#theres so much left for our brains to just fill in the blanks

[quartzitess]

They're still there. They're in there. They're in they're body but yet they're so far gone. the infections like a parasite and yet two was trying to fight it, they were scared and they wanted gaty. Not just to protect her but to feel the person that they felt close and comfortable around, and to take them both to the couch, they could've went for anyone. But they went for GATY. they could've killed her but they didn't. There's something so strangely endearing about that. Truly. Even when they're voice is being used to lure gaty in a sense I feel two geniunely wanted to help, they're so far gone, the little details, not just with how they move but with how they SPEAK. they're practically the host for a parasite and yet. They're still there.

[battlinghurricanes]

LITYERSES HEADCANONS!!!!!!!

I saw some other headcanon posts for him, so I felt inspired to throw my own ideas out there! I think some of my headcanons are pretty different from the ones a lot of people have of him, but I always like reading other people’s ideas so hopefully people will like this too!

(also theres a lot, this is long *cough* my bad)

- After the incident in The Lost Hero, after Midas dies, Lityerses is homeless. His father’s mansion is destroyed and it’s not like he has anyone to turn to.

- They mention in The Lost Hero that the Hunters of Artemis came across Midas and Lityerses earlier. When they did, Lityerses heard in passing about Camp Half-Blood. It’s the only place meant for demigods that he has even the slightest knowledge on, so he sets his sights on making it there.

- It takes eight grim months to reach New York. It’s half a miracle, slowly taking busses, hitchhiking, and sometimes just walking to the next city. Monsters attack him the entire way and he adds plenty of new scars to his collection.

- There’s no reliable way for him to get money. He gets much, much better at using his powers as a son of Demeter. He uses it to grow fruits, vegetables, and any sort of edible plant so he can at least have food of some kind.

- He goes to New York City because he doesn’t know what else to do. He doesn’t even know if the Hunters were talking about the city or the state but he figures he has to start somewhere. Unfortunately, the Triumvirate notices his presence before anyone from Camp Half-Blood does.

- He follows some demigods to Nero, who sent them to collect him. He offers a position working for the Triumvirate in exchange for food, lodging, and other basic support. Lityerses is tired and he wants to sleep in a bed and have proper meals he doesn’t have to worry about acquiring.

- He accepts, not caring if what the Triumvirate is doing is shitty or not. Nero sends him to Indianapolis to work for Commodus.

- Apollo’s decision to give him another chance was very affecting. Especially coming from ancient times when the stories of the gods on earth were far more real and immediate, he knows very well how the gods could treat mortals as simply disposable.

- He had never questioned his belief that any mortal who got wrapped up in business with a god suffered a horrible fate because of it, whether the god intended it or not.

- But then Apollo saved his life and defended him at the Waystation and told him he trusted him and Lityerses’s mind keeps drifting back to him over and over and over.

- His mind wants to reconcile what Apollo did for him with what he knows about the gods. He can’t, and that makes him feel a great many things that he can’t pin down. Apollo decided to care about him when he had no reason to, and he doesn’t know what that means for him.

- He feels a twinge of gratitude whenever he steps into the sunlight and pulse of anxiety whenever he wonders if he’s okay on his quest.

- He thinks about Meg, his little sister, and hopes they’re keeping each other safe.

- Lityerses can occasionally seem really dull, indifferent, or unresponsive because he gives super minimal reactions to things sometimes, but that’s really not the case.

- Being in the modern world for him is sort of like a slight, but near constant sensory overload. Sometimes, his brain is too busy processing other stuff to fully load up an emotional response. He’ll react to something in his mind but he won’t express it outwardly at all.

- Leo, running up: Wanna help me strap a firework to a crossbow bolt and try to shoot it into the office building across the street to see if it’ll blow up in there?!!!!!     Lityerses, with a completely flat voice and blank expression: I think that’s a very bad idea.

- It’s definitely not all the time, but it does happen.

- (Me? Projecting sensory issues onto every character I like? It’s more likely than you think.)

- He has a very “go with the flow” attitude, to the point of being a character flaw sometimes. It can make him easy to manipulate.

- (Commodus: hey lityerses go put this barbed wire and war helmets and metal teeth on these ostriches     Liyerses, in his head: uhuh uhuh uhuh uhuh yeah cool got it i hope i still have some fingers left tomorrow)

- He’s working on it though. He’s working on it.

- One side effect of this is that whenever Leo makes some pop culture or meme reference, Lityerses will just nod and agree. It takes Leo forever to realise that he was just lying going along with it.

- *mid conversation*  Lityerses: I’d go get some food, but I don’t have any money     Leo: dude, you’re literally just the 69 cents vine, not enough for chicken nuggets     Lityerses: oh, for sure     Calypso, overhearing: wait, you understood that??     Lityerses: no, I’ve never understood a single word that’s left leo’s mouth       Leo: what?!!!! but you said you understood my reference to that dril tweet the other day, right?!      Lityerses: yeah, of course      Calypso: what’s a dril tweet??      Lityerses: I don’t know.       Leo: YOU TRAITOR

- Another side effect: he’s a complete pushover for Georgie.

- At one point, when some of the Waystation crew are walking out in the city, she complains that she’s tired and wants to be carried. When her moms gently refuse, she immediately goes over to Lityerses and holds her arms out and says that she’s tired. He doesn’t even stop walking, he just swoops her up and puts her on his shoulder right away.

- Hemithia and Jo glare at him but he just avoids eye contact. “She’s already up there, too much effort to put her down now.”

- He was in the Fields of Punishment in the Underworld and wow was it incredibly traumatizing.

- His memories of death are sickeningly agonizing, but they also usually feel distant and unreal. Sometimes, though, they’ll worm their way into his dreams with horrific clarity. He’ll wake up in a cold sweat, hyperventilating, with full body tremors he can’t control.

- One morning after waking up like that, while sitting on the floor regaining his composure, Hemithea comes in to see why he wasn’t up yet. He pulls himself together in due time. He doesn’t answer any of her questions.

- He never talks about it, but he’s truly terrified of dying. He never was before, but now that he knows what’s waiting for him...

- It doesn’t help that he knows that, no matter how careful he is or how well he defends himself, he could die at any moment if Thanatos decides to bring him back to the Underworld.

- It weighs on the back of his mind that, at least on a technical level, he has no right to be alive. Sometimes he can’t help but think that the things he does now don’t matter in the end, because there’s no reason he would get a second judgement when he does eventually return to the Underworld.

- He does his best to shut that down and remind himself that trying to do the right thing helps the people around him, no matter what happens after his death, but the thought exists and it is painful.

- He really never voices these fears because he feels like all he can really do is try not to think about it, and when he does, he tries to forget as soon as he can. It’s a burden he shoulders as quietly as he can.

- He isn’t used to owning a lot of material possessions, both from how he lived in ancient times and then from being homeless for a while. He’s only ever described wearing that Cornhuskers shirt because it’s the only one he owned for a while.

- Not long after joining the Waystation, the first time he was going out somewhere them, Jo snapped that it just made him look stupid, trying to look tough by going without a coat when it was so cold outside. Earnestly confused and defensive, he tells her that he just doesn’t own one.

- After that, she insists on filling his wardrobe until he has enough clothes.

- (Speaking of the Cornhuskers shirt, he just picked it out on a whim, sort of thinking of Demeter (They grow corn here like we used to grow wheat, right?) and sort of just thinking it looked cool. Olujime once tried to talk to him about how some college teams were doing and Lityerses just goes “What’s football?”)

- He doesn’t really get modern fashion trends. Leo offers to catch him up, but he declines very quickly.

- In ancient times, dyes and patterns available for clothes were much more limited and much more expensive. He’s fascinated by all the colors and prints people can wear just all the time now. Lityerses wears a lot of bright colors because he thinks they’re cool and fun. He likes red, blue, and purple the most but he’ll wear a lot of stuff.

- Along with not really following any trends, he also hasn’t picked up on a lot of unspoken gender connotations that come with modern clothing.

- When the Waystation are first trying to get him some clothes, he picks out a pink jacket and Leo snorts at him like “You’re going for pink?” Lityerses just stares at him like “Yeah. It’s just pink.” Leo sort of realizes and goes, “Oh, it’s just, you know...” to Calypso. But Calypso is also just staring blankly and says, “No I don’t. I don’t get it. Is there something about pink?” And Leo notices Hemithea glaring daggers at him and he laughs nervously and goes, “Nevermind, it was a stupid joke anyway.”

- Hemithia: Leave the ancient demigod and ex-titan blissfully unaware of our complex, modern gender stereotypes.    Leo, sweating: gotcha.

- He pretty much just wears what he finds comfortable. Generally it’s just t-shirts with jeans or basketball shorts.

- Lityerses is a super clingy sleeper and will reflexively grab on to anything within arms reach while he’s asleep. (He’s a big spoon by nature.)

- Leo discovers this and now, whenever Lityerses falls asleep on one of the couches, he’ll entertain himself by slowly pushing a pillow up to him until he inevitably grabs it and pulls it against his chest.

- No one gets those pillows back until Lityerses wakes up.

- He’s very buff. His muscles aren’t super defined, nothing at all like a bodybuilder, no six pack abs or anything. But he’s built. Thick arms.

- He’s very limber and flexible too. He has great balance, which lets him move as fast as he does in combat. He’s quite physically fit in general.

- He’ll never admit it, but he ended up getting attached to the highlights in his hair he got when Apollo revealed his godly form. He thought they were fun and different and he sort of missed it when his hair grew out.

[dinolikes]

IMPOSTER- PART TWO

summery ❤︎ Nobody has any quirks and are stuck on a ship like among us

pairings ❤︎ Imposter!Dabi x Reader

content warnings ❤︎ major character death

| prev. |

you sobbed into dabi's chest as hawks and ingeniumu covered thirteens body with a sheet, everyone looking over, some with tears, and some with just a blank look, like they were still processing it.

it was silent for a long time before ingeniumu cleared his throat and looked up, everyone seeing the ghost of tears in his eyes, "we have to call h-headquarters," his voice cracked but he stood tall, he would make a great captain one day, even with his pushover attitude.

you were crowded in the cafeteria, a computer resting on the table with headquarters on the line.

"im sorry to say this but you have an imposter."

you shook your head, you refused to believe it, how could these people, your FRIENDS, who you've lived with for a year, how could they be imposters?

though you shouldnt be surprised, the league has been gaining members, rarely any ship didnt have at least ONE imposter, some even having as much as three, you just thought you guys were the exception.

"twice, hawks, you searched thirteens body correct?" a voice came through the screen.

"yes sir," hawks quietly muttered.

"was everything in place?"

"he didnt have the vent key."

the vent key, really easy to pass through, was originally made for people to quickly go from room to rooms, but after the rise of imposters who started using it to sneak up on people, only one person was allowed to use it per day.

the voice cursed, "very well." a sigh could be heard, "well you know the drill," you did, you just didnt like it, "if you suspect someone, send them out and let them die," you gulped.

you didnt know if you could do that, even knowing that someone here murdered thirteen, you learned to care for each of them, even weirdo itchy snatch tomura. you didnt know if you could just send them into space to suffocate. even the thought made you sick.

"until then, we'll need you to finish your tasks fast, we'll have you home by the end of the day, which means the imposter will probably try to kill faster today. watch out." with that a beep was heard, signaling that you were disconnected.

a grim silence filled the room.

hawks finally spoke up, "which one of you assholes did it?"

dabi glared at the taller man, "fuck you dude, how do we know you didnt do it?"

hawks took a step closer, "bold accusations from someone who seems to hate everyone!"

"why would I kill one of the only people I actually like in this shithole?"

"because he had the vent key dumbass!"

"hey!" twice yelled.

hawks glowered at him, "oh yeah, how could we forget twice here? you found the body right? meaning you were the last one to see him? why DID you decide to check on him huh?"

"why would I come to you guys then?!"

"i dunno, to throw off suspicion maybe?"

you finally snapped "stop it!" everyone's heads shot towards you, "thirteen is dead," you choked out, "and I know thay we're all upset but we just have to finish today's tasks and then we're back home, okay?"

everyone stared, until deku started nodding, "y-yeah! just today's tasks left! then we'll go home and catch the imposter and we'll be fine!"

"what makes you so sure we'll catch him once we get home idiot?"

deku stared up confusingly at kaachan, "dont we have cameras?"

ingeniumu looked at his friend "obviously deku but whatre you getting at?"

"our cameras have memory sticks," shoto spoke up quietly, "when they're connected into one of headquarters machines, you can access all of what it caught,"

deku nodded rapidly, "exactly!"

your eyes lit up, "deku your a genius!" you grabbed his head and gave him a big smooch on the forehead, leaving him a red and stuttering mess.

dabi tsk'ed, "c'mere,' he grabbed you hand and pulled you towards him, wrapping you hands around you and resting his head on your shoulder.

you rolled your eyes playfully at his jealous nature.

"fine. we finish our task but if another person is found dead we're booting someone off." with that, hawks stormed off.

you tried not to go too harsh on him, you knew hawks looked up to thirteen, and beneath that cocky demeanor, he really was soft.

knowing that though, you couldnt help but feel some fear and resentment.

fear because you didnt think you could kill off one of your own and resentment because you knew hawks would make you do exactly that.

"we should have a plan," ingeniumu speaks up, "4 groups of two who continue on and do their tasks, and I think twice should be on security, just incase the imposter attacks again," everyone nods.

"i'll go with wonder," dabi states, already grabbing your hand,

"dont you think you'll get distracted with...other things?" tomura smirks, dabi clenching your hand in his.

"fuck. off."

"oo feisty~"

dabi glares, "yknow you dont really seem to care much that thirteens dead!"

tomura's eyes flash a dangerous color and he leans forward.

"the FUCK did you just say?"

"you heard me you fucking incel,"

"stop!" ingeniumu yells, "tomura is right, you guys do get quite distracted, wonder is with hawks, dabi your with shoto. ill go with tomura and that leaves deku and kaachan, with twice on security. let's go!"

dabi grumbles but goes with his brother as you lightly kiss him on the cheek and go with hawks.

you cant help but think about how amazing that kid is gonna be when hes older as a captain of his own ship.

you and hawks head off, both of you checking your list and stopping by rooms, the other waiting as they finish their task and repeating, until hawks sighed.

"how are you dating that asshole?"

you laugh, "hes not too bad once he likes you,"

"and what? he just doesn't like me?"

"exactly."

"what if he didnt like thirteen?" your smile drops instantly.

"hawks..."

"I'm just saying!"

"well STOP saying! I know dabi and he wouldnt betray me like that, so whatever accusations you have against MY boyfriend, I dont wanna here it," you scowl as you check your notebook, and started heading forward, "c'mon. I have to do wires in electrical."

hawks stayed quiet through the walk, as you stormed forward, wanting to get as much away from him as possible without ACTUALLY losing him. if you were being honest you were scared of going off alone.

as you walked in electrical you instantly went towards the wires, not noticing hawks standing in the doorway,

"wonder?"

"yes hawks?" you snap.

"I just saw someone vent." you pause and turn around.

"where and who?!"

"I dont know! I just saw the vent close when we walked in here and since Thirteen had the key before he died, that means that only the imposter can vent!"

"fuck! why would they vent though?!"

hawks paused. "maybe they killed someone again."

tears filled your eyes as you started searching the dark room, almost tripping over something, you only briefly looked up but you choked back a sob.

it was a foot.

"hawks!"

he came running towards you from behind the wall and saw the foot, gulping as he turned on the flashlight.

there say ingeniumu, with his throat slashed.

you couldnt hold back the cry that left your throat as hawks pulled you in for a hug, mostly to hide his own tears.

"what's going on in here?" you heard dabi's voice and you lifted you head to see him and shoto.

he looked mad but when hawks gestured with his flashlight towards the body, the brief flash letting both of the boys see, dabi understood.

"c'mere baby," he grabbed you quickly and held you tight as you sobbed into his chest, dabi looked up at his brother, "shoto can you call a meeting?" he asked softly. you assumed shoto nodded because there were no other words spoken.

there you all sat again, in cafeteria.

you were sniffling as dabi played with your hair, you holding shoto close as he leaned into you, still in shock of seeing his friend's lifeless corpse like that.

deku stood tall and didnt bother to hide the tears streaming down his face and even kaachan was caught sniffling a bit.

twice sat quietly in the corner, with his elbows on his knees.

hawks though, was red in the face from anger. and the victim of his anger was none other than tomura.

"you were teamed up with him fuckface!"

tomura simply shrugged, "I got bored and wanted to check on twice, see if he was alive,"

"well he is! but your partner fucking isnt!" hawks jammed his finger against the other mans chest, "and I think YOURE the cause!"

tomura raised his eyebrows, "I was with twice, right twice?" he did a 180 to stare hard at twice who looked up slightly and slowly nodded. that seemed to please tomura though as he turned back around, "see?"

"that doesnt mean shit! you were supposed to be with him!"

"but I wasnt."

"but you WERE! that's why the kid is dead!"

"I say we vote." shoto's voice was muffled by your neck and dabi's chest, where he was currently crammed in, but it was still intelligible.

you raise your head and wipe a few stray tears, "I think that's smart sho,"

you all nod and murmur in agreement.

"fine then. let's vote." hawks glares at tomura one last time, "who says skip?"

tomura, twice and shoto raise their hands.

"i dont think theres enough evidence." shoto explains and you nod, quietly telling him that theres nothing wrong with his belief.

hawks has a slight triumph look on his face, "who says that tomura is a fucking psychopath who likes to murder children!"

"murder a child. thirteen is practically twice my age" tomura corrects, "and besides I didn't do it."

hawks rolls his eyes, "whatever, everyone just vote."

you, dabi, hawks, deku and kaachan raise your hand, making you guys the winner.

"perfect." hawks drags tomura over to the ejecting room, usually used for heavier garbage that didnt fit in the disposal.

as you all surrounding the glass wall that separated you and tomura you cried a bit more.

sure you hated this dude but you still KNEW him!

"anything left to say sicko?" hawks glared at the smiling tomura.

"maybe you arent as much of a bird brain as I thought hawks. good job, you win," he does a slight bow like this was a performance before hawks pulls the lever, tomura's body flying out before hawks closed it again.

"he admitted to it." deku stated simply.

"yeah."

| next |

[sebsallowapologist]

Pothos Part: 5

Hi.... so I finally did it, sorry for the weight! Life can be pretty crazy even when you’re inside your own apartment so please be nice! Tell me what you think!

If you would like to read the first four parts of Pothos you can do it HERE.

All of a sudden my hair stood on my arms, my eyes darted around my room so fast that everything was a blur. I had tunnel vision, where was he? My whole body shook and it felt like I was going to throw up my entire stomach. I stumble out of the bed and crash into my nightstand, stumbling forward into my living room, frantically looking for what I knew wasn’t here.

There was no one here, no one standing in the kitchen or sitting on my couch. Why would he be? He didn’t belong here.

Once my eyes confirmed what I knew, I just let myself break. It had taken me years to become something that resembled a functioning human behind and now I was back to square one. Maybe even worse. I grab the wall and slide down, my ass hitting the floor a little harder than what was comfortable. I was fucked. I already knew I would never be normal again, but who was going to help me now? I couldn’t let my dad know I let it happen again, my mother would try to visit and lord knows that would just make me feel worse.

Or hell- maybe I’d made it all up. Maybe I spent last night walking around my apartment in a pretty dress talking to no one. I’m not even sure if that was better or worse.

My lungs start screaming at me- reminding me I needed air to survive. I mean to take in a deep breath which just comes as a gasp, which leads to another gasp, and another, until I’m taking in air and pushing it out faster than my lungs can handle. I must look like an idiot, on the floor of my apartment hyperventilating about a ghost.

I dig my nails into my arm to try and center myself, but it doesn’t work. My mom always told me that if you were in pain to pinch yourself and your brain would get distracted, but my nails weren’t long enough to inflict any real pain, nothing that could rival how my empty chest felt.

My hands went into my hair and pulled at the root, looking for the desired effect until I heard his panicked voice, “Bella?”

My neck snaps up and I see him, I was seeing things again- officially. The angel in my living room looked anxious. “Bella are you alright?” He asks, setting the plastic bag he was carrying on the floor and in an instant he was sitting next to me. I jump out of my skin when his hands are all of a sudden touching my face. “Are you hurt?” He asks and I can’t describe the feeling.

“Bella stop gasping.” He says. I didn’t know I was still doing that. He picks up my hand and places it on the center of my chest. “Deep breath in.” He says and I try to mimic that. His chest pushes out on the inhale and I try to do that. He exhales again and I close my eyes, trying to focus on that. I start breathing normally and a small part of my brain wonders how he’s breathing so deeply so close to me. That had to be a sign this wasn’t real.

My hand curls and brings the light cotton shirt he’s wearing into my fist. “Bella, are you alright?” He asks again and puts his hand on my forehead. “You left?” I ask and he nods. “You didn’t have much in the way of food- and I was going to make you breakfast. I wasn’t gone long.” He says and I nod.

“I thought you left.” I sigh and let his shirt go, dropping my hand. “Oh, Bella.” He breaths and I’m immediately embarrassed. I must look like a toddler who had a temper tantrum. “Sorry.” I mumble and lean on the wall. “Next time text me or something.” I say and he nods. He stays on the floor with me, looking anxious.

I put my hand on the wall to help me up and he follows me, slowly going back to pick up the bag. “You cook?” I ask, trying to move the conversation away from being a fucking mental patient, and he nods. “I watched a video on breakfast while you slept. I’m fairly confident I can follow instructions.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” I smile smalley and walk over to the coffee maker. I had a raging headache from my episode. God- he was going to try and put me in the hospital like Charlie did. I wasn’t doing a great job of trying to convince him to stay.

He puts the bag on the counter and points to my table. “Sit. Relax.” he tells me and there's a smile on his face but his eyes are just- blank. Shut down. I nod and walk to the kitchen table, picking up the TV remote that sat there. I put on some music and turned the volume down just to fill the silence. If it was silent I was going to think about how horribly I’d just behaved.

“What’s the name of this band?”

“What you’d never heard of Catfish and the Bottlemen? What are you? A hundred years old?” I smile, looking over at him, cracking an egg into a bowl. A smile pulls at his lips as he nods his head rhythmically. “About that.”

I smile back. I just sat there, pointing to cabinets while he asked for things like teaspoons and whisks. When my eggs and toast were done he brought the plate over to the table and sat down across from me, waiting patiently for my review.

I pick up the fork and grab the hot sauce that always resided on the table, dabbing some on the eggs before I try them. I chew and swallow- a tad over done but they were really good for a first timer. I smile and nod, “Very good.”

He picks up the bottle of Chalupa and turns it in his hands a few times. “You like spicy now?”

“I do. I have a very mature palette.” I joke and he pops the lid off of the bottle, placing a drop on his finger before putting it on his tongue. “Spicy?”

“It just tastes bad.” He chuckles and I eat some of the toast. He lets me finish my meal before he takes my hand in his and squeezes gently. “You thought I left you this morning? After how amazing last night was?”

“I uh- yeah. I guess I thought I didn’t give you much of a reason to stay or maybe that I made you up- that I’m still making you up.”

“I’m not imaginary, I promise.” He laughs lightly, but theres no humor behind it. “I’m not leaving, I promise you.”

I take my hand out of his and put it in my lap, sitting back in my chair. “I’ll never forgive myself for how I hurt you, I was insensitive and cruel- to both of us.”

“You didn’t want me. How am I supposed to think you want me now with the grey hairs and the laugh lines?” I frown. “You’re not 80, Bella.” he sighs. “And your looks were never why I was with you.”

“Well thanks.” I scoff and his eyes widen a little, “That’s not what I mean- I meant it didn’t matter if you had three heads and a hunch back I wanted to-”

“Kill me.” I smirk and he nods. “Among other things, yes.”

I sigh and push my hair out of my eyes. “This is- emotionally exhausting. I still don’t know why you came back.” I wanted answers but I wasn’t sure which questions to ask. And I wasn’t even really sure if I wanted some of the harsh truths that could be coming my way. “I told you- I could no longer be away from you.”

“So what- we’re dating? We’re what? Where do we go?”

“Well you have a career and a life here, we can be whatever you want to be. I’m done making the decisions. I’m clearly not very good at it.”

“You can say that again.” I mutter and put my head down on the table. What did I even want? Him- Obviously. But I’d written off him coming back years ago, I’d spent my adult life living day to day, thinking about the future as little as possible just to make the present manageable. Now I had options. I wasn’t used to options.

“I have to think.” I sigh and he nods. “I understand that.” He says and I bite my lip, looking up at him. “You really came back for me- and only me?” I ask and he reaches over the table, taking my face in his hands. “Yes.”

His eyes don’t deviate from mine, I swear he’s telling the truth- but I just can’t be sure. I bite my lip and he smiles a little. “You still look like my Bella, trust me.”

***

We move to my couch for the rest of the morning, my back on his chest as he holds me from behind and drills me- with questions on what I’ve been up to. I’m able to sneak in a few about the last few years of his life now and then, but it was hard to focus. I was too busy thinking about my future.

“So what are my options?” I ask during a lull in my interview.

“Options?” He asks and I roll my eyes. “Yeah. For the rest of my life what are my options here?”

“Well anything. You can kick me out and go back to how your life was last week-”

“That's not an option for me.” I interrupt and he chuckles. “Alright then. Well then I could live here with you and just be with you for the rest of your life, or we could go back to my family, or we could fly to Paris tomorrow- it’s whatever you want.”

“Would you take me forever?” I ask and he chuckles. “For as long as you’ll have me, Bella.” He promises, moving my hair over my shoulder, kissing my cheek.”

“Not right now on this couch but- would you change me? In theory.” I ask and turn my head to look up at him. He freezes. “In theory?”

“I’m just trying to understand my expectations.”

“That would be... a discussion.” He sighs and I nod. “Yeah it would be- I just wanted to know if I should think about it.”

“I didn’t know you’d even have to think about it.” His lips move to my neck, placing gentle kisses in his path, trying to distract me. “I mean- it’s a big deal.” I huff and he chuckles. “I know, I just thought the idea of immortality was irresistible to you.”

“I was young and stupid.” I hum. “I thought the idea of living forever was good. But not I’m not so sure.” I sigh. “25 years is already a lot.”

“25 years isn’t that long.” Edward laughs and I roll my eyes. “Well it feels like ages.”

I sigh and reach over to the coffee table, picking up my neglected phone. A text from Charlie, hey bells, you didn’t call me yesterday. Call me please. Giving him my old iPhone 6 was a real treat for the guy but he still only liked talking on the phone once a week. Always about what I was up to, but sometimes I managed to get a few details in about him and Forks.

A text from my co-worker, complaining about our boss.

A few notifications from various social media platforms.

And a text from Mike that was sent to the “Fork LA” group chat which consisted of Anglea and I. I got the Sunday scaries- Umbrella tonight. Thats an order.

“You’re friends with Mike... Newton?” Edward asks and I laugh. He said his name like it was a curse. “Yes. He’s a good hometown pal.” I laugh. “Are you surprised that I have friends?” I ask and he shakes his head. “No, just surprised that one of them is Mike Newton. Doesn’t it get tiring fighting off his advances?”

“No he stopped wanting to fuck me years ago.” I assure him, after one very failed kiss sophomore year of college the whole idea was forgotten. Thank god.

Edward cringes when I curse and I roll my eyes. “Edward you’re going to have to get over me cursing, it’s just apart of my dialect now. You know I read somewhere that people who curse are smarter than those who don’t.”

“So are we going to Umbrella tonight?” He asks and I roll my eyes. “You want to go hang out with Mike and Angela at a bar?”

“Do you want to? I would like to join.” He smiles and I bite my lip. I couldn’t see Edward at a bar. “Do you have a fake ID?”

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA self insert AU

New to the AU? Start here!

Chapter 31: Oh Lawd, He Comin’!

What can I say other than life is pretty great! Back to full health, got a boyf, it’s senior year AND life is on track for me. It’s February 6th, day before my birthday but it’s a thursday and I didn’t feel like celebrating other than opening what my parents sent me in my room after school.

-Dinner hour, Hero dorms-

“Guys are we still on for tomorrow?” Kirishima spoke up.

“What’s going on tomorrow?” asked Shinso as he took a bite of food.

“Oh that’s right! You were gone while we planned this” Midoriya perked up “tomorrow is Palma-san’s birthday and we planned a surprise party for her.”

Shinso nearly choked on his food “It is? How come she didn’t tell me?” he coughed a bit “we were hanging out after school today.”

“She says bad things always happen on the day of” Sato recalled “so she celebrates the day before, like last year, she made a really authentic Mexican dinner but with no cake.” He gets giddy “we met her on her birthday, so it’s a special day in itself! I’m making the cake.”

“All of us pitched in to make it extra special” Mina spoke up “we owe her so much for all the help she’s given us, it’s the least we could do.”

“Well now I feel sorta shitty” Shinso sighed “I didn’t get her anything and it’s sorta too late to include myself in the planning.”

“Actually, you can help us bring her up here tomorrow” Todoroki was granted the brain cell, once again “take her somewhere for a bit after school tomorrow and at 6pm bring her here.”

“Wow, Todoroki is on a roll with the ideas” Sero teased.

-After School the next day-

“Hey, I got your text” I trotted up to Shinso at the front of the school “what’s up?”

“A little birdie told me it’s your birthday today” Shinso said as smoothly as possible.

“Tokoyami never keeps his mouth shut” I pouted “guess you caught me.”

“Silly he didn’t tell me” he laughed “I overheard some of the boys last night on what you did last year.”

“Oh hehehe” I blushed out of embarrassment “well, you’d leave without a trace too if you were in my situation.”

“Let’s walk” he grabbed my hand, the gentleness of his fingers going between mine was making my heart race. Half way to the dorms, he stops and turns to me “actually, I have something much more exciting planned” he leans in to whisper in my ear “teleport us to your dorm, I wanna play.” With no hesitation I teleported us to my room, he didn’t give me a moment to breathe before kissing me.

“Hitoshi! So sudden” he puts his hand on my inner thigh “what did you want to play?”

“I want to make out and make you feel good” he runs his hand up and down my inner thigh “it’s your birthday, I need to please my baby” he kisses my neck “won’t you please invite me to play on your bed?” With consent, we climb up to bed and kissed to our hearts content. “Baby~ do you like that?” he rose up from on top of me, leaving me in a panting but satisfied mess.

“I loved it” I squirmed a bit and regained my composure “I just love you.”

 He checks the time, it’s 6:15 “speaking of which, I left something in my dorm for you” he gets up “why don’t you get dressed, meet me at your car and we’ll go somewhere.”

“Won’t you be violating curfew?” I questioned as he picked up his bag to leave.

“Not if we go quickly” he was starting to sweat “just trust me!” 

“Um okay, I’ll be quick then” I say and he bolted off before I could say bye “he’s excited heh.”

Shinso dashes in the hero dorms “Okay so I got her getting ready” he panted “I’m going to walk her in as soon as I finish getting dressed.”

“What did you do? Get in a street fight with her?!” Kaminari exclaimed as he noticed his messed up uniform “you look terrible.”

Shinso didn’t respond, he ran into his room to toss on something believable and run out again. She was at the meeting spot before him. “Oh you beat me!”

“It’s what happens when you have teleport” she paused to see Shinso was panting hard “you good? need some water?”

“No I’m fine! Um, ready to go?” he pat his pocket “ah! I forgot my phone in my bag” he motioned to the dorms “come with me?”

“Sure” they walked up to the hero dorms and took the elevator up. When the doors opened, it was dark, like all the lights were cut. “I have a bad feeling” I stop Shinso from stepping forward “something isn’t right.”

“Oh I BET IT’S NOTHING THAT’S THREATENING” he said as he stepped out quickly “nothing to whip your GUN OUT for.”

“Why are you-” I began to say before the lights came on.

“SURPRISE!” yelled everyone “HAPPY BIRTHDAY PALMA-SAN!”

“Please don’t shoot or hate us” whimpered Midoriya. 

“Oh guys!” I started laughing “and here I was, about to throw down in a dress and boots!” I looked around and saw everyone pitched in to do something for me “all this for me? Yall know how I feel about my birthday.”

“Well this year, you don’t have to spend it alone” Iida said, walking up to me “isn’t it a milestone birthday to turn 18 in America?”

“It is! It means I’m a legal adult” I remember all the implications “I can buy porn, cigarettes, move out of my parent’s house, go to jail, get trialed like an adult and can have intimate relations with anybody older than me and it won’t be a crime.”

“All that at 18?” Mineta was shocked “we gotta wait until 20 for half of those.”

“ANYWAYS! Thanks yall” I desperately wanted Mineta to shut up “for making today special for me, I appreciate it.”

“TIME FOR CAKE!” Sato bellowed as he set a cake on the table “sit here so we can sing to you.”

“Oh theres...cake hehehe” I get nervous as all the flashbacks of getting my face decked in the cake since I was 2 years old “it looks so pretty! too pretty to eat!”

“Come on! Just sit so we can sing” egged the girls as they dragged me to the chair. It was no use, Uraraka used her quirk on me and got me in the chair. “Ok, 1, 2- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO...” I sat there with a smile but I was panicking inside but also happy to not be alone on my birthday. “YAY blow out the candles! make a wish!” that snapped me out of my thoughts and I tapped out each candle with my fingers.

“What the?” questioned Jiro in near disgust.

“Oh thanks guys!” I sat up quickly “oh look! The Catptain is calling to me” I step aside to walk toward the cat “better pet him!”

As they were cutting cake, some noticed my odd behavior “Hey, did you notice that Palma-san was uncomfortable? I’ve never seen her so dodgy” whispered Ojiro to Midoriya “wonder what set her off?”

“Hmm, it’s not fire or cake” Midoriya starts to mutter “can’t be singing, maybe being the center of attention? No, she’s used to that” he starts to furrow his brow “maybe it’s the fact that it’s her birthday and she's anticipating something to go wrong.” He served a big slice of cake and turned to where she was “Hey Palma-san, I got you some cake!”

“What flavor is it?” 

“Chocolate and strawberry” he tried to coax her to come closer “come to the table, we got gifts for you.”

“Okay... if you say so” she takes careful steps to the table, looking very tense. She gets the slice and a fork and starts eating “Oh this is divine! Thank you Ri!”

“Aww shucks thanks Palma-san” Sato replied to the compliment.

“You look a bit tense” Tokoyami said as he put his hands on my shoulders and started to massage “whats got you worked up?”

“FINE I’LL ADMIT IT!” I huffed and dropped my shoulders “top reason why I don’t celebrate my birthday is because in my culture, it’s customary to smash the person’s face in the cake, regardless of their age” I exhaled “so every year, since I was old enough to stand up on my own, I’ve had my face suplexed into cake by my sister and older cousins” I shudder “I can feel the frosting clogging my nose and gunking up my eyes, I’ve grown to hate cake on my birthday because of all those unpleasant feelings. And I know my family isn’t here to do that to me and yall won’t either but I’m still triggered.”

“Why is your culture, no offense, so fucked up?” Bakugo said as he stopped his bite of cake “I’d demolish anyone that did that to me!”

“And cake time is over hehehe” Kirishima announced as he quickly set his plate of cake on the table “why don’t we have you sit on the couch for presents? Away from the cake.”

“That’s the best plan you’ve come up to date Ei” I said as I finished my cake “you don’t have to tell me twice!” I jumped on Iida’s back “carry me Tenya, it’s my birthday~”

“I can’t say no that” he chuckled as he put his arms behind him to support my legs “to the couch!” He relished in the brief moment of her on his back with arms wrapped around his neck, they were happy and his feelings grew fonder.

They all gathered to give her gifts, begging to open their’s first. She opened the gift the girls pitched in to get her “Oh shit, it’s a vanity set of the perfume I wanted! Thanks girls!” I open Aoyama’s gift “STOP! How did you know I shop this brand of rhinestone socks?! Thanks.” Next the gamer boys “How the fuck y’all got a hold of the bubble gum pink LoL pullover hoodie?! AND a translucent pink controller?! Thanks, yall spoilin’ me!” Next was a few gift cards from Tokoyami, Midoriya and Todoroki, which were very kind of them to give me all coffee shop ones.

“Here, open ours next!” Kirishima said as he handed me the gift “this ones from the rest of us boys.”

“Hehehe alright” I start to unwrap the paper and lift the top of the blank box to see a note on top of tissue paper “to Palma-san, for all the fun times and music you filled the room with, here’s to many more of those days. From Kirishima, Bakugo, Ojiro, Shoji, Iida and Koda. Y’all too sweet” I said as I parted the tissue paper to unveil a Koa wood ukulele “You shouldn’t have! Are you for real?!” I gasped as I was in near tears.

“It was mostly Iida’s idea but we all pitched in” Koda spoke up “we love hearing your music.”

“Well, give it a play!” Bakugo coaxed “I know you got a perfect song to play.”

“I do actually” I picked up the ukulele and strummed it “ooh and in perfect tune already, this is Hey Soul Sister” I start playing and put everyone in a trance with the song “...the way you move ain’t fair you know...” little to my knowledge, Jiro and Iida were recording me “...I want the world to see you be with me, tonight~ “

“That was amazing!” cheered everyone when I was finished. Even the cat was meowing like he was cheering, it brought joy into my heart that I brought together everyone by just giving them a cookie in first year. To think I cried that year because I felt alone, boy did the universe bless me after that! Everyone started to clean up as curfew was closing in on them, I sat on the couch and didn’t dare move as the cat curled up on my lap.

“Hey come you come into my room for a minute?” whispered Iida behind me, like he didn’t want the others to hear.

“Oh sure, let me just warp these to my room” I whispered back as I teleported my gifts and got up. I follow him to his room and he checks if anyone saw before closing the door “Whats up? Why we whispering?”

“I have my own gift I wanted to give you but” he hands me a small box with an orange bow “I was too embarrassed to give it to you in front of everybody, so here, feliz cumpleanos.”

“Hehe you said that funny” I giggled as I opened the box. As I parted the tissue paper, I saw the small picture frame with two pictures in the slots “Tenya, I-”

“It’s a cinnamon wood picture frame with two of my favorite memories with you” he fixed his glasses “the one of the dance the other when we went to the beach. Well, I like all of our memories but these ones stick out the most.”

“Why?” I questioned as I sniffed the frame to see if it was cinnamon bark.

“Because I had the time of my life at the dance and the after dance party” he cleared his throat “and the beach was the first time I ever went with somebody that wasn’t family, let alone stayed to watch the sunset.” He saw me sniffing the frame and laughed “silly girl, you’re one of the most precious people in my life” he pulled me in for a hug “thank you for being my friend, never change.”

“I’m literally crying Tenya” I sniffled as my tears fell “you’re so sweet, all I did was give you a cookie and you gave me so much more.”

He dried my tears “It was a really good cookie” that made me burst out laughing and he just looked at me at peak joy, ‘this is the moment’ he thought to himself ‘she’s so happy, and a kiss to start more happy days.’ As he drew in closer, there was a knock at his door.

“Iida, have you seen Palma-san?” it was Shinso “I had something to give her.”

“I thought she was on the couch with catptain” he lied so I could make my escape “did you check the bathroom?”

“I’ll check, thanks” Shinso said as he walked toward the end of the hall.

“You better go out there” he sighed in relief “wouldn’t want everyone to assume anything.”

“Right! Thanks again!” I whispered before teleporting to the couch. When Shinso came back out to the commons, he looked confused “oh hey, were you looking for me?”

“Yeah I had a thing to give you” he saw the small box in my hand “who gave you that one?”

“The girls” I lied to cover up my tracks “it was part of the set they gave me” I warped it to my room to derail any further questions on it “so what did you want to show me?”

“It’s in my room” he held out his hand to lead me to the room. Once I entered the room, memories of my time in these dorms flooded back “Okay so to be honest, I was told about your birthday literally the night before at dinner. And not going to lie, I felt like shit because I’m your boyfriend and boyfriends should remember these things and give nice gifts” he blushed “so while it’s not a ukulele or a gaming controller, here’s my gift to you” he handed me a re-purposed shoe box “I’m also not very good at wrapping things all pretty.”

“Naw it’s all good” I assured him as I opened the box, there was a small card with cat stickers on the inside of the lid “To Ita, Sweeter than sugar and stronger than Endeavor- May our love last forever, Hitoshi. Aww you didn’t have to” I lean in to give him a kiss then I pulled the sheet of newspaper covering the rest of the items to see a bunch of little things “Oh it’s a box of my faves! But how did you?”

“I had some help from Tetsu and some of my other general ed buddies to get some of the items on their way to school” he pointed to the glass tubes with rubber stoppers “I rolled those myself, took a while to get them presentable enough. I even labeled them” I looked and they were joints in different wrappers and strain combos “do you like it?”

“I love it!” I hugged him “thank you thank you thank you! You’re so observant and sweet.”

“I’m just trying to be a good boyfriend” he hugged back “you’re very special to me, I feel like we’ve been together for way longer and you just make me feel like a prince that fell in love with a warrior princess” he kissed my neck “didn’t think I’d get this far with you but lets keep it this way, loyal and secret.”

“Oh I see, I also wanna keep this love to ourselves and behind closed doors” I agreed with him “you’ll be my best kept secret.”

Time passes and for months we kept our relationship under wraps. Dates consisted of getting coffee and exploring downtown on Sundays but my favorite bonding time were the nights I’d warp in his room. We were happy to have it this way but it seems like a few people were noticing my odd patterns.

-Week before the Sports Festival-

“...can you believe that they let her do the- Iida-kun? Are you listening?” Midoriya noticed that Iida in deep thought.

“I figured it out” Iida muttered then suddenly stood up “I’m going to ask them at the sports festival!”

“What are you talking about four-eyes?” Bakugo furrowed his brow as he was irritated at everyone’s mumbling in the commons room.

“DONT TELL ME!” Aoyama jumped in his seat as he gasped “you’re proclaiming your love to the princess?!”

“Yes I am Yuga!” Iida responded “since they are going to be there to announce and commentate, I’ll win this festival in her honor.”

“Not to be the wet blanket” Momo spoke up from her spot on the couch “but you’ll need a little more than that, what if you don’t place?” the room fell silent “I’m sorry but she did show us that plans and strategies fall apart if we don’t have backups and I was just factoring in on what ifs.”

“You should give her flowers!” Hagakure gasped “I read in this series of my fave manga that the love interest gives a bouquet of flowers in the girls favorite color and the guy’s favorite color” everyone could tell she was trying to do a hand motion but can’t tell what it is “he gave it to her the morning before the guy’s important match and said that it was a promise that they’ll finally be together the moment he wins” she sighed “the guy lost brutally but the girl was like ‘oh I love you anyways, win or no win’ and they got together.”

“You know what, I will do that” Iida was getting pumped up “I won’t hold back anymore, she’ll know just how much I want to be with her.”

Little do they know that her and Shinso were hand in hand at the local shopping square on their date. 

“You two haven’t spent time together since her surprise party” Sero recalled “isn’t it a bit off that she hasn’t bothered Iida-kun for a party invite or pestering?”

“She’s been too busy lately for parties” Kirishima turned his head to face Sero “everyone wants a piece of her and her squad since they’ve been announced as their program’s Main 5. With herself being a commanding officer!”

“Not to mention that she’s been helping us with our next round of physical exams” Mina slipped in her comment “I hope she’s managing well.”

“I hope I’ll be able to catch her sometime during the festival” Iida says as he searches up local flower shops on his phone “I have some research to do.”

~Day of Sports Festival~

“GOOOOOD AFTERNOON! And welcome to UA 3rd year’s Sports Festival live broadcast for those watching at home, and a very plus ultra to the ones in attendance at the stadium!” announced Ita in their very best energy “This is agent 19, announcing and commentating our competitors.”

“And this is Agent 20 co-commentating” Mimi followed up.

“And Agent 21 at the weather tower with the weather and debris update” Jin spoke into his headset.

“And I’m Agent 40 at the pro-hero’s wing with exclusive interviews and updates!” Hansai announced himself.

“And I’m Agent 27 at ground level with the inside scoop on the food vendors and attendee favorites!” Yuka excitedly spoke into her microphone.

“And without further ado, let’s get the opening ceremony rolling!” Ita kicked off the whole event with their announcement. 

“Wow, she’s doing an amazing job” Asui said as they walked with the class to the stadium wing “are you nervous Iida-kun kero?”

“A bit but I am feeling confident!” he puffed out his chest “let’s do our best everybody!”

The first half of the festival happened and it was all fine and well, then lunch intermission was announced.

“I’m fucking starving” Ita said as they turned off their microphone and swiveled her chair towards Mimi “did Jin order the food?”

“He did” Mimi stretched her back “if you want, you can go pick it up from the stall as Jin finishes his weather update.”

“Yeah I’ll go” she stood up and stretched “I’ll be back.” They teleport near the entrance to the vendor’s area and walked down the hallway, unaware of what was waiting for her near the stairwell.

“Oh she’s there” Iida whispered to himself as he ducked behind the wall, flowers in hand “I can do this, I can do this, just say ‘I’ll win this one for you’ and the rest will follow.” He psyches himself up and as he turned to walk to her, he sees Shinso walking into sight from the other connecting hallway and ducked out of sight again but peeking over.

“Hey Miss Announcer Lady” joked Shinso to get her attention.

“Hitoshi! You startled me!” she jumped a bit and giggled “what are you doing here? go eat lunch!”

“I will, I wanted to indulge a bit” he walked up to her and tilted her chin up for a kiss.

“Stop, what if somebody sees?” she harshly whispered after a quick kiss.

“Please, just one really good kiss babe?” he pleaded “I need some motivation to win this.”

“Fine, one kiss” she put her hands on his face “but then I gotta zoot to pick up food.” She kisses him very intensely, oblivious to Iida hiding and watching everything from his hiding spot. “See you later at my dorm?” She said breathlessly.

“I’ll be there, see you then love.” Shinso said as he walked back the hallway he came from.

As she walked away, Iida was in disbelief “I’m too late? She’s with Shinso now?” he said to himself “how could I lose to him!? I saved her life and nursed her back to health...I DON’T GET IT?!” he slid onto his butt and cried that he didn’t say anything sooner. He tossed the flowers in the trash and didn’t speak to anybody about what he saw. The rest of the festival went without a hitch and Iida didn’t place but neither did Shinso.

-Fast forward, beginning of summer break-

Ita warps in Shinso’s dorm “Hitoshi~” she cooed in an almost sinister tone.

“What’s with the tone?” he chuckled as he kissed her forehead “sounds like you have a cool plan to tell me in that cute little head of yours.”

“I do! And I’m so excited to share it with you!” she hopped as she spoke “sit down, it’s gonna be so crazy you’ll need to sit!”

“Okay okay, I’m sitting” he sits on his desk chair as she kneels on the bed.

“Okay soooo you love me right?”

“Yes, more and more each day.”

“And you’re gonna be displaced for work far from home right?”

“Yes, in Taito City.”

“And you haven’t found housing yet?”

“I haven’t”

“Well, I was just approved for guarded housing! And they allow others to share housing for discounted rent PLUS they allow pets!” she pause a bit “and the best part is that it’s in Sumida City, the city right next to Taito! And I’ll be working in Sumida.” she looks Shinso in the eye “will you move in with me?”

“Am I really allowed?” questioned Shinso.

“Yes, I’ll hand you the paperwork to review” she gets timid “plus, I really like the idea of us living together and maybe adopting a fur baby.”

“Of course I’ll move in with you” he gets up to hold her “I’d love nothing more than to wake up everyday to that sweet face” he kisses her lips “I can’t wait to move in.”

“Same! Sometime in October we’ll get the house tour” she sways as she speaks “and by New Years we’ll be moved in.”

“Quite a ways” Shinso starts to ponder “I guess priority is graduating first huh?”

“Yup!” she stops swaying “but I have confidence that it won’t be an issue for us.”

More time passes and nobody but Iida has an idea that Shinso and Palma are dating, but it’s getting harder and harder to hide it.

-3rd year dance, late October-

“You look so beautiful” sighed Shinso as Palma showed him her final look “like a princess.”

“Wish you’d come babe” she pouted as he held her hands “I wanna slow dance with you and just get lost in those eyes.”

“You know being in those crowds aren’t my thing” he kissed her hands “but go have fun, you deserve it after months of hard work.”

“Alright then, I’ll see you later” she tip-toes up to his ear “maybe I’ll drop in to have you help me out of this dress~”

“Naughty kitty” he blushed “don’t tease me like that.”

“Hehehe I’m not joking” she giggled “later Hitoshi.” She teleported off to the dance, upon entering and getting swarmed by the girls, Iida takes notice and walks over once the crowd around her clears up.

“Hey Ita”

“Oh hey Tenya!” she looked around him “who’d you come with?”

“Nobody, I just felt out of place if I was the only one not going” he looked around her “I thought Shinso was coming with you?”

“Shinso? Nah why?”

“Oh I just thought he was your date since you two have been sort of” he was finding the right word to say “attached at the hip lately.”

“Nah we just got a bit closer but nothing serious” she was trying hard not to give away anything “but anyways, I heard that you’ve been eyeing somebody for a while” I playfully elbow him “we’re friends, I can keep a secret, who is it?!”

He walks them toward the table he was sitting at “Erm, it’s not worth saying anymore” he sighed “they’ve made their choice.”

“Aww don’t say that!” I patted his back “maybe it’s not your time yet, plus we’re still young!” she smiled that genuine, encouraging smile “speaking of young, wanna dance?”

He smiled back “Yes, let’s dance” she grabbed his hand and led him to the dance floor. The whole time he was smiling and admired her energy, just like how it used to be. And her full attention on him made him feel like there was hope for him. “You know Ita” he said as they were slow dancing “I needed this, I missed this.”

“I missed our quality time too!” she responded “this year really got me busy and I haven’t spent enough time with you.”

“Yea, I think the last time we had quality time was when you were in stasis” he remembered everything he said to her during that time “hey, do you remember anything from your stasis? I talked to you a lot during the time I tended to you.”

“I don’t recall much from that time” she tries to remember “I remember feeling very cozy and bits and pieces of The Secret Garden OH! and somebody stoking my hair while mumbling something.”

“That was me!” his face lit up “I read the rest of that book to you and stroked your hair” a big dumb smile spread across his face “that makes me so happy that I broke through to you in that state.”

“And I’m thankful for that” she looked at his expression and tilted her head a bit “are you sure I can’t pay you back for that time? I know you said no but I want too!” she curled her fingers around his hand to squeeze it slightly “anything at all Tenya, just say the word, and I’ll do it.”

The song stopped and the next song was an upbeat one, giving him a chance to act. He grabbed her by the hand “Come with me outside” he lead her to the side of the venue, where it was away from prying eyes “Okay, you said anything? Even answering a question?”

“Yes anything, ask me Tenya” she was slightly afraid of what and why “what’s on your mind?”

He looms over her “Tell me the truth Ita, Are you and Shinso dating? And for how long now?”

Her blood ran cold and body got clammy, she gulped before speaking “It’s true, Hitoshi and I are dating and have been dating for about 9 months now.” She took a few breaths “but he confessed to me 2 weeks before my labyrinth practice exam and promised to ask me properly when the time was right. We’ve been together ever since and keeping things under wraps since we don’t like all that attention drawn to us.”

It was a bit too dark to see Iida’s face but he had an expression of hurt in his eyes “I ask because I saw you two kissing at the sports festival” he cleared his throat “I just wanted to know since you always tell me what’s going on and seeing that threw me off.” 

“Why did it throw you off?” she asked confused.

“Well, it’s just that Shinso isn’t like Mirio and doesn’t fit a type” he fixed his glasses “I just think that Shinso isn’t your type is all.”

“Not my type? Shinso is definitely my type” she gushed “he’s very thoughtful, kind, respectful and we have so much in common! We even have the same coffee order!”

“Well isn’t that just quaint” he huffed.

“Are you jealous?!” she squinted her eyes at Iida, with her hands on her hips “just because I’m dating him doesn’t mean we aren’t friends anymore! Tenya you’re my chosen family and I want you in my life because you’ve helped me through my worse and lows” she reached out to hold his hand “even if he leaves me or vice versa, you’ll still be by my side, you promised me.”

“I did didn’t I?” he sighed and held their hands together “alright then, but lets spend more time together before graduation!”

“Lets see then” they walk back to the dance “I don’t have any plans from now until graduation, plan something Tenya.”

They spent the rest of the dance talking about plans and times but Iida was still bothered by the fact that Shinso was in fact her boyfriend. He didn’t dare speak about his feelings and start drama. He’s been telling himself that his time will come soon....but when?

-Chapter 31, End-

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Laurie Anderson: I see Lou all the time. Hes a continued, powerful presence

Over seitan and tofu in New York, the avant-garde performance artist talks about her Buddhism and loss and love for her mother and her late husband Lou Reed

Long after shes left, Ill still be thinking about Laurie Andersons pumpkin-coloured jacket. I see it through the window of the restaurant, this big daub of colour amid all the greys and blacks of a New York winter. Then that colour is inside and here, emerging from it, is Laurie Anderson 69 years old, small, sparkling and wide awake. Her hair, a spiky coronet, stands on end as if permanently electrified by the brain beneath. When shes smiling, which is most of the time, she looks even more impish. The jacket, this big fat orange thing, puffy to the point of spherical, should be plain absurd, but on her I cant help seeing it as extension of her own being. For decades, Anderson has been disarming us with searching and playful work that dovetails these same qualities: the spiritual and the silly. In the early 80s she was hailed as one of the most exciting figures in experimental art and she remains our foremost performance artist, inspiring something so often lacking in avant-garde work humour and affection. Thats certainly the tenor of her most recent work, Heart of a Dog, which the New York Times called a dreamy, drifty and altogether lovely movie. Narrated by Anderson and comprising animated drawings and old home video, its a roaming, looping consideration of various loves and losses: her dog, her mother, and her husband, the musician Lou Reed, who died in 2013. It opens with Birth of Lola, in which Anderson recounts, in detail, a dream about giving birth to her rat terrier. I imagine many women must feel that intense, bodily love for their pet yet its not exactly socially acceptable to admit to it.

Thats why its good to start a film or a book that way, she whispers. Just to kind of go right on out there.

Were in Blossom, a vegan mainstay where Anderson is a regular, even if she isnt, strictly speaking, vegetarian. I have been known to eat steak, she says, although it doesnt happen very often, especially not since she read her friend Matthieu Ricards book, A Plea for the Animals. Hes a Buddhist monk and writer, she says. He just demolishes every single argument that we have for eating meat.

We have a quick look at our meatless menu. I wonder what a soy bacon cheeseburger is! she says, amused. I might get that, it sounds ridiculous. Then again: Maybe theres something thats not pretending to be something else, lets see. They make seitan really well here, actually, I might have that.

And from processed wheat gluten, we somehow easily move to the topic of maternal love. Or lack thereof: in the film Anderson makes the calm revelation that she didnt love her mother. Its true, you know? she says. Women are meant to be all-loving, always no one else is, but women are. I think its even harder for people just to say, My mother didnt love me. Because then youre questioning the whole system.

Did her mother love her?

She was not someone who really knew how to do that, she says. She taught me other things. She taught me how to love books, music.

Anderson grew up in a small town in Illinois, with three sisters and four brothers and, after college in California, made her way to New York where she studied sculpture. By the 70s, shed found her tribe among the avant-garde artists of downtown New York. Her contemporaries included musicians such as Philip Glass and she began experimenting with technology and performance. None of us thought we would ever make a living doing art, she says.

Nor did she ever think she might become a pop star. O Superman, a stark, eight-minute track, based on a Massenet opera,, reached No 2 on the UK singles chart in 1981. To Andersons astonishment, a seven-album deal with Warner Brothers followed. The soundtrack to Heart of a Dog constitutes her 12th album.

And then here comes our lunch.

Oh wow, nicely done! she says, her face lighting up at the two little faux-hollandaise suns of my tofu Benedict. Her seitan isnt quite as pretty but, she assures me after a few forkfuls, its delicious. Food is important to her: I cook not as much as I used to. I used to make lunch all the time for the people at the studio. It was taking a huge chunk of the day so now I have someone else do it, but its really important for us at the studio to eat together.

She often talks about how her work is about stories, and what happens when they are told and retold, and I wonder about the stories around how a widow should grieve. Those stories must be compounded, I imagine, when youre the widow of a public figure. As Im saying this a look of blank confusion comes over her face. Its the word widow.

I know I am a widow but thats not my identity, she says. But it also wasnt my identity to be husband and wife although we were. Partner would be more what I thought.

Reeds death seems to have granted her not sadness so much as a kind of rapture. In an essay for Rolling Stone she wrote: I had gotten to walk with him to the end of the world. Life so beautiful, painful and dazzling does not get better than that. And death? I believe that the purpose of death is the release of love.

Those doors open maybe once in your life, she tells me, or if youre lucky, twice, and you get to see all this stuff. And that door will open again when you have to face your own death, but you get a chance to think about it and see it and feel it. Its overwhelming. It filled me with happiness. I wasnt prepared for that I was supposed to be grief-stricken. Instead, it was kind of an ecstatic experience, and it continues to be. It caused my world to open up, and I understood things or began to understand things in a different way.

Such as?

For example, were supposedly here eating lunch in some way, but were actually not here, right? and her smile grows wider in invitation. Life is a constant hallucination.

It doesnt surprise me that she speaks about Reed in the present tense.

Lou is the most wonderful person Ive ever met and I think of him all the time and hes completely inspiring to me. I miss him enormously, but theres no point in being sad. I see him all the time, hes always here, a continued, really powerful presence. I think a lot of other people feel the same way because he was such a strong character that just doesnt dissipate that quickly. I just wish I could hear what he would have to say about Trump. That would be something.

For her, the biggest shock of the US election was the misogyny.

People get swayed pretty easily to think what the so-called norm is. So when people are screaming lock her up [at Hillary Clinton] its so hideous. Or hang her I dont think people are outraged enough about that. Almost half the country talking that way.

She admits that this has been a challenge to her Buddhist practice: how do you find loving compassion for someone shouting sexist invective? And yet: I feel guilty what was I doing the last 20 years? Had I noticed that people had slipped out of the middle class? I was saying that to a friend about Trump supporters theyre just hungry. And she said, Yeah, but a lot of them are just assholes who just hate women. Dont try to make it so sweet.

I dont think, though, that Anderson can help that sweetness. Its part of her.

Particularly at the end of your life, she insists, theres always this idea of goodness, you never feel like you deserve it, and the fact is, you do. One of the things that blew Lous mind is the idea that were here to have a good time. Not to suffer. No, to be here for total joy, bliss.

And as we talk a little more about death I start to feel Im cocooned inside a big orange jacket a lifejacket, in fact.

The film and album Heart Of A Dog are out now on Nonesuch

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from Laurie Anderson: I see Lou all the time. Hes a continued, powerful presence