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spammreviews · 8 months

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I would like to say that this is not a ranking of the characters based on morals. This is based on how good I think they are as characters. This is obviously extraordinarily subjective, however, I enjoy ranking and sorting.

There are three factors I generally considered for this ranking.

The first is how well written I think the characters are. Do they have dimensions, do they serve their purpose within the story, do they stand out from the very large crowd of faces within this story, et cetera. This one is less important if they are a very minor character.

The second is how fun I think they are. The point of some of these characters is to get a chuckle, and if they did that, then they succeed as characters.

The third is vibes. Sometimes, I just vibe with characters.

Art Credits to

The_Mico

https://m.facebook.com/198918470118215/photos/a.232323176777744/465124813497578/?type=3

Amok https://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/File:Visenya.jpg

Riot Art Therite

https://riotarttherite.tumblr.com/

The Three Hares

Rae Lavergne

Weak Aside

https://www.tumblr.com/weakaside

Paolo Puggioni

Image of Nettles by Rlyeha https://www.deviantart.com/rlyeha/art/Nettles-885635180

Special Thanks to

A Wiki of Ice and Fire

https://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/Main_Page

and

A Search of Ice and Fire

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Without further ado, the list. This is a ranking of all characters from best to worst, with 398 being the worst and 1 being the best.

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F Tier:

398. Xaro Xhoan Daxos-

Xaro is like a weird homophobic stereotype. One could compare him to Varys, but Varys is a character and he has dimensions. There are moments where we are surprised by Varys. Varys has a boring room. Varys went out of his way to save Gendry. Varys has a fucked up backstory. Despite all of Varys’ silliness he never feels cartoony. He’s an actual capable and intelligent person who’s motivations are mysterious and intriguing. Et cetera, et cetera.

Meanwhile, Xaro Xhoan Daxos has no surprises. He’s just…ridiculously one noted, and that note teeters on the edge of being kind of homophobic with a few weird lines which I hope were not George’s intention.

All of this would be fine if he only had a few chapters, but he appears in two books. Two!

Everything Xaro says and does is so basic. He’s got simple and un-unique strategies because of his simple and un-unique motivations. Half of his lines and actions feel the same. His purpose within not just the story, but within individual chapters and conversations, never changes. I’m getting really angry right now.

I get that we are supposed to hate Xaro, but the hatred I feel with him is not a fun hatred. I do not love to hate Xaro. I simply hate him. He annoys me. The way he talks is so fucking annoying, with this stupid eloquence wich makes simple sentences turn into paragraphs. It reminds me of papers I read in college. “I have crossed long leagues and stormy seas to help you once again.” “A pretty metal, but fickle as a woman. Gold, now…gold is sincere.” Shut the fuck up. He also talks about how hot Dany is every other second. I get the point that the traits of Dany which are valued are her appearance, so even someone who’s not attracted to women is going to act pervy, but it’s still annoying.

Xaro is also ridiculously condescending. It’s purposefully infuriating, but it’s so cartoony and on the nose it’s not even a funny kind of infuriating. Perhaps he might go higher if he died a terrible death, but for now he’ll go here.

He also adds nothing to the story. He has two conversations with Dany in Dance. The first one lasts for pages, and it’s only purpose is to give us a bunch of information. The second one’s purpose is to piss Xaro off so he can declare war.

In conclusion, Xaro Xhoan Daxos is too ridiculous to be taken seriously, and too annoying to be taken comedically.

397. Yezzan zo Qaggaz-

It’s really hard to tell apart one Ferengi-esque Ghiscari from another (I think the enslaved people aren’t Ghiscari, but I’m not sure). They’re all ugly, cruel, ridiculously decadent, and greedy. It’s bland, it’s repetitive, and it’s almost, dare I say…lazy. The world of Mereen feels so drab in comparison to the world of Westeros because everyone there basically just acts basically the same. At least with the Ferengi, we were introduced to sympathetic and complex ones, and we learned about the nuances of their society and all that jazz. The Ghiscari are not afforded that same privilege. The exception is Hizdar Zo Loraq, who will be discussed later.

I’m obviously not saying that George should have introduced us to a nice, sympathetic slaver. Please do not misconstrue my meaning. I’m saying that George could have introduced us to a slaver who’s personality stands out, or a Ghiscari who wasn’t a slaver or something. You can make a character complex and interesting while still having them be completely irredeemable in every way. This is ASOIAF, after all, and this story has lots of characters who are atrocious people but who still have interesting internal psychologies. Hell, sometimes adding complexity or whatever to a character can make them more hateable, as we will later see. I know the Ghiscari suck, but there’s no slaver who provokes the same degree of anger in me that Joff or Ramsay does, and I’ll explain why later.

These are all evil, irredeemable human-shaped pieces of shit, but at least Joff and Ramsay are characters. Ramsay isn’t even that complex…he’s mostly just sadistic for no reason, but his sadistic cruelty is still interesting because he is a character with traits beyond “evil”. He’s a specific kind of evil, and there’s a reason he’s that kind of evil, and that specific kind of evil comes in a variety of ways. Grazdan and Yezzan and Kraznys are just evil.

Once again, I am not saying that George should have made a slaver sympathetic. I want to emphasize that. He could have, at the very least, given one of them an interesting quirk, like one of them is a big fan of card games or whatever and the other slavers are really annoyed because he always wants to play. I don’t know. I’m not a critically acclaimed writer of dozens of fantasy and sci fi novels.

Obviously, George making the slavers all greedy and decadent makes a clear point, but there are ways to portray greed and decadence interestingly, as we see elsewhere in this story. With the Ghiscari, George just ramps up the traits to extreme levels, making the slavers too cartoony to be seen as a realistic threat. I’m not against this series being a bit silly, but the slavers feel beyond parody, and this hurts his criticism of the systems of Slaver's Bay, as the story focuses less on how the system doesn’t work, and instead simply shows that the people who benefit from it are annoying and gross. Now, the story can focus on how a system is fundamentally flawed and also show how the people who benefit from it suck, because this story does do that, but not with Slaver’s Bay.

It’s also definitely possible to show oppressive forces as being ridiculously stupid and annoying while still having them feel real. Outside of ASOIAF, Quentyn Tarantino does this very well with Django Unchained and Inglorious Bastards. Within ASOIAF, well…we’ll see.

In conclusion, the character of Yezzan is extremely lazy writing.

396. Grazdan Mo Eraz (not pictured)-

It’s really hard to tell apart one Ferengi-esque Ghiscari from another.

Much has been written about how ASOIAF is not just a psychological story (meaning that the plot is driven by the character’s internal psychologies) but also a sociological story (meaning the plot is driven by the world around the characters). Dany’s story definitely succeeds on a psychological level as Dany’s character is well thought out. However, it only occasionally succeeds as a sociological story, in my opinion at least.

This is because the society Dany interacts with in Storm and Dance doesn’t really feel like a society. We never see what daily life is like in Mereen, or see a diversity of thoughts and opinions within the citizens of Astapor. Everyone feels like a part of one big homogenous blob. A society is made up of individual people, with all of these individual people having their own psychologies. In a sense, sociological stories are psychological stories- but with the psychology of thousands or even millions of people. What is the internal psychology of Grazdan Mo Eraz? Why has his society made him think and act this way? The answer is, he has none. He’s just another bad guy.

With much of the plot in Westeros, we see that these characters have ideologies which are a result of the world they're in, no matter how minor these characters are. For example, the two knights Brienne meets in her first chapter in Feast are clearly influenced by these ideals of knighthood and chivalry and gender, and these are very minor characters. Even the most displaceable of characters, such as Euron, are clearly influenced by their society's values.

We never get this with anyone in Slaver’s Bay.

395. Kraznys mo Nakloz-

It’s really hard to tell apart one Ferengi-esque Ghiscari from another. These three slavers are equal in value to me, as they are extraordinarily similar characters, with their only differences being different versions of sucking. One is harsh, one is jolly, and one is mocking. These are very common types of assholes within ASOIAF. I get them mixed up in my mind all the time.

I have one more issue with the Wise Masters of Yunkai and the Good Masters of Astapor. George wrote a fat character who suffered extreme amounts of abuse and bullying because of his weight and has to learn to love himself. However, he also wrote a bunch of characters who are fat to show that they’re rich. This trope isn't even subverted in any way, like with Wyman Manderly. The Wise Masters are fat, and it seems like we’re supposed to be disgusted by the fact that they’re fat because it means they’re decadent and gross. With Wyman, his weight is cleverly used against us, as we assume he’s just a bit player who only cares about himself, but then it turns out that he’s an extreme badass who uses his obesity as a shield. Even with Illyrio, we get the idea that he is more than what he seems to be, and he also serves as a reference to the “jolly fat guy” trope from Shakespeare. However, with the wise masters, they’re just overweight. We are supposed to think it’s funny that Kraznys “has bigger breasts than Dany”. I suppose maybe it’s actually to show Dany’s immaturity, and that she’s negatively influenced by beauty standards, but that’s not something which is really explored. With Cersei, we get her trusting hot people who betray her and disliking “ugly” people who are actually trying to help her.

That doesn’t seem to be a big part of Dany’s character. Kraznys is what he seems to be and nothing much more than that.

394.Doreah-

She was not much of a character

And ohhh…she had no personality

And I got this crazy feeling

I’m gonna ah ah put her low

And oh she was so boring

I didn’t care when she died

And I got this crazy feeling

George didn’t care either

As Dany only thinks of her once afterwards

You may ask what’s her name

And I’ll whisper her name

I’ll whisper her name

And her name is D-O-R-E-A-H

DOREAH! D-O-R-E-A-H

And oh, I’m gonna tell the world

She was Dany’s handmaiden

No, not Jiqui or Iqui

The only difference is that she was blonde

And the way she was described

Was very creepy

DOREAH! D-O-R-E-A-H!

Oh, what’s the point?

What’s the point of her?

Quentyn died for someone’s sins, but not mine.

392 and 393. Irri and Jiqui-

I have forgotten the existence of Irri and Jiqui. They are Dany’s Dothraki “friends”. I feel like George screwed up by making all of Dany’s friends (other than Missandei) uninteresting, and also making most of the Dothraki she encounters lacking in any depth. Jon has a large treasure trove of kooky characters for him to bounce off of. Some of these characters are wildlings, who are displayed as having a wide variety of character types.

Meanwhile, there are two flavors of Dothraki we meet: fierce men and fragile women. This fill-in-the-blanks approach to character writing is super boring, sticking out extraordinarily from the rest of the series. I don’t care about Jhogo because he is the same as Aggo who is the same as Rakharo. I don’t care about Irri because she’s the same as Irri who is just a non-Lysene Doreah.

Irri and Jiqui are not characters. That requires character traits, which they lack.

391. Reznak Mo Reznak-

Reznak Mo Reznak is just…too goofy. His whole evil manipulator schtick feels like something from a C-tier Disney movie, and there simply isn’t anything done to make him in any way interesting or memorable. And, with many of these other lower tier characters, one could argue that they work well as set dressing, but Reznak’s set is already dressed fine. We get the idea that Mereen is a pit of vipers, and we get that there are all these people giving Danny bad advice. He adds nothing but another voice, and as voices go, his is the most annoying.

390. Aegon IV-

Aegon IV feels like an AI generated list of things you don’t want a medieval king to be.

389. Alliser Thorne-

Purposefully asshole characters are old hat. Sure, Alliser Thorne was created in the 1990s, but uhhh…whatever. Alliser does feel a tad bit tropey, which makes him kind of annoying. He’s also not evil in a fun way, just a jerk. I also don’t like Rast, but I didn’t get an image of him, so I’d also put him here.

I suppose one could say that we need two dimensional jerks like this in this part of Jon’s story, and I suppose that is true. However…I still don’t like him.

I’ve seen a lot of war movies, and there are tough drill instructors who are just as dimensional as Alliser yet still manage to be more interesting. Just look at Heavy Metal Jacket.

Also, like what is Alliser’s deal? He has no motives beyond just hating everyone for no real reason.

388. Jaehaerys II-

Jaehaerys II is easily the most boring Targ king. Maybe he had a personality, but I can’t say for certain.

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire

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colinodonoghue · 2 years

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@GalaxyConATX: Meet @colinodonoghue1 at GalaxyCon Austin! September 1-3, 2023 at the Austin Convention Center. Find Out More: https://galaxycon.info/codonoghueatxtw #GalaxyCon #GalaxyConAustin #ColinODonoghue #OnceUponATime #CaptainHook #TheRite #Luck #TheRightStuff #Douxie #TalesOfArcadia #Trollhunters

#galaxy con austin #galaxy con #conventions #events #twitter

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imsociallyanxiousgetoverit · 11 months

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alright thats enough

#long post

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444names · 2 years

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the entire wikipedia article on emperor taizu of song

Abiled Abint Abited Aborted Abows Acceptesed Accershou Acces Achible Achifyiing Acking Actur Adynal Afted Aganiteng Agentraill Agoin Ainceptiong Ainvers Aisce Alling Almse Alson Ander Anhus Aniguany Aniss Anquet Arathied Arcive Arderwituan Arger Arout Arten Artled Asemet Asistally Aughtiong Awang Bacisun Beadopu Bease Becombein Becong Becorele Becruce Becuju Becusucced Beight Beirs Bereforives Boriver Bropire Butenten Calle Canjoing Captee Cepted Chand Chastion Chenes Chifulty Chity Chough Chous Ciantly Cidnicept Comidle Commalsoms Comman Comons Complefal Coung Courtry Couthised Coutmoner Couzhu Cruck Dailly Daiship Dancent Daying Deave Decented Decid Deferove Dendame Derterivard Detante Dethon Deved Develied Devent Dexames Dinew Dinvit Dising Diste Domei Dopired Dowerso Dowthremess Drapoper Druicival Ducce Duccess Durcidnan Durined Dustan Dynall Eaned Earlook Ecoundestry Endevemed Erifu Ering Essoclat Evelattess Examin Exced Expal Expanhui Exparstrui Facadophan Faciaose Famen Fament Faming Fated Faveled Favishimin Favolven Feades Felang Ficad Fically Ficaut Ficeles Ficer Fichaos Ficive Filly Fistiong Fived Fiver Folang Foleces Folinflance Folve Fordies Forechies Fores Forsay Frecavin Fretiquents Fularcent Furee Gaiders Gionterst Gonfroling Gothed Gotiong Goved Goveling Gracted Grang Grapporint Grationfole Grecuragan Grefead Grelin Gremed Guanjing Guanot Gunituding Guozhore Hadmider Haozheadear Harolardes Hendee Herifyi Hisional Hongyi Horstates Hound Houzhous Hualle Huishi Ineed Ingjians Inino Invoun Ising Itted Jinite Joist Joyallinom Kindess Kinfrations Knoted Kualliven Kuanditeng Kuang Kuanhuican Lacia Lameng Larce Larmy Latinfor Letwounint Liang Liantualled Littempely Livang Lookins Lorge Loyangthen Loyin Loying Ludiegandan Mading Malry Mantater Marmen Maseally Mempled Mened Menes Miderid Minght Minstions Minyiing Mored Musly Nallows Nomill Nompand Nongzon Nowence Oationaming Obefor Offeaded Offeandart Offic Officy Offigh Offishen Olathendier Olklonsueng Orbanraths Oreiveloyal Ortions Othrovered Ouregaizon Ovened Panit Pascesed Peletir Pellits Pervade Pervan Platest Platint Playinson Pless Plithe Poncedlest Popentented Postire Pothe Preanever Precortaizu Prectur Preire Prented Prety Pricard Prign Prold Proleated Prolit Prolvers Proted Prous Quingth Ralry Rasinceles Rating Reaugge Reepands Reforn Reiging Reory Resiste Restern Reterew Reteris Retrolding Riessup Rilinise Riventral Roming Rones Scenter Scing Seler Selers Seling Sengying Shentred Shillignas Shingque Shishout Shitle Shork Shouninceed Simplit Sincei Sintles Skille Skilly Smaked Socap Socate Socception Sonally Sonson Sourely Spely Sproutmord Sputinvang Stabing Stang Steriallion Sterna Stiaoffir Stracated Suarecomide Subduche Subduings Subseminams Succeer Succepted Succia Sucted Suctors Sught Suithings Sundis Sunnerno Surrothong Swokinvion Sworeirel Systionalms Tablegese Tager Tailms Taing Tairest Tatent Tecterst Tegyinasse Telieng Tention Terwinui Thang Theng Thenhu Thently Therition Thers Thertral Thimille Thiturnors Thizu Thounder Thrin Tictimanbil Timing Tiouzhong Tires Tonapire Tordoor Tored Torts Trace Tragent Trave Travolord Truld Tuang Tweitaing Undeptes Uniaozon Usles Utmot Veness Vicave Wagaojianhu Waged Walle Warater Weationsty Wento Wentoons Wheadynage Wheivem Whing Wholind Whommalain Whont Witered Wring Wuyually Xiang Xiatherifyi Xighly Xight Xightentirl Xigname Xincescee Xinson Xundfavence Yally Yanhu Yeace Yelance Yelawarding Yellins Yinfluoyi Yonturate Yought Youns Youthers Yuanhu Yungyant Zhassiong Zhearaten Zhousoord Zhuan Zhuozhebed Zimic Étaing Étami

#444 names #444names

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mylovecolinodonoghue · 4 years

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I love when he's happy😍

#Colinodonoghue #Ouat #Killianjones #Captainhook #Therite #Therightstuff #JJSneed

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brat-in-a-teacup · 4 years

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The Rite.

Summary: Father Michael Kovak a priest who specialises in exorcisms finds himself in a difficult situation with a demon.

Warning: Fear, threats, knives, no actual gore.

Word Count: 878

Father Michael groaned as he rolled his neck, winching as it crunched and ached. Opening his bright blue eyes, he found himself in a drab living room windows boarded up, wallpaper peeling and air smelled stale and wet, yellow light flickering and giving a faint buzz.

Michael found his arms and legs bound to a wooden chair with zip ties pulled tight, Michael started to struggle his panic he tried to call out but cloth gag around mouth muffled his cries until a petite brunette came in from another room flanked by two tall and well built men. He gasped recognising the woman from the bar the night before, memories flooded back.

He had been sitting at the bar around the corner from his motel, he had been sent to Andover, Massachusetts after the area had been plagued by a series of demon possessions, a young girl of 16 had been possessed and it had taken a long time to make any progress, it was especially difficult as the young girl was in her third trimester and Michael was worried about the stress of the exorcisms would have on the child and young mothers health.

He had been approached by the brunette, dark eyes and husky voice had lured him to have more drinks than he was intending that was the last thing he remembered. The woman walked towards him, hips swaying as she walked.

“You’re a hard man to pin down Father, took us a while for you to lower your guard enough for us to make our move, I’m guessing that last rite took its toll on you?”

The woman took a chair facing it away and straddled the back fold her arms on it and looking Michael over, “You probably don’t even know what this is all about do you, don’t know how many important people you have pissed off, poor catholic boy…” purred the brunette he curls dancing as she moved her head to accentuate her words. “You see I am a demon”, her eyes flicked to black then back to there rich chocolate brown, Michael tried to back away from her, his efforts futile. “Oh, are you scared you should be you see my boss, Lucifer, the Devil sent me out here to build an army for this cursed world, and your exorcisms just keep getting in my way of making progress so we come to an impasse, yes Father?”

Michael felt a chill go down his spin as she talked he could do nothing was completely powerless and nothing in his training had prepared him for this, in his knowledge demons didn’t act like this they behaved under the surface of the individual not walking, talking able to blend in with the crowd. He had no clue where to start and with his mouth gagged, he could not start the rite to perform the exorcism of this demon woman and her two goons. Michael cocked his head slightly frowning at the woman, “Oh where are my manners, we know all about you Father Michael Kovak and you know nothing of us, well you can call me Meg and the two behind me well you can call them Edge and Christian for all go it will do you…” chuckled Meg her eyes bright with mirth.

“See the boss wants to have you hung, drawn and quartered, repeatedly, for eternity, for causing such a stir with our… operation, but I’m a generous kinda gal and I am willing to spare your life if you do one teeny tiny thing for me…” sang Meg who brought out a large hunting knife as she spoke, glinting in the low light. Meg stood kicking the chair to the side before straddling Michael using the knife to cut through each button as she whispered her offer her red lips close to his ear, breath rushing through his dark hair. “Your option is, and this is a one time offer Father, is to stop and go back to being a mortician like your father and your father's father… Or I can take great pleasure in spilling all your oh so holy blood on the floor before dragging your soul down to hell to become my personal plaything…” Purred Meg tracing the knife over Michael's chest, causing bright red drag marks in its wake, till the point was under his Adams apple. “So, what’s it going to be you going to be a loyal but dead priest or a clever and an alive mortician?”

Michael whimpered, his brain trying to weigh his options his life or his faith, he had been doing so much good giving people help and counsel when they need it… before he was able to decide two men rushed into the room quickly dispatching the two demon thugs as Meg hide her body behind Michael one hand buried in his hair pulling his head back and to the side, the other holding the knife against his throat. “Meg, I’ve been dying to see you again…” grimaced the smaller, fairer of the two.

And that is how Father Michael Kovak survived his first demon attack, he become good friends with the Winchester brothers learning many new skills about the supernatural but specialising in all things demonic.

#therite #colinodonough #supernatural fic #priest #demon

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