#the younger daughter has 2 guinea pigs that are living in the house with no power and possibly smoke damage by themselves.

[florida3exclamationpoints]

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[archived-kin]

genshin modern au cheat sheet

i’m planning to do more pieces set in this au, so i’ve put together a quick list of the characters i'm planning to write about/include!

there are three main groups here - the zhao family, the ragnvindr family and friends, and the Miscellaneous Pals™

(the next volume in this au is going to be a xiao piece, and that should be up within the next two or so days!)

1. the zhao family

zhongli, 36: history professor at the local uni who also plays the guzheng very well, tea-enjoyer, a very proud and supportive dad who loves his kids more than anything in the universe - probably unironically has so many pictures of them in his wallet

xiao, 23: taking a degree in psychology at the local uni, has a cool motorbike, bit of a control freak, doesn’t like surprises, will drop-kick you if you look at him or his sister funny, wants a cat but his dad’s allergic, never really grew out of his emo phase

yanfei, 19: baby of the family, prodigy lawyer-in-training, far smarter than many people give her credit for, likes building snowmen, has to protect her unsuspecting dad from Evil Salespeople looking to make some extra money

xiao and yanfei are biological siblings, and zhongli adopted them when xiao was 11 and yanfei was 7. the circumstances of this adoption is a mystery that none of the zhao family members seem willing to divulge…

the zhao siblings can have a little bit of tragic backstory. as a treat.

basically they were born into poverty and often went hungry for days on end. biological parents were distant and neglecting (though not actually physically/emotionally abusive - yet.)

when xiao was caught shoplifting bread and fruit from a local grocery store so that he and yanfei could actually eat, both parents went ballistic and kicked him out the house in the middle of one of the coldest winters the town had seen

poor kid was practically freezing to death out there, and yanfei raised such a fuss back in the house that mum slapped her square in the face to get her to shut up, which xiao saw through the window, and he promptly decided that he Was Not Putting Up With This Shit for any longer

immediately went to a neighbour’s house and told them what was going on, neighbours promptly called cps, and an investigation was launched

parents were deemed unsuitable for raising kids and (after a lot of back and forth) the two kids were taken into care

meanwhile zhongli was kind of sad because he had no friends or family in this town and all he really did was write articles, read books, and mark work

then one of his co-workers mentioned hearing about xiao and yanfei’s story and it hit zhongli so hard that he immediately rang up the adoption centre and ended up taking them in

and from then on both yanfei and xiao were very happy and healthy because zhongli was literally the best dad ever and put everything into taking care of them

2. the ragnvindr family (+ friends)

diluc, 29: budding businessman who still works at his dad’s cafe but is looking to open up his own company some time soon, still buys himself juice in those little cartons with the straws, still doesn’t know how raising bread works?? how does it get bigger???

diona, 7: diluc’s adopted daughter who has her father firmly under her thumb, bit of a spitfire but can also be the sweetest kid ever, enjoys making ‘potions’ out of grass and flowers and water (diluc can and will actually drink these potions because his love for his daughter knows no bounds)

kaeya, 25: diluc’s idiot little brother who’s changed majors at least five times and still doesn’t really know what he wants to do, practises fencing and horse riding in his spare time like a nerd, spoils his niece rotten

lisa, 26: the first of kaeya’s three roommates, has a degree in english and could easily have gone on to become a leading scholar but chose to instead open a bookshop that gets way more business than expected because she’s pretty and men and women alike are all simps

albedo, 23: the second of kaeya’s roommates, bit of a genius, has already started his chemistry phd, is almost concerningly pale and exhausted at all times, has not gone a day without breaking one of the cups for at least two years

venti, 21: the third of kaeya’s roommates, studying music, acts way older than he is sometimes but is mostly just a child, asks at least one of his roommates to marry him every day without fail, was and still is both a music and a theatre kid

lisa’s actually the one who owns the roommates’ residence because it’s on top of her bookshop

i was going to keep the whole ragnvindr family trauma thing but i decided that diluc deserved to be happy in at least one au so the brothers are still happy brothers :D

unfortunately that means that i’ve transferred a lot of the family trauma over to diona

essentially her mother died when she was a baby and her father, draff, turned to alcohol to get him through the stress of raising a child alone. unfortunately this led to him drunk driving one day, and he crashed the car into one of the wall’s of diluc’s dad’s cafe.

draff died on impact since he was in the front seat, but three-year-old diona managed to pull through despite her injuries. one thing led to another, diluc ended up taking care of her for a bit while the authorities sorted the whole thing out, but then he got too attached and decided to adopt her permanently

now diona has a dad, three uncles and an aunt who are all willing to shower her with all the love she deserves :’)))))

3. the Miscellaneous Pals™:

xiangling, xingqiu, chongyun, 17: local high school kids, they’re all kind of dating each other, low-key got adopted by xiao at one point, guoba is xiangling’s guinea pig and they all have joint custody over him

barbara, bennett, razor, 17: also local high school kids, also kind of all dating each other (but a lot more tentatively), regulars at diluc’s cafe, almost never seen apart

lumine, aether, ??: they keep showing up here and there around town to climb a tree and just sit there throwing leaves at people on the streets, then disappear. no one knows who the fuck they are

tartaglia, 23: nicknamed childe by his friends, also known as Mr Moneybags, is always just hanging around the local uni campus but doesn’t actually study anything there. his real name is ajax, but he thought that was lame so he gave himself a cool new one

eula, 24: new teacher at the local high school, her father used to be headmaster and was notoriously cruel to his students so everyone’s kind of wary of her, but she’s just really sweet and wants the best for her pupils :(((

amber, 21: number one eula defender, teaches the younger kids at the local primary, likes bunsen burners a little bit too much, still can’t remember how to spell the word necessary

hu tao, 25?: shady local mortician who may or may not practise illegal things, was kind of dating yanfei at some point but zhongli sent her packing as soon as he realised who she was, no one knows what her deal is

xiangling’s already a budding master chef and has received several offers from culinary schools, xingqiu is planning to study literature/language at uni but also might just go straight to trying to get a book published, chongyun is going to continue the family tradition of studying the supernatural with maybe a side job at xiangling’s future restaurant so that he doesn’t end up with no money if he doesn’t get any supernatural work

barbara is planning to go to medical school and also sings/dances in her spare time, bennett still doesn’t know what he wants to do but is considering carpentry among other things, and razor is dead-set on working at either a zoo or an animal shelter when he’s older

tartaglia never leaves the house without at least three pocket knives and a water pistol. he’s never had to use them yet, but you never know...

eula and amber live together and are probably dating but they’ll both just dodge the question if you ask them about it

they’re most definitely together though because on eula’s birthday amber brought her entire class of little kids to say happy birthday and bring her flowers

(incidentally amber is diona’s teacher)

[cloveroctobers]

CHELSEA ELLE HODGSON —

IG info/Bio: @/chelseaaahodecor | 109k followers | hi babes! welcome to my life lovelies, please get comfy with this Prosecco im serving thru this screen! xx here’s my site if you need some light in ur life: ichelseahdgsondesigns.com 🏝💕

24 (25) years

From Buckinghamshire, England

Comes from a wealthy family

her father’s side of the family founded, “Hodgson investments” their company is built off of financial services

Her papo (grandfather) was arrested on tax invasion & served some time for doing so

Her father, Alistair now manages the company but under a different name

Her mother’s side of the family comes from old money...something about horses?

Her mother, Connie holds many events and seems to make $ from them but Chelsea isn’t quite sure what the woman does or if it’s fully legal

The family is all about protecting their image & if you don’t cut it, there will be repercussions

Feels a little like dynasty (I’ve only seen 2-3 episodes & never finished but get the point?) , maybe that’s why Chelsea & her sister enjoy watching it so much

Parents forsure held courtship events or either went to courtship events with their children (even Albie) & found suitors in hopes of marrying their daughters off (& finding Albie a new wife, only on Mrs. Hodgson’s part— mr. Hodgson seems nicer/easy-going)

Has older twin sibs: Albie-Crispin & Dolly-Georgiana

Often referred to as “the triplet” in the press

Well-known in their city

They’re all called by their first & middle name in their family household even tho their parents do not have middle names

Has a love/hate relationship with albie, he is selfish & has proven to do anything to drag others down to make himself look better

He’s a lawyer & has been married to his wife for about 7 years

Mrs. Hodgson, Dolly, & Chelsea all agree they do not like her but Chelsea puts on a smile whenever her sister-in-law is around while Mrs. Hodgson makes it known that she dislikes the woman, she thinks she’s beneath her son since her family does not make nearly enough $ put together between her & Mr. Hodgson

Dolly has a bf who’s a dental hygentist that she’s been dating for about 3 years but they’re both cheating on each other, she doesn’t think she’ll ever be married

She’s in office management

Chelsea fell in love with interior decorating from the moment she played with doll houses. Her grandparents made sure to send her the biggest doll houses they could find every Christmas. She’s always been in love with rearranging and picking certain items and best putting them into a space that works

She shit at drawing (she’ll leave that to the Architects) but she knows her furniture & patterns quite well

Has asked a few architects out on dates, some she worked with or stumbled across, only one seemed like it could have truly worked...I imagine him to look a bit like Henry Cavill with light facial hair (told you I’m a sucker for it, & Chelsea probably can tolerate just a bit not too much)

Yet Chelsea always has a wondering eye, she gets curious quite often which makes you wonder, is she really ready for love? To fully commit? One day she will be

It’s a competitive field and when she’s ready to battle she will but there are moments when she gets let down & has to pick herself up again

Has ADHD, goes to therapy for it & hates taking her meds. She’d rather stick to therapy sessions since it’s always nice to talk to someone

When she was younger she probably stole a friend or two’s bf & would definitely get mad if they did it back to her but they somehow still end up being friends in the end? Yikes

Hung out with the popular kids, was always at the parties making sure everyone was having a good time. Filling up the cups, directing where furniture should be moved, where the kegs should go, how many people should be there, etc...She doesn’t seem like the stuck up type like her mother but she is privileged & doesn’t realize it as much

Was a cheerleader & ran track, quit track to commit full-time to cheerleading since that kept her in shape enough

Dated here & there, had one bf where they would scream at each other and wouldn’t allow the other to leave or would be upset that the other didn’t come after them...yeah one of those couples

Broke up with her goth bf because he didn’t tell her he wasn’t coming to school for about a week; he had the stomach flu

Canon: Took a computer course in high school & in uni & found out she was at the top of her class for typing the fastest, she now loves the sound of her short pink ombré nails on the keys

Canon: Wanted to be a show jumper due to her mother’s side of the family & their history with horses

Goes to the stables every now & then, there’s one horse there that she’s absolutely in love with & loves to ride. Her father always offered to buy it for her but it’s not a animal she wants to own

Canon: loves finger foods + will get full off them at events quickly. She also doesn’t mind the tiny portions of food at expensive ass restaurants, it’s just enough for her

Takes hair supplements. Probably had long hair growing up that she always kept up in a bun or ponytail but decided to start chopping her hair off & getting layers & highlights which damaged her hair

Approves of plastic surgery

Is part of the itty bitty titty community & got a lift for them

Gets lip fillers for her bottom lip but isn’t a fan of needles + overlines her top lip

loves going to the dermatologist, the spa for facials & whatever else she’s willing to try & finding new skincare to buy

Tans & loves tropical hot summers

Buys an overload of bikinis even in the winter

Hates the rain, it messes with her mood

Loves a good lipstick & lipgloss combo, nudes & pinks are her to go to’s

Fav color is pink

Got herself a guinea pig after the show & named her “bubbly” after her baby in the villa

I feel like she would eventually get a tiny dog too

Has her own flat, that’s quite far from all of her family. She loves her dysfunctional problematic family but Chelsea likes her space from them too

Since buckinghamshire’s culture is more of a Middle Ages style, Chelsea made sure her home wouldn’t hold much of that style inside. It needed to be lively! Her family home was filled with dark wood & she can’t stand that

She loves going to the markets tho. She always seems to leave with something & either finds herself not liking it months later and ends up selling whatever item caught her interest

Her family tends to pop in whenever they want, especially her mother

Canon: talks about cat cafe’s when she’s drunk, says its her version of the chocolate factory + she’s the dancing drunk

Always down for a girls night out, girls trip & girls sleepovers

Probably goes to bed early around 10pm or earlier m if she’s not out having the time of her life, which makes her regret her choices the next morning

All her closest friends back home are a group of girls

Hangs out with Priya, Marisol, & Hope from the villa whereas the rest she’ll mostly communicate with them through socials or gatherings

Will host gatherings & expect them ALL to show up

Is dramatic when things don’t go her way

Loses focus more than gets bored in relationships? She’ll find other things or people to occupy her time which she doesn’t realize can be hurtful to others

When she does realize she hurts someone, she immediately wants to fix it

Canon: Is a blabbermouth. Cannot hold a secret for shit, also cannot tell a lie. Her body language gives it away first if she doesn’t spill it

Retail therapy is the best therapy if she doesn’t have a office appointment

Any spice girl song will be her karaoke song, she is always baby spice

Loves her Prosecco (me too sis!) & keeps plenty bottles in her wine fridge. She originally wanted a space with a wine cellar but got creeped out at the thought since it’s just her & bubbly living in the home

Has high cell phone bills, the girl loves a good chat

Cannot cook no matter how hard she tries. She’s been to cooking classes with an ex, watched videos, order from those food delivery sites to prepare food & it just never turns out well

Will spend hours in furniture stores, she’s had to be escorted out pass closing hours by security guards before & manage to make friends out of them. They all know who she is in majority of the stores she enters

Throws a party every time her following goes up. There’s never not a reason to throw one

Was upset that Carl unfollowed her once and figured Hannah made him do it. Which wasn’t true, Hannah was sure of herself now & doesn’t feel the need to be jealous, the man could follow whoever he wanted—she knew he barely stayed on IG in the first place. He thought it was too shallow

So when Chelsea called him one night sobbing he was utterly confused, he didn’t understand why a follow meant so much

He reluctantly followed her back

Thrilled to know Elijah, Lucas, & Carl all keep up with her. Oh & the rest of the boys ofc!

Chats with Jakub! They also hang out. They’re a bit of a odd pairing but they get along well, he’s basically another big brother to her but she actually likes him—

Afraid of the dark, keeps fairy lights lit throughout the night in her bedroom, keeps scent infused night lights in her hallways

Believes in feng shui

I feel like her voice is soft like jennifer Tilly’s?

Idk what her sun sign is? Is she a sag far as daydreaming cause she does that. I KNOW she has Leo in her chart, she’s dramatic, warm, likes to be admired & appreciated. Sun sign I need help? Maybe she’s a Sagittarius sun? + Leo moon + libra rising

Has a collection of celeb gossip magazines that she keeps on a stand next to her pink velvet chair beside her bow window

I think she will be the first islander that gets pregnant tbh & it’s by an architect (the guy I mentioned/envisioned that’s been waiting on her to realize he can give her the love she needs or prove he can balance her out) or firefighter or someone “manly” she wouldn’t end up with a islander I don’t think

she has a girl & names her, “adore”

Canon: Still wants 5 kids but we’ll see how that goes & if it’ll change, it’s been a bit difficult not drinking Prosecco but she’s got a lovely baby out of it

Crushes? Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Alfred Enoch, Alex Pettyfer, Joe Cole, Gregg Sulkin, Frank Dillane, Charlie Rowe, & Hero Fiennes Tiffin

Can listen to anything that’s got a good beat. But we all know she’s a pop & folk genre lover. She listens to: Astrid S, Maty Noyes, Cher Lloyd, Bebe Rexha, Allie X, Poppy, POST MALONE, etc.

Anthem? Gabrielle Aplin — Until the sun comes up

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #360

“we are the ones that wanna play  /  always wanna go, but you never wanna stay”

"Crawling" or "In The End?" I want to say "Crawling," but I really can't be sure. Both are bomb. Is your window open? No. Monsters Inc. or Shrek? Shrek, my man. What did you last hear that made your jaw drop? Jason's mom died. What is the longest shower or bath you have ever taken? I remember as kids, Nicole and I would sometimes play 'til Mom made us finish because the water was cold by then. As an adult, idk about my longest shower. Do you have a preference of chocolate? Yeah, milk chocolate. Is there anyone you’d like to hug right now? Yeah. Could you ever picture someone writing a biography about you? Definitely not. Do you have a clock in your room? No. Do you shut off the computer when you’re done using it? No, I just close it. Do you usually catch a cold during the winter? No. I just about never get sick. Are you a good multi-tasker? NOOOOOOOOOOO. Do you know any deaf people? If so, is it easy or difficult to have conversations with them? No. Is there a door knocker on your front door? No. Were you ever into Pokémon? Bitch I still am. Do you drink a lot of water? Sigh, no. I'm definitely better than I used to be, though; once upon a time, I literally never drank it unless I was extremely hot and dehydrated. Nowadays, it's usually after I finish my soda for the day that I then only drink water, normally around one full tall cup of it. Do you like fireworks? They're beautiful, but I'm personally against them out of respect for veterans suffering from PTSD as well as animals, because I'm not exactly interested in traumatizing them, either. Is respect given or earned with you? It's given, the way I think it should be. Are you “in the closet” about anything? No. Are you missing any teeth? No. Do you like scrapbooking? I've never gotten into it and am not really interested in doing so. What was or will be your first tattoo? It's a semicolon butterfly on my right wrist. Sometimes I've thought about getting it covered with a cooler design but the same concept; it was literally from Google, and I'm very much not into "sharing" tattoo designs with probably thousands of other people. But, I still think it really is cute, and it's just very special to me as my first, so idk. Do you have any tattoos dedicated to someone special? I have one written in Sara's handwriting inside a heart, and my "ohana" tattoo that I am 100% getting covered was dedicated to my former best friend Colleen. I've talked before about why "ohana" has never really resonated with me, and I just don't like it anymore at all. Thank God it's small. Do you like ghost stories? Oh HELL yeah, lay 'em on me. What was your favorite movie as a kid? The Lion King. Some things never change, ha. Do you own a lot of cookbooks? Mom has looooots, but never uses any. I think her mom gave them to her, so she just keeps 'em. What’s your father’s handwriting like? It looks like every other man's handwriting I've ever seen lol. All the letters are capitalized. Did you wash your hair last time you showered? I wash my hair every time I shower. I have to with it naturally being so oily. What does your shampoo smell like? Coconut. Do you listen to Guns N' Roses? Not a lot, but yeah. They've got some bangers. I actually want "Sweet Child O' Mine" to be the father/daughter dance at my wedding. Have you ever been a bridesmaid? Yeah, at my sister's wedding. What was the last video game that you beat? I replayed Silent Hill 2 a long time ago. Have you ever hyperventilated? Yep. Do you talk in your sleep? I scream in my sleep. Nightmares/terrors are a blast. Whose house did you last sleep over? Sara's. Have you ever been cut by scissors? No. Do you like peaches? It's odd, I like canned sliced peaches, but the actual, full fruit, I don't. I love peach flavored juice, though. Do you enjoy being surrounded by neighbors, or would you be more comfortable someplace secluded? Take me back to the middle of nowhere, please. I'm really not digging being in an actual neighborhood. Is there any sibling rivalry between you and your siblings, if you have any? Not at all. Do you usually root for the good guys or the bad guys? Ha, the baddies... Are you allowed to have pets at your house? We're allowed to have what we currently own and then maybe one dog if Mom finally finds one. Have you ever lived in a trailer park? No. Is there anyone that you know through the internet that you would feel comfortable meeting in person? There's quite a few, actually! Have you ever had a dream involving characters from a game/movie/television show? Yeah. What’s the last thing you wrote down? My signature, I think? Do you remember any phone numbers from years ago that now belong to someone you don’t know? No. Have you ever found something strange in your mailbox? No. Who was the last relative that came to visit you? My half-sister and her husband. Does your bedding all match? Not currently. Are you more comfortable with having short hair or long hair? SHORT. Are you interested in fantasy movies/shows? That's my preference. Have you ever gone whale-watching? No, but that'd be dope. What is something that you have a large amount of? Meerkat plushies. Who is it that you’re in love with? Nobody. Have you ever gotten love and infatuation confused? No. Do you have a steady income? No. Do you take your medications in the morning or at night? Both. Have you ever bought a YouTuber’s merch? No, I wish. :( Do you think oatmeal tastes better when made with water or milk? MILK. I don't eat it with water. When was the last time you ran into someone that you didn’t want to see? Idk. Have you ever tried vlogging, and if yes, did you stick with it? Noooo, I'm completely disinterested in doing that myself. If you go to church, what is your favorite thing about it? I don't go. Even as a kid when Mom made me, I hated it. ^and what is your least favorite thing about it? N/A What do you do for exercise? I don't. .-. I want a pool SO badly to swim and strengthen my legs without having to worry about sweating or collapsing, though. Mom says we don't have space, but we definitely do. Not a lot, but enough. Do you have a birthmark? If yes, what color is it? Yeah, it's just a bit darker than the rest of my skin. Do you need to lose weight? Yes. My sister, Mom, and I very recently started a Weight Watchers subscription and we're all working our asses off to stick to it. Ash has already lost like, 12 pounds (she started before Mom and me), so I'm kinda hopeful. Have you ever had a cat? Growing up, after we took in a stray female, we ended up with a fucking empire of cats, literally around three dozen, I'd say. They were all outdoors, too, and not fixed because we couldn't afford it, so tomcats would come around and, y'know, make matters worse. Eventually, animal control took them all and I was DEVASTATED, but looking back, I understand it was necessary. Anyway, I have one cat now. Indoors and fixed and the prince of my world, haha. Have you ever had a dog? We've had a few. I was born with my dad having a collie named Trigger, but I don't remember her at all; she died of old age I believe when I was very young. Then we briefly had a pup named Angel, but she died due to that disease some puppies just have. We didn't get another dog until Teddy, who was my Christmas present, and he was put to sleep only last year, rest my baby's soul. We also had Dale, Cali, Delilah, and Bentley. Have you ever any other kind of animal? A LOT. I'm probably going to forget some, but we've had hamsters, rats, snakes, fish, a turtle, two lizards, gerbils, guinea pigs... just a lot. Animals have always been very important in my life. Have you ever had a pet rock? HA, yeah. I didn't take it seriously at all, but I had one. When was the last time you painted something? Not since my Painting course in my final college attempt. Do you have any disabilities? Not in the traditional sense, no. My social anxiety though is at such a severity that it majorly infringes upon my ability to do a LOT of things, though. What are five of your favorite stores at the mall? I couldn't name five. Just Hot Topic and Spencer's, really. What season do you want to get married in? AUTUMN. The actual dream situation would be to get married in the snow in a black dress, like can you IMAGINE the pictures, but realistically, it'd be in the fall to avoid the biting cold. Has anyone ever spread lies about you? Yeah. Anything special planned for today? Nope. Blue or green? Blue. How much older/younger than you was the person you lost your virginity to? He's two years older than me. Do you still care for that person? Very much. Can you completely annihilate the first Mario game in less than an hour? I haven't even played the first game. I've never really been into the games to begin with. Did you make it all the way through the Oregon Trail game? Yes! I was OOOOOBSESSEEEEEED as a kid. I would usually play it after school when my mom was an assistant teacher and was finishing up her work for the day. Have you ever contemplated climbing a water tower? Uh, no. Those kind of people got some wanderlust levels that I ain't got, haha. If you have a Facebook, when was the last time you changed your profile picture? It's been a few months. Would you ever marry someone who was lower class? Um, yes? You can deny it all you want, but answering "no" is pretty much the same as saying you'd marry for money. Is there a guy you wish you hadn’t let slip away? ugh Which do you prefer: English or math? English, by light years. Who is a singer that has given you chills? David Draiman's voice in the Disturbed cover of "Sound of Silence" is fucking haunting. Greatest cover of all time. Do you watch America’s Got Talent? I did when Sharon was a judge. Do you think you could win America’s Got Talent? Hell no. What act would you perform in a talent show? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Have you ever practiced yoga? Yes. I used to be BANGIN at it. What is your favorite thing to buy at the Farmer’s Market? Fruit! Do you get carsickness? No. What color is the rim of your full-length mirror? Black. What is your state’s bird (if you live in the US)? Cardinal. Which style of wedding dress is your favorite? I'm a sucker for ballgown dresses. Do you enjoy editing videos? I used to love it, for many many years. Now, I just don't have the dedication or motivation to. Do you enjoy editing photos? Yes. If you gave birth, do you think you would want it filmed? Um, absolutely not. I would have NO desire to look back on me shrieking my lungs out and essentially dying. I handle abdominal pain very poorly, so I've got a goooood feeling that if I actually wanted to have kids, I'd be that woman screeching like a banshee.

[cornyregans]

Pre-Tragedy Living Arrangements -- Capp Manor and Monty Ranch

Essay Word Count: 4,257 words Thank You Word Count: 108 words Image Count: 65 images Total Word Count: 4,365 words

  The majority of Veronaville's premade minors live with one or both of their parents; however, the teens living at both the Capp Manor and Monty Ranch are another story due to their current status as orphans. As such, we cannot say for sure what life was like for Romeo, Juliette, Mercutio, Tybalt, and Hermia before their parents died. Did they, along with their parents and grandparents, always live at the manor and ranch, or are these living arrangements a more recent development?

  The idea that Cordelia, Claudio, and their respective families once lived elsewhere is, of course, mere speculation. That said, I believe there is a possibility that the teens may not have lived in their current homes with their parents and grandparents simultaneously. We know from the game itself that the two groups of teens can live with their grandparents without any problems; however, adding their parents into the mix creates a bit of a mess when taking sleeping and eating arrangements into account.

Beds in TS2

  There are two types of beds you can buy for your sims in The Sims 2: single beds, which take up three squares, and double beds, which take up six. In most cases, single beds tend to belong to children and teens, while double beds belong to adults and elders. While there are some exceptions to the rule like Cassandra Goth, one of the Caliente sisters, the three Curious brothers, Nervous Subject, and General Buzz Grunt; all of the families situated in Veronaville tend to follow this trend to a T.

  When placing a single bed, you need to make sure that any nearby objects don’t make it unusable. You can rectify this issue by leaving one side of the bed free of any problematic objects; however, as I will demonstrate below, this is not the case for beds placed against a wall.

  Since I wasn’t exactly sure which objects kept sims out of bed, I decided to perform a little experiment with the lovely Bianca Monty as my guinea pig.

You can place a chairless desk to the right of a bed without a problem.

But placing a desk with a chair next to a bed will give your sim a hard time.

Moving the bed over to the left side of the desk also doesn’t work.

However, placing a bed next to a sofa or loveseat is a-okay.

    Unlike single beds, a double bed cannot be placed up against a wall if the player wants two sims to sleep in one. Also, should you intend for the bed to be shared, both sides must be free of problematic objects like the ones demonstrated above.

    Objects are also unable to intersect with doors because doing so prevents sims from traveling between rooms. Should you try to place an object in front of one, it will glow red, and an error message will appear telling you that the objects cannot intersect. That said, placing objects next to doors is alright because it does not block anyone's way.

The Capp Manor

   The only downstairs bedroom found in the Capp Manor is on the first floor's left side. Due to its size and the ages of the sims who currently inhabit the manor, this bedroom’s current owner is most likely Consort Capp. Consort’s wife, the late Contessa Capp was the matriarch of the matrilineal Capp family, making it practically a given that she would have slept in that bedroom as well. As such, I would argue that we do not need to discuss this room any further since Consort likely would have shared the master bedroom with his late wife.

    Unlike the first floor, the second floor of the Capp Manor has three bedrooms, each belonging to one of the teens living there. While you are ultimately the one who decides which room belongs to which sim, Juliette's in-game status as the "Capp heiress" points towards the largest room of the three belonging to her. As a result, Tybalt and Hermia are more-likely-than-not the intended owners of the smaller bedrooms on the left side of the manor.

The Three Upstairs Bedrooms

  Juliette’s bedroom has twenty-four squares worth of space where you can place the objects of your choice. Her current inventory consists of:

One single bed (1x3)

One dresser (1x2, with two extra empty squares)

An end table with a stereo on top (1x1),

A fireplace (2x2 total, but 1x2 in her room)

   Discounting items like her overhead light which do not take up floor space, Juliette’s inventory takes up ten of the twenty-four squares she has available. Her room also has two doors, each taking up an additional square of space, meaning she is using twelve of the twenty-four squares available to her.

   Tybalt and Hermia’s square count was a little more difficult to figure out due to the diagonal lines at each entrance. Though, if I had to guess, I would estimate that each room has sixteen squares and two “half-squares” worth of space.

Tybalt’s inventory consists of:

One single bed (1x3) 

One Loveseat (1x2) 

A TV (1x1)

As for Hermia, her inventory consists of:

One single bed (1x3)

One Loveseat (1x2)

One desk w/ a computer (1x2)

One desk chair (1x1)

   Outside of the overhead lights and posters, Tybalt’s inventory takes up six of his available squares, while Hermia’s takes up eight of hers. Tybalt and Hermia also have two doors in their rooms, each taking up an additional square of space. As such, the objects in Tybalt’s room take up seven and one-half squares, while the ones in Hermia’s room take up nine and one-half.

Cordelia and Caliban’s Possible Room

Due to their ages and marital status, it is likely that Cordelia and Caliban would have shared a double bed. Out of the three rooms on the second floor, the only one that could fit a double bed would be the largest of the three that currently belongs to their daughter Juliette. As such, if Cordelia and Caliban lived at the Capp Manor with their children before their deaths, then this is realistically the only room where they could have slept.

By replacing Juliette’s single bed with a double bed for Cordelia and Caliban, the items in the room now take up thirteen spaces, twelve if you remove the stereo (like I did in the image above).

As seen in the two images above, these are the only two places where you could put a double bed without removing the dresser. Should you remove it, however, then you could also place the bed next to the door that leads out to the hallway.

While two single beds could also easily fit into Juliette’s room, neither of the smaller rooms are big enough to house a double bed. As a result, Juliette could not have shared the larger room with one of her siblings if their parents were living with them at the manor before they died.

Juliette’s Original Room

  Should Cordelia and Caliban have been the initial inhabitants of Juliette’s room, Juliette would have to have slept in one of the smaller rooms instead. As such, there are three possible scenarios that could help us decipher her former sleeping arrangements:

Tybalt and Hermia shared a room while Juliette slept in the other room.

Juliette and Hermia shared a room while Tybalt slept in the other room.

Tybalt and Juliette shared a room while Hermia slept in the other room.

   Given the relationships between all three of the teenagers at the beginning of the game, I believe the most likely scenario would have been option two. Juliette and Hermia start the game off as best friends, while both consider Tybalt to be an acquaintance at best. As such, it's likely that their sharing a room would have been preferable than either being roommates with Tybalt. Also, Juliette is four days younger than Tybalt, while she is three days older than Hermia, meaning the girls were also closer in age.

   As stated above, Hermia’s furniture and two doors take up nine and one-half squares of her original sixteen and two-half square total. By moving Juliette’s single bed into Hermia’s room, the total number of squares that are now in use rises to twelve and one-half squares. Also, should you move Juliette’s end table and stereo into Hermia’s room as well, then the total number of squares in use rises to thirteen and one-half squares.

   Since the stereo can easily fit on the other side of Hermia’s desk, odds are it will be absent from each of the photos going forward. With that said, here are some possible placements for Juliette’s bed in Hermia’s room.

This placement of Juliette's bed would leave Hermia unable to reach hers.

Removing Hermia’s desk and chair from the room and replacing them with Juliette's bed would not allow anyone to use one side of the loveseat. However, moving the loveseat next to Hermia’s bed would solve this problem.

Juliette's bed being in this position makes this placement of the desk and chair impossible.

Moving the desk here means Hermia’s going to have a hard time using her bed.

Juliette’s bed could be placed in this spot if you remove the loveseat. That said, doing so would split the room in two. As such, it is unlikely her bed could have been here since each girl might have been able to use only one of two routes to enter and exit the room.

Placing Juliette’s bed here would prevent Hermia from accessing her bed.

It's impossible to place Juliette's bed in either of these locations due to the presence of the door.

Placing Juliette’s bed here blocks off the hallway entrance, meaning both girls could only enter and exit through the bathroom door.

These two images show the only possible position one can place Juliette’s bed without any adjacent furniture. Hermia’s bed has three possible positions where it could fit, the two shown above, and its original placement.

Capp Manor -- The Verdict

   While Juliette’s bed could fit inside Hermia’s bedroom, doing so means the latter’s computer, desk, and chair would have been unable to fit as a result. Since both smaller room's layouts are mirror images of each other, switching the occupants of the rooms would not change this result. Regardless of which pair of teens originally shared a room, neither room would be able to house all of their belongings.

   Cordelia and Caliban would not have been able to share a bed in either of the smaller rooms since a double bed would have been unable able to fit regardless of the room you chose. While you could make an argument that they went against the grain and used single beds, that would mean the only place on the lot where they could have woohooed would have been in the master bedroom. As such, should Cordelia and Caliban have wanted to get intimate, then they would be doing the do in the bed belonging to the former’s parents.

The Monty Ranch

As can be seen above, the first floor to the Monty Ranch has three bedrooms (maybe four if you count that teeny tiny room next to the hall with the urns). 

On the left side of the manor, there is a bedroom with a double bed and an attached bath. Since the manor’s residents include the Monty patriarch and his wife, odds are this bedroom belongs to them. As such, the probability that this room needs any further analysis is practically non-existent.

There are two more bedrooms on the right side of the ranch, though one is three squares larger than the other. While it is somewhat ambiguous when determining which room belongs to which brother, I eventually listed the larger bedroom up top as Romeo’s due to the posters and color scheme, thereby leaving the smaller bedroom on the bottom as Mercutio's.

Unlike the Capp Manor, there are no bedrooms present on the second floor of the Monty Ranch, only a deck.

Mercutio and Romeo’s Rooms

   Much like his lady love, Romeo’s bedroom has twenty-four squares worth of space where you can place the objects of your choice. At the start of the game, his current inventory consists of: 

One single bed (1x3)

One desk with a computer (1x2)

One desk chair (1x1)

A pile of trash (1x1)

   Discounting items like his overhead light and posters, both of which do not take up floor space, Romeo’s inventory takes up six of the twenty-four squares he has available. Romeo’s room also has two doors, each taking up an additional square of space, bringing the total number of squares in use up to eight. 

   Mercutio’s room has three fewer squares than his brother’s, giving him a total of twenty-one squares worth of space. His inventory when you first visit the Monty Ranch includes:

One single bed (1x3)

A mirror (1x1)

Two piles of trash (1x1 each)

   Should you discount the overhead lights and posters, Mercutio’s inventory takes up six of the twenty-one squares he has available. There are also two doors in Mercutio’s room, each taking up one square. As a result, the total number of squares in use becomes eight. 

   Finally, removing the piles of trash in each room (as seen above) leaves Romeo with seven squares in use, while Mercutio would have six.

Mercutio and Romeo as Roommates

Should the brothers have spent their entire lives living at the Monty Ranch, then their parents would have needed a place to sleep as well. As such, the logical conclusion would be that Mercutio and Romeo were once roommates. If so, then which of the two rooms would they have shared?

Let’s begin by looking at the smaller room. Placing Romeo's bed here would inconvenience his older brother should the latter need to use the bathroom. Also, should you place Romeo’s bed underneath the poster, then it would be impossible for Mercutio to reach his bed.

Romeo’s bed could not have fit here if Mercutio’s bed was always in that particular corner of the room.

Placing Romeo’s bed here prevents anyone from using the mirror (moving the mirror solves this though).

Romeo’s bed can’t be placed over here because it would intersect with the bathroom door.

Moving Romeo’s bed against the wall and rotating Mercutio’s bed 90º is impossible for the same reason as above.

Placing the heads of both beds against this particular wall means that Romeo would be unable to access his bed.

The above two pictures are possible solutions to this question. Though the scenario presented in the bottom image might cause a traffic jam should the boys wake up at the same time in the morning.

Since all of the furniture can easily fit inside the smaller room, it should not be a problem to do the same in the larger one.

When it comes to the larger room, placing Mercutio’s bed here would allow both boys to get in and out of their beds, though not at the same time (see above as to why).

Mercutio's bed can’t be here because it would intersect with the computer. However, should the desk and chair be moved, the bed should be able to fit there without a problem.

Mercutio’s bed can’t be placed here because it would end up intersecting the chair. However, as stated above, this should not be a problem if you move the desk and chair.

You cannot place Mercutio's bed on either side of the desk. The placement shown above doesn't work because placing beds on the desk's left side keeps sims from sleeping in it. The other option, however, restricts Romeo from accessing the bathroom from this room.

Claudio and Olivia’s Possible Room

   While Romeo and Mercutio could easily share either room (especially the larger one), the husband/wife duo of Claudio and Olivia are another story.

Placing a double bed for Claudio and Olivia in any of the three above locations would prevent one of them from accessing the nearby bathroom, and the other from accessing the TV room.

Placing Claudio and Olivia’s bed in any of these locations would be impossible, as all of them intersect with a door.

All of these potential placements for the double bed would make it impossible for one sim to exit the room into the hall, while the other sim would be unable to reach the adjacent bathroom.

Placing the double bed in either of these corners means it would be impossible for one of the sims to access their side of the bed.

Given both the layout of the room and the location of the door, you cannot place Claudio and Olivia’s bed against this wall in any way, shape, or form.

Monty Ranch -- The Verdict 

   While Romeo and Mercutio could easily share either room, the furniture in each boy’s possession makes it much easier for them to fit into the larger room. While it is possible for everything to fit in the smaller room, there are fewer options where everything could fit.

   However, the biggest argument against Romeo and Mercutio living at the ranch for their entire lives is because it is impossible for their parents to fit a double bed in either of the two bedrooms. Even though one could argue that they slept in two single beds, that would mean that the only woohoo location on the entire lot would be in the master bedroom. If this were the case, then Claudio and Olivia would be forced to use Patrizio and Isabella's bed whenever they wanted some action.

Tables

As I was preparing to post this essay, I realized that we might be able to approach this topic from an additional angle. At both the Capp Manor and Monty Ranch, each family dines at a 1x2 table with four chairs, one chair for each current resident. That said, should three generations inhabited the manor and ranch, then there would need to have been at least two additional chairs at each table.

Since 1x2 dining tables can fit six sims, there is no need to look at the Monty family's seating arrangements in depth for two reasons. First of all, there are four residents at the ranch when the game starts, and adding Claudio and Olivia would bring that total up to six. There might have been some problems in the future when it came to Claudio and Olivia’s future third child, but the residents at the ranch wouldn’t need to worry about that for quite some time. Second of all, and most importantly, we were already able to rule out Claudio, Olivia, and the boys living at the ranch with Patrizio and Isabella by using the bed method.

As mentioned above, the Capp Manor’s dining table has the same dimensions as the one found at the Monty Ranch. Since four sims living at the manor when the game starts, that means there have to be at least four chairs at the table. Adding Cordelia and Caliban to the group of four would bring the total number of chairs at the table to six, which is the maximum number of chairs that can fit at a 1x2 table. 

While this might seem simple on paper, there is another factor that complicates this even further. You see, in between the deaths of Cordelia and Caliban and the beginning of the game, the Capp family suffered another loss, specifically, the head of the Capp family herself. As such, had Cordelia and Caliban resided at the manor with their children, then there would have needed to be seven chairs to at that particular table, not six.

The Capp Manor’s Dining Table

The Capps have a 1x2 dining table, with two chairs on each of the longer sides. Adding two additional chairs to the ends, thereby bringing the maximum number of chairs to six, means the table would still be one chair short.

Because of this, I moved the 1x2 table out of the room and replaced it with a 1x3 table instead.

Unlike the dining table already present at the Capp Manor, this one can fit up to eight sims. As such, seven sims could use it without a problem.

That said, the table could not have been positioned like this, as the door next to the fireplace makes it impossible to place a chair in the upper-lefthand spot.

After looking at the vertical options, I decided to flip the table 90º. As seen in the previous image, it is impossible to place the table any higher, as doing so would cause a collision between the upper left chair and the door next to the fireplace. That said, all of the chairs can fit should the table be placed the way shown in the above image.

As you can see above, Hermia can effortlessly access the bottom middle chair. From my perspective, this chair would likely be the most difficult to reach.

Once Hermia was seated, I had Consort and Tybalt join her at the table. As soon as both were in place, I directed Hermia to leave the table. She managed to sneak behind Consort without a problem.

After that, I had Hermia sit back down at the table, only this time I directed Juliette at the end next to Consort. As you can see, Hermia had no problem sneaking behind both Consort and Juliette.

Dining Tables -- Previous Generations and Verdict

When it comes to the seating arrangements at the Capp Manor specifically, we know that the 1x2 dining table they use when the game begins could not have fit seven sims. As demonstrated above, it is possible for a 1x3 table to fit in the manor's dining room. If there was once a table with similar dimensions at the Capp Manor before Cordelia and Caliban died, then there is a definite possibility that all seven sims could have eaten together.

That said, there is no evidence to confirm or deny this hypothesis. While it is certainly possible that the Capp Manor might have housed a 1x3 dining table in the past, it's ultimately a moot point, especially when you realize that the previous generation could have fit at a 1x2 table without any issue.

One generation ago, Contessa and Consort once lived at the manor with their four children. As such, the 1x2 dining table could have easily fit the entire family of six provided they had two extra chairs. The same could be said for the previous generation of Montys as well, as Patrizio and Isabella had a total of three children. By doing the math, a 1x2 dining table would not have been a problem for their family of five provided they added an extra dining chair.

When it comes to the Capps, the situation regarding the tables is similar to the one regarding beds. Both scenarios are possible; however, you would have to make some alterations so all seven sims could live together comfortably. For some, this might not be much of a problem, while others might find all the necessary changes to be a little annoying.

When it comes to the Montys, alterations to the table are unnecessary, at least they were by the time Claudio and Olivia died. There are a total of four residents at the ranch when the game begins, and adding Claudio and Olivia to the mix brings the total to six. As stated above, 1x2 dining tables can fit up to six sims, so Claudio and Olivia could have sat there as well provided the Montys had two extra chairs. That said, since we already concluded it was impossible for them to both live at the ranch and sleep in a double bed, this tidbit might be a little too-little-too-late to some.

Final Thoughts

There is nothing wrong with the belief that both lots housed three generations at once. Should you decide to revive the dead parents, you could fit three generations of sims in either home provided you make some renovations. One way you could go about this is by adding walls on either lot to create smaller rooms wherever you see fit. Another way is to create an expansion of the existing homes by making the existing rooms bigger. Heck, the Monty Ranch has enough space on the upper deck to build a room large enough to fit a double bed.

In the end, it’s all really up to the player to decide, and there are no right or wrong answers to the question. As usual, I try to remain as objective as I possibly can when it comes to the more analytical essays. As such, personal biases tend to come into play less in these cases.

That said, the fact remains that two Monty couples could not coexist at the ranch without one of them sacrificing a double bed. As such, I believe it is unlikely that the boys lived with Patrizio and Isabella before their parents died. While seven sims could live and eat together at the Capp manor should the player make some minor adjustments, a part of me thinks that the Capp teens also lived elsewhere before their parents died. That said, my reason for this has more to do with design elements and my interpretation of family dynamics, rather than any cold, hard facts.

With that in mind, join me next time when I tackle my interpretation regarding where these teenagers lived before their parents died.

Thank you so much for reading part one. I haven't posted one of these in a while, so I hope I wasn't too rusty. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed this one and will consider coming back for part two!

The next part, as well as the resource list for both parts, will be up next weekend. Even though I posted the essays on the Shakespeare parallels found in each of the occupied residential lots in one weekend, this is a different beast entirely. Both of those essays were around 1500 words give or take; however, these two both go over 3000 and have pictures to accompany the text.

[twenty-nothing]

OneHundredSeventyTwo

Middle name? Helene

Favorite color(s)? Pink, mint and dark grey

What college do you want to/or are attending? I got a degree from a community college about 2 hours away and going to be attending another community college closer to me for another degree shortly

What do you want to/are you majoring in? I have a degree in accounting and am going back for Surgical Technology

Democrat/republican/other? I’m not sure

Birthday month? July

Do you dress according to your mood? Yes and the weather lol

Tomboy/girlie girl Girlie Girl

Are you good at doing hair/make up? Yes, I went to cosmetology school

Do you wear glasses? Sometimes, I mostly wear contacts now

Can you drive? Yes

Are you shy? I’m shy and reserved when I first meet someone, but not anymore once I warm up to them

Are you always worried or stressed about something? Basically, I am always tightly wound

Tell me about your dream wedding. Simple, elegant, small, fall wedding

Do you like to sing? When I am by myself

Do you like to write poetry? I haven’t written poetry in several years. I liked doing it when I was younger

Can you swim? Yeah

Do you like the pool or the ocean? Both

Do you hate water in your face?

Eh kinda

Do you hold grudges? Yes

Are you/have you ever been in love? I have, yes

Do you/did you ever sleep with a teddy bear? If so who gave it to you? I’m sure I did, don’t really remember though.

Are you a very random person? I guess so?

What do you do when you’re nervous? I fidget and I’m generally restless and get sweaty

Do you love making new friends? It’s hard for me to make friends but yeah, I’m usually happy when I manage to get close to someone thanks to some divine miracle lmao

Do you like the twilight series? No

Favorite animal? Not sure

Do you have any pets? Yes, one

What would you name your daughter? Angela or Lily

^ your son? Paul

What length hair do you like in a guy & why? I like the short hair

Do you have friends who are shorter than you? Yeah I believe Lisa is shorter than I am

When you get mad do you cry? Sometimes

Would you ever consider modeling? No

What color eyes do you wish you had? I love my green eyes

Silver/gold jewelry? Silver

Do you always wear jewelry? Yes, when I go out I at least have my Japser necklace on

Are you afraid of needles? Eh, a little

How many kids do you want? One

Long/short nails? In the middle

Do you like wearing hats? Not at all. I got bullied over my ears in middle school and hats make them stick out more so I haven’t worn a hat on my own since middle school.

Do you love taking pics? Sure

Do you sunburn easily? Yes

Does mall Santa Clauses or Easter bunnies freak you out? Kinda

Do you prefer to call a person or wait for them to call you? Call me so I don’t feel like I am bugging them

Are you scared of crossing bridges? Not really

Do you have a short attention…oh squirrel…span? No

Do you hate sitting in silence but get irritated if someone talks too much? I’m fine with silence, unless it’s awkward. I only don’t like when people talk too much if I don’t like them lol

Has anyone ever called you baby or hun? Yeah

What’s your favorite kind of chocolate? Dark chocolate

Would you consider yourself clumsy? Not really

Do you hate using public restrooms? Not really, I just don’t think about it too much lol

Do you like when a guy picks you up in his arms? Yes

Ever bought ice cream from an ice cream truck? Hell yeah

Do you hate Chihuahuas? No

Has a teacher ever made you hate your favorite subject? No

Do you like hairless cats? Nooooooo

Did you ever cry at school?

Of course lol

Have you ever had a poem or story published? No

If you had/have a kid would you ever let them get a tattoo? Sure, if I thought they were old enough to get one

What’s your favorite thing to have for dinner? Pasta

Would you ever paint your walls red? Not red red but like a burgundy, yes

Have you ever licked a pole? No

Has your hand ever gotten slammed in a car door? Nope

Are you allergic to grass? Yes

Do you love guinea pigs? Not really lol

Do you prefer to write on chalkboards or white boards?   White board

What is the worst thing you ever did that got you grounded? I have no idea

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?   I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

What would you do if your best girlfriend said she was lesbian? Support her

Have you ever been chased by a snake? No. Sounds terrifying

Where do you wanna work? I’m kind of lost right now so I am not sure.

Is there something you tell yourself you’re going to do but never do? Lose the weight

Has a teacher ever called you an idiot? I don’t think so

What awards have you won? I dont know

Do you get nervous eating in front of people? Yes

Would you consider yourself good at taking care of kids? Yeah I would

How old would a guy have to be before you wouldn’t date them? About 35 right now

Be honest, have you ever tried weed? Yes, makes me sick

Has anyone ever broken up with you with a note? Yes

Have you walked into a wall? Yeah

Do you have sensitive teeth? YES, it is annoying

Do you sleep with a fan on? Yes

When you hear sirens, do you get afraid its someone you know? Nope

Do you often get nosebleeds in the winter? Eh, not lately

What’s a word you use to substitute for a cuss word? I never substitute lol

What was the worst thing you ever did to get detention/suspended? Some kid would not stop kicking my seat even after telling him to stop so I stabbed his leg with my pencil lmfao, Saturday detention

Have you ever suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder? Yes, after a car accident

Have you tried crackle nail polish? Yes, it’s pretty cool

Do you enjoy the “i love you more” argument? Eh

Do you like the color yellow? Sure

Trees are awesome! Yes? Sure

Do you suffer from nasal allergies? Yes

Marrying your cousin. Yay or nay? Nay, what the fuck

Are you distracted by anything shiny at the moment? Ooo shiny!! Nope

Has your parents ever called you names? As a joke

Have you ever seen a cat have a hairball? No, but I’ve seen cats throw up

Have you ever had a tooth pulled? Oh yeah

Do you still watch tom and jerry? No

Do you use your hairbrush as a microphone? I have before lol

What’s your usual morning routine? Get up, take Jasper out, take a shower, get dressed, get stuff together and leave

Do you ever get bored with something so you’re unable to finish it? I actually do that a lot

Do you wanna redecorate your room? Nah. 

Have you ever worn black to someone’s house & left covered in fur? Oh yeah

What would I expect to find under your bed? My scale and other random things

If i were to walk into your room, would i be able to see the floor? Yes

What is something you did when you were a kid that you still enjoy?

Reading

Has anyone ever said they would love you forever, was it true? Yes, wasn’t true. I bet he said that to his other bitches too

Do you watch America’s Got Talent? Nope

Do you ever sit and look at old photo albums & recall memories? Yeah

Do you watch onision on YouTube, if not you should he’s hilarious. No?

Don’t you just hate taking showers in the winter? Omg YESSSS, it makes me even colder no matter how hot the water is. Half your body is always cold

Do you say “epic fail” a lot? Not really, I used to

How personal does a question have to be so that you wont answer? Well, I won’t answer questions that ask me my last name, my address, the city I live in or schools I went to.

Do you ever feel like sometimes you have short term memory loss? I do know I have memory problems.

What if a stranger came up to you yelled BATMAN & ran away? I’d say what the fuck??

What’s your favorite kind of pudding? Chocolate

Did you ever run over something with a lawn mower? I’ve never used a lawn mower.

When someone says don’t look do you look? I’ll try and look with my eyes but not my head if it makes sense lol

Have you ever played spin the bottle? No

Did you ever have a cat that was obsessed with shoes? No, none of my cats growing up were

I believe i can fly! Ever jump off things & try to fly? No fucking way

What was your first Halloween costume? Bunny

Ever have chicken pox? I’m sure

Did you eat your Wheaties this morning ? What was for breakfast? Nothing was for breakfast lol

[monausher]

Comfort food is needed in uncomfortable times.  Being confined to my house during the pandemic returned me to the teenager I once was when war made stepping outside too dangerous.  Now – just as then – I took refuge in sweet, simple food – recipes that puzzled me even as the best way to enjoy them was just to go to the shops and buy them readymade.  I am talking about basics – bread, hummus, za’atar, syrupy sweets and even Turkish delight.  These are all the very essence of Beirut – its scents, its sounds, its true identity.  But with untold hours on my hands here in London, I set about trying to deconstruct and then create my versions of these everyday treats that you would normally buy at a market or a patisserie – even in the worst times in Beirut.  That’s how I first began to cook anyway – experimenting without a second thought. Then my guinea pig was my younger sister, now it’s my husband.  So it was hardly a voyage of discovery, more a rummaging around in the attic of memory and tradition, trying on random leftovers from another time and place. 

 And you can’t get any more basic in Beirut than Ka’ak – sold from bicycles and stands on the Corniche for those who don’t have the patience to make it to the next cafe.  My husband was surprised at how soft the version I made was – I told him that’s because it goes stale as it’s left all day in bunches before it’s sold.  But when you have it fresh from the bakery in the morning, it is something else – far more inviting.

The obvious next step was to make Lebanese flat bread.  This was harder than I thought.  I struggled to get it to lift and to have the right consistency inside.  But I persevered – and finally cracked it. 

After a few days, I had to stop as I just couldn’t resist eating my home made bread with everything.  But not before I had finally been persuaded by my husband to make hummus the proper way – by taking the skin off the chickpeas first.  I let him do it as a punishment – in any case hummus has never been one of my favourites. But the smoother, creamier consistency was an instant success with my daughter, who is an aficionado and will eat if from pretty much anywhere.

All of this I was concentrating on as the world appeared to be falling down around us – but with such unreality that it was hard to comprehend.  The gorgeous weather made every day the perfect time to have a late breakfast in the garden – gathering what I had just been working on in the kitchen.   One day it would be shakshoukeh – which we Lebanese really need to reclaim – the next a bowl of za’atar in which to dip my heavenly home made bread.

And the indulgence didn’t stop there.  I’ve always had a sweet tooth, but I’ve never been particularly adept at making cakes or puddings.  So I switched my attention to some of the most luscious concoctions that ooze syrup and indulgence in equal quantities.  First up I tried my hand at kneifeh – but my first attempts veered towards creme brulee before I got the consistency right.  Once again, my greatest talent as a cook is that I keep going through failure after failure, blindly following my instinct rather than measurements or science, until I get there.  That’s actually the biggest pleasure I get from cooking – it’s a million miles from fine dining or tv chef territory, but it’s the only way that rings true for me.

Then I went for what has always seemed to me the somewhat disconsolate orphan of the selection of baklawa that you get from shops – the round hard pastry called bormeh, which usually is left till last like the toffee in a box of chocolates.  Again – thanks to the long featureless days – I spent hours on this.  Sometimes the taste was right, but the consistency was wrong or vice versa.  But what I ended up with was truly delicious – helped I think by the fact that it was softer and less crunchy than the kind you get in shops.

With the warm early summer days and the elderflower still on the trees where I live, I decided to make a refreshing drink combining east and west – by mixing elderflower and pomegranates into a cordial.   It wasn’t my greatest success, but it looked beautiful – and when you’re sitting in the sun at 11 in the morning with nothing but the sky and the nearby river to direct the rest of your day, who really cares.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of all the little challenges I set myself to recreate a menu of utterly everyday tastes and dishes from Lebanon.  But I’ll end with two of the most quixotic and oddly successful.  Like bormeh, another traditional sweet that I find you usually leave until there’s nothing left in the house – and then briefly it’s the best taste in the world – is halwa.  Crazy really to make it at home when it’s the kind of thing you get given whether you like it or not.  But weeks of unhurried seclusion somehow put me in the mood.  Again, I think I must have spent a whole day swearing at my efforts in the kitchen until I got somewhere close to it.  I can’t say that it was the most authentic seeming halwa I’d ever seen, but sometimes it’s the imperfections that make a thing more interesting – and in this case the texture and taste ended up better than I had anticipated in the two versions I finally came up with.

And so we come to Turkish delight – or raha as we call it in Lebanon – not that it’s a particular favourite of mine, but it struck me as perhaps the most pointless and therefore most perfect thing to make in such a time of disorientation.  And it contains some of my favourite flavours – pistachio, rosewater and pomegranate.   My first efforts were more like jelly and I never quite achieved that trick of making it both solid and yielding at the same time.  But I think I made a decent go of it – especially once it was sprinkled with sugar and flowers.

And I surprised my husband with the way we eat it in Lebanon – between two biscuits.  He said I’d just reinvented the jammy dodger.  Well, there are worse ways to spend lockdown, I guess…

Turkish Delight – or Raha – recipe (my way)

400g of granulated sugar

300ml of fresh water

2 teaspoons of lemon juice

1/2 teaspoon of citric acid or lemon crystals

170g of cornstarch

1 teaspoon cream of tartar

200ml of fresh water

2 teaspoons of rosewater

4 tablespoons of pomegranate syrup

Ground or coarsely chopped unsalted pistachio nuts

200g of icing sugar for dusting

50g of cornstarch for dusting

1/2 teaspoon of vegetable oil for your chosen plastic box

Put the granulated sugar and fresh water in a large non-stick pan and stir well until the sugar dissolves.  Put on the hob at medium heat and stir well, once the syrup starts to boil, add the lemon juice and citric acid and mix, reduce temperature to the minimum and leave to simmer for about 20 minutes or until the mixture starts to thicken.  This will take around 25 to 30 minutes.  You can use a candy thermometer and when the temperature reaches 240 degrees you remove the pan from the hob.  The syrup needs to be hot when it is mixed slowly with the cornstarch.

  In another large non-stick pot, sift the cornstarch, cream of tartar – then add water and stir well.  Put the pot on medium heat and keep stirring in one direction the whole time.  Once you see the colour of the starch starting to change, reduce temperature to minimum and keep stirring.  This will take around 5 minutes and you should get a thick paste.

  Now here it gets a bit tricky – you need to be careful handling the hot syrup.  You need to pour the syrup little by little into the cornstarch mixture while you are stirring quickly and constantly.  Get someone to help you here if possible.  Keep adding the syrup to the cornstarch slowly, stirring constantly until you finish the entire amount.  Now reduce temperature to the minimum – to just a very faint flame and keep stirring the turkish delight or raha.  This will take around one hour.  The original recipe is three hours.  Make sure the paste doesn’t burn.  You can leave it simmering and stir every five minutes or so.

  Prepare you plastic box to pour the hot mixture into and use it as a mould to determine the thickness of the raha or turkish delight.  I use a plastic box – 20 cm x 13 cm.  Put a little vegetable oil into it and cover the entire inside of the box.

  After an hour or maybe two if you prefer, remove the pot from the heat and add the rosewater and any flavour you like.  I add pomegranate syrup and some pistachio nuts.  Stir well and pour in the already prepared plastic box. Smooth the surface of the raha and leave to chill for four hours.

  Dust the top with icing sugar and remove the raha or turkish delight from the box.  Cut into pieces and dust again with a mixture of icing sugar and cornstarch.

  Best eaten – if you’re Lebanese at least – between plain biscuits and with Turkish coffee.

                    Lockdown Lebanese Essential Indulgence Comfort food is needed in uncomfortable times.  Being confined to my house during the pandemic returned me to the teenager I once was when war made stepping outside too dangerous. 

[lala-sara]

Soon I will post harrisco part of my Dip Dip series on AO3 so the thing is - it’s in Russian. And probably won’t be translated. Ever. But I described it in English. Well, first chapter. I don’t know will I do it with another eight. So... If you read Russian - wait for the AO3 announce. If not - let’s see how it goes. This chapter is 10390 words and the description is 2283. The fic is called Cold Fusion of Hot Heads. The chapter: Pointless rites.

Harry’s POV. After they got Barry out of the SpeedForce he is sure that Cisco suspected something when he guessed about the wand that Cisco made for Harry Potter convention. That is why Cisco came to talk to Jesse. However, it seems that Jesse just wanted to have a private space and asked Cisco to tell him that to live in the same room with adult daughter is not normal. Cisco says that he knows why he does it, though – it’s Harry’s ‘pointless rite’ – like the fact that he’s even sleeping with the pulse rifle. Cisco understands – he has his own ‘pointless rites’ – anything goes to not feel afraid all the time. ‘Like how you butchered my name?” – asks Harry and adds “At least you didn’t do it the same way as with your own or I would be ‘Son” now!” But Cisco is gone already.

Harry says Jesse that he would go find his own place to sleep but there is no place in the STARLabs. He mindlessly drives to a hotel but is distracted by thoughts about what ‘pointless rites’ Cisco uses to not be afraid of speedster’s hand in his chest. And remembers that Francisco – who we know as Reverb – went through anything and then he just burned out and stopped being afraid, right after he went to Zoom. Harry, with his brains on autopilot, drives to the house where Francisco lived. And then goes to the apartment where he lived. And it’s Cisco’s apartment, too.

Cisco invites him in on a couch because yeah, it’s his fault Harry has nowhere to sleep. Cisco finally tells him what Jesse told him – and Harry was right! It’s about Francisco. And Cisco is mad that Harry didn’t tell them that he knew Reverb. Because it probably cost him his life. Before he can think Harry blurts ‘There was nothing going on between us. Technically.’ Cisco sarcastically thanks him for that and says that Jesse told him that Francisco was working in STARLabs and Harry tolerated him, like he tolerates Henry Hewitt for example. Also Jesse told that it’s Reverb and not Zoom abducted her – for Zoom - and he also was visiting her in Zoom’s lair to taunt her, to tell her that Harry forgot about her. Cisco quotes Reverb: “Maybe he will come for you if he didn’t come for me”.

So thus Cisco guesses that Harry and Francisco actually had something between them. He asks did Harry dumped Francisco? Harry says that one cannot dump someone he wasn’t dating so he, in fact, rejected him. Cisco blushes, blurts out that he won’t hit on Harry and locks himself in the bedroom.

Next morning they are talking in the kitchen, Cisco wants to know all about Reverb. Harry once more tries to deflect but Cisco says that if he knew that Harry had the same experience with his doppelganger, he would not be such an asshole to Harry, too. Harry makes obscene comment about it, with gesture, about what a perfect couple – a dick and an asshole – they are. Cisco laughs and notes that it’s good they don’t actually want to do it to each other… And Harry blurts “don’t speak for me”. Because, as he points out, he didn’t reject Francisco out of having no desire for him. Cisco doesn’t understand why then and Harry makes a list: he was a man, a subordinate, younger almost one third, and Harry had a daughter, reputation. And Francisco wasn’t the first or the last inappropriate suitor for him even if he was looking for one which he don’t.

On the road to the STARLabs Harry is telling that Reverb wanted him to join the Zoom gang, because he wanted some familiar face for buffer. He found Ronny who was also working in STARLabs before the explosion. Reverb made splicer for him. And the scythe for Dante. And his own goggles, second version. First goggles Harry made for Francisco, to suppress his abilities. Because Francisco started vibing Zoom’s future horrors.

So Harry didn’t know what is through the breaches but he had a theory – seeing how Zoom goes through them - that they lead to Zoom’s lair. And thus to Jesse. He already wanted to go through himself but Reverb came and said that there is another world and another Flash that is more successful that Jay. And he guided him through the breach. Harry had little faith but if Reverb was leading him to Zoom’s lair – at least he will be with Jesse.

Harry also confessed that that time on Earth-2 when Cisco returned without Barry and told about the death of Reverb, he thought for a second that it’s Francisco and not Cisco. And he felt ambivalent. Because even after everything… ‘Always’. Cisco says that he never though he would be in Harry Potter’s shoes – to remind some Severus the love of his life and the main abuser, simultaneously.

Cisco asks Harry to make a list of Reverb’s abilities.

In STARLabs Barry tasks them with doing something to knock everyone from Earth-2 out so Cisco invited Hartley Rathaway. Harry is pissed because Rathaway last time he was here was hitting on him. So Hartley is hitting on him now, too. While they are using Harry as a guinea pig for finding a frequency that will knock him out (arguing what Earth-2 frequency is – high or just chaotic) Hartley comments that frequencies can do many more things – calm one’s down, make one’s laugh, make one’s come… And adds that he has all of them in his gloves, if Harry wants…

While, after they found needed frequency and Harry almost gladly felt himself dying because it meant that it’s over, he is resting in the bathroom, Cisco, who went in sympathy, asked did Harry had any feeling back for Hartley. After Harry denied any feelings for Hartley whatsoever Cisco says that he will talk to Hartley. Harry tries to stop him but… When Harry comes back to the lab there is no Hartley and no Cisco. He finds Cisco in one of the corridors. He is sitting on the floor leaning on the wall. Harry sits near him.

Cisco tells that Hartley went in that conversation farther than Cisco was ready to – he told Cisco that he and Doctor Wells – who turned out to be Eobard – were lovers. And that Hartley was jealous of Cisco. And he thought that Cisco was the reason for the break up. That Cisco became Wells’ lover. And Cisco didn’t. But this conversation made him realize that it’s not because he didn’t want to. Wells never made a pass at him. And Cisco was fine with that then. But now, with all revelations about Harry liking Francisco and Hartley being Wellobard’s lover which eliminated the reasons for him not wanting the same with him (first three reasons from Harry’s list) and jealousy he felt about it… He realized that he actually was in love with Wells. Until he became Eobard. But Cisco decides that it would be cheating to attach everything good to real Wells and everything bad to Eobard.

As Cisco is telling all that, Harry slowly takes him in his arms and realizes that he loves him. He is describing him how would real Harrison Wells love him and he means himself. Hartley finds them like that. Cisco starts to deny everything but then looks at Harry and admits to Hartley that he loved Wells and now loves Harry. Hartley says that it’s okay. He hated only the fact Cisco lied about it. Nobody can choose whom to love.

Also Hartley has an idea for how to spread the frequency. After than Cisco and Hartley made headphones for Wellses, and Rathaway left. And Cisco says to Harry that he said it for Hartley, about love. Harry is pissed about it – Cisco taking all back, so he says that he decided to go after Hartley because why not? Not like there is someone else for him, right? Maybe this inappropriate suitor could now be appropriate. And then they have to stop talking about it because Jesse and others are back.

When Cisco and Caitlin get into cosplay of Reverb and Killer Frost Harry has a déjà vu – to the scene when he had to cosplay Reverse Flash and Cisco was training him. So he says “Speak like you really love me, but you're gonna have to kidnap my daughter anyway.”

After Harry came round after he collapsed, he found Cisco beside his bed, out of cosplay already. After Cisco told him that Jesse is alright Harry asked whose headphone was that. Cisco says that he have no way of finding out who made the pair that was defected – he or Hartley. He would never hurt Jesse voluntarily so it must be a mistake. If he wanted to prank Harry, headphones would be labeled ‘For Harry’ with big letters. Harry suspects that that was Hartley’s prank because he clearly wasn’t ‘okay’ with them. When Cisco notes that Harry is talking about his new appropriate suitor Harry says that he told it for him, about suitor. Cisco understands that Harry is in fact interested in him as he is in Harry and hits on him. How he was sitting deep in guilt by his side all this time and think and Harry is cute unconscious because doesn’t talk and doesn’t throw things… And Cisco takes Harry’s hand and ticks off his fingers: homophobia is bad even internalized, you’re not my boss we’re barely colleagues, Stephen Fry and Elliot Spencer, Jesse adores me, you have a reputation of a killer here so it would be an improvement. That is his answers to Harry’s arguments to rejection of Reverb. But he’s not Reverb so there would be a new list? There should be arguments ‘pro’ – Cisco kisses the hand and fingers as he tries to get those pro arguments out of Harry. Harry is convinced. Cisco says that he also has a list of arguments ‘pro’ for Harry. Harry is: not a killer (except he killed the Turtle – reminds him Harry), who he says he is (except he’s trying to hide that he’s Wells here), and the third argument Harry invents himself: Because he loves Cisco not like a son. And they kiss.

And, because Cisco’s lips still smell like make-up foundation from Reverb’s cosplay, Harry remembers all the times he kissed Francisco. And he freaks out. He backs away and says that he can’t.

Before Caitlin and Jesse comes Cisco has time to say that the proposition has expiry date so Harry better hurry and make up his mind.

After Barry defeated Zoom Harry invited himself to Cisco apartment again. Cisco asked did he bring the list of arguments. Harry started with another list. He didn’t believe that Reverb is dead. He even guessed that Reverb, knowing his own list of abilities (the first article of which would be ‘everything that speedster can, except run’) could vibrate his own heart when Zoom vibrated his hand into it thus escaping death (that’s the rite on point! – Cisco exclaims and indeed wants the phasing ability). Cisco didn’t check properly (he kicked fallen Reverb a couple of times, though), he can’t know. Also Cisco realizes that Reverb was triggered by Zoom changing the timeline to make himself a remnant, like Cisco was triggered by Barry changing the timeline. So Francisco was vibing not future horrors but last timeline horrors. That’s why they were even more brutal and that’s why – Harry says – he’s still alive despite Reverb telling him about the vibe of Harry’s death (Reverb said then that they are all walking dead). Also Harry realized about the trigger long ago and that was one of the signs for him in the beginning of Cisco being already a viber. But it’s good to see Cisco realizing it by himself.

So Harry thinks that he has to find his own Ramon. And thinks that Cisco needs someone more like real Harrison Wells (as he described him when they were sitting in the corridor) because he isn’t, he’s just Harry the Dick. He never knew how to care.

But Cisco isn’t having it. So Harry of course throws things out of frustration. From some shelf. He says that everything was better when Cisco didn’t know that he was in love with Wells. Cisco, getting his things back up says that he was then miserable and even didn’t know why, so no, definitely not better.

Harry finally announces the real reason he’s going back to his Earth – Jesse. Cisco believes that Jesse will always be in the first place for Harry and of course okay with that. Cisco says jokingly that he’s better than Reverb so he won’t kidnap her and give her to evil speedster for that. So Harry should appreciate that. He sits on the couch and points at his cheek. Harry kisses it and then his lips… But notes that other problems are also real but Cisco doesn’t sway. He would prefer that he call him Cisco, though. ‘Only if you call me Harrison.’ But that’s how Hartley calls him. Harry is disgusted. Cisco demands more respect for ‘the colleague’ because without Rathaway they would still go in circles around each other and hasn’t make a move. Harry believes they would’ve manage to make a move without Hartley.

Harry is going back to Earth-2 but he will be back the same moment either he make Jesse change her mind or he would be confident that she’ll be alright without him. Cisco promises to vibe Harry every day.

After some items of clothes off, they decide that it would be more comfortable in bed.

[offtosavetheearth]

undefined

July 2nd, 2018

An early breakfast this morning at around 7:55am because Sylvia wanted to leave early to pick up our receipts from the doctor. I cough a lot every morning and it is pretty embarrassing to do in such close proximity to others. I had pineapple, eggs, coffee, hot chocolate, and three pieces of toast. I had to guard the toaster when making my food because there were these very pushy and loud French children running around swiping them. They would yell around the hotel at about 7am, waking everyone up. Just another reason I do not want to learn the French language.

We were on the bus at 9 for our trip from Quito to Vicundo, travelling east first to visit the Fausto Falconi’s organic farm. The husband was sick, so his wife gave us a tour. They started organic farming about 15 years ago, initially growing roses. However about 4 years ago they transitioned to organic vegetables. It was first a way to save money, but then they realized the public/personal health, and environmental benefits that come with this practice. Originally they had been exporting roses to 30 countries with 15 hectares of land. But the international exportation business was too much work while maintaining a healthy family to raise their kids into.

The three main factors or organic farming are sun, soil, and sombreros. In industrial farming they only focus on 6 or 7 nutrients in the soil that are artificially produced from chemicals. But in organic farming there are 100 of nutrients and minerals they attend to. This family brings organic soil from the national forest to help their microorganisms ferment, allowing there to be so many nutrients.  Microorganisms are just as important as the minerals in the soil themselves, because they work together to feed the plant. This organic matter is augmented with chicken manure, from organically-fed chickens, no antibiotics, hormones, or steroids. The term is Bocshi, and it is created after 15 days of fermenting with manure, rice flour, and molasses. This is done anaerobically, forcing microorganisms to produce more rapidly. Known as the “heart of the farm”, 70% of irrigation is reduced using this method, because the soil has a much higher ability to absorb and retain water.

“Sombrero” is important because it essentially means the plants need to cover the soil because the sun is too strong. Because of this, they welcome weeds and don’t consider them a nuisance because they are providing coverage. Planting on the contour to prevent erosion, they allow a few cows to graze, making the soil even richer with fertilization. These farmers try to use only organic seeds, but five of their crops cannot produce this way, so they must use commercialized and grow them organically.

Their chickens are fed rice husks with microorganisms, and their feed lots don’t stink because they have a rich broth of yet more microorganism, rapidly-decomposing feces. They have about 2000 chickens, and only use them for their eggs so none our slaughtered. The hardest crops to grow organically are tomatoes, peppers, and cucumbers because of pests. Often times they have to apply pesticide 4 to 5 times a week, and they grow in green houses so they can control light, humidity, and temperature.

After our tour was done, we had fresh mora and tree tomato yogurt, and several organic vegetables with farm fresh dipping sauce. It was delicious.

Our next stop was the Vicundo indigenous community, where we were serenaded into their village. This was probably the most precious thing I have ever been a part of. We danced in circles around them well walking to the village for about 15-20 minutes, and Greg even joined in the middle, dancing with one of the older women. I shared a room with Sylvia, and the area was much more rustic than our previous homestay, but the family was just as accommodating, if not more so. We had a delicious lunch with basically an entire fish, potatoes, vegetables, and jugo. There were so many dogs and cats there, of all ages, breed and sizes. This is the life a dog should have, with the mountains as their open backyard. As Greg put it, if dogs run free why can’t we?

The indigenous community grows their own food on their land, with a goal in mind of knowing where their food comes from and staying healthy. With a few women from the community, we harvested white carrots and tomatoes for lunch. Our group didn’t appear to be too good at it, because we broke plants that they have been growing for an entire year with the hoe. After the gardening activity, we walked about 10 minutes to a nearby waterfall. Nearby was a large rock, imprinted with the legend of Chuzalongo. He was basically a sexual predator who lived on a rock, and one day he was chasing a woman and she ran so fast she turned into a hummingbird. This is why there are hummingbirds on the other side of the stream. Walking back we had about 30 minutes before dinner, and I returned to the cabin to charge my phone. To my surprise, this place was not as rustic as made out to be. My phone even got 3G data, and they had lights, plugs, and hot and cold running water. For dinner, we ate up in the hill of our community house, with Autumn, Ashley, Audrey, and Emily as our neighbors. They had a really nice fire going, way better than ours at Cajas, but the smoke was still getting to me.

While boiling beats on the fire-stove, I met some really nice individuals. My homestay mom’s daughters name was Katy, and she was in the 9th grade (the same age as my sister). She was so sweet, and very excited that we were here. She wants to study medicine when she goes to college, and is probably the most self-sufficient, grown-up 15 year old I have ever met. But also really funny, she tricked me into locking her grandma into my room which was HILARIOUS. I sat next to her the majority of the night, and she was really good company to have around. I felt like I had another younger sister. I also met a man who was travelling on foot throughout South America. He had started in Argentina, and either walked or took a bus, meeting people who opened up their homes to him, like the Vicundo. If someone did that in the United States, they would never survive. We are very segregated by class, and treat “homeless” or poor people like they are a disease. I am convinced that the Global south is the better America.

Dinner was soup, rice, and vegetables, and shortly after we went back to the community to learn about their astrology project. The goal is to make a new astrology map of the community that represents their histories, local animals, geography, archeology and myths. Their map has 25 local constellations based on altitude, and some representations were guinea pigs, volcanoes, pyramids, the Northern Cross, and werewolves. Jose, the man who started it in the community with his friend, is going to a national astrology meeting in Argentina soon, to teach other communities that want to do this. Oddly enough, the indigenous tribe we met on the Amazon River has been in contact with the Vicundo, because they want to do this with their community as well. In fact just last week they met up with his cousin to start the process.

Our last activity of the night was star-gazing. I had never seen anything like it in my life. This was my first time seeing any constellations or the Milky Way, and I felt so small. We identified the Northern Cross and the scorpion, and Jose used his powerful star-wars laser to point into the sky. Freaking wild.

I went to bed after about 30 minutes of star-gazing because I was feeling sick again. I wrapped myself up in about 5 blankets, with a double layer of clothes, and slept soundly till about 5am.

[kayawagner]

Math without Tears, Problem 1: The attention span of a fruit fly

Do you have a problem getting your pre-teen to do math? Over the next few weeks, we’ll be giving you some strategies for the most common challenges. Broadly, these can be broken down into two, getting your child to DO math and getting your child to LEARN math.  Let’s look at the first one.

Getting your child to do math

Tell me if this sounds familiar.

You tell your child to sit down at the table, desk, wherever and work on a math problem while you are making dinner. Five minutes later, you look up and your child is nowhere in sight. Go searching for said child and find her in her room looking for a pencil. Hand her a pencil which has been hidden in the pencil holder that is on her dresser and march her back downstairs.

Go back to cooking.

Five minutes later, your child is once again missing in action. You find her in your office looking for paper but then she got distracted from her task by one of the games on your computer and is playing that.

Speaking of games, check out Making Camp Premium, it teaches math, social studies and English.

You hand the child paper, head back to the table.

Ten minutes go by and you come back to – an empty table. You search the house and find your child in her room again. Her pencil point broke, she went upstairs to sharpen it but then saw a video game she had been playing last night, picked it up for a minute and is now on her Xbox.

After 20 minutes, two math problems have been completed, out of 24. You may be tempted to throw the Xbox out the window, followed by your child.

At this rate, it will take another 220 minutes or 3 hours and 40 minutes just to finish the math problems.

I’m going to give you some advice I had trouble doing when my children were being homeschooled, because I was running a company and had a toddler at the same time. Try this anyway.

Stop. Just stop cooking and sit down with your child.

I know, I know you have things to do and for the love of God you’d think that by 11 or 12 a kid should be able to do math problems for twenty minutes while you made some macaroni and cheese. You’re not making a three-course gourmet meal —— just stop.

Let go of the “should”

My second piece of advice is to let go of the “should”.

I want to quote Heidi, a college student from the Turtle Mountain Reservation.

In elementary school, Heidi felt as if her teachers didn’t have the skills or knowledge to understand her, she,

“ … had an extremely hard time keeping quiet and keeping still.  Having teachers that didn’t understand that I was unable to do things like that made me not like going to school… .  Every time I tried to sharpen my pencil because I needed a break from being quiet and still, they would holler and complain about it.  “

This can be hard to understand if you have other children who had no such problem, like my oldest daughter. She often complained that her younger sister “got away” with so much more than she did. I think she sometimes still feels that way. 

Solving your problem with boxes

How can boxes solve your problem?

Maybe we can talk about siblings some other day. Let’s go back to your math problem and how I solved a lot of my problems with shoeboxes. This first solution works for every subject.

Step 1: Get a box for each subject. It can be a plastic container, but a shoe box or a large enough shipping box from Amazon works just as well.

Step 2: Put EVERYTHING your child needs for that subject in the box. A couple of pencils. A pencil sharpener. Paper. A calculator. Workbook.

Step 3: Sit your child down at a location, with the box, within sight.

Step 4: Set a timer. Don’t make it 20 minutes. Make it 2 or 5. Personally, I would start with 2 or 3 minutes. Tell your child you are curious to see how long it takes to do one math problem, that it isn’t a race, you have been wondering about this.

I’m going to assume that your child can do one math problem. If that is not the case then you likely have your child doing math that is above his or her level.  Let’s look at that issue in later post.

Tell your child how long it took. Ask if he or she wants to take a break or do another problem.

Offer your child a break for as long as the problem took. If it was 30 seconds, give a 30-second break. If it was 5 minutes, give a 5-minute break. Do NOT let the break be something your child wants to do that it will be difficult to quit doing when it is time to go back to the math. It doesn’t have to be something that’s onerous, just not something that will start a fight every time you need him or her to sit back down.

Suggestions for activities (other suggestions welcome)

30 seconds or 1 minute

Stretch

Match socks

Pushups or situps

The breathe app (on apple watch) or similar calming/ breathing app

1-2 minutes

Take clean clothes to room

Put away some dishes

Jumping jacks

Stretch

Match socks

3-5 minutes

All guinea pigs need baths occasionally

Stretch

Bathe the guinea pig

Walk or ride a bike around the block.

Wash dishes

Write a thank you card

Walk to the mailbox and mail a letter

Shoot baskets

Play a CASUAL educational game-  why a casual game is a post in itself, and what IS a casual game is another. In short, a game  with simple rules that is playable in short bursts. Think Candy Crush but for education. Making Camp is an example of a casual educational game. 

Repeat this process until all math problems are done.

Repeat this process until all math problems are done.

At the end of the math assignment, your child can do whatever he or she likes best for however long was spent on the math. If it took an hour, then that’s an hour of watching stupid youtube videos on the iPad (see how well this worked out for our CEO). Of course, for your child it may be playing Mario Cart.

The day will never come when I cannot outwit a 12-year-old (or, at least, today is not that day)

Your child, being the pre-teen that he or she is, may try to wait you out. When you first start getting into this routine, he or she could try taking as long as possible to do a single math problem. Your child may want to take a break after every problem. That’s fine.

Parent tip #1: When you start doing this, make sure you have a block of time, not right before your dentist appointment or when you host your weekly book club.

Parent tip #2: If you are like me and have a difficult time sitting there not being productive, find something to do while you are sitting there with your child. Good suggestions for this are paying the bills, balancing your checkbook, folding the laundry, answering email. Also if you are like me and don’t have the world’s greatest supply of patience, this will help you not lose your temper because you aren’t just sitting there waiting for your child to get done, you are accomplishing something you need to do as well. At the same time, you are being a good role model of focusing on stuff that maybe you’d rather not do but needs to be done.

I have a lot more to say but this post is already pretty long. Check back tomorrow for tips on getting your children to LEARN math, as opposed to practicing what they have learned.

Also, if you are interested in “Teaching your pre-teen math without tears, yours or theirs“ why, just coincidentally, I am doing a Facebook Live on that very topic on Tuesday, October 9 at 6 pm Pacific Time. 

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