#there's so many people struggling yoo

[trashlie]

ILY FP 220

CW for abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, etc. Sorry for the minor spoiler, but we’re digging into the way Yui has manipulated and abused Kousuke since he was young and that might be triggering to some readers. 

Whoo BOY! Idk about you guys but I loved this episode (I keep saying this every week lmao). Again, there’s so much confirmation of things I’ve been saying/believing, and I find it really funny that this arrived on the cusp of a related discussion I’ve been having lol. This time, I’m also going to link to some interesting posts/threads from the 220 discussion post on the reddit, because they are presented really well, and while I’ll talk about them in this post, I want to highlight the comments that have furthered my thoughts and commentary! The reddit discussion posts are really what helps me put my thoughts together!

I am a big fan of this comment and the subsequent replies between them and cheeselounge; good explanation of exactly how Yui’s manipulation/gas lighting/abuse works and why it maintains a compelling hold on Kousuke, as well as some good food for thought about black and white vs shades of grey, the ableism that runs rampant when people on a whole talk about Kousuke, and how harmful it is to view characters as 100% innocent or guilty. Also really fantastic points on the parallels of how Shinae, Nol, and Kousuke are shown waking in the hospital. Just an all around top tier comment!

This is my own comment lol but what is important is not the comment itself but the discussion in the replies. I’m not a medical person so everyone’s input on what it means for Yui to shut down Hansuke’s tests is invaluable to me lol. Someone also brought up blood type - and while I don’t think that’s something Hansuke would be testing, it does bring up interesting thoughts re: Kousuke’s parentage. 

So let’s get into it! 

I know it’s tacky to be an “I told you so!” person but this episode, besides making me feel incredibly unsettled and angry, absolutely made me feel I TOLD YOU SO! Yui is SO skilled at manipulation it’s like second nature to her. Every now and then I still see people defending Yui as loving Kousuke so much that the way she treats him can’t possibly be manipulation, and that you can’t prove it’s manipulation - and like. THAT’S THE THING LOL Textbook abuse is often met with people who don’t believe it because they’ve never seen it, because you’re being so dramatic, because it’s not big deal. That’s how abuse WORKS. The abuser is seen as someone who couldn’t possibly be abusing you, because they do so many nice things or they seem so lovely and they just don’t seem like an abuser~. That’s why it works!!!! Because they have created a reasonable cause of doubt. Because they make YOU look like the liar, like you’re dramatic, like you’re just making a big deal out of things that aren’t. 

Also, people can say they love you and still abuse you, still hurt you, still use you for their own gain. And Yui does just that. 

It’s been a source of great ire to me that so much of what Yui has done has been swept under an umbrella of “she just loves him so much of course she wants the best for him”. But it’s not about him, and we can see that now! Yui doesn’t respond to Kousuke with love or affection. She has NO CONCERN about what happened to him. In fact, even as Hansuke tries to argue in favor of running tests on Kousuke, Yui tries it on him. “He’s dramatic, you know that. I know him well, and I know he’s fine. You are making a big deal out of nothing. We don’t want to make him think something is wrong with him do we?” Hansuke is the only one showing concern for Kousuke. It’s not just about him hitting his head - it’s about the unresponsive state in which he found Kousuke. It’s that HE knows Kousuke and HE knows something happened, something set him off, and that he responded to it in a worrying way! 

Yui SHOULD be concerned about Kousuke. She should want to understand, she should worry that something is going on with him. Instead, she just tries to pretend it’s nothing, to sweep it under the rug, to hide it not just from everyone else but from HIMSELF. “We don’t want him to think something’s wrong with him, do we?” 

But it’s not just that, it’s the way she operates! For so long I’ve been trying to say that while Rand is very much responsible for his choices, I believe Yui absolutely has affected his relationship with Kousuke and encouraged/fostered the distance between them. If Kousuke ever got close to Rand, maybe he would have laid off, calmed down, felt that he’d reached his goal and now he didn’t have to run so hard. But as long as that goal is unmet, as long as Rand is distant from him, Kousuke would have to keep pushing until he reaches the top, just like she wants. 

It’s the way she took Rand’s real gift and threw it out and replaced it with some random cardigan that looks like it’s not up to Kousuke’s standards. “How sweet of him” so sweet that he doesn’t know what his son likes, right? So sweet that he just got you whatever and you’re supposed to like it. She’s further fostering that divide. Not only has Kousuke not reached Rand, but he looks like he doesn’t know anything about him, like he doesn’t even care. And that’s further supported by the reality of the night - Kousuke knows Rand is with Nol and while on some level he understands why (even he was concerned about Nol being hurt) eventually he might internalize it as “Father chose Nol over me.” 

How many times has Yui intervened? Swapped out gifts? Relayed the wrong information, just FORGOT to relay the right information. How convenient, that Rand was never around for Kousuke’s birthday because he had meetings elsewhere. How convenient, that Rand never knew when Kousuke’s recitals or EVEN GRADUATION were. I want to reiterate I think Rand deserves critique. He has made his choices, he could have reached out to Kousuke, could have inquired about when his events are. But also as we’ve extensively discussed, Yui absolutely has and continues to weaponize what Rand loves and cares about against him. She’s weaponized it against Kousuke in how she commodified the concept of love and Rand’s love. She’s done it to Nol. At some point, people give up. There’s only so much misery they can endure. It’s very likely that Rand made efforts, in the beginning. We’ve seen him talk to Kousuke before about how he doesn’t have to follow in his footsteps, that he’s allowed to be whatever he wants. We’ve seen him try to instill little life lessons in Kousuke, only for Yui to swoop in and contradict him. At some point a person is going to burn out, grow tired. It’s unfair to Kousuke, because as his father, Rand still has a duty to him. But he’s also a human and we can only take so much. 

Rand and Yui exist in a toxic relationship, and Rand has spent so much of that time in a state of misery. We’ve seen it in Nol, how at some point he thought maybe he should give up, maybe there’s no point in fighting, maybe he just needs to let it go. We’ve seen it in Shinhan, who was overwhelmed by stress and his job and schooling and didn’t have the time and energy to be a present father and at some point turned to alcohol for comfort even at the expense of their funds. 

People can only endure so much. That’s the tragedy of Rand and Kousuke - that Rand was eventually worn down to such an extent that he didn’t have it in him to keep trying, that he was sapped of everything, that it was used against him time and time again, and that in the end it hurts Kousuke. That there were two children involved and impacted by this and both have come to meet danger and harm. 

I have so many thoughts about Rand, and Rand and Yui, and I’ll have to save them for another post. I don’t want to absolve Rand of his crimes against his children, but I also think it’s important to consider the circumstances, because at the end of the day that’s why this is so tragic. It’s so real. Yui is not the first parent to ever pit her child against her spouse, she isn’t the first person to manipulate others in her life. It doesn’t absolve the other parent, but we have to acknowledge the circumstances, because I don’t believe this is the father Rand wanted to be. I think he wanted to have a relationship with his son, but that Yui made it a difficult task, and after some time, he gave up on it. 

Anyway that’s a whole sidebar lmao the point I REALLY wanted to make was: seeing Yui pull this, swap out the gift, replace it with something that is unsuited for Kousuke just further fosters that distance between Rand and Yui. And because Yui is the one who is here when Kousuke wakes up, it further perpetuates the belief that Kousuke is not good enough for Rand to care about him - especially given the circumstances in which Rand found Kousuke. 

Do we ever get to know what’s going on in Rand’s head? What did he think, when he found his sons out there in the snow? What did he think, when it looked like Kousuke was running away from Nol left bloodied and bleeding out in the snow? What did he think about this scene, after the phone call he had earlier that night with Kousuke and what he overhead. We still don’t know what Kousuke said the night he was drunk and left his father a voicemail, but we can deduce that it probably had to do with this - with his relationship with Nol and the hate and the jealousy and the fear and the desperate want to be loved, to be good enough? 

The blood is on his hands both metaphorically and physically. 

Something I want to stress is how grey I find this. Kousuke acted on Nol’s goading. If he hadn’t pushed Kousuke’s buttons, Kousuke would not have done it. Punching him as he was leaving the room was a fight or flight response - I don’t think it was his intention to knock him off the balcony - but I also think in that moment he didn’t feel guilt. Likewise, when Nol left the party, Kousuke chased after him, caught up in his fears and jealousy, the paranoia that stems from it. In so many ways, Kousuke does believe Nol is better than him. Nol’s ability to walk away and not fight back not just at the party, but even after he chased him, infuriated him, because he was goaded into chasing and attacking and yet Nol didn’t even choose to defend himself. Did he intentionally slam Nol like that knowing the glass shards would dig in and tear him up? Did he even register the glass?

What really strikes me is that when Kousuke realizes Nol is injured - badly - it doesn’t come across to me like he’s afraid of getting in trouble for it. He seems genuinely concerned that something has happened to Nol, that he’s bleeding. He wanted Nol to fight back, but I don’t think he wanted to HURT him like that? His reaction is so different from back at the party, where paranoia clouded logic and that flashback returned to him. I think yes, Kousuke wanted to hurt Nol, but I don’t think he wanted it to be like this?

Idk they’re complicated and it’s why I enjoy getting to see these kinds of scenes. 

But again, this is a tangent I didn’t mean to go on, but I think it’s important to state so that you guys understand how and why I interpret the scenes as I do. There is no one who is 100% guilty or innocent.

I definitely think we are meant to dig in to Yui’s actions and understand the manipulation and gaslighting that has gone on for the entirety of Kousuke’s life. That it isn’t solely about Nol, that even before him, she was doing this, that Kousuke as her son has always been a means to her self-serving goals and ambitions, that he was never a child to her but this extension of herself, this opportunity to go after what she wants, a way to cut Rand out of the picture so that everything falls back into the hands of her family. Though Kousuke she is able to orchestrate everything she wants and needs because he is solely at her mercy. 

Look at how deftly she discredits Hansuke while ensuring she is seen as the one who has the most concern for him. Look at how she makes it look as though Hansuke was trying something shady, to run tests on him without his consent, how can he overstep those boundaries - as if she doesn’t do that very thing at every opportunity. That’s how it works! You isolate your victim by making them believe everyone is out to harm them, that no one is trustworthy - no one except yourself, of course. It’s how she remains that safe shelter to him. Even though she does overstep his boundaries, even though she inserts herself into his business, she’s also the one who brings him “comfort”, the only one who he can trust. And it’s why he is unable to part ways with that manipulated reality he adheres to. It’s why, when other people speak the truth to him, he cannot believe it if it contradicts what he knows and believes, and that’s why no one is able to get through to him. 

Kousuke is a textbook victim of manipulation - he can never grow and progress as long as Yui exists. 

And something that someone pointed out (in the first link I included above!) is the visual progression of that. While we knew Kousuke would likely regress and everything he confronted and admitted would be out the window if Yui shows up, it’s further illustrated at the beginning of the episode and how it’s juxtaposed against the last scene we saw. 

From Nol and Shinae standing together, hands clutched and Nol resting on her shoulder with the sunrise and light, the clocks turn back and grow darker and darker, until Kousuke awakes. His moment of illumination is over, he’s back to the dark. Yui’s arrival represents that darkness, and how it undoes every moment of truth he had prior. 

As long as Yui remains in Kousuke’s proximity, he will always be in the dark, unable to reach the light. 

In that same comment, they talked about the parallels in how we were shown Nol, Shinae, and Kousuke all waking up in the hospital. 

Shinae woke to her father and his love and care. There was never a moment she had to doubt him. I still can’t get over that little snippet of Minhyuk in the hospital before she’d fully woken, how feral he sounded, how upset he was about what happened - that he knew he was one of the only people who actually cared about her and his anger at how she was hurt. There was never a moment that Shinae had to doubt these people. Even though her mom has left and took her sister, too, Shinae has never had to feel entirely alone. 

On the flip side, Nol didn’t wake up to relatives, to his parents. He woke up to panic and fear and his fight or flight senses kicked in - until he noticed Shinae asleep at the foot of his bead and realized he wasn’t alone. His friends showed up despite the way he had treated him to celebrate him, to make him feel special, to make him feel better in the ways that they can. Nol has spent a lot of time alone, but he’s not. He has people at his side. 

But Kousuke also wakes up alone - no peace, but instead a hard to make out argument outside his door. Isn’t that awful? At least Shinae and Nol wake up to a sense of comfort, but Kousuke wakes up to people arguing about him. When he fully wakes and sits up, there’s no one in the room. Just him. And then in sweeps Yui, paying off a nurse to trash Rand’s gift, ready to spin a new web to further ensnare Kousuke. 

As long as Yui remains that safe place, that comfort to Kousuke, he cannot be free. 

That’s the power of isolation, that’s the power of discrediting the people around him, of ensuring he believes only her words, convincing him that only she knows him well enough, that only she can help him, only she will tell him the truth. 

“They were all superfluous. Don’t worry, I told him to stop. It’s best to save resources on patients that actually need it, right?” 

We know Hansuke is in the right mind, wanting to run tests on Kousuke. He is rightfully concerned that something is going on with Kousuke and hopes tests could be indicative of something. He’s a doctor and thus believes in science and if there’s scientific evidence, maybe THAT could sway Kousuke, maybe THAT could convince him to listen. But not only does Yui put a stop to it, but she manages to discredit his intentions. She conveys to Kousuke exactly what she needs to - of course there’s nothing wrong with you you’re just fine don’t listen to what anyone else says because they don’t know you like I do. They’re all just being so dramatic. 

And the next time Hansuke dares bring up to Kousuke that maybe he needs to get checked out, Kousuke will double down against him, will continue to believe Hansuke has a vendetta against him, will add him to his growing list of paranoia. The one person who is actively fighting for Kousuke is a big threat to Yui, so she has to ensure that Kousuke won’t trust him.

But that begs the question then. Is she putting a stop to the tests in effort to discredit Hansuke, or is it more than that? I am not a medical person, so this is not my area of expertise and I can only go off of the input others have put out there. I do personally think that whatever Kousuke is dealing with is not so much a mental illness as much as a response to the various stressors in his life, and while I do think a psych evaluation could at least better pinpoint a way to help Kousuke, that’s not the kind of test that Hansuke could have run while he was out. 

But what could be gleaned from simple labwork and urine analysis? If what Kousuke is dealing with is his stress levels and his response to internalized fears and jealousy resulting in paranoia, if it’s his body’s reaction to dealing with a past trauma, if it’s his body shutting down when he can’t deal with something, that’s not something blood is going to show right? 

There’s a lot of theories.

The first assumes both the rules of the mukoyoshi theory and that Kousuke is not, in fact, Rand’s child. It would go like this: because Rand was adopted into the Hirahara family by his marriage to Yui, it means he is treated as much as a blood relative as Yui is, and because the family business passes through the males, it means Rand’s progeny are the next in line for heir. This theory can branch off a couple ways. 

The first is obviously if it’s found out that Kousuke isn’t Rand’s child - but from simple labwork, would that even be possible? Unless Hansuke is checking Kousuke’s blood type AND knows the blood types of Rand and Yui, how would he be able to uncover the truth? But still, Yui would want to cover that truth at all costs, so maybe stopping Hansuke before he gets further and digs in deeper? 

But there’s also the fact that if it was believed Kousuke was not fit to be CEO, that his mental state was worrying or they couldn’t trust him to carry out the necessary duties, he could be stripped of his role - and it would go to the next in line, and as a blood-relative of Rand, that would be Nol. Thus, it would be very important to cover up any indicator that Kousuke cannot handle his role as heir. While we know Kousuke’s stress responses are directly related to unassessed psychological triggers, it would be easy for someone on the outside to look at him and go “He can’t handle stress and he lashes out at people, he isn’t fit for this.” And I don’t think that stress response is new to Kousuke. Though we didn’t see it really take affect until Nol and Kousuke were working closely together and Kousuke’s fears and paranoia were reawakened, we can assume from what little we saw of Kousuke’s recollection of the night Nol was taken away that this was another time he reacted to psychological triggers and shut down. 

@poisonheart pointed this out and it really put a lot of things into new light. It would also lend credence to Nol being unstable - ensure that he never stands a chance, that no one will ever think he’s fit for the role. 

Anyway, that brings us back to: Yui cannot have anyone, and especially not Kousuke, thinking there’s anything wrong with him. It’s not that she believes he’s perfect and thinks anyone who wants to run tests is insulting. It’s that she knows Kousuke is not perfect and she cannot let anyone find out. It would be so easy for the company to swing to one of her sister’s husbands if it turned out Kousuke and Nol were unfit and she absolutely cannot have that. That’s HER fortune, that’s HER business and she will not let it fall into the hands of another man. 

I want to make it clear that when I say something is wrong with Kousuke, I mean that when his triggers stress him out too much, he goes on spirals. I don’t think it’s something like “Kousuke is bipolar” because we can see clearly WHAT affects him, WHAT sets him off, and why it sets him off. I think, in an ideal world where it as easily possible, Kousuke was able to make peace with his feelings about his father, he’d be able to make peace with his feelings about Nol, and he’d be able to eventually reduce the probability of getting swept into these spirals. If Kousuke had no reason to fear Nol, to feel jealous of him, the intense need to best him at every opportunity, if he didn’t see everything Nol does as being an attack against him, as him plotting against him, as him trying to overtake him, he wouldn’t get so worked up. 

I also think making peace with Rand and Nol means whatever it is Kousuke is protecting himself from, whatever it is that happened in his falsified memory, would have less power over him. It’s not that Kousuke would act like this regardless - it’s that he is actively responding to things that trigger these reactions. 

I think I lost track of where I’m going lmao the point is: Kousuke is a direct result of the manipulation he’s experienced, and every time he experiences a truth that goes against the world Yui has gaslighted him into believing in, he cannot process it and it breaks him down. It’s a normal reaction! He’s not reacting like this because there’s something “wrong” with him, he is responding to high levels of stress and his brain wants to maintain the truth he knows. Certainly he needs therapy, but we all do. They all do. 

And this episode illuminates WHY and HOW Kousuke remains trapped in this state, and why any attempt at showing him the truth goes awry. Kousuke doesn’t put his beliefs ahead of other peoples’ solely because he has superiorlistic feelings about himself - it’s because he has to, in order to continue what he knows. 

Yui offering him tea is also a chilling moment, because we know the way Nol reacts to tea. He knows - he understands. But on the flipside, Kousuke doesn’t have the same reaction to it. He may even associate tea with comfort. I think this difference is VERY important, because Nol is aware of the witch Yui is, he probably is aware of the ways she has hurt him. Kousuke, though, isn’t. He still seeks comfort from her, and the tea theory, that maybe it’s laced, that maybe it is something his body responds to in order to placate him, is an important one. I don’t think this theory goes as far as some people think - I don’t think he’s being constantly drugged by his personal chef, for instance, nor do I think he ate or drank anything that night that would have triggered how he acted this night because a. Yui was surprised when he showed up to the party at all and b. Again, everything about Kousuke’s reactions are perfectly in line with the things that tip him off. He didn’t get worked up because he was drugged, he got worked up because he was responding to the dissonance between what he believes and what he sees, the stress of what Nol did and how Kousuke fears it will reflect on him, and his desperation to never disappoint Rand. 

HOWEVER I AM very much on board with the idea that after very traumatizing moments, perhaps Yui has placated Kousuke with a special tea that would calm him down and interrupt the dissonance, something he would come to associate as calm and safety, and thus further push her goal of ensuring Kousuke only feels safe with her, that she is the only one he can trust and seek refuge in. Everything going wrong and then mommy shows up with nice special tea and suddenly he’s calm and all those questions have been tucked away, there’s a new memory in its place; that’s not how that played out now is it, dear, wasn’t it like this? 

Something else about Yui worth noting is that she is VERY unhappy. There’s something so jarring and uncomfortable about the way she reacts when Kousuke tells her he was looking for Nol and Rand, that Nol has been hurt. That eerie smile mask of hers and how it closes in on her, that she came not because Kousuke needed her but she needed something from him - she needed to know Nol’s whereabouts, she needed to know where her scheming husband has gone. And Kousuke has no information for her. She is ANGRY but it’s also an opportunity to further drive that wedge. Rand isn’t here - not only does that mean he’s not here to check on Kousuke but it also means someone lied, whether it was Rand or Jayce, and it doesn’t matter which it was because Kosuuke will internalize it in the worst possible way. Why didn’t they come here, why did they hide their location? As readers we know exactly why - Rand is protecting Nol from Yui. But in doing so, it looks like he’s hiding things from Kousuke and he will not be able to rationalize it any other way. 

Even his reaction to the fact that Rand isn’t here shows that - he’s starting to get worked up again, he’s agitated, he doesn’t know where they are and Nol was hurt and Yui is grabbing his injured hand and trying to placate him. There’s something about Kousuke’s “You don’t believe me...?” that REALLY hurts, because it’s all a part of her manipulation. He’s in a vulnerable state, he’s confused and instead of receiving clarity, Yui is muddying the waters. If Yui doesn’t believe him, does that mean he could be wrong? Does it mean that Jayce was wrong? 

Again, in the end, he can rely on and trust only Yui. 

I really love that we also got to see Meg and Jayce! What an unlikely duo! I have this hope that one day Meg and Kousuke can become unlikely friends - as much as anyone can be friends with Kousuke lol. I think we’ve seen that, like Hansuke, she is someone who at least likes Kousuke for something attributed to who he is, rather than chasing him for the fortune and power. I think that could have added fuel to the fire, but we’ve seen that Meg’s interest in Kousuke was rooted in him being one of the only people in her life to cheer her on, to make her feel seen and like she can do what she sets her mind to, unlike her parents who encouraged her to give up and go for something easy. I don’t want to downplay her harassment and stalking, because it was very much so out of line but I’m glad she seems to be coming around and I think from that, if Kousuke can ever learn to be comfortable around her, we could see a really interesting dynamic of friendship. I think Meg has a lot of potential to have a similar relationship as Kousuke and Shinae have had, where Shinae calls out Kousuke and tries not to let him push her around and make her feel small. Clearly there’s a lot of things Meg and Kousuke both need to work through and it’s not something that would immediately happen, but I think it might be a series of incidents that could build up to them being able to trust each other, maybe? 

Meg finding the gift that was thrown out fuels that hope, at least. I know right now she takes it as Kousuke choosing to throw it out, but I wonder if we won’t get to see a scene where Meg mentions the gift he threw out and makes Kousuke go “Excuse me? What? I would never throw out something from Father” and create that little seed of doubt. That’s the biggest issue with Kousuke being caught in Yui’s web - no one can get through to him. But if that seed of doubt is planted, if could lead to Kousuke questioning the things he needs to. Because if she’s thrown out this gift, what else has she thrown out. What else has she prevented? What else has she lied about? Maybe he can reach that conclusion that it wasn’t that he was never good enough for Rand, but that she continued to make that gap wider and wider and to destroy every bridge before either Kousuke or Rand ever had a chance to cross them. Even if it’s not the case and she hasn’t actually interfered as much as we think, it still creates that doubt, because it still means she lied and that she isn’t the only pillar of truth in his life, and there’s still a question of what else he’s lied about. 

I love that we get to see Meg hanging around that long, too. I mean, I’m glad she’s getting a wuber and will go home, but I just can’t help but feel like we will get to see a lot more of Meg and Kousuke - after all, just like her unlikely appearance with Yujing, they DO have a lot of mutuals, and Meg has become much more important to the story than anyone could have accounted for. Now that she holds the actual key to possibly unlocking some doubt in Kousuke’s mind, I think we will get to see more of her. Again, I know at the begnning her harassment was treated as a tasteless joke, but I love Meg because of how much we’ve already seen her change and grow, her decision to love herself and stand up for herself. I think in time we might get to see Kousuke develop a sense of respect for her, as he kind of has with Shinae. I like to hope that she might be able to eventually bring some comfort to Kousuke, in the way that maybe she can be someone who brings him truth and honesty. I don’t mean this as a shippy thing, but just in the sense that Kousuke is very much alone. Shinae has people who love and care about her. Nol has people who love and care about him. Kousuke doesn’t have that as much. Having someone who has your back is vital. That’s what makes it so hard for victims to leave - where do they go? who do they turn to? When for so long their abuser has been their only sense of comfort and shelter, when their abuser has made everyone view the victim as hysterical and dramatic, when they are left all on their own, isn’t that scary? 

This isn’t a “they can fix him” thing, but rather for Kousuke to grow he needs to escape his mom, and for him to do THAT he needs to understand who she is and what she’s done to him. Hansuke is doing his best, but maybe having someone else on his side would be beneficial. These are complex stories and it’s not enough to just have someone at your side, there’s a lot of psychological recovery for Kousuke to work through - but it’s not as daunting when you aren’t alone. 

Idk, I say it every week but I just. I have a LOT of feelings. I’ve really enjoyed the complexity of the pain train that is Kousuke (I took that from @poisonheart lmao) because it’s so well done. He is a man who has been manipulated his entire life, he’s felt neglected by his father, he’s been isolated, everyone who cares about him has been discredited, he’s been trapped in this web and haunted by his jealousies and fears and he’s lashed out every time he feared he was losing his place, every time he worried Nol would best him. Just like how tragic it is that Yui was able to drive that wedge between Rand and Kousuke, it’s tragic that Yui has been able to do this to Kousuke, that as a result of the seeds she’s sown, he’s grown up to be this kind of person, to do despicable things, to break someone so that they never had the chance to grow.

Nothing ever happens in a vacuum, nothing is ever black and white. Kousuke is both a victim and an abuser. Rand is both suffering from Yui’s games and a bad, absent parent. Nol was hurt over and over by Kousuke and still reached out, still tried to help, tried to bond. I think we absolutely have to acknowledge that Kousuke is dealing with something that is very difficult to escape, that is very psychologically damaging. That’s why we can’t look at him and go “I can’t believe a grown adult is acting like that.” There’s always more to the story, and it’s unfortunate that the pain inflicted on these characters has caused them to hurt someone else.

Rand’s misery led to him giving up and hurting his son, which lead to his son living with so much fear and jealousy that he hurt the only person who tried to reach out to him over and over again, which lead to that person hurting the people who loved him and wanted to help. It’s an endless cycle, and even though it begins with Yui, I’m sure she has her own hurt, too, that she’s turned on everyone else. 

[constantinerkives]

PAIRING: Yoo Jimin x Fem Reader _________________ WARNING: Mafia AU, gang AU, organized crime, dark Karina, age gap: Karina is in her early thirties while you are in your mid-twenties. Separation of parents, power struggle, corruption, home invasion, blackmail, E2L, TENSION, I made Karina half-Russian so-*gunshot*, but please, let me know what you think of half-Russian Karina - it's for research purposes, usage of Russian endearment, betrayal (not from Karina), Karina is slightly obsessed with OC, OC is reckless but dangerous, suggestive at the end. _________________ SYNOPSIS:

I hate you," You breathe into her mouth, your thoughts are muddled by nothing but her. Her scent, her abysmal eyes, her beautiful black hair, her devastatingly gorgeous face - all of her.

"I hate you so much that I can't think of anything else but you."

Karina chuckles and softly pecks the skin of your neck, sending shivers down your spine as her hands caress your body.

"If that's the case," She rasps against your skin, and you softly gasp as she squeezes your hips.

"Then give me one night to convince you otherwise, my love."

_________________ WORDCOUNT: 10, 214 _________________

A/N: Sorry for making you all wait this long, my exams were in the last week of May and due to the uncooperative weather - were moved to the second week of June.

Thank you for waiting. Enjoy reading!

And also because:

You asked, I shall deliver

Russian-translated words are here.

Dynasties are a succession of people from the same family who play a prominent role in business, politics, or another field.

And like all dynasties - they fall. Either by sickness or by each others' hands. 

In your family's case, however. It's the latter. 

Greed and ambition can make a man overlook crucial things, such as researching land in Tuscany before seizing its valuables and burning the farm. And as for the valuables in that mansion, most of them were sold, some were kept, and the rest were disregarded. For months, your family made a fortune out of it. 

It was only when masked, tall men broke into your family's vacation home, killed all the guards, and forced you to kneel beneath the barrels of their guns. 

Your watch from the back of your parents as your assailants part to make way for a woman, her face covered by the shadows, but you see her eyes. Black and devoid of warmth. 

"Who are you?" Demanded your father, "And how dare you attack my family in my home?"

Silence permeates the air. The woman spoke: "Hae Jinwon," Her voice was alluring yet sharp. There was a noticeable rough accent in her tone. "Capomandamento of the Haewon Clan." She mused. "Who the fuck are you?" Your brother spat beside you. The woman moves her gaze from your father to your older brother, Hae Jinyoung. "It was you, who led your father's men to my property in Tuscany, am I correct?"

"Yeah?" He challenged, "And what about it?"

"Ublijudok," She sneers and points the gun at him. 

Your eyes widened as your parents spat out cries of panic while Jinyoung visibly pales at the sight of the latter's gun. "Fools," She jeers as she redirects her aim and pulls the trigger. Your ears ring at the sound of her bullet wheezing past you and hitting one of your mother's vases, shattering it; pieces of ceramic fall on the floorboards. Your skin prickles at the sound as the woman points her gun at your father. 

"Do all of you have any idea how many enemies came into my home at this hour and threatened my family?" She snarled and walked forward, allowing you to see her face - beautiful and twisted with wrath and contempt. She wore an all-black attire, an overcoat, a turtleneck, trousers, and boots. Your eyes trailed to her gloved hand where she was holding a gun. "For months, we were hunted like animals." She grimaced, "And when they had their fill, they left us to rot. But I refused my family to succumb to that state and found the fuckers behind it."

She circles your family like a lioness examining her prey before killing it. 

"It's insulting," She scoffs, "To have everything I built destroyed by a minor family and reaped our benefits." She stops behind your father and digs the muzzle against the back of his skull. "I should kill all of you right here, right now." The perpetrator growls and applies pressure against the trigger.

Your ears couldn't register the cacophony of your family's panicked cries. Only you remained silent, watching with wide eyes as they struggled against their bindings while they plead for their lives. And she cackled - the perpetrator cackled. "That's right," She mused sickly, "Beg for it - your lives until no one understands what you all are saying." She moves in front of Jinyoung and crouches to meet his gaze.

"You're the oldest, right?"

His lips quivered. The woman was losing her patience and glowers at him. "Answer me, svin'ja." 

Jinyoung gulped, "Yes," 

"Then that means you'll take over once your father is out of commission, yes?"

"Yes?" He answers tentatively. 

The latter hums, "Do you know who I am, Hae Jinyoung?"

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. The woman clicked her tongue, "Answer me immediately, boy." She pointed the gun at you, and you flinched. "Or else your sister's brain will be riddled with bullets." 

"No!" He exclaimed, "No, I don't have a fucking clue who the fuck you are-"

She hits him with the butt of her gun, silencing him as your father exclaims. "Jinyoung!" He roared, "You bitch-"

"We're done here," She declared, and her men vacated the house one by one - except for her. "Why spare us?" Your mother questions. The woman didn't say anything at first as she moved her gaze toward you and answered:

"Because it'll be too easy. You took away my family's foundation - so I shall take away yours." A cold smile settles on her lips, "And finally, we're even. What's the fun of ending it quickly when you can leave them alive so they can suffer for it?" 

None of you made a sound, and she took it for her cue to leave. 

She didn't return after that. 

But true to her word, your family did suffer for it. 

Enemies came left and right. They robbed your family of its treasures, stole opportunities from the Haewon Clan, and even turned your people away from you. It got to the point that your parents separated. Your father kept your brother. He was the heir: while your mother took you. You never saw your father or your brother ever since. You thought that you'd turned over a new leaf, forgetting that humiliation that left you seething with anger and resentment for your father's stupid choices and for allowing his greed to put you and your mother into that position. 

But no, it remained. 

Evidence of that showed when your grandfather - your father's side of the family visited you at your university when you were nineteen. 

"Excuse me," You blinked at the older man, "You want me to go where?"

"Come back to us, Y/N." Your grandfather coaxed. You scoffed at him, "And do what?" You demanded, "Is my older brother not good enough to lead this god-forsaken family?"

A wry smile graced his thin lips, "Yes," 

You paused, "What?"

A sigh left his lips, "After returning from Italy to fix the mistakes my son and your brother made. I've concluded that neither is fit to lead the Haewon Clan." 

You knew where this conversation was going. Yo arched a brow, "And you think I can?"

"An old man can hope." Another scoff of disbelief leaves your lips. "Take your hopes with you and leave, grandfather." You sneered, "My mother and I want none of them." Without another word, you walk past the latter with a dark expression. 

"Don't you want to settle the score?" He called out. You stopped. 

"Don't you want to get even with the family who did this?" He added, and you ground your jaw so hard that you thought it was going to break. You balled your hand into fists and peered over your shoulder, "What makes you think I'd be interested?"

You didn't move as he made his way to you, "Your eyes say it all, granddaughter. I don't have to explain it, do I?"

You turn to him. Your expression was unreadable, but your eyes burned with vindication. 

"Under two conditions."

His eyes light up. "And what's that?"

"Allow me to finish college, and in the meantime - teach me what I need to know." He furrowed his brows, "Wouldn't that distract you from your studies?"

"I'll manage it," You snapped, and he nodded. "Alright, what's the other one?"

"I won't take your name." You tell him firmly, "I refuse to be associated with the name: Haewon. Instead, I'll take my mother's last name, Han." 

"Very well," He gives in, "Y/N Han." 

And for years, you rebuilt what your family had lost: money, security, fame. While you repair your foundation, you bid your time into researching the family that destroyed you and retaliated. It was small at first until you began stealing their clients, information - all of it. One by one, you stole from them. 

It's only a matter of time before the new capomandamento takes matters into her own hands and captures you for your deeds against her family. 

Upon further research, the family you're holding a vendetta against is a Russian-Korean family named the Zakharov Clan.

And their two children - Ilina and Karina Zakharov.

Ilina, the woman who broke into your home, died three years ago after one of their men turned against her in an attempt to start a coup by shooting a bullet to her head. But he was swiftly killed by her sister - Karina, earning her Ilina's status and authority as the new capomandamento of the Zakharov Family a week after her sister's burial in Moscow.

Karina is fifth-generation old money. Her family is a mix of Russian kingmakers that made a fortune importing illegal goods during The Great Depression in 1929 and later established a globe-spanning empire in organized crime. A family long since retreated from public view, but their dominance endures to this day.

"The only gap we have in that family is that we don't know anything about the Zakharov's new capo." Your consigliere admits with a sigh, "No photos, records of any kind. Just the name."

You put the dossier down and locked eyes with the latter, "That's good enough for me, Kazuha. Send out the invitations."

She looked apprehensive, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," You tell her with finality. "I've made my move. I will await hers."

Kazuha didn't say anything as she took the dossier, "Before I forget, someone sent you a package." You arched a brow, "A package? What sort?" She shook her head sideways, "I didn't open it."

A hum reverberates from your throat, "Where is it now?"

"I sent it to your room, and before you can ask, it didn't have a return address. I suggest that I open it while you watch." You guffaw, "And I thought you were just a consigliere, not my guard."

"You are my employer and my friend, Y/N." She insists, "And I've made a promise-"

"To my mother, I know." You finish for her as you stand up. She follows your example as you gesture a hand toward your door. "Lead the way, Miss Nakamura."

"It's a dress," You mused as you stood beside her, your eyes lingering on the top cover. "From Givenchy. Is it from Jaehyun?"

The younger woman furrows her brows, "That man can't pick a dress for you to save a life, Y/N." She closes it, "Perhaps he asked a stylist to pick it for you." You hum and gently take the box from her and open it to see the dress. It was a black one-shoulder draped dress in crepe with a fluid skirt and a long slit in the front. "There's also a jewelry set," Your consigliere mused. Your eyes moved to the jewelry box nestled within.

"Jaehyun must've paid extra for these," You remarked as you carefully put the dress down and opened the jewelry box. It contained a necklace with golden-finish metal links and a bracelet in golden-finish metal with Swarovski crystals.

"Return this to him." You put the dress and accessories inside the box and turned away from the gift.

"I already have a dress in mind for next week's gathering." You tell the younger woman as you walk past her.

The first time you met her, she played you at your game. 

Music plays through the speakers, accompanied by cheerful yells and self-indulging conversations as you watch all of these play beneath you from the elevated interior balcony of the venue with a glass of champagne in your hand and your consigliere standing to your left, her eyes sharply examining the attendees of the event. For tonight's event, you wore a black deconstructed cape cocktail dress featuring slashes, lapel detailing, and two flap pockets on the sides, finished with a single-button fastening and heels. 

While Kazuha wore a navy blue monogram shirt dress and boots. 

She leans close and whispers through the blaring music, "How would you know if she's here?"

You take a swig before replying: "People talk big about themselves in events like these, Kazuha. One of them is bound to slip." 

The younger woman blinks at you, "You don't know?"

You flash her a grin before descending the stairs. Kazuha follows your figure with disbelief etched in her graceful features. "Y/N, this is dangerous-"

"Jaehyun!" You call out as you see a familiar towering figure donning a two-piece suit and black hair conversing with a group of benefactors. The man turns to you and grins, "Y/N," He then looks at his audience and excuses himself before coming to you with open arms, his double-breasted blazer wrinkled. "My - you look delectable!" 

Once you're at arm's reach, he takes your hand and kisses the back of your palm. "To what do I owe the pleasure of having your attention tonight?" He queries as soon as you retract your hand. "How are the acquisitions for the farmland in Tuscany?"

Jeong Jaehyun, a family friend and your business partner since your return, is your man when it comes to international profits and investments. He was also the one who helped Kazuha in finding information about the Zakharov Clan, albeit it had gaps. 

"The owners are still deciding on it, Y/N." He says as he walks beside you with Kazuha trailing behind, "But I guarantee they'll sign the papers." 

"Good," You peer over your shoulder. "Leaves us, Kazuha. You have the luxury of mingling with our guests." The younger woman doesn't protest and bows before leaving. 

You crane your neck to study your attendees. Jaehyun follows your gaze and chuckles. "Looking for Miss Zakharov?"

"I don't even know who I'm supposed to look at," You comment, and Jaehyun frowns, "You're endangering yourself, my friend." 

"It's a long shot," A grin graces your lips, "But worth a try." Before he can reply, you cut him off. "By the way, that dress you sent me a week ago was nice." His frown deepen as you continue, "It's a shame that I already have a dress for tonight's event." 

He stops, and so did you. "Y/N, what are you talking about?"

You mirror his frown, "You didn't send me a dress?" 

Your business partner grasps your arm. "Y/N, I stopped sending you dresses the moment you said my taste for women's clothing was questionable." Your face blanks at the revelation, "So you're not the one who sent me a dress from Givenchy?"

"No," He hisses, "It wasn't me-"

"Jaehyun!" Another voice interjects. You both snap your heads toward a younger gentleman, and he flushes. "What is it, Mark?" 

"Mingyu wants to talk to you." 

"Alright," Jaehyun sighs before looking at you. "Be careful, Y/N. We'll talk later." 

"We will," You tell him, and you steel your composure. 

"Now go." The man obeys as the music changes to a livelier beat - on cue, your guests gather to dance with a partner next to them. You watch with a slight smile gracing your lips as you take another swig of your glass before placing it atop a random countertop. 

You felt a presence beside you, and with careful eyes, you regard the stranger - a woman with tall stature and pale skin. She wore a black wrap-over top with a plunging neckline, allowing you to see her carved collarbones and pale skin, flared tuxedo pants, a buckle-thin belt, and leather zipped boots. Her hair is black and luscious, cascading down to her waist with her slender fingers securing the stem of her champagne glass. 

"You didn't wear the dress I sent for you." She tells you with a distinct accent - Slavic. 

You arch a brow; she sent you the dress? 

"And who might you be?" You are bemused, and the woman finally looks at you. 

Beautiful is an understatement. The woman standing beside you couldn't be older than thirty-three, small-shaped face, a v-shaped jaw, a sharp upturned nose, red lips, and abysmal, obsidian-hued eyes. Beautiful, but there's something amiss. 

A smile made its way to her lips as she timely placed her half-finished drink atop the tray of the waiter and gestured an open palm toward your direction. 

"How about I answer that with a dance?" 

A wry smile made its way to your lips. "What makes you think I'd want to dance with you?"

The latter smirks, "You'll regret it if you don't." You frown at her response. 

She turns to you, allowing you to see her perfect proportions. Her attire compliments her lean figure as she places a hand atop her right breast and bows. She lifts her head to look at you expectantly. "So what will it be?" She holds out her hand toward you. 

You narrow your gaze at her, "I'm in no position to refuse, am I?" 

The woman grins, "Da," 

Without another word, you take her hand, and she swiftly sweeps you off your feet as she leads the dance. Her left grasps your hips while the other intertwines with your right. Your left-hand hooks onto her broad shoulder. 

"Your photos don't do you justice, dorogoj," She tells you with a smile, "You look prettier in person." 

"Who are you?" 

The enigmatic stranger doesn't reply and gracefully spins you, pressing her front against your back, eliciting a sharp gasp from you as she traps you against her body. "Y/N Han, formerly known as a Hae, daughter of Hae Jinwon." 

"That information is given." You tell her as you turn around, returning to your first position. "Who. Are. You." 

Her lips curl upwards, "Do you know 'The Red Shoes,' written by Christian Andersen?"

"And what does that have to do with who you are?" You retorted, patience waning as she coaxed your body to turn. "Oh, pretty girl." She purred, "It has something to do with your relationship with me." 

Your brows furrow, "What do you mean?"

Instead of directly answering that question, she replies with a different narrative:

"The little girl wore her red shoes everywhere she went, even to a God-fearing church. Once you wear those shoes, your feet start dancing on their own. And you can never stop dancing or take off those shoes. But even so, the little girl never gave up on those shoes. In the end, the executioner had to cut off her feet." 

Her expression changes to a cold, harsh one as she continues: "But those two feet that got cut off continue to dance in those red shoes." 

A blood-curdling smile curls on the woman's lips as you stop dancing. Her hand snakes around your hips, flushing you against her while the other cups your cheek. You stood frozen still as you try to comprehend what she just said. 

"You see, dovol'no devushka," She sneers as she caresses your cheek. "You stole from my family - it was small at first, but I began to notice it." You ground your jaw as the atmosphere becomes heavy and foreboding. "I see that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." 

You sneer at her, and your hands finally move by digging your blunt nails against her shoulder - her pupils dilated with twisted excitement as you lean close, finally smelling her scent; top notes of mulberry and black peony followed by middle notes of jasmine and tuberose with hints of black musk and vetiver base notes. 

The scent suits her; sultry, dark, and alluring. 

"Karina Zakharov," You rasped, and she grins, "Pravil'no," 

Before you can react, she effortlessly manipulates your body to a dip, just as violins soar higher. Your nails shamelessly claw her attire, and the woman visibly lights up with twisted delight as the shadows mask her face. 

"Your obsession with finding me has come to fruition, Y/N." Karina husks as she lifts you back up, "You wanted my attention - fine." She leans close - and you let her. Her cold breath fans the left outer shell of your ear, and you muffle a gasp. 

"I shall share your fixation. I'll hold you captive beneath me while I take what you most treasure on this earth." 

She growls as she tightens her hold around you. 

Karina's other hand goes up to the back of your neck, reaching to your roots and purchasing a handful of your hair, and pulls it back. You muffle a groan as you glare at her while she looks down on you condescendingly with contempt. 

 "Oh," Her chest rumbles as she chuckles, "Don't look at me like that, moya ljubov. You brought this upon yourself." She leans close, lips almost touching yours as she speaks in full Russian:

"Ty pozhnaesh' to, chto seesh." Karina jeers, "You reap what you sow." 

And before you know it, you feel something pierce the side of your neck. You look at her, appalled as the dancers surround you and Zakharov's capomandamento. Your body feels heavy, and your eyelids heavier. You stagger in her grip, "What did you..." You trailed off as your speech slurs. You peer over her shoulder and spot Kazuha and Jaehyun marching toward you with alarmed expressions, your guards following behind them. 

Karina chuckles as she brushes a stray strand of your hair behind your ear. 

“Your obsession is noble and beautiful, Y/N.”

“What did you do to me,” You stammer as you feel your grip on consciousness slipping. 

“And I’ve finally found my red shoes.” 

With that, your body shuts down. 

The sound of metal scraping the floor jerks you awake, your fight or flight response activates, and blood rushes all over your body - forcing you into consciousness. 

Pain follows second. 

A groan leaves your lips as your head throbs and your legs feel sore. Your arms were bound behind your back, clasped together by chains that rattle with every move. Flashes of last night's events replay in your memory like a broken record - your face burns at the memory. But rather than throwing a tantrum in your new-found cell, you held your breath before exhaling slowly and examining your surroundings. 

Your senses heightened. 

Cement walls surround you, four walls devoid of warmth. The lighting is poor, only consisting of a bulb hanging over your head. The atmosphere is damp and cold. You look down at your dress; no doubt it was wrinkled and tattered by the people who dragged you here. You move your head upwards and spot a CCTV camera focused on you. 

You hear a set of footfalls approaching from behind. Questions flooded your thoughts - how could you have missed that? This god-forsaken place is dark. You should have heard a sound - anything. 

"You're awake," Your skin prickles at the familiar accent. Your expression darkens as Karina approaches you from the shadows. Her features are poised and relaxed in contrast to yours. 

"How long have I been unconscious?" 

A wry smile graces her lips, "Seven hours - I was beginning to think I overdosed you, dorogoj."

You sit on the back of your legs and shamelessly run your eyes down her body. Unlike her attire last night: Karina's wearing a white, buttoned-dow shirt, black tapered pants, and loafers. 

"Eyes up here, velikolepnyy." She mused, "Otherwise people might get the wrong idea of our dynamic." 

A scoff leaves your lips. "I'm not interested." 

She lets out a dark chuckle as she stalks toward you, the glint in her eyes changing to a menacing gleam as she bends and grabs your jaw, forcing you to look at her - the distance between your faces is only inches apart, and the atmosphere thickens. You held your breath at her proximity as her eyes trailed your features, from your eyes down to your lips. 

"I could tempt you," She rasps against your lips, and a wolfish grin creeps on her lips. "But I don't fraternize with thieves." 

You mirror her grin, although mockingly. "Oh?"

"$10,000,00.00 Y/N." She bemused, and her eyes shapen with contempt. "That's a large sum of our income." She tightens her grip on your jaw, but Karina doesn't dig her nails against your skin. 

"If that's the case, then I'm sorry." You jeer as you dig your nails against your palms. 

There's a pregnant pause, and silence permeates the air so heavily that you were tempted to break it, but she beats you to it.

"Don't be," Her tone changes, and those black, abysmal eyes swim with twisted mirth. "If anything - I'm impressed." The older woman lets go of your jaw and turns around. You use this opportunity to stretch your jaw and clamp it shut when she turns to you and folds her hands behind her back. 

"Does that mean you're letting me off the hook, Zakharov?"

She guffaws and grabs you by the collar, startling you as she bares her teeth. Your chains rattle at her sudden action. 

"Nyet," 

"I'm assuming that's a no," You hiss as she violently lets you go. "You're correct," She fixes her shirt. Before you can choose your words wisely, you blurt out:

"Are you going to kill me for it, then?"

She stares at you, her expression unreadable, before replying in a monotonous tone: "No, but my sister would." She inclines her head to the side, "But I am not Ilina." She leans down. "I am worse, Y/N." Karina chortles, "Why did you have to come back to this kind of life?" She steps back.

"You had your chance to live an ordinary life, dorogoj. You chose this, and now you deal with me." 

There's something in her eyes that unnerved you. 

"What are you going to do?" You inquired, but your voice sounded distant. 

She didn't answer and turned around, "Behave yourself, Y/N. My capo bastone will send you your food. Don't do anything stupid if you want your family to stay alive." 

Your face burned at her statement. "Don't you dare-"

"I've told you, pretty girl." She sneers, "You made your move, and I will make mine. You are in no position to threaten me."

Your blood boils as she continues: "Especially when you're the one who is in chains." 

Then she walks away from you. You dig your nails against your palms so hard you thought they'd bleed in an attempt to soothe your urge to bash someone's head in anger.

"Don't you dare touch them," You whisper as she leaves you in the dark. 

Winter Kim is Karina's capo bastone, the underboss. Short-haired, pale, and brunette - socially inept too, given that Winter's impervious to conversations, only saying yes, no, or I can neither confirm nor deny that. 

She's the one bringing you food and water for the past four days. 

But you refuse to eat what's being handed to you, even if they loosen your binds so you can eat better. That did nothing. You'd rather starve than be poisoned by your captor. 

One day, Winter and a couple of guards enter your holding cell. She stands in front of you while her guards release you from your binds. "What's going on?" You question as they grab you by the arms and force you to stand up, your legs wobbling from sitting and kneeling for the past few days. 

"Don't do anything stupid," She replies, "We're taking you to her." 

"That's probably the longest sentence I've heard from you." You jeer. The brunette ignores it and gestures a hand toward the shadows. "Take her out." 

They obeyed and escorted you outside. The brightness hurts your eyes, and your ears buzz with the sound of nature as they drag you out of your detainment. You look over your shoulder to see the structure of your 'dungeon,' it is a modest-sized house with no second floor.

A few paces later and they take you to an elaborate garden surrounded by gardeners trimming bushes and wiping statues. 

In the center seats a figure eating her food with gusto. Your eyes narrow, and you ball your hands to distract your hunger as the figure looks up. "Ah, there she is," Karina puts down her utensils, wipes her mouth with a napkin, and gestured a hand at a vacant seat across from her. "Be seated, Y/N." 

The men drag you to the seat, but you stop them with a glare. 

"I can do sit by myself - let me go." They look at her for permission, and she permits it with a nod. The guards let go of your arm. You can feel Winter's gaze following your movements as you sit across the older, raven-haired beauty. 

The latter gestures a hand towards your plate: "Reverse sear steak," She tells you as you look down at your food. You ground your jaw as your nose catches the whiff of the dish - your stomach growls. "I had my finest chef cook it for you." 

You look at her dead in the eye, "I'm not hungry," 

A scoff leaves her lips as the older woman crosses her arms. "That's a lie, dorogoj. You haven't eaten." 

Her statement elicits an arched brow from you, "Aw - you're worried." 

Karina's lips curl upwards, "I don't have any use of you if you're dead, Y/N." Her gaze sharpens, "Eat," 

"And how do I know the meals you have been sending me aren't poisoned?" You countered. She blinks at you, bemused. "Poison is a coward's weapon, Y/N." 

You incline your head to the side, "I need a guarantee, Zakharov, not assurance." The latter hums and uses her fork, wipe it with a napkin, stabs one of your steak cuts, and brings it to her mouth. Her eyes never left yours as she caught the meat between her teeth and ate it.

"See?" She spreads her arms, "Now will you eat?"

Without saying a word, you take your utensils and eat under her watchful eye. "A meal like this instigates negotiation." You put down your fork, "What do you want, Zakharov?"

Karina chuckles, "You're quick. I like that." 

A wry smile decorates your lips, "We don't become heads of our families' business for nothing." 

"I agree," She knots her fingers together. "Leave us," 

The gardeners and her guards obey, except Winter. Karina looks over your shoulder. You assume that's where Winter is - behind you. 

"That includes you, Winter Kim." 

You didn't look back, but you heard receding footfalls. "Now that we're alone. I need you to act civil with me." 

You cock your brow upwards, "What makes you think I'm interested in being civil with you?"

A chuckle reverberates from her chest, and her hawk-like eyes study your face before speaking: "Because your stunt in stealing my fortune and assets earned us both enemies." 

You frowned, "We earn new enemies every day, Karina. What's new about that?" A vicious smile graces her lips as if she knew a terrible secret. Your skin prickles and your gut churns uncomfortably as she drops her voice an octave lower. 

"I heard that your grandfather is withdrawing his support after I abducted you, dorogoj. And he's cutting ties with you and stole almost all of your assets-"

"That's ridiculous-"

"Oh," She scoffs, "It's true, and I have the evidence to prove it, Y/N." On cue, she takes out a ledger and opens it. "These are your grandfather's offshore accounts. See the amount? It doubled." 

"Impossible," You clench your hands into fists, "My grandfather would never-"

"But he did," She jeers and shuts the ledger close. "And now, he's leaving you with me. Truth be told he is smart for a man going senile, taking your assets assuming that I've killed you, and leaving the Han clan out in the open for everyone to target."

You scowl at her, "My men-"

"Has already defected, dorogoj." She finishes for you, "Even your consigliere and your money man - Jaehyun, was it?"

Your chest heaved as you try to calm your nerves, "Where did it all go wrong? You might ask?" She grins dubiously, "It all started when you planned that event, Y/N." Karina guffaws, "I'm appalled that your grandfather would sell you out. He must've thought that he'd lose like last time." 

She returns her focus to your shaking figure, eyes wide and lips formed to a thin line, dark and unreadable. 

"Now, don't be sad. Y/N." She cooes, "You have me."

You didn't reply, and her phone rang. The latter takes it while never taking her eyes off you. You sit there and blocked out your surroundings as you feel the heavy weight of your actions taking a toll on your focus as Karina ends the call. 

"You know," She sighs and puts her phone on top of the table. "You should count yourself lucky that I've decided to kidnap you. Your warehouses were ransacked by your old enemies-"

"Shut up," You tell her with a shaky breath, "Shut up." 

Her face shifts to a faux show of sympathy and concern. "I'm merely telling the truth, Y/N."

"What do you want from me?"

Karina plays with her steak knife. "Your cooperation." 

"And if I don't want to cooperate?"

"Oh darling," She purrs, "You are in no position to refuse - this concerns you, after all." Your tongue pokes your inner left cheek, "Give me time to-"

"No," The older woman cuts you off, "It's either you agree or rot while I clean our fifth." There's a dangerous edge to her voice. You give her a dirty look while she shoots you with a challenging glare. "So, what will it be, dorogoj?"

"Fine," You say through gritted teeth. 

Karina purrs in satisfaction. "Clever girl, you got promoted from prisoner - to my guest. You will have one of my guestrooms. The rules still apply: do anything stupid, and I will deal with you. Do you understand this, Y/N?" 

You felt like a child underneath her gaze, your eyes burned with silent wrath as you answer with a curt:

"Yes," 

"Yes - what, pretty girl?"

"Yes," You hiss, "Karina Zakharov." 

"Very good," On cue Karina's guards and Winter return to the garden. She stands up. You follow her example, unblinking as her guards seize you by the arms. You recoil at their touch as if they burned you. 

"Be gentle," She instructs them, "She is now my guest." 

They acknowledge her command with a bow before carrying on with what they are bid to do. 

"I'll cooperate," You tell her, "Under one condition, a simple condition." 

Karina clicks her tongue, "Let's hear it, then." 

"That you'll protect my mother." The latter pauses, "Very well, your mother will be under my care." She turns to look at the short-haired brunette. "Winter, escort her to her new room. The rest of you, return to your stations." 

You allow the second in command to lead you to your new room. 

Karina's manor is of neoclassical design. Neat and spacious. You follow Winter through the labyrinthine halls until she stops before an intricately carved white double door with guards standing on both sides. 

"This will be your room," She tells you blankly while one of the guards opens the door to reveal a spacious, clean room. "If you need anything, just call for the guards." 

Without saying anything, you enter the room and study your surroundings. The door closes behind you - the room contains your typical setting for a bedroom. But still, you inspect the place making sure that there are no hidden cameras. 

There was none. 

You sink into your knees and let out a shaky breath to calm your nerves. Your body feels numb and lightweight as you try to think clearly, but your mind is riddled - racing with thoughts more than your brain can take. 

And you pass out.

For the next 72 hours, you observed the guards standing on the opposite side of your room. 

They change shifts, and the time lag is five minutes due to the long halls of Karina's manor. 

Darkness has befallen, the white halls dimmed to the color of the wall lamps, and your guards just left their posts. 

Five minutes

Your head peeked through your doors, eyeing both halls before slipping out, careful to avoid Karina's men. Your heart hammers against your ribs, and you can feel your pulse pounding against your head as you maneuver silently. 

While sneaking out, your eyes caught a huge family portrait hanging near the marble staircase. 

It's also been taken recently due to you spotting a familiar face. Karina was seated next to her older sister. The youngest Zakharov wore a black, sleeveless high-neck dress. Her hair was styled to a fishtail bun with her bangs resting on the sides of her face, while Ilina wore a black cut-out midi dress, and her hair was styled to a half ponytail.

You move your gaze to the parents you hailed them. 

Karina took her mother's features, while Ilina had their father's. But both sisters exude power and grace, a beautiful, powerful family. 

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Her voice cuts through the silence, and you swiftly turn to her with wide eyes. 

There she stood from behind. Karina Zakharov is wearing a black buttoned-down shirt, straight-cut jeans, and sandals. Her hair was let down. 

"It's a decent photo," You stiffly tell her, "No," She scoffs, "Don't I look great in that photo?"

You roll your eyes in reply while she chuckles and stands beside you. Your posture bristles and stiffens as she folds her hands behind her back. 

"It was the last photo we've taken before one of her men shot her." She tells you, "I'm sure you're relieved to hear that, am I right, dorogoj?" 

The air suddenly becomes heavy and stifling as you feel her move her line of sight toward your unwilling figure. You avert your gaze elsewhere. You don't know how to respond to that. You held your breath as you try to think of a reply but you blurt out:

"My condolences," You say to her monotonously.

She tears away her gaze from you, looks at the picture, and hums a tune that holds no consequence. "I don't need your condolences; she died a long time ago." 

Silence hangs between you before she speaks again, "And relax, Y/N." You shift your gaze to her with furrowed brows. "You're free to roam my halls so long as you stay out of our private rooms." A smirk coils on her lips, "And don't do-"

"Anything stupid," You finish for her through gritted teeth, "If that's the case, may I go to the garden?"

The older woman regards you for a moment before nodding. "I'll take you there." 

You arched a brow. Karina catches on. "As you can see, Y/N, I'm the only one present in this room - and if I call my men or Winter I'd have to waste my breath and call for them." She pauses, "I think it's perfect that I'll take you there just in case you decide to run away." Her smirk returns, "But if you did, I'll be the one to capture you - I like to give chase." 

An exasperated sigh leaves your lips, "Shut up and take me to the garden." 

She guffaws, "Follow me, dorogoj." 

What's with the Russian words? You didn't ask her and followed the raven-haired capo. "By the way," She adds, "My clothes look good on you." 

Your eyes subtly widen as you look down at your borrowed clothing. "Your clothes?!" That came out as a squeak. The older woman shoots you a wolfish grin before leading the way. 

"It's either that or you walk around my property naked, pretty girl." She teases, and you hold every fiber of your body not to hit her head. "No wonder why they felt big on me." You cringe as your footsteps echo through the dimly lit halls. It didn't take a minute for you to spot a familiar short-haired girl coming toward the two of you. 

"Winter," Karina acknowledges while the younger woman bows her head, "We received Giselle's report on the import at Port Elizabeth, New York."

Giselle? As in Uchinaga Giselle? The New York mobster?

"Very well, did you send a copy to my consigliere?"

The shorter woman nods, "Yeji has it. She's heading on her way as we speak." There's a pause. You feel out of place in their conversation and avert your gaze elsewhere. "If that's the case, then you'll entertain our guest here." You snap your head to the two. Winter pursed her lips before bowing her head, "Of course. Where shall I take her?"

"To my garden," She answers before looking at you with a small, distant smile. "Be a good girl, and don't give Winter a hard time, yeah?"

Without saying another word, Karina turns to the opposite hallway while Winter leads the way to the garden. You follow the brunette, but you look over your shoulder, your eyes locked on the disappearing figure of Karina. True to her word, Winter took you to the garden. You sigh as you revel in the cold breeze lightly nipping your skin and the ivory glow of the moon. A refreshing sight from the usual four walls of your room. 

A wry smile creeps on your lips at the realization. Despite being moved to a much more hospitable accommodation-

"A golden prison is still a prison." You tell yourself while Winter stands behind you. Her sharp gaze never leaves your figure as you bask in the beautiful glow of the moonlight. 

Meters away from the second floor of the manor, there stood Karina on her balcony with her slender, well-manicured fingers holding the stem of her wine glass. Despite Yeji discussing the keys of Giselle's report, Karina's eyes were glued to your figure, before disappearing inside her study. 

"Y/N," Winter regards as you get out of your room. 

"What are you doing here?" You inquire the younger woman unkindly as you walk past her. The younger woman follows you, "And why are you following me around?"

"Haven't you heard?" You feel Winter's gaze move to your striding figure. "Miss Zakharov has assigned me as your guard." You stop in your tracks to look at her, "She assigned you to be my what?"

"Your guard," She tells you. 

You open your mouth but you shut it close and continue to walk. "Where are you going this time, Miss Han? To the gardens again?"

Turns out, you are being held captive in Italy. The northern Italian province of Lombardy is home to Milan and other fashion hubs.

"Where else?" You grumble, "But I'm getting tired of it. Can't a prisoner have something to entertain herself?"

Winter balks, "You're no prisoner." 

"A golden cage is still a cage, Winter." You bemused. This is the first time the short-haired brunette initiated a conversation with you. 

"Do books interest you?" You scoff at her, "What? I can't use the TV?"

"We don't have that," She tells you honestly, and you gawk at her. "What kind of founding family has all the money and resources in the world but has no TV?"

The latter coughs, "Karina is too busy with her work to watch." 

"You make it sound as though I am a lazy capo." You snark before the realization dawns on you. You're not a capo anymore. "Anyways," You quickly regain your composure, "She has a library?"

"Yes, follow me." Without waiting, she turns around, leaving you to follow her.

After minutes of wandering through the halls, she stops before two tall doors and gestures a hand. "Inside, Miss Han." 

You regard her for a moment before pushing the door open. Karina Zakharov's library is spacious and shelves rich with books. How could she possess such a magnitude of books? 

As if sensing your question, Winter speaks up: "This library was the congressman of Italy's gift for her." 

"I see," You mutter as you brush the pads of your fingers against the spines of the books. Winter watches you closely as you turn to the bookshelf and grab two books, one of Slavic folktale and the other a Russian-to-English dictionary.

Winter regards your choice of books, "I'll be outside if you need anything." 

You didn't answer and instead take a seat on the nearest couch before burying your head in between the pages, getting lost in a paradise of words to pass the time. You hear the door close. 

"You didn't eat the fruits I sent you." An amused voice cuts through the silence, forcing you to tear your eyes from the page and then look up at the owner of the voice.

Karina stood a few meters away from your seated figure with her arms crossed against her chest. Her tall figure leans against one of the bookshelves as her eyes watch you. 

Your eyes fall to a tray of cut fruits beside you. One of her men, or Winter must've placed it beside you, you just didn't notice.

"Ah," Is all you can say while the older woman chuckles and strides toward you, and gracefully picks up an apple. You watch her with intent, she holds your gaze as she takes a bite, and hunger suddenly pangs against your stomach, but your lips traverse to her lips as she licks them clean. You clear your throat softly and avert your gaze, you didn't see the smirk playing on her lips. 

"What are you doing, Zakharov?"

"Just showing you that it's not poisoned, dorogoj." 

Your face flushes at the pet name. You bared your teeth as you snap your gaze toward her. "You do realize that you've been calling me 'darling', right?"

Karina laughs, and your gut churns. "Ah, old habits." 

"You call your prisoners that?"

A teasing smile plays on her lips, and you want to smack it out of her. "No, just you." Your cheeks change to a shade of light pink, and you once again look away from the half-Russian capo. 

She moves her line of sight to your books, "I see that you've taken an interest in my language and culture. That's adorable." 

"Shut up," You snap at her, "I'm reading." 

The latter curls her lips upward, "That one's boring, dovol'no devushka." There she is again. The capo of the Zakharov family takes a book near her and approaches you and hands you the book. "Read this instead." 

You give her a sideward glance. "What I read is hardly any of your business, Zakharov." She scoffs at your snark, "Just read this, printsessa." 

"Don't you have your responsibilities to take care of?" You retort, and Karina rolls her eyes. Her Slavic tongue dominates her English accent. "I have my consigliere stepping in. I gave instructions - they will execute." She waves the book at you, "Now read." 

"Fine," You huff as put the book down and snatch the book from her hand. "What is it about, anyway?"

"Why don't you read and find out, dorogoj?"

You scowl at her before opening the first page. "And by the way," You sigh and look at the older woman. "What?"

"The Uchinagas are hosting an event." 

"Okay, and?"

"Your grandfather will be there," Your eyes sharpened as she continues, "And so will your father and older brother." 

You thread your words carefully. "And what does this have to do with me?" 

A sly smirk graces her plump lips, "This is your opportunity to get even." A pause, "You're coming with me to New York as my plus one." 

Your brow raises, "Is that your way of asking me on a date?"

The raven-haired beauty chuckles, "No, I'm not asking you, Y/N. I'm taking you." You gawk at her as she walks away. "Our flight's in three days. Prepare your valuables." You scoff. You don't have any as you scheme through the pages while Karina peers over her shoulder and exits the room. 

While browsing the pages, your eyes stumble at a sketch. It was a side view of a woman, no older than twenty-five holding a flute champagne, the dress looks familiar, as if you wore it during-

Your eyes subtly widen as you study the details of the sketch - it was you. The night before you were captured. 

"What the," You mutter as you snap your head towards the direction where Karina left with your hand gripping the sketch tightly with thoughts racing in your head, and one stands out:

Why would she sketch you?

For the next four days, you observed Karina Zakharov - especially when she interacts with you. 

Whenever you throw a jab or a snark at her, she smirks and continues the conversation as if you didn't irritate her. It made the acids in your stomach boil. 

You tested her patience, and she merely chuckled or smirked. She'd walk beside you with a small smile creeping on her lips as if she didn't abduct you. It irked you. Because why would she have time to check on you when Winter or one of her guards can do that?

You are merely a capo left with nothing - if it was any capo, they won't even give you a second glance, but why does she-

Why would she give her time to go to you? 

Why

Why 

Why?

You have nothing to offer, you have nothing left in your name - you are her prisoner. You were just given the privilege of roaming free and reading whatever's in her library. 

What is she getting at? What was she trying to accomplish?

What does she want from you?

"Ah, and who is this fine woman you're with, Karina?" You broke from your reverie as a smooth baritone voice fills your ears. You turn to the gentleman wearing a black suit. His hair is styled to a perm. He's handsome, almond-shaped eyes, light brown-hued eyes, an upturned hose, and slightly thin lips. Classical music plays faintly in the speakers, accompanied by the clinking of champagne glasses as the underworld's elite gather to attend the Uchinagas' event - it's to celebrate a successful partnership with the Sicilians. 

"Taehyung," Karina regards the gentleman as her hands land on the small area of your back. You held a gasp. Despite the fabric acting as a barrier between your skin and her fingertips, you can feel her cold touch - and it sends shivers throughout your body. "This is my date, Y/N Han." 

"Han?" He muses as he looks at you while you regard him with a bow. "My, you're gorgeous!" You reply with a chuckle as Karina looks at you with a well-practiced smile, "Says you, Mr. Kim. You look dashing." 

The man shifts his weight to his other foot. "An interesting pair, you two. Have you come to good terms?"

Karina responds this time, "Yes, we've decided that a pointless grudge is a waste of energy and time." You cocked a brow as she continues: "So we've agreed to a truce." 

Taehyung hums, "I'll drink to that, have a nice night." 

Once he's out of earshot you turn to look at the older woman who hasn't removed her hand from your back but you chose to ignore it. 

"Was that a personal attack?" 

She snorts, "A - what?"

"Nevermind," You roll your eyes at her as you look around to spot the thieving trio that stole from you. You can feel Karina's gaze and decide to tease her: "Take a photo, it might last longer." 

She scoffs, "Why would I do that when I can draw you with perfect accuracy?"

You glance at her, face unreadable. "Yes, no doubt." 

She cocked a brow, "Oh - I don't like that tone." 

You hid a smirk and grasped her arm, "Let's divide and conquer -or you know what? Leave me to my devices. I'll hunt those three down."

"Alone?" She muses, "I doubt it." 

"You wound me, Zakharov." You mocked, "How could you doubt my skills with a knife?" Where's the lie? There's a knife strapped to your thigh - concealed by the dress Karina bought for you, and it is easily accessible via the long slit of your dress. 

Her face was unreadable, but you could see the turmoil in her eyes. It made your eye twitch with irritation. 

Don't look at me that way. I am capable just as you are. 

"Very well," She concedes, "Winter is around to help you if you can't do it." 

You scowl at her. Since when did she care? 

"Alright," You answer harshly, "Do enjoy the party." 

Without waiting for a reply, you walk away from her. 

You weave through the crowd like black smoke, your eyes sharp and senses heightened as the event continues. And just when you thought you'd never seen another familiar face, Kazuha shows up. Your eyes widen as you come face to face with the former consigliere of the Han Clan. Kazuha mirrors your shock and her hand covers her mouth. 

"Zuha?" You squeak, "Y/N," The younger woman gasps as she grasps both your arms, "How did you-" She sputters, "Oh my god, Y/N I am so sorry, enemies flanked us left and right we had to escape, I'm sorry-"

"Kazuha," You tell her gently, "I understand. You don't have to apologize." 

"But-"

"It's fine," You sternly reassured her. "You're better off alive than trying to defend what was left of our business." A bittersweet smile graces your lips, "You look gorgeous tonight. Did you get a new job as someone else's consigliere?"

"Yes," She answers shakily, "As Giselle's consigliere. How did you escape her? Karina - I mean." Before you can explain, you see Kazuha's eyes visibly sharpening, and her resplendent countenance twists to a scowl. 

"Karina," She growls as a figure approaches you from behind. Your skin tingles at the familiar touch; the older woman's hand drapes around your waist as she regards Kazuha with a polite smile. "Miss Nakamura," She greets, "A pleasure to meet you tonight." 

She eyes her hand around your waist, "I wish I could say the same, Miss Zakharov." Karina's lips curl upward as your former consigliere continues: 

"What is she doing being this close to you, Y/N?"

"Relax," Karina jeers, "She's with me as my date."

The younger woman's eyes slightly widen as she looks at you, "Is this true?"

Karina cuts you off, "Yes, it's true - even if you wring it out of Y/N, she'll agree with me." Kazuha glares at her while Karina's beautiful features twist to a challenging look while her hand pulls you closer to her. Your gut churns and goosebumps arise - her touch has you in a trance, tantalizing and blissful. 

"Easy ladies," You hissed as you quickly removed Karina's hand from your waist. She looks at you, aghast, but says nothing. "I'll explain everything if we meet again, but for now, I need to find my grandfather and his son and grandson." 

"I saw your grandfather in one of the private booths on the second floor." 

Excitement drums in your veins, and you thank the consigliere before she begrudgingly leaves you and the youngest Zakharov. You move away from Karina, eyes set on your goal now that Kazuha informed you about your grandfather's whereabouts as you make your way to the marble stairs, your hand is itching to grasp the dagger while weaving through the guests, no longer caring if your brushing or bumping past them. 

"Now," You grumble as your eyes study the closed rooms. "Where are you?"

"I don't think charging there with a dagger is intelligent, Y/N." Your face contorts to a scowl at the familiar voice. You snap your head toward her, "This does not concern you, Zakharov." You snark at her with toxicity lacing your voice. "This is between me and my grandfather. Stay out of it." Her face remains calm, and it irked you - so you turn away from her, only for Karina to seize you by the wrist and pull you towards her. Karina Zakharov's face was only inches from yours as her cold breath fanned against your dainty countenance. 

"And I'm telling you, Y/N, it's dangerous for you to go there alone." 

You bared your teeth at her, "Why do you care?"

She doesn't answer, and your patience thinned. "Let. Me. Go, Zakharov." 

The latter ignores this and tightens her grip around your wrist, keeping you in place. You curse at her and snap your head towards the private booths, one opens, revealing a familiar figure that scorned you. Your other hand twitches, you can throw the knife from here. It is thin after all. He's open, and so is your window of opportunity before he surrounds himself with potential collateral damage. 

"Karina," You warned without looking back at her, "Let me go." 

"What's the use of killing him now," The raven-haired beauty coaxes. "When you can let him live to suffer for it, Y/N?"

You grit your teeth. Those words are familiar to you. "I don't fucking care," You hissed. 

"Let me go, Karina Zakharov." You turn to her almost pleadingly, and Karina's face glows with resolve. 

"No, Y/N." She tells you, her voice a whisper. "I won't." 

And your window of opportunity closes. 

You've lost your chance, and you look at your grandfather helplessly, but it quickly dissipates as wrath seeps into your body faster than poison. And without thinking, you swiftly turn to the woman and harshly remove your wrist from her pale hand and use the side of your arm to press it against her throat, startling her, but you don't allow her to think as you quickly push her inside a vacant lounging room and shut it by swiftly pushing the older woman against the door and grab your knife, pressing it against her throat. 

Karina's eyes widen with macabre delight and doesn't make a move. Those black abysmal eyes of hers gleam with curiosity...and something else that you couldn't decipher. 

No, that isn't the reaction you want from her. She was supposed to look threatened, not curious. She is supposed to beg for you to keep the knife away from her face - to beg for her life. 

But she doesn't, and it makes your blood boil and your gut twinges uncomfortably. You ground your jaw so hard you thought your teeth would break. 

"I hate you," You spat at her while your eyes burned, "I hate you so fucking much." 

A cruel, soft smile graces her lips as she reaches out a hand and wipes-

Your tears?

You gape at her, surprised at the tender gesture as she cups your face. Her skin feels warm against your tear-stained cheek. 

"I hate you," You tell her again but this time, your voice sounds distant and meek. 

Distracted, the older woman hastily, but retains her grace as she pins you against the door and disarms the knife from your hands, and pins your wrist on both sides as she flushes her body against yours. 

You let out a shaky breath while Karina's eyes are glazed and hooded, her breath ragged as she leans her face closer to yours. Her scent invades your sense of smell, intoxicating you. She leans close to the outer shell of your right ear. Karina drops her voice an octave lower. 

"Say it to me again," Her Russian accent is hot and rough against the skin of your face. 

"What?" You breathe against her as you try to pry her hands off your wrist but to no avail. 

"That you hate me, dorogoj." Her voice hoarse, "Say it to me again, moya ljubov'."

"I hate you," You say, but the words come out like a caress. A litany. An enchantment. A ward against what you feel. "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you-"

And she cuts you off with a searing kiss, catching you off guard. The older woman tilts her head to deepen it, and it didn't take a while for you to respond by matching her fervor that her lipstick smudges against yours. 

She pulls away with a batted breath. Her eyes are dark and ravaging as her grip on your wrist loosens, and you shake it away from her grasp, only to grab her by the lapels of her suit and pull her for another one. She kisses you harder. 

Karina's right-hand grasps you by the back of your head while the other rests against the small area of your back, her nails dig against your skin, eliciting a gasp from you, and she uses her opportunity by slipping her tongue, swallowing you whole before pulling away. 

"I hate you," You breathe into her mouth, your thoughts are muddled by nothing but her. Her scent, her abysmal eyes, her beautiful black hair, her devastatingly gorgeous face - all of her. 

"I hate you so much that I can't think of anything else but you." 

Karina chuckles and softly pecks the skin of your neck, sending shivers down your spine as her hands caress your body. 

"If that's the case," She rasps against your skin, and you softly gasp as she squeezes your hips. 

"Then give me one night to convince you otherwise, my love." 

Fin.

[1800-page-not-found]

hello author (＾▽＾)

can I ask you to write vampire reader x human Yjh and Kdj relationship hc i thing it's would be interesting

HI!! THIS IS SUCH A CUTE RELATIONSHIP!

btw this is going to be a healthy relationship, im not a huge fan of writing toxic/abusive relationships ykyk

HELP I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU SAID HC AND IM ALREADY 3/4 IN WRITING EVERYTHING...ITS OK ILL JUST DO BOTH LMFAO

human yoo joonghyuk, kim dokja (separate) x vampire reader

summary: the awful sun...it burns! thus, your lover decides to (somehow) give you a coat that has sun resistance so you can finally step out.

Yoo Joonghyuk is a ruthless man. However, during his regressions, he came to find you, a vampire. And what was so interesting about you is that, you were a vampire before the apocalypse. At first he brought you along only because he found you useful. But then, when he was able to clear more and more scenarios with you, he started to develop these 'strange feelings' he calls them.

Being a vampire was a struggle for you. After all, there were so many people around you, it was hard to resist. you usually drank animal blood from the nearby butcher, but when the apocalypse hit, you lost your supply. But when you met him, Yoo Joonghyuk, everything changed.

Blood is like wine. The more it ages, the better it tastes. So, as a regressor, Yoo Joonghyuk's blood was amazing. Of course, he killed you the first few times he met you, but started warming up.

Now, as the relationship developed, and when you two started dating after, what, 7 regressions? Well, he realized it was hard for you to join him completing scenarios with your weakness of the sun.

He scoffed, "weak." he muttered under his breath as he turned away from you.

His actions were very different though. A week later, he brought a coat that looked almost identical to his, except in a beige color, and with different attributes. Yours made you gain sun resistance.

You cried when you stepped out in the sun, feeling warmth from the fiery ball for the first time. You hugged him dearly, thanking him over and over again.

Yoo Joonghyuk was shocked to say the least. As a man who's unfamiliar with such emotions, he awkwardly patted your back. He never realized how much this meant to you. After all, vampires have feelings to.

headcannons here

he definitely gets the coat first thing when he regresses

since the scent of blood is so strong to you, he will use his coat to wrap you up and calm you down

Where SP exists, YJH definitely gets jealous whenever SP gifts something to you at the exact time you need it.

ur blood bag, he volunteers

every time he regresses, its really weird

like just imagine some super over powered hot guy comes to you and says like-

"Let me be your blood bag i love you" or something LMAOOOO

Nah he wouldn't do that (he probably might)

It would be really awkward though because he'd try to like move the relationship really fast cuz he just wants to date you and hold hands and other lovey-dovey stuff

he's awkward in general

definitely has killed before to give you blood

brought back a bucket of blood once

you didn't drink it because like STDs yk

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kim Dokja was like a child asking Santa Claus questions about Christmas when he first met you (pre apocalypse btw). I mean, you're just like the characters in his favorite novel!

It was an accident when he found out. I mean its not normal seeing your co-worker drink animal blood and eat raw animal meat is it? And i mean... it was pretty odd everyday when you came to work all bundled up.

When the apocalypse hit, the two of you were both on the train/subway. You were breathing heavily, trying to control yourself. He gave his coat to you and put it on top of your head, blocking your vision. Few minuets later, he gave you a grasshopper to kill.

Later on, after he became 'Demon King of Salvation,' he met 'Mass Production Maker' at the Gourmet Association when they were viewing the scenario and talking.

(I cant remember all they way how Mass Production Maker acts fyi)

"Mass Production Maker sir, I'd like to ask for a favor." It was rare for someone like the Demon King of Salvation to ask for a favor, well unless it was you. "Oh? And what may someone like you ask for from an old man like me?" Mass Production Maker did not take his eyes off the scenario, but you could tell he was listening to the rather newly born constellation.

"There's someone very dear to me who needs a rather special coat...I know you don't really do commissions but-" The Mass Production Maker laughed an old hearty laugh. "My, my, what young love folks like you have! How enjoyable! I like you young man, make sure to stay loyal, I'll do it for free as you helped me earn so many coins from the bet!" (I think that's what happened if I remember correctly?)

-----

when you two finally met again, Kim Dokja wrapped you in a lovely beige coat, just like his. "What is this?" you asked curiously. "A coat for you to step out in the sun!" You gasped. "R-really?! I can finally go outside?.."

He nodded and dragged you right next to where the shadows met the sun. You stopped, nervous to if this would work or not. Kim Dokja turned around and held your face. "Hey..It's going to work, I promise." He assured you.

[The constellation, "Demonic Judge of Fire" squeals in happiness.]

[500 coins have been sponsored]

"Alright then..." You slowly stepped out in the sun, eyes shut as you waited to burn but-you didn't? You slowly opened your eyes, your senses feeling the warmth on your face. "I'm-I'm in the SUN!" You jumped and hugged Kim Dokja. "Thank you Thank you!" You cried, tears running down your face. You could finally feel the warmth you longed for with him under the sun.

Headcannons!!!!!

Likes to give you blood

wants you to just drink all of his blood, i mean its not like he can't revive

Flabbergasted when you cried when he was dead for 3 days

He likes to hug you because you're always cold (cuz ur a vampire...ykyk)

Had a HUGEEEEEEE cultural (or vampire) shock when you didn't bite his neck but his hand instead

and the silver thing

and garlic

becomes a huge vampire nerd

will correct people when they say something wrong about vampires

outsiders will think HE'S the vampire because of how much he talks about them

likes to be carried bridal style by you with your super strength vampire abilities

first time you two ate together at a restaurant when he knew you were a vampire, he asked for a raw slab of meat with lots of blood

the waiter looked at him weirdly

everyone in the restaurant stared at the two of you

you guys got banned from it

THE ENDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

[the-mark-of-a-dying-star]

12 years ago, you were 15 and stood on stage with a nervous smile, excited to perform your debut song.

Critics labeled that move as "stupid," making predictions on how a soloist from a third-rate company can never survive the industry. Yet, against all odds, you won at a music show pretty early in your career.

This opened the door to success. You were able to release albums, hits after hits, won at music and award shows, filmed videos, tours around the world, and even modeling. When you decided to dwell into acting, no one was surprised.

Even when you find it hard to release any content, millions of fans are still there eagerly waiting for you. When did it become so hard? waking up has become a struggle, your manager is back to scolding you like you were some rookie, and your fans are beginning to get worried for you. It doesn't help you're still reeling from being linked to a scanda that shocked the nation. Becoming an idol was once your childhood dream, where did it all go wrong?

⊹₊⋆ play as a tired and depressed K-pop idol-actor on their 12th year in the industry.

⊹₊⋆ choose your appearance, personality, background, and gender preference. you also have to specify if you are known for your singing, dancing, rapping, or acting skills and what type of music you release.

⊹₊⋆ release your last song or last drama (or both depending on your choices!)

⊹₊⋆ spend time with 4 unique people in the industry and get a chance to either befriend them or romance them.

⊹₊⋆ navigate through the fall out of your career after a scandal that shocked the nation.

⊹₊⋆ continue to shine like a star or explode like one while trying.

Yoo Jinhyuk / Jieun ( M / F) — The Constant

Long before either you and J were idols, they were someone from your hometown who was hellbent on outdoing you. Your life was a hell, not only was K your age, they were also a family friend and your classmate.  For your entire life, whenever you do something, J will somehow find a way to do it better. It wasn't a surprise that their career as an idol flourished as quickly as yours. You have spent a chunk of your life wondering if you have done something bad to warrant such hatred. If only you could notice the looks J gives you, maybe you'd see there was never a trace of hatred.

Choi Kihoon / Kyuri (M / F) — The Newcomer

K is your senior in the industry, they debuted four years before the public even knew about you. Strangely enough, you and K have not formally met each other yet. There were many instances where you were supposed to meet them and even work with them in some films, but it always fell through. Who would have thought they would become your neighbor? Known for their intimidating looks and villain roles, K is surprisingly kind-to a naïve level. It's a surprise that they have been able to live in a world like this.  Would you give this kind newcomer a chance?

Shin Hojin / Hwayoung (M / F) — The Artist

Your relationship with H is extremely awkward even when you both come from the same company. As an industry senior, you do your best to guide H and their group so that they can avoid all your mistakes and be the best of the best. However, as H debuted later in their life, they are actually older than you. It throws you off. You don't know how to interact with them without sounding rude. Little do you know, you are their muse. The one H means when they write love songs. Can this hopeless romantic have a chance with you?

Lee Sunwoo / Soojin / Soo (M / F / NB) — The Reporter

You should not be seen with them; it will only ruin your career. It is best to stay clear of them. Well, that is what S convinced themselves. They weren't like this before. S was once known for their professionalism and straight-laced reports, up until two years ago. S was the main reporter who made the public aware of a devious crime done by different celebrities. While reporting it to the public was the right thing, S's mental health took a decline. Honestly, S is a hypocrite. They keep on telling you this friendship is a bad look when they're the ones who crave your presence the most. They want to protect you but fear crossing the line between protecting you and abandoning you.

⊹₊⋆ Trigger warnings: Depression, suicide, self-harm, internalized homophobia, and sexism. More will be added.

[genericpuff]

I get asks like these a lot asking for my opinion about other webtoons outside of LO and Let's Play and ima be honest with y'all, if I haven't talked about it on this blog already, I probably don't read it. It's not for any lack of wanting to read comics, but it's sort of the nature of the beast - once you start making the medium you consume, you wind up with a lot less time to actually consume it. I don't keep up on nearly as many webtoons/webcomics as I used to, and it's partially because 1.) I'm too busy making them, 2.) the current oversaturation of the market means I'm not gonna really be compelled to try and read things unless it's something I'm really interested in, and 3.) I have ADHD so I already have a hard time starting new stories as it is, I often prefer just keeping up on comfort series that I know I like even if there are only a few of them LOL I know that means I'm likely missing out on a lot of great stories out there, but I can only keep up on so much stuff :')

Most of the comics I read nowadays aren't even on the WT app, it's stuff like Tale of Two Lovers, Alfie, Tamberlane, and Awkward Zombie. And whatever I DO read that's on the app, it's stuff that's being made by friends or stuff that fits a special interest that I've been following for a while. So webcomics like Time and Time Again, City of Blank, SHE MAKES HUNGRY, Growing Up Gerudo, Loving Reaper, and Zelda's Lullaby.

I'm frankly a bit old school so a lot of the stuff I read tends to be stuff that has its own independent site OR completely outside of the realm of webtoons and more into traditional publishing like manga.

That said, I do try to stay up to date on webtoons and newer series as much as I can as it's good for me to stay updated on what's going on in the industry and it means I'm exposing myself to new ideas and techniques, but I struggle with just picking up a webtoon and bingeing it for 10-20 episodes to see if I like it. So many of them now tend to just be the same thing with slightly different coats of paint. And I'm definitely not gonna pick up a webtoon just because people want my opinion of it, sorry but that's just not how this works LMAO Especially if it's a webtoon that people are expecting me to be critical of because it's written poorly, like why would I subject myself to reading something that I know right off the bat probably isn't gonna be enjoyable? Sure, if it's something REALLY bad I'll check them out to see what people are going off about or so I can form my own opinion, but I also don't want to be regularly subjecting myself to garbage that pisses me off when I could be reading stuff that brings me joy, I spend enough time being pissed off at LO and Let's Play as it is. I know, that's likely wild coming from me of all people, but I do like to enjoy things LOL It's not like I went into comics like LO and Let's Play hating them right off the bat, I actually used to really like those comics, until they either fell off or I spent more time reflecting on them and I realized how poorly written and drawn they were.

So no, sorry, but I don't have an opinion about webtoons like Unordinary or I Love Yoo or whatever have you and I can't guarantee I'll ever get around to reading them. If I do have an opinion about a webtoon, believe me, I'll post about them unprovoked, you won't need to ask me for them LMAO

[headphonemouse]

Follow up to this post brought to you by @forgetme-eternally-blissfully, in fanfic snippet format because I gave up on drawing the comic (the fanfic was supposed to be a comic draft but I added too many details)

Kim Dokja lays on the ground among the rubble of a ruined building. He twitches a little before his eyes open. The world is blurry. In the distance, he can see a dark blur fluttering around his surroundings. As his vision comes into focus, he can recognize Yoo Joonghyuk searching through the debris.

A sharp pain coming from his side causes Kim Dokja to let out a groan as he struggles to push himself up to a sitting position. The sound catches Yoo Joonghyuk's attention and immediately he starts making a beeline in Kim Dokja's direction.

As Yoo Joonghyuk approaches, Kim Dokja takes note of Yoo Joonghyuk's tattered coat, his bloodstained body, the wounds on his face, hands, legs. None too serious though some deep enough to inevitably leave scars later.

Yoo Joonghyuk is getting closer, kneeling down, reaching his hand out towards Kim Dokja's face, making a move to pull Kim Dokja in when Kim Dokja decides to open his mouth.

"You're not losing your balance and having trouble standing are you? I'm not going to carry you on my back this time."

"Shut up," is all Yoo Joonghyuk says as he wraps his arms around Kim Dokja's shoulders. His grip is tight, one hand on the back of Kim Dokja's head, the other circled around his upper back.

There is a gash in Kim Dokja's side that throbs with pain. Blood loss has his head spinning and his vision blurring again. From where his face is pressed into Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulder, Kim Dokja can smell blood, sweat, smoke. Buildings continue to crumple in the background and the sound of something falling pitters in his ears. His hands tense and untense, relax and remain by his sides.

Kim Dokja lets out a breath and leans into Yoo Joonghyuk, just slightly. Just enough so that Yoo Joonghyuk can tighten his hold by a hair.

----------

Author's notes (what would normally be my image caption):

I said in the referenced post that Kim Dokja has no trouble reciprocating affection once someone else initiates, but I think Yoo Joonghyuk is the exception. Always exceptional, that one. At least during the Scenarios.

Kim Dokja can read his movements, see what Yoo Joonghyuk is aiming to do, can read his mind, dammit. But he can't comprehend his actions. Yoo Joonghyuk acting in a way that Kim Dokja doesn't know about is something that happens more and more often as time goes on, and serves as a reminder of the wall that exists between a protagonist and a reader, but also the wall that exists between two normal people. Because at this moment, Kim Dokja is still struggling to see Yoo Joonghyuk as his own person instead of a protagonist or a 1863x-regressor-to-be. He's blinded by what he knows and has seen in his own past, which he assumes will be Yoo Joonghyuk's future. When he looks at him, does he see those ghosts of the future flickering superimposed over the shape of the man before him? This is the sort of wall that exists between them.

So when Yoo Joonghyuk acts outside of Kim Dokja's expectations, Kim Dokja tries to push them back on course with banter. "Yoo Joonghyuk is getting closer, kneeling down, reaching his hand out towards Kim Dokja's face, making a move to pull Kim Dokja in-" Kim Dokja sees all of this, takes note of all of this, knows what's to come of it. Doesn't understand it one bit. He's not oblivious. It's more like, "Why? Why me? Why would someone feel this way about and want to do these things with me?" He KNOWS the effect he has on people. He intentionally calculates how much he interacts with Jung Heewon and Lee Hyunsung to ensure their loyalty towards him in the early scenarios (not so much so after like Scenario 5-ish so we're talking early-early scenarios. After that point he more supports them in the direction they want to go (when that direction is the direction he already wanted them to go anyways. something something picking teammates because he knew they were already loyal and righteous by nature, nurturing them so that they would be able to carry out their justice no matter the adversary. He chose them because he knew they were loyal and strong, but they weren't loyal or strong at the time. But they would be in the future. But they wouldn't have been without him. But in another time where he didn't exist they were strong anyways see this is how he is able to have ultimate faith in his party members and know the kind of support he has given them while still being unable to recognize his own value in the grand scheme of things. Because they would have been fine without him, he's SEEN it. This is another wall between him and other people, another future ghost)). So he knows how much influence he has in other peoples' lives. But he values himself so little that he is blind to the emotional, sentimental weight he has to these people. No matter how much he knows he's done for them, he won't see himself as worthy of genuine praise or recognition, affection, love.

So this lack of self recognition extends to his perception of all of his companions, but especially so to Yoo Joonghyuk. Yoo Joonghyuk is probably the person whom Kim Dokja is the most strict about characterization with. Kim Dokja knows him the best, it's true, but he also doesn't know a damn thing about him as a person instead of a character and that makes him feel a certain way. Vulnerable, I think. Lonely. That childish feeling of betrayal when the characters walk off the page without him. There are sides to people and characters that you will never know simply because they weren't observed. And there are sides of people that you have no right to know. It is by becoming a person instead of a reader that you must abide by those rules and give up omniscience. Part of being a person and recognizing another's personhood is to willingly not know everything about them.

Anyways. He's not there yet. Not by Hug Attempt #2. This was supposed to have 3 parts with the last one set after the epilogue but we'll see if I ever get to it.

[mhaynoot]

lee gilyoung and shin yoosung and being raised by the kim dokja company during the scenarios, after the scenarios and after the epilogue too.

yoo songah is always ready drop everything off her busy schedule to help. talks to them and teaches them about anything and everything to the point that they get suspicious if she's still not connected to Herme's power in some way but she is just that cool.

han sooyoung annoys them and interrupts their study sessions with stacks of books and papers and her fake glasses that gilyoung bluntly calls stupid to her face and which leads to a giant argument yoo sangah has to calm down. and she annoys them always but its fine cause they annoy her back and she still reluctantly reviews their homework and essays in the end.

and lee jihye is ready to hang out and play with them as they all struggle through a "normal" school life. who knuckles their heads and bands together with them against the adults when they get questioned on their grades. who even when she's getting ready for college, still spends time to drop them off at school and pick them up.

lee hyunsung, after he resigns from the military again and comes back home, picks up their phone call after a single beep and drives them to wherever they want.

and jung heewon has always been their protector and still will always protect them even if it means making them wake way too early in the morning to force them to jog and and keep their training up.

yoo mia hangs around them during break time even if it gets her weird looks from her classmates.

"my oppa is the terroist yoo joonghyuk," she says and snorts when those idiots run away.

and there's more, there's so many people like an endless wall of faces and hands to reach out for.

gong pildu grumbles but lets them in and lets them watch his TV even as he reads magazines. jung hayoung shows them her travel photos and souvenirs and ruffles their head. han myungoh takes it upon himself to be their playdate supervisor even when his daughter outgrows them but still arranges these dates anyways. uriel, black dragon, and sun wukong drop by when their schedule clears up and they watch new movies or rewatch certain stories.

grandma persephone comes by to take them out to experience new things, takes them to things like opera or concerts or a library and always gives them clothes that fit perfectly.

and their other grandma, lee sookyung, gets them books but spends most of the time quietly telling them stories of a very young kim dokja.

yoo joonghyuk who still takes shin yoosung out to hunt and drops off lee gilyoung in the middle of the forest to capture bugs and who feeds them perfectly cooked meals even if he always argues with them.

and kim dokja who saved them and gave them a family to look after them as they grew up.

kim dokja who saved them and hurt them by saving them. who probably hurt them more than anyone else.

kim dokja who was more his mother than both of them would admit. but who had still had forgiven his mother anyway. or maybe it was because he had given them a family even when he was gone because he never had one himself and maybe thats all the difference. or maybe it was simply because it was kim dokja, shin yoosung and lee gilyoung.

because who they'll always forgive. they'll always love. they were his, and he theirs.

[irlkdj]

ORV AND THE POWER OF CHOICE

I’d like to start with Kim Dokja. From the very beginning of the novel, he made the claim that it was easier to be alone. That is was “comfortable.” Despite this proclamation, he lays his life down time and time again for his companions. He /chooses/ a harder path: a path of love, a path that he was never shown personally.

"I really don't understand it. Why are you helping me, Hyunsung hyung and the noonas? If you are alone... you would be able to survive better."

He could calmly speak such words before his death. Maybe this kid's mind was already dead.

"Yes, you are right." Another ground rat fell to the ground with its head cut off. "It is comfortable to live alone, eat alone and survive alone. But..."

The “But..” really takes me out because he’s saying it is easier. But I don’t want easy. I want you. I want all the problems that come with saving you. I want to die for you. I want to be with you until the end of this.

He makes the conscious choice to protect his companions, shielding them best he can from the dangers of the scenarios, even if it comes at the cost of his own life. He doesn’t ever consider the unhealable wounds his companions are left with when he sacrifices himself. I think this is him attempting to protect people the way he yearned to be protected. I see this especially with Shin Yoosung, Lee Gilyoung, and Lee Jihye. 

“I saw the party members screaming in despair.

[ Why are you trying to save them? You can see the ending even if you live alone. ]

‘The ending is only meaningful if they are there.’”

“It was all planned and ahjussi used us for your purpose. Let's say we are characters of that damn Ways of Survival and everything is set!" Lee Jihye was crying, watching me while biting her pallid lips. ‘Then… why did you throw your life away for us so many times?’”

“Answer me! If we are really characters in a fictional novel, why did you die for us over and over?”

“Tell me that I did good until now – whether I made the wrong choices or not, whether I would get to see the desired conclusion when I reach the end of this story or not.”

“Kim Dokja's salvation was cruel. Like rescuing a drowning person with a blade, those saved by him were inflicted an unhealable wound.”

Now I’d like to talk about Han Sooyoung. The woman who made the conscious choice to save that boy who thought he couldn’t be saved. I want to remind you, Kim Dokja isn’t anyone extraordinary. Which is why Han Sooyoung’s love for him is so.. special. At the end of the day, Kim Dokja was just a kid struggling with abuse and the arrest of his mother. A kid who liked to read. A lot of Kim Dokja’s story is about learning that it’s actually /okay/ to let people care about you. It’s not selfish to want people to love you, or to yearn for a family. To wish you could’ve had more than you did. Han Sooyoung gave up every single one of her nights and slept her days away to write for him. To most, Kim Dokja was just a lousy employee, a quiet guy who wasted his days away on his phone. But to Han Sooyoung, that man was worth destroying the entire world for. She made the /choice/ to save him. Her actions prove that you don’t need to be amazing to be worth saving. You don’t need to be the “main character,” and you don’t need to sacrifice yourself to be worthy of the care others so desperately want to give you. Sometimes, people just genuinely love you. Even when it feels impossible, or as if we are undeserving. Han Sooyoung making that decision. The decision to save Kim Dokja, to /love/ him. I think that’s one of the most powerful things we can do as human beings. To choose to be there for someone. To choose to show up every day. To /choose/ to do things that hurt because we want to ensure the wellbeing and happiness of another. Han Sooyoung would do it all over again. She wouldn’t take a moment back. 

This brings me to YooHan—something we need to talk about more. Han Sooyoung essentially crafted Yoo Joonghyuk, looked at him and said: I am going to destroy your life to save someone. And Yoo Joonghyuk said: okay, I will let you destroy me. I will watch my world fall to pieces over and over again. I will suffer. I will be put through agony. I will question why any of this is happening to me. I will struggle every day with the meaning of my miserable life. And I will carry this burden with you. Han Sooyoung and Yoo Joonghyuk did everything they could to save that lonely Kim Dokja. I often think about secretive plotter when he found out about Oldest Dream. When he was exposed to the reality of his agony, when his tormentor was finally revealed. But when he set his eyes upon that sad, pathetic, lonely little boy crying and repeating “I am Yoo Joonghyuk,” it was all.. okay. His story had saved someone. Secretive plotter who has been drowning in an eternal misery was almost.. content. And Kim Dokj was confused by his reaction. He couldn’t comprehend why Secretive Plotter wasn’t lashing out at Oldest Dream as Dokja had tried to do. This couldn’t possible be the ending he wanted, right? How could he be okay with this. He should kill that monster. That /monster/. He should end his miserable life for all the torment he put him through. That monster.. is me. I am a monster. Who could love us. Who /would/ love something so vile and useless. Who would possibly care about the well being of me. 

Yes. Han Sooyoung created Yoo Joonghyuk. And much of his story is about his sense of agency, struggling between the lines of what was written for him, and the choices he made based off his own free will. And while Yoo Joonghyuk was written /for/ Kim Dokja, Han Sooyoung never wrote that he would /love/ Kim Dokja. Again, he made a conscious decision. He made the conscious choice to love that man. Yoo Joonghyuk always felt as though things were out of his control, like his actions were not his own—a puppet, just as Secretive Plotter described him. But he /did/ make his own choices. He loved his companions. He loved Han Sooyoung. He loved Kim Dokja.

Han Sooyoung /chose/ to write that story. Kim Dokja /chose/ to read it. And to some extent, Yoo Joonghyuk /chose/ to live it. 

I think orv has a lot of themes. But at its core I really do believe it’s about learning that even when we feel like the worst person, the most horrible, disgusting, and unlovable monster on planet earth, someone out there will choose to love you. Again, I say choose intentionally here. To choose to remember the things someone loves. To choose to be there when they need you. To /choose/ to shoulder their burdens despite your own which you are already carrying. Someone out there wants you to exist. Someone out there wants you to live. Orv teaches its readers that if we are all a little patient, maybe someday someone will choose to love you. Someone will decide that yes, you are worth moving Heaven and Hell for. I love you, despite your issues. I choose to love you because you can’t love yourself. I will show you how much I love you when words can’t express it. One day, I hope someone writes a story for you. And I hope that one day, you will no longer be lonely. And finally, understand what it feels like to be loved. 

[itzynabi]

that’s so evie episode 4

posted: 10 march 2023

word count: 1.9k

warnings: none that i can think of

an: another week, another episode of thats so evie. episode 2 will come out when it comes out, dont even worry, just give me time. idk anything about pottery, i watched this video. the challenge can be found here. words in [] are captions. feedback and reblogs are much appreciated 💘

eve's masterlist // that’s so evie

“Hello and welcome back to another episode of That’s So Evie!” Eve greeted from inside a pottery studio. “Today, we are at Pottery workshop Yoho. It’s my first time coming here, so I’m very excited!” She shook her hands excitedly. “Today’s guest is… unworldly? Yes, that’s the right word for him. Please come out!”

[Kpop’s Prince Charming with master class acting. Making his long awaited solo debut, Minhyun!]

The staff cheered as Minhyun walked into the frame.

Covering her mouth, Eve laughed. “Why are you cheering so loud? You don’t normally cheer this loud.”

“Do they not normally cheer?” Minhyun asked as he stood next to Eve.

“No, they do, but… they’re not usually so energetic. Do you have a crush on today’s guest?” She asked the camera director, who shook her head and waved her hand. “Then why are you so excited?”

“Because he’s pretty,” one of the technical staff answered, causing Minhyun to blush.

Eve slowly shook her head in thought. “Have you never seen a pretty person before?”

[Butterfly princess struggles to understand the staff’s excitement]

Eve eyed the staff one more time. “Anyways, today’s guest is Minhyun. Please introduce yourself to the viewers.”

Minhyun bowed. “Hello, I’m Hwang Minhyun. Thank you for having me!”

“Thank you for coming,” Eve said. “How are you feeling today?”

Minhyun put his hand over his chest. “To be honest, I’m a bit nervous,” he said with a laugh. “I’m not really sure what we’re doing today, so I don’t know if I’ll be good.”

“Since you have been described by many as a ‘living statue’,” Eve began, snorting when Minhyun cringed. “I thought we should make pottery since it will be a statue of some sort. Is that okay?”

Minhyun nodded. “Yes. I think I’ll be good with that.”

“Good! And because I have no idea how to make pottery, we are going to need some guidance. Can our teacher come out please?”

A man walked into frame and the staff cheered for him.

“Why aren’t you cheering loudly? You don’t think he’s handsome?” Eve asked, causing the staff to cheer louder.

“Aigo, you’re very mischievous, aren’t you?” The teacher asked as he stood in between the two idols.

Eve smirked.

“She is,” Minhyun answered with a nod of his head.

[Minhyun already knows Eve so well]

“Please introduce yourself,” Eve requested.

The teacher cleared his throat. “Hello, viewers. My name is Park Insoo and I will be guiding Minhyun-ssi and Eve-ssi today.”

“One of my friends is named Insoo,” Minhyun said.

[Minhyun worked with Yoo Insoo on Alchemy of Souls. Park Danggu, we miss you!]

“How good do you think we’ll do?” Eve asked.

Insoo thought for a second. “Not that good, if I’m being honest.”

[Reality check]

“But that’s fine because it’s your first time doing this. You’re allowed to make mistakes.”

Eve nodded. “Also, one of the main points of the show is to just catch up with people as if you’re friends, so just address me casually.”

“Me too,” Minhyun added.

“Okay,” Insoo said. “Nabi-yah and Minhyun-ah. Got it.”

The group of three moved to a long table that had all their equipment.

“The first thing we want to do is knead the clay.” Insoo picked up his clay, Eve and Minhyun copied him. “We’re working with air dry clay and we’ll be making trays.”

“Trays?” Eve clarified.

“Yes,” he confirmed. “You can put your jewellery on it, or you can put vases on it– it’s up to you. The first thing we need to do is knead it to get rid of air bubbles. Let’s get started on kneading our clay. If it’s a bit hard to knead, then just add a few drops of water.”

The three got to working on their clay, kneading it very attentively.

“Minhyun, can you tell us about your album?” Eve asked, adding water to her clay to make it easier to knead.

“Yes. I’m making my solo debut with Truth or Lie and the title track Hidden Side. The title track is about how there’s many sides to me, but what you see is the real me,” Minhyun explained, smoothing out his clay.

She nodded appreciatively. “Sounds interesting. Which side of you would you say is your real side, though? Because you said what I, as an onlooker or a fan, see is the real you, but what is the real you.” She turned to look at him over Insoo. “Who is the real Hwang Minhyun?” She asked in a news reporter voice.

Insoo snorted. “She’s really good.”

Eve blushed, trying to use her fringe to hide her face.

“That’s a really good question,” Minhyun gushed, standing still. “Who is the real me?” He thought for a second. “I think… I don’t know,” he finished flatly, giving up on answering. He laughed, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know. I just sing the song. But that’s a very good question.”

“Right?” Insoo agreed. “Very professional.”

“This show is going to be very successful if you keep asking such amazing questions.”

Eve scrunched her face up. “Please stop complimenting me. I’m begging you.”

“Do you not like getting complimented?”

She shrugged. “It’s not that I don’t like getting complimented, it’s just I don’t know how to react and I end up feeling uncomfortable. That’s all.”

He nodded. “I understand.”

“Now,” Insoo started once he had checked Eve and Minhyun’s clay, “we’re going to use a rolling pin to roll the clay flat. Be careful not to make it too flat.”

After rolling out their clay, they cut off the extra pieces on the side. They rolled the clay once more, making it thinner and smoother.

“Trace out the shape you want your tray to be,” Insoo instructed, drawing a circle on his clay with his finger. Eve drew a water puddle shape and Minhyun drew a rectangle. After tracing the shape, they cut it out with a knife.

“What do we do with the extra clay?” Minhyun asked, holding the excess clay in his hand.

Insoo answered, “We’re going to use it now. We’ll roll it into a cylinder shape.”

“Like this?” Eve asked, rolling her clay.

Insoo nodded. “That’s perfect.”

“How long have you been making pottery?”

“Um, about thirty years.”

Eve gasped. “That’s older than Minhyun and I. You must be really old.”

Insoo laughed. “Nobody’s ever said that to my face.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologised, bowing her head.

[Baby chick who has no filter]

When they had all rolled their clay, Insoo cut it in half down the middle for them. They then applied water to the edge of their tray clay and put half of the rolled up clay on the water area, creating a barrier. They used a wooden stick to smooth it down, creating a seamless connection between the two clays and used their fingers to make it smooth.

“I’m doing better than I thought I would,” Minhyun said, inspecting his clay. “I really thought I was going to do bad, but I’m doing okay.”

“You’re both doing good,” Insoo complimented. “I’m impressed. Now, take your sponge, dip it in the water and ring it out. Then wipe it along your tray.”

“Are we washing it?” Eve asked.

“Kind of.” After doing that, Insoo clapped his hands. “That was really good. Now, they need to air dry.”

Eve scratched her nose and put her hands back on the table.

“You got clay on your face,” Insoo told her.

“Really?” She tried wiping it off, spreading more clay on her face. “Is it gone?”

“It’s on your hands, so the more you touch your face..”

She groaned. “Making pottery… it’s not easy. Just imagine if I tried to touch my hair. That would be the end!”

[7 days later…]

“We’re back everybody!” Eve shouted.

“How do you have so much energy?” Minhyun asked. “Even the other day, you were dancing after finishing each step.”

She shrugged. “I’m young. It’s in my nature to have energy.”

“Are you calling me old?” He asked, surprised. He looked to the staff behind the camera in shock before looking back at Eve. “How could you call me old? I’m your guest!”

“You’re so dramatic, no wonder you’re an actor,” she said, causing everyone to laugh. “Insoo, please direct us once again.”

“Yes.” He walked to a drawer and fetched their trays, putting them on the table. “As you can see, the trays have changed colour. That’s because it was fully dried.” Minhyun and Eve nodded. “Now, it’s time for the fun part: painting!”

“This is what I was looking forward to the most,” Eve admitted, holding her tray.

“Choose what colour paint you would like,” he said.

“Since you’re the guest, you should choose first,” Eve told Minhyun.

“Okay.” Minhyun picked black and white. “I googled some ideas yesterday, so I know what I want to do.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she admitted with a laugh. She picked pink, yellow and orange.

“I’m sure you’ll think of something,” Insoo said, picking purple and blue for his tray.

The three got to painting their trays.

“Minhyun, how do you feel about being known as a top visual?” Eve asked.

“What do you mean?”

She looked up at him. “A lot of attention is put on your visuals more than anything else. Do you wish more people paid attention to you singing, dancing and acting? Or even just to you as a person?”

He stared at her. “You’re really good at this,” he said with a laugh, shaking his head. “Wah, really… wah. I–I don’t even remember the question.”

[Minhyun is amazed by Eve’s interviewing skills]

Insoo repeated the question as Eve was too busy hiding behind the counter.

Minhyun nodded. “Yes. But my visuals are what sucks people in and then they later come to know about my personality and my talents and things like that. There are times I wish people paid more attention to my work than my face, but it helps. Because I get more acting opportunities.”

Eve hummed, having stood up when Minhyun answered the question. “So basically, your face is what people see, and everything else about you is your hidden side?”

“You’re a real pro!” He exclaimed.

“I’m so impressed,” Insoo commented.

Eve shook her head. “No, it’s just basic interviewing!”

“It seems very advanced to me.”

“Aigo, no!”

They continued painting their trays until they were finished.

“Now, we let it dry and then tomorrow, we can do the final step,” Insoo said.

“This is such a long process,” Minhyun commented.

“Right,” Eve agreed. She addressed the main camera, “See you tomorrow.”

[The next day…]

“Okay, everyone, it’s our last day of working on our trays. How has it been for you?” Eve asked her two guests.

“It was so much fun, I really enjoyed myself,” Minhyun answered. “Even though it’s taken more than a week, it feels as if it happened really quickly.”

“You two are the best beginners I’ve ever taught,” Insoo said, causing the staff to cheer. “I’m really impressed by how well you did everything.”

“Thank you, thank you,” Eve thanked. “Should we finish up now?”

“Yes.” Insoo fetched their trays and put them on the table. “As you can see, the trays have been painted, but they look dull. So we’re going to add a layer of varnish to the trays to add a glossy look. Just dip your paint brush into the varnish and apply a thin layer onto the top and then the bottom. You can add another layer if you think you need to, but I don’t think we’ll need to.”

The three applied the layer of varnish to their trays, talking as they finished up their pottery. Once they finished applying it, they showed them off to the camera, Minhyun first, Insoo second and Eve last.

“Thank you for coming on the show, Minhyun and thank you for being a good teacher, Insoo,” Eve said. “Please remember to support Hidden Side a lot. See you soon, bye!”

#reactions!!

tagging: @seolboba // @ateezivy // @ateezjuliet // @cafemilk-tea // @smh-anon

©️ kim nabi

[sorryimananti-romantic]

i got my brother to take the mbti test and he got our other brothers to take it hehhehdhe

im genuinely shocked that one of my brothers is NINETY-EIGHT percent introverted like??? i never knew that was possible holy heck

we're literally opposites frrr he's ISTJ im ENFP 😧 the only thing we have in common is high turbulent percentages lmaooo

anyway we're thinking of getting our mother to take the test but english isnt her first language and we're not fluent in our mother language so idk how to explain the questions to her 😭

im guessing she's an NTJ/STJ cos she's VERY observant when it comes to details n stuff but she also has that mother intuition yk 😭 i also dont know if she's an E or I but since she likes spending her time alone ill assume I

ALsO the brother that i first told to take the test (i have too many brothers) said that the test was scarily accurate lmaoo he was like "yoo bro this is so accurate damnnn 😨😨" hahahha

your brother just like me i'm like 89 percent introverted 😭😭 but 98 is a big number get him to go outside idk 😭😭

omgg me and my lil bro are literal opposites too i got him to take the test TWICE and he's ESFJ and i was surprised bc we get along quite well when we're not angry at each other and then its a war and it gets ugly 💀💀 but he found it scarily accurate too ahaha he went around making his friends take the test LOL

ahaha the struggle of that i feel you my mother is fluent in english but i would still have to do a lot of explaining 😭 but i feel like she's def an ExFx idk prob a P? prob an S? but E and F for suuurre

funny story but i thought my dad and i were the only Ts in a family of 5 but he be acting a lot like an F lately 😭💀 i'm not sure if its age or what that's got him acting like an F when he's literally the most practical and rational person i know but i bet my non-existant life savings that he is an F (i've heard things from him and seen him make decisions only an F can make 💀 i sound like a solid T don't i 💀💀)

so you can imagine how much of a hard time i have, now that we are a family of 6.25 people and i'm the only T here 💀💀

my big bro is def an INFP, like i'm sorry to all the INFP's out there but yall the easiest to figure out 😭😭 i bet he's 98 percent introverted too he literally abhors going out and socialising and that's the only thing we agree on literally 😭 our parents are both very extroverted so guess who their fav child is 💀 (and he's the youngest so he's obv the fav grr) (i don't even want to be the fav child but it annoys me bc they dislike how introverted we are they'll have us make calls on gunpoint man 😭😭)

[luna-rainbow]

Space Sweepers

This was a really sweet and surprisingly touching movie. I blame it on Song Joong Ki shit-talking Taeho every opportunity he can that I had such a bad impression of the character going in, but to be honest I think Taeho is the most human character he's played since his military service (I haven't yet watched Battleship Island but his role is smaller there and sounds like a tokenistic soldier role).

The plot is fairly straightforward and predictable, but there is something about the comfort of a predictable story in a dystopic setting. It's part Wall-E meets Guardians of the Galaxy - a group of antisocial misfits is thrown together and by the end becomes a found family. Korean shows pick their villains well, and the main villain is an eugenicist capitalist who's planning to destroy Earth and "get rid of all the genetic defects". The only pity is that there was so much story to be explored between James Sullivan and Taeho ("the first adoptee you carried into UTS in your arms") and Captain Jang.

Taeho was the emotional core of the movie. I mean, yes, Kotnim was the core of the film but Taeho carried most of the emotional scenes. Adopted into UTS at a young age and trained as a soldier from childhood, he killed a lot of people until he spotted a baby amongst the dead bodies and something in him just...glitched. It brought humanity back to him, but it also brought...unending guilt. Guilt that he was the one who took her parents' lives, that his shot had caused her deafness, that he couldn't save them from poverty, that he was too caught up with getting money that she wandered into danger.

Sullivan gloated at his failing, that he chose to trade Kotnim's life for 4 million dollars. But it was a terribly cruel choice - the life of a child who had just lost her father, or your last chance of knowing the whereabouts of your own child. As Taeho said earlier to Tiger Park, his only reason for living was to find his daughter. No father should ever have to face that choice.

The crew's choice in the end was redemption - for Taeho, for drug gang leader Tiger Park, for murder bot Bubs, and I'm assuming also for Captain Jang, but sadly we never got her story about why she changed her mind about Sullivan.

Vincenzo and Jin Dojun and Yoo Shijin are all mesmerisingly idealised characters. Taeho is painfully human, who is living with the consequences of a series of terrible mistakes. I guess I'm also just soft for people who are (unwillingly) conditioned to live as a cog in the wheel, and when they get the chance to leave...they inevitably struggle with living like a normal person because they don't know what normal society is like, they don't have any normal survival skills, and they don't have anyone to turn to for help. Vincenzo and Dojun and Yoo Shijin don’t feel real, and they are best admired from behind a glass case, but Taeho I just want to wrap in blankets and tell him he’s done the best he could.

Kim Taeri was amazing as Captain Jang. I know she had a lot of negative publicity recently but she owned the scenes and managed to come across as threatening without raising her voice. I thought it was cute that Bubs, who had a male voice, actually always wanted to be a girl. I really liked how multinational the movie felt too - there were so many languages and accents that communicated so naturally with each other - and the international actors were fantastic (sometimes Asian franchises hire foreigners who can't act but that's definitely not the case here). I had no idea it was Richard Armitage but his line delivery was riveting.

Definitely a recommend. I liked it more than GotG, but your mileage may vary.

[prince-of-red-lions]

🟦, 🟥, and 🔴 if you want :)

le gasp OK OK >:)

🟥- ah okay :0 it’s usually just other peoples art that inspires me or smth. like I’ll see smth and I’m like “yoo that’s cool” and then my brain is like “yoo we should try that” and thus art is made. though I have to admit memes are a huge factor LMAO. if I see or hear a meme that makes me laugh pretty hard I’ll usually want to draw it (if it’s simple enough). even if it’s not drawing the meme it’ll put me in a good mood. and lastly my own brain cells- it’s so satisfying to lean back and admire the finished product of your art and see how it came together. :) I think I’m addicted to that actually 😭😭😭 anywho, overall, it’s mostly other peoples stuff that motivates me, I even if it’s not art- it could be like writing or smth. :) I just enjoy improving and getting to know the feel of drawing characters.

🟦- oh wow this is make me realize how little I draw my ocs. I mean I have COPIOUS amounts of ocs and yet I just- don’t draw them 😭😭. so here’s this old drawing of a little guy I made- his name is Rico as stated by the horrible handwriting and do not let his goofy smile deceit you. he’s a horrible person and done many universal crimes. a tyrant, as well. he’s a species my friend made up, a “void demon”. in case you were wondering, no, they don’t have eyes. none of the void demons do. how do they see? I don’t know that one actually-

anywho look at that is traditional art!! WOAH‼️‼️ Ik I do doodles but I don’t rlly do a full on drawing on paper much. traditional is also showing off my horrible symmetry and line art skills so ignore that- LMFAO ANYWHO enjoy rico.

🔴- ough wip okay :0 HEAVY, HEAVY emphasis on “wip”.

so yeah take a time boi. I’m struggling to grab ahold of the way to draw him hehe but I’ll get there eventually.

tysm for the ask!! I get happy when ppl ask me abt my oc’s hehe. hope u didn’t get too lost in those rambles! have a great day/evening/night! 💖💖

[racewingz]

Kdrama Reviews (No Spoilers)

Disclaimer: This is obviously based solely on my opinion, which is individual to my preferences when it comes to genre etc. I am very much into dramas where there are supernatural elements, magic or superhuman abilities kind of thing. Either way, I will give an honest review of each drama I have watched so far

The Sound of Magic (2022)

~ it really is a magical story. The magician is a real sweetheart, his character is so good and I love the detail they go into with him, including his backstory. He really is the star of the show. The character of Ah-Yi is also quite sweet and her story is very complex and its very interesting to see. Plenty of unexpected turns occur, so you never know how events will turn. Overall, it is so warm and truly magical at times.

Tomorrow (2022)

~ just a quick note, this series probably isn’t suitable for people who get triggered by events such as suicide, and generally very poor mental health. I personally really loved this series. I get some serious second hand embarrassment from Joon Woong, he’s a very funny character. Mr Lim’s character seriously has me laughing at times. The characters are all so unique and the relationships built are hilarious. What they deal with is all quite a sensitive subject but the way they go about it is really interesting. I’d even go as far to say its quite warming the way that they deal with such series, they definitely do a very good job.

Our Blues (2022)

~ definitely quite different to my usual kind of drama. it is all around groups of people that live on Jeju island. I love the structure of this series, how it goes into groups individually and goes into each story separately, while still managing to incorporate all of the other people involved. It gives everything a very community like feel. They go into so many different stereotyped conditions, including problems with money, disabilities and mental health problems (and plenty more!). All of these problems are approached in a way that makes it very interesting to watch. You get to learn about each individual and see the relationship they form with others. There’s always sad time and happy times, but the community always finds a way. It’s a very heart warming story

Love Alarm (2019)

~ I’m not going to lie, I really couldn’t get into this series. I watched the first season and a few episodes of the second but struggled to continue, though this is definitely because it doesn’t really fit into the genres I typically watch (nothing against the series). There are a lot of flashback moments, maybe too many sometimes. I know all of the dramas I’ve listed so far include flashbacks but in this show they only really show one specific flashback and its the same thing played over again. I think Kim So-Hyun is exceptional and really does a good job portraying Jo Jo. I think it’s a good series to watch if you like a series very focused on romance and the twists and turns that it brings

Just Between Lovers (2017)

~  the story presented in this series is very interesting. It’s good that you get to see development of each of the characters, which are all very unique. They each have their stories, and each story is unique to them but at the same time they are like puzzle pieces that fit together to reveal the true story. There is definitely a fair share of unexpected events, but they make the plot very interesting. Lee Jun Ho does such an amazing job as Kang Doo. He really makes all of his character intentions clear, and did a really good job. This is great for  anyone who loves romance with that little bit of problem solving too

Goblin (2016)

~ this has got to be my favourite drama of them all so far. There’s elements of romance, of supernatural beings, and plenty of comedy. Gong Yoo and Dong Wook completely make this a work of art. Kim Go Eun as Euk Tak too. I love all of the characters a lot. Eun Tak is so bubbly and enthusiastic and Deok Hwa is so unique. Of everyone I think Deok Hwa makes me laugh the most. Together all of the characters truly have the greatest dynamic and the whole plot is clearly very well structured. It is an absolutely hilarious series in parts, but at other parts you don’t know what could happen. There are definitely some tense times but it makes the series very intriguing 

While You Were Sleeping (2017)

~ probably tied as my favourite with goblin. It’s another series where you have to tie together puzzle pieces. Given what the series is primarily focused on, its no surprise that there are many pieces, and plenty of twists and turns to make things difficult. I love being able to see stuff on a case by case basis and the developing relationships between each set of characters. The quality of acting is absolutely top notch. As leads, Jong Suk, Suzy, Hae In and Sang Yeob did such a great job. The surprise twist just add to the incredible acting and make it a legendary drama in my eyes

Pinocchio (2014)

~ I love this series a lot. Good to see Jong-Suk and Da-Reum again. Acting is absolutely phenomenal. Did I expect what was going on? No. Did that make it really fun to watch? Hell yeah. From emotive backstories to quirky side characters, Pinocchio is probably a perfect definition of romantic comedy. The general plot is very intruiging, with plenty of twists to make it a great watch. Seeing the building of relationships between all of the characters is very nice. Altogether a great series

W (2016)

~ I tried my best to stick with it and watch it through, though I only managed 10/16 episodes. If second-hand embarrassment makes you suffer, the first 3 episodes are near constant suffering. The drama is very strange. In my opinion it is also very slow at times, and at those times you’ll watch an episode and it feels like nothing has happened and its almost like an hour down the drain. Again, just my opinion but I find the plot very irritating at times for many reasons. One of those reasons is the amount of plot twists. Plot twists are great, but there is a limit, and I think part of why it feels so slow is because after so many changes, it gets quite boring. The whole series is 16 hours of full-on tension in my opinion. It is also quite confusing at times because they will jump between not only the real and cartoon worlds, but between times too. Random flashbacks make it quite confusing. The only thing that ever so slightly saves it is Lee Jong Suk’s acting, though I still can’t finish it

~ with some reflection and a bit of a break, I have now finished the series. To be fair, when you get to episode 11 onwards, the series gets quite interesting. The rest of the series was a very fun watch, I think it’s just the beginning of the series that is a little slow. It actually gets really exciting, and although I still think that there are a lot of plot twists, they make more sense and feel more planned out than the previous episodes. They all contributed to the story, rather than feeling out of place and just shaking everything up constantly. Altogether I think the series is good now I’ve finished it. 

Strong Woman Do Bong Soon (2017)

~ I think this turned into my favourite drama so far! This is honestly such a masterpiece. Its the first romantic comedy that is truly a comedy, not just pure romance or more awkward and embarrassing than comedic. Spent so long laughing at this series. The characters are all amazing, acting is impeccable, links between characters are great and there’s plenty oh mystery around it too. Cannot recommend this series enough if you want a good laugh paired with romance and a touch of jealousy

True Beauty (2020)

~ Another disclaimer, I didn’t get all the way through the series so I’m only commenting on the parts I have seen. If I’m honest, I wasn’t a huge fan of this series. I only stopped watching because I could sense the same thing happening over and over, and the amount of misunderstandings was insane. A misunderstanding makes an interesting point in most dramas but there were just way too many, to the point where I feel that Joo Gyeong isn’t even taken into account at times. Otherwise I think it’s an okay series, your stereotypical love triangle that gets more complicated by the second. Looking back, I think that it may just not be my kind of drama generally.

Doom At Your Service (2021)

~ I thought the story was absolutely beautiful. I did get slightly bored at times though. It almost runs off two separate stories, the main story, about Dong Kyeong’s journey, knowing she is dying of cancer and then her relationship with Doom (Myeol Mang), and a side story which I think takes all of the spotlight at times, about Dong Kyeong’s writer best friend and the love triangle she is in with two best friends. I kind of think that the second storyline overtook the main storyline sometimes, and at times made the whole thing feel very slow. The characters of both Dong Kyeong and Doom are so unique, I adore them a lot. There’s one plot twist in there, which I won’t say for spoilers sakes, but it’s the one of the few kinds of plot twist I absolutely can’t stand. To be fair, they covered it really well in my opinion and instead of simply complicating the story, it adds to it and does make an interesting twist in the story. One thing I must mention too, which you wouldn’t understand unless you’ve watched it, is KEVIN IS AN ABSOLUTE LEGEND. 

Boys Over Flowers

~ I haven’t got very far into this but will update as I progress. So far it’s so cool. I’m only a few episodes in but its already incredible. I’ve heard many good things and so far it’s all making a lot of sense. The love triangle is absolutely hilarious, and so far quite confusing. I’m sure It’ll clear up more as the episodes progress. Its so funny and I love Jan Di. I also hate Jun Pyo with all of my heart and I hope he learns a very big lesson.

~Now I’ve finished the series I’m absolutely in love with it. It’s such a fascinating series. I had heard many good things about it and see it as a true classic. All the characters are so unique. At times my heart felt like it was in tatters, especially for Ji Hoo. The storyline is great, there’s plenty of plot twists, each adding an interesting spin. The end twist really came at me by surprise but finished in such a heart-warming fashion. It’s great if you like your typical awkward romance with plenty of misunderstandings. I will add that my respect for Ji Hoo is through the roof, and I’ve never had less respect for a character like Jun Pyo’s mum. She dug herself into a whole and is never coming out. Not going to spoil anything but couldn’t recommend more!!

[demonlikejudgeoffire]

crashes through your wall wait i got another one opal are you up to writing some Pygmalion and Galatea flavored yoohan

solca you know that I am Always up to writing yoohan and the Pygmalion myth has been bouncing around my head for months (tho I'd originally planned on doing it as a sketch lol)

(vague ORV epilogue spoilers below the cut, though this is an AU)

Writing Ways of Survival takes more out of Han Sooyoung than she'd ever expected going into it. It had been a pet project that had begun sometime in her (very) early teens, scrawled in the margins of her notebooks and handouts. She cringes sometimes, thinking back to those early chapters, written with the confidence of a child believing that they were going to be the next bestselling author—she'd been right, of course, but that had come with time and practice. 

Still, even with that self-awareness, Han Sooyoung is proud of the long nights and the years of work she's put into her novel. She's always loved her story, and it's that love that has sustained her through everything that's happened since. It's the reason she updated it regularly, even though her other novel, the one actually written under her name, was the one that everyone liked. It's the reason she kept writing even though only one other person was interested in it. But…it's not the only reason, nor is WoS the only thing she loves.

When she writes Yoo Joonghyuk, it feels like he truly does come to life, like he's the one making his own decisions. There are so many times when a scene turns out differently than she'd plotted it out, and she has to change everything accordingly. She writes, and it's like she can see his face in front of her.

And then, he is. In front of her.

His hair falls perfectly on his forehead as he looks around her room, brows furrowed. His lips slant into a frown, and his hand (broad, calloused, scarred) falls to the hilt of his sword. He asks, "A new scenario?"

His gaze sharpens when he sees her. In the blink of an eye, his sword is drawn and pointed at her. Mouth dry, she stares up the length of the blade and finds his face dark; confusion and anger war in his expression. "You. Who are you?"

"Me?" Han Sooyoung can't help but laugh, disbelieving, even as his eyes narrow. "I'm the one who wrote you."

Before she can say another word, his hands are clenched in the front of her shirt. She hangs in the air, her feet kicking uselessly. She scrabbles against his grip but is powerless to break free.

"You're the one behind the scenarios?" Yoo Joonghyuk asks darkly.

"Let me—let me down and we can talk," she gasps.

He scrutinises her face, then looks her over. Likely deeming her not to be a threat, he lets go of her shirt. Han Sooyoung grunts as she falls to the ground. "You could have done that more gently," she complains bitterly, rubbing her butt as she stands. "That's probably going to bruise tomorrow, damn it."

He ignores her grumbling, of course. Her protagonist was supposed to be an asshole, especially in the latter scenarios, and particularly towards people who weren't his companions.

He sheaths his sword, but that hardly means anything when she'd just seen how quickly he could draw it. Glaring at her, he says, "Talk."

What else can she do but talk?

The explanation goes something like this: Han Sooyoung created Yoo Joonghyuk. She wrote his life into being. Every miserable event and death was because of her. Every regression was because of her. It was a painful story, but it was one where the protagonist always survived. He had to survive.

"Why?"

Han Sooyoung hesitates here. Less verbosely, she tells the story of a lonely boy.

Yoo Joonghyuk is silent for a time afterwards, hand clenched around the grip of his sword. Then, he asks, voice quiet, "Why me? Why am I here?"

The original outline for this scene had been vaguest here. She'd struggled to fill it in, before giving up and starting to write, thinking she'd figure it out as she went, the way she always did. That hadn't happened. Han Sooyoung bites her lip.

"You're here," she says slowly, "because your story has ended."

His brows draw together. "I'm still alive," he replies blankly.

"You—you were never meant to die," Han Sooyoung exclaims quickly. "Your story isn't the same as your life. Even after books end, the characters live on. Maybe the pages are finished, but that doesn't mean that they cease to exist, right?" She doesn't even realise it, but she's halfway to pleading as she says it. "Your story ending doesn't mean that you're gone. But I didn't want—I don't want to stop writing about you. And—" she searches his face "—you wanted to see who was behind the curtain, right? To find out why you were destined to regress and struggle through the scenarios. I finished the epilogue but it felt cruel to just. Leave you there. This was just supposed to be like, a fun extra. 'Character meets the author' is a pretty popular trope nowadays, and I thought that guy might like it and—"

"Answer the question," he says, cutting her off. "Why me?"

"Because you're you," she says, before her brain can catch up to her mouth. "I mean. Uh."

Yoo Joonghyuk's still holding his sword. She squeezes her eyes shut and says quickly, "You're my favourite character."

Silence. She cracks open one eye and peeks out at him. His expression doesn't look too murderous, so she continues hesitantly. "I don't mean it the way the constellations do, I swear. I just. When I first wrote you, I was just a kid, you know? You were supposed to just be some OP power fantasy protag. I thought I'd write a few chapters and move on to some other WIP. But I loved writing you. You were so—you never gave up. Even when you had nothing, when you lost the people important to you, you had the strength to try again. You were everything I needed to inspire me to keep writing, just. Rolled into one character. How could I not fall in love with you?"

"But I wasn't...real," he says.

"I wanted you to be. Desperately. Even if it meant that every horrible thing I wrote actually happened to you, seeing you here, in the flesh—" she's shaking, she has to be "—it's like a dream come true."

Maybe this is a dream. Maybe she's finally collapsed from overwork the way her editor is always fussing she will, and this is some exhaustion-fuelled hallucination. Still, it had hurt when he dropped her, so maybe...

She reaches out. His skin is warm under her palm. His eyes track her movement. She steps closer, then closer still.

"I should kill you," he murmurs. "Why don't I hate you more for what you did?"

She laughs, dizzy and giddy all at once, and drunk on the feeling of it. Her fingertips find his cheekbones, his mouth, his tongue when his lips part. Closer. She needs to be closer.

"Every act of creation is one of love," she whispers. "How can that creation not love its creator?"

[mirambles]

Currently Watching Kdrama Update:

1. Extraordinary Attorney Woo: I haven’t voiced my thoughts on this drama here because it got popular too quick and fans of the drama were unable to accept any criticism of this drama. I guess the euphoria has died down given how this drama has fallen into the formulaic Kdrama trap forgetting what it has started out to do. The writer is completely confused.

It was supposed to tell us Woo’s story, how autistic people face discrimination and how she grows as a lawyer tackling the personal & professional challenges. The legal cases were very good until episode 6 and then they went downhill. Then they introduced too many tracks - second lead romance & love triangle, back story for the mean guy, boss’s illness. But the worst bit of the drama and something that has made me extremely uncomfortable is making Tae SuMi a villain - she was literally forced to have a child she did not want. She has full rights to not want a child - given how women’s rights are being attacked all over, what the writer has done here is great disservice to the women and their choice!

The romance was the sweetest part of this drama and even that has been ruined with the typical family and breakup melodrama. I honestly couldn’t care now if Woo and JunHo end up together or not, it’s so Kdrama cliche to cause unnecessary breakups. I loved the girl friendships and Kang Ki Young, his dynamic with Woo is one of my favourite bits. But they reduced both these aspects so much post episode 8, that I have nothing to look forward to in this drama now.

I even have my views on EunBin’s portrayal of an autistic character, and even though I like EunBin, I haven’t been able to connect to her performance, because autistic characters in other dramas / series touched me more - Move To Heaven and As We See It being my favourite ones. So conclusion , my mixed feelings in Ep1-3 went to liking the drama in Ep4-6, and post that it’s just been downhill for me. No where close to making it to my Top20 or will rewatch many times lists.

2. Goblin : I finally caved in and started watching this drama to understand why it is so popular. I’m 6 episodes in this drama and I’m struggling. The lead pair romance is a no-go for me. The female lead is shown to be 18-19, a high school senior. The ML (ignoring he is actually a zillion years old) is around his mid30s. I wouldn’t be fussed if a 20 something adult was dating a 40+ , but she is in school. How on earth are people swooning over their romance? Also Kim GoEun who am generally neutral to, is unbearable to watch as the cutesy teenager. She is not pulling this off. Everyone raves about the bromance and yes it is good, but I have watched far more KDramas where bromance was far better. LDW has only one expression on his face. Gong Yoo is literally saving this drama, but him a middle aged man falling for a school girl doesn’t make me want to watch his romantic scenes at all. I don’t think I will finish this, or probably skip a lot and watch to see how it all ends.

3. Chicago Typewriter : Only managed 5 episodes and I have liked what I saw except the actress who has not impressed me at all. She is rather expressionless. Yoo Ah In is stealing the show in every frame and scene he comes on screen. The soundtrack is lovely, and the story is very intriguing. I really need to get cracking on this one.

4. If You Wish Upon Me : I’m very biased to Ji Chang Wook, but post Suspicious Partner I have not liked any of his dramas. LoveStruck in the City was good in parts, but he really needs a good stylist, the panache, the head turning persona from Healer and SP has been missing for me. I’m not sure I like his look in this drama, but in the first 2 episodes his acting has been top notch. He has nailed every scene and his dynamic with Sung Dong Il is superb. The female lead is cute and doesn’t take shit from anyone. Anyways too early to judge - the premise seems like a blend of Move to Heaven and Chocolate. I had liked both the dramas - very hopeful and positive, despite the grim subject matter they tackled. Let’s see how this one goes.

[headphonemouse]

Commentary for chapters 332-349

Ch. 332

Yoo Joonghyuk opened his transcendence and trampled on Ares' incarnation body. It was fortunate that Yoo Joonghyuk came back at a good timing.

"The Earth side is all sorted out?"

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't answer. Ares struggled and his face twisted as he was trampled on by a pair of boots.

Once again gathering evidence for my horse yjh agenda

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Ch. 334

「 (You will die like this.) 」

This was the screen of the vibrating smartphone. I felt the rising waves against my toes and raised my smartphone.

「 (Originally, the fourth revision should've been sent… I think something went wrong.) 」

I knew who was talking. The librarians of the library inside the Fourth Wall. Perhaps they were the ones who sent this.

「 (This is all I can do to help. Even if it is only partly.) 」

There was light interference and sentences rose from the LCD screen. It was as if the contents of the book were summarized.

Did the librarians write the revisions?

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The scene of Kim Dokja saving Yoo Sangah by a miracle only possible for him, it is like Jaehwan and Mino

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Ch. 343

A single portrait was painted by a large number of people. It looked like a banquet of artisans gathered to sculpt a single complete work of art. I was amazed that so many people remembered my mother.

This is what orv is to kdj

Some gazes killed a presence. After some scenarios started, the incarnations died before the eyes of many constellations. They were exposed, peeped at and forced to follow the constellations' desires. Now, these gazes were saving someone.

WAUGH

I stroked Lee Gilyoung's head for a long time and Lee Gilyoung looked up at me helplessly. Shin Yoosung, who was staring at the scene, grabbed my hand and placed it on her head.

I cant wait for this scene to get adapted

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Ch. 344

After entering the game company and becoming independent at home, his* life changed a bit. She also met an interesting person.

「 "Yoo Sangah-ssi. Do you have a mobile phone charger?" 」

The man with a thin face who borrowed her charger.

This 'thin face' description, is it referring to his physical traits or is it the saying that means 'to be shameless'? Because in this situation it seems to be the latter. Shamelessly approaching a coworker he's not that close to in order to borrow a charger, he has his priorities.

*this is referring to Yoo Sangah. It's a translation error

「 "I won't participate in the picnic. I hate climbing mountains the most." 」

Is it because of his time in the military?

XD Then KimCom made him go on the company picnic in the mountains. Whose idea was that?

"Why… was he always looking at the phone with a variety of expressions?"

An expressive reader

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Ch. 345

In order to reach the end of the scenario, it was necessary to accumulate the probability well and not be hated by the Star Stream.

Wait. Probability. That's. Isn't it a measure of how likely a reader is to drop the story? I've always understood it as "how likely a thing could happen" but that doesn't make much sense. Anything can happen in a book. But if the characters' actions are constrained by whether or not the action will make the story lose viewership, then it makes more sense to be so wary of it. It's the tightrope authors constantly walk to tell an exciting, surprising story while not driving their audience away. In ORV, going against probability does not reverse their actions. After saving a person that was not meant to be saved, a probability storm will not strike them dead. But there are other consequences to their actions. If a story cannot exist without a reader, then the characters cannot reach the end of their scenarios if they go against probability too much, because their reader will leave

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I cant believe KDJ's entire recap of what's going on during ch. 345 is being narrated while he's suffering from a probability storm. And he will continue to suffer for 2 more days?

He's calling this time boring

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Ch. 346

I slept comfortably. It was as deep as when I had been forcibly confined. It felt like fluffy feathers were wrapped around my head. Or maybe someone came into my head and cleared up all the uncomfortable worries.

「 (Dokja-ssi, it is a big deal. Dokja-ssi.) 」

A mysterious voice rang in my head and I got out of bed in a startled manner. A hospital room with no one inside. My skin was tanned after being burnt by the sparks."

Lots of things to talk about here. Now we don't have time to unpack all of that

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Ch. 348

I looked at the people with my horns and wings. [Look at my appearance. Do I look special?] The people were looking up at me with bemused eyes. It was as if they were looking for something inherently special in my appearance. Someone muttered, "…Can we become that?" [You never know what will happen before any scenario ends. Don't give up until the end.]

Hey? Hey Kim Dokja. Generic salary man #2584285067 Kim Dokja. Reader-insert Kim Dokja. Are you aware of your words? Are you aware of who you're speaking to? The incarnations? The readers? This is a bit too on the nose. ORV's got a message and you'd have to have been asleep the whole novel to miss it

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Ch. 349

"Then is Sangah unni alive?" Lee Jihye muttered while sitting down. She couldn't seem to believe it and asked again several times. Shin Yoosung and Lee Gilyoung had tears in their eyes. Lee Hyunsung was standing next to them like a bear.

I really like the way Lee Hyunsung is always hovering around the kids or in their midst, protecting them in and out of all the fighting