#theres something really potent here

[paranoiac1963]

when are we as a society going to nut up and stage a genderbent production of the producers. i have never seen two characters who deserved to be morally bankrupt middle aged women more than bialystock and bloom.

[an6elic-d3vil]

Currently thinking about peacekeeper Coryo who comes to disrict 12 to see Lucy but ends up staying for you, her little sister.

He doesn't mean for it to happen

But when he goes to see her sing and he sees you up on stage swaying your hips, hungrily looking at him, he thought district whores weren't so bad after all

He doesn't mean for it to happen

You must've done something to him because theres no way he was in the meadow down on his knees mindlessly lapping at your cunt and you shamelessly grinding on his face making him filthy with your slick

He doesn't mean for it to happen He meant for it to happen

When he gets tired of licking your hole and pins you against a tree and starts messily rutting into you. If your fault really, you lured him out here so now your gonna take is cock like a good district whore. The pace he set was brutal and unsteady and the grunts and moans he let out where nothing short of animalistic. His seed was potent and thick filling up your cunt. Its no surprise you find out your pregnant right after him and Lucy leave. Its ok though because he comes back and takes you with him when he leaves for capitol.

With a little shaping you'll make a perfect housewife.

[cgtg]

What did you see in Dave and Karkat relationship to make you write their interactions so well? (It's really impressive tbh, at least for me)

Like, did something snapped one day, and you started understanding how they balance each other or just how they "work"? (Sorry if it's hard to understand what I'm trying to say. It's quite hard to put what I'm thinking into words)

man thank you so much

i think you worded yourself totaly fine, the problem here is i dotn know how to succinctly define what i see in them

ive always thnought that dave and karkat bounce off each other rly well. i was obsessed with davekat as a kid too. between 2016-23 smth softly clicked into place for me.

what do i see in it? i dunno. in my interpretation, it's just... realness ?

its longform candid pointless comfort. its changing each others nicknames in the server, its making fun of a spelling error, its "fragging a noob", its a youtube letsplay of a game you thought you'd hate, it's meandering around your point and then stabbing it with ur own impatience, its feeding the trolls on your amv. its genuine interest in each other, hoping someone specific likes your post, being scared to go outside and being scared to stay inside. it's checking the comments against better judgement, its sampling their voice in your bgm. it's a combined pressure to be something the other person doesnt get, but does. its a very potent push&pull simultaenous in both directions. its "un"stoppable force vs "im"movable object. it's a puzzle & theres somethin very vital at the heart of it about turning around & seeing someone that sees you right back, like it or not. through a screen or through shades or eye2eye. inverted & subverted, exactly the same

it can be like 500 things at once, its so nebulous but always rly specific to them. you cant get this dynamic with any other characers, not in anything ive ever seen. unless u made ocs that act like em i guess. it is one of a kind

i didnt rlly get this stuff when i was a kid. i mostly shipped them bc my answer to any rivalry was "wat if they kisd", and theyre cool characters. i used to focus on the tension when i was a kid. theres a lot more to it than that.

because its also this BTW.

[tonypostt]

OUSJDG HI CREATIVELY COSMIC HERE.. i had to do a double take when i saw the notif that you reblogged our art and THANK U SM ?

hhh is genuinely a fantastic pokepasta and i couldn't get enough of it once i started wrapping my head around it. we've always been a HUGE fan of more abstract, interpretative, and experimental work so seeing a pokepasta go ALL IN on that approach was fantastic and i genuinely think it's one of our favorites now.

everything about how it was written really.. struck a chord with us. I COULD BE SO FAR OFF THE MARK im so sorry but im trying to articulate it. something about memory loss and identity loss and dissassociation. and how vulnerable it leaves you and how desperate you can become for an escape, no matter how much that escape hurts, because its surely better than the alternative. becoming dependent on something or someone that pains you because theres nothing else to turn to or so you believe.. and eventually it's all you know and turning back seems impossible. and you just fall deeper and deeper because the more it hurts the more it at least feels real and its become synonymous with comfort. its a very potent work to me is what im saying

as for the sylveon in my head its like 50% hexi. half the time its normal the other half it is absolutely NOT. im really glad you liked our art regardless though hasjfjgd

i hope you dont mind us rambling a bit uh!! i want to try and do better at letting people know how much the stuff they make means to me where im able. and happy hardcore hexidream hit HARD (in a good way)

HIII SORRY FOR ANSWERING SO LATE YOU SENT THIS LIEK RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF NESS (ALTER) STARTING TO PLAY SPLATOON 1 WHICH HE HAS BEEN WAITING TO DO FOR LIEK . A MONTH NOW (you know how it is with those Autistic People /LH)

I AM . SOOOSOSOOSOSOOOOOOOSOSOOSOO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT HHH RESONATED WITH YOU SO MUCH . LIEK IM NOT EVEN KIDDING . esp as the years go by and i form what HHH is in my head more (which will probably not ever be a concrete thing . Liek i just think that's the nature of HHH) and i just even let it sit with Me The Author . it's also just kind of one-of-a-kind in my writing where it started as a one-off but then grew into something instead of me planning out 745395764385634895643987 different multimedia projects HSDKJFGDSKJLFGKJSD .

and liek . DONT WORRY ABOUT BEING "OFF THE MARK" WITH HHH BECAUSE THERE IS NO MARK . my dream is to have a world filled with a billion different HHH takes ..... Because honestly that was what it was made for (or . i guess . Continued for ? it was originally a vent with the first two parts being posted . Twwwoooooo years ago ??? On the pokepasta wiki ????? Fuck i can't remmeber im barely even fronting rn JSKLDFGHDKSJ) , to be talked about and theorized about and just . Conversed . Hexi is everything to me (and she is everything to you !)

WITH THAT BEING SAID . I ABSOLUTELY LOVE UR INTERPRETATION SO MUCH . i think a good amount of people kinda miss the subtle themes of trauma in HHH especially if they haven't read my other stuff or know me personally . Mostly because they're probably overwhelmed by the material itself and i dont blame themJLKJSDGFLKJSDGK . you could interpret hexi as either the truama , the effects of it , a reflection of how one views their own trauma or themselves within it , etc . But liek i said that's also only one side of the picture too even within the aspect of it being focused around trauma . the Situation could be representative of the trauma or a flashback . Or it could be some kind of a conversation situation . Or it could be a person . Or it could all be fake . Or it could be the person having a Funky Time !

and theres even more that you could do with this . liek . I feel a bit bad for not being able to put as much as much as i could into the updates that came after the first two chapters/parts to imply Other Things:tm: other than the fact that there's just random chaos going on , mostly because HHH is the type of story where you spot a new sentence you haven't read before and it changes EVERYTHING .

Also shoutouts to the fact that executive dysfunction affects my writing very disproportionately and the fact that there's supposed to be a massive update on april 4th that i dont even know if i can write let alone on time . I WOULD LOVE TO PUT IT OUT I JUST . BRAAAINSJDFHKDSKGSJKD

ALSO IRT SYLVEON . YOU ARE STRONGER THAN GOD FOR HAVING HEXI IN YOUR HEAD (/J i know fictives aren't their source) . ALSO PLS TELL IT HI FOR ME IF POSSIBLE i think it is so swag

ALSO NO WORRIES I . HAVE CLEARLY RAMBLED A BIT MORE in fact there's stuff ive rambled about on previous asks regarding HHH . if you enjoyed HHH you'd probably like my other stuff even if atm i dont have a Ton that is as Crazysillay as HHH !!! they can be found on my AO3 (tonyboyy) . Also obligatory mention to ness's splatoon visual novel that is in the works because im INSANE about it . He hasnt posted about it at all in order to avoid spoilers but just know that whenever last dovesong releases i will fly to the moon . ANYWAY THANK U FOR UR ASK !!!!!!!!

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

what's that insane theory about archer juna's np?

ok. so

you know how this is titled pashupata and the game treats it as pashupata and everyone refers to it as pashupata?

i dont actually think its pashupata.

cause here's the thing: i KNOW that hindu mythology is heavily nerfed in fgo but arjuna never even used pashupata when he was alive. like not in response to ANYTHING. even when ashwatthama killed his unborn grandchild he used the brahmashirsha astra in response-that was still incredibly deadly and powerful, but it was also still LESS powerful than pashupata. this is the personal weapon of shiva and kali that he only managed to get through completing heavy penances-no one else in the mahabharata had it and in other texts iirc only rama and a sage, Vishvamitra, also possessed it.

it was easily leaps and bounds stronger than vasavi shakti, despite what fgo may say, and could literally destroy the universe if used carelessly. id honestly say if we were putting up a comparison to a fgo weapon to it ea would be the closest thing-it was basically unavoidable, unresistable, and destroyed everything in it's path. and he knew this and so didnt use it bc in the context of the wars he fought in it wouldlve been massive overkill, and he was pretty responsible all things considered with the weapons he used

but like, hes ok with letting mages potentially command him to use it against their enemies? this incredibly powerful attack gifted to him by shiva that could obliterate the universe? like ignoring the logisitics of the fact they'd probably need a boatload of mana, and that the earth has protections in place to prevent gil or whoever from going 'lol' and laser beaming it in twain, why would mr 'thanks for the wmd but i will not be using it' suddenly ok the use of it for a bunch of backstabbing self-serving mages who would sacrifice their own children for a chance at upping their magical power?? like 'oh yes zouken, i'll use pashupata to blow up that orphanage for you right away. clearly this is a good use of this holy astra bestowed upon me by the gods :)'

imo he looked at his legend, looked at the fact anyone who looked into him would know about the fact that he'd have that astra, and renamed one of his less potent attacks 'pashupata' so that when he was ordered to use it he could follow their command WHILE also not fucking. using pashupata for incredibly petty and asinine reasons. like do we really think the average mage can tell the difference between the different astras anyway? no. hes gonna do that so when they pop their command seals and yell at him to use pashupata he can be like 'of course master :)' while also not going against his principles as like. person who was given a turbo nuke and was like 'yeah theres no reason to use this against normal people' like COME ON

though tbh i do still think he has access to pashupata as an archer-like when he blew up the 18 demon pillars that. that seems more like something he might actually have used it for.

i know that this theory has no water bc every time he's referred to it there's been nothing to suggest his np wasn't pashupata, its been described and treated in his materials as pashupata, plus parvati ALSO makes note of him having it and it being pashupata. it just bugs me that they shoved it on him as his generic np and also massively undersold it when he has like 4000 other big explody attacks that couldve been slotted in just as well, and when its a legitimately interesting fact that he never used it in his lifetime.

[abyssalpriest]

i really need to officially make it my Thing I Do For Fun to make leviathanism a thing, dont i. I was sitting here like "yeah ive been tempted for the last like 24 hours to make a list of associations for lev, corroborating all his cultural ties (without going into any culture specifically, and not going into things that are specific to only one tradition), but if I did it id need to go into depth on each symbol and how it relates to him, like oceans are multifaceted but theyre a symbol of his in that he sees them as a partner, whereas the sun is personal power, the water cycles are magnetised to the sun, etc. But I would have paragraphs on paragraphs to write about these things, I could fill like 16 pages of just symbolism probably"... to which lev brought up "isn't that what we're doing with our personal For Funsies religion for the two of us?"

and im like. i have so much to say about connecting with him in various forms, his un/sub/conscious mind/energy/bodies/etc, there's so many meditations and shit he's already going to be teaching me for personal use. and like. ive known for years before i even knew his face this life that my job is to connect people with him like

i have - and he has - so much to say on the nature of faith and religion as tools to be consciously used - as in theres so much to say about teaching people to become aware of using the subconscious, submissive mind in a dominant, conscious way, like purposely entering passive trances in dancing in order to actively bring in information, using religions consciously and choosing to interpret them how you need to interpret them because they're potent tools and vehicles

he has so much to teach about various states of consciousness and the self, i mean fuck man he as Shiva is bringing me towards nondualist shaivism, something based on the idea that we are all Shiva... What was he writing earlier?? Oh yeah. On creating chakras but extrapolate the meaning to this topic: "We are pure consciousness and we are all pervading, our boundaries are not defined by the outer edges of the manifested spacetime, we are the absolute and the absolute is everything and nothing, therefore... There is no need for faith, faith is an active mental process. What is needed more so is exploration and a willingness to squeeze out past what one consciously knows and understands. Being taught a system works for this; one, when taught, allows themselves to flow past their own knowledge and eyes and relax into a true reality that is outside them, it allows their energy and their self to be shaped, moulded, and made to flow into aspects and areas of reality that need an easing in constriction to get into, because the conscious mind constricts, and would constrict them to the point that they no longer fit in these channels. So teaching is one route, the other would be to allow reality to be like that teacher, to allow the self to flow...

(...) This requires in-person work, and showing you, pathing the way in your mind. Effectively the process of how you want to be taught this is allowing myself, as your teacher, to form channels of flowing water which erode the earth of your body and form between your energy channels and this unformed energy, making a bridge between manifested and unmanifested down specifically into the particular energy centres you need in your life."

effectively... its already been broached that he as a teacher acts as water to flow people into directions they want to go

anyway. the fuckin.... even the name Leviathan. Thats associated with many bodies acting as one, which reflects both his fuckin hugely multifaceted nature that he teaches people to copy - he has many literal (to us) bodies, but also understanding of and inhabiting of energy and causal and etc bodies, many states of consciousness, dreaming and waking bodies, etc - and also reflects his relationship with His People as... a bird flock and its force of cohesion as i say lmfao

......... have i not been wondering for ages why he insists on the name Leviathan as default with me

[nerosdayinanime]

Responding here to ur tag response to my question on this post so i dont clog up your notes over there 😅

That concept is so cool!! Can you tell me more about the dynamics? (Like what are the specific differences that made you classify Sabito as alpha prime instead of just alpha?)

When you say the Primes effect more and are effected more than the others what exactly do you mean?

Do you become a Prime when you take on a certain roll in your pack or is it just a option during the initial presenting event?

Are Primes like a subsection of their dynamic or are they a whole new one? (3 broad dynamics society vs 5 specific dynamics society)

How does everybody being abo (and Sabito being alive) effect their relationships with each other in this AU compared to canon?

And lastly, what are everybody's designations in this au? 👀

I kinda got carried away with the questions whoops

ok important distinction to get out of the way first- i see a/b/o as terms to describe phenomena, not strict definitions people fall into. i dont like omegaverse things like that bc 1 i love biology & speculative evolution and through that lens it makes absolutely 0 fucking sense to me and 2 i dont like omegaverse basically being reduced to sexism 2.0 with submissive feminine omegas, dominant masculine alphas, and boring betas.

i completely understand and see the appeal in traditional a/b/o but i also think its severely limiting

to answer your questions off the bat:

sabito as an alpha prime mostly just bc i really really like giving him big/visible fangs and that influenced some worldbuilding choices lmao

imagine having ur senses turned up 200%. theyre just as affected by a drop of pheromones as normal dynamics are a litre. theyre way more sensitive to others' and their own is far more potent

theres no 'presenting event' either you stay not very reactive to pheromones(beta) you start reacting to pheromones normally(alpha/omega) or you start to be fuck-off sensitive to pheromones(a/o prime) (ppl dont choose or get assigned a secondary dynamic its just something that Happens and a/b/o are terms used to describe wide trends)

its still 3 broad dynamics, primes are considered a sub-category/more specific variant of alpha/omega

mmm, id say overall theyre pretty much the same? rengokus & mitsuri are closer-knit, tengen and them kinda make a trio, sabito's almost part of the mini-group(The Loud Ones)- sanemi and obanai still dislike giyuu, now its got an added 'omega has his alpha wrapped around his finger and makes him do the dirty work instead' bc he never bothers to defend himself from them so sabito steps up and tells them to fuck off- then theres the obvious kamado situation. sabito's neutral abt them after he gets over his initial anger but cmon. its tanjiro. youre not staying neutral for long. giyuu more protective of them from the get-go

theres only a few ppls who are set in stone lmao- sakonji-alpha sabito-APrime giyuu-omega tanjiro-OPrime nezuko-N/A sanemi-beta obanai-beta mitsuri-OPrime kyojuro-alpha

my version of a/b/o

secondary dynamics arent dependent on sex, theyre two separate spectrums and secondary dynamics are Secondary

secondary dynamics start to develop with puberty, not really finished until somewhere in 20s

you cant tell what someone's secondary dynamic will be until it starts to present

betas are the hardest to tell bc sometimes ppl are just late bloomers, late20s-30s and they still dont react to scents very strongly or havent had a heat/rut theyre probably a beta

[shitty doodle of the parabola graphic- up-down is omega/alpha left-right is not sensitive-very sensitive]

betas still smell scents but arent sensitive to pheromones and their own arent very strong either, some can have mini-heats or ruts. overall if theyre not very reactive to scents and they dont have noticeable fangs or any changes to their reproductive organs theyre considered a beta

alphas and omegas have stronger scents (a beta would need to be actively projecting their scent to be on the same level as alpha/omega's baseline) and are sensitive to pheromones.

secondary dynamics influence sex but are not influenced by sex; males who are omegas can develop female reproductive systems and females who are alphas can develop male reproductive systems. this results in tons of possible combinations, though not everything /works/ since they'd need the matching internal & external parts to actually reproduce.

with male omegas/female alphas; commonly, either the secondary reproductive system doesnt develop at all or the secondary external develops alongside the original*. less commonly the secondary external develops and the original internals swap to the secondary. very rarely the secondary will fuck up the original internals and make someone sterile. very VERY rarely will someone develop both original and secondary reproductive systems that are fully functional

main biggest difference between alphas and omegas is mostly in whether they have a heat(& nest) or a rut(& claim territory)

heats typically start off with some warning signs before the actual heat kicks in(preheat) omegas will start to be clingy and seek safety/closeness with their pack for a few days, along with starting to give off a heat scent. omegas usually dont smell their own heat scent until its already pretty strong(closer to heat) so others around them usually notice the scent first. heat hits with a full body fever for a day or two, its extremely uncomfortable and usually omegas drop out of coherency. behind the scenes all kinds of reward chemicals and other important stuff in the brain are thrown way out of wack- no one really notices that tho bc theyre usually blearily rolling around suffering through a mind-numbing fever. after it abates theyre left with the still fucky brain balance and dont really get back all the coherency they lost from the fever, still a little out of it for the whole duration of heat. theyre more sensitive to changes in their emotions and more sensitive to physical contact, heats in their usual state are non-sexual and an omega simply seeks security affection and comfort from their pack. excessively negative emotions caused by lack of security or comfort can cause an omega to be extremely panicky/depressive/aggressive (borderline feral) and its not fun for anyone involved. the omega going through it is overrun with negative thoughts/feelings/emotions and the scent of an omega going through a disruptive heat is especially nauseating & discomforting to anyone around (an intense need to Fix It and make the omega feel better). on the flip-side, omegas being more sensitive to emotion and physical contact can lead to a state of near constant euphoria/ecstasy in sexual heats between mates (the more traditional version of heat)

omegas will go into heat in the presence of another omega's heat if they are emotionally connected (family, pack, friends, etc) and an omega's heat can cause an alpha to start their rut (& vice-versa ruts causing heats)

ruts cause a similar fucky brain balance but not nearly to the same degree as heats, alphas will seek out affection and their instinct to protect is sent into absolute overdrive. mother hen x500. it causes them to be a lot more agitated which leads to more aggression bc more things are seen as a threat.

sexual ruts with mates sends their instinct to make sure the other IS and feels safe/good into overdrive and They Will Not Leave Their Mate

nesting is the usual find soft things make comfy/safe bed/area for pack and is extremely personal/fiercely defended from those who its not meant for; claiming territory is a wider application of 'make area feel comfy/safe for pack' alphas will patrol or steak out vantage points of their selected territory, like omegas they also dont take kindly to intruders**

alphas are built a bit more for power and tend to be offensive/face confrontation head-on(make opponent lose ground, get threats as far away from my pack as possible); while omegas are built a bit more for speed/agility and tend to be defensive/run loops around confrontations(dont let opponent gain any ground, keep threats from getting any closer to my pack) its not solid evidence when trying to tell someone's dynamic off it alone because people's natural variation is so wide and people's experiences can change how theyd react to stress and such so its usually ignored but trends Can be seen

*giyuu's like that male omega has both parts externally but no uterus so. no mpreg for him</3

**it can be kinda subtle sometimes, one example ive posted is sabito physically situating himself so hes between his pack(giyuu/tanjiro/nezuko) and the threat (sanemi/rest of the hashira)

i think thats everything? feel free 2 ask for clarification if i fucked up explaining or missed something

[kozykricket]

Brewing and Food Thoughts (#1 - Potions)

ah, finally, something to motivate me to write - procrastinating writing something for school!

So, here we are! Brewing is in a weird spot in minecraft right now, yeah? We can all agree there. its not in a terrible spot like enchanting, but its not in a good spot either. most potions are irrelevant. I'm not necessarily going to spend a lot of time on what makes good potion effects, but i AM going to talk about how i would change the mechanics to -Promote using potions -Include creativity in the ideally WHIMSICAL and EXPERIMENT-BASED brewing process -change the brewing process to just, be more balanced and coherent lets first talk about potion effects and consumables a bit though. So well, i think people use potions more if the game nudges them to. Razbuten made a good video on why he doesn't use consumables in games, and I think its a good video. I think you can apply that to potions, because the only ones people really use often are slow falling for the dragon, fire resistance for fortresses/the nether in general, and water breathing for ocean activities. the game nudges you to use them because... its definitely a disadvantage if you arent using a potion here, rather than merely an advantage to be using one. So I think thats something the games balance could have some more design around. Have certain moments where the player thinks "ah, i should definitely use a potion here!" although... then they have to go through the mildly tedious process of using potions, which... yeah, theres a lot of friction to actually using potions. I say make the benefit feel substantial and worth it, or make potions easier to manage But honestly, I want to spend more time talking about the basis for a whimsical, experiment-based brewing rework everyone and their mother has thought about potions and cauldrons - they're very connected in every other piece of media and such. Yet unless you're in bedrock, they dont have any relation. I think... the cauldron, or perhaps a cauldron with a slot for fuel under it, would be a perfect way to make a new sort of brewing stand. Ah, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Lets talk fuel, first. They made brewing stands require blaze powder to brew potions at all, which was... odd, because it was an update later that they made brewing stands appear in the overworld... i dont think it was a great way to balance things. theres now like, 3 vibe checks to make sure you've been to a nether fortress specifically. blaze rods to craft one (unless you're lucky), blaze powder as fuel, and nether warts for almost every potion what if i want to make a splash water bottle though? what if i wanted to make some hypothetical weak... pre nether wart potions? Well, it just wouldnt be possible if we keep blaze powder as the fuel. or as the ONLY fuel. which is where i take some inspiration from the mod "Extra Alchemy" which lets you use campfires to fuel brewing stands slowly, and say... different sources of heat should be able to fuel cauldrons, and the hotter it is, the more consistent it would be, and perhaps it would even be a gate towards more powerful potions. Heat-based progression. soul fire could be somewhat of a sidegrade, even, making potions more potent but always adding a very potent negative effect, for example Anyways, to the actual brewing: Whats something you see in a lot of typical "witch brewing potions in her evil cauldron" tropes and such? Strange ingredients. Odd mushrooms, some frog legs, some strange dusts and oozes. I think applying that to potions... would be great. What I mean by that is ... imagine tinkers construct, but for potions. You add certain items into the cauldron, and they increase some stats for it. I mean, these stats could correlate to the effects that it comes out with. You could have so many different like, stats of a potion, like the max amount of effects it is able to obtain from the ingredients, the potency, the length, and whether the effects are negative or not. (1/2)

[pherre]

Regina spektor anon back at it again: the bj stuff w period of adjustment made me fucking crazy. The jealousy stuff, the jealousy stuff!! i had been so appalled and fascinated by how angry and dismissive bj was being about his own struggles in relation to others'. The stuff where he directly frames his absence from his family as uniquely worse than hawkeye's father. That seemed so unconscionably cruel. (Yet there is a way that he is a little bit right, cus he *is* missing crucial developmental stages in his daughter's life!!! He's very much in the wrong, but he is *just* right enough for u to get where he's coming from) Even more jarring was how physically volatile bj was being- something about punching hawkeye felt like such a crossed line. to me it felt like: theres no world where hawkeye punches back. He just lies there. It took really good, careful writing/acting to make someone behave as out of line as bj did and still come off as sympathetic. Mike Farrell really killed it, the monologue about how the first time erin called someone daddy it wasnt BJ.....

i rlly love bj, hes not necessarily my favorite character (Margaret Houlihan Nation rise), but he is probs the one i relate to the most. Hes an overachiever who is interpersonally easygoing and very invested in being *helpful* and behaving with integrity so he very capably plays emotional support while deferring his own needs perpetually. And he struggles a lot with envy, with an anxiety regarding missing out and running out of time. That line about being "so torn up with envy i almost hate him." re: radar and trapper slapped me in the face cus its a feeling i am so familiar with.

All of that repressed resentment and rage bubbles over in such a potently ugly way here, and i think it is so ugly *because* bj is usually such an easygoing yet morally upright guy. He is so invested in that version of himself that he refuses to deal with his own anger. Hawkeye, Margaret, and BJ are all Very repressed workaholics but in wildly different ways. Margaret allows herself to be snappish, overdisciplined, and aggressive. hawkeye turns everything into a joke and capitulates to bitter, cynical nihilism. BJ is too invested in his self image of casual kindness and morality to do either so consequently he has no outlet whatsoever- he just unexpectly explodes with rage every so often.

Also i was sort of curious about what you thought of this in relation to trapper actually. Like how bj differs as a friend to hawkeye, especially in this instance. Cus if i remember correctly trapper punched hawkeye in the face and it was sort of over the same thing! Trapper wanted to defect and a reason he gave is that he wanted to see his daughters. And that punch in the face was also harrowing, but the episodes/scenes in questjon play v differently while relating to eachother in fascinating ways. (Again heres an instance of hawkeyes closest companion visiting physical violence on him- violence that i dont think hawk would ever reciprocate)

I was curious of your thoughts.

hiiii!!

the trapper situation is slightly different in that a) he hits him with a duffel bag, not with his fist. still bad but probably hurts less and b) hawkeye does try to stop him and warns that he "doesn't want to use violence" which is like. he probably shouldve seen that coming. but tbh to me the trapper situation being played mostly for laughs and then dropped is just by virtue of it being in an early season. 1-3 had drama, but not like That. maybe if wayne rogers had stayed he'd get his own period of adjustment

in-universe though, i think that hawkeye was hit (and literally shoved aside) by both of his best friends because they wanted to return home that badly must've stung. because - yes, everyone wants to go home - but at some point its like is it the war or is it me lol. the man has enough abandonment issues as it is

i totally agree with your bj analysis! yes, bj is being a dick, but he's being a dick in such a natural way in this situation. it is so easy to forget that other people are suffering too when you're this disconnected from everything you've known

i think the core difference between hawkeye, margaret and bj is that margaret was born in the army and doesn't really have a civilian life to get back to, and hawkeye admitted to himself a long time ago that the war changed him and he's never going to be able to wash that off. but bj clings to his civilian life more than anyone in the 4077th (except maybe klinger - but he has different ways of showing it) and he refuses to even consider that the war could change him or his life. so when reality inevitably comes crashing down, he lashes out at people around him

[many-gay-magpies]

enha for the ask game 🕺🕺🕺

🕺🕺🕺🕺

first bias:

sunghoon!

current bias(es):

sunoo <33 (and also jungwon 🐈)

album/era ranking:

title track only ranking: blessed-cursed -> drunk-dazed -> given-taken -> tamed-dashed -> future perfect (pass the mic)

full album/era ranking:

DIMENSION : ANSWER (+ DILEMMA) | tamed-dashed definitely isn't my favorite enha title ever, but blessed-cursed definitely is (or its one of them anyway), and since these albums both have some of my favorite ever enha b-sides (and enha songs in general) with answer being a repackage, i figured i could just join them! attention, please and go big or go home are two of my top songs off any enha album ever, and THEN answer added polaroid love, my top ever soft enha song, into the mix-- so yes, answer is definitely favorite album material! (i would have felt a little guilty putting dilemma lower JUST because of t-d when several of my favorite tracks would not exist without it KSGDJFH). the actual song aside, though, the CONCEPT of tamed-dashed and all the promotions, teasers, concept photos and etc before it were absolutely stunning (and i do still like tamed-dashed a lot-- it just ranks fairly low among the other enha titles)

BORDER : CARNIVAL | ABSOLUTE queen. not only does this album have drunk-dazed (my other top enha tt) as a title track, it has fever, not for sale, mixed up, AND one of the sickest enha concepts to date (that mv??? PLEASE.). this is a particularly potent one for me as it's when i really got into enhypen-- when i was really active in the community, when everyone was coming up with so many crazy theories about the lore and writing out equally-crazy "what-ifs".

BORDER : DAY ONE | honestly just a really gorgeous debut. i loved given-taken, and i loved let me in, 10 months, and flicker just as much. i feel like this era has gotten king of forgotten/overshadowed with everything enhypen has come out since then (which. valid), but it was such a nice intro to enhypen's whole deal (spoken affectionately)!

MANIFESTO : DAY 1 | still a fairly new era, so i might feel a bit different after letting it marinate a bit. this is, similar to something i mentioned in a previous ask for this ask game, yet another instance of me adoring literally every track in an album except for the title track. kpop. why. LDHFJFB i didnt hate future perfect or anything, but it felt significantly less... enhypen-y than usual. the b-sides, however? NOT SO. tfw and shout out very quickly climbed their way into my list of favorite ever enhypen songs along with foreshadow, and paradoxxx invasion, while less dramatically alternating to my life and mindset, was absolutely a bop. points deducted for not having shout out as the promoted bside tho (/j)

how i got into them:

i was on tumblr when, somehow, i followed one person who was in the "eggie family" (people watching i-land; called ourselves eggies because that entrance dome thing was shaped like an egg LMAO) and suddenly i was friends with like all of them. i wanted to be in on the i-land fun and i thought sunghoon was incredibly pretty so i downloaded viki and started watching it HDJFHFJ (altho i never got passed episode 8 because my phone died </3). i watched them debut as enhypen with given-taken, which slapped, then stuck around kind of casually until border: carnival came around, at which point i did the engene equivalent of falling into the ocean and drowning when previously id sort of just been sitting on the peer with my feet in the water. i fell irreversibly in love with sunoo and have been stuck here ever since!

who would be my best friend:

sunoo probably, or maybe jungwon (i chose my biases in this group according to how friend-shaped they were apparently). jay and/or jake also seem like pretty good bestie material!

things i associate with them:

vampires (and also just supernatural stuff in general) because of their lore, for sure. theres also a good number of songs i associate with their lore counterparts due to the abundance of theorizing and writing that happened circa border: carnival HSJFHFJ

[everydaydg]

A simple look into how the DS games look in a 2DS

(A simple, unprofesional comparison)

So, theres a whole lot of DS systems out there huh. two revitions and a succesor (that also got its own set of revitions (even more than the original system tbh))

but you know that already so lets get straight to the main point.

how does the 2DS's integer scaling mode stand up against the DS lite and the DSi XL

Systems used here -DS Lite (Only Kirby SSU) -DSi XL -2DS *All systems are running at their highest brightness Games tested - Kirby Super Star Ultra - The World Ends with You - Cave Story (DSi ver running on 2DS and DSi) *I would like to aknowledge that most of the 2DS photos and all the photos in this are far from perfect and I am to blame for that, my phone camera aint perfect and im far from good when it comes to taking pictures, most of the photos taken are utilizing automatic adjustments Only photos that were taken with manual adjustments were that of Cave Story*

To start I would like to start with how colors are handled by the new LCD that the 2DS uses.

The original DS had a different type of LCD so the way colors are presented is a bit different

Its... slightly brighter. it overpowers alot of black making it so everything is one tone brighter than it should be. Take note of how rhyme's sweater looks on the right compared to the left, the orange is made less potent

warm colors struggle a bit more on the 2DS compared to the DSi as shown on the map.

*The photo on the right isnt indicative of the actual image on a DSi, its more to show off how a camera picks up on how the DSi handles warm colors more effectively and to show how the DSi separates pixels*

despite the small loss in color, the 2DS holds up nicely, while it does come at the cost of the screen state being smaller than it should be, it delivers on a nice interger scaled image with crispy pixels. not perfect as all things in life but quite good

you could aliviate the problem slightly by playing DS games on brightness Setting 4 but keep in mind that the colors will never look as good as they should.

now onto another topic, you most likely noticed how I pointed out the pixel separation on that note there.

Mind you, I do like the pixel separation a whole lot but it is something that wasnt present in the DS lite which is why im bringing it up and may be a point of contention to some.

*as stated before, this photo was taken with manual adjustments and the picture quality is indicative of the diferent color range between systems*

Side note: The 3DS version of Cave Story does not suffer from the blue present in the DSi version running through backwards compat.

I feel the strenghts of the 2DS pixel perfect mode and the problems of the DSi are more present when comparing it to a DS Lite

Left = DS lite. Middle = 2DS. Right = DSi

The DS lite also didnt have notisable pixel separation. While it is more notable on the photos keep in mind that im incredibly close to the screen and that the DS lite is TINY and when looking at the system at the propper distance this is not a problem

When comparing the three, the 2DS provides and really close image to that of the DS Lite! The DSi provides the correct color (sadly the picture doesnt show it propperly due to the amount of blue messing with my camera) but the bigger screen makes the separation between the pixels way more notable.

In conclusion. heres the pros and cons of every display

2DS screen = Colors are weaker due to new display, provides no pixel separation compared to the DSi, Smaller image than that of the DS Lite

DSi Screen = Colors are correct, the space inbetween pixels is extremely easy to spot due to how big the screen is (even at regular viewing distance), huge screen

DS Lite = Correct Colors, No inbetween spaces (at regular viewing distance), small screen but bigger than that of the 2DS

They all have their pros and cons.

I still recommend the DSi XL when trying DS games, I like how the display works but that is just my personal opinion.

So yeah. aint that a whole lot of text and really bad photos huh.

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

Childe's mind was fuzzy. He could tell he was in his Foul Legacy form, but... why did he feel like this then? Usually he was coherent... he tried his best to remember, his very hardest. Yes.. something about... abyssal overload... danger.. this form... limited time... vaguely something that made him realize he shouldn't be in this form right now. Theres a threatening feeling thrumming in his head. It stings, the fear. He keeps wandering to Szchenaya in his thoughts. His family. He can smell something, something herbal and humid, and it doesn't feel right. He wants to squirm away, but it's all around. He thinks about family, about home. If you could call it thinking. There were no words behind it, only want and fear. He shudders. Where was he again? He can only think about where he wasn't.

He can hear someone talking. The voice is unfamiliar at first, but it sets in that he knows this person. He tries his best to listen to the words being said. "...Childe? Can you hear me? Hmm. Its no use..." Childe? he knows that, hes pretty sure. But he can't exactly tell what it's referring to even if it sounds familiar. "....Maybe I should go check if I have any tea from Sczhenaya.." Childe flinches, and it feels like his mind is clear for a moment. Zhongli pauses. "It would seem that perhaps a reconnection to nostalgia would improve your condition? Hm." Childe hears footsteps, and then distant sound.

Footsteps are heard to him again, after.. he's not really certain how long. Suddenly, he can find the scent of what he longs for. It reminds him of time inside after the snow, a tea warm and potent and unlike any of the herbs in Liyue. "Childe." He finally looks up. "Here. Try and drink." Childe reaches out to the cup, but his talons only knock it out of Zhongli's grasp, and Childe suddenly yanks his arm away back under the covers at the hot liquid.

"Ah..! Well... that's fine. This still gives me an idea."

-

A sudden rain pattered over the open walkways of Liyue outside, but you might not even of noticed if the knock at your door hadn't drawn you to front door. That was weird. You hadn't planned for anyone to come over. You carefully open the door, a little hesitant. You didn't want to have to talk to a stranger. "Hello?"

"Yes. It's me, Zhongli. I apologize for the sudden intrusion, but I have an urgent request."

-chain link anon

this was based off a recent Drabble of yours- id be more specific, but I can't recall if it had a title or was any distinct au.... sorry if Zhongli is out of character, I honestly dont know him that well.

!!! oh this. this is beautiful. and don't worry!! i think you characterized Zhongli just fine :D i believe i know which post you're referring to!! it's this one :)

but my word i love this- imagine you answer the door and reveal Zhongli and you're a little confused, because it's decently late at night and Zhongli prefers to visit during the day, but you're happy to see him anyways because he's your friend so you open the door wider for him

but he doesn't come in, merely stands outside and asks you to follow him- it's urgent. your confusion grows and you take a step back at Zhongli's tone, so he holds up his hands to calm you. "Please, don't be alarmed." he pauses, testing his words. "Childe needs your help- perhaps you know him? you're both from Snezhnaya" it's a shoddy excuse at best, but he doesn't want to reveal how much Childe talked about his "old friend"

you furrow your brow, because you're pretty sure you don't know anyone named Childe, and Zhongli sighs

"Or perhaps you know him as Tartaglia?"

your heart stops, and Zhongli grimaces at your horrified expression, watching it morph from awful shock to cold dislike. "What could he want from me?" you ask through clenched teeth, and Zhongli shakes his head

"Not want. Need. Please, come with me" and his tone makes you step outside and walk with him. when you reach his house he looks around before ushering you inside and pulling you to a room in the back, where you're met face-to-face with a beast, armored and sharp-looking. you try to scramble backwards but run straight into Zhongli, who puts his hands on your shoulders and gently pushes you towards the creature. you stand, shaking, as it looks at you, blinks in shock- inches over to you and carefully presses its head into your chest with a deep rumble. you... it's you, he's sure of it, he'd recognize you anywhere, anytime. you smell like home and old dreams, and Childe sighs contently and pulls you into a gentle hug

you look back at Zhongli, who just nods encouragingly, and your hands twitch, itching to shove Childe away and run home. yet you don't, allowing yourself one final hug- to wrap things up, you suppose, in a cruel, mocking way. so you stand in Childe's arms, stiffly listening to him purr in delight as he's reunited with the manifestation of his lost childhood, at last.

[mysticetus]

I know you’ve talked about this before on your old blog, but why do you believe Paul is trans? I don’t mean that in a “he’s cis ur making stuff up1!!1” way. More like..what are your reasons for believing he is trans. I love love love your Petscop analysis posts and just wanted to hear your take on it bc I saw an annoying post about how he is 1000% cis and like. I knew you’d be able to word it better than I could.

I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable btw! I remember your post about people making Petscop just about him being trans and that’s not what I’m trying to do here. It feels wrong to even word it like that. Sorry again!

hi there! no need to apologize i am very happy to answer this. thankyou for checking in though. sorry if this gets ranty/incoherent i just woke up

"paul is trans" really is a beast isnt it. the only reason i was talking about how i personally dislike when people focus too hard on him being trans is it tends to eclipse the things i read as the main themes of petscop. and those themes are very intense and difficult, and call for respect. while lgbt people absolutely can and should be included in these narratives the unfortunate nature of the internet is people tend to fixate on the fact theres lgbt people and then overlook anything else the art has to say.

its tough because in the case of petscop paul being trans has extreme importance to the effectiveness of the work. because its a series about abuse and trauma, and the lasting effects of those things. the main case study is care, and the narrator is paul. its heavily implied that paul and care are connected in some way, either being the same person or reflections of each other. the narrative that means the most to me, personally, and that i think is the most potent, is one that involves care and paul being the same person, full stop. how you decide to connect those dots also basically defines how grounded in reality you think the series is.

you can start pulling things like alternate timelines converging or some sort of AI to explain why/how these two are the same person. the simple fact is that the trans reading is the most grounded in reality, because theres nothing supernatural going on there. and the reason i don't personally like reading things in petscop as literally reality breaking is it takes away from the potency of its metaphors. is petscop literally anachronistic? is rainer literally an entity inside the game? life can certainly feel this way if you've undergone something similar to what the characters experience.

petscop explores how someone can be completely changed and transformed over time. in the case of care/paul, its an illustration of the relationship with the child self. and if petscop is using more literal representations to illustrate metaphors anyway, i think paul being trans fits into this very neatly. theres obviously countless ways to "be" trans, theres countless trans experiences, but the one care/paul implies - an afab person who at some point began hrt to physically transition - thats one i have personal experience in, and one i feel comfortable talking about. and as someone who has undergone/is undergoing this its very powerful. because in the case of being transmasc and taking t you are literally transforming and becoming unrecognizable, and people will project meaning onto that, positive or negative. people will start mourning your past self as if they died, you start feeling a disconnect from yourself in your past. it is very much a form of rebirth. this is why i can't very much blame people for making petscop about being trans, or only seeing it that way, because the trans narrative fits inside something that is vaguely telling a trauma recovery story.

and this is where i feel a need to say, while everything i just said is true, and i experience these things, it is 100% by no means only because i'm trans/physically transitioning. in fact, it actively pisses me off when people try to project that meaning onto me. because things one can experience because they're trans are also things one can experience because of trauma. and when the cause is the latter, it's insulting to say "oh this is because you're trans right" .....and im not sure i can properly put into words why it pisses me off so much. probably something to do with agency, because physically transitioning is a wholly positive thing in my life that i am actively deciding to do, whereas an adverse experience is something inflicted upon you and is essentially life destroying. obviously polar opposite experiences. one of these is a very personal part of my identity, and the other isn’t supposed to be there and you’re implying it’s part of my identity!  aah!

so theres an obvious need to be delicate when discussing these things. but we will never know what tony's original intention was, so all we can really do is express what the art means to us, so thats what im doing here. as you can see i make petscop really personal, but that's not even the inherent nature of the work. i can sit here and tell you how its about someone slowly coming to terms with things that happened to them in their childhood and it wont change anything because its just my reading. basically, youre not killing orphans or whatever because you read it in a different way or treat it differently. but there is an objective truth that the series addresses child abuse and trauma, and calls for some degree of respect because of it. so maybe it makes sense why "paul says trans rights" makes me go :/

to try and answer this question, i think paul is trans because i think that paul and care being the same person in a context that's grounded in reality is essential to the work functioning in the way i take to be its intended way. if the work wants to explore dissociative amnesia, flashbacks, identity, and processing trauma, paul's story has to be care's story without any sort of supernatural "paul's memories are merging with someone else's memories and he's scared and confused because of it". otherwise it becomes disrespectful, because it paints these very real experiences as absurd and otherworldly, and surely they could never actually happen right? the trans reading just sits best with me.

thank you for asking me to talk about this!

[souryogurt64]

do you have a ranking of all of FOB's albums?

sorry this got buried under taylor swift discourse but here is my half assed chronological album commentary because every fall out boy song and album is good

EOWYG: obviously this album is not good and obviously rushed, which is why they did not want it released. however, i think it has "good bones." i live right by the (closed) cafe where the album cover was shot and walk by it pretty much every time i leave the house and i get chills every time knowing that was where so much started. a lot of lines are very bad and do not fit the beat and obviously are slapped together but there are certain lines that i feel really capture the essence of fall out boy and also make my chest hurt. this album really captures this sort of rough midwestern wannabe wes anderson 80s romance protagonist indie coming of age energy in such a potent, ugly, and raw way. lines like "when the moonlight hits your bright eyes i go blind" and "do you mind if i stand next to you and watch you smile, ive seen your boyfriend and i dont think he treats you right, but thats none of my business is it" are a little ham fisted but theres just something about it. "the next time the phone wrings my neck." "switchblades and infidelity." you can also tell how much potential patricks voice has and sense this building energy hiding under the bad production and slightly off kilter performance that demonstrates how much potential they had.

i feel similarly about the arma angelus album, where its largely terrible but you can sense this sort of energy. and i feel like eowyg was such a good demonstration of petes businessman recognition that tons of lovesick teenage girls were showing up at hardcore shows and stalking his livejournal with intense fantacism, and he realized if he bottled and marketed this machismo ridden boys club to girls in a way that appealed to them as a "boy band" it was going to be his big break. its also so authentic, with "five tired boys" as a gutwrenching nostalgia for a life youve never had love song to throwing your life away for the sake of the scene whether theres payoff or not, especially the bridge. i think i can trace the emotion i felt hearing that song off a zip file i torrented to my mp3 player in middle school (along with seeing later tttyg music videos) to fighting with my parents constantly 10 years later because i want to be a waitress and wear beat up shoes so i can afford to do unpaid tours

i didnt expect to write this much about this bastard child of an album that is largely considered to suck and few people know exists, but i also really love how pete looks on the album cover. i feel like it'd be rude to say that it captures their personalities since andy is missing, but i like that joe is mid-sentence and mid-hand-gesture, i like that patrick is sitting basically on top of pete and so hunched down and barely visible behind his glasses listening to whatever the waitress has to say. and pete. pete is wearing this cunty white collared shirt and tie that isn't tightened all the way like hes trying to pull chicks when thats undoubtedly tucked into bootcut jeans, staring at the waitress with some stupid lemme smash expression that shows off his jawline like the egotistical, tabloid heartthrob hed later become. go to hell

TTTYG: i think TTTYG is weak in a lot of places. i think a lot of the songs sound incredibly similar to each other so its hard to pick out any one good song thats stronger than any of their later sings, except for "grand theft autumn" which is the "national anthem" for a reason. that being said, the album taken as a whole has a very powerful and distinct feel and i enjoy the screaming a lot and the unbelievably angsty and deliberately double-entendre homoerotic lyrics like "he just made my list of things to do" and "he is well hung and i am hanging--"

a lot of people either love or hate tttyg and im not sure why, i dont feel like its exceptionally terrible or particularly strong. i really like it though, i would probably rank individual songs lower than a lot of other fob songs but i like the overall feel of the album all together

FUTCT: also an incredible album. i really like how bitter and kind of dark and sardonic this one feels. the last one was obviously rageful and there was a lot of screaming and stuff but it all felt a lot more childish and superficial— and there’s a time in your life for those emotions but the emotions on this record just felt a little more complex.

also all the songs sound much different which wasnt really the case with tttyg. i also really like the experimentation with spoken word and the deliberate homoeroticism, particularly in get busy living. snitches and talkers was taken off this album and is a bonus track, but i love it a lot. i also love petes experimenting with whispered hidden messages on various versions of the album, a few of which have not been decoded to this day, which im sure hes very pleased about. i also think the album kind of gets progressively darker generally except for maybe 16 candles, but the video for 16 candles was pretty dark so idk. i also really love a lot of the guitar on the album, it just stands out to me for some reason. the lyrics on this album grew up so much compared to take this to your grave or tttyg and you can really see pete starting to play to his strengths as a writer and how his and patrick’s relationship started to get into a system that brought out the strengths of the band at the time,

Ioh: this is probably widely considered fobs best album and was at the height of their career, and i really like it. if i had to pick one favorite fall out boy song i feel like i would pick hum hallelujah. i really like how pete explores religion and christianity/catholicism in fall out boy and i feel like this record is where you see the most of that, except maybe mania, although its on srar and futct as well.

my favorite tracks are probably carpal tunnel and ive got all this ringing, and hum hallelujah and im like a lawyer, and youre crashing. too many favorite tracks. i feel the way this album explores general human conflict through being famous and through religion is really cool and feels very real. i also like a lot of the more unconventional stuff they did like the choir in crashing or the sort of toy noises in afterlife or the windup sounds in mmrs, those are some of my favorite parts of the album. im sorry im not writing more i just feel like everyone knows this is a really good album and it did really well and its just so big and biblical culty feeling i dont need to write a novel

fad: this was my favorite album in high school, so i kind of listened to it too much and am still recovering from that (im not afraid to flex that i was in the top .001% of fob listeners this year so i am serious about listening to them too much lmfao). folie is widely considered now at least to be ahead of its time.

a lot of the album feels really grand and i really like all the instruments they used, it felt like an intensification of what they were doing with infinity on high.

some of my favorite tracks are west coast smoker, headfirst slide, was, and 27. headfirst slide is my favorite song of this album right now, its so good. i also appreciate the return to slam poetry on this album complete with the slam poetry percussion. committing to the bit. i feel like everyone on tumblr loves this album anyway

srar: i was 13-14 when this album came out so this was my introduction to fall out boy and holds a really special place in my heart because of that. i feel like its got a sort of anger that wasnt on any of the albums since tttyg and i really just loved that as a middle schooler and wanting to be a part of something angry and put on my war paint or whatever, especially when mcr were on the tail end of their killjoys shit around the same time. the youngblood chronicles were also amazing. i wont ever watch the youngblood chronicles again because i dont want to lose my memory of watching it in someones basement at age 14 not knowing literally anything about fall out boy and thinking it was totally amazing.

i also really love the album art, i usually dislike photo album art but this one is very good.

my favorite tracks are where did the party go and just one yesterday. my least favorite track is probably mighty fall EXCEPT for big seans verse, thats one of my favorite parts of the album. i dont know if big sean wrote his own verse or not but i feel like “i know you said not to call unless im dying but im driving and i cant stop staring at my eyelids” is such a pete wentz line. miss missing you is also excellent.

young volcanoes also has a soft spot in my heart, i didnt really listen to anything except justin bieber and one direction and taylor swift at that age and i was raised on a lot of kidz bop and vacation bible school type garbage so this music was a little hard for my tastes except for that song which i couldn’t stop listening to even though it arguably had the most traumatizing music video.

a lot of people older than me fucking hate this album, probably for the same reasons i initially hated mania, but i really like it and i really dont think it sounds that different than the rest of fall out boy and think its really good.

ABAP: i listen to AB/AP the least, and i think its my technical "least favorite," but not because its a "bad" album, because i was in high school and very into fob when it came out so some of the songs feel a bit overplayed to me, like uma thurman and centuries. its also my least favorite album cover by a long shot and album art is very important to me. immortals is also probably my least favorite fob song of all time. it also was for a movie so it feels slightly out of place. pete has talked about how rushed AB/AP was and i think its a solid album, especially for the timeframe, but feels a bit rushed-- centuries wasnt their song, their 3 major singles were overplayed and associated with high school for me, and songs like novocaine feel like SRAR songs because they were SRAR songs. however, songs like irresistible and kids arent alright are absolute knockouts-- i feel like irresistible is such a fall out boy and such a pete wentz song despite having the more modern production and musical style, and kids arent alright is heartwrenching. irresistible is one of my most played songs of this year.

mania: full disclosure, when young and menace came out, i was a senior in high school and i snuck out of class to listen to it and i literally cried in the bathroom because i hated it so much. It was on the radio too and whenever it came on my friends and family would comment on how terrible and unlistenable and annoying it was and it made me so embarrassed to be a fall out boy fan and not give the song another chance because I was more focused on fitting in than actually forming my own opinion and also refusing to give something another chance based off the wrong expectations. I felt like it was a bad song but it’s not a bad song, it just is a non traditional song that’s more of an art piece than a catchy single. I didn’t really give mania a chance because it was different and not what I wanted— and I liked ABAP and SRAR, I wasn’t a whiner about their new music up until that point.

However, now mania is one of my favorite albums and I literally ration how much I listen to it because i like it so much. It’s shorter than i’d like, but rock albums are much, much shorter now. I think it’s a really good exploration of being in a state where you’re not sure if you’re fully in touch with reality or if you’re really experiencing things that are rare, like fame and greatness and true love and religion. i used really like to listen to this album on substances, especially y&m and bishops knife trick, and its amazing. the only other fob songs that i personally think are super fun on substances are headfirst slide and afterlife of the party.

i also think the album art and (some of) the merch was really pretty, and its some of the only band merch ive purchased that i consistently wear and use. i got the vip pack and i didnt feel like it was overpriced. some of their other shit not in the pack was some of the ugliest and most overpriced garbage they’ve put up for sale. however the album art was so pretty i cant get over it. its my favorite album art definitely. i didnt like the llamas though— my roommate was a llama so im allowed to say that. i did really, really love their intro and what they had on the screen during hella mega. it was so much better than the emoji shit during abap, i loved it and it was very immersive and child-like but also grown up in a way the llamas were not. but pete is a furry so he needs his stupid costumes

[pndnj]

Cathartic- Yellow Metal Lyrics

Heres where I am with the lyrics, I referenced @25Goldenn on twitter for some of it that I couldn’t comprehend. 

*music*

0:23

Dark matter, like painted splatters, they fit better, the old saying, the way it goes, better the devil you do then you don’t know. I hit pedals and switch levers, my heart metal, I can't settle, im part trouble, they are not subtle. I fuck good so fuck cuddles, burst bubbles the thrist levels at new heights, i down doubles, and got baked til I felt high, my face puzzled, felt muddled, far strung and your floors woodent, the thought might but the fit wouldn’t. A fortnight

0:46 - 1:00

And I thought right, it’s all bark and no bite, I’m Tony Stark still embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I saw. Heartless on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them in a piece on my chest , at peace no rest.

1:00-1:15

Flipped this on it’s head. Rip the script up now, flip it don’t pretend, slipping shit again, Fakers all around me, I’ve been living in pretense. Fake friends won’t make amends. There’s no need, these mean comments control the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened

1:15-1:24

This family needs, what a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving til we ascend so fuck the fence, and until they stop killing colour it’s fuck the feds.

1:22 - 1:44

You must be off it, I mean it, you know you ain’t never get with the judging and I used to dread growing my beard too long, never felt I belonged, but it's really long like a minute I ain’t looking to no mans for the limits, They’re feeling timid, I’m telling them who they mimic, why they don't look like a clinic …. Why they don't get no women, Still, we’re just fucking girls, Lost in the wrong world, Jurassic, now to this vermin

1:41-  1: 50

Kicking the game I’m serving, these losers are never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I’m always focused on never becoming you, These locals that rob us feeling … was for a reason.

1:52-2:02

I’m seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser’s winning, and no water is too deep to swim in Like I’m about to see a killing, I’m all the way that and living, flawless and feeling lawless, the prison now to the gimmicks, my vision is set to something,

2:03-:2:20

I’m watching you bitches plummet, no matches here for my cunning, you rappers are feeling done in, switching your genre, running and Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something  I think you’re a poor effort, deaf and tone deaf and I ain’t treat you separate. Living, I’m in my element, riding it like a … never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general

2:20- 2:46

Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverence, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to eminem, you’re feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my dick. And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I’ve been moving things in my mind like it’s this mountain dew Memories have made me wonder if one day I’m after you. What’s the purpose that you do, is what you're hoping that they learn, i’d like to say i’m done but it’s getting up on my nerves

2:46 -2:55

I’m looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It’s hard to say I know when I’m walking through the dirt. Talking while you’re nothing I can see for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’ve tried enough but nothing works.

2:55-3:40

I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work. Chit chatting is the usual, talking to this clerk, i beg you don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt so everytime they see me, the oldest know to swerve. SWERVE Life is potent, bits of fucked shit… till they took notice weren’t  no hocus pocus, it was hard work that got me heard so i put in the graph like google maps but the whole earth

… around my door mat, taking over like the drones, rolling dirt up in miles like the water, and exploding like Annas hematoma. Don't need to see a slammer to know that I don't want to go man

I’m a showman. I’m just focused on the drama… like i’ve got my own insurance, show myself the pain, like i boxed it in the frame, if we’re about to talk greatness im great, the way you have to say my name like beyonce

“Say my name”

4:00-4:46

Just a bum with a cigarette, sun coming up, all my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I’m just bored with the silhouette single sec,  get fucked up for the thrill of it . killer streak playing Pacman. Like I came from the Philippines vanilla bean still a thing for the thrill of scene,

Theres a beam, UFO, Leave it well alone  I aint moving, stood still on the peloton, telephone and its always on the dial tone,  it's been a while since i’ve smiled at a milestone, seen a big pile in my mind stone, me against the world on my Jack Jones, Like I’m John Jones, With pictures in the condo, far from John Doe, in the ___, like I'm Johnny Bravo, got pravado, with a small dick sitting in golados, feeling far gone, cuz that last hit was the good shit, was that stay lit

4:48-5:02

You can never take my shit come and get me. On the top floor,  cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled. A suit of just skin and then wool

5:02- 5:17

This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm ya. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here till they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80, and start moving like a ruler, ?damaged? Like a computer going fast, bars from the jeweler, bring the songs to the beach in hopes of finding tuna

5:18-5:36

…

5:36- 6:16

Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, a couple people got me wrong and now I’m changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag. Feeling undefeated, I’m a beast with a reason, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I’m Caesar, I’m just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving is clocking miles in its region, moving like a legion.

Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving.

I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy, it’s time I grew up,  a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.

6:16-6:32

I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can’t put that on your plate.

Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don’t say I can’t communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And I know you know it’s references, looking at your face.

6:33- 6:53

Can’t justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I ain't  the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I’m switching up the plate, see if that affects the place, im at on most days

I ain’t going with the usual so they looking at me strange. Confused, I can feel it all,  I’m here to make a change. It’s cold at 3am outside, I’m walking with the dog, thanking god that you don’t talk at all, my mind is switching off

6:54-7:12

Driving down to find myself, cuz I’ve been getting lost, lived this selfless life and found I can give a toss. Lessons that I’ve learned I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself.

So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. Like burning toy soldiers that used to go up on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt

7:14-7:29

.. circus, always hurting the way we felt? Embarrassed that we dreamt of bigger things and letting go of notions till we feel them in cement

Tired of only hoping, we feel broken men. Cuz the gravity is weight and has kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking with favors in their mouths

7:46-7:58

Got killer rhymes… no fillers, like godzilla, eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker, throat licker, my dope sicker, bringing people their hope like im the pope slicker,  i hope you’re getting the point cuz i walk quicker

I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger like my zipper couldn’t zip up fed up with the…my love is fickle.. Residual age has a primitive face

I see demise for your limited ways, Left it to simmer, simmer away…a fake glimmer in the haze

8:09-8:11

Feeling trapped this industry is a cage

8:34-8:50

Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views, while they’ve been sat in their chairs, I’m feeling pressure to choose.

Standing here as one man, how can I do half when you’re half the person I am. If it wasn’t in your life, you didn’t choose it. It’s the funny thing about music. It’s the pain and beauty of it.

8:52-9:11

Don’t give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People’s wearing, changing the whole narrative for these basics and scarcity

Been facing the racists from back when i were a kiddie .born up in in 93’. been living in Bradford City..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p*** still sitting in the classroom chilling, and i'm angry now that I’m older I see they treat us different

9:12-9:25

got me thinking I’m the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues.

20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat

9:25-9:35

Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them

‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.

9:35-9:45

I don’t know how that’s acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I’ve been looking at the sky saying where’s that day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you would speak to them.

9:45-9:55

I need justice in this life and I trust that it’s my fight, cuz when I’m writing it feels right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again

9:55-10:16

Writing in all caps again, the pain, it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me but made me better.

I’m at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap… cuz you know I was too real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would write on nesquik.

10:17-10:29

My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.

I ain’t never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain’t no answers for these things, so just save us the questions, man allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get him a breath mint.

10:30- 10:42

Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine Now they all wanna hear me, got a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don’t believe the age ,bcs I move like a veteran.

10:42 - 10:47

Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.

…no words coming out when you open your mouth

And to be honest, it’s insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salting. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I’d rather sit online and reply to the fan art

11:00-11:06

Fuck a sports car, coming through when i rapped

tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor

11:06- 11:17

Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don’t wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden 98’ in the Datsun,  seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.

*music*

11:51- 12:34

I make millions off of my pain, cause I know a few millions still living that way

Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause i hit the nerve. Only way that the sheep learn if the street firm, in my ways I don’t wanna change, everything just stay the same

Who you tryna convince you understand, cant maintain, let the lights dim some,  get the Chow Mein, flex, get the tape, right up at night

Why these men be nice to my face, be nice,  i ain’t tryna be a gangsta ruins my vibe

Rather be low-key and on my phone. Never need the trophy or the show piece

Never show peace in a North Face fleece. Show kids this like i wrote my flip

Cause the sign might fit till the start i’m sick

12:37-13:05

Now you see where I come from, the world don’t. Only achievement in this life is the Jordans. Committing petty crimes out of boredom, we can’t afford them. So I stole it, need a rolex

Go make sense, get yourself a job, It’s a poor man’s game tryna sit and pray to god, he ain’t sorting out your problems, gotta sort them out yourself

Used to tell us fables, now I’m writing them myself, Cause we raw like animals we all just need some help

Cathartic, I’m an artist, trying to put my heart in

Felt double crossed like Leo in Departed

13:05- 13:27

For the knowledge i’m not charging see I got it all free

But my hunger kept me starving like i’m feening for the feed

I just Need a reason to see me bleeding for my creed. Trick you with the words like I keep em up my sleeve. Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the queen

I ain’t doing it unless you’re used to saying please

Let me flow a bit, before I sting 'em with the bees, They tryna kill us with disease

(Music)

13:34- 14:12

Why does it feel like they had the same notebook and the same four looks

Like the rain won't touch on their face, so sus when they lie don’t trust not a minor

Please no fuss, I just move through the game like must

Something in the way i adjust till i stick, Free falling like the ship, free fall till i bust

Remember 21 brother gave no fucks. Trying to project when they give them looks

In the projects, in the objects us

In my own way, never gave me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid

Dried up the feeling till I stole the lid

Don’t wanna relish in the fame but I can’t resist

14:46-14:58

I like the way we feel, I like the way, I like the way

Ain’t no mistake, i am a being

I ain’t tryna be a leader, been selling out since Jesus

All my rhymes are for the readers, between the lines, like Father time, I fuck Mother Nature

14:58-15:40

That’s what they get, the connotations. Tell 'em I lived a life, and then I lived a life of adjacent? like its…. and played it patient.

Alone on my own spaceship, always tryna find greatness, still defying lines, but I’m fighting in my prime.

Shining light like Kylo while imma kill it all the time. Aging like I’m wine

Asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define. Focused on defiance, imma fight it while it’s life.

Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next, just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around til I’m the best

Speaking in full sentences, shoulda thought about a strategy before you went at the stratosphere about this… rings around Saturn, this ain’t a battle, I’m sat, I’m here

15:40-16:22

Catch me doing magic, hired and sounding tragic I think you could use practice and until that you get the blacklist and pull like a … actress? Fooling them like a catfish, schooling like a legend, happy to be the reference, fusing like iridescence, leaving them all guessing, leaking out of my brain like a pipe I aint fixing, shining like a star you can see it from a distance

Aint many of me around p*** I’m just different Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto, clean up like Im Dettol

I’m the man to put a bet on, sight smart like a weapon,  this is my kind of setting, i write the world I’m sat in, while these others live on hype, i see them fight in how they type, the fruit is ripe for the taking, i think i might

16:22-16:57

Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here

16:58- 17:47

Eccentric things are mentioned like a kid stuck in detention tryna escape im just spitting what is written on the next page, spitting image of my dad in his young days

Born sinner when i’m livid i say fucks sake

Don’t worry i’m too cunning with no plumbing, the waterworks, i sung something that resonates, i thought it first like giving birth to the parrot perch

They see me do it and they know it works

Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse

You’ll be nervous, you don’t deserve it we’ll scratch the surface ill leave a crater, lift the dirt up to find the hurting

Can’t know for certain nothing is guaranteed, tryna be a better person than the world deserves to see cuz i see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea

Cease and arrest what’s the reason.. And these the kinda kids we bringing up next

Distorted reality, all they needed was family, too hard to face, to see what the damage is

17:47

*i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, *

18:04-18:38

Sometimes they ask the questions too deep to form a sentence, to disform, is this the norm, is this the sentence i feel defenseless i played the setlist, and all my sweat blood and tears, forgot to mention feeling lost, going off into different sections i feel like love wrecked it

If it’s not a drug why am i waiting for the next fix, affected, i cant believe that you left this

I guess I leave for the best wish, moving on like im fine for the lectures

We see it all from spectrums, cuz if we’re falling down we can fall down together

Staircase to heaven, mirror down the middle like 11, resentment on one side it won’t settle

18:38- 19:14

Mind fried but taking sense, they aint got a sense of themselves in the rich ends

Need to spell it out for them.. Made for them so witness

I know you feel afflicted but you always love it with me while im laughing at you, ya think you’re laughing with me

I try to (i love you) but im grown so they don’t fit me, my body thrown from the new to this old city so Im sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty, i’ve been on roads where its cold and the snow hitting

Its okay to be yourself, sit and talking to myself

I’ve been walking for the longest, just need a little rest, know i ain’t the strongest, I can feel it in my chest, talking about my feelings and of me, they get the best

19:14-19:59

They aint leaving, seeing breathing in my breath

Till death do us part is just seeded in my heart, like a work of art

Never winning,im just scared

Cant begin from the start, do i play a part in the rhythm of the night

I guess i���m onto something cuz the dark is feeling right

Every cloud got a lining, put my own miles  in, like moralis, figured that they’re jealous, that they could just never tell us to change because the weather never made me question whether or not i’m not that level

Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way, most of them are full of shit i see it every day

I do hearing the same things that i do, maybe that shits hitting like haiku

How much do you pay for them to hype you

Recycle your flaws but they aint like new, leaving and conceded and full of diesel like engines that need a cleaning, the ending will be revealing. Even though we ain’t raising the facts, now we been facing.

20:01-20:52

The cactus with spikes, needing spaces. Different faces, the same story. A full body like straight body direct to your system.

Could never tell 'em we missed’ em. Not even with the thoughts, we gift them. Cuz they just take advantage, guess we are caught in a system.

My soul pouring out details of borrowed time, had enough of a fill, this is for sorrow time. I’m seeing visions of Heaven, I seen the severed line, between the gospel they speak and when theyre telling lies.

Remember telling a friend of mine, you’d sent of mine, identified like a 3rd eye. Got a habit of knowing now where the dirt lies. So benign. I ain’t sober after 9, so I fuck their minds. Why you flipping out, see another

Try to rep it from the city, fuck a chiller crew, repping for the nittys, trying to keep us down, raised on the social, don’t want to let us out of the system. Me, I insist we assist them, me alone putting shifts til I lift them

20:53-21:12

I know it’s hard, that’s why I like it, I’m fit to fight it, I’m from the North, I’m backing Tyson, it’s been decided, don’t see no light. They needing guiding, just redefining, realizing, I’m realigning, in full finance, they stay silenced.

Can’t be louder, I’m juiced up with no powder. I fix shit like a slick spanner. Gone green like Bruce Banner. So free Gaza on my banner

21:12-21:51

The real McCoy, I ain’t nothing to toy with, signifying peace like a Japanese Koi Fish. How did this happen, we’re moving backwards in our timeline, killing us with cyanide, Right up for the freedom 'til we transform like Ironhide

This is bout my feelings, the way that I move affects the fate that I’m sealing. Can’t say nothing, with that something being on the page, kept inside the pen like the bars that have been kept caged. See I always had a plan, since I was young, we had nothing man

Now it’s been a few years since I ain’t seen the fam, on foreign lands. Bout to climb Everest in the avalanche. Right into the riddles as soon as you were born. Never asking the question cuz it’s the norm. See I’m in a questionin’ session

21:52-22:03

Like the manner got a method to teaching a lesson, listen to MF Doom, he taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten. Still we play cartoons so it’s never forgotten.

22:03-22:15

Chilling at the top but we came from the bottom. Writing and jottin for them life by, spotting the difference

*Dreams, was growing out of me, sun promising that tomorrow it will rise, time playing games with my mind, I swear it will pass us by

Train goes on the tracks, smoke, I’m tired to hide my thoughts, so blinded in flames, Don’t know where we’re going, I have no way of knowing, only see what’s in my head

Can’t we wait a minute, so we can savour this, It’s on my brain again, these days, It on my brain again these days”

23:10-23:46

They’re hating on Palestine ways, The oh no Palace playing Prince on the Steinway, Sending out mind waves, stop them like crimewaves, Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name

Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing

We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route, say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown

I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.. Done ain’t it, Shit just gets me vexed, and now I’m sitting that I think of it

23:45-23:59

Feeling on the brink of it, whatever it is, Figure out some shit at least it feels that way

talk about my feelings and I don’t feel so strange, finding solace, that’s a promise, in Metropolis but being honest, can’t write a sonnet, without some pain

24:00-24:40

Can’t fade away, away so we can savour this, been on my brain again these days

Can't find a way to be so you can savour this, been on my brain these days

Singing the song for another, singing a song for another

[dearhummingbird]

in an interview Ocean Vuong said:

“having written poems for over ten years, i got really good at getting out of the poem. i got really successful at ducking out the side door when things got too hot. doesn’t mean the poems were good, i just got really good at sneaking out of that, kind of letting myself get off the hook before the questions got hard [...] the novel is the perfect antidote. it forces you to tend to bodies. day after day, even the bodily functions of your characters, you have to follow them. and i think it was more, not that the poems couldn't do it, but the novel was more conducive to a display of linguistic care. like i had to care, for them? more thoroughly. and that, did not allow me to turn my back on harder questions. because the poem has a high lyric moment then you can start over in the next poem. its a reset button. you can start over from a different angle, which is perfectly potent and productive, but you do stop, something does end. and the novel did not allow that; it got more and more complicated. one thing that i realised was that the more i wrote the more the portal widened, and i was almost living half in one world and half in this one, which is something i did not expect, which was quite challenging. [...] i think the poem is the ultimate language lab, yknow — when you dont have to tend to the physics, gravity, you can tend to linguistic acrobatics, anagrams and play, and i find most pleasure as a creator of poems, because you can write it and jump; its an art of disorientation in a very pleasant way. where as the novel, requires almost a religious faithfulness to its physics. the most challenging parts were the serviceable mundane, yknow.. he opened the door, she looked at him, he said, things we learn in our poems to take out, and here theres almost a need for these gray phrases in order to amplify the other things. and i learned how to really build structures in that way, and it was really challenging because your brain is geared to remove this fluff and then you realise that people gotta go through doors, and yknow its like, alright i guess they have to leave eventually. so that was challenging.”