#the world has real problems I don’t care u want to act all goofy !!!!!

[theloveinc]

Gojo smiles that smile. The one that curls his lips ever so slightly at the corners, and barely wrinkles his brow as it drags itself upward. The one that taunts with endless questions with no clear answers… with his chin in his palm, his bangs dripping down the tilt of his face, and his dark glasses slipping, too.

“Am I not a nuisance?” he asks, he tests, he trials, waiting for you to stumble, to fall, to berate him for being the spiteful person that he knows very well everyone secretly loves.

Instead, you raise your own brows in question. Inhale, almost in a deep sigh. Then you tilt your chin in and laugh.

“Our lives nearly end every day and you think I find you a nuisance? The people I love have been murdered only for you to ask if you’re the nuisance?” You roll your eyes. “Don’t kid yourself, Satoru. You could never be the problem.”

[whatisgoingonpaul]

Headcannon hours

They’re both important and random I just wanted to make a few, some of these connect to my backstory post.

Which you can read here: this is my personal idea of the boys backstories. It does kinda end at the prequel so up to 1906:

David-

He is 19. (Born in 1887)

His last name is Hardy

I’ve mentioned this a lot before but he does not drink. He didn’t when he was alive and still doesn’t as a vampire. So it’s water or sodas for him, he personally likes Coke the best.

Low key advocating for them to put coke back in coke

David only does Weed on occasion, he is more straight up  cigarettes

When he was alive he was mildly Blue-Green colorblind. However like a lot of things it fixes itself bit when your a vampire and to say David went wild is a understatement.

He is a absolute sucker for westerns. Favorite movies no competition.

Holds a great deal of admiration for Billy the kid, Bonnie and Clyde , that kind of folk hero. Especially cause he semi lived though it .

Wildly into the “this famous person didn’t die they’re hiding” conspiracy’s

Half of his stuff is a act he’s a secret softie at times, however vampires kinda develop this weird sense of emotions, their cruel without even trying? Like he thinks he’s flirting. Maggots

You could punch him across the face and he’d say something stupid like ‘take me to dinner first’ never insult him. You’ll either be dead or he’ll think your flirting

Really bad history with love, he’s semi bitter about it and steers clear but is a total romantic

Has had a fling with marko in the past. It’s complicated.

The ballroom of the hotel is pretty Intact, that is HIS room. No one else even tries, some nights he’ll just curl up in there alone. Just thinking. He shuts the door and stays there, no ones really sure what he does but it’s a comfort for him, a comfort and a bitter reminder all at once. He never really got over her you know. (This was first brought up by someone else but I love it so ducking much)

Marko-

He is 20 (born 1886)

His last name is Connelly

The ‘Murder capital of the world’ is his work, so is a lot of the inside of the Hotel.

Crow marko crow marko crow marko. He likes shiny things, whatever he finds on the ground and takes interest in he’ll keep, he will randomly hand you something. It’s either a sign of affection on a threat. You become a quick guesser around him

He likes small animals, he relates to them. You would think they would fear him as most animals seam to have this extremely negative/fearful reaction around vampires but he works on it slowly. Currently it’s 3 pigeons , a bat and a opossum that comes and goes.

He knows how he looks. He knows about his soft features and statue like appearance, he knows to well. He FUCKING DESPISES being babied or being catered to and treated like a child or someone with a lot of money. He hates it. Don’t even try it he will bite your hand clean off.

However, he uses it to his advantage, with the natural looks and the sort of Glamor vampires have. It makes a lot of things super easy, kill , pickpocket etc. When he was alive he also pulled this sort of trick, though he still absolutely despised it and almost always ended with his knife at someone’s neck all wigged out

Protective, extremely protective. Loyal. He gets attached super easily.

He can go off on his own on occasion unlike the others.

He did have a fling with David, he was young and stary eyed, here comes this cool good looking guy helping him out. Stuff happens. Now he it’s done, it’s over with and he has Paul for one thing. However he does more of a second / does whatever he wants sort of deal

Started dating Paul in the 1910s however they were always flirty and touchy that the others were not shocked at all when they started with the ‘official’ title sort of thing.

Only person who can calm him down is Paul, on occasion David

He likes to throw his voice, to play around and make voices at random points. Like he’ll make impressions or have a random British accent at times.

Once dressed in drag to bust Paul out of jail, it was completely unessisary , so was shaving (it’s called detail) it was mainly to mess around in the skirt. Literally no one stopped him and they probably should have

Paul-

He is 18 (born 1888)

Last name is Campbell

No thoughts only movement

There is never a point where he is not moving around of figiting or humming

He is the embodiment of a Puppy, all play all the time always excited and typically cheerful. If you get him upset? What the hell did you do.

Slight bit of a weed and substance problem. It does not help that he can’t die from it.

T o u c h y , he doesn’t pay attention and there’s not a real difference on in public or not

He his this goofy sort of laugh half between a hyena and half between a yuppie

Doesn’t say dude all that much. Says Man and Bud a WHOLE lot more

Either to brave or to stupid to have fear

He is a lot smarter then anyone gives him credit for, he has a poor time keeping his attention that’s it.

Major flirt. He’s a natural at it and he also likes the reaction it gets from marko

Dwayne-

He is 22 (born 1884)

Last name is Maher

Jokes way more then Paul. He and Marko have a liking more towards making everything a game where as Paul will do something dangerous because it is dangerous.

Can skate and likes it, it’s such a simple thing and yet it���s so fun? It baffles him and he loves it. Takes it seriously too, that’s why he changed his boots out with some converse

He is the second dad to jasper the 7th (Markos current pigeon) for obvious reasons

Awkward, he makes it a point to look extremely cool and intimidating so he doesn’t actually have to talk to new people, if he does it’s mainly random hand gestures and ‘haha.., yea’

Literally not even close to mature he just knows go logically be careful with a small child

His hair is naturally that perfect. The other boys are super jealous

Not much of a talker , when he does it’s usually whispered or under his breath to the other boys

Slight thing for star ??? 

I have a bunch these are just a few, none of these are for something Spesific . Just what I could think of at the momment

[r6shippingdelivery]

Hey if you’re still doing them could you do the whole alphabet for either bandit or thatcher please.

I did a bunch of letters for Bandit already, which you can find here, so I’ll be doing Thatcher this time, okay?

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He’ll usually will press a kiss on his partner’s forehead and another on their lips before laying next to each other in bed, catching their breath and indulging in a bit of pillow talk after they get cleaned up.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He knows he’s extremely fit for his age and enjoys it. Thatcher is proud of how strong his body is, particularly his arms, and will gladly flex them for his partner just for show or to pick them up. On his partner, he usually fixates on their lips (how perfect do they look wrapped around his cock, or reddened after kissing each other roughly) or on their thighs (like how amazing they are wrapped around his waist).

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He’s a highly practical man, and wearing a condom is both a safety measure and a way to have a faster and easier clean up later.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He’s no stranger to glory holes and the thrill of having his cock sucked anonymously. Of course, only during the times he had no partner, but still would never admit that secret to anyone.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He has loads and loads of experince, can make his partners turn to a begging mess when he puts his mind on it, prolonging their pleasure until they can’t see straight.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Missionary works well enough for him, it’s always easy to get into the position and he can watch his partner’s face and kiss them, no downside as far as he’s concerned. Standing sex is also good, maybe with the receiving partner bent over a sturdy surface, that one allows for rougher sessions if he’s in the mood for it.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He keeps rather serious and passionate, but will chuckle at any misshaps than may happen, cause he knows it’s nothing serious to worry about.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He strikes me as someone who’s rather hairy and proud of it, so at most he would trim down the hair a bit, nothing more.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Sex with Thatcher always feels intimate, he will focus on his partner as if they’re the center of his world and in those moment that feels like the absolute truth. He might not be very romantic in the traditional sense, but he knows how to make his partner feel wanted, that’s for sure.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He will either use it as a way to relieve stress, which makes the session focused on achieving his glorious orgasm and the rush of relaxed happiness that comes with it; or he will masturbate as a prelude to sex, before reuniting with his partner if one of them was away. In this latter case, he will draw it out for a while and not let himself cum, so he’ll be primed and ready to pick his partner and dash to the bedroom.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Thatcher is a controlling bastard, so he loves getting to control his partner too, having them ask for guidance and/or permission before doing something, or before orgasming. He also loves playing with his partner’s nipples.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Bedroom or his privare office, that desk has seen its fair share of action.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

There’s a certain spot on his neck that when nibbled or kissed, will make his knees go weak and his cock get hard without fail, especially when accompanied by his partner sitting on his lap or as a follow up to some intense kissing.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Getting restricted in any way, be it bindings/ropes/handcuffs or blindfolds. He has no problem using those on his partner if that’s what they like, but not on him.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He’s highly skilled at giving, but he prefers to receive. Doesn’t really care how experienced his partner is as long as they show enthusiasm for the task.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

No matter who is topping, he prefers to take it slow until both parties are comfortable with the current pace. Only then will he be amenable to going faster or rougher, all in small increments so the change isn’t painful for anyone.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Quickies are not for him, Thatcher prefers the real deal as he calls it, slow and passionate sex, otherwise what’s the point of it? Youths are too impatient nowadays, waiting for a proper moment to have unhurried sex can actually be part of the game, and the anticipation makes the eventual act even better.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He’s not naturally inclined to take risks, mostly because he has the experience to know if something will work out for good or bad most of the time. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Usually just one round, but it will be an intesne and long one, that’s for sure. If he’s been away from his partner for long, he will try for a second round later that day.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He didn’t use toys, but his partner introduce them in their playtimes, and now he loves to use those to tease and edge his partner, which helps him last longer too.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

I think I kinda answered that one just above 😄To sum up: usually a direct man, except in bed where he’s a teasing bastard who loves to make his partner ask/beg to make them cum.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Not the loudest, but not quiet either. He’ll grunt low in his throat every so often, in time with the thrusts, groaning a bit louder when he’s close. Don’t expect much talk during the act itself, unless it’s to direct his partner on what to do.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Thatcher thinks that living on a boat makes him look hip and cool. Many agree until they realise the boat’s name is “Iron Maggie” 😂

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Look, the famous SAS bulge doesn’t lie, he’s hung above average for sure, and decently thick as well.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

As high as it was when he was a good fifteen years younger, which still surprises him cause he expected it would diminish the older he was.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He prefers to keep awake and indulge in some pillow talk, be it praise for his partner and saying each other sweet nothings while the endorphins are high, or telling each other more about their dreams and hopes. He feels he gets even closer to his partner during those moments, physical and emotional intimacy all in one package.

[yjminseok-blog]

FACECLAIM: Kim Taehyung + V + Idol. CHARACTER NAME: Lee Minseok PRONOUNS: he/him. GENDER: cismale. AGE/BIRTHDAY: 23. February 15th ZODIAC SIGN:  aquarius sun + leo moon ROOM: haean building - 1e.

hey!! im lore resident gg elitist and this is my shitty robot building kid. if u wanna plot please message me on the discord? :smirk: ( PatheticGirl43#6578 ) 

POSITIVE TRAITS: passionate, bold, goofy, extroverted, honest NEGATIVE TRAITS: reckless, fickle, overconfident, loud, stubborn OCCUPATION: apple in the codex galleria / etsy store owner for his useless robots SONG THAT DESCRIBES THEM: moderation by florence and the machine HOW LONG HAVE THEY LIVED AT THE YUJAEN?: three months FOUR MUSE AESTHETICS: lucky charms with only marshmallows, scattered nuts and bolts, empty diet coke cans, ugly patterned shirts

BIO ( kind of ) 

minseok used to be in computer science in university, his family runs a business that offers firewalls and online protection to some of the biggest companies in the world. he ended up dropping out and his parents cut off his money because of it. he now works at apple and jailbreaks iPhones in the parking lot to make some extra cash.

he makes terrible robots, you know the kind that are supposed to pour your milk into cereal for you but miss and just pour it on the table, a power drill with toilet paper meant to wipe for you but just unspools the entire roll, an alarm clock with a hand on it that just slaps you in the face. some of them are a bit more practical than others… but not by much. he’s always been interested in engineering and not what his family was up too.

hes a massive prankster, was one in high school and it still persists into his adult life and now that he has the dumb robots. it comes across even more.

he has a shitty bike that he uses to get around everywhere, he’s never driven a day in his life, one time someone stole his bike wheel and all he had was a skateboard to get around and skateboarded into work.

homemade beyblades that are actually dangerous because they’re made out of real metal, yugioh cards, old terrible movies that the general public thinks are bad, parties, being out in the middle of the night acting like a hooligan, coffee at 6 am after no sleep, not caring, being an airhead despise how he used to be an honour student.  cant cook just eats instant ramen, mac and cheese and 7/11 food.

got a marble stuck up his nose once because someone told him he couldnt.

chaotic

i have a pinterest board if ur interested! x

Wanted connections:

an ex any gender is fine. id like if i could have maybe one that is good terms and one that definitely ended on a more messy note. i have no problem with minseok being the dickhead of the relationship or if you have something that you need filled in the respect of an ex. lemme know!

a childhood friend i really want someone who grew up with minseok. just someone who was like there through it all. they probably got into a lot of trouble together in school. maybe they met in detention once? wouldn’t that be funny. pulled pranks together.

a former classmate from when he went to university. maybe he bought answers from them. maybe they stole answers off him because he wasn’t terrible in school. he just slacked off because he didn’t care about computer science and wanted to do other things.

bought a really bad robot from his etsy store. maybe the lipstick one that misses your mouth entirely. or the beer pourer that pours it on your table and then tries to bring it to your mouth but it just dumps it on you because it goes too quickly. or he jailbroke their iPhone in the parking lot for a little cash and they just kind of hit it off from there.

maybe he made a really shitty battle bot with them. or they like did some weird shit like battled beyblades or something like that. just goofy shit!

party mates. or people that he hangs out with. minseok loves to party - he loves to be the life of the party. so when he gets drunk he does what he can to have fun and make sure everyone else does. these could just be his regular friends they don’t always have to get drunk. he just loves to go out maybe there is an all night arcade that they go to a lot. he’s competitive.

hookups. i do want an awkward one where maybe he shook their hand once afterwards because he didn’t know how to talk to them. but also some regular hookups and just yeah. you know how it be.

someone who’s annoyed with him. just find him grating. he tends to be very over the top and intense he’s so much of a goof and doesn’t seem to care about anything and that can be super off-putting to people.

anything? we just going rn. 

[isroselalondebisexual]

What do you think Rose Egbert would be like? :0 And Dave Harley, John Lalonde, and Jade Strider

Rose Egbert, raised in a supportive, loving home environment, would probably still be fighty and punchy because I don’t think there’s a single parent in existence that could ever change that about her, but she’s also very likely going to be more inclined to wait until being PROMPTED before she lets loose her floods of salt and snark. So like, a pretty regular girl on first impressions, definitely deeply entrenched in her Hot Topic mall goth phase, wears chokers from Spencers and whatnot, but pretty friendly at face value and in all the advanced literature courses, has been in every psychology class the public education system offers. On the debate team. And so you’re like, cool, she’s on debate, that should be fun, she’s pretty well composed as a person I bet she has some good thoughts. And then you attend one of the debate matches. And you see a side of Rose Egbert you never knew existed and holy hot DAMN you’re not sure if you’re terrified or in love with her. Possibly both. Probably both. She’s quick witted alright, devastatingly intelligent and in this to WIN. Dad Egbert has all of her debate trophies (medals? I wasn’t in debate idk how these things work) displayed as proudly as he displayed his clown statues in the canon timeline. Her role as a Seer of Breath is to best free the timeline and her friendgroup from the clutches of the Literally-A-Demon Lord of Time, who seeks to enslave them, their timeline, and the universe to his whims, to become his playthings. Her role is to forsee the best route, not in terms of luck, but as a specific, pointed fuck you to Doc Scratch, Lord English, and everything associated with them. That part in canon where Rose is talking to Doc and he’s like “do you even still have that emotion?” or whatever and she’s like “Why, yes, it seems it’s all been mysteriously relocated to my middle finger. The dark magics are at it again.” Like that but times a thousand she is SMART she has FORESIGHT and she is going to FREE THEIR TIMELINE, BITCH.

Dave Harley grew up alone on an island with a magic dog and some weird chess folk, so first of all he doesn’t know what a gender is so jot that down, second of all what do you mean boys don’t like boys? Obviously boys like boys, he likes boys, u r foolish, u silly human culture you. So uh, you know how Dave is like, this huge massive attention whore in canon and he starts out “I’m so cool are you noticing me being cool and not caring over here”? Yeah no, immediately bypasses that, this boy wants ATTENTION so TALK TO HIM DAMMIT. His only real guide for physical touch has been a dog and some people who are not human so Personal Space Whomst? Dave is here, he is in your personal space, you are paying attention to him bitches. His collection of weird dead shit is even weirder, given that it is a Harley tradition to taxidermy weird shit and also he lives out on an island now. Probably takes the PRETTIEST photos of like, the island views and stuff, which he naturally posts online and gets a lot of likes and reblogs for which, good, give him that sweet sweet validation. His selfies are everywhere. Go like them. His role as the Knight of Space would be a pretty important one, he’s upholding the balance of the universe and breeding the new one and stuff, which basically just means he’s the weird frog dad now. You see all those frogs? Those are his babies. He loves them. Smorch. Dave ew don’t kiss frogs that’s gross. Dave does not care, Dave is gonna smooch those frogs bc he loves them and all their mutant little paradox offspring. Dave the frog whisperer. Whenever Karkat’s getting screechy he just like. Takes one out of his sylladex or his hood or pocket or SOMEWHERE and sets it delicately down in front of Karkat when he’s not looking and Karkat proceeds to screech and flip out and Dave laughs at him. This Dave is likely a lot more carefree, but doesn’t have a good grasp of concepts like “responsibility” or “giving people space.” A good and goofy kid, with some nice tasty abandonment issues probably thrown into the mix there somewhere. He doesn’t wanna be alone again.

John Lalonde very likely has a very bad grasp of what consequences are. If he breaks shit, they can just buy a new one, if he pranks someone a little too mean or says something that goes a little too far, his mom is easy to forgive him. My dear sweet ADHD child probably didn’t do too good in school and did a lot of class clowning tomfoolery but Mom Lalonde didn’t discipline him for it at home so threats of “I will call your mother if you don’t settle down” didn’t have much of an effect on him. He’s a good kid! Friendly and loving and affectionate, but if he fucks up he doesn’t take responsibility for it and pulls the “it was just a joke!” card way too frequently and doesn’t know how to actually apologize or fix his mistakes. But even though he’s very outwardly childish, he’s also surprisingly mature for his age, by way of like, opinions and stuff? Like he’ll say stuff and it’ll seem totally left field for him cause John you’re like, the funny dude of our group, but he’s also the one who knows how to disinfect wounds and the RIDICULOUS importance of making sure your older sibling knows who their DD is when they’re off drinking with their friends and while he doesn’t have an emotional reaction to traumatic events right off the bat (like in canon) he does do a VERY good job of responding pragmatically to them, and that’s kind of a result of yeah, his mom’s his buddy, and yeah, she lets him get away with anything, but no, John doesn’t really get the chance to be a kid ALL the time, and in part he acts out like this because he’s frustrated that he CAN’T fully be a kid, so he’s overcompensating. His role as the Heir of Light would be as somebody who embodies luck and intellect, which he doesn’t really feel like he can do. He’s not smart, right? He’s never done well in school. But he has really high emotional intelligence, and he’s got street smarts no 13 year old has any business having, and he eventually comes to realize that he is lucky. He’s very lucky. He’s got good friends who love him and who he loves, a strong team who can conquer the world, the universe, even a demon with the strength of a green sun, and when John comes to appreciate consequences and ramifications of their actions, he would be better able to understand how to use his powers to become the luckiest little shit in the universe, and could look death in the face with confidence because he understands, now, he’s realized some things, some the easy way and some lessons were painfully hard, but he’s confident in what he’s doing and he’s got his friends at his back.

Jade Strider, I hate to say it, but I think she would end up a very meek individual. Very, very hypervigilant, aware of everyone’s mood around her and this HUGE people pleaser, because as far as she’s concerned “not actively pleased” might as well be utterly synonymous to “actively displeased.” Life is uncertain to her, she’s very diligent about reading the moods of others and making them happy. Everyone loves her and think she’s just absolutely the best, she’s always ready to listen, always eager to cheer her friends up when they’re feeling down, doesn’t say jack SHIT about herself. If people ask she straight up lies. She does NOT talk about her own problems, even worse than in canon. She is happy go lucky and pleasant to be around, see? She’s doing great. Don’t worry about her! Oh do you need to talk about something? She’s got hair-trigger reflexes and does NOT react well to sudden loud noises or jumpscares. She’s very forgiving, because it’s only natural that sometimes her friends will hurt her feelings, right? That’s what love looks like. Some things just can’t be prevented, so why bother. Lotta learned helplessness kinda shit going down. Very reactive to positive feedback and physical affection (as long as she sees it coming) but has no idea how to go about asking for it. She’s very popular at her school for being pretty and cool and badass and friendly all tied up into one but her friendships are very shallow with her school friends, because if she cannot open up about herself, what room is there for emotional intimacy? As a Witch of Time, her main thing that needs to happen is she needs to get fed up. She needs to get pissed off. She doesn’t deserve this shit! She’s thirteen! She doesn’t deserve a parent who didn’t love her, she doesn’t deserve to have the weight of the timeline on her shoulders, she doesn’t deserve to see her own corpse over and over and fucking OVER again! This isn’t fair, this isn’t right, she doesn’t FUCKING want this, fuck her Bro fuck the Game fuck keeping quiet she’s a KID and she’s HURTING and she will be fucking UPSET about it! And then she’s gotta let John, and Rose, and Dave hold her and tell her she’s right, she’s so right, she is absolutely entitled to her anger, she’s allowed to feel angry about this, she’s gonna be okay though, they’re there, they love her and they’re not gonna let anyone hurt her ever again, she’s allowed to feel hellfire down deep to her bones but then, most importantly, she needs to let her friends help her, she needs to trust them, and learn how trusting works, learn what love looks like and how all her little broken pieces fit back together. And no, she’s never gonna fully recover from that. She knows she’s gonna be a compulsive liar down to her dying day and she’s never going to be able to trust openly like some people do, but she’s got people who love her and who she loves dearly, and she’s going to be okay, and every day it gets a little easier. Some days are bad, yeah, some days she’s angry over stuff she thought she got over years ago, but at the end of the Game, after all has been ripped asunder and they’ve moved into their new lives on Earth C, she is allowed to recover and to rest and sure it’s not always easy, but she’s always trying, and things are better now.

[thndrcat]

opinions of signs as people i know

(im a pisces sun and gemini moon)

aries: so good in every way i don’t know how they do what they do. down to earth and honest, will always give you a legitimate answer. genuinely cares about all their friends, witty as fuck. always positive and sends out gud vibes. somehow procrastinates on shit for hours but gets it done. they throw shade tactfully so no one ever knows. forgetful at times.

taurus: forgets how great they are at times, but can end up wallowing in self-pity. super procrastinators, extremely welcoming as a person and probably is cool with u. excellent cookers. subtweets a lot. treats u like family, but you’ll know if they dislike you. great taste in music. all memories with them are good ones, unless u piss them off. always has a lot on their mind. good people if u need to vent to someone. highly valued friends.

gemini: absolutely wonderful, is actually the living embodiment of sunshine. truly just wants the best for u. has their days, but who doesn’t. prone to anxiety. has a line for everything. youre either their friend or you want to be. witty as hell the one thing that’s true, loves to make people laugh and build relationships. loves to be involved, can adapt well. sometimes is overwhelmed by life. someone who will go out of their way to help u. book smart but often naive. dont dismiss them because theyre a gemini, they are more than worth ur time.

cancer: sweet like diabetes bruh. they honest to god radiate positive and good vibes. thinks theyre living in a disney channel movie. i always picture them with a smile. empathetic, willing to help. makes a bigger deal than it is and cry for ages, or theyll brush it off like it never happened. forgiving. dont take advantage of it, eventually theyll stop coming back around and it will hurt. gets carried away at times and will manipulate stories. likes laughing at dumb things.

leo: steals the show, if u find out someones a leo it makes sense. furiously protective, would probably die for their friends. so great with people but often loses focus. doesnt cope well, but they will deal with things. more sensitive than u think. loves to laugh, ur stomach will hurt when ur with them. a foodie. wants u to do ur best. sometimes its hard to tell whether theyre serious or not. always on their phones and enjoys a good meme.

libra: every single libra ive met is like my bff. rapid talkers, always have something going on in their head and they’re constantly thinking, it’s insane. probably going to be ballin by age 20. truly beautiful inside and out. indecisive as fuck which can lead to real life problems and lots of dilemmas. loves telling a good story and likes having attention. gets good gifts. has a great sense of style. wants to explore the world. appreciates little things. can listen to any type of music i swear

virgo: the ones i know i have gorgeous eyes. often lets their priorities slip. in great shape. humbled, ive never heard one brag or talk about themselves. good at reading people. has a small group of friends that they love deeply. will listen to you. loves adventures and new things. looks for improvement. gets hung up on the wrong things. the last person to talk about their feelings. always looks like theyre up to something. 

scorpio: true embodiment of emo. is always wearing a bitch face, but you get to know them and they will treat you like they’ve known u for their whole life. down to do legit anything. someone you can sit in silence with for hours and have it not feel awkward. lots of trust issues. bad with breakups and letting go. goofy as hell. loves writing. if they let u in be thankful. 

sagittarius: will show u a good time, you could spend days with them and never get bored. youll know if they dont like u. notoriously flaky. generally pretty attractive. has 10 bitches on call. doesnt fall easily, but when they do its hard. can act sort of ditsy sometimes, dont let that fool u. class clown. theyre paying attention a lot more than u might think. very selective on what they want to put their effort towards. dont get emotionally attached to one unless u wanna get wrecked

capricorn: individualistic as fuck, each one has their own really unique style. killer sense of humor. screaming deep down inside. best at decision making and prioritizing for success, but sometimes it can be difficult to follow through. does stuff on their own terms. u think theyre high all the time, but thats just who they are. they probably smoke too though. will stick through thick and thin for you. can hold grudges for ages and really aloof. loves alternative music. u dont understand how great they are until u get to know one. 

aquarius: the best sense of humor, enjoys shows like The Office. as harsh as they can be, theyre kind of sensitive too? gets frustrated with friends. somewhat intimidating to approach. furiously loyal. loves to be outside and animals and shit. wants to do whats best for them and cuts off shitty people. under appreciated. never tries to look good, but when they do its like a kiss from the heavens on both of ur eyelids.  wastes time a lot. somewhat aloof until you get to know them. 

pisces: (lmao me) creative powerhouses, can spit poetry and loves lyrics with good meanings. gives too many chances to shitty people. likes to get along with everyone. down to do anything. loves to be sad as fuck and gets swallowed in self pity a lot. has individualistic opinions that they will share. craves a good relationship and good conversations. can be two faced. truly looks for the best in people. likes posting selfies. lightweight crazy bitches but in the best way. feels deeply. 

[thesinglesjukebox]

JUSTIN BIEBER - YUMMY

[2.68]

Well, we thought about the Yummy, we said “Biebs, you’re fucking high...”

Alex Clifton: Why are straight boys like this? [2]

Leah Isobel: Justin Bieber's greatest strength as a vocalist is - was - playing very dumb phrases extremely straight, investing them with almost overflowing, doe-eyed emotion. This quality could turn a one-word chorus into poetry, or he could U-turn into knowing comedy when the phrases and ideas got dumb enough. On "Yummy," though, Bieber meets his match in a title phrase that's too winkingly juvenile even for his reformed child-star tenor. More than that, he sounds tired, like he doesn't even want to be playing this game anymore - his high notes have turned nasal and yelpy, his low register more empty air than resonance. I can imagine the Bieber of "Boyfriend" or "Beauty and a Beat" really feasting on this track, but 2020 Bieber needs more than vapid concepts to regurgitate on a semi-trendy beat. Those doe eyes have turned dead. [2]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: This would be a generous [6] if it were 2013 and this was one of the lesser tracks on Journals. More than six years later, and "Yummy" just sounds like... nothing? People complained that Ciara singing "yummy" was a mistake, but Bieber does something infinitely worse: he makes it devoid of any and all feeling. [3]

Ashley Bardhan: What can I say when Justin already said it all himself -- "you got the yum, yum-yum"? This song sounds like it would be Noah Centineo's ringtone. [1]

Thomas Inskeep: "Yeah, you got that yummy-yum" -- is Bieber trying to sound like an idiot? Because guess what, he succeeds. The production's generic pop-trap, and the lyrics are moronic beyond measure. About as yummy as food left in a dumpster at the height of summer for a week. [1]

Brad Shoup: Yummy is a fine word, acceptable even: couples are (or usually are) goofy. Things like yummy tend to slip out. It's the shiver he puts into the line "never runnin' low on supplies" that truly haunts. Wild how a couple years ago, the vocal manipulation would be front and center. Now, the up- and down-pitched yummies are practically invisible. Maybe by 2021 they'll be gone. [3]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Justin Bieber choruses work best when framed around a question: "What do you mean?" "Is it too late now to say sorry?" "Can we still be friends?" "Can we keep each other company?" "Where are yoü now?" See, Justin has never been the sexiest or suavest pop star in the world, but these big, pontificating questions sound nice. Fill in the blank answer with whatever you want; Justin is just the handsome chauffeur taking you to your destination. It becomes a problem, then, when he's asked to sell something more direct; he just sounds silly and unconvincing. "Yeah, you got that yummy-yum, that yummy-yum, that yummy-yummy" is already a weak chorus to begin with, something even a Bruno Mars, Childish Gambino or Drake would have difficulty pulling off. Here, we have Bieber: selling this positive statement with the enthusiasm of someone politely pretending to like something they don't. [3]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: The beat of "Yummy" sounds like a horny remix of the Wii Shop theme. It is by a wide margin the best part of the song. [2]

Alfred Soto: As abstracted a signifier of post-adolescent yearning as Bryan Ferry is a holy spirit of divine melancholy, Justin Bieber could be Swae Lee or Arthur Lee. He chirps over this here trap beat because he can't chew on it -- where are the yums? I smiled only at the line about walking in house slippers. [3]

Nortey Dowuona: The problem with Justin Bieber is that he's not interesting enough to really write about, musically, gossipcally or at all. The smooth, loping bass with sweeping, swallago synths and dispassionate synth progressions or the dull, flat drums are too interesting for Bieber to dully fumble over while not being able to play around with his limited range in the slightest the way a Frank Ocean or a Dappy or even a YBN Cordae could. At least it's short. [5]

Ian Mathers: Every day Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping inches closer to being a documentary. [4]

Katherine St Asaph: OK, but I can go listen to Usher's "Lemme See," Chromatics' "Lady" and Ciara's "Dance Like We're Making Love" and get the same nocturnal streetlights-on-rain mood without also hearing Justin Bieber sing "yummy." [3]

Scott Mildenhall: Whether or not this is a song whose authors think is commercially astute, it is fantastically stupid in a way that seems too witless to have been so engineered. It was awkward enough when Harry Styles pressed the "belly" button, but to hang a whole song on the word "yummy" is both comical and, to extend the juvenilia further, icky. Though perhaps this is a path to follow. Bieber will already have fans who weren't born before "One Time" (or were babies as of "Baby"), so why not go an eenie meenie bit further and make the video a toy unboxing? Children are the future! [4]

Will Adams: Somehow less convincing and more juvenile/slightly creepy than when Bieber called his girl an "eenie meenie miney mo lover" ten years ago. [3]

Oliver Maier: Justin Bieber spent his teens trying to sound grown-up, then spent his early 20s trying to sound like a teenager. Purpose's singles posited him as a golden-hearted hottie grappling with adolescent naivety, who hurts your feelings or doesn't quite get it but is still trying, dangit. There was naturally a manipulative subtext to that cluelessness, but for whatever reason -- maybe that tension is interesting, maybe the songs were just catchy -- he remained compelling, and still felt out of our league. These days, I guess he's content to sound like nothing whatsoever. "Yummy" surrenders a few too many brain cells both in composition (this doesn't sound like a song anybody cared about writing) and execution (Justin Bieber sounds like the most tediously simpering man on the planet). There are shadows of good melodies here and there, if you're feeling generous, but it is simply too half-formed, and so cutesy and content that it nukes Bieber's sensuality altogether. I can't decide whether to cringe or take a nap. [3]

Will Rivitz: Three points to this as a conceptual exercise -- I didn't think it possible to sanitize "Hotline Bling" even more than the original. That's all it gets. [3]

Kylo Nocom: Awful metaphors and unsexy sex talk as bait for detractors to publicly (and correctly) declare awful. It's the same strategy as "Earth" and as the bizarre lead singles of other stars' comebacks: get the fans liking it, and the haters furious at how stupid it is. What "Yummy" does have is plenty of melodic tricks, and a beat like this would've popped off in 2016. Yet giving this any credit feels like rewarding a transparent cash-in when he's had far more attractive come-ons. [4]

Kayla Beardslee: Obviously "Yummy" isn't good. Obviously I was never personally going to like it. Obviously we as a collective are going to hate it. But what am I actually supposed to do with it? The Justin Bieber hate train has whirred back into full force -- the video is 15% disliked, and articles (plus offhand internet comments) criticizing him, the rollout, and the music are already being pumped out. He took over four years to come back after Purpose, but has been dropping a steady stream of features in the interim: Bieber has simultaneously faded from the public eye as a solo artist and overexposed himself as an inconsistent, practically anonymous guest feature. There's no hype for his return, except among diehard fans who would assemble no matter the timing or quality. It feels like being force fed. And yet, although "Yummy" is a joyless combination of beige and sleaze, I'm still hesitant to gleefully condemn it. As a song, sure, it's unpleasant and Purpose-less and not what he needed to kick off a successful era. But, let's be real, "Yummy" is such a nothing that trashing of the music can easily transfer onto Bieber himself, and so much of the hate is not (for lack of a better term) in good faith. If you're going to criticize Bieber, call him out for things like idolizing Chris Brown and patronizing Hillsong (deciding whether the latter is actually bad is complicated, but it's certainly been a topic of conversation around him). But how many people in a social media crowd are going to provide balanced criticisms of difficult topics like these? Bieber's music has been marketed toward teen girls, he has a pretty voice that some might judge as feminine, he just dyed his hair pink, he's making trendy pop and chasing traditional masculine and commercial markers of success: these are all fodder for cheap shots and knee-jerk hate across a variety of communities. I've seen people (a friend, a relative) react to mentions of Justin Bieber with mild disgust -- literally just his name is a repellent. Of course, Bieber carries himself with a cocky attitude that's easy to hate (probably what happens when you're forced into the ridiculous freedom and unique restrictions of celebrity when you're a naive teenager). Of course, he's built a reputation for acting like a terrible person many times in the past. Of course, Bieber is a straight white man who has a layer of security against harassment that artists like, for example, Lizzo don't have. And yet I constantly remember that Bieber has spoken out about battling depression, and I feel uncomfortable joining the pile-on. And really, what is there to enjoy about trashing him or "Yummy"? The track is bland and unambitious, except for when it's actively repelling ("get litty, babe"; the entire fucking premise of "yummy"). Bieber doesn't even sound like he cares. At first, I thought his team must have chosen a song named "Yummy" as a lead single for the same reason scammers still send Nigerian prince emails: immediately weed out the people who have no patience for it, and focus instead on reaching the sympathetic (his fanbase) and the oblivious (the general public bogeyman that passively consumes hits through playlists). And then I learned that the bridge namedrops Bieber's own house slipper brand, in a dumb, out of touch move that only a rich celebrity would approve of. That single moment makes me think his team is, in fact, desperate enough to coast on soulless music and hope to profit off Bieber's previous reputation and work alone. We're all just tired, aren't we? [1]

Jibril Yassin: Justin Bieber, a generational vocal talent, is trying to channel Post Malone here and all that comes to mind is a xerox of the Spider-Man pointing at Spider-Man meme. Can we get Usher to come back and fix this? [1]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[isuckandotheressays]

PART 1 ; self-saboteur

How can you even start to talk about something like this without sounding so fucking cliché it makes your teeth hurt. Stuff is hard, like really hard, and it will be forever, and I know that. I am like, obscenely good at whining, I can whine about pretty much anything, the weather, the fact I have nothing to wear, the fact that I don’t get what I want. I'm internally spoiled, but I think everyone is really, any one that isn't is lying, what type of crazy person likes when they don’t get what they want? Unless you are ,like a masochist, which in some ways I probably am, or at least a self-saboteur.

Anyway, unimportant. More importantly, my life is currently in shambles. The love of my life won't talk to me because he's upset that I tried to kill myself. Now I'm sure from an outwards perspective that makes him sound unfeeling, a dick, but to be honest I'm the dick.  

Don’t get me wrong, I 100% wanted to die, I could not see my way out. I weighed out my options, I could hang myself from the loft bed he built for me, but I'm too tall and it wouldn’t have worked. I would slit my wrists, but then I would get heaps of blood on the 70's carpet and that would be just like, disrespectful to my housemates. So, my final thought was just to take as many of my sleeping meds as I could and just like, go to sleep. I wrote a note, in tears, obviously, I had fucking lost it.  

I individually popped out the pills and took them one by one, slowly getting more and more tired, getting less and less conscious. I kept thinking about random things, like how mad everyone is going to me if I survive this, how fucked it's going to be for Luke, how I've probably ruined his life. So I thought in my drug addled state, I should probably just like message saying I'm sorry to all my friends or whatever. Because I'm a dirt human.  

Suicide, is a really selfish thing, the most selfish thing you can do, but at that point in time, I couldn’t see my way out. I felt worthless, that the person I cared for the most in the world was never going to trust me again, that my best friends didn’t want to hang out with me because I'm so fun because I'm a useless sad lump that wines, can't even drink red wine because I become some heaps horrible bitchy cynical version of myself. That I would always disappoint my parents, because to this day, I don’t actually want to do what they want me to do and I really just want to be a starving artist and make art about how sad I am all the time.  

Anyway, I squeezed out some drama queen ass text to the people that meant the most to me, 'I'm sorry I love you' , which I meant but in hindsight as someone that wanted to die peacefully and alone in their house, is not a good move because people care about if you are dead or alive and well, got scared if they get that message out of the blue. So next minute, my dad, arrives in a cab, and I go to Emergency, and no one really takes what goes on particularly seriously and then in a bed and some doctor is making me drink some sludgy black coal shit to soak up all the medication in my stomach (side note it's been three days at this point and all that is coming out of me is like spirited away anime style sludge.  

So, I wake up and I'm going to the ward, this is like 8 at night, I did all this pill business at about Noon, and I'm sitting in the waiting room with my mum and dad who are literally at their whit's end with their nerves shot because their only child has an inability to cope with real life.

Side note, I am a productive member of society, I have job, that I mostly like and work hard at, I do a little bit of 'faffy' modeling for cash when I can, I get up I get coffee, I catch the train to school etc. Granted my mum pays my phone bill because I'm a 22 year old child that can't do real life human things. But yeah, back to the ward.

PART 2 ; repercussions

I'm sitting there waiting at the mental health ward and they literally come and give me some belongings I left there the time before. Like I'm some frequent flyer, I sort of laugh under my breath but try to stifle it because I love my parents  more than anything and I don't want to make this situation any more confusing and awful than what it is. I go to the tiny mini fridge and fish out a cheese sandwich because the stuff I took to OD makes you so fucking hungry.  

So I'm admitted, given the awkward PJ's, some hectic sedatives and put in the room with the vinyl mattress like the ones in jail I'm sure, except in the ward they give you milo and night and speak in hushed tones and take your blood pressure a lot and offer you adult colouring books.  

Then I'm in the room and I'm thinking things. The things I'm thinking are about the fact that I did not succeed in ending my life and now there are repercussions. I have to not only feel shit, I have to feel guilty because what I have done to the people who love me is so monumentally horrible and I'm a bad selfish person who is never going to be loved, etc. Then I think about if I had done it another way, if it had worked, then I fall asleep.

I'm woken up by a student nurse that looks about 15 rolling in a huge blood pressure machine. The soft voice ensues like fucking silk "so, uh, cay, do you feel safe? Do you feel like hurting yourself? Killing yourself? Feeling a bit better than yesterday?" And me, being a fucking idiot, says, "oh yeah I'm fine now, just tired you know". Because, from lots of practice, I'm a master at pretending I'm okay (I'm being sarcastic hopefully you get that and I don’t just sound like a prized IDIOT).  

Hours down the track in walk out in my gross green PJ's and look at who else in in the ward. Literally exactly what you would expect, some full grown woman with pink hair doing a puzzle of teddy bears, some 'methy' looking guy talking to himself in the room (until this point I thought this was a ward for woman only) that has a video of a waterfall on loop and an extremely greasy middle ages Asian woman being scolded for trying to sleep when she has to be awake because its day time. Nobody talks to each other, we are all sort of collectively embarrassed, no one really knows how to act, do we like smile at each other? Or do we have to prove our sadness to each other? I just keep my head down mainly until I get handed the sludgy meal that we have to eat with a spoon because u could mince yourself with a fork or knife. I recon if you really wanted you could use a spoon, I recon if you really wanted you could use anything like, it's pretty fucked up but I think about that all the time. I know pretty much all the things in a room that I could use to hurt myself.  

Like spoon? Easy, I would just either with all the force in my body, sorry for the gore, slam the not spoony part into my wrist and like , blood would Tarintino style go everywhere. I could also just like shove it down my throat and choke. I recon I could like, paper cut myself to death, that’s so morbid, oh my god, sorry.  

PART 3; insidious thing  

Fast track to now, I'm at my parent's house, with a shaved head, in the country, the love of my life won't talk to me. I'm almost certain that he's going to leave me, he's already moved out and he's basically sick of my shit. And to be honest, even though it fucking hurts, its fair enough.

Backtrack again, I worked at the pub, and everyone there just like, happened to do cocaine, so I tried cocaine, and of course, it was great but very expensive. If went from something fun to something I needed to get through a shift because I was so tired. Then I would spend all my money on it. Then the guy would show up at the bar and I would just swipe my card and take money out of the till. Like at the start it was spending my money, and then I started stealing the money.  

Now, I have a huge problem which honestly, I like being on drugs, plus being bipolar, oh yeah, but now that’s up for negotiation and could be a personality disorder or whatever. I didn’t tell anyone I was doing this, not even my partner or my friend who could have helped me. Especially, my partner. But again, dirt human remember.  

So, I was holding that secret in for ages, like was literally killing me. It was the most insidious thing ever. But I've always stuffed in and marred the truth to protect myself. When I was younger, like childhood till I was 16, I had a really hard time at making friends so I literally would just make shit up. But when I was first diagnosed and had my first break up, I worked out that, that probably wasn’t optimum to being like an alright human. So I stopped saying I was related to famous models and that I got kicked out of karate because I punched the teacher and started telling the  true story about the stress nose bleeds, of the white robes and I was related to a bunch of people that lived in Yass, as in many merinos (no offence to my family - you are all phenomenal).

PART 4; him

Forward, I hadn't told my parents this immense thing, and I was lying about what actually happened. So I told them. And, they really didn’t care. Not only what this an insane and complete surprise to me, it made me feel even worse that I have been an absolutely horrendous person to my partner.  

So now, I am petrified. I'm writing this with my newly shaved golf ball head, he's not talking to me and I'm this total wreck of self-hatred and total disarray. Because I want to be with him, I don’t want to hurt him. But I don’t know how to move forward. I don’t know how to make someone trust you again, and I sure as hell don’t think I deserve to have such a fucking angel in my life.

Like you know those classically handsome boys from teen movies, yeah think about that, but like Bowie dreamy. Big ass blue eyes, freckles, tall, absolutely killer smile. He supports my art, he's good with kids and animals, he's stupid crazy intelligent, goofy and gets my humor, that I barely get sometimes. Like I have no idea how human trash like me could have made this person fall in love with me. One time, he fucking flew overseas to see me on our anniversary because he missed me. He has written obscure punk songs about me. He also supports me immensely, which I owe my life to, on many occasions.  

To be honest, I will understand if he's over it, he could do so much better, he could like, date a  girl who is not legally insane, that would not self-harm and lie and do batshit stuff like some crazy murderer. But, I do want to get better for him. And I am trying, I've enrolled in this crazy program that the psych lady said would improve my honesty as well as make me be able to deal with real life grown up situations like an adult and not some mentally inept baby thing. I am trying. Shaving my hair was a thing for me. I needed a physical change to put stuff in motion. I'm in motion now. And I hope that he sees that, but I understand, I truly I am the worst.

Skip forward to two weeks later, we ended it, I broke it I really did. But that okay, because you have to have a red hot go at being by yourself. I am weirdly happy, elated even, I feel like ive got myself back. Its crazy that you don’t even notice how much you have lost yourself until your alone, the cracks in what seemed like a perfect relationship start to show. Not to throw shade, but I think that I embarrassed him sometimes and tried to hard to act cool. And to be honest, I recon I am pretty fucking cool. I bent myself to fit around him, even my aspirations, even my work even my internet presence. He never let me 'vlog' he thought it was lame, seems like such a teeny thing but I full want to vlog. I want to talk into the abyss that in Instagram, hear an echo or not.  

I guess its all a learning curb really, you got to lose what you think you want to get what you need. I could 'smiths' along and ask to 'please please, please, let me let me let me, get what I want this time' but right now, I'm still working out what that is. It's pretty flippin' great.