#there’s a bug in mh apartment and i hate it so much

[piranha-shan]

Theron’s afraid of bugs now because I said so.

[creepynoodleheadcannons]

Because I saw you posting about wanting MH asks— I ADORE enemies to lovers so,,,, can you maybe outline that with Alex Kralie?

Whatever you want to write, I’d love to see. Thanks in advance, love bug

ᵉˡˢⁱᵉ ⁱ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ᶜᵒᵐᵐⁱᵗ ʰᵉⁱⁿᵒᵘˢ ᶜʳⁱᵐᵉˢ ⁱᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ʷᵃⁿᵗᵉᵈ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ᶜᵒᵐᵐⁱᵗᵗᵉᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃʳᵉ ᵐʸ ᶠᵃᵛᵒʳⁱᵗᵉ

Alex Kralie Enemies to Lovers

warnings: hate sex, cheating, alex warnings

okay

SO

as we all know, i’m the resident alex hater

but so are you

he’s an insufferable, babbling, demanding moron you happened to get stuck with for this bullshit student film

even the title (that he came up with) made you irrationally angry

him and his stupid ass buddies took up most of your time, always talking over you and leaving you with grunt work and ignoring your input

but not by their own choice

because alex demanded that they do so

“they’re an intern, treat them as such”

“…normally?”

“with little to no respect and absolutely no dignity, tim.”

he’s the fucking worst

it all comes to a head when the project starts going south

footage is corrupt and unusable, tapes go missing, the camera battery seems to keep dying, tim won’t stop fucking coughing, and alex is screaming much more than usual

and somehow, astrologically or by divine intervention, it is all your fault.

alex hardly lets you out of his sight, filming you constantly. he doesn’t even bother to come up with a stupid excuse as to why

“because i said so, Y/N.”

you finally gather up the courage to call him on it when he demands you come to his apartment when amy isn’t home, hanging up before you can say you’d rather not

you hardly get a foot in the door before he starts screaming

he rants and raves for a solid twenty minutes about how sketchy and untrustworthy you’ve been, how he never should have trusted you, how you’re an insufferable ass and he should’ve kicked your ass when he had the chance, how you need to fuck far, far off before the next day, project be damned, or he’d make sure you’d stay away

it takes every ounce of restraint you have to not kick his head clean off

you don’t even try to hold back the vile rant on how horrid he’s been lately. you dig at every single thing he’s done and have no regard for his feelings. you hit him in any way you know will hurt, fists clenched and face cherry red as you gasped between exclamations

it’s mid-rant when you notice it

his chest heaving, glasses askew and roughly framing his venom-filled eyes, hair slicked back with the slightest bit of sweat from the exertion of yelling at you

and you can’t help the small choke that comes as a result

he notices.

you both stop your screaming, letting the tension tighten. the air stood stiff. you felt every nerve light up.

you don’t even resist when he grabs a fistful of your hair and shoves your face onto his

he kisses you with no passion whatsoever. it’s pure hunger

he kisses you like a starved man, desperate for an ounce of meat

he paws at you with his chewed nails, settling into the tension as his jeans tightened

you returned the effort, heat dripping from your core and pooling in your panties

you obliged when he swept you up harshly, all but shoving you into the couch and tearing through layers, dipping a hand into your heat

you tried to stop yourself twice, three times even.

this was his and amy’s home. their couch. her partner. your enemy.

and yet here he way, shoving his hips forward so you could get a better grip on his zipper

“not gonna warm me up, alex?”

“as if a slut like you even needs it.”

he fucks you hard and fast. he hardly even looks at you. all you can feel is his hands palming your curves and cock slamming into your cervix with no remorse to be found

thankfully, that sweet picture of amy on the table falls from the force of him pounding you into the couch

[sweettodo]

Animals ⟿ Levi Ackerman x fem!reader

Includes : cockwarming, smut, swearing, riding, slight praise.

Word count : 1,8k

An, ik this is short. But I’m down bad yall. I am so dick deprevied it is just sad. ANYWAYS. Also I couldn’t think of a good title bc this is just smut w no plot??

Levi was not the one for pda, quite the opposite- no surprise there; he hated kissy couples who laid all over each other like idiots. It was really disappointing when you were more or less ignored besides meal time throughout the day, where in the dining hall we would be able to have some conversation.

You sat across from him at dinner, the smoldering heat from the summer evening which kept you all from wearing your normal uniforms, you wore a white tank top with some random shorts while Levi looked incredibly sculpted, his pecs and abs filling out a tight-ish short sleeve shirt, sweat slightly sticking to his arms, restricting, that- that tight...

“Oi, staring much?” My gaze snaps back to his dark eyes, deadpan face and all. You smirk and roll your eyes, his eyes fell deep into yours; he bit his tongue in anticipation of what you were planning next.

“Sorry, Captain.” You drag, with that slight whiney undertone you purposely allowed to slip from your lips. he scowled at you, obviously irritated at your childish behavior, you playfully kick him under the table, Hange eyes you from the corner of her eyes, smile planted on her face. Everyone knew you rarely called Levi ‘Captain’ and the only time you did was- quite frankly- in the bedroom.

She turns to face Levi, her smile only growing when she sees how irritated he looked, “why the pout ‘Captain?’” She laughs teasingly, patting his shoulder. It was all fun and games until you don’t expect the sharp kick into your calf, you jerk backwards and wince, followed by a hiss and you stand, your legs hopping over the bench and as you pass Levi, you feel his eyes burn holes into your backside. Steering yourself across the halls and finally down to Levi’s office with the adjoining bedroom, sneaking into the office; making sure no one saw, you close the door behind you in excitement; your stomach giddy knowing you did a sufficient job planting a little bug in Levi’s ear; enough to get the ball rolling.

One thing no one knew, a surprising fact that left you baffled the first time you had heard it; Levi was a switch. At least when he felt like it. It came in handy when he didn’t want to do any work.

He liked to watch you get yourself off and use him like a toy.

Slowly walking around his perfectly neat desk, the infamous Levi walks in, slamming the door behind him. While he stood there, you continue strolling around the wooden desk, fingers lightly trailing across the smooth finish of his desk, “do you think you’re subtle? Practically moaning my title in front of our peers?” He grits, walking over to his bedroom door, opening it and standing there waiting for me, “get on the bed. Now. This is what you wanted right? To piss me off enough?” I slyly walk by him, ignoring his tantrum, my fingers once again trailing across his immediate tensed stomach. He shuts the door behind him and watches you sit on the bed, legs hanging off the side.

It didn’t take long for the air to quickly become thick in the moderalty large room. Your neglected pussy throbbing at the idea that it was about to be packed to the fucking brim.

He slips off his shirt whilst standing in between your legs, you gulp and look up at him. Suddenly grabbing your jaw, a tight grip which you quickly realized he wasn’t going to make this any easier for yourself, “I’m gonna get on this bed, and you’re gonna ride me.” You blink innocently, incapable of nodding from his freakish Ackerman strength. He shoves you off his hand, your back hitting the bed, your hand raising to your jaw and rubbing the tenderness.

Unbuttoning his pants, kicking them off his thighs and propping himself against the rustic wood headboard, you slip off your top, followed by your shorts, you approach him to straddle him, starting to throw a leg over his waist.

But before you can do that...

Grabbing ahold of your hips, he begins manhandling you, turning you around to reverse him, “that’s unfair.” You pout, his hands dragging up and down your thighs, applying a loud slap against your right ass cheek, your cunt clenching as he slaps you again with his hard calloused hand.

“What’s unfair? What’s there to look at if you’re facing me?” He chuckles, you crane your head back to look at him, a smug look on his stupid face.

You bring yourself up and deciding to give yourself a little pleasure. You find yourself bringing your clothed heat against his hard cock, grinding.

This. This, for certain Levi could not resist, he allows you to give a little friction, knowing he wouldn’t allow it to go on for too long regardless, “I wanted to look at your face.” You hum, whining your hips slightly against him, his mouth falling dry.

“Tch, show me what you can do, yeah?” His hands massaging the small of your back, gripping and kneeding tightly as you sit up only a little, leaning down so you can snake your hand between your legs and releasing his dick from his boxers with one hand, he uses his two fingers to move your underwear to the side, adjusting so you can ride him.

Your hands grip his thighs, the curve to your back which he looked at, your shoulder blades rolling, fitting him into your cunt, your head moving almost erratically as he stuffs you, “so fucking wet, how long have you been like this princess? I fucking love it.” He praises, his hands still helping you up and down still at a slow pace.

“All day Levi.” You admit, he lets out a little ‘hm’ in response, he was just so fixated on the way your hips and thighs moved while on top of his slightly sweaty body; the sound of skin sticking together was echoing throughout the bedroom.

His hand lingering up your spine, reaching for your hair, his fingers entangling into your roots, grabbing hard and yanking your light headed - head back, he sits up and brings his head right to the crook of your shoulder, you stop thrusting yourself up and down momentarily, “I love it when you sit pretty on my cock like this, mh’ could be like this all fucking night.”

You can only wimped in response, walls uncontrollably flexing and twitching around his cock which sat nested in you for what felt like forever, with his hand still in your hair, he used his free one to weave around to your front, slipping into your underwear, you gasped and cried out, panting like a fucking dog as he plants firm and pressurized circular motions around your clit.

You couldn’t move; body being help down on his dick, you couldn’t even squirm underneath him, “Such a feign for my cock aren’t you? Tell me what you want.” You could’ve cum right then and there.

“Bend me over.” You begged, he picks up the pace of his three fingers which spun crazily around your bud, his fingers becoming soaked. He completely ignored you, “fuck! Levi!” You wail, your pussy twitching, eyes rolling back, still restrained over his hard on. Thighs twitching as you feel the slick of your cum bathing Levi’s already drenched cock. His fingers had slowed tremendously, working you through your first orgasm, he releases his fist from your hair and your weak neck drops down and you breathe, you wanted him to fuck you now.

“You better not move. I’ll fuck you when I’m ready.” He growls, feeling you attempt to lift your hips back up for any type of thrust; which he stopped.

His hand leaves your slit, you groan in frustration, “Captain, please bend me over.” You whine and plead once again.

This time it works, he quickly pulls out and pushes you onto your elbows, he gets on his knees, lightly slapping your shoulder, motioning you to turn your face towards the head frame as he stood perched behind you; your head in the pillows as he kicks open your legs with his knee, pushing down against your hips so he could look at your throbbing pink pussy, screaming to be fucked.

“I shouldn’t even be touching you right now.” He grits, angling himself against your cunt, sliding back in, it truly stung, the time he spent sitting inside you only heightened those nerves, they exploded when they came into contact. “Annoying me like that? You think you deserve this?” He insults, contradicting his words with his slow thrusts, crying into the pillow, his tight grip which held your legs in place, he’s pulling your hips towards him; fucking you onto his dick.

“I-m sorry Levi.” You moan, he smacks your ass, the stinging sensation onto going straight to the most sensitive area. You were so close to releasing again; luckily for you Levi wasn’t they type to stop you. Loud moans being somewhat silenced by the pillows yet didn’t block all the sound. Levi, who is drilling your hips onto his, he stops and switches roles, him doing the pounding.

Levi’s hand grabs ahold of the headboard, watching you fall apart under him, arm and back flexing beautifully as your cum juiced down his cock. You were so fucking wet, wetting his thighs and your own from the skin to skin contact.

With one hand placed roughly on your back, the other on the headboard, he wastes no time gaining momentum and fucking you absolutely silly; fucking you till’ you were seeing stars when you closed your eyes.

Your weak hand reaches for his moving body and you keep it on top of your tail bone so you could touch his stomach as he thrusted back and forth into you, the tips of your fingers touching him was enough for you to orgasm.

Not to mention the headboard banging back into the wall as well- which neither of you paid any mind to-while he was assaulting the absolute fuck out of your cunt. Your tears and drool which have destroyed the pillow are no match for the amount of cum and sweat that both you and Levi had soaked the sheets with. You two fucked each other like animals, you two could be going all day and night if you didn’t need the sleep for the coming day.

Nor did he care about pulling out, not even warning you, or even himself for that matter- he’s catching himself unloading a thick load deep into your squeezing pussy. His grunts filling the room; followed by a repeated ramble of your name. You had lost count to how many times you had cum, which came to no shocker when it was Levi.

He stays inside you, his sputtering thrusts, he panted as he still kept you full and warm with his softening cock, not wanting to feel cold, stubborn about the fact he needed to stop fucking you at some point. People were bound to have heard the banging headboard and wailing, which you and Levi would be hearing about with the neighboring headroom and office... Hange’s room and office.

He finally slides out of you, entertained at the sight of his cock covered in slick. You lift your head up and throw yourself onto your back, whilst Levi is doing the same. He looked a mess, glistening with sweat, hair either sticking to his forehead or little pieces even clumped together; with his cheeks red, mouth slightly open with heavy breaths from his chest- he was a hot mess, but you didn’t even want to know what you looked like.

“Let me pee and we go again Captain Levi?” You tease, body perking up, he looks up at you and smirked, nodding and as you roll out of bed, he slaps you hard against your ass, you jump and scurry to the bathroom.

“We don’t have anything to do tomorrow anyways.” Levi mumbles as he stands up to follow you to the bathroom.

[dollsonmain]

Ok I went and pulled the MH out of the doll house to refamiliarize myself with the doll house, check for dead bugs (one cricket.... ew) and consider which dolls I might let go of (none?????? but I have to. The fewer things I have in the house, the less tied I am to it). This isn’t all of my Monster Highs. There’s a bald Neighthan who’s been promised to someone else, and IIRC the shoe holder I keep WIPs in but can’t see or get to anymore has a couple MH in it.

So there’s the doll house and my feeble attempts at leveling the floor by putting other things on them that straddle the sag. I don’t hate it, but it’s not nearly as cute as the new Rainbow High house.

Works excellently as a straight up display case, though, since there are no room dividers or anything in the way and the interiors aren’t distracting. Other than those supports on the front. Those are annoying.

These were also in the house on the bottom shelf. I have no idea which of the boxed dolls do or don’t have head glue.

Alright, these are no glues with exceptions. Most of these are CaM which are still my favorite gimmick of the entire franchise.

The pink circle are dolls that were rerooted or wigged. I don’t remember if they had glue or not. I’m pretty sure the Cupids did, but don’t remember at all if Viperine did.

Green circle are dolls that were treated for glue.

Orange circle has glue but it seems stable. Might be the “newer” white glue.

Toralei has a hair gel helmet so I can’t even check.

These are the yes glues. There’s a Lagoona cut off on the left side.

On the right are glueheads that would be difficult to treat.

Draculaura and Cleo have the metallic gold tinsel that falls apart in L.A.’s Totally Awesome, Venus has flocking which WILL come off in T.A., and both Skellita and Nefera are repainted so can’t be soaked without ruining their faceups.

While I was moving these around I realized I now have more than enough stands for every MH to have a black MH stand thanks to @cosmomoore​, and can at the very least make them all look more cohesive.

But I really need to let them go. It’s hard, though. Hunting for them gave me such joy. It was so much fun going out and looking for the newest release and finding it!

These also have glue head that needs treated, they were just too bulky to put on the shelf with the others. Peri’s and Pearl’s glue are stable.

I really can’t be bothered to treat all of these. Even Lagoonafire who has glue oozing down the sides of her face.

[zaph1337]

Monster Hunter Rating 13: Vespoid

There are a few things I dislike about the Spring season, but at the top of list? The ants and wasps come back. Freaking ants keep getting in my freaking house crawling in my freaking kitchen because they want my freaking food! But it could be worse; they could all be wasps. I despise having to live with those things around, even if I’ve only ever been stung once as a little kid (yellowjackets are on my sh*t list forever for that, by the way). But it could be worse; they could all be Vespoids.

(How it appears in Monster Hunter 1)

(How it appears in Monster Hunter Generations)

Appearance: Y’know, I really wish I could make out these guys’ faces better, but I can’t exactly do anything about that, so let’s go over the rest of them. Vespoids look like your average purple wasps that just happen to be four feet tall. Well, okay, not really. Real wasps don’t have three pairs of wings or barbed stingers (at least it looks like there’s a barb at the stinger’s base), nor do their stingers protrude that far out of their bodies at all times (and before anyone brings up ichneumon wasps, those are ovipositors that are used to bore into wood to lay eggs on/in things like grubs; they can’t be used like stingers). Other than the wings, color, and maybe the face, Vespoids look basically like you’d expect a giant wasp to look, but they’re just alien enough that they don’t really give me the same anxieties as looking at a wasp up-close would. 5/10.

Behavior: Like a lot of other wasps, Vespoids live in colonies with a Queen. Where are these colonies? Practically everywhere! Forests, jungles, swamps, deserts, volcanoes--for God’s sake, these things can even live in snowy areas no sweat, so you’re probably never safe from these things outside of a village! Apart from the Queen, Vespoids come in two varieties: the smaller, more fragile workers and the larger, more aggressive soldiers. The workers have the jobs you’d expect: tidying up the hive, taking care of the Queen and eggs, and gathering food. The soldiers, on the other hand, have one purpose: protect the Queen with their lives. Now, you would think that the wiki would have more data on these two varieties, but it doesn’t. I’ve even looked at the Vespoid Queen page to see if there was any mention of the Vespoids involved in her fight being different from the ones you normally encounter, but no dice. I guess there’s a reason this image is on every monster’s ecology page:

The Vespoids you see most often are the workers searching for food. As you’d expect from wasps, “food” basically means anything they can kill. If the prey is small, they’ll paralyze it with a sting or two and carry it back to the colony. If the prey is a biggun, multiple workers will sting it before cutting it into pieces that can be transported back to the colony. Ew. The workers are well-equipped to traveling great distances in search of food thanks to their lightweight bodies, which aren’t weighed down by their durable exoskeletons...I say “durable” because the wiki says “durable,” but these guys have the Hornetaur problem of “hit me and I shatter.” I’d cut them some slack by pointing out that the attacks they’re hit with are coming from powerful weapons which might not even kill them in one hit, or from even more powerful monsters, but those things are the norm for the wildlife of this world, so no slack will be cut for them. See previous comment about above image. Anyways, Vespoids can be so successful that their colonies can become too large to support, so when that happens, they’ll split the colony up into smaller colonies that are still relatively close to the main one, but are dispersed over a wider area. I don’t know if this is behavior seen in eusocial animals irl, but it’s pretty interesting. The Vespoids are basically a mix between ants and wasps in behavior, from what I can tell, which is...decent, I guess. They still kinda feel like the bare minimum you need to do to make a eusocial animal. The thought of a small procession of giant wasps carrying chunks of meat through the air is pretty morbid, though, and sometimes, that’s what counts. 6/10.

Abilities: What do you think these guys use to fight? Those stingers aren’t for show; they’re packing a payload of neurotoxin used to paralyze prey. Even though their attacks are more of a nuisance for hunters who are already in a battle than a substantial threat (which tells you just how much more powerful the humans of the MH world are than us), need I remind you that these things travel together? If they weren’t so easy to kill, they’d probably be as bad as some of the larger monsters you have to fight. But that’s all these guys have for an attack, which is basically what real wasps do (except, you know, it’s coming from a wasp that’s 4 feet long). 4/10.

Equipment: Unfortunately, all Vespoid weapons are recolors of Hornetaur weapons. This is likely because they were the first insectoid monsters in the series and many of their weapons use parts from both of them. For example, the Duals Blades known as the Insect Slicer are made by upgrading the Insector+ (which looks exactly like the Insector and the Insect Slicer) with both Hornetaur and Vespoid parts:

You can tell that these are more Hornetaur-themed based off the colors. But you can upgrade the Insect Slicer into the Alated Insect, which has a color scheme closer to Vespoids:

Though, honestly, Vespoids aren’t as shiny as Hornetaurs are, so this still doesn’t exactly look right. Another weapon that uses both Hornetaur and Vespoid parts is a Hunting Horn called the Sonic Glass:

Again, more Hornetaur than Vespoid. I didn’t show this off when I covered Hornetaurs because I wanted to stick to weapons which didn’t require parts from multiple specific monsters because I thought it would be harder to say which monster the weapon was based off of, but now that I think about it, that’s stupid. You can tell by looking at this that it’s themed after the Hornetaur. But the version of the Sonic Glass that appears in Monster Hunter World, the Sonic Horn, has a color scheme that’s much more like the Vespoid’s:

...look, it’s ugly, but I’ve mentioned before that I’ve been told Monster Hunter World has the worst weapon designs in the series. And before anyone asks why I’m not showing off the Glass Royale, that’s clearly based off the Vespoid Queen, not the regular ones. All right, now it’s time for the armor to just be the Hornetaur armor recolored.

Oh. They’re actually different. Didn’t expect that. Well, they’re very...pointy. Seriously, there are spikes all over these things. And the female set’s helmet looks like a bug’s head, and knowing Monster Hunter, it’s probably real. Ew. I definitely like the Hornetaur Armor better than this, ‘cause it’s just...kinda dull and ugly. The colors don’t do a lot for it. I hate how every Vespoid weapon is either a recolor or closer to the Hornetaur in terms of theme, and the armor, while unique, is unappealing. At least the raptors had some unique weapons, even though they had basically the same armor. The Hornetaur weapons offer a lot in terms of design, but I feel like I have to give this a low score on principle. 4/10.

Final Thoughts and Tally: Look, when I said that this was “definitely gonna be more interesting” than the Velociprey, that was because I didn’t know how plain and unoriginal the Vespoids were. I just saw “giant bug” and thought it would be cool. Don’t blame me for that! Well, good news is, the next monster has to be more interesting than the Vespoid, for reasons that you’ll see when I get to it...or if you wanna go to the Monster List on the wiki yourself, but that’s called “spoiling.” 4/10.

[jenny-kirk]

Story Time with Jenny: Swimming

That one time Micah agreed to have a splash about. When I got things wrong.

(Sad-Fluff- blueballs Micah)

The supply wagon, practically falling apart from overuse, creaked below the boots of those offloading it.

“Careful you don’t break your back there grandad,” Jenny mocked towards a disgruntled Pearson, recognising the humour within the girl’s comments although not sharing in its effects in the slightest.

That was usually the way it was these days. Banter, mock comments and the odd flirtation were all in good humour, although not always seen as such by others.

Davey on the other hand received only flirtatious looks as Jenny deliberately bent over when picking up crate after crate, revelling in her ability to fluster him while brushing off his advances.

Placing the final crate upon the food wagon’s flimsy table, Jenny observed the numerous preserved goods, canned and sealed for storage. Beans, Peaches, Strawberries and some rather suspicious looking pickled eggs among the haul. Yuck.

Blackwater was a far more beautiful sight, laying lazily across the horizon. Jenny had decided as much merely upon her first venture through the town despite its ghastly smell and occasional dubious inhabitants. And their camp, just to the West of the dockyard, perched atop a hillside, was perfect. Quiet, fun and oppotunistic.

Such regular observations had Miss Kirk’s attention drifting away into the breeze. Closing her eyes, content, happily inhaling the afternoon scent, a smile plastered across her rosey face. Cigarettes, damp wood and grass, a stew being brewed in the back and the lingering perfume of the campfire.

Pondering on how best to fill the rest of her day, Jenny considered many things. Robbing folk in town, but of course they were meant to keep a low profile... maybe mocking some of the ‘lazier’ in camp instead would be a good laugh? Of course she could more or less get away with it.

Life was good. And recently, got a lot better. There was however one thing that still bugged the naive woman...

That gentle warm breeze soon carried across a sound the brunette had become used to over the past few weeks, painting a gleam across her lightly-freckled face.

A deliberately loud sigh turned Jenny’s attention to the blonde man with whom she had only a short while ago made a secret arrangement with.

Waltzing over, the heavy man leant against the countertop she worked at, making it bend uncharacteristically under the pressure. Her gentle yet irritated hazel gaze meeting Mr Bell’s icy blue one, that appallingly obnoxious smirk, so cocky and proud.

“Misssss Kirk, how are you doin’?” 

His words spaced and separated, hardly a sentence at all. It was usual for the two to flirt and had been for quite a while, however as always, Jenny scanned the other’s face, scarred and wrinkled as it was, sour and bitter all at once, for any inkling of what approach to take to best irritate or please him at any given time.

Jenny was nothing if not observant.

Maybe it was because of this, or the simple fact that Miss Kirk didn’t brush Micah off, she listened, she disapproved but she heard him. Joking and flirting while others (understandably) avoided him like the plague.

Mentally taking note of each interaction and habit, trying to make sense of the enigma before her. A man she hated yet lusted after. Because that's all it was! Lust and convenience. Despite her good nature desperate to find something redeemable within him that seemed not to exist in the slightest.

“I’m well Mr Bell, and you?” Her gaze cautious of those around them.

“Good, good...y’got any plans this evenin’?” The question seemed strained, forced, as if it was difficult, awkward even to say. 

Jenny initially felt her face turn a little redder, assuming the question to be a subtle way of saying ‘best you be ready for tonight, I'm gonna fuck you over a barrel all night long n’ if you ain’t quiet, you ain’t getting no relief.’ That was after all the arrangement that had been made.

But that wasn’t his style, to sugarcoat things that is. It would be much easier for him to simply say to meet him at a designated place at a specific time.

“Fixin’ to go swimming later”

Her reply casual, denying Micah whatever plans he held in mind. Micah merely huffed a chuckle, uneasily looking about. Embarrassed at whatever he had in mind being rejected perhaps? 

“That so is it?”

“You have somethin’ else in mind?” acting aloof to add to the irritation unaware of Micah’s real intention- a meal in town, followed of course by copious amounts of alcohol and a cheap bed for the night. His way of showing she was potentially more than just his next good fuck.

“You should join me, you uh, could do with a wash.”

“Hm, very funny.” Micah’s unamused features let out an aggrivated sigh partnered with an impatient glare. Something on the tip of his tongue he couldn’t bring himself to say. 

“Then I suppose you ain’t wanting to go to town with me?” 

The invitation took Jenny by surprise, eyes widening, stopping what she was doing to examine the sincerity of his words before carefully deciding her response, continuing to empty the crate on the table.

So far their arrangement had kept business nearby camp, around the back and to the outskirts, the two only leaving when on a job. It was after all still early days. Now he wanted to take her to town?

“What you got a job need doin’?”

“No” 

That blunt response merely confused Jenny further. The blonde man irritated in her not agreeing directly yet not wishing to explain his intentions for the embarrassment of rejection or his being viewed as weak.

“’fraid not Mr Bell. Not tonight at least...”

“Tomorrow then” Micah more-so demanded then asked, his way or the highway. Going off with himself after a snort and a grumble Jenny rolled her eyes. What was that man playing at now...

Despite having made a secret agreement with the man, she still pondered over his antagonistic nature. It was so difficult to know when he wasn't teasing and like so many, Jenny didn’t wish to be the butt of his ‘jokes’. Was he capable of being ‘decent’? Not offending someone for five minutes? Maybe through their agreement Jenny could subtly challenge that on his own terms. Afterall she played the game by his rules.

All of these thoughts passed through Jenny’s head as the day rolled along and, keeping to her word, she readied herself for a swim as the evening approached.

Only just submerging herself underneath the murky cover, gasping coming up for air, the cold creating pin like sensations across her skin while the stench of the unsavoury water had her pulling an unsatisfied face.

The uncomfortable feeling that wakes you up at night, when you’re scared from the ghost story around the campfire, when you should be alone yet you sense a pair of eyes watching over you. That feeling, suddenly became present within the pit of Jenny’s stomach.

Looking about, her hair kept tidy by two individual braids, the figure of someone, a man, standing on the coastline was visible. Red and white. Micah.

A smirk overcoming her, Jenny waved an arm beckoning him over, when he refused to move Jenny made her way closer to the shoreline.

Micah never seemed to have any regular fun. Perhaps killing, robbing and mocking was the closest he had to that. But maybe, just maybe she’d see a new side of him. See if he was capable of gentility, of innocent playfulness. Naive curiosity she knew Micah had no time for yet insisted was explored at least once. He tolerated her behaviour enough, so why would he not partake in it?

Part of their agreement insisted that emotions remain unattached. It wasn't sensible in their line of work and if camp found out of their affair it would spill the end of any respect Jenny harboured. Still, understanding him was worth a try, satisfying each-other in more ways than one.

Sure they’d kissed, but it was nothing meaningful. They were very much heat of the moment markings of power and playfulness more than anything else. Not an ounce of emotion or meaning in it.

Micah’s face told a story on its own. His features were not furrowed as usual, he didn’t look irritated, nor sad, angry or even cheerful. Just, observant, lost in thought. Relaxed and calm? It was peculiar, a gentle look she’d found unusual, unintentionally making Miss Kirk cock her head to one side, a thoughtful pout across her rosey lips as she unattractively choked on some water.

“Mr Bell, y’ain’t gettin’ wet with me?” Her usual teases and innuendos trying to break the distant glance from his features and coax his presence to join her in an activity besides fucking.

Looking around to check no one was watching Micah smirked shaking his head, that long string of a chuckle wavering on with a wave of his finger.

“Mh, this one time sugar, since you asked so nicely.”

Of course Micah was not very enthusiastic about submerging himself within such a disgusting river despite the presence of a woman such as Jenny convincing him otherwise. 

Removing his boots was the indication Jenny needed as she smiled in return, noticing while she at least had her undergarments to protect her somewhat from the climate of the water, Micah on the other hand had no such thing.

Both submerged in the cold water Micah was visibly biting back complaints of the cold. His skin bumped, hair on ends.

“See, ain’t so bad once y-”

“Shut up” he clung his arms about his torso in protest. Jenny could only find amusement in his discontentment before he threw the dirtied water over his head, cleaning out his hair to the best of his ability hoping the action would help him get used to the cold, despite splashing Jenny in the process. More water going down her throat, mouth having been open from giggling. 

“Hey! Watch it” 

“Accident’s happen Miss Kirk, you should know-”

The water fight that ensued shutting the pair up brought forward only laughter and similar snide remarks to toy with one another, both of them soaked to the core before long.

At first Micah was angry, humiliated, frozen and submerged, but soon gave into the game under the expectation that he should most certainly be rewarded for such generously tolerant behaviour.

As the energy and laughter died down Jenny watched Micah carefully, how he seemed to unwind despite keeping watch for potential passers by, regularly telling her to shut her mouth.

“You’re hair’s still greasy” the shorter of the two observed mockingly but without giving Micah time to respond with an insult of his own Jenny clambered closer, bringing a cupped handful of slimy water over his head, dripping it down before working it into his scalp.

Tongue poking from her mouth in concentration, for Jenny it was a task as any other. She was only helping him keep clean after all.

For Micah however, his face was that of confusion, anger and realisation all at once. Why was she helping him? Not that he needed it! And how dare she mother him so! THIS was why attachments were wrong, the mistake his brother made, to be coddled and chased after by a woman wishing to set the world to right, to control you and your life!

Yet, Jenny knew he called the shots... Maybe this was merely a tendency of her’s he'd have to deter...

Yet for some reason, Micah didn’t erupt. Not yet. He watched, irritation clenching his jaw keeping his eyes tight and trained. There was something soothing, something weak to it that he didn’t like. Yet Micah made no attempt to remove himself from the situation. Her smaller hands kneading into his scalp.

There was something lacking in the arrangement, mutually identified yet hidden. But for the first time, Jenny saw a slip in Micah. Wanting to relax despite irritation and embarrassment. Resentment for enjoying something  he’d drilled himself never to enjoy.

Maybe just maybe, this was a step in the right direction. Playing the game as he called it, while every so often subtly including gentility. Care. To show it wasn’t weak, caring never got anyone killed...so far.

Hardly a minute had passed that Jenny had fixed the older man’s hair, yet her hand lingered. Her eyes tailed him, the way his light brows creased, the scar on his chin she so desperately wanted to touch. To be close to. To trace and ponder over. Realising she was lost in thought and Micah seemed rather unimpressed although silent, Jenny removed her hand.

“This, I've enjoyed this. Maybe we’ll do it again?”

“Maybe. It’s real cold y’know,” Micah gesturing downwards suggestively, “I know what you’ve been playing’ at darlin’ n’ I think ol’ Micah deserves a treat.”

It was obvious what Micah expected Jenny to do to overcome the issue he faced. However Jenny was curious to see how long Mr Bell could enjoy the moment without things turning sexual. Not that she was looking for anything more than that but to answer her wonder for if such a thing was possible for a man such as himself. A naive mistake.

A soft shrug had Jenny’s small palms grazing across Micah’s torso and belly. Studying it before looking towards where Micah wished her hands to roam, making her fateful decision not to obey for once.

Moving closer to him their body heat merged pressed together, technically a way to warm up although not the one Micah was hinting at. 

Tracing each scar and mark across his belly, clear she was not intending to follow through with his suggestion Jenny gazed up to the blonde, a smaller hand reached towards that slanted scar, mouth parted in curiosity.

It was no surprise when Micah backed away, a disapproving, no, disgusted look over his face.

Maybe the others were right when they spoke behind his back. Maybe Mr Bell was really all bad, no ounce of redemption to be found. no shiny glimmer of hope Jenny was determined to search for. 

If only she had accepted his invitation. Not pursued her own naive curiosity of looking for the best within even the most hardened of criminals. 

Now she’d somehow offended him, caused him grief. Micah was undeniably someone in camp it was better to have as a friend rather than an enemy...she knew what he was capable of. Jenny would be sure never to make that mistake again. Micah Bell really wasn’t capable of emotion? Of care?

“Micah I-i’m sorry I didn’t mean t-I thought-” Guilt and regret ripping through her as Micah continued to back away.

“You’re wasting’ your time out here in the cold, the water stinks besides. Excuse me.”

With that Micah left just as quickly as he had joined. Sour faced and miserable, hurrying on back to camp as Jenny shivered in the water thinking on the encounter.

Why was he so sharpish to retreat...had she struck a nerve? Or was Micah unfamiliar with something, scared of his own emotions? Well...either way, it was clearly not Jenny’s place to explore.

As nighttime fell, dried and clean following her swim, mind still racing, heart still pounding. Jenny once again found herself entwined on Micah’s lap by the fireplace, flirting and joking as if nothing had happened.

Maybe some day he’d open up. She’d learn why he was so vile, so unpredictable and changeable. She knew from the rare tales told by the fire that his upbringing left much to be desired. But to what extent?

Maybe one day, the mislead man would learn to change, to open his heart. Not that Jenny was looking for an ‘attachment’ with the man, their agreement purely sexual. But maybe, just maybe. He could learn to care for someone, something, besides himself.

[thetruthaboutlovecomesat3am]

•person A is a handyman, person B is happy to have them there

(AN: No pairing so I went of course with Blackhill. I’m 99.6% sure this is NOT what I was supposed to do with this prompt, but this is what came out. Enjoy!)

Natashahas been undercover for thirteen days, and nothing at all hashappened – which, really, isn’t a big surprise, because what couldhappen in a suburban neighborhood where the main demographic aresoccer moms and their businessmen husbands? But Natasha’s orders areclear. Blend in. Stay put. Mingle.

Problemis, women around the neighborhood mainly talk about two things: theirchildren and their recipes. And Natasha, or, well, Nadia, doesn’thave kids. She does like to cook, but she has brought three perfectlycooked dishes to three different neighbors in as many days and noneof them has even returned the plates this far. She doesn’t know whatit is about this place, or if maybe this is just how closed off tostrangers people are in California, but if something is off, it’shidden under so many layers of polite small talk that it’s almostundetectable. She knows more specific orders are about to come in,she just doesn’t know when.

She’sgetting restless and the heat doesn’t help. Born and raised in theglacial Russian weather, Natasha can barely stand summer in New York,so she’s about ready to melt by the end of her second week inCalifornia. And that is, of course, when her AC breaks.

Sheknows she can’t just call a local maintenance guy, S.H.I.E.L.D. has aprotocol and Natasha might be new but she knows how much of a paincalling someone she doesn’t fully trust is going to be; she’d have tocheck the house for possible bugs all over again, every corner of thetwo floor house, plus the basement. And she’s really not lookingforward to unnecessary work that she’s already done once. So shecalls the number Coulson gave to her, the safe number she is only touse for emergencies.

“Hello?”

“TheAC is broken.”

There’sa long silence on the other end. “Excuse me?” Coulson soundspuzzled, like Natasha’s speaking in a code he’s trying to crack.

“MyAC. It isn’t working. I need to send you someone to fix it.”

Coulsonhangs up on her. Natasha is really starting to hate this mission.

It’snine in the morning and all the kids in the neighborhood have justleft for school, when her doorbell rings. At first, she thinks it’sone of the soccer moms, but then she looks outside from one of thewindows and sees there’s someone with a baseball cap, carrying atoolbox, wearing blue cargo pants.

“Hi,I’m Maria. I work for Phil, I’m his handyman- well, handy-woman. Hesaid something about an air conditioner acting up?”

Thewoman offers Natasha a hand and a smile and Natasha matches both,inviting the woman inside and showing her the living room, pointingto the broken device.

“Thankyou for coming so quickly, it’s really too hot here,” Natasha sayscasually, but she catches the woman biting away a smirk and thentaking off her baseball cap.

“Yep,I’ll try to get it done as quickly as possible.”

“Thankyou. I’ll turn off everything in the kitchen and then come back, Ireally don’t need a fire too.”

Natashagoes inside the kitchen, turns off the oven, then goes back to askMaria if she would like something to drink. Problem is, Maria reallydidn’t waste time. The house is hot and taking down a heavy devicefrom the wall isn’t sweat-free even in winter, but damn, Natasha’spretty sure biceps aren’t meant to look that good. This woman istoned, so much that Natasha wonders what other things she fixesduring her job. And how she exercises out of it.

Mariais taking apart the AC to see what’s wrong with it and one of thescrews falls to the floor. That’s what snaps Natasha out of it.

Sheclears her throat. “Would you like something cold to drink?”

“I’mfine, thank you.”

Butstanding there staring at Maria’s toned back muscles while she worksisn’t really going to do any good, so Natasha still goes back to thekitchen and picks up two glasses, fills them with ice and sparklingwater, and brings one back to the coffee table in the living room,while sipping on the other one.

Mariadoes her job well and quickly, the AC is up and running beforeNatasha has even finished her drink, and when every piece is back onthe wall where it belongs, Maria sips on the glass Natasha put outfor her, too.

“Thankyou, you were a life saver.”

“Noproblem,” the woman says and gives back her empty glass to her.

Natashawonders if maybe she got the wrong vibe from this girl, because hersmiles and flirtatious tone have fallen flat and that’s somethingshe’s not quite used to.

“Howmuch do I owe you?”

“Oh,don’t worry about it. I’m on Phil’s payroll, he’ll take care of it.”

Natashagives her another smile and walks her to the door, watching her walkaway and get into her pick-up before closing it again. Well, thatcertainly was a nice way to spend a morning.

Fourdays go by. Four days of nothing. Four days of small talk whilewatering plant and fake smiles over fences. Natasha doesn’t know howmuch more she can take, she hopes the intel comes in soon, becauseshe feels like she could go insane in a place like this.

Then,one of the Anderson’s kids crashes his drone on Natasha’s porch,breaking her swing. Mrs Anderson goes to apologize immediately,offering to pay for it or even to send someone to fix it for her.

“Actually,”Natasha finds herself saying, “I know someone from around here whocan fix it.”

MrsAnderson apologizes again and Natasha says it’s okay, she doesn’tmind, then starts a conversation about her orchids and they end uptalking about the proper seasoning for chicken for two hours. Natashasteps back into the house at sundown, feeling like she’s finallymaking progress about fitting in.

Sheonly takes a moment to savor the small victory before heading for herphone, dialing Coulson’s number again.

“Yes?”

“Akid broke my porch swing.”

“What?”

“Myfront porch. It has a small swing. A kid broke it, the mother wantedto send someone to fix it, but I said I had it covered.”

“Mh,”for some reason Coulson is being skeptical about this, like hedoesn’t think it’s really necessary. Natasha doesn’t really care whathe thinks.

“Sendthe same one again.” This time she’s the one who hangs up on theother.

It’snine o'clock the next morning when Natasha hears a car stoppingoutside her house. She waits a minute, but doesn’t hear a knock onthe door, so she opens it and steps outside.

Mariais there, scratching the back of her neck, staring at the brokenswing. She sighs and puts her toolbox down.

“Well,miss Rindell,” she addresses Natasha by her fake name, “I surelydidn’t expect a call so soon. Alright then, I’ll take themeasurements, then come back this afternoon with everything I need tofix this,” she says, and goes right to work.

Natashanods and watches as Maria works silently, never taking her eyes awayfrom the toned arms before her. Maria scribbles something on her pad,then picks up her toolbox and turns to Natasha, nods, then walksaway.

Natashafrowns, but doesn’t say anything. Instead, she does what is asked ofher. Mingles, talks to some of the neighbors, creates a bond with MrsAnderson. When Maria comes back Natasha is still chatting over thefence with her new friend.

“Oh,this must be the person you hired to fix the…uhm…the swing.”

Natashaunderstands the pause. Because Maria changed, to work outside, underthe early afternoon sun, and now she’s wearing shorts and a tank top.

“Hello,”Mrs Anderson waves a hand and Natasha recognize that smile and, onone hand, this is something major she can exploit to bond with her,but on the other…she wish it could be socially acceptable to callbids.

“Hi,”Maria greets, then approaches them. “I’m Maria. I’m miss Rindell’shandy-woman. I’ll get on the swing right away,” she smiles and goesto pick up her tools from the car.

“Iunderstand why you didn’t want me to call mine,” Mrs Anderson saysand chuckle. “Why don’t you enjoy the view, I’ll make some iced teaand bring it over.”

“That’dbe delightful, thank you Mrs Anderson.”

“Oh,please. Call me Susan.”

Natashasmiles, “I’m Nadia.”

Mariaworks on the swing for a while, never getting distracted for toolong, only pausing to drink a glass of iced tea when offered. AndNatasha is almost self-conscious about it but the shorts and tank topand greasy gloves are really doing it for her. Well, actually, maybeit’s the woman in front of her who’s doing it for her, because she’shad handymen before, but she never quite enjoyed looking at them workthis much.

“Alldone. It should be dry and usable by tomorrow.”

“Wonderful.Thank you so much for your help.”

Mariasmiles and shakes her hand. Natasha is already thinking what elsecould use a fixing in that old big house.

“Thekitchen sink is broken.”

“Comeagain?”

“Atube burst below the kitchen sink and now it’s broken. Can you sendyour handy-woman again, please? I believe Maria was her name?”

“Ah.”Coulson says. “Wasn’t she there yesterday?” He sounds confusedand curious, but Natasha hangs up before he can ask anything else.

WhenMaria comes by the next morning, Natasha makes sure she’s wearing hershortest pair of shorts and a shirt that’s barely there.

“MrsRindell. What can I do for you today?” Maria asks, and doesn’t evenlook at anything but her green eyes.

“Mykitchen sink is broken.”

Mariafixes it too quickly. She asks her to stay for lunch as a thank you,since she won’t accept payment, but Maria declines.

“Alright,then. Can I have your business card?”

“My…businesscard?”

“Yes.I might need your services again and I don’t want to keep botheringour friend. You’re from around here, aren’t you? So if you give meyour card I can just call you.”

“MrsRindell, I don’t think you’re-”

“Ican pay, if that’s…”

“No,it’s not about that. It’s just, I’m not-” she averts her eyes,tries to look for the right words, then looks at Natasha’s hopefuleyes again. And Natasha knows she’s won the second Maria makes eyecontact, because she’s great at playing the girl you can’t say no to.“I don’t have a card on me. Can I write down my number for you?”

Natashagives her the most dashing smile she has. “You most certainly can.”

“Hello?”

“Yes,Maria? This is Nadia Rindell.”

There’sa brief pause and then Natasha hears the phone shuffles a little.

“MrsRindell, what can I do for you?”

“Howgood are you with holes?”

“I’m…sorry?”

“Thereis a hole in my wall. I was wondering if you could fix that for me?”

Thereare a few seconds of silence and Natasha can hear Maria clear hervoice, which makes a coy smirk appear on her lips.

“Ican take care of that for you. How’s tomorrow morning? Nine o'clock?”

“Perfect.I’ll see you then.”

Natashawears a sundress. Maria doesn’t seem to notice how cute and how shorther dress is, to Natasha’s dismay.

“Howdid this happen, anyway?” Maria asks while working.

Natashacompletely ignores her questions and offers her a glass of teainstead. Maria nods and goes back to working.

Fixingthe hole takes four consecutive mornings. But eventually, it’s done.

“Myupstairs shower seems to be clogged,” Natasha casually mentionswhile walking Maria to her front door when she has to leave. “Maybeyou could take a look at it tomorrow?”

“MissRindell,” Maria smiles at her, “I’m starting to think you’remaking these issues up just because you don’t want to be in thishouse alone.”

“Idon’t have a problem with being alone.”

“Well,it can get boring after a while.”

“Itcan,” Natasha agrees. “But this isn’t about that. This is aboutmy shower being clogged.”

Mariachuckles lightly and nods. “See you tomorrow.”

Natashawaves at her from the front porch and shuts the door once the carturns the corner. She’s ready to head upstairs when her phone rings.

“Phil?”

“Themission is over, Fury’s orders. Pack up your stuff, an extractionteam will be there as soon as possible.”

“Whatthe hell happened?” is Natasha’s first question once she’s out ofthe Quinjet and inside the Triskelion. “Why was I pulled from amission I never truly started, Coulson?”

“Fury’swaiting for you,” is all he has to say.

Natashahuffs and puffs, but follows him to Fury’s office.

“AgentRomanoff. Welcome to our Triskelion, this is our primary base, Ibelieve you’ve never been here before.”

“Sir,why am I here?”

“Well,you made a compelling point about how resources werebeing…misused…to arrange your stay in L.A., with two of our topagents monitoring you just to see how you would do undercover. Ofcourse, I should have expected you figuring out it wasn’t a real job,but I didn’t expect you to do it in less then three weeks.”

Natashablinks, processes the information carefully. It was a decoy.

“Whywas I there, sir?”

“Weneeded to be sure your reprogramming was successful before puttingyou in the field. You have shown no sign of erratic behavior,triggers or anything else that would worry us. You’re officially aS.H.I.E.L.D. Agent.”

Natashawants to yell and say this was extremely dumb, but she also doesn’twant to go back to being babysitter'ed, so she nods.

“Thankyou, sir.”

Furynods, too. “Dismissed.”

WhenNatasha opens the door Coulson and Barton are waiting on her with bigsmiles, but apologetic eyes. She eyes them wearily as theycongratulate.

“Soyou and whom else?”

“What?”

“Furysaid two agents. Mrs Anderson?”

Coulsonfrowns. “They terminated your probation because they thought youwere onto them,” he whispers, then watched her closely. “I can’tbelieve this, you had no idea. Why the hell did you keep asking forher, then?”

Natashanarrows her eyes at him, but just as she’s about to retort withsomething snarky, a voice catches her attention.

“AgentRomanoff, welcome to the Triskelion.”

“Maria?”

“CommanderMaria Hill,” she introduces herself, shaking Natasha’s handsfirmly, no trace of a smile in sight. “Glad to have you on board.But if you ever make me waste my time again just so you can make apoint, there will be severe consequences.”

Sheleaves before Natasha can think of anything to say, so she justwatches her walk away, not able to tear away her eyes. The smilinghandy-woman was gone, like she never existed.

“Ohmy God,” Barton laughs. “You kept calling because you had a crushon her.”

Natashahits his arm. Hard.

“Youhave a crush on Commander Hill?” Coulson gasps. “Oh, that’s gonnabe a mess.”

“Idon’t. Stop it. We’re never discussing this again.”

Shewalks away quickly, making a mental note to threaten the both of themif they ever bring it up, but she’s also making a list of all theways she could try to see that smile again.

“Hello?”

“Yes,hello, the sink in my room is leaking, I was wondering if you couldfix that for me.”

“…AgentRomanoff?”

“Thatwould be me.”

“Agent,I’m not really a handy-woman, you do understand that, right?”

“That’sokay,” Natasha says. “My sink isn’t really broken so I don’treally need a handy-woman. Knock three times when you get to myroom.”

Shehangs up and waits. And when she’s almost convinced Maria isn’t goingto show up and she’s just made a fool of herself, someone knocks atthe door three times.

[mhtucker]

The Photograph

The prompt was to START a story with words on the back of a photograph and I just couldn’t be bothered to keep my mind on that. Originally I started with it, but I lost my thought in the process of telling the story and the whole thing changed.

Instead, you get this.

The Photograph

by MH Tucker

The old attic was something that Kaliegh had always been afraid of. The place was never used and to get up to it you had to pull on a string that dangled from the ceiling at the end of the hallway in her grandmother’s house. That string brought down stairs which also had to be pulled  and by the time all of that was done, the open mouth of darkness was ready to swallow you up.

Darkness and tight spaces didn’t agree with her, neither did the idea of rooms seldom used. Using a place kept the bugs and the spiders away. Not using a place, well, she didn’t want to think about it. There was a similar attic out in the garage behind the house and that one was always full of raccoons. Their nests, built of insulation pulled from the walls, would always come tumbling down on your head along with all the poop that was in them. While no one had ever had such a shower in the home attic, Kaleigh still made sure that her brother was the one at the bottom of the steps when the mouth of their destination opened up for them.

“Okay, you first,” she said, reaching out to place both palms on the ladder from behind as if she needed to steady it.

Her brother narrowed his eyes at her. “What are you going to do, send me flying?”

“Huh?” Kaliegh blinked and stared at his face, framed perfectly between the steps of the very solid ladder that she clung to.

“You’re on the wrong side. Push from there and the whole thing closes up. You want me squashed?” He slapped her hand off of the pale wood and tossed a thumb over his shoulder. “Come this way, coward.”

She frowned at him and thrust her hands to her hips, but didn’t move. “I’m not a coward.”

“Won’t go up here though, will you?” Her brother tipped his chin up toward the darkness.

“I will, just not until you’ve gone up first,” she huffed.

Rolling his eyes, Jason started his climb. He was all confidence and perfection, something she wished that she could claim to have even a smattering of. The square patch of oblivion sucked up his head, then his shoulders, and finally his stomach before he let out a grunt and the rest of his body disappeared in one swift motion.

“You okay?” She called up to him, trying to keep her voice steady.

“Yeah.” The answer came with another grunt and was followed by the sound of something scraping against the floor. “Just hard to get up those last few steps. Kinda full up here.”

Kaleigh imagined piles of boxes topped with quilts and lamp shades, smothering the attic above her with the Hollywood ideal made from every horror movie ever imagined. She hated horror movies almost as much as she hated the room above her head.

“Okay,” Jason said at last. She heard a click and then the black square over her head was replaced with the sharp golden glow of a bare light bulb. “Come on up.”

After taking in a deep breath, Kaleigh braced herself for the unknown and began to climb, forcing herself to take each step. There were only seven flat slabs of wood for her feet to touch, but the effort of pushing through her fears left her in a sweat by the time her head broke through the gap in the floor. Jason’s hand reached down in front of her face before she had a chance to take in what might be around her, almost making her leap back with surprise.

“Let me help you up,” he insisted even as she yelped and tried to jerk away. 

“You’re gonna fall. Take my hand.”

“Don’t sneak up on me like that!” She complied, but only so that she could slap her palm to his to try and make him pay for the torments he was putting her through. Thanks to her position she couldn’t put enough force behind the movement and she ended up swatting more than striking, which she found utterly disappointing.

Before long she was standing beside her brother in a small space with an inverted V made of golden beams of wood. The floor was cleaner than she expected, empty in the center, with the traditional box piles pushed to the edges of the space. No lamp shades or quilts, but there was a stack of blankets on the floor. They had a dip in the center of them, as if someone’s cat had once used it as a place to sleep and left behind the evidence as a void.

“Well,” Jason said as he let out a long breath. “I guess we should start going through all of this stuff. Figure out what we’re going to keep and what needs to go before the house sells.”

“How are we supposed to know what Mom wants to keep and what she wants to toss?” Kaleigh eyed the plain brown cubes with suspicion. Their task seemed a whole lot bigger without any sort of parameters to fall back on.

Jason shrugged. “All we have to do is figure out what’s inside and label anything that isn’t. Everyone else will do the rest once they’re done dealing with the furniture.”

“Sure seems strange, sending Grandma off to some apartment building when she doesn’t really need to go.” Kaleigh patted the blankets and a plume of dust erupted from them. Any thought she’d had of sitting on them rushed out of her mind faster than the particles that filled the air. Choosing to kneel on the hard wood of the floor instead, she reached for the nearest box and opened it. Already at work on the other side of the room, Jason grunted through the effort of moving one of boxes to where he could open it. “Better for her to go now than wait until it is too late. It’s a good place and there will be people there for her if she needs them.”

“Yeah, well, she won’t.” The need to defend her grandmother’s strength and longevity filled Kaleigh’s heart. “It’ll be ages before she really needs a place like that.”

There was a pause and the sound of cardboard scraping against itself before Jason chuckled. “Seriously. How many cookbooks does anyone need?” Kaleigh lifted up an envelope of sorts from the box she was investigating. “This one is all pictures.” The yellowed flap drifted up as she displayed the evidence of her claim, tempting her with a glimpse of what was held inside.

“We don’t have time to go snooping,” Jason reminded her, even as her fingers pulled the prints from their snug home.

Ignoring his words, Kaleigh began to flip through the stack, trying to work out where each point in history might have been captured. None of the pictures seemed to be from here. Instead, they were snapshots of a life somewhere else, in a place filled with weathered wood, metal railings, and people in fancy outfits. “Wonder where these were taken,” she muttered before turning the stack over in hopes of finding some kind of answer.

Rectangle after rectangle came up empty, giving her little hope until she reached one that read simply, “Not Georg.”

“Huh. Someone can’t spell, I guess.” Muttering to herself, Kaleigh turned the picture around to stare at the grayish image there. In the distance, on an old, wooden pier, a man was walking away. He seemed large, though there wasn’t really any evidence to prove that since he was alone, and his balding head was tipped upward. It wasn’t as if he were looking up at the sky, but maybe to something off in the distance that the photographer refused to let anyone see. In one hand he held a jacket, in the other, what looked like a scrap of paper. “I have so many questions,” Kaleigh told herself as her brother leaned closer, unable to resist a peek. When she noticed him looking she turned the image around to show him the words and he frowned.

“Of all the things to put on a picture.” His brow furrowed in confusion. “I mean. Grandma knew some famous people, maybe it’s someone’s way of hiding who the person really is? Looks like he’s dressed for a show, right?”

Kaleigh went back through the images to weigh the visuals against her brother’s suggestion. Most of them looked like they could have been taken at a theater or a party either before or after. She nodded. “Maybe. We could always go ask.” “Ask me what?” Their grandmother’s head popped up from the hole in the floor, her bright smile lighting the room more than the bare bulb ever could.

“What’s this picture all about?” Kaleigh held it up even though she was sure she was too far away for any details to be clear. “It says ‘Not George’ but George is spelled wrong.”

“That’s because the man in that photo is German. His name really is Georg.” Her grandmother pronounced the name “Ge-org” as she eased her way up the ladder and pulled herself to a sitting position on the floor. Her wrinkled hand reached out and Kaleigh handed over the photograph, scooting closer in hopes of getting the whole story.

Her grandmother stared down at the image, one finger running along the wood of the pier as if the grains were truly raised and could scratch at her skin. “A friend of ours was in a show that night and we all went to go see it. I took this in what turned out to be the last moments of his life as a single man. Didn’t know it at the time of course, but he was about to meet the woman of his dreams.” “So why does it say he’s not Georg then?” Kaleigh’s tongue stumbled over the unfamiliar pronunciation of the name, but if her grandmother was offended by the attempt, she didn’t say anything.

“Ah. When he met his girl, she asked if that was his name and he just said ‘no’ as if he hadn’t understood a word she’d been saying.”

“But he wouldn’t, though, right? If he was German?” Jason’s voice came at them through the squeak of permanent marker as it scraped out a message on the cardboard he held.

Their grandmother laughed. “No, he understood her. She was German too. He was so awestruck that he just couldn’t get his tongue to work.” She sighed and closed her eyes, then handed the photo back to Kaleigh with a sad smile. “Probably the best picture I’ve ever taken,” she said. “One of those accidents that comes along once in a lifetime.”

History seemed to fill the room in that moment, pressing in on Kaleigh from all around. She got the impression that there was much more to this story than what they were being told, but she didn’t want to push any further. Maybe in a time when things weren’t so hectic she would ask about it again and be able to hear more of this mysterious tale of the man who wasn’t someone even though he was. For now, she put the image away with the rest and picked up her marker, forcing it to squeak out the word “photos” before capping it again.

When that job was done, her grandmother clapped her hands once, and made a joyful announcement. “Now. I know you two just started, but lunch is ready so how about we go eat and then you can finish this up with full stomachs?” Always thinking with his stomach, Jason dropped his marker and made a dash to help their grandmother down the attic steps. “Sounds great.”

Their grandmother laughed and thanked him, then made her way slowly through the mouth of the room and back into the rest of the world that she would soon be leaving behind. Kaleigh watched her go, then looked over at the box and imagined all of the memories trapped inside, bits of history that meant so much to some people and yet nothing to the rest of the world.

“It’s a box of magic,” she told herself. “And I won’t lose the key to keeping it alive.”

[movienotesbyzawmer]

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

December 18: Star Wars: The Last Jedi

(previous notes: Star Wars: The Force Awakens)

Source: UK 3D Blu-ray (this was much easier to come by than a US release, for some reason)

This movie is only 2 years old, a relative infant babe in arms. And I unambiguously loved it when it came out, both times I saw it in theaters and again when it was first released on video. But there have been dark whispers, haven't there. Snobs and haters started flooding the information superhighway with poorly supported condemnation of this perfectly entertaining sequel. Was I wrong? Was I missing some smear of shit on the screen that everyone else could see? Or is Putin up to his old tricks? Excuse me while I pop on my rose-colored 3D glasses and jot down some fresh observations.

Cool first shot, zipping through a bunch of ships that's like some kind of convoy.

Then a bad guy ship shows up and whoa is it neat in 3D.

This first exchange between Poe and Hux is funnier than anything in the prequel trilogy, my goodness was that a refreshing way to start this movie! Love it!

BB8 thunking down into the guts of the X-wing! That's the right kind of gadgety roboty attitude for a Star Wars movie, I tell you.

Bombers, there are bombers. How do bombers work in space? I ask like I'm complaining, but I'm not. I'm sure there's a Lucas-y explanation. And yes I know that Lucas isn't doing this movie, of course I know that, it's like you don't even know me.

Jeez, those bombers are getting totally wasted. Probably because they're full of bombs. BOMBS, see.

This tense scene where the bomber pilot has to kick down the remote control from a precipice, this is great suspense. The pilot sacrifices herself. The first 12 minutes of this movie have a hell of a lot going for it. But also, the look of it is different from all of the others. Stark closeups for instance. Nothing wrong with it, but feels like it's very committed to this director's personal stylistic preferences.

Now we're on Hidden Skywalker Island to find out how this plot thickens. It's a cool contrast from the space battle. And it's got Rey. And Porgs!

0:16:40 - Snoke's proper throne room. With Actual Snoke because it turned out the other one from the last movie was pretend-like. This throne room was put together by a visionary interior designer who really likes red.

Luke drinks some green milk from a plump creature who looks at Rey like she's saying "have some, it's pretty good, seriously you gotta try it, it comes from my nipples".

The scene with Rey and Luke in the book cave, it's good, I think. It's ever so slightly witty, but it makes sense as a way to get past the stubborn impasse the two were in before.

Kylo hesitated to blow up his mom because he's not too happy with his Dark Side family rn. But she's blowed up anyway and it's a pretty visceral image when that happens. Fortunately she is kind of Jesus so it's fine, she's fine, we're all fine here now thank you, how are you?

Hah, the Porgs are shaming Chewy into not eating a dead Porg! Porgs are way less in-your-face in this movie than Ewoks are in that other movie.

Enter Laura Dern! Conveys intelligence and confidence. I bet internet dicks hated her for no good reason. Other than that they are working in a non-descript office building in central Russia. Anyway, her friction with Poe is cool because she's being rational and it's just hard to argue against her points.

0:39:00 - Enter Kelly Marie Tran! Rose! Of course Sergei and Boris are social media bullies about this character. But even though she's coming into this story a little late, she's already gotten some solid character development.

So this is something I'm only realizing because I just watched Empire Strikes Back, but the two movies have similar structures in addition to being middle-of-the-trilogy movies. They both go back and forth between two subplots; one about a Jedi training a rookie on a planet, the other about just the good guys desperately trying to outrun a dauntingly large space fleet of bad guys.

Hah, Porgs getting pesky in the Millennium Falcon, I'd forgotten that.

Not so much with the wipes between scenes in this one but that one at 53:55 was neat.

And now we're in an actual casino! It's the Star Wars universe's version of Monaco. Lots of fun creatures and robots, but shot with a very flashy style that seems more obtrusive than how Lucas just peeks around in the Cantina.

The Master Codebreaker is literally Errol Flynn circa 1925.

1:00:50 - The first flashback of The Luke/Ben Incident. Kinda Rashomon-esque.

Benicio Del Toro. I love the guy, but there is often a sense in his movies that he had a very persuasive conversation with the director to let him do odd quirks with how he talks, and the director just grimaced and hoped it would turn out okay.

They break out of the stables with the racing animals, and stampede their way through the casino, satisfying!

But also, this whole Monaco planet is so like Monaco, so specifically, that it's not very galaxy-far-far-away.

First time we see Luke in the Rashomon flashback with the 'bout-to-kill-Ben look, that is a mighty fine facial expression from Mark Hamill.

1:14:35 - We're at the highly abstract Nightmare Cave sequence. This is a little indulgent, I bet Lucas did not like. He probably didn't like the equivalent sequence in The Force Awakens, but for what it's worth, I super like that one.

Rey and Kylo having a connection, I think we're not supposed to like it, and maybe that's the point? I'm okay with that. As long as it doesn't turn out that they are twin siblings separated at birth and gee what a shocking twist that would be <eye roll>.

I bet it took some discipline to have the Finn/Poe/Rose subplot be relatively simple.

1:29:00 - Weird little coffin craft Rey gets in to go to Kylo's ship. Oh, and the shot of coming out of lightspeed facing the bottom of the Destroyers! Cool!

1:30:55 - Hah! You thought they'd forgotten how to be funny, but then they do that clothes-iron gag. I like it. Reminds me of the coat hanger gag in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

"I know where the nearest escape pods are" "Course you do". Hah.

Snoke telling Rey "I connected you because I knew Kylo was weak" sounds like an internet troll. Am I hung up on that? On internet trolls?

Big hanger full of troops and even flying TIE fighters inside the hanger, looks great.

Very grim situation now… the intended plan completely fell apart, and now the escape transport plan is completely screwed, and Rey is just helpless it looks like. Or is that just what it LOOKS like.

Snoke death is neat. Also neat are his guards' variable, flexible sword things. Also also neat is how the one guard gets tossed into an electro-processer and shoots out red flakes!

1:50:42 - Oh, my favorite thing, a magic battle. As Rey and Kylo try to out-Force each other to Force-get the light saber, it all comes down to who Force-gets better.

But then! Then it DOESN'T suck because they equally Force-get so hard that it just breaks, and then the neatest of all the parts of this movie, LD lightspeed-spearing the master bad guy ship! Awesome visuals and sound.

"You're a bug in the system" "Let's go chrome-dome". That's a pretty Lucas-y dialogue exchange.

As they fly away from the destruction, I love the look, how much detail there is to the wreckage.

Yeah, this final planet has those ice fox things! It feels like this Episode has slightly less zeal for "delightful new creatures", but it's not NO zeal.

Also this is the planet where the surface is salt, but under the salt surface is a mineral that is very red, for reasons of it looks cool, I guess. There's even a mechanic which can't possibly make sense, where these crafts NEED to drag on the surface just a teeny bit. But so what, I like to look at it. I'd rather look at that than look at YOU.

The underground blood crystal cave is a damn fine sight to see.

Not sure I care that much about the quick drama about Finn trying to Kamikaze the big gun and Rose stopping him. Although Rose saying "saving what we love" makes it kinda sweet and now I'm sorry I pooh-poohed it. But she gives him a little kiss, which is the only remotely romance-y thing in this new trilogy so far and do we need that? Whatever, I root for both of these characters.

We just saw the gold dice from Solo. But this movie came out before Solo, so I guess we were all like "dude what the hell is THAT". I wonder whose idea the dice was.

"Do you think that you got him". So, this reminded me when I first saw it of an early Mark Hamill movie called The Big Red One. A war drama with him and Lee Marvin, probably right around the same time as Empire. In that movie, MH shoots again and again and again at a definitely-already-dead German soldier. He just keeps shooting the corpse. Lee Marvin walks up to him as he's doing it and whispers in his ear, "I think you got him". Gotta be a deliberate reference, right? Pretty obscure one if so

Hah, Poe and Rey hadn't met yet, that wasn't obvious until now.

Okay, the final scene. It's a cool final scene, but… okay so the first time I saw it, I definitely didn't notice that the kid levitated the broom all casual-like. But I noticed it in later viewings and was like "oh, how did I miss that". Well I'LL TELL you how, because it is super freaking subtle! It's like it changes every time or something. It is FREAKING  me OUT.

But I still really like this movie. It is full of tons of great qualities, and only minor issues. It's surprisingly witty, and has a lot of non-Lucas style to it, which would be a problem if it didn't feel so genuinely inspired. So nice try, Anatoly! Go fuck yourself, Fyodor! You can turn neighbors against each other, Yuri, but you can't make me hate The Last Jedi!

(next: The Rise of Skywalker)