#there’s only a small group of people who don’t drain my social battery when i interact with them

[calico-kiwi]

gave my number out to someone (god i wish i’d come up with a good reason to say no) and reeeaaaaaalllllllyyy wish i hadn’t but wouldn’t dare make the social faux pas of ghosting them because that’s mean and also i see him almost every day of the week

[mysteriawrites]

hello !! if it’s alright with you, may i request for a matchup ? O:

i was curious, because i sent one to azra, so i was thinking a second opinion would be interesting 🧐 (it’ll look pretty similar to what i sent to azra, with a couple additions, lmao!!)

my name is yuki. i go by he/him, and i’m really into nijisanji en (i love both male and female talents though have a preference for males (: )

(hobbies!!) i’ve been into nijisanji en for a pretty long time at this point (i think i’ve been following them since the wave ethyria came out) and i’m considering if i want to become a streamer under them one day. i’m a super big writer, who loves to write fiction (and even fanfiction on the side) while also being an artist on the side. i’m also super into the violin and i want to expand myself musically! anything that stimulates my creativity is something that makes me super happy.

(likes !!) i really like quiet environments, and being able to just chill. im not a super active person (i think part of that is because i don’t like sweating that much, haha!), but i love going out and doing activities when its with with people like friends or family. i love being able to have banter with my friends and playfully teasing each other, it makes me feel comfortable around people (:

(dislikes !!) i’m not great around party environments or anything that has a group of more than ten people, haha! i also really don’t like getting overstimulated, and some of my icks are like saliva noises and certain scents. i’m also kind of like possessive of the things i use and it may send me spiraling if i see people touching my things and i don’t trust them (;´Д`)

(personality !!) i think i have undiagnosed autism, and it makes me feel like i can be misunderstood at times? (not to say self-diagnosing is a good thing, and it’s something i plan to talk to with my doctor eventually) i have a tendency to be super duper loud and i have had times where i accidentally did something stupid because i forget to think things through a lot. i’ve been told i can look a bit intimidating but i’m actually really nice when you get to know me!! i can be super energetic, but also lowkey when my social battery has been drained, haha.

i guess my type would be someone who can both match my energy, as well as be patient with me. like, someone who can understand whenever i get too overstimulated or whenever i want to be affectionate even when i dont say it out loud, you know?

thank you in advance for looking at my request, and take your time in answering!! remember to stay hydrated and full ❤️❤️ mwah mwah !!

Hello hello thank you for the matchup am curious too now if me and Azra will have the same idea of a match for you. Anyway here is your match DRUMROLL PLEASE

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

UKI VIOLETA!!!

Finally someone I can match Uki with

I think Uki would be perfect for you. He’s a quieter person and rather intuitive so not only would be be able to keep you calm and grounded, but also know when something is becoming too much for you and either get you out of the situation or be a sense of comfort.

You and Uki met when you took a step into his fashion house. You had an important violin recital coming up and wanted to look your best. So, you decided to see the best fashion designer in town.

When you entered the shop, you were instantly filled with a sense of calm, as if all your troubles were melting away.

You were approached by the shop owner, a man with purple hair, violet eyes, and a mysterious aura. He was the most beautiful man you had ever seen. He introduced himself as Uki Violeta.

He had taken you to the back so he could do your measurements, although it seems he already knew why you were here and what you needed. As if he were psychic (wink wonk).

As he worked, he made a bit of small talk and playful banter with you. Now you may not be the great at social situations or cues, but Uki was very much flirting with you.

The minute you walked into his store Uki had to do a double take because of how handsome you were. He’s not typically an intrusive person, but he could feel your infatuation with him due his psychic abilities.

He decided to shoot his shot.

The fitting took a suspiciously long time (hmmm I wonder why), so you and Uki got to know each other decently and hit it off. By the time he was finally done you two had exchanged numbers and decided to meet up for coffee (you’re not 100% sure how it happened he’s just that charismatic).

And that ended up being you guy’s first date and now you guys are a loving couple (although you have to share him with fulgur his words not mine). I think Uki’s calming energy is good for you. You make him laugh with your chaotic tendencies and he’s calm and quiet so he doesn’t overwhelm you.

He enjoys listening to you play violin it’s very calming. Sometimes he’ll even hum along with his soothing melodic voice.

Sometimes you’ll be subjected to being his mannequin because he loves making outfits for you (and seeing your sexy ass in them).

His emotional intelligence also helps you feel less misunderstood. You don’t have to say anything he just knows and he understands even without the help if his psychic abilities (they are helpful though).

You guy’s dates mainly just consist of taking chill days for yourselves. Whether it’s just sitting on the couch and cuddling while watching a movie together or doing a spa treatment (he makes sure to check in advance if any of his treatments bother you sensory wise).

Soothing boyfriend with chill vibes. 10/10

Runner Ups: Ike Eveland, Shu Yamino, Fulgur Ovid, Elira Pandora, Rosemi Lovelock

[emgoesmed]

Thank you! ☺️ sorry because this is gonna be looooong. for reference, I go to a decently known MD school but we are broken up into cohorts and my cohort is pretty small. Idk what I want to do but I know I do NOT want to do surgery. I like stuff like rheum and ID, but I LOVE caring for people across all age ranges and I don’t like the idea of spending 3 years doing IM just to be able to APPLY to do what I actually want to do. I love derm, but ooof competitive. I love neuro and psych. And I loooove the idea of rural, like being THE only doc in a frontier county sounds so cool to me. But yeah, surg sounds miserable.

Also. I worked for years, full time, in a hospital and an independent clinic before. I felt so fulfilled with patients and helping them out even when there was nothing we could do, even when I would come home crying after seeing a pt who just got a hard diagnosis, and that is a huge reason I went into medicine- I love the science part of it and also want to do the patient side of things. I may be introverted but I REALLY value human connection too. For me, knowledge alone is exciting but it feels empty if it’s not being used to help others.

None of that has changed since starting school, not at all, but I’m honestly the most miserable I have been. I full on sob at least once more than 70% of the days. I’m not sad, I don’t feel depressed, no changes to appetite or sleep or focus or anything like that, I still enjoy doing things I enjoy, and I LOVE learning the material… but I think I’m socially burnt out. And the stress of that on my body? I’m getting sick so frequently now too. Even getting stupid skin infections more because and I think it’s because im so stressed (we haven’t seen patients yet so it’s not like, getting sick from them).

I’m introverted, and I swear I’m one of the most introverted introverts because nobody else in my class seems to have this issue. Our classes are required and usually very interactive with lots of TBLs instead of traditional lecture, and we are all in one room for hours. My classmates are good people but they are SO LOUD and chatty. Even the other introverts are participating in this. I leave feeling SO socially drained that though I WANT to be with my spouse when I’m home and talk to him about his day, I just keep drawing on nothing and end up crying more because I just have no more social to give.

Even when I spend all my spare time alone doing things I like, I still can’t recharge enough. Each day is progressively worse and I feel totally shut down by Friday. The weekend barely gives me enough time to recharge and it’s just enough to do it all over again.

I WANT to be able to do things outside of classes. I have the time- really at this point I don’t need to study a lot- but I don’t have the social energy. People know I don’t go to events and get togethers, and while I will thank them for the invite and tell them I’m a major introvert and feeling too drained, and while my classmates are good people, it’s still hard to form actual friendship when I can’t do anything. And I want to be involved in interest groups and stuff like that, but I know I couldn’t handle it since I’m barely able to handle the socializing in class.

So now I’m just confused. When I try to ask people for advice they all tell me I need to learn how to be more social and “get over it” and they tell me that medicine and clinic and being a provider is so social and if I can’t easily handle 4-8 hours of my classmates, then all I can really do medicine wise is pathology or radiology. Neither of those appeals to me.

And yeah now I’m wondering if all of this was a mistake. Even if I could make my own clinic or practice “fit” my introversion like the hospital + clinic I worked in before, I’m absolutely petrified that I’ll have to deal with all of this over-socialization and drained battery for not just the next 3.5 years but then 3+ years of residency after that. I don’t know I can SURVIVE that if this is what it’ll be like. And if I only “can” go into path or rads, I don’t think I’ll be actually fulfilled in practice either.

Hi anon!

Sounds like you've been going through a lot. I'll throw in my 2 cents, for whatever it's worth.

In my humble opinion, it's important to recognize that socializing with your classmates is not the same as talking to and caring for patients.

It sounds like you are passionate about medicine and clinical care and enjoyed your previous clinical experience. I wouldn't let this experience discourage you from exploring those interests. Is there the opportunity for you to do any shadowing or participating in a student-run clinic or something at your school?

Personally, I enjoy talking to 95% of patients more than I like socializing with a good chunk of my classmates. They're not bad people, but it's a different kind of interaction and a different type of energy requirement.

Lastly, food for thought--are you sure your feelings of exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed are all due to socializing with classmates? Definitely worth thinking about anything else that might be contributing, it really does seem like you are having trouble a significant amount of the time. Is there anyone else or other resources at your school that you can talk to?

Of course, feel free to reach out if you have any other questions, I'm always happy to listen. <3

[intofclklore]

penny is twelve when she meets eddie. when she moves to hawkins against her will and has to live in this small trailer and live mere feet away from this bald nuisance. he’s loud and always running around and she knows he’s the one who stole her bike the first week they were here. she has no proof, but he’s her only suspect. she’s read a couple of her dad’s detective novels. it’s not that hard to crack a case. 

their interactions are sporadic and limited, just enough to keep her annoyed with him. she threatens him not to tell anyone she lives there. he obeys. it’s not enough to gain her full trust. she suspects this may become an issue in high school, when they reach the same building, same peers. a fresh, more daunting threat may be needed. 

she’ll worry about it when the time comes, she tells herself. 

for the most part, she doesn’t think about him. so when there’s a knock at her front door a year into their forest hills lease, and her dad asks her to get it, she’s expecting anyone else except eddie munson. 

“what?” she greets him, immediately suspicious. 

he seems unfazed by her hostility. “um, my cousin’s coming over.”

penny just blinks at him, waiting for him to go on, but he doesn’t. she waves a hand at him, gesturing for him to go on. “okay? why does that matter to me?” 

“she’s in your class, i think,” he tells her.

it takes a second for her to process, again, why this matters to her. for a second she thinks he’s inviting her to hang out and she’s ready to slam the door in his face, because she has zero interest in hanging out with him or his cousin. it’s erin munson, she already detected this. made the connection a week or two into living there. if not for the last names, their matching big brown eyes would have tipped her off. like two little baby cows. 

“okay,” she says again, less snappy, more understanding, still waiting for him to say more. 

“i just thought you’d want to know,” he goes on. “we’ll probably be outside, so. maybe, don’t be.” 

usually, she doesn’t like taking orders or being told what to do, but in this case, he’s just giving her a heads up. doing as he’s been told to do - not let anyone find out she lives there. a wave of gratefulness washes over her. 

“i won’t be,” she says instead of the ‘thank you’ that’s on the tip of her tongue.

eddie leaves, penny goes back inside, and she can hear him and erin laughing outside just twenty minutes later. she draws her bedroom curtain closed. 

it surprises her, at first, that he’s willing to keep things from erin. someone he seems so close to. then, it relieves her. because if he’s willing to protect her secrets from someone like erin, there’s no reason to doubt he’ll do so with others.

but then, the more she thinks about it, and the closer her and eddie get - the more it kind of offends her. shouldn’t he want to tell erin all about the amazing girl in his life? okay, maybe they’re not dating - yet. but he should still want to gush over her. 

penny decides she can be both appreciative and annoyed at once. 

it’s inevitable that erin does find out though. once they reach driving age, and the younger munson has more freedoms than she did as a twelve year old, she’s stopping by a lot more often to see her cousin and uncle. random dinners when she can’t stand to sit with her parents, early mornings when she’s giving eddie a ride to school because his shitty van is having problems again, weekends when her social battery is drained and the only person she can tolerate is her cousin.  

only sometimes does she bother to warn eddie in advance. it’s not an issue for eddie or wayne. they don’t care. penny does. 

she has no problems with erin. they’ve shared classes for years, did a group project once in eighth grade, and erin agreed to do most of the research if penny did the presenting part. a perfect deal in penny’s eyes. she was quiet, kept to herself. not as annoying as some of the people eddie hung around with. 

that doesn’t mean she trusts her though, or wants her to know her business. but alas - 

it’s the fall of ‘85 and penny is with eddie more than she’s not. any second of spare time she has, she’s finding excuses to be with him. flirting before school, risking getting rides from him if it’s early enough and the parking lot is guaranteed to be mostly empty when they arrive. slipping outside after getting her dad to bed to sit outside with eddie under the stars. even weekends, she’d rather spend with him than out with her friends. 

“you’re coming back after, right?” he’d asked her, one day in june when she’d stood from his bedroom floor and said she had to go check on her dad. 

and she did. she always came back. 

that was where she was the day erin found out about them, on his bedroom floor, sitting cross-legged. they weren’t even really talking. he was scribbling something in a notebook, for dnd, she’s pretty sure. and she’s flipping through a magazine and painting her nails. a lot of days are like this. them doing their own things, but together. 

she blames her wet nails for why she doesn’t move quicker when she hears erin coming down the hall. the footsteps don’t sound like wayne’s, she notices right away. too light. but she’s trying not to smudge the wet pink paint and isn’t fully focusing on that, not reading into it. assumes wayne is walking gently, maybe has new shoes or something, up until the moment erin opens the door and they lock eyes. 

“shit-” penny sighs, looking up at a bewildered erin. she still doesn’t move. her fucking nails. she’s just sitting there, awkwardly holding them at her sides. 

erin blinks, and then looks around the room, as if she’s suddenly not sure she’s in the right place. “what are -” she squints. “what is penny doing here?” 

penny finds it a little rude that she’s staring right at her yet only speaking to eddie, but she’ll allow it, because she thinks it’ll be funny to hear eddie scramble for a response. 

“uh-” the scrambling begins. “she is… here.” 

fantastic. 

then, something seems to click in erin’s mind, something penny’s unaware of, and her eyes widen and light up. “it’s fucking penny? penny’s the girl you -” she pauses, as if even in her shock, she’s careful with her words. “penny burhan?!” 

again, penny finds this a little rude, but only a little, because erin doesn’t sound judgemental necessarily. just… surprised, and maybe a bit amused. 

eddie is quickly hopping out of his chair and shuffling erin into the hallway. their voices are muffled, and then gone completely as they move further from the door. penny is left alone to process what just happened. weirdly, she’s not scared. she always thought she’d be filled with anxiety if anyone ever caught her hanging out with eddie munson, that they’d suddenly know too much about her, they’d be able to see all of her truths. 

after the initial shock and fear wear off, penny feels… nothing. she doesn’t really care that erin knows. 

maybe it’s because of the fact that over the last couple of years, she’s learned how trustworthy certain munsons can be. 

eddie comes back in, alone, full of assurances, telling her erin’s cool, telling her she’s not going to say anything. but penny knows this, already gave herself these assurances while she awaited eddie’s return. there’s only one thing she really wants to hear about now. 

“so you talk about me to your cousin?” she asks, a grin on her face that tells him she already knows he does. ‘penny’s the girl you-’ had been what erin said, and penny can fill in the blanks on her own. eddie’s talked about her. he may not have mentioned her name directly, but he’s talked about her. she gets to her feet and moves closer to him, wet nails be damned, nudging at his shoulder. “what kind of stuff do you say about me? do you talk about how pretty i am? how funny i am? how witty and sexy i am?” 

she’s practically an inch from his face, giggling and teasing. it’d be the perfect time for him to kiss her. god, he’s such a baby. of course he’s not going to. he’s smiling at her like he’d let her, but she won’t either. not yet. not today. 

he threatens to send her home like he did to erin if she doesn’t stop, but of course he’s not going to do that either.

[nkhrchuwuya]

✨✨

this event is a literal dream come true I remember when a few months ago I would literally wait for ur posts 😭

i go by she/her and I’m an INFP if that helps? I’m around chuuya’s height. Maybe even taller by like a bit like 162? HAHA I’ve been told by my friends I’m someone who’s pretty honest and don’t really beat around the bush but at the same time not very confrontational. And I can’t wake up in the morning to save my life and can’t sleep seem to fall asleep these days (typing this at 4AM) the way I show love is through hugs and slinging onto ppl’s arms and also figuring out what they liked so I could always give them little surprises or cook up their fav meals Cz I like to cook a lot too.

My circle is pretty small but I get very affectionate with those I’m close with, and I usually stick to hanging out with those few unless I’m invited to big group events where I still like making friends but my battery drains out pretty quick. Love reading, (esp this acc 😤), having slow mornings, sleeping in, binge watching shows, long drives and having good food. I only hate loud noises and people who can’t read the room HAHA

Anyways I’m so happy your account is growing because you really deserve it with your talent! Technically I work as a writer too so I know how tough the job can be (if I’m not wrong in assuming ur work as one hahaha?) and I hope you’re taking care of urself ❤️

aww anon you're so kind to me! thank you so much for joining the event and hanging around, it's so nice to finally meet and talk to some of you!

here's your chuu headcanons~

chuuya insists you are the same height. no questions asked. insists. "what's a few centimeters between friends/lovers?". it's not your business if he wears those little height enhancer inserts for shoes when he's with you- or so he says.

he loves your honesty. it's just such a refreshing trait when it's coming from someone purehearted instead of to be used as a weapon. and don't worry, he'll do the confronting for you! you'll never have to lift a finger against someone who is fighting you when chuuya is around. you are safe and protected.

you best believe chuuya is on your ass about your health. having trouble fixing your sleeping cycle? mans is guiding you every step of the way, giving you blue-light blocking goggles and stealing your phone a few hours before bed and all that. alarms in the morning. snuggles til you sleep. he is invested. and if you have other issues with hygiene or eating or exercise or whatever involving your health, he is also equally as invested.

chuuya loves your homemade meals! please cook him a lot of dishes, he will gobble them all up like a starved man every single time. always has the best compliments for it too, probably coming from his own training with wine-tasting, always catching an herb or spice you used and how it affected the taste and that kind of stuff.

is so honored to be part of your small circle of friends. like even before you started dating, when you were just friends, he knew it was different to be this close to you. and he appreciated that, and he made sure to show that by being as good a friend as possible.

invested in learning your battery-refilling activities. he knows how you get drained in certain social situations, so he's always trying to add to his list of what things cheer you back up. no im not kidding he has a list on his phone. and he will not hesitate to use that on you! no matter how far-fetched the "thing that might refresh you" might be, he will find a way to give it to you.

you are so bad for chuuya's mornings... he sucks with them to begin with, but with you to enable him to take slow mornings and sleep in, it becomes so much harder to go to the port mafia headquarters and report for work. there was probably a transitional month where he barely could get to work on time and mori scolded him.

loves sitting next to you to read. even if he's reading documents for work. there's just something about your company next to him that is extremely comforting, and he loves that he can rest back like this with you.

i think the two of you will last a long time because there's a lot of trust involved. there's just a lot of it built into the foundation of the relationship that no matter how rocky it gets it will be hard to make chuuya change his mind about you.

also, thank you for your well-wishes! yes i do work as a writer in employment and 🤝🏼 here's to us in this goddamn industry right 😂

[soulvomit]

One of the things that makes it harder for me to tell, with regard to revisiting my earlier ASD dx, is that the shape of my life in my 40s is very, very different from what it was in my 30s, in ways that minimize social issues for me.

But the reality is that I haven’t made a new “afk” friend in a very, very long time. Literally everyone I’m close to, right now, is someone I’ve known forever to the degree that if they died, I would have no idea how to connect to anyone. My partner has introduced me a ton of people and yet I feel like I have to depend upon him to make us interact; it’s like I have no meaningful chemistry with anyone, ever (except the occasional really odd person that we meet that I can be myself around and it’s always someone really odd that I start opening up around), away from a keyboard. 

I feel like I get along socially by being a flesh golem that reads the room and knows how to spit out the right responses. But I know that if I open my mouth for anything more than small talk, I’ll probably be misunderstood, that most people just aren’t on the same wavelength. I feel like I’m compiling my interior native language into “normal people speak” when I’m trying to interact with people, I’m controlling for how my voice sounds and inwardly policing myself for what I even mention or talk about, and I function socially by being relatively passive and going with the flow, which is... really only possible because I live in a small town and don’t have a demanding social calendar. (Work interactions are much easier *as long as I deal with a specific constrained world* and type of person, the kind of person able to just keep on topic about work stuff and not bring their personal life or their favorite YA novels or their opinions to the office. i.e., NOT modern corporate life. I get along great with old weird programmers.)

And I smoke a shit ton of weed just to be on the same wavelength as other people because, as I said, it actually makes them interesting and funny. Weed also helps me manage situations where I can’t get past my squirming in physical and mental discomfort or hear through all the noise in my head and calms that shit down. It’s funny that people used to think I was high 24/7. Part of that going away was because I learned to shut up about stuff I think about, that people somehow associate many of my thought processes with “people who do a lot of drugs" and think it’s not normal to think about those kinds of things on a day to day basis. But the other thing is that *now that I really am high a damned lot of the time* I actually pass as normal, because being high lets me go along and get along. I’m actually more aware of and sensitive to other people when I’m high. It’s funny how people think I’m normal when I’m high and people thought I was high when I was sober. I don’t always feel like I *can’t socially interact.* All of my interactions look normal on the surface. After working at a normie ass job in my 30s and going through a period where I was an obsessive student of What’s Normal (discovering that plenty of ASD behaviors exist on a spectrum of non-ASD behavior for many people, was a fucking revelation), I feel like... I’ve learned how, I pass as a really socially adept person irl, but it’s like...  It’s only because I keep everything about myself... completely to myself, and have some really rigid interior rules my body won’t let me break, about what gets talked about and to whom. I’m only truly “myself” online or with the 2 “safe” people. But I often have gotten into fucked up codependent dynamics with those “safe” people because they’re the only people I really *can* talk to about anything actually meaningful to myself. With everyone else, I’m just focusing 100% on them, and in groups, I’m tuned out. And I have to limit contact with people irl to not get my batteries drained to nothing.

[ivyaugustetc]

@poetrusicperry: so i struggle with describing myself bc i tend to leave details out/forget about certain things and also don't like being perceived so it causes me to leave out details sometimes, sigh. but with that being said, here we go lol:

i'm 5'2 with super dark brown hair, super dark brown eyes, and a black hoop lip piercing. i'm *severely* introverted and have a hard time finding people who don't drain my social battery (since it dies out a lot faster than the average person); my alone time is what keeps me sane, and i always prefer to do things by myself. there are times when i do get super clingy and want to be held or talk to people, though. i have a lot of struggles with anxiety and depression. i've played hockey for fourteen years and i play in college rn along with being a writing major. i love to read, write, watch movies (i prefer movies to shows), spend an ungodly amount of time at the beach/on the coast (the beach/coast is one of the only places i feel completely at ease). ii love letter writing/receiving letters and wish ii had a pen pal. if i'm not wearing leggings/sweats and a hoodie, i'm probably in mom jeans and a cropped tank top. i absolutely ADORE cold weather, and any kind of heat (past like 80ºf makes me feel really sick). i drink a *lot* of tea, get really startled by loud noises or jump scares, and listen to music at any chance i get. neil is my fav poet and i love todd bc we're very similar socially. i don't have many friends, though i'm usually the "mom" of the group. i like to wake up early to get the most out of my day and i'm a huge sucker for retro anything (typewriters, polaroids, turntables, vinyls, etc.). i think that's all heh. sorry it was so long, but thank you in advance !!<3 (oh one last thing, i wear two necklaces that i never ever take off, and bracelets that i never take off either)

i love all of this. all of it. thank you so much for sharing it all!! it gave me so much inspiration omg here it is:

ship: i'm going to ship you with my sweet boy pitts + i think you would be besties with anderperry

notes:

you and pitts would meet because his younger sister would want to play hockey and her team would practice the same place you practice

you become friends with his sister first. she thinks you're legit the coolest person ever and one day she drags you over to meet pitts and announces that she wants to be just like you

so you see him every time he goes to pick up his sister but you never really talk until welton and he's like "hey isn't that the one that i literally fell in love with and then forced myself to realize i'd never see again? i think i'm seeing her again"

he would become your safe space at Welton, if that makes any sense (but he understands that sometimes you need your space ofc)

normally i don't feed into tropes but you guys are the epitome of the small and tall trope it's simply,,,, adorable

you'd meet the rest of the poets and suddenly you and pitts are the parents of the group, making sure no one does anything too stupid and that charlie doesn't evaporate or sumn

when there were times when you were feeling down or upset or something, pitts would not hesitate to sneak you out of whatever was stressing you out and go sit with you somewhere for as long as you wanted and talk about whatever you wanted

i get the feeling you'd watch a lot of movies together and make a big, big list of all the movies you watched together and which ones were your favorite

no horror movies though because neither of you like jump scares

"wait, wait i liked that one. can we watch that one again?" "you gave it a 4/10." "it was a bad day! and you gave it a 9/10 so i know you liked it."

you would bond over liking tea over coffee no matter how much shit charlie would give you (he lives off of plain black coffee)

he would go out in the snow and have snowball fights with you because he knows how much you love cold weather even though he kinda doesn't but whatever you're there so it's nice

but he loves the beach too! so it works out!

pitts would recognize how much you love your jewelry and would agonize for MONTHS trying to find a necklace or a bracelet to give you

when he finally does find the perfect one and give it to you, literally nothing makes him happier than seeing you wearing it every day

okie dokie onto you and anderperry!

neil loves anyone that's passionate about anything. doesn't matter what it is, but if its something you'll talk about for hours, he'll listen

he is,,,, incredibly impressed that you stick with hockey for so long (and a bit envious that you had the means to pursue your passions but WHATEVER)

he eventually talks to you about acting and how much he loves it, and seeing you stick with hockey for so long reminds him that having passion for things isn't something that goes away easily, and it gives him hope :')

you want a pen pal? here's todd anderson, someone who wants THE SAME THING.

you would break the ice by talking about writing and poetry and vintage stuff (because he loves vintage stuff because it romanticizes the past and what is poetry if not romanticizing the shit out of everything)

and one day you make a small comment in passing about how you want a pen pal and he's immediately like "...yes." "what?" "you said you wanted a pen pal? i w-i'll-yeah. yes."

long story short, you and pitts are the parents of the group who keep everything from falling to shit and i love that for both of you <3

[curlyhairedbrock]

I Found a Girl - Colby Brock

Loosely based off of “I found a Girl” by The Vamps

Colby Brock X Bi F reader

ITALICS = FLASHBACK

Summary: When Colby falls head over heels in love for his best friend, it kills him to find out that she already is dating someone else

Warnings: Angst, some graphic scenes, some fluff, bi female reader

Word count: 3,411 (I got a bit carried away LOL)

THIS GIF IS NOT MINE

A/N: This one means a lot to me, as I recently have been struggling with my identity and it felt really good to write everything out. I had this in my drafts for almost a month now? I continuously debated between different plot points and how that would affect the outcome of the story. Basically what I’m trying to say is that, this fic is written from the bottom of my heart and I hope that you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it <3 I love you bubs

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Today was the day; Colby was finally going to confess his love for his best friend, Y/N. After months of his constant pining, Colby had finally gotten the courage to spill his guts to her. The both of them have only known each other for a few months, yet Colby knew that she was the one for him. From the moment that they met, Colby had felt an instant connection between him and Y/N, and he was convinced that he had felt it too, yet his doubtful and anxious mind left him to spend months upon months yearning for the breathtaking girl.  

Colby had sent a text to her earlier in the day, asking her to come over for a movie night between just the both of them and hinting that he needed to tell her something important, in which she responded with a text, something along the lines of, “Ah, I’ve been meaning to tell you something too Colby!!”

Colby had spent the entire day working himself up to tell Y/N how he truly felt about her. He couldn’t help falling in love with her, from her silly attitude, her bad puns, her silky hair to her bright and shining eyes, she stole Colby’s breath away from the moment that he saw her. He thought that she was gorgeous, on the inside and out. Colby knew that she was special from the first moment that he saw her.

The trap house was filled with sweaty bodies from wall to wall due to one of their infamous parties. The constant commotion had quickly drained Colbys energy, so he had moved out into the backyard, taking small sips of his white claw while sitting on the blue sofas near the back door and looking up at the stars in the peace of the quiet night.  

There were a few people outside as well, lingering and lounging around the pool and basketball court, but the majority of the crowd was inside of the hot and sweaty house. The back doors and windows opened in attempt to lower the temperature of the inside of the house only resulting in the muffled music leaking out into the silence of the night.  

Colby had gone outside in an attempt to recharge his social battery. Sometimes, he would easily become too overwhelmed around the big crowds of tipsy strangers and simply needed an escape to quickly unwind. His friends had always made fun of him for this, constantly teasing him about leaving mid-way through every hangout and event, yet it was important to him; he called it his “Downtime”.  

Now, Y/N was wandering alone at this intense party. Her so-called “friends” had left her to do god-knows what and she was left all alone in a room full of strangers' sweaty bodies. Trudging through the unfamiliar, packed house, she sighs as she brings a cup of whatever alcoholic beverage her friends had made for her up to her mouth.  

Slightly intoxicated and in need of fresh air, Y/N stumbles through the house until she finds a door leading to the backyard. A cold breeze flows by, causing her to shiver and wrap her arms around her body, as she stands in the doorframe and looks around in awe at the Hawaiian-themed backyard, her eyes twinkling from a mixture of the amazement and fairy lights hung up on the patio ceiling.  

A small gasp from Y/N’s lips caught Colbys attention, and as he turned his head towards the back door, it was almost as if time stopped ticking. Colbys slightly widening eyes were met with a gorgeous girl as his mouth slowly fell open in awe. Colby was stunned; It was as if he was in a trance, seeing her hair flowing in the passing wind, the goosebumps on her arms and her body as the skin-tight dress she was currently wearing had her midriff exposed.  

Colbys eyes slowly raked over her body, his tongue running over his bottom lip before pulling his lip in between his teeth. The pure sight of Y/N already had Colbys heart thumping at a fast pace along with his breath caught in his chest.  

Y/N’s eyes continued to look around the backyard until her eyes landed on the indigo-haired boy sitting on the blue couches near her who, much to her surprise, was already staring back at her. Whether it was the intoxication or the loneliness, Y/N felt herself drawn towards the gorgeous boy in front of her.

“Hey there, pretty boy” She smiled at the boy, eyes slightly widening as she brought her bottom lip in between her teeth, “Mind if I keep you company? You look lonely, out here all by yourself.”  

“I uh,” The confidence emitted from the girl intimidated Colby, her words causing a light pink shade to cover Colbys cheeks and the bridge of his nose, “I would love that, uh...”

“Y/N. My name’s Y/N.” She softly smiled at him, walking towards the blue couches that he was sat at and plopped down next to him.  

Colby smiled down at her sitting beside him, his heart beating erratically in his chest, “That’s a really pretty name... Y/N...”  

“What are you doing out here, all by yourself?” She inquired, shivering yet again in response to another passing cold breeze. Colby saw her shivers and goosebumps and instantly took his hoodie off, offering it to her.

“Are you cold? Here, take this.”  

“Thank you, kind stranger,” Y/N tipsily giggling, still not knowing the name of the stunning boy sat right next to her. She quickly pulled the purple hoodie, which coincidentally matched the color of his hair, on her shivering frame, leaning into Colby's side.

“The name’s Colby,” He wrapped an arm around the trembling girl, causing her to pull her legs up to her chest and lean even further into his side, instantly warming her up.  

“So, why are you out here all alone? A pretty boy like you is usually the life of the party.”  She questioned once more, laying her head on his shoulder. Y/N couldn’t quite explain why she felt so safe in this strangers' arms. Almost as if there was a connection between the two of them; that they were meant to meet. She didn’t mean to come off as flirting, it was quite possibly the words rolling off her tongue as she slipped even further in comfort in the violet haired boy, along with the slight intoxication as well as the deep feeling of loneliness that caused Y/N to behave this way towards him.

“The party got a little too hectic for me,” Colby quietly chuckled, bringing the can of White Claw to his lips as he tilted his head back and finishing it, crushing the can with his hand and placing it on the ground next to the sofas where they were sat at. “What’s a beautiful girl like you doing all alone?” Colby inquired, his heart rate picking up at the small action of her shuffling closer into his side.  

“My friends abandoned me here- I don’t even know who hosted this party,” she grumbled quietly, sighing at the reminder of her friends that had left her all alone in a sea of people that she had never met, nor had she even heard of before.  

“You’re looking at the host right here, Y/N” Colby smiled, “And I could keep you company if you’d like?”  

“I’d love that, Colby,” she grinned up at him, their faces close to each other- almost touching in fact. She could feel his warm breath on her face as the pair stared intensely in each other's eyes. The both of them felt something that they hadn’t felt in a long time- adoration, fondness, yearning.

Colby broke the silence between them, whispering a small, “Your eyes look gorgeous right now, Y/N. You, uhh... you look absolutely, ahh-” Colby felt mesmerized in her stare, his dilated eyes repeatedly flickering down to her lips and quickly returning to hold her stare again.  

And for the thousandth time that night, Colbys heart rate increased as he lowered his head towards the stunning girl beside him. Y/N found herself leaning up into his presence, meeting gorgeous boy halfway, when their lips softly collided.  

As the stars twinkled in the sky and the music from inside only getting louder as the hours in the night went on, the perfect pair were submerged with the intense feelings towards each other. The dark night was filled with more soft, drunken kisses as the two of them were stuck in their own bubble- only paying attention to the breathtaking individual that sat in front of them.  

Y/N had a secret; She had kept a part of herself hidden from herself and from Californias judgmental eyes, not necessarily knowing how to tell her friends. She never quite knew how to explain to everyone that she was attracted to both guys and girls. She didn’t know how the primarily-straight friend group would take it, and despite being loving and accepting people, she was overall nervous. She, most of all, didn’t want to be judged for who she was; her genuine self.

It took her a long time to embrace herself; her secret, what made her, HER. Y/N had always felt some sort of attraction towards girls that she couldn’t quite explain, yet those feelings were always pushed to the back of her mind. With her religious family constantly judging her ever move and criticizing her career choice- her being a social influencer, that is- She never felt comfortable enough to sit down and accept herself. She had always felt afraid of what everyone in her life would think.

However, Y/N had started talking to this one girl; Juliette was her name and Y/N absolutely adored her. Juliette was everything that Y/N looked for in a person; a future partner; Someone that she could spend the rest of her life with, grow old with.  

Y/N had fallen head over heels in love with her. She was a big part of Y/N’s life; the two of them, recently having started dating, would constantly hang out with each other, go on dates and act like a couple. Juliette was quite possibly one of the best things in Y/Ns life. From Juliettes kind words to her loving and charismatic self, Y/N had fallen head over heels in love with her, yet none of Y/N’s friends had even heard of Juliette. Y/N decided that it had to change and that she would be coming out to her friends, primarily her best friend Colby, despite her nerves.  

Y/N enters the unlocked front door of the trap house 2.0, instantly going into the kitchen to grab a couple cans of white claw for Colby and her to enjoy for their movie night. She passes by Sam, mumbling a quick “Hey, what’s up?” before striding up the stairs with four cans of the different flavors of white claw in her hands. When she reaches the top, she knocks on Colby's bedroom door softly before creaking it open, sticking her head in and giggling when she sees Colby sprawled out on his bed surrounded by the many pillows and blankets, looking as comfy as ever.

Her laugh caught Colby by surprise, causing him to jump up from his sprawled state and sitting up, leaning his back against his headboard. He offered her a warm, welcoming smile with his arms wide open, insinuating a hug, to which she gladly ran towards him and jumped into his arms, the cans of white claw falling on the bed beside them. The both of them started laughing, his arms wrapping around her frame and squeezing a bit, to which she returned the hug, with her arms around his neck.  

She sighed, closing her eyes as she relaxed in his arms while nuzzling her face in the crook of his neck, mumbling a small, “I missed you, dork” with a soft smile on her face.

Her words caused Colby's heart-rate to spike. He tried to control his breathing as he didn’t want her to notice his nervousness around her- he didn’t want to ruin their close friendship, had his feelings not been mutual. Feeling flustered and with a light shade of pink falling across his cheeks and nose, Colby chuckled, muttering a small “I missed you too, bub”

They stayed still in that pose for a few seconds, the both of them melting in each other's presence as they basked in the warmth of the others body when Colby decided that he was finally going to confess his love for Y/N right then and there.  

Colby cleared his throat, starting to feel his heartbeat pick up as it usually did when around Y/N. Colby truly couldn’t help falling in love with anyone as precious as her, and it killed him to keep his feelings a secret for so long.  

“Y/N...” Colbys voice trailed in nervousness, “I love you” Colby mumbled under his breath as he closed his eyes in anticipation of her response.

Y/N giggles, assuming that his love for her was a platonic friendship type of love as she mumbles a small “I love you too, Colebear.” Her response causes Colby to slightly frown, feeling hopeless as he felt his heart drop at the attempt that flew over the clueless girls head.

“No, Y/N, I’m in love with you” Colby couldn’t stop himself from blurting out, followed by a string of profanities after he realized that the truth was now out in the open, and the only thing left to do was await Y/N’s response.

“Colebear, I uh...” She leaned back from their laid position, sitting on her knees as she gulped, her heart beating erratically in her chest as shock etched the features of her stunning face.

Colbys eyebrows furrowed in confusion and concern, his heartstrings slightly pulling at the anticipation. His hands found her waist, slightly squeezing in reassurance as he sat up, waiting for her to continue.

“I uh... Fuck, why is this so hard to say...” Y/N huffed, not being able to take the immense pressure and quickly grabbing a can of white claw from the bed, opening it and chugging the contents of the can in one swig, needing some liquid courage to help her deal with the new information that had been thrust at her, along with her own confession to her best friend.

“Woah woah, slow down there Y/N...” Colby’s words trailed as he watched her with intense eyes, her eyes shutting tightly as she continued to try to work herself up. “What's going on in your mind right now? Talk to me bub” Colby brought his hand up and down her waist in an attempt to comfort her.

“I’m seeing someone” Y/N breathed out, her lips slightly parted as shock continued to run through her veins, “It’s part of what I’ve been meaning to tell you Cole...”  

Colbys eyebrows furrowed at her words, pulling his hands back from her waist as a slight tug at his heartstrings was prominent, fully absorbing her words. She's seeing someone, Colby thought, how could someone so gorgeous not be seeing someone. Feeling his heart break into even smaller pieces, Colby sighed as he lost all hope of Y/N reciprocating his love back to him.  

“Do I know him?” Colby softly uttered as he brought his head down to look at his hands which rested on his lap, not being able to look her in the eyes.

A shaky, yet nervous laugh left Y/N, her secret about to be out in the open in the next few minutes, “I think it’s just easier if I showed you...” Y/N mumbled under her breath, reaching into her pocket to pull out her phone. She went through her photo album, looking for the video lingering in her mind as her stomach grew heavy in anticipation of Colbys reaction.

Suddenly, Colbys eyes were met with a video that caused his heart to drop. It was a gorgeous scene, a side-view video of the two stunning girls cuddling on the couch that was caught by one of Juliettes friend, who just so happened to be visiting the girls at the time.  

The two were laying on the couch in Y/Ns apartment, with Y/Ns small frame laying on top of Juliette. Y/N straddling Juliette body as Y/Ns laid on Juliettes, her body covering Juliettes. Y/Ns face had been nuzzled in the crook of Juliettes neck when Juliettes hands traces down Y/Ns back and down to her ass and lightly squeezing.  

Juliettes actions caused Y/N to giggle, pressing a tender and loving kiss to Juliettes soft neck. A small involuntary moan erupted from Juliette, causing Y/N to lift her head from Juliettes neck and press a passionate kiss onto Juliettes soft, strawberry Chapstick tasting lips.  

“I love you” The vulnerable words came from Y/N, opening her eyes and staring intensely into Juliettes gorgeous hazel eyes. Y/N pressed a kiss to the tip of Juliettes nose, causing Juliette to chuckle.

“I love you too, sweetheart. You’re so adorable, you lovely, precious, wonderful girl” Juliette muttered, her hand moving up to Y/Ns hair as she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, followed by her hand caressing Y/Ns face.

The video was cut short, as Y/N nervously awaited any type of response from Colby. When Colby lifted his head up from her phone to meet her gaze, his mouth slightly parted and his eyes were glossed over as his mind was trying to process and fully comprehend the video that he had just seen.

The few moments of silence had felt like decades to Y/N, her bottom lip in between her teeth in anticipation as she looked up at Colby, anticipating his response.

“You’re uh- dating a uh... girl?” Colbys face empty as he slowly blinks, his mind can't help but wander back to their intimate kiss when they had initially met.

“Yes Colbs” She felt breathless, as Colby still had not expressed any sign of his acceptance or opposition towards her coming out. Her mouth felt dry awaiting his response, when suddenly, Colbys hands covered his face as a small groan escaped his mouth.

“Why did you let me kiss you Y/N?” His hands left his face as guilt replaced his shock, the images of their first interaction playing in the heartbroken boys head as he did not want to have caused her harm in any way, shape or form.

A small laugh left Y/N, “Colby, I’m bi. I’m into girls AND guys” Y/N brought her hands to hold his, a small smile washed over her face as her grip tightened on his hands, “I just- I need to know- What are you thinking right now, Colby?”  

A tight smile formed on Colbys face, choking back the heartbreak he had been feeling in an attempt to conceal his true emotions, “I’m uhh, I’m really happy for you, Y/N”  

“Thank you” Y/N breathed out, a weight feeling as it had been lifted off of her shoulders. Finally, she was able to embrace her true self instead of constantly pushing it back as she had done these past few years. Not only was she able to be true to herself, she also had found a sweet and caring partner, Juliette, to cherish and love from the bottom of her heart.

Y/N finally felt happy, quite the opposite of what Colby was feeling. Inside, he felt shattered, broken beyond repair as the one girl who he had fallen head over heels in love with, was in love with another girl. Colby knew better than to be selfish, he knew that he should be happy for her, as she finally felt comfortable enough to share such an important part of her life and her identity with him, yet Colby couldn’t help the regret flowing through his veins. In Colbys mind,  had he only been able to confess his feelings sooner, the outcome could have possibly changed. Y/N could have possibly been dating Colby, instead of another person.  

Jealousy and heartbreak filled the void where Colbys heart once stood, full and beating erratically for the gorgeous girl sat in front of him. Yet, Colby couldn’t do anything but be supportive for his best friend. Of course, that was what they were and that was what they would ever be. Colby had been stuck in the friendzone as he had found a girl who was in love with another girl.

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 06

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, slight angst

; Word Count: 2.7k

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: Another part :D please let me know what you think and all that jazz. If you enjoyed it, please consider reblogging to let others find it too! :)

; Flower Masterpost

-

You don’t get very long to swoon over the date to yourself, for the very next morning you wake up to an abundance of texts from your two very impatient best friends. It’s a wonder your phone has any battery left given how many messages they’d sent into the group chat you all shared and it’s with more than a little bemusement that you respond to them both by asking if they’d sent enough.

That had only inspired a barrage of even more messages, leading to you simply telling them both to come over. They would have done that anyway, you knew that, but the official invitation at least gave them the excuse that they were wanted.

Which they were, because of course you wanted to gush and squeal to them along with analyse every bit of the previous nights date. It had been too late when you came home for them to come over and you’d felt tired, bone-weary even. Unlike your effervescent friends, you often liked to say that you had a social battery.

You were happy to socialise with people you got on with and understood until that battery depleted, upon which you simply wanted to go home and recharge. People took a lot out of you, and events like last night were particularly draining for you due to your nerves.

As such, you’d gone to sleep at 11pm and ended up sleeping straight through till 10am, completely oblivious to the impatience of your best friends. But now they were here, in the living room of your small apartment and practically sitting on you in their desperation to hear all about your night of debauchery.

That was a joke, they knew you well enough to know that would never happen.

Though they had been thoroughly entertained by his dick vomit story. Poor guy. He hadn’t even met them and now he was forever associated with a story like...that. You’d apologise whenever you saw him again, or at least before they ever got to introduce themselves.

Still, it was fun though as you retold the events of the night to them. They were charmed by the fact he’d taken you to an escape room and you knew that it meant a lot to them that he’d been so careful and sweet regarding your shy personality. The fact that you were talking about him with such enthusiasm and that tiny smile that said you were trying to hold back a grin told them everything and you sensed their overwhelming happiness for you.

“I can’t believe you went on a rant about to milk an almond.” Chungha groans, dainty hand slapping at her forehead before she runs her fingers through her long, ice-blonde hair. Her face was completely empty of makeup but you’d already promised her that you’d do it for her later. She had a date herself tonight, which you and Soyeon were pleased about.

Unlike you though, she’d met this guy through her work. You hoped it would be good for her though, even if boyfriends did often take your friends away from you for a while. 

“Well he started it. Or did I? I don’t remember. Either way, he completely agreed with me. The first people to do things must have been truly wild. I mean, think about it. Who was the first person to look at a cow’s udder and go ‘...I’m gonna have me some of that!’” You point out, eyes wide as you tried to convince them of your point.

Both of them just stared at you before Soyeon sighed deeply, flopping back onto the couch and shifting until her fluffy sock covered feet were in your lap. You pushed at them lightly, nose turning up but she ignored you completely, just letting out a deep groan.

“I mean...you’re not wrong. It is weird. But that is so not first date conversation!” She lets out another groan that sounds almost like it comes from her stomach and you feel your body heat up in embarrassment.

“Well he didn’t complain. If anything, he encouraged it. Asked me how do you milk an oat?” Your voice is defensive, lips pursed in a petulant pout and there’s silence from them both for a minute. And then Chungha is running her fingers down your arm with a defeated smile, shaking her head.

“It sounds like you’ve got a winner there girl.” Everything goes quiet for a few minutes after that and you feel the stirring of anxiety and panic in your stomach that you’d done something wrong. It only takes the tiniest signal from your brain before your body goes into overdrive, muscles tightening while everything feels like a livewire and your mind begins to run over the date obsessively, picking over anything that you think you were too forward or stupid on.

Anything to prove that you’d made an idiot out of yourself and that you would never hear from Jung Hoseok again.

“Do you think I messed up?” The words are so soft, every syllable laced tightly with fear and worry as you stare down at the fuzzy pink socks Soyeon is wearing. They have prancing unicorns on them and pretty rainbows. You’d bought her them for Christmas last year and had a matching pair of your own in your extensive sock drawer.

The two of them don’t need to be experts to hear the vulnerability in your voice and they’ve both known you long enough to know that your mind is compulsively finding ways to convince you that everything went wrong. That Hoseok had been weirded out by you and didn’t want to see you again, despite his commitment to texting you.

Guys did that, didn’t they? Said they’d text or call and never did.

Maybe it was a stereotype or something. Who knows. But the sickness in your stomach tells you that it’s probably true here.

“Hey, hey no. Don’t do this. Don’t do it sweetie, don’t you dare take a good and fun date like that and twist it negative in that pretty head of yours. It genuinely sounds like you both had a great time. And you said yourself that he didn’t complain about your conversations, he even encouraged them and went along with you! He sounds like a great guy!” Chungha says earnestly, grasping your hand tightly between her own and squeezing with an encouraging smile.

Soyeon pokes at your stomach with a toe, giving you her own smile from where her head rests on the large Pusheen pillow that sits with pride on your couch. You hate touching feet so you don’t do anything, simply give her a glare that just causes her to smile prettily.

Unlike Chungha, she has nothing this afternoon so has decreed that she will be spending her time with you instead. You both had a ton of true crime documentaries to watch on Netflix!

“He does. And he walked you to your car. Besides all that, you sound into him. Don’t talk yourself out of it.” Chewing on your lip, you let out a quiet hum and shrug your shoulders. As much as you love your best friends, it was sometimes frustrating when all you wanted to do was vent and be negative when they were so persistent on cheering you up.

You knew why they were doing it, and you appreciated it. But getting out of your slumps had always been hard. And your mind found it far easier to destroy happy moments than to let go of the negative.

“Yeah but…” Chungha places her hand over your mouth gently, pressing just hard enough that you can’t say anything before raising her brows with a soothing smile. 

“No but’s. They’re not allowed in this conversation. Not unless you want to tell us what his butt was like. I mean...did you see it? Not naked obviously, but like...you know...in his jeans. Some guys have amazing asses.” And with that, you chuckle, the looming aura of sadness still prevalent inside you but momentarily pushed aside as you recall her ex. He had indeed been blessed with an ass.

“Ahh...unfortunately not. He looks like one of those guys who’s...moderately blessed in that department. Not that I was looking. Well I was totally looking. But he fills his jeans nicely, so there’s that.”

“Yeah but he has tattoos and piercings. That makes up for any lack of bubble butt. Besides, you don’t wanna date a guy with a better ass than you. That’s just depressing. Think of the squat envy you’d have.” That comes from your splayed out friend, slapping her own thighs with a pout and you roll your eyes at her, thoroughly amused.

“Please, you don’t have to worry about any butt envy or anything. Your ass is fine. My ass has too much going on anyway, maybe I should give some to him.” You lightly pinch Soyeon’s leg, laughing as she yelped and then pouted at you, rubbing at the place before waving her feet in your face.

Immediately you’re recoiling away, landing almost on top of Chungha who just watches you both playfight with exasperation.

“Maybe so, but it’s nice to have something to grip you know? Both male and female.” Soyeon says with a grin, wiggling her brows at you suggestively and you heat up at the idea of grabbing Hoseok’s ass like that. And then you think about him grabbing yours and you can practically feel the ghost of his hands on you.

It makes you shudder in delight, the fantasy a wonderful image and Soyeon giggles as she feels the movement from you.

“Oooh, you like that. You wanna touch Hoseok’s ass?” She teases and you stick your tongue out at her childishly.

“Okay...in the interest of honesty...I want to lick every tattoo he has until I’ve committed them all to memory and then just...bite him. Anywhere. I don’t even care where. Oh god, his neck. Guys...his neck is just so freaking...urgh. And his fingers! Argh, they’re just...long and perfect and all I could think was…” You break off then, body heating as you squirm at the thought of everything you’d just said while you press your hands to your hot cheeks, embarrassed at what you’d blurted out.

Everything was the truth and you knew that they could tell. What you most certainly were not telling them was that you’d imagined tracing along his tattoos with your tongue. Which had then led on to a delightful fantasy of him pleasuring you with his own tongue, that delightful ball piercing combining with those long fingers in your mind until his name had been a gasped prayer of satisfaction and pleasure in the quietness of the night.

And then suddenly your phone vibrates, the sound loud on the table in front of you and all three of you jump in alarm at it. There’s a moment of silence before you all look at each other and laugh, feeling ridiculous that you’d all gotten scared of a phone notification of all things.

Reaching out, you grunt as Soyeon accidentally kicks you in the stomach before your fingers grasp your phone. Your friends were adamant that your phone case was uncool, but you didn’t care. You liked the flip phone case, the design a cute and overly cartoonish strawberry in hot pink and mint green.

Eyes widening, you stare at the lit-lock screen in disbelief before Chungha is poking at your arm, leaning over to try and see what’s got you so shocked.

“What is it? Has your dad accidentally posted in your family chat again?” Yeah, he was never living that moment down when he’d accidentally sent a sext that was supposed to be for your mom into your family group chat. “Is it...oh my god. It’s him! Soyeon! He’s texted!”

Her squeal is appallingly loud, causing you to turn and glare at her yet you can’t find it in yourself to shush her. Because you want to squeal loudly as well as she’s right, it’s Hoseok. He’s texted. Like he said he was.

“Isn’t it supposed to be too over eager to text the next day?” Is all you say, your tone confused and you recognise that what you’ve just said it stupid. But you can’t think properly right now because all you feel is pure elation that sizzles and crackles in your veins, the nausea of panic earlier to now turn into nausea of excitement while you try your hardest not to smile.

He’d texted. Just like he said he would.

“Oh shut up woman. Are you seriously gonna turn him down messaging you?! This a sign he likes you! Really likes you! It’s not even noon and the man is trying to talk with you again! Answer him!” Soyeon says and you realise that she’s gotten up, peering over your shoulder at your phone screen as well.

Quietly, you unlock your phone and read the message from him a few times before licking your lips and responding.

Jung Hoseok [11:23am]: Hi. So...about that Instagram?

Jung Hoseok [11:23am]: Also, I know you’re not meant to double text but...last night was fun.

The second text comes in before you can properly respond and your eyes widen, noting that he seems to be pretty eager just like they’d said. Or at least...being polite.

Y/N [11:24am]: Hi...same. Hope I wasn’t too...weird

You send him your Instagram handle as well, wondering whether or not you’d posted any dumb photos on there recently. Before you can get too worked up over it though, you push the thought firmly away and decide that he’ll just have to put up with it. He didn’t seem to have been bothered by your quirks last night, and if he wanted to pursue anything further then you’d rather he realise sooner than later.

Jung Hoseok [11:26am]: Nah, you were fine. Best first date I’ve ever had

Jung Hoseok [11:27am]: I also found this out this morning and thought you’d like to hear, Fact Queen

Jung Hoseok [11:29am]: Did you know...Stan Lee almost made the Power Rangers. Saw it on a documentary I’m watching

Y/N: [11:30am]: The Toys That Made Us? On Netflix? It’s great!

Jung Hoseok [11:32am]: It is! Thought I’d tell you anyway

Y/N [11:33am]: :)

He goes quiet after that and you realise that your friends have both been sat silent, holding their breath as they read the conversation between you both. And when you look at them, your eyes widen when you see the matching broad grins they wear.

There’s a second of hesitation before they both squeal and wrap their arms around you tightly, squeezing you so hard.

“Oh my god! He so likes you! He gets you! Oh my god! Girl! You’ve lucked out!!” Chungha shrieks, shaking you violently by the shoulders while Soyeon is slapping your arm lightly in her excitement. Their positive energy is infectious and you find yourself laughing in response, the happiness inside you bubbling higher at Hoseok’s words.

He’d enjoyed last night. Really enjoyed it, if he was to be believed.

And not only did he not mind your weird sense of humour or fact based response mechanism, but he reciprocated it with something he thought you might find interesting. It made you feel warm and gooey.

Another vibration causes you to look down at your phone again, noting that there’s no new message this time from him. Instead, you see that someone called ‘jungsevenfold’ has followed you on Instagram.

Clicking on it, you see that it’s Hoseok’s profile. And just like his Facebook, it’s a hodgepodge of casual photos of him and his friends and more artistic and aesthetic photography shots. Shyly, you follow him back and then note the notifications that pop up on the bottom.

“Oh...my god. This guy is gonna be whipped for you.” Soyeon snorts and you heat up in embarrassment, wanting to deny her but unsure how to.

Because he’d already viewed and liked at least 5 of your images. And he’d even left a comment on the photo you’d taken before you left for the date last night, the angle and light perfect to make your make-up and outfit look its best.

jungsevenfold: beautiful! :)

[youarejesting]

Quarantine.32

[Masterlist] Editor: [Yoongisauce] Pairing: BTS x reader Friends2Lovers Genres: friendship, drama, romance SLOWEST OF BURNS. until the anticipation kills us all… Rating: PG-13 and above Summary: Your brother works with a few BigHit dance teams and whilst having permission to accompany him at work the city shuts down banning anyone from stepping outside for a whole WEEK while they disinfect the streets. If you step outside you might get arrested, shot or poisoned by the chemicals they are emitting through the city. Words: 1.9k Announcement: This is the closing chapter of ARC 1 ‘Fog’ So of course it had to be a big one.

[Part 1]  [Part 31] [Part 33] [Tag Yourself Here]

Seokjin sat beside your bed drifting in and out of consciousness, watching the rise and fall of your chest. At first, it was hard to look at you, your features strained and obviously in pain, but as the night rolled over to the day you seemed almost peaceful. Cheeks warming into a soft peach hue. There was life in you yet.

He watched a sleek ginger cat walk through the open clinic door and jump onto the end of the bed. Its tiny bell tinkled. Seokjin sat up, ready to move the feline before it had a chance to hurt you.

“Leave the cat, just watch.” The soldier in the neighboring bed smiled at Seokjin. The cat gently walked up the bed and nestled by your injured thigh and started purring. “Cat’s purrs are said to help the healing process.”

“Mister Kim, I think you should get in contact with your friends before they worry themselves further,” Doctor Chang called from the door. He had showered, combed his hair and even shaved his shadow of a beard. He looked more respectable in fresh clean clothes and his white uniform coat. 

Seokjin realized the tight feeling he had in his chest. It all made sense; he missed the boys deeply and wished to just embrace them and recharge mentally.

“Thank you for last night. Here is your jacket,” The doctor smiled handing over the folded outerwear. Seokjin tried not to grow bashful at the appreciative words, and picked up the walkie talkie ready to contact his friends. His phone now had service above ground but had run out of battery.

With a small breath, he spoke clearly into the walkie, “This is Kim Seokjin, uh… I am uh trying to get in contact with BigHit”

“Kim Seokjin!” a voice called and he knew that tone, it was a fan. It only took a few minutes for the radio to sound off a mess of voices calling for him and announcing their love for him. The military, who were now in the area dealing with the gangs, began scolding these fans for misusing the emergency radios.

“This is Kim Namjoon, calling for Kim Seokjin, are you okay? Where are you?”

“Namjoon, I made it. I am safe. We are fine.”

“Mister Kim, we have been made aware of your situation with our more secure radio channel. We will send some men out to collect you and take you back to your company when the area is secured.”

“Ah, thank you,” he smiled, turning to see the soldier in his bed with radio in hand. 

“Hyung, let’s not use the radio’s cause we are now trending on twitter.” 

“Okay, my phone is out of battery but I’ll try to find some way to charge it.”

Feeling like perhaps things were looking up, Seokjin headed back to your bedside, seeing you stir momentarily. You were mumbling about shooting someone and he knew the memories must have been haunting you.

Taking your hand in his, he wondered when he would see your sparkling eyes open once more and gaze upon him.

~

All the boys had been present for Seokjin’s news and they were cheering and hugging each other. They had deciphered the message earlier when the oldest stressed the word other. They hoped that the message they received that night had indeed just been distorted and that you hadn’t actually been injured.

“Hyung they are safe!” Jimin grinned as he and Taehyung jumped circles around Namjoon, “Jin-Hyung said they are okay.”

Namjoon received a message calling him to speak with a few of the higher-ups. Looking at the boys in the midst of celebration, he quickly excused himself, catching Jungkook’s eye on the way out.

What did they want to see him about? He knew they were already in trouble for speaking over the radio. The fans and social media were going wild with theories of what was happening and he was too scared to even peak at the damage.

The elevator ride was, as always, slow and kind of stuffy but once he reached the third floor from the top, he sighed. The air was so cool and clean. Pulling his sleeves down and smoothing his unruly hair he approached the reception.

“Ah Kim Namjoon-ssi, please follow me to the meeting room.” He followed a thin young man in a suit to an elaborate meeting room designed for at least thirty board members to be present. But today? There was a single chair at the side of the long table.

The young man turned on the thin laptop, set up the headset, and selected CEO Bang Si-Hyuk icon on the screen. Namjoon smiled politely, trying not to appear guilty in front of the CEO. 

“Good day. I heard you have made quite a commotion late this morning. There are magazines and social media outlets asking ‘Where is Jin?’ and they want a statement as to why he is outside of the company building, who he is with and why he needs a military escort. What are you expecting me to tell the press?”

“Well– we can state that Jungkook dislocated his shoulder and the two went to the clinic together. And now he needs an escort back as we were informed there are some violent groups in the area that have been causing trouble.”

“As long as you know that this is a warning– if you do something like this again and put your images in jeopardy it will be a breach of contract. I don’t want to have to penalize anyone and I definitely don’t want to remove anyone from the band.”

“Yes sir, understood,” Namjoon sighed brushing his palms down his face.

“I would like regular updates on this female that seems to be causing trouble within the group. None of this was happening before you met her and I hope you aren’t thinking of breaking our dating policy. We have allowed you to have one night stands but we don’t want to cause any more scandals.” Bang Si-Hyuk looked comfortable in his home, but the dull light in his eyes showed he was put out by the latest internet exposure. “I will send out the statement. You boys know I don’t want to be the bad guy. I am trying to do what is best for you.”

“We understand sir, I will speak to the others and remind them of our obligations”

“Good man, keep me in the loop and I will speak to you soon.”

~ 

Seokjin woke up with a start. There was a commotion in the clinic; he could see people that were badly injured. He walked around to see if anyone needed help. People were on the floor, all pink and blistered, gasping for breath. “Doctor Chang! What happened?”

“The building had a leak– they all have serious chemical burns and poisoning from the gas.” Doctor Chang sighed, “There are too many of them; the hospital is filled and they have already sent some to nearby health centers but there aren’t enough beds. Can you pass me the saline bags behind you?” 

Seokjin handed them over, becoming more concerned. “We have to find these patients beds,” The doctor said, stacking more items onto a trolley.

“They can have mine. Doc, is there anything I can do?” A lethargic voice spoke softly. Seokjin turned so fast he felt his neck pop loudly. “My bed is free.”

“No! You were shot,” Seokjin said and you sighed, “I slept for a long time. I am fine, let me give my bed up. I am recovering and they are suffering, let me give them some comfort.”

The place was packed wall to wall and after some grueling work and care to the injured, everyone seemed to be taken care of. Multiple soldiers arrived announcing that they would be escorting Seokjin back to the company. He looked surprised to see you dressed in a suit as well.

“Why are you dressed?”

“I am coming back with you. I want to be comfortable somewhere quiet and dark. There are no more beds– I would just get in the way if I stay any longer. I will be on bed rest at the company, so it will be fine.” 

Seokjin saw the desperation in your eyes at the idea of leaving the clinic and nodded softly. “I have antibiotics and painkillers and I can come back when I need the drain removed. The government says they are going to stop the fog so it won’t be as dangerous to walk to the clinic and back.”

Reluctantly agreeing, the two of you made the final trek to the company. Seokjin held your hand the whole way. He could see you getting tired from walking, trying to mask the pain in your thigh. He lifted you up onto his back, letting you rest your head in the crook of his shoulder.He heard your breathing even out and knew you had fallen asleep,  your exhausted body still recovering. 

You arrived at the Big Hit building and he set you down on the pavement, smiling at you as you yawned behind your visor. The fog was getting lighter as the day dragged on.

The building had just opened the doors, when Seokjin saw something pass the corner of his eye in the fading fog. He saw Thomas and the boys waiting in the lobby waving at you both, Taehyung and Hoseok with happy tears in their eyes. “Come on let’s go inside.”

Seokjin looked down at you. The smile on your face from seeing everyone again had him feeling warm and fuzzy; he wanted to hold you and kiss you in ways friends did not. He wanted to show you how much you meant to him and he knew his band members wanted the same.

Placing his hand delicately to the curve of your waist, he moved to your side, “You are so beautiful.” 

You blushed, cheeks reddening as you looked up at him. Everything seemed so surreal at that moment; the glow of your cheeks seemed to light up your face inside the visor, eyes sparkling brightly. That is until– the visor splattered red.

It all happened so fast– there was a noise that echoed in his ear, loudly ringing out through the street. He watched your body fall like a rag doll. Loud popping sounds continued going off around him.

Jin rolled you onto your back and saw a bloodied hole in the side of your headpiece. Blood pooled out from your head. Your body was lifeless, eyes no longer contained their sparkle. 

Everything happened so unexpectedly, he turned away from your dead body and proceeded to vomit onto the sidewalk. What happened to the smiling girl from just a few minutes ago. Where did he go wrong? 

Seokjin could register several voices screaming hysterically; Captain Won-Shik pulled Seokjin away from your corpse, dragging him safely inside. The captain shouted about tracking down every single gang member before running back onto the street to continue the search for any hidden gunmen.

Seokjin looked across the room at Taehyung who was crying so hard it didn’t sound human. That’s when he heard a very distinct meow and something soft brush his cheek.

Eyes shooting open, Seokjin was face to face with the ginger cat who meowed once more, rubbing its soft cheeks against his. He felt how wet his cheeks were and knew he had been crying.

[Part 1]  [Part 31] [Part 33] [Tag Yourself Here]

Please tell me if the tags work or not, I am still working with them.

Tags:@theneverdays @hi-itstt​ @bubbletae7​ @lovemusicandotps​ @taetaebq​ @seveniefive​ @w0lfqu33n​ @anaiss97​ @moccahobi​ @maddymal​ @lilacdreams-00​ @lethargicalyssa​ @knjkitten​ @pieislife​ @bunnyboyenthusiast​  @vividwoosan​ @seesawsmin-flower​ @tinyunknownflower​ @gguksfilter​ @fawnzilla​ @passionate-love-57911​ @btrombley13​

[xpersonality]

How do INFPs handle popularity?

Introduction

Imagine yourself being a 10 year old again….

It’s Thursday morning, 08:00 AM. Your day starts with a gymclass.

You don’t like school, except gym. It has always been your favorite school class. You love to play sports!

Today is basketbal on the schedule, you are extremely content to play your favorite sport.

You enter the gymnastics class.

So the moment arrived, the first thing that has to be done in order to play basketbal is that teams have to be formed.

Your teacher asks Tom and Charlie to pick their own basketbal team. Everyone could see that Tom and Charlie, the most popular boys of the class were feeling honored to pick their favorite team.

Tom picks his best friend Tim. Charlie picks Cathy, which he always plays with at school. Tom picks Bob. Carlie picks Hans. Tom picks Caroline, Charlie picks Robbie.

There are only two people remaining, Jan and You.

You start to get anxious, and afraid. Your hands start to shake and you start to feel dizzy. Terrifying thoughts are filling your mind like: am I being picked last?

The thing that followed was a long awkward silence ……………

The teacher encourages Tom to pick the last team member for his basketbal team.

Tom doesn’t hesitate and picks Jan.

And there you are, staring into darkness, nobody picked you, you are the leftover. You feel like you aren’t good enough, aren’t sporty enough and last: aren’t popular enough.

Sadly they picked the most popular kids, status is important early on. You see, at a very young age, children are influenced by the effect of popularity. It even starts at school as you saw in the example.

So, how do INFPs handle popularity?

We don’t.

We believe that popularity crushes humanity - The INFPs ideal is to achieve equality between humans. Status hierarchies shouldn’t be part of our society. Those hierachies prevent high status from interacting with low status people. So much friendships are never started because we thought that we were ‘’higher’’ on the ladder of social hierarchie. Treat everyone with the same respect.

We dislike attention - Since we are introverts our battery is limited, charging is necessary. It doesn’t take a lot of effort for us to be totally drained. Being watched and feeling constant pressure are the worst energy drainers. We LOVE to be in the background, let us be influential behind the scenes.

We keep our circle SMALL - Imagine the terrifying situation of giving a birthday party in which you have to invite all your 100 FRIENDS because of your immense popularity. This is my worst nightmare. I can count my important people on two hands and I want to keep it that way.

Message to my fellow INFPs:

Don’t be ashamed of yourself for not being popular enough, when you stay the way you are you will find the right, humble, like-minded humans you are looking for. Don’t be pressured to act popular, we are popular in our own unique way. Not admired by 1000 people, constantly followed and looked up to. But being important to the select, small group of people who are worth it to be part of our lives.

Thanks for reading!

[sugamoonv]

Happiness Doesn’t Have to Be So Complicated

Summary: Life is already complicated being the only girl in a worldwide famous kpop band. It’s even more complicated when you have to hide your relationship with idol Min Yoongi and it’s only going to turn into complete chaos when another member confesses his feelings to you.

Pairings: Yoongi x Reader/ Taehyung x Reader/ Yoongi x Reader x Taehyung/ Namjoon x Jin

Word Count: 3.5+

Part 2

“What message do you want to give to your Armys'?” the man asked.

You were sitting behind Namjoon, Jin, Suga, and Hoseok for the interview. Jimin started shouting ‘I love you’s’ along with the other boys and you. You slapped a hand down on Yoongi’s shoulder and he cries out, turning to you in discontempt. You ignore him as Yoongi usually lets you get away with stuff like this since you were the youngest while he would ignore the others for days on purpose as punishment. Taehyung keeps poking your side but you ignore it as you drape yourself over Yoongi’s shoulders. The interviewer has moved on and luckily Namjoon has been answering most of the questions so you don’t have to focus too much.

“This question is for Y/N actually,” you straighten yourself back into your chair, “What is it like to be the only girl in BTS?”

It’s a question you’re usually asked. “Um, at first it was a bit hard, especially moving into the dorms, but I have my own room so it wasn’t that bad,” you laugh, “but, uh, I eventually got used to it. We all work so well together that most days I don’t even notice it anymore.”

“Yeah, sometimes we forget that you’re a woman too with how you act,”

“Don’t. Be. Rude.” Jin hunches over laughing as you start slapping his back. Taehyung and Namjoon join you so Jin launches out of his seat and moves away from you and stands a foot away, placing his hands on his hips and laughing. He returns to next to Namjoon once he deems it’s safe for him.

You’re all in the interview for another hour, the interviewer directing a few questions to specific members, but mainly they’re general enough for Namjoon to answer most of them for you all. Taehyung keeps being touchy with you throughout the rest of the interview, poking your face, pinching your neck of cheek, grabbing your hand, and going so far to even obnoxiously scoot his chair so that it’s touching yours and leaning against you. Yoongi notices and continuously sends annoyed looks to Taehyung discreetly. As soon as the interview is over and you all move from the view of the camera, Jimin wraps his arms around your waist so you both have to waddle to the dressing room.

“Joonie, I’m tired,” you whine. You drag yours and Jimin’s body onto the couch.

“Move,” Yoongi replaces Jimin laying next to you. His face is close to yours. So close that you only have to move a few inches to peck his lips. You hear Namjoon talking to someone and Hoseok and Jin having a conversation but you don’t pay them any mind as you focus on memorizing the contours of Yoongi’s face.

Yoongi nuzzles his face into your shoulder and cuddles into you. “You okay?” you softly ask him as you run your fingers through his hair. You feel him nod against you.

Jimin comes up and shakes Yoongi’s shoulder, “Hyung, it’s time to go,” he whines.

Yoongi slowly gets off the couch, you following suit. He keeps his hand in yours until you leave the back of the studio and at the sight of the people waiting outside with cameras, he quickly drops it. You pay no mind as Yoongi isn’t one for pda and the public has no knowledge of your relationship with him. He makes sure to take extra precautions hiding his affection in the public eye, as the backlash with him simply dating would be great, but him dating the only girl in the group might be extreme.

Taehyung is the opposite of Yoongi in that he loves pda. Not that you and Taehyung were involved romantically, but you were close and he almost always had to be touching you whenever Yoongi or the other boys weren’t. His skinship with you has led to many fans shipping you two and assuming that you and Taehyung were in a secret relationship, and luckily you and Yoongi were secure enough that he never seemed to be upset by it. So it’s no surprise when Taehyung’s hand immediately replaces Yoongi’s.

You quickly greet the fans and then pile into the car waiting for you. Almost always, you’re sandwiched between Yoongi and Taehyung, but this time Yoongi sits next to Jungkook so Hoseok fills in Yoongi’s spot. You’ve noticed that Yoongi has been slightly off with you today. Not being as talkative and only reciprocating physical affection when you initiate. You thought your relationship finally got to the point where he felt confident enough to initiate it himself. Perhaps you were wrong. Yoongi’s small act of choosing a different seat though leaves you feeling disappointed and wondering if you had done anything wrong.

You try to catch Yoongi’s eyes but his gaze keeps shifting, almost as if he’s actively avoiding it. After a minute, you give up and lean back into the seat with a quiet huff. Taehyung notices you and drapes an arm over your shoulder as an act of comfort and pulls you close to him. You miss the way Yoongi’s jaw tightens as he stares at Taehyung’s arm as you’re too busy pouting into your phone.

You all quickly get through the rest of the day, going from place to place. By the time you all get back to the dorm, your social battery is drained and all you want to do is go to sleep with Yoongi right beside you. However, as he’s been distant with you all day, part of you assumes that that won’t be a reality tonight. All of the boys relax the second you all enter the dorm. Jungkook going to his room and Jimin going to the shower, Hoseok and Taehyung go to relax in the living room, and Namjoon and Jin move to the kitchen to make dinner.

Namjoon and Jin were experts at hiding their relationship, yet away from all the scrutiny of others, they were practically all over each other in private. Always sitting on each other’s laps, holding hands or each other’s waist, giving affectionate looks. You want to give them a little bit of privacy as you understand how difficult it can be to hide a part of your life from the public constantly, so you join Taehyung and Hoseok. You expect Yoongi to finally interact with you, but for what seems like the hundredth time today, you’re left alone as Yoongi walks right by you and heads to his room without a word.

Fed up, you leave your seat and Taehyung grabs your hand to try and stop you seeing how angry you were, but you simply shake his hand off of yours and storm after Yoongi. He all but shuts the door in your face, not having noticed you behind him, and in response you whip open the door, startling him.

“Is there something going on that you wanna talk to me about?” you confront Yoongi.

“No?” he looks at you as if you’ve grown three heads.

“Really? Because you’ve been distant with me all day for some reason and I don’t know why. If I did something wrong you can just tell me.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes and turns away from you to begin changing out of his clothes.

“Oh, so now you’re just going to straight up ignore me?”.

“I’m not ignoring you. Stop being childish,” Yoongi snaps at you.

You’re flabbergasted, “I’m the one that’s being childish?” the pitch of your voice raises, “Look at what you’ve been doing all day. Obviously, there’s something that’s wrong with you and you’re refusing to tell me so explain to me how I’m the one that’s being childish.”

    Yoongi stands in front of you, silent, lips sucked in, anger apparent on his face.

    “Fine. Whatever. Don’t tell me,” you storm out of Yoongi’s room. On the way to your room, you run into Jimin and you brush past him, ducking your head to hide your glossy eyes before he can ask what’s wrong. You slam your door shut behind you and throw yourself onto your bed, hugging one of your pillows close to your body.

    A knock on your door breaks you from your moping. “Who is it?” your voice is slightly muffled from the pillow.

    “Tae.”

    “You can come in,”

    Taehyung quietly shuffles into your room, softly shutting the door behind him. You watch him with your face half hidden. “What happened?” he asks concerned.

    You shrug your shoulders. Taehyung crawls onto your bed and lays in front of you, similar to how Yoongi was this morning. He places his hand on your hip and comfortingly rubs circles with his thumb. You both lay in silence, staring at each other for a few minutes.

    “Do you want to talk about it,” Taehyung gauges you.

    You sigh, “Yoongi just won’t talk to me, and I don’t know why,” you move closer to Taehyung for comfort, “I don’t know what to do,”

    “Maybe he’s just having a bad day?”

    “Yeah, but he still talks to me when he’s having a rough day and now, he just, won’t talk to me. Like, usually when he’s mad or something, he’ll tell me, but now he’s completely ignoring me,” your voice becomes shaky as frustration creeps up in you again. You glance at Taehyung before you tuck your forehead into his neck.

He sighs, unsure of how to help you. “Just try giving some space. I’m sure he’ll come around eventually,”

It’s been a week and Yoongi still has yet to talk to you about what’s bothering him. His behavior has been affecting you, but luckily Taehyung has filled in the absence made by Yoongi, lessening your hurt. As Yoongi continues to further, the more and more time you spend hanging out with Taehyung. It gets to the point where you’re completely afraid that any physical affection you wish to show to Yoongi will push him over the edge and he’ll finally end things completely. Despite this fear, you remain stubborn, sticking to Taehyung's advice and feeling as though it’s not your responsibility to approach Yoongi to try and work things out again. The others have surely noticed but fortunately, they haven’t said anything to you at least.

It’s approaching early morning. You had spent the night shooting for a music video and you all had finally gotten back to the dorms. Luckily, you were all given the day off, something that didn’t happen that often, so you all had a chance to actually sleep before going back to work tomorrow.

Since you and Yoongi were spending time apart, Taehyung had taken to sleeping with you. He roomed with Jungkook but they had separate beds and Taehyung was the type to have to be next to someone to get a good night's rest. With your bed being emptier than usual, he all but invited himself. He claimed that your bed was more comfortable and since you were the only female and thus given a single room, he didn’t have to deal with Jungkook’s strange sleeping habits. Becoming increasingly lonely, you had no objections.

You and Taehyung were laying side by side, you drifting in and out of sleep but for some reason, he looked wide awake despite the long hours just worked.

“Y/N? Can I talk to you about something?” he sounded nervous. You gave a sleepy confirmation. “I don’t know how to say this,” he nervously laughs, “um, I don’t think this is the right time to say this since you and Suga-hyung are fighting,” at the mention of Yoongi, you wake up more, “but I think that if I don’t say this now, I never will,” he admits. He falls silent and you watch him, waiting, as he thinks to himself. The room is dark but some light filters from the moon filters into your room so you can make out his face. “I think I’m in love with you,” he whispers.

You tense up. You stare at his fearful yet hopeful expression with wide eyes. Your mouth feels dry and your stomach is doing flips.

“You don’t have to feel the same. I just needed you to know,” Taehyung sadly reassures. You sit up and hunch over, putting your face in your hands. Taehyung does the same, but at your lack of a response, he shifts away from you to give you space.

You tilt your head to look at him, to really look at him. Even in the darkness, with no makeup, messy hair, and baggy pajamas, he’s still incredibly beautiful. You would be lying if you said that you hadn’t noticed how good looking he is, all of the boys were, but tonight, this feels different. A part of you wants him but your love for Yoongi is much greater. You would never betray Yoongi like that, especially with someone who’s so close to him.

“I think maybe you should stay in your room from now on,” you give him a pained look.

His lips turn down in a frown and he nods, looking down at his lap. He opens his mouth as if to speak but quickly closes it when he glances at you. He slides off the bed, deflated, and leaves your room.

It was mainly silent in your room, but this silence is deafening. Even with the tension, Taehyung’s confession brought, the room felt smaller, homier with him here with you. Now suddenly, it feels empty, foreign and cold. You stifle a sob, not wanting to wake anyone. Your body shakes with the exertion of trying to suppress your crying. It’s at this moment when you feel the most alone you’ve ever felt in your life.

You force yourself off the bed and walk across the cold, wood floors, making your way to Yoongi’s room. You lightly knock and at no one answering, you start crying more. You know he’s sleeping but you can’t stop yourself. You take a deep breath and pull yourself together enough to slowly creak open the door. You tread over to Yoongi’s sleeping form before hesitantly reaching out and shaking his shoulder. You’re shaking uncontrollably now.

“Yoongi,” you whisper and nudge him again. He mumbles, already sounding annoyed.

He turns onto his other side to he can see you, “What?”

“I-I’m, I’m sorry,” you begin to hyperventilate, “I just needed someone to talk to. You were the first person I thought of. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I can go,”

Finally noticing your distressed state, Yoongi forgets his own anger and rushes to encompass you in his arms. “Hey, alright. It’s alright. You don’t have to leave.”

You clamber next to Yoongi on the bed. “Can we please stop fighting?” you practically beg as you grip the sweater he’s wearing in your hands.

“Is that why you’re crying?” Yoongi inquires, but there’s nothing accusatory of it.

“No...yeah, kinda.”

“Why else are you crying?” You slump your shoulders more and fervently shake your head. “Y/N, I won’t get mad at you.” Yoongi rests his hand over yours and tilts forward to get a proper look at your face.

You lock eyes with him then force yourself to look away, “Taehyung told me he has feelings for me,” you swallow.

Yoongi’s body tenses and his brows furrow. He slowly nods as he wraps his head around what you told him. He keeps his eyes pointed at the wall, making sure not to look at you, “Did you- did you do anything?”

“What? Of course not!” Yoongi slowly blinks and rubs his face with his hands in relief. “Did you really think I would cheat on you?” you ask defensively.

Yoongi sighs again, “No, but I’ve noticed that you and Tae have been getting close lately. I knew he had a crush on you but I didn’t think he would go this far with it.”

You stare at Yoongi, trying to decipher him. You have calmed down since coming to his room. Your eyes ache and your body feels sore. “Is that why you wouldn’t talk to me? Because you thought I was cheating on you?” you interrogate.

“Well, you and Tae are so close what was I supposed to think, especially when he’s so open about his feelings,” Yoongi bemoans, “and I know you have feelings for him too but you hide them.”

“I don-”

“You do! Sometimes I catch the way you look at him and the way you talk to him or laugh at what he says and it’s so obvious that you feel the same for him and I don’t think you know what you’re doing but it’s so god damn obvious,” he rambles. “It’s like, how do you react to your girlfriend being in love with another man?”

He looks tired, exhausted. You’re speechless. You start thinking of all the things you’ve done with Taehyung and how they make it seem like you reciprocate the same feelings to him.

“I’m in love with you, Min Yoongi,”

“And you’re in love with Kim Taehyung too,” Yoongi looks at your panicked, forlorn expression and he gives you a look of sympathy, “It’s okay. I just want you to be happy and if happy is him then I wouldn’t wish for anything less.”

Tears fall down your face and the only thing you can manage to look at is your intertwined fingers on your lap, and soon that even becomes blurry. You crumple into another round of sobs, overcome with emotion and gratitude, oddly, that Yoongi was so caring and loving. You had expected him to resent you for the predicament you find yourselves in. Yoongi gives a weary smile and rubs your back as you shift to cry into his shoulder.

“So what? What do we do?” your voice is hoarse, “Because I don’t want to lose you. I love you. But I care so much about Tae and I don’t want everything to be ruined between us.”

“I love you too,” Yoongi hugs you close to him and kisses the top of your head. “What if-what if you dated both of us?” he stutters.

“At the same time?” you ask to clarify, shocked.

Yoongi nods, “Only if you’re comfortable with it. You both care about each other and I don’t think I can stand to see either of you miserable.”

“Do you seriously think you can handle being in a relationship like that?” you ask him, doubtful.

“It would be weird at first and take some getting used to but if we all have feelings for each other than I think this could be a good thing,” Yoongi explains. He opts to move on from the subject, noting your silence, “You don’t have to agree to anything. Think about it a little and if it’s something you do or don’t want to do, I’ll understand either way.”

You wake up to the smell of food, hunger pains racking your body. Yoongi is curled to your side, all but rapping his whole body around yours. You untangle yourself from Yoongi and make your way to the living room where Namjoon and Jimin are lounged on the couch reading.

“Dongsaeng, try this,” Jungkook shoves a noodle in your face, “Is it cooked?” he asks as you chew it. You nod in confirmation and he heads back into the kitchen where you hear him relay the information to Jin.

Taehyung and Hoseok are nowhere to be found. Of course, Hoseok was probably still sleeping as Yoongi was, but you wouldn’t be surprised if Taehyung wasn’t out here because he decided to avoid you. You don’t fault him for wanting to do so.

    Jin and Jungkook announce that the food is ready and you, Namjoon, and Jimin all head to the eating area. Jin gives Namjoon food first with a kiss on the cheek that has your leader blushing. You make sure to save prepare plates for Hoseok and Yoongi for when they wake up.

    “Is V still sleeping?” Jimin openly asks.

    “Probably,” Jungkook mumbles with a mouthful of food. Jin makes a noise of disapproval.

    “Huh, that’s not like him,” Jimin remarks.  

    “Y/N, can you go see if Taehyung is still sleeping?” Namjoon looks at you with soft eyes.

    “Uh, yeah, I can look.”

    You abandon your plate of food and head to Taehyung’s and Jungkook’s shared room. You softy knock and hear a muffled invitation inside through the door. Taehyung freezes at your appearance and he quickly shifts his gaze to the ground.

    “Joon just wanted me to see if you were still sleeping,”

    “I’ll be right out,” Taehyung mumbles.

    “Actually can we talk?” you had spent some time before falling asleep thinking about the aspect of expanding your’s and Yoongi’s relationship to Taehyung. Taehyung nods yes but he looks as though he immediately regrets doing so. “I didn’t handle things correctly last night. I also talked to Yoongi,” you cautiously tell him, “I told him what you said to me.”

    Taehyung’s head snaps up, “Did you and Yoongi break up?” he panics, “I am so sorry. I ruined everything,”

“Tae. Tae. Yoongi’s not made, we made up,” you cut Taehyung off. “And, he made me realize that I have feelings for you too.”

    Taehyung looks at you in disbelief, “Really?”

    “Yeah. He also suggested that we date. For all of us to date,” you make a circle motion with your arms, “I have to tell Yoongi, but it's something that I want to try. I want to be with you Taehyung.”

A.N.: I really liked how this turned out. I may or may not write a follow up for this. Anyway here’s something to occupy you guys until I finish the next chapter of my fic. Leave me some love, let me know what you think!!!!!!!

[spideycents]

B-Roll // Shawn Mendes - 2: quiet on set

---

TABLE OF CONTENTS

---

The first extras call for The Breakfast Club is posted almost a week after I apply to be a makeup assistant. It's the middle of the night on what is hopefully our second to last day of filming at this camp. The goal is to wrap second team shoots tomorrow night, then we'll be done, but we keep having to pause filming for stupid rain that won't seem to go away.

   During one of the rain breaks, we're at the top of the hill at the onset extras holding under a really large picnic pavilion. Everyone's on their phones or asleep or playing group games to try to stay awake. I'm spacing out and Michael's on twitter when Julie-Anne squeals loudly and shows us the casting call.

   "They're looking for high schoolers!" she says excitedly.

   "Sheet!" Michael sits up quickly and types fervidly on his phone.

   "Are you gonna apply?" Julie-Anne nods at me while she works on her own application.

   I shrug. "Later."

   "Why not now?" Michael questions me like I'm crazy for not jumping to apply instantly. "We've got plenty of time."

   I purse my lips. "I know, but my phone's in my jacket and I don't feel like getting it out right now."

   They both laugh and Julie-Anne says: "Mood!"

   They're quiet for bit while they finish their applications and find other days to apply for. The irony that we only ever get hired as teenagers when we're all in our 20s now. Extra irony that Julie-Anne is the oldest, but she looks younger than both me and Michael. I don't know why, exactly. We assume it's her round cheeks or the freckles, but we're not entirely sure. She claims she found the fountain of youth. I wouldn't be surprised since her whole family looks pretty young. Especially her mom and she's practically the spitting image of her.

"And done," Michael exclaims loudly and drops his phone into his lap. He falls back in his chair, flails his legs out, and let's his head fall back so he's staring at the ceiling, then he lets out a rather obnoxiously loud Dying Puma.

At least 20 heads turn and look in our direction. Julie-Anne and I both giggle wildly, but Michael's head is still tilted back, and his eyes are closed, so he's oblivious to the audience he's gathered.

"I have three left," Julie-Anne grumbles.

   "Bitch." Michael lifts his head and looks at her with super squinty eyes. When his face is as pinched as possible, that's peak judgement. "Gotta get that Verizon."

   She glares at him. He smirks. She sticks her tongue out him. He bends his right arm and twirls his wrist, then opens his hand and juts his chin out slightly. She flips him off. He flips her off too. She looks away. He tilts his head back again.

   It's basically the silent equivalent of an argument that goes:

   "Fine."

   "Fine."

   "Good."

   "Good."

   "Fine!"

   "Fine!"

   Then they both humph loudly and storm off in opposite directions.

   The most Julie-Anne and Michael ever do is stop looking at each other. It's okay anyway, their arguments never mean anything. They can't even jokingly insult each other without feeling bad about it. Michael was just joking once when she was throwing away everyone's trash for them. He told her that while she's at it, she should climb in there too. She actually tilted the trash can and lifted her leg to get in, for the meme, but Michael was already freaking out and apologizing because he felt that that was the meanest thing he's ever said to her. That happened eight months ago and he still brings it up.

   "I really hope we all get booked," Julie-Anne mumbles, but she doesn't look up from her phone. "And I hope we get to work with Shawn."

   "SAME!" Michael super exaggerates the word, turning each letter into its own syllable.

   The switch in language when talking about celebrities after you've worked with them, is so apparent to me. Other fans might say they want to see someone, we talk about working with them and mingling like we're co-workers. When, in reality, the most I've ever said to a principle actor was when I told Alexandra Shipp that I liked her shoes and she told me that costumes picked them out, then she walked away.

***

We wrap second team the next day and as we're pulling off the lot as the sun is rising, Michael plays One Last Time from Hamilton and as happy as I am to see the park get smaller and smaller in the rear-view, it's a little bittersweet.

   Michael leaves to go back home later that evening, after first getting a well deserved, and extended nap on my couch.

   It's a struggle, saying goodbye to him. Even if we don't know when we'll see each other next, the universe somehow finds a way to always bring us together every couple weeks. The longest we've been apart since we met was 23 days, and that was within the first few months of our friendship. Sure, we text and call and facetime and Skype and DM on basically every social media platform possible, all day, every day, but the separation anxiety is still so real. I'd say I have a panic attack about losing him and Julie-Anne every other day or so. It's exhausting.

   I still don't know how to tell them about all this shit in my head. They've given me so many opportunities, so many windows, and I keep not taking them. Being open and vulnerable with anyone is terrifying. I still have to work myself up for a few days, sometimes weeks, before I can tell my mom something and I tell her everything.

   "Sorry Dad."

   He's sitting at the breakfast table, painting with watercolors in one of his sketchbooks. He doesn't look up from his work while he speaks. "What are you sorry for, Rosie?"

   I smile slightly at my dad's nickname for me. He's been calling me Rosie or Rosebud since I was little.

   I wring my hands in my lap. It's a nervous tick I picked up from my mom.

   I shrug and drop my head so my chin is tucked into my neck and I'm staring at my hands. "Everything, I guess."

   Dad laughs lightly. "I'm going to need you to be more specific."

I'm not looking at him directly, but I can see him in my peripherals and he's watching me intently, but with kind eyes. Which is how he usually looks at me lately, unless he's mad, but that almost always fades within minutes. He started looking at me with those gentle eyes a few years ago. Whenever it happens, I feel like I'm six years old again, but not in a condescending way. I feel innocent. I feel cared for. I feel protected, safe. He looks at me like that and I feel like I'm home.

   I mean, I literally am home. I've been home for awhile, but that's beside the point.

   Today's different though. Today I don't deserve to feel warm and fuzzy. I deserve to feel small and weak right now, because that's where I am today. I'm 23 years old, I'm not in school, I'm broke, I'm unemployed, and I'm still living with my parents. I feel about as small as anyone could possibly ever feel.

   I scratch red lines into the back of my left hand. "I don't know." I shrug again. I shrug a lot. When you don't know things, shrugging's what you do, and I don't know anything.

   Dad rinses off his brush, then dries it and sets it down on a paper towel on the table beside his laptop. "Lyla," he sits up straighter and turns toward me. "Are you okay?"

   I don't look at him, but I nod. "I'm okay," I say a little louder than the whispers I've been at. "It's just a weird day."

   "Well, you know can talk to me about anything," he's quieter now too. Somehow our big kitchen now feels cramped. Like it's the middle of the night and we're talking softly so we don't disturb anyone.

   "Maybe later." I push my chair back and get up.

   "Can I give you hug?" Dad asks quietly.

I'm glad he doesn't stretch his arms out toward me cause then I feel like I have to hug him or than I look rude.

   "Not right now," I mumble and go up to my room.

   "I love you." His voice echoes up the stairs, filling the hallway. All our doors are closed so it feels like the sound just keeps bouncing back and forth. Even after silence has fallen, I can still hear his voice in my head and my ears ring with regret.

   I lock my door behind me and turn off the lights before climbing onto my bed. I pull my comforter around me and curl up into a ball in the back corner. I have a big bed so seeing all the empty space around me just makes me feel smaller.

   Nothing in particular happened to trigger this sudden onset bout of weirdness, but I guess that's how depression works. Some days are good and others are weird. I don't want to say bad, because they're not really. I just drift through them. I'm probably like this today because I've been non-stop for the past few weeks and now that Michael's gone, I've kind of hit a wall. I just need some introvert time to recharge so I can get all my energy back.

   It's funny to word it in that way.

   Recharging.

   It's like people are batteries and we spend our energy until we're drained so then we have to find a way to get all that energy back. I get my energy back from alone time or caffeine usually, but a good song or a good movie or book also helps, but that's mainly just to make me feel better. Spending time outside or eating a good meal or getting a good night's sleep is also extremely refreshing. But, so is a nice shower or a bath. Honestly, I find energy through lots of things. Even being around my friends or family when we're happy will help. It varies for everyone though, but whatever you have to do it's basically like plugging yourself into a wall until your angry red light turns into a bright, happy green one.

   Speaking of charged.

I unplug my phone and roll over so I'm facing the wall while I unlock it and scroll through my different feeds. I like some random Instagram posts from different celebrities and some wedding photos from someone I knew in college who invited a ton of our friends to their wedding, but didn't say a word about it to me. It's annoying to hear about your friend's engagement through a Facebook post, like everyone else they don't care about.

Yay.

I close Instagram and open Twitter.

My feed has been nothing, but angry political debates since 2016.

I've thrown my two cents into the void, but the only people who follow me are my friends and family and a few random One Direction fans from the good old days in 2012/ People rarely see my posts and I don't want to seek out people and start drama with them or respond to problematic tweets that I see from people I follow. A lot of people get really vicious and evil with their responses and I know I'm not the kind of person who can walk away from that kind of battle unscathed. There's definitely a war raging on the internet and I'll stick to serving as medic rather than a soldier.

I scroll a little farther down Twitter, but there's not a single happy or wholesome thing in sight.

I close Twitter and open Tumblr.

Thank God for memes.

As I'm scrolling, I catch a few South Park posts and DM them to my cousin, Esther, and I spot some Marvel things and share them with Michael, and then Shawn fucking Mendes appears on my dash.

Michael's right. I'm never going to be free of him.

It's a gifset of him lying half-naked on a couch.

It's a nice couch.

I scroll down to find another post about Shawn directly below it and reblogged by the same person too.

This is just one photo, a black and white still on him sitting on a bed. Subject matter aside, I have to admit that's a pretty good shot. The way the light's hitting him, the contrast of the shadows, the general composition...it's just really pleasing to look at.

I heart it and keep scrolling. A few memes and text posts and random quotes on nature photos later and I run into another Shawn post.

Another gifset and this work of art is a collection of moments of Shawn licking his lips.

Lovely.

Leave me alone, Mendes.

I close the app and lock my phone. I push it away and pull my blanket over my head. I lay there in the dark for a little, listening to my breathing and the faint murmur of my dad watching Seth Meyers downstairs.

My phone buzzes once.

An email.

It's probably spam, but I turn over and grab it.

It's from the movie.

I got the job.

I'm going to be working as a makeup assistant on The Breakfast Club remake.

I might have to put makeup on real actors.

I might have to work with Shawn Mendes.

I might have to put makeup on Shawn Mendes.

Oh my god.

—-

It’s cringey, but now it’s public so... *shrugs* Tell me your thoughts in the tags or message me.

[booksiseeloveandread]

Master Post for Fellow First-Time YALC-ers!

So I’ve been pestering the whole book blogging community for over a month, trying to find out some tips and tricks as well as getting all my YALC anxieties out of the way before I go to London, and I figured I would compose a master post of all the things I’ve learnt so far.

Disclaimer: this is the first time I’m going to YALC or any kind of book convention/author signing, so I don’t know how helpful all these things are going to be, I’m just combining all the info I’ve managed to uncover!

1. Bring a bag on wheels. So a trolley, or anything else that you can pull around instead of putting all the weight of books on your back. If you’re going to be there all day, it’s going to hurt. I’m bringing a small trolley (The kind you would take if you’re staying somewhere for one night) and my backpack, with a bunch of tote bags stuffed in (My sisters is making me a custom one! If you’re still looking for some awesome totes, here’s her store: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/GoodDayPrinting - Yes, I know, shameless promo)

2. Leave room in your bags. If you’re like me, and you’re going for the first time, chances are you have 30 books ready to go. (Yes. 30. In my defense I’m going all 3 days) But after having spoken to a few people, it’s smart to leave some space in your bags. Obviously for freebies you’re going to get, but there are also going to be authors who aren’t part of the official line-up, who will be at the stall of the publisher. For example, I already found out Kiran Millwood Hargrave is coming! (Pleasepleaseplease let there be ARCs of Way Past Winter) So you’ll probably end up being some books of authors you didn’t know were going to be there!

3. Bring cash, not card. You can’t pay by card at most stalls! So make sure you have enough cash on you for the day. I haven’t figured out how much I’m bringing yet, but I’m thinking of making sure I always have £50 on me.

4. Sunday is buy day. On Sunday there will be a lot of cheap books apparently, since the publishers want to get rid of as much as possible, so there’s less to pack up. That said, if something is limited, chances are they won’t be left on Sunday, so don’t wait forever. If there’s something you reeeeally want to have, I wouldn’t take the risk of waiting until Sunday. On Sunday I’m just going to have a walk around to see if there’s anything left I’d like to have!

5. The amount of books you bring per author doesn’t matter. That’s a fib, there were differing opinions on that. Some people told me it didn’t matter, except if it’s a popular author. Others told me a number of 3 books. My plan is to go in with all books, and if I notice the queue is getting really long, I’ll subtly start pulling books out of my stack. (I have 5 books ready to go for Joanna Harris!) 

6. Already signed books? Up to you. This is a hard one. I heard that if you have multiple books, they’ll only personalise the first one and just sign the others? In which case there’s no point in bringing signed books with you if you’re bringing multiple books for one author. I’m sticking with the rule that I can only bring a signed book if it’s the only book I have for the author.

7. You don’t have to read all the books you’re getting signed beforehand. That’s impossible. I tried to give myself the rule of ‘one book read per author at least’. Yeah, didn’t happen. Apparently authors are pretty cool about it, just talk to them about how excited you are to read it!

8. ARC giveaways are going to be different this year. Apparently in previous years there have been announcements on Twitter that ‘ARCs are available now’ and people would just start running and the whole hall would go insane. There have been a lot of complaints about that, as it’ll cause some people who aren’t as fast as others to always miss out. Now, I think they are publishing a schedule beforehand. In any case, I know some people on Twitter have been in contact with publishers to compile a list of the all the ARCs and when they will be handed out: https://twitter.com/littlehux/status/1019214749429633024. It should be published this weekend! -- But just in case turn twitter notifications on, because publishers are still bound to keep everyone up to date via twitter.

9. Bring food and water. Food is apparently really expensive inside, so just in case pack a lunch and some snacks if you’re going to be there all day. Also, it gets really hot inside! So wear light clothing and bring enough water with you.

10. Bring a poster tube. To not fold posters you might get, obviously.

11. Plan ahead. Go over all the schedules, and pick out all the things you want to go to: workshops/panels/signings. You’re bound to find things will clash and you’ll have to make a decision about what you want to go. Someone else also told me that you’ll probably only make it to 3 authors in one signing slot, on average. So if you find you have 5 authors you want to see in one slot, you might want to prioritise beforehand! Also print the schedules to bring with you, as well as the map. YALC just published the map of who’s coming and where they’ll be: http://www.londonfilmandcomiccon.com/images/yalc/FLOORPLAN_YALC_HIGH-RES.pdf

12. It’s not a bad thing if you’re going alone. You’re going to be in long queues, so make friends! Talk to other people in the queue about the books you’re getting signed! There’s also a ‘Chill out area’ where you can calm down, take a seat, and maybe read a bit if it all becomes a bit much, or if you just get tired. Also I’m going alone too! So come say hi to me! I’m the overwhelmed one, probably.

13. Bring a portable charger for your phone. If you’re going to be there all day, taking pictures, being on social media, it’s going to drain your battery in just a few hours, so make sure you have a back up battery to charge it a bit towards the end of the day, so you can get home!

14. YALC is at Kensington Olympia. I realised a lot of people might not have been in London before, and might even be coming from abroad. I’ve been going to university in London for four years and my exams are always at Kensington Olympia (I know, weird right?). So if you’re unsure about getting around, send me a message and we’ll figure out together how to get you to YALC on time! :)

That’s all I got! I hope this is helpful. And an enormous thank you to all the people I spoke to on Instagram, Twitter, and here on Tumblr! (Thank you @thgbookprincess!)

If you have any more tips, drop them below, and I’d really appreciate it if you guys share this so people see this! And to everyone coming, seriously, say hi to me! I’ll be posting a picture of the tote bag I’ll be carrying around so you can recognise me and adopt me into your group!

[mind-coffee]

WHAT DO YOU DO TO FIND CALM IN A CHAOTIC WORLD?

Hm. I don’t really know. I think I’m the most calm when I’m alone. I’m calm when I’m alone at home, with my dog, and as lazy as it sounds watching TV. Calm to me is nothingness. Music used to do it for me, it used to keep me calm. Maybe it still does to a small extent, but not quite the same as it used to. Nope, definitely alone time. It is crazy to me that being around my friends and even my family is draining, it exhausts me. I feel like my social battery is about as large a pregnant woman's bladder. One hour with a group of people and I’m ready for bed and I’m good for about a month. Some say that’s antisocial, but I think that it’s just doing what is best for me. I don’t feel the need to be around friends all the time to keep them close. I know there are two sides to every friendship and maybe they need the close contact. But it becomes a chore to keep up with everyone, which is why I like to be alone. I don’t need to impress anyone, or be anything, when I’m alone. I can let loose, and really just be myself. 

Answer: I spend time alone. Where I can be entirely me, with no worries of judgment or anything else. 

Dig Deeper

Who cools your crazy? 

I would love to say my husband, but I think that he sometimes does quite the opposite! HAHA! (Still love him to death) I don’t think there is any one person that cools my crazy. I really tend to have to calm myself down. I am quite the insane person and I can overreact, (I know that) but I think I’m the only one that can REALLY reel myself in. If I’m having a mental break and just upset with the world about anything and everything for no good reason, I have to get out of it on my own. I don’t think there is anything anyone has ever said to me that makes me realize I’m being crazy. Just haven’t found that person yet. 

What does it mean to be in the moment? 

Now this I think I can answer. To me, being ‘in the moment’ is a time when there are no other thoughts in your head except for the people you are with at that time. It could even be moments with yourself. A time when you are completely as peace with yourself. But I’m visualizing a purely peaceful time with me and my husband, where nothing else in the world matters but us. No outside thoughts, no outside distractions. It’s just us. That is what it means to be in the moment, for me. 

When do you feel most reflective? 

Haa, this one is the absolute worst because I know exactly when I’m the most reflective and it is horrible for my mental/physical health. I’m most reflective when I’m in bed. Right when I lay down, I think about everything I’ve ever done, everything I’ve ever said, and it will keep me awake for HOURS. It’s miserable. But let’s be real, there isn’t a single thing that I’ve every done or said that I haven’t double, triple or even quadruple guessed. This is my least favorite quality of myself. I am who I am I suppose. 

[angeltriestoblog]

Unnecessary life update

i.

I have officially made it to the halfway point of this quarter. And I don’t mean to sound morbid but I didn’t expect to at all!

It’s just that I’ve recently learned that chronic sleep deprivation actually does lead to premature death and I’ve slept at three in the morning everyday since I started online schooling. (Though actual scientific evidence has always been available on the Internet, I found it easier to believe that this was a hoax.) But concerning as it may be, the past two weeks have been so demanding of my time and energy, resting didn’t seem like an option.

ii.

Much to the dismay of Freshman Angel, most organizations in Ateneo require an interview as part of the application process. I remember signing up for three departments in my home org back then: I sweated my way through one screening, completely flunked the other, and ghosted the last. I also applied to be part of our hosting pool and made a run for it at the last minute: despite having spent only two weeks on campus, I easily found a secret passageway leading to the nearest exit just so that I wouldn’t have to run into the officer in charge of my audition.

Given the unfortunate display of cowardice, it’s hard to believe that this year, I found myself on the other side. I conducted several ICs (rebranded to individual conversations) in an attempt to welcome freshmen, give them a picture of what awaits them in ACTM, and hopefully serve as one of their first friends, if I built enough rapport with them. 

The week after, I had to conduct interviews and screen all hopefuls who wanted to make it into my department. I only spoke with 13 of them through a screen but I had to go through three times more application forms, interview footage, and assessments to determine who would make it to our final line-up. One night, I binge-watched the recordings of all the interviews I conducted in chronological order and I didn’t know if I found my waning energy levels depressing or funny. Toward the last few, I refused to turn on my camera because I had gotten a sudden allergy attack.

iii.

And as if the load I bear as an associate vice president in ACTM wasn’t heavy enough, I joined five other orgs last recruitment week. I wouldn’t go and call the quarantine a blessing because I’m not an asshole but these past few months have made me realize that I want to do and be so many things in life and I missed the opportunity to start on them earlier, since I spent the first few years of college hanging around with no end goal in mind. So in a fit of impulsiveness, I signed up for:

The Development Society of the Ateneo, where I will be working either as an advocacy or consultancy trainee under the research and development department (depends on how my interview this Thursday fares);

Ateneo Education Geared Towards Empowerment, where I will be gathering data from our partner communities to help the organization provide quality education given the online setting;

Ateneo Association of Communication Majors, where I will be under the research and development department yet again of MIRLab, their documentary production house;

Ateneo PEERS, where I will be part of a peer support program intended to help in my self-improvement, and that of others as well;

Project Kabuhayan, where I will be participating in initiatives geared towards empowering micro, small, and medium enterprises

I had general assemblies for most of them: had to ditch two for a midterm, and will be watching the recordings tomorrow. I didn’t even have to talk in any of them; simply watch the officers speak about their projects for the year then head on over to my designated breakout room. But the mere idea of being perceived by hundreds of Zoom call participants was already enough to drain my social battery.

iv.

To top it all off, my major tasks for all three subjects I’m taking this quarter were due last Friday. I had a group podcast for Philosophy class which we had to shoot twice on the busiest day of my week. I wanted nothing more than to get it over with, so when we wrapped up our first attempt, we were ready to let it go through some rushed post-production and submit it without giving it a second look. But I couldn’t stomach the thought of submitting subpar work when the task is supposed to be easy, given enough discipline.

Another group I was a part of had a marketing plan (you’ll never guess which subject it was for) that proposed the rebranding of Adidas Originals to cater to an older target market, or “the active ageing”, as we liked to call it. We only found out a couple of hours before the deadline that our professor was not accepting anything over 10 pages just when we had hit the 40-page mark. All of our well-researched, comprehensive parts had to be cut down significantly, which was the equivalent of flushing many sleepless nights down the drain.

And of course, I had a case study and midterm to accomplish for Law. The minute I received the message confirming the submission of my answers, I plopped down on my bed and napped. Later on that night, I released all the pent-up tension in me by going on my first ever e-numan. I never got the logic behind drinking alcohol in front of my computer: I always thought it was a sad attempt to replicate the bustling nightlife of Katip or the intimate energy of barkada chillnumans in condominiums. But I guess all I needed was the right company, and some sweet-tasting Novellino.

Anyway, before this turns into a full-on advert for a brand that isn’t even sponsoring this post, let me move on.

Reading that probably exhausted you. As the one who had to live through all that, I can tell you: it was even more hectic than you think. Before this pandemic was a thing, my schedule was clear-cut. I could tell the days of the week apart, and appreciate the endless possibility brought by Friday evenings. I could wake up at eight on Saturday morning, smile to myself because of how early it is, and go back to sleep without any feelings of guilt.

Now, the line that separates work and home has been completely obliterated. The Internet promotes that I have to be at the top of my game all the time. Every moment spent in rest and recreation is a moment wasted when there’s so much to do, always somewhere to be even if I’m technically not allowed to leave the comfort of my own home. 

I would sometimes report to my friends that I threw my circadian rhythm out the window, which would be met with the same well-meaning outcries. “What the hell! Drop all your commitments! Pace yourself! Sleep early!”. I think they know by now that this often falls on deaf ears. Ironically, whenever I observe or hear of friends falling into the same patterns as me, I’m often one of the first to reprimand. I sentence them to early bedtime like a stressed suburban mother of two, and check in on them constantly to see if they’re doing alright. I tell them not to pressure themselves to perform at their very best, while working myself to the bone, writing this ~2,000 word essay at half past two in the morning.

But one conversation I had with one of my friends stood out. He told me how proud he was of me: that even if I’m so busy juggling so many things, it all pays off in the end because I’m genuinely happy and fulfilled. I get to see the fruits of my labor and share it with the world.

Which is so true. I honestly enjoy the success that comes from this hyperproductivity, and take pride in the output that I manage to churn out. I’m willing to give up hours of sleep if it means getting to do what will help me make my pipe dreams a reality, or create something that sets my soul on fire.I don’t mind going out of my comfort zone if it’s to talk to new people who have the potential of being some of my greatest friends in the future, or advocating for causes that I’m passionate about. 

In fact, I am so willing to prolong my period of working to welcome the new members of my department or create even more articles to talk about pressing cultural phenomena. It will be hard as hell while the sacrifice is still ongoing but I always know that it will lead to something greater and bigger than I am. 

Besides, when I feel like I can no longer take it, I don’t think I’ll have it in me to force myself. It might not look like it but I am afraid of the serious health risks and will try to slot in more time for sleep if need be. But I have no plans of backing out of anything right now since I’m still on top of everything. Guess I’m fueled by a genuine desire to give/be/do as much as I can, while I still can. 

v.

Where did this post even go, honestly… This was supposed to be a simple life update, complete with a pop culture recommendation to supplement my experiences. I did not expect it to spiral the way it did so now I have no idea how to transition from one part to the next in a way that isn’t entirely awkward. Oh well.

I managed to preserve my sanity these past two weeks by listening to only one artist. Anyone who follows me on Spotify must think that their Friend Activity tab is glitching but the rumors are indeed true: I have been listening to chosen songs from The Boyz’ discography on a constant loop, like an actual zombie. Count on me to get into a new K-Pop group during the busiest week of the quarter as a coping mechanism.

I was an anti of this group when they first debuted because they are home to a former Produce 101 contestant whom I hated. (Still do, up to now. Don’t know how to reconcile my conflicting feelings.) So you could say I was heavily biased from the start and refused to give them a chance. Thankfully, one of my best friends recently converted after watching them on Road to Kingdom and sent me some of their performances to reel me in. Since I am a girl with a working brain and pair of eyes, I was easily impressed. When they came back recently with The Stealer, I officially fell and made no active efforts to get up.

If there are any Deobis reading, (1) congrats, you are a person of taste; (2) please be my friend. My current favorite songs other than their latest title track are No Air, I’m Your Boy, and Break Your Rules. I’ve also started most mornings with their Danger live stage. Who needs caffeine when you have acrobatic stunts and good-looking men?

I also have a lot of exciting things coming up, which I just felt the need to share:

I’m going to be a panelist at a talk for Developh, an organization I’m a part of which leverages technology for social good. This Friday, October 16th, I’ll be joining three brilliant go-getters from different fields to talk about my internship at makesense Philippines (which warrants another blog post) as well as my experience as a freelance writer. 

I have a couple of published pieces in the pipeline right now that I absolutely cannot wait to share! I honestly think they’re some of my favorites. Over the past few weeks, I have written about Internet study communities, the Subtle Asian Dating Facebook group, and unpaid internships. I’ve also pitched a couple more to my bosses and they’ve given me the green light at the same time so yes, once again, I am running on tight deadlines.

I’ll be applying for internships once this quarter is over and I’m already considering a couple of start-ups as good prospects. I’m making my personalized CVs for each company and saving the contact details of the designated point people in a neat little Notion spread for easy access.

Feels weird to end this post with stay safe and healthy, and don’t forget to rest. Maybe I’ll just make that a note to self.

Love and light,

Angel