#the way i see it is less like gordon and benrey are both actively talking to each other and more like berdey's trains of thought

[hlvrai-stuck-together]

Oh! This I can help with. Trying to communicate with other people in your mind results in zoning out, haha. Were you two talking about anything?

Oh, I don't remember.

It's quieter now, so I think I can try to explain this...? It's less like Gordon and Benrey are fighting with each other and more like... emotional.

Like. Uh. I feel what they feel. But I don't think I can hear them talking...?

...Maybe?

I'm still not sure. But we'll figure it out.

[queenofcats17]

The Birthday Boy

So, I haven’t done a Tommy-focused fic for @hlvrai-twh. And I’m gonna do that now!

I'm guessing on a lot of the G stuff, so I might be proven wrong later in the blog.

Once again, here is the AO3 series.

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Tommy had felt pretty bad about how Benrey had been treated during the game, and he’d fully intended to find Benrey after his birthday party to apologize for what had happened. Benrey was his friend, after all, and Tommy certainly hadn’t enjoyed having to fight his oldest friend. He could understand why Benrey had been the bad guy, what with the cutting off of Gordon’s arm and continuing to be antagonistic, but Gordon certainly hadn’t helped the situation by lashing out at Benrey. Plus, Benrey just didn’t really...get how humans worked. Gordon didn’t know that, though. From Gordon’s perspective, Benrey no doubt seemed incredibly cruel and callous.

The point was, they both had valid grievances, and Tommy hoped maybe if he could get them both to see that, they could all be friends again. Normally he wasn’t the biggest fan of having to moderate conflict, but he knew how stubborn both Benrey and Gordon could be and figured the interaction would benefit from his mediation. They both liked him, after all. They both trusted him. They would listen to what he had to say. He was sure they could talk this out and everything would be fine.

Then the swap had happened and the game reset.

And Tommy forgot everything.

At first, everything was alright. Or, as alright as things could be when he was trapped in a twisted version of his workplace. He was trapped and terrified, but at least he wasn’t alone. He had Gordon and there weren’t any monsters actively threatening to kill him at every turn. Although he didn’t remember the first run, he did feel a strange sense of relief every time he turned a corner and there wasn’t a hoard of enemies ready to jump out at him. He hadn’t even really needed the pipe he’d picked up to defend himself.

Things didn’t stay alright, though.

For starters, the man he thought was Gordon ended up losing an arm. That had terrified Tommy, as he hadn’t been sure what would happen to “Gordon”. They didn’t have access to any proper first aid kits. What if “Gordon” got an infection? What if he ended up losing too much blood? Tommy had been so scared that he was about to lose his friend. It had been such a relief when “Gordon” had eventually woken up again.

Reuniting with Coomer had been a slightly stressful experience as well, not just because Tommy had been dealing with an injured friend. Seeing Coomer had filled him with a sense of impending dread, the likes of which he’d never felt before. At the time, he hadn’t understood why he’d felt that way. He should have been happy to see Coomer. Doctor Coomer was his friend! But he hadn’t been happy. He’d been afraid, sure something bad was coming.

Perhaps that dread had come from the unconscious knowledge that this was all wrong. That they had done this dance before to a different song.  Maybe he’d known, somehow, that the man with him wasn’t truly Gordon Freeman, and that Coomer did not consider this “Gordon” an ally. That knowledge surely brought up associations with the fight against Coomer’s clones. But this was all speculation. There was no way he could know for sure what the cause was.

The only thing he knew was that Doctor Coomer’s presence made him feel that something was very very wrong.

And then had come the less than tactful delivery of the truth of the situation while in the library: Benrey had stolen Gordon’s body and was trying to escape, leaving Gordon to be deleted in his place.

Having that knowledge so suddenly thrust upon him had...not been great for Tommy’s mental health. At the moment, he’d become overwhelmed by what he felt was the sheer hopelessness of the situation. He didn’t know how to help Gordon, how to fix things. He wanted to fix things. He needed to fix things. He couldn’t just let Gordon suffer like this. Gordon was his friend! But also, what would they even do if they got the chance to fix things? How did they fix this?

It was all just...so much.

There was so much he needed to juggle, so much he needed to remember and consider. They needed to get out, they needed to help Gordon, and they needed to make sure Benrey didn’t hurt them. 

There was also something else that Tommy was trying very hard not to think about, but that his mind kept drifting back to.

Why had Benrey done all of this?

No one seemed to have an answer for that, and he certainly wasn’t going to ask Benrey about it.

Tommy kept coming back to that question, though. Why had Benrey done all of this? Why would he have done something so horrible to Gordon? Tommy knew Benrey! Or, at least, he’d thought he did. He’d never thought Benrey would have the capacity to do anything so heinous. If it had only been to avoid deletion, then why hadn’t Benrey come to Tommy or the others? They would have helped him. He had to know that, right? They were his friends. They wouldn’t have just let him be deleted.

So why? Why steal Gordon’s life and body? Why doom Gordon to be killed in his place?

It just...didn’t make sense to Tommy.

He also couldn’t help but feel a sort of...betrayal at all of this. Benrey had stolen Gordon’s body and was now putting all of them in danger. And for what? Just to avoid deletion? Why hadn’t he trusted them to help him?

He didn’t fully understand why Benrey had done what he had until he remembered the events of the first game. That made him feel even more angry and betrayed.

“He did all of this because- because he was mad we made him the bad guy?!” He yelled as he paced his little office. “That’s- That’s- THAT’S SO STUPID!”

Coomer simply watched from his chair as Tommy paced.

“Why didn’t he just talk to us?!” Tommy continued. “Didn’t he think about what the consequences would be?!”

“I don’t think he did,” Coomer said.

Tommy stopped, looking back at the older scientist in confusion. “What?”

“I don’t think he thought about any of it,” Coomer continued. “From what I observed, I don’t believe his thought process went beyond “I want Gordon to hurt and I don’t want to die”. I don’t think he considered what any of the consequences would be or how painful it would be for both Gordon and himself.”

Tommy was momentarily silent, then groaned and covered his face with his hands. “He’s such a fucking idiot,” he muttered darkly.

“Yes, yes he is.” Coomer agreed with a solemn nod.

.

When Null arrived, Tommy tried to be as friendly as he could toward him. This was still his friend, he told himself. This was still Gordon. And he needed to make sure Gordon didn’t feel lonely. Not to mention, he couldn't help but feel guilty. Both for not being able to help Gordon and for his father’s role in everything.

Having Sunkist around definitely helped. Whenever Tommy was feeling overwhelmed, all he had to do was find Sunkist and bury his face in her fur and he would feel better. Sunkist seemed to improve Null’s mood as well, so Tommy often brought her to the cave when Null was having a bad day.

“Do you think I could bring Joshua here?” Null asked one day when Tommy had brought Sunkist over.

Tommy stiffened, avoiding Null’s gaze as he stroked Sunkist’s back. “I, uh, I don’t- I don’t know, Mr. Fr- Uh, Mr. Null. Why do you ask?”

“Well, you brought Sunkist into the game,” Null said. “She’s technically just a part of your pre-programmed backstory, but you brought her here anyway. So maybe I can bring Joshua here.” He looked so hopeful it made Tommy’s heart hurt.

“Are you- Do you really think it would be a good idea to bring a kid here?” Tommy asked. “This is a pretty dangerous place.”

Null’s face fell. “That’s...a good point,” he conceded. “I just...I miss him.” 

Sunkist turned her attention to Null, getting up on her hind legs to lick at his face.

“Whoa, hey!” Null laughed, gently pushing Sunkist away. “Alright! Alright! I’ll stop being sad!”

Sunkist sat down, barking out some sweetvoice.

“She doesn’t want you to stop feeling sad,” Tommy said. “She wants you to know that you’re not alone.” He reached out and put a hand on Null’s shoulder. “It’s...It’s okay if it hurts. I can’t- I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be away from your son. But you’re- you’re not alone. We’re here for you.”

He didn’t say they’d find a way to get Gordon back to Joshua. He couldn’t promise that. He didn’t know if Benrey would even come back. As much as he wanted to promise they’d find a way to let him see Joshua, he couldn’t give Gordon false hope.

Null smiled softly, putting his hand over Tommy’s. “Thanks, Tommy. I appreciate it.”

Tommy cried after he left Null’s cave. He holed himself up in his room with Sunkist and he cried.

It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. Why did it have to be this way? They should have been able to do something to stop this. They should have been able to save Gordon. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair.

It was a day or two before Tommy visited Null again, not that time had any meaning in the game. Null didn’t comment on Tommy’s long absence, as Tommy was often gone for days at a time when he got caught up in an experiment. Tommy still felt guilty, though.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Null asked, frowning slightly.

“I...don’t think we can bring Joshua here,” Tommy said, avoiding looking at Null.

“Oh.” The disappointment was clear in Null’s voice. “Well, I guess I should have expected that.”

“I’m sorry,” Tommy said again, fiddling with his lab coat.

“It’s alright,” Null assured him. “It’s not your fault.”

And yet, Tommy couldn’t help but feel that it was. He’d failed to save Gordon. He’d failed to ensure Gordon would see his son again.

But he couldn’t tell Null any of that.

So he forced himself to smile. “Okay. Do you, uh, do you want to play fetch with Sunkist?”

Null smiled back. “Sounds good.”

.

Tommy didn’t talk to his father much. That had been true even before all this had happened. Or, at least, that was what his memories told him. Talking to his father could be...hard. Tommy’s father had always thought in terms of the big picture, the long term, the large scale. It meant he was almost always prepared for the worst-case scenario but fell flat when it came to the littler, more mundane problems.

Tommy had deliberately avoided his father after the game had ended. He didn’t know just how much his father had been involved in what had happened, but he still felt hurt and betrayed. He felt like, if his father had as much power as everyone said he did, he should have done something to stop this. His father should have kept this from happening, should have kept Benrey from escaping, should have kept Gordon from dying. His father, to his credit, hadn’t tried to force Tommy to talk to him, remaining outside of the map to work on Gordon’s code.

Once Gordon returned as Null, Gman simply observed, knowing the other AIs didn’t want to see him. Although he hadn’t been able to save Gordon’s passport, he had managed to salvage the photo of Joshua, which he gave to Null when Tommy asked. That request had been the most they’d talked before Benrey came back.

Tommy only went to properly talk to his father after Benrey had returned to the game. After he was sure that things were going to be alright. As he’d expected, he found his father outside the map, waiting for him.

“...Hi, Dad.”

“Hello, Tommy.” Gman nodded slightly. 

Although he looked the perfect picture of calm professionalism, Tommy could tell he was somewhat nervous due to the occasional tapping of his foot. Tommy couldn’t help but feel a sort of vindictive satisfaction at this. Good, his father should be nervous.

For a moment or two, the two of them just stood there, floating in the void outside the map.

Then, Tommy asked the question that he’d been dreading the answer to, “Did Benrey learn that body-switching thing from you?”

Gman visibly flinched, turning away from his son. He didn’t even need to say anything for Tommy to know what the answer was, but he spoke anyway. “...He did.”

Tommy had predicted that would be the answer, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. He’d hoped this hadn’t been because of his father. He’d hoped Benrey had found the spell somewhere else. Deep down, though, he’d known that this all came from his father.

“Why?” He demanded, already feeling tears stinging his eyes. “Why did you teach it to him?! None of this would have happened if you hadn’t taught him that spell!”

“I know.” Gman’s voice was quiet and weary. His shoulders slumped as he continued to avoid looking at Tommy.

It only made Tommy angrier. If his father had known this would happen, then why had he done it?! Why had he given Benrey the tools to do such awful things?!

“Why did you even tell him in the first place?!” Tommy rubbed furiously at his eyes, willing the tears to stop. He couldn’t do this right now. He couldn’t break down. If he broke down, he wouldn’t be able to get any answers. “You had to know what he was going to do!”

Gman was silent for a long time before answering. “...He threatened to hurt you. I did not know if he was bluffing, but it was not a bluff I was willing to call.”

Now it was Tommy’s turn to go quiet. A part of him thought that maybe he should be happy that his father cared so much about him. Another part just felt guilty. His father wouldn’t have given Benrey the spell if he hadn’t been worried for Tommy’s safety. The one time his father hadn’t thought in terms of the big picture and it was because of him.

“Once the switch had occurred, I did what I could to save Mr. Freeman’s data and keep you safe, although my powers were severely limited as a result of Benrey’s actions,” Gman continued. “I understand that nothing I say will excuse what I did, but I...truly am sorry. I did not want this to happen”

Tommy didn’t say anything. His emotions had gone on such a roller coaster and now he just felt drained. Continuing to be angry wasn’t going to help him. There would be no fight, no tearful apology. This was the best he was going to get. His father thought through reactions and responses ahead of time. This was the response that had been decided upon and it likely wouldn’t be changed. At least he’d apologized.

Gman waited patiently for Tommy’s response.

“I...Thanks for apologizing,” Tommy finally said. “I appreciate it. I think Gordon’s the one you really need to apologize to, though.”

“I will,” Gman assured him. “Once he’s more...emotionally stable.”

Tommy let out a long exhale. “Thanks, Dad.”

Then, he turned and left.

.

Things were...tense after Benrey returned to the game.

By the time Benrey swapped back with Gordon, Tommy was considerably less angry with Benrey and more willing to spend time with him. He’d seen how sincerely sorry Benrey was and how much he genuinely wanted to make amends. Benrey was trying to be better, Tommy could see it. So, Tommy would come to see him and try to get him to do things other than mope.

But when Benrey had first returned...Tommy hadn’t wanted anything to do with him. He’d still been furious and hurt by Benrey’s actions, remaining cold toward Benrey every time they’d interacted. He was glad Benrey was trying to make amends, but he’d needed to be angry about everything for a while. It still really hurt. He’d thought they were friends. He’d thought Benrey trusted him. But Benrey had been willing to let all of them die just to save his own skin.

Not once did Benrey object to Tommy’s cold shoulder, a treatment Forzen and Coomer also employed, nor the open hostility showed by Bubby nor Darnold’s deliberate avoidance. 

Things continued like this for a bit before Tommy finally sat Benrey down and asked all the questions that had been stewing in his mind for ages now.

Benrey had known he wasn’t going to like this conversation as soon as Tommy had grabbed his arm and dragged him to an empty room, but he hadn’t protested. Whatever was coming, he figured he deserved it.

“I want to talk,” Tommy said, turning to face Benrey after making sure to close the door.

“Okay?” Benrey stayed where he was, trying to make himself as small as possible.

“Don’t...Don’t do that,” Tommy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m not- I didn’t bring you here to yell at you. I just...I have questions.”

“...Okay.” Benrey unclenched himself a little bit but remained tense and afraid.

Tommy sighed again, his shoulders slumping. “I thought we were friends, Benrey.”

It was like their conversation in the hallway all over again. Benrey probably should have expected this would come sooner or later. They’d never really finished that conversation, had they? Tommy had been avoiding him ever since that day.

“...I know.” Benrey hung his head.

“Did you really not think about how any of this would affect us?” Tommy asked.

“I just...I just wanted him to hurt like I had,” Benrey mumbled. “I didn’t wanna be bad, but he made me bad. You all made me bad. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t...I didn’t wanna think I did anything wrong.” Tears were welling up in his eyes at the memory of what he’d done, the pain and rage reflected back at him on a face that was no longer his own. “I didn’t think about what was gonna happen after. I know I did bad. I know I did. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“I was going to apologize to you after the party, you know,” Tommy said. “I felt bad that you were the bad guy. Gordon was kind of a dick to you. But you were a dick right back. You both had valid grievances and I- I was going to make you talk it out so we could all be friends again.” Now Tommy was tearing up, all his emotions beginning to boil over. “You didn’t need to do any of this, Benrey! We could have worked it out! If you’d just told us we would’ve helped you!”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Benrey had transitioned to full-on sobbing, his arms wrapped desperately around himself as trying to bring himself some small modicum of comfort from the guilt weighing him down.

“Did you not trust us?” Benrey full-on sobbing had made Tommy start full-on sobbing now too. All his bottled-up pain and anger were spilling out now. “Did you not think we’d help you? We’re your friends!”

“I know! I wasn’t thinking about it! I’m sorry!” And he was, he truly was. He’d been sorry ever since the switch had first occurred. It was too late to back out by that point, though. And he hadn’t wanted to believe he was the bad guy. He hadn’t wanted to be bad. He couldn’t be bad.

“Why didn’t you trust us, Benrey?” Tommy demanded. “Why didn’t you trust me?” His voice broke on the last word, all the anger draining away to be replaced by raw, genuine pain. “I thought I was your friend.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know, I’m sorry.” Benrey collapsed to the ground, covering his face with his hands, his whole body wracked with great heaving sobs. 

Tommy had thought that this would bring him some form of catharsis or closure. Instead, he just felt tired. All of this made him tired. Now that the danger had passed, he so often found his emotional wells depleted. Dealing with all these emotions and conflicts was exhausting.

Tommy didn’t know how long precisely Benrey cried for. He cried a bit himself, but it was mostly little sniffles, much quieter than Benrey’s body-shaking sobs.

Finally, Benrey seemed to cry himself out, slumping back against the wall behind him. He looked especially like Gordon when he was exhausted. It was maybe slightly concerning that Tommy categorized “exhaustion” as a Gordon-like expression. He’d unpack that later.

Tommy was about to suggest they go back to the others when Benrey suddenly spoke, “Are we still friends?”

Tommy froze, halfway through kneeling to help Benrey up. How was he supposed to answer that?

Benrey, in turn, didn’t dare say anything. He didn’t want to pressure Tommy into answering.

“I don’t...I don’t know,” Tommy finally said after a painfully long silence.

Benrey visibly cringed, drawing into himself. He’d had a feeling that would be the response. It didn’t make it hurt any less.

“I...I still want to be friends,” Tommy continued. “But I...We need to work back up to where we were.”

“I understand,” Benrey mumbled, lowering his head.

“Look, let’s just...let’s go back to the others.” Tommy knelt, holding out a hand to Benrey. “We can- We can talk more about this later.”

“Okay.” Benrey sniffled, taking Tommy’s hand and allowing himself to be pulled to his feet.

It was a start, Tommy told himself as they headed back to the group. Maybe it wasn’t all fixed, but it was a start. They could get better from here.

For the first time in a while, Tommy actually believed that everything was going to be alright.

[tigerdrop]

in lieu of doing more strenuous hand-based activities heres the Dogboy Gordon In Heat Megamix ive been talking about. i wrote this over the course of a couple months in an effort to feel okay about writing horny shit again and i only just realized there are nearly 6 thousand words here. and they only really fuck for like 10% of that

ta-dah

ive thought a lot about gordon being stuck back at gordonhouse after getting kicked out of barneyhouse. i think its ripe for a lot of pining. (and yes, he is pining over the guy hes actively banging. hes being a big mopey idiot over the fact that he doesnt get to have his fuckbuddy around 24/7.) absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever and gordons already at a baseline of "wheres benrey. wheres benrey"......and now i am about to turn it up to 11

so lets say......gordons starting to feel weirdly under the weather. sweaty and irritable and tired. hes holing himself up in his room a lot, wrapping himself up in blankets to fight off a chill and a sniffliness that wont go away. and hes gettin awfully moody, too. real fuckin testy. starting shit with freemind for no reason and snapping at og gordon like hes a teenager. and......hes nesting, almost, or at least, gathering up a whole bunch of blankets and pillows and anything that smells vaguely like benrey. (hes not really aware hes doing this last thing.)

basically, long story short, feetman is fucked up. hes pathetic. hes being a huge bitch. at least og gordon feels vaguely sorry for him, and expresses this by way of observing him and trying to treat it. for science. its better than freemind, who just loudly complains about him being a huge bitch and reeking up the place. theres something weird coming from vr gordons corner of the house.....a musky, heady, hormonal kind of thing that makes freemind act simultaneously territorial and irritable and more lascivious than normal. and that also piques og gordons attention, because having both of them be wound up little freaks at the same time is enough to make even the most resilient person pull their hair out

now gordon primes got his suspicions as to whats going on, but hes not gonna tell vr gordon that he suspects hes going into heat. that would compromise the experiment, and all that. so poor gordons just going thru all this shit not knowing what in the fuck is wrong with him and getting more worked up and irritable about it by the day. hes convinced that hes just got the flu, or something......except, uh, haha, jesus christ he is horny all the FUCKING TIME

he doesnt get it! he feels like shit all the time, so why is he constantly fighting off boners and having weird wet dreams and thinking about-- well. his fucking boyfriend, he guesses. (are they boyfriends?? he doesnt know. he gets a weird, sharp pang when he thinks about them not being boyfriends, at this point, but its not like theyve ever talked about it!) gordons half-convinced that hes just losing his mind from being stuck inside all the time and he really just wants to see benrey again. its, like, all he thinks about. (see? hes losing it. theres the proof.)

the sucks thing for everybody else is that gordon is also Extremely Vocal about how shitty he feels and how much he wishes he didnt feel shitty so he could go see benrey and how much he cant stand benrey for not being able to read his mind and come over when he feels bad. eventually freemind gets so sick of his shit that he decides to cut out the middleman and get benrey involved directly. "come take care of your fucking dog before i call the aspca! animal neglect is a crime, asshole!"

(if pressed, freemind would adamantly reject the idea that hes being nice to gordon. but on some level, hes kinda sympathetic. the guys clearly miserable, and he just keeps asking for the same fucking thing. might as well humor him to shut him up.)

vr gordon is completely unaware of these machinations, however. hes just holed up in his room trying to work out what makes him feel better because, uhh, powerade isnt helping

jacking off doesnt do a whole lot for him anymore. like, it feels good, but its not very satisfying. gordon just ends up feeling more restless than anything afterward. and hes always stupid horny. more blankets. a box fan. less blankets. sleeping with one of benreys shirts pressed up to his face. grinding into his pillow when he wakes up hard from yet another weird dream. theyre all a little helpful, and he feels like hes working towards the right thing, somehow, but its never really enough to take the edge off

and then.....he tries......jerking off more. especially when he realizes that its bizarrely soothing to do so while he can smell benrey up close and personal on that stupid shirt of his. better still when he rolls onto his side.....and then his stomach.......rocking his hips into the mattress until he gets the idea to lift his hips a little. and......oh. cool. something kind of......clicks. in his head. as he raises his hips higher while he keeps his arms wrapped around a pillow and benreys shirt jammed against his nose. hes got that lil moment of realization that this is good, actually. this feels like a good move. and its making some of that discomfort melt away

and gordon thinks about.....how it felt. earlier. when they were with barmey. and benrey had him just like this, ass up, face down, and was spreading him apart and licking him open and making him submit and he groans so fucking hard that embarassment just rips through him like lightning. but his tail starting to wag a little faster.....electricity shooting through his belly......and he cant help but wonder. what if benrey had kept going? pulled back and-- maybe, replaced his tongue with his fingers, one at a time, curling them inside him and telling him how well hes behaving and-- and his dick throbs, hard, and gordon realizes he wants fingers inside of himself right fucking now, thank you, hes not fully certain how to accomplish it be he is going to fucking try

(sigh) so my guy figures out about the old fingers in the ass trick. and i need you to understand that i am fully convinced that this is one of those guys who has an uproarious reaction to getting fingers in his ass. mr repressed and uptight over here doesnt really get what the big deal is until he gets braver and pushes a little deeper and hes rock hard in an instant, goodbye, just like everybodys favorite creative writing exercise

and this is what he decides to do for a solid day or two without leaving his room, because, honestly, this is awesome. and the longer he spends jerking off the less time he spends stressing about the fact that his imaginations getting really vivid, here. sure, like, hes no stranger to weird dreams even before this, but this is the first time hes really letting his mind run wild and this dude is nonstop thinking about being bred and gordon still has no fucking idea that hes in heat. doesnt even occur to him

unfortunately this also does not solve his problems but at least it feels baller and it keeps him occupied. also, unfortunately, the increased rate of jerking off is causing a serious uptick in Dog Smells, the effect of which is turning freemind into a nightmare. its just not good vibes in this house. enter: benrey

now i need you to understand that when these two meet up again i want gordon to get Emotional. think about how genuinely excited he gets to see some of his pals in canon. the like......excitement and disbelief when benrey shows up outside his window throwing rocks at it before noclipping in. he forgets to even act pissed off at first. i think it would be super fucking cute for him to drop the game for a moment just out of shock, basically. his tails waggin, his ears are perked up, and hed probably tackle benrey to the ground if he wasnt also a sweaty, trembling mess whos been holed up in his room for days.

and benrey has No Fucking Idea what he has walked in on here. as far as benrey knows, freemind just demanded he get over there and take care of his dog.

(INTERLUDE: here is the part where i gin up a freemind POV of this exact scene. b/c i am out of my fucking mind

so. i had the thought of a freemind POV chapter where hes spying on gordon and benrey.....because. gordons in heat. ive talked about that scenario before too (literally so many FUCKING times okay i just need this dude to have the uncontrollable urge to be bred like a little bitch! and for benrey to take pity on him and make him feel better by nutting in him literally as many times as is physically possible!!!)

but i wanna manifest it in this specific way: from an outside perspective. voyeurism is great and also i have a one track mind and basically the only time i traffic in Other Guys in this fandom anymore is as a participant in gordon and benreys horse shit. Im not apologizing for this

lets say.....vr gordons behavior has been getting worse and worse for "unknown reasons" and freeman prime just sees it as a key observational opportunity for his research. while freeminds getting really irritated at how much its cutting into his normal way of life. for one thing, vr gordons room reeks, and he cant even escape it in his own room! and its turning him into a feisty, aggressive, and loud son of a bitch. but he cant even resolve it in his usual fashion at this point (baiting vr gordon into another competition/fuckfest) b/c gordons being a little sadsack holed up in his room and doesnt wanna play

but also.....he kinda just feels bad for the guy at a certain point. hes clearly really miserable and looks downright ill and all hes asking for is to see his boytoy again. (gordons convinced that hes dying, and feels the need to dramatically speak to benrey one last time before he croaks.) so freemind decides, in all his benevolence, to go over gordon primes head and drag the guy over there anyway. (with machinations, not his literal bare hands. what is he, a caveman?) he reasons that itll be a good opportunity to twist gordons arm into groveling at his feet later

and he spies on the two of them in gordons room.....why? idk. possibly something to do with investigating this relationship between a gordon and a barney that he had yet to fully analyze. tl;dr he gets trapped in their closet for a remix of that one barmey voyeurism chapter b/c why the fuck not

i just.....i dont know.....i think theres something really charming about a 3rd party not being able to fully make out what theyre saying or doing but piecing things together anyway.....like benreys weirdly soft tone of voice when hes talking to a super agitated gordon. as far as any of them know, hes not really like that. he either sounds bored or smug, but either way, its usually straight-up antagonistic

it would make freemind bristle to hear it b/c its almost a mocking tone, but.....it makes gordons shoulders drop and gets him to let go of some of that tension and thats probably fascinating to watch. literally soothing him like a stressed out dog, huh. smoothing back his hair and murmuring things in a low, even tone that freeminds enhanced hearing still isnt good enough to make out. (the guy mumbles, okay? he needs a fucking toastmasters meetup.)

it would equal parts horrify and fascinate freemind, in my onion. watching a version of himself fall that hard into the loyal pet role.....its pathetic! for all that gordon goes on about not being a slave to his instinct or whatever, he sure is doing a bad job of acting like it! its like watching himself, but worse.

and benreys having to soothe him like a startled animal b/c he doesnt even know whats wrong with himself, but theres something thick enough on the air that even benrey can smell it, and hes taking some stabs at the dark. especially with how charged some of the shit gordons saying is......"i cant fucking take it anymore", "you smell so good", "i dont know whats wrong with me, man, my dick hasnt gone down for days and im pretty sure i need a doctor-- no, a real one, not the other gor-- NOT a vet, JESUS"

and the whole time.....freeminds peeking from behind a closet door. watching them devolve from outright hostility into "gordon climbing into benreys lap and shoving one of benreys hands up his shirt and demanding that he fucking touch him already"

normally i dont think freemind would be averse to a little bit of voyeurism, here. if it was anybody else, hed probably at least engage in a little heavy petting. but this is getting weird, man. he cant shake the uncanny feeling that this is something too intimate for him to be watching. for one thing, gordons whimpering like a goddamn dog just from a little necking, and for two, hes never really been the kind of guy to watch people make out for 15 minutes before they get to the good stuff

its just kind of unsettling how much these two clearly really, really like each other at this point. its not like watching gordon prime give vr gordon a handjob as part of a "test". freemind expected more of a hatefuck kind of deal out of these two, what with how often gordons normally going on about how much he hates the guy, what a pain in the ass benrey is, how he just wishes benrey would stop jerking him around.....etc. freemind could shit himself right now. that lying bitch!

i imagine its also kind of painful, on a personal level, for him to watch this borderline-sappy shit. he cant even fathom being on the receiving end of that behavior, let alone from......well. theyve all got their barneys, right? and gordon primes basically doomed himself to incel status b/c he wont nut up and do anything about it. freemind just assumed they were all in the same boat: cursed to casual sex with their roommates/clones, forever, and unable to achieve any kind of intimacy b/c all 3 gordons are fucked up in the exact same way. since theyre all just diff flavors of the same fucking guy, right?

well, theres the evidence that hes wrong. and that vr gordons better than him, somehow. thats gotta suck, bro

anyway then he watches vr gordon get railed in the ass a bunch and jerks off anyway b/c its still hot. see ya)

“take care of your dog”. huh. hes got no clue what that means but, yknow, he does kinda miss his dog. hasnt seen gordon in awhile. and he immediately comments "wow. you look fucked up" in as blunt and unsympathetic a way as possible. but gordons so far gone that he cant even work up a good anger about it. he is pretty fucked up, man. and benrey sits on the bed and slaps his forehead with a palm to take his temperature (and that gets gordon to bitch at him, finally, that thats not how you do it, asshole) and judges that, uh, he is hot. in his expert opinion

and thats when gordon kinda grabs his sleeve and tugs it and starts tryin to say something. hes really bad at it, because he is having to perform the mortifying task of Owning Up To It, but eventually he manages to grind out that he needs benrey to touch him, please. just pet him. something. he feels really bad and he just needs benrey to scratch his fucking ears. this is the most gordon can cop to in one go, and it is such a sad struggle to watch, but benreys caught off guard by it and he feels weirdly bad for gordon upon hearing it so  hes just like "whoa, okay" when gordon tugs his hand to his head

gordon groans the moment his fingernails start scratching behind the ears and digging into his scalp. even just that much feels really fucking good. its comforting, for one thing, and its benrey, for another, and the physical touch feels so fucking good right now that goosebumps are crawling down his neck. gordon cant help but lean against benrey and bury his head in the crook of his shoulder. he wants to hide his face from scrutiny and he wants to get closer but he doesnt know how to say what his fucking problem is

and benreys weirdly quiet. just kinda mumbling and shushing him intermittently, awkward and not sure what to do b/c this is a level of intimacy he was not expecting but gordons sure is responding nicely to a second hand in his hair

so having both of benreys hands scratching at his scalp is really getting to gordon. hes scritchin behind the ears and gordons tails wagging at a mile a minute. the feelings making goosebumps race down his neck and arms. he starts kind of mumbling something into benreys shoulder, how hes been feeling so fucked up lately, and he squirms a little closer. hes not really aiming for anywhere in particular but every neuron thats firing in him right now is telling him to get closer. make contact. he missed the fucking guy, what can he say.

and one of benreys hands......slips down to gordons face. his jaw. a thumb pushing into that soft little divot between his jaw and neck, like hes trying to push up into gordons fucking teeth. its weird and bizarrely intrusive, but benreys hand is broad and warm and gordon leans into it anyway, groaning with relief. its not like its not doing anything for him. kind of the opposite, actually. then he palms at gordons neck, and gordon starts breathing harder. he can feel his heartbeat rabbit-fast, pushing against benreys skin (and theres no way benrey isnt feeling that, too).

benrey eyes are lidded and his breaths starting to get heavier, too. naturally, yknow, since gordons practically draped over him right now, melting all the more the longer benrey keeps petting him. oxytocin is crazy, man, especially when a guys in the full throes of some kind of chemical meltdown of the glands. gordons eyes are screwed shut, tail thumping furiously against the bed, and hes panting at benreys neck like hes a fucking dog.  he just doesnt know how to articulate what the fuck his problem is

benrey smells insanely good to him right now, and gordon just blurts that out. benrey gives him some shit for it, but when gordon only makes a weird noise in response and fists his hands in benreys hoodie, it makes him shut up real quick. hes squeezing out words about feeling like he needs something, but its clearly a fucking effort. its almost pitiful

so. gordons crawled right into benreys lap, too impatient after days and days of feeling like this (you know, being in heat, in so many words). hes been pounding off like crazy, that brand new collar of his strapped to his neck nearly every time b/c hes that desperate to feel… well. *benrey*. he cant fucking jerk off to thoughts of anything else - porn doesnt do it for him, and his fantasies slip right back to the same thing every single time. its frustrating! hes bisexual, for gods sake! its not like hes normally immune to the wiles of the Phat Ass White Girl, but lately he just keeps ending up on his hands and knees and whining benreys name into his pillow and he couldnt focus on a girls rack if he tried

point being. hes being awfully fucking demanding. (and also, hes wearing the collar *right fucking now)*. he shoves benreys hand up his shirt and shivers the moment he makes contact with gordons burning-hot flesh. and hes demanding that benrey touch him already, jesus, hes losing his mind! and benreys just crooning at him, “bossy, huh,” but hes scritching gordons ears and palming at his side and nosing at gordons neck and gordon starts to feel like hes melting into it. his protests at being talked down to are perfunctory at best

benrey licks a stripe up gordons neck and starts muttering his stupid horseshit right in gordons ear and it makes gordon clutch his shoulders so tight, claws digging into the meat of him. benreys kind of into it, though, and it just makes him laugh, low and harsh and right in gordons ear. that just makes gordons problem worse. he lets out quiet, nasal whines on every exhale, like a literal fucking dog.

he starts teasing, like, “haha, you’re *gagging* for it, bro,” but gordon doesnt respond with the defensiveness he expects. instead, its like opening a floodgate - he is, hes fucking *desperate*, okay, his dick hasnt gone down in days and he wants benrey so bad he cant see straight and he cant stop thinking about him and all of this comes tumbling out of him at once. gordons trying to press himself as close to benrey as he can physically get, legs straddling benreys lap and arms clutched tight around his back. and when benrey prods a little more, tells gordon to say what hes been thinkin about, gordon starts to pant, squeezing his eyes shut. but he cant bring himself to do anything more than choke and stutter on the words

hes half-hard in his underwear already (and, lets be be clear, he was only in boxer briefs and a tank top to begin with. hes sweating buckets and its the least amount of clothing he could get away with wearing around the house) and his tails thumping a mile a minute and hes so far gone, just from benrey talking down to him and kissing his neck and scratching his ears. but hes not budging yet, so benrey slides that hand on his ears over to his ponytail and *yanks*. tells him, “speak.” gordons dick twitches rapidly, and he lets out a sharp sound, and he finally says it: he needs benrey to *fuck* him, jesus

benrey lets out a harsh breath at that. “yeah? thats what puppy wants?” and the nickname should blister him, make him feel to embarrassed to continue, but gordons too desperate to care. he just starts spewing a litany of “god yes”s and “please”s. hes getting harder and harder, pressed up against benreys belly, and benrey can *feel* it. “good boy,” he mutters, and those claws dig harder, that panting gets louder and harsher

he slips a hand around to gordons back, rubbing slowly for a moment as if to soothe him, and then slides it under the back of gordons boxers. and lower still. starts rubbing at gordons hole. that gets a quiet “oh god” out of gordon.

gordon cant help himself - he rocks forward against benrey, just a little, rubbing his bulge against what he realizes is benreys *extremely* hard dick in his sweatpants. hes not the only one whos got it bad. but he *is* the only one whispering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as benrey pushes a little further, makes as if hes about to breach gordon dry. the poor guys so needy that he probably wouldnt even argue!

but benrey just stares at him, wide eyed and flushed, mouth hanging open a little. gordons so hot for this that it surprises the both of them.

anyway after some boring position finagling benrey coaxes gordon onto his hands and knees, running a broad hand down gordons shaking back. and he pulls back gordons tail, exposing him. its so fucking humiliating - gordons got his face buried in a pillow, and his ass in the air, and hes never felt so *vulnerable* before. he wants to argue, he wants to lift his head and look back to make sure that everythings, like, okay back there - benreys staring at his entire asshole, okay, and he wasnt exactly anticipating benrey making a house call to fuck him in the ass - but every time he lifts his head, or starts to say something neurotic about it, benrey chides him about it. clicks his tongue. tells him, “hey. dogs dont talk” or “i said *bow*, bro”.

for all his insisting that hes a real guy, that hes not just a dog, gordons feeling less and less like a human and more like something in thrall to his instincts. the condescension rankles like it always does, but doing what benrey tells him to feels good. feels natural. presenting himself like this feels like what hes *supposed* to do. it doesnt stop him from running his mouth entirely, but it helps to mitigate some of the embarrassment.

and then… benrey *licks*. gordon tenses and gasps. he doesnt know how benrey can stand it, its gotta be, like, unhygienic! but that didnt scare him off the last time they tried this, and its not like gordon hasnt thought about it since. hes thought about it a lot, actually. but hes been too neurotic to ask for it. benreys not stupid, though. hes a good dog owner (at least, so he thinks) and hes gonna take care of his dog. so he licks again, and again, pressing a little harder against gordons hole on each pass with the broad side of his tongue until he dares to breach it with the tip.

gordons rock hard again in an instant. his dick hangs between his legs and drips onto the sheets. he digs his fingers into the pillow now, tearing holes in its surface with those sharp nails of his, and he makes embarrassingly high noises that he muffles into into the pillow, too. hes tense, hes so fucking tense, he should be clamping down and making benreys task really fucking hard, but theres bright pink sweet voice dripping from his hole and benreys rubbing the side of his thigh in an effort to soothe him and both of these things work in tandem to get him to relax. and benrey works his tongue in further, further than a human ought to.

the tip was one thing, but it gets wider as benrey pushes it in, and its just as good as it was before - better, even, because now its just the two of them, just a master and his dog, and benreys the only one he wants to see him like this. bent over and whimpering. he cant— he cant stomach the thought of anybody else doing this to him. hell, there was a point once where the idea of stomaching *benrey* doing this to him would have made him laugh. but here he is. benreys fucking him open with his tongue and pressing against something thats making him see stars and gordon just wants *more*. he says it so sweet, too, voice growing hoarse and raw as he begs benrey to just fucking do it already, he doesnt wanna come like this!

gordon gets so worked up and emotional about it that benrey takes the time to scratch behind his ears again, shushing him and telling him to chill. benreys got him. hes been a good dog, and good dogs get treats. hearing the words “good dog” makes gordons entire body flush. thats all he wants, really. he wants to be a good dog. he wants to be *told*. he blurts out, “oh my god— say it again,” and benreys like, “huh? say what? youre gonna have to be more specific,” clicking the last syllable. it makes all the hairs on gordons head rise and prickle with shame. the best he can do is mumble it into his pillow.

benrey hears it, though, and tugs at gordons collar from behind, just enough to raise his head. “whassat? you want me to call you a good boy?” gordon cant bring himself to answer that directly, but his stupid body betrays him by making him whine. jesus christ, yes, thats all he WANTS! he needs benrey to be good and nice to him for once in his fucking life and give him what he wants instead of taking, taking, taking! but benrey just tells him that hes gonna have to earn it. gonna have to be *real* good for him. gordon could fucking snarl at that, but benreys pulling back to rub his dick between gordons cheeks and against his hole and that shuts him up pretty fast because hes *so close* to getting what he wants and hes not about to fuck it up now by running his big dumb mouth

and then… he starts to push in. that sweet voice has loosened gordon up enough to take even benrey, who, uh, is definitely the bigger of the two, in that regard. he goes slow, uncharacteristically so, and gordons chest heaves with the force of how hard hes breathing. a quiet string of “oh god”s spills out of him as he tries to crane his neck back to watch. the head breaches him with a strange popping sensation, and benrey groans, loud, as the rest of him slides in with little resistance in comparison. “good,” he pants in turn, “youre takin it so good,” and—

and gordon comes, in weak, aborted spurts. it snuck up on him. he clenches so fucking tightly that it winds benrey a little. he breathes out, “whoa. did you—” but gordon just begs him to shut up, keep going, hes not— hes not done yet, its always like this, its not *enough*. his dick barely even flags afterward, it just hangs there, achingly hard and dripping with cum. benrey cant even find it in himself to make fun of him. he wants it so fucking bad, doesnt he? and he feels so good, so fucking tight and slick around benrey that the only thought running through his head is “gotta take care of my dog gotta fuck my best friend gotta nut in him and make him howl”. so he pushes himself alllll the way in until theyre pressed together, skin to skin.

then he starts to move. slow, careful thrusts, more for benreys benefit than gordons. if hes not careful, hes gonna blow his load, right then and there, and hes trying to make it good for gordon, too, okay? unlike *some* of them, hes not gonna bust in two minutes and then spend the next half hour crying and trauma-dumping to the guy hes still got his dick inside of.

once he thinks hes got a grip, though, benrey starts fucking him in earnest, and that changes gordons vocalizations from weak little whimpers into something louder. less restrained. hes given up any pretense of being quiet so that his other selves dont hear that hes snuck his boytoy into his room. just loud, wordless moans on each thrust, initially muffled into the pillow but soon spilling into the wider room when he turns his head to catch his breath. the only words hes managing are “oh god” and “please” and “benrey, benrey, *benrey*”, and benrey just responds to him like, “yeah? thats good? fuuuck, bro, so good for me,” all short of breath and barely able to speak himself

he wants to see gordons face. he *needs* to see gordons face. needs to see what hes doing to him, needs to see that cute fuckin blush of his. so he tugs on gordons collar again, bringing him to his hands and knees properly instead of that bowing position. and then further still - pulls him back so that benreys on his knees, and gordons on his knees in turn, on his lap, cock still buried inside of him and fucking him in short, hurried thrusts. “paws up,” benrey tells him, and gordon does it. instantly. no resistance. just folds them at his chest like a real dog would.

“whos a good boy?” benrey croons, right in his ear again. gordon gasps, “i-i am!”

“yeah? youre a good boy?” nod, wail. “whose— whose good boy are you?”

and gordon chokes on his response. he cant say it, he *cant*, he doesnt want to be benreys but he does, he *does*. he doesnt want to be benreys because its not fucking fair! he cares so fucking much! so much more than benrey does, it feels like, obsessing over the guy like hes wrapped thorny vines all around gordons heart and he cant so much as shift in his seat without feeling the tug and the ache and thinking of benrey again. and benrey doesnt care, he never fucking cares, except—

except he showed up at gordons house, in his room. without even being asked. like he knew something was wrong. and he— hes always talking to gordon, shooting him stupid texts just to make him laugh. scheduling *date nights* for them. date nights where, yeah, maybe they couldnt see each other in person, and maybe they always end in some kind of depraved sexual act, but its not like gordons not into it. hes frighteningly into it, actually. and hes *so* into hearing benreys voice, low and crooning, right in his ear, and seeing him lean on an elbow and smile at him afterward. its— its practically genuine. and benreys always making excuses to talk with him, do things with him, watch stupid fucking movies that only gordon cares about and stream with him on twitch to help boost his subscriber count and—

and—

oh god. maybe he *does* care. that might be more terrifying than the alternative.

then benrey yanks the collar again. presses the whole of gordons back against his front in one hot, unbroken line. and asks, “i said, whose good boy are you, bro? *speak.*”

“benrey,” he blurts out, a ragged moan, “d-dont make me sa-AY it, oh god—”

“no?” benrey stills suddenly. his hands keep gordon stuck in place, unable to move or bounce or feel benrey shift inside of him. “thats, uh… thats too bad, friend. this trains for good boys only. good dogs go to heaven 2. no bad dogs allowed. gonna have to, uhh, escort you off—”

“im not a bad dog!”

“i dunno, gordo. bein’ kind of, uh… disobedient.”

(sorry. thats all i got . byeeee)

[purplecatghostposts]

if you're still doing the writing drabble asks, could you please do frenrey and number 3?

Of course!!

—

Everyone has their limits. Human or not, there’s a point where you can’t deal with everything yourself and you need someone to lean on.

Benrey doesn’t reach his easily, but even he’s not immune. Slowly but surely, exhaustion chips away at his resolve until there’s not much left. Benrey might have certain inhuman abilities that make it take a while, but Benrey also has a habit of using those a bit too much.

And now he was running out of stamina.

Everything piled up against him. Benrey and Gordon were separated from the rest of the Science Team, a horde of soldiers had tracked them down and were now actively trying to kill them, and Benrey had died one too many times to count.

Benrey could die and come back- no big deal- but it also took a sizable amount of his energy to do. And as much as he wanted to deny it, he was now running on pure fumes.

Not that he’s gonna tell Gordon that.

The pair hide in a closet, both keeping as still as they possibly can. Outside, mixed voices of soldiers search for them, marching around a bit too close for comfort. Benrey leans against the wall, trying not to make it too obvious that he’s relying on it for support. Gordon stands a foot away from him, gun raised and fixated on the door. He doesn’t take his eyes off of it for a second.

There’s too much tension in the air. It’s suffocating Benrey, making him squirm and it takes everything in him not to say something. When the voices and footsteps of the soldiers get further and further away however, he doesn’t bother to hold it in any longer.

“Seem kinda tense there, Feetman.” Benrey whispers.

Gordon sends him a glare. “Take things seriously for once.” He hisses back. “Our lives are on the line- no, wait, just mine. Because you can’t die. God, that’s why you don’t care, isn’t it?”

“I care...” Benrey mumbles halfheartedly. He doesn’t have the energy to argue further. Gordon scoffs and that’s the end of that conversation. Unfortunately for Gordon, Benrey doesn’t intend to shut up. “Think we can get out of here? Go uh... Whatever it is you do to relax- crawl through vents like a rat? Gordon Ratman?”

Gordon has to take in a deep breath at that. Benrey snickers to himself. Gordon’s always been easy to rile up- all he has to do is spit out the first things that come to his head and Gordon sputters at him. His face always gets so red- s’cute honestly. Makes Benrey want to plant a smooch on his cheek just to see how red he can get. And perhaps for his own personal pleasure as well.

Denying Gordon was incredibly attractive to him (for multiple reasons) was something he stopped doing a long time ago.

“Do you- do you ever think before you say anything, Benrey? Do you even know what a filter is?”

Benrey gives a sharp grin. “I have never had a thought in my life.”

Gordon almost laughs. Benrey takes that as a win. “Yeah, that checks. I-”

Gordon is cut off when a soldier suddenly barges through the door, gun raised and finger on the trigger. Gordon freezes on accident, but Benrey is quicker.

Benrey doesn’t think. He does the first thing that pops into his head, and when he sees the soldier aim for Gordon, everything else is thrown out the window.

Benrey pushes Gordon out of the way. There’s a sharp pain that pierces his side and his knees buckle. Another few shots send alarm through him but when Benrey looks up, the soldier is dead on the ground and Gordon is still standing, untouched.

Gordon lowers his arm, shaking himself. “Shit. Uh, thanks for the-” he turns, eyes going impossibly big when he sees him. “B- Benrey?”

Benrey gives him a shaky grin. “Sick shootin’, Feetman.” One hand attempts to cover up the bullet wound in his side. He refuses to react, no matter how much it hurts. Benrey attempts to push himself to his feet but he wobbles, causing Gordon to reach out and steady him.

“Whoa- whoa! Jesus, slow down.”

“Psh.” Benrey waves him off with his free hand. “‘M fiiine, Feetman. Don’t get your uhhh hev suit in a twist ‘bout it.”

Benrey stumbles to his feet but his head spins. Subtly as he can, he uses the wall for support but Gordon’s gaze burns a hole into him. He notices now, eyes narrowing but not with hostility but rather determination.

“Benrey, you’ve- you’ve died a lot today.” Gordon says slowly, deliberately.

“What about it?” Benrey shrugs, hoping to brush it off and drop the conversation.

Gordon however, is nothing if not persistent. He presses harder. “You’ve been hugging the wall too. You’ve been slower too- less chatty.”

“Been missing the sound of my voice?” He forces out a laugh, even if he gets a sting of pain when he moves.

“Benrey.” His tone is deadly serious. “Are you- are you okay?”

“‘Course-”

“Don’t lie to me.”

His words are sharp, piercing right through his crumbling facade and it all comes crashing down. Benrey’s eyes fall. He doesn’t say a word and it somehow speaks volumes.

“Sit down.” Benrey blinks when he hears it. Sharp, commanding- is he using his dad voice on him? “I’m not arguing about this. Sit down.” Oh shit he totally is.

Benrey drops easily- half because of Gordon and half because his legs were barely supporting him as is. “Let me see.” Benrey lifts his hand off of his wound for a moment. His hand is coated in red, making him internally flinch.

Gordon examines it for a moment, eyebrows knitting together. “Doesn’t look fatal at least but we definitely need to get that patched up.” His eyes drift towards the door. “There should be a medkit somewhere around here... Stay right here, I’ll be back.”

Gordon leaves. Benrey feels like he’s dreaming- there’s no way Gordon is taking care of him right now.

Benrey pintches himself. He doesn’t wake up.

...Huh.

Gordon’s taking care of him and that’s... That leaves a funny feeling inside. It’s not like all the others- the obvious feeling of love burning in his chest when he gets Gordon to laugh- but rather softer. Gentle. Warm and wrapping around him and telling him everything’s going to be okay.

Benrey wants to feel like that all the time.

The sweet voice acts on its own, bits of orange and light blue leaving him but the song is different than he’s used to. More like a loud hum than anything. Colors swirl around him and Benrey relaxes his shoulders.

Benrey doesn’t question the footsteps approaching- no matter how fast they are. He doesn’t even notice the newcomer in the doorway until he hears the gunshot. He jumps, but to his surprise, the soldier that found him now lies dead on the ground. Gordon enters after him, glaring at the body.

“Don’t touch him.” He hisses. And Benrey feels a much more familiar burn in his chest that makes his cheeks burn up.

Gordon glances to Benrey. “You alright?” His gaze flickers to the sweet voice still hanging in the air and back. “What does... Orange to light blue mean?”

Orange to light blue means I’m at home with you. Benrey laughs it off. “Eh, doesn’t matter. You got the good stuff?”

“...I hate that I know exactly what you’re asking.” Gordon holds up the medkit, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, there’s some painkillers in here. You gonna stay still while I patch you up?”

“Mmm... Maybe.” Gordon sends him a flat look. “Jeez, alright, I’ll be good. I’ll be so good- the best.”

“Stop talking, you’ll distract me.” Gordon removes the bodies of the soldiers and shuts the door. He sits down by Benrey, already starting to take out bandages and painkillers. “Just relax. I actually do have medical training, I’ll take care of this.”

Benrey nods. His life is in Gordon’s hands and he has a feeling he’s got nothing to fear.

(Eventually the rest of the Science Team finds them. Gordon startles but is immediately relieved when he sees them. Benrey leans on his shoulder, fast asleep.)

—

These always turn out so much longer than I intend... Oops. Anyways, I hope you like it! Feel free to send another request! I really wanna write short things right now!

[lakesandquarries]

Jump the Fence Part Two: Ghost Out Of His Grave

chapter two: ghost in the world

summary: Benrey and Gordon adapt to living together. Some days are better than others.

notes: series title from “jump the fence” by mother mother. this part and the chapters within it are named after “ghosting” by mother mother.

PREVIOUSLY: gordon woke up in his apartment after leaving chuck e cheese only to find the rest of the science team has spawned as well. and then benrey showed up on his couch. gordon let benrey stay with with, stopped him from leaving in the middle of the night, and now they're sorta trying to be friends! IN THIS EPISODE: they go to target again

AO3 link

As soon as they step inside, Gordon remembers why he’d been putting off getting Benrey stuff. The first thing they do is ask to sit in the cart after watching a little kid get in, and as soon as Gordon explains that it’s not made for grown men (or whatever Benrey is) they try to climb into the main part of the cart.

He lets them push it, only for Benrey to nearly crash into a display within ten seconds.

“You are a disaster waiting to happen,” Gordon grumbles, grabbing the cart. “No, you’re a disaster actively happening.”

Benrey just gives him a sharp toothed grin.

“Okay. We’re here for clothing, right? Let’s just - Benrey!” They’ve already wandered off, into the makeup section of all things, holding up a tube of blue lip gloss.

“Says it’s candy flavoured,” Benrey informs Gordon as he maneuvers the cart through the narrow aisles.

“I’m not buying you that,” Gordon says. 

“Aw, why not? Don’t want me to look prettier than you?”

Is Gordon imagining things, or did Benrey just imply he’s pretty?

He shakes his head. “We’re here for clothes.”

“It’s like, $5.” Benrey pouts.

“I’m not made of money, dude.” Gordon pinches the bridge of his nose. Yeah, okay, he has a shit ton of money all of a sudden. But he also doesn’t have a job, so he’s not gonna blow all that money on whatever random shit Benrey wants. “Put it back.”

They grumble, but when Gordon’s managed to get the cart back out into the main aisle and Benrey’s next to him again, the lipgloss is gone.

Gordon doesn’t let Benrey out of his sight as he leads them to the Men’s section. “Don’t go too crazy. You can get like…five of each thing. Yeah, that seems like a good number.” Benrey huffs and rolls their eyes, but starts looking through the shirts, carefully considering each of them. 

“What’s with the...the dudes?” he asks, holding up a shirt with Invader Zim characters. 

“It’s from a cartoon,” Gordon says. “Have you never seen Invader Zim?”

Benrey puts the shirt back. “Uh. No.”

“Damn, I thought that would’ve been something you liked.” He glances over the other shirts, with an assortment of familiar characters. “What about this one? You know this guy?” he asks, pointing at a shirt with Spongebob on it. Benrey shakes his head. “You’ve never seen Spongebob? I thought that’d definitely be something you were into.”

“I know Spongebob,” Benrey says, grabbing the shirt to get a better look. “Didn’t recognize him all - crisp.”

“Crisp?”

“Yeah, y’know. He’s always like...lil fuzzy dude.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? What version of Spongebob were you watching?” It’s incredible how Benrey can turn anything into an argument, just by saying whatever bizarre thoughts pop into his head. 

“Spongebob! The little, the cartridge was like, green and white and orange, that’s how I could tell it apart from the others…” He’s gesturing with his hands, like he’s holding something. Like…

“Are - did you watch Spongebob on a fucking Gameboy Advance?”

“Yeah!” Benrey says, snapping their fingers with a grin. “Had some others, too. Shrek was the best.”

“They have Shrek on the - nevermind, that’s not important.” Gordon leans back against the cart. “What kind of weird ass childhood did you have that you grew up watching Spongebob on a Gameboy Advance?”

Benrey’s face drops. “A shitty one,” he mutters, turning back to the shirts.

Gordon winces, leaning back against the cart. Right. Bad question, Gordon.

He’s quiet as Benrey finishes picking out his clothing, and doesn’t say anything when it’s a bit more than he’d suggested. He doesn’t comment on how Benrey keeps blinking, shutting his eyes harder than should be necessary. 

Should he apologize? Would that make things worse? It’s probably a conversation better suited for when they’re home. Or maybe Gordon’s just a coward.

Either way, Benrey seems done, so Gordon leads him over to the checkout. There’s only a couple cashiers available, with long lines on both, so Gordon grabs a magazine to look over, Benrey peering over his shoulder.

It’s one of the weirdo conspiracy ones, because those are always at least mildly entertaining. It’s mostly the usual kind of stuff - some random celebrity secretly died, this other celebrity secretly didn’t - but tucked off to the side he finds one thing that really piques his interest.

“Experimental Lab Blown Up By U.S. Government?” is the headline, and it seems to be accusing Black Mesa of “unethical and dangerous science” and claiming the government had it blown up to “protect citizens”.

“Benrey,” he says, about to point it out to him, only to realize Benrey has completely vanished. “Shit,” he mutters, pulling the cart out of line. Fuck. Where the hell did they go?

Gordon retraces the route they’d taken, heading back to the Men’s section. There - by the fitting room, he thinks he sees a person in a gray beanie duck past an employee.

She seems pretty distracted, luckily. Gordon abandons the cart, darting past her. “Benrey?” he calls out, poking his head into the empty stalls.

There’s only one closed door, all the way in the back. Fuck, Gordon hopes he didn’t just chase down a random person. He knocks on the door. “Benrey? You in there?”

“No,” Benrey says.

Gordon sighs. “Benrey, c’mon, just open the door. Please?”

The door swings open. Benrey stands there, head tilted down like the floor is the most interesting thing he’s ever seen. He’s shaking slightly, shoulders up around his ears, a couple of those dark translucent bubbles Gordon saw the night before floating around.

Gordon stays in the doorway, chewing on the inside of his lip as he tries to figure out what to say. “What’s going on?” is what he settles with, trying to keep his tone gentle. 

“‘s nothing,” Benrey mutters, still not looking up. “Uh, uh, I. I got bored standing in line. Yeah.”

“Dude, c’mon. I’m trying to help.” He might be some kind of terrifying fucked up alien, but right now, Gordon just feels kinda bad for him. Something has him upset.  

“Maybe I don’t want help. Idiot.”

The insult doesn’t piss him off like it usually would. There’s no bite behind it. 

“Is this about the shirt?”

Benrey’s quiet for a moment. “I saw the - the thing you were reading. About - y’know.” Gordon doesn’t speak, waiting to see if Benrey will say more. “‘s stupid,” they mumble.

“It’s not stupid if it’s got you this freaked out,” Gordon says.

Benrey’s fidgeting with their hat again, tugging on the ends of it. “BM’s not s’posed to be real,” he says finally. “None of it was. I thought - I thought it’d stay not-real.” Their hands are trembling, and they stop fidgeting with their beanie, pressing their hands together instead. A few more dark bubbles slip out. “I don’t wanna go back.”

“Black Mesa’s completely destroyed, dude. No one’s gonna make you go back.” It’s such a bizarre flip from how Benrey normally is, Gordon has no idea how to handle it. “No one’s alive to make you go back.”

“I don’t wanna go back,” Benrey says again, this time more of a choked whisper. Oh, fuck, he better not start crying. This is awkward enough as is.

“No one’s gonna make you go back,” Gordon repeats. “I - I promise.” He rubs the back of his neck, hoping he’s saying the right things. “I won’t let that happen.”

Benrey pitches forward suddenly, burying their face in Gordon’s shirt. Gordon wraps his arms around them almost on autopilot, reminded of Joshua when he’s upset.

“Shit,” he whispers. “Okay, uh. Just. Breathe, okay? You’re fine. Everything’s fine.”

There’s a sniffling sound. Gordon pats their back. Benrey’s definitely crying - Gordon can feel his shirt getting damp. He starts rubbing circles into their back, the same way he does with Joshua. 

The two of them stand there a while longer, Benrey continuing to cry into Gordon’s shirt while Gordon mumbles awkward assurances, until finally they pull back. 

“You okay?” Gordon asks. Benrey nods, wiping at their face.

“Let’s go,” he says, pushing past Gordon out of the fitting room.

What the fuck, Gordon thinks to himself. Clearly this is something they’re gonna need to talk about more. But. Later, when Benrey’s less likely to burst into tears again. 

They get through checkout without any trouble. Gordon doesn’t bother looking at any magazines this time, instead taking a moment to send a text to Tommy asking what the shadow-y bubbles mean. Benrey’s quiet, attention caught by the candy selection. Gordon reaches past him, grabbing a couple kit kats and a bag of skittles and adding them to their stack of stuff.

Once they’re in the car, Gordon passes Benrey one of the kit kats. “You big on candy?” he asks, opening his own.

Benrey looks over it quizzically. “Only really had like, the little...the foil ones. With the paper. Hershey’s kisses.”

“Oh, those suck,” Gordon says, snapping the kit kat. “Hershey used to fucking like, put sawdust in their chocolate. I don’t trust that shit.”

Benrey’s mouth drops open, candy bar forgotten. “What? Tommy said those are the best kinda chocolate.”

“Listen, I love Tommy, but - he does not have the best taste. I mean, fucking coolattas?”

Benrey shakes his head. “Can’t trust anyone.”

Gordon snorts. “Look, try the kit kat. Tell me what you think.”

It’s moments like these when Gordon regrets interacting with Benrey. He unwraps the kit kat and, instead of breaking it, bites directly into it.

“Crunchy,” he says.

It’s not even worth it to say anything, is it? Gordon just sighs as Benrey eats, leaning back in his seat. When Benrey’s done mangling his kit kat, he goes to shove the wrapper in his pocket, only to start laughing. Gordon squints at him, trying to figure out what he’s doing, and Benrey pulls something out of his pocket. Something blue, and glittery.

“Motherfucker. Did you steal the fucking lip gloss?”

He peels the plastic off with his teeth, licking the applicator. “Doesn’t taste like the kit kat,” he announces.

“Not all candy is chocolate.”

Benrey frowns. “I think it just tastes like glitter.”

“Glitter has a flavor?”

The drive home is...peaceful. Quiet, but not the awkward silence from earlier. Benrey’s making his way through the bag of skittles, bubbles of brightly coloured Sweet Voice following each different flavor.

It’s a few hours later that Gordon gets a response from Tommy.

Dark like the shade means “I’m afraid”

[bubbyleh]

I See La Vie en Rose - Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Meet the Family

Out of all the other Gods, Tommy's gotta say, his friendship with Gordon is the most unique. Which isn't a bad thing, necessarily! It's simply that the context in which Gordon knows Tommy is, comparatively, different than the others.

After all, excluding Joshua, Gordon's the only one who's younger than Tommy. And Tommy’s not sure if Gordon remembers this, but he was the one who took care of Gordon before his ascension was complete. Sure, it was mostly babysitting a glowing orb, but he also had to protect it from Benrey! Who, uh… was not doing so good back then.

Things were good between them. Out of everyone else, Tommy thinks he trusts Gordon the most to be honest with him. At least he knows that Gordon isn't hiding some dark, unholy experience that could threaten their lives!

It's a nice morning. Tommy had been texting on and off with Darnold when he got a message from Gordon, asking if he could come over to take a break. Well, Tommy isn’t one to deny Gordon a break! Which is how Gordon ends up sitting in Tommy’s kitchen with him.

“You know what I miss most?” Gordon asks. “Coffee.”

Tommy raises an eyebrow. “You can- you can still drink coffee.”

That clearly hits a sore spot, because Gordon sighs and slumps over the table. “It’s not… it isn’t the same. I don’t get the same kinda energy anymore.”

“I get energy from most food.”

“But not like you’d get with coffee,” Gordon explains. “You weren’t ever mortal, so coffee never affected you like it’s supposed to. It...” He waves his hand around, trying to find the words. “Regular food keeps you moving, sure, but coffee wakes you up. Energizes. Kinda wish it still worked on me, these days.”

Dang, that sounds good. Tommy lets his shoulders sag. “No- no kidding.”

“But, hey! Speaking of mortality…” Gordon nudges Tommy with an elbow.

“Oh no,” Tommy groans. “Not you too.”

Gordon raises his hands. Or well, his hand and magical substitute for a hand. “I’m just curious! Tell me about him.”

Tommy gives Gordon a look. Gordon smiles back.

“Alright,” Tommy relents. “But you- you can’t go around telling everyone, okay? Promise?”

“I promise not to tell everybody,” Gordon says, and Tommy, like an idiot, trusts him.

Tommy takes a deep breath. “So, um. His name is Darnold.”

☆○☆○☆

It turns out, Gordon takes the first loophole he can find and runs with it. Tommy doesn’t realize until Coomer pokes fun at him for “texting Darnold” that, perhaps, some information has been leaked. So Tommy heads to confront the source, finding Gordon sitting in his home with Benrey and Joshua, the latter of whom are waving cowboy toys at each other on the floor.

“Uh, hey guys,” Tommy says, but he’s quick to get to the point. “Gordon?”

“Hey Tommy, what’s up?” Gordon asks, in a tone that’s a little bit too casual.

“Do you re-remember the thing I told you not to talk about?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“Did you- did you talk about it?”

Gordon nods once. “Yeah.”

Tommy feels all the unease in his chest fall away into annoyance. “Why did you do that? You- you promised not to tell anybody!”

“I promised not to tell everybody,” Gordon counters, and he holds up a finger. “I only told Benrey.”

Benrey pipes up. “I told everyone.”

“Great,” Tommy says, but he’s so annoyed he wants to bury Gordon alive for a decade.

Gordon raises his hands in front of himself. “They all kept asking me, man! I figured if I only told Benrey, then you couldn’t really blame me.”

Tommy shoots a glance towards Benrey. Benrey currently has a small toy cowboy hat in his mouth.

“I- I can totally blame you for this,” Tommy concludes, holding the same tone as a teenager who found their younger sibling had stolen their clothes.

☆○☆○☆

If it had ended with a little bit more knowledgeable teasing, then maybe Tommy would have gotten over it quicker. Or at least, gotten used to it, since he doubted either his crush on Darnold or his family’s relentlessness would be disappearing anytime soon. Tommy can deal with a few jokes and headlocks, he’s been at this for five-hundred years!

But, when accounting for everything they’ve ever done, Bubby and Coomer knock it out of the ballpark when they unexpectedly show up in the middle of Tommy’s walk with Darnold.

Which! Is not! A romantic walk! Tommy just mentioned that he was taking Sunkist on a walk soon, and well, Darnold asked to come along! It’s not romantic if Sunkist is there.

"Hello there, Tommy!" Coomer says, acting as though their meeting were complete happenstance.

"Uh, he-hello Mr. Coomer. Mr. Bubby." Tommy has a feeling he would be a little more coherent if it weren't for the fact Coomer and Bubby have gone planetside for social reasons for the first time in what must be three hundred years.

Coomer continues on despite Tommy’s lost expression. “I must say, it’s quite the coincidence to run into you today! We had no idea you were about.”

“None at all,” Bubby echoes, the lie seeping into the edge of his voice.

“Er, Tommy?” Darnold asks, and it’s enough for Tommy to realize he has to do damage control now.

“Oh! Darnold this- these are my-” Tommy stumbles over his words. “They’re… I’ve known them my-my whole life?”

“You must be Darnold!” Coomer exclaims, as though he didn’t already know that. He holds out a hand, obviously distracting Darnold from some sort of mental calculation he was doing. “Tommy’s spoken so much about you! I’m Coomer, and this is my husband, Bubby.”

Darnold nervously shakes Coomer’s hand, only to feel every single bone in his own be crushed. “It’s… nice to meet you,” Darnold says, trying to play off his pained wince. “Tommy talks about me?”

Tommy can feel his heart rate go through the roof.

“Not with us, really,” Bubby quips. “We’re the old folk. He doesn’t talk to us about this sort of stuff.” He looks right at Tommy as he talks. Before anyone else has a chance to respond, he starts again. “You’re an alchemist, right?”

“Oh, yeah!” Darnold awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve made quite a few interesting potions!”

Bubby rolls his eyes. “Yeah, well. It isn’t real magic, though.”

“Bubby!” Coomer chides.

“I’m just saying!” Bubby says. “As something of a pyromancer, alchemy’s too physical. Too grounded.”

Darnold’s eye twitches. “Too… grounded? Who are you to say my potions aren’t magic enough!?”

Great! Perfect! The ideal scenario that Tommy always knew would happen!

“Me?” Bubby raises an eyebrow. “I’m the greatest pyromancer who ever lived! So, of course, I know a thing or two about magic.”

“You can’t be that good. I’ve never heard of you!”

Bubby cackles. “I’m sure you have.”

Okay, the active antagonizing was one thing, but now Bubby’s getting way too close to the truth for comfort! Not even thinking, Tommy grabs Darnold’s wrist with his free hand and drags him past the old men.

“It was nice seeing you Mr. Bubby and Mr. Coomer but we- we really have to go now bye!” Tommy shouts behind him.

Only after they round the street corner does Darnold look at Tommy and say, “What a rude person.”

Tommy shrugs, falling back into a slower pace. “He’s- he’s always been like that. I think it means he likes you?”

Darnold has that look on his face again, like he’s puzzling something out. Then, he looks back up at Tommy. “So your family likes me?”

☆○☆○☆

All the Gods quickly become common sights whenever Tommy heads down to see Darnold. So far, all the appearances they’ve made have been fairly innocuous, such as “bumping into” Gordon at the coffee shop or “passing by” Benrey on the sidewalk. Darnold’s met all of them, by now, not that Tommy had much of a say in the matter. Well, all but one.

“Hello, Tommy.”

Tommy had been so focused on petting Sunkist, whose head rested in his lap, that he hadn’t heard the footsteps approach him. He smiles as his father sits down next to him.

“H-hey, Dad,” Tommy says.

It’s a pleasant evening. The three of them sit together on the edge of the cloud, and for a moment, Tommy thinks about when he was younger and scenes like this were more common. When the world was a little less scary, or at least, scary in ways that it isn’t now.

They don’t get time like this anymore. Ironic, considering Gman is the God of Time, but true nonetheless. Tommy’s about to lean against him, but his father suddenly speaks up.

“You’ve been. Heading down, to Earth. Recently,” he says, and immediately, Tommy gets what he’s implying.

Tommy sighs. “You… Benrey told you, didn’t he?”

“Yes.” He pauses. “Tommy, I. Trust you to, make… good decisions.”

Here it comes. You can’t, you shouldn’t. He’s a mortal and he’ll die. He could be a cultist and you wouldn’t even know. Don’t give out special treatment, you’re above that.

But the way Tommy’s heart races when the light catches Darnold’s eyes. Or when he realizes how close the two of them are standing and he can’t breathe. Or Darnold’s smile! The most beautiful thing he’s ever seen!

“What you, do with him is. Up to you, but. I will be there, for you, no matter what, you choose.”

Some invisible weight lifts itself from Tommy’s shoulders, because of course Gman wants him to be happy. Even though they’re both so busy right now, his father loves him. Always has.

Tommy rests his head on Gman’s shoulder. He can’t help but feel that, whatever has them all worried, it can’t be too bad.