#the whole song is fantastic its like falling in love or whacking off

[dockaspbrak]

this is so good. If you love a good crescendo, skip to 5:40 😵‍💫

[asmolbirb]

A Dandelion By Any Other Name

Pairing: Geralt/Jaskier Rating: K Word count: ~3.7k AO3 link in the notes (as I’m not sure whether Tumblr is still hiding posts with external links from the search)

“Something’s wrong with him. I need you to fix it,” Geralt growls. He’s holding Jaskier by the back of his collar, and he pushes Jaskier forward now, in case Yennefer had any doubt who he meant. 

“It’s really nothing,” Jaskier babbles. “A temporary affliction. I’ll be right as rain within the fortnight, don’t you fret.” He pauses. Then he goes limp in Geralt’s grip, causing Geralt to lose his balance for a split second. “On second thought, Geralt, I’m feeling quite weak, and also feverish, and there’s a strange ache in my right thumb. There’s nothing for it, I shall simply have to ride on Roach while I recover, though I warn you this illness is nigh incurable–”

“He seems fine,” Yennefer observes, speaking over Jaskier.

Geralt only shakes his head. He lets go of Jaskier, who crumples to the floor with a surprised cry, to shrug his pack off his shoulder and root around in its depths. After a moment, he pulls out something clutched delicately in a loose fist, and when Yennefer reaches out for it, he unfurls his fingers to drop a single dandelion into her palm. 

Jaskier has picked himself up off the floor by now. He brushes himself off with exaggerated gestures. He is conspicuously silent.

“He’s been coughing those up for at least a week. Maybe longer,” Geralt explains. “He won’t tell me when it began.”

Yennefer examines the bedraggled flower. Half of its yellow petals are missing, and the brown center is coarse to the touch. “He’s been coughing full blossoms for the past week?”

“He is right here, and he’s telling you, he’s fine,” Jaskier insists again. He is summarily ignored.

“Yes,” Geralt says to Yennefer. “Is it a curse?”

Yennefer huffs a laugh and rolls the flower between her fingers, watching as a few more petals detach from its center and float to the ground. “Some might call it that.” She turns her gaze to Jaskier, and Geralt does the same. Jaskier’s eyes are wide, a plea writ large upon his face. When he catches Yennefer looking, he shakes his head slightly. Whatever he is asking doesn’t seem to deter her, though, because she smirks and says, “Your bard’s in love. Rather desperately so, if the state of this blossom is any indication.”

“Fuck,” says Jaskier. 

“Love?” says Geralt.

“There is no cure,” says Yennefer. “At least, there is none that I can offer. The flowers feed on unrequited feelings; whoever he loves must return his feelings in order to starve the flowers of their fuel, and no potion in the world can force someone to love another. Now, I can offer a palliative measure--”

“No,” Jaskier says quickly, all humor gone from his voice. “I know the treatment of which you speak, and I don’t want it. I’ll deal with this myself.”

Geralt rounds on him. “You’re no healer,” he points out. “If there is a treatment, take it! Even a temporary reprieve may give you time to seek another cure.”

But Jaskier only shakes his head. “It isn’t that easy,” he says, and he sounds weary to the bone, stripped of all the pretenses he dons like a second doublet. “All magic comes with a price. Isn’t that right, witch?”

Yennefer nods. “The treatment temporarily removes the flowers by utterly eradicating the victim’s affections,” she explains to Geralt. “With nothing to root in, the flowers will wither. But the flowers are not uprooted entirely, and if he were to fall in love again, they would return, this time doubled in quantity. At that point, the only outcomes are true cure or death.”

“I would have to be a fool to willfully hasten my own death,” says Jaskier. Silence reigns for a long moment. Then Jaskier brightens, albeit with visible effort. “Do you both have cotton stuffed in your ears? As I’ve been saying all this time, this affliction is temporary, and this little detour was a complete waste of time. Come along, Geralt, you’ve got monsters to kill, and I, ballads to compose.” So saying, he heads for the door, leaving Geralt and Yennefer standing alone in the foyer of the abandoned cottage she has claimed for herself. 

“He will die without the treatment, unless he is able to eradicate his feelings himself,” Yennefer says as Geralt shoulders his pack once more. She holds the flower out to him, but he shakes his head in silent refusal, and she crushes it instead, releasing a shower of brown and golden dust. Geralt can just make out patches of faint yellow smeared upon her fingertips. “The disease starts with petals and progresses to full-stemmed flowers. For him to have been coughing blossoms for a week already… It would be kinder to put him out of his misery than let him suffer through the rest.”

Geralt grunts in acknowledgement. With a final nod of thanks, he turns to follow after Jaskier.

“Men and their pride,” he hears Yennefer sigh just before the door closes.

--

Jaskier refuses to stay with Yennefer, going so far as to threaten to steal away on Roach in the middle of the night if Geralt tries to keep him here against his will. 

“You could try,” Geralt says in a low tone. Nonetheless, he sets a course for the nearest town. It is a detour from the border they had originally been pushing toward, but Geralt would prefer to have a healer close at hand in case Jaskier’s condition deteriorates further.

If Jaskier notices Geralt nudging Roach further to the west, he says nothing of it. Instead, he keeps up a constant stream of chatter, pausing only to retch dandelions into the tallgrass every so often. They set up camp once the sun has sunk beneath the horizon, leaving in its wake a painted sky and a noticeable chill. As Jaskier works on setting a pile of kindling aflame, Geralt leaves to hunt down dinner; when he returns, wild fowl in hand, he catches Jaskier trying unsuccessfully to hide the growing pile of dandelion blossoms tucked in against his lute case. 

“Who’s the unlucky woman?” Geralt asks, stepping into the firelight.

Jaskier starts, dandelions spilling from his hands. He hastily brushes them away. “Gods, Geralt, must you always sneak up on me? This is why you have an image problem, you know. Don’t get me wrong, the whole tall, dark, and murderous vibe is fantastic -- really brings out the color of your eyes -- but the skulking tips you firmly into the realm of, well, somewhat unhinged.”

Geralt only glares at Jaskier, waiting for him to tire himself out, and sets about roasting the fowl.

“Anyway, killing my beloved won’t cure me,” Jaskier continues blithely, “so don’t even think about it. Not all problems can be solved by whacking away at them with those oversized butter knives you carry around.” He settles cross-legged next to the fire with his lute balanced across his knees and strums a few chords.

“Then how?”

Jaskier shrugs, picks out a quick flurry of staccato notes. It is not a melody Geralt has heard Jaskier play before, and with a flash of surprise, Geralt realizes Jaskier is nervous, is using the lute as a shield, seeking a familiar comfort in the midst of an uncomfortable conversation. “The same as any disease: by letting it run its course.”

“You mean to let it kill you.”

“Would you miss me?” Jaskier asks, and he sounds genuinely curious, as though he has no idea how Geralt might answer. “Would you think of me, from time to time? When you have to bathe yourself and can’t quite reach all the parts that ache, you’ll regret showing no thanks when I was there to handle such unpleasantries for you.” Jaskier clicks his tongue. “I can’t bear the thought of you downtrodden with guilt, wishing you had shown me proper appreciation while I was alive. For the sake of sparing you such a depressing fate, I shall fall upon the sword and graciously allow you to shower me with compliments. Go on, Geralt, do your worst.”

“How can you be so nonchalant about your impending death?” Geralt snarls.

Jaskier scoffs. “Oh, that’s rich, coming from you. Geralt, you have, on multiple occasions, willingly waded into the cavernous maw of a selkiemore. You have lost all right to comment on the nonchalance with which I may or may not approach my impending death.”

Geralt shifts uncomfortably. It’s different for him. Every bone in his body, every ounce of blood that flows through his veins, has been intentionally tailored to keep him alive even in the face of certain death. Jaskier, on the other hand, is indescribably fragile. Geralt could break him without expending any conscious thought. Quite a few things could break Jaskier without expending any conscious thought. Including, apparently, Jaskier himself. 

“Besides, this whole conversation is pointless, seeing as I won’t die of this,” Jaskier adds. “Feelings are ephemeral, as you well know, Witcher. These, too, will fade, and the garden in my lungs with them.”

“Then take the treatment. If you mean to cast off your feelings regardless, quicken the process and spare yourself this pain. This uncertainty.”

Jaskier smiles and strums another series of chords. Something about the notes infuses the air with a melancholy that lingers even after the song fades. “A fool’s errand. Have you ever been in love, Geralt?” He doesn’t wait for Geralt to answer. “You would find as many descriptions of love as creatures that have walked this soil. For a cuckolded husband, love is an empty promise, a harbinger of heartache; for the devilishly handsome man climbing out the window, love is sweeter than wine and indescribably more potent. And yet there is one overarching constant, and that is that love burrows into your soul. It builds itself a little house and plants its roots into your heart, until it is so intricately braided into the core of your being that to rip it out would be almost more painful than letting it tear you to shreds in the first place.” He looks up at Geralt, and his smile doesn’t reach his eyes anymore. His fingers dance absently across the strings of his lute, repeating certain sequences once, twice, before tripping into another partial melody. “I would simply be trading one pain for another, don’t you see? It’s as much a part of me as all the rest. And what good is a life without the things that make it worth living?”

Geralt watches him in silence. In Geralt’s experience, the things that make life worth living only carry meaning if one is alive to enjoy them. “No love is worth dying for,” he says finally. 

With a loud gasp, Jaskier clutches his lute to his chest and shoots a scandalized look at Geralt. “He doesn’t mean it, darling,” he croons to the instrument. His eyes flutter shut as he presses his cheek to its neck. “You are worth the world to me. I would face a coven of succubi without fear to keep you free of harm.”

Geralt studies Jaskier: the tension stiffening his shoulders, the way his lips are pursed as though to suppress a cough. After a moment, Geralt decides to allow Jaskier the out. “And where would you find a coven of succubi interested in enticing you?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

“You’re a horrible friend, Geralt,” Jaskier comments, but there is no heat in his voice, and his shoulders loosen fractionally. He turns away to litter the ground with more dandelions, and Geralt has an unsettling feeling that he has only acquired more questions in his quest for answers. 

--

Jaskier wakes up with a rasp in his voice and dandelions clustered on either side of his bedroll, evidence of a fitful sleep interrupted by his need to periodically clear his airways of detritus. The yellow blossoms are interspersed with flecks of green from leaves and budding stems that have joined the mix. Geralt frowns at the sight. Despite Jaskier’s protestations, it is clear his disease is worsening. The realization sits uncomfortably in Geralt’s stomach, like days-old meat or sour milk.

They break down camp in companionable silence, with Jaskier pretending his sleeplessness was due to the rough ground and humid air and Geralt pretending he doesn’t see the flecks of blood painting the ground near Jaskier’s lute. Despite the obvious pain Jaskier is in, he acts as though nothing is amiss, and he spends most of the day working on a ballad to commemorate Geralt’s recent victory over a pack of drowners. 

It is easy to let Jaskier’s voice fade into the background as Geralt mulls over what little he has gleaned in the past 24 hours. Desperately in love, Yennefer had said, and yet Jaskier has given no indication of having fallen in love at any point in the past few months; he has not slipped away to engage in any clandestine trysts, nor has he bemoaned the abrupt and dramatic departure of a paramour. He has prattled about fair-haired maidens here and there, but never for long. Certainly never to the extent of suggesting someone had built a home in his soul.

Nonetheless, some such suitor must exist. If the flowers were not evidence enough, Jaskier had all but admitted it when he’d cautioned Geralt -- rather unnecessarily, in Geralt’s opinion -- against violence the night before. 

That must mean, then, that Jaskier is willfully keeping the identity of his beloved secret from Geralt.

The irritation churning in Geralt’s belly grows. Of course Jaskier owes Geralt nothing, not company nor gratitude nor his heart bared upon his sleeve, and it is his right to keep whatever secrets he wishes. But Jaskier has never been one for discretion, has in fact made a point of oversharing and bestowing upon Geralt knowledge he had never asked for, and Geralt doesn’t know how to respond to being locked out by the bard now.

Anger coils tight in Geralt’s chest, leaves the taste of wood ash ground into the backs of his teeth. Would Jaskier have ever told Geralt that he had fallen for someone if Geralt had not seen the flowers tumbling from his lips? Would he have waited until his throat was bloody from the violence of his coughing, until he was gasping for breath between bouquets of dandelions? Or would he have left Geralt to wake up only to find Jaskier cold to the touch, lute cradled delicately in his arms, chest still, a spray of dandelions peeking between his lips-- 

“Oren for your thoughts?” Jaskier says, breaking Geralt out of his reverie. “You’ve been quiet today, Geralt. Quieter than normal. Don’t tell me my melodic stylings have finally wooed you! I appreciate you coming to your senses, of course, but perhaps you could delay that epiphany by a day or two? This unfinished mess of a song is hardly a shining exemplar of my talents. It would be the height of embarrassment to have rendered you speechless with this.”

Maybe Geralt still feels a little wrong-footed by realizing Jaskier is a better actor than Geralt had thought, or maybe it is simply the nature of things that churn in the belly to come rushing back through the mouth, but Geralt blurts out, before he’s quite figured out the rest of what he wants to say, “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“Tell you what, exactly?” Jaskier asks slowly, sounding lost. “That the ballad is unfinished? I wouldn’t have thought you needed that made explicit, considering your two very functional ears and all.”

Geralt grunts impatiently. “Your disease,” he says. “You knew what it was from the start. Why did you hide it?”

That hunted expression is back, thinning Jaskier’s lips and hunching his shoulders and sending his gaze skittering sideways. “Because there was nothing to tell,” Jaskier hedges. “I’m simply a fool who has given my heart to another, and now I’m on a quest to retrieve it. It’s not really a team activity, is it?” His lips quirk up in the ghost of a smile.

A shadow passes over his face then, and he holds up a finger, says, “Give me one moment, please,” and disappears into the underbrush just as wretched coughs begin to wrack his body. 

Geralt nudges Roach to a stop and waits. Jaskier emerges some minutes later, breath ragged, a yellow floret clinging to his bottom lip. “What was I saying?” he asks.

Geralt’s eyes are drawn instantly to the splash of yellow, such a stark contrast against the pink of Jaskier’s lips, the piercing blue of Jaskier’s eyes. He is no closer to knowing who has planted dandelions in Jaskier’s lungs, nor why Jaskier is running away from them instead of into their arms, nor what Geralt has done to lose Jaskier’s trust and confidence so thoroughly. But it is becoming glaringly evident that Jaskier doesn’t want to talk about this, least of all with Geralt, and Geralt refuses to push him on the only boundary he has ever set for the sake of slaking Geralt’s own selfish curiosity.

“Hmm,” he says after a moment, instead of what if you’re wrong, instead of what if you fail, and he pushes Roach forward so he won’t have to see Jaskier spitting blood into his handkerchief. 

--

Moonlight illuminates the planes of Jaskier’s face, highlights the bridge of his nose and the expanse of his forehead peeking out from beneath messy night-blackened locks. The fire has died down to a pile of glowing embers littered with the bones of their dinner, and in the distance, Geralt can hear a coyote calling. Geralt can hear a great many things, actually, even without having consumed the appropriate potion: the rhythmic chirping of crickets permeating every inch of the night, the whisper of wind rushing through the foliage, the way Jaskier’s breath rattles in his chest.

He traces Jaskier’s recumbent figure with his eyes and wonders how long Jaskier will be able to sleep tonight before the need to breathe wrenches him awake. Nearly every blossom passing through his lips now is anchored to a stem, though the stems extend only a few centimeters before tapering to jagged ends sticky with sap. Even without knowing when Jaskier first started coughing up dandelion petals, Geralt can see that Jaskier doesn’t have much time left, but the nearest town is still a day’s ride away, and a longer journey by foot.

Getting Jaskier to a healer quickly won’t matter, though, if Jaskier refuses the treatment anyway. Jaskier seems hellbent on throwing his life away, and for what? The thrill of butterflies in his stomach? Some poetic notion of embodying the same grandeur he romanticizes in his songs? 

Respect may not make history, but dead bards tell no tales. Or something like that. Geralt has never been good with words, not like Jaskier. 

That’s why Jaskier was the one to finally rehabilitate Geralt’s reputation, after all, and that, too, with only a single song. Geralt has no doubt he would have spent his whole life trying unsuccessfully to outrun the shadow Blaviken had cast upon him had Jaskier not chanced upon him in Posada. It is Jaskier who can sway whole courts in his favor while Geralt stands aside and watches, Jaskier whose coin pays for rooms in inns and bath salts and new clothes. Jaskier is the one with the ability to grasp at straws and spin golden tales from them. 

It is not a talent Geralt has ever wanted -- silence is a powerful weapon in its own right -- but it is one he has come to appreciate. He cannot deny it is easier to rend a wyvern in half when he has the prospect of a warm bath to look forward to, and Jaskier’s gentle hands washing the grime from his hair besides. It is easier to stomach three nights of tasteless wild game when he knows Jaskier’s songs will earn them flagons of mulled ale at the next tavern. It is easier to shrug away the insults still occasionally hurled his way, the fear and disgust that so often paint the faces of the very people who hire him, when he has only to look to Jaskier to find admiration and fascination and laughter and--

“Ah,” says Geralt, realizing quite suddenly that there is a warmth in his chest, as though someone has snuck into his heart and built a home there, a crooked little thing with a furnace that heats him through to his core. Somewhere along the way, Jaskier has woven himself indelibly into the tapestry of Geralt’s life, and the thought of untangling their threads no longer fills Geralt with the relief it once did. 

And then-- “Fuck,” says Geralt, remembering that Jaskier is desperately in love with someone who isn’t Geralt, so deeply that he is willing to die for them. Come morning, they will both be coughing up flowers, side by side. And isn’t that disgustingly poetic, to offer a garden to someone who already has one growing in his lungs? The both of them hurt, both of them hurting, wanting and unwanted, together and yet both so utterly alone. 

The story of Geralt’s life: It’s like something out of one of Jaskier’s ballads.

--

Geralt awakens to Jaskier’s face blocking his field of vision. Jaskier’s eyes are wide, his lips slightly parted. It is a rare sight, as Jaskier has never been one to relinquish the comfort of a lazy morning without incentive, and Geralt immediately fears the worst. His gaze flies to Jaskier’s bedroll, where he prays he won’t yet see the long stems that signify the final stages of the disease. 

Thankfully, he doesn’t. 

In fact, he doesn’t see any flowers at all, only a handful of loose yellow florets scattered upon the ground, occasionally being shuffled about by the light morning breeze. 

“If you change your mind,” Jaskier says shakily, drawing Geralt’s attention back to him, “I’ll kill you. Not only for breaking my heart twice over, but for sentencing me to death by dandelion, of all the blasted flowers on the Continent. Do you know how few things rhyme with dandelion? I couldn’t have had roses or lilies or sage growing in my lungs, just waiting to be immortalized in song?”

“If I change my mind, I’ll give you the sword myself,” Geralt tells Jaskier, and drags him into a kiss that tastes of dandelion and desperation and something worth dying for. 

[sibyl-of-space]

Finished a binge re-play of Ocarina of Time (3D) for the first time in a very, very long time. Long-winded thoughts below.

Disclaimer: I played the original n64 version (red blood Ganondorf and all) ad NAUSEUM as a kid. It was by far in my top 3 most-played video games, and if you all know me you know that I don’t play a lot of video games, I play the same few over and over and over and become obsessed with them. As such, OoT is not new to me. I also played the 3D version once before, but it was over the course of several years when I was in college and that was a no-lens-of-truth run for the heck of it. I have not touched either since though, so this is the freshest eyes I’ve had on the game since I was probably about 6-7 years old seeing it for the first time. Do keep in mind though that I already knew virtually all the easter eggs and secrets and story and progression and had a vague recollection of the vast majority of dungeon concepts/puzzles before going in, because this game was my entire world for many formative years.

This game has really excellent dungeons. I ranked them below because I was inspired by my friend ML’s ranking (in fact a desire to rank them myself is what caused me to binge replay this in the first place), but honestly I found all of them engaging. My least favorite was ice cavern but even ice cavern has a really cool atmosphere and an interesting concept, it’s just a bit tedious and bottle management gameplay is not particularly fun to me.

1. Spirit Temple - unlike Shadow which uses invisible walls as a mechanic to trick you, Spirit subverts every single mechanic and puzzle you've encountered so far to really throw you. It's extremely clever. The ambience and overall design is also just excellent.

2. Forest Temple - gameplay wise it is fine but as the first adult temple it REALLY sets the scale and tone for the latter portion of your adventure; the vibe in this temple is just so fucking cool. The sacred forest meadow honestly does come off as sacred, ancient, and haunted but in an ethereal way as opposed to a spooky way. Ooh, I love it.

3. Ganon's Tower - the concept is excellent and the execution is solid, the medallion portion is interesting but the gauntlet up to Ganondorf with increasingly loud organ music and hallways filled with bats and just cool fights and great atmosphere makes this one of the sickest final dungeons I can think of. I was starting to be like "eh maybe the medallion rooms are a bit underwhelming" and then I got hit with the fakeout room in Light that just won me over with how cheeky it was. All the medallion rooms felt a bit like Spirit temple with how they played with expectations, which (ironically?) made the spirit portion actually the least good.

4. Gerudo Fortress - I'm counting mini dungeons and the whole espionage thing is just SO much fun. Break into a thieves’ hideout, jump across rooftops and shoot people with your bow to sneak past them?? WHAT IS NOT TO LOVE?????

5. Water Temple - okay I gotta say this replay really sold me on water temple. It's a cool concept and a fantastic atmosphere, and 3DS quality of life changes (boot swap ease of access + very clearly visually marked water level change rooms) made me actually thoroughly enjoy playing it. Also Dark Link is rightfully hailed as one of the coolest, if not the coolest, miniboss(es) in the game, so extra points there.

6. Bottom of the Well - Shadow's invisible wall mechanic is much more interesting when you can't see through them and everything is a potential trap. Falling down to the basement does get frustrating but that room where you light torches to open coffins and a FLOATING GIBDO EMERGES makes up for it, holy crap. Shadow Temple is underwhelming because Bottom of the Well already did what it tries to do but better.

7. Dodongo's Cavern - hey man I like blowing up dinosaurs this dungeon is just solid 0 complaints

8. Fire Temple - Fire Temple is also solid I just a) am so used to the original music that this version feels empty and lacking atmosphere by comparison, and b) find the above temples cooler. Shout out to dragon whack-a-mole boss fight though.

9. Shadow Temple - this suffers from being the only temple I really had completely memorized (I think my weenie friends* must have made me beat it for them as kids) so playing it this time was really just going through the motions; it didn’t get the chance to win me over because I remembered all of it and nothing particularly stuck out to me as being super clever. The boat ride, however, is sick as hell.

(*disclaimer: I was also a weenie. Shadow Temple scared the absolute pants off of me. But I clearly played it enough times that the entire thing was etched into my memory regardless, so.)

10. Deku Tree - does its job as tutorial dungeon, nice atmosphere, thats about all there is to say.

11. Jabu-Jabu's Belly - redeeming feature is using Ruto as a projectile. Throwing her at the ceiling switches will never not be hilarious. Honestly not a bad dungeon, merely gross and I like the other ones better.

12. Ice Cavern - I used to dread Ice Cavern; this time around I just found it tedious. The atmosphere is successful - it really feels cold and chilling - but not appealing enough to make up for it being dull and kind of annoying. Has the potential to be really cool if the blue fire were used in a more interesting way than “fill your bottles and dump them elsewhere.”

BUT, I feel it would be a complete disservice to my younger self and my younger self’s reasons for playing this game so much, if I focus completely on dungeons and disproportionately on gameplay in a review. Because while gameplay is a huge reason I kept going back to it (hard to want to go back to a game if it isn't fun to play), that’s not what made me love it so much, and a replay has given me fresher eyes to enjoy everything else it has to offer.

Ocarina of Time creates a world and a story that I deeply cared about, and revisiting as an adult, I find if anything I have more take-aways than I did previously. I have always really enjoyed coming-of-age narratives when done well, and this is a coming-of-age narrative done REMARKABLY well. You see dumb bratty kids doing dumb bratty kid things and then see the mature people they’ve grown into 7 years later; the game does not make the mistake of projecting a personality onto a voiceless protagonist, but it does imply a narrative arc for him (and you) regardless just through how strong and cool and awesome you get by the end and all the rad shit you’ve accomplished over the course of the game. It manages to very, very successfully make its story about other characters who DO have personalities, but also make you as the blank slate mc cool guy hero very much have a part in that story that feels very earned and satisfying.

Link doesn’t have a personality. You can project whatever the hell you want onto him or nothing at all. Ocarina of Time makes that *work*, because it doesn’t try to frame him as either ~adult in a child’s body~ or ~child in adult’s body~, it just lets you experience the literal growth from a kid who has to jump to reach ledges and has to thwack things twice with a slingshot and tiny sword, to an adult who can LAUNCH MASSIVE PILLARS INTO THE AIR and one-shot previously difficult enemies, and interpret that however you will. I think the most powerful example of this is going back in time again after doing several adult temples, and entering the bottom of the well, where you see enemies you’ve previously only encountered as an adult, and feel confident that you can tackle them as a child, too.

I really love these kinds of narratives. Where the growth of the main character is purely in the sense of you as the player becoming more adept and stronger, and the context of the story makes that mean something, but the game doesn’t try and pretend the avatar itself has a 3-dimensional personality.

I also think the balance between narrative and gameplay is excellent once it hits its groove. The beginning is very hand-holdy (Navi taught me how to open a door after I had already opened a door elsewhere because she’s scripted to do it at a specific door even though you can technically get to a later one first. lol), and I very firmly believe that with Saria’s Song as a device that lets you seek advice when you want to, it is completely unnecessary to have Navi yell at you what she thinks you should be doing. That said, the game doesn’t stop you from doing whatever the hell you want, and the number and depth of dungeons makes exploring and killing stuff by FAR the meat of the game, over the story. There is a suggested dungeon order, but you have some freedom if you’d rather do them a bit out of order, and there is a LOT of fun side stuff you can do and get rewarded for.

Most of that side stuff is an excellent way to highlight the humor in this game. If you beat Malon’s horse race record she mails a literal fucking cow to your house. Your house in Kokiri Forest. You just show up and there is a fucking cow in your house. That is the funniest thing that has ever happened in a game in the history of forever, sorry. You can race the running man, and all of the other sidequests in the game make you think there is a beatable goal you’ll be rewarded for, and the fucker just goes “lol good try but I beat you by one second. :)” You can blow up the Gossip Stones and they turn into rocketships and launch into space. After you beat the game, and have a really poignant moment with Princess Zelda where she sends you back in time, there is a completely out of nowhere dance party featuring the entire cast in celebration. The game does not try to explain this. It just gives you a dance party, and after such a bittersweet finale and such a fun and engaging game, a no-context dance party is exactly what it needs. A line o Gerudo doing the can-can? Thank you, yes please.

There is SO much that this game does not feel any need to justify in-game, that it simply puts in there because it is fun or cool or both, and I appreciate that so much. There are easter eggs out the butt (still haven’t bothered catching the Hylian Loach and I have still NEVER found the sinking lure despite following every guide in existence). Most of the temples imply some sort of greater history that is not even the slightest bit touched on. It has a very cohesive “core” game that has a start-to-finish suggested progression and a matching narrative, and it has absolute mountains of random shit outside of that it in no way pretends to justify. It explains just enough to give it ground to stand on, but no more, leaving you with more questions than answers. That ambiguity drove me nuts as a kid, but now, I think it’s also why I kept coming back. I wanted answers the game wouldn’t give me so I felt compelled to try and find them myself.

Ocarina of Time’s ending is incredible in ways I am just now able to appreciate. First of all, Zelda is like “I’m gonna send you back in time now” and pulls up the Ocarina and instead of playing the Song of Time which everything in the game implies she should, she plays Zelda’s Lullaby and hesitates just enough on the last note as you are sent back in the past - oof, that’s a good moment. The entire game you’re told about how the Kokiri can’t survive outside of the forest and suddenly they’re at Lon Lon Ranch having a dance party. You walk away from the Master Sword and seal it back in the temple, but nonsensically are then able to meet Zelda in her garden as if nothing had happened, meaning she sent you back so far it erased not just the adult timeline but also everything you accomplished as a child too? So many questions, but the fact that it does not even bother to answer them and just leaves you with such an open-ended image of you and Zelda as kids, calling back to that very early moment after the first dungeon in the game, and you can interpret for yourself what exactly that means.

I’m getting rambly (HAHA as if I’m ever not) so I should wrap this up shortly. Ocarina of Time’s ending is why I am so vehemently opposed to the concept of a ~Zelda Timeline~. The ending is nonsensical if you try to apply concrete logic to it. This game proposes ideas and makes me feel a certain way about them and the ending succeeds in providing just enough closure to make me satisfied and just enough open-ness that makes me want to keep coming back to it to experience it again. It’s not an open-and-shut piece of history of a fake world, it’s a really remarkable journey thats ambiguity is what allows it to feel so very magical.

Ooh boy I can’t wait to replay MM again, but that is a game I’ve never stopped playing, so it’ll be anything but fresh. It hits different right after completing OoT, though. The only way to follow up on a story like Ocarina of Time is to be even MORE batshit, ambiguous, and loose with your definition of how time works.

[rickygoldman331]

Hi guys Ricky Goldman here and time for another blog. Once again its THE BIG ONE and its night 2.

The co hosts Hulk Hogan and Titus O Neil come out again.

ITS WRESTLEMANIA!!!

This match starts it out. Randy Orton vs The Fiend Bray Wyatt. Orton makes his entrance first. A graphic is shown the burnt Fiend changes back to his old self. A big jack in the box is at ringside. Out comes Alexa Bliss she twists the handle and out comes The Fiend. He jumps off onto Orton. This was a quick but crazy match. It was good though. I enjoyed it. Vintage Orton here. Fiend going for the punt but Otron rolls out the ring. Fiend goes for the sister Abigail fire goes off. A crazy distraction from Alexa leads to an RKO from Orton and the 123.

Well now we know the challengers. Nia Jax and Shayna Baslzer vs Natalya and Tamina for the WWE womens tag team titles. The challengers looking great in this one. Tamina was certainly the power house in the match. This should have been Lana and Naomi but ah well. Good back and forth action. Many pin fall attempts. This was Tamina and Natalyas best ever match. Good match here. Lots of top rope action. So far the action has been alot better than last night. Natalya put the sharpshooter on Nia but Natalya looks injured here. Shayna stops her and makes her pass out. Another shocker. Nia Jax and Shayna Baslzer are still champions.

Onto the next match. Kevin Owens faces off with Sami Zayn. Now the question is does Owens jump off the ship? A pop up power bomb from Owens to Zayn right after the bell. Logan Paul by ringside for this one. Good match this one. Both men looking good and pulling out all the stops. Fast paced top notch action. The crowd loved it to. Both men with multiple pin fall attempts. The fists were flying in this swashbuckling action me hearties. Zayn with the helluva kick Owens follows this with 2 super kicks and a stunner. KO with the victory. After the match KO stunners Logan Paul.

This is Riddle one on one against Sheamus for the US title. This should be a good one. Both men looking good. I will say it again nice back and forth action. Sheamus wanting to win the treasure here. Riddle looking to sink Sheamus's ship. Hard hitting action. Both men giving it to each other. Riddle with the Jack hammer. Sheamus with the brouge kick. Both men kicking out. Riddle with high flying action. This was Riddles best match ever hes keeps getting better and better. Sheamus with many pin fall attempts. This was a good match. Really good in fact. Riddle with all his big moves he goes for a moonsault Sheamus hits the brouge kick and is the new US champion.

Its a Nigerian drum fight for the first time ever. Its Apollo Crews vs Big E for the Intercontinental title. Wale singing Big E's theme live.This was very much like a street fight match but with drums and a gong involved. Both men used kendo sticks very early on. Big E slammed Apollo into the gong. Steel steps used by both men. Big E sets up a table. Apollo looking the best hes ever looked as he whacked Big E with a kendo stick. Big E on the table Apollo goes for the splash Big E moves out the way and goes for a big ending Dabbo Kato is here and he chokeslams Big E and puts Apollo over Big E to cover him. Apollo Crews wins his first ever intercontinental title.

Raw womens title match time. Rhea Ripley faces Auska. Rheas theme song live. Rhea taking to Auska early on. This is the big stage can Rhea step up to it? Auska looking good here to pulling out the submissions. This was a good match here. Auska with the top rope moves. Neither woman disappointed here. This wasn't rushed so that was good. X marks the spot with this match. I enjoyed this one to. Rhea with the rip tide for the win.

MAIN EVENT NUMBER 2. Triple threat action. Roman Reigns vs Edge Vs Daniel Bryan for the universal title. Reigns making Edge and Bryan wait. The action got fast quickly. Jey Uso by ringside he gets involved but gets taken out by Edge. Daniel and Edge in the ring. Reigns on the outside. What a night it's been and this will cap it all off. Edge goes after Roman. Now Edge and Roman in the ring. An attempted superman punch from Roman turns into a DDT from Edge. Now Bryan back in and Edge taken out the accusation. All 3 pirates looking fantastic here. This has been a very good match. Reigns could have had a whole new look but it is what it is. Reigns in control he power bombs Daniel through the announce table as Reigns stood on the steel steps. Edge spears Reigns. Edge picks up a chair Reigns gets it off him and goes for the guillotine Edge turns it into the crossface. Reigns is going to tap Daniel stops him and puts on the yes lock. Bryan after Edge now. Edge is back up and spears Bryan and then Reigns he goes for the cover Bryan pulls him off. Edge is angry he grabs steel chairs and uses them on both Bryan and Reigns. Con chair to to Bryan. Jey is here again. Spear from Reigns to Edge con chair to Edge,he puts Edge on top of Daniel,pins them both and is still universal champion and still head of the smackdown ship. Who can beat him now?

Very good 2 night PPV and I give it 8.5 out of 10.

You know what to do add me on Facebook Ricky J Pate,follow me on Twitter @ricktherock30,go and check out WWA on Facebook and redbillyraydogf8 on YouTube.

Go and check out my YouTube channel and hit like and SUBSCRIBE.

Ricky Goldman out.

[qorillas]

a comprehensive humanz listening experience

henlo friends i wrote this as i listened to the entire humanz album for the first time. here are my thoughts and revelations written in real life as i went through this life-changing and at times harrowing experience. i hope you enjoy

intro: i switched my robot off

is that russel’s voice

that FUCKIN TRANSITION INTO ASCENSION??? damn

7/10 im fuckin ready

ascension

gets me fuckin pumped as always

BE A PUPPET ON A STRING HANGIN FROM A FUCKIN TREE

9/10 after like 50 plays over the past few weeks it’s still great 

strobelite

oh this is a cute intro. very bouncy

sounds like a hip and trendy remix of the seinfeld intro. im digging it

this is the type of song you go swaggering down the street to wearing ur fancy new 70s disco duds

just had a mental image of murdoc dancing disco to this

i feel like this is gonna grow on me in the coming weeks

noodle’s falsetto is so cute she’s going so hard i love her

7/10 i like how happy it was

saturnz barz

honestly after how joyful strobelite was this tempered the album really nicely

i still can’t listen to this song without thinking about murdoc’s dick. minus one point

honestly i’m only four songs deep and the album already has got a really strong electronic pulsing haunting vibe going and i love how well it all goes together

death by 2d. those vocals? WHACK and by whack i mean i want to cry it’s so beautiful

6/10 always a classic and gave us THE BATH but honestly i’ve always liked the other singles a bit more and i don’t want to think about murdoc’s dick

momentz

what is happening

MOMENTZ that scared me

HOLY SHIT

HOLY SHIT HHOTLY SHIT

THEY’RE GOIN OFF

DAAAAAAAMN 2D

dirty

im gonna SCREAM THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD THIS GOES SO FUCKING HARD GOD FUCKIN DAMN

whose voices are those?? the high voices saying plastic on the ceiling

is that 2d and noodle omf

honestly the fact that this is in a major key makes it like. really psychedelic party hard i can see people headbanging and on hella drugs listening to this

i think i liked the intro part more than when it got all dreamy at the end

7/10 kind of petered off at the end but the intro was really amazing

interlude: the non-conformist oath

i promise not to repeat things other people say lmao

4/10 obligatory weird shit from damon

submission

ohhhHHHHhh the vocals

OOOHHHHHHH THE BACKING VOCALS

ohhHHhhHHHHHHHH fuck fu cku fucK i love the backing choir it’s so gorgeous 

all the choir backings make me think of the whole band just singing quietly together in the back and. idk it’s such a good image of them all being so deep into their music and jamming together and on the same wavelength

what the hell kind of noise is 2d making in the background of this

i feel like this is gonna get stuck in my head in the next week 

HOLY SHIT THE RAP i like his rap style very erratic 

the choral vocals behind the jumpy rap is so good

this is honestly something i think of when i think of the word celestial

8.5/10 this is gorgeous but i’m saving 9s and 10s for things that really knock me off my feet 

charger

is this the orange juice lady

super tough leather jacket vibe murdoc def wrote this

fuuuuuuuuuuck stu’s lil breathy speaking voice. honestly im weak for high pitched breathy stu voice he’s so cute fuck me up

a cha cha cha

i feel tough listening to this like walking into a gritty bar and smirking at everyone. the beat is really stalky

idk normally i don’t really like songs without very much melody but its p well done 

OHHHHH the electronic whistles that’s good

murdoc probably was fuckin his bass for this one

okay more melody at the end!!! choral backing vocals are back too i like it more now

6/10 2d’s vocals got me wet ngl

interlude: elevator going up 

wait that was so short

uh 5/10 because the guy says going up like gooOOOooing up which is nice

andromeda

ohhHHHh okay honestly with the interlude before it it’s nice it feels like im taking a fast glass elevator up to space 

OH I JUST GOT WHY THERE’S LIKE AN ELEVATOR SOUND AS THE FIRST NOISES

this like. cleansed my palate and calmed me down after charger. 

the drum? ??  poppin. smooth backing instrumentals. noodle’s little humming in the background? adorable. 2d’s falsetto? magnificent

the little melody right before take it in your heart now lover always gets me it’s so dancy i always bounce around to it. so great

andromedaaaaaaaa (andromedaaaaaaaa)

when does damon cry

8/10 another hit single and it reminds me of like neon signs and retro roller rinks

busted and blue

OH FUCK IT TRANSITIONS

OH FUCK THIS IS THE ONE THAT MAKES EVERYONE CRY ISN’T IT

ohhhHHHHHhhhhh god oh god this is gonna fuck me up 

FUCK

death by 2d 

ohh. oh my god. fuck. fuCK. fuck the vocals. fuck. the vocals. 

my heartstrings

is it about 2d? because if it is. oh god that’s so sad

amplify the sirens more like amplify my sobs because there are tears

so deep and ethereal i feel like i’m sitting on a roof staring up at the stars about to fall into space

I CAN’T GET BACK WITHOUT YOU

this is another love song on par with to binge or on melancholy hill

murdoc niccals or stuart pot or SOMEONE IN THIS BAND is in LOVE WITH SOMEONE and it’s BREAKING THEM APART 

THE BACKING VOCALS oh noooo oh noo oh no

fuck i’m really actually tearing up i [note: i had to stop here because my breathing was getting funny and i was tearing up and my rommate is asleep so i had to calm down]

he sounds like a lost little child looking at the stars through his window 

the deep bass sounds and the minor chords and the gentle snapping. im floating

THE SLIDING NOISES this is what it feels like to be in space my heart is so cold and empty but so full 

the ending satellite. the gentle rain noises. the setting down of the music. goodbye i am dead tell damon albarn that he has killed a person on this day

10/10 this song is one of those rare ones that catches me by the heart and reminds me of dark blue and stars. thenks damon albarn for my life and someone please comfort 2d 

interlude: talk radio

why are there so many interludes in this damn album

wtf

uhhhhhhhh

is this guy okay

2/10 what the fuck

carnival

what the fuck

oh okay that opening beat was cool

is someone knocking on a door. let them in

the keyboard in the back is cool i guess

someone please let whoever’s knocking in 

very bobby womack-y vibe. pretty intense between the dark instrumentals and the KNOCKING WHICH DOES NOT END

hyeAUp

3/10 i didn’t really like it. very spinny tho and it goes well with the rest of the album as like a filler song

let me out 

MAMA MAVIS OH MAMA THEY TRY MY PATIENCE

OH OH OH IT’S GONE WHO IS LEFT TO SAVE US

OH OH OH WE MOURN IM PRAYIN FOR MY NEIGHBORS

THEY SAY THE DEVIL’S AT WORK AND oh IS CALLIN FAVORS

honestly the little electronic oh oh oh’s in the beginning are what i live for

plus they bleep out trump which is hilarious drag him damon

let me out let me out let me out it’s DEL LET HIM OUT

fuck this was my favorite out of all the singles i listened to it 15 times today

2d’s vocals are adorable yeah yeah yeah 

the whispering gets me SO MCFREAKING PUMPED im ready to OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT

the build up gives me legitimate shivers. the whispering and the choral vocals ugH i love it

you gotta die a little if you wanna live

the ending is so haunting

let me out 

9/10 i love this song so much please let del out. my only problem with it is that i sound dumb when i try and sing the first lines with the electronic oh’s 

interlude: penthouse

REALLY ANOTHER ONE

damn someone’s goin hard

ding

5/10 sounds like one of those audio posts where people do some song but heard through the wall 

sex murder party 

just looking at the title i know murdoc wrote this

oohhhhh nice beat

this is like going to a cool underground house party with lots of smoke and colored strobe lights somewhere in germany

is someone playing the kazoo

idk i don’t think 2d’s sleepy sad vocals really go with this it sounds like he’s mourning while walking down a runway

on that note: model 2d walking down a runway. he would fall off the stage almost immediately

this sounds like something that would play in forever 21

the deep voice has some cool lyrics 

why are they whimpering the words sex murder party 

the kazoo is back

murder murder murder muuurder 

4/10 didn’t love it but it was better than carnival and it had a kazoo 

she’s my collar

ohHHH i like this very punk pop

oH SHIT damn stu those vocals tho

wait what is he talking about a collar

DID HE JUST SAY SHE’S MY FURSONA

i likE IT IT’S VERY DARK AND BOUNCY AND ETHEREAL BUT UHHHHH IS THIS A REFERENCE TO ALL THE BDSM AND FURRY SHIT GOING ON THIS PHASE

the panting .. . . mmmmmm

2d’s tryna get some 

KALI DAAAAAAAMN

this is a really sexual song but i really love it 

i really love when 2d speaks quickly and semi-raps 

kali’s vocals are gorgeous. also her snapchats were great

she’s my collar she’s the one i’m running with 

im jammin out this is gonna be my new jam 

FUCk the panting came back i. wasn’t expecting this

9/10 2d’s into some kinky shit but i’d still let him fuck me 

WAIT THE PANTING IS A REFERNECE TO DOGS FUCKING SHIT IT’S A PUPPY PLAY REFERENCE WITH ALL THE 2D DOG STUFF THIS PHASE FU ck

i am. kinkshaming. minus one point for making me suffer through this realization

interlude: the elephant

COME THE FUCK ON THEY’RE NOT INTERLUDES ANYMORE IF THEY TAKE UP THREE QUARTERS OF THE GOTDAMN ALBUM

uhhhhh again. what the fuck

2/10 these are getting annoying

hallelujah money

so unsettling and weird but that’s what it’s going for i guess

ben clementine’s voice is so good and it sounds like a sermon esp with the choir in the back i love it

idk it makes me sad because it reminds me of the night of the election and how everyone cried and was so scared

i love the chord progressions

haaaaaaallelujah moneeeeeeey 

again 2d’s vocals kill me i have been slain thrice

we are still humans, how will we know, how will we dream, how will we love

what fantastic lyrics. the crux of the album tbh i feel like i’m being told a story

this song terrifies and creeps me out but makes me feel warm and strong like i can face the scary things it brings up??  i don’t like it as a song per se but as a piece of art with a message it’s absolutely amazing

HALLELUJAH MONEY

where is my spongebob scream

8/10 i never loved this song but i appreciated the chord progressions a lot this time around and it adds a lot to the message of the album. also it fuckin destroys donald trump lmao damon what is ur damage i love it

we got the power 

honestly it’s upbeat and i like that but it’s a little bit too cheesy for me

the claps in the back remind me of that shitpost where it’s like the people in the 80s doing that weird dance yoga

this is a good song to do jazzercise to. imagine murdoc doing jazzercise

 never mind don’t do that

“on the m1″ is that a reference to m1a1?

oh oh oh stu ur so cute

the backing instrumentals are so powerful i feel like i am being propelled through the stratosphere on russel’s back

5/10 it’s cute and happy but i never really ever got into it even after having had time to

interlude: new world

P L E A S E N O M O R E I N T E R L U D E S 

this sounds like an electronic soap opera intro theme song

the elevator? ? i guess the elevator is the new thing this album

oh fuck this is creepy 

yikes yikes YIKES 

honestly it has an actual uhhhh music ish thing going on so?? ? i guess there’s that

i just wanted to be close to you BITCH NO GET THE FUCK AWAY 

2/10 because i don’t want to be close to whatever’s whisperin in my ear and also because apparently damon albarn does not understand what an interlude is 

the apprentice

so great. so jazzy. so cool and suave. 

clap clap clap cla-cla-clap i love the beat 

I AM A BROKEN SCREEN I’M A MAP ROUTINE

this is also going to get stuck in my head isn’t it

I’M INSIDE YOUR HEAD ya u are

oooohhh the electronics are so bubbly

THE FEMALE SINGER’S VOICE? ? ? SO SMOOTH SO GOOD so gorgeous im dead

this song reminds me of a lava lamp 

YO NEW BLACK KING NEW YORK DREAM 

IM THE FIRST BLACK PRINCE OF A NEW WHITE KING

god this rap is so great 

normally i don’t like slower songs but this one just. takes its time and jams out and knows exactly what it’s doing. what a bop

8/10 a solid addition to the album and holds its own really well 

halfway to the halfway house

this album is so long but i’m not complaining. actually i am a little because i have a writing sample due in an hour and a half and my computer is dying but this is more important 

nice spaceship sounds

2d’s really jamming out on those bloopy keyboard sounds isn’t he

it’s like floating in a pool of static kinda

i like the chorus esp since everyone in the band is singing together which i still think is so cute

everyone singing on it has really good voices but idk the fact that there’s no real melody kinda distracts from that 

it sounds like a congregation or a gospel choir which is super cool 

3.5/10 it was pretty cool but a little too aimless for me

out of body

pipe down pipe down

tHIS IS CREEPIN ME OUT

oh SHIT WAIT THIS IS SO COOL DAMN

i don’t know who’s rapping right now but i love her and her voice

THIS GOES OFF DAMN

i love it. i love this song this is so bouncy and cool and it’s so cute too with the lyrics telling you how to dance

noodle wrote this. noodle 100% wrote this

i feel so cool listening to this 

this is definitely going to be in a commercial for like. fashion or makeup or something 

this is the new runway song

this is something you listen to right before going out to some fancy european club with like models and weird plastic architecture

oH SHIT OH SHIT 2D’S RAPPING IM SCREAMIGN

FUCK 

FUCK IM YELLING his voice is so high im screeching

they made this fucking dork into a suave motherfucker 

9/10 i was briefly transformed into a european model and stuart “two-dents” pot makes his debut as a falsetto rapper and also establishes himself as the coolest baddest hippest raddest mofo out there despite not being able to tie his shoes 

ticker tape 

it’s almost over :(

very dreamlike and chill 

awwww the way he sings ticker tape is so cute 

the whistling!

okay this one’s cute it’s like. very dreamy and sweet

cauterized and beautiful wow i like those words 

i can see stu or russ singing this gently under their breath while just doing work. what a cute and sweet song 

it’s about healing? maybe they’re healing their relationships with each other. i hope so

a sudden draft and quick chill, a single snowflake falls and that is all damon your imagery is fantastic as always

ohh the acapella is so nice. this means murdoc had to go buh buh buh in the back which is cute 

the sudden stops are so quirky 

again i love the crackling of vinyl at the ends of some of these 

7/10 super cute and not what i expected at all from such a dark album

circle of friendz

the final song? ?? i hope it’s good i wanna give it a 10

ohhhh what’s gonna happen with this buildup

who’s breaking shit

aw these lyrics are cute even though they’re a little juvenile 

a circle of friends :))))))

the growing instrumentals in the back are so sweet 

stu and noodle singing my circle of friends as the last thing in the album rotted my teeth and gave me diabetes

a cute ending!!!! even though it didn’t wow me it made me smile

7/10 they are a happy family 

faves: ascension, saturnz barz, momentz, submission, andromeda, busted and blue, let me out, the apprentice, out of body 

overall: not going to give it a numerical rating because i would just give it a 10 because i was so excited for it. honestly i think it was a pretty solid album there weren't any breakout hits like feel good inc. or whatever but they did a really solid job on it in total. thenks damon albarn for my life please tell 2d and noodle and russel and murdoc i love them