#there’s some learner engagement (almost entirely from people who are not me; i’m not gonna lie)

[fingertipsmp3]

Okay. Is it delusional of me to try to signal to this guy in my class that I like him… through my choice of earrings

[forasecondtherewedwon]

Dolls’ Eyes — A Jaws AU

Pairings: established Peggy/Steve, developing Brunnhilde/Carol Rating: T Chapters: 14/14

Summary: Tony Stark snapped his fingers and the vanished half of the universe returned, but Thanos escaped the battlefield, fleeing into space. Now that he’s virtually powerless, most of the Avengers consider chasing him all over the universe a waste of resources, but Peggy Carter—newly deposited in the 21st century—is determined to finish the job. Brunnhilde and Carol Danvers have the same idea.

When scattered rumours of fresh killings escalate to the death of one of their own, the three women team up to defeat Thanos once and for all.

read the prologue

read ch. 1 one / 2 two / 3 three / 4 four / 5 five 6 six / 7 seven / 8 eight / 9 nine / 10 ten 11 eleven / 12 twelve / 13 thirteen / 14 fourteen

After everything, Carol wasn’t surprised that Brunnhilde put up a fight over being told to just rest. Carol reminded her that she was lucky to be alive, to which Brunnhilde responded that it wasn’t anything like luck, and went on to list the incredible, lifesaving properties of her fine armour, explain the enhanced durability provided by her Asgardian biology, and enumerate all of the injuries she’d previously sustained that were apparently worse than being electrocuted half to death, and then nearly drowning while incapacitated. Carol didn’t believe half of it, but it was kinda hot when Brunnhilde bragged.

So, in spite of Carol’s efforts, Brunnhilde kept getting up the second her back was turned in order to haul bodies off of Thanos’s ship. As they started to fix everything Carol had broken (including a patch job of that hole in the roof), a scan of the local environment informed them that almost all of the life on this planet was aquatic. They left the stack of corpses on land. Whatever water critters were around, they didn’t need toxic eyeball goo leeching into their habitat.

Carol caught Brunnhilde shaking out a twitching arm and made her sit to do electronic repairs rather than manual labour. (Carol had that handled anyway, plus, she knew where all the bodies were because she was the one who’d left them there.) Brunnhilde protested that she was the captain. Carol came way too close to saying not of this ship, but stopped herself. Instead, she suggested Brunnhilde do like any other captain would and let her underlings take on the grunt work. That got a smile, if not verbal agreement.

Thankfully, Peggy was a fast learner; Carol explained the basics of what she’d done to wreck something and Peggy quickly understood how to walk back the damage. They worked their way through the ship, staying at neighbouring stations so Carol would be there if Peggy had questions, and Peggy would be there if (when) Carol had messed something up so badly that it needed four hands to fix.

“Maria would’ve been great with this,” she said without thinking, holding up a fistful of wires while Peggy tinkered beneath.

“Maria?”

It was easier to talk about her than it had ever been before. Like with the repairs, she could tell that Peggy understood without Carol having to do much more than gush over how good Maria had been at fixing stuff, how thorough she’d been with the plane she’d kept in the hangar on her property, how reliable, how trustworthy, how patient…

“Yes,” Peggy told her with a smile. “She sounds like she was wonderful.”

“She was.”

But when the two of them had finished their circuit of the ship and Carol went to tell Brunnhilde they were good to go, she wasn’t there. Carol panicked, worried that Brunnhilde had overheard all her praise of Maria and somehow missed the tone of a person who was in the late stages of grief, who had accepted the worst and was keen to keep living, maybe even loving.

When she couldn’t find her on the ship, she jogged down the ramp, intending to look for her outside. The second she turned to face the water, she spotted Brunnhilde coming towards her from the escape vessel. Carol ran out to meet her.

“What’s all this?” she asked in a tone of amusement, because Brunnhilde had her arms full.

“Food, Peggy’s jacket, a couple beers that didn’t get smashed when Thanos rammed us, uh…” She tried to examine the rest of the pile she was carrying, but it teetered and slipped; laughing, Carol scooped a few things out of her arms before they could end up in the shallow water.

“I thought you might’ve taken off on us,” she said lightly.

“I didn’t think you thought I’d be capable of that after getting zapped.”

“I was just…”

Brunnhilde walked close, pressing her arm into Carol’s.

“I know. I would’ve been the same way if it’d been you.”

“I don’t even know if I can get electrocuted,” Carol said.

“I’m not gonna recommend trying it for fun,” Brunnhilde told her. “Anyway, I used all my discs on Thanos and I dropped the remote in the water somewhere… You’d have to go to Thor with your request, ask him to bring the lightning down.”

“Straight to Thor?!” Carol laughed. “That seems a little extreme.”

“Or you could just stand around outside in New Asgard during a storm and wait for it to happen naturally.”

“And why would I need to be in New Asgard specifically?” Carol asked in a teasing voice. “I could get struck by lightning anywhere.”

She watched Brunnhilde flounder but couldn’t get an answer out of her, not on the way to the ship, not while she was distracted with Peggy asking her a slew of health questions, and not while they were trying to figure out how to get this humongous spaceship off the ground with a crew of only three people.

As they made their rocky assent, Carol was too busy to wonder whether Brunnhilde had heard her talking about Maria before she’d left the ship to scavenge from the escape craft. They had just broken through the atmosphere, blue sky giving way to black, when Brunnhilde spoke.

“Love’s like war.”

It was so sudden that Carol snorted a laugh.

“Ok, poet,” she said. She was tempted to devote some time to getting Thanos’s ship to play her music, if only to put on ‘Love Is a Battlefield’ for Brunnhilde. To let her know what had been said on the subject already.

She smirked to herself when Brunnhilde continued, clearly not giving a shit about her interruption or joking criticism.

“It is.”

“What do you mean?” Carol asked more seriously.

Brunnhilde shifted in her seat, engaging different protocols for outer space travel. Carol noticed the tremor had gone from her arm.

“You do better in both because of experience,” Brunnhilde said, looking straight out the viewport. “Anybody who can’t appreciate the benefit of falling for someone who’s been in love before is a fucking idiot.”

“And you’re not a fucking idiot.”

“I hope that isn’t a question.”

Carol smiled and shook her head. They flew in silence for a while.

“When we get back,” she said eventually, peering shyly over at her captain, “I owe someone important to me a visit, but then I’m coming to see you. Just a heads-up.”

“Vaguely threatening.”

“Sorry.”

“No,” Brunnhilde told her, grabbing her forearm to get her full attention, “I liked it.”

Heat raced up Carol’s neck until she was blushing as bright red as her suit, or the dumb acid burn on her arm.

Just then, Peggy’s agitated voice came from the other end of the wide flight deck.

“Someone’s coming right at us!”

Before Carol had the chance to say what the hell? or who? or again?, an incoming message threw a distantly familiar face up in front of them, hovering in the form of a hologram.

“Hey,” Carol greeted. “Small universe.”

—

Peggy had never thought to imagine what Gamora might be like. She’d had an account of Peter Quill’s affection for her from Rocket, but had recognized that a portrayal of the woman that crew had known—the woman Peter had loved enough to forfeit his life in the quest for reunion—couldn’t be fully accurate. At best, the Gamora they described would be one layer removed from the real person. The Gamora they had known and the one whose hologram had just appeared before Peggy, Carol, and Brunnhilde were a handful of years and a thousand experiences apart.

It seemed absurd to Peggy that this woman may wish to harm them, but she really ought to have considered it.

“Was it your distress signal I picked up?” Gamora asked flatly, eyes locked on Carol in the pilot’s seat.

“Umm… yep.”

“And you still require assistance?”

Carol glanced at Brunnhilde, then over to Peggy, who nodded. They certainly had worked wonders, she felt, in getting this massive spaceship off the planet, but who knew how many things could go wrong between here and Earth? Peggy doubted either of her shipmates had told her the half of it. They were simply short-staffed, too few fingers available to plug any metaphorical leaks they might spring on the journey.

“Yes please,” Carol told her.

With a nod, 2014 Gamora went from unknown quantity to ally. Peggy sighed in relief.

The three of them were transported directly from Thanos’s ship to Gamora’s. The process was quite indescribable, Peggy thought. Tingly, quick, with a bit of a lurch as she rematerialized on an entirely different flight deck from the one she’d just left. Had the transfer been instantaneous? Had she, perhaps, ceased to exist for a moment or two? She was full of questions but unsure to whom she should direct them.

Gamora, while welcoming in deed, was somewhat inscrutable when they met her face-to-face. Standoffish. Unsure of herself, Peggy realized. Immediately, she warmed to the woman. She had been in her place herself once, sort of, if not precisely in her intimidating boots. It hadn’t been so long ago that she’d been ferried through time to find the world completely changed. What Gamora needed was a reason to trust them the way they were trusting her.

“I take it you killed my father?” Gamora asked plainly once they were aboard.

Oh dear. It seemed they weren’t off to a very auspicious start.

Brunnhilde stepped in front of Carol, who’d just been opening her mouth to speak, presumably to claim responsibility.

“I was the captain,” she stated. “Thanos was killed on my orders.”

“Uh, no, not explicitly,” Carol argued.

“Anyway,” Peggy piped up, “I’m the one who shot him in the head.”

“And he was only vulnerable to that because I electrocuted him to within an inch of his despicable life and his helmet fell off,” Brunnhilde countered.

“On a planet I flew us to,” Carol reminded them.

“We’ll be sharing the blame,” Peggy informed Gamora on behalf of her crewmates.

Gamora cocked her head consideringly.

“And if it’s approval?” To their universal silence, she explained, “I know what he was capable of in my time, and I saw enough of Earth to get a general idea of what he was set to accomplish if he wasn’t stopped.”

“Were you out here hunting him too?” Peggy took a step towards her.

Directing her gaze away from them, Gamora blinked rapidly, looking momentarily confused and upset. In the next second, she’d hidden any outward hint of those feelings.

“I should’ve been,” she said, “but I’ve never been able to stand up to him like I should have. After I left your planet… for a while, I wasn’t looking for him. But I began to see signs. And then Peter Quill came.”

“Peter!” Carol said. “You saw him? Did you talk to him? Rocket never said—”

“No. I just watched. I followed him for a while. I knew he was looking for me. He was so… loud.” Gamora made a face. “Leaving word for me everywhere, telling traders and transports that he was my boyfriend. He was an idiot, but an entertaining idiot… I barely noticed that I’d stopped keeping track of Thanos until he just showed up…

“I was a coward,” Gamora went on. “I saw my father intercept Peter’s ship and I knew what would probably happen, but I couldn’t put myself between the two of them. Was I supposed to stand up for this guy when I’d never been able to stand up for myself? I was raised to be cruel, to think of myself, that attachments formed to accomplish anything but the acquisition of power make you weak. I know Thanos killed Peter. It’s my fault he’s dead.”

Peggy stood in front of her, refraining from placing a reassuring hand on Gamora’s shoulder when she gave her cagey eyes.

“It’s not,” Peggy told her firmly.

“I only heard your distress signal because I heard Peter’s first,” Gamora said. “I went onboard after my father had left; it was days before I could force myself to do it, maybe longer. I used his communications system to speak to his crewmates on Earth.”

“You must’ve just missed us leaving,” Brunnhilde said.

“That’s what he told me. He said three more morons had left the planet, on their way to hunt down Thanos.”

“And you’ve helped us,” Peggy said, tone insistent. “If you do feel any responsibility for what happened to Peter, then surely you should also believe that you’ve redeemed yourself by saving our backsides.”

Gamora’s eyes squinted as though she were in pain.

“I owed him more than this and I hate it,” she said, jaw clenched. “He was no one to me. He knew someone I’m never going to become.”

“Shhh. I know,” Peggy said soothingly.

“I don’t see how that’s possible. Have you ever had someone tell you they love you when it feels like it’s impossible that they even know you? That whoever they loved had to be a different person from who you are?”

Peggy’s shoulders fell. She could feel the bittersweet smile on her face.

“Actually, yes.”

Gamora appeared surprised to have been brought up short in such a manner.

“Do you have any advice?” Peggy urged softly.

For a minute, Gamora was quiet, staring hard at the wall. Peggy could feel that the others had backed away, giving them time and space when Gamora’s stream of information had been diverted by the confusing grief she was obviously experiencing.

“Whatever lengths he goes to because he thinks you’re better than you are…” Gamora finally said, turning her head to look Peggy in the eye. “Try to be worth it.”

“Got it.”

Peggy folded her hands together, pressing her right palm to her wedding ring.

—

They were about to get underway, their new crew of four on a significantly smaller, though sleeker, ship. (Brunnhilde didn’t mourn for the one they’d left in the shallows; it had served them well, first the Asgardians and now the team responsible for the death of Thanos.) However, staring out the viewport from the seat in which she’d been installed as the effective second-in-command, Brunnhilde didn’t feel right. The sight of Thanos’s ship just hanging there in space unnerved her. It would be better if no trace of the Titan remained.

“Let’s blast it,” she suggested to the deck at large.

“Thanos’s spaceship?” Peggy checked.

“Yes.”

“Well,” Carol said, “we aren’t near anything. There’s nothing for the debris to hit…”

Brunnhilde smiled slightly and looked to the captain.

“Gamora? Do you have any weapons on this ship that could do the job?”

“There is one thing I’ve been saving for a special occasion,” Gamora said, gaze fixed on Thanos’s ship. “First, we’re going to need to get clear.”

She piloted them away—away from the planet, away from the ship. Part of Brunnhilde wanted to request the honour of launching the torpedo Gamora was setting the coordinates for, locking it onto her late father’s final vessel, but she was already satisfied with the role she’d played. Let Gamora take this final, symbolic step. It was like Thor’s hideous couch; Brunnhilde had helped him lug the thing into the open air, but permitted him to drop the match (once she’d soaked the cushions in lighter fluid, just in case it wasn’t sufficiently saturated in spilled beer). She would content herself with watching it go up in flames.

And it did. It was an impressive explosion, scattering wreckage in a wide perimeter Gamora had kept them outside of. They were briefly silent as jagged hunks of metal twisted in the void.

“That’s one way to get the stink of dead bodies out,” Carol noted, and Brunnhilde turned to her, shoulders shaking with laughter Carol quickly joined in on.

They flew for some time, and it was good just to relax, to stretch in her seat and tilt her head from side to side so that her neck cracked horrendously and Peggy said things like “good lord!” while Carol laughed her ass off. Brunnhilde remained alert though. She couldn’t help it. In the old days, with the Valkyrie, there’d been a certain relief when the battle in which they’d been engaged was done, but they’d only known true rest once they’d returned to Asgard. Home. The last time she’d been on a ship bound for Earth, the atmosphere had been one of intense grief, muffled weeping in the corridors. They’d known Earth as Midgard and had little admiration for its country of Norway, chilly with fog and swathed in the bleak colours that reflected their inner emptiness. Nothing they loved was there—not their people, not their gleaming towers and soaring statues. How could it ever possibly feel like coming home?

Brunnhilde had honestly believed she’d lost her ability to experience that feeling, that, without her sisters-in-arms, the sensation was lost to her. Yet, despite the tension she still carried from the fight, she felt it easing. She felt herself longing for home, her little house at the water’s edge. For the chance to return to her people as their king and announce a great evil defeated. Maybe this tension was only anticipation after all.

In contrast to the fruits of her own contemplation and revelation, Gamora’s private thoughts had left her expression mournful and roving. Brunnhilde exited the deck to relieve herself and find something to eat in Gamora’s stores, and when she returned, she addressed her.

“You’re not taking us all the way to Earth, are you?”

Gamora flicked her gaze sideways to assess her. Brunnhilde knew there was no judgement to be found in her face, so she stared back calmly.

“I’m taking you to Quill’s ship. Thanos, in his infinite arrogance, didn’t damage it. Maybe he thought he might like to return to it some time and claim it as part of his fleet. It’s a tribute to how much I continue to feel my father’s influence that I planned to do the same. Not build a fleet, but go back. There’s something about that ship… I find it comforting.”

Brunnhilde frowned thoughtfully.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take it and leave this one for us?”

“No. What I felt when I was onboard, examining it and… and removing Quill’s body for space burial… that was just a feeling of, I don’t know, another life. There’s a group on Earth for whom that ship means something. And it’s the only thing they have of him. I couldn’t keep it.”

“One of those people is your sister,” Brunnhilde said carefully.

“Yes.”

“I tried to talk to her, but she doesn’t like me very much. I don’t blame her,” she added as Gamora gave her a wary look. “She was upset.”

“Nebula is at her most dangerous when upset, and she’s always upset, so she’s always dangerous.”

“She was upset about Peter’s death. But I think also because, without him, no one was out here looking for you.”

Gamora stiffened.

“If she really wants to find me, she can come look for me herself. I’ll be ready.”

“She doesn’t want to fight you,” Brunnhilde said. “She misses you. I think. It’s really none of my business.”

“Why would you wish to get involved in our family affairs?” Gamora’s voice was more curious than accusing. “Besides murdering our father, of course.”

Brunnhilde sighed before answering.

“I’ve lost many people I cared about. I don’t have a family anymore.” She glanced over to see Carol and Peggy bent over a screen together, Carol’s sudden snort infecting Peggy until they were both laughing. “I mean,” Brunnhilde corrected herself, “I didn’t.”

When they arrived at the Benatar and Gamora transported Carol and Peggy off her ship, Brunnhilde motioned for Gamora to hold off a moment on removing her.

“If we don’t meet again,” she said, sticking out her arm for Gamora to grasp.

Gamora gripped her tightly and nodded.

“I think we might though. I thought about it and realized it’s easier for me to find Nebula than for her to find me.”

“I may have left you her coordinates.” Brunnhilde released Gamora’s arm. “Enjoy Missouri.”

She joined Peggy and Carol on the Benatar, pausing to bend over Carol’s seat to surprise her with a deep kiss before she took up her own position. She brushed stray strands of hair back out of Carol’s dancing eyes.

“I’m going to have to redo your braid,” Brunnhilde told her.

“Oh, we’ll have time. We’ve got quite a road trip ahead of us. Luckily… Peter left us his tunes.” Beaming, she started up a song with a bright beat.

Brunnhilde smiled and went to her seat, fastening herself in as Carol readied the vessel for launch.

“You know,” Peggy said thoughtfully, slinging her jacket over the back of her chosen seat, “before all of this, I was actually quite afraid of outer space.”

Carol laughed.

“I can’t imagine why.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #197

“she wraps those hands around that pole, she licks those lips and off we go, she takes it off nice and slow ‘cuz that’s porn star dancin’.”

Do you wear something on your left hand/wrist/arm without fail? I have a ring on my left thumb. What is the latest you’ve stayed up for? Why? Oh idk, if you mean staying up waiting for something in particular and not just staying up all night for the hell of it. I think WoW's Warlords of Draenor expansion launch was the latest; it was sometime at night, between midnight and 3 A.M., and. Between me, Jason, Amanda, and Jacob, I by far stayed up the latest and pretty much died that day asleep. What is an article of clothing you would never ever wear? Rompers are just a no for me. What is something you lie to yourself about? I don't really do that anymore. If I know the truth deep down, lying would do me no good. Do you enjoy solving problems? NO. All problems do is stress me out. Are you more books smart, street smart, or random trivia smart? Oh, totally trivia. GMM taught me the most pointless shit. Are you a kinesthetic, an auditory or a visual learner? Kinesthetic. Would you ever take part in a TV quiz show? If so, which one? If not, why? No; I don't want my ugly ass on TV, the stress would murder me, plus I'd be really nervous and awkward. Does it take a lot for you to cry, or does it happen easily? It is VERY easy to make me cry. Do you have two of the same pair of pants? I believe I do. Who gives the best advice? Sara. She neeeeeds to do something in the psychological field. Do you have a lot of pictures of you and your friends? Old ones. I pretty much never take any now because 1.) I hate my face and 2.) what friends? What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Truly and entirely letting Jason go. Who do you usually see in your dreams? Sara, my parents, sisters, and my theory is the lingering effects of PTSD keep Jason as a pretty regular fixture. HA HA OH YEAH MARK IS ALSO IN THEM SOMETIMES. Generally though, I don't remember my dreams. When was the last time you cleaned out a bathtub? Literally never. Never been a chore. Would you rather read poetry or write poetry? Write. Have you ever had any really infected injuries? Not really infected, I think. That cyst was, but that's not really an "injury." Is there any band out there that you like every song by them? No. Have you ever cussed/swore in front of younger children? If so, did they eventually imitate what you said? I'm sure I have with legit babies, but even then, I would try avoiding it. Now, I'm super careful around any aged child, and no. Do you have any friends that you almost always joke around with? Alex and Chelsea. Serious moments are almost non-existent, especially with Alex. Have you learned any new words today? No. If your hair never got greasy again, would you still wash it? Well yeah, it would still get dirty. When was the last time you played jump rope? Not since being a young teen... Talk about your first love. I think everyone in my online circle knows the story. High school sweethearts, strong and steady relationship that pretty much everyone thought was permanent, but ended very abruptly. Know now that it's for the better it ended; who the hell knows, maybe I'd still be an extremely depressed and hopeless mess. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion? "The Two Trees" and "Dante's Prayer," both by Loreena McKennitt, are unreal. "Obstacles" by Syd Matters? Goosebumps every single time. Okay really I could go on forever. What kind of self care is your favorite to do? I get the most satisfaction out of skin care. Are you affectionate? With s/os. I'm a hugger if I know you well enough. Who do you look up to? Mark, Steve Irwin, I look up to some parts of Otep Shamaya despite her mostly being a bitch, Sara, and there's so many more, but I'm blanking atm. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)? Usually a mechanical and colored pencils. Do you dance? What style of dance? Not anymore. Favorite old film? A lot. But probably Johnny Got His Gun. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion? Snowy. Do you have a lucky number? No. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash? No. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion? People coming together for good, despite any differences or grudges. What instrumental sound is your favorite? Violin, electric guitar, or piano. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you? Ohhhh idk. "Wolf In Sheep's Clothing" is high on the list, thanks Sara. Favorite shoe you own? Some converse with a skull design. Do you know any German words? Yeah, but I've forgotten quite a lot. Four semesters of German have definitely faded a bit. Do you have a passport? No. Do you say any words that are pretty specific to your area? Well, "y'all' for one. There's definitely sayings, though I'm not gonna sit here trying to remember 'em considering I don't use much, if any. Do you know anyone who everyone thinks is gay, but is not out? No. Vegetables: better raw or cooked? Are there any raw veggies I like??? Have you ever smoked? No. Would you mind dating someone significantly shorter than you? I've said it before and I'll say it again: I have a significantly negative opinion of you if h e i g h t fucking matters to you. Can you quote the movie Mean Girls? All I know off the top of my head is I think "On Wednesdays, we wear pink" or something like that. Do you live in the state you were born in? Yeah. Do your parents smoke? Dad does. Do you know anyone who has a ton of real fur clothes? No; at least I fucking hope not. If Britney Spears came to your town, would you go see her concert? In the hypothetical case of it being free, sure thing. I wouldn't actually go out of my way buying tickets. Have you ever worn a pair of leather (fake or real) pants? No. If the last person you kissed asked you to marry them, what would you do? She wouldn't ask that anytime soon. I'd only be comfortable being engaged if we were settled somewhere and the relationship was in a perfectly healthy place. When you believe in the Easter Bunny, what did you think it looked like? I don't remember. What about the tooth fairy? I think I imagined something like Tinker Bell? Do you/did you have a religion class in school? No. If your best friend got cancer, would you shave your head with them? If she was truly self-conscious of it, I probably would. Name someone you know who is Buddhist. No one, I think. Does your mom wear makeup? Very little for only special occasions. Do you kiss your boyfriends/girlfriends in front of your parents? Yes. Have you ever spent Christmas alone? No, thank Christ. Have you ever spent your birthday alone? Not all day or anything. Does your favorite uncle have any children? I only know one of my uncles well enough to have a confident opinion on him, but anyway, yes. Has anyone ever kissed you when you were so not expecting it? Possibly? Was it a good surprise kiss? Or bad? See above; I'm not sure if I was ever totally taken by surprise. Name all the members (first, middle and last names) from your favorite band. Man, I used to know this shit 100%, but I only know now Ozzy himself. Do you still have any Pokemon cards? I don't believe so. What would you do if your favorite artist came to town but your parents wouldn’t let you go? i'm???????? about to be 23????????? Do you know anyone who refuses to swear? Probably. Not anybody I know well. Have you ever heard a young child swear? Yes. Have you ever heard your grandparents swear? My grandma, yeah. But she does so seldom. What do you see when you turn your head to the right? My closet. The creepiest, most disgusting insect in the world is: Hissing cockroaches omfg no. What is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? No. Where’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? Olive Garden is the answer to everything. What will you dress up as for Halloween? Idk, but I reeeaaally wanna do something this year. Have you ever been in a lighthouse? No. Do you ever make your own surveys? Not exactly; I only combine them and usually delete the "no shit," boring, overused, or incredibly specific questions, like, "does the # 79 mean anything to you." What color is your shower? White. When is the last time you had a serious talk with someone? Yesterday about Bentley. I think Mom finally sees we need to get rid of him. How often do you take naps? Sometimes every day, every other, or just sporadically that week. I generally function better and am in a better mood with an afternoon nap. I know you don’t wanna talk about it, but when do you go back to school? Who the fuck even knows with my piece of shit past school. I was planning to this month. Do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants? In like... *every* restaurant. I don't want to order something I wind up hating. Have you ever had anything stolen from you? Maybe? When was the last time the power went out at your house and how long was it out for? Not too long ago I believe thanks to the wind. Just briefly. Ever had to get any stitches? Twice. How many times a year do you go out of state? Usually not even once a year, though now with Sara, it'll probably become a regular pattern of twice or so. About how many times during the night do you wake up from your sleep? Always, always, at least once. What kind of surveys do you wish there were more of? The deep, philosophical ones. When are you getting your next new phone? Ugh, probably not soon, though I need one desperately. Are you due for a haircut? No, got that done yesterday. Are you dealing with any health-related problems right now? Mental, we already know, but I've got some physical too currently. Do your parents like the music you listen to? Some of it, but I know Mom's not into the heavier stuff I like, and usually not the more indie stuff I'm into it. Do your parents approve of your beliefs? Dad, I don't think we agree on most, and Mom, she does some, while not others. She'd probably punch me if she learned I'm pro-choice now. Do you know anyone who’s racist? Very. What about a homophobe? Welcome to good 'ole North Carolina, my friend. What about a pedophile? They wouldn't be alive if I knew a pedophile. Who’s the most annoying person in your neighborhood? I dunno who, but there's one person on our street that has loud music playing almost constantly, even at night. You can't hear it indoors and it's not blaring outside, but I find it disrespectful to the few people who live here, especially at night. And mind you, the music sometimes isn't friendly to be playing where all of us can hear it. Name one of your psycho exes? No one. Why were they a psycho ex? N/A What’s the best revenge you ever got on someone? I don't see it as bitter "revenge" anymore, but it's chuckle-worthy every now and again to remember he broke up with me due to depression, and now I beat that shit and am working hard to stand on my own. How often do you shop at dollar stores? Only for candy for like, going to the movie theater. What’s your favorite part of a song? Usually riffs, choruses, or bridges... or guitar solos... lol idk it just depends on the song. I'd say maybe bridges the most. In school, do you/did you work better by yourself or in a group? BY MYSELF. When is the last time you ordered from a catalog? I personally never have. What’s the name of the gas station you last stopped at? Idr, it wasn't one we normally stop at 'cuz we were out of town. Is there a piece of jewelry that holds any sentimental value to you? Yeah. What was the first song you heard today? I think I listened to "Kreuzfeuer" by Powerwolf. What was the last video you watched on YouTube? Jonathan Young's cover of "Riot" by 3DG. Someone sign this man, please. Could you design an whole web page yourself? Ha, no. That stuff confuses the shit outta me. Have you ever cooked an entire dinner for your family? No. Who do you tend to get in fights with the most? My mom. Can you say today’s date in a different language? Took me a moment, but in German, yes. Does it bother you if the shower nozzle thing isn’t straight? Yes. Ours won't stay straight for anything. What is the reason you keep waking up every day? Do you have someone or something you particularly live for? Who or what is your inspiration? I want to build a future I'm proud of and enjoy each day more than ever. My history is my inspiration in the sense it's shown me what "low" truly can be and that I can climb out of that hole and to the top of the mountain one day. How would you spend your last night on earth? Would you be by yourself or with friends? Would you do something you never had the courage to do before? I'd want to be with all my loved ones that day, but just with Sara that night. I would tell her how much I love her through all words and actions I possibly could, and if that included something I hadn't had the courage for previously, yes. Do you honestly believe that your relationship (or a future relationship, if you don’t currently have one) will last until the end? How far would you be willing to go for that person? I genuinely think it will, very sincerely. I'd do a hell of a lot for her, but I'm smart enough now to know there has to be a limit. What do you think is the one thing about you that catches everyone’s attention? Are you naturally loud? Or do you make sure you have an eye-catching appearance? I'm very quiet. How would you show someone you loved them, without outright saying, “I love you?” How would you show it through actions? I mean, there's a whole lot you could do. I think the best way is just doing little things that show love. Go make that person their morning coffee, that kinda stuff. What would you do if someone cheated on you? Has that ever happened? Have you cheated on anyone? It's over; no; no. Are you outgoing or shy? I'm shy as hell. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Sara on the 4th. Are you easy to get along with? I think. What kind of people are you attracted to? The unorthodox but friendly ones. The "weirdos," so long it's not in a like, creepy way. People who are very open-minded. Do you still talk to your first crush? No. Do you like bubble baths? I don’t take baths. What are your bad habits? Procrastinating more than anything else, I peel my nails instead of trimming them oops, I weigh myself every single day, I jump to conclusions and catastrophize, I drink soda regularly, I'm very impulsive when incredibly upset, uh... HOW AM I BLANKING HERE ALREADY?????????????????? I have so many. Where would you like to travel? South Africa for the KMP, Tanzania for the Serengeti, Scotland, Japan, Germany, Canada would be cool... man, so many places. Favorite part of your daily routine? Mark video. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My stomach. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Idc. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? No, but then again I've been the one broken up with only once. What do you say during awkward silences? Feel like puking and disappearing both. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? No. Ever won a competition? For what? Yeah. 4th/5th grade D.A.R.E. report, some online one for two rare Silent Hill: Revelation pieces, my clogging class when I was in high school won some high rank at a competition, and I believe I've won in one or two other writing things? Been suspended/expelled? For what? No. Been arrested? For what? No. Craving something? What? I have a mad craving for Hardee's chicken tenders, good Lord. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? A stuffed snake from Sara named Plum. :') How many stuffed animals do you think you have? I could not even TRY to guess. I was obsessed with stuffed animals as a kid (I even got teased now and again for occasionally bringing one to elementary school), and so many I have hold deep sentimental value. They're stored in bags in the attic. They're probably gonna end up going to my nieces and nephew, or by if some miraculous change of heart, I want kids. Favorite character from Mean Girls? I couldn't name a single one. Favorite character from Finding Nemo? Dory, always. I was obsessed. OBSESSED. With Dory. I'm not kidding when I say I wanted to change my real name to Dory. Now in adulthood, Gill is high on my list too, probably #2. In a fight with someone? No. Do you tan a lot? Never. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes. I want to legitimately ride one one day, not just at a carnival and such. Are you a vegetarian? I wish, but the juncture I was is over. I had to stop for nutrition's sake as well as easier weight loss. After you truly look into the process of killing the animal... it's nauseating, even with the "humane" methods, which are not exactly so. No, I do not shame meat-eaters; we're omnivores and our diet is designed to include meat. It's just I personally wish I wasn't participating in that process by consuming what has been killed so gruesomely. What goal are you aiming for this year? Improving my mental health further is #1. I at the very least want to make considerable progress on my anxiety. Are you currently reading any books at the moment? Not really. I'm like a few pages into The Fault In Our Stars, but I'm not reading it anywhere near regularly. Would you own a Siamese cat? The cat I have now appears to have Siamese heritage! I love the breed, so obviously yes. Have you ever had an ultimate adrenaline rush? Maybe? Idk. Do you like deviled eggs? I absolutely, positively loathe them. I hate yolk. What’s the farthest you’ve walked? Hm, I dunno. Maybe through Disney World as a kid or a trip to the zoo? What is your favorite horror movie? I like both The Blair Witch Projects. Have you ever seen a rooster? Yeah. When are you likely to hide your emotions? When I'm jealous, probably. Which is scarier: Dying of thirst or of starvation? I mean I don't know how either would feel, but probably thirst? I feel like it would be quicker. When you turn on the TV, what channel do you flip to? I don't watch TV. Have you ever tried to help someone quit smoking? I've told Dad especially and Chelsea I wish they'd quit, usually indirectly to avoid feeling mean or rude. I'm 99% convinced it's gonna be lung cancer that kills my dad, and Chels does it way too much, especially with her age. What was the last comment someone made on your music taste? Mom pointed out how I can jump to heavy metal to some random indie stuff in the blink of an eye. Have you ever had to talk anyone out of suicide? I've tried. One in particular was a very close online friend, but I'm pretty sure she went through with it. Who in your family do you act like the most? Mom, I guess? What was the last topic that you ranted about? RANTS WITH SARA ARE THE FUCKING BEST. Probably her, but idr what. Is there someone that makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells? Not anymore. Have you ever been in a physical fight on school grounds? No. Have you written anything in a bathroom stall? What, if anything? No. Was there ever a time when you wished you’d never been born? Yup. Who is the most sensitive person that you know? Uh, me. Have you ever had a tooth (or teeth) pulled? No. You can have one famous person’s wardrobe; who do you choose, and why? Suzy Hanson is an i c o n. When was the last time you wrote someone a note? Oh idk. It may have been the end of '17 when I sent Jason that final/closure letter. Do you tell your parents before you go somewhere, or just leave? I tell Mom. What was the last thing you tried to get out of doing? Hm. I dunno. If someone makes fun of you, are you able to laugh it off? NOPE. HI AVPD I SEE YOU. When was the last time that you watched the sun come up? Not since that time my sis, her best friend, and I stayed up all night. We went on like two walks and went swimming; my mother woke up very confused lmao. Have you ever (purposely or accidentally) played with someone’s heart? Not to my recollection. Has anyone ever played with yours? I don't believe he did so deliberately as some game. When was the last time someone told you to turn your music down? During a car ride with my mom at some point. I always control the music and yeah, it's a bit too loud sometimes. Are you one to spend a lot of time in the bathroom? No. How many times a day, on average, do you look at the time? I dunno, frequently? It's not as if I'm ever away from the laptop long, and a clock's right there. Do you like the smell of cinnamon? Omg yes. Do you like frogs? Yeah! Are you afraid of dying? Not really. The older I've gotten the more I've become comfortable with it just being a part of life. I sure don't want death to come prematurely, but I still don't really worry about what's after death. I'm fearful of the process, but not it itself. Do you consider yourself politically intelligent? NO. I'm clueless. Hence why I'm neutral on a lot. Do you like pixie sticks? Ye. Do you like French toast? I would die for the perfect French toast probably. Are you good at doing math in your head? No; I can't do even simple math up there. Do you know a lot about history? Definitely not. Name a TV show that you absolutely can’t stand. Rooster Teeth was the first to come to mind. Do you look like your age? I guess. The past two times I've had alcohol at a restaurant I wasn't carded... though that makes me fear I look even older. x_x Do you feel confident in a bathing suit? Fuck no. Have you ever had a concussion? Once. Sucked major dick. Do you like hot tubs? For a little bit. Do you know anyone who is battling cancer? Not currently, at least I think. Have you ever donated money to a charity? Yeah. Do you like the color lime green? Sure. Do you wish you could change something about your hair? Can I dye it already please????? Have you ever gotten a makeover? No. Do you think the minions from Despicable Me are cute? They annoy the fuck outta me. Did you have a Gameboy as a child? Yes; still have it, actually. Have you ever auditioned for a talent competition? No. Do you like the Silent Hill movies? Seeing this question made me so happy asjfjfweowq. The first is good, though I had some complaints about the altering of the plot. I warmed up to it quite a bit with time, though; I was just biased towards the game, which I still do like more. The second is... objectively trash as a plot, all the hell over the place. I think the entire fandom agrees with that. The only things I really enjoyed about it were of course Red Pyramid/Pyramid Head and the carousel scene with Dark Alessa. Tell me something you’ve been made fun of for in the past. I'm always on some type of technology. I fucking hate it. Do you support war? I'm a pacifist. Guess. Do you send messages on Facebook a lot? Nope; if I do it's only ever to Girt, really. Do you use the word “hello” daily? No. Who’s the biggest hugger you know? Idk. Where did you get your worst scar from? I can't see it, but I'm assuming the one from my surgery. Do you like Coco Pebbles the cereal? I used to find them okay, but haven't had 'em in years. Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? No. Honestly have you ever purchased something, wore it, and then returned it? Maybe? I don't think so, though... I'd feel too bad. At least me now would. Which one of your family members are you closest to? My mom. If chocolate was an illegal drug - would you be a drug addict? I assume you mean it became illegal just the way is/with no new risks to it? In that case, I wouldn't be an addict or go out of my way to get it, but if there was a piece of chocolate easily available to me, yeah, I'd eat it. Would you rather have name brand shoes or name brand clothes? Shoes, because they're obvs. gonna be of better quality and I care about walking comfortably more that "fancy" clothes. Which is worse: onion breath or garlic breath? Oh idk, both are. Ew. When was the last time you got a shot? When I was at the dentist a few months back and they had to fill a cavity, thus I had numbing shots. They had to give me way more than usual, though, which I thought was odd. I just wasn't getting numb enough until like, 6+ in. Are you proud of your parents? I'm very proud of how Dad has developed as a person, and I have immense respect for my mom for how she works her ASS off to keep her kids safe, healthy, and well-provided for. I could never do all she does. Do you say “soda” or “pop”? "Soda." Are you shy about singing in front of people? YES. Which is better: orange or grape soda? Orange; not a fan of grape soda. Who was the last person in your house who isn’t family? Good question.