#then when i was going under for my procedure i had to have multiple different meds before hand as well as precautions in place

[xviruserrorx]

I will say one of the funniest parts of this last hospital stay was accidentally frazzling my nurses and doctors on accident

[daydreamgoddess14]

Deserving

Part of the 200 Followers celebration! From the request for @onceuponaoneshot :

Roy Kent x F!Reader - "You deserve better"

Filthy smutty smut y'all. You've been warned! This is also a part 3 to Complaints Procedure & Noisy.

~~~~~

He was gone. 

 

You'd seen the tackle, watched from home as Jamie Tartt knocked him to the floor and damaged his knee for good. He hadn't needed to do anything for the paperwork, Ted had it all under control, and it allowed Roy the distance he needed from Nelson Road. You wondered if you'd even crossed his mind. The boot room hadn't been the end of it. You'd never instigated anything yourself, but he'd sought you out occasionally. You'd let him lose himself in you, always slightly demanding but never degrading, you'd challenge him and go toe to toe on who had the upper hand. He'd wanted to fuck his frustration and anger away and you were a willing participant. It was no strings, no commitments and while you knew it wouldn't last, you didn't expect him to just disappear without a backward glance. 

 

No one seemed to know how he'd fared since he was last seen at Nelson Road and you had no real reason to check in on him. So how you found yourself knocking on his door at 11pm on a random Tuesday night was utterly beyond comprehension. 

"The fuck are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too."

"I mean it, why are you here? Did he send you?"

"Ted? Why would you think that? I thought I'd check in and see how you were?" He grunted. 

"Or you fancied a good fuck?"

"Y'know what, forget I came. I didn't come here to be insulted." You turned to leave,

"No, praise is your thing isn't it? Like to be told you're a good girl." He sneered, leaning against the door frame. 

"Fuck you Roy, you're obviously fine. I'll leave you to it."

"What's up? You're usually into this little fucking game we play?"

"Yeah, when it's mutually good. You're just being a dick for the sake of it. I'm the idiot who thought you might need someone to talk to, I needn't have bothered." You're halfway up his drive when he responds.

"Don't go. At least come and have a drink. You can tell me all the shit everyone's been up to." You cock your head to one side, "I'm sorry for being a dick. I shouldn't have been rude to you." You still hesitate. "You're a sight for sore eyes. It's been too long."

"Who's fault is that?"

"Mine." He admits with a self conscious shrug. 

"You're fucking right it is." Your brushed passed him and into the house, "and I'll have a glass of wine please." You weren't new to small talk with Roy, though it did usually occur after he'd made you come multiple times. You made yourself comfortable on his sofa and watched him in the kitchen, pouring wine from the fridge for both of you. 

"I didn't mean to upset you." He puts the glass down in front of you. 

"You didn't. You know I'm not easily offended, but there's a difference between our usual tête-á-tête and you just being plain fucking mean after 3 months of solitary confinement."

"It's not been solitary."

"I heard you coach 9 year old girls now?"

"Who told you?"

"My niece is one of them, Quinn."

"She's fucking class."

"Hmm. Future England player maybe, according to my twat brother. You're still better than that, though," you drink more, looking for courage in the bottom of the glass, "and I wondered if you might call. More fool me."

"You don't want me to call."

"Says who? You?"

"You deserve better." He sighed. 

"Do I? Is that your conclusion or do I get to make my own?"

"Are you just going to keep questioning my opinion, or actually offer any of your own?" He countered. You smirked over the edge of your wine glass at his frustration.

"Well, you haven't let me have an opinion yet, have you? You've decided that I don't want you to call and that I deserve better, all by yourself. Shall I just submit all future decisions to you from now on?" He shook his head, 

"I've fucking missed your attitude." He stood, taking the empty glass from your hand and putting it on the table, and then gripped your wrist gently to pull you to standing. "I'd carry you, but -"

"You're a fucking idiot," you finished for him, reaching on your toes to kiss him. His arms circled your waist, 

"I'm a fucking idiot," he agreed with a mumble, his lips not leaving yours. You let him lead you to his bedroom. 

"An actual bed? Jesus Roy, you're spoiling me." You laugh, pulling his t-shirt off before taking a step back and slipping your own summer dress off and letting it fall to the floor. Your usual frenetic dalliances have meant that despite knowing your body intimately, he's never actually seen you naked. He drinks in the sight of you in summery coral lingerie in the dim lamplight, his eyes dark as you reach behind to unclip your bra and let it slide down your arms. You drop to your knees in front of him, pulling his shorts down over his hips. He's already half hard. You pull his shorts all the way off, and he steps out of them. On your way back to your goal, you pause just long enough to press a kiss to the inside of his bad knee. You hear the shaky breath leave his body and focus your attention elsewhere which allows him to do the same thing. This is not pity you try to convey with your actions. Your mouth waters in anticipation, all this hurried sex and you've never once had the chance to see him like this, to feel the weight of him in your mouth. You slide your tongue up the underside of his cock and swirl it around the hot tip. He rocks against you, his hands fisted at his side. You take his hands one at a time and put them on your head, looking up his long body to watch his reaction to you pumping his cock with kiss swollen lips. 

"Fuck me, you look so fucking good -" He rasps, his voice strained. You hum in agreement, the vibration running through his body. He tugs your hair lightly, the sensation sending waves of desire to your core and making your thighs rub together in desperation. When he pulls again, it's a request for you to stop, "I need to be inside you," he practically whimpers, pulling you up by the hand. You guide him the couple of steps back to the bed and he sits down heavily, dragging you into his lap as he does. You lift up onto your knees hands on his shoulders for balance as you line him up against you, shifting your underwear to one side. He cups your heavy breast with one hand while the other grabs the swell of your ass as you lower down onto him. With your thighs spread wide over his, the depth is incredible and takes a second to adjust to. His tongue follows his hand across your nipple, taking it into his mouth, rolling it and biting gently. It's enough to have you grinding against his cock and arching your back to have him fill you right to the hilt. Then he echoes the words you've always told him in a desperate whisper, "fuck me." Your forearms on his shoulders give you the perfect leverage to rise and fall on him over and over, the proximity means he's able to lavish attention on your breasts while his hands kneed and grasp your hips, helping you keep your rhythm while his cock splits you open. "God, you're so fucking beautiful," he groans, capturing your mouth in a rough, needy kiss. Considering your previous interactions left you the one feeling needy and yielding, you're currently feeling like the powerful one. He brings his hand up to your mouth, running his thumb across your bottom lip and letting you suck it. He uses it to brush against your clit and you lean back in his arms, partly to give him access and partly so he can watch as you take his cock. 

"See how you fill me up so perfectly?" You breathe, gasping as his circles against your clit bring you closer to release. "Do you even know what you do to me?" You ask, pulling him closer again with a kiss. "This is what I fucking want, this is what I deserve." You tell him. You'd say more, but your words have his hips stuttering as he comes inside you, the feeling pulling you over the edge with him and your words turning to incoherent affirmations and praise. His hands still your hips as you collapse into him, your head falling to the crook of his neck. He kisses your shoulder and up into the spot behind your ear that makes your body unintentionally buck against him. 

"Fucking hell, I'm never avoiding you for 3 months again. You'll be lucky if you get 3 minutes of peace from me ever again." He mutters, biting your earlobe. 

"Promise?" You ask with a low laugh. 

 

FIN

[whatyadrawin]

Michael Myers x Fem! Reader (Headcanon) 18+ only -First Fanfic Ever!-

The Evil Within (tentative title)

Masterlist

Approximately 2,060 words

Pairing: Michael Myers x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Mention of medical procedure, mental health facility, and guns.

A/n: This is my very first fanfic ever! I wrote this with my partners help and I plan on making multiple chapters with my own art for each chapter. Please be considerate about my work since I am a beginner in writing Fanfics, my formatting may be a bit strange. This is an RZ Mikey with my own headcanon thrown in with some relevant reference to the entire series mixed in and out.

Overview: Y/n is an expertly skilled phlebotomist that is asked to come into the Haddonfield 'sanitarium' for a special specimen extraction.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 1

The sun is setting on the small town of Haddonfield and a cozy orange light seeps through the hospital break room window where you are gathering your belongings to head home. You moved here from Chicago 4 months ago to get away from the stress and cost of the big city. The hospital here was smaller and needed skilled phlebotomists for the towns aging population to be able to get adequate testing done with minimal injury. You were top of your game back in Chicago and when you heard there was an opening to move to a small hospital you jumped at the chance fully knowing you would be first pick. The people here were kind and friendly but only going as far as surface level, it felt like they were all timid of strangers and not to mention the overcrowded mental health facility that expanded after a gruesome incident occurred a while back involving a masked killer. Many of the population that went through the event had become traumatized and unable to cope with the severe PTSD, you knew this town had a dark past but no one seemed to want to talk about it and you certainly weren’t one to push people.

Deanna, a nurse you had become familiar with approached you and said there was a call for you from the Forensic Psychiatry hospital. You felt a bit taken aback at being specifically requested by such a place so you decide to inquire further.

Deanna “I wasn’t able to find you so I took a message down with the number, they want you to call them back as soon as you can, it sounds important” she hands you the paper with her note on it. You open the note and it reads ‘Requesting *Y/N* for difficult specimen extraction, please call 987-8771 ASAP’. You lock eyes with Deanna and she just shrugs, you get up to go over to the wall phone and dial the number. 

Beeeeeep …… beeeeep……. Beeeeeep…. “Hello, Dr.Loomis speaking” 

“Hi, this is *Y/N* I am returning a call about a difficult specimen?” You try not to sound tired.

“Oh yes, thank you for calling me back so quickly. There is a patient here who needs some bloodwork done for forensic purposes and we have had an extremely troubling time getting his sample. I was informed that you are a very skilled phlebotomist, it was said you could draw blood from a stone.”

You blush at the notion of being almost magically talented “Well, I do have quite a few years of experience under my belt so I am confident in my ability to draw from challenging veins. How come it has been so hard for others? Can you tell me a little about the patient?”

The doctor paused for a while and then spoke “Well the patient is a very large man with violent tendencies, his skin is tough to penetrate and he doesn’t take well to people being close to him. I am sure you have experienced such things in the hospital you were previously employed at in Chicago, so this should be no different”

A large violent man? Your curiosity has grown exponentially, you experienced many different types over the years, some of the worst were the criminals with unstable behaviors, but you still always got a sample from them as if they trusted you naturally from the start.  Your job forced you to be in people’s intimate spaces and it was always a risk for you.

“Ok when do you need me to come in?”

Dr.Loomis responded in a very straightforward tone “Right away, let me give you the address”

You write down the address and say goodbye then hang up the phone. 

Deanna had been listening the whole time: “Who was that? What is the situation there?” She had never been so inquisitive in your work before. 

You reply “It was a Dr. Loomis; he needs me to head over to the forensic hospital right now and get a specimen". You were already tired from the 12hr shift today but you had an obligation to provide service wherever you are needed. You look over to Deanna, she was white as a sheet, before you could ask what was wrong, she begins to speak “Oh god, that could only mean…. *Y/N* make sure you are careful; you have a right to refuse unsafe work just remember that ok?” she quickly speeds out of the room. 

Now you are worried, what am I going to be dealing with? Deanna reacting like that was very unusual but you didn’t have time to think about it so you gather your belongings and set off. 

The Forensic hospital is now within your sight, you pull into the parking lot located outside of the massive iron gate with the buildings name on it ‘Smith’s Grove Sanitarium’. It’s already dark outside as the sun had set fully a few minutes ago.For the first time in your career, you feel intimidated. What’s stranger, is that this new feeling excites you: who is this large violent man? I hope he doesn’t give me a hard time. You head up to the buzzer and press down and the gate unlocks immediately, they were expecting you. As you enter the building, the walls are a grayish white and the lights are dimmer than you have typically seen, an oppressive energy is given off from the high ceiling that looms over you. You get to the front desk where a man dressed in all white greets you with an expressionless face, he gives you instructions to go to the basement and find the ward supervisor who would get you set up. You feel a bit perplexed and ask “Where is Dr.Loomis? He is the one who contacted me” The man turns away and mutters “He hasn’t been to this hospital in ten years” You quickly follow up with “Is he still in charge of the patient?” The man is now digging through some files and looks back at you and replies “Dr.Loomis can’t do anything more for him, he just manages the legal files and makes special requests if needed, you better hurry down there so you can get out of here quicker” and with that he walked off with a few folders and disappears down the hall. You get a sense of urgency and quicken your step towards the elevator, you press the button for the basement floor and the doors immediately open; The elevator feels like it is taking longer than usual to get to your floor, eventually the doors open and you see a long hallway with many barred checkpoint doors. At the entrance you see a small man sitting in a chair watching some security camera screens, you walk up to him and state your name and why you are there, he cuts you off mid-sentence and says “Don’t worry I know who you are, follow me, all the supplies are already set up outside his room” This hospital did not feel very well run and seemed like it was not there for care and rehabilitation but more for confinement and punishment. 

You make your way through 4 checkpoints and turn a corner and end up at a huge metal door with one small porthole window and dozens of security locks. what were they keeping down here? Why are they being so secretive about this patient? The door is guarded by 2 well-armed men who held large guns in their arms on either side of the door. You spot a familiar cart with all the tools you need for a successful blood draw.  You look at the small man and ask “Where is the patients requisition form?” he sighs and replies “Don’t worry it’s all set up, no need to check we just need you to be quick” You are given the tubes you require and you promptly grab the needed items, as you grab the standard needle the small man laughs and says “Girlie, you are going to need a much bigger gauge for this patient, he might have deep veins but they are huge” You hide your annoyed expression, he shouldn’t try to tell you what to do, they did call YOU after all.  Once you have everything you need the man begins to open the door and says “Be as quick as you can, he is heavily sedated right now but it only works for so long”. The two guard walk into the room with you following right behind them.

When you get inside the room it is extremely dark except for one light that shines down on a bed with what looks like a giant on it. You stop for a second to take in what you are seeing, this man had to have been 6’8” at minimum. The small man snorts and says “I told you he was big, better be quick!” Dr.Loomis’ words echo in your head Large...tough skin… violent you pick up your pace and walk up to this monstrosity of a man and set your things down on the extra bed space near his arm. The man is strapped down all over the place in tight restraints but he is breathing very slowly, he doesn’t react at all to your movements. You grab your tourniquet and try to get it around his massive bicep, you can’t fit the tourniquet enough to tie a loop for occlusion and just as you remove it the small man is behind you and quietly whispers “here, this is the largest one we have… I thought you were briefed on him” You grab the large tourniquet and tie it around the patient’s bicep tight, the beast of a man doesn’t even move. You can already see his vein, it is massive and bulging. These veins are entry level, why has this been such a struggle? You untie the tourniquet and begin cleaning the patients arm and you notice the guards holding their weapons at the ready aimed at the large man. He must be relentlessly violent if they are already aiming at him, I better hurry up. You get your needle ready and retie the patients arm and prepare to poke; the needle goes in with a bit of resistance but when you engage the tube dark red blood starts bursting in and vibrates your sample tube. This man has strong valves so it takes you no time to fill the tubes, once you get to the final tube you set it down after it fills and get the gauze ready for the pull out, when you take out the needle and press the gauze you look up at the patient and your eyes widen. A face covered in long scraggly hair is now staring at you, through the strands you can make out a strong jaw covered in stubble and 2 icy blue eyes that make you feel like time has frozen …until you hear the guards lift their guns and warn you to quickly step back and get out of the room. You snap into action and grab your belongings and race out of the room followed by the guards and they quickly shut and lock the door. You are sweating from fear and you look into the porthole window and he is still staring at you with no expression. The small man starts chuckling “Oh wow that was a close one, it seems the sedation was wearing off sooner than later but I am glad you got the blood” You nod and start taking in air and you back away from the window, you hand the specimens to the small man and settle your nerves. Those eyes, that massive body… for the first time in a while your thoughts gave you butterflies, how can I feel like this after that encounter! But the excitement was more than you had ever felt in years and the man you took blood from seemed unreal, his size alone was mythical and those eyes… they were cold and seemingly dead but you felt a whisper of spirit behind them, an evil spirit.

As you walk away you notice a placard on the wall next to the patient’s door and you read it carefully, you see the name that invoked tales of horror among the people of Haddonfield, that well known name that no one wanted to speak. Michael Myers.

[trans-queen-administrator]

My favorite manga ended after 6 years of me following it, so y'all get to hear me ramble about how Falin from Dungeon Meshi and Noelle from Worm are counterparts. Major major major spoilers for Dungeon Meshi, just a warning. And Worm I guess, but I just kinda assume anyone seeing my posts knows about Worm.

So first off, super obvious comparison, they're both women who have had their lower halves replaced with a massive monster body that's a mishmash of multiple animals that is so large their human torso is dwarfed. Falin has a rather coherent feathery and scaled chimera body, and Noelle has a mass of meat and mouths and limbs that's constantly expanding. Both of them got this lower body through some sort of fucked up life-saving medical procedure too. Noelle was dying and needed to drink her vial to heal, and Falin was a completely deceased set of bones before Marcille revived her. Both of them immediately seemed better in the aftermath, only for the consequences of drinking half a vial/repurposing dragon flesh to regrow a human with dark magic to show themselves after a short period of relief. The two of them are both taken over by their monster half as well. Falin's soul is overwhelmed by the dragon soul and her orders now that she's part of the dungeon, and Noelle is slowly subsumed by her broken connection to her passenger that takes away parts of herself until she's a violent and aggressive mess with barely anything of Noelle left in her.

Noelle and Falin are also the heart of their groups. Noelle was the common friend among everyone in the Travelers, and Falin was was similar with her being generally friendly and very important to Laios, Marcille, and Shuro. Both groups immediately start looking for a way to save them, but I think it's rather interesting how the relationships strain in different ways. In Dungeon Meshi, when Falin died the adventuring party fractured. Namari and Shuro left, and Chilchuck only stuck around because he had been paid in advance, and when she was revived into being monstrous there was consideration of giving up. The adventuring group in Dungeon Meshi weren't really friendly at first with Falin gone, they were co-workers who argued and bickered and stuck together out of obligation. Marcille thought Laios was crazy, Chilchuck thought he was dumb, and Marcille and Chilchuck were often getting on each others nerves, but through their quest to revive and then to un-chimera Falin they all bonded and actually grew close and cared deeply about each other. The Travelers are similar, they were all friends before their wacky psychological body horror isekai, bar Cody and Krouse, but once the group was put under stress and the heart of the group in Noelle got her condition they began to grow apart. By the time we see them in canon, none of them really like each other and they all feel alone despite being in the group, but they remain because they don't have anywhere else to go and most of them care about fixing Noelle. Both groups go from being friends, to having something horrible happen to the common uniting factor in the group, to being strained and disliking each other. The difference is though, Dungeon Meshi has them grow to like each other beyond their bond with Falin, and they make new friends along the way, but the Travelers just become more and more resentful of each other and can never really bond with anyone else on Earth Bet. The groups have the same starting point, but they travel in opposite directions and reach opposite destinations. Noelle doesn't get cured, but Falin does.

This is a Dungeon Meshi post, so I have to make a comparison to food as well, I'm legally obligated to. Falin is saved by being consumed, with everyone coming together to eat her lower half, and it's a proper meal. Noelle though, she mindlessly consumes with no purpose. She feels a constant hunger and is sustained with insane amounts of meat, eventually consuming people as well. It's not a meal, it's not a way to spend time with others and appreciate the effort put into food, it's just consumption with no joy or meaning. It's an odd parallel. One of their monster halves eats, and the other is eaten.

Another fun little parallel is how the adventurers line up with the Travelers in some ways. Both groups do some pretty illegal shit in their quest to save their giant monsterified friend, but I think there's especially a fun line to draw between Krouse siding with Noelle when she was fully gone and rampaging and Marcille becoming the lord of the dungeon with saving Falin as one of her main goals, and then they both get sentenced to super mega turbo jail after it all. Marissa and Laios both get the fun little moment of "resolving to kill their former closest friend because she's completely gone, only for her to appeal to their bond," but Marissa incinerates Noelle anyway while Laios hesitates. Marissa also parallels with Marcille because both of them have massive codependent desperate crushes on their respective friends turned into mindless monsters, and Laios parallels Krouse in being a leader that the group often hates, there's a lot of ways to twist those 4 around and look at them for funsies. Beyond that there aren't really any easy parallels to draw between the group members. Cody could be Shuro because they both have a crush on Noelle/Falin that goes completely unrequited, and they fucking hate the leader of the group. Jess could be Izutsumi because they both resent their bodies and desire freedom. Luke and Chilchuck both want to leave the group when everything goes to shit, and retire from adventuring after the experiences. Oliver is Senshi because they're both eye candy.

Ultimately, I don't have a point here, I just think that it's nifty that I can draw so many connecting lines between these two groups in vastly different media. Its neat seeing how having the central member of a group be put through the horrors can either fracture or forge friendships, and I like how they both turn out in such vastly different ways despite the similarities. Rip Noelle you would have loved Dungeon Meshi.

[i-loathelucy]

more about “the doll”

ooc: hey!! there’s some more important info abt lucy that i wanted to share + some not as serious lucy fun facts. this is kind of lengthy so everything is under the cut 💜

personality / misc hcs

she hates that she has to be addressed by her callsign. she wasn’t called her actual name for years—she was only addressed as Subject Number 27 in the lab—she wants to be just lucy again.

lucy calls her brother “jem” a lot because when she was first learning to talk she had trouble saying “jeremy” so she said “jemmy” instead.

she and scout butt heads a lot because of how ideologically different they are, but they love each other dearly. they both are very protective over the other.

she shows her affection through acts of service. she’s very bad with her words.

lucy loves loves LOVES tea and sweet foods and drinks.

besides her work uniforms, she doesnt really have any clothes of her own. she has a couple of dresses (all gunne sax) gifted to her by spy for her 16th birthday.

the work/combat boots she wears are horrifically beat up. they’re worn out because they’re all she wears. she has another pair of shoes and mary-janes as part of her uniform, but these shoes in particular are cherished by her because they were the first piece of clothing she was given after being rescued from the lab.

because she didn’t grow up in boston for too long, lucy doesn’t really have a bostonian accent, but when she says certain words, it kind of slips out.

lucy has a slight gap in her front teeth. her teeth didn’t grow in properly. she was playing baseball with her brothers when she was four, and a stray pitch knocked one of her baby teeth out and the other lodged into her gums.

as part of her training for her “psychic abilities” she had to learn how to do multiple complex actions or tasks at once. this is the reason why she knows how to play multiple instruments (piano, fiddle, some woodwinds), why she’s very skilled in ballet, why she’s a skilled singer.

lucy was told that fighting is a lot like dancing. she really internalized it. she moves very gracefully and fluidly the field—however, normally she moves very stiff and awkwardly.

lucy was taught different languages in the lab as part of her “educational enrichment.” she’s best with french and struggles a little with german. she tries to teach herself russian (mainly for heavy)

lucy is mixed. in my hc, her ma is filipino.

she is not comfortable in her own body. she feels like she’s somewhere in between being a girl and being a boy but she doesn’t know how to express that properly.

lucy is ace.

lab related

lucy is incredibly pale due to being stuck in that dark lab for a decade. dark circles under her eyes are more visible because of this.

she has high pain tolerance due to training procedures in the lab. they needed to make sure she could still use her abilities even when her body was under high stress or running on incredibly low amounts of sleep or being dehydrated or dangerously hungry. many of her natural body “cues” are not normal. the mercs need to keep her in check because of this.

lucy has a really weird relationship with food because of the lab. even though she hated what they forced her to eat, those foods still bring her comfort.

she had to mature way too fast and way too soon. she felt she had to “kill” the child that she was in order to survive in the lab. but that child never truly “died” so lucy is in a really bad balance of being fiercely independent or concerningly codependent.

she has bad dreams nightly. her nightmares involve her being found by the AiHB and them killing or torturing the people she loves. or it’s her death in the lab. someone else being experimented on and she can only stand there and watch. her being unable to save someone because she can’t overpower their attacker. she would calm herself down by going to find scout or sniper or spy to make sure that they were there and safe and well.

lucy had to keep a journal in the lab. there were drawings and written entries in it. scout took the journal, then spy stole it from him and he keeps it with him after that. they both wanted insight on her mental state. scout never learns spy stole it from him—he just thought he lost it. lucy does not know that this happened.

lucy becomes very paranoid over her privacy. of people listening to her conversations in secret, hidden cameras.

she becomes especially sensitive to the mistreatment of animals.

she has oddly specific fears and all of these are because of the lab—she’s afraid of black vans, she’s afraid of dotted fabrics. the sound of EKG machines.

she was terrified of men in white coats, so she was terrified of medic. she wouldn’t talk to him, she couldn’t be in the same room as him. he mistook her genuine fear of him as her trying to intimidate him. after that, he actively makes sure to assure her he is nothing like the men in the lab.

addressing the RED and BLU lucy of it all

so when i was first making lucy’s character, i had the comics in mind more than i did the game. there are implications in the comics that are different from the games. the most important one to lucy is the whole “spy is a deadbeat” thing

because in the games its heavily implied (but. basically canon.) that the father of RED scout is BLU spy. the father of BLU scout is RED spy.

but in the comics, RED is kind of written as if they are the only team. making RED spy the father of RED scout.

so for me i have been treating comics lore lucy differently than game lore lucy. she has the same story no matter what—she will always be scout’s little sister and second child of the spy, but the exact semantics of her differs.

because i realized kind of quickly that both a RED and BLU existing in the same space at the same time would be a little problematic logistically. because both lucys work as assistants to the administrator who is authorized to go down to the respective RED/BLU base that her brother works for. but i feel like both teams would definitely realize “wait, if she works for the administrator…then she…”

so there IS. a RED and BLU lucy, however they do not/cannot in the same timeline. they’re in parallel timelines to each other.

because this is something that is interesting to me, both lucys have knowledge of the other but they don’t realize that.

they both think that the blips they see or things they hear are not related to an “alternate timeline.” they both simply think that they’re experiencing side effects from their meds or their psychic abilities.

how did this happen? a procedure performed in the lab went horrifically wrong. lucy’s abilities at this point are wildly out of control. she unintentionally caused a power surge and lucy almost died due to the machines she was hooked up to.

this event happened at the same time across the main RED lucy and BLU lucy timelines. there’s more about this but it gets kind of even more confusing but. anyways does this at all make logical sense? probably not! is this at all necessary? absolutely not but im keeping it in bc i think its cool lol

RED lucy and BLU lucy

RED lucy prefers to act as support, usually acting as the team’s second sniper or giving medical aid to anyone she sees in base. RED lucy is a lot more defensive than offensive. she uses her abilities more for self-defense or disorienting the enemy to allow someone to get out of a dangerous situation. she avoids the frontlines she’s more afraid of getting killed on the field or getting captured because she knows she’s easy pickings to the other team.

BLU lucy would be found on the frontlines near her brother. she feels much “safer” there, because she thinks it would be easier to kill or capture her if she’s alone. she uses her abilities to cause major distractions to lead the enemy into surprise attacks.

RED and BLU lucy both consider sniper to be one of their closest friends. they both consider pauling to be a sister figure.

i really like how a lot of people portray BLU as being more serious than RED. so that means BLU lucy is a much sunnier person. she processes her trauma in the lab differently—she cracks more jokes and laughs more easily about it. her viewing it as a fucked up joke is how she ignores/suppresses her trauma.

they both are left handed.

okay this was a fucking lot lmao if you have any questions i will gladly answer them. thank you for reading or getting this far 💜

[trashlie]

You're right it's very possible that Nol had a fight with his mother... I was also moved to a different country as a child, and I remember having a phase where I resented my parents for it because I was promised all these good things, but all I got was homesickness and feeling lost in the new environment. It was probably similar for him, and it would make complete sense if he argued with Nessa about it. And related to what you sad about Nol being angry and bitter and hot-headed... I keep thinking about the dialogue that was like "He sent someone's son to the hospital" or something like that. We know it was not Kousuke, because he seemed physically fine after whatever happened. So it must be someone different then. And... Nol must have gone to school, right? Yes they were illegal immigrants, but surely Rand could have pulled some strings to get his son into a school. If he was homeschooled like Alyssa, we would probably know that, right? So, what if before the incident with Kousuke, Nol got into a fight, maybe even multiple times? Maybe those kids in school teased Nol for something. For looking different, the red hair, the freckles, his foreign name, maybe not speaking the language well. Maybe they were rumors going around about his mother, how she is a mistress, how his father is a skirt chaser, how Nol is an illegitimate child, how they're all bad people. Kids can be cruel and probably used less polite words, if you know what I mean. And Nol was already dealing with everything you mentioned. Maybe those kids pushed it too far and he snapped and lashed out. Similarly to what happened with Shin-Ae, basically. Except Shin-Ae was this small girl, she couldn't do *too* much damage (though the boy she fought looked pretty rough), but Nol was always big and tall for his age, so maybe he underestimated his strength and severely injured someone.

Think of it this way, too: One instance of being violent and unstable isn't really enough to justify locking a child into a mental facility for two years, especially with the media involved and the whole story being very public. There are procedures and protocols in place. Sure, Yui could've arranged it regardless. But what I think happened is that she got wind of the fight at school, and used it to her advantage. Made Nol appear like a repeat offender. There were already rumors and even "proof" of him being unstable and aggressive, which makes him getting violent again so much more believable, right. Much easier to convince everyone that putting him in the facility is necessary, that it's the right thing to do. It would also make it easier for Kousuke to believe Yui's narrative, because the kid attacked someone at school and you're his victim too but don't worry he is under control now you're safe. And most importantly, it would make it easier to make Nol believe that about himself. I didn't do anything to Kousuke but everyone keeps telling me that I did, so maybe I'm wrong? I know I lost control and hurt someone before, so maybe they're right and it happened again? Can I even trust what I remember, what I believe? Maybe there really is something very wrong with me? Maybe I am an unstable dangerous person that should be kept away from everyone? That deserves punishment? It would be so much easier to insert these beliefs into his head, mess with his memories and his self-perception, when there is undeniable proof of violent behavior and he probably already feels guilty about that and is starting to question himself...

First off, Nonny 💕 Thank you for sharing your experience 🥺 I can't imagine that must've been easy for you as a child to deal with such a radical change to your life.

But yes, I very much agree with you! I can't remember if I've ever said it on here or if it's only come up in my conversations, but I've been wondering for a while now if Nol DID, in fact, hurt someone. It used to be that I wondered if he really DID hurt Kousuke - quimchee has said before that they've had one fight. But a couple things never made sense. Wasn't it curious that he said "people got hurt"?

In retrospect, it seems like an odd way to put it - that he had issues plural and that was what kept them apart. People got hurt. Even the article that mentions the heir being attacked doesn't make it sound like Kousuke had to be hospitalized. But right, I agree he very well still could have sent someone's kid to the hospital with everything he had on his plate - his unhappiness, the hot-headed anger, kids being cruel and bullying him, spreading rumors, being xenophobic, etc.

There's also this

"Especially after hearing how you were treated in middle school."

This has stuck out to me ever since this episode dropped because of what we DO concretely know... nothing really fits that logic, does it? Had Nol ever fought Kousuke, that's not something that he'd think relates to Shinae being bullied and fighting a kid in act of desperation.

But if Nol was fighting kids, had really hurt someone and his very important father pulled weight so Nol got into less trouble... That feels like it could be something he fears will change her perception of him, what he thinks of her. Because right, even if he was lashing out after being pushed too far, the right button was pushed and he attacked, it's SO easy to see how he could turn that on himself. Further to this point, it sounds like he was put through anger management therapy and we know he uses his punching bag to let out his anger, we can absolutely see how very easily he blames himself, how HE could have been convinced of all of this. That he's unstable, he's dangerous, he needs to be subdued.

And further to that, it makes me wonder if punching Sangchul was parallel to what happened in his past. Again, Sangchul was the one taunting him, baiting him because he was certain Nol was too much of a coward to attack, so he pressed his buttons and Nol snapped. And what's more, Kousuke knows a LOT of intimate details about Nol and his family. Plenty of people know rumors about Nol and his institutionalization. Maybe Sangchul figired not only was Nol too much of a coward to act out but because he has a pre-existing record he couldn't lash out without getting into trouble.

And because everything is a parallel and Nol and Shinae are mirrors, it feels very likely that his own incidents with fighting and hurting someone were similar to Shinae's experience, where he reached his limit where it all spilled out where he lashed out at the people who were making his life hell and more miserable than before. Again, it's SO EASY to twist it around on him if he made that first move. "You should have just ignored them. You shouldn't have let their words get to you. You struck first. You hurt someone."

Likewise, it makes it so much easier to kind of brainwash him with this thinking in the hospital. To convince him that he's a bad person who deserves no kindness, who needs to be punished. As readers we get it, we understand. We see how he's been treated by people, reduced to nothing, made to feel like a bother, a mistake, that he only makes things worse. His mother's death looks like suicide, like she took her own life and abandoned him in this foreign country so far away from anyone he knows and left with this cruel family who treats him like he doesn't exist, shouldn't exist, and all of the kids who have bullied him and made him feel like shit. 😭😭😭

How easy it would be to convince this poor kid, this illegitimate bastard of the Hirahara family living as an undocumented immigrant in their shadow, that he is a terrible person who has hurt so many people who doesn't belong here who only hurts people, who can only bring harm to the people he cares about. It also would explain why he worked so hard at absolution - he believes he has so much to atone for.

And that's the worst part, isn't it? To know that he probably did fight, probably did hurt someone after putting up for so long with people taunting him, mocking, bullying him, that no one defended or protected him and when he reached breaking point, he was faulted for how he reacted. It sounds like no one gave him the help he REALLY needed, the understanding and compassion as well as the anger management. All too often when it comes to bullying we see this kind of thing, too. Those children were responsible for pushing his buttons but instead he gets blamed because he couldn't "just ignore them". Instead he was made to feel like a monster, to take all of the blame for not being able to handle what others did to him. Expecting people, especially children, to be able to carry that kind of stress, to live with those kinds of harassment and never to step in or defend them, to try to put a stop to it before it reached that stage. 😭

Once again and as always, these children were all failed by the adults meant to protect them and I will never get over it.

[squirrellypoo]

30 is just the beginning

I've recently seen a few people lamenting turning 30. I guess it hits differently when you're told at 29 that you're unlikely to live to see 31, but gazing back at that time from where I sit in my mid-40s I'm struck by the sheer amount of shit I've accomplished since 30. I'm sure conquering death had something to do with lighting a fire under my ass, but seriously, you can achieve SO much more than you ever thought possible.

I started compiling this list for myself and I'm choosing to share it now, not as a "look what I've done!" bragging exercise, but as a way to remind myself that I'm capable of doing epic shit.

And that we are ALL capable of change, growth, and adventure no matter what our age. Your thirties don't have to be about settling down or settling for.

In my 20s, I:

Studied abroad

Eurorailed around Europe for 6 weeks

Survived meningitis (the first time)

Graduated with an Hon BSc

Moved to a different country

Met my bestie

Started my dream job

Started running

Started sewing

Was on the front page of the New York Times

Had my first boyfriends (got dumped by one checking himself into a mental hospital in another country)

Got paid to work backstage at Glastonbury several times

Went to literally thousands of gigs

Met/interviewed Trent Reznor

Met my future husband

Bought a home

Got a cat

Lost 50+ pounds

Started a pension

Became seriously ill and was told I had months to live unless I underwent a risky procedure

Froze embryos

In my 30s, I:

Was saved from certain death by medical science (chemo ain't so bad)

Grew a new blood type

Survived meningitis, shingles, swine flu, and a constant stream of flu

Had all my childhood vaccinations… again.

Married my husband

Appeared on a BBC cooking show

Joined a running crew

Started my own business

Worked behind-the-scenes on a popular tv show

Had laser eye surgery

Wrote my first book

Ran my first half marathon (& then countless others)

Ran my first marathon (& then 7 more including 3 Boston Qualifiers)

Ran an accidental ultra in Transylvania

Had my face on a billboard and in a bunch of banks

Became undefeated GB & world champion on the track (multiple times - 16 golds for GB)

Cycled my first century (& then 2 more)

Started a pension

Started therapy

Started regular meditation

In my 40s, I:

Finished a 15 year home renovation

Shielded (couldn’t leave home) for 14 months in the pandemic

Having the best sex of my life

Broke 2 more world records and retained my world champion status on the track

Mourned a father & grandfather

Started swimming lessons for the first time since childhood

Received my first ever bonus check

Completed my first multisport race

…7 more years to go??

Frankly, I can't wait to see what my 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s have in store if my first 40-odd years have been so endlessly interesting. Happy birthday.

(Each of these is absolutely true, btw, and I'm happy to clarify/expand on these if you want to ask in the comments or using the Ask Me on my page)

[mizufae]

This is Korben from this morning at the internist specialist. It was just a consultation today. Tomorrow, however, they are doing all SORTS of invasive things. He is gonna get a full endoscopy and colonoscopy, a liver biopsy, samples taken from his gallbladder and bile duct, and he’s gonna have a feeding tube put in!!! Our beautiful handsome boy is going to get all kinds of terrible bandages.

What’s wrong with him, you may ask? Well, after throwing up every day for over a week a couple weeks back, we did urgent care vet and then multiple ultrasounds and rounds of blood work, all showing an increase in his billirubin and inflammation of his pancreas, gallbladder, and liver. He stopped throwing up but then got a respiratory infection and was sneezing boogers for a week. Coupled with all of this he had lost over a pound in the past three months and had already been underweight. And then he stopped eating. He has only eaten tiny amounts in the past two weeks and is continuing to lose even more weight.

So, what could be going on? That’s what all the procedures are for tomorrow! They are going to take all the samples from his various bits and culture them so we know the exact kind of medicine to give him. And meanwhile, we will do steroids to help the inflammation, and be able to get food into his stomach and put all his medications in him through his feeding tube, instead of forcing pills and goop down his throat and traumatizing him multiple times a day. It could just be a worsening of his preexisting IBD. It could be an obstruction in his common bile duct or small intestine or gallbladder. It could be small cell lymphoma! All of these are treatable, though IBD is progressive and lymphoma would mean different kinds of cancer treatment and palliative care.

This is all costing an arm and a leg, but Korben has a very rich grandmother who would be downright offended if she didn’t pay for it, thank goodness. The less expensive diagnostic option was just more fuck around wait and see ultrasound bloodwork bullshit which would lead to months and months of trial and error. There are of course risks to all of this, but Korben has been under anesthesia before and done just fine, and other than his complete unwillingness to eat and his elevated liver values, his blood work looks good, his energy and personality is still there, he completely got over his runny nose, and he hasn’t thrown up except for once a week ago which was before we stopped the antibiotics that obviously upset him so much he stopped eating or drinking and all he would do is drool and try to spit them out. Sigh. Poor guy. Fingers crossed though, because although we have now interacted with four separate very competent vets and numerous techs, nobody has ever given us an indication that Korben is unlikely to recover.

Other good things: I’ve now learned how to give IV fluids and injections! It really is super simple, as long as your cat is mellow like Korben and you have a second person to be another pair of hands. The needles are like the least troubling part. I love the immediate relief and comfort Korben exhibits when he gets fluids. I know myself how it feels to be terribly dehydrated and in pain and then get an IV, so it’s a great feeling being able to do that for my cat. Yesterday I gave him his third vitamin b12 injection (he is getting them weekly for now), and he didn’t care for it one bit but it was fine. So now, I’m confident that if anyone else I care for needs injection meds, I can give it to them! I am honestly shocked I’ve never helped a trans friend with their hrt or anything before this, but now if it ever comes up can be like “let me help! Just act like a cat!”

So. I am currently in the “ignore it until shit happens” phase where I’m trying to just project calming normal energy at Korben, who is currently sleeping in a sunbeam by an open window. Tomorrow morning he is going to be going through it, so keep him in your hearts and all that. And then afterwards will be the notable experience of gooshing puréed food in through a tube in his neck! Eeeek! Then it will be some time to get the cultures done, and then it will probably be over a month of antibiotics and other supportive meds. Egad! Fingers and toes and eyes all crossed.

Thanks @penaltykeks and a few other people who have checked in and asked how me and Korben are doing. I’ve just been sort of trying my best to engage with pleasant things online and not write out my worries because I’ve learned it doubles down on my rumination. BIG UPS to Zoloft, which REALLY FUCKING WORKS for me, I would basically be a pile of quivering useless bones and fat without it. As it is I am a quivering pile of bones and fat that can give IV fluids to my cat and call my mom and do the dishes. 😽🤞

[beecastle]

Even If It's a Lie (chapter 8)

Characters: Javier Peña, Connie Murphy

Word count: 3k

Rating: mature

Warnings: Javi is in the hospital, this is not medically accurate at all, medical procedures, angst but also healing. Enjoy!

A/N: This is my first completed series. Thanks to everyone who has been with me on this journey. I've had a blast sharing this story with all of you ❤️

Also thanks to @littlemisspascal for beta reading!

Part 1 / Part 7

MASTERLIST

SERIES MASTERLIST

Doctors shouting orders. Nurses moving around trying to follow them. Needles, tubes, white gauzes turned red. Amidst the chaos, there was only one important thing to focus on, the rising and falling of Javi’s chest. Even if the movement was shallow, it meant he was alive, so as long as it was there, her friend had the chance of making it. Connie was so focused, that only when Steve placed a hand on her shoulder she snapped her head in his direction, unaware her husband had called her name multiple times already. 

“They are taking him to surgery,” he informed her just as the gurney was taken away. She got up to follow them, only to be stopped by Steve’s gentle hold of her arm. “We have to wait here.”

So they sat in the waiting room, a half-eaten bag of crackers and an unopened bottle of water on Connie’s lap, her stomach refusing to let her eat more. When the doctor showed up she scrambled to her feet, followed closely by Steve. The woman informed them that there had been a lot of internal bleeding and that while they had managed to get it under control, Javier waking up in the following twenty-four hours would be crucial to know what the extent of the damage really was. 

Hour 1

They were taken to the ICU room Javier had been placed in. As soon as Connie saw him she rushed to his side and grabbed his hand, careful not to hurt him. She needed to let him know that he wasn’t alone, she would be with him no matter what.

Hour 2

“I’m going to get a coffee, want one?” Steve stood up from his place next to Connie and placed a soft kiss on her cheek, careful to avoid a nasty-looking bruise, anger briefly crossing his gaze before he could put on a neutral expression. 

“I’m okay. Thank you.” She smiled at him, before turning back to watch Javi.

“I won’t be gone for too long.”

“Okay.”

The moment Steve left, Connie moved from the chair to sitting next to Javier on the bed, making sure to avoid touching any wound, which due to the state of his body turned out to be challenging. She combed his hair away from his forehead, the sweat that had accumulated making the strands of hair stay in place, giving him an almost peaceful appearance. She noticed that his beard had grown during their time in captivity, almost making him look like a different man. 

She touched his cheek and rubbed soft circles with her thumb. “Please Javi you need to wake up, I cannot do this alone. I cannot do this without you.” As much as she wanted to tell Steve everything that had happened, everything that she was feeling, he would never understand it. He hadn’t been there, it was as simple as that. This was their experience, this was their trauma, not his. 

A soft cough behind her interrupted her thoughts, making her jump. She turned around to find Carrillo standing on the door frame, he was gracious enough not to mention the way any kind of noise put her on edge. “I wanted to check on him.”

She stood up so he could get a better view of their friend. “They said the surgery went well, now he just needs to wake up.”

“I can stay with him if you want to go home and change clothes,” Carrillo offered. For the first time in a long while, Connie looked at herself and found that her clothes were barely more than rags and a layer of dirt was covering her skin. But still, the idea of being away from him, when something could happen at any minute, was unbearable.

“I-”

“I won’t let anything happen to him, Connie.” He took her hands in his. “I promise he’ll be here when you get back.” She stared at his eyes, if there was one word that would describe the man in front of her it was determined . She knew there was nothing that he wouldn’t do to fulfill a mission, and right now that mission was Javier staying alive. If something happened, he would make sure she arrived on time. 

“Okay, ” she conceded. She placed a kiss on Javi’s forehead before heading for the door. “Please make sure he knows he isn’t alone.”

“I will.”

Hour 3

The first minutes with Carrillo sitting next to Javier were spent in silence as he took in the extent of the damage that had been done to his friend. The Casta ñ os had been more than happy to provide explicit details of everything that they did, hoping to get a reaction out of him, but seeing the truth in person was different. It made him regret not killing them, and only erasing the dumb smiles from their faces before handing them in for extradition. 

He leaned forward, elbows placed on his knees, scrubbing his face in frustration. “Tienes que recuperarte Javier, no puedo perder a otro compa ñ ero.” You have to get better Javier, I can’t lose another partner. He couldn’t bear his loss, it would crush him. Being unable to help any other way, he did something he hadn’t done since he was a kid, he prayed to whatever god was out there to help his friend get through this.

Hour 4

“Any changes?” Connie asked upon entering the room with fresh clothes, her hair still dripping wet, Steve right behind her. Carrillo turned to look at her, his eyes red and puffy. 

“No.” He stood up, signaling them to come and sit down next to Javier. “But he’ll come back to us. He has to.”

Hour 5

The rhythmic beeping of the machines was all that could be heard in the room, so the moment that Javier’s vitals spiked everyone woke up from their drowsy state as nurses and doctors came rushing through the door. Steve wrapped Connie in his arms, her head burrowed in his chest until their friend was stable again. 

Hour 6

Connie turned to Steve to ask the question that had been on the back of her mind but she hadn’t dared ask, caught between worrying for Javier and a copious amount of guilt for not thinking about their daughter more. 

“How’s Olivia?”

“Your sister said she is okay, missing her mom.”

“Once this is over, once he’s better, I’ll go get her.” He placed a hand on top of hers.

“Don’t worry, she’s safe, she can wait.” Connie nodded and changed topics, not having the strength to think about their little girl at the moment.

“Hey, why don’t you talk to him? I’m sure he’d like to hear his best friend.”

“Maybe later, I’ll go ask the doctors something.” Steve pressed a kiss to her knuckles and left.

Hour 10

The doors to the room busted open, and an old man neither Connie nor Steve could place came into the room and headed straight for Javier. There were tears filling his eyes, as he mumbled what sounded like a prayer in Spanish. Carrillo appeared behind him to let them know that the man was Javier’s father and that he had called him so he could be there with him if the worst were to happen.

Hour 11

Chucho was left alone with his son. He told him he needed to get better. He told him that he was strong and that he could get through it. But most of the time was spent with him looking out the window, asking Javier’s mamá to give strength to their boy so he could pull through.

Hour 13

When Chucho went out to get a coffee at Steve’s suggestion, Connie sat next to a still unconscious Javier. She was starting to fall asleep when he opened his eyes and brought a hand to the breathing tube, trying to take it out. “It’s okay, Javi, that’s helping you. You need to stop.” But he looked disoriented and there was no recognition behind those eyes, even as he was looking straight at her. Steve helped to hold him still as Connie called a nurse, who promptly injected him with a sedative.

Hour 14

Connie took Javier’s hand and placed a soft kiss against his knuckles. “Come back to us, please,” she whispered.

Hour 15

Javi’s eyes fluttered open, but this time his gaze was different, turning his head he saw Connie, and recognition dawned on his face. She was quick to grab his hand and whisper reassuring words while Steve went to look for the doctor. Javier moved his free hand to the breathing tube, but Connie was quick to stop him once again. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, the doctors are gonna take it out, right now you need to relax and let the tube help you breathe, okay?”

Javier slightly nodded and looked to his left to find his father standing there, a worried expression on his face. Javier squeezed his eyes shut before looking at Connie with pleading eyes. Thankfully, she connected the dots quickly and turned to Carrillo.

“Hey, Horacio, why don’t you take Mr. Pe ñ a to the waiting room? I’ll come get you when they clear him.” Carrillo nodded in understanding and placed a hand on Chucho's shoulder leading him away from the room. Javier’s eyes welled up with tears, and Connie side-hugged him as he silently cried. “It’s okay Javi, it's okay, we made it out. We’re going to be fine. I promise.”

Hour 16

As the tube was taken out, Connie guided him through what was happening so Javier knew what to expect and didn’t go into panic mode. As the last part of the tube left his body, he gasped for air and took shallow breaths. “Take it easy Javi, breathe in, breathe out.” She did the motions herself so he could imitate her. “See? That’s it, you’re doing great.”

He tried to speak but instead of managing to do so, he went into a coughing fit. The last nurse in the room, who had been writing down his vitals on a chart, handed Connie a glass of water for her to help him drink, before leaving with a sympathetic smile. “Your body has been through a lot, give it time.”

Still, as stubborn as he was, he tried talking only for the words to come out in a hoarse whisper. “Are you okay?”

“I am going to be.” She smiled at him. “You are too.”

He cleared his throat and grimaced at the pain that action caused. “I don’t want to see anyone, not today. Just you. Please.”

“Of course.” Connie called a nurse to let her know Javier’s petition and asked her to inform the others.

“Thank you,” he whispered as Connie climbed into the empty space on the bed next to him.

“You have nothing to thank me for, we look after each other, that’s how this works.” They fell asleep shortly after, holding hands, and for the first time in what felt like forever, they really rested.

/

They slept until the doctors came in to check Javier’s vitals. There was nothing but good news, the wounds were healing well and his vitals were getting stronger, with some luck he’d be able to leave the hospital in a week. 

Once they left, Javier took a deep breath and turned to Connie. “I’m ready to see him.” Connie stood up to fetch Javier’s father.

Chucho came in a couple of minutes later. “Mijo-” He walked in and sat next to Javier taking his right hand between his.

“Papá, estoy bien.” Dad, I’m fine.

“No, you’re not.” Chucho gave him a tired smile. “When you were a little boy you tried to be brave about a sprained ankle so your mamá wouldn’t worry, and right now you’re doing the same. You’ve been through a lot, it’s okay not to be okay.”

“I’ll be fine,” Javier insisted.

“You will, but you need to take a break and come home mijo. I don’t want to lose the only son I have.”

“Papá-”

“Please.”

A knock at the door cut their conversation short. Both Chucho and Javier looked up to find Carrillo standing there. 

“Con su permiso, queria hablar con Pe ñ a,” Excuse me, I wanted to talk with Pe ña , Carrillo said waiting for their permission to come in. Chucho nodded and took one last glance at his boy before standing up slowly, the years starting to show on his movements. 

“Hablamos pronto mijo.” We’ll talk soon, mijo.

Carrillo moved to stand next to the bed, the smallest of smiles appearing on his lips upon seeing his friend awake and talking. “Nos diste un buen susto Pe ñ a” You scared us Pe ñ a.

Javier's voice was barely a whisper. “Los casta ñ o?”

“No van a volver a ser un problema. Aunque cuando estés mejor deber dar una declaración de lo que ocurrió antes las autoridades.” They won’t be a problem anymore. Although when you get better you need to give a statement about what happened.

“Gracias.” Javier extended his hand to the other man, trying his best to keep it from shaking.

Carrillo took his hand and gave it a careful squeeze. “No hay de que hermano, tu hubieras hecho lo mismo por mi.” No worries brother, you would have done the same for me. 

/

Steve poked his head into the room to find Pe ña alone for the first time in the day. He went in and sat next to him, both giving a nod to acknowledge each other. “The doctor says you’re going to be okay.”

“I heard.” Silence settled between them, filled with unsaid things. Eventually, it became too much for Steve to bear.

“Thank you for looking after Connie, I owe you one.” Javier stared at him, a frown forming between his eyebrows, a mix of confusion and sadness.

“She’s my friend,” he stated. “Of course, I would look after her.”

Steve nodded again. There were more things that he wanted to say, but he was not sure about how to approach them. However, when he started talking, the words poured out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“Look man, I’m sorry. I should have never sent you to get her, this is all my fault. What happened to you and to her, it’s my fault. I should never have lost my temper on the phone, I made things so much worse.”

“It’s not your fault, it’s mine,” Javier admitted, closing his eyes. “If I hadn’t angered the Casta ñ os then most of this would never have happened.”

Steve placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault Javi.”

Neither of them seemed convinced by the other’s words yet both nodded as if trying to accept that they shouldn't be blamed for what happened. 

“Think you can get me a smoke?” Javier said after a while, half teasing, half serious.

Steve smiled. “Get some rest Javi.”

After the hospital

“I can work.” Javier tried to argue the decision once again, even if deep down he knew the ambassador had made the right choice.

“You need to take a break and get better Pe ñ a,” the ambassador stated once again, leaving no room left for discussion. “Your job will be waiting for you here if you decide to come back.” 

“Alright.” 

He went out of the office to meet his father who was waiting outside. “I’m going to Laredo with you for a while,” he informed him, not daring to look him in the eyes. Colombia had been his greatest project, the thing he had dedicated his whole life to for the last couple of years. And now all of that was gone. He had to go back home with nothing to show for the time he was away.

“It’s okay son, I’ll help you pack.”

/

“Are you sure it’s this way?” Steve asked as he drove along the highway, unable to spot any of the places Connie had described.

“No,” Connie sighed and looked around trying to spot anything familiar. “But we need to try.” She needed to find the family that helped her, she needed to thank them. 

With each minute that passed her hope grew dimmer and dimmer, maybe she would never find them. Given the condition she had been in that day, her memories were a little fuzzy on the edges. However, just as she was about to give up, she spotted the bus stop that the boy had taken her to. “It’s there!”

They parked the car on the side of the highway and started climbing towards the little house. The two kids were playing outside and the moment they showed up the girl ran to hide in the house but the older boy recognized Connie and approached her with a smile, although it was easy to tell he was a little wary of the man next to her. “Hello, remember me?” Connie asked with the friendliest smile she could muster.

“Hello.”

“This is my husband Steve.” Steve nodded to the kid who chose to ignore him and focused his attention back on Connie. “Is your grandmother here?”

The kid nodded and motioned for them to follow. The old lady was cooking lunch and received them with a smile. After a long hug and introducing Steve, he took out a bunch of money from his pocket and handed it to the woman. 

“No puedo aceptar esto.” The kid translated the words to let them know his grandmother could not accept what was being given to her.

“Por favor.” Connie took the money from Steve and placed it in the other woman’s hands. “You helped me, now let me help you.”

“Okay, pero tienen que quedarse para el almuerzo.” Okay, but you are staying for lunch.

/

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Connie asked Chucho for the thousandth time.

“Of course mi niña, I’ll pick you both up from the airport in a week.” 

Connie hugged Chucho and then Javier. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Take care.” 

She took Steve’s hand and walked away to find the gate where her flight to Florida would leave from.

/

Connie kept tossing and turning on the bed. She knew this would be a sleepless night and that there was no use in fighting it. So instead she got up and walked to the room next to hers to check on Olivia. The little girl was sleeping peacefully in her crib, unaware of the demons that haunted her mother. Chucho had gone out of his way to make sure they were both comfortable in the ranch. He had assembled what once had been Javier’s crib, and had also insisted on buying toys and decorating the room for her kid, even though Connie had repeated over and over again that she didn’t know how long they were staying. 

“It doesn’t matter mija, you’re family now.” He had said while bouncing Olivia in his arms. “It’s her home, and yours too.”

Connie smiled both at the memory and at her sleeping child and went downstairs to grab a glass of water. Perhaps that would help her settle down. But as she arrived at the kitchen she saw movement on the porch. Her heart skipped a beat at the strange figure until a cigarette lighted the place momentarily to reveal none other than Javier.

She softly knocked on the door, since they were both very jumpy still it was better to announce their presence to each other, especially in the middle of the night. Javier let out a small smile upon seeing her. With a sigh, Connie sat on the stairs, prompting him to do the same next to her. 

“Couldn’t sleep either?” Javier asked. A poor attempt at filling the silence that seemed all-encompassing. 

“Couldn't you?”

In the couple of months they had been living together, they had never discussed what happened back in Colombia, neither wanting to share the burden with the other, less they added to their problems. They both decided to suffer in silence. Until tonight when it became too quiet and life became too heavy to bear alone. Perhaps seeking comfort in each other was not a bad thing.

“Most nights when I close my eyes my mind takes me back,” Connie admitted. “And I can’t go back Javi, I can’t.”

“I don’t sleep because I fear that when I open my eyes we’ll be back there, the two of us,” he confessed in turn.

“Are we ever gonna be back to being the people we were before everything happened?”

“No.” He stayed silent, searching for the right words to tell her. But when talking about such a topic, there are no right or wrong words, just words. “All that happened back there changed us, whether for good or for bad it changed who we were. And we have to learn to live with that change or it will kill us.” He looked to his side to see Connie taking in his words. “But we’ll get there, I promise. We have each other, and we have my dad and Olivia. We’ll be okay because we’re not alone.”

Connie leaned into his shoulder and they stayed like that for a long while until quick footsteps brought their attention back to the house.

“Olivia was asking about you,” Chucho said from a distance, sounding a little out of air as he tried to catch up to the girl. Olivia ran through the entrance towards Javi, who managed to turn just in time to catch her as she jumped onto his arms with a happy squeal. “Tío Javi!” 

“Hey, Princesa. What happened?”

“I’m hungry,” she said, looking between him and Connie. 

“Some milk with cereal will help with that. If it’s okay with your mom of course,” Javi said as he stood up with the kid still in his arms. 

“I think that sounds like a perfect plan, but then back to bed.” Olivia giggled at her mom’s response.

“And a story too!” The little girl demanded.

“Of course and a story,” Connie conceded. “I’m sure your Uncle Javier will know plenty, especially princess ones.”

Javier looked at her with an expression that cried really? But he turned to the kid and tickled her. “I’ll tell you the best story ever.” 

Connie stood up too and placed a kiss on Javier’s cheek as she headed inside. “You were right, we are going to be okay.”

[bobgoesw00t]

Top 10 Video Games of All Time: bobgoesw00t Edition

OK, I’m officially gonna start listing my Top 10 Video Games of All Time now and I’m starting off with the only game from my original Top 5 that has survived the cut: Star Ocean Till the End of Time

Now I should mention something real quickly and it’s the following: I’ve played this game MULTIPLE TIMES, cleared the story at least 3-4 times, and only one of those clears was done without the use of an Action Replay… I know that’s rather sad but the first time I got to the Moon Base, without using it, that god damn Reclaimer FUCKED ME UP SO HARD that I ended up resorting to using the, “Max EXP” cheat on the entire party.

When they released the HD Remaster of the game on the PS4, I knew that I would have to play smarter (no Action Replay will do that to you), once I got that far and I was actually able to beat her on the first try somehow…I think. ANYWAYS, what I’m trying to say is that this game is one of my three favorite JRPGs from the PS2 (one of those is in my Top 5 right now) and no matter how many times I boot the game up and start from the beginning I have a blast. The story is awesome, the graphics hold up surprisingly well in the HD Remaster (at least IMO), combat is fun and challenging at times, and the cast of characters is phenomenal (hell, my top Star Ocean OTP is from this game and they are SO CUTE AND FLUFFY AO;SDGHASOLGJAPO;STGIJLAGPO…it’s Fayt x Albel/FayBel in case your wondering). I even think the big plot twist is awesome, given how it re-frames the ENTIRE series, even with the games that got released after it. I know one of the people who work on the series said that The Last Hope takes place in an alternate timeline, but I call bullshit on that.

That’s cause if we factor in the information that the Universe as Edge and the party know it is actually a giant MMOesque creation, we can come to the logical conclusion that the Missing Procedure is a bug or virus of some kind in the Eternal Sphere that had the potential to crash the entire system. As for the impact it has on Integrity and Faithlessness, along with The Divine Force, that is a conversation for another day.

I also like how in order to get enough Battle Trophies to unlock all of the bonus content, you actually have to play through the story multiple times with different party configurations when it comes to the optional characters. You’ve got Nel, Rodger, Albel and Peppita and which ever characters you don’t pick end up becoming bosses in the Urssa Cave Temple, and you get Battle Trophies for defeating the different configurations.

I only really have two complaints to talk about but both are pretty minor for me. The first one is the lack of a “Synopsis” section in the Info part of the Camp Menu, someplace where you can look up what’s happened so far and easily figure out where to go next. If you’re like me and you’ve taken a long break from the story, chances are you won’t remember what the current objective is the only way to figure that out is to run around like a chicken with your head cut off hoping for a cutscene to trigger…which sometimes can lead into a Boss Fight that you might be under prepared for. Thankfully they added that into the next game and this is no longer an issue but it’s still a pain in the ass to have this happen.

The other complaint is the MASSIVE difficulty spike at some points in the game. The only places I can think of when this happens is when you stop the Vendeeni from getting the Sacred Orb, the start of the second disc (or the equivilant part in the HD Remaster), and when you reach a certain level in the post-game part of Sphere 211. If you have any party members that are under-leveled, the enemies here will FUCK THEM UP. But even with properly leveled characters, one wrong move will wipe them from the battle.

And that’s all I have for gripes with this game, nothing really game breaking, and once you get a grip on the tougher enemies in the main story, it becomes a breeze to get past them and move on with the plot. Great gameplay, good cast of characters, music by the BADASS Motoi Sakuraba and a theme song from the Japanese Artist renown not just for being the first J-R&B star, but also sung the Japanese National Anthem at the Tokyo Games Opening Ceremony, MISIA. Her song, “A Little Bird Who Forgot How to Fly” is GORGEOUS and I almost ball my eyes out during the ending credits every time when it starts playing.

SO for my score of Star Ocean Till the End of Time, I’m going to follow in the steps of X-Play, use their scoring system and give this JRPG a 5/5.

Lastly for my Honorable Mentions today, I’m highlighting:

Forza Horizon 3 - the racing game that got my into not only the Forza franchise in general, but also introduced me to the music of CHVRCHΞS. Even the the next Horizon game wasn’t able to top this one for me, no matter how good it was.

Tales of Xillia/Xillia 2 - I’m doing a two for one deal this time only cause I feel like you can’t talk about one game without mentioning the other. Both games are awesome, both have their merits and flaws (not many of them to be honest though) and both have my favorite theme songs in the franchise from the Queen of J-Pop, Ayumi Hamasaki.

I’ll be giving more a in-depth reviews of these games sometime next year so that’s all for today! Keep your eyes peeled for when I post the next entry in this series and I hope you all continue to have a wonderful holiday season.

[chrisevansdaughter]

This is just a random thing… I’ve seen you mention migraines often and I wanted to know more about that in a way

I know everybody is different but I’m willing to try anything! For future references. What usually helps with your migraines? Are they caused by anything particular that you know of? (If you are willing to share)

I get migraines every once in awhile not always bad enough to be considered what I describe below but sometimes a little more than your average headache (don’t know what they are from)

But regardless last night I had my worst one yet and it’s still somewhat there just not as bad as it was but still hard to ignore. I felt weak in a way, warm and clammy, a little nauseated, dizzy when I stood up, vision a little fuzzy, exhausted, confused, and every little thing was almost overstimulating me. I was only able to fall asleep after some excedrin and finally having to resort to laying on my cold tile bathroom floor in complete darkness and silence..

To make matters worse I’m pretty positive I have emetophobia so I was also trying so hard not to throw up bc that would have made everything so much worse for me and I was already crying bc I was in so much pain and scared bc I was nauseous

:/

Hey love, I hope you’re feeling better than you were. Don’t see this as random it’s absolutely fine to ask about this, even though it is different for everyone. Personally I have two main types of headaches which are tension headaches behind my eyes and at the base of my neck and migraines which usually go either both sides of my head the back of my eyes anyway really.

As for the cause of my migraines I have had multiple operations and other medical procedures in my life most of them were just after I was born due to having hydrocephalus when I was a baby after birth because there are 3 different types which are explained in the link, it’s basically in short excess spinal fluid on the brain. I had a procedure when I was about 3 weeks old to evacuate all of the excess fluid and got away with minimal complications, up until I was about 4 years old, I had experienced seizures some of which did land me in hospital but when I was 5 I was released from being under review from a neurologist and since then I’ve had no problems except from all these headaches that we’ve just put down to this, and I just call it a lasting effect from it but it’s better than what I could’ve been left with which I’m greatly appreciative of. I also had an eye surgery too on both of my eyes and that causes bad headaches behind the eyes and my really bad dry eyes too.

I personally leave the causes of my migraines and headaches down to those medical problems and procedures. Stress does affect them too for me if I get too stressed over a good amount of time I can be left with an excruciating migraine for a couple of days which is one of those you have to just wait out cocooned in bed, and that’s if my body wants to regulate it’s body temperature.

As for what works for me to relive them, it was hit and miss for a while. These products are all available in the uk so I don’t know if there is different varieties of these products in your country or not but this is what works for me for a tension headache.

I’ve found the versions of these products for the us if this helps :)

-> Pressure point message

-> Kool & soothe soft gel sheets for your forehead or neck

-> tension headache pain relief

-> migraine headache pain relief

-> any type of electrolyte replacement

Ice pops premixed electrolytes

Anti nausea medication is a lifesaver sometimes if you can get ahold of it though your pharmacist, i know i can get it over the counter without prescription but I don’t know how it works for anyone else outside the uk

Ice packs or hot packs you’ll find what works for you personally they both work for me depending on what type of headache it is.

Other than that if you can sleeping it off if your body will be kind enough to let you, but other than that’s about all that I can think of that helps me out when my body is against me :)

Lovey I hope you’re feeling better, I definitely know where your coming from with that description of your migraine so I’m sending all of my hugs and big loves your way and if you need or want to ask anything else please message 🫶🏻

[tamagotchiabortion]

TW: mention of pet death, animal abuse, abusive household

Seeking advice on how to rescue my cats from my neglectful parents care

Two years ago I escaped from the abusive household I grew up in and moved to a different city and started learning how to live with all this newfound freedom. In the home I grew up in, we had multiple cats over the years and two out of the total four passed away when I was a child, Lola was very young and had very recently given birth to 5 kittens but one day I was the first to wake up in the house and snuck downstairs to go say hi to her and the kittens but as I went to give her a pet I realised something was wrong. I was told by my dad that she had been hit by a car whilst outside, must have gotten back home and then succumbed to injuries. My parents sold 4 out of the 5 kittens but let me keep one of them I think because they felt bad enough for me because of Lola's unexpected passing. I named the little kitten Timi and with the help of our other older cat Saphire raised her myself and treated her as my own baby. I am autistic and my biggest autistic special interest is cats, I spent my childhood quite isolated from people so I always felt closer to cats than people growing up. A few years after Timi was born, one of my mums friend entrusted her to look after her pregnant cat whilst she went on holiday. In classic fashion, my mum ignored my advice on how to help a new cat, especially a pregnant one, settle in a new home, and she insisted on letting her go outside in the garden as she pleased. Unsurprisingly, the cat ran away and for almost the entire two weeks she was meant to stay with us we tried to look for her but she was nowhere to be found. My mum had not told her friend of this and believed she would eventually be found before her friend returned from her holiday. By some miracle the cat came back to our house one day, but she wasn't pregnant anymore, and there were no kittens around to be seen. Again I went around the entire neighbourhood and every building looking for an unknown amount of newborn kittens. It was such a big relief when the very next day the mum cat (who my mum had let outside again) brought one of her kittens to our doorstep, and proceeded to over the next week brought back 4 kittens. By this point my mums friend was returning and came back to pick up her cat, to which my mum chose not to tell her anything of what transpired. The cat and her four kittens went back to their home, and when we thought that would be the end of the whole thing, a few days later my parents house was visited by the owner of the pub that was right next door to the house. They had found a newborn black kitten under the floorboards of the pub garden's decking when some of their guests reported hearing the cries of a kitten coming from the floor. They had seen the missing cat posters and as they were acquainted with my parents already knew she had to be ours. I don't remember if my mum told her friend about the last kitten, but all I know is the new kitten was now ours and I had a new kitten to look after. I named her Loulou and introduced her to Saphir and Timi who happily accepted her. Its been around ten years now since then, and I have my own life in my city with my own flat which I rent together with my amazing partner. My Saphir passed away 6 years ago now of cancer. My parents chose to not get him the surgery he needed, not for lack of funds (they are millionaires) but chose instead to have him put down. This all happened in the span of a week, them taking him to the vets and carrying out the procedure, and it happened to be the week that I was away with friends on a trip. They didn't inform me until days later when I came back home and couldn't find him anywhere, to which they casually said "oh yeah didn't we tell you?" And to say the least I was in shock.

Timi and Loulou are still living at the house, and I have concerns about neglect. For one, my mother is an emotionally unstable, alcoholic, narcissist with anger issues and access to all my millionaire dad's money. She hates the cats and will yell at them, chase them out of the house and scare them when she feels angry at them for exhibiting just normal cat behaviour. She has banned them from being able to roam and sleep in any part of the house apart from the garden and kitchen. When I was living there every night I would sneak them into my room so they could sleep with me, and I'd sneak them back down in the morning, but since ive been gone they have been restricted to just garden/kitchen. Every attempt i have made to buy them things she has thrown away because it doesn't go with the "aesthetic" of the kitchen, including toys, cat beds, cat trees, scratchers. They have no choice but to sleep on the hard floor or the chairs but she yells at them if they go on the chairs. After I moved out and stopped talking to my mum she impulsively bought herself a golden retriever puppy she proudly stated was her "new child" she got to replace me. With her dog, she cooks him fresh dog meals from scratch and has pampered him loads with toys, beds, accessories, treats, which is very good and I'm glad for the dog that he is being treated well, but it makes her hatred and neglect of the cats all the much worse because it proved to me its not that she's inadequate and doesn't know how to care for pets it's that she never cared enough to bother. The cats hate the dog, he is ten times their size and energy levels, and Loulou is especially anxious and afraid of dogs. They will stay put in the garden eveb when it's cold and raining to avoid the dog, and the dog is allowed to wonder in all rooms of the house but the cats aren't.

For the last year, my mum has been living in France with her dog which I'm glad that the cats were given a break. But the next problem is that the cats, who are both elderly now and I can tell have achy joints, are left on their own all day. My dad and sister who live at the house work all day and have openly told me all about how they can go for weeks without even petting the cats and apart from filling their food bowl once a day, don't interact with them at all.

Timi and Loulou have also, I don't think by coincidence, started fighting. Specifically, Timi will randomly pounce on Loulou and viciously try to bite her. In the rare times I get to go visit them, it is obvious to me that they are psychologically suffering from the isolation as they love human attention and interaction and can never get enough of it. To know they are being ignored for weeks on end, and with their bodies getting older I feel that they really need day to day care and attention, to help them feel at ease and safe, to feel loved and to also have supervision and help to figure out the fighting issues, i think they are also lacking stimulation. I have a safe home that would be a good environment for them, I have no personal garden but they have stopped exploring outdoors and only go to use the toilet. I have tried convincing my family to let me take then to my flat, my sister agrees with the idea and my dad says he's not against it but has to go with what my mum wants. My mum says I will never have them, but I believe she is spiteful because I have relinquished her control over me. I don't see the point in the cats staying living in a house where they get zero human interaction, barely receive an adequate diet, no comfort or stimulation or enrichment and they are clearly to me in pain, stressed and taking that stress out on each other.

Thank you for taking the time to hear my cats stories, I feel at a loss of what to do as I am afraid if I take the cats without my mother's consent that she will get police involved and try me for theft. If you have any advice for me I would really appreciate it.

[hellofanidea]

oh PLEASE tell me teddy an leyendecker is baout teddy being a model for him PLEASE the implications of that

but pls hit me with the inception AU Please

sorry for the typos i am 2 comsopolitans in and very drunk i went thru this 5 times to amke sure it make ssense

Sam I love you, have fun, stay safe!

And I WISH 'Teddy and Leyendecker' was about the actual guy but I'm afraid I was simply thinking about him when I needed to name this doc. It's more about Teddy being compared to a Leyendecker. It's also about him being a nerd and reciting Whitman at Arthur and Natalie when they go to visit. I'll put an excerpt and the Inception AU under a readmore.

“I too many and many a time cross’d the river of old,” Teddy sighed with a smile. “Whitman?” Arthur turned to Natalie. “It’s usually Whitman.” Teddy clicked his tongue in disapproval. “You absolutely ought to know that by now. Did I teach you nothing?” He chided. Now picking up an eyebrow pencil, he cleared his throat and started to recite again, in earnest: “I too had receiv’d identity by my body, That I was I knew was of my body, and what I should be I knew I should be of my body.” “Yeah, yeah, real clever,” Arthur conceded.

THE INCEPTION AU(s). Oh boy. I have two versions of this with two different casts (in the same draft file because I'm messy like that). There is, of course, the Webgott AU we discussed, with Joe spiraling out of control as Shade!Web infiltrates his dreamscape. The slightly less dramatic and slightly more procedural fic that is focused on a crew doing multiple unrelated jobs is the one with our OCs in it. Since it's you (...and its the one I have the most written for), that's the one I'll share a bit of.

"What were you even playing with?" Arthur asked, curiosity briefly winning out over suffering. "Longevity?" "Intensity," Toye admitted, becoming slightly more animated as he talked about his work. "One of our biggest problems is a target realizing they're in a dream. I figure there has to be a way to adjust the drug to make it more vivid, or at least keep their minds too busy to make the connection." Well. That would explain- No. Compartmentalization. That was how this worked. "Huh," Arthur said, letting himself sound impressed. "Certainly make my job easier." Something flickered on Toye's stony face, a barely perceptible twitch up at the corner of his mouth. Just in that fraction of a second he almost looked like Arthur's Joe, and the memory of his smile hit him like a haymaker. Then it was gone, and Toye was straightening up, looking concernedly over Arthur's shoulder before stepping away. Arthur turned, and saw what chased him off. Natalie looked like she was one wrong word from blowing a gasket. He opened his mouth, then quickly snapped it shut. "What the hell are you playing at?" She hissed. It seemed like a rhetorical question, so Arthur fought to keep quiet. "Are you tryin' to get us thrown off this crew?" That was less rhetorical, and Arthur made an indignant noise. "Hey, it's not-" "Do not turn up hungover again," Natalie snapped. When Arthur opened his mouth again, she leaned in real close. "From booze or the machine." That was enough to shut Arthur up properly, and he watched her storm over to Winters with a building sense of guilt and dread.

[breatheeasy808]

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

One thing I learned from briefly being in the Boy Scouts of America when I was in early high school was to always be prepared. Of course, day to day circumstances can require a different set of items to be fully equipped and prepared to handle whatever might come your way, whether spontaneous or otherwise. I also sometimes find myself in situations where I wish I had brought a specific item that I own, regretting that I decided to forego it for the day—what is the point of owning the object if you did not bring it when you needed it the most? That being said, I find usually myself prepared for 80% of everyday situations given my routine and schedule when I am on the go. What I bring in my bags—shoulder bag, tote bag, small sling bag—also differs from my EDC (every day carry).

On any given day, my EDC and the contents of my bag are as follows:

Hydroflask—Always have to stay hydrated wherever I go.

Daily transplant medications—Since I have to take a small truckload of medications multiple times a day, both with and without food, I bring my daily supply with me whenever I leave the house to not miss a dose.

Film camera—Although I bring out the camera mostly to intentionally photograph more out of the ordinary occasions with friends in memorable, aesthetic, and unfamiliar parts of town, I still like having the camera on hand if something unusual catches my eye when I am randomly out in public, such as a beautiful vintage car, some exquisite architecture, or a sidewalk story that is just waiting to be photographed. I also carry an extra roll of film if I happen to be low on shots on the one that is currently loaded into the camera.

Pocket knife—My father gifted me a Ken Onion knife that he received from one of his tactical-minded dental patients, and there is a sense of security and utility I have whenever I carry it with me. I am fortunate that I have not had to resort to using it under any scenarios of imminent danger so far, so it is usually relegated to cutting open cardboard boxes, slicing fruit on a hike, or cutting stray threads from my clothes. Even if I do not need it for most daily errands, it is better to have it and not need it, than to somehow need it and not have it.

Music-listening device—Could be headphones, earbuds, or my portable speaker depending on the day. Music is essential when I am on the go, and it is never a bad idea to have the option of turning on some jams either in private or for a group of people at a moment's notice.

Hand sanitizer—Even before covid paranoia swept the world, I liked to carry a small container of hand sanitizer, especially useful prior to and after eating any messy foods.

Band-aid—I do not carry a full first aid kit but a bandage can be a multi-faceted object to cover the small hole in my neck from my trach-tube if I do not want to draw attention to it in public, or to bandage a small to medium sized emergency wound.

Beer coozie—These small, lightweight insulating beverage sleeves not only prevent your fingers from getting cold while drinking an icy beverage but also prevent your beverage from prematurely cooling down from the heat of your hand.

Face mask—I normally do not like to wear masks when I am out and about, but there are situations when I have no choice, usually for any type of hospital visit for labs, clinic appointments, or various medical procedures.

Watch—One essential for my EDC is an appropriate time piece. I wear a casual everyday watch with a canvas NATO strap that goes with most outfits, a sports-watch for any athletic and outdoor activities, and a brown leather dress watch when I really want to dress up. Watches are a more put-together way to check the time without always having to drag out your phone from your pocket, which could be deemed inefficient and unprofessional in some contexts. Plus it is one accessory or piece of masculine jewelry that can instantly upgrade any outfit when paired with the right apparel.

Sunglasses—I feel naked without a good pair of shades in my EDC rotation, especially while driving around during the day. Like my watches, I have a pair of everyday sunglasses and one that are more optimized for casual outfits and outdoor activities.

Wallet, Phone, Keys—Self-explanatory.