#whether asd

[soulvomit]

One of the reasons the whole idea of masking broke my brain a little:

I really feel like there was a pop cultural discourse in the 1980s about “everyone being fake.” All Gen Xr alt kids and weird kids knew that the “popular kids” were big fakes. 

So there is a degree that being a big fake was heavily presented as normal; it’s what popular, social kids did.  And the “Cool Kid Makeover” was absolutely a big 80s trope: take some social pariah or nerd or alternative girl and turn them into a jock or cool dude or pretty popular girl.

I feel like moving through Middle Class America (especially the San Fernando Valley in the 80s) involved some kind of social contract where everyone knew everyone was faking it, and you didn’t call attention to anyone else’s mask slipping except by clearing your throat from behind your hand. So that’s the cultural stuff I have to filter “masking” through because if I had talked about having to mask to anyone in the 80s or 90s, I might’ve gotten the response, “DUH, EVERYONE DOES THAT.”

So this is a place where historical context in autism discussion is important and can be kind of muddy; it’s a case where people didn’t talk about things the same way, the environmental pressures were different, and certain things might have been hard to distinguish from normatively accepted cultural adjustment skills.

[wanderingmind867]

I have 199 followers, yet I only follow 189 people. I find that odd. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it. But I think it just proves I've become more sedentary the longer I've had a tumblr account. I still barely leave my dashboard (well, I leave it now more than I did a few months ago, but still not too often), I barely ever follow new people, etc. I just overthink everything and then feel bad about it.

[residenttransguy]

Phrases like 'you don't look autistic' or 'I'd never have guessed' aren't compliments and can in fact hurt people.

Yeah, you didn't notice I was autistic cuz ive gotten really good at hiding all the traits I was bullied/mocked/excluded/alienated for. It means I don't feel safe enough around you to unmask. That I'm not sure you won't do these things.

And telling me I don't look nd? That can often be interpreted as praise. Which only makes me more inclined to mask around you. Because you see being neurotypical (or faking it) as being superior.

[rainbowwing251]

hey, fellow person with both adhd and autism here. i definitely recommend doing some research on executive dysfunction. it's smth that people with adhd deal with often and from your post it sounds like you struggle with it too. adhd nd asd are tricky to navigate around, but they've also got their strengths smtimes. you've got this -tickleraptorss

I’ll have to check with my psychiatrist to verify the validity of the information I found online, but after looking at the examples of executive dysfunction… oh.

A lot of them are a mood. A big mood. Especially the whole “having trouble explaining my thought process because I understand it in my head, but get overwhelmed when I want to put it into words” thing. This might explain why I get stressed when writing anything for this blog (or anywhere else on the Internet for that matter).

This is going to be hard to navigate. My autism and ADHD were just diagnosed, after all. But I hope to find a way to improve my executive function, and if I can’t, I hope to find a way to live with it. Thank you for your kinds words.

[traumatizedhousegoose]

I love being autistic, because sometimes when I'm texting someone and they're using hyperbole, i have to just guess whether they're being serious or not and then live with the terror that i might have gotten it very wrong untill they text back. It's my favorite thing😭😭😭

[lovef0ols]

if you aren't autistic you have 0 right to talk over autistic people. stay out of it. stop infantilizing us.

[professor-petty]

HEY HEY HEY

YOUR FAVOURITE AUTISTIC CRACKHEAD IS BACK

WHERE DID I GO? WHO KNOWS!

WHY AM I BACK? DONT HAVE A CLUE!

ALL I KNOW IS IM HERE TO MAKE YOUR DAY SLIGHTLY MORE FUNNY OR UNCOMFORTABLE

[soulvomit]

Like... really weird to think about how the closest I came to actually wanting to die, was when people were thinking I had finally become a grown up. It was frustrating to get so many backpats about How Far You’ve Come and Wow You’ve Changed So Much and Wow Look At You when actually I was doing the very worst I’d ever done.  

The reality was that I was just doing so badly I couldn’t even articulate what I was feeling anymore. It’s like you look like you’ve gotten better, but the reality is that you’ve emotionally dysregulated so hard you have no more emotions you can recognize and have lost a lot of language for describing your interior reality

[fromaliminalspace]

Got thinking about something during my guitar practice today and now it's haunting me so gonna get it out. As a person who's kinda on the autistic/ADHD spectrum I've been noticing how this daily (well, almost daily) practice is working for me in ways that confirm the message of posts like this. How getting my hands on the instrument gives me enough happy brain chemicals to at least try to do sth about my to do lists, how my feasible progress (no matter how far I still am from where I wanna be skill-wise) helps me not just carry on with my day but sometimes even pull me out of my head and give a little bit of motivation to work on stuff I wanna work on. From just spending a couple of hours tormenting my poor old acoustic with music that is meant to be played on sth capable of emitting way heavier sound than just that.

And I can't help but think how the same thing would explain (not that it needs much explanation) so much about Eddie Munson's excellent guitar skills and his passion about music, especially in context of him also displaying quite a few ADHD traits and having failed to graduate high school twice. And the odds are that he's self-taught so he had the freedom to engage in this hobby and learn this skill in ways that make sense for his own brain, instead of having to conform to how disciplines are taught in ways often colliding with how neurodivergent minds work, instead of having to deal with someone else who'd pressure him into living up to expectations at the expense of himself and scold in case of failure or missed deadline.

No, this is something Eddie learned entirely on his own volition, something he can easily pour entire hours of concentrated effort into, something that reminds him that he's not as much of a failure as everyone else says he is. So naturally it's endlessly interesting to me how exactly him regularly playing music works with regards to his brain chemistry, and alas it's not something I've ever seen explored in fics yet, though it's always fascinating to read how other people write him as having ADHD even without making it intersect with music. Which shouldn't probably be surprising, given how much this niche kind of thing might be tricky to actually write unless informed by experience, but still. It may be niche, yeah, but it has quite a lot of potential for offering some insight for what makes Eddie tick and what exactly this admittedly large part of his life means to him. And this is, again, endlessly interesting to me

[wanderingmind867]

I woke up at 4 am today. Now I'm sitting downstairs listening to Christmas music. I don't know why I slept so badly, but I'm going to blame it on the clocks going back an hour today. Daylight Savings Time is a stupid invention. You get used to one type of time, then they change it on you halfway through the year. It's annoying.

[eternally--mortal]

Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome. I heard the name for the first time a few days ago. It’s also called “Cassandra Syndrome.”

I’ve been doing some research into it — nothing extensive — but there’s a detail I find consistently in these articles that I feel the need to set straight.

OTRS, according to the articles, presents in relationships where a Neurotypical person is married to a Neurodivergent person — relationships where the ND spouse fails to empathize with and respect the perspective of the NT spouse. It’s a little more complicated than that, but the gist is that All Neurodivergent people are being painted as potential abusers.

What these articles fail to acknowledge is that they are not talking about Autism, but Alexithymia. About 50% of Autistic people also present signs of Alexithymia (“no words for emotions” or difficulty processing emotions). The articles also fail to acknowledge that a person can be Alexithymic without being Autistic.

So Cassandra Syndrome is being portrayed as an NT/ND problem, but it’s actually more complicated than that.

I’m Autistc. I’m ADHD. I shwaffle sometimes between thinking I’m Alexithymic and thinking I’m not. But I do have a sibling who is very much Autistic and very much Alexithymic.

We’re both neurodivergent, but based on the descriptions of the symptoms of OTRS, I am confident that I have been living with it all my life.

I just think it’s a little funny. “Cassandra Syndrome” is named after the Trojan woman Cassandra who rejected Apollo’s advances. He cursed her so that she would have the gift of prophecy, but no one would ever believe her. She predicted the fall of Troy, but her own people refused to listen. “Cassandra Syndrome” is named this way to reflect the helplessness of NT partners who are not believed when they express that the source of their depression is from a partner who cannot empathize with them, who seems incapable of apologizing or accepting fault, who struggles to see outside of their own perspective, etc.

I just think it’s funny, because if “Cassandra Syndrome” is used to represent NT people, what about all of the ND people struggling in similar relationships? Or the ND people who are considered problematic partners just for being ND, even though they’re not Alexithymic? What about how the name implies that Alexithymic people represent the ‘Apollo’ side of the story?

If you’re a neurodivergent person struggling as a result of OTRS, know that you are not alone. Know that your experience is valid. If you have a non-Autistic partner with Alexithymia and you are struggling from OTRS, know that you are not alone. Know that your experience is valid. The articles don’t mention all of us. That doesn’t mean we don’t exist.

For all of the ND people who have been or will be accused of causing OTRS in a relationship simply because you are Autistic, know that you are not alone. We do not lack empathy. We have full, emotional lives. You are valued. You are not alone.

[smileysuh]

hi I know this is weird to ask but idk who to ask about this and I feel really comfortable asking you.

How do you not be awkward or dry.

Idk why I feel I’m a very awkward person I don’t really know how to hold a convo and I feel I’m a very dry texter. like I see videos abt dry texting on my fyp on tiktok and it’s actually like me. like sometimes I won’t be one but also I feel it’s the people I talk to who are also dry. Like I was texting some people on my spam account and I can see I'm not really dry maybe a bit awkward but I felt comfortable and was having fun idk why I cant be like that all the time and be like that in person. Also idk how to make small talk in class or in general I want to make more friends and be less awkward but I can’t. like I’m a pretty quiet person but this school year I did make more friends I realized that I only talk to them in school and not really online like barely so I feel we aren’t really friends but like close classmates. Also, it’s just awkward texting them sometimes like idk what to say or ask. Like idk does anyone have advice? It’s weird I wish I wasn’t awkward and could talk to people and hold a convo. sorry I feel like i’m ranting but I would really appreciate some advice. thank you so much.

it's not weird to ask at all! I'm glad you felt comfortable messaging me :) and don't worry- you're not ranting :)

I feel like- in the age of the internet, where everyone is consuming such different content- it can be hard to find a common ground you're comfortable enough in to not be awkward or dry. If you do find a common ground, and you're in an online forum - as you mentioned - it can still be awkward cuz you can't rely on reading someone else's body language to see if you should keep going with your approach to the conversation.

Making small talk can be hard as fuck- I have an asd diagnosis, so believe me- I know how hard it can be 💕 i've found that finding people of a similar neurotribe to be very important in gaining social confidence- we live in a world where people can be quick to judge, so learning to stretch your social wings in an environment where you're among friends can help a lot-

maybe your school has a kpop club or a dungeons and dragons club or whatever floats your boat! the thing with socializing, and physics, is that getting the ball rolling is the hardest part- putting yourself out there in unfamiliar/new social situations can be rough, but the more you do it, the more you'll get better at it :)

as is the case with anything - socializing included - it sometimes helps to come with some studying under your belt - you could try to come up with some general questions for small talk as you're getting to know people- I've found that in this day and age, people don't like talking about their jobs too much- but if you ask the question 'have you seen any good movies or shows lately?' people often DEEP dive into what makes them nerd out, and that's always a great starting point :) maybe you have some shows/movies in common? a hatred for the same character? a childhood movie that you two can plan to watch with some buddies? or if you're not a movie kind of person, you can ask what activities someone gets up to- it's a good doorway to going on a hike together or out to play some tennis or join a chill ultimate frisbee team :)

at the end of the day- not everyone is on the market for friends, and when you face social rejection, most of the time it has less to do with you and more to do with the person you're trying to interact with already being overwhelmed/having a full plate :)

just remember, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, you're lovable and deserve to have friends without making drastic changes to who you are, and not everything works out - but when it does, that's the basis for growth :)

Good luck!!!!!!

[9990zara]

i often doubt my potential diagnosis as autistic (hence the potential), because i don't really know when i am masking and when i am subconsciously mimicking symptoms (because i am actually prone to do that). but one thing that has me almost convinced if i can confirm it is that at some point, i stopped myself from automatically monitoring my behavior when I'm by myself and started noticing myself doing potential stims and guess what? i flap my hands a lot, i squirm and kick my legs when I'm happy, i whistle and hum and repeat words WAY more than i thought i did... this is to say, when i started noticing what my body does more i started to notice lots of stims i didn't know i did.

[oscyllarus]

We have a presentation about schizoid personality disorder and I'm just "oh worm?"

[despazito]

(X)

this is really fascinating stuff and my first question is whether this processing phenomena happens the other way as well. it looks like what gets exaggerated are the key areas our eyes scan for facial communication (eyes, mouth, nostrils, and facial wrinkling).

could it be fair to assume that perhaps some small percentage of people's struggles wrt facial expression is a similar processing disorder happening in reverse? i'm not saying a PMO-like disorder is what causes missing social cues in ASD, especially considering that PMO is something one can develop later in life and doesn't seem to affect faces in photos. but i wonder what studying PMO will uncover about how we process faces in both neurotypical and neurodivergent brains.

the exaggeration of the ears and flared nose is also super interesting. noses still play some minor role in facial communication but ears have been out of the picture for a long ass time in our hominid lineage, is this some ancient vestigial remnant of when ear body language was part of our lexicon? i have so many questions

[seth-shitposts]

I wanna test a thing-

Before casting the vote read:

- aromatic spectrum and/or asexual spectrum count

-comorbid neurodivergencies can exist, answer is based on whether or not ASD is one of them.

-share for larger range!

-my apologies if I forgot something 🙏