#they have managed to add Herbie

[alyblacklist]

Cast list for Episode 10.13 via Rotten Tomatoes

[starboundanon]

HERBIE!!! THAT UPDATE!! i’m so sad for luke and obi-wan my god… also obviously i figured that that was where anakin was going/planning once you said he wasn’t fighting back but i’m glad that luke at least managed to talk him down from that. out of curiosity, is it that anakin knows All the cops in town from working for sidious or was there just something anakin knew regarding who was on shift etc? and did luke immediately lie about what was happening because he’s afraid of anakin or is he just that stockholmed that his instinct is to protect him?

oh also sidenote but am i misremembering or did sotf use to have a happy ending tag on it? 😭 bc i dont know if i can see that being the case at this point but i feel like i remember it having it at one point..

I think Palpatine has cops on his payroll all over the place — but especially in a town where his favoritest henchman was just living in. Anakin probably set the whole thing up, but I like to leave some of the more finicky details to the imagination. Could all just be a happy coincidence that Piett and Ozzel responded to that call. Maybe this was just Luke’s fate.

As for why Luke lied… that’s really up to interpretation. Fear played a part, sure. Humiliation, definitely. Recognizing that something wasn’t right with these cops and that justice wasn’t likely to be served, even if only on a subconscious level. And I think Luke wants to stay with his dad, at least to some degree. Maybe he’s not in love with him but he does love him; he does want this person in his life, for better or worse, even if this is the only way he can have him.

And there’s shame at play, too, because regardless of why, of natural bodily reactions to things, Luke feels deeply self-conscious of the fact that he did physically enjoy the shit his father did to him. He doesn’t want Obi-Wan to know that, even if he knows everything else. He doesn’t want that dark secret to come to light.

SotF did not have a happy ending tag, since this is very much a, “the villain wins” kind of story. Might add the Hurt No Comfort tag when I post the epilogue, but even that is kind of subjective.

[smitheliana89]

Innovative Flavor Combinations In Jalapeno Kettle Chips

Jalapeno kettle chips have established themselves as a fan favorite, cherished for their spicy kick and satisfying crunch. However, the snack world is constantly evolving, and innovative flavor combinations have emerged to elevate the humble jalapeño kettle chip to new heights.

These inventive variations not only enhance the classic jalapeño experience but also introduce intriguing taste profiles that cater to a diverse range of palates. Here’s an exploration of some of the most exciting and innovative flavor combinations in jalapeño kettle chips.

Jalapeño and Cheddar

Flavor Profile: Combining the spicy heat of jalapeño with the creamy richness of cheddar cheese creates a harmonious balance of flavors. The sharpness of cheddar complements the heat of the jalapeño, resulting in a tangy and savory chip that satisfies both cheese lovers and spice enthusiasts.

Why It Works: The creaminess of cheddar helps to mellow the spiciness of the jalapeño, making the heat more manageable and the overall flavor more rounded. This combination is a nod to the popular pairing of spicy and cheesy elements found in many comfort foods.

Jalapeño and Lime

Flavor Profile: The addition of lime to jalapeño kettle chips introduces a zesty, citrusy twist that brightens the overall flavor. The tanginess of lime contrasts with the spiciness of jalapeño, adding a refreshing burst of flavor.

Why It Works: Lime enhances the jalapeño’s natural fruity notes while also balancing out the heat. This combination evokes flavors commonly found in Mexican cuisine, where lime and chili peppers are often paired together for a vibrant and tangy taste experience.

Jalapeño and Honey

Flavor Profile: The sweet and spicy combination of honey and jalapeño offers a unique and intriguing flavor profile. The natural sweetness of honey contrasts with the heat of the jalapeño, creating a chip that is both spicy and subtly sweet.

Why It Works: The sweetness of honey helps to offset the intensity of the jalapeño, providing a pleasant balance between heat and sweetness. This flavor combination is reminiscent of sweet chili sauces and offers a complex and satisfying taste experience.

Jalapeño and Ranch

Flavor Profile: Mixing jalapeño with ranch seasoning combines the spiciness of the pepper with the creamy, herby flavors of the ranch. The result is a chip that offers a tangy and herbaceous flavor profile with a spicy kick.

Why It Works: Ranch seasoning adds layers of flavor, including garlic, onion, and herbs, which complement the heat of the jalapeño. This combination creates a chip that is both savory and spicy, appealing to those who enjoy the rich, tangy taste of ranch.

Jalapeño and BBQ

Flavor Profile: Combining jalapeño with BBQ seasoning introduces a smoky, sweet element to the spicy chip. The rich, smoky flavors of BBQ sauce enhance the heat of the jalapeño, creating a chip with a complex and layered taste.

Why It Works: The smokiness and sweetness of BBQ seasoning balance out the heat of the jalapeño, resulting in a flavor combination that is both bold and satisfying. This pairing is reminiscent of the popular BBQ and hot pepper sauce combinations found in various culinary traditions.

Jalapeño and Garlic

Flavor Profile: Adding garlic to jalapeño kettle chips introduces a savory and aromatic element that enhances the spiciness of the jalapeño. The combination offers a robust and flavorful chip with a satisfying kick.

Why It Works: Garlic adds depth and complexity to the chip’s flavor, complementing the heat of the jalapeño without overpowering it. This pairing works well for those who enjoy bold, savory snacks with a touch of spice.

Jalapeño and Cilantro

Flavor Profile: Cilantro adds a fresh, herbaceous note to jalapeño kettle chips, creating a chip that is both spicy and refreshing. The combination evokes the vibrant flavors of Mexican cuisine, where cilantro and jalapeño are often used together.

Why It Works: Cilantro’s bright and slightly citrusy flavor balances out the heat of the jalapeño, offering a refreshing and aromatic taste. This combination is perfect for those who enjoy the herbal notes found in cilantro and the spicy kick of jalapeño.

Conclusion

Innovative flavor combinations in jalapeño kettle chips offer exciting opportunities to explore new taste sensations and enhance the classic spicy snack. From the creamy richness of cheddar and the tanginess of lime to the sweet notes of honey and the smoky allure of BBQ, these creative pairings elevate jalapeño kettle chips beyond their traditional roots.

Whether you prefer a balance of heat and sweetness or a complex blend of spices and herbs, there’s a jalapeño kettle chip flavor combination to suit every palate. Embrace the bold flavors and enjoy the diverse and dynamic world of jalapeño kettle chips.

[halftheguilt]

Pumpkin Hummus Recipe | Nutrient-Packed Delight

Pumpkin Hummus is a delightful twist on the classic hummus recipe. This creamy, savory dip combines the earthy richness of pumpkin with the traditional flavors of hummus. It's a nutrition powerhouse, packed with vitamins, fiber, and plant-based protein. Whether you're following a plant-based diet or simply looking for a healthier snack, this recipe is a must-try.

Related Affiliated Products

Cultural Background and Significance

Pumpkin hummus combines the beloved Middle Eastern dip with the seasonal charm of pumpkin. While hummus has a long history in the Middle East, pumpkin adds an American twist. This unique blend of cultures results in a fusion that's perfect for fall gatherings and beyond.

Health Benefits of Pumpkin Hummus

- High in fiber, aiding digestion. - Rich in plant-based protein. - Abundant in vitamins and antioxidants from pumpkin. - Supports a healthy immune system. - May help manage weight due to its filling nature.

Tips for a Perfect Cook

- Use Canned Pumpkin Canned pumpkin puree ensures a consistent and smooth texture. - Adjust Consistency Add water gradually to achieve your preferred thickness. - Season to Taste Don't forget to adjust salt, pepper, and other spices according to your palate. - Creative Garnishes Customize with olive oil drizzles, herbs, or a dash of paprika. - Chilling Let the hummus chill in the fridge for a few hours for enhanced flavor.

Variations and Modifications

- Spicy Twist Add a pinch of cayenne for some heat. - Nutty Flavors Experiment with different types of nut butter instead of tahini. - Roasted Pumpkin Use roasted pumpkin chunks for added texture. - Herby Delight Blend in fresh herbs like cilantro or parsley for a unique taste. - Nutritional Yeast Sprinkle with nutritional yeast for a cheesy hint.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

- Over blending Stop blending when the hummus reaches a creamy texture to prevent it from becoming too thin. - Skipping Seasoning Taste and adjust for the right balance of flavors. - Not Draining Chickpeas Ensure chickpeas are well-drained to maintain the desired consistency. - Using Raw Garlic Mince the garlic finely to avoid a harsh taste. - Inadequate Pumpkin Use enough pumpkin for a noticeable flavor.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I use fresh pumpkin instead of canned?Yes, but it may require extra preparation and cooking.Is pumpkin hummus suitable for a low-carb diet?It's not low-carb, but it's a healthier option than some snacks.How long can I store pumpkin hummus?It can be refrigerated for up to a week.Can I freeze pumpkin hummus?Freezing may alter the texture, but it's possible.What can I dip in pumpkin hummus?Try pita bread, veggie sticks, or even apple slices.Is this recipe suitable for kids?Yes, it's a nutritious and kid-friendly snack.What is the ideal consistency for pumpkin hummus?It should be creamy and easy to dip.Can I omit tahini if I have allergies?Yes, you can use alternative nut butters or omit it.Is pumpkin hummus gluten-free?Yes, it's naturally gluten-free.What can I do with leftovers?Use as a sandwich spread or salad dressing.

Conclusion

Elevate your snacking game with our Pumpkin Hummus, a delightful blend of Middle Eastern tradition and seasonal charm. This creamy, nutritious dip is the perfect choice for health-conscious foodies. Don't miss out—try it today and follow HalfTheGuilt for more guilt-free recipes. Read the full article

[josephmarshall]

Blue is the colour, music is the game…

The New York record label Blue Note is an iconic institution.

It is to jazz music as Trojan Records is to reggae, or Motown is to soul, writes Joe Marshall. And now it’s got South London’s fingerprints all over it.

Established in 1939, the division of Universal has been responsible for releases from the likes of Herbie Hancock and John Coltrane.

2020 saw the release of the internationally successful Blue Note Re:imagined.

A collection of classic tracks reworked by UK musicians, it was a popular celebration of jazz history with a contemporary edge.

Blue Note Re:imagined II will come out on September 30. It promises to deliver a similar blend of forward thinking nostalgia.

Kay Young grew up in Brockley.

She is a producer, singer and rapper, whose version of a Marlena Shaw song features on the record.

Recalling fond childhood memories of street parties and a strong community spirit, she said: “South London is like no other place. I don’t know if I could move anywhere else.”

She said: “A local Caribbean takeaway restaurant would throw parties every week. It helped shape my music in terms of the stuff I listen to now – a bit of reggae, a bit of funk, blues.

“The vibrancy of South London adds colour to your music. There’s a lot of layers in my music and I think it’s because of what I’ve been exposed to.”

Young chose to cover Feel Like Making Love, as a song she’s always held dear, before even realising it was part of the Blue Note catalogue.

As far as being called upon by the legendary label goes, she said: “There’s so much weight behind them. To be a part of that history is an absolute honour.”

Oscar Jerome has come up through the South London jazz scene. He has recorded his take on (Why You So) Green With Envy by Grant Green.

The guitarist and singer-songwriter, who was once a part of afrobeat collective Kokoroko, said: “I have listened to Blue Note records so much in the past that it’s pretty cool to say that I’m on one.

“Grant Green writes songs with very clear, simple melodies that I knew would translate into the style I was trying to do quite well.”

The track is a collaboration with rapper Oscar #Worldpeace.

Jerome said: “He helped me through some difficult times with his music before I even knew him, so I already felt indebted to him.”

Second albums are notoriously difficult.

In the run up to his own, Jerome said he’s trying to take a step back and appreciate the moment without becoming lost in the frantic schedule and media hype.

He said: “I’ve made a piece of art that I am very proud of and excited for people to hear.”

Virtuoso bassist and acclaimed composer Daniel Casimir appears alongside vocalist Ria Moran in a cover of Wayne Shorter’s The Soothsayer.

He said: “Wayne manages to find a way to write that can relate to everybody, even non-jazz listeners. He was definitely my gateway into playing jazz. “Blue Note has such a massive legacy. You can’t escape it. To be a part of it in any sort of way is incredible.”

The first single from the compilation is out now. It is a reworking of Chico Hamilton’s Morning Side Of Love, performed by South London’s Ego Ella May.

The track has a deep, laid-back groove, which takes its time introducing May’s breathy, ethereal vocals.

The use of an electronic phaser effect gives the production a sci-fi-esque, futuristic feel.

Blue Note Re:imagined II offers an exciting window on jazz in the digital age, through the lens of some timeless analogue compositions.

[lailoken]

Wisefool’s Oil

Along with the other four Hooworking Oils Ive talked about here, I now add Wisefool’s Oil to the mix. Each of my Hoodworking Oils are made using a different high quality carrier-oil that has been steadily infused with a wide variety of ritually gathered, magically germane, natural materials. The recipes I use have arisen from a mixture of folkloric knowledge, personal experimentation, and spiritual communication, with each having proven themselves as potent Craft aids when properly utilized.

Wisefool’s Oil is a highly specialized Oil blend, which was ritually amalgamated from a number of synergistic constituents bearing sorcerous and spidereal significance—which include, but are not limited to, Acorn Oil, Storax, Mandrake, Vervain, Crocus, Fly Agaric, and Blue Amber. It was carefully curated under the guidance of the Old Spider, over the course of a Lunar Month, and then further refined over the course of several more weeks.

It has a singularly unique scent, as anyone who has purchased or otherwise received this oil from me can attest to, which makes it quite difficult to describe. However, I would probably best describe the smell as being somewhere between sweet, nutty, resinous, floral, and herby. It manages to take me a little by surprise each time I smell it, but I also find it to be a thoroughly pleasant scent.

It is meant to amplify any and all workings of magic, being specially designed for its sorcerous versatility. Empowered by the Sidereal Spider, it can be used to consecrate implements, bless items, or bolster any form magic. Like its companions, it is a powerfully fashioned oil, and a little bit can go a long way—but to those who practice a Spidereal Craft and/or follow the ways of Old Spider, it will prove itself a most potent aid indeed.

[jenroses]

idk how to translate today’s recipes into “someone else can make them” because my recipes are sometimes very serendipitous and convenience based. 

like I salted a turkey with smoked salt last night and put it in the fridge and then told my husband to stick it in the oven at noon at 250 and he did and when I got up I bumped it up to 300 for a while and cooked bacon and squash and lupin on the next shelf down, by turns, and then dumped some of the bacon grease on the skin (not much, just, a little, and tossed the bacon in the turkey pan and then when it was about an hour from when I wanted to eat I checked the temp and it was 139 between the breast and the thigh and so I jacked up the oven temperature and took out the squash and lupin and hit it at 450 for half an hour and while it was doing that I nuked a bunch of riced cauliflower with some bacon grease and chicken stock and let me tell you the stinky is not pleasant in the microwave.

Then I turned the turkey around and gave it 15 more minutes, and made cranberry sauce at some point with cranberries, allulose and monkfruit/erythritol plus orange zest and vanilla and my GOD is that the distilled essence of Holiday.  When the turkey came out, I took some of the juices and put them in the blender with the cauliflower and put a couple of spoons of “stuffing master” (everything but the croutons and fruit) in with it along with some of the bacon from the turkey pan and pureed the heck out of it and while I’d planned on it being a potato sub, it ended up being exactly the consistency of gravy? And tasted like gravy? And I’d been sort of mourning gravy because I don’t know how to do it without carbs and my blood sugar has been all over the place even not eating carbs....

Anyway. So the cauliflower turned into gravy, and so my final plate included turkey, butternut squash with cauli gravy, herby ground lupin with stuffing fixings and cauli gravy, decadent cranberry sauce and dad’s green beans with slivered almonds and garlic and you know what?

My blood sugar stayed flat all day. On Thanksgiving.

And I didn’t feel deprived or hungry at all. 

Everything tasted good and “like it’s supposed to.”

and fuck if I know if anyone else could replicate it from that. 

Also, how do people make dry turkey? Because I’m not sure I ever have? I’ve eaten dry turkey, but I tend to hit it with a lot of heat for a little while and cook it for a long time at low heat and/or/vice/versa, and I don’t fuck around with basting. 

(I feel like there are two temperatures for cooking meat: Low and very high. Low you do to get the temp up on a big piece of meat, high you do to capitalize on the maillard reaction for flavor. I cook prime rib in a similar way. Duck gets 20 minutes at 450 and then *waves hand* a while at 250-300 and then 450 for some more time, and this is always informed by how late I start it and when I want to eat.)

Here’s my dad’s recipe for “stuffing master”, which he adds to just about anything depending on allergies:

Stuffing master mix is breakfast sausage, diced celery, chopped parsley, toasted walnuts, ground sage, ground celery seed. [plus, if desired, some combination of apples, dried cranberries. He’s used raisins in the past but switched to dried cranberries at some point. The nuts are optional but a nice texture. This is one of the only situations I actually like walnuts very much.]

Brown the sausage, then add water to just cover the sausage and cook down, leaving some water in the pan. [the water both helps regulate the cooking temperature in the pan and helps deglaze the sausage drippings and keeps them from burning.]

Remove the sausage and chop into 1/2 inch slices. [this is important because the juices from the sausage will help leak out and flavor the turkey drippings, which get used for gravy later.]

Sauté the celery and parsley in the sausage pan until the celery is softened. [this gives the sausage fond a chance to help flavor the parsley and celery. also less dishes, bonus.]

Toast the walnuts on the stove top in a dry pan, flipping often. [important to do this separately in a dry pan. it’s a texture thing.]

Combine the sausage, celery, parsley and walnuts. 

Sprinkle on some sage and celery seed to taste. Voila. 

At this point, if my guests are tolerant of carbs, I usually add in a chopped apple and a handful of dried cranberries. 

This then becomes the base for whatever starch you care to add (bread cubes, bread crumbs, rice, wild rice, etc.) and whatever liquid works for you (we use chicken broth, although we sometimes make a turkey broth the day before if we are roasting 2 turkeys.)

[amount of said starch is going to be very much by feel, as will the liquid. In my case I used about 2/3 of a cup of part garlic herb lupin and part regular plain lupin, at a 1:4 ratio with chicken stock, mixed with a cup or two worth of stuffing master. 2 spoons of stuffing master flavored the gravy/puree.]

Our socially distant Thanksgiving was fine. My kid was chattering with his cousin on speaker phone, which meant there was a background bustle from both households cooking, but we weren’t actually getting in each other’s way. We ate at our own pace, and then did a zoom call with the whole family (all my children! My niece! My sister! My parents! All at once in six windows!) that was just about the right amount of socializing, and then we went off and did our own thing. It was less stressful and painful than if we’d shlepped over there for it.

We swapped sides and ingredients a few times, on the porch, remote no-contact drops like some goddamn spy movie, so I got some of Dad’s stuffing master, hubby got regular stuffing from Dad, Dad got oyster dressing from hubby, Hubby got gravy, I got green beans from them, we sent squash and turkey to my eldest, my eldest got gravy and a pie from their grandparents. 

Lupin is something you don’t see much in the US, but it’s like mostly protein, fiber and fat, tiny amount of carb, and the taste is good, though I’m still on the fence about the texture. It cooks kind of like couscous? But tastes closer to lentils? It’s a legume, and a reasonable side dish, and super compatible with my need to keep net carbs down and fiber/protein/fat up. (If I don’t eat carbs I don’t have to use much insulin, and since my metformin has been recalled, it’s the only way I can keep things stable. My A1C last month was 5.5, so I think I’m managing. Steroid-induced diabetes is a bitch.)

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 28: AMJ #3.2

Previous Part

Next Part

Master Post

As with issue #2 (and all future posts) I advise you to read the prior instalment as I’m not going to recap the first half of the issue again here.

Moving on, we finally get to meet these new crewmembers. They consist of:

H.E.R.B.I.E. 1.05, a version of the F4’s robot buddy

Screwball, a “… self-styled as a performance artist and the world's first live-blogging super-villain. She was an Internet personality and social-media attention monger to such an extent that she committed crimes on camera.”

And Master Matrix. He's a whole mess. Basically he is the world’s most powerful LMD, and a highly dangerous weapon. He views Spider-Man and Deadpool as his ‘fathers’ in a weird way.

Beck starts to justify the hires, but MJ says that if they believe in the project as she does and have earnest intentions then she’ll reserve judgement.

Screwball tells McKnight that she’s leaked some fake photos to mislead the Savage Six and buy them some time. With that McKnight is eager to get to work.

Let me be upfront about this, I know little about HERBIE or Master Matrix. I’m not an F4 expert and I never bothered with the Spidey/Deadpool ongoing. So I will admit that maybe I’m missing some important context here. My research on the Marvel.wiki didn’t yield any results on who HERBIE 1.05 is beyond him maybe being the regular version of HERBIE. And last I checked the regular HERBIE wasn’t a bad guy. Master Matrix in contrast seems to have been a morally ambiguous character initially but grew to be a good guy. He has a kill switch he willingly handed over to SHIELD just in case he ever went rogue.

So 2/3 of them are perfectly fine. I don’t even know how much MJ would know about HERBIE or Master Matrix. However, Screwball?

Screwball is a straight up criminal. Not an especially dangerous one granted, perhaps not even a D-lister. But a criminal nonetheless. MJ has seen her before, as she witnessed Superior Spider-Man assaulting her on TV in Superior Spider-Man v1 #6.

Realistically, given how horrified MJ was by the incident you’d imagine it’d stick in her mind. Additionally, given how Screwball is an attention monger and very into social media I’d imagine MJ would have some awareness of who she is. MJ herself is very up-to-date with the latest trends and would be plugged into modern pop culture and social media.

However, for the sake of argument let’s say MJ doesn’t remember Screwball at all. Let’s say she’s never heard of HERBIE or Master Matrix. Given how in the first issue she was taking note of the criminal and super powered crewmembers, wouldn’t she at least suspect these people might be shady? Wouldn’t she double-check somehow that they are legit? It all leads back to the same complaints I made between my coverage of issues #1-2. She’s not even checked that Beck is out and about legally for God’s sake!

What’s so much worse is that the story acknowledges  that these hires might be shady. Beck is concerned MJ will have reservations. MJ decides to reserve judgement.

This means she doesn’t fully trust them, that she acknowledges they might  be sketchy.

And her conditions for reserving judgment depend upon even shakier criteria.

How the Hell can she tell in this singular moment, when she’s barely spoken to any of them, that any of these people:

a)     ‘Believe’ in the movie like she does?

Or

b)     Have earnest intentions?

She’s not verified any of them are reformed or on probation. She’s got no idea what they are fully capable of or if they are on the run.

Once more she is engaging in blind faith. She is trusting the word of a super villain who’s entire skillset revolves around lying.

The final thing to take note of is the fact that the crew are actively avoiding the Savage Six; hence the new shithole location.

Um…why aren’t they just contacting the authorities or organizing protection for themselves?

SIX super villains just attacked them and want to do so again. That’s surely grounds to bring in the police or the West Coast Avengers or somebody.

Surely, MJ herself could arrange that.

Alright, maybe you could argue they want to avoid arousing suspicion because of their criminal crewmembers. But this leads back to the fact that MJ wouldn’t stand for criminals working on the movie and Beck wanted press attention for the movie anyway. In fact if a civilian like Diperna knows about the movie how do the press not? How could no one have noticed that there are super powered people and criminals working on the set?

Everyone should know that about the movie anyway, so why not bring in help from superheroes or the authorities for protection?

The answer lies in the fact that this story is incredibly half-baked and inconsistent.

I will also add that on a purely personal note I dislike 616 Screwball so just seeing her annoys me.

The next day filming has been delayed again because of bad weather. Mysterio decides they should shoot in the caves.

Filming inside some caves nearby an abandoned zoo whilst it’s raining. Seems like a health and safety nightmare doesn’t it?

If so then it’s yet more evidence of how vain and selfish Mysterio is.

Days later, we see some crewmembers intimidated by Screwball. Their conversation with her reveals she hacked someone’s private information and threatened them to deliver food to them.

MJ overhears this conversation and learns that, in order to evade the Savage Six, Screwball arranged an unmarked truck. MJ decides to solve the problem by contacting Peter and asking if he knows any teleporters in L.A.

Later, Cloak and Dagger show up and deliver food to the cast and crew.

*pinches bridge of nose again*

God, where to start with this?

So, Screwball has definitely committed a crime in the course of her role as production manager. Hacking someone’s cloud server is very much illegal and an invasion of their privacy.* Depending upon whether you believe her or the truck driver she might also have threatened the driver’s life.

Screwball admits to having done this and MJ over hears it. And yet MJ is still ‘reserving her judgment’? 

I guess earnest intentions+believing in a movie>>>>>>>>>>>harming people in Mj’s book right?...

...what the fuck Williams seriously…

But the stupidity goes another level when MJ contacts Peter so she can get super powered assistance.

Let me get this straight, MJ and Beck are on board with using superheroes to deliver food to them, but not as protection for actual super villains who want to hurt them?

And MJ in particular doesn’t feel she should let Peter or other heroes know about Mysterio or his criminal crewmembers. BUT she will still contact them for a far less serious reason?

Anyone still arguing that for MJ to ask for help would be reductive to her/female characters no longer has a leg to stand on. MJ just used super heroes to solve a problem for herself. Scratch that, she asked her super hero boyfriend to solve a problem for her. And by bringing in characters like Cloak, Dagger, HERBIE and Master Matrix AMJ has arguably invited the wider Marvel universe into the story too. At which point MJ has no end of options available to her to ensure Mysterio isn’t a danger. She just isn’t using them because Leah Williams Mary Jane is not the Mary Jane we’ve known and loved. She’s this weird facsimile with all her social skills and charm but none of her deeper moral convictions.

Finally, if Beck and MJ (hypothetically) aren’t getting protection because they have crooks on staff then why bring in super heroes at all? I admit we never see what crewmembers are in Cloak and Dagger’s line of sight, so arguably MJ asked the criminal crewmembers to scram. But a hint of that would’ve been nice.

As filming inside the cave proceeds we see the Spidey actor struggling with his lines. The scene depicts ‘Spidey’ saying ‘You’ve gone too far this time, Mysterio. Now it’s personal.’ Amidst a street full of injured/dead people.

Mallorie is playing one of the injured people.

First of all, Mallorie wasn’t an actor or extra earlier in the story. But I suppose it’s not uncommon for crewmembers to have small roles in movies and with a reduced cast it’s likely she was just filling in.

More problematically, the scene is clearly depicting the fact that Mysterio has hurt (even murdered) people in his past. He’s done stuff so bad that Spider-Man, a hero, has been personally enraged by his evil acts.

This is in the movie. It’s in the script. MJ read this. MJ is seeing this recreated.

This eviscerates  even the slightest remnant of deniability on MJ’s part. As I’ve argued in prior instalments, MJ SHOULD know Beck is a killer and a violent person. There was no denying that. But even if you were being wilfully ignorant or belligerently insisting only the events of this mini-series ‘counted’, the mini-series just spelled out for you that beck has seriously hurt people and that MJ knows  that.

But she is still allowing him to make his vanity project. She’s still letting him walk free. She’s still chummy with him. She’s still showing no sign at all that she’s going to make Beck face justice.

On the last pages the actor playing Spider-Man quits after a light falls nearby. This leaves Beck and MJ sad, wondering how they can finish the film without Spider-Man.

I have nothing to say about this beyond a heavy light falling inside a wet cave should’ve been an obvious health and safety concern.

So, that was Amazing Mary Jane #3, quite possibly the single worst issue of the entire series thus far.

Honestly, I’m going to soldier on through this series, but I’ve made my points.

There is no hope of fixing this series now.

Not because there couldn’t be a justifiable explanation (or several) that could address all the problems. But because it’s become plain to me that Williams will not provide them to us.

Williams frankly seems like someone who understands aspects of MJ as a character. She knows how to make those aspects shine.

But there are other aspects she so fundamentally doesn’t get that it debilitates any good she might’ve done.

And more poignantly, even within the context of the story she is telling she has been incredibly inconsistent and at times downright baffling.

She either needs a better editor or she might be someone who ultimately wasn’t a good fit for this character/story.

*It’s extra bad considering several years ago in real life there was a major news story about the private photos of celebrities being hacked, perhaps the most notorious example being Jennifer Lawrence. I’m like 99% sure Leah Williams heard about that because I  heard about that just from tumblr and I’m not someone who used to work in Hollywood nor do I work in the entertainment industry in any capacity.

P.S. How does Peter not know about the Savage Six?

Super villain attacks aren’t that common outside of New York city and the villains in question are predominantly associated with operating in NYC.

Three of them are very recurring enemies of his, one of which committed some very violent crimes during a traumatic recent event; the ‘Hunted’ storyline.

They attacked the set of another of his very recurrent enemies that his lover is working on.

None of this happened in a secluded location, it was all perfectly public.

So how on Earth does he not know about this? Why hasn’t he contacted MJ to ensure she’s okay? Why isn’t he riding down there to see if he can help her or trying to arrange his Avengers buddies to provide some protection?

The only answers are that MJ has lied about that again, Williams is mischaracterizing Peter indirectly or this story is badly written.

Previous Part

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Master Post

[franklyshipping]

Day 11 ~ Christmas 2019 Ego Fanfics

WOOOP DAY 11 BABY LET'S DO THIS LET'S GET SOME FESTIVE COOKING UP IN HERE PEOPLE YAAASSSS LET'S DO THIIIIIS!

Cooking. Cooking is fun as hell, but cooking for other people? Now that is just a seriously fun time. Especially in this household, there was a lot of people being catered for, and I know for some people that can make the entire process of cooking and testing recipes all the more fun. That’s how the sweetest butler of all time, Benjamin, felt right now. He inhaled over an experimental pot of stuffing happily, humming with delight as the herby aromas washed over him. However….Benjamin was not alone in the kitchen. It was agreed that no tasks would be set to one person alone, and ah….well, let’s just say that Benjamin and Mad Mike had some different opinions when it came to the culinary arts.

‘It looks like bird seed mushed up with moss.’

Benjamin gritted his teeth, letting out a huff at the man who was leaning in over his shoulder with his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at the pan’s contents. Benjamin muttered as he stirred it about, trying not to feel insulted by Mike’s comment.

‘It does not! And just because the texture is different from other foods doesn’t make it any less delicious!’

Mike let out a disbelieving grumble, wrinkling his nose a tad, to him it was WAY too herby and just looked like dumpster mush. Don’t get Mike wrong, he liked working on all of this with Benjamin, he was a real classy gent who was fun to talk to and had a ton of good ideas….but his mind just wasn’t open to the fun of culinary stuff! Sure, everything had to be done right, but it wasn’t like this was Christmas Day, this was the time for experimentation and fun and trying wackier ideas! However, and Mike meant this in the kindest way possible, Benjamin kinda had a stick up his butt.

‘C’mon now, this is a time for experimenting and shit! Can’t we at least add a couple things to your mixture to see what happens?’

Benjamin huffed, his stirring of the stuffing getting a little faster as he pursed his lips. Now, don’t get him wrong, Benjamin had a serious respect for Mad Mike. Benjamin secretly felt inspired by all his unique recipes and ideas (especially pertaining to ice cream), and the fact that he was so enthusiastic about everything made Benjamin feel so overjoyed. However, to Benjamin, getting everything spot on and perfect for Christmas was the most important thing here; to Benjamin, that meant sticking to recipes that were tried and tested.

‘This recipe is tried and tested and has been deemed perfect, I will not make any changes, and that’s my final word on the matter Mike!’

Mike blinked a few times, feeling a bit taken aback at how close Benjamin got to nearly….snapping at him. He went quiet and stepped away for a moment, leaning against one of the nearby counters. Before he could get too disheartened though, a certain adorable, globular being nudged his hand. Mike developed a soft, crooked smile.

‘Heya bud, what’s up?’

Mike cooed softly, which made Gooper yip and roll across the counter by a few inches, where Mike now noticed he’d organised all of the kitchen’s spices….in the order of a rainbow. Mike snickered gently and shook his head, damn he was a cute enigma.

‘Thahat’s beautiful buddy, has anyone ever told ya you’re an organisation master?’

Gooper wiggled and ended up letting out some bashful, giggling noises at the compliments; he also eagerly nuzzled against Mike’s fingers when he offered then. Mike wasn’t sure what it was, maybe Gooper’s affections, but he felt his disheartened state start to leave him in favour of a clearer brain.

‘Dang cutie….’

Mike whispered, coaxing out some more happy giggly gurgles, before Gooper shuffled off to go and organise more stuff. Mike let out a soft sigh as he rubbed his forehead, before glancing at Benjamin in his peripheral. The guy looked so…tense. Also, now Mike was thinking about it….one of the things Benjamin had said really started to stick out to him. Mike nibbled the inside of his cheek, before making his internal decision, and shuffling back over to the butler. Mike gently placed a hand on one of his upper arms as he cleared his throat and muttered.

‘Hey uh….c-could ya take that off the heat and turn the gas off for a minute? I want to ask you something…’

Mike had a theory in his head on why Benjamin was so adamant and why he was acting the way he was acting, but he had to be sure. Benjamin furrowed his eyebrows at Mike, particularly when he saw the concerned look on his face, but turned off the gas safely and moved the stuffing away carefully as he replied.

‘What is it?’

Mike took a deep breath, here goes nothing.

‘When you said that this recipe had uh…been “deemed perfect”…uh, deemed perfect by who?’

Mike’s suspicion, his theory…it was a pretty horrible one, and he was really hoping he was wrong…but when Benjamin exhibited a tremble and bowed his head, Mike knew he’d hit the nail right on the head.

‘M-My mas-…uh, f-former master…’

Mike’s eyes softened. He’d heard a lot about this previous master from the other egos, and frankly he sounded like an absolute shit stain. Mike sighed as he realised that, even after time and a new home and new company, Benjamin still hadn’t quite moved on. He hadn’t moved on from working to someone else’s high standards and being afraid to deviate for fear of reprimandment.

‘Benjamin…’

‘I-I’m s-sorry I just…I-I still think about h-how he wanted things, how h-he asked for things to be done. Soon, with everything, it just felt like th-there was only one method, one way, a-and anything other than that…’

Benjamin gulped and shuddered…he tried not to think of him, he always tried so hard, but sometimes the memories just wouldn’t stay tucked away, the fear wouldn’t stay tucked away.

‘…i-it just wasn’t an option.’

Mike clenched his jaw before pulling Benjamin into a tight hug, making his voice as strong and steady as he could as he spoke.

‘Now you listen to me. He’s gone. You don’t have anyone to answer to anyone, ever. You can do things however you want, and I swear to you, nothing bad is going to happen if you decide to do things differently. I promise.’

The butler’s eyes widened as he let out a shaky breath, but immediately wrapped his arms around Mike and nestled his face into his shouder….to be held like this was exactly what he needed. He stuttered softly as he nodded, replying to Mike softly.

‘I-I know, I-I do…I-I’m so sorry M-Mike, thank you…’

‘Shhhh shh it’s okay, it’s all okay.’

Mike rubbed the man’s back as they hugged for a few minutes, Mike relishing in how he felt the tension leaving Benjamin’s body gradually the longer he had the butler in his arms. When they finally did part, Mike smiled up at him broadly.

‘Now, will you say something for me?’

Benjamin nodded, wiping one of his eyes residually as he nodded. Mike then cleared his throat.

‘Okay, repeat after me: I, Benjamin…’

Mike grinned and paused, which spurred Benjamin to smile and mumble.

‘I-I Benjamin…’

Mike’s eyes gleamed playfully as he continued…with the most beautiful, sassy demeanour known to man.

‘…am a strong independent butler who don’t need no master!’

Benjamin spluttered and hid his mouth with his hand as he burst into giddy giggles, before clearing his throat and bowing his head….his smile not dying down for even a second as his voice gained strength with every new word.

‘A-Am a s-strong independent butler wh-who don’t need no master!’

Benjamin then carried on giggling, he generally wasn’t a sassy person, he was usually very measured with the way he spoke….but he had to admit he loved talking with that added drama. Mike cocked his head at the giggling man, and his grin became very fond.

‘Y’know you’ve got some cute giggles there.’

Mike mused as he playfully elbowed the butler in his side, since Benjamin’s giggles were very gorgeous with how unrefined and giddy they seemed. Benjamin of course smiled bashfully and went to thank Mike for the sweet compliment….and he’d have gotten through it coherently too, if it weren’t for that elbow.

‘O-Oh, well thank you I-EEP!’

There was silence. Eye contact. Gulping. Smirking.

‘…uh oh…’

Mike gasped with evil glee at his discovery, and felt particularly giddy when Benjamin started to instinctively back away from him, spluttering frantically.

‘U-Uh, w-we should r-really focus on the stuffing! O-Or in f-fact a new stuffing, y-you can t-take the lead if you like!’

He had to change the subject. Benjamin had to change the subject, he was too ticklish for words and with Mike’s wild demeanour he dreaded to think of how evil a tickler he’d be! However, he wouldn’t have to theorise for long. Mike was chuckling as he shook his head fondly at the butler; his number one priority, right now, was to coax out more giggles from the cute butler.

‘Fuck the stuffing, you’re all I can focus on now.’

Mike darted forwards with a cackle, wasting no time in delivering tickly scratches to Benjamin’s sides. Of course, Benjamin let out a series of squeaks before attempting to scamper away from the evil digits, nervous giggles pouring from him all the while.

‘D-Dohohon’t doho thahat! Mihike! Dohon’t tihickle!’

Mike only snickered, keeping up with Benjamin easily as he started essentially chasing him around the room, his fingers still scratching and tickling haphazardly.

‘Oh but you look so sweet! Sweeter than the strawberriest strawberry ice cream!’

Benjamin’s cheeks flushed as he pushed at Mike’s hands, stuttering indignantly at that frankly unnecessary teasing.

‘N-Nohoho I-Ihihi juhust lohook sihilly!’

Benjamin was trying not to let himself get distracted by the teasing, he was already stumbling enough as it is but god forbid what would happen if Mike managed to trap him in any way. Meanwhile, Mike had started strategically tickling Benjamin towards the nearest wall as he cooed.

‘So? Silly is cute! Silliness looks particularly cute on you I have to say.’

Benjamin’s jaw dropped as his blush creep down his neck, he was so unused to such teasy kindness that it was just flustering to no end! Then…he suddenly found Mike pinning him to the wall with a smirk on his face as he dug into his sides, making him cry out with mirth.

‘NOHOHOHOHAHA MEHEHERCY OHOHO!’

Mike snickered, relishing as Benjamin writhed between him and the wall whilst laughing his heart out. Mike had to admit, Benjamin looked pretty damn cute like this all mirthful and dishevelled. Mike purred as he leaned in close to the sweet butler.

‘Ahahaaaww, you just can’t take it can you? You’re just a ticklish little dear aren’t you?’

Benjamin squeezed his eyes shut as he batted at Mike weakly, bending almost double as Mike’s wiggling fingers just broke him apart; with the never ending teasing too, it made the poor man more and more desperate.

‘PLEHEHEASE MIHIHIKE! IHIHIT TIHIHICKLES!’

Mike cocked his head at Benjamin fondly, before crooning.

‘Awww I’m sorry, does it tickle too much here? Did you want me to go somewhere else? Why I’d be happy to!’

Mike chuckled, and let his fingers glide to Benjamin’s tummy where they scratched speedily. As soon as those tickles reached his tummy, Benjamin let out quite the squeal before crumpling to the floor like his entire system had just shut down on him.

‘EEEE NAHA NAHAT THEHEHERE!’

Benjamin had a frightfully ticklish tummy, and since it was on the leaner side Mike had no trouble in tickling every inch of it at high speed. Benjamin had his eyes squeezed shut and a grin across his face as he tried to curl up, but Mike was quick to follow him down to the floor….and lie on top of him. He was not giving up on this tickling so easily, he just thought Benjamin was so cute.

‘Aww but why not? I mean, since you’re laughing so much I figured you were loving the tickles!’

Mike crooned as he continued his scratching, and Benjamin just flushed beet red. He was overwhelmed with flusteredness as he shook his head, Mike’s suggestion was entirely uncalled for and had no real factual basis for it to possibly be accurate! Benjamin absolutely wouldn’t say that he was loving this…although…he didn’t dislike it, he wasn’t going articulate that though.

‘TH-THAHAHAT’S PREHEPOHOHOSTEROHOUS!!’

Benjamin cried as he threw his head back with his mirth, the corners of his mouth crinkling up with his wide smile. Mike snickered down at him fondly, before musing in a teasy tone in reply.

‘My goodness that’s a big word there! I must not be tickling you properly!’

Benjamin’s eyes snapped open and went wide as he looked up at Mike, who was smirking evilly; honestly he was just trying to grasp any excuse possible to carry on tickling the guy. Before Benjamin could even try to ask for mercy, Mike let all ten of his fingers vibrate against the butler’s lean belly, which made him cry out cutely.

‘AHAHAHA NOHOHO NOHO NOHAHAHAHA!!’

Benjamin was writhing as his laughter boomed out from him, and tears started to build in his eyes as his poor nerves were tormented. Currently he was wondering what on earth he did to deserve this and why Mike was so intent on continuing to tickle him, I mean, the whole thing was just beyond embarrassing! Mike meanwhile, as he tickled, was actually becoming quite….enthralled. Mike found himself looking at Benjamin with a hint of awe at how lovely he looked, especially with his wide, handsome smile.

‘Awwww who’s a ticklish little Benjabooo?’

Mike couldn’t help but coo down at Benjamin with a giggle, wanting to draw out more sweet smiles and reactions from the ticklish man…and he was well rewarded. Benjamin’s arms and legs flailed haphazardly as the man let out a rather dramatic, flustered wail.

‘DOHOHON’T CAHALL MEHE THAHAHAAAT!!’

Mike’s eyes lit up…so he was flustered by nicknames huh? Mike chuckled to himself, and decided to ease up on the tummy tickling. Not only did he do this to let Benjamin breathe….but this was also so that he could ramp up the teasing to maximum.

‘Don’t call you Benjaboo? Hmm, what about Benjabub? Oooor Benjabubby, or Benjabumpkin? What about Bennyboop?’

Benjamin whined as Mike got right into his face as he crooned, spurring him to hide his own face in his hands out of embarrassment from all the teasy, cutesy taunting. Benjamin always found that nicknames flustered him, especially if they were silly or playful, nicknames just sent him into a tizzy.

‘N-Nohone ohof thohohooose! Th-They’re soho embarrassing!’

Mike merely snickered fondly.

‘Well duh that’s the point! If you don’t pick one, then I guess I’ll just have to use all of them….in front of everyone…’

Benjamin let out a flustered squeak into his hands as he peeked up Mike…looking at him with his smirking and chuckling told the butler that Mike would certainly make good on his word if he didn’t pick a nickname. Benjamin whined as he hurried to think to himself, but all the options were just so embarrassing and gave him so many flustery butterflies! Benjamin nibbled his bottom lip for a few moments as his mind raced….then settled. It still made him blush, but one nickname was better than an infinity of them. He cleared his throat, and replied bashfully.

‘W-Well…I-Ihi suppose….Benjabooisn’ttooawful…’

Mike grinned broadly, practically lighting up with joy as he exclaimed.

‘Benjaboo it is! Cutesy and sweet, just like you!’

Mike booped Benjamin’s nose with a smug little giggle, making the butler scrunch up his face and lightly pout up at his teaser.

‘Why must you t-tease me?’

Benjamin’s voice was meek and flustered, which made Mike smile less evilly and more genuinely as he gazed down at him. Truthfully, there was only one resonating thought in Mike’s mind. The thought that had made him carry on teasing and carry on tickling….Benjamin was at his most beautiful, when he was happy. Mike cleared his throat softly, he couldn’t say his raw thought of course, so he stuck to being teasy.

‘Because you’re a cutie when you get blushy and all smiley, and especially since that sweet smile of yours is so rarely seen…’

Benjamin’s blush was practically creeping down his neck by this point…but now that the tickling had completely ended, his was gaining a glimmer of confidence back, as well as some coherency of thought. As he looked up at him, Benjamin found himself feeling quite taken by Mike’s broad grin and playfulness. So, Benjamin figured he’d bite back a tad.

‘I-I could say the same about you, you have a pretty darling smile…’

Mike froze, blinking a few times in surprise. All of a sudden, that domineering demeanour faltered and made way for a far more bashful Mad Mike. He ran a hand through his hair as he let out a light laugh, the compliment had definitely caught him off guard…and his cheeks had gone a pretty pink too.

‘Oh….heh….well uh, th-thanks…’

He muttered quietly, which made Benjamin develop a gleaming, cheeky grin as he murmured cheekily.

‘Who’s the blushy one now?’

Mike’s eyes widened, and he felt the heat growing on his face, he couldn’t have that! He was the tickler, the flusterer, the teaser! He narrowed his eyes down at the butler and leant down nose to nose with him, growling.

‘Y-You shut up!’

‘Why don’t you make me?’

Benjamin purred in reply, his heart racing as he felt Mike’s warm breath on his face; Benjamin nibbled his lip as the sweet scent of vanilla ice cream filled his senses. Benjamin’s breaths were shaky as they both went quiet, locking eyes with one another. Mike was frozen in place as he looked down at Benjamin, who was just so bold and beautiful and…perfect. Neither of them were sure what spurred them both to lean in, but the results made them both very, very happy. They kissed. It began haphazardly of course and a tad fast, but they soon slowed it down into a connection that was soft and warm and made them both smile. After a few moments they parted to catch their breath, and Mike whispered with a giggle.

‘Mmmm, maybe we should have you for Christmas dinner-’

‘Oh sh-shush!’

Mike chuckled warmly at Benjamin, who had his lips pursed cutely. Mike pecked them, once, twice, three times, four times.

‘I think you like my teasing though…’

Benjamin let out a whine, before breaking into a smile and muttering.

‘Mayhaps, but if you keep teasing me with pecked kisses alone then I may lose my marbles…’

Mike snorted, and happily obliged. This new flaming connection was glorious of course, though instead of it being hot it was more like a tender warmth. Also, I think we can all surmise that from then on there were far fewer conflicts in the kitchen…and infinitely more freedom.

WOO HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS NEXT FIC LEME KNOW IF YA DO WOOOO LUV YOUS XX

[nimblermortal]

Quiche

Quiche is another ‘dump everything in the fridge in’ dish, but there are a few important steps to make it delectable.

1. Pie crust

2 c flour - for a savory dish like this, use whole wheat. Honestly I barely make white pie crusts anymore. 1/2 t salt 13 T butter 4 T cold water + lemon juice

The lemon juice gives a fresh acidity to the crust, it’s mostly just for flavor, but it is a nice boost. If you are making something darker (say, for example, a meat pie) you might try a different seasoning (such as Worcestershire sauce).

NPR told me recently that the key to a flaky pie crust is to get as much water out of it as possible. This is why you chill pie crust, then put it in an oven as hot as possible to basically sublimate the water before it can get into the crust. You can, however, roll it out and put it in the right shape before you chill it, so that it is easier to work. For this particular recipe, I don’t recommend it, because I use my pie plate for a variety of things.

2. Cream cheese.

Coat the bottom and sides of the pie crust in cream cheese. This is somewhat difficult to do with warm crust and cold cream cheese. It may be advisable to reverse these temperatures, if you have the foresight to do so. The cream cheese adds another layer of richness as well as flavor to the quiche

3. Vegetables. All of the vegetables.

This is where I empty the fridge, but common veggies include broccoli (extremely important), onion, and carrot. Carrot makes crunch. Got something weird like zucchini or eggplant? Chuck it in!

The goal here is to pile the crust as high as you can with vegetables, without resorting to finnicky architectural tricks. The veg will cook down in the oven, so the higher you get it, the more likely it is to make a full pie crust later. Plus, the more vegetables there are, the less egg there is, and since I don’t like eggs - MOAR VEG!

4. Eggs

Eggs (6+) Milk Spices

This is where you want to overspice things, because they are going to get diluted by vegetables. Decide what you want the flavor of the quiche to be, and dump ample seasonings into the egg mixture. Usually you want something herby, and most herbs are compatible, so go hog wild.

If you are not used to improvising with spices, get yourself a small bowl and mix them together there before adding to the egg mixture. That way you can taste the mix before committing to it.

Whisk everything together, adding enough milk to make it Quite Pale.

Tip into the pie plate. If you’ve done your work well, you will have to pour quite slowly to let the egg mixture find its way downward before it manages to overflow the pie plate down a broccoli water slide. You want the liquid level to be just a bit below the edge of the pie plate - it won’t rise very much.

5. Cheese

You want the top of the quiche to be covered in crusty toasted cheese that will also help flavor the rest of things. So, grate yourself a bunch of cheese. More than that. Yes, that will do. I usually throw the cheese into the egg mixture, actually, in hopes that it will sink down into the quiche a bit as well; but it mostly gets caught at the top anyway.

5. Baking

Heat the oven to 350 (or broil if you are doing the water subliation trick) and put the pie plate in. Leave it there for at least 40 minutes, but this is one of those dishes where I keep checking it and giving it another 10 minutes so you’ll likely need at least an hour. That being said, my pie plate is ginormous and all of this gets exaggerated, so figure out what works for you and yours.

I tend to think of quiche as an easy, cheaty recipe, but given all of the above... it’s not. It’s really not.

Uh, also I just noticed this is vegetarian. You can put meat in quiche, but I’ve never done it, so I have no idea whether you need to cook the meat first. Ask Google about that!

[owlisreading]

I read the Beastars manga

I found out about Beastars first when the anime was announced. I started reading the manga on oct 23 and managed to binged it for two days. And let me tell you the story exceeded my expectations. There’s romance, societal problems, gangsters and an entire culture. This has become one of my favorite mangas of all time, I can’t believe I found it so late. It’s so unique by itself and is a breathe of fresh air. I hope people would give it a chance and not take it as just a “story about furries” at face value.

Further Discussion:

Legosi and his realized fetish for herbivores

I’m not entirely against it. His good intentions and determination to fight is based on his inner obsession for herbivores. So far there’s nothing really to go against him for this aside from the thought that all he has done is just to feed his ego. But he’s also aware of that. I don’t think it’s just his fetish for herbivores, he’s really a good guy deep down. Aside from that, Legosi is just a precious cinnamon bun and an ernest boy.

Legosi and Haru

I think they’re a pretty cute pair. It did upset me when it was implied that he only liked her because she was the first herbivore when his obsession started. Anyway, I like how Legosi respects Haru’s past and didn’t judge her and just really, really cares about her. I will admit that the intensity of their bond is equal to the bond between Legosi and Louis. Yes, I like the idea of Legosi and Louis together.

Haru

Compared to usual female protagonists, she’s a (dubbed) “slut”. I wouldn’t call her that, but she does sleep around and isn’t apologetic about it (she did stop when she dated Legosi). When her circumanstance for this was explained, I felt sad for her but also respect that she is accepting of her nature. I hate that Sc*mboli Reviews called her a thot and nothing else, she’s a girl who is honest and strong. It’s good that she’s with Legosi.

Legosi, Haru & Louis love triangle

I’m confused about the transition between relationships. First, Haru and Louis were together, they were dating but their relationship isn’t entirely serious? And when Louis disappeared, they didn’t break up per se but then Haru entered the courting stage with Legosi. And now Haru and Legosi are exclusively dating. I’m not sure if I got it right. Bah my real question was if Haru and Louis had agreed that their relationship wasn’t going to last.

The World Building

Unlike Zootopia, Beastars’s speciesism isn’t based on our reality. The carni-herbi racism mindset isn’t the only one because in the culture for sea creatures, death is a much more acceptable concept. There’s also the basic manners established in it’s society e.g. bigger animals should let smaller ones cross first, tiny animals should walk by the wall to avoid being crushes and carnivores shouldn’t bare their fangs and claws, etc. Animals pride on the products they supply like that one chapter about the chicken Legom. Bears over 2meters should take pills that decrease body mass. There’s also Seaspeak, an entire language for sea creatures. The existence of the Back Alley Market is illegal but in a way balances the environment. Details like this keep me immersed, I commend the author for adding them.

Anime and it’s CGI

When the teaser was shown, I was at first skeptical because of previous adaptations (e.g. Berserk) but the studio was Orange and their previous works in CGI were amazing. Then the anime was released, I haven’t seen it because it’s currently exclusive for Japan and I promised myself I would support it by watching it on Netflix and not on pirate sites so that Netflix would count my view and add it to its statistics if they should order another season. Based on the clips and even the cute OP, I will say the details are great. Another masterpiece by Orange. Even if I notice some flaws in the rendering when I do get to watch it, it won’t matter because the story will outshine that problem.

Itagaki Paru and Furries

Some say the manga is for Furries, I agree but I don’t think it’s exclusively for them nor was it dedicated to them. In an interview inserted after one of the chapters, the mangaka said she just loves drawing animals so much that if she drew humans she’ll unconsciously give them animal characteristics. She’s obsessed with animals since she was young and was inspired by Disney.

Some say she’s a furry because she wears a chicken head mascot as seen on photos But almost all mangakas try to hide their identity (heck even their genders) during interviews or photoshoots. Even the photo used on the aforementioned interview, she covered her face with a book. But Mangaupdates does have a photo where her face is seen.

Just because of all these subtexts doesn’t mean she’s surely a furry. Nothing against furries but I just don’t like it when people decide it as a fact (just like how many have said that the KnY mangaka is female like it’s a fact, when the author never disclosed that for personal reasons).

[starboundanon]

Hey Herbie, hope you’re having a good day. I guess my question would be what are your Luke headcanons. Feel free to add a few nsfw headcanons in there too.

Luke headcanons?? I got your Luke headcanons, Anon.

sfw:

Luke meditates more than any other Jedi in the history of the Order because learning to control his powers is a constant battle. He is a child of the Force itself, which means he has an unlimited well of potential inside of him. If he doesn't consistently work to understand and control his powers, he knows and fears the kind of destruction he could inflict on the galaxy... sadly, he doesn't sleep well.

He pretty much has to re-learn every basic skill he knew before he was taught how to wield the Force. It changes how he interacts with the world around him. It's like being born again, in some ways, because he knew how to put droids together back on Tatooine, but now he can feel when something will or won't work, how these physical properties will react to each other, what the outcome will be. It's a gift, truly, but he tries to force himself not to rely on it too much. He doesn't ever want to be completely dependent on the Force, so even though he never needs to use his hands to open a door again, he still does.

After the events of RotJ, Force-ghosts Obi-Wan and Yoda keep a respectful distance unless they're called for. Anakin, on the other hand, visits his children as much as he can. This is especially helpful for Luke, because even after four years, he still isn't used to the odd, vivid dreams the Force gives him, and after being tortured by Palpatine and watching his father die, those dreams more often than not turn into nightmares. But he can sense, even as he sleeps, that his father sits beside his sleeping body on nights like that, running his hands through Luke's hair, keeping him safe and chasing the bad dreams away.

TW: nsfw:

Let's be real, guys. Luke's a virgin. Dude's lucky if he ever managed to lip-lock with someone back on Tatooine. He's more than a little hypersensitive by the time Din/Boba/Han/whoever gets their hands on him. I don't think he lasts long, to his complete humiliation. Din thinks it's cute, though. In fact, he's sort of flattered he can bring his little lover to orgasm so quickly.

This boy is a fuckin' sub if I ever saw one. I don't think he has any idea what that even means, though, let alone that he is one, lmao. He is canonically very non-confrontational and a bit of a people-pleaser. I think he accidentally slips into subspace even without any sexual or intentional action from his partner — all it takes is a few stern words, a look, maybe a firm tap on the ass, and Luke automatically reverts to the Good Boy mindset that kept him alive back on Tatooine.

The first time Luke ever gave Din head was simultaneously one of the best and worst experiences of his life. He took his job very seriously, determined to earn the title of throat goat if it was the last thing he ever did, but sadly, well — as mentioned previously, our boy's a bit of a people-pleasing sub. Meaning, all it took was Din moaning loudly, gripping Luke tightly by the hair and shooting his moneyshot into the back of Luke's throat to make Luke come, which somewhat scarred him for life for how humiliating it was, and also opened up a whole new door of sexual pleasure from how good it felt.

[aaronexplainsitall]

Drop the insider info on making amazing tzatziki please

So there are a few secrets: 

1. Do not use dill or chives or whatever other green herb your recipe tells you to use. You don’t need it, they don’t use it in Greece (at least not on Zakynthos which is where my parents lived), it adds an unnecessary amount of herby-ness and fucks about with the flavour balance. 

2. Use much more garlic than you think you should. Seriously. For every large English cucumber you use, you should be looking at a bulb of garlic. Garlic is the star of tzatziki, and it won’t taste as potent as you imagine because the yogurt will significantly blunt the sharp, uncooked flavour of garlic. Crush your garlic, don’t grate it. 

3. Do not use a food processor. Cut the cucumber by hand or grate it then all you’ve got to do is mix it through. There’s no reason to have cucumber mush all in your tzatziki. 

4. On the subject of cucumber, if you do it wrong you’ll end up with watery tzatziki. You do not need to take out the seeds, just salt your cucumber and leave it for 20 minutes or so for all the juice to escape. Then squeeze all the water out by putting it in a cheese cloth (or a tea towel if you’re in a pinch and I always am because I never have cheese cloth) and wringing that bitch out. (I don’t bother peeling my cucumber for this, but you can if you want, it doesn’t make any difference flavour-wise, it’s just a texture preference) 

5. Speaking of salt, SALT YOUR TZATZIKI. Please. I’m begging you. There is so much fat in this dip, you’re using fatty yoghurt and adding olive oil to it, you have to use salt or it won’t taste of anything because fat masks flavour. Add the salt a teaspoon at a time, mix it well and then taste again. You don’t want it to taste like the ocean but the flavours won’t be pronounced unless you season it well. 

6. Your tzatziki will succeed or fail based on the yoghurt you use. Use greek yoghurt, an authentic brand if you can get your hands on it. Do not use low fat greek yoghurt, do not use ‘greek-style yoghurt’ (that means it’s not properly strained), use the best actual greek yoghurt you can find. 

7. Once you’ve made it, leave it in the fridge for 24 hours before you eat it. Not mandatory and I never wait that long but it does taste much better after all the flavours have mingled and got to know each other for a while. 

This is the basic recipe I use: 

Ingredients

1kg yoghurt 

1 head of garlic (10 cloves) 

1 large cucumber 

3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil 

1 tbsp lemon juice 

SALT 

Recipe 

1. Grate your cucumber on the widest part of a box cheese grater, or simply slice it very finely in long strands. Put it in a sieve over the sink, generously apply salt and let all the water start to drain out (I usually leave it for fifteen mins to half an hour, you’ll see when the water stops coming out) 

2. While you’re waiting, peel, crush and roughly chop your garlic. Juice your lemon (please use fresh lemon juice) 

3. Take your cucumber, shove it all into a (clean) dish cloth and wring out all the remaining water. 

4. Stir the garlic and oil into the yoghurt. 

5. Stir the cucumber into the mixture, but do it a bit at a time so you can ensure it’s getting evenly distributed and not clumping up. 

6. Season with lemon juice and salt. Salt to taste, but remember that you’re dealing with a lot of fat so you need a lot of salt. 

7. Leave in the fridge for a day if you can manage. 

8. When serving, if you’re desperate to be fancy and you’re feeling hard done by because I won’t let you use herbs, zest half a lemon over the top of your dip or a small amount of spring onion. Do not use dill. Do not use mint. Do not pass go. Do not collect £200.

I hope that helps, anon!!

If you make it, please let me know what you thought. 

[continuo-docs]

April 2020 music reviews, ctd by Laurent Fairon

Passepartout Duo – Vis​-​à​-​Vis (2020) Organon contemporaneous – Wild Breath (2020) Clear Path Ensemble – st LP (2020) Nikolaienko Meets Arthur Mine – Nostalgia Por Mesozóica (2020)

Passepartout Duo – Vis​-​à​-​Vis (AnyOne) https://passepartoutduo.bandcamp.com/ Swiss marimbaphone & keyboard duo Passepartout are Nicoletta Favari & Christopher Salvito. Their music is based on high precision, Minimalist marimba and vibraphone played by Salvito and various keyboards playing by Favari, including piano, toy piano, synthesizer and modified instruments. Passepartout have been touring extensively around the world in recent years, from festivals to artists residencies, and are currently based in Shanghai after a residency in Beijing. Published by Beijing company AnyOne, the Vis​-​à​-​Vis LP features two 17mn-tracks, broken into shorter pieces on the Bandcamp page – for air play compatibility, perhaps. Passepartout favor timing and clockwork-like precision rhythms as well as unusual keyboard instruments – piano strings, toy piano and eerie, buzzing tonalities emanating from malfunctioning, hacked synthesizers. Their compositions are actually build from shorter, unrelated episodes, woven together into a varied fabric, a strategy providing a welcome dynamic to their music, especially on openning track Heartwood. The B-side Vis​-​à​-​Vis [Face to face] starts with toy piano ostinatos over a metronome rhythm, until harmonics-laden, cheap synthesizer flourishes are added and developped. The music changes around the 9mn-mark, with vibraphone and exquisite, dreamy cheap synth. Additionally, the use of re-recording in this track allows interesting arrangements and gives weight to the music.

Organon Contemporaneous – Wild Breath (Attenuation Circuit) https://emerge.bandcamp.com/album/wild-breath Organon Contemporaneous is Portugese composer Diogo Lopes. Wild Breath is a collection of 12 études for clarinet, musique concrète sounds, sampler and synthesizer, showing Lopes' ambition to explore non-melodic and non-rhythmic music. Incessant collages and samples create a rather dynamic and lively music, yet each track is a coherent étude focused on a limited number of sounds, a technique Lopes calls 'micromontagem', and which reminded me of Pierre Schaeffer's own 'écoute restreinte', or focused listening, where the use of a limited number of sound sources allows the listener to focus on all the nuances and characteristics of a 'sound object', another Schaeffer-ian concept. Indeed, the music on Wild Breath was inspired in part by musique concrète, with tracks based on short sound samples from percussion, noise or electronic sources, on the one hand, and traditional electroacoustic sound treatments like delay, filtering or backward playing, also typical from the genre, on the other hand. In these proceedings, Lopes shows a great attention to details and texture. Though only marginally present in the album, the clarinet adds an interesting counterpoint to the music, like the superb bass undertones of a slowed-down clarinet on tr. #3, or the wonderfull free jazz clarinet and malfunctioning synthesizer duet on #2. The last 2 tracks –22mns of droning synth– are completely unrelated and should have been ditched, in my opinion. Wild Breath is only partly succesful, then, but still I'm eager to hear more from this artist if he manages to improve a little on album construction. Great artwork based on a Dan Penschuck photo (feindesign.de).

Clear Path Ensemble – st LP (Cosmic Compositions) https://cosmic-compositions.bandcamp.com/album/clear-path-ensemble Bedroom jazz project by Cory Champion, a house and techno producer from Wellington, New Zealand, with experience as a jazz drummer in the local scene as well. These tracks are clever, graceful sampler-based recreations of jazz music of various breeds, from the Modern Jazz Quartet and Lionel Hampton's solo vibraphone, onto Alice Coltrane's harp, through to Herbie Hancock's funk jazz. All the percussion is adroitly sampled and reconstructed, as is the vibraphone and harp, with occasional, real guest musicians on piano, guitar, bass, harp, etc. Featuring on most tracks on bass clarinet, Jake Baxendale is excellent throughout the album. As well as great drum programming on a couple of tracks –especially #6 Tall Shorty–, the music also includes occasional electronic outbursts and weird sounds as 2020 signposts. Indeed, the Clear Path Ensemble project is not so much a nostalgic homage to jazz from the past but a fruitful re-creation, with jazz attributes used as a source of inspiration for the electronic musician.

Nikolaienko Meets Arthur Mine – Nostalgia Por Mesozóica (Muscut) https://muscut.bandcamp.com/album/nostalgia-por-mesozo-ica A pair of Ukrainian electronic musicians from Kyiv teem up on this exquisite 7inch single of retro-futuristic, exotica music explorations. Arthur Mine on Arp Odyssey and Venta synthesizers, Dmytro Nikolaienko on synth percussion and sound effects produce lovely melodies in the tradition of Andrew Pekler. Three short tracks full of tropical bird songs, pseudo-ethnic percussion and ritualistic, vintage analog synth. Great production and mix by St. Petersburg musician Eugenii Fadeev aka Flaty, author of a good album of electronica on the same label in 2018 (Wrong Water – Dozen LP).

[tessatechaitea]

Black Condor #5

Five issues and five pure cheesecake covers.

Crud-for-brains? I'd wager my life savings that Brian Augustyn was an early Adventures of Pete and Pete fan.

The guys on the cover are just four young dude-bros stealing from drug dealers. They burn the drugs and take the money to give toward good causes. And probably also to buy cool shit for themselves. They're only human! Probably. I haven't read far enough along to know what they're really doing with the cash. Black Condor will find out after he beats the shit out of three of them. Sorry. I've been gone for awhile. You wouldn't have noticed since my long absence fell between writing the previous paragraph and this current one. And unless you ran off to take a desperate shit right at the same moment, the time between these two paragraphs was negligible, minuscule (I decided to use both words because I'm so proud of my ability to spell my native language (I considered misspelling "native" and "language" but decided that was a boring old joke which has carried more water than Capri-sun (that's a new joke and it's not very good because it doesn't make sense. But at least it's new))). But I was caught up in playing a stupid computer video game about dungeon delving dice trapped in a horrific game show. Spoiler: the dice never get to fuck. But I'm back now because this is blog is the only thing that keeps me sane anymore. You might think that because this blog was my link to sanity, I'd be more earnest. You might think I'd want to be grim and serious and discuss political, social, and environmental matters with the gravity and seriousness they deserve. But that's all the stuff that's doing my head in. So I'd rather pretend that I'm angry at comic books. Here's a secret for the few of you reading this who made it to this specific paragraph out of all of my paragraphs: I wish I were friends with Scott Lobdell. I bet he's kind of an asshole but he's the kind who, if he was getting his ass kicked at a bar for being smarmy and pretentious and smug (smug because he's a rich writer whom a lot of thirteen year old boys (and men with thirteen year old boy minds) think wrote some of the seminal X-men stories), he'd completely understand if you didn't step in to defend him. He feels like the kind of guy who knows what he really deserves (a righteous ass beating) and wouldn't think the world unfair should he ever receive it. Then he'd probably buy drinks for the people who beat his ass, and I'd look him in the eye and shrug, and he'd laugh, and we'd continue to not mention that time we jerked each other off when we were fucking wasted on single malt scotch and peyote. Black Condor and Ned decide they need to find the girl with humongous afro before she hurts people who don't deserve it the way the color changing white supremacist Nazi rapists did.

What does he mean by "completely autistic"? In 1992, I'm guessing that meant nonverbal with loads of stimming and maybe the ability to play any piano concerto immediately after hearing it once.

Karin was experimented on by Black Condor's grandfather's Society but she failed to gain the ability to fly. She did, however, gain mental abilities as powerful as his own. He's concerned that, being autistic, she'll hurt people with her mind rage. Please. She almost certainly just wants to be left alone by everybody in society expecting her to think and act in a specific way that she can't think and act, nor would she want to if she had the ability. Just leave autistic people alone, normals! They don't need help. Just because your autistic kid isn't giving you the kind of unconditional love you were looking for when you decided to have a kid that you would eventually love only conditionally based on how they loved you doesn't mean the kid needs to change. That's on you and your needs. Maybe just find a way for the kid to express themselves (or not! Who knows sometimes?!) and let them do and act as they please. Unless what they want to do is fuck the dog. I'm not saying autistic people fuck dogs but I am saying we're all individuals, you know? Use your common sense! And if your kid is fucking the dog, autistic or not, don't let them near the dog! The Merry Men on the cover (oh hey! There were Merry Men in the Sky Pirate issue! Brian Augustyn either loves old tales of daring adventure or LSD) have been robbing drug dealers to help fund a homeless camp run by a priest named Gamble. The priest isn't involved in the theft; he chastises them about their plans to get money illegally. But they assure him the money isn't tainted and he decides to believe them when they dump thousands of dollars on his desk. Doing the right thing is hard when doing the wrong thing will solve all of your money issues. If you're a weak minded jerk, that is! I totally would never sell out for thousands of dollars so hopefully nobody embarrasses themselves by offering me loads of money to write positive comic book reviews for their publications. Father Gamble refuses the money because he just can't be sure it was honestly come by. I would be less suspicious of the money and more suspicious of the white college kids trying to donate thousands of dollars to a homeless camp. What's really going on in this camp?! Why are these young men so interested in keeping it funded so it doesn't get shut down? Four probably rich white boys risking their lives to help the downtrodden? Sorry but this is the most aggressively fantastic comic book I've ever read. And I'm not using the informal definition of "fantastic."

"Which member of this organization could possibly be giving all of this information to these white boys and why am I exposing my plan to kill them before plugging the leak?!"

Maybe that's racist suggesting that the white guy in the gang is giving the information to other white guys. But this comic book has already asked me to believe too many fanciful plot points so I'm glad Augustyn decided the white guy was absolutely the inside man. The white guys name is Herbie and his boss, Mr. Soto, already knows he's the leak. I'm glad Mr. Soto is as smart as I am. Or as racist. Probably smart though! They follow him as he's trying to meet up with the college Merry Men to warn them that they're in danger. Luckily for Herbie, Black Condor happens upon the scene as he's searching for Karin. And even though Black Condor doesn't give a shit about this guy and his problems, he figures even a reluctant hero wouldn't just stand by and watch some jerk get what's coming to them. After Black Condor saves Herbie, he has to take him to the hospital because he was pistol whipped. Meanwhile, the rich white kids aren't warned that they're about to die so they drive off into the trap to steal more money that Father Gamble won't be accepting for his charity.

What a dumb asshole! Even the most ignorant of ignorant jerks knows there were only three musketeers! Unless he's so familiar with the book that he's including d'Artagnan along with Porthos, Mythos, and Harpos.

I never read The Three Musketeers because I was born in the late 20th century and exciting stories to thrill young boys wasn't a popular genre anymore because we had Batman and Green Lantern. Although I did once play the text adventure version of the book. When I did that, I poked fun at the idea that the author of it was writing the game so that people would remember Alexandre Dumas and yet it's the only reason I know anything about him! Although now I know a little bit more about him because I Googled his name to make sure I was spelling it correctly and now I know what a fancy lad he was!

Now I want to listen to an audio version of his book where every few sentences, the person reading it just says, "Oooooooh, my!"

The Musketeers (maybe I was wrong to assume they were more like the Merry Men?!) manage to get away with only one of them shot in the ankle (the others weren't shot at all, if that wasn't clear). They decide the best way to save their own lives is to lead the gun men on a chase through New York back to Father Gamble's homeless camp. They already know he doesn't want any trouble so why are they taking this gunfight back there?! What is Father Gamble's hold over these young men?! Luckily for everybody in the homeless camp, Black Condor is there still searching for Karin. He'll save everybody's lives reluctantly! Unluckily for everybody, Karin is also there and the gunfire and chaos freaks her out so much that she has a mind-storm! That's the thing she had before that killed four of her attempted Nazi rapists. And that's where the comic book ends! Lucky for older me, younger me bought the next issue so I wouldn't be stuck with this cliff hanger! Lucky for younger me, older me doesn't have a time machine so that fucker has gotten away with some pretty abhorrent behavior which I couldn't correct by going back in time and punching him in the nose. Unlucky for him, he's going to be a virgin for a long, long time! Ha ha! Take that! Ow. Older me just hurt older me's feelings. Black Condor #5 Rating: B. A solid rating that I probably wouldn't have given this comic book back when I was twenty-one. I don't think I understood just what this comic book was doing and wound up only remembering it as a comic book about a reluctant hero. I didn't realize how much of it was Black Condor trying to live his now much more complicated life while also continuously doing the right thing. Even when he just wants to hole up in the woods and say "Fuck it!" to everybody and everything, he still shows the heart of a hero when he's needed by people nearby. And he's fucking sexy hot too.

[bluerighthand]

Sugar and Spice

Pairing: Tommy/Alfie

Summary: It’s Tommy and Alfie’s fifth anniversary. With Alfie away at work for the day, Tommy plans the perfect romantic meal. Unfortunately, between misbehaving ovens, disobedient vegetables and the occasional sabotage of his dog, things don’t quite go to plan. Luckily, Alfie loves him anyway. 

Notes: Hitting you with some domestic Alfie/Tommy fluff and awful cooking :) Big thank you to @whentommymetalfie for being my Horse Friend and helping me crawl outta my writing slump with fab ideas and pony pictures <3

Words: 6,755 (an arguably excessive amount)

“Tommy” Alfie whispered, tracing the shell of his ear. Though it pained him to do so, Tommy kept his eyes closed, shuffling a little further into the warmth of the duvet. He knew if he woke properly, Alfie would never leave. Not today. Alfie had made a fuss the night before, insisted he wasn’t going into the office, but Tommy had managed to talk him round.

It was cruel to make a man work on his anniversary; even crueller for Tommy to be the one who orchestrated the mild chaos in the office to get him away, but he had grand plans for the day. He needed an empty house, Alfie’s flowery apron and a lot of courage.

The mattress dipped as Cyril hopped on, Alfie trying to contain his laughter as he licked at his face. Tommy’s smile was obscured by the duvet. Alfie slipped away soon after that, with a beardy kiss to Tommy’s temple and a gentle ruffle through his hair. Tommy had half drifted away again, but was roused by the tell-tale crunching of gravel as Alfie’s car pulled away from the cottage. Tommy yawned, peeking an eye open to find Cyril’s face an inch from his own.

Once he’d recovered from his undignified shriek, he sat up, stretching, Alfie’s night shirt falling around his elbows. There was a note on the bedside table, and he grabbed it before Cyril could, grinning at the badly drawn love heart and Alfie’s familiar scrawl.

Happy anniversary sweetheart.

Five years. Tommy could hardly believe it. Would never have dared to, during those months of lingering touches, shy smiles and midnight conversations. But they were here now, away from it all in their own little cottage in the country. Tommy had his stables, Alfie had a vegetable garden, and Cyril had acres of fields to tumble around in.

They’d made it this far.

Cyril was padding around by the door, and Tommy let him out, grabbing some casual clothes from the chest of drawers. He planned to change into his suit later, not sure quite how messy his present would turn out to be. He’d done some cooking before, sure, like when Finn wanted eggs, or the pies he made as a child.

Technically those were mud pies, and had no business in the kitchen, but aside from the fact that Finn’s dinner had more shell than egg in and Aunt Pol had banned him completely after the fire incident, he felt he had a good base to get started on. He lived with Alfie now, and if there was one thing Alfie was good at (although Tommy was proud to say there were many, many things Alfie was an expert on), it was cooking. Which was where Tommy had got the idea from.

Five years was a long time after all, in this life, and he wanted to do something special for Alfie. Meaningful. He had a whole shelf filled with recipe books, and Tommy had been sneaking down to peer at them when Alfie was asleep, gradually forming his menu for a romantic anniversary dinner. Alfie would never suspect a thing; it was the perfect surprise.

Choosing what to make had surely been the trickiest part. Tommy didn’t want to be too ambitious, but at the same time, he had a whole day! If something went wrong, he could always just start again, he had more than enough ingredients. He’d have liked to have done a practice run, just to make sure everything was alright, but had decided not to risk it. He wanted it to be a complete surprise, and he was pretty sure Alfie would notice if all his vegetables disappeared and his chicken mysteriously vanished from the freezer. Although Tommy could probably get away with it by blaming Cyril, he decided he didn’t deserve that.

Even if he did chew on Tommy’s shoes.  

Arriving in the kitchen, Tommy pulled out some recipe books, as well as his handwritten notes about kosher food, and what he was going to make. They’d be having chicken, with a vegetable sauce, Alfie’s home-grown potatoes and a chocolate cake for pudding. Simple, but tasty, and healthy too; Alfie was always going on about the benefits of a rounded diet. Tommy usually sent a puff of smoke and a glare in his direction to make his view known, but he did listen sometimes. And sure, the healthy bit would be slightly counteracted by the chocolate cake, but it was their anniversary after all.

He had breakfast: a cigarette and an unbuttered slice of toast, before washing his hands and tying himself into Alfie’s apron. It was a little long on him, and if his brothers saw him in the pink flowery thing (that Alfie still insisted he bought ironically, though Tommy didn’t believe him) he’d probably die, but if he was going to do battle with the kitchen today he needed a uniform.  

He thought he’d start with the veggies: he needed to work up to the chicken, and this was just chopping and stirring right? He could do that. There were: carrots, onions, broccoli, celery, pepper, some herby…leaf things he didn’t know the name of but seemed important, and a strangely shaped purple vegetable that Alfie had previously informed him was an aubergine. After consulting the recipe, it was banished back to the cupboard. Tommy couldn’t deal with anything purple today.

The sauce recipe was already worrying him; it didn’t mention anything about water. And after the spaghetti fire incident of 1923, Tommy was loathe to miss out water from any cooking. He filled up a bowl anyway, placed it on the side, grabbing a knife to start chopping. What was first?

“1 ½ cupfuls diced outer stalks of celery” he read out loud to himself. Now that he actually had to do it, the idea of separating the inside from the outside seemed ridiculous. What was so wrong with the inner stalks? Surely he could just chuck a load in, and then- no, no, this was Alfie’s special meal. He had to do it perfectly.

Soon Tommy’s bowl was filling up nicely with veggies. The slices weren’t exactly even, which was frustrating him slightly, but he supposed once they became a sauce it didn’t matter so much. He liked to watch Alfie in the kitchen. He could chop an onion so fast, his hand was practically a blur. How did he do it? Tommy positioned his hands in a vague imitation of his boyfriend’s, and started on the onion. It wasn’t all so different from a razor, Tommy contemplated. And he’d been pretty damn good with a razor blade. He sped up, gaining confidence as he diced the onion in the opposite direction. Sure, he wasn’t as fast as Alfie, but he was really getting the hang of this-

“Shit” he cursed, dropping the knife and clutching his thumb, beads of blood welling up where he’d nicked himself. The bowl wobbled where it had been jolted by the sudden movement, teetering before spilling its contents over the counter.

“For God’s sake” Tommy muttered, sucking his thumb into his mouth as he tried to scoop the vegetables back into the bowl one-handed. The water sloshed over the sides of the counters, leaving Tommy with wet trousers and soaking the pages of the cookbook he’d been peering at. Cyril padded unheard into the kitchen at the disturbance, looking up at Tommy curiously as he flapped around, dragging a tea towel over the counter and attempting to rescue the sodden pages.

Cyril stopped just behind him to lap up the water, snuffling at the vegetables that dropped to the floor when Tommy tripped over him, inconveniently covering all the water with his body. Tommy closed his eyes, barely suppressing a frustrated scream as the cold water seeped through to his skin. Cyril licked at his fingers.

Ten minutes later, Tommy was changed, clutching a packet of cigarettes and determined to uphold the ‘no dogs in the kitchen’ rule. Cyril wasn’t happy about this, and pawed at the door, barking until Tommy eventually gave in and opened it. He dragged his favourite cushion in from the living room, flopping down onto it and watching Tommy with interest any time he caught a whiff of something.

Right, where was he: butter, oil, frying pan. Maybe he didn’t need the water after all. He should have it there though…just in case. He’d been sneaking glances at Alfie turning on the heat over the past few weeks, so he switched it on confidently, quite forgetting that there were different temperature settings in all the excitement.

Let the vegetables cook gently in their own juices, until they are tender.

Tommy wrinkled his nose, leaving the pan to its own devices while he retrieved the chicken from the freezer. His stomach sunk as he set the meat on the table. He hadn’t realised quite how frozen it would be. He blew hot air onto his fingers to warm them up again, poking at the dials on the oven. It should thaw out in there: there was plenty of time, he calmed himself, placing the chicken into the oven as the vegetables sizzled. Back to the sauce.

Fill one tablespoon with a combination of: crushed garlic clove, salt, pepper, and fine breadcrumbs, and add to sauce.

Which one was a tablespoon again? He couldn’t remember. Sounded like it should be large; as close to the size of a table as possible. None of the silver ones were really cutting it, maybe they didn’t have a tablespoon. His eyes fell upon the big ladle. A few scoops of that ought to be enough!

Look at me go, Tommy thought, filling up the ladle full of crushed garlic before tipping it into the sauce. His clothes were drying, he was problem solving, his dog was behaving and he was making a healthy home cooked meal for his boyfriend. Tommy hummed as he worked, some song Alfie had taken to singing in the kitchen. He liked to distract him sometimes. The feeling of Alfie’s arms around his waist, sneaking neck kisses and swaying him as he sang and a hot pan bubbled away in the background was heavenly.

Tommy couldn’t wait for Alfie to come home.

--

Two hours later, Tommy was less keen for his boyfriend’s return. Steam had curled his hair into an absolute state, and he brushed it out of his eyes as he surveyed the damage. Flour was covering the work tops, broken egg shells littering the floor and crunching underfoot. Tommy had managed to confuse sugar and salt, and baking soda and baking powder, meaning one half the kitchen was a ‘discarded chocolate cake’ zone, and the other was a mess of utensils and bowls filled with God knows what. He was running out of chocolate.

Worst of all was the chicken. He’d left it in the oven for hours, and it hadn’t so much melted the frosty covering of ice over its surface. He only realised that he’d actually turned up the hob instead of the stove when his first attempt at sauce had been burnt to a crisp all over the frying pan. He was now on the third batch (what happened to the second sauce is unspeakable), which had to be his last. Tablespoons, or more accurately: ladles, used up quite a lot of ingredients.

The sauce should be moderately thick, but not lumpy.

Tommy peered into the pan, frowning. This sauce looked more like green water, with great half melted lumps of veggies in. Maybe he just didn’t chop them small enough? He poked at the lumps with his knife, attempting to cut them down. His thumb gave a painful twinge, and he pushed that idea aside. It would be okay: he could fix it later, put it all in a bowl and do some stirring. Stirring solved everything. And though he wanted everything to be perfect, he knew the chicken was far more important. The oven was on properly now, and the damned thing had finally started to defrost. Tommy cast anxious glances at the clock, as Cyril watched the chicken through the glass, whining occasionally as the potatoes made alarming noises from their pan.

“You’ve got food there, and water. Don’t act like I don’t feed you” Tommy huffed. Cyril wagged his tail. Tommy sighed in resignation. “I’ve got to cook it first. Then you can have a bit”.

--

He had thirty minutes left, before Alfie was expected to arrive home. Ollie had called him from the office earlier, said he was just leaving.

“Stall him” Tommy had hissed down the receiver. He heard Ollie calling after Alfie, something about a lost dog near the canals, but the dreaded smell of burning had gotten Tommy off the phone before he could hear a response. The blackened chicken sat on the work surface accusingly. Tommy had cut into it, with rather more force than necessary, and was dismayed to find it uncooked on the inside.

How could it be burnt and raw at the same time? Had he just invented something? Surely things were either cooked, or they weren’t, but this chicken seemed to be both.

It was all very well creating new dishes the world had never seen before, but he’d rather this discovery hadn’t occurred on his bloody anniversary.Another glance at the clock sent him into a panic, chiselling away at the burnt parts of the chicken so he could whack the rest back into the oven at a high heat.

The kitchen was also a disaster: pots and pans everywhere, food all over the floor, his damp clothes hanging over the backs of the chairs. Feed Alfie awful food, and ruin his kitchen supplies, that’s how Tommy did anniversaries. With no time to clean properly, he started hiding the dirty equipment. Shoving bowls into cupboards, utensils behind stacks of books. Alfie would find a wooden spoon in his gardening boots a week later. He unfolded the new tablecloth he’d bought: white, with little flowers on (Alfie liked that sort of thing), throwing it over the mess of flour and God knows what else. Cutlery was scattered about hastily, placemats frizbied into position.

Everything was going so wrong but he wanted to make it pretty and perfect and there wasn’t enough time-

Breathe Tommy.

Ten minutes. He sipped a bit of the sauce into his mouth, and gagged slightly, dropping the spoon. What on earth…that didn’t taste like vegetables. It tasted like shit. How could he have messed up this badly?

The only way he could have done worse was if he’d just grabbed a whole pig and plopped it down on the table. At least this was kosher, or he bloody hoped it was anyway: his notes were completely ruined by the water. There were a lot of rules, and although he now knew all about the menorah and the Torah and the…horah, the kitchen was Alfie’s territory. Though on second thought, Alfie might be grateful for an excuse not to eat the damn thing.

Tommy fetched the chicken. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better. And that…wasn’t enough. This was supposed to be Alfie’s special meal, and what was he getting? Some badly cooked chicken, sloppy sauce and a pathetic excuse for a chocolate cake. Oh shit – the icing. All but throwing the chicken on the table, Tommy grabbed the tube, messily squeezing until the white icing appeared.

HAPPY ANNIV

And…he’d run out of room. Why didn’t he make a bigger cake for fucks sake- if he just added the other letters underneath it might look alright? No, it would look awful. He could blend it in? Start again? He rubbed at one of the clumsy letters with his spoon. It looked terrible. And Tommy didn’t have to be an expert to see that. God, what would Alfie think?

“Happy anniv to me” Tommy muttered darkly, shoving the cake back to the other side of the counter. Staring around at the kitchen, he could have cried. How could everything have gone so wrong? He plated up the main course, covering it with a cloche as soon as possible, if only to hide it from view. The potatoes were burnt and pathetic, the chicken looked disgusting and the sauce topped the whole thing off with a horrible greenish palette.

If he just…closed the curtains, lit a scented candle and scattered a few petals about the place like one of those sappy romantic dinners in the books Alfie was always going on about, would he even notice? Yes, was the answer to that. Yes he would.

It was a few minutes past Tommy’s estimated time, and he was tense, pacing, and unwilling to try and tidy up further or start anything new in case Alfie came home right at that moment. He busied himself with by violently ripping the petals off a rose he’d cut from the bush in the garden, placing them over the stains on the tablecloth.

He was crossing the room to put the stalk in the bin when he caught a glimpse of himself in the hallway mirror, stopping dead. He hadn’t changed. His hair looked like he’d been dragged through a hedge backwards, stains and splashes of food covered his shirt and Alfie’s apron, and chocolate had ended up all over his face.

Crunching gravel sounded from the driveway, and Cyril hopped up instantly, running to the window and barking excitedly. No. Alfie couldn’t see him like this. Tommy had plans. A suit, something nice underneath-

The car door slammed, and Tommy heard footsteps coming up the path. He did the only thing he could think of. Pulling the kitchen door closed, he darted up the stairs, shrugging off the apron and dirty clothes as he went. Tearing into his wardrobe he grabbed his suit just as Alfie’s key sounded in the lock. Frantically scrabbling with his buttons, he assessed the situation of his hair in the mirror.

“Tommy?” Alfie called. “I’m home”. Shit shit shit. There was nothing to be done. It was just a fluffy mess that wouldn’t be flattened. Trousers on, socks on, buttons up, jacket on, hair vaguely patted down- no, his collar was all bunched up, and this wasn’t the right jacket-

“Tommy, love?”. Tommy rested his forehead against the mirror, and breathed.

“You upstairs?”. A creak on the bottom step.

“I’m coming” Tommy called, voice cracking slightly. He stared at his reflection for a moment longer, and had that awful urge to just sink down to the floor and pull at his hair. But he opened the door instead, kicking aside his dirty clothes and hanging Alfie’s apron carefully on the back of the door.

He could hear the scrabble of Cyril’s paws on the floor, and smiled despite himself at the “oof” Alfie made when he presumably jumped up on him. It would be okay. He could make it up to Alfie. Hide all the mess and take him out to eat, buy him something nice tomorrow, light a few candles in the bedroom.  

Alfie was in the living room, coat discarded on the sofa as he bent down to pet Cyril. He looked up at Tommy’s approach, Cyril not assisting in his attempts to stand.

“There ‘e is. Happy anniversary treacle” said Alfie, holding his arms out for Tommy. He was smiling, but it looked a little off. Tommy could tell he wasn’t quite himself, and he was tense enough to know if anyone had upset Alfie that day they wouldn’t be getting away with it.

“Happy anniversary”. He leant up for a kiss. “How was your day?”. Alfie grimaced, and Tommy’s stomach twisted, fingers faltering as they stroked through Alfie’s hair.

“Not great, actually. I didn’t wanna leave you in the first place yeah, and then there was this lost puppy down by the canals, n’ I didn’t wanna be late but I jus’ thought about him all alone in the cold, so I had to have a look for him”.

Oh no. Oh no. Not only had Tommy fucked up Alfie’s anniversary meal, he’d also messed up his entire day.

“But I couldn’t find ‘im nowhere. Not a sign of the poor guy” he said sadly, scratching Cyril behind the ears. “Keep thinkin’ about him falling in, no one t’ help him”. What kind of boyfriend was he?

“Alfie” he started, reaching up for a hug. Alfie wrapped his arms securely round Tommy’s waist, nosing into his neck as he sighed.

“Sorry love, I didn’t wanna ruin-”

“Shh” said Tommy quickly. I’m the one that’s ruined everything. Cyril sat beside them, his excited panting from Alfie’s return calming them both somewhat, until they pulled back. “Alfie, I need to tell you- there was no dog”.

“What?” he asked, confused. “But Ollie said there’d been sightings, n’ I figured-”. Tommy thought to himself as Alfie continued to ramble. Damn Ollie, he could’ve used any excuse. This whole day had been a disaster, from start to finish. They should’ve just stayed in bed. How could he fix this? Could this even be fixed?

“They found the dog” Tommy blurted. Alfie stopped.

“They did?” he asked, face hopeful.

“Yeah. Um, Ollie, he rang just before you got here”. Alfie broke into a wide smile, lifting Tommy off his feet. Tommy swallowed his usual protests, leaning into the kiss as Alfie spun him round gently, some of the nerves leaving his stomach. Alfie loved him, he wouldn’t care that he was hopeless, right? He was carefully returned to the ground, but not for long, Alfie leading him to the sofa and pulling him down onto his lap. Tommy looped an arm around his shoulders, enjoying the closeness, and security of Alfie’s arm under his knees. Shame he’d ruined their anniversary.

“What’ve you got ‘ere?” said Alfie, turning Tommy’s face to the side and rubbing at something on his cheek. He frowned, before licking his finger as Tommy batted him off.

To his surprise, instead of questioning why Tommy had flecks of chocolate on his face, Alfie looked…shifty. “You’ve, err, you’ve found ma draw then. Look I was gonna tell you, but it just tastes so good n’-”

“Sorry, I’ve found your what?” asked Tommy. “Have you been hiding chocolate in our house?”.

“Hmm, mm” Alfie hummed to himself for a moment, realising his stash hadn’t in fact been subjected to one of Tommy’s household purges. Yet. “Just a draw” he said sheepishly. “It was on special offer see, and it would be stupid not t’ invest, ya know? I’m a business man after all, n’ you’ve got to take these opportuni-”. Tommy cut him off with a kiss. Alfie could have a whole bloody room full of chocolate if he forgave Tommy for today.

“So if you weren’t sneakin’ off with my chocolate” said Alfie conspiratorially, as Tommy rolled his eyes, “why’ve ya got stuff all over you? Yer hair’s all” he made circular gestures with his hands, “fluffy”. Despite Tommy’s silence, Alfie soon made the connection between his red face and the firmly shut kitchen door, a slow smile spreading across his face. “Tommy Shelby, ‘ave you been cooking?”.

“Cooking is one word for it” he muttered, grimacing slightly. Alfie didn’t hear him, too busy lifting Tommy off his lap and hurrying towards the door. Tommy almost tripped over in his haste to grab him, managing to catch Alfie around the waist and pull him to a stop.

“Did you make dinner?” he said, practically jumping up and down with excitement. He looked like Cyril when he found that six-foot branch in the forest.

“Yes” Tommy admitted grudgingly, edging sideways to block Alfie’s path to the door. He couldn’t bear to tell him.

“Can I see?” said Alfie eagerly, shuffling them towards the door.

“No” said Tommy, the word coming out harsher than he’d intended. Alfie stopped, slightly taken aback.

“Why?”.

“Because…” I’m useless. You’ll hate it. I failed. “It’s not…I haven’t…” he trailed off.

“Jus’ show me love, you dun’t have to be nervous” said Alfie, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Though it is kinda sweet you gettin’ all worked up over me present, isn’t it”.

“It is not sweet” Tommy insisted, extracting himself from Alfie’s arms and standing firmly in front of the kitchen door.

“Please? For me?” Alfie begged, turning his best puppy eyes on Tommy. It was unfair really, Tommy thought, as the door swung open. He couldn’t resist those eyes.

“I couldn’t- it’s not very-” Tommy sighed, “I tried”. His gaze fell on his pathetic attempt to lay the table, the rose petals already crumpling. If there was ever a time to just…crawl out of the window and find a corner of the stables to curl up in, it was now.

On the contrary, Alfie’s mouth fell open as he entered the kitchen. The curtains were drawn, but several candles filled the room with a warm glow. Petals covered the table, the work surface filled with plates of food, and Alfie felt a lump rise in his throat. Tommy hovered beside him nervously, and Alfie pressed kiss after kiss into his messy hair.

“Yer so silly, you know that?”. Tommy gave him a small smile.

“Don’t speak too soon. You haven’t had any yet”.

“Plate me up then chef” Alfie grinned, taking his place at the table and appreciating the sight of his boyfriend moving about the kitchen. It looked good on him. Tommy lifted the cloche from one of the dishes, waving a tea towel around to reduce the steam. He wavered in the middle of the room, inspecting the plate carefully.

“C’mere love”.

“You can’t eat this”.

“Come here”.

“I’m just going to-” he took a step towards the bin.

“Tommy, come here” said Alfie firmly. Sometimes you just had to take charge of a situation. What kind of a boyfriend would he be if he let Tommy throw away all his hard work? Tommy stood beside him, and Alfie gave his elbow a comforting squeeze. “You cooked for me” he said, and there was so much gratitude in his voice that Tommy just stopped for a moment. Let his grip slacken and Alfie pull the plate away. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see Alfie’s face change the moment he realised it was all-

“I love it” said Alfie, beaming up at him. Tommy scoffed, throwing his towel down and trying to take the plate away. “No no no” he cried, grabbing it. “It’s mine!”.

“Alfie, it’s awful” protested Tommy, trying to pull the plate away without any of its disgusting contents slopping onto the floor. Cyril would lap it up without even knowing what disaster might befall him if he ate it.

“You’re taking away my fuckin’ anniversary meal” whined Alfie. He sounded like a child, and Tommy let go with a huff, but was unable to suppress his grin when a bit of sauce splashed onto Alfie’s shirt.

“Serves you right”.

“I dun’t care ‘bout me bloody shirt” said Alfie, rolling up his sleeves. “I wanna taste this food my love’s spent all day makin’ me”. Grabbing his fork, he speared some meat first, making sure to coat it with sauce before eating. Tommy actually winced as he swallowed.

“No, stop Alfie. You’re gonna get food poisoning”. Alfie waved him away.

“I want to eat it”.

“You’ve had a mouthful!”

“I want more!”.

“You can’t tell me you’re enjoying this?!”.

“Course I am, love. I know how much you hate cookin’. And food in general, really. An you’ve spent hours makin’ me a delicious meal, on the anniversary of the day our eyes locked n’ we-”

“Okay, okay, fine” said Tommy, raising his hands. There was no time for an Alfie ramble now, not when the food would probably go cold in about five minutes and taste even worse. There was still a little bit of steam, though that could be…fumes. No, no, it was definitely steam.

He poked at his own plate, salvaging a corner of unburnt potato and cautiously nibbling at a bit of chicken. It helped that it was the first thing he’d eaten since breakfast. Alfie talked, rambled about their years together and how much he was enjoying the food, and Tommy felt the tension drain from his shoulders. Even if Alfie was exaggerating, which he undoubtedly was, it was nice to hear. And despite the fact that Tommy almost had a heart attack when Alfie offered Cyril a bite of chicken, the meal otherwise went okay. Before he knew it, Tommy was clearing away the plates.

“There’s dessert too?” asked Alfie hopefully. Tommy nodded reluctantly, taking the covered dish from the work surface. He pulled back the cover a fraction, and stopped to peer inside before Alfie confiscated the container, setting it on the table.

“Ah, a mousse! That explains the chocolate ey?” said Alfie as he pulled off the cover.

“It’s a-”. Tommy stopped, gazing at the cake in mild alarm. It did indeed look like a mousse. His icing had been absorbed into a messy looking chocolate whirlpool. He’d only left it alone for an hour, how could this have happened? Food was fickle he thought to himself, dubiously digging a spoon into the mixture. It seemed to be more solid the further down he went, and he avoided Alfie’s eyes as half cake, half mousse, all disaster landed on his plate. On the plus side, his icing failure was lost forever. Tommy could imagine the teasing.

“Hmm?”.

“Never mind”.

--

Tommy had hardly reached for the scrubbing brush before Alfie was spinning him around, leading him towards the door.

“Where are we going?” he asked reluctantly. He’d just like to get the washing done, and then curl up in a nice dark place somewhere. With no sauce or chickens or tablespoons anywhere in sight.

“I’ve got a surprise for you” Alfie grinned.

“What?”.

“You didn’t think I forgot about your present, did ya?”. Quite honestly, Tommy hadn’t even thought about it. After establishing Alfie wasn’t making him a dinner, the thought had completely vanished from his mind.

“Put yer cap on, it’s chilly” said Alfie, undeterred by Tommy’s nonplussed expression and throwing a distinctly non-razor bladed cap at in his direction. There wasn’t so much of a need for those anymore. Things were settling down. It was indeed chilly outside, when they eventually got there. Alfie had spotted the cut on his thumb, and marched him upstairs to wrap a totally unnecessary bandage around it. Tommy pretended to hate it – “Alfie, it stopped bleeding hours ago” – but honestly, he needed Alfie to dote on him right now. Five years had gone by, Tommy proving time and time again that he was useless, fearing with each anniversary that Alfie would realise he wasn’t good enough. Would give up on him. But he seemed obstinately blind to it all, covering Tommy’s eyes with his gloved hands as they stepped outside.

“Alfie, I’m going to trip” he said, wobbling slightly as they made their way onto the grass.

“No you ain’t, I’ve got ya”. He didn’t guide Tommy towards the stables straight away, he’d know, and Alfie wanted it to be a surprise, so they went on a little trip around the garden. Tommy figured this out rather quickly; Alfie leading him ten paces in one direction then doing a U-turn rather gave it away, but he indulged him. It was the least he could do. Just as his ears were beginning to redden with cold, the familiar smell of the stables greeted him, and Alfie led him to a stop.

“Right ‘ere we are, you ready love?”. Tommy nodded, opening his eyes when Alfie moved his hands away. Standing in front of the usually vacant pen at the end of the stables, Tommy didn’t notice anything different at first. Had Alfie cleaned the windows? Had he organised the hay bales? Then he saw something fluffy, and white, peeking over the gate. An ear. He moved closer curiously. Had Alfie got him a foal?

Inside the pen was a small, fluffy maned white horse. She had tiny legs, and was covered by the red blanket Alfie had made a few winters ago. She looked almost comical, compared to the great race horses in the neighbouring stalls, and Tommy couldn’t help the small noise that escaped his lips at how sweet she looked.

“Hey girl” he said, holding out his hand. The horse came closer, peering up at him with those big eyes and sniffing hopefully. An apple appeared in Tommy’s palm, and he glanced back at Alfie, who was staring innocently up at the hay loft. He opened the pen and stepped inside, the horse eagerly nosing at his hand.

“There we go” he said gently, stroking down her neck as she munched away.

“Not really a ridin’ horse, but she’s a sweetie. Even let me stroke her, n’ ya know most horses can’t stand me” babbled Alfie.

“It’s just cause you’re nervous” said Tommy, quietly. “They can sense it”.

“Is she okay?” Alfie asked, scratching at the back of his head. Tommy turned, catching the insecurity. “I was thinkin’, you’ve got all these race horses, you know, and it might be nice to ‘ave one just for you. To relax with. Without any of that training stuff”. Tommy straightened up, leaning over the gate and reaching out to Alfie. He came, Tommy greeting him with a kiss.

“She’s perfect. Thank you”.

“The man said she likes bein’ brushed. I know it all gets too much sometimes, even out here” he gestured to the countryside surrounding them. He took Tommy’s hand, kissing the bandage. “So…jus someone to ‘ave a cuddle with. Without any expectations, you know? Don’t want her replacing me, mind” he joked. Tommy shook his head, very much enjoying Alfie’s rambling about gathering Tommy close on his chest. “Now then, what ridiculous name are you gonna call her? Cause I’m telling you now I ain’t running around the pasture yelling for Spectacular Albatross or Flying Desmond to come in for the night”. Tommy laughed, his eyes crinkling up. Alfie pulled him close. “It’s bad enough as it is. What must the bloody neighbours think of me, ey?”.

“We don’t have any neighbours”.

“Driven them all off, haven’t I, with those names”.

“What would you suggest?” asked Tommy. Alfie thought for a moment, tentatively reaching over the pen and patting the horse’s head. She was still crunching on the last of the apple, shuffling her little feet around in the hay happily.

“How’s Aviva?” he asked. “Means spring. N’ I can picture her in the fields like, when the flowers are growing”. Tommy smiled.

“Aviva it is”.

--

The sun was setting fast now, the horizon a beautiful misty orange. They’d stayed out in the stables for a while, Tommy whispering nonsense to his horse, and Cyril running about and rolling over in the grass. The whole scene made Alfie’s heart melt a little. A lot.

Five years of Tommy. If he wasn’t just the luckiest man on G-d’s good earth.

The chill eventually persuaded Tommy to leave Aviva and come inside; although not before giving her a brush down and an extra blanket. And petting all the other horses.

“I don’t want them to feel left out” he protested, over Alfie’s teasing. Cyril weaved around their legs as they kissed in the hallway, jackets thrown over the bannisters. Alfie distracted him with a treat, and Cyril took it to his basket, tail wagging slowly in exhaustion.  

“You wanna…” Tommy asked suggestively, nodding up towards the bedroom.

“Jus’ gonna go to the bathroom love, meet you in there” said Alfie, shooting him an exaggerated wink and laughing at Tommy’s raised eyebrow before heading to the bathroom. He leant on the closed door heavily, waiting an appropriate amount of time before running the tap, scooping the water up with his hands and desperately drinking it down. He wasn’t sure how much garlic Tommy had put in that sauce, but he had a feeling he’d be tasting it for weeks. His kisses must be awful.

But he supposed Tommy couldn’t tell: he’d eaten it too. Water dripped down his chin onto his shirt, but Alfie only gulped more. After an hour of resisting the urge to down the water jug in one, it was so good to wash some of the flavour away. He’d thought the…mousse cake would help with that, but if anything it seemed to intensify it. Had Tommy put garlic in there too?!

His eyes fell upon his toothbrush, and he glanced at the door nervously. He usually didn’t brush them until later; Tommy might realise. The thought of hurting him like that, however unintentionally, made Alfie feel terrible. But on the other hand, he wasn’t certain the potato wouldn’t just attach itself permanently to his teeth unless he scrubbed it off.

He thought he could get away with shoving some of the chicken to the edges of his plate, but he saw the worried glances Tommy was shooting him. Watching his plate, his reactions. So he ate it all, the residual texture making him shudder. There was nothing for it, he thought, grabbing his toothbrush. If he was concentrating on anything other than making Tommy’s eyes roll back in pleasure tonight, well, that would be a sacrilegious offence wouldn’t it?

--

Tommy was sat cross legged on the bed, wearing Alfie’s sleeping shirt, and nothing else by the looks of things.

“I knew you hated it” he said, sadly.

“Tommy, no” said Alfie, sitting beside him.

“It’s okay, Alfie. I know it was terrible. I should’ve just got you some fucking cufflinks or something”.

“Now when ‘ave you ever known me to bother with them, ey?”

“Something else then. An actual present, like you got me”.

“I love that you made me something, darlin’. So nice of you t’ put yerself through that for me”.

“Don’t joke” said Tommy, pouting. “I heard you”.

“I mean it” said Alfie, scooting towards him on the bed, and wrapping his legs around Tommy. He huffed a laugh. “Thank you for doin’ that for me. I know how hard cookin’ can be, yeah? And I know I go on about it a lot, which is annoying, but it makes me so ‘appy that you made me something. And the little candles n’ petals, so sweet. Jus’ love you so much, you silly thing”. Alfie pressed kisses into his hair.

“I love you too” Tommy mumbled, freeing his arms from Alfie’s strange leg hold and wrapping them around him in return.

“I thought we were gettin’ there, ey? You believing me when I say things like that”.

“I do” said Tommy quickly, “I just…it didn’t go the way I wanted it to”.

“And that’s okay” said Alfie. “Not everything does. But I loved it all the same”.

“But…it didn’t taste nice”.

“I love that you made it for me. That’s what makes it special, ya know? I could ‘ave had one of them fancy posh meals from some restaurant, and it wouldn’t mean nothing compared to my Tommy workin’ all day to make me something, ey?”. He squeezed Tommy’s shoulders. “You could prob’ly give me a load of hay n’ sugar cubes and I’d eat it. Cyril would too”. Tommy smiled.

“He was helping me today, or trying to. In his own way”.

“Was he? That’s ma boy- ah, ow, fuckin’ hell” Alfie cried, disentangling himself from Tommy and clutching at his foot. “Cramp, cramp”. He hobbled over to the window, bracing himself on the sill as he rubbed at his toes, Tommy’s laughter in the background making him grin despite his discomfort. It settled down eventually, and Tommy joined him, resting his head on Alfie’s shoulder, hair ticking his cheek.

“I love your hair like this, ya know”.

“Don’t say a word”.

“I already-”

“Not a word”. The sun had set now, and the stars twinkled at them faintly through the mist. “It was awful, wasn’t it?” said Tommy, his shoulders shaking as he laughed. Alfie kissed his temple.

“I still loved it”.

“I know”.

“You happy?” asked Alfie after a while, resting his head on Tommy’s and looking into the garden beyond. Their garden.

“Very” he replied, the warmth of truly meaning it leaving him with a warm glow. “Happy fifth anniversary”.

“To many more”.

Thank you for reading, I'd love to know what you think! <3

WIPs should be updated in February xx