#there's nothing wrong w/being apl or autistic its just my brain is being particularly mean rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spaciebabie · 2 years

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okay i was gonna make a long winded post abt how being autistic and aplatonic fucks up any semblence of connectedness i am able ta feel w/my fellow humans but i got tired so let me just shorten it ta say:

when u dont feel motiv for friend make and u bad at making frend as well life! is hell at times. blah blah blah i feel abnormal all the time something something i am aware i do not socialize "normally" like others and it makes me self concious. blah blah blah sometimes i wish i could feel how alloplatonics feel. end post.

#vent #there's nothing wrong w/being apl or autistic its just my brain is being particularly mean rn #this is very. bare bones compared ta the orig post. but it was a lot of words and i wasnt conveying how i wanted #tldr? wall. imagine a wall between u and every person who u consider a friend.#the wall only goes away after fulfilling certain criteria.#u dont kno the criteria. u will feel disconnected from them until the wall goes away.#when will it go away? well.#something something ppl notice when i dont talk ta others and put me on the spot #making me extremely uncomfy #feeling very othered. actually have been dealing w/this feeling for years sigh #when do it end!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i just wanna feel normal in my interactions w/ppl :(#i dont even WANT more friends i just feel weird i dont have that many irl!!!!#screaming inta my pillow #i just needed ta yell inta the void

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