Insecure
Requested by @thebreakup. Hope you enjoy and sorry it took so long!
Warning: swearing, drinking, drugs
"I’ve had enough of just not being enough for you."
"Stop being so fucking dramatic!"
You knew as soon as you screamed the words at him that there was no coming back. The fight started exactly how all your fights start. Rook was feeling jealous and insecure and instead of talking it out like a normal person, he got high and drunk and made out with some random chick in the club. It shouldn’t really surprise you by now but goddamn you wish it didn’t hurt this much.
“That’s fine if you don’t want me but a heads up would’ve been nice,” Rook whispers with tears in his eyes and you feel horrible. “You won’t be with me because of our jobs or you don’t want to ruin our friendship but not being with you is killing me and you don’t even give a damn.”
“Of course I do!” you ask and you can feel your throat closing. You want to tell him exactly how you feel but you’re too scared. Scared of rejection, scared of it not being enough. What if he’s not convinced? You want to speak but Rook’s cold, lifeless voice stops you.
“I don’t really know what you think anymore but I do know I just can’t be with someone who is so…damaged.”
And with that, Rook turns and walks out of your apartment without a second glance. You slide your limp body to the floor, wrapping your arms around your knees and rock yourself slowly. You can’t even tell if you’re crying.you’re too numb to your own body and the world around you. You just sit there lifeless as the best thing to ever happen to you walks away. But are you surprised? No. Everyone always leaves you in the end. Once they get to see who you really are. How much of a mess you are behind closed doors.
2 hours later
You know that time has passed because the spot on the wall that you’ve been staring at is now darker than before. Your mind is telling your body to get up off the floor but you can’t will your limbs to move. You feel trapped in your own body, in your own mind. You can vaguely register the sound of knocking somewhere but until your front door opens, you’re not really sure where it’s coming from.
“Yeah, she’s here. I’ll call you back later,” you hear a quiet female voice that you slowly recognise as Ashleigh. Your best friend. “Y/N, sweetie? We’ve been calling you for hours. Are you ok?”
She crouches down in front of you and you can see her in front of you but your eyes refuse to focus on her face. You can hear the alarm in her voice but you’re not really sure why she’s so concerned. It’s not unlike you to leave your phone lying around and miss calls and text messages. Why is she so worried?
“Is she ok?” you hear another voice, a male voice. You can see the shadow of a tall figure and messy hair standing in the doorway. The strong smell of weed and mint tells you what your eyes can’t see. It’s Colson.
“I-I don’t really know. It’s like she’s in a coma with her eyes open or something.”
“Yeah well I’ve been knocking at the door for like an hour and it was like she couldn’t even hear me,” he doesn’t sound as concerned as Ashleigh but he’s jittering and figerty movements tells you that he’s stressed.
“Maybe if you get her off the floor she’ll say something. Her ass must be numb at least if she’s been sitting here since Rook left.”
Colson stands over you before kneeling down to slip one arm under the back of your knees and the other around your waist. He lifts you off the floor with ease and sits himself on the couch, resting you on his lap. He cradles you to his body and the feeling of his warm body and steady heartbeat is overwhelming. You burst out into uncontrollable sobs as he shushes and comforts you softly.
When your tears have all but dried up, most likely from dehydration, you tell Colson and Ashleigh everything. How you want to be with Rook but that some guy started flirting with you at the nightclub and Rook assumed the worst. How he took off and made out with someone else so you left him at the nightclub and he panicked and assumed you went home with the guy who was flirting with you so he slept with that other woman. That you went over to his house to apologise and found them in bed together. How he came over here and somehow you ended up in an argument about how you never let him in. You never tell him what you’re thinking or feeling and he spends most of the time trying to guess and piece it all together but gets it wrong. You told him none of this would’ve happened if he’d just trusted you but that he feels he’s never going to be enough for you and that he thinks you’re damaged.
“I’ll fucking kill him,” Colson growls angrily. “Y/N you are not damaged, believe me I know damaged when I see it.”
“It doesn’t even matter anymore. He’s too insecure and he’s never going to be able to trust me.”
“I know it’s not an excuse but he’s insecure because he’s never felt this way about any woman before,” Ashleigh comforts you. “As long as I’ve known him, it’s been hookups and flings, nothing else. He’d never even consider a long-term relationship until he met you.”
It’s little comfort to you. You know after that last fight that nothing between the two of you will ever be the same again. You may be able to move past it for the sake of your friendship and your group of friends but as for a relationship, you don’t want to be with anyone that sees you as damaged. You’ve spent your whole adult life not showing weakness and until Rook, you thought you were doing a fine job at being strong. Apparently you were wrong.
Colson and Ashleigh stay for another few hours to make sure you eat something. Once you’ve finished eating the takeaway pizza and watched a bit of television, you tell them that you feel better but you’re exhausted and want to sleep. Ashleigh tells you to call her if you need anything day or night and she’ll use her spare key. You thank them for coming over and you apologise to Colson for not opening the door but he just wraps you in a bear hug and tells you not to sweat it. Once they’re gone you change into sweats and climb into bed. It’s only 8:30 but you felt so terrible about the night before that you’d hardly slept and by 6am you were going out of your mind and had to talk to Rook. This morning feels like a lifetime ago. You lay your head down and within minutes you’re asleep.
A vibrating sound wakes you from your deep sleep and you roll over, preparing yourself to turn your phone off until you see the caller ID. You sit bolt upright in your bed and contemplate whether you should answer or not. Before you have the chance to make that decision, the call ends and you’re left staring at a blank screen. Why the hell would Rook be calling you at 2 o’clock in the morning after telling you he doesn’t want you? The feeling of betrayal stings in your chest and you can feel more tears forming. The phone begins to vibrate in your hand and the surprise causes you to practically fling it out of your hand and across the room. You crawl on the floor to retrieve it and calm yourself before you answer.
“Hello?” you answer in the sleepiest voice you can muster. Your heart is racing a million miles an hour.
“Hey,” Rook whispers from the other end of the phone. You immediately pick up on the slur in his single word and know that he’s drunk. “Kells chewed me out when he busted in my door earlier. What’d you tell him?” Rook asks in a sing-song tone, like he doesn’t have a care in the world.
“The truth,” you tell him. Drunk Rook never bothered you, when you were friends. You’ve seen how nasty he can get when he’s drunk and upset. It’s no secret in your group that he can be a mean drunk.
“That you’re fucking screwed up in the head?” he practically laughs and you can feel the tears streaming down your face but you refuse to let him hear your hurt.
“No, that you’re an asshole that’s so insecure about himself that he lashes out at other people to cover it up.” he stops laughing and you know that he didn’t expect you to fight back.
“I’m the asshole? You might as well have had your tongue down that guy’s throat the way you were whispering in his ear! I was standing less than three fucking feet away! It was like you didn’t even care that I was there!”
“If you’d let me explain instead of running off to the dance floor and jamming your tongue down some random’s throat, you would’ve known that I was telling him that if he touched my ass again, I was going to knee him in the balls so hard that they’d end up in his throat. When I turned around to tell you, all I saw was you kissing that girl and it…” you trail off, too ashamed to be that vulnerable, even if he can’t see you. Wow, maybe that’s a little damaged.
“It what? Made you drag that guy back to your place and fuck his brains out? Tell me, I’m a big boy, I can take it.”
“It broke me,” you whisper, not even trying to hide the tears now. “Seeing the man I love with his lips on some other woman killed me and I had to get out of there because I thought I was going to suffocate or die of embarrassment. I felt so dumb that I thought something was going to happen between us last night and then I saw you and I just…”
“I’ll be there soon,” before you can respond, Rook hangs up and you’re left sitting on the floor again in your tears.
A knock at the door 20 minutes later shakes you out of your spot and you stand up from the floor this time and go to the door. You look through the peep-hole just to be sure and you see a very nervous Rook, pacing up and down the hallway. You consider ignoring him but you know he’ll just keep pounding on your door and you don’t want him to wake the neighbours. You unlock the chain and deadbolt and open it. Within seconds, Rook’s arms are wrapped around you and he’s holding you tightly against his body.
“I’m so sorry for being such a dick,” Rook murmurs into your neck while peppering kisses onto your skin. “You’re right. I should’ve trusted you, I should’ve known that you’d never flirt with a guy right in front of me. I shouldn’t have taken you to that nightclub anyway. We should’ve just hung out here and watched old movies and ate popcorn or gotten drunk and high.” You push Rook away so you can look him in the eye and you can see the hurt at your rejection.
“You can’t just say you’re sorry and everything goes away. You did and said something really fucked up and hurtful things to me without a second consideration for my feelings. I know you think I’m this damaged, closed off person but even though I don’t openly show my emotions every minute of the day, it doesn't mean I don’t have any,” you scold him coldly. You will not be treated like shit and then forgive like nothing happened. You have never been a pushover and you’re not about to start.
“I know baby and I will spend as long as it takes, forever, making it up to you and trying to right all the shitty things I did. You’re not damaged, I just said that to hurt you or to try and get a reaction out of you. I didn’t really mean it but I am sorry for saying it.”
Rook opens his arms for you as a comforting gesture and as much as you want to deny him the chance to hold you, you want nothing more than to wrap yourself in his embrace. You step forward cautiously before nestling your body against his strong frame. You bury your face in his neck and breath in his cologne. You don’t want to feel safe in his arms but you do. He strokes his hand up and down your back while whispering apologies into your ear. You pull back to look at him and he presses his lips to yours softly.
“I think…No I know, I’m in love with you Y/N and I have been for so long, I don’t want anyone but you,” Rook declares, nothing but certainty in his hazel eyes. You blush and smile before crashing your lips against his and dragging him into your apartment, swinging the door shut behind him.
62 notes
·
View notes
I was tagged by @draculakells to spell my URL with song titles, so here we go …
T- Toxic Energy by Blackbear
R- Read Your Mind by Pardyalone
I- I’m The Dumb One by Pardyalone
P- Pressure by MGK
L- Lips by Jxdn
E- El Diablo by MGK
X- X Gon Give it To Ya - DMX
D- Demon Girl by Nathan James feat Modsun
O- Obvious by Blink-182
U- Use To Be Young by Miley Cyrus
B- Blue Cheese by Modsun
L- Lust A Prima Vista by The Spill Canvas
E- Easier Than Lying by Halsey
X- Xxplosive - Dr. Dre
I made a playlist
I’m tagging: @jinx-on-mars-19xx @fightthefairiesxx @thebreakup and @blxxdyvalentine19xx
9 notes
·
View notes
I think I made a cult.
The Guild of the Reaped is clan of necromancy and assassins. Created eons ago to sever the Empress of the Shadow territories, The Guild stays undiscovered, It’s numbers silently growing in the the dark. When a “Nightshade”-or a member of the Guild is hired for an assassination job, they strike soundlessly, yet lethally. After bringing the body to the person who hired them, The Nightshade takes it to the Guild, where the target is revived and shaped as a Nightshade. They are trained as ruthless, emotionless creatures who know nothing but the Guild’s ideals. Before a nightshade is revived, the Guild’s symbol is carved into their flesh.
This marking is not just a symbol of allegiance, but also a means of control. The marking serves as a constant reminder of the oath they have sworn, a silent guardian that watches over each Nightshade, keeping them on the path of loyalty to the Guild and its ideals.
The Guild of the Reaped is not merely a clan or a group; it is a force to be reckoned with. Its members, who live somewhere between life and death itself, are reborn into a world of darkness and secrecy. Their existence is shrouded in mystery, their identities concealed behind the veil of their mission. They are the unseen, the silent ones who move in the shadows, dedicated to a cause that is as old as time itself.
Each Nightshade is its own unit. Willing to kill itself to protect the Guild. As a unit, No Nightshade has a name, instead being referred to as their position and their rank. (Ie, Commander 6, Nightshade 23.) When a Nightshade brings a new body to join the Guild, their reproductive genitals are surgically removed. The Guild’s symbol is carved into the back of someone who has breasts, and for someone who doesn’t, the symbol is carved into their chest, right at their sternum.
Please help me figure out if this is or not?? I might turn it into a passion project on Tumblr, Capcut or Pintrest!!
Non pressure tags (basically just all the people I follow have been tagged. Don't reply if u don't want to):
@Vixendoesshit @abd-illustrates @sillylittlecreatur3 @graveslxt @n0tmonarch @veksed @thebreakup @logan-the-artist @bananaconda33-blog @shifting4mels @xandershifts @the-amazing-mags @moonyshifter @shift-dreamr @aazrael-reaverr @zipperrants @aeg3an @crystallizedtwilight @glitchy-squidd @the-nefarious-emperor
1 note
·
View note