Have a nice day, hail, Satan!" See headcanon 28. 36. The Salesman loves memes, Youtube Poop videos, and other things such as Gifs With Sound. 37. His taste in music is very eclectic, and he surprisingly likes crazy rave music, a few rap artists and he LOVES heavy metal. He will often jump around blaring Judas Priest like a caricature of an 80's teenager. 38. Watching a horror movie with the Salesman quickly turns into an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. He will point out stupid things and mosconceptions, and once you've heard his witty commentary, you can never take the movie seriously again. The same goes for badly-done action, drama, and romance. 39. The Salesman is quite talkative usually, often going off on weird, magic/history/trivia-related tangents. 40. The Salesman can sometimes be seen having tea with the Lutece twins (Bioshock Infinite) and the G-man (Half-Life 2) 41. The Salesman will act as a protective mentor or father figure to anyone younger than him... which is to say, everyone. 42. There is a scale of Salesman laughter, from 'vaguely amused' to 'maniacally cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West on speed'. 43. He would be voiced by Richard Horvitz. 44. The Salesman's collar thing is actually an adamantine gorget. 45. The Salesman will often discuss morbid or esoteric topics hilariously casually. 46. He has been writing to Akira Himekawa, writer of the Majora's Mask manga, and Jadusable, writer of the BEN Drowned creepypasta for years asking for a formal apology. 47. 'Fetish' originally meant a magical object or totem of some kind. This means that Link and others had to give the Salesman the "gay means homosexual now, grandma" talk. 48. The Salesman's basement looks like Merlin, a witch doctor, Sherlock Holmes, a steampunk inventor, Leonardo da Vinci, and Willy Wonka decided to pool together all of their worldly possessions. 49. Magical beings like genies, familiars, and fairies will use the Happy Mask Shop as an employment agency. 50. The Salesman will often push himself too far. When he's hurt or tired, he tries to protest at friends helping him to try to reassure them... but inside he LOVES being hugged, cuddled, and generally cared for. Awwww!