#they literally allow themself no impulse and sometimes it leads them to be so emotionally closed off it's insane

[aezyrraeshh]

; OC DUALITY

i was tagged by @risingsh0t to take this quiz for some of my ocs; thank you so much! tagging @aartyom @nuclearstorms @nokstella @faarkas @reaperkiller @girlbosselrond @swordcoasts @arklay @calenhads @shadowglens @florbelles @devilbrakers @steelport @indorilnerevarine @honeysofte @benningsthing & whoever else wants to do this!

; carnal and holy sinning (this is a love letter to myself)

you are the world's leading cross bearer of the most guilty conscience. you feel everything you touch turns to gold but in the way that it becomes molten and rich; and what i mean is that when you allow yourself impulse (which is not often) it leads to disaster. when you want someone it feels like sorrow, and you love the world like tacky honey, and you'll wish it could all feel less heavy. you look at yourself in the mirror and yearn to stake the heart and ascend with peace. someday, you'll rot into the earth, and the dirt will cave with you like a sigh of relief.

; god-hungry scientist and their abominable child

you stitched something together inside of yourself and gave it life with light from the sky and now it won't die it and you can't kill it because part of you loves it and you're not quite right in the head or the person you used to be but at the end of the day it's simply a beast of sadness. you crave the mercy you didn't get from your creators and so i'm telling you please forgive yourself. please hold the monster by the hand.

; moon curse of the werewolf

you have found yourself hungered or sickened or ambitious to the point of emotional carnage. you are fine, until you're not, and then you could rip someone in your way apart with your bared teeth by complete accident, and later claw at yourself in fits of pain trying to apologize. do you look at the moon that blessed you in her name, at her marred beauty and baneful eyes, and wish she could just crush that loving-hateful heart of yours before it crushes itself? every bite you take out of flesh is a response to the threads of silver bullets in you that haven't healed. the duality is that the human inside is howling too, gnashing, and without the wolf pelt, everyone can ignore it and turn away. at some point, you got tired of the moon being your only witness. now the wolf is there to make sure others know that you are hurt, and deserving of humanity, of attention to wounds. because that wolf loves you; all of you; and knows when you are hurt better than yourself.

[plutoswrath]

☾ They way we are wired: the IC/Moon/4th house and your emotional patterns and responses ☽

Aries IC/Moon/4th: Home was an area of proof. Proof the self and prove the others, similar to Scorpio IC/Moon/4th, the marsian nature of this placement triggers a survival mode and creates someone who’s first instinct is to react and challenge their opponent. Home could have also been a battle ground of some sort and the individual might have realised that the only way to overcome this force of aggression is to rely on the self or find people to align to. Naturally this can give someone tendencies to retreat and chose the themself, but not in the intention to harm, but because the survival mode is triggered. They might have learned to follow their impulses, because the quicker they react, the faster they have the upper hand of a situation, and while this method does saves time and trouble, this could have easily lead to worsening their situation, and thus they can also fall back into a lesser known method: strategically planing their (loved ones/goals/desires) survival. As they know no other than bravely facing the world, their open nature can become inviting for people that want to try them, though out of experience, they will not take their enthusiastic nature for granted. Likewise these people are power houses that can have the tendency to forcefully and sometimes without consideration push those aside that limitat them. 

Taurus IC/Moon/4th: Usually, these people have been raised with a sense of satisfaction, stability was a priority for the parents, so the child seeks the same comfort and worries for the future can motivate them deeply to take action. Tough the satisfaction doesn’t have to include emotional fulfullment always, as the parents made their values and priorities very clear. Likewise this individual will walk through the world with (at best) set priorities and will actively try to meet their own standard. Anything that threatens to make this tower collapse will force them to react, and depending on their inner security and self-worth/esteem they can react quiet drastic and dramatic even, as this is the time when the bull will fall into it’s tantrum. This can also lead into destructive and forceful ways to either withold, keep or get what brings them pleasure or eases their mind. If they feel that there’s something lacking in their life, they usually practically and persistently work towards it and at best aren’t easily shaken, but there is a great sensibility inside of them, that can cloud their mind equally with fear and the realization of what is and isn’t healthy for them (emotionally and physically) could only come after a peroid of walking through the mudd for far too long. 

Gemini IC/Moon/4th: This persons ubringing was most likely unstable and inconsistent, which is most likely reflected by the behaviour of one of their parental figures (or both). Likewise, they had to allow, as well as endure, uncertainty in their childhood. Thus, they are flexible and adaptive and thus can appear as very affable but there is a lack of perspective and continuity in their life that can cause them to lose track which results in them having to reorient themself (which they can find much pleasure in at times). This can be traced back to their parents, as either  both parents reflected the other so much, that they could have formed to seemingly one individual (this can also hint to a single parent having to take on ‘two roles’). If the native has siblings, this reflecting of one another can also happen between them, thus the individual automatically sets themself apart from the rest in their mind. As the child grows up, it might realise that it could lack perspective and purpose and emotions that help them connect the dots, to now the person could fall back into rationalizing everything in order to make sense out of it. There is strong need to communicate to release tension, they listen to all because they try to at least understand all. While this can help building a distance to overwhelming emotions and situations, the problem also lies exactly in the inability to allow the self to become closer to those bigger concepts and grande emotions which leave them dissatisfied or even more confused. 

Cancer IC/Moon/4th: These people always come back to their roots: Usually, they handle from experience and knowledge that is passed over, when the IC/Moon/4th house is in cancer, the individual will find themself in a very strong and empathized conenction with their family - doesn’t matter if it’s more on the positive or negative side. Here the individual will find themself having to care for (generational) family matters and thus can connect well to the emotions and affairs to others, but often times neglect themself. With a bond so deep, they (surprisingly for some) can come off and become pretty detached, as they at one point can be easily overwhelmed with the emotional bagagge and responsibility they carry. They either detach and seek to break the conenction with whatever bothers them, or they embrace the situation and ‘clean up’ the mess. These individuals will find themself too much inclined with other peoples emotions and/or problems, and usually will grow to become independent (financially and emotionally) in order to adapt a more objective perspective. These people can be incredibly enduring and persistent in their approaches to others/situations and they allow time to speak, though, they sometimes should know when to let go and build distance for their own good. 

Leo IC/Moon/4th: Home could have literally functioned like a pack, it doesn’t matter if the person has siblings or not, even though home was a place for experiencing joy, creativity and warmth, it was also a place of hierarchy. These people usually have a very complex relationship to others - at one hand they need their pack, it’s their support system, their backbone when they have a hrd time standing up by themselves and they do need the validation and recognition, but at the same time they could feel threatened by people overpowering them, the idea of being too dependend on the love and support of others makes them doubt themselves and distrustfull and often times they feel the need to prove their strength or worth, just as a lion has to fight off a challenger, not only for the pack, but also for the pride. They either come back to their supportive ‘pack’, as they usually create this safe space of trust, comfort, security, encouragement and love, or they become prideful, bold and loud and try to get the upper hand and authority back. The strong desire to prove worth and obtain love might stern from a difficult relationship with a parental figure. There might have been not a healthy amount of attention given to the individual. 

Virgo IC/Moon/4th: This person comes from a place of just and order. Here, they fall back into disecting the world and people around them, they are driven to find a solution. They can easily get hung up on small emotions/details, there is a potential to overanalyze situations, but the thought of order is imprintent in their minds, acting ‘rightful’ and ‘appropriate’ makes them orient themself to any kind of rule or pattern they can follow. These individuals want to avoid the feeling of embarassement/shame, probably due to past issues in their homelife, so they calculate possible outcomes right from the beginning. They prevent. With this placement though, people usually experiences a ‘lack of’ in their homelife. This could have been caused by a permanentely dissatisfied parental figure, even though the wound is emotional, the solution or apparent problem mainfested as something materialistic and this mindset is carried on as they grow up. Though these people seem to think about everything, the challenge appears when their solutions in the 3D world are not enough: when they have to face their and otehrs feelings as the working surface they can find themself irritated and trying to escape the ‘irrationality’ and feelings in their perception of logic. They need to pay attention to not become too controling, compulsing or discrimenating and trust others. 

Libra IC/Moon/4th: This persons upbringing was deeply influenced by the realtionships in their family, and strongest by the ones of their parents. It can se the tone of the way they lead all their connections and calls for a deeper self reflection and a sense for self-determination and initiative from the individuals side. It’s true that the image one gave off and focusing on the others played a major role in the way they were raised. Here, the individual might have a strong desire to put things 'back into place', they try to rebalance and adjust everything, their own and others emotional states, because only if harmony is reached, then peace can be sought after. The focus here can sometimes lie too much on the superficial aspects, as they might have experiences that as they grew up the way things were presented to the public eye were one of the outmost important aspects of being raised and thus they can also mistake other feelings as their own. Regardless, it could have pleased their parental figures a lot, so now they fall back into 'pleasing the self and others'. This can lead to shallow behaviour in order to keep the native safe and sound, but their deep understanding of how people function and things just connect to each other can makes them equally caring and loving, but holding a healthy balance between those two aspects seem to be the difficulty here.

Scorpio IC/Moon/4th: These people come from a very vulnerable place. The homelife might have forced them to go through extremes that induced a lot of fear inside of them, causing them to be extra cautious and sensitive towards their environment. They might carry a deep sens eof responsibility for others as well, as their homelife could have relected the merging of affairs and ressources of the parental figures and the consequence of being each others responsibility. A Scorpio IC/Moon/4th house can give anyone a very emotional and deep side and if the situation calls for it, trigger a survival instinct inside of the native. They might cling to people more than other expect or use methods to guarantee their own well-being and safety that have the potential cross boundaries/limits. These individuals could have seen and experienced a lot, so they come prepared and stand their ground. Can be surprisingly 'lone wolfs', because they too need their time alone when hurt and appreciate not only solitude but loyal people in their life, and they usually walk through fire for those who are worth it.

Sagittarius IC/Moon/4th: The upringing most likely left the individual on their own at one point or another, it doesn’t mean that the parents were not loving or careful, but absent at some point and left the native to travel alone and find their ways. These individuals only want to be unhindered and free. They grew up with big ideals that could also been imprinted by their parents, though equally confronted with all the world has to offer and at the same there could have been strong believes that made them feel small, caged in, clouded their perception and thus triggered their sense for self-determination. Whenever they feel pressured they search for the best way to become free again, this can trigger a very reactive side of them, they will let go without any warnings and search for new, safer grounds, because for them there's always a next destination that surely will offer a better stay. This can make them appear lonely to others (though these people have the ability to attract new friends easily with their curious nature), but falling can feel like flying to them, so even though part of the journey they'll be alone, they mostly enjoy it.

Capricorn IC/Moon/4th: The upringing here had the fulfillment of necessities as one of the top priorities and the focus on the materialistic world might have made on of their parental figures a strict judge and often times turned the air around them cold. Being used to uncomfortable weather though, these people can pretty much turn on a steel mask and just walk through the toughest storms if it comes down to it - they are experienced in handling difficult situations and being on their own. Being self-sufficient and rationalizing precarious situations to get the control back is their talent, but mostly because it has always been that way. There was always something missing and a possible distance towards their parental figures, so they learned quickly how to get it all themselves or how to be on their own when their parents (consciously or unconsciously) decided to seperate the child from the source of care and warmth. They usually accept the solitude that comes with it, because things just have to get done somehow. But they should be reminded not to overuse this 'special ability', because it can make them feel very out of touch with their emotions and themself.

Aquarius IC/Moon/4th: Either this individual found themself set apart by circumstances caused by their family or society, or there was an individual attempt to own themself and their differences compared to the rest of their family. These people most likely experienced a frequent change in their home life, either their family constellation changed abruptly or their home setting, regarldess, this caused them to build a distance to either people or places. This distance can bring not only a objectivity and practicality to their approaches, but also an usually unjust associated coldness. These people have used their (sometimes unwanted) freedom for their own benefit at best and value their opportunities to go out in the world and recognize themselves in various people/concepts/places, thus this makes them a person that not only connects easily with the greater collective, but also might find themself fighting for what is not theirs. This can be due to an avoidant attachement style, but often times their search for themself in this wide world makes a limit of self expression, freedom or peace the biggest trigger. If someone challenges their boundaries they either get surprisngly reactionary or can easily cut them off. They are okay with moving on and leaving places or people - or at least have accepted this as a part of their own progress -, but at times it can appear too easy and should raise the question of when to deepen the bond for others. 

Pisces IC/Moon/4th: They come from a place of universal love and understanding. The household involved parental figures that were not transparent and made them rely on their gut instinct and intuition, yet, could have deceived the child by witholding information or family secrets. It's not guaranteed that these people had a safe upbringing, because they were most likely flooded with emotions and other peoples energies, thus making them highly sensitive and receiving, even if they don't want to. Chances are high that they too quickly were exposed to emotional affairs and secrets of the family they could not understand and might have had to act as their parents pandora box, filled with all that should rather be left unseen and unheared. These people will most likely fall into a deep state of retrospective, they either take things as they are or need to emotionally 'digest' them. These people often 'surrender', meaning they either go back in receiving mode and understand and accept. Thus, they can be very forgiving as well, once they made their sense out of it. People can take advantage of this trait, or the individual themself might not realize that their cut their own flesh at times. The sensitivity of these people may not be as surprising as with Scorpio IC/Moon/4th people, because it always radiates in the way they connect with the world and people.