#they kinda look like vinyl records to me so i might do some more circle shapes of shows and albums i like and do like a 3x3 grid or sth

[socialtomcat]

my punch needle off book coasters 🥰

[therenlover]

Gimme Swayze (Part 4.5 of Till Forever Falls Apart, A Peter Maximoff/Reader Series)

Synopsis: Now that the issue of Y/N leaving is out of the way, and Peter has finally kissed her, he falls into the motions of learning how to love someone for the first time. It’s easier than he thought it would be.

Tags: Fluff, Dancing, Gratuitous Dirty Dancing References, Love Confessions, Insecure!Reader, Minor Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T

Warnings: Mild Language

Word Count: 2600~

This has been cross posted as the first chapter of the fic Cry To Me on my Ao3!

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“Dance with me, Peter?”

Y/N stood in the middle of the floor holding her hand out to him, hair mussed and wild with cheeks still streaked from tears shed earlier in the night. There, in the lamplight, she looked ethereal. Peter could imagine her as she was then in some grand Viennese ballroom. Every man, woman, and child would want to be seen on her arm, fully disregarding her casual clothes and the unhinged fire in her eyes, but she was choosing him. Something in his heart told him she always would.

With a smile and a groan, he pushed up off the creaky old plush couch and stretched his arms. “Are you gonna put on some music or are we gonna have to make our own?”

Peter didn’t miss the way Y/N’s breath hitched as she rushed over to the record player near the window. Her fingers skimmed over the knee-high stack of records at the base of the machine, searching through for something specific. After a moment she let out a small victorious noise. She pulled out the item she was looking for, a plastic-wrapped vinyl sheath, before holding it out towards Peter with a grin. Outside, the rain had slowed to a gentle pitter-patter on the concrete.

The paper cover was plain white, but it had a large title scrawled across the front in black magic marker: Y/N’s Ultimate Romance Mixtape.

“You put a mixtape… on a record? How much did this thing cost you?” Peter asked, walking to Y/N’s side to give the vinyl a closer look.

“Not just any mixtape,” she groaned, motioning for him to flip it over, “Our mixtape!” There on the back of the record, just as she promised, was a tracklist. Upon first viewing, by any average person, it would look pretty normal. To Peter, though, it was like looking down at a list of the top hits of his life. Time In A Bottle, Strange Magic, Born to Run, Sweet Dreams ...

“How did you-”

“I just started finding the songs I saw you listening to more than once, one day,” Y/N replied. She was staring at the floor again, wringing her hands. Was she… embarrassed? “I know it’s kinda weird and creepy… okay, it’s really weird and creepy, but I didn’t have anything else to do. It was just me in the Paris apartment back then and I still technically wasn’t a real person in the eyes of the government so I couldn’t work. What I’m trying to say is it was a nice way to pass the time, waiting for the newest song on the list to release, sitting patiently in the record shops hoping to hear a snippet of a melody I heard you humming along to in a vision...”

As she spoke, Y/N’s eyes seemed to glaze over. By the time her stream of consciousness had turned into less of a pour and more of a drip she looked halfway caught between the world and a dream. Peter could only imagine that when you’d lived as long as she had sometimes the past could seem like a dream. He’d been around for about 31 years, 67 if you included the years he lost between dimensions, and even he found himself looking back on parts of his childhood as if they were someone else’s. What would it be like in 10 more years? 20? 30? 100 didn’t even seem plausible.

Peter was only snapped from his internal monologue when Y/N snatched the record out of his hands and held it to her chest protectively. Her dreamy look was gone, replaced with one much more defensive.

“What?”

“If you’re just gonna gawk at it, I’m not gonna show you,” she said, carefully setting the record down on top of the closed player before turning her attention back to Peter, “I know it’s a little odd-”

“It’s cute!” Peter was quick to respond. He held up his hands, giving a small gesture of goodwill, before moving in to wrap her in his arms. She accepted, however stiffly. “Really, babe, it’s cute! I promise,”

With what seemed like a great amount of effort, Y/N relaxed into his touch. “Sorry, sorry, I’m just a little nervous… I’ve never done this before,”

“Oh, come on,” Peter’s mouth was almost against her skin now. His hot breath tickled the sensitive curve of her ear as he rocked their bodies back and forth on the balls of his feet, half calming and half comedic. “You don’t have to be nervous, Y/N. It’s just me,”

“That’s the problem!” Y/N was floundering in earnest now, her little heart pounding hard enough that Peter could feel it against his own chest. “With other guys it was easy! I knew they weren’t the end goal, and I knew… well, I thought they’d die long before you ever came into the picture, but now you’re here, and you’re you, and I’m so fucking terrified of messing everything up,”

Peter moved his hands to loosely grip her arms, rubbing calming circles into her flesh. “Babe, newsflash, I really like you. Like, stupidly like you. Head-over-heels type shit,” he paused to laugh, “and hey, I’m not the one who sees the future or anything, but I don’t see this going bad anytime soon. So take a deep breath, put on our mixtape, and just… let go,”

Y/N let her eyes find Peter’s, peering up through heavy lashes. “What if I fall?”

He kissed her softly on the forehead before he answered, “Baby, I have super speed. You can’t fall faster than I can catch you,”

The softest of smiles graced Y/N’s face before she pulled away, turning back to the record player and grabbing the record off the top as she opened it. She paused for a second, pensive, and Peter thought he might have to bolster her again before she turned back to him.

“Side A or Side B?”

Peter shrugged. “Whatever side you like the most,”

“Side B it is…” she smirked as she set the record on the table and got it spinning, dropping the needle gently onto the edge of the vinyl with a practiced hand, “That’s my side,” Under the sounds of the gentle rain and the city, the opening notes to a song halfway familiar began to ring out through the old bones of the apartment. The ancient wood seemed to creak its own melody under Y/N’s feet while she started to sway. Peter tried to follow along as best he could.

“I hope you know I can’t dance,” He mumbled, swinging his hips to and fro as Y/N giggled at him.

“Oh, I know,”

“Then why did you ask me to?”

“Just because you’re bad at dancing doesn’t mean I don’t wanna dance with you,”

“That’s so cheeeeesy, Y/N!”

She threw her head back as she shimmed into Peter’s arms across the floor. “And you love it,”

When she was finally in his arms again, they swayed loosely to the tune. There was no real rhythm to it, all clumsy feet and breathless laughter as they bumped their way through Y/N’s greatest hits, but it came from the heart. There were no doomsday clocks ticking in the background, no expectations of what to was to come. It was just the music around them and the rain in the street and the jerky unnatural movements of Peter Maximoff doing his best to internalize the beat as The Mamas and the Papas slowly drifted into Solomon Burke. Y/N hummed thoughtfully, pulling away from Peter’s arms as it began, bringing her arms up above her head as she shook her hips. Peter just groaned.

“You actually put the song from Dirty Dancing on the mixtape?”

Y/N didn’t respond, instead bopping her head along with the beat.

“I can’t believe it. You’re not even gonna answer me,”

She gave a wink and continued on.

“Really? The silent treatment?”

“I’m not saying another word until you embrace the Swayze, Peter,”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, took a deep inhale, and then stared daggers into Y/N’s eyes as he shrugged his shoulders. “You want Swayze, baby? You really want Swayze?”

“Oh, I wanna see some Swayze, Peter,”

“How’s this for Swayze?”

With a burst of superhuman speed, Peter raced across the floor, snatched Y/N up by her midriff, and lifted her above his head, delighting in her giggles and shrieks while he spun her. He may not have been the best dancer or the best mover, but Peter was good at a few things; things like utilizing his surprising strength and speed.

He kept Y/N aloft for a moment before gently returning her to the floor. There she stood, slightly dazed, as she got her bearings back, gripping the sleeve of Peter’s t-shirt for balance. To put it simply she was a giggling mess.

Peter loved watching her like this, carefree and loose, unbound from the tethers of trauma and time for a few brief moments. It made his heart soar higher to know that he made her like this. He was the one who threatened to toss her in with the seals at Central Park, which made her laugh so hard she almost yakked up her hotdog. It was him who sat with her on the couch throwing popcorn at the fuzzy TV screen whenever she suddenly froze up at the sound of a scream, distracting her enough that she could enjoy the movie till the end. His hands were the ones she grabbed whenever she saw a cute dog on the street and wanted to get close fast enough to pet it. He was a part of her joy, a minuscule blip on her radar making waves in her life for the better. Peter didn’t know if there was anything else he wanted to be in life that could mean more than that.

When Y/N finally got her giggles under control, she looked up at him with wet eyes and whispered. “That was pretty Swayze, babe,”

The second it left her lips she was in stitches again, her knees buckling as she collapsed to the floor, whole body wracked with her laughter. Peter joined her this time, settling himself down by her side and allowing the hysteria to wash over him like a pleasant wave. Once all was said and done, he and Y/N laid shoulder to shoulder on the antique sitting-room rug, staring up at the ceiling with wide eyes and soft smiles. The record, all spun out, sat forgotten on the turntable.

“I know I’ve told you this already,” Y/N said, eyes glued to the rotating fan above her, “but I love you, Peter. I love you and I love who I am when I’m with you. You don’t have to say it back, I mean, I know this has all been ridiculously fast, but… I dunno. Even without the whole fated to cross paths thing, I think I’d love you now anyways, you know?” She bit her bottom lip, groaning, “Sorry, sorry, I know things are moving way too quick-”

Peter shushed her gently, rolling onto his side to look her in the eye. “Babe, you’re talking to the fastest man alive. Quick is literally in my name. Don’t worry about it,”

“Yeah. I guess it is, huh?”

“And for the record,” he took a deep breath, steeling himself, “I love you too, Y/N. I have for a while now. It has to have been since… well all the way back when Dr. Strange had me tied up at your work. I was so sure that I had screwed everything up with you, that you were gonna let him drag me to superhero prison and wash your hands of me, but you didn’t. You came in there guns blazing, even when you knew I had fucked up big time and accidentally tried to steal some real spooky shit, and from that second on I never once felt like you would ever be willing to get rid of me just because I’m annoying,”

She nudged him with her shoulder. Not hard, just enough to jostle him. “You’re not annoying,”

“Have you met me? Annoying is literally my middle name,”

“No,” Y/N’s voice got soft, “No, your middle name is Django. Your favorite color is blue, but specifically bright teal-ish blue like the blue moon ice cream your mom used to buy you on vacation back when you were a little kid. You can’t dance but you have surprisingly good rhythm, and even if you’re not proud of your voice you should be because if you weren’t the world’s fastest man you could be touring as a singer with your guitar. You always sleep on the right side of the bed, your favorite season is the weird limbo between summer and fall, you can’t stand the James Bond movies, and if anybody asked you’d say your favorite food is Twinkies but it’s not. Your favorite food is pierogies, specifically the cheese and potato kind from Nana Dudek’s in Polish town because they remind you of your Nana the few times you remember going to see her. All of that is true, and so is the fact that you love me,”

She went quiet, eyes watching the blades of the ceiling fan in their lazy rotations. Slowly, she reached out her hand, interlocking her pinkie with Peter’s own without even having to look down and find it.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that,” Peter whispered.

Y/N let a huff of air out of her nose, a silent laugh at a joke only she knew.

“You’re not supposed to say anything. I just wanted you to know,”

“Know what?”

“Know that even if you can never build up the courage to tell me you love me again, I’ll be just fine, because I know, and you know, and that’s all that matters,”

Something in Peter’s heart, however small, shattered at just how vulnerable Y/N sounded.

Both of them were jaded in their own ways. They had seen bloodshed and torment and the roots of human suffering. It wasn’t always as simple as saying ‘I love you’. Sometimes the world left you a broken pulp with little faith and saying three little magic words just wasn’t possible. There’s no place for love in the heart of a person at war, nor is there any guarantee that they’ll ever be able to express that forbidden weakness again. It’s a commodity, like hope, that came in rare supply to people like Peter and Y/N. That being said, in the safety and warmth of the sitting room with the cozy couch and the antique rug and the ceiling fan and the record player, neither of them were at war, and Peter would be a damn fool if he didn’t take advantage of that.

He rolled onto his side once again, waiting there in silence until Y/N rolled onto her side to greet him, and then, with all of the feelings he had hidden in his heart since the moment he ran at top speed for the first time he kissed her.

Without hesitation, she kissed him back.

-------

a/n: Sorry this took so long to get out! It’s short, but I wanted it to be long enough to be it’s own mini chapter, so our minor friends can enjoy the sweetness without having to lose any of the story in the spicy bit. That being said, the spicy bit comes next lol. My shift bar is being fussy, and I need to sleep, so I’m signing off for the night, but thank you for reading! If you enjoyed, let me know!

Please do not post my work to any other sites, thank you ! <3

[cockasinthebird]

Apparently I never shared this here?? Some more Soulmate AU because fuck if it isn’t cute

-

For a Saturday morning, Steve is awake surprisingly early.

When his alarm rings at 8am, he shoots up and has exactly ten minutes to become clear headed after too little sleep, maybe 4 hours or so; it's so hard to fall asleep when his skin tingles.

Feet stumble over yesterdays outfit, as he rushes into his bathroom to turn on the shower, drowsy movement guided by a groggy head from lack of sleep, but it's worth it all when he catches himself in the mirror.

“What song best represents you?” Steve had written on his bicep, and the response was-

“Rock you like a hurricane ;)” Which... isn't a surprise. “You?”

“Don't you forget about me”

He still feels a slight blush creep up when he sees what Billy's response had been. “I won't.”

“Show me your moles again” Billy had requested, written across his ribs.

And Steve had taken his time with that; circled every single one he could reach from the comforts of his bed. Up and down his arms, his chest, that he shaves for this exact reason, abdomen, shins... thighs... hips... down where he trims his pubic hair, body oddly... excited to reveal certain locations, and his heart races as he re-reads, in impressive cursive-

“Oh ;)” down between his legs.

He catches himself grinning like a fool in the mirror.

Then looks at his left hand, words on his wrist-

“Take my hand”

The circle in the middle of his palm has faded a bit, probably worn off by Billy as he had gone about his day-to-day in Australia, while Steve had slept in America.

And he reaches for the ballpoint pen on the sink – a tactic he was quick to learn, is to always have something to write with in every room of the house, rather than just carry one pen with him everywhere and occasionally lose it – then retraces the circle in his palm, now fresh and clear blue.

It takes less than 10 seconds before he feels pressure in the same form again, as Billy draws on top of the circle in his own palm.

Next there's a gentle and familiar tickling across his naked hip-

“Good morning princess” and a little crown scribbled above the i.

Steve is so, so tempted to draw out a heart, to just make that tiny little shape down there, but the both of them understand what a heart so low means. So he simply signs off with a singular dot, to show “message received.”

And in the shower he does his best to wash away old messages and song lyrics; to clean up the canvas for today's fresh pen strokes. His skin is itching to be touched and used again already, ready to be marked up everywhere the two of them can reach.

When the clock says 08:09am he's out of the shower and drying his hair – never before has he washed up so quickly, but for good reason, because barely does the clock switch to 08:10am, when the phone on his bedside table rings.

“Harrington residence, this is Steve,” he says all courteous and well mannered, but who else would it be other than-

“Hey pretty boy,” Billy drawls out.

A smile grows immediately. Steve leans against the table and smooths his hair back from where it lies limply against his forehead. “Hi.”

“You busy?”

Steve hums in feigned contemplation and looks around his room, only slightly messy. “I guess I can take a break from my busy morning for you.”

The way Billy chuckles deep in the receiver urges forth goosebumps down Steve's bare arms.

“Want me to put on some music?” Steve asks per the usual.

Since he lives alone and hates the silence of such an empty home, he listens to music near constantly, and it eventually became a bit of a thing between them, to always have something running in the background.

“Yeah, play the song you mentioned earlier.”

The song he had said “represented him best”, although having thought more about it, there are several songs that could describe him and his life, Tainted Love, Sweet Dreams are made of this, Don't you want me. Plenty of songs put in to words how utterly lonely and starved for attention he truly is, but Don't you forget about me had been the subtlest choice in a constant struggle to not come off as clingy.

“Ok, hold on!” the tone he had intended was soft, but it jumped right into eager before the words had even left his tongue.

Swiftly with practiced hands, he slips out the vinyl from its sleeve, lifts up the plastic cover for the turntable, and places the stylus in the grooves of the LP. The music is low and Jim Kerr's voice fills the room.

Steve dances; pumps his shoulders to the beat and spins his way back to the bed, then lands with a poomf next to the phone receiver he had thrown onto his covers.

“Is it too loud?” he asks with closed eyes as he listens to the song.

“No it's good,” Billy says with a clear smile to his tone. “And the song isn't that bad.”

Saying that they have vastly different tastes in music would be a severe understatement. Sure, a few of the records that Steve has lying around his house is technically from rock bands- Van Halen, Inxs, even Simple Minds is rock, but not the right type of rock according to Billy. It's pop rock, it doesn't count.

“Sleep well, princess?”

Steve feels his lips twitch further up at that stupid name that started out as a tease years ago when Steve had been crying about not getting his way with his rich parents, but now it was something dear.

“Mmh yeah,” he mumbles out and leans into the phone. “Didn't get much sleep though.”

“Hey you can't blame that on me, I was at work all day,” Billy laughs, “You're the one that started it all... couldn't stop thinking about you after you fell asleep.”

“And now I'm awake and you're going to bed,” Steve whines only a bit.

“Yeah... time zones suck.”

There's a short silence, as the chorus plays-

Don't you, forget about me

Don't, don't, don't, don't

Don't you, forget about me

“Tell me about your day.” He crawls further up the bed till he meets with his pillows, and takes the pen from his bedside table.

“Same shit as every other Saturday really, spent all day at work getting distracted.”

The insinuation in his tone makes Steve laugh.

“My co-workers really tease me about it sometimes, they noticed all the circles on my skin and asked about it.”

“And what did you say?”

“The truth; that my soulmate was marking all her moles...” It's clear in his voice that Billy stopped smiling. “I'm sorry that I haven't told them that you're a-”

“A guy?” Steve interrupts, his own mood slightly sour, but he gets it; he can't blame Billy for the way the world works. “Billy...” he speaks softly, “I don't want you to feel bad about not telling anyone that I'm Steve and not Stacy. I've only told one person here the whole truth.”

“Robin, right?”

“Yeah, from history.” He pops off the cap on the ballpoint pen, and sits up to start drawing little flowers up on his thigh.

“Hmm...” Billy hums as he has probably noticed. ���How's it going with her and Heather?”

“Pretty good; Robin's become an oddly proficient swimmer suddenly.” And Steve chuckles, “I'm kinda feeling neglected though. My best friend is spending more time with her girlfriend than me!”

“Well...” Billy's voice suddenly so warm and sweet like honey, as he says, “What can you do when you're in love.”

And Steve's heart beats an extra few times upon hearing Billy say that word. Love. Yeah, what can you do...

“Anyway,” Billy says as there's no response from Steve. “There is this one guy at work, uhh, think his name is Julien? Julian? Julius? Something with a J, it doesn't matter. I think he might be gay, too.”

Steve perks up a brow with a sly smirk. “Oh? And how do you know that?”

“I dunno,” his response a slight mumble, “He just... gives off a vibe?”

And the other brow goes up. “A vibe?”

“Yeah! Like!” frustration apparent at the fact that Steve doesn't just get what he's saying. “You know... all... well groomed?”

Steve chortles loud enough for it to drown out the music through the phone. “Ok, go on.”

“His hair is just always so nice, face clean shaven and skin always so clear...”

“Oh you must have gotten pretty close to notice all of that,” Steve is still bubbling with leftover laughter.

“Steve...” but Billy sounds so worried. “You know I wouldn't-”

“I haven't asked you not to,” Steve interrupts and looks up into the air, as if he could catch Billy's eyes and give him a reassuring look. He can feel that they're all so suddenly on the brink of a rather important discussion that they've already had.

“I know! I know...” Billy sighs. “I just want you to know that I haven't... been with anyone ever since you and I started...”

Getting serious? Are they serious? With an ocean between them, can they be...

“Yeah, me neither...” Steve's heart thumps as his mind starts spewing out ideas of what it would be like... to be with Billy. “But you can. If you want to. You don't need my permission, Billy.”

“Yeah you've said that already, and the same goes to you, too, of course.”

“I know...”

But there's a clear air of assumption between them, despite the thousands of miles. Assumption, expectation, hope that there's a chance...

The song repeats again.

Won't you, come see about me

I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby

Yet the two of them don't say a word. Just listens to the song, together. The type of silence between them that can only be achieved with someone you're so comfortable with. When Steve feels Billy draw in his hand, and looks to see a heart in his palm. A little, shy heart.

And he can't help but smile warmly; feels his cheeks heat up with unspoken feelings- the kind that just came naturally over the last 7 years, and that he wishes to cherish forever.

He draws a heart around Billy's, just slightly bigger, surrounding it, like an embrace.

“Getting tired yet?”

“Yeah,” Billy sighs, sleepy and exhausted. “I always feel so drained during winter. It's so cold and dark... I miss being a lifeguard, but no one wants to go to the beach in this shitty weather. And I use my body in a different way as a mechanic, and I have to deal with customers and co-workers...” he complains about it a lot, but Steve knows that Billy loves getting to spend all day getting dirty and fiddling with cars.

Once talked about opening his own shop somewhere. Says he hasn't quite decided where to do so yet.

Assumption, expectation, hope...

“Should we hang up?”

“Mmmh, no, let me just hear the song a few more times,” is his reasoning, but they both know that that's not why.

They always struggle with hanging up, which is why they don't do this as much as they want to- other than it being expensive of course. Despite their souls being connected and bodies bonded this way, being on either end of the phone line is when they truly exist together. Even in silence, just knowing the other is there too keeps the world away.

“Want me to trace my hand?” Steve whispers softly, his voice a sweet little thing, only for Billy's ears.

“That'd be nice, yeah.”

And oh how he wishes he could see Billy now; eyes closed, a warm and dopey smile, tan body naked under the sheets. There's nothing he wants more in life, than to fall asleep with his muscular arms wrapped around himself, to share body heat, to share their breaths.

But for now, he can settle with drawing the pen along the lines in his palm; creating an endless pattern that Billy describes as feeling like you're running your finger over my skin.

The closest thing to caressing his soulmate that he can get. For now. And the last thing he hears from Billy's end, is him humming with pleasure of the gentle touch.

[theyilinglaozus]

I'm definitely joining you in the XXC/SL bubble haha. The cultivator event was so much fun!! I'm really going to miss it as well! And I've yet to listen to Blackpink's album, been putting this off for too long😂 Vinyls are so great!! My dad has a vinyl player and lots of old (80s/90s) vinyls and to me, listening to them is just comfort, comfort, comfort! I've actually given him some of my favourite albums on vinyl, too, but mostly I listen to his W.A.S.P./Warlock/Steeler/Accept etc. stuff -✨

Even though my top Spotify band of 2020 was one of my oldest favourites, I've discovered so much new stuff this year! My favourite releases (albums) would have to be HUMAN:||:NATURE by Nightwish, Folkesange by Myrkur and folklore by Taylor Swift. As for songs, I really loved Endlessness by Nightwish, Abyss of Time - Countdown to Singularity by Epica, exile by Taylor Swift, God's Menu by Stray Kids and Zombie by Day6. There are lots more of course, but those are the top ones! -✨

As for books, I actually only just got a little spark for reading back, too, I really didn't read a lot this year unfortunately. My top 3 books I read were The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse (compulsory school lecture) and The Child's First Life by Jun Cai, which I actually haven't even finished but oh well. I aspire to read a lot more (and MDZS) next year, though! -✨

Now that the year is almost over, I'd like to ask you to list the good things that happened! It's been quite the tough year but still (or maybe especially because of that) it makes me very happy to find out more about the good things that happened to others! -✨

There’s just something so cosy about listening to music playing on a record player, isn’t there? 🥰 My Mum’s always been a huge music lover, so she has a rather large collection of vinyl’s she brought when she was younger. She likes to listen to some of the vinyl’s I have too, especially since it means she’s found a few new singers she likes like Florence Welch and Lana Del Rey. My Dad mostly likes listening to movie soundtracks he has through them, which is always super nice! 💕

Reading this year has just felt so difficult to do, hasn’t it? 😫 Here’s hoping 2021 will be better for kicking us out of our reading slumps! I have the Night Circus in my too read pile as well, so I must get to that at some point! I also have the authors newer book too, The Starless Sea. I’m a little anxious to start it though since I’m not sure if I’ll like it or not since reviews for it seemed a little mixed, but I’ll never know if I don’t try it 😊

Oh gosh, that’s a really good question CC! Lemme see ...

After a tough 2019, sticking to my 2020 promise to myself and trying to focus more on my own happiness rather than constantly pleasing others helped a lot with my mental health. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary to do and even though this year has been tough and isolating in general for everyone I’ve felt a lot better in myself knowing I’m not going to let certain things bother me anymore. 

In a weird way, I feel like I’ve connected more with some of my friends this year despite seeing so little of them? Whether that’s down to reaching out and communicating through other ways or not, it’s been really nice! 😊 I kinda feel that things like all the lockdowns have also had this weird way of strengthening some connections just through how creative we’ve all had to get with keeping in touch with our friends and loved ones, and although I miss the friends and family I can’t see like I usually do, at least we’ve kept in contact!

This one’s going to sound a bit mushy - but finding a real comfort in a fandom circle again. I’ve been on tumblr for a little over ten years now, and I’ve never really felt like I’ve been a part of a fandom, despite having been involved in a number of other fandoms. The Untamed / MDZS fandom has honestly and truly been the loveliest, most inviting fandom, and I absolutely love how connected it feels. Being a part of it has given me the confidence to take part in fandom events and wanting to return to making graphics properly for the first time in years, and I now find it really relaxing to return to. The community built here is honestly so lovely, and I’m so glad I get to be a part of it 💖

Finding the Untamed, and it reigniting so many of my old loves. A love of creating content, a pull out of a long writing slump, a return to loving dramas after so long. It’s a story I know I’m going to be thankful for for a long time, because it’s just brought me so much happiness in a year that’s just been difficult for everyone. It’s given me the drive once again to explore and learn more about Chinese traditions and cultures, so much so that it sparked me buying other novels that I’m eager to enjoy. 

Some of the video games I’ve played have honestly been little pockets of happiness throughout the year. I got to fall in love with Final Fantasy VII all over again through remake, which is honestly such a dream in and of itself as I never thought we’d see such a stunning game get to shine with a remake. Animal Crossing has been a godsend, and I’m so thankful for it being there as both a relaxing escape and a way to keep in contact and connect with others. I have friends at work that play it now, and it’s brought us so much closer! Games like Ghost of Tsushima and Jedi: Fallen Order reminded me why I love single player games as much as I do, and despite the disappointments of some titles I was looking forward to, I’m really happy I got to find new (and old!) favourites through what I got to play this year. 

Seeing a childhood favourite character return into the Star Wars universe. Again, it sounds sappy, but it can mean a lot to see a character you’ve grown up with and loved so much finally come back in a way that revives that little child in you for a few moments 🥺

And finally, all the lovely new friends I’ve had the pleasure to make this year. The lovely people I’ve been able to speak to through this little fandom, the older friends from before Tumblr days that I’ve been able to speak with more due to our timezones finally matching somewhat in these crazy times. 

Thank you, CC, for being such a bright spark throughout my December ☀️ It has honestly been such a joy speaking and getting to know you throughout this month. You’ve asked such incredibly interesting questions, really made me think about things in MDZS in a way I haven’t before and might not have done so otherwise, and you’ve made me laugh and smile along the way. If you’d like to keep in contact after reveal still, I’d be more than happy to! 💖 I wish you a very happy New Year, and I hope 2021 treats you and your loved ones well!

[staticscreenwriting]

Waves of sound, waves of static - Billy Hargrove

Synopsis: A beach is just a beach and a sunset is just a sunset unless you experience them with the right people. Billy realizes that on his last night in California.

A/N: Hi, this is my entry for @moonstruckhargrove ‘s 1k writing challenge. My prompt was “Tell me this when you’re sober”. Hope this is kinda enjoyable to read. 

“As the summer came and left with the rain Pushing shadows down the road In this old beach town when the sun goes down All the gray turns into gold”

" Come back to me! “

It’s not a request, it’s an order. It’s spoke with teary eyes and fingers clasped in his shirt. He can feel her heart beating through her chest, she’s that close. His skin is sticking to hers but she’s nowhere close enough.

“ I can make it until graduation but then I need you to come home. To come back to me “

It’s breaking his heart, to see the devastation in her eyes, hear the pure unfiltered agony in her voice. To know he’s the one that put it there, that’s just the twist of the knife.

The sun is slowly setting behind the horizon, turning the grey sky into various shades of reds and pinks and draping everything in a golden hue. Dusk, he thinks, always holds a special kind of enchantment. Everything seems to calm down, like the world stops spinning for a mere second and gives people the chance to really take it all in, to take a deep breath.

His hometown is tiny but it’s gorgeous. It’s located right by the beach and lives mostly off of tourists trying to make it a new holiday hotspot from june to september. They spend a shit ton on fake seashell necklaces and silly straw hats made in China. When he was younger, Billy used to sit by the beach and watch the people pass by, making up stories for all the ones he didn’t know. All those that made his home town their little spot of happiness for the summer.

Billy considered himself lucky then, to live in a place that others only got to experience for a short glimpse. He wonders now, if all the magic this town holds comes from the people that he shares it with.

Because a beach is just a beach and a sunset is just a sunset. It’s the people that give it a meaning. It’s (Y/N) that gives it a meaning for him.

There’s a pain settling deep in his stomach and flowing all the way up to his heart. The cars are packed up and most of the furniture the Hargrove-Mayfield household owns is already shipped off to Indiana. It’s his last night in California and he doesn’t think there’s a way to make it last long enough. He wants to do so much, say so much. But he’s stuck. Stuck in a numbing fear of the future and what life is going to be like without (Y/N).

It’s like they’re asking him to leave behind the biggest part of his heart. It belongs to her, it always did, always will.

From the moment they met at the ice cream store her mom used to work at, to the many nights she’s let him crash at hers when things got bad and overwhelming. From when she held him in her room after his mother’s funeral and just let him cry to when they ditched homecoming for a double feature slasher night at the drive in.

All of those moments and all the ones in between. He knows he won’t ever forget about them but that doesn’t mean he’s not scared that time might dull them. Might strip away the magic that they put in beaches and sunsets and leave them as dark shallow memories of what used to be and can never be again.

Billy thinks (Y/N) looks especially pretty in the golden light of dusk. Like some kind of old hollywood movie star from those cheesy black and white movies she adores so much. How in the world he ever ended up with her, he has no idea. He’s nowhere near good enough for her and that’s a widely known fact. She doesn’t seem to mind though. She showers him with love and affection and even though neither of them have said those words before, they’re apparent in everything they do. 

In the touches and the smiles and the clammy hands and nervous breaths. It’s in the way her skin feels warm and soft against his hands, how her kisses taste of warmth and cherry chapstick. It’s in the smell of salty ocean air on her hair and the absolute infatuation in his eyes whenever he looks at her.

It’s in everything and all and they don’t need a single word. But she wishes he’d say it and he wishes he could. But Billy isn’t good with words. He never was. The Hargroves hardly talk as it is but talking about feelings is a completely foreign concept to him. Feelings make you weak. Make you vulnerable. And vulnerable is not something Billy ever wants to be. Not even to (Y/N). Especially to her. She’s his biggest weakness, she has the utmost power in breaking him.

But the words are there, on the tip of his tongue. They want to slip out and set in stone what they both know is there. Proclaim it to god and the world.

But he can’t. He can’t.

“ Can we — can we just enjoy tonight ? Don’t think about whatever shit happens tomorrow morning ? “

That’s another thing about Billy Hargrove. He’s a firm believer that ignoring your problems ultimately saves you a lot of trouble and heartbreak.

“ Sure, yeah sure. You’re right let’s — let’s just live for tonight. Huh ? “ (Y/N) agrees and wipes her tears away with the sleeve of her denim jacket that once used to be Billy’s but was now hers. At one point they’ve both decided it looked better on her and so it was hers from then on. Billy thinks pretty much everything looks better on her than on any other person.

Especially a smile. Her smile is magnificent.

As the sun disappears fully behind the horizon, the lights of the pier take over the golden veil previously provided by the setting sun. There’s a buzzing behind them on the boardwalk, with tourists and locals soaking up the last of those long summer nights.

There’s a man softly playing the tune to moon river on his acoustic guitar and (Y/N) looks up at Billy with hopeful eyes.

“ Dance with me ? “

“ Yeah, I don’t dance “ and really, he doesn’t. The last time he danced was probably with his mom in their kitchen, when he was a kid and his mom was playing some kind of 1930 record on their shitty vinyl player.

But it made his mom happy, and seeing his mother happy made him happy. It’s not much different with (Y/N).

“ Sure, but you promised me a dance at prom and you won’t be here for that so that sounds to me like you owe me a dance. “

He knows she means no harm but the idea of not being there to dance with her at prom, sends a little stab through his heart. It’s not that the idea of dressing up in a stupid suit and getting drunk on disgusting spiked punch surrounded by people he doesn’t really give a fuck about, sounds too appealing to him. But it means something to her. He knows she’s been looking forward to this for a long time. He hates himself for missing it. For missing her smile and the sparkle in her eyes and all that cheesy bullshit he thought was only for sissis but actually experiences himself now.

“ I do huh ? “

“ Yup “

“ Don’t complain when I step on your feet though. I’m a shit dancer “ he says and jumps of the little brick wall that separates the beach from the boardwalk.

“ I would never do such a thing “ she replies and follows him down the shore. There’s a laughter in the words and it makes Billy feel a kind of sad nostalgia he’s never felt before. He wants to soak it all up, take it all in. Take her all in. So he never has to forget what it felt like. What it feels like. Never forget her. Her laughter. Her warmth. Her.

Life in Indiana looks bleak. There’s no beaches and sunsets over the ocean and meaningless things that he can put meaning into because he experiences them with a person he loves.

It’s just gonna be Billy and a family that really doesn’t care for him as long as he’s staying in line. As long as he doesn’t ruin that picture of the perfect family that found each other in the ruins of their broken marriages and came out of the ashes stronger and with more love and happiness. It’s a whole bag of bullshit if you ask him. And he doesn’t really understand why it’s so important to Neil and Susan to seem like the perfect family.

Neil has always been an asshole. And a shitty liar. People might be stupid but Neil is so bad at pretending to be a good guy, they’ll see through it soon enough and realize the absolute asshole he really is. And Susan, she can pretend as much as she wants to but what she has with his dad is not some epic love story that people write books about. This is just her trying to sooth her guilty conscience over fucking a married man while his wife was dying in the hospital.

Billy would rather they be upfront about their fucked up family situation. He hates acting like everything is fine. It’s all he’s ever had to do with his dad but god, does he resent it.

Everything that brought them here, were conscious decisions. He doesn’t really get why the adults can’t just stick to it. Why they gotta run from the mess they made. And especially, why they have to pull him with them. Away from his home. Away from his heart. Away from (Y/N).

The strumming of the guitar still echoes through the night and Billy takes a last swig of the bottle of whiskey (Y/N) took from her father’s liquor cabinet. He owes her so much more than just a dance. But if this makes her happy, then he’d give it to her.

He places the bottle in the sand that’s still warm from the sun, and reaches out his hand to her.Softly he circles his arms around her waist and pulls her closer.

With (Y/N), there’s magic in ordinary things and he hates how cheesy it sounds. He’s learned so long ago, that life doesn’t necessarily give you a lot of good moments, a lot of moments that make you feel perpetually happy. So the ones you do get, you need to get lost in. Indulge. Enjoy.

“ You know, “ (Y/N) speaks up as they softy sway to the sound of the guitar “ I think people don’t slow dance nearly as much as they should “.

“ Is that so ? “

“ Yes ! This is nice, isn’t it ? “

“ Sure, every time my hand is this close to your butt I’m nothing but content “

It’s true really. He also really likes having her in his arms and looking into her eyes and seeing the little smile on her lips when she gets lost in the motions, the music. He doesn’t tell her that though. That’s for him to know. For him to feel.

“ Pfff now you ruined the mood “ she says it not with malice but with unwavering adoration and thinly veiled amusement.

“ Did I now ? “

“ Uh—huh “

“ Oh if that’s the case “ Billy replies and in one swift motion he lifts her up into his arms and twirls around before walking towards the waves crashing against the shore.

She half heartedly struggles in his arms but ultimately they both know it’s all fun. The water is still warm enough to take a dip even at night.

When they reach the ocean, Billy walks in far enough so the water reaches up to his waist and slowly lowers (Y/N). There’s something about the sea. The way the waves are crashing with such might against the cliffs and the sand and yet it looks so peaceful. So calm. There’s a fury beneath the surface that can hardly be contained but when it breaks free, it comes with rage and swallows everything in its path.

It reminds him of himself. Of his anger. How all of it is bubbling beneath the surface. How he, so desperately tries to conceal it.

And how (Y/N) is the one person that makes all of it so much easier. And how he’s gonna have to let go of her when the sun rises again.

“ Please don’t cut the mullet “ (Y/N) speaks up and combs her finger through his hair. He hates it with everyone else but when she does it, it’s calming. It’s comforting.

“ I thought you hate the mullet “

“ I do “ she laughs, then takes a breath. “ I do but I know that if you come back, you’re gonna be a different man to the one I know now and I will have changed too. But maybe not everything has to change. Maybe some things can stay. Even if it’s such trivial things as your stupid hairstyle.

“ What do you mean, if I come back ? I’m gonna come back, mullet intact. Handsome as ever. You won’t even notice I was gone “

He’s been trying to tell himself those words for a while now. He wants to believe in them. He hopes she does.

“ Please don’t promise me anything. If — If you promise me stuff and then don’t come back, I’m just gonna resent you for it. And I never wanna do that. Ever “

“ Okay, okay fair enough. So let’s not promise, let’s pretend “

“ Pretend “

“ Yeah. Let’s pretend I come back. Right after graduation I get in the Camaro and drive back here. “

He takes her face in between his hands as he talks.

“ So I show up on your doorstep, right ? What then ? What’s the plan ? “

“ Well for one, I hope my parents aren’t home then because I’m gonna take you up to my room and we’re not leaving my bed for the next few hours “

“ Is that so ? “ he follows his question with a soft, passionate kiss. Every kiss he gives her, makes his heart feel a little lighter. Like if kisses like hers exist, if people like her exist, maybe life isn’t so bad after all. It’s some pussy shit he’s thinking there and he’s never going to admit it to anyone but in his very own private mind, he gets to feel a little cheesy sometimes.

“ Oh for sure. Then we’ll come back here and celebrate the fact that it isn’t goodbye then. Maybe it won’t ever be goodbye again. “

He refuse to believe that this is a goodbye. How can it be ? What they have, what was always there, has barely just started. Then again, life has never been particularly fair to him. To give him love then take it back, that’s something that would happen to Billy Hargrove of all people.

“ I uh — I wanna go see my mom again before I leave. Will you — would you come with me ? “

He’s never really taken anyone to visit his mom’s grave with him. The whole vulnerability situation again. Also there’s the fact that when he’s sad, he gets angry and he hates that version of himself. It reminds him too much of his dad. And he never wants (Y/N) to experience this part of him, ever.

Thought tonight is not a night like any other. Tonight feels like the end and the beginning of so many things. So many firsts and so many lasts. So why not make it a first time of going to see his mom, with his girl.

“ Tonight I’ll go wherever you go “

She gives him one of her signature smiles again and it both makes him happy and hurts him to his deepest core. Because it means so much and he’s gonna have to let it go so soon.

- OOO -

His damp jeans are clinging to his legs and it’s incredibly uncomfortable. Though when (Y/N) sits down by his mother’s grave, Billy can’t think of a place he’d rather be right now, then here.

Instead of sadness, he feels an unfamiliar calm wash over him. It’s strange and unexpected but for a moment, it takes away the weight of what tonight really means.

“ Hey, remember that time your mom took us to the aquarium and I was convinced for a week that I was a mermaid ? “

“ Yeah, you were obnoxious “

“ So ? You weren’t any better when you were pretending to be a pirate that time you broke your leg “  

With a laugh he plops down on the grass next to her. “ You have a point “

“ I know “ (Y/N) replies and places a kiss on his cheek.

“ That day, before she took us to the aquarium, her and dad had a fight. You and I were up in my room and I was hoping you wouldn’t hear. Which was bullshit, they were so loud. I just really wanted you to think I was cool. I was so embarrassed. I think you noticed because you didn’t mention it. You just turned up the volume of the music we were listening to and then you smiled and it — that changed everything for me “

“ Billy, you’re pretty much the coolest person I know. “

“ Yeah I’m aware “

“ Wow, I take it back. You’re a huge loser “

For a moment a silence settles upon them. One heavy with words that want to be spoken and yet they’re kept quiet. Because some moments don’t need words. They just are.

And then, in the blink of an eye, that moment is gone.

“ Let’s pretend you come back, “ (Y/N) speaks up “ and you show up at my place and we have sex. “

“ Lots of sex “

“ Yeah, lots of it. What then ? Let’s pretend there’s an after. What then ? “

He’s thought a lot about this, about the future. Their future. In all the scenarios Billy sees her doing great things. The things she was always meant to do. Because the world deserves to know (Y/N) (Y/L/N) and (Y/N) deserves the world. And he, well he’s just a side note in his own future. His own dream.

“ Well you’ll go off to some college and obviously I’ll go with you. Because, let’s face it, you wouldn’t last another period of time without my gorgeous face and sexy ass “.

“ Wow, your ego is showing “

“ You know it’s true “

“ Oh whatever “ she laughs and again, if this is all he’s ever good at, he might die a happy man.

“ Let’s pretend some more. Say we leave for college and you graduate and I find a job that pays well and that I’m good at. Let’s pretend we find a house we like, we buy some dogs and then for a few years we’re just gonna live our life doing whatever we love. Conquering the world, well you will at least. Then at some point, let’s pretend we are ready, we’re gonna have a kid or two and fuck will we love them. They’re gonna be the coolest fucking kids too. Like their mom is the hottest, coolest person I have ever known and their dad is still rocking a really fantastic mullet and driving a Camaro. “

He’s never told anyone about those dreams of the future. Mainly because he doesn’t really have anyone to tell. His dad would have just made fun of him and (Y/N), well telling her scared him. Because it opens up the possibility of her not feeling the same way, not wanting the same things.

But tonight changes things. Because it’s all pretend, right ? Because maybe there is no future at all. Then what ? What pain could it cause ?

“ Pretend things happen like that, will that make you happy ? Genuinely happy ? “

“ Any pretend scenario makes me happy when you’re a part of it “

They just look at each other. With nothing but absolute love in their eyes. Everything they are and everything they feel is so prominently present in their eyes. There’s no pretending here anymore. It’s the here and now. The bottom of it all. The foundation of all their dreams and all the make believe. There’s love in all of it and Billy really wants to say it. But he doesn’t. He can’t. He can’t.

“ Eugh, this is so cheesy. This isn’t us, Billy. Let’s go get something to drink and fuck in your car or something. “

And who is he to say no to that.

He lets her walk away for a moment. He needs some time with his mom alone. To say goodbye. To come to terms with the fact that he’s about to leave behind his home and everyone he’s ever loved.

Billy fumbles with the necklace he’s wearing, the one his mom gave to him before she died. He softly kisses it then his fingers and touches the gravestone.

“ Love you, ma “.

It’s easy. To tell her. She’s his mom and she knows that he loved her. Loves her. And he’s certain she loved him back just as much. It’s easy with her. He wishes the words came as easy with (Y/N).

- OOO -

They’re sitting in his car, the windows are still fogged up from their exchange of passion but they’re both dressed again and sharing another bottle of booze between them. The sun is slowly creeping up above the horizon and brings with it, the realisation that the night is about to end, and so are the last moments they have with each other for a while.

“ I guess it’s time huh ? “

He just nods his head, there’s nothing to say. They both know there’s no getting around this. At this point, all that’s left is accept it.

Hand in hand they walk along the streets of their hometown, at dawn the entire town is once again draped in a hues of orange and red and pink. He’s holding onto her hand, something he usually isn’t too fond of, but right now he takes all the skin contact he can get. All the affection. All the love. He wants to soak it all up.

As they stand on the steps of her home, he softly takes her face into his hands again. Kisses her once, twice, three times. It’s not enough. It will never be enough. Never.

He needs to say it now. Half drunk on booze, half on love and terribly afraid that he won’t get the chance to say it ever again.

“ (Y/N) listen, I lo—”

He doesn’t get the chance to finish though, as she places her hand over is mouth.

“ Don’t. Don’t say it now. Not like this. Tell me this when you’re sober. When we’re not feeling nostalgic or like we’re running out of time. Pretend you’re coming back after graduation. Tell me then. Because if you tell me now, there’s no way I can pretend like everything’s alright. It’s just gonna make it so much harder. Just know that I’ll say it back. “

So he doesn’t say it. But he doesn’t have to because it’s there. In the way he holds her, kisses her goodbye. The way he smiles when she walks into her house. The way his heart hurts when he walks back towards his own.

There’s love in everything when they’re together.

- OOO -

Dusk colors the streets in golds and reds and makes a calm set over the town. It seems like nothing has changed at all and yet everything is different.

The streets still hold the same magic they did 2 years ago. The same fond memories. None of them have dulled or weakened and for that, he is eternally grateful.

August is turning into september and Billy hopes his slight delay can be forgiven. It’s just that his Camaro broke down and he didn’t have the money to get it fixed, not to get a bus ticket. So it took a little longer but he’s made it and he hopes that’s all that counts.

When he steps up to her door his hands are clammy and his heart is beating at an alarming rate. He’s a different man now and he’s sure she’s changed too, but the bottom of it all is that he’s still in love with her.

It seems like nothing’s changed, when she opens the door and he looks into her eyes. Like 2 years passed and yet not a single second has gone by.

“ Holy shit “

“ Hi “

“ Billy, hey. I — You kept the mullet.“

“ I love you “ It’s been on his mind since the moment he left. He wanted so badly to say it then but he understood her reasoning. There’s nothing that can keep him from saying it now though. If she’s moved on in the two years they’ve been apart, at least she gets to know how much she always meant to him. And if she hasn’t, maybe they don’t have to play pretend no more.

“ Sorry what ? “

“ I love you. And I know that’s fucking cheesy but I thought you should know “.

She takes a moment to reply, to react at all. And that moment feels like a lifetime to Billy. He swears he dies 7 deaths in the time it takes for her to answer. And when she smiles at him, he dies an 8th.

“ You wanna come in ? My parents aren’t home “

“ No more pretending ? “

“ No more pretending ! “

When he kisses her then, it’s like his world shifts into place again.

“ And Billy ? “ (Y/N) says as she pulls away, hands still gripping his shirt.

“ Huh ? “

“ I love you too “

[pinkanonwrites]

Sheena Is A Punk Rocker

I love punk and now so does Mirio. Enjoy! @yena-sama

Three blocks from the gates of UA, tucked in between a convenience store and a quirk consultation office, is a tiny little music shop called “The Beat Box”, a comfortably cramped little slice of heaven packed to the brim with obscure CDs, collector vinyls, and musical score books for the amateur to most experienced.

But Mirio didn’t only go to this shop due to the convenience of location and span of collection. No, Mirio went to The Beat Box because one of their most regular employees was unbelievably, ridiculously, irrevocably charming.

The first time he entered the store was the first time he met her. She was standing on a stepladder right next to the doorway, hanging a red-and-black guitar up upon the wall just above the door frame. A little bell jingled above the door as he stepped in, and she looked down to him just as he looked up to her. Mirio wasn’t used to having to look up at anyone.

“Watch your head there, hun.” You extended a hand and fluttered your fingers just above his head. More as a motion of warning than of contact he was sure, but he still felt the tips of your fingers brush just against his hair. “Wouldn't wanna clock you or anything.”

“Ah! Thank you!” He smiled, shuffling away a step or two. “That’s a pretty swanky guitar you've got there!”

“Not just any guitar. This beauty's a Mosrite Ventures II Slab Body, same guitar Johnny Ramone played.”

“Cool! I don’t really know what that means, but it sure looks impressive.”

You couldn’t help but laugh a little at the blond’s unwavering optimism. “It means I’m a big music geek, and should probably get back to work.” You hopped gently from the ladder and landed at his feet.

Whoa, he’s a lot taller from down here. Broader too.

“Anyway,” You had to stop yourself from shaking your head to keep your mind from wandering. “Welcome to The Beat Box. CDs are down here.” You gestured your arms in a wide circle around you. “Vinyls are upstairs, books are on the back wall. Gimme a holler if you’ve got any questions.”

“Yeah, I will! Thank you!” And with that he began trawling around the store, head turning again and again as he tried to take in as much as he could at once. He didn’t seem to be looking for anything in particular like most of your customers. In fact, he sort of reminded you of a little kid going to the aquarium for the first time. Cute.

You grabbed a box of new releases from the counter and shuffled through the CD aisles along with him, trying to give him enough space that he didn’t feel like you were tailing around. He seemed interested in some of the posters on the wall, and you were nearly about to tell him about a few of the artists when another customer hollered you over from upstairs, tapping their foot and looking ready to fight with you over the authenticity of your vinyl collection on hand.

After a lengthy and frankly exhausting discussion you had been able to shoo them out the door (without a purchase, figures), but the blond boy was already gone.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

On the other end of this interaction, Mirio found himself magnetically fascinated by you. There was just something about the way your eyes lit up when you started talking about guitars and this ‘Johnny Ramone’ guy. You had an interesting sense of style, too. Lots of black and white and piercings, checkerboard patterns and safety-pinned flannel, but nothing about you was even the slightest bit unfriendly. You seemed to exude this warming kindness that hung onto Mirio even as he left the store. He wished that he could’ve found something to buy, just to talk to you one more time. Guess he’d have to come back.

Mirio held onto your little interaction all the way back to school, back to bed, back through the weekend and into the next week and before he knew it he was at the door of The Beat Box once again, pushing it open with a delightful little ring! and scooting inside and…

You weren’t there.

There was an older gentleman seated at the front counter, feet propped up on the glass surface as he flipped through a magazine. He only nodded at Mirio as he entered before turning his attention back to the pages. Upstairs there were a few customers pawing through records, and there was even a kid with his mother checking out one of the guitars, but you were nowhere to be found.

“Excuse me?” Mirio sidled up to the counter, where the man lowered the magazine just enough to see him. “Is there a girl that works here? Lots of piercings, knows about guitars?”

“... You an ex-boyfriend or somethin’?”

“N-no! She was just, you know, really helpful last time. I wanted to see if she was… here… again. Wow you’re right, that can sound really creepy in the wrong context.”

The man chuckled, lowering his feet and slapping the magazine down on the countertop. “You’re a funny guy. As long as you ain’t harassing my staff we ain’t got a problem, kid. Don’t think she’s in today though. Better luck next time.”

“Ah, thank you.” Nodding, Mirio moved towards the door to leave, when suddenly… there you were.

“Hey! Blondie!” You chirped at him, sending a pang through Mirio’s heart. “Glad you’re back around! We always love getting some fresh blood in this ol’ place.” You shuffled up to the counter and wordlessly the man there reached underneath it, handing you a three-ring binder without even looking up from his page. “Thanks, Akira-san.” You turned back to Mirio and waggled the book at him gently. “Forgot my notes. I usually work Saturdays but I’ve got a big exam this week. Have a good one!”

“Y-you too!” Was all Mirio managed to say before you were gone again in a whirl of torn, black clothes and jingling metal rings. Looking back towards the counter, the man (Akira?) had his nose back in the magazine, a cheeky little smirk across his face. He glanced up and met Mirio’s eyes.

“You gonna buy something, kid? Or are you only here for the eye candy?”

Any attempts at a thoughtful response were dashed out by Mirio’s frantic sputtering, which only caused the smile on Akira’s face to grow ever wider. Cutting his losses, Mirio made a beeline for the door, with a flustered ‘HAVE A GOOD DAY!’, hoping his cheeks weren’t quite as flushed as they felt. Welp, guess he’d have to come back again.

Third time’s a charm, right?

At least you would think. But three visits turned to four, to five, to seven, and now here Mirio was, trip number nine. And still he had made no progress in talking to you. It didn’t help that at least two more of those visits Mirio was greeted not by you, but by Akira, who took great delight in teasing Mirio about his consistency.

But trip number nine! That would be the one, Mirio was sure of it. He even brought Tamaki and Nejire for emotional support. Though Nejire wouldn’t stop smiling at him like a kid who had just caught their older sibling sneaking home after curfew, knowing that this particular bargaining chip would work in any number of situations.

“It’s not like you’ve got nothing to talk about!” Nejire teased, elbowing Mirio in the side. He just gulped, eyes flickering between the CD he was pretending to look at and you, leaning over the counter and chatting with another customer about their purchase, moving your hands around in big, bright gestures as you talked. “Just ask her what kind of music she likes!”

“Don’t you think she hears that question a lot?” Tamaki asked.

“Well then, ask what kind of music she’d recommend!”

“She probably hears that one a lot too.”

“You aren’t helping, Tamaki!” Nejire swatted him on the shoulder. She put both hands on Mirio’s back, pushing him eagerly towards the counter. “Now go get em’, tiger!” Mirio nearly stumbled, but he managed to catch himself on the counter’s edge.

“Hey Blondie!” You were smiling at him, and Mirio’s heart did a backflip off the inside of his ribcage. “Fancy seeing you around here again.”

“Haha, yeah! Guess I just can’t get away!” He scratched at the back of his neck, eyes cast down at the countertop.

“... Sooooooo, can I help you find any-”

“MUSIC!” Mirio burst out, and the two of you flinched back in shock simultaneously. His cheeks bloomed into a remarkable shade of red, and he stumbled over his words frantically. “You know a lot about music, and I don’t. So you might have some good ideas for music? That I’d like. For me. Yeah.”

You didn’t respond right away, which nearly sent Mirio’s brain into panic mode. But you giggled, reaching under the counter and pulling out a CD case.

“I kinda hoped you would ask that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Akira told me you’ve been here a lot but you haven’t bought anything yet, so I figured you might appreciate some suggestions.” You turned the CD case over in your hands a few times as you spoke. “I lean into a lot of punk-inspired music, and there’s a lot of subcultures to the original genre. So I went with something a bit lighter, more towards new-wave. Help you dip your toes in a bit.” Holding the CD out to him, Mirio took it carefully from your hands. The photo on the front was an up-close shot of a woman’s face, wearing stark eyeliner and bold, red lipstick. Reading the band name, he couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Heh! Blondie.”

“Yeah, I figured it was appropriate.” You looked away from him, one hand tugging on the ends of your hair. “I hope… I hope you like it.”

Had Mirio been even the slightest bit less put together than he already was he probably would’ve keeled over, the force of the metaphorical cupid’s arrow to his heart nearly turning him into a puddle. Thankfully he was able to hold himself together by the edges, though he knew he was probably smiling like an idiot. “How much?”

“It’s on me. As long as you come back next week and tell me what you thought.”

“Yeah! Yeah, definitely! I’ll definitely do that. So… See you next week?”

You laughed again, quietly. “Yeah. See you next week, Blondie.”

“Mirio.”

“Hm?”

“My name. It’s Mirio.” His heart was doing laps in his chest now, rattling up his insides something fierce.

“I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you, Mirio.” You held out a hand, and he took it with a dreamy expression.

“Yeah…” He was so lost in you that he didn’t notice Nejire and Tamaki until they were practically right behind him. When Nejire tapped his shoulder he jumped, pulling his hand away as he did. With a final wave and a smile the three left the little shop, upon which Mirio immediately crumpled to the sidewalk in a blushing heap. Tamaki was quick to haul him back to his feet, nearly equally as flustered, and Mirio practically draped himself over the other’s shoulder as they began the trek home.

“She gave me a CD!”

“I know, Mirio.”

“And a nickname!”

“I know, Mirio.”

“And she asked me to come back!”

“Yes Mirio, I was there.”

[disinvited-guest]

4/17/18 Recap

It’s tradition that when a show is in the Cincinnati area, my sister and I have Cincinnati chili beforehand, so we grabbed Skyline on the way to the venue, arriving around 4:30.  We met up with a lot of folks we’d seen before at one show or another.  A few minutes into our wait, we heard This Microphone playing from inside the venue.  Then, a minute or so later, Flans started a Vibe Report with his voice still blasting from the venue.  A bunch of us in line simultaneously freaked out about the Vibe Reports being for Stale Vibes for a full minute before all realizing that it was the song that was a recording, not the video.  When they did do soundcheck, much later, they practiced a bunch of their less-played Flood songs and I Like Fun.

When they opened doors, we made two lines.  I ended up in the slow one, but my sister was smart enough to go in the opposite from me, so she went ahead to get us a spot.  We ended up in front of Marty’s drum riser, which is where we’d discussed before the show.  I was surprised by how tall the stage was, coming up nearly to my chin!

They came onstage early to the Last Wave video, which surprised me, and it wasn’t even quite 8 yet when they started into Damn Good Times.  Danny saw me right away and I got a huge smile (I think he recognized my sister too, but when I mentioned it to her between sets she snorted and said “you two only have eyes for each other” so I’m not sure).  

Linnell introduced them as They Might Be Giants and Flans explained how they would be playing two sets, and for the second set they would be playing Flood “in sequence.”  

The crowd cheered, then Linnell told us “not the sequence they are on the album, just a sequence.”  Which got a laugh.  Flans finally cleared up how exactly it would go by telling us they would be playing it in reverse sequence from the album.

They played The Mesopotamians, then I Left My Body, then Linnell introduced Hey Mr DJ by saying “This song has a fade out.”  They had obviously practiced doing it with a fade out since Louisville, it went really smoothly and they didn’t have to gather around the drum riser to make it work.  Linnell was hilarious during the fade out because he kept mouthing the lyrics, not even whispering, all the way through to the end.

They introduced the next song as a cover of Destiny’s Child, then got into a debate as to whether their cover version was just like the original or not.  Eventually Flans decided “different costumes, same sassy attitudes.”  Linnell thought that Flans had the sassy attitude down, but wasn’t sure if he did.  Flans then told us he was “portraying the sassy attitude of Kelly Rowland,” while Linnell was in the role of Beyonce Knowles.

Linnell told us he was a “mere understudy” for the role.  Flans went back up to the mic stand to respond, then thought better of it “I was going to make a really obscene comment, then I realized that that was a bad idea.”  They started into the song and Flans was especially dramatic.  He started out singing directly to a member of the crowd, did his pivot turn, and walked along the edge of the drum riser twice.  As they finished, Dan Miller left the stage and they started into Don’t Let’s Start.  Perhaps because it was earlier into the show, Flans and Danny weren’t jumping and spinning around stage as much as they usually do for this song, although there was still a fair amount of hopping and dancing from both of them.

Dan and Curt both returned to stage for Spy.  When it was Linnell’s turn for the ending, he had them playing opposite that sample of his from Here Comes Santa Claus.  When he turned things over to Flans, he kept them all playing for a bit, then stopped Linnell and Marty until it was just Curt and Dan playing some goofy sounding high notes with Danny supporting.  He then brought the crowd into it a bit with long, extended cheers, then ended things with no warning, saying “Spy” into the mic in a normal speaking voice.  Curt left,  and they played Number Three and then Wicked Little Critta.  Dan said something to Danny during WLC that made both of them crack up.  

Curt returned to the stage and Linnell went over to get the contra alto clarinet while Flans introduced it as “last seen at your high school concert band rehearsal.  I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not that one.”  Danny was singing the backing vocals to All Time What again, which is so incredibly adorable and wonderful. (He also sang a lot of the backing vocals for the Flood set and my sister pointed out that it’s probably because he and Dan practice together, which is even more wonderful.)

The Dans left stage but Dan Miller didn’t go far.  The whole set, he’d been switching off malfunctioning guitars with a harried Mr. Burnette, who would fix them just in time for the next to have a problem.  Dan stayed just offstage, working to fix the latest in the string of guitar issues.

Flans grabbed his acoustic then told us that they were doing this next song a little bit differently because the second set was a Flood set.  There was some feedback and he said “Oh, I think that was me.”  As the noise died a bit he said, “the noise is coming from my [name of the guitar I forget] made in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.  It has the power of Christ behind it.”  This got a laugh, Flans clarified that when there was feedback, the guitar made people say “Jesus!” then tried the guitar again, saying he thought it was fixed.  

This resulted in more feedback, and Linnell told him “It will never be fixed.”

They then started I Like Fun, and I thought it was kinda funny Flans was all nervous about doing it differently when poor Marty was the only one doing something different.  The poor guy was incredibly tense, trying to play a part he was used to doing on electronic drums on his regular trap set.  He got through it wonderfully though because he is a national treasure.

The Dans returned to the stage while the Johns plugged the new album.  I believe it was here they asked people to hold up their vinyl copies of I Like Fun.  There were some Flood vinyls to, and Flans told those people they could make a killing on ebay because “people don’t realize it’s still available.” Linnell played a note on his keyboards that told me they’d be playing Mrs. Bluebeard, but Flans wasn’t done.  He made a few more comments about buying things at high prices and that was what made ebay so wonderful before they started into the song.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned before that when they play Mrs Bluebeard the lights onstage are all blue.  It’s a bit on the nose, but I think it’s a nice touch.  From there, they went into New York City. Flans sang King Kong rather than Dylan and at one point Danny stood behind Flans and randomly spun in a slow circle.  They finished out the set with The Guitar (with a wild Future of Sound) and left, with Flans telling us they would be back in 15 minutes.

They didn’t quite make 15, but they were back onstage to Gypsy before the regular 20 minutes with Dan taking pictures of the crowd with his phone.  Flans stopped to remind us they were playing all of Flood in reverse order, making it “a memory test for everybody,” before they started into Road Movie to Berlin.  Flans included the King of Liars verse, which I was super excited about, and I whistled along at the appropriate points.  They went straight into They Might Be Giants from there, it was incredibly goofy and high energy.

I believe it was here that Flans told us he could feel himself getting younger as they played the songs “like Benjamin Button.”  Linnell offered another example that he thought was more fitting, and Flans said “Well, I’ve never seen Benjamin Button.”

“So that’s the one you prefer,” Linnell responded.

“It’s about the businessman who’s a baby, right?” Flans asked.  Linnell said that was exactly what it was about.  Then, in a old-timey New York businessman accent, Flans did his best Benjamin Button impression “I’m Benjamin Button, see?”

Linnell told us the next song was originally recorded by an orchestra but that they had given it their own unique spin.  This lead into Sapphire Bullets of Pure Love.  From there, they went straight into Women and Men, which I was most excited to hear out of all the Flood songs.  It was as fantastic as I had hoped, although Linnell switched “shipwreck” and “beachhead” around.  After the song, all the lights went down and I clapped and cheered especially loud, which I think Danny heard, because when I could see again he was looking at me and laughing.  

I believe it was before Hot Cha when the band started discussing how tricky it was to promote this show “never since Tempe, Arizona” had a show cause such trouble, since it wasn’t in Cincinnati, it was in Covington.  They discussed the many different places their shows were that were actually just Boston, and Flans told us “We have no idea where we are most of the time anyway.”  They took a poll of the people from Covington versus Cincinnati, which wasn’t very successful.  Most people cheered for both, and Linnell told us that it appeared one and two thirds of the crowd was here tonight.  They played Hot Cha, then made a few more comments about the Covington/Cincinnati divide, saying they would be organizing chicken fights between us after the show.  Linnell grabbed his accordion and they played Whistling in the Dark.

As they got set up for Letterbox, Flans commented on the fact they now had two acoustic guitars onstage.  He told us that they were now “that kind of band,” and that “Next comes the stools and the cap’m’s hats.  Letterbox was as impressively word-dense as always.  When it was over, Mr. Burnett came out to give Dan his electric guitar and Flans commented on the exchange, causing him to present it to Dan with a bit of ceremony.

They played Minimum Wage and Flans sang a bit of the ending “bah bah bah bah” and then Hearing Aid before Flans stopped to warn us that we were getting “Perilously close to the beginning of side two.”  They finished off side two by playing Someone Keeps Moving My Chair.

Flans told us we were now on side one, then pause and said “There’s no stage banter between songs on the album so I’m not sure what to say.”  He asked Linnell how his day was, but Linnell hadn’t done much, and Flans hadn’t either.  Flans then commented that he had finished the book he was reading, and started On Fascism “because I felt like I wasn't getting enough of current events.” This got a laugh from the crowd, and Flans remembered a story.

He told us about the Belly Up, the place they play in Solano Beach on the West Coast.  He told us it was exactly the kind of place we would expect from the name and tried to do an impression of the guys who were there.  Unfortunately he “didn't have the bangs for it.”

Apparently the cousin of the guy who owns the Belly Up owns a venue in Aspen, Colorado and wanted to book them.  Flans said they were wary about it, but when they got there it was mostly the same type of people. “Ski-bums,” Linnell clarified.

Flans continued, describing the seats around the edges of the venue “and in one of those seats was Madeleine Albright. I still haven't processed it.”

Linnell called Madeleine Albright a ski-bum, and Flans said he thought she was more of a boogie boarder.

“No, that's not right,” he realized.  “What do you call that thing you do on the board?” A bunch of people in the crowd gave him the answer and he said “Snowboarding!” Linnell told him that boogie boarding was in the water, then Flans reminded us “I consider myself an indoorsman. You kids do what you want.”

They really started pushing for the end at this point, with little banter other than a few basic song introductions.  They played We Wanna Rock, Twisting, and Particle Man without pause.  They had trouble getting the crowd to clap during the song, and people stopped completely after Linnell's Here You Come Again interlude.  Curt came onstage for Particle Man just so he could clap, then left again for the sole purpose of making his grand entrance during Your Racist Friend.

He and Dan left the stage and they played Dead, then Curt returned to do the intro to Istanbul.  Dan started to take a picture of Curt, but saw Mr. Burnett was doing the same thing, so took a picture of him taking the picture instead.  Curt and Dan switched off for one of the endings, which was fantastic as always.

They played Lucky Ball and Chain, which was exciting to hear live. Flans switched the lines about the railroad apartment to lines from a different verse on accident.

They all played Birdhouse In Your Soul, then Flans thanked everyone while Curt and Dan left, and I thought for a moment they were going to skip over Theme from Flood, but I was mistaken.  It's a sort little thing, but I loved getting to hear it and it made an awesome way to cap off the set.

They returned with Fingertips, which is always amazing live.  Flans did his Heart Attack bit. The audience cheered between Dan's whispered “fingertips” and he pointed at us all while we did. They left stage after just that song, with just the Johns coming back onstage for the second encore.

They grabbed accordion and acoustic guitar respectively, then introduced How Can I Sing Like A Girl.  Flans told Linnell to wait, but he started the accordion part anyway. Flans called “John! John, stop.” Linnell did and Flans explained he had to check his guitar, since it wasn’t working the last time he checked.  It worked fine this time around, and they started into the song.

I was worried they would end it there, but all the guys returned to the stage and Flans introduced them to us.  When Dan was introduced “What’s this? Dan Miller on the keyboards!?” He played a bit on the keyboards, then apparently recorded and looped it somehow, because after a bit he threw his hands up in the air and the music he’d been “playing” kept going.  They ended the show on Doctor Worm.  As the song was ending, Danny moved over and played a note the keyboard, grinning over at Dan, who just told him what note to play instead to complete the chord.  Danny obliged and all the guys held and held that last note before leaving the stage.

They were back on with stickers, Flans handing them out on the other side and Marty right in front of my sister and I.  Danny didn’t come out for more than a minute after the others, and I was worried he wasn’t coming out at all, but eventually he did, flinging stickers left and right, far out into the crowd.  

Marty handed a setlist out on our side while Danny handed out two on the other.  While Marty moved back to get his drumsticks, Danny headed over to our side with another setlist and handed it to me.  After Marty came back and gave out the drumsticks my sister and I managed to escape the crush.  I wanted to stick around a bit longer, but my sister steered us back towards the car, telling me if I was going to cry, she didn’t want it to be in front of everybody.  I’ll have you know I didn’t cry, but it was a near thing.  I still can’t believe it’s over.

[fidelityrecords]

◊ ♫ ◊— look what the cat dragged in! that’s JULIUS ROWE and HE is an around 24-year-old CASUAL VISITOR to the store, but they’ve been in the neighborhood for 3 MONTHS. I think they are a FREELANCE COLUMNIST/CRITIC and I overheard them listening to SUBURBAN NIGHTS by SEAN NICHOLAS SAVAGE, and, I dunno man, it seemed pretty fitting. Like, call me shallow but I look at them and think of LUDWIG WILSDORFF and A SECONDHAND AGNÉS B. SUIT JACKET, IMPORTED FRENCH CIGARETTES, FADED STAMPS ON THE WRIST FROM LAST NIGHT’S CLUB, and READ RECEIPTS LEFT ON. (ooc info: sloth, she/her, est, 25)

Welcome to Fidelity Records! Is it your first time here?

Before answering, Julius paused and looked around the store— his gaze making a slow, observing circle over the aisles, the albums mounted on the walls, the shuffling afternoon crowd. Nevermind that he’d already been browsing and made his way up through ‘S’ in the jazz section; he seemed to be taking inventory of his surroundings for the first time. Then he lowered his eyes, pulling a Nina Simone studio recording out of the crate. “No, I’ve stopped in once or twice already.” Turning his attention back to the speaker, he hoisted one eyebrow. “Just moved into a new place nearby, so— you know how it is. Slowly getting the lay of the land. Gotta to pay homage to your neighborhood institutions, right?”

Where are you from?

He scoffed immediately, as if this question was one he’d been ready for— yet still found offensive, with its implicit suggestion that he must be from somewhere, that he wasn’t a born-and-raised native New Yorker. Just another pilgrim, in a city full of them. “God. Normally, I’d lie straight to your face and tell you I’m a native, but,” Julius shrugged, flipping the record over to study the tracklist. His tone was cool when he admitted, “Terre Haute, Indiana. Lovely name, but really it’s just this thing in the middle of a field. Surrounded by highways and gas stations and a P.F. Chang’s that’s widely considered to be fine dining. Don’t hold it against me, though. I didn’t get a vote.”

Cool, cool. Okay, so, not to be one of those people, but what’s your star-sign? Or zodiac sign, whatever you want to call it.

“My star-sign,” he repeated slowly, looking up again. Now both eyebrows rose. The monotone had been lightened by a trace of humor, though it was still dry, verging on sardonic. “Do you want my place and time of birth, too? And then you’ll tell me how compatible we are because our moons are so well-aligned.” A smirk edged onto his face. “Or, plot twist, that we’re actually doomed.” He went back to thumbing through the other records in the crate, Zoot Sims and Rex Stewart, casually dismissive. “Personally, I don’t believe in any of that stuff. But a guy I was seeing was a CoStar fanatic, and it was like, every little thing was suddenly explained by astrology. ‘You’re such a Scorpio’. ‘That’s your Virgo moon talking’. Drove me utterly fucking insane.”

Fair enough. I’m a Pisces and, like, we’re known for getting our heartbroken. Anyone or anything break your heart lately?

Unlike his first scoff, this laugh was genuine, a quiet huff of amusement. “Yeah— my landlord and his fucking rent hikes broke my heart. Or, ex-landlord, I guess.” Once he got talking, it didn’t take long for the stand-offish demeanor to disappear— now Julius was his usual chatty self, offering details as freely as if he were talking to an old friend he hadn’t seen in a while. “There was also the business with Drew but,” he seemed to dismiss the business with a quick sweep of his hand, “Don’t think it was my heart that got broken there. Like, is it really that big of a deal to move in with someone? What, you’re worried that your fern won’t get along with my succulents? That we’re gonna turn into a married couple and start squabbling like your miserable parents? If he didn’t have such a quarter-life crisis about it, maybe I’d still have my fucking apartment. But whatever.” Julius shook his head, his dangly earring a dull gold bounce. “His loss, not mine.”

Sorry to hear it. Well, we’re here for you. That’s why we have a bell over the door. Heard it helps with broken hearts because angels get their wings or some shit. I dunno. You got any weird superstitions?

“Oh?” he said absently, with a disinterested glance towards the door and the mentioned bell. “Angels getting their wings. Cute, sounds like one of my great-aunt’s needlepoint pillows.” Then he heaved a sigh. A very theatrical Julius sigh. “No, I’m not superstitious. Not religious, either, not any kind of -icious. Guess if there’s one unreasonable thing I believe in, it’s that— if you want something badly enough, you’ll get it.” He turned away, Nina Simone record in his elbow, and approached the counter to pay for it, fluttering a hand as he went. “Whatever helps me sleep at night, I guess!”

Thanks for humoring a complete stranger, my dude. You get a discount on whatever you buy if you tell me your favorite song. *should be the same song listed in part one.

Leaning against the counter, Julius waited for the single record to be rung up. Another smile lit the side of his mouth. “Discount, how did you know that’s one of my favorite words? Not as good as free, obviously, but nothing in New York is ever free.” Tilting his head, he looked down at Nina’s regal profile, her soulful eyes; the sleeve of the vinyl was so aged, it was beginning to disintegrate at the corners. He seemed to silently debate this last question for a few seconds. “Considering how I make my living, my taste is constantly evolving. I don’t normally declare favorites. Though—” He tapped a thoughtful finger on the counter. “Suburban Nights, by Sean Nicholas Savage. Ever heard it? Kind-of dreamy, andtechnically allabout suburban malaise, but it kinda sums up how this city makes you feel sometimes— like you’re just doing the same thing, every day. Trying to get somewhere you might never get.” He sighed. Then, realizing how close this sounded to the kind of self-pity he only allowed himself after a few drinks— Julius course-corrected with an extra dose of indifference, shrugging. “Whatever. Sometimes you just have to pour yourself a glass of Chardonnay, light a cig, sit out on your fire escape, and let music do the rest.” With the record slipped into plastic bag, Julius adjusted the cuff of his suit jacket, discreetly hiding the frayed lining. “Well. Hope that interview was mutually enjoyable, because you’ll be seeing a lot more of me. Thanks for the discount.” He flashed a smile, and wiggled his fingers in a departing gesture. “Au revoir.”

[thegroovethief]

#TGTfeature 012: Bukkha [Moonshine Recordings/Dub-Stuy Records/Infernal Sounds: Valladolid, Spain] Diving deeply back into the bass bins, following France’s digital reggae extraordinaire Manudigital, it is #TGTfeature 012 with heavyweight producer Bukkha, an American based out of Spain. The audio interview was featured on KGNU Community Radio's "Dub Palace" show. This and forthcoming #TGTfeature articles will highlight dedicated musical talents by featuring their recent work as well as an in-depth interview. The low-end enthusiast has released weighty wax on respected labels and tested sound systems around the globe. While he works with a range of tempos and styles, there’s always a sense of dub, or at least dub wisdom, in his work. Prior to his Denver debut at The Black Box, Bukkha spoke about his production work, his Preacha project, limited-edition vinyl, working with vocalists, and much more. A bit about Bukkha: - Heavyweight bass producer, he’s maintained a strong relationship with Moonshine Recordings while also working with labels like Dub-Stuy, Grand Ancestor, Infernal Sounds, Lion Charge, and ZamZam Sounds - Known for his stellar vocal collaborations – a recent example is the grime/trap cut “Chasing Dreams” featuring Rider Shafique - His late-2018 mix for Moonshine is filled with forward-thinking productions, many his own, and demonstrates the potency of proper dubwise sound system music

TGT: How'd your upcoming USA tour come together - seems you're bouncing around a bit? B: I don't know, everything just panned out really well. I ended up hitting up the cities that I didn't get to last year really, for the most part. You know Arcada, Portland, Denver, San Antonio, Maui, so, it's very exciting really. TGT: Yeah, yeah, and a bit eclectic as well... B: Definitely all over the US man, like kind of circular in a way. Oh yeah shoot, even Miami, how I can forget Miami, I'm so excited to go back to Miami. TGT: At this point in your career, do you find it more fun to be still going to new places, do you also enjoy going back to a crowd you've had success with before, and now you're being welcomed again with open arms? B: Both man, both. It's always nice to go to somewhere new, but it's kind of like a home situation - you go to one place, and you've made a really great impression, so like everybody's waiting for you to get back and rock it. Yeah, I just find myself in that position now too, where I can go back to a place, feel welcome, everybody's looking forward to it. It's either as good, or even better than the last time. TGT: Glad to hear that, I know a lot of effort goes into putting these overseas tours together, and do you know big differences between being booked in Spain and mainland Europe, compared to the UK and the US? Or do you feel like the scenes are pretty equal in their expectations and taste? B: Well, I mean, here's the thing, it's like, I think that if you get booked and people go there to see you, then they kind of know what to expect. I don't - I mean I guess I might - surprise people with some of the stuff that I play sometimes because I kind of am all over the place; just like my productions really, I do a lot of steppers, a lot of dub/reggae stuff, but at the same time, I've made dubstep early on, and just starting messing a bit more with drum n bass and jungle, kind of jukey stuff, all that get stuff gets thrown into my sets. I try to add a little something for everybody. TGT: So that means you're not letting the larger perceptions, like that Europeans only love steppers, for example, you're not letting that impact your selections on any given night? B: No, no, no, no. Not at all. TGT: You just mentioned a lot of different genres, has that been part of you as Bukkha, or is that you wanting to get out of the 140 box? B: Ooh - both. Both. And I mean, everybody's gotta grow, I definitely don't want to just stay stuck in a genre or a certain tempo and it keeps things a little bit more interesting. I've done everything from like, I think the slowest tune I've done is 110, and now even I'm working close to the 200bpm range, which I mean would really be 96-99bpm but you know... so yeah, I'm really just all over the place, because I don't want to get bored with it. For me, even when I go to shows, four or five hours of the same stuff, it just kind of gets, for me, a little boring, I just like a little variety. So I do that with my productions as well. I don't want people to get sick of me, too, I think that's probably like a fear, I definitely don't want people to get sick of me, like 'oh shit, here's Bukkha again with some stepper, or here comes some dubstep' - you know, just switch it up man. TGT: That is good advice for all producers, right? Mixing it up is not a bad thing, even if you're well-known for a certain sound. B: Exactly, exactly.

Chasing Dreams by Preacha ft Rider Shafique

TGT: And, can you talk a bit about the relationship between Bukkha and Preacha, your newer project (or alter-ego?) - how do you describe it? B: Man, alright, so here's the thing. Preacha was originally supposed to be kind of like a digital reggae project. That's what I was gonna do. And then somewhere along the way, the new tune I did with Rider Shafique, it was not digital reggae at all, it was just like more grimey, I guess trap, I keep wanting to call it that. I don't know, I'm not even limited with that project anymore, whatever happens, happens. I think the next Preacha project is gonna be like jungle/drum n bass, that's what I'm gonna shoot for. I don't know, so we'll see what happens. TGT: That means, maybe you started Preacha with more of a firm line dividing the two, but then that's kind of disappeared...? B: Exactly, I don't why, but yeah, that's just how it's kind of worked out. TGT: Will we get to hear more of these digital reggae productions though, since that's actually one of my favorite styles of music ever? B: Yeah, actually, yeah man. I'm still gonna do it, and I'm still gonna try and put them out on NICEUP! as Preacha is exclusive to NICEUP! Records. I've sent the label owner, Shepdog, some of the newer stuff, and he's like 'oh no, I love it, I love it, let's try and get a vocalist on it.' So yeah, the last couple of things have been more digital reggae, but also with the intention of maybe trying to go jungle and drum n bass. TGT: And those are working in very similar bpms really, like Chopstick Dubplate they do a lot of jungle obviously, but then they'll have reggae remixes that are basically just cutting the tempo in half, right? B: Yep, yep. TGT: Does that mean you've already got some vocalists lined up for that, or is that still in the works right now? B: Still in the works, definitely got some vocalists in mind, but you know, still gotta see how I get them. That's always the toughest part is communication. TGT: Do you find that you're wanting to go back to vocalists you've worked with - you know given the success of the Rider Shafique track are you hoping to do more with him? - or do you view that as 'that was great' but who else can I work to bring a new tone and new lyrical perspective to your production work? B: Actually, let's see. I've worked a lot with Junior Dread and he's been great. I think I'm kinda gonna give him a little break since we did quite a few tunes together. I've got Killah P on some tunes TGT: Including Dub-Stuy right? B: Exactly, that's how it all first came about. Rider, we've got a couple of things as well, so yeah. I think it's on my last Mooncast mix, I put him in there. I don't know, sometimes it just depends on the tune, you might have a vision, who you want to hear on the tune, but I'm always open to working with new people, and also old, familiar faces. If it works, it works. TGT: I don't wanna get too in-depth on the business side here, but what's your approach to find a new singer to work with? Are you doing this all through Facebook or since you have relationships with a lot of record labels, are they able to help? B: It's a good mix man, most of the time it's me going on Facebook and reaching out, if it just seems like there's a bunch of circles to go through, then I'll reach out to a label... let's say I send an instrumental to a label, and they're like 'this is tune is great, but it could really use a vocalist' or something like that. So I'm like 'OK,' and then you talk about it, and then they might make a recommendation and then they reach out because they might have the link. It's definitely a mix. TGT: And does that mean you've kind of got a dream list of vocalists that you're hoping to work with? B: Yeah [laughs], there's a list, but that list is kind of getting smaller and smaller, as I've been pretty fortunate in working with a good bit of vocalists lately. TGT: Definitely, but I do know you're not scared of sampling classic Jamaican sounds. B: Not at all [laughs].

TGT: I think the most notable recent release is that absolutely killer "Discjockey" with Dubbing Sun... so how did that collaboration come about, since I know Dubbing Sun do a lot of work with Digid usually, so what brought you together, and why'd you decide to tackle such an iconic vocal? B: Well, I was in Austria last year, like around this time, and they had helped set up a couple of gigs for me, so after my gig with Dubbing Sun out in Austria, we just kind of kicked it for a whole week and we worked on a good bit of tunes. Right there and then we had started "Stop Dem" - TGT: the b-side on that? B: - yeah, exactly, the flip. And it was just so weird because we were talking about the WAR label, and we're like we really miss that label they have some really great tunes, blah blah blah, and then maybe a month or two later DJ Madd reached out to me and he was like 'hey, you got some tunes for WAR?' I'm like 'whaaat - what's going on here?' I mean, it was honor, first of all, that he reached out; secondly, we already had one tune, and then I was like 'yo, yo, David' - that's Dubbing Sun - 'David, you got another sample somewhere around there?,' a sample you know, we can use for a tune? And he was all pumped man, he couldn't believe it either. So he was like, let me reach out to one of the other guys from Dubbing Sun because it's a collab project, and so he got that "Disc Jockey" sample going on - it's like 'oh bro, this is perfect.' And the funny thing about that tune was it started off as another stepper, so we're gonna have two stepper tunes on there. When I sent it to Madd, he goes like, 'this sounds great, but can we do more of a dubstep version of this?' And I was like 'ahhhh man, alright, cool.' So we did that, we just switched it up and then it completely took on a whole new body and it sounded great. The other one, the stepper version, is like a dubplate song. Somebody's gonna be lucky enough to hear it whenever I play out. TGT: Well, keep in mind you're coming to Denver soon - B: yeah [laughs] TGT: - we're happy to hear that! And related to that, I wanted to ask, what are your thoughts on these limited edition vinyl-only releases? WAR is 500 copies, it's a very very limited thing... B: Man, OK - it's kind of a double-edged sword, I think [sighs]. OK, like, this is gonna sound really funny: I don't play vinyl, but I love collecting it. I might play it at the house and stuff, but it never leaves my home. I treasure it. But nowadays, people seem to be, or promoters might look at, Spotify, and look how many plays you might have on Spotify. And if you've only got a vinyl-only release, it's not showing up on Spotify. It's either or, I don't know how much it affects what... me personally, I like them. Some exclusive thing, whoever got it, got it. And that person either is gonna collect it and/or play it out. And then only that person has it, which I think is cool. It does give it a certain exclusivity, not everybody should have the tune, because then everybody's just gonna play the same tunes over again, and over and over and over again. TGT: But I suppose you're in a better position because you've got the digital right [laughs]? B: [laughs] Yeah, exactly, I don't know - it's cool, I mean - I made it [laughs]. TGT: I do want to kind of rewind because I noticed an interesting thing... you mention very specifically on your Facebook profile that this started as a bedroom project and it's obviously evolved well beyond that, while I find a lot of producers kind of want to pretend that they didn't start in a bedroom and that they just magically emerged on a club floor with ten killer 'plates you know - so why have you decided to include that in how you present yourself, and do you think that's an important message for other DJs? B: To be honest, I really never gave it much thought you know? For me, it just really is how it started. And the thing is, I didn't start making dubstep. Like, I was just making... weird music. Like weird instrumental music. When I first started I was listening to a lot of Radiohead, Mogwai, Explosions In The Sky, these bands... when I first started they really blew my mind. Then I started getting more into the avant garde electronic stuff, like Squarepusher, Luke Vibert/Wagonchrist, Aphex Twin - so I was like 'man, how are they doing this stuff?' So I was just in my bedroom trying to do this sort of stuff. TGT: What time period would that be? B: Oh - let's see, this was probably in 2004-2005, I was in the last couple years of my college career and I was kind of looking for an outlet too, you get senioritis and just looking for something to get rid of that stress, and yeah, I was doing that... and what was funny also, Luke Vibert was doing grime and I guess dubstep-ish beats, but I didn't know what it was called, it just sounded really good to me, really bass-heavy and all that stuff. And basically, when the Dubstep Warz show with Mary Anne Hobbs came on, a friend showed it to me and I was just like 'holy crap, this is what that is, alright.' So I don't know, that sound just kind of stuck with me, and I kind of stuck with it, and practiced it, and not even gonna say mastered it because it's still evolving and there's nothing to master - you do what you do and hope that somebody likes it I guess. But I think really as long as the producer likes it, then other people will like it, too. You believe in your product, so to speak. TGT: For sure, you need to right? If you as a music-maker are satisfied with what you've made, then I don't think it an inappropriate assumption that there will be listeners out there who want to hear it, so the challenge is more getting that music to the right people, yeah? B: Exactly, exactly.

TGT: What methods do you use to try and reach fans at this point in time, or do you feel like you've gotten over that initial hill of exposure? B: Luckily, I've been working with the right labels for what I do. And because of that, then more labels have reached out, and they kind of know what they're gonna get from me. Although man, it's still is kind of just tough, because I might want to experiment a little bit more, and it just might not fit a certain... so, the only other thing that helps is doing mixes, or guest mixes for radio shows, and if somebody hears it and really likes it - that's great. The last mix that I did for Moonshine, that was a great help, and the timing was perfect. Everybody was heading out to Outlook [Festival], so a lot of people were downloading it, and then I reposted it again after Outlook, and even more people started downloading it, because there were like some tunes in there that, I didn't know but Mala and Truth and N-Type were like pushing at Outlook, so people were like 'well, who did this tune' and they saw that it was me, and it was like holy crap. So yeah man, the timing was perfect for that mix. I think it surprised a lot of people because it included a lot of stuff that they just didn't expect from me because I had been doing more dubwise stuff. TGT: Yeah, and does that mean you're maybe trying to get a step away from always having there be a Jamaican air, shall we say? B: No man, not really, it's always gonna be a part of my sound I think. I'm a sucker for delays and spring crashes, so that's always just gonna be a part of my sound I think, I think no matter what I do it's always gonna be a part of that project... TGT: I did want to ask a bit more, I've really enjoyed that Moonshine mix, that's the one that came out about five months ago, so we're talking October 2018... you've had a very long relationship with Moonshine, so how did that relationship first come to be, and does that mean we're going to see more Bukkha out on Moonshine in 2019? B: Yeah, yeah, there's - alright, well my relationship with Moonshine was - let's see, 2019... - almost ten years, I think it probably started around 2011. That relationship started because of Radikal Guru, so I had known Radikal Guru since the beginning of both of our careers - quote unquote careers, because I've never really had a career [laughs]. So yeah, because of him I linked with Moonshine, and Moonshine gave me the first remix opportunity. And they've been wanting tunes, but for whatever reason I just - I don't know, because I had a regular job, I never saw it as 'I need to this, I can do that.' I was happy with just my regular job and making music on the side, so you know, that was that. But always, I just kept sending them tunes so they might want to play or maybe release. And it did take a while, I think I got my first release on Moonshine in 2016. The recent mix that I did has a lot of forthcoming tunes, but not all of them are Moonshine. Some of them are gonna be Infernal Sounds, the more dubstep ones... and then a good bit of them are gonna be on Moonshine actually. TGT: How often does your name get brutally mispronounced? B: Ooh, more than mispronounced, misspelled. Which I think is really funny. And you know what, recently I just found out that in I guess Croatian - I'm hoping that's the language they speak in Croatia - Bukkha means noise, it translates to noise. I thought that was pretty funny, oh shit man, that could be another meaning to my name, noise [laughs]. TGT: So what was the original inspiration then, because in some ways you know, Bukkha has a very dubstep feel to it, but it's not a word, right? B: Exactly, exactly. OK, long story short, basically I got the name from - I don't know how many people remember the show Wildboyz, it was the spinoff of Jackass - so in one of the episodes, I forget, Steve-O and the other guy [Chris Pontius], they go to India and they spend time with a cannibal tribe, the Aghori tribe there in India, and one of the guys in the tribe, his name was Buka. So I was like, 'OK, I kind of like the sound of that,' so I just jacked it and spelled it a little bit differently. And you know, stupid, I just had one of those moments where I'm gonna take this and misspell it and that'd be cool - I didn't know any better. I don't know, the name's cool, it's kind of like easy, I think [laughs], but I guess not if people mispronounce it and misspell it. I don't know, but yeah, I like it. TGT: Yeah, I think 'boo-kah' makes sense, but I could certainly see people trying to say 'buck-a' or something... B: Oh yeah, yeah, 'buck-a' yeah, they say that one a lot [laughs]. TGT: As long as they don't read 'bukkake' it's probably alright... B: Yeah, awww, yeah but I make fun of that - I make fun of that, too - I call myself that as well... how do you think I got my name? I like that genre of pornography - and they're like 'oh my god' - it's like 'no, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.' TGT: My understanding, this is going to be your first gig here in Denver, correct? B: Yes... TGT: Especially when you're coming to a new market - but obviously Denver has a big reputation for dubstep and bass music at this point in time - so what's your mindset when you know most of this crowd is gonna be familiar with what you've put out, and a lot of people will probably have listened to that Moonshine mix, whether they've already heard it or they're gonna check it out once it's being emphasized before the show; so what do you want to bring us, and what can the crowd be expecting on March 12? B: A lot of Bukkha [laughs]. A lot of my favorite tunes that I've made, a lot of my newer stuff that I haven't put in mixes yet, so if you like my sound then you'll like the new stuff. And then I'll also have stuff that friends have sent me, some dubstep or the dubwise tip - it's definitely gonna be something for everybody, it's how I do things. I don't want to say I educate, because that just kind of sounds a little pretentious, but I just want to show the people there are different sounds, different styles, you don't just have to be into this one thing, there's everything, and it all fits together if you just really listen to it, it all truly does fit together. TGT: Do you give much thought to who you're co-headlining with? In this case, it's Six Sunsets and Opus, does that enter into your thought process at all? B: To be honest, yeah. I did do a Shitty Dubstep event in the UK; now, if you know anything about Shitty Dubstep, you'll see that it's nothing but dubstep. And, that's probably the most nervous I had ever been, because it's been such a long time since I just did dubstep, and I don't really talk to too many of the new dubstep cats. So man, I just really had to dig deep and search for dubstep tunes, the hottest stuff for at that moment, even if it was new and nobody's even heard it... I reached out to some friends, 'oh yeah man, here have this one, have that one.' So yeah, but it all worked out, it was all great. I played dubstep, but I also did play "Discjockey," like "Discjockey" just went off - I mean, whether you like dub or not, it's just that perfect mix of trap/grime/low-end, but with a dub sample... TGT: Any final thoughts on things... B: ... I hope to be around as long as the greats like Channel One and Jah Shaka - that would be great, you know? Just play tunes, play music that I love, hopefully, my ears and eyes will still function in a way that I can make music still...